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Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 16:
Blackmail and Bacchanal

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

Starting off, I want to remind everyone about our current Twitter drive. We’re currently at 116 followers, which means we’re 9 away from a whole bunch of bonus content. When we reach 125 followers we’ll be doing our final Twitter poll for the creation of our blue Gungan friend, who by the way is a circus acrobat and loves Sabacc and making jewelry. (laughing) These were all decided by listeners.

If you haven’t joined this crazy internet party you really should. It’s been a ton of fun. Jump online and say hello. Also, we’ll be releasing more bonus episodes on off-weeks after we get there, and our first ever blooper reel, so there’s lots of reasons to help us reach our next goal. Please follow @Tabletop_Squad on Twitter.

In addition to all that, I’d like to thank PirateRowan for their thoughtful and comprehensive review. PirateRowan, your enthusiasm and engagement online has been extremely fun and we appreciate the review.

Okay, last thing: These episodes were recorded LIVE AT GENCON. The squad made a pilgrimage up to Indianapolis and we brought our gear with us. The audio’s pretty clean, but you may notice we have a bit more echo than you’re used to. The room had different acoustics, and there wasn’t a ton I could do about it. It’s pretty minor so hopefully it’s not too distracting.

Also, we had guests on the show. Drew and Aly from the Welcome to Warda podcast will be with us the next few episodes. Warda is one of my absolute favorite worlds and podcasts. You can find them at or @WelcometoWarda on Twitter. Check It out!

With that done, thanks for listening, and we hope you enjoy the episode.


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron. This is Episode 16 coming to you live from GenCon. Go around the table, introduce everybody and the characters they’re playing, and we have a couple of special guests today we’re super excited about. Let’s start with Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi, I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: Lovely to have you with us. Up next we’ve got Laura.

LAURA: Hello. I’m Laura, and I’m playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Awesome. Up next we’ve got Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello! I’m Cameron, and I’m playing Karma Nailo, a Nautolan bounty hunter.

NICK: Wonderful. Up next, the first of our two special guests today, we’ve got Drew. Drew, tell us a little bit about yourself.

DREW: Yeah. Hi, I’m Drew Mierzejewski. I am an actor and creative based out of Orlando, formerly Chicago. Me and my wife Aly do a lot of things. We do Warda, we do game design, we do fun stuff to, you know, pass our hours until we die. (laughter) And that’s what we do.

ALYSON: Wow. Amazing.

NICK: Great. And who are you playing for us today, Drew?

DREW: I’m playing Jorus Kreel, a Human smuggler.

NICK: Wonderful. Up next, as Drew mentioned, we’ve got Aly.

ALYSON: Hi! This is Aly. Drew an I are the co-creators of Warda, which is a podcast, an actual play, and an upcoming roleplaying game that we’re working on.

DREW: I always forget that, yeah.


ALYSON: Yeah, that thing that we’re doing. We have a podcast that you can find on all your podcatching apps and devices. It is set in an original fantasy world that we created together, and it’s full of mystery and romance and adventure, and social commentary, and social conflict, and society… and parties. It’s a lot of fun.

DREW: It’s a lot of fun. And clothes, lots of clothes.

ALYSON: So much fashion.

DREW: So much fashion.

ALYSON: We elevator pitch it as a mixture between Game of Thrones, Downton Abbey, and Agatha Christie. I mean, in my opinion, that’s the perfect cocktail.

DREW: Yeah, that’s a great show.

ALYSON: Right there. Yeah.

NICK: (laughs) Great, well we’re glad to have you with us. Who are you playing today?

ALYSON: Tonight I am playing Sila Roe, a Human Imperial Inspector.

NICK: Wonderful. Looking forward to seeing how this plays out. Last time we were with the crew of the Afternoon Delight, you were on a secret space station in the middle of nowhere. You finally met your mysterious benefactor, Sentinel, face to face. He gave you kind of a run-down on what your actual mission was, which was that you were going to destroy potentially a fleet to clear the way for a Rebel mission of some kind. Then, as he was getting ready for you to do productive things, you got a call from a Mr. Falx, Regional Governor of the Empire, who essentially blackmailed him into sending you all to a completely different location and do something completely different.

Am I missing anything? That sounds about right, where we left off.

CAMERON: That sounds about right.

LAURA: Oh. He was definitely not a former Jedi, at all.

NICK: Oh, Sentinel? Yeah.

LAURA: Definitely not.

NICK: No, absolutely not. He’s just a guy, right?

LAURA: Mm-hmm. Normal person.

ALYSON: Disappointing.

NICK: With like a brown bath robe.

LAURA: Yeah. He just has like brown robes for no reason.

ALYSON: Boring.

NICK: Yeah.

DREW: You have Ben Kenobi out there on Tatooine.

NICK: (laughs)

CAMERON: Exactly. Yes.

HUDSON: Yeah. The wind moved that vase. The wind definitely moved that vase.

NICK: (smiling) It was the wind. It was not the Force.

ALYSON: Not the Force.

NICK: Okay. Great. Before we get started we’re gonna do the Destiny Roll. Everybody roll me one of them there white dice.

CAMERON: I got one dark side.

DREW: One dark side.

ALYSON: One dark side.

LAURA: Hudson and I both got two light side, so that’s four!

CAMERON: Heck yes.

NICK: So what does that put our total at?

CAMERON: So that puts us at four light side, three dark side.

NICK: Alright.

LAURA: Eh, okay.

NICK: So, Aly and Drew, like I was saying off-mic, you all being representatives not necessarily from the Afternoon Delight will be using dark side points and the crew will be using light side points, and will be using that effectively I hope. With that, we’re gonna go ahead and jump on in.

We start with the camera aimed into deep space. It’s quiet and still. A small comet lights the sky in the far distance. Then, there’s a swoosh and a bang. The Afternoon Delight stretches and snaps into place, coasting under its own momentum, running lights flashing. This is the first time we’ve gotten a good exterior look at the Afternoon Delight in a while.

The outside of the two side compartments are scored and covered in smoke. The middle section, including the cockpit, seems to be in decent condition, but towards the back of the ship there’s a large crater above one of the engines. One of the emitters is sputtering causing the steady blue glow to cut out periodically. A close look would also reveal a sheet of armor plating working its way free, again, as if it had been slid into place but the recent trauma to the hull had broken it free.

As the ship drifts the camera turns to follow it. Below the Afternoon Delight we see the planet Mustafar. Some listeners may remember it as the crazy lava planet that Obi-Wan and Anakin fight on in Episode 3.

CAMERON: (giggles)

NICK: The planet looks like an angry, glowing eye floating in space. It is crossed with flaming lava, and what little atmosphere it has seems to be mostly smoke; an inhospitable world with the only inhabitants being miners and industrial droids. The ship begins its descent towards the north pole of the planet. We get a shot of the ship’s cockpit. Who’s sitting up front currently?

CAMERON: Probably Karma, as I think I’m the- I bought ranks in both Piloting: Space and Piloting: Planetary last time, as I felt that might come up!

NICK: Yeah. Go figure.


NICK: So, what are you doing, coasting in?

CAMERON: Yup. I’m still sitting in the co-pilot seat.

NICK: Tink, Xianna, what are you all doing on the ship currently?

LAURA: How long has it been since we left?

NICK: It’s about a five hour jump.

LAURA: Oh. Xianna’s definitely still passed out.

NICK: Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

LAURA: Sleeping or passed out. Probably both.

HUDSON: I’m walking around sweating bullets trying not to let everyone know how much the ship is screwed up right now, (laughter) because that was kind of my bad, but no one knows that yet.

CAMERON: It’s still flying. It’s fine!

HUDSON: Yeah! It’s fine.

NICK: I’m sure it’ll never come up.

HUDSON: yeah.

NICK: Yeah. Great. Okay… A yellow light pops on in the dashboard of the ship. When you hit the corresponding button a voice fills the cockpit. “Greetings flight crew of Imperial Transport: Gibbous Moon. We have your reservation in hand. Please proceed to the uploaded coordinates.”

CAMERON: “Thank you?”

NICK: Beep-boop. They just hang up on you.

CAMERON: (laughs) I proceed to the coordinates.

NICK: Yeah. We get a nice shot of the ship swinging in towards the north pole of the planet. It’s a little less smoky over there. The facility you’re directed to is not what you would normally see on Mustafar. The heat on this part of the planet is less than you would expect, only enough to make you sweat profusely, not enough to burn you immediately. The landing pad is a glossy, white platform hanging over a lava-filled chasm. You land easily, and looking up through the view screen of the ship you can see that the smoke and ashes are kept at bay by a low power shield that covers the facility.

The pad is mostly filled with lambda class shuttles, those are the winged ships that fold up, and there are luxury space yachts and civilian ships as well. It’s about what you’d expect except a couple of ships stand out. You see a Z95 Headhunter, it’s like an X-Wing but older and kind of stubbier. It’s painted a non-descript tan color, but has large cargo containers under the wings that could be used to hold additional weapons or supplies. You also see an Imperial ball craft. It looks like the cockpit of a TIE fighter but with one thin wing extending off the back. These are extremely rare, but are sometimes used by important Imperial agents on infiltration missions as they are easy to hide on planets. You also see a Skipray Blastboat, a military surplus vehicle often used by small crews of bounty hunters due to its durability and firepower. (smiling)

CAMERON: (giggles)

NICK: It looks like the Star Wars version of a military equipped minivan. You also see a Star Viper painted red, which is a civilian class fighter ship that looks like an unfolder flower. You know from experience that those can lay down some pretty heavy damage in a dog fight.

You all land. Before you exit the ship you see several Imperial attachés and government officials exiting shiny space yachts. They’re wearing dress uniforms and formal attire. The women you see that aren’t in uniform are wearing fine ball gowns. This appears to be a formal affair. What’s your plan?

CAMERON: I’m sitting in the cockpit, and I’m the only one who can see it at the moment. As I started the descent I turned on the full ship coms and told Xianna to wake up.

LAURA: “(sleepy) Wha— Huh?”

CAMERON: “We’re landing!”

LAURA: “Oh… Oh- Okie…”

CAMERON: “So just START waking up.”

LAURA: “(weakly) No…”

ALYSON: (laughs)

CAMERON: “Alright. Great. Cool. Tink, can you go get Xianna up?”

HUDSON: “Yeah. Yeah. I can do that.”

CAMERON: “Thank you.”

HUDSON: “Just a second. I need to get my formal belt. Just, it looks pretty fancy down there.”

CAMERON: (laughing) “Okay, great, yep. I was just gonna bring that up.”

HUDSON: “(abruptly) Xianna, get up.”

LAURA: “(bitterly) Okay fine.” Yeah, Xianna would get up, actually put clothes on. She found a boot that fits, right?

NICK: Yeah.

LAURA: Yeah, that happened.

NICK: Yeah. We spent way too long describing your footwear situation.


LAURA: Yeah. She puts her boots on, gets dressed, and makes some caf. The bottles of Corellian whiskey are still in the kitchen area, and there’s a pretty good chance that her cup is not completely caf.

NICK: Cool. So, mechanically what I’m seeing here is you have two options with evaluating the situation you’ve been dropped into, because you didn’t have any background knowledge. We can do kind of a sliding scale here. You have that costume closet with a bunch of stuff in it.

CAMERON: That’s where Karma was headed. (laughs)

NICK: Yeah. You can dress as formal and blend in as you want, and go really elegant, but you’re gonna lose your armor bonuses and you’ll be more vulnerable if something goes wrong, or you can slide it all the way to you’re going in full combat-wise, but you’re gonna stand out really intensely. You can try to do something in the middle, you’re just gonna have to explain what that looks like.

CAMERON: Karma climbs down from the cockpit and heads to the closet and takes her cape out, and puts her cape on.

NICK: Okay. you’re wearing your battle armor with your fancy Imperial cape.

CAMERON: It’s not actually an Imperial cape, it’s just a black cape with embroidery on it.

NICK: Okay, so you’re wearing battle armor and a fancy cape.


NICK: Okay.

LAURA: It looks awesome!

CAMERON: It does! And as soon as I put it on and walk out of the costume closet area I start sweeping around all of the corners very dramatically with it.

NICK: Does it still smell like smoke and destruction?

CAMERON: No, because I wasn’t wearing the cloak when the herdship broke up. It was already on the ship.

NICK: Yeah, that’s fair.

CAMERON: So it smells wonderful.

NICK: Tink, you mentioned you were wearing your formal belt. I’m gonna assume that has the same armor bonus.

HUDSON: It does have the same armor bonus.

NICK: Which is zero, from what you were wearing.

CAMERON: (laughs)

HUDSON: Yes, exactly. Actually, “Xianna, do I need to have anything else on to make me stand out as one of your guards, maybe, or something other than a Gigoran?”

LAURA: “Ooh! Let’s look in the closet!” (laughter) And she definitely disappears into the closet and is throwing—

HUDSON: Montage.

LAURA: Yeah.

ALYSON: It’s a really quick montage.

LAURA: Full montage. There’s some scarves, some hats, some brooches, I think we just settle on a cute little newsy style hat.

NICK: Ooh.

HUDSON: “I like this.”

ALYSON: (smiling) Oh my gosh.

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “You look lovely.”

HUDSON: “Thank you. I feel lovely.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

DREW: And life was never the same again…


NICK: We gotta change all the art.

ALYSON: Upgrade!


LAURA: And then… Xianna’s gonna look to see if there’s a similar cloak to what we had given karma, big enough that it just covers the trench coat, not necessarily- it doesn’t have to have a hood. She’s not trying to completely hide the fact that she’s a Twi’lek, just trying to hide the coat and not have to put on a fancy dress and lose all of her items.

NICK: Okay. Y’all can do the cloaks. That’ll work. It’s not gonna stand up to the most deep look, but it’ll get you in the door, for sure.

CAMERON: So, I’ve been swooshing around with my cloak, and then I see Tink’s hat and I just don’t feel like I’m quite at the level that Tink’s hat takes him to, so I’m gonna go back to the costume closet. I want to do the belt thing with the cloak, like Diana does in Wonder Woman, so that it’s kind of a dress with a cape attached to it, so it looks more form fitting and less like I just threw on a jacket.

NICK: Ooh. Do you put your vibro-sword down the back?

CAMERON: That’s where it is.

NICK: Okay. Okay.

CAMERON: It doesn’t pop up over the cloak, and it’s not nearly as pretty as that sword. It’s just got a boring, black handle. But yes, I’m now in a dress-type garment.

NICK: Well, thank y’all for dressing up and neatly side-stepping the mechanical choice that I gave you. That’s great.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Awesome. So, it takes you a while for you to change into your clothes. We get a low angle shot of the boarding ramp of the ship as it drops to the landing pad and the crew exits. Describe y’all’s exit out onto this shiny white platform filled with fancy people.

DREW: (makes the beat to Back in Black by AC/DC)

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA & ALYSON: (join in the song)

ALYSON: It’s like slow-mo.

NICK: (laughs)


LAURA: Xianna is in front being the face, she is definitely in front. Then, Karma is behind her slightly off-set to the right, and then Tink is even another step back slightly off-set to the left.

CAMERON: You need to be able to see all of our costumes in the shot so we can’t be directly behind her.

LAURA: Yeah. The shot is like slightly downward-up, and we’re like backlit a little bit.

ALYSON: Mm, yeah.

CAMERON: Because the lava behind is making the explosion type thing with the slow-mo, but not actually exploding anything.

NICK: Oh yeah. A rock definitely falls off a cliff wall into it so we get the (burst noise), get the spray off of that.


ALYSON: Perfectly timed.

NICK: Yeah. And then also, the temperatures are different enough that a little bit of ground fog is coming up out of the ship too, so it’s a good look.

DREW: Ooh.

ALYSON: The production values are very high.

NICK: Just on this episode, though.


LAURA: Tink is gonna get so sweaty.

NICK: Oh, it is extremely warm.

CAMERON: (laughs) Ew.

ALYSON: Do you get floofy when it’s this warm?

HUDSON: I more get wet, and it’s kind of gross, like me and body fluids have a really torted history in the past.


LAURA: Yeah.


DREW: So it gets like stringy?

LAURA: Yeah, like matted.

HUDSON: Yeah. That’s actually a word we’ve used to describe it in the past.

NICK: (laughing) It’s not great.

LAURA: In the jungle, we definitely said he smelled like wet dog, and was a little frizzy.

ALYSON: Oh Tink.

NICK: Yeah. Poor Tink. Alright, so you exit with your awesome backlit shot, exploding lava… The main platform condenses down into a walkway, and a shined and cleaned protocol droid is standing at the exit of the landing pad. It gestures at you as you get close. “Welcome to the Imperial Gala. Please continue up the walkway to the festivities.” Do you continue up the walkway? Do you wanna ask the droid anything?

LAURA: Xianna’s gonna keep going. There’s a party.

CAMERON: “Thank you?”

NICK: ‘You’re welcome.” Droids have solid faces. This one looks pleasantly surprised that someone acknowledged it.

CAMERON: (smiling) I figured it might be.

NICK: Yeah. Tink, you doing anything or are you following?

HUDSON: I’m just following.

NICK: Okay. The walkway is a meandering gangplank. It has no handrails, but it is lit from below with periodic spotlights. A red glow from the lava and the harsh spotlights cause the partygoers to look like wandering spirits as they head inside. The doors to the gala are held by two stormtroopers standing at attention. They’re so motionless you’re not sure whether they’re statues or not.

The inside of the ballroom is stunning. The floor is clear transparesteel allowing you to see straight down to the roaring magma below the structure. There are waiters in tight, black cat suits carrying champagne and hors d’oeuvres. There are some stand-up cocktail tables scattered around and large round tables covered in white tablecloths with glowing arrangements of igneous rocks around the edge of the room, although few of the partygoers are sitting.

Most of the men in the crowd are wearing Imperial dress uniforms, although there are a few men in tuxedos scattered about. The women are wearing increasingly elaborate gowns and hairstyles and cluster around each other for a few minutes at a time before scattering away to form new groups, usually leaving one behind looking crushed and overwhelmed. The whole gathering has a predatory air.

There are a surprising number of non-Humans at this party as well. Several of the servers are Twi’leks, you see a Davronian man speaking with some Imperial officers, and a couple of Rodians are leaning against one of the glass walls. There are two other stormtroopers in the room. They are standing at the far side of the ballroom on a small raised stage flanking an empty podium that looks like it’s set up for speeches later.

Now would be a great time for our additional characters to enter the stage, I think. Drew, Aly, what are your characters up to in this shindig?

DREW: I’m fashionably late, so uh, what are you doing?

ALYSON: You’re not there yet? Is that what you’re saying?

DREW: No, I’m not there yet.


ALYSON: (sophisticated) Sila Rowe is moving shark-like throughout the crowd, very, very bored, with a droid floating alongside behind her tailing her as she goes. She doesn’t stop to talk to anyone, but she just watches everything as though she’s seen it a million times before and will see it a million times again. Nothing about this is impressive for her. Nothing about this is interesting, yet, but the night is young.

NICK: I think we definitely get an overhead shot of all these clusters, and every time Sila gets close they scatter like sharks swimming through a reef, and then they come back together, and when they come back together the droid swoops in close because they’re not expecting it and you hear a snapshot noise as it takes pictures of different people, and then they all look really nervous.

ALYSON: So, people are noticing Sila Rowe moving through? They’re very aware of her?

NICK: Yeah!


NICK: I think, the impression that I’m getting, and you can correct me if I’m wrong, is that Sila has an aura that freaks people out a little bit.

ALYSON: yeah. It makes them very uncomfortable.

NICK: Yeah~ Most of them look confused at the same time, too. They’re not sure what’s going on, but they know they don’t want to talk to you. (laughs)

ALYSON: Mm-hmm. Yeah. She is not wearing a gown. She is in dress uniform with everything pressed and crisp, utilitarian.

NICK: So, Sila is an Imperial Inspector, which may or may not be an actual EU thing, so what does an Imperial Inspector’s dress uniform look like?

ALYSON: Interesting. She’s got one of the little hats.

NICK: Have to.

ALYSON: Gotta have a hat. Her dark hair is, if she took the hat off, is in a very intricate series of knots and spirals, but it’s all tucked low and close to her head so that with the hat on it looks like a single low bun but it’s definitely not.

NICK: (laughs)

DREW: (mumbling) Make up? Make up?

ALYSON: Okay. Easy. (laughter) She’s wearing regulation stuff. It’s neutral and basic. It’s not important.

DREW: (whispered) Damn.

CAMERON: (laughs)

ALYSON: But she has really long lashes, really long, full, dark lashes. She’s got like tall boots, and… I don’t know how Imperial uniforms look. It’s black and square shouldered, and really well tailored is the thing.

NICK: Yeah!

ALYSON: It’s utilitarian, it’s simple, but it’s very clean, and even though she’s not wearing an intricate gown, as she passes—shark-like—through these women in silk and brocade and whatever, it may as well be for the way she wears it and the way she doesn’t seem to care what anyone else is wearing.

NICK: Ooh.

DREW: Do you mind if I offer something about what distinguishes her as an Inspector?

ALYSON: yeah, go ahead.

DREW: Okay. This is probably not canon at all.

NICK: We really don’t care that much.


DREW: Good! I love it. So, you know the Corellian blood stripe.

ALYSON: yeah, yeah.

DREW: You have one of those, but it also goes up the arm as well, so there’s this red stripe that runs up both sides.

NICK: Ooh.

ALYSON: That’s cool. I like that.

NICK: And then the other thing is, I think it’s a pretty neutral uniform, it’s got that, I think the Inspector uniform probably has a patch. What do you think the patch looks like?

ALYSON: Oh man.

NICK: Is it a ranking logo, is it something that’s imagery?

ALYSON: She’s not just an inspector, she’s an Imperial Inspector. It has the Empire’s insignia, but at strategic points in that logo it’s like a constellation, so there’s silver embroidered stars at certain points in that logo that have been emphasized. The Imperial logo is there, but like you were saying your cloak is black but there’s embroidery in it, so like the Imperial logo is there but the stuff that catches the light are the stars that are poised throughout it. Kind of like, if you know what it is you know what it is.

NICK: Yeah. It looks blank until you get up close, and it may even be just weird stitching, but if you know what that is you can spot it a mile away. I really like that. That’s really cool. Okay, Jorus, do you arrive?

DREW: (cocky southern voice) I do eventually arrive. What happens is as Sila’s moving around taking the look of the room, not the main door, the side door opens… kind of anticlimactically.


ALYSON: I feel like the camera just drifts to the side and this door goes (squeaking noise).


DREW: So, there’s all this commotion going on at the main door, people are coming in and handing people their invitations and coming in, and as the door opens in steps Jorus. Jorus is about six feet tall. He’s in his mid-to-late 30s. he’s got a square beard and a rather thrilling mustache. He’s kind of graying at the temples a little bit from a hard life on the rim, and he’s got this beat up leather hat on, and he is not dressed for such an occasion. He’s wearing his usual jacket that he usually has, it’s a leather jacket that’s got that quintessential Star Wars piping off the side.

NICK: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

CAMERON: Mm-hmm.

ALYSON: Yeah, those pin tucks?

DREW: Yeah. It’s kind of a dark brown jacket that’s got dark blue piping off of the side of it. He’s wearing high boots, tan pants, and like a red shirt. It’s the nicest shirt he owns. (others giggle) He’s wearing a gray vest with that as well. He’s got his blasters on, there’s the bulge of a hulled out blaster under his arm, and he steps in and immediately waiters come up to him, and they’re like ‘I’m terribly sorry sir, this is for a private function.’ “Ah, kriffin’, I got my own invitation.” He reaches in and pulls out this very official looking invitation. He goes, “Here. Why don’t you chew on that for a while,” and kind of puts it at the waiter. As he steps in he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small little package and takes out what looks like a cigarette and puts it in his mouth. As the guy is sitting there looking at the invitation and goes, ‘Well, Mr. Jorus Kreel.’ “That’s Marshal Jorus Kreel, actually.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

DREW: It’s then that we see that on his shoulder there’s the marshal patch that he’s wearing, and he also opens his jacket and there’s his official badge on the inside.

NICK: Okay. Cool.

DREW: By doing that he also shows his blaster (laughter) to the waiter, and the waiter kind of stiffens a little bit. “Don’t you forget it.” He takes one of the cigarettes and goes, “You want one?” and he puts it in the mouth of the waiter. “Felusian Tebrax bark. You can smoke it, you can chew it, you can snort it too if you like, I don’t recommend it though.” He takes one of those plasma lighters and he lights it, takes a drag. “Now if you’ll excuse me… I got a party to go to.” And he walks in.


NICK: I think the waiter is completely stunned. You get a nice shot of the Felusian bark hanging out of his mouth, not knowing what to do, still holding the invitation, and one of the Twi’lek waitresses with pink, bubbly champagne on a platter walks up and says, “Well, we weren’t expecting anyone like you. Would you like a drink?”

DREW: He looks her up and down and goes, “Sorry, I don’t drink on duty,” and he walks away.

NICK: She pouts, (others giggle) and shrugs and turns off to someone else. That needs the stop shot with Jorus Kreel and the electric guitar under it.

(electric guitar noises)

DREW: There’s like a sepia tone.

ALYSON: And then it keeps going—Yeah! The sepia tone.

NICK: In the distance we see a Zabrak man in fancy clothes waver over and grab a couple and start to drink them. “Wonderful. This is exactly what I was hoping for.”

So, the crew sitting in the room, they see these entrances. In addition, there’s another person you can see by the bar, an Imperial Inspector. Sila, you would probably know them from professional situations, a man named Tarstin Moon, a thin gentleman wearing spectacles, one of the best although he hasn’t collared anyone in quite a long time he’s an Imperial Inspector. When asked what he’s working on he’s often very quiet. He just says he’s been working on something really big. He looks to be the only one not mixing with the guests except for Sila herself. Can I get Perception checks from anyone looking at *Tarstin? So, whoever would be looking at him at the bar and want to look a little bit more closely.

LAURA: A brief physical description again?

NICK: He’s a thin gentleman wearing spectacles with a thin but stylish mustache. Think like Gone With the Wind.

LAURA: Oh. Okay.

NICK: Yeah. Slicked back hair.

LAURA: In my head I was imagining like boring old professor…


LAURA: …but if we’re talking stylish, pencil-thin mustache, then yeah I’ll do a Perception check.

NICK: You’ll notice that his uniform is very similar to Sila’s and has red pinstripes.

CAMERON: What difficulty?

NICK: This will be hard, I think.

CAMERON: So three purples.

NICK: Three purples. You roll the purples with those at the same time.

ALYSON: Whoa. This is a lot of dice.


NICK: Yeah. So you have to algebra them out, so the failures and stuff cancel. Cameron will help.

ALYSON: I feel like I’m casting runes.

CAMERON: That’s gonna be two failures and three advantages for Sila.

NICK: We’ll wait to see what other people’s rolls are, Sila, but those advantages, you can spend—three of them is a bunch. You can do pretty much whatever you want with those. You can add something to the scene, you can give yourself an advantage for later, describe it narratively…

HUDSON: You can give someone else an advantage.

NICK: You could give it to someone else if you wanted to.

ALYSON: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

NICK: You can think about that for a second. How did Xianna do?

LAURA: Xianna has three successes, one threat.

NICK: Okay. Oh boy, we’re starting the threats. I think this is another episode with a threat counter for nameless fear.

CAMERON: (laughs) Great.


ALYSON: (laughs)

NICK: That’s one. There is a number in my head. If we hit it, something really bad will happen.

DREW: Great.


NICK: Yeah. Last time I had this like creeping doom and they never got to it, so…

DREW: That was the most gentle roll.

CAMERON: That’s just one threat.

NICK: Just one threat?

CAMERON: (smiling) Just one threat.

NICK: That’s gonna go in the pile. Y’all are just gonna begin to stand out a little bit.

HUDSON: I didn’t look.

NICK: Jorus, did you wanna look at him or no?

DREW: Oh no, I’m not paying attention to any of this.

ALYSON: You said that Inspector Moon is someone who I would know professionally?

NICK: Mm-hmm.

ALYSON: Is this someone that I am familiar with or I just know who he is?

NICK: I would say you’re familiar with him. You’ve maybe worked a case before. That’s up to you. It would be more fun if you have a relationship, I think.

ALYSON: yeah. Maybe it’s been a while since we ran into each other, but we’ve definitely worked a case or two in the past.

DREW: (musically) Strangers in the night~


NICK: Tarstin hasn’t noticed you yet, but you’ve seen him.


NICK: So, Xianna I guess would be the only one who noticed that he takes a little packet of powder and mixes it into his drink and the color changes  a little as he’s drinking at the bar.

LAURA: Would I have any idea what that is?

NICK: No. You know it’s not impact.

LAURA: I mean yeah, you don’t put that in a drink.


NICK: But no, it’s in a black bag, you just see a little bit of white powder. From the distance you’re at there’s like no possible way you would.

LAURA: Okay. I’m watching this happen, and I see a waiter walk by with some sort of cigarette in his mouth, and I just pluck that out and go “Oh thank you~” and stuff it into one of my pockets for later.

DREW: Smells like cinnamon.

LAURA: Oh, that’s lovely. And I’m very intrigued by what he put into his drink. I’m gonna go up and talk to him.

NICK: Okay. Before that happens, two things. One, Jorus it’s up to you but would you like to see her very smoothly pluck this Felusian cigarette out of the waiter’s mouth? Is that something you’d like to notice?

DREW: Yeah. Yeah.

NICK: Alright. Can you make me an Underworld check, please?

DREW: Alright. Let’s see here. That’s gonna be…

NICK: I think you have Underworld.

DREW: I do. I do. It’s based off of Intelligence which is two, so two greens and a yellow, I believe.

NICK: Yeah. That’s gonna be an average difficulty.

CAMERON: Just one yellow, one green.

DREW: Oh, sorry.

NICK: No, you’re good. Two purples.

LAURA: Nick, is this to identify me?

NICK: Uh, yes.

LAURA: Okay. The difficulty is upgraded by one.

NICK: Ooh, so make one of those purples into a red.

LAURA: Because I have Indistinguishable.

NICK: Oh boy! I wasn’t gonna give away the whole game, but yeah that’s generally what’s going on.

CAMERON: (laughs) Nothing!

NICK: A total wash. (laughs) That’s always fun. You don’t succeed. Your interest is piqued. That’s somebody who’s slick.

DREW: Interesting. Interesting. Alright. I notice that happened. I noticed her take it. What does your Twi’lek look like?

LAURA: She’s about 5’6” and she is a beautiful shade of medium purple, very long lekku, the head tails, and there’s a—

DREW: Talking like, to knees?

LAURA: Small of the back to hips, and there’s a light gray smoke swirl pattern from the tips going to about half way. Dark purple lips and very blue-violet eyes.

DREW: Interesting.

LAURA: And then, I just probably picked a very basic cloak, nothing special, but nothing boring? I imagine… Ooh, what would look good with purple? It’s probably black—

NICK: I thought mustard yellow. That’s probably not.

ALYSON: (laughs)

LAURA: I was imagining black with a lot of gold on it. No crazy patterns and probably not reflective metallic, just a light dusting of gold. She’s about 25.

NICK: Yeah, great. Cool. You notice that’s an operator. Not one that you necessarily recognize, but yeah, that’s someone who’s good at stuff. You notice that ,and then you see someone approaching the group, someone I don’t think Jorus would know but Sila definitely is aware of them at least tangentially. It’s a Zabrak man. He is bald, he has horns, he’s like the Darth Maul race. He’s got tan skin with darker tan face tattoos, and he’s wearing a governor’s uniform. It looks like an admiral uniform but cut a little different, lots more shiny dooblies on the shoulders. His has been modified. It’s tailored nicer than his regulation and his shoes aren’t the right kind of shoes, they are much shinier, nicer boots. They look to be made out of some weird sharkskin material with a little bit of chiton things hanging off like in a fringe around the top. Call backs.

Sila, you can decide whether or not you’re aware of this. This is Regional Governor Falx. He has a reputation as someone who… He rose pretty far considering he’s a non-Human in the Empire, and something happened that no one has the same story about that got him made a governor of a backwoods system that’s extremely dangerous, and he’s been there a long time. His career just ground to a halt. The fact that he’s here at a bigger social gathering is a little strange. It’s weird that he was invited. He approaches this crew of people who, let’s be honest, don’t exactly blend in. They’re wearing cloaks. There’s a Gigoran, those are really rare, you usually just see them in the background with a flamethrower. (laughter.

But yeah, Falx approaches the crew and says, “My good friends, what a delight to see you. Thanks for coming.”

HUDSON: “Hi Falx.”

NICK: “Hi!”

LAURA: Am I still in the group?

NICK: Yeah. You haven’t had a chance to depart yet. He managed to make his way through the crowd before you split.

LAURA: “Oh. ‘ello.”

NICK: He doesn’t have eyebrows, but he waggles them a little bit.

LAURA: (laughs) yes.

NICK: ‘No greeting for me, karma?”

CAMERON: “Why are we here?”

NICK: “Yeah, funny you should bring that up.” He looks a little awkward for a second and kind of clasps at his hip. He turns to a man next to him who is looking at Falx and the group suspiciously. He’s also wearing a Regional Governor’s outfit but it is a regulation one, standard, nothing fancy. He’s a sort of portly man with black mutton chops, and he is glaring at Xianna pretty strongly until Falx snaps his fingers to get his attention. “Governor Silpin, I think that’ll be all. I’ll speak with you after I get my friends settled.” The man looks like he’s about to say something to Xianna, and then—

LAURA: Xianna’s waving at him, just kinda very awkward smiling, “Oh hi~”

NICK: The man harrumphs to himself and departs for another group. You can hear him grumbling something that sounds surprisingly poetic and existential under his breath.

LAURA: (laughs)

NICK: Falx says, “I am so glad that you came. I actually risked quite a lot to get you here unfortunately, but here’s the thing: I think someone at this party wants to kill me.”

CAMERON: “Why would they want to kill you?”

NICK: “I’m as baffled as you are.”

CAMERON: “Oh, I wasn’t baffled. (laughs)”

NICK: “Oh.” (laughs)

LAURA: “Um… Yes. Is the Mrs. Governor Silpin here too?”

NICK: “You know, it’s funny, I haven’t seen her in quite a while. I don’t know if she even came.”

LAURA: ‘Oh… Uh, never mind, then.”

NICK: “Why? You wanted to do some catching up?”

LAURA: “Uh… No. No reason. (laughs)”

NICK: “Oh. Strange. Yeah, so, really I have you here so that you can make it so I don’t die. That sounds great. I would like to enlist you as bodyguards.”

CAMERON: ‘If you thought someone was gonna kill you here why did you come here? Why not just stay on Unroola Dawn?”

NICK: “Well, I called them here, to lure out the assassin, you see…”


NICK: “…so that we could stop them…”

LAURA: “No…”

NICK: “…and I could go back to my meteoric rise to governmental power.”

LAURA: ‘No.”

NICK: “No?”

LAURA: “That is not how you do that.”

CAMERON: (laughing) “This plan does not make sense.”

NICK: “Um… Well, it’s a little late now.”

LAURA: (sighs)

CAMERON: “Yeah. We just need you to be aware of it.”

HUDSON: “That didn’t sound very smart.”

NICK: “Oh—Ooh.”

LAURA: “Tink—“ (laughs)

CAMERON: (laughs)

HUDSON: “I’m sorry. What I meant was it didn’t sound very smart that you waited so long to call us.”

NICK: “Oh. Yeah. Tink, I’ve always liked you.”

HUDSON: “Thank you.”

LAURA: “Do you want to just stand behind Tink for the whole party?”

HUDSON: ‘I cover a lot of area.”

LAURA: ‘He is very large.”

NICK: “We may come to that, but I am actually here to make some deals and arrange some things.” By the way, if either of you would like to overhear this conversation or move towards it at any point…


DREW: He’s the governor of the outer rim?

NICK: He’s a regional governor. He’s in charge of a couple of systems. You actually may have heard about the planet Unroola Dawn. It’s an outer rim planet, it’s backwoods, it has some really interesting wildlife and monsters on it.

LAURA: Don’t go there!

NICK: If you want to make me a Knowledge: Outer Rim check…

DREW: I’ll make a Knowledge: Outer Rim check.

NICK: Yeah! You’re probably very interested in those boots. Might give you a little bit more background.

CAMERON: What’s the difficulty?

NICK: The difficulty for you will be… Eh, let’s go with easy.

CAMERON: Okay, so that’s one purple.

NICK: I think that you’re a purveyor of outer rim fashion.

CAMERON: (sharp inhale) No…

LAURA: Oh… (laughs)

DREW: Is that another wash?

CAMERON: No, so it’s one failure, one advantage, because one of the advantages cancels out the threat.

NICK: So, you have an advantage. You can spend that in the next bit to give yourself a boost, to give Aly a boost, to add something to the scene, anything like that.

DREW: Cool.

NICK: Yeah. They continue to talk for a little bit. Falx says, “So, I really need to work my way around the party. I figured you would appreciate if I kept Silpin away from you. To be honest, I did not expect him to be here, but you know what they say, best laid plans of TaunTauns and Rancores.”

LAURA: “Anyways. I would appreciate it if you did not eat or drink, because you know, the poisoning.”

NICK: “Oh. This one’s fine. This one’s from the flask.”

LAURA: “I mean, yes, well because if I was going to kill you I would poison your drink knowing you always drink martinis.”

NICK: “Well, I’ve been nursing this one for a while, gotta keep the wit sharp, and I haven’t dropped yet. So…”

CAMERON: “Cool. Make sure you maintain that in your sight. Don’t set it down anywhere and walk away to go to the refresher or anything. If you do, get a fresh drink.”

NICK: “Oh. Yeah, I never lose sight of a martini.”

CAMERON: “Good.”

LAURA: “Yes. If you do have to get a new one, make sure you watch the bartender make it or the droid make it. Yeah, how about you just don’t eat food, okay?”

NICK: “That’s fine. I’m not hungry anyway.”

ALYSON: I think while this is happening Sila is aware of Regional Governor Falx and his presence in the room. I think she stops her patrol, I guess is a good word for it, and kind of watches this from a distance. She’s not in eavesdropping range but she’s watching, and she kind of tilts her head to one side and the droid comes buzzing over to fill that space next to her, and I think she says under her breath, “Whist, are those known associates of the regional governor?”

NICK: “Calculating. I have no records of any of those beings.”

ALYSON: “With or without the regional governor?”

NICK: “At all.”

ALYSON: “Interesting.”

NICK: “Extremely. I must need my database updated.”

ALYSON: “Go ahead and do a round, would you?”

NICK: “At your command.” He floats up to five meters in the air, so it’s a little distinct but above most people’s normal eyesight, and starts to do a scan.

DREW: While this is happening, I would like to count all the Twi’leks in the room.

ALYSON: (laughs)


LAURA & ALYSON: (musically) Count the Twi’leks~

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Alright. So—

DREW: Perception, or…?

NICK: I’ll just give you that. They tend to stand out.

DREW: Mm-hmm.

NICK: There are—

ALYSON: They’re hot!

LAURA: Yeah!

NICK: Yeah they are, especially these ones. There are four, one in each color that I think is fun. So, you see the purple one that is talking to an important government official with the cool boots, you see the one that talked to you earlier which was a red one, there is a yellow one that is actually not dressed as a waitress, she’s wearing a nice gown and is talking with some people and seems to actually be in control of that conversation which is pretty cool, and there is a green one that is a waitress and she has head tails that have Sabacc suits tattooed on them going down the back, she’s pretty short and she seems particularly animated.

ALYSON: So, they’re the Teletubbies colors.

NICK: Oh shit!



NICK: I guess so. Oh…

ALYSON: Does that make Tink the baby in the sun?

LAURA: yes!

CAMERON: Xianna is Tinky Winky.

DREW: Would it be a Perception then to guess the heights of all of them?

NICK: Oh yeah, absolutely.

DREW: Alright. I’ll roll that Perception. I have two in Perception, so is that two yellows?

ALYSON: Mm-hmm.

DREW: And then I have three Cunning, so it’s just two dice?

CAMERON: Yeah, so one green.

NICK: Three Cunning, you get a green one with your two yellows, and we’ll say this is an average check, I would say height estimates is something you do in your line of work pretty regularly.

CAMERON: So two purples.

DREW: So two purples. I can use a blue because I had that earlier?

NICK: You can, absolutely.

DREW: Alright. Let’s read these…

CAMERON: This one looks better.

NICK: (laughs)

CAMERON: Uh, ooh, no, not as better as it could be, though.

NICK: Not as better—

CAMERON: (laughs) Not as—Yeah. It’s three advantages, so all of those cancel out.

DREW: Alright. Ooh. Three advantages.

NICK: So when you get to three that starts getting into like three-pointer territory. You can do something with that that’s pretty cool, but you can’t be successful at the height guessing. That’s a fail.

DREW: Alright. So I can’t guess the height. It’s hard, because they’re spread out around the room, so I’m trying to guess their height but I can’t do that. So instead what I do is, I’m gonna say that I immediately dismiss the waitresses as possible targets, because from what I know of my quarry she would not be doing that.

NICK: So that’s the red one and the green one off the table.

CAMERON: Christmas colors, gone.

DREW: Christmas colors, gone!

LAURA: If I’m not allowed to do this let me know, but I would say with the purple one you specifically have a hard time, because she seems to be shifting her weight from foot to foot…

NICK & CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: …it kind of changes the height so you can’t tell if she’s like on tip-toes a little bit or if she’s purposely kind of slouched down whenever she’s shifting.

NICK: Oh no, 100%.

LAURA: yeah, so you’re just not sure which height is the correct height.

DREW: So, what I know is that she’s masking her height…


NICK: yeah. It’s totally not that she’s injured horribly or anything like that.

CAMERON: (laughs)

DREW: I’m gonna guess that she’s masking her height…


LAURA: R.I.P. toes.

NICK: (laughs)

DREW: Alright. Thank you so much.

NICK: Okay, so with your three advantages, do you want to sit on that for a bit, do you wanna think about it, or do you wanna use them on something?

DREW: Um… I’m gonna sit on them.

NICK: Okay. That’s fine.

ALYSON: If you don’t use your advantages right away do they go bye-bye?

NICK: No. I mean, maybe by the rules, but if you wanna pocket them for a bit and use them a little later I’m fine with that. It’s more fun.

LAURA: We pocket them.

ALYSON: Cool. Yeah, because I had I think one or two from before, but I haven’t done anything with them.

NICK: Yeah. In my mind you’re still sitting on them. Now like if the scene ends or something really dramatic happens by then they’re probably gonna go away, because we’ll forget about them anyway, but if you wanna sit on them and use them a little later…

ALYSON: That’s cool.

NICK: Yeah, should be fine.

CAMERON: If Nick is allowed to have a threat counter, we’re allowed to hold advantages.

LAURA: Yeah. Yeah.

NICK: That’s fair. No one’s done three threats yet. Disappointing. Yeah, so as all this is going on, I think Falx very subtly cocks his head and sees Whist making a circuit, and it’s difficult to see that he’s acknowledging. He goes, “Well, I think I need to be moving around the crowd otherwise it’s pretty suspicious, so if you could mingle a little bit, maybe look for anyone who could be a threat, there’s quite a few people who seem to be here that I didn’t invite, maybe—“

CAMERON: “Oh, this is your party?”

NICK: “Well, technically it’s Silpin’s party, but the man doesn’t think particularly well, so I may have implanted some ideas.”

LAURA: “Wait! So if it is his party, why did you not think he was going to be here? (huffs)”

NICK: “Yeah. The reason that I didn’t expect him to be here is because I made sure that he had business elsewhere. I really didn’t expect him to sacrifice a colony for this kind of thing.”

LAURA: “But it is his own party.”

NICK: “Well yeah, but the man hates parties. I think he came merely to aggravate me since I hijacked the thing.”

LAURA: “(huffs) Whatever.”

NICK: “Hey, my plans are intricate!”

CAMERON: “I would like to point out a security risk. We were able to just walk in the doors without an invitation, so if anyone is here to kill you they could’ve just walked in even if they weren’t invited to Silpin’s party.”

NICK: ‘Oh no, it was by the ship registry. Did you notice that they called you something else?”

CAMERON: “I did, but then everyone else was still handing in paper invitations as we walked through the doors.”

NICK: “Oh…”

LAURA: “Like, no check at all. I have so many weapons.”

CAMERON: “We are so armed right now.”

NICK: “Well, I’m glad that you’re armed. That was part of the plan.”

HUDSON: “I have a visible vibro-axe.”


LAURA: You just have a vibro-axe on your back!

HUDSON: Just so you all know what I look like.

ALYSON: yeah~

NICK: “You’re the guests of honor, and I may need to have—“

CAMERON: “What?!”

NICK: “You’re… What?!”

CAMERON: (laughing) “We’re the guests of honor?”

NICK: “Well, I mean, like my guests of honor. Anyone who keeps me alive is a guest of honor.”

CAMERON: “But this isn’t even your party.”

NICK: “You’re making me real nervous right now. I would like you to please mingle at the party.”

CAMERON: “Sorry. We’ve had a rough, like, 24 hours.”

NICK: “Oh, really?”

CAMERON: ‘Yeah.”

LAURA: “We will mingle. We will, we will mingle. Okie.”

NICK: ‘Hey, speaking of that, weren’t there four of you before?”


NICK: “Oh. Okay.”

LAURA: “Oh… Yes.”

NICK: “Oh? I’m getting some mixed messages.”

LAURA: ‘It’s fine. Do not worry about it.”

NICK: “Tink?”

HUDSON: “(whimpering, failing to form words)”

CAMERON: (laughs)

HUDSON: I’m still broken up about losing a teammate.

CAMERON: (laughing) Karma puts a comforting hand on Tink’s shoulder.

LAURA: Xianna like turns Falx around by the shoulder and just pushes him into the crowd, and once he gets far enough away she looks at Tink and karma. “Okie. So, if he is killed at this party, he cannot blackmail us anymore…”

HUDSON: “Yeah.”

CAMERON: “That’s true.”

LAURA: “So, my vote is that, uh, we let him die.”

NICK: “I am still standing here!”


LAURA: “Oh! You are still here?! Wow!”

CAMERON: “Are you really surprised, though?”

NICK: “No, not really.”

LAURA: “Are you surprised? I mean, you are blackmailing me, so you know what I’m like.”

NICK: “Oh, I’m blackmailing all of you. I’m blackmailing most of the people at this party. … Ooh, I said that out loud.”

ALYSON: Did Whist catch that?

NICK: Oh, 100%.

ALYSON: yes! Perfect.


LAURA: “I mean, I figured, I feel like that is your thing. You blackmail.”

NICK: “Well yeah. Anyway. Now I will leave you alone to plot my demise. I’ve got some people to mingle with.” And he’s gonna go away.


NICK: I think at this point Whist kind of buzzes Jorus pretty close, and Jorus you hear a lot of computer beeping noises. He is right over you and you can feel a scan, kind of like if you stand too close to a microwave, like you shouldn’t be able to feel microwaves but you kinda get that vibe. You are being actively sonarred by this droid.

DREW: As that is happening, Jorus turns, sees it, flashes the badge, makes eyes, puts it back, takes a long drag of his cigarette… and blows it up into the robot. The smoke is not black smoke, it’s red tinged with yellow.

NICK: Ooh. Very Felusia, I like it.

DREW: Very Felusian.

NICK: Yeah. There’s a synthetic (coughing noises), which is bologna…

DREW: Fake!

NICK: …because he’s a droid, yeah, and there’s a long pause as you see the main iris with a red light in it shutter in, and then you hear the droid say, “It’s an older badge, but it checks out,” and it continues on.

DREW: “Of course it does!”


NICK: One of the well-dressed kind of peacocky ladies who is in a little group turns by and goes, “Oh, there’s a badge!” and makes eyes at you for a second, and then a man in a tuxedo tries to get her attention back. She looks very torn.

DREW: Jorus winks, tips his hat, and goes, “Ma’am, I’m sure you’re… very smart.”


ALYSON: Savage.

NICK: “What do you think he meant by that?”

“Don’t engage with the scary people, dear. Come back to the group.”

And then, Whist makes it back to Sila. “Reporting back for duty, marm.” // 51:48

ALYSON: “What did you find out?”

NICK: So, out of character, what kinds of things does Whist usually scan for?

ALYSON: Notable persons… In a situation like this where it’s a big mixer event, it’s an Imperial hosted event, we’re looking for people who shouldn’t be here, we’re looking for people who have records that I would need to know about…

NICK: Oh boy.

ALYSON: …we’re looking for people who are talking to people who normally they shouldn’t be talking to those people. I’m looking for things that stand out. I’m looking for things that aren’t normal.

NICK: Alright, so… It’s a long list. (laughs) it’s a long enough list that sorting through it is going to be difficult, so Whist gives you the Sparknotes version, the Starnotes maybe even.


CAMERON: Ah-ha-ha.

NICK: So, he gives you a rundown. “Well, marm, I don’t know if you noticed but your fellow inspector Tarstin Moon is here.”

ALYSON: “I did see him.”

NICK: “Yes. His bio signs are a little irregular. He seems much more nervous than usual.”

ALYSON: “Irregular how?”

NICK: “Elevated heart rate and adrenaline, mostly.”

ALYSON: “Hmm.”

NICK: “Some sort of chemical irregularity I can’t identify.”

ALYSON: “That is unusual for him.”

NICK: “Most of the non-Humans here have records. Are there any specifically that you would be interested in?”

ALYSON: Out of character question.

NICK: Sure.

ALYSON: Why am I at this party?

NICK: Good question. You were given an anonymous tip from a very reliable source that heard from someone they claim is reliable that your quarry was going to be at this party, specifically.

ALYSON: So someone I’m looking for?

NICK: Absolutely. Actually, that would be a good thing for the listeners to know. Jorus, you and Sila are both hunting someone specifically, and have heard from a reliable source that’s heard a reliable source that the person you’re hunting is here. Jorus, you’re looking for sort of a heartbreaker, someone who seduces and steals things on a small scale. Sila, you have been tracking this very up-and-coming slicer who’s been hacking Imperial systems. The only thing you know about them that identifies would be StarDestroyer1, it’s this weird signature  they leave in a lot of stuff.

ALYSON: Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

NICK: Yeah!

ALYSON: Cool. So, I’m aware then that it is Regional Governor Falx’s party masquerading as Governor Silpin’s party?

NICK: Mm-hmm.

ALYSON: Great.

NICK: And Whist does say, “It’s quite strange that Silpin is here, because he doesn’t ever attend parties.”

ALYSON: “No, not even his own.”

NICK: “No, especially not his own. One other thing, there are several mercenaries here.”

ALYSON: “Mercenaries?”

NICK: “The Davronian, the Rodian…” For our listeners who don’t go into Star Wars, Davronians look like Halloween store devils—

CAMERON: Deevils!

NICK: –and Rodians look kinda like bugs with sticky-outie snoots. “The Davronian, one of the Twi’leks pretending to be a waitress, and the Rodians are all hired guns.”

ALYSON: “Hired by whom?”

NICK: “That I cannot determine from scanning their bio signs, although someday I do hope for that upgrade.”

ALYSON: “As do I, Whist, as do I.”

NICK: (laughs)

ALYSON: “Interesting.”

NICK: “Is there anything else I can do to serve you further?”

ALYSON: “Not yet. Continue as planned.”

NICK: “Assuming patrol route.” He goes up and starts to hover around the room. Is there anyone in particular that anyone would like to talk to? I defer to Jorus and Sila first.

DREW: I’d like to do two things real quick.

NICK: Okay.

DREW: One, I’d like to hail a waitress over.

NICK: Which one?

DREW: Um, the green one.

NICK: Oh! Great.

DREW: I hail her over, and I take a drink. “Thank you kindly, ma’am,” and I tip her 100 credits.

NICK: She goes, “Oh… What else do you need?”

DREW: “The drink is fine.”

NICK: “Well, I’ll make sure to keep them coming, handsome.”

DREW: “Thank you.” He has his cred-stick and he very, um, noticeably places it in his pocket. He’s doing this in the middle of the room. Then he walks over to the yellow Twi’lek to go talk to her. I’ll defer from that.

NICK: Okay. Okay.

LAURA: So, Xianna’s standing still with Karma and Tink, and look sat the man that’s at the bar, and goes, “You know, I think I’m just going to go get some drinks, just enjoy the party, you know? I do not really care if Falx dies, too much.”

CAMERON: “Okay, but I am curious and interested in knowing the person who kills him, so I’m just gonna go follow Falx.”

LAURA: “Yes.” She’s digging through her pockets while she’s talking. “Oh… It is in here somewhere. Um, hold on…” She pulls out a small little bag, pours it onto her hand, and then snorts and goes, “Mm, it is a party. (upbeat) Tink, you want a drink?” (giggles)

HUDSON: “I’d love a drink.”

LAURA: “Okie. I’m not going to get you one.”

HUDSON: “Fine.”


LAURA: She saunters off to the bar and does the elbow down, chin on the hand, in front of Tarstin. “Ello~”

NICK: ‘Oh, uh, well… Hi there.”

LAURA: “You are?”

NICK: “Not at liberty to say, I’m afraid.”

LAURA: “You can’t even make up a name?”

(quiet giggling)

NICK: ‘Let’s… Let’s go with, uh, Tarstin. Dang it!”


LAURA: “Okie. I am assuming your name is Tarstin, then.”

NICK: “Yes, Tarstin Dangit.”

LAURA: “Okie.”

NICK: “Why are you paying attention to me right now?”

LAURA: “I like your mustache.”

NICK: “Oh, well thank you. I work very hard on it, actually.”

LAURA: “It is very nice.”

NICK: “Well, I think your… head tails are very nice, too.”

LAURA: She gets that like flash across her face of, ugh, that’s not- that’s so offensive… (others giggle) and then it immediately snaps back to the pleasant, like he probably doesn’t even notice. “Oh, heh, thank you. I, uh, grew them myself. (laughs)”

NICK: “Oh, haha, I get it. That’s very clever.”

LAURA: (smiling) “Yes.”

NICK: “I’m actually kind of in the middle of something.”

LAURA: “Yes, so, about that…” She kind of leans in very close and whispers. “So, I saw you pouring something into your drink?”

NICK: “Y-Yeah…”

LAURA: “Yes. What is it?”

NICK: Hmm. I’m gonna need a Charm check.

LAURA: (gasps) Can do! What is my Charm?!

NICK: Also, if anyone else wants to sidle up to the bar at this point they’re more than welcome to listen in.

ALYSON: Sila is definitely watching this. I think she sends Whist back out on patrol, and she looked back over at Tarstin and was going to make her way slowly in that direction and stopped when she saw the Twi’lek approach him first, and now she’s watching that and making her way there very slowly.

NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: I make my way to the bar and stand behind Xianna to get a drink.

NICK: (laughs) Okay.

LAURA: One success.

NICK: “Well, I seem to be having health issues lately. It’s like an immuno-stimulant. It’s of my own making, actually. It keeps me sharp.”

LAURA: “Okie. So, hypothetically, if you were to give it to someone who did not have your, um, illness… what would it do?”

NICK: ‘Ooh. I think it would probably make them extremely energetic, and perceptive, and intelligent, and rakishly handsome…” and he kind of smiles hesitantly, “and then they would have extreme gastric distress.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “Okie, um, it would not kill them though?”

NICK: “I sure hope not. I’ve been taking this for weeks.”

LAURA: “Okie. It also does not sound fun. I was hoping it would be fun, or very deadly, which is fun in a different way.”

NICK: “Oh… Are you- Would you be insinuating that someone would be taking recreational drugs at this point?”

LAURA: “Oh yes. (giggles)”

NICK: “Ooh… Um… Now might be a great time to tell you that I’m an Imperial Inspector.”

LAURA: “Oh! I do not mean like you, or me, I mean like other people at the party, because it is a party and that often happens. I mean, I’m pretty sure I saw the one Falx doing something.”

NICK: Can I get a Deception check as you try to dig yourself out of this whole.

CAMERON: (chuckles)

ALYSON: Hmm~ Yes.

NICK: Also, at this point I think Tink is very close to Xianna messing up this conversation.

HUDSON: I heard digestive problems and my ears perked up for my previous issues.

NICK: (laughs)

CAMERON: Your medical book said something about digestive problems.

HUDSON: Yeah, my medical book did say something about digestive problems.

NICK: Yeah. Becoming Medicine… Yeah. Two difficulty. He’s very good at certain parts of being an inspector.

LAURA: (musically) Two failures.

NICK: He looks at the stormtroopers that are by the door and by the podium. They have not moved, statue still, stormtroopers are very good at that. “I’m a little busy right now, but I suggest you don’t leave the party. We may need to be speaking a little bit later.”

LAURA: (nervously) “Okieee.”

NICK: You can just feel the chill coming off of him.

LAURA: “Bye… I will talk to you later…”

NICK: You see he like snaps his fingers above the bar and one of the stormtroopers’ heads turns unperceptively and he does a series of complicated hand signs, and from the distance you hear, “Roger,” and then the head goes back.

LAURA: Oh. When that happens Xianna’s head definitely turns, looks up at the stormtrooper, and is just smiling and waving at him real, real big. (laughs)

NICK: You also see a scout droid with a bulbous head and a lot of arms dangling down. It’s above the stormtroopers. It goes, “(politely) Oh, hello,” and then continues on its circuit around.


ALYSON: One of its little arms wave—

(squeaking/beeping noises, more laughter)

LAURA: And she’s like ‘oh, yes, hi!’ (laughs) “So, Tink.”

HUDSON: “Xianna.”

LAURA: “It is a very good thing that you brought your vibro-axe with you.”

HUDSON: “Why is that?”


LAURA: “Oh, I said some very stupid thing, and we might have to fight our way out of the party.”

HUDSON: “Oh, Xianna… I’ve had a few drinks. I’m…”

LAURA: “I mean, I have not had any drinks yet. How have I not done that…?”

NICK: (laughs)

CAMERON: Tink’s just been slamming them behind you.

HUDSON: I’ve just been slamming them behind you.

ALYSON: Yeah, just one after the other in the background of the shot.

HUDSON: That’s exactly right.

CAMERON: Karma has just been following Falx, like one social group behind him throughout.

NICK: Okay. I think Falx goes to Jorus actually, like makes a B-line there, which is weird. You see this dashing space cowboy-esque figure that’s actively alienating anyone who tries to interact with him, which is fun. Falx goes straight up and says, “Wow. I didn’t expect the System Marshal to actually make it this far in.”

DREW: “Hello Falx. How ya doin’?”

NICK: “It’s been a long time!”

DREW: “Not long enough, but here we are.”

NICK: “I can’t help but agree. Are those the same boots as ten years ago?”

DREW: “Oh, you know, when something works you stick to it.”

NICK: “And then slowly age into oblivion. I know exactly the feeling.”

DREW: “(laughs) Get bent.”


NICK: “Oh. Aw… Ever eloquent as usual, my friend.”

DREW: “Well, you know, I don’t have much time for fancy words with puffed up puppies like yourself.”

NICK: “Oh yeah. Puffed, up, puppies, the exact kind of custom thing that I would expect from someone of your stature. No one says that.”

DREW: “I know. That’s why I say it.”

NICK: “Ah… Isn’t that nice.” You can see he’s talking to you while thinking about something else. I’m imagining you’re kind of against the wall near the stage and he keeps looking at the stormtroopers and looking somewhere else, and then his com goes off. He pulls it up. It’s one of those ones that looks like a shaving razor.

DREW: yeah, yeah, yeah.

NICK: Yeah. He looks at it, presses a button, and a few lights slide up. “Ah. I need to be doing something, if you’ll excuse me,” and he starts moving a lot faster, like beyond casual. At exactly that moment, the lights cut out.

DREW: Kriff.

ALYSON: People scream!

NICK: yes, exactly, it says it right there.

LAURA: (quietly) Xianna screams.

ALYSON: Ya-ha!

NICK: There’s a scream–

CAMERON: (feigns a scream)

NICK: The room is surprisingly dark with just a dull, ambient, red glow. It’s difficult to see anything, and you hear blaster fire, and the thud of dropping bodies. As quickly as it started, it’s over. The lights flicker back on. There’s another scream. The stormtroopers on the small stage have both been shot. One is on the floor and the other is draped across the podium as if they were turning towards the threat. The stormtroopers by the door have also been blasted. They both fell forward as if they didn’t even get a chance to respond. You see the crowd is pushing away from the middle of the ballroom leaving an empty circle. In the circle, in an expanding pool of blood, is Regional Governor Silpin facedown with a vibro-knife in his back. End of episode.

ALL Ba-naaa~!

NICK: Great.

CAMERON: Oh snap.

NICK: Yeah.

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show and give the squad warm fuzzies when we read them.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @tabletop_squad. For real! We’re real people and we wanna talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.

Word document download: Episode 15 Let’s Get Some Answers

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Read in browser:

Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 15:
Let’s Get Some Answers

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

Not a lot of announcements this week. I know there’s some new iTunes reviews floating in the internet somewhere, but they haven’t shown up where I can see them yet, so I’ll be sure to thank everyone next time.

You know how I know that? Twitter! Our Twitter drive is going well. We’ve gained 20 more followers. We’ve had several NPC polls, and the NPC will be a blue Gungan that’s a circus acrobat who loves Sabacc and making jewelry. Thank you to everyone who’s voting and helping us make this character. Come follow us and help us decide the final piece. Our next and final Twitter poll will be at 125 followers.

Twitter is a great way to reach out and talk to us or other people who like this podcast and many other great podcasts. Remember, when we hit the next Twitter goal we’ll release a bonus Jedi Adventure on off-weeks and a pretty lengthy blooper reel that I’ve had stashed away since we started. We’re very close, but we  need you!

Anyway. Thanks for listening, and we hope you enjoy the episode.

CAMERON: (distant, giggling) And by the way, our Twitter is @Tabletop_Squad!

NICK: Thank you… Cameron.

CAMERON: (laughs)


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Episode 15 of Tabletop Squadron. Happy Thursday, or whatever day you’re listening to this. I’m Nick, your host and game master. We’re gonna go around the table and introduce everybody and their characters, starting with Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi. I’m Hudson, and I play Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: Great. Next up we’ve got Laura.

LAURA: Hi. I’m Laura. I play Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: And last but not least we’ve got Cameron.

CAMERON: Hi. I’m Cameron, and I play Karma, a Nautolan bounty hunter.

NICK: Great! When we last left off the team was drifting aimlessly in space dealing with some emotional turmoil and coming to terms with some things, talking about their feelings, drinking quite a bit. We left off with a com call from Sentinel giving them some coordinates on where to meet up. We’re gonna start right about there, but before that let’s get the Destiny Roll.

CAMERON: One dark side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

LAURA: One light side.

CAMERON: Yay Laura.

NICK: Heh. Good work.

CAMERON: So two dark side, one light side.

NICK: Alright. Let’s jump right into it! The com call that you got, Karma quickly flipped the switch to send it through the whole ship. “This is Sentinel. You’ve done… better than I hoped. It’s time for us to meet in person. I’m sending you the coordinates now.” Do you go immediately?

CAMERON: “Hey Tink?!”

HUDSON: “Yeah?”

CAMERON: “Oh wait, I don’t need to yell. Sorry. I have the ship coms on.”

HUDSON: “Uh, yeah?”

CAMERON: (laughs) “Can you come help me astrogate?”

HUDSON: “Sure!”

NICK: Alright. You head up to the cockpit. It’s an easy Astrogation check, you have the coordinates, but there are two black dice on this because it’s not on any hyperspace route that you know.

HUDSON: Ooh. This is a little bit difficult. You said it’s easy?

NICK: Yeah. It’s easy, but two black dice.

CAMERON: Plus a blue die because Karma’s helping.

HUDSON: Oh. That’s so nice of you. Alright, here I go, I put my hand on the astrogater and I pull the lever!


NICK: For our listeners, we do know that’s not how that works.

CAMERON: Do we though?

NICK: Some of us do.

HUDSON: We have three successes and an advantage.

NICK: Great. You’re able to make the calculation. It looks like the jump is gonna be about 12 hours. The location isn’t on any star chart, it’s just at the beginning of the outer rim between the outer and the middle rim, but luckily it’s on the same side of the galaxy that you’re already on, so you’re able to get there in about that much time. You’re able to make the calculation, hit the lever, and jump. That gets you 12 hours to rest, potentially recover strain, repair any equipment that had been damaged, all that good stuff, get some sleep since you haven’t gotten a full night’s sleep in about 48 hours at this point since your last attempt involved getting exploded.

As you drop out of hyperspace with a lurch you see the black of space all around you. There are a few stars, but in front of you, you can’t even see very many of those. The reason quickly becomes clear as a small space station begins to illuminate before you. Running lights appear on the outside showing you the approach vector to land. The space station is not large. It is a simple cylinder about twice the length of your ship with a thin ring around it like a spoked wheel. As you guide your ship into the landing bay it’s a tight fit. One other ship is parked within, a small triangular fighter. The Afternoon Delight takes up the rest of the bay. As you land you hear the (whooshing noises) of lights extinguishing on the exterior. The bay is dimly lit with emergency lighting. Is there anything you want to do before you hop off?

CAMERON: I guess Karma puts her armor back on and just reloads all of her gear.

HUDSON: Yeah. I reload all my gear and my weapons.

NICK: You reload your axe. Okay.


NICK: You have a gun. I’m being mean.

HUDSON: No, I don’t use the gun, though.


CAMERON: Well, the gun’s in your backpack, so-

HUDSON: yeah.

LAURA: Xianna puts all of her stuff back on. She’s still wearing the old left boot, but on the right foot she found a pair of sandals that were a much larger size but they fit over the foot wrappings that she has, so she just strapped the sandal on the right foot so that she’s not walking directly on the bandages.

NICK: Oh, okay. That’s a good look.

LAURA: Yeah.

CAMERON: It’s real classy. “Hey Tink, were you able to fix the ship during our jump?”

HUDSON: “Um… (shiftily) I sure was…”

NICK: So, mechanically you did pretty much what you need to. It’s one more dent in an otherwise decently put together ship. You weren’t able to fix it like new, but it’s operating.

HUDSON: ‘It’s workable!”

CAMERON: “Awesome. I mean, I figured it was since we got here, but-“

LAURA: “Yeah.”

HUDSON: “Oh yeah.”

NICK: Is there anything else you all wanted to do?

HUDSON: Communicate with Sentinel right now to be like are we in the right place, is this a trap…

NICK: You can try and call. You don’t actually have a contact for him. The com that came in was blocked, so you don’t actually have a way to get in touch with him.

HUDSON: Hmm. Alright. “Let’s all huddle up real quick. Get in a huddle. Get in a huddle.”

CAMERON: “Okay. Huddled!”

HUDSON: “Huddle?”

LAURA: “Okay… Huddle.”

HUDSON: “Alright—“

CAMERON: “Alright Tink, you’re gonna have to lean down a little bit. You’re too far up in the huddle.”

LAURA: “Yes. Too tall.”

HUDSON: “Alright. Too tall. Got it. I’m down. What if this is a trap?”

LAURA: “I have a gun.”

CAMERON: “I have a gun, and a sword. You have an axe.”

HUDSON: “I have an axe… Should we have a broader plan than that?”

LAURA: “Um… We shoot them?”

HUDSON: “… Okay.”

CAMERON: “If we get shot at we shoot back. You axe back.”

HUDSON: “I axe back.”

LAURA: “Yes. We stand behind you. You are taller and more resilient, and then we shoot around you.”

HUDSON: “Yeah, and I say some snazzy line like let me axe you a question, and then… hit ‘em.”

LAURA: “Yes. You do that.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. Okay. Anyway. Since we’re huddled, what’s our plan for Sentinel? We’re hearing him out, yes?”

LAURA: “(sighs) Sure.”

CAMERON: “His message said ‘that went more smoothly than he anticipated,’ which concerns me greatly.”

LAURA: “That makes me worried. I mean, how much worse could that have gone?”

HUDSON: “We could ask him.”

LAURA: “”Could it have gone any worse? I mean, besides all of us dying.”

CAMERON: “We could have failed to take out the Vengeance.”

LAURA: “Yes, but then an entire city would not have been destroyed, so…”

CAMERON: “They may have still done the bombardment if we damaged it enough… It’s like it could have gone worse. I feel like he very heavily stressed the loss of life thing though, and then his plan kind of just ignored that and there were no warnings with retaliation and stuff.”

HUDSON: “I’ll defer to you all.”

CAMERON: “Okay. Here. We’ll hear him out, and then we’ll just see, and we’ll make a judgment call on if each of us still wants to be involved in this.”

HUDSON: “We are always, always allowed more huddles. We need to have more huddles to discuss things when there’s hard decisions.”

CAMERON: (laughs) “True.”

HUDSON: “We can just be like hey, pause, pause game… Huddle.”

LAURA: “Okie. If we are having a team huddle, can we huddle around me? I am missing a certain number of toes and is a little hard to walk. I’m still getting used to that. My foot is also bound. I did find a new pair of boots to wear. They are very similar to the old pair of boots, I just cannot wear them yet until the bandages come off of my foot, so I just have them in my room closet… in case you were wondering.”

HUDSON: “Alright. We can huddle around you, Miss Injured Center of Attention. We can huddle around you.”

LAURA: “Yes. Thank you.”

CAMERON: “Alright, let’s go in.”

HUDSON: “And, break!”

CAMERON: (laughing) I hit the button right next to us and the ramp deploys.

NICK: Yeah. You break from your huddle. As you exit the ship a protocol droid enters through the only door. “Ah yes, the master’s latest set of fixers. If you’ll come with me, please.” The red emergency lights in the hanger give the droid a sinister air.

CAMERON: Is this the same droid that we saw on Corellia?

NICK: It looks identical.

CAMERON: Hmm. It sounds identical, too.

NICK: Hmm. Well, I’m not that talented—

CAMERON: Good voice work, Nick.

NICK: Thanks! (laughs) The droid turns to lead you through the halls of the station. The curvature of the floor causes you to feel like you’re constantly walking up a wall and it’s rather disconcerting. Tink, your head grazes the ceiling ever so slightly. This part of the station is dim as well with a single red light every 20 meters or so. The whole station is dim with only the faintest noise of life support. Your steps and the whirring of servers on the protocol droid echo as you walk through.

LAURA: I guess we’re walking…

NICK: Yeah.

LAURA: Xianna would put her scanner goggles on just to see a little bit better.

NICK: Okay. With your scanner goggles on you see that this is a very bare setup. There’s not a lot of stuff. There are some cobwebs and a lot of dust on the hallway. It’s like not a lot of people are here. With that you can actually see the footprints from this droid and a couple of lines in the dust and that’s it, so it doesn’t look like there’s a lot of people here, at all.

So, the droid leads you to a holo room. There’s a table-sized dais for presentations and four rows of auditorium seating in a circle around the edge of the room. Seated behind the dais is Sentinel.

CAMERON: Behind? Or on?

NICK: Behind it. The dais is for presentations like the ones in the movies where they project a bunch of holograms and stuff. He’s seated, like—

CAMERON: Oh. Okay. I was thinking like a stage-type.

NICK: Yeah. It’s not like a stage, it’s like a projector thing.

CAMERON: Okay. the thing that they all huddle around to look at the presentations.

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: Okay, cool.

NICK: He’s sitting, it’s between you and him.

CAMERON: Okay, cool.

NICK: This is the first time you’ve seen him in real life that isn’t a distorted hologram. It’s hard to tell how tall he is while he’s sitting behind the table, but he has white hair with streaks of gray, he wears it swept back over his shoulders and it falls to about mid-neck and he has a white goatee. He’s not wearing a shirt, and you can see what looks like metal prosthetics grafted to his shoulder. It’s dim in the room is lit only by the holo-projector that is currently on sleep mode, so you have trouble making out exactly what kind of cybernetic pieces he might have.

He gestures calmly at you to join him at the projector. You can see that his other arm is still well-muscled although it has the distinctive look of someone who hasn’t exercised in a while and is starting to lose their edge. “Thank you for coming. I’m sure you have… a lot of questions.”

CAMERON: “Mm-hmm.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

HUDSON: “We do.”

NICK: “Well, uh… Shoot.”

CAMERON: I go and sit down.

NICK: (laughs) Okay.

LAURA: Yeah. Xianna would plop down into a chair. “So, was the destruction of an entire city of civilians part of your plan?”

NICK: “No. That was rather unfortunate. I didn’t expect them to respond so aggressively. I also didn’t expect the weapons to maintain function as long as they did.”

LAURA: “Yeah… I feel like that whole thing could have gone better if we knew what the weapon we were unleashing was so we could have timed things a bit better.”

CAMERON: “Because it did seem to be kind of a delayed response type thing, so knowing that we could have taken out some of the other systems on the ship just as precautionary measures… Tink’s really good at that. He was at a computer station. If we’d known it wasn’t an immediate flip and was going to take several hours, that’s stuff that we could’ve prepared for.”

HUDSON: “This is less questions but feedback for next time.”


LAURA: “Oh, so just general feedback for next time, do not open the airlocks if we are there, Tink.”

CAMERON: “OH no, Xianna, we’re giving Sentinel feedback.”

LAURA: “I know, but I feel like this is good feedback for everyone. I feel like we should just do a full range of team feedback.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “I might still have ten toes.”

CAMERON: This is a retrospective on how this mission went.

NICK: Xianna has sweat beading on her temples and is gesturing wildly as she’s talking about these things.

LAURA: “Because I no longer have ten toes, Tink! I have less than ten!”

HUDSON: “You know, we—“

LAURA: “More than six, but less than ten!”

HUDSON: “What’s to say that you wouldn’t have lost the toes anyway, regardless of the airlock incident, you know? Maybe it was just, that’s just the way the world works.”

LAURA: “Anyways. Yes, information about what the weapon was, and that it was going to take a lot of time, or that it was a biological weapon, any of that would have been useful information. yes.”

NICK: “Of course. You’re right when we’re considering the overall operation, but unfortunately my hands were tied as far as sharing the information, as I didn’t know how effective you would be and how much I could trust you. That was the point of this one. This was, like I said before, more of an audition for a much more important setup… which you passed, well three of you passed. If you had turned or had been captured or information about that had gotten out, we have a couple more of those kinds of weapons, if you had been able to give too much information we could’ve really lost an edge that in the long run will help save the galaxy.”

He does look genuinely regretful about the loss of life, but seems pretty determined in his resolve. “But, the good news is that you’ve passed. I know that you’re effective, and I would be willing to answer any questions at this point.”

LAURA: “Yeah, so, what is the overall goal of any of this?”

NICK: “Let me give you a little background. I’m waging a personal war against the Empire.”

LAURA: “Oh… (exhales) Okay.”

NICK: “Yeah. I know. The Order had several stores of funds scattered throughout the galaxy. I’m working to preserve the Republic, a Sentinel for the past as it were. Heh.”

CAMERON: (uneasy) “Heh-heh…”

LAURA: “(groans)”

NICK: “I will of course pay you for the work you’ve done so far, but now that you’ve passed this test, although not in the way I was expecting, if you’re willing I would like to have you participate in a beginning for the end of the Empire. We only have a few months to prepare, but we could strike a pretty significant blow.”

CAMERON: “I have a question.”

NICK: “Sure.”

CAMERON: “How did you expect that to go? Because you said it went better than expected.”

NICK: “I was expecting more of you to die, to be honest.”

CAMERON: “Comforting.”

NICK: “Well karma, I knew you were probably going to be fine, but some of the others were untested. I was expecting maybe one other person to come out of this. What you did avoid, I managed to intercept communication before I sent you on this mission that they were going to glass the planet using the Vengeance, so while a herdship was lost the Ithorians’ mother jungle was protected as well as the other herdships on the planet, so you did do some good, although I am sorry about your friend, colleague… co-worker.”

LAURA: “Person who was also on our ship.”

HUDSON: “Our best friend.”

NICK: “Yes, and I am sorry about that.”

CAMERON: “We had differing levels of relationship amongst the crew.” (laughs)

NICK: “I’m beginning to sense that.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

NICK: “The point would be, if you were interested, I have a mission of some importance that I would like you to participate in. you’re actually sort of the lynch pin. I have one other team I’m getting setup to support. As far as payment for this last set, how does 20,000 credits sound for the group?”

LAURA: “Each.”

NICK: “(noise of surprise and exasperation) That’s—“

LAURA: “I lost toes.”

HUDSON: “We lost a friend.”

LAURA: “I had to find a new pair of boots. I really liked those old boots. (sadly) Okay?”

CAMERON: “My ask was gonna be for 21 so it’s split evenly.”

NICK: “Hmm. What if we do 24,000 for everyone? That’s at least 1,000 for your toes. You can buy some new boots.”

CAMERON: ‘Really nice boots.”

LAURA: ‘yes.”

NICK: “In my mind I’m not necessarily paying you for your work as ensuring that you’ll participate in this next leg, of which the payment would be significantly more, but I would hope you would be motivated by cleansing the galaxy of authoritarian evil.”

CAMERON: “Fair.”

HUDSON: “Yeah, a little left, little right.”

LAURA: “I mean, I don’t know. Like, how positive are you that this will end the Empire? Because, you know, they are kind of everywhere, and powerful, and you know.”

NICK: “The Empire is currently undergoing a very large, very secret project that is using a majority of their military assets. We’re not going to be striking that, but the people who are organizing that particular thing, who don’t know I exist by the way so if you ever run into any of them don’t say anything about that, but there are some parts of the military setup for the military they’re unaware of that I would like for you and some select allies to remove before it becomes an issue.”

LAURA: “So we’re talking the Resistance?”

NICK: “Yeah. The Resistance are launching a pretty big assault in the next few months, but they don’t know everything that’s going to be there. I figure it would be better, and preserve my own personal shadow war, if we just remove some of their obstacles without them knowing.”

HUDSON: “Why do you have this vendetta?”

LAURA: “I mean, is there anyone who does not hate the Empire at this point?”

HUDSON: “Eh. Different people for different reasons.”

NICK: “Hmm…” I need a Perception check.

CAMERON: Ooh boy.

LAURA: Can do!

CAMERON: Guys, we’re rolling!

NICK: We haven’t rolled a check in two sessions! That’s not true, we rolled one earlier.

CAMERON: No, he did a medicine check.

NICK: And an Astrogation.

CAMERON: That’s like two whole checks! What is the difficulty?

NICK: Average, but Xianna can have a blue die because it’s dim in here which is part of the problem.

CAMERON: Karma got two advantages.

LAURA: I got two successes and four advantages.

NICK: Wow.

HUDSON: I have two successes.

NICK: Karma, is there anything particularly you would want your advantages to be used on?

CAMERON: Let me think. (laughs)

NICK: Okay. we’ll come back to you. Xianna and Tink, Xianna be thinking about those advantages, you can use them to add something to the scene that makes it more interesting, you can come up with some sort of advantage that would pass on to if you have to make any other rolls like say negotiation or history or anything like that. What you see with your successes, Tink, you and Xianna both lean around this holo-projector in the middle of the room and get a pretty good look at Sentinel. You see a little bit more the extent of these injuries that he had. His cybernetics actually go from about mid-collar bone down to his hip, and it’s a giant metal piece, so you know there’s at least some synthetic organs in there as if a large part of him was carved away. The metallic pieces look like they are old and have been cared for, but that they weren’t that nice to begin with. They have that look of like a chrome finish on a hubcap where the chrome is rubbed away and it’s just kind of gross metal underneath. He is missing an entire arm, that is robotic, and he is sitting in a wheelchair actually. You can see the wheels poking out. You can’t really see what his lower body situation is, but he has a large, brown cloth over his waist, and with your successes you see that there is a sleeve dangling off of the cloth like it’s some sort of garment.

When you ask why he has a vendetta, he’s going to tell you: “I’m not entirely sure exactly how much background with me you need for me to be relevant, but I do understand that me wanting to play my Sabacc cards close to the chest has resulted in some more difficulties, so let me just say that these injuries were caused by a direct intervention of the Empire and the Emperor himself, and that I have a personal interest in seeing the Republic restored and the Empire removed. Just assume that the Empire killed a lot of my friends and made me lose my arm, a lung, a kidney, and some other things.”

HUDSON: “Checks out for me.”

NICK:  You guys can make me a Lore check if you want based on that information.

LAURA: (laughs) Can I get a blue die for one of my advantages?

NICK: You can have two blue dice, because you had four advantages.

LAURA: (gasps) Yay~

CAMERON: (laughing) Can I have a blue die for my advantages?

NICK: Sure.

CAMERON: It’s not gonna help. I’m not good at Lore.

NICK: Let’s just say that his demeanor and your interactions so far and kind of using some indicators… something is tickling in the back of your minds, y’all are starting to have some suspicions, and it means you’re more likely to figure this part out.

HUDSON: What difficulty?

NICK: This one’s gonna be hard.

CAMERON: Shit. So many of my dice- I rolled six dice, three of them just came blank… but all the ones that weren’t blank, I have three failures and one advantage.

LAURA: Three advantages.

NICK: Bummer.


HUDSON: I have two successes and two disadvantages.

NICK: Oh good. So, based on kind of what he’s been saying, the look of the cybernetics, you’re sort of an officienato I would say, and the cloth that’s over him which you recognize might be some sort of robe situation, you think this guy might be a Jedi.


CAMERON: Karma’s just like ‘this dude got fucked up at some point.’

LAURA: Xianna’s just a little tired, probably a little drunk still.

NICK: She’s got things on her mind. Tink, how do you approach that subject with this guy?

HUDSON: Is there like a vase near me, or something on a table that could fall?

CAMERON: I use my most recent advantage to make a vase appear next to Tink.

NICK: So, sitting on this first round of stadium seating there are some small holo-projectors and I guess a vase.

HUDSON: “So, Sentinel, if that vase were to just fall off of there, like there was a bump in the ship and the vase were to fall, would there be some way you could stop it from breaking without actually being by the vase?”

CAMERON: (laughing) Sideways asking about Force powers.

LAURA: “Tink, what are you even asking?”

HUDSON: “Just wait.”

LAURA: ‘Like, is there magnets in the vase that holds it to the podium, or…?”

HUDSON: “Nope. Nope. Nope. That’s not what I’m talking about.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. I don’t understand why you’re asking about a vase.”

NICK: “Um… What an interesting question. What exactly would you be insinuating?”

HUDSON: “Something that rhymes with lorce flowers.”


LAURA: ‘Lorce flowers?’

NICK: He actually laughs, and he rolls his chair, it’s like an electric hovery kind of chair but it still has wheels on it, but it means it’s really easy to spin. He rolls it around the projector a little bit. Can you roll me two force dice, please? Let’s see how good he is.

HUDSON: Two black.

NICK: Heh.

CAMERON: Two dark side.

HUDSON: Two dark.

NICK: He holds his arm out, his still biological arm, and you see a look of intense concentration on his face, and the vase begins to wobble a little bit, then he looks really upset and sad at the same time and tears his arm away. “Ugh. Yeah, I used to be a lot better at that, but… Yes, I would theoretically be able to stop the vase.”

CAMERON: So at this point do Karma and Xianna know what’s going on?

HUDSON: (laughs)

NICK: Yeah. I mean, I would say that you probably do.

CAMERON: “You were a Jedi.”

NICK: “Yes. I was a member of that illustrious order years ago.”

CAMERON: “Cool.”

LAURA: “I saw some Jedi once.”

NICK: “How’d that go?”

LAURA: “Uh, well I mean, they rescued our city from the separatists. I mean, a few years later we were then occupied by the Empire, but you know. For a year or two it was fun.”

NICK: “The disappearance of the Jedi is why I’m waging my own guerilla war here from the outer rim. The Order 66 by the Emperor and the betrayal of the clones resulted in the destruction of my order, and you know, just not a big fan of the whole fascist industrial regime. I’d really like that to be taken down and bring the Republic back. I would hope that knowing a little bit more of my story, and I’d be able to answer any more of your questions, that you would be interested especially with monetary reward in becoming freedom fighters.”

LAURA: “I mean, how much money are you suggesting?”

NICK: “So, those stores that I have scattered around the galaxy, those were Jedi emergency funds hidden anonymously in different banks and planetary economies, and I have access to a pretty solid amount, I’d rather not say exactly, and it’s smaller than it used to be but I could offer you quite a bit of money. How much would it take? I don’t want to buy your loyalty, but I will.”

CAMERON: “You might have to buy hers.”

LAURA: “Yeah. More than what we were paid for this mission.”

NICK: “Oh, well of course.”

LAURA: “At least twice as much.”

NICK: “How about… I’ll do even more than that. With a promise of your, I won’t even say devotion to the cause, but rightfully considering doing the right thing, 75,000 credits.”

LAURA: “Okie. I’m good with that.”

HUDSON: “I just like that we’re working with a Jedi.”

LAURA: “I’ll take your portion then.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

HUDSON: “No, no, it’s okay. I have a question. Do you have a data breaker?”

NICK: ‘Um…”

HUDSON: “Because I kind of want one, or do you know where I can get one?”

NICK: “I don’t have one with me- Well, I do have one with me, but I’m using it.” He looks pointedly at the droid that’s standing really still by the door. Something I don’t think that Star Wars highlights enough but I really like the idea of is that a droid being a non-living being should be able to stand as still as a couch and be easily forgotten. So, this droid, you don’t even know if it’s turned on, it’s just really still. He looks at that. Tink, I would say with your background you would probably recognize that this protocol droid has been modified quite a bit. Karma you might remember that this particular droid tazed Felton Mox when you turned him in as a bounty. Obviously it’s got some things.

CAMERON: Oh yeah.

NICK: That being said, Tink, “Tinkralllkat…”

HUDSON: “Sorry, that’s Rallltinkraatakat.”

NICK: “Rallltinkraatakat.” His pronunciation ain’t bad.

HUDSON: Not bad.

NICK: It’s not bad, but it sounds like someone who’s dealt with Gigorans before, which is weird. Most people do not.

HUDSON: We’ve never addressed that that’s my real name.

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “I mean, I just assumed Tink was not a real name.”

HUDSON: “No one bothered to ask me what my real name was.”

LAURA: “I mean…”

HUDSON: “Do y’all even care?”

LAURA: “Kind of.”

HUDSON: “Okay. It’s Rallltinkraatakat.”

LAURA: “Okie. Thank you for that information.”

HUDSON: “You’re welcome.”

LAURA: “So, if that is your real name you should not be using Tink when we go to missions. Stop telling people your name is Tink then.”

HUDSON: “No, I mean, it’s—“

NICK: “It’s a very common Gigoran epithet.

HUDSON: “Exactly. He’s got me.”

LAURA: “Oh. Okay.”

NICK: “As far as a data breaker goes, I won’t be able to lend you mine as I’m currently using it, but any black market, any hacker contact, you should be able to purchase one. They are quite expensive, but I did just give you a lot of money.”

CAMERON: “I know a guy.”

HUDSON: “Alright.”

NICK: “You know a guy?”

CAMERON: “I know a guy. I’ve acquired one in the past.”

LAURA: “I could find some people.”

NICK: ‘She has Streetwise.’ (laughs)

LAURA: (smoothly) I have Streetwise.

CAMERON: Hey I do too! (laughs) Also, also I know a guy.

NICK: “So, 75,000 credits for the next job, 24,000 credits… I can give you 12,000 now and have the rest wired to your ship within a couple of days. I don’t have it all sitting in this abandoned space station, unfortunately.”

CAMERON: “That’s fair.”

NICK: “That should give you enough to operate on and gather whatever supplies you need. Is the price enough to ensure that you will help me in my task to destroy the Empire?”

LAURA: “Mmm… Yes. Yes.”

CAMERON: “I mean, I was already onboard.”

HUDSON: “Yeah.”

NICK: “Wonderful. What a momentous occasion.”

CAMERON: “It does feel momentous.”

NICK: “It does to me, or maybe that’s just the rust acting up.” He twists his shoulder a little bit.

CAMERON: It makes a weird grating sound.

NICK: Yeah. (laughs)

HUDSON: Did Sentinel say there’s a second group helping him as well?

NICK: Yes he did.

HUDSON: And that would be like Chairbottom Team, instead of Tabletop Squadron?

NICK: Chairbottom Team.


NICK: Oh no… (groans and laughs)

LAURA: Chairbottom Platoon.

HUDSON: Platoon, I like that better.

NICK: Chairbottom Platoon.

CAMERON: “Yeah, important question: Are we the alpha or the beta group?”

HUDSON: “Yeah?”

NICK: “You are the alpha group.”

CAMERON: “Okay. I just want to know if we’re good, guys.”

NICK: “The beta group is not completely assembled yet. They’re still going through the same sort of initiation / fixing mission that I sent you on, but you’ll be tenuously in contact with them in the future.”

CAMERON: “If they’re doing what we just did you may want to wire them some further instructions, just based on our feedback session earlier.”

LAURA: “Send them some first aid kits.”

NICK: “Theirs is a little bit less sensitive than yours was.”

CAMERON: “Oh, okay.”

NICK: “So, with you being down a member, my plan does involve teams of four, so we will need to replace one of those. I don’t believe we have enough time to recruit another trustworthy mercenary, but I may have a line on another option. I’ll reach out to my contacts and—“ As he’s talking and he turns around to hit something on his chair, a com light starts blinking on the big projector thing. Sentinel stops talking and kind of motions for you all to step away from the table back behind where the projector is. Do you do it?

CAMERON: I back up.


LAURA: I scoot my chair back. (laughs)

NICK: (screeching noises)

LAURA: Oh, it definitely makes a horrible screech.

CAMERON: Oh gross.

NICK: The protocol droid’s eyes aren’t turned on, but its head turns to follow you ever so slowly.

LAURA: Well, because I’m only using one foot to push the chair back- (laughs)

NICK: So it doesn’t go very far. (laughs) He takes his blanket, which you now see is a Jedi robe, and throws it up over his shoulder so it looks more like a toga thing, and he makes a motion for you all to stay quiet, and he answers the call. In the hologram you see from the waist up someone in formal kind of senatorial robes, they’re bald and have a line of horns along the back, they’re tan. You hear the hologram say, “Sentinel! Old friend! What a pleasant surprise.”

Sentinel says, “You are the one who called me.”

“Unimportant! Listen. I helped you out with that last gig and I’m afraid I need a favor in return. You see, I’ve lost some standing in the Empire after a deserter seems to have escaped my grasp. Normally some bribes in the right place would smooth all that over, but one of my more lucrative trading partners seems to have been senselessly murdered during a recent exchange. Tragic stuff.”

Falx – uh, it’s Falx (laughter) – places a hand over his heart and poses sadly. He waits for Sentinel to say something sympathetic but it just turns into a long, awkward pause.

“Anyway! The point is I’m being forced into the political arena in a more active fashion than I’m usually used to and I’d like some protection. How’s that new crew of fixers you sent me doing?”

Sentinel says, “They are busy, and out of contact.” He makes eye contact with you all. “I won’t be able to send them to you.”

“Well, you better figure out a way to get in contact with them quickly if you want them to still be useful, because otherwise I might be forced to tell certain Empire contacts about what they’ve been up to. Of course, I would never mention any connection to you, but it’d be a shame if they were to end up on the most wanted lists.”

“You’re attempting to blackmail me into letting you use my associates?”

“Now you’re getting it!”

Sentinel looks at you all again and says, “Hold please.”

“Wait, I—“ and the hologram freezes.

“As much as I would like to begin the next phase of our mission, it would appear that I need you to deal with this. Will you help me to keep this imbecile quiet? I need him alive. He’s been helpful if treacherous.”

LAURA: “I mean, we did kind of… we were the ones who killed his trading partner, I guess.”

NICK: “Oh.”

LAURA: “Also, in our defense, he did send us with an empty briefcase for trading, so I think he was trying to kill us just in a very roundabout way. I mean, so yes.”

CAMERON: “We may have also been the reason that the deserter escaped. That was us.”

LAURA: “Oh yes. We let them escape.”

HUDSON: “Our fingers in a lot of different pies right now.”

CAMERON: (laughing) “That was an eventful few days there at the start of this.”

LAURA: “Oh. I guess we just let the one escape. Yeah.”

CAMERON: “Apparently he did a terrible job staying hidden like we said he was going to.”

LAURA: “Yeah. I mean, he wanted to leave the Empire, so…”

CAMERON: “Okay.”

LAURA: “Yeah.”

NICK: Sentinel looks equal parts amused and concerned at this. “It seems that you all were quite busy in the original exchange to get the Stone Breaker.”

CAMERON: “Well, Falx wouldn’t give it to us unless we did something for him, and then you probably know since you found everyone else on the crew, but there were a lot of bounties out there for people, so he knew who’d put those bounties up, so then we had to go on that other thing to basically do what you’re trying to do right now, just kind of avoid that whole snafu.”

NICK: “Hmm… Well, he is the best at procuring most of the things I need and is surprisingly insightful into the interior of the Empire, so if you all are willing to do whatever he needs, keep him alive, he doesn’t necessarily have to stay in one piece, just enough to stay useful.”

CAMERON: “We can manage that.”

LAURA: “Probably.”

CAMERON: Karma adjusts her sword strap over her shoulder.

HUDSON: “We got this.”

LAURA: “Most likely.”

NICK: “So we’re in agreement.” He motions for you all to be quiet again.

Falx’s hologram unfreezes. “That’s incredibly rude, my friend.”

“You once had an imperial cruiser crash into my hideout.”

“Fair! So, were you able to make contact with that crew, almost as if some kind of magic?” You can see him wiggling his fingers on either side dramatically.

Sentinel says, “Luckily they’ve made contact. I will send them to your location.”

“Marvelous! Tell them to head to Mustafar, to the mining platform closest to the north pole of the planet, they’ll know it when they see it, and tell them to be ready. This will be challenging.”

The hologram clicks off leaving you in darkness again. You can see Sentinel rest his face in his hands and take a deep breath. As he takes a deep breath you actually hear some mechanical cirvos come from some of his robot parts.

“Well, I guess before we can move onto the next stage we’ll need you to deal with whatever mess is going on there. I’ll continue to research where your fourth mercenary will come from in the meantime.”

LAURA: “Can you get someone who has actual skills in being a scoundrel? Because the last one… I’m not even sure what he was. He did seem like a good politician, but he didn’t seem like any sort of con artist. Basically, maybe a more rigid application.”

CAMERON: Karma kinda like brings her hand up and is trying really hard not to laugh, because Sabos died, but at the same time very much agrees with the sentiments that Xianna’s saying.

NICK: Sentinel gets a really devious smile on his face. “If this lead works out, skillset will not be an issue.”

CAMERON: “Great.”

LAURA: “Okay?”

CAMERON: “So I guess we’re going to Mustafar. Not great safari stuff on Mustafar.”

HUDSON: “(sighs) You know, I can wait. I really want the loth animals.”

CAMERON: “Okay…”

NICK: (laughs) And I guess that’s where we’ll end the episode.

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

NICK: Yay.

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show and give the squad warm fuzzies when we read them.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @tabletop_squad. For real! We’re real people and we wanna talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.

Word document download:Episode 14 We Are Gathered Here Today

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 14:
We Are Gathered Here Today

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

Note – Laura’s character Xianna’fan speaks in an accent. Most of her soft I’s sound like “ee,” and most of her TH’s sound like Z’s. Example: “this and that” = “zees and zat”

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

Hey… You doing okay? Last episode was kind of rough, huh? Yeah… I’ll give a plot summary when the episode starts so everyone’s on the same page if you decided to skip it, but a couple of real life things… Sabos is really gone. Our friend Steven has had some serious life things come up and he needed to focus on that. We’re still friends, we still hang out, he’s still a super cool dude. We had dinner with him last week. He just can’t commit to the recording schedule we run, and we hope the entire internet will wish him well.

On a happier note, we found a new way to track international reviews. We have one from way back in June that I missed because it’s from outside the US. Marius Konrad, thank you for your kind words and thank you for being a super awesome person. I also want to thank Interrodang for their lovely Sabos-centric review of the show. We talk to her on a pretty regular basis on Twitter and it’s always a blast.

Speaking of Twitter, I have an update on our Twitter drive! We’ve gained 25 followers. We’ve done our first NPC poll, and the NPC will be a Gungan. Also, Gungan ended up tied with Chiss, so it’ll be a blue Gungan. This is already going to be challenging for me as a GM, and I love it. Come follow us and help us decide what the mystery Gungan’s job is. Our next Twitter poll will be at 115 followers. We’re only six away.

If you’re not on Twitter, I joined it specifically to talk to podcasts I love, and we really like to talk to people. Consider it a chatroom with your favorite content creators. It’s worth following just to watch Cameron actively mess with me on Twitter over this stuff. Remember, when we hit our Twitter goal we’ll release a bonus Jedi Adventure on off weeks, and a pretty lengthy blooper reel that I’ve had stashed since we started.

Anyway, thanks for listening, and we hope you enjoy the episode.


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Episode 14 of Tabletop Squadron. Good to have you back to this very somber and special episode. I’m your host, Nick. We’ll go around the table real quick, have everybody introduce themselves, and if you spent any experience from the last time we played why don’t you let our listeners know what you spent it on. We’re gonna start with Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello! I’m Cameron. I am playing karma Nailo the Nautolan bounty hunter, and I bought two talents on my Assassin skill tree. I bought Jump Up, so once per round I may stand from seated or prone as an incidental, and I bought Quick Strike, so I can add a blue die per rank of Quick Strike to combat checks against targets that have not acted yet this encounter.

NICK: Great. You’re becoming more ninja-like there.


NICK: Let’s move on to Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi. I’m Hudson, and I play Tink the Gigoran slicer. I used 10 experience points to raise my Deception from 0 to 1, so I can start being deceptiver.


LAURA: Guys… Hudson, you have 10 experience points still?


LAURA: Buy a rank in Medicine, please.

CAMERON: Ooh, yeah.

HUDSON: Wait, can I do that?

NICK: Yeah.

HUDSON: Alright. I buy a rank in Medicine as well.

NICK: (laughs) Okay. While he’s doing that…

CAMERON: That’s gonna come up. (laughs)

NICK: Finally, we have Laura.

LAURA: Hi. I’m Laura.


LAURA: I play Xianna’fan, and I used my points to purchase Natural Rogue on my talent tree which lets me re-roll one Stealth or Skulduggery check a session.

NICK: Wow. That’s pretty good. Cool.

LAURA: Yes. It’s pretty far down on the tree, so it’s special.

NICK: Nice. Well, that’s everyone, frowny face. So, moving on. (laughter, “womp” noises)

Quick recap from what’s happened most recently: You all were able to board the super star destroyer Vengeance, release some sort of experimental and scary bioweapon, destroyed the ship, but in the process of the ship being destroyed the herdship on Ithor that you were resting on got bombarded and crashed, and in the process of escaping your party member Sabos was obliterated and is no more. You were able to get to the ship, fly away, and jump to hyperspace. You did a blind jump nearby. Let’s roll for destiny. I don’t think we’re gonna use it, but…

LAURA: Two light side.

CAMERON: Two light side!

HUDSON: One dark side.

CAMERON: Aw, Hudson. Four light side, one dark side.

NICK: The lines of hyperspace shrink back to white pinpoints in the view screen of the cockpit of the Afternoon Delight. The camera is over Karma’s shoulder as she pulls the lever that takes the crew out of hyperspace. Her head tails are covered in soot, and you can see deep gouges on the back of her armor. We see Xianna, still strapped into a gunner’s chair, looking out into space. Smoke streaks her face as she looks out at the silent stars. She goes to unhook herself from the chair, and we see her flinch as she stretches her back. Tink is in the engine room. He’s holding a wrench and looking at a length of coolant tubing. His fur is singed and has streaks of blood.

The ship took a short hyperspace hop to the edge of the system. There was little prep and it strained the engines, but it was necessary to get away before the Imperial fleet recovered from the loss of the super star destroyer Vengeance. You’re out of the trade lanes and no one tracked you when you jumped. You have some time. What do you do?

LAURA: Xianna’s gonna completely unbuckle herself from the seat and sort of just flop out of it (laughs) onto the floor, sit there for a little bit, and then yell out, “Tink!”

HUDSON: “Yes?”

LAURA: “Um… I am quite injured. Can you help me to a bed, please?”

HUDSON: “Oh, sure.” I go over and I pick up Xianna.

NICK: One important thing to throw in there is, the ship is pretty large and you’re separated, so you’re using the com system which is great, but there’s definitely gonna be a shot of Tink climbing his way through the ship and out of the engine compartment and up into the gunnery bay, looking strong but hurt.

HUDSON: The pain isn’t just physical.

NICK: (laughs)


HUDSON: “Guys, where’s Sabos?”

CAMERON: Oh fuck. (laughs)

LAURA: “Oh… Oh, I must have had the coms just for the cockpit… Oh yeah, Sabos died.”

HUDSON: “Whaaat?”

LAURA: “He is like so dead. Can you get me to a bed, please?”

CAMERON: “Yeah, he um… We can talk while we walk. Let’s get her to that room that we were using earlier.”

HUDSON: Tears start streaming down my face, and I pick up Xianna, and I get some blood on her, accidentally.

LAURA: You get some blood on you too. I am bleeding quite a bit.


CAMERON: Y’all are just sharing bodily fluids.

HUDSON: Exactly.

NICK: Yuck.


CAMERON: Yeah~ … Sorry. (giggles)

HUDSON: So, I carry you to the bed. “You don’t want to stop off in the shower or anything? Get all this blood off?”

LAURA: “Um… I’ll just sit here for a moment.”

HUDSON: “Alright.”

LAURA: “Can you hand me the bottle of whiskey, please? I’m just going to take that right now.”

HUDSON: I hand her the bottle of whiskey.

LAURA: I pop it open and I do start taking swigs of it.

HUDSON: “So, uh, I’ve been reading this book called Becoming Medicine written by someone who really shouldn’t be writing medical books, but I’m learning a lot and I think I can actually help fix you up a bit.”

LAURA: “I mean, at this point, go for it.”

CAMERON: “Okay, so, walk me through your initial plan. What do you think needs to be done?”

HUDSON: “First of all, basically, I don’t have the right outfit which is really one of the more important parts, so I get a pizza cutter…”


HUDSON: “…and I detach it from the pizza cutter tool, and I put a strap on it, and I put it around my head…”

CAMERON: “Okay. Yup.”

HUDSON: “…like old school medical, and then I get some cloths and I kind of blow on them if there’s any dust, so you know, there’s not any contamination, from you know, germs. Get some straps, get some rubbing alcohol, and some Q-tips… and some eye drops just in case their eyes are dry, and then I kind of put them all into this box I have because I don’t have a handle bag yet that looks cool…”

CAMERON: “Oh, okay…”

HUDSON: “…and I bring it over to Xianna.”

CAMERON: “Alright-“

LAURA: “Wow.”


CAMERON: “So, the rubbing alcohol and the Q-tips, those look good. Cloths will be useful for wiping up some of the blood. You look like you have a fair amount of glass sticking out of you… We’ll probably remove that first.”

LAURA: “Oh yes.”

HUDSON: “So if you actually press down on the skin it pops out.”

CAMERON: “Nope. Doesn’t. Here, um—“

LAURA: “Oh- No…”

CAMERON: “I found some tweezers earlier.”

HUDSON: “Oh. That’s actually probably a little better.”

CAMERON: “Here. You can have a set, too. Let’s…”

HUDSON: “Oh. This reminds me of Operation as a kid. Sabos loved operation. (sobs)”

LAURA: “Um… Okay.”

CAMERON: “Y’all must’ve had a lot of conversations while me and Xianna weren’t there.”

LAURA: “Yeah.”

HUDSON: “We started to get kinda close. You know?”

CAMERON: “Yeah. Um… Kinda weird that we only knew him like a week-ish, right?”

LAURA: “Yeah, so anyways, do you want to get the glass out of me, please?”


HUDSON: With the tweezers, I start picking the glass out.

CAMERON: I hold two Q-tips and I use them as tweezers to pull glass out of Xianna. (laughs)

LAURA: Well, I mean, that’s how you use Q-tips, right?

CAMERON: Yeah, yeah.

HUDSON: No. They’re for your ears.

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: Except they’re not.

HUDSON: yeah, they’re not.

CAMERON: Okay. Anyway. So, do we need to make a Medicine check to…?

NICK: Yes you do!

CAMERON: Okay. Hudson, make the check, because Tink’s smarter. Can he have a blue die because I’m assisting with my own set of tweezers?

NICK: Yes you can. It’s going to be a hard check, because the Agonizing Wound critical injury is on the hard part of the chart.

HUDSON: One success.

NICK: Great. You fix the Agonizing Wound.


HUDSON: I did it.

NICK: You’re able to get the glass out without doing much more damage. There’s a worrying amount of blood, but in your book Becoming Medicine it reiterates repeatedly: “There’s going to be a lot of blood, but that’s not a big deal. Don’t worry about it.”

HUDSON: There’s actually this whole part that’s really supposed to raise your self-esteem where you keep your own little notebook of your medical journeys, so it’s called Tink’s Medical Journeys. I open it, and on the first line, my very first time, it’s gonna say: “Fixed up Xianna’s glass problem.” Smiley face on the right column. (laughter) So, if it’s bad then it’s kinda like frowny face or neutral “meh” face.

CAMERON: (grinning): Do they have like the range of smiley faces and you have to circle which one was the result, or is it just freeform? You just decided to do smiley faces?

HUDSON: I decide which smiley face to put down.

CAMERON: OH, okay.

HUDSON: Like, if I’m stressed about it I might put a little drop of sweat or something on the smiley face. It’s very freeform. They kind of push for that.

CAMERON: Oh, okay. Cool.

LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: (laughs)

LAURA: It’s based on your own emotions.


CAMERON: It’s your own medical journey. You need to get there however you get there.


NICK: Tink’s character arc is now just about him going to med school apparently.


LAURA: Making your parents proud.

HUDSON: So I start crying again.


CAMERON: Karma’s gonna finish wiping Xianna up, use the rubbing alcohol.

LAURA: “Can you stop crying please?”

HUDSON: “You just let someone into your life, even if it’s just for a week or something, and then their gooone! (sobs)”

CAMERON: “Yeah…”

LAURA: “Yeah… Whatever. Can we decide what we are doing now?”

HUDSON: “(sobs)”

CAMERON: “Tink, have you ever lost a crew member before?”

HUDSON: “Uh… No.”

LAURA: “Well, it is best to just shove those emotions down, move on, forget about them…”

CAMERON: (laughing) Oh, that is not what I was going to say.

LAURA: “Can we have some bandages? I’m still bleeding a bit.”

CAMERON: “Oh sure.” I go and get the box of Band-Aids, and hand them to Xianna, and then turn back to Tink.

LAURA: I start putting Band-Aids, just slapping them on here and there, like, ‘eh, oh look, there’s a wound.’ Slap! Band-Aid!

NICK: They’re like the big hand-sized adhesive ones, so- A big stack of those.

LAURA: yeah. I’m just throwing them on wherever I feel like I need them, taking sips of whiskey in between. Yeah.

HUDSON: “(sobbing) Can we at least make a memorial or something?”

LAURA: “No.”

CAMERON: “Yeah… Yeah, so—“

LAURA: “What? No.” (laughs)

CAMERON: “Xianna, you don’t have to participate if you don’t feel the need to. You can stay here and finish patching yourself up. Tink, why don’t we go to Sabos’s room and see if he has anything in there that we could use in the memorial?”

LAURA: “Oh, yes!” Xianna leans over to Tink. “Tink… If he has any good stuff, give it to me~”

HUDSON: “Donate it to the memorial? You got it!”

LAURA: “No, like—“

HUDSON: We walk to the room.

LAURA: “Loot his room, please.”


CAMERON: It’ll be a memorial on the ship. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Things can be accessed at a later point if necessary.

HUDSON: So, we enter the room of Sabos.


NICK: Okay. Sabos’s room is a pretty standard birth. It’s got a couple of bunk beds on it. It is covered in that red shag carpeting on the ceiling, floors and walls. His has a particularly large and ornate mirror on one side. There’s a little bathroom suite with the sink and a refresher kind of tucked away. It seems fairly standard. There are some of his articles. Y’all have lived on the ship for almost two weeks at this point, so it’s the kind of stuff that gets scattered around a hotel room when you’ve been there for a while. None of his expeditionary gear, because that was all on him at the time, but these would be small personal effects. So, everybody tell me one thing of Sabos’s that might be scattered around his quarters now that he’s gone.

HUDSON: There’s the weirdest looking night cap for his head tails that I guess he wears at night.

CAMERON: Oh, nice! (giggles)

LAURA: (giggles) Oh, they’re like knit, and there’s four little knitted head tails coming off of it.

HUDSON: yeah.


NICK: What color is it?

HUDSON: It’s like patterned.

NICK: (laughs)

LAURA: Oh. I was imagining that like speckled oatmeal color that you see in old knitted sweaters.

HUDSON: We can make that happen. Yeah. Let’s have it be that.

NICK: Okay. There’s that. It’s bigger than you would expect. You instantly recognize what it is even though you never saw him wear it, or touch it, or talk about it, but you realize how much volume goes into a head tail… and it’s off-putting and nostalgic at the same time.

CAMERON: I think it works like he pulls it up the head tails and then it hooks onto the montrals on top so it stays up. That’s how it actually hooks onto his head. So, it has the four, but also has two smaller ones on top.

NICK: Mm-hmm. Yup. So, you’ve got that. What else is in this room?

CAMERON: He’s got a bag in the corner that’s just full of nice, fresh, never been worn shirts.

NICK: Oh. Nice. Yeah. There are some shirts that look like they’re for a safari situation, some dress shirts, towards the bottom you even see some formal wear that you would wear for things… and they’re all still wrapped.

CAMERON: He just got real attached to just the vest look, but he’d packed for all weather gear, just thought the vest looked cool so he decided to keep wearing that.

HUDSON: I start crying again and talk about how we talked about going on safaris.


HUDSON: There was actually safari gear?

NICK: Yeah.

HUDSON: “Aw, he was real, he was talking about real plans.”

NICK: (laughs) yeah. So, Tink crouches over the bag and is a blubbering, white, hairy mess. It’s very sad. You can see him shuttering from where you’re at. What else is in this room?

HUDSON: Are you in there with us, Xianna?


CAMERON: No, but Laura gets to add something.

NICK: No, but Laura gets to add a thing to the room.

LAURA: I can still add a thing…

HUDSON: Oh, okay.

LAURA: …I just can’t figure out what I wanna add.

NICK: Xianna doesn’t give a shit, but Laura cares about the story.


LAURA: Yes. I kind of imagine that Sabos just doesn’t exist until he’s in there. He’s only there when other people can see him.

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: He has no personal life. He doesn’t exist.

NICK: We can work with that. There could be, like, besides these couple of things the room is actually very empty and doesn’t look lived in at all.

CAMERON: There’s just a ton of IDs and they all have different names on them, but it’s all his picture. (laughs)

HUDSON: I was just thinking about that.

LAURA: Oh! Yeah. So, there’s not much else in the room, but on a little table in the corner he had stuff to make fake IDs, but it’s all the cheapest equipment he could get and a lot of it looks repurposed from other crafting hobbies. He’s pretty much just coloring in with crayons and then laminating with just large pieces of tape. (laughs) That level.

NICK: It’s like he got a scrapbooking kit, and then went: ‘Now I can forge things.’

LAURA: Yeah. I think one of them literally says Scrapbooking for Beginners, and there’s a bunch of different IDs and everything’s spelled wrong, like his own planet name is spelled differently on every single one. We’re still not sure which is the correct way to spell Osaron.

NICK: Great.

CAMERON: All of the names are something like Sabos, but the Bs are changed to other letters, so it’s like super not clear.

LAURA: There’s a Savos.

CAMERON: There’s a Sados.

LAURA: A Safos.

CAMERON: yeah. It’s just real strange. A Sagos.

LAURA: A Tabos. The B is there, but the S is different.

CAMERON: Yeah. So he may have had a Sako one as well at some point. Who knows? (laughs)

NICK: Maybe~ So, that’s the room. Like Laura said, besides those few items scattered around this room looks very sparse, like very not lived in. the bed is made immaculately, but you know Sabos probably wouldn’t be someone to do that. It’s like he never really used it. This is what is left of your friend, compatriot, co-worker, depending on what you think your relationship is with them. so, now what?

CAMERON: Alright.

HUDSON: “What do we do about the memorial?”

CAMERON: “Well, so we have this head tail thing… I think if we can find something to kind of just set this on, that could kind of be the centerpiece of the memorial. Um… Have you seen any like Styrofoam heads anywhere on the ship? (laughing) I don’t think I’ve seen any. Oh! There’s some empty alcohol bottles. We could use one of those to just kind of hold it up.”

HUDSON: “One for each head tail.”

CAMERON: “Yup. We need six actually, because we need one for each head tail and then one for each montral to actually hold it up.” So I grab some—

HUDSON: Oh, we have six empties.

CAMERON: Yeah. Well, it’s mostly empty at this point. Xianna’s gotten to most of it, and they weren’t super full to begin with. She’s finished quite a few bottles. We grab that and come back in, and we kind of set it up so where the head tail thing is upright and they’re kind of draped across. We’re just setting up a little alcove in this bedroom. (laughs) “We can scatter the cards around?”

HUDSON: “Yeah. That feels right.”

CAMERON: “I don’t know if we need to include the shirts. There’s kind of a lot of them. we can just add them to our costume closet and then it’s like Sabos is always with us.”

HUDSON: “Yeah, or if we ever somehow come across a new companion who needs a safari outfit.”

CAMERON: (laughing) “That’s true. That’s very true.”

HUDSON: “I’m really stuck on the safari thing. I was real excited about that. Just…”

CAMERON: “Yup. Well… Do you know where you were gonna go on safari? Did you have a planet picked out?”

HUDSON: “Yeah… We had plans to go to Lothal to go on some exciting adventures and explorations and see some loth animals.”

CAMERON: “Aww. Well, I don’t know exactly what our travel itinerary is, but we can try and make sure a safari happens? I know it won’t be quite the same, but I think Sabos would want you to go.”

HUDSON: “Yeah. That sounds nice.”

CAMERON: ‘Have you been to many other planets before? Because you sounded real excited about that, and Lothal’s cool, but I don’t know…”

HUDSON: “You’re saying there’s a better planet than Lothal to go on a safari on?”

CAMERON: “I mean, I’m sure we could come up with one, but…”


CAMERON: “If you want to see loth animals, Lothal is the place to go.”

HUDSON: “I wanna see loth animals.”

CAMERON: “Okay, then yeah, Lothal is the best place to go to safari.”

HUDSON: “I’m about that. Alright.”

CAMERON: “It was just you seemed very excited about this adventuring in particular, so…”

HUDSON: “He just really talked it up. I don’t know. Just the way his head tails would just stiffen when he would talk about it, it just really brought excitement to everyone around.”

CAMERON: (snickers, laughing) Karma’s trying real hard to be supportive mom, and is just struggling more and more as we keep talking about head tails.

LAURA: Right about now, Xianna walks in, kinda leans against the door, and is holding a different bottle of alcohol in one hand and a package of instant noodles. “Is anyone hungry? I’m going to make noodles.”

HUDSON: “Oh no. she’s out of it. You can’t make noodles with alcohol as the liquid that boils.”

LAURA: “I mean… You can…”

CAMERON: “I think technically-“

LAURA: “…it just doesn’t work well. I’m going to use water.”

HUDSON: “Oh. You were holding both, so I just assumed.”

LAURA: “No. I’m just going to consume both.”

HUDSON: “Oh. Okay. I’d like some noodles.”

LAURA: “Okay. Tink’s getting noodles. Karma, you want noodles?”

CAMERON: “Yes please.”

LAURA: “I think there is some sort of spicy one. You want spicy or regular?”

HUDSON: “Spicy. I’m no wimp.”

LAURA: “Okay. Two spicy. What about you?”

CAMERON: “I’ll take regular.”

LAURA: “Okay. Two spicy, one regular.”

CAMERON: “I am a wimp. (laughs)”

LAURA: She turns around. There’s like a little bit of blood still on the door from where she leaned.

CAMERON: (smiling) She’s doing a lot better.

LAURA: You hear the microwave start beeping.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Real quick, Tink, what does your Becoming Medicine book say about people drinking with massive blood loss?

HUDSON: Well, conventionally you’re not supposed to, but in reality if it makes you feel good that’s what really gets the blood flowing.

NICK: (smiling) That’s… Okay. This is a good medical textbook.

HUDSON: (laughs)


NICK: I am so glad this has become a part of the ship. This is great.

HUDSON: This is banned on six planets!

NICK: (laughs)

LAURA: Who was it written by?!

HUDSON: The books were written by Dr. Evazan, but on the first page they say something about how the word doctor has to be in quotes due to a law suit, so it says “Doctor,” quote-quote, Dr. Evazan.

NICK: (laughing) This is good. I like this a lot. Okay. Noodles are getting made. You all have made a small shrine to Sabos.

CAMERON: I find some candles.

NICK: Find some candles.

CAMERON: They’re the electronic ones though, so I can just flip a switch and they’re there, so we don’t have to worry about it burning up all the oxygen in the ship.

NICK: Alright. You put some votives under, get them running… What else?

CAMERON: I’m gonna take the bag of shirts and go and add them to our cosplay closet.

NICK: Okay. I’ll make a note that there are more shirts in the closet of costume change.

CAMERON: I lovingly stroke the Imperial cloak as I close the door. (laughs)

NICK: That one was a favorite, and it somehow avoided getting damaged at all, because it was on the ship during the whole escape, so you didn’t have to deal with not getting that anymore.

HUDSON: “Guys, were we Sabos’s emergency contact for anyone, like his family? Are we gonna get a call from Mr. and Ms. Sabos, like, the parents?”

CAMERON: “I think it would probably be Mr. and Mrs. Niks. That was his last name.”

HUDSON: “Oh. Yeah.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. Uh… Honestly, I have no idea. I think what we have to go on is that he was from a colony called Osaron. It sounded like he may have gotten kicked off of Shili and made to go to the colony, so I don’t know if it was a full family thing or if that happened once he was an adult. So, it’s a very good question, but I honestly have no clue.”

HUDSON: “Hmm.”

LAURA: “Karma!”


LAURA: “Your noodles are ready~”

CAMERON: “Oh thank you!”

LAURA: “Tink! Yours will be ready in a moment. The spicy ones take longer to cook for some reason.”

HUDSON: “I have patience.”

CAMERON: ‘Okay. let’s head into the dining room, (laughs) and we can keep talking while we eat.”

NICK: Ooh. We haven’t described the dining room for your overly nice ship yet.

LAURA: Oh, are we in a separate dining room? I imagined I was in the little kitchenette area at the table.

CAMERON: Well yeah, but then you have to take your microwaved noodles to the dining room to eat.

NICK: There’s definitely a durasteel table with a finish on it that makes it look like nice wood, and it just comes out of the ground. It’s not bolted to the ground, the hull of the ship is formed into this nice table. There’s high back chairs. It sits about ten people in this. All of it is tucked into a doorway that looks like it goes into part of the freight storage area, like there’s a niche there, but it’s this small door that you haven’t really looked at before and then when you walk in there’s paintings on the wall and it’s very nice and it’s lit by a hanging candelabra type thing with electronic candles in it.

LAURA: Xianna’s there at one of the seats and has three things of noodles in front of her, and no longer a bottle of alcohol but a very large coffee mug. There’s probably some coffee in it…

HUDSON: (laughs)

LAURA: A pot of coffee was made—or a pot of caf…

NICK: Ooh.

LAURA: …was made in the little kitchenette area, so yeah.

CAMERON: Karma’s gonna pour herself some caf on her way in. it’s been a long day already.

NICK: Yeah.

LAURA: There’s probably a bottle of alcohol next to the caf. (laughs)

CAMERON: I leave that there, and I just take the caf.

HUDSON: Is Kenobi’s Irish Cream a thing?

NICK: It is now. (laughs)

LAURA: Oh yeah. It’s definitely like a Corellian coffee.

HUDSON: Oh, I getcha.

LAURA: Just like coffee, whiskey, and maybe… yeah, space Bailey’s.

NICK: Yeah. Space Bailey’s is now officially called Kenobi’s Irish Cream.


LAURA: Kenobi’s Irish Cream.

NICK: Nobody knows what the Irish part means.

HUDSON: (laughs) Yeah. What is that?

NICK: (smiling) Doesn’t matter. Yeah. So, you all are seated around the table with your space ramen and coffee, and other beverages.

LAURA: “So, any plans for where we go after this?”

HUDSON: “I’m grieving too much. Someone else make a decision.”

CAMERON: ‘I was kind of figuring that Sentinel would reach back out to us. That last part of the job didn’t go… well, I would say.”

LAURA: “Yeah. You think?”

CAMERON: “Yeah, you know the whole getting the herdship destroyed anyway kind of seems like it was probably not the plan, and we probably should have been given some more information about what we were dealing with.”

HUDSON: “So it’s really not our fault.”

LAURA: “No. it is not our fault. So, yeah, are we going to keep working for Sentinel? Because my vote for that is no.”

HUDSON: “Mmm… Let’s see what he has to say.”

CAMERON: (contemplative) “Yeah… I’m—Hmm.”

LAURA: “Hmm…”

CAMERON: “I’m heavily leaning in the ‘no longer trusting of this person’ camp, but they also haven’t paid us yet.”

HUDSON: “We gotta get that far.”


LAURA: “So, we get him to pay us, then we shoot him, and then we go work for someone else. Yeah.”

HUDSON: “That won’t have any repercussions.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “No. None at all.”

HUDSON: “That was sarcasm I am not good at doing. That will have repercussions.”

NICK: (laughs)

LAURA: “I mean, maybe, but we just go to a different planet, change our names, go from there.”

HUDSON: “Ah, I need to think of a new name… This is where it gets fun, so I mean I guess I’m okay with this plan right now.”

LAURA: “Yeah.”

CAMERON: “I’m really against the whole having to change my name thing.”

HUDSON: “Really?”

CAMERON: “Yeah.”

LAURA: “It’s pretty easy.”

HUDSON: “You have all these nametags to choose between from when Sabos had different identities. You can pick one of those.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, but none of them are good.” (laughs)

LAURA: “Oh no. do not use Sabos’s fake ID cards. I can get us much better ones.”

HUDSON: “You got it.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, see, as a bounty hunter reputation is kind of a big thing, so if I just change my name I kind of lose all of that.”

LAURA: “Oh, well yeah, you would have to stop being a bounty hunter. Just become a smuggler or something.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, but I’m really good at that.”

HUDSON: “What if I am a male Gigoran model named Ricky Smooth, and that’s my new identity?”

CAMERON: (grinning) “I support you, Tink, whatever you want.”

LAURA: “I mean, I’m not sure there is a huge market for Gigoran models, but…”

HUDSON: “That’s the thing. It would blend in so seamlessly because it’s kind of rare.”

LAURA: “No. No, you want the opposite. You want generic so that no one notices you, so you can just walk away and no one has to remember your name or anything like that.”

HUDSON: “But, I thought I was unforgettable… but you know, only when I’m having a really good hair day.”

CAMERON: “I mean, you will have, probably, if we were trying to disappear you probably would have a more difficult time than Xianna or I because you are a Gigoran and there tend to be a lot more Nautolans and Twi’leks wandering around the galaxy in general.”

HUDSON: “True.”

LAURA: “We can dye your hair. Pretend you are a Wookie.”

HUDSON: “I can’t do the noise.”

CAMERON: (snickers)

NICK: (laughs)

HUDSON: “I can’t speak their language.”

CAMERON: (laughs) “Oh. You don’t speak Wookie? Okay.”

HUDSON: “Yeah. Either one.”

CAMERON: “I know it sounds like a noise, but they are actually words. It is a language. It’s not just noises.”

HUDSON: “It’s all noise to me.”

CAMERON: “Oh, okay—“

HUDSON: “But I understand that it’s there language. It’s like (slobbery growling noises).”

LAURA: “Is Gigoran really dissimilar from Shyriiwook? I would assume they are similar.”

HUDSON: “Okay. Just because it sounds similar, I don’t really appreciate the fact that you’re kind of grouping us together there. They’re very, very different cultures.”

LAURA: “I mean…”

CAMERON: “How does Gigoran sound, actually? I have no idea. You always wear the translator.”

HUDSON: ‘It’s kind of become a part of me now, so I don’t know if I can take it off.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “Well, I mean, you can, I have seen you do it.”

HUDSON: ‘Yeah, but only when I really- I don’t like how Gigorans sound. I’m a little ashamed of my people.”


HUDSON: “I kind of wish I wasn’t Gigoran sometimes.”

CAMERON: “Well, why?”

HUDSON: “Because no one understands me, and I’m just a big, hairy mess.”

LAURA: “I mean, yes, but…”

CAMERON: “You’re a mess right now, but you also just escaped an exploding herdship. So like… We all need showers at this point, but-“

HUDSON: “We do.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. I’m gonna be finishing my noodles first, but that’s high on my priority list at the moment, is a shower.”

HUDSON: “Yeah. I guess my self-esteem is just kind of low.”

CAMERON: “Okay. So, I know you were super drunk when we went to the casino and were playing Sabacc with Kettle, but do you remember how impressed she was with your slicing skills?”

HUDSON: “I guess that was kind of impressive, but I kind of thought there were some people after me at the time so I was real focused on that.”

CAMERON: “Okay. well yeah, so she was very impressed and said you did a fantastic job on the security cylinder, so you have a lot to be proud of. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re pretty great.”

HUDSON: “Aw, thanks. I think a good shower would wash some of this shame away for me.”

LAURA: “Do you think some drugs would help?”


LAURA: “I have some glitterstim if you want that.”

CAMERON: “Ooh. No…”

HUDSON: “You know…? I don’t know. I’m really not into that kind of treatment, but thank you.”

LAURA: “Okie. More for me.”

HUDSON: “More for you.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

CAMERON: “Back to an earlier conversation topic… Tink, do you have any emergency contact people?”

HUDSON: “Oh man. I would just make up numbers when I’d fill out those forms.”

LAURA: “I thought you had loving parents who live on Mandalor.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. We’re not filling out forms right now. This is for if something happens to you and Xianna and I need to get in touch with your friends or family, anyone for you to tell us, so we’re not dealing with… the awkwardness of not really knowing for Sabos.”

LAURA: “Because I actually like you, so if you were to die I would probably care.”

HUDSON: “Aw. Thanks. Actually, yeah, I have my folks’ contact info. I’ll leave it out with you guys.”

CAMERON: “Cool. Just ping it to us just so that we have it, and we’ll save it as like Tink’s Parents.”

HUDSON: “Okay. Just, I mean…”

LAURA: “They are still on Mandalor, right?”

HUDSON: “yeah, they are.”

LAURA: “Okie.”

NICK: So, you all kind of disperse—

CAMERON: Shower.

NICK: –to the refreshers, get cleaned off, get patched together. Xianna takes a shower. Her Band-Aids fall off and she needs to put new ones on. While everyone’s cleaning up… What happens next?

CAMERON: Okay. Karma finishes her shower, doesn’t put her armor back on, just like leaves on… I guess her armor pants and her tank top that she was wearing previously, and goes into the cockpit and sits in the co-pilot seat again. She takes out her data pad and starts flipping through…


CAMERON: (laughs) Yeah. She logs into her HuntersOnly account which she doesn’t do very frequently, and opens up her friends list and starts scrolling through and stopping on people occasionally who have died on past missions with her.

NICK: Okay. So like, what are some of those?

CAMERON: The first one she stops on is a blue Duros male. The name is Arisi Starkos. She thinks back to the bar fight that he got in where he got shot and she had to leave him there. That was kind of sad. The next one is a Rodian female named Kayda Bayonate, and her mark had exotic pets. Karma wasn’t on that one, but still a friend who died. The next one’s a male Falleen, Hestramiel, who was chasing a bounty and fell into a chasm because there were no handrails on the catwalk, because that’s how you die in Star Wars.

(very quiet giggling)

The last one she stops at is Braun Brecht, the Davronian female, who got food poisoning.

NICK: So, is Karma sad about this? Nostalgic? What does looking through these dead compatriots do for her?

CAMERON: Combo of the sad and nostalgic?

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: A lot of them happened a long time ago back when she was first bounty hunting before she started taking Jet and Juke out with her, because she started taking less dangerous bounties once the boys started going with her, so that there was less of a chance of something happening to them.

She wasn’t super close with Sabos but she was starting to like him, and kind of get over some of the initial issues they had with him not actually being the person who was supposed to be on the mission, and some of his weird personality traits, and is genuinely sad? That they couldn’t save him. She’s feeling slightly more depressed now that Tink brought up that we don’t have any emergency contact information, so we can’t even let people know besides just going to Osaron, if we know where that is even, and just going to the town square and announcing that Sabos is dead.

So, she starts thinking about the emergency contacts and then flips over and starts looking at Jet and Juke’s Facebook pages.

NICK: Okay. What kind of statuses do you think they may have going on?

CAMERON: (laughs) Like status updates?

NICK: Yeah.


CAMERON: Uh… Juke probably has a lot of selfies of him flexing, like drinking protein shakes.

NICK: ‘You mean THIS situation?’

CAMERON: Yeah. There’s probably a fair number of selfies that he’s taken of him and Jet where he’s got Jet in a headlock, but they’re both smiling and laughing, and it’s cute. Then Jet’s is mostly like, not pictures of them but pictures of new technologies he’s been working on, and short videos of upgrading shock gloves and stuff, and there’s videos of Juke punching something and it just shoots across the room. It’s a lot of technical nerdy stuff.

NICK: Cool. Yeah. One thing you see from their statuses is neither of them have been online in probably three weeks. They went dark. You know they do that for missions sometimes, that’s not a super worrying thing, but you haven’t seen anything from them recently.

CAMERON: Yeah. I go through and I Like all of the posts that I missed, because that’s what moms do when they get on Facebook.


NICK: ‘Mooom!’

LAURA: Every single one is Liked, and then if you can leave comments you leave like a little smiley face or a little heart emoji.

CAMERON: ‘Love you guys~!’

LAURA: Nothing else, just ‘so cute!’ Smiley face! (laughs)

CAMERON: There’s probably a couple on Jet’s, on some of his invention ones, where she leaves an actual comment that gets technical and is asking about a specific function of this technology.

HUDSON: And ends it with ‘my boy is so smart!’

CAMERON: (giggles) ‘You’re so smart!’

LAURA: ‘I love my boys!’

NICK: heart, heart, kissy face.

CAMERON: yeah.

LAURA: Smooches!

NICK: There’s definitely one picture of Juke in a bar wearing a different outfit than you’re used to seeing, and he’s really close in the physical space of a Falleen woman, and Karma puts a comment like: ‘Hey, who’s that?!’

CAMERON: (grinning) Mm-hmm. Yup. Just all of the mom Facebookings.

NICK: Yup. Is there anything else you wanted to take care of?

CAMERON: And then Karma’s going to call them.

NICK: Ohh.

CAMERON: HuntersOnly didn’t remind her, but she got on it, as she was going through notifications and stuff it says that the twins’ birthday is today.

NICK: Ooh.

CAMERON: And like, she knew that, but a lot of stuff has happened and it kind of slipped her mind, so she’s gonna call them.

NICK: Okay. So, you com their ship?

CAMERON: Yeah. I just com the Gemini, probably from the Afternoon Delight.

NICK: Yeah. Well, you have to use ship-to-ship communication.

CAMERON: Yup, because that’s how that works.

NICK: If you’re sitting in the middle of space you can’t just use your cellphone.


NICK: Star Wars, the 70s.

LAURA: Star Wars tech!

CAMERON: I just do voice, though. I don’t do a holo.

NICK: Okay. The com rings for a while, and they don’t answer, and you get a voicemail.

(begin segment recorded by others)

{JET}: Hello! You’ve reached the Nailo Brothers, Bounty Hunters Extraordinaire. If you’d like to leave a message, please press 1—

{JUKE}: Hey. Hey! Are you recording the new message? … Hey, you said I could be in this one.

{JET}: Juke, we’re trying to get this done professionally, so I thought—

{JUKE}: No, but… but mom said you have to let me be part of the marketing.

{JET}: Look, how about you just keep punching the heavy bag? … Okay. Fine, Juke. Come over here.

{JUKE}: Oh—Okay… Tell me when to start.

{JET}: No. It started already.


(end recorded segment)

CAMERON: Alright, so it beeps and she goes, “Oh, hey boys! (giggling) Wow, that was a very professional voicemail message. (laughs) Um… Y’all sound so adult. Happy birthday! It looks like y’all are real busy right now, but hopefully you have a chance to listen to this soon so I’m not late. I’m very proud of all y’all have accomplished in the past year. Y’all are taking over all of my old stomping grounds. That’s pretty cool.

Um… Here’s an update on my life, I guess. I got recruited for a job. I’m not really sure why yet. It’s kind of a huge mess. The crew I’m working with is… interesting, and smaller than we were this morning. It’s been a rough day already. You know, just helplessly watching people die. I really hope y’all don’t have to experience that. Anyway! There’s a brilliant slicer that you’d love, Jet, and there’s a smuggler who you’d find… interesting? Juke. Actually, come to think of it, I think I’d rather y’all didn’t meet. Anyway. Keep each other safe, boys, and I love you. Bye.”

NICK: Beep! Let’s cut over to Tink and Xianna. What are you two up to?

LAURA: Okay. Xianna is sitting on the floor in front of the costume closet, as we have now dubbed it, and I’m sure Tink’s there and has put Sabos’s extra unworn shirts on a shelf in there, but Xianna is on the floor with a pile of shoes around her and she’s looking at all of them and holding them up to a boot that is half smooshed and demolished and has a hole in the front and is all sorts of bloodied up. She’s like comparing shoes from the closet to the old boot to see if any of them are the same size or how similar they are, because she needs new shoes. (laughs)

NICK: That boot at one point on the third comparison, a drop of blood drips off of it. It’s soaked.


LAURA: Yeah.

HUDSON: I walk over and I say, “Oh. Are you comparing shoes to see which is superior to other shoes?”

LAURA: “I mean… I’m just looking for a new pair of shoes, seeing which ones will fit me, which ones are similar to my old shoes, because as you can see my old boot will no longer work.”

HUDSON: “I mean, it would work—Well, not really, I guess.”

LAURA: “Yeah.”

HUDSON: “Well… Good luck with that!”

LAURA: “Thank you?”

HUDSON: “So on a scale of like Sniffle to Sob, how sad are you that Sabos is gone?”

LAURA: “Uh, none?”

HUDSON: “Don’t you have a heart…?”

LAURA: “I mean, I guess, but like I knew him for like a week? That is not really enough time to… care.”

HUDSON: “We’ve had some adventures together, though. It’s been a very action-packed week.”

LAURA: “It has been a week.”

HUDSON: “Time is just a construct.”

LAURA: “I mean, but is it though?”

HUDSON: “Gah. My head hurts now.”

LAURA: “I mean, I really do not have the energy to care for someone who I’ve only known a week who I did not really even like that much to begin with.”

HUDSON: “But… but… all the fun times together…”

LAURA: “Yeah… SO you see, I do not even remember my father, I was three years old when he was taken and captured and enslaved, never saw him again. When I was 15 my sister and I hid in the cabinets at our house as stormtroopers busted into the kitchen and took my mother away, never saw her again. Most of the other people I knew growing up on Ryloth were at some point killed, enslaved, or arrested. So, sorry if I do not have the energy to care for someone I knew for a week and a half.”

HUDSON: “I mean, this was different though, because he was blown to bits, not taken or arrested or none of those things.”

LAURA: “I mean, yeah, he was pretty much blown to bits, but I don’t think you understand. I grew up seeing people shot in the streets in front of me as a child. You kind of get used to that after a certain point, so one Togruta that I did not like dies… Eh.”

HUDSON: “I still believe there’s a heart in there.”

LAURA: “I mean, technically yes. There is one, but I only have so much time and emotional capacity, so I’m just going to drink and find a new pair of boots.”

HUDSON: “Let’s see if we can just, you know, increase that emotional capacity just a little by little over time.”

LAURA: “No…”

NICK: (laughs)

CAMERON: “What does your medical textbook say about increasing emotional capacity?”

HUDSON: “Well, so they actually want you to buy this other book called Becoming Emotions for the emotional track of the medicine, so like that’s a whole other thing I need to save up money for, but the sneak preview kind of says that emotions are just a construct and that’s all it says. That’s how I had that line from earlier.”

CAMERON: (laughs) “Great.”

LAURA: “Got it… Oh, so yeah, while we are speaking on emergency contacts, I do have a sister, somewhere on Ryloth, I think. I don’t really talk directly to her. I have a family friend that I send money to to give to her, but I do not actually speak to her. So I guess you would want to contact Jerr. He will then contact my sister, wherever she is.”

HUDSON: “Cher?”

LAURA: “Jerr.”

HUDSON: “Chair?”

LAURA: “Jerr, with a J. J-E-R-R.”

HUDSON: “Oh… Jeer.”

LAURA: “… Jerr.

HUDSON: “Jerr.”

LAURA: “Yeah!”


LAURA: “That is close enough. Yes.”

HUDSON: “Alright. I can contact that person.”

NICK: Tink’s translator is like smoking a little bit.



NICK: Okay. Around this point the camera zooms in to the cockpit of the Afternoon Delight and onto a little vid screen that’s embedded in the dashboard, and you get a com with no video. It says Incoming Message, and you hear: “This is Sentinel. You’ve done… better than I hoped. It’s time for us to meet in person. I’m sending you the coordinates now.”

CAMERON: As soon as I saw it I flipped the full coms on so that everyone on the ship heard it.

NICK: Yeah. That voice rattles through the ship, and that’s where we’re gonna end the episode.

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

CAMERON: (hums funeral march)

NICK: (groaning) Aww…

CAMERON: (laughs triumphantly)

NICK: Oh no…

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show and give the squad warm fuzzies when we read them.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @tabletop_squad. For real! We’re real people and we wanna talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.

Word document download: Episode 13 We Tink This Isn’t Our Fault

PDF download: Episode 13 We Tink This Isn’t Our Fault

Read in browser:

Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 13:
We Tink This Isn’t Our Fault

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

Note – Consider reading Nick’s intro for this episode if you would otherwise skip over it, as it contains an important warning.

Note – When voicing Ithorians, Nick uses an incredibly low, deep, drawn out voice and often pauses in the middle of sentences.

Note – Laura’s character Xianna’fan speaks in an accent. Most of her soft I’s sound like “ee,” and most of her TH’s sound like Z’s. Example: “this and that” = “zees and zat”

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, a fringer, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

We hope you are all enjoying our double release schedule. Remember that the final episode of the flashback starring Karma and the twins will be out next Thursday. After that, we’ll be back to our normal, every other Thursday release. Did you enjoy getting twice the Tabletop Squadron? There’s something you can do to make it happen again.

We’re trying to boost our social media presence and we’d love your help. We’re trying to get 125 Twitter followers for the Tabletop Squadron official account. If you haven’t followed us yet, take a look! If you have, tell your friends! Twitter is a great way to interact with the show, and we’d love to get out there for more people to see. We’ll be crowd sourcing an NPC through the @Tabletop_Squad account. We’ll be asking questions to our followers and doing a Twitter poll every ten new followers as well. If you want to help shape the world of Tabletop Squadron, get over there early and often.

Also, when we hit the goal, we’ll be releasing another Jedi Adventure series, this time starring two brand new characters. They would release on off-weeks so you’ll be back to a double release schedule for the duration of the run. I’ll even throw in a blooper reel that I’ve been collecting since we started recording. So, please swing by the Twitter-sphere and follow us, bring some friends, help us build a new character, and say hi while you’re at it. We love to talk to fans. Thanks!

On a less happy note, this episode gets pretty intense. I wanted to put a warning before we started that this episode deals with loss, civilian death, and intense situations, especially in the second half of the episode. I do say something before it gets to that, but if that doesn’t sound like your cup of caf, then please skip over this one, or make sure you’re in a comfortable and supportive place to listen to it. At the start of the next episode I’ll provide a recap covering major plot points so you don’t have to worry about missing any of the story if you feel that this is not for you. Take care of yourselves, friends.

Additional music this week is Alarm at Eleven by Pandasetimol and Broken by Solar Flare.

With all of that out of the way, we hope you enjoy the episode.


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Episode 13 of Tabletop Squadron! Lucky number 13 episode. Thanks for being with us today. I’m Nick, your host and game master. We’re gonna go around the table. Everybody say who you are and who you’re playing today, starting with Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi. I’m Hudson Jameson, and I’m playing Tink the Gigoran slicer.

NICK: Great. Glad to have you, Hudson. Moving on to Laura.

LAURA: Hi. I’m Laura. Are we doing last names? I don’t wanna do last names. I’m Laura, and I play Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler who might be down a few toes. We’ll see.

NICK: (laughs) She’s definitely down a toe. Next up we’ve got Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello. I am Cameron, and I am playing Karma Nailo, a Nautolan bounty hunter who has all of her toes.

NICK: Very important fact. We will now be keeping toes as a stat, so prepare for that. I printed out your toe tracking sheet. Make sure you guys have that nearby. Last but not least, we’ve got Steven.



STEVEN: I’m Steven.

NICK: Yes you are.

STEVEN: I’m playing Sabos Niks the Togruta fringer, but I misunderstood the toe tracking sheet and just marked my head tails.

NICK: You know what, it’s close enough.

STEVEN: They’re all still there, even the fourth one.

NICK: Good to know. Thank you. Goodness… So, let’s go ahead and get started with the Destiny Roll!

LAURA: One dark side.

HUDSON: Two light side.

STEVEN: One dark side.

CAMERON: I also got one dark side.


LAURA: Huh, so it’s the same as last time.

CAMERON: It was two light sides for a second, and then it hit a wall, and ran away…

HUDSON: I’m your savior. …

CAMERON: Thanks Hudson. You’re my hero.

HUDSON: (laughs) That sounded a little culty. I’m very scared.

NICK: (laughs) Yeah. I don’t know how to respond to that.

STEVEN: Are you?

LAURA: I think the Cult of Tink will be … very weird.

CAMERON: Anyway. Our total is three dark side, two light side.

NICK: Wonderful. When we last left off a few things had happened. We’ve got Karma sitting in low orbit waiting to help everyone escape the super star destroyer, Vengeance, we’ve got Tink wreaking havoc through the computer systems at the same super star destroyer… Wow. That’s a lot of S’s.

CAMERON: And also reeking. … He smells bad.

NICK: Oh! Yes.

CAMERON: I was making a word joke.

NICK: That was a good word joke.

CAMERON: Thank you. (laughs)

NICK: Yes, also covered in his own pee, this is of course the most important part of the story and must be noted at all turns. Sabos had recently gotten into a fight with some stormtroopers and a deck captain, along with Xianna, who nearly avoided being jettisoned into the icy, deadly grip of space and may or may not have had a toe crushed off in an airlock. Is that about right?


NICK: Cool. Am I missing anything?


CAMERON: Just mechanically how we’re dealing with toe loss.

NICK: Oh. Right. So, with the toe loss, we have decided to apply a crit to Xianna that she’s gonna have to deal with until she sees some medical attention. We picked “Agonizing Wound.” Laura, what does that do?

LAURA: It increases the difficulty of any Brawn and Agility checks.

NICK: Okay. Well, we’ll have to deal with that, won’t we?


NICK: So, we start with a quick pan over the Afternoon Delight sitting just below cloud cover above the planet of Ithor. A quick zoom through one of the portholes shows Felton Mox, the slightly portly Selonian male, basically just leaping around and jazz running through the ship. He says, ‘I’ve never felt so alive!”

The camera pans up through the front corridor of the ship into the captain’s chair where Karma is leaning up and looking through the windscreen of the ship, looking up, and in the distance right past the edge of the atmosphere we can see a battle group of star destroyers. There are four regular sized star destroyers, and they’re all pointed almost in confusion at the super star destroyer Vengeance, which is spinning on multiple axes right now and has different flickering lights, and just looks to be in distress.

We zoom in through one of the airlocks to find Xianna and Sabos standing in a hallway.

LAURA: Xianna is on the floor, foot bleeding out of the hole in her boot, and she just goes, “Sabos, get over here…”

STEVEN: “Are… Are you okay?”

LAURA: “Hand me your binders. I will be fine. Do not worry about me.”

STEVEN: I offer my bound hands.

LAURA: Would that be a Skulduggery?

NICK: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay. what would be the difficulty for the binders?

NICK: To pop them off without anybody looking, without having to look sneaky or anything, easy, not hard.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

NICK: You could open normal handcuffs with like, well wishes, so.

LAURA: Yeah, that’s like six successes. (laughs)

NICK: Alright. We’re gonna skip the next roll that I think is about to happen and just say you manage to get them both off very easily.


LAURA: Yeah. I take off Sabos’s and… There’s no more bodies in here, are there?


LAURA: I take off Sabos’s, I take off mine, I put both of the binders into my coat so now I have three pairs of binders…

NICK: But two of them aren’t pink and fuzzy.

LAURA: Two of them are not pink and fuzzy. No, they’d be red and fuzzy. I feel like that’d be a little bit more… yeah. Or pink, I don’t know. It’s an in between color.

NICK: Yeah.

STEVEN: Salmon.

CAMERON: Fuchsia.

NICK: (laughs)

LAURA: Xianna holds a finger up to Sabos. “Okay. Give me a moment. Also, do you have any sort of Band-Aids, tourniquets, anything like that?”

STEVEN: “Nope.”

LAURA: “Okay…” Uh, so first she takes out a stim pack and shoots herself up, which will get rid of the regular wounds but will not take care of the crit.

NICK: Nope.

STEVEN: Do I have my head tails wrapped in something? I forget if I’m depicted with my head tails wrapped in something.

LAURA: No. Karma has a headband, and I have a head… a like…

NICK: A modesty garment.

LAURA: A strappy headgear thing.

CAMERON: It’s like underwear for your head tails.

LAURA: Yeah.

STEVEN: Oh, I don’t do that.

NICK: Of course you don’t.

STEVEN: (laughs)

LAURA: So, I shoot myself with the stim pack, toss that because it’s useless now, and then I take a little box out of my pocket, a little baggie, and just kind of put one hand around my nose… and you just hear a (sniff). Then she pauses… “Okay Sabos, help me up. Let’s go, let’s go, come on.” (giggles)

STEVEN: yeah. I go help her up, and go towards the trash chute?

NICK: Okay.

LAURA: “Wait. Why do we need to go to the trash chute? There are no bodies, Sabos.”

STEVEN: “I thought this was our escape route.”

LAURA: “No. we were going to hide the bodies.”

STEVEN: ‘Oh. I thought it was for us.”

LAURA: “No. we were hiding the bodies. Okay, hold on, Tink. Tink, where are you?”

HUDSON: “I’m still in the technicians room.”

LAURA: “Okay. how do we get there?”

HUDSON: “Alright, so… Where are you now?”

LAURA: “Come on. Speak faster. You know where we are.”

HUDSON: “Uh… Oh yeah, where the airlock just happened. Alright.”

STEVEN: You know—

CAMERON: (laughs)

HUDSON: “Yeah, that’s fixed now. Go, um, down the hall… Actually, you know what, oh it’s color coated. Follow the white line.”

LAURA: “Okay. we follow the white line! Sabos, we go.”

NICK: You get a quick shot of Sabos walking quickly down the hall and Xianna just flat sprinting down the hall. She stops at the door and turns around and starts vibrating in place for a second. We get a wipe over to Tink. Are you doing anything before they get there or are you waiting on them?

HUDSON: I look and see if anything else is happening to the computer Rancore Protocol wise.

NICK: The only thing that it’s doing is what you saw last time. All of the airlocks have stopped blinking, so it’s not doing any overlay there, but you keep getting that pop-up about the biological threat detected, and then the central ventilation shaft blinking, and it just keeps going back and forth between those.

HUDSON: I kind of just talk to myself. “Ah, this goes there…” and point from the box to the screen.

NICK: (laughs)

HUDSON: I might need some help with this. I think I’m gonna wait up.

LAURA: Are you on the coms?

HUDSON: No, but I do say, “Hey guys, I got a thing…” I wasn’t on the coms, I should say. Now I’m on the coms. “Guys, we have one more thing to do before we can get out of here. We gotta deliver a package.”

CAMERON: Did you call just Xianna, or did you call both of us?

HUDSON: I put it on both.

LAURA: “Oh yes, the thing in the little box. We’re going to let it loose. Yes, I know this.”

HUDSON: ‘Yes, but there’s a specific spot, so we’re gonna have to travel there.”

LAURA: “Oh. Okay, yeah, we can do that.”

CAMERON: “Uh, how are you all doing up there? It’s kind of, um, spinning, concerningly.”

LAURA: “Surprisingly, I feel fine!”

CAMERON: “Good?”

HUDSON: “I could, I’m a little thirsty, but otherwise I’m good.”

CAMERON: “Alright. Great!”

LAURA: “I think Sabos is fine. Sabos, did you get shot? I don’t really remember.”

STEVEN: You hear Sabos from the distance. “… No.”

LAURA: “Okay, yes, Sabos is fine.”

HUDSON: “Oh! You know what else? When I was getting to the technicians room I did have to cut through a kitchen and there was this rancid oil I slipped in…”

STEVEN: (bursts laughing)

HUDSON: “…so that was a deal. I’m okay, didn’t sprain any ankles or nothing, but it’s just not the best smell and I kinda mopped it up… like a mop.”

LAURA: “Yes. You are full of hair, so I could see how you would soak up like a sponge. Yes. You are just like a giant sponge.”

STEVEN: “Hold on. What did he soak up?” I hear Xianna talk about soaking.

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “Yeah. I think he said he soaked up some sort of rancid oil? So he smells? I do not understand.”

CAMERON: “Okay. when you get back on the ship, just go straight to your room and just take a shower.”

HUDSON: “Oh, no, yeah, definitely the first thing I’m gonna do.”

CAMERON: “We do not want rancid oil on the ship.”

LAURA: “We are going to need medical attention. I think I have lost some toes.”

CAMERON: “Oh—But you feel fine?”

LAURA: “… Oh, yes! (laughs)”

CAMERON: “Oh, you feel fine, okay. yes, got it.”

LAURA: “I feel fine. I mean, I will feel terrible later, but we can get to that when we get to that.”

CAMERON: “Okay… Well, be careful. All of the other star destroyers are pointed at you now, so just know that.”

LAURA: “Oh, I figured. (laughs) Many of the airlocks opened up.”

CAMERON: “And maybe go quickly.”

LAURA: “That is what I am doing. Sabos!”

STEVEN: “She got sucked out of an airlock!” I just say, as I’m catching up.

LAURA: “Oh yes. I think I lost the toes because they got crushed in the airlock that Tink opened up.”

STEVEN: “Oh. Tink did it.”

LAURA: “Tink did it. Yes!”

NICK: At this point, you both make it to the technology room. The door swings open, or swooshes open because it’s Star Wars, and you walk inside. First you are hit with a powerful, sulfurous, decay kind of smell.

STEVEN: Ammonia perhaps?

NICK: Uh, yeah, a little ammonia thrown in there.

STEVEN: Weird.

NICK: Yeah. The camera is set over Tink’s shoulder, and you can see his face highlighted in the glow of the holo-screens, and then you see the door swoosh open and Xianna and Sabos walk in right as Xianna is saying ‘oh, this was definitely Tink’s fault.’

LAURA: ‘Yes. Tink, it was your fault.”

STEVEN: “Whoa.”

LAURA: “Is there a bottle around…? Did you PEE yourself?”

HUDSON: “No! I told you. I cut through a kitchen and slipped in some rancid oil.”

LAURA: “Why is it yellow? And on the floor, here?”

STEVEN: “Under you.”

HUDSON: “I don’t know anything about oil, so I cannot answer that for you.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “Okay. we are just going to pretend that this is not happening.”

STEVEN: “Why is it just your bottom half?”

LAURA: “We are going to pretend that this is not happening! We have more important things.”

HUDSON: “I fell on my rear—We don’t have time for this!”

STEVEN: “But it’s your front!”

LAURA: “Sabos- Just- We all know what is happening, and we are just not going to talk about it. Tink, where do we need to go?”


HUDSON: “Alright. We gotta follow the red line to the blue line, then cross over to the green line.”

LAURA: “Okay. Red, then blue, then green?”

STEVEN: “Red to blue, cross over at green.”

HUDSON: “Wait a second, there might be a faster way. Keep following the white line to second door, and then cross over to blue and green, but you have to have a train ticket? I don’t-“ Actually, there’s a green line- I know the way!” I just start going.


LAURA: Okay. we follow Tink.

NICK: Alright. As you go, we are gonna have a quick montage of you all running through a ship that is obviously in a crisis. It’s not sinking or exploding, but there are definitely different stormtroopers and technician crews running around trying to fix things, so I want a very quick scene from each of you for the montage of one thing that you run into on the way and how you get around it.

HUDSON: Alright. I run into a turnstile, I don’t know, maybe they want to just count the number going in and out of that particular line, but I use the credentials that I took earlier for the technician and I kinda look around to see no one’s looking, and scan it and pass it back, (laughter) and then scan it again. There’s probably a max number of times that can happen, but luckily we’re under that amount.

LAURA: Oh. I bet it’s one of those rotating doors that you have to slide and it only does one circulation, and we have to throw it through a little gap at the top.

HUDSON: Yeah, exactly. So, turnstile or rotating door. I think they’re similar.

NICK: Yeah. That’s- Woof. Okay. what else you guys got?

LAURA: We definitely run into a protocol droid, and we probably just distract it by throwing trash on the floor. It’s a protocol droid. They’re not hard to get around. (laughs)

NICK: “Oh! Intruders! What are you—Oh, who left this trash on the floor, more importantly?” They can’t ben dover all the way, so you see it trying to adjust its weight and bend down and it can’t pull it off, and it’s just trying to bend over and almost falling over going “Whoooa…”

LAURA: It’s like throwing bird seed on the ground for a vampire. (laughs) Just distracting them.

NICK: And, canon!

STEVEN: “We encounter a diplomat dude that I owed money, but I actually paid, but I’m getting close to my bill this time. He’s like ‘What are you doing here?’ I’m like, ‘Oh yeah, I’ve got some people to pay up. I’ll be right back I’ll- Yeah, I gotta pay someone else first. See ya!”

NICK: (laughing) Time out. Describe this guy. What kind of diplomat would you owe money to? Is he an Imperial guy?

STEVEN: Yeah. He’s an Imperial guy. You know, just another dude that might’ve helped out on the colony.

LAURA: Does he have mutton chops?

STEVEN: No, this isn’t that dude. This is a dude that doesn’t hate me yet, because so far I’ve paid.

NICK: Oh, okay. we’ll say he’s a tall, buff guy with a completely shaved head that’s really shiny, and he’s got white eyebrows. He looks really friendly, but he’s wearing a tight Imperial uniform.

STEVEN: Yeah, a tight, white Imperial uniform.

LAURA: Does he have a tight white shirt and one earing?

NICK: (fighting a laugh) Maybe.


LAURA: Okay. Great.

STEVEN: Is he also offended by the trash that the protocol droid was trying to pick up?

NICK: He didn’t see it. This is further on.

LAURA: His name is…

STEVEN: Mister…

LAURA: Captain…

STEVEN: Captain…

LAURA: Cleon.


NICK: Captain Cleon. Yes. Imperial Emissary. Yeah, so you move on, and you come to a very large central shaft that seems to go through the middle of the ship. It has a lot of turbines in the middle that go up the middle, they’re really big, and none of them are moving very quickly. Probably Sabos and Tink would know that these kinds of systems spin really, really fast. Xianna might know from having tried to use them to infiltrate before. They are just like blenders, but these are moving very slowly or are turned off. There are hundreds of ventilation shafts as far down and up as you can see that branch off of this, and there’s a glowing reactor core looking thing in the middle, and there is a little panel that says in Aurebesh “Main Ventilation Shaft.”

LAURA: “Okay. do we need to get into the shaft and then release them, or can we just throw them in?”

HUDSON: “We can just throw them in, as far as I’m concerned.”

STEVEN: “Oh boy.”

LAURA: What does his screen actually show?

NICK: The screen was just blinking on the ventilation shaft. I should clarify. You guys are at the shaft. It does one of those Star Wars things where the door opens and then there’s just a deadly OSHA terrifying drop-off into the abyss. You are there. There’s little gantries and walkways and ladders and stuff that go around on the edges. It looks climbable, but you are there, you are ready to go.

LAURA: Okie.

NICK: Oh. When you left, you took the Rancore Protocol with you, right?


NICK: Okay. Just checking. That would be bad.

HUDSON: Sorry. I took the Rancore Protocol with me. So, I hand the box to Sabos…

STEVEN: I accept the box from Tink.

HUDSON: …and I pretty much say, “Alright, here’s what you gotta do. You’re gonna open the box, and then you’re gonna drop it into the shaft.”

STEVEN: I look at Xianna to confirm the instructions, because-

LAURA: “I’m still not sure if we just throw it in or if we have to climb into the shaft, but if you do open it and then throw it, open it right before you throw it just in case it wants to eat you too. I do not know exactly what’s inside the box.”

STEVEN: “Okay… Sure.”

LAURA: “Basically none of us know.”

HUDSON: “Alright. Whenever you’re ready.” I turn around to dash, not sure what’s actually gonna happen, I just know I don’t wanna be the one to open it.


STEVEN: Darn. Opposable head tails would be really cool, really convenient at this point. I reach into the shaft with both hands holding the box, turn the box upside down, as far into the shaft as I can go without falling into the shaft… remove the lid, drop the box, and run.


NICK: Oh boy.

LAURA: Xianna’s hiding behind Tink. Sorry, I’m probably getting blood on you.

HUDSON: It’s okay.

CAMERON: It’s okay. He’s getting pee on you.

NICK: Okay. Who is visually able to see the box when he opens it?


LAURA: Probably all—Well, I’m probably behind Tink, but doing the little, like, peeking around him.

STEVEN: I’m not looking at the box.

NICK: Okay. you’re not looking?


HUDSON: I can see from above the things that fall out.

NICK: Right. Okay. You open the box. It has two tab inserts that are kind of hooked so you have to kind of prop it open. When you open it, nothing falls out. As you throw the box down, there’s a white blur, and you hear a (hissing noise). Down by your feet you see, it’s about a foot long, like it had to compress a little to fit into this box, it looks kind of like a rat but all white with a naked tail kind of covered in boils… and I would like a Xenology check from everybody who’s looking at it.

LAURA: Okie~

STEVEN: Do I see it now because it’s by my feet?

NICK: Yeah.


NICK: Oh, also, you dropped the box so the box is tumbling down.

LAURA: Is there a difficulty?

NICK: This one’s gonna be average. Depending on your successes you might get more information.

LAURA: Nope.

STEVEN: I got two successes and fall prone.

NICK: Did you get three threats?

STEVEN: I did. (laughs)

NICK: Oh god, you’re right by the edge dude. You fall prone… (dramatic base noise) …in your fear of this rat-like creature, and scramble backwards.

HUDSON: Four successes and an advantage.

NICK: Great. So, Xianna you failed, yeah?


NICK: Okay. Sabos and Tink, the first thing you notice is this thing is extremely pregnant. It is like inflated. You can see it’s tummy moving around, and it looks very big. Tink, from looking at it, this is not a naturally occurring creature. This creature looks kind of spliced together. It looks like some sort of weird, weaponized genetic experiment. You don’t wanna touch it. You don’t wanna be near it. This is real, real bad news, and you have a flashback to several different times when someone said ‘do not open this box until the right moment. Do not open the box.’

Sabos scrambles backwards, this thing hisses at you one more time, and then crawls down over the edge and you hear it start to clank under the floor as it walks through an air vent, and that fades as it goes into the ship.

LAURA: Xianna gets on her com. “Uh, Karma, it might be time for you to come back and pick us up.”

CAMERON: “Oookay.”

HUDSON: “Someone’s expecting, and it’s not one of us, and it’s very scary.”

NICK: (laughs)

CAMERON: “Alright?”

STEVEN: I’m gonna remove my legs from the door now, the door area.

NICK: Okay. You pull your legs back and the door swooshes shut.

CAMERON: “Where are y’all gonna be? Where am I headed? It’s a big ship.”

LAURA: “Um… Yes. Let’s just go back to the main bay that we came in from.”

STEVEN: “Or! Tink could open a near airlock for us.”

CAMERON: “Whoa.”

LAURA: “No. I do not want to be in the icy coldness of space. No thank you. No.”

HUDSON: “Yeah, I think we’re good with the main bay area. Now, that’s creative, and we appreciate it.”

STEVEN: “(huffs) Y’all non-fringer types, you’re just… Y’all are so conservative with your exploration.”

LAURA: “I do not want to suffocate, or get radiation, or any of those things.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

STEVEN: “Suffocation makes you alive.”

HUDSON: “I feel like this is very, very foreboding. I don’t know. Something…”

NICK: This conversation is happening as you’re jogging down the hallway back.

STEVEN: (laughs)

NICK: You see some stormtroopers running around. None of them really pay you much attention. They all seem to be going places.

STEVEN: I say, “Rats went that way!”

NICK: One guy goes, “Huh?!” and then someone else says, “It’s time to go! Let’s go! We have orders!” and they run off down the hallway in a different direction. Then, we get a shot of Karma—Are you letting Felton help pilot?

CAMERON: Yes. Felton and I are both flying up, because my approach plan is if I get hailed, this time we’re pretending to be whoever the hell’s cylinder we have that we created that I do not remember.

NICK: Alright. George Jetson?

CAMERON: Was his name George Jetson?

NICK: It was George Jetson.

LAURA: Yeah.


NICK: That was Hudson’s fault.

HUDSON: That was my fault.

NICK: That was good.

CAMERON: So, I have him in the cockpit with me because I’m going to need him to talk.

NICK: Mm-hmm. … Oh man.

CAMERON: Yeah. We’re gonna need him to talk, because George typically in the Star Wars universe…

NICK: You sure you don’t- You don’t wanna try to talk to the guy so I- Okay, it’s fine. I’ll roleplay with myself. I don’t need y’all.

CAMERON: You can talk with yourself. (laughs) We can also do this. I can coach him on what to say, and then we can just bypass him actually saying it if you don’t want to talk to yourself.

NICK: It’s fine. He won’t have to say much. As you take off you manage to get surprisingly close to the ship before you’re hailed. Someone calls and says, “This is the ISS Vengeance. We’re pretty busy right now. Unidentified ship, identify yourself immediately or be blasted out of the sky.”

CAMERON: So, what Felton is saying is he’s noticed that the ship is in distress and he is Special Agent George Jetson, and he has been commed to come assist with the situation.

NICK: Right. Okay. Felton says, “Hey, yeah, we’re coming to help. We can see you’re in distress. We’re a specialized rescue crew coming your way, so keep that main door open, please.”

The com guy says, “I don’t know who would’ve sent that communication, because that’s me, and I definitely didn’t do that.”

“Well, I mean, it was one of your people…”

CAMERON: (whispered) “One of the other ships! One of the other ships! They noticed the distress!”

NICK: “Oh yeah. It was the ISS… that one over there. That one did it. Uh, but yeah, we’re coming in quick trying to bail you out. Looks like some electrical trouble, just simple electricians from Ithor. Yup.” He hangs up, and you don’t get fired upon.

CAMERON: Great. (giggles)

NICK: We get a great shot of zoomed out in that landing bay, and the ship swings around to land. Just a reminder, the ship kind of looks like the letter W. it has a main thing with the bridge on it with two basically big cargo containers stuck to the sides, so it looks pretty cool. It swings into a landing, and the thing opens just as Sabos, Xianna and Tink make it to the main landing area.

LAURA: “Okie. Let’s sneak across to the ship.”

STEVEN: “(sighs) Yeah.”

CAMERON: We open the entry ramp on the Afternoon Delight. Karma has put her cloak back on. (laughs)

NICK: Ooh.

CAMERON: And is walking down the steps, and has her blaster ready underneath her cloak.

NICK: Okay. Are you all sneaking?

LAURA: Xianna is probably going to hide behind another ship and sneak across and up to the Afternoon Delight.

NICK: So, this is that scene from A New Hope where you’re running low through the open space port trying to get back to your ship while a decent amount of stormtroopers are around, there’s people in formation, there’s technicians plugged into various wall sockets trying to do things. Everybody give me a Stealth check.

STEVEN: Before you do, I ask to borrow Xianna’s binders, because I’m not stealthy at all.

LAURA: “Okay… Fuzzy or not fuzzy?”


STEVEN: “Imperial, please.”

LAURA: “Oh! Okay. Imperial.” I toss him one pair.

STEVEN: I put the binders on me, and I just try to walk as if I’m a prisoner.

NICK: (laughs) Okay. You can roll me a Deception.

STEVEN: Yeah, let’s do that. I was really hoping the cloak might convince it.

NICK: Well, when you’re close to them it might, but you’re gonna have to make it there.

STEVEN: Yeah. That’s gonna be fine.

NICK: Everybody give me those checks.

LAURA: What’s the difficulty of the Stealth check?

NICK: Average. They are all very distracted.

LAURA: And then it’s increased difficulty… Okay.

STEVEN: Hey, I get a success and a threat.

CAMERON: No, just a success.

STEVEN: I get a success. Am I deceiving?

NICK: With a success? Yeah. You get close enough to the cloak before anyone really pays any attention to you. They assume you’re some sort of prisoner thing. Like I said, they’re pretty distracted, and since you didn’t make it to the threat threshold I had for something really bad happening, you don’t have to deal with that.


NICK: So, you’re able to get onto the ship. After Xianna and Tink saw him manage to just straight walk across, what did you guys get trying to stealth?

LAURA: I got one advantage.

NICK: Ooh. Okay.

HUDSON: I have a disadvantage, a success and a triumph.

NICK: (exasperated) What the hell, what the fuck… Why are you Cam rolling? (laughs) This makes life so hard.

LAURA: Yeah…

HUDSON: Right?

NICK: Okay! Here’s what we’re gonna do. A lot of stuff happens at once. Xianna starts to go out and immediately her leg starts to give under her. We get a shot of a stormtrooper walking by, and he stops marching and looks down, and there’s like a pool of blood behind the crate that Xianna was standing behind. He goes, “Interesting,” and he turns and starts following it, and there’s just drops of blood every couple of feet. He looks up and sees Xianna just straight booking it towards the ship, but limping. “Hey! Someone seems to be trying to escape that I don’t recognize!”

Tink, at that point, chooses to go and shoulder checks the guy out of the way so he’s not able to get a shot and makes it. The threat is that the alarm starts to go off. You make it to the ship just as blaster fire starts to ping through the place, because you can’t flee a star destroyer without getting shot at… and you all fly for open space.

You all get onto the ship. Felton is sitting in the co-pilot seat. “Hey, we gotta go right now. We’re getting shot at. Come on. Everybody in. Everybody in?”

CAMERON: “Everybody in!”

LAURA: “Yes.”

NICK: “Alright. Let’s go.” He closes it and he turns to fly away, and you all notice he’s flying back down towards the planet.

CAMERON: “Why are we going this way?”

NICK: “The blockade is still up. They’re all still here. We will explode. I think, with your help, we can make it down to the planet without getting shot, but whatever you did we gotta wait for that to take effect before we try to get out of here. We’re stuck.”

CAMERON: “Fair!”

STEVEN: “Seems reasonable.”

LAURA: Xianna’s probably not even there for that conversation.

CAMERON: “Tink. Shower. Now.”

STEVEN: I also ask Xianna to unbind me.

LAURA: “Eh… Okie.”

STEVEN: “Yes!”


HUDSON: I take a shower.

NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: Get all this oil off me.

NICK: (laughs) So, it takes you a while. The flight down doesn’t take too long. Could I get a Piloting check from Karma?


STEVEN: Wait, you’re the pilot now?

CAMERON: Unless you came up to help me, yeah, I’m flying. (laughs)

STEVEN: No, I was bound. I’m just judging.

NICK: You’re standing there rubbing your wrists having recently been freed. ‘Oh, I guess you’re flying. Okay. let’s see how this goes.’


CAMERON: What’s the difficulty?

NICK: Average, but you can upgrade one of your greens to a yellow because Felton is your co-pilot, and he kinda knows how to fly.

CAMERON: Yay. I’m very agile, but… Eh. I can fly. Sure.

STEVEN: That’ll do.

CAMERON: Straight wash!

NICK: You are solidly tracked by the ISS Vengeance. You can see that turrets are following you, and one actually does shoot. The ship is going to take a direct hit by a turbo laser, which is going to potentially cause some pretty intense damage. One of the engines is damaged, not good, but you do make it down below atmosphere where they can’t really see you, and you are able to land.

There is a clock wipe where it goes from right to left on the screen in a circle, and you see Felton walking off the ship. “Well… I don’t know how long what you’re doing is going to take, but I guess we gotta spend the night anyway. I’m beat. That was rough guys. Thanks for… helping. Yeah.”

CAMERON: “You’ve been dancing, all afternoon.”

NICK: “Yeah, exercise, you know. It was nervous dancing. I was supporting you.”

CAMERON: “You should go take a shower as well.”

NICK: “Oh- Okay, fine. But yeah, why don’t you come stay with me at The Gooberfish and we’ll get some drinks, we’ll rest, and we’ll wait for this blockade to break.”

STEVEN: “I feel like we should be ready to go when the blockade breaks.”

NICK: “Well, we don’t even know. It’ll probably be a couple days, at least. Might as well camp out, right?”

HUDSON: I look at him suspiciously.

STEVEN: “Might as well camp out on the ship.”

NICK: You can do a Perception check to see if he’s trying to mess with you.

HUDSON: Yes. Straight, or any difficulty?

NICK: Easy. You know him pretty well at this point. You guys peed together a couple episodes ago.

HUDSON: Two successes, two advantages.

NICK: Yeah. He’s being pretty straight with you. He seems to have gotten a pretty good adrenaline rush, and he’s excited, but otherwise he’s just saying who knows how long this’ll take, let’s go relax for a while.

LAURA: Xianna shouts out from her room. “Can we stop at some sort of medic or doctor first? Please?”

NICK: “Uh, I guess that could happen.”

CAMERON: “So, the only medic I’ve seen has been with the Oracle. We may want to give them an update on the blockade anyway with what y’all did up there.”

LAURA: “I am not really sure what we did.”

HUDSON: “Why do you need to go see a medical person when your shoe is upset? Isn’t that something like a haberdashery, or what’s the place called where there’s like shoe repair…?

LAURA & STEVEN: “A cobbler?”

HUDSON: “A cobbler. Don’t you need to see a cobbler?”

LAURA: “I mean, I will need a new pair of shoes that you will buy, you will also pay for my medical attention, because I am pretty sure I lost at least one toe if not many toes. I have not taken the boot off yet. I really don’t want to look at it. I’m not sure what I could even do for them.”

STEVEN: “You might have to cut the boot off.”

LAURA: “(groans)”

HUDSON: “No, no, no.”

CAMERON: “I don’t think that’s—No. It’s not a nail.”

LAURA: “It does not feel swollen.”

HUDSON: “Yeah, so really, I protected you by getting rid of those troopers, so really I would call this a wash, honestly.”

STEVEN: (laughs) “You wouldn’t wanna take the foot off with it.”

LAURA: “I mean, I was going to shoot them anyways, and also, I think it’s just a few toes. I don’t think I have to lose the whole foot!”

STEVEN: “I’m saying you would have to lose the boot.”


LAURA: “Oh, yeah. I am getting new shoes. That is already discussed. Yeah.”

STEVEN: “Yeah. You might have to cut the boot off instead of trying to pull off extra toes, not like across the leg cut it off, like down the boot cut it off.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, but I don’t understand… Why would pulling her foot out of her shoe cause more toes to—“

STEVEN: “Fall off?”

CAMERON: “Yeah.”

STEVEN: “Toes do that.”

CAMERON: “Uh, not normally.”

LAURA: “No. I do not think toes just fall off.”

CAMERON: “Has that happened to you?”

STEVEN: “Yeah. They regenerate.”

CAMERON: “Well, that’s weird.”

LAURA: “I don’t think that’s true!”

STEVEN: (laughs)

CAMERON: I’m pretty sure that does not happen. (laughs)

HUDSON: Not canon! Not canon alert!

STEVEN: It’s just adrenaline, really. I’m excited.

NICK: At this point, Felton looks down and goes, “Oh hey, it looks like you got hurt. Didn’t really notice that.”

LAURA: “… Yes.”

NICK: “What if—I’ve been here a while—I could get a medic to meet you at the hotel, that way you don’t have to walk all the way to the far side of the city while bleeding, which you’re still doing.”

LAURA: “Yes. I mean, yeah, that would be nice. Thank you.”

NICK: Alright! We’ll smash cut to everyone in The Gooberfish. If you remember from before, it is a dark wood, pretty simple sort of bar setup. There’s an Ithorian behind the bar with a few glasses. You all have drinks of your choice. Xianna has her foot up on one of the round tables. She’s sitting in the booth with everyone else and her foot is like across the aisle onto another table nearby. There is an Ithorian medic, the same one from before, in a teal jumpsuit, working on your foot and she is putting the finishing touches on the bandaging. It’s a pretty big boot-looking thing. We’re gonna leave it open right now about how many toes you may have lost.

LAURA: (laughs)

NICK: She says, “That… should cover… the damage… for now.”

LAURA: “Okie. Thank you?”

NICK: “Thank you… for attempting… to break the siege. The herdship… is in your debt, even… if you failed.”

LAURA: “So, I mean, do I get any medication for having this? No drugs? You don’t…?”

NICK: “Oh. Of course… I could provide you… with some… Artura leaves.” She just hands you a pile of big, sort of succulent leaves. There’s like three or four of them.

LAURA: Xianna looks at them and kind of reaches over and squints her eyes. “Is this like for pain, or what do these ones do?”

NICK: “You chew the leaves… and they’ll make you feel better.”

LAURA: “Okie.”

NICK: “… In the long run.”


LAURA: “Wait…”

NICK: The nurse turns to leave.

STEVEN: I order a round of Flame Outs for everyone, to make you feel better in the short term. (laughs)

LAURA: Xianna just starts… chewing on her leaf.

NICK: It is kind of gooey, and it makes your mouth fall asleep a little bit, but not in a fun impact way.


NICK: It doesn’t help with the pain at all. Maybe it fights infection. Maybe it’s a leaf.

LAURA: yeah… I mean, I’m chewing on the leaf.

NICK: Okay. Anybody wanna do anything else, or are you going up to sleep?

HUDSON: I’d say going to sleep.

LAURA: Yeah.

STEVEN: I ask for my blaster back.

CAMERON: Oh yeah, sure, here.

STEVEN: Excellent. I take my blaster.

HUDSON: I had my vibro-axe the whole time, I believe…


NICK: Yeah. Weird that the technician never asked about that.

HUDSON: Yeah, exactly. I was thinking like, that would be a weird thing for a technician to carry, but I just won’t mention it and see if they don’t mention it.

NICK: They’re racist. They probably just assumed that was a cultural thing that you carry a big axe around.

STEVEN: Maybe it’s part of the uniform.

NICK: To be fair, in the Star Wars universe, there are several races, or species, that carry big axes.

HUDSON: And Chewbacca always has- Is that, like- He has the straps across his chest. Do they have bullets in them?

STEVEN: I’m pretty sure it’s a bandolier.

NICK: Yeah, I think they’re ammunition.

HUDSON: They’re ammunition, and whenever they turn in their guns or anything they never ask for that.

LAURA: Well, because you don’t need the bullets if you don’t have the gun.

NICK: Except in Star Wars, all the bullets explode. You could just throw that at somebody.

HUDSON: Yeah, and you could find a gun somewhere and have all this ammo, so I don’t know. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

NICK: Eh. We’re not gonna get into Star Wars gun control arguments right now.


LAURA: Yeah.

STEVEN: It just looks like he’s supposed to wear it.

NICK: You all go up to sleep?

LAURA: Oh yeah. Xianna’s asleep before anyone else.

CAMERON: I ask the bartender of The Gooberfish to send a note to the Oracle with whatever report I got from them on what went down up there. ‘It seems unstable at this point, and it’s spinning kind of weird, but we don’t know what’s going on.’

NICK: Okay. The bartender says, “I will communicate… to the Oracle… for you.”

CAMERON: “Thank you!”

STEVEN: Are you still wearing a cloak on the planet?


NICK: She just got rid of that.

CAMERON: Now that we’re down here, I blew my cover to take you and Xianna in.

NICK: Okay. You all go to sleep?


NICK: Alright. Just a heads up, this next bit is gonna get kind of intense, so if you need to like call a time out or talk outside of character that’s fine. There’s nothing like triggery or anything, but eh, eh… It’s a thing.

You are awoken to the sound of deep thunder, turbo laser fire. There are fires outside The Gooberfish. You grab your gear and run outside. Green light lances down from the sky ripping huge holes in the herdship. You see a city block obliterated and replaced with smoke. We cut to the bridge of the Vengeance.

Multiple of the control boards are hollowed out and smoking. We see the corpses of several officers stretched out on the ground bleeding from small wounds all over their limbs. The captain of the Vengeance is a portly man with well-groomed hair that is still in place even under pressure. He sits in his command chair with three stormtroopers standing around him firing outward at scrabbling creatures climbing over piles of dead, white furred rat-like creatures just like them. the camera zooms past the hoards to stragglers chewing through electronic panels and metal bulk heads. The captain pounds his hand onto the arm of his command chair.

“This is Captain Kruller. The ship is lost. Ithorian terrorists have released some sort of bioweapon. Blockade ships, keep your distance. We can’t risk the weapon spreading. To my crew, it has been an honor serving with each of you. You have acted with honor and strength at every opportunity. Gunnery crews, aim for the primary herdship below us. The Ithorian scum will not get away with this travesty. Fire all until the last. The entire Empire will hear the death call of the Vengeance.”

A wave of the creatures pours over the captain and the stormtroopers, silencing them… and we’re back to the planet again. You are being bombarded from orbit.

LAURA: Oh shit. “This is not good… Okay… Or am I still asleep?”

HUDSON: I wake up.

LAURA: ‘No? This is real? Okay. Just checking…”

NICK: The Vengeance must have put two and two together and is living up to its name. the city won’t last long. Another turbo laser blast rains from the sky striking the building behind you. It is obliterated, showering you all with rubble, and there is only darkness. We’re gonna do these one at a time.

Tink, you wake up half buried under the door of The Gooberfish. Can you make me an Athletics check to see if you can get out of the rubble?

HUDSON: Heh, heh, heh…

LAURA: (giggles)

NICK: (laughs) You’re so strong. Do you not know how to Athletics?

HUDSON: I don’t know how to Athletics at all.


LAURA: Yeah, but you have Brawn.

HUDSON: I have Brawn.

STEVEN: Luckily he’s so fuzzy.

CAMERON: You need a difficulty.

HUDSON: What difficulty?

NICK: Hard.

HUDSON: Two successes and a disadvantage.

NICK: Okay. you are able to get the rubble mostly off of you, but you do cut up your hands some. You take a wound, past your Soak, as your hands start to bleed from the sharp rocks. You have to get to the Afternoon Delight and get off the herdship, quickly. This thing is going down.

HUDSON: I run towards the Afternoon Delight.

NICK: Alright. Describe one scene of the destruction of the city on your way.

STEVEN: (explosion noises)

NICK: Yeah, that’s just happening. It’s just bombarded, big chunks are getting blown away.

STEVEN: Just setting the scene for you, Hudson.

NICK: You can describe one piece of destruction.

HUDSON: So, there’s a man stumbling around kind of in shock, and he’s like yelling over to me, and he’s like, “I don’t know what’s happening. Just tell my family—“ A turbo laser hits him and he evaporates.

NICK: Great.


NICK: You’re the first one to the ship. The landing pad is beginning to crack as you run onboard. What do you do?

HUDSON: I get on the coms and see if anyone else is on their way.

NICK: Alright. We’re gonna stop there, and we’re gonna move to the next one.

Xianna, you come to. The blast threw you across the street and through a shop window. Make me a Coordination check.

LAURA: Oh boy. Do I have that? Yes I do. Okay.

NICK: You’re a rogue. I should hope so.

LAURA: Well, I mean, I actually don’t have any points in it. I looked wrong.

NICK: Eh, oh well. It’s Agility.

LAURA: But I have Agility. Okay. Difficulty?

NICK: Hard.

LAURA: Also, am I still using the Agonizing Wound, or is that gone because of the boot?

NICK: Keep using it. Yeah, it’s going to be extremely difficult for you.

LAURA: Okay, yeah, I’m gonna flip a light side point for this.


LAURA: So… That would be a despair, with a threat…

NICK: Ooh.

LAURA: …and then another threat.

NICK: Okay. this window did not shatter in a way that is conducive to you coming away unharmed. You were knocked unconscious from the blast. You weren’t able to catch yourself. You take 10 strain…

LAURA: Cool.

NICK: …and I need you to roll me a crit, please.

LAURA: Can do! Twenty-four.

NICK: Which is?

LAURA: Twenty-four is… Off Balance: Add a black die to the next skill check.

NICK: Okay. a piece of glass has kind of sliced up through your torso and you’re bleeding from there. It also ripped off a lot of the bandages from your foot so it didn’t get enough time to heal, so you still have that one. You’re walking around with two crits. You’re bleeding profusely. You’re in a lot of pain. You can also feel blood running down your forehead. You can smell smoke. The building you are in is burning. You are able to climb over the rubble and through the back door into an alley. You have to get to the ship. The herdship will only stay airborne for so long. You feel the ground jolt as another turbo laser volley strikes the city. Describe one person that you fail to save on your way to the ship.

LAURA: Why are you doing this to me? Um… Oh, I bet there’s like a person in a building and I’m trying to pry a door open to help them out, and I can see the laser blast coming. I’m able to roll away and it hits the farther side of the building, so I don’t get hit but the building itself still blows up.

NICK: Okay. they are obliterated and drop to the jungle beneath.

LAURA: And, they are gone… so then I just keep running.

NICK: You make it to the ship as the city begins to fall. Tink is there ahead of you. Tink, you’ve been trying to call but there’s weird static on the coms. You’re having trouble making connections.

HUDSON: Does our ship have shields I can turn on?

NICK: Yeah.

HUDSON: I turn on the shields.

NICK: Okay. Do you guys say anything as you meet each other on the ship?

LAURA: “So yeah… We’re being blown up. I didn’t realize this was part of it.”

HUDSON: “I think this might be because of us.”

LAURA: “I think it might be, yeah. Let’s pass the blame off to Sentinel. He was the one who told us to do this, and gave us this weapon that he did not explain.”

HUDSON: “I’m okay passing the blame.”

LAURA: “Are Karma and Sabos here yet?”

HUDSON: “No, not yet.”

LAURA: “Okay. I’m going to sit down. I’m kind of hot. I’ll sit in one of the gunnery seats in case we need it, but if I fall asleep please poke me. I’m bleeding out I think.”

HUDSON: “Will do.”

NICK: And she limps into the ship. Karma. You were sent skidding down a side street in the blast. Roll a force die for me.

CAMERON: (giggles nervously) Okay. One dark side.

NICK: You pat yourself down and realize you have lost a piece of equipment. What equipment have you lost?

CAMERON: Hmm… I have so many. I’m going to lose the heavy pistol that I’d stolen from Felton. I’m down a pistol.

NICK: Okay. you lose his heavy pistol. You’re down a pistol. Alright.

CAMERON: Everything else is too expensive to lose.

NICK: The sky is scorched with black smoke. You hear low bellowing somewhere in the distance. The herdship jolts and begins to tilt giving the entire city a slant. You need to get to the ship, now. Your companions will need you. Describe one thing you pass on the way to the ship that reminds you of your time here.

CAMERON: Okay. Karma takes off running down the street, and she runs past the Imperial archive that Sabos had tagged earlier, and all of the buildings around it are destroyed but it’s still standing, and the tag is still like proudly displayed on it, and some other tags have been added since then, like backing it up.

NICK: That’s great. You get to the ship and run inside. Tink and Xianna are there. The landing pad looks like it is about to break free of the herdship entirely.

CAMERON: “Holy shit, guys. Why isn’t the ship turned on?!” She runs to the cockpit and turns it on. (laughs)

LAURA: Xianna’s kind of like, “Oh- Oh… Um, I mean, that’s not really my job. Um, I’m just gonna be in this chair. Um… Yeah. You all can do that. Right? Does anyone have any stim packs? Asking for me.”

CAMERON: “Unfortunately, no. I’m gonna get this ship—Is everybody here?” Karma is flipping all the switches in the cockpit.

NICK: Alright. Good.

LAURA: Xianna starts counting on her fingers. She’s like, “There is Karma, there is Tink—”

HUDSON: That’s everybody—Wait.

LAURA: “There is me… Do we have a fourth person?”

CAMERON: “Yes. Sabos.” (laughs)

LAURA: “Oh, yeah, Sabos. I am bleeding out.”

NICK: So, Sabos. You wake up with your head ringing. The roads are full of rubble. You don’t recognize where you are. You must have been thrown over the back of The Gooberfish. The roads are blocked with solid pieces of durasteel. It will take time to climb over there. The herdship is falling. You smell smoke and can hear the whistling of the wind. You’re far from the ship too far. You’re not sure you’ll make it in time. You’re not even sure it’s possible. What do you do?

STEVEN: “I’m not sure it’s possible…” I run.

NICK: Okay. You start running for the ship?

STEVEN: Yeah. Yeah, sure.

NICK: You’re having to scramble over huge pieces of debris.

STEVEN: Oh, I also just shoot into the air wildly, like hopefully hitting the ISS Vengeance.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Okay. Just running and screaming and shooting.


NICK: You also find a com, just in the middle of the street.

STEVEN: Perfect.

NICK: Yeah, you grab that. We jump back to the ship. The pad is cracking and starting to fall. You can feel it. You have to take off or you are going to be dropped to the jungle at this point.

CAMERON: Alright. I engage the engines so we start lifting off, but I’m hovering. I’m  not leaving yet.

NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: “I think we gotta go.”

LAURA: “Let’s see if we can get Sabos on the coms.”

STEVEN: “This is Sabos, on the coms,” Sabos says on the coms.

LAURA: “Oh!”

CAMERON: “Convenient. Where are you at?”

STEVEN: “I… I don’t know. I see durasteel everywhere, and there’s piles of it…”

CAMERON: “That’s not real helpful.”

STEVEN: “…things are cracking…”

CAMERON: I’m gonna start driving the ship along back towards the route towards The Gooberfish flying slightly above the buildings so that we can see the streets.

NICK: Okay.

STEVEN: “I’ll be shooting up into the air.”

CAMERON: “Oh- Okay. Shields engaged. We’re good.”

NICK: So, turbo laser fire is raining down around you. It’s extremely risky, you could get hit, but you’re making your way back along. Sabos, you actually see the ship in the distance with search lights going. It’s headed in pretty much your direction.

STEVEN: I keep shooting at it.

NICK: Are you still running down the street?


NICK: You come to a barrier that’s about 20 feet high. You’re not able to get around it.

STEVEN: “Well, I’m not 20 feet tall,” I say on the coms.

CAMERON: “Okay?”

LAURA: “Well, yes?”

LAURA & HUDSON: “What does that even mean?”

STEVEN: “You see, there’s something about 20 feet tall in front of me, and I’m a solid six feet tall.”

CAMERON: Can I roll a Perception to see if I can figure out what 20 foot tall thing he’s talking about since it’s kind of being flattened?

NICK: Sure.

STEVEN: I’ll be shooting at you.

CAMERON: Okay. I’m also looking for blaster fire coming from the surface.

NICK: Sure. This’ll be average.

LAURA: Xianna yells out from the gunnery seat. “I have glitterstim if you want that. It kind of helps you see things better. I mean, it kind of gets weird, but in case you want that…”

CAMERON: “Don’t really have time for that right now.”

STEVEN: I shoot directly at the cockpit.

NICK: (laughs) Okay.

LAURA: “Tink, what about you? You want some glitterstim? I mean, why not?”

CAMERON: That’s three successes and a threat.

NICK: Okay. you can see where he’s at, and you start to head that direction, but he’s a little far.

STEVEN: “Do you see me? I’m shooting at you.” Pew, pew.

CAMERON: “I see you, buddy. I’m coming over there.”

NICK: So, Sabos, at this point, you get a brief moment, you look up and see the glow of a turbo laser barrage headed straight towards you. You have about a second to react. There’s no way you’re getting out of this. Do you have any regrets?

STEVEN: My only regret is that I didn’t save more people with my head tails.

NICK: The last we see of Sabos…

STEVEN: (laughs)

NICK: …is him staring peacefully into the sky. You’re able to get close enough that you see him silhouetted by the laser. A glowing green light comes straight for him. He holds his fourth head tail. There is a roar, a flash, and he is gone.

LAURA: Xianna is in the gunnery seat and she’s like, “Oh! I see Sabos—Ohhh… Oh. Kriff. Oh, oh boy. Okay. Uh, Sabos just died…”

HUDSON: “Are you sure?”

LAURA: “Yes. We kind of just watched him get shot with turbo lasers. I don’t think you survive that.”

CAMERON: I’m gonna swoop over that spot.

NICK: You can see down to the jungle below. About a 50 yard in every direction hole has been blown in the herdship. There’s nothing.

CAMERON: “Yeah, not promising…”

NICK: And the bombardment begins to increase as well.

CAMERON: I’m gonna fly off. I guess I raise the ramp, because it’s been down.

LAURA: “Yeah, he’s gone. We fly away.”

CAMERON: And I’m gonna fly off…

NICK: Okay. So, from the Afternoon Delight you see the back of the city broken by the bombardment. The herdship drops impossibly fast to the jungle below, and is engulfed in flames.

The jungle begins to burn. As you fly for orbit you see that the Vengeance has stopped firing. It’s venting atmosphere and drifting, dead. You see fires and explosions throughout the ship. It looks like the ship finally succumbed to the weapon you introduced. The other ships of the blockade have pulled back far from the super star destroyer. One of them is shooting the smattering of escape pods that are being jettisoned from the Vengeance. You’re able to break from the gravity well without being noticed and jump to hyperspace.

End of episode.

ALL: Ba-na~!

(All make dramatic noises)


## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Sabos Nix was played by Steven Schroeder. He… does not exist on the internet.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @tabletop_squad. For real! We’re real people and we wanna talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.

Word document download: Episode 12 We Didn’t Start the Firefight

PDF download: Episode 12 We Didn’t Start the Firefight

Read in browser:

Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 12:
We Didn’t Start the Firefight

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

Note – Laura’s character Xianna’fan speaks in an accent. Most of her soft I’s sound like “ee,” and most of her TH’s sound like Z’s. Example: “this and that” = “zees and zat”

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, a fringer, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

We hope you all are enjoying our double release schedule for the next few weeks. Remember, another episode of the flashback series starring Jet and Juke will be out next Thursday as well. This was all thanks to your thoughtful reviews. Please continue to spread the word about the show so that we can continue to expand.

Additional music this week is Konjioya by Dan Yankee, Pocket Zombie by FlexVector, and The League of Mice by DZ.

We hope you enjoy the episode.


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron! I’m Nick, your host and game master. Welcome to Episode 12. We’re gonna go around the table. Everybody say who you are, what your character is, and if you spent any experience since the last time we played let us know what you upgraded. Gonna start with Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello! I am playing Karma Nailo the Nautolan bounty hunter, and I have upgraded my Deception skill to Rank 2 and my Brawl skill to Rank 1.

NICK: Ooh.


NICK: Alright. Next up, we’ve got Steven.



STEVEN: I’m playing Sabos the Togruta, and I got that right the first time.

NICK: Yeah, we’re very proud of you.

STEVEN: And I had a 2000% increase in my Vigilance score up from 0 to 2.

NICK: Wow, that’s pretty good. Next up we’ve got Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi. I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink the Gigoran slicer, and I too upped my Vigilance from 0 to 2.

STEVEN: Two million percent.

HUDSON: Two— … Yeah.


NICK: Last but not least, we’ve got Laura.

LAURA: Hello. I’m Laura. I play Xianna, and I upgraded my Streetwise from 1 to 2, not a 2000% increase.

NICK: One to 2 in Streetwise. Great.

LAURA: I also bought another Grit on my talent tree.

NICK: Nice. That’s good. You’ll be able to stand up to whatever strain you run into.

LAURA: Hopefully. That is the plan.

NICK: I’m sure you won’t need that.

LAURA: It’ll be fine.

STEVEN: I have lots of Survival.

NICK: We’re very proud of you. (laughs) Before we get started, let’s do the Destiny Roll!

CAMERON: One dark side.

STEVEN: One dark side.

LAURA: One dark side.

HUDSON: Two light side.

CAMERON: Thank you, Hudson.

LAURA: You are gonna save us.

HUDSON: Saved it.

NICK: Tink’s the shining light in the darkness.

CAMERON: So, that is three dark side, two light side.

NICK: Great. When we last left off, several of you had been, I’m making air quotes, “captured” by the Empire, and are now actually captured by the Empire. Sabos and Xianna are being led deeper into the ship presumably to some sort of space jail, or as they call it, ‘the brig.’ Karma is leaving on her borrowed ship to go and run support, and Tink is scrambling out of the landing bay trying to get to computers, I assume.


NICK: Great. So, we open on the landing bay of the super star destroyer. A small transport is lifting off, and the camera zooms in enough to show Karma in the pilot seat before panning wide. The landing area of the super star destroyer, Vengeance, is lined with TIE fighters. It’s about the size of a football field. The black floors are polished to a mirror shine and there are a series of doors lining the far walls. The camera pans and we see a blur of white fur as Tink runs into one of the doors and into a hallway.

We’re gonna start with you, Tink. You have the Rancore Protocol. What are you planning on doing? You’re on the ship to destroy it, to break up the blockade. The Rancore Protocol is going to help, but you haven’t opened it up, so you’re not sure what it does. It’s like a flash drive with an encrypted program on it that you know will help, you’re not sure how.

CAMERON: You also have the mysterious Chinese take-out box.

NICK: Oh. Do you?




NICK: Yeah, he does.

CAMERON: He has everything that they’re gonna need on the ship. The only thing that I think didn’t go up… I still have Sabos’s rifle because it’s ginormous, but I think all of Xianna’s guns and stuff are with Tink. No, you have some of them, because they’re hidden.

LAURA: I pretty much kept all of my stuff except…

CAMERON: Oh! I have all your drugs.

LAURA: yes! I left my drugs.

CAMERON: That’s what it was. I have the drugs.

LAURA: All of them? Shit.

CAMERON: I think so.

STEVEN: It might be a long time in that cell.

LAURA: That was a bad idea.

CAMERON: Because I think you didn’t want them finding them.

NICK: (laughs) Roll for withdrawal. (musically)

CAMERON: Wait, no. you have a little compact case thing. You kept your compact case. I think I just had the extra drugs.

NICK: If it comes up we’ll figure it out. I’m not too worried about it.

CAMERON: Okay. We’ll just say the only thing I have, definitely, is Sabos’s gun, because that’s not something Tink can sneak with easily.

NICK: Sure. So, they’re on the ship captured. You’re presumably gonna wanna break them out, run support. You have already proven you can get into these computers, so you can do research for them, you can fuck with stuff on the ship, you have whatever’s in the take-out box of doom which you know if you open it in the right place will pretty much destroy the ship but you gotta figure that out, and you have your encrypted program that will do something really cool but you never decrypted it so you’re not sure what it is. Does that make sense?

LAURA: Remember that you have coms and I have coms.

CAMERON: Sabos got his confiscated.

LAURA: Sabos does not have coms, but you and I can talk to each other, at least.

HUDSON: Yeah. Okay.

CAMERON: And y’all can talk to me.


CAMERON: Because I also have coms, but I’m not on the ship. I’m leaving.

STEVEN: I should’ve hidden them in my head tails.

CAMERON: I mean, that’s where your ear would be, they just… Yours was more visible than Xianna’s.

STEVEN: Yeah. It’s a shame.

CAMERON: They were just real excited about finding the spray paint on Xianna so they stopped looking.

LAURA: Well, Xianna has the benefit of being a Twi’lek, so she wears a headgear piece that can hide things.

STEVEN: That’s true.

HUDSON: So, I’m in a hallway right now.

NICK: Yup. You’re in a standard hallway for a super star destroyer. It is long, it is lined by doors, there are some cameras but they’re not really pointed towards you. You think you’ll be able to avoid them pretty easily, kind of like at a department store where they have the cameras but they’re just pointed into random corners and stuff. They’re not that good.

STEVEN: The eight and a half foot tall Gigoran can avoid the cameras easily?

NICK: Yup.

HUDSON: Yeah, my Stealth.

STEVEN: Pretty good. (laughs)

NICK: He’s solid. So, you would be wanting to probably get into the system, and first thing would probably be support them in some sort of escape attempt and decipher the Rancore Protocol a little bit.

HUDSON: Yeah, I know what I’m doing. I know what I’m gonna do now.

NICK: Okay. Talk through the thing.

HUDSON: In the hallway, I look left and right and try to read if there’s anything on the doors that is legible, any signs that say something like ‘Technology Room.’

NICK: (laughs) Roll me a force die, would you? (hums a Star Wars tune)

HUDSON: One light side.

NICK: Yeah. It turns out that this place is super organized and has the hospital colored stripe lines to lead you places. Because this is where people land and then debark through the ship, you’re next to one of the keys that’s like ‘red arrow, Barracks, yellow arrow, Mess, black arrow, the Bridge, white arrow, Technology Center.’ (laughs)

HUDSON: Ah, good. I go towards the Technology Center, being stealthy along the way.

NICK: Alright. Make me a Stealth roll.

LAURA: Nah, it’s fine.

HUDSON: What level of difficulty?

NICK: Average, two purples.

HUDSON: Two successes, three threats.

STEVEN: (laughs)

NICK: Yeah, so… You are able to sneak through these corridors pretty easily. There are a few patrols. You see two stormtroopers turn around the corner, and right before they see you an officer comes through a door and starts throwing a fit, and he’s yelling. “Oh, this is stupid! I can’t believe they’re doing this! This maneuver makes no sense!” The two stormtroopers just ‘nope’ and turn around and leave, and you’re able to get past them without any problems.

You get to a clear transparesteel door, and inside you can see banks of computers and a couple of technicians. It looks very 1970s mission control in its setup. You get to the door, the door swings open, and you fall prone with a loud bang. (dramatic bass noise) And we’re gonna switch perspectives!

So, moving on from that, you can think about how you’re gonna deal with that situation. Sabos and Xianna, the camera pans into the back of Tink’s head and you see a forest of white fur, and then zooms out of a stormtrooper’s helmet. You are being escorted down the hallway by two stormtroopers and the deck captain with his squeebly mustache and his well-pressed black uniform. The halls are almost blank. You pass a door and four  more stormtroopers pile out of an adjoining hallway and fall into formation.

The captain says, “It’s lucky that we were treated with reinforcements yesterday. This is the most secure ship in the Empire.” It’s almost like it would have been easier to navigate the ship if you had been there a day earlier.

STEVEN: “How many reinforcements were you treated with? I just want to know how bad of an idea bad ideas would be.”

NICK: “You know, it’s really weird, I almost told you exactly what our armament is, but you’re a prisoner!” He motions, and a stormtrooper smacks you in the back of the head.

STEVEN: My head tails absorb it and I make a (yelping) ‘ow’ noise.

(snorts, snickering and giggling)

LAURA: (mockingly) ‘Ow.’

NICK: Yeah. That makes sense. You are being led further and further into the ship. This is a super star destroyer, so it’s roughly city sized, it’s very big. The Vengeance is not the biggest one but it is still quite large. Xianna, can you make me an Underworld check?

LAURA: I can!

NICK: We’ll see if you’ve been arrested in a star destroyer before.

LAURA: Ooh! Maybe.


CAMERON: It shall be so interesting to find out.

LAURA: Just a straight one, or is there difficulty?

NICK: Average.

LAURA: Yeah. Two successes, and one threat.

NICK: Alright. Time to start the threat counter. Don’t worry about what that’s adding up to, everybody.

LAURA: It’ll be fine.

NICK: It will be fine. So yes, you’ve been arrested on a star destroyer before, and while you haven’t ever been on a super star destroyer, one of the things that happens in empires is they standardize a lot of stuff. It’s pretty easy to tell. You’re on a—Ooh! What’s the name of that stupid pattern? The one that’s like checker board but it’s not.

LAURA: Hound’s Tooth?

NICK: Yeah. You’re on the Hound’s Tooth line and you pass one of the keys on the wall that says ‘Detention Area.’ You’re following that, and you know in the past that it tends to be pretty far in, the security gets stronger the closer you are, and the longer you stay with this group the harder it’s going to be to rendezvous with Tink and do the mission, but as you’re thinking that through, one of the stormtroopers peels off and gets on a turbo lift and goes away. You think it’ll be harder to get back out, but there will be less people to overpower or confuse or trick or whatever your plan is the further in you go.

LAURA: How many stormtroopers are currently around us?

CAMERON: It would be five plus the deck captain.

NICK: Mm-hmm. It was six plus the deck captain, one just left, so you got six dudes.

LAURA: Xianna kind of whispers over at Sabos. “Mmm, Sabos? Hypothetically speaking, in the past, have you ever gotten into unarmed bar fights?”

STEVEN: “Oh, I have a knife.”


NICK: “What?!”

LAURA: “You don’t just say that out loud.”

STEVEN: “Uh, we call head tails, uh, my fourth head tail.”

LAURA: “Oh. Oh yes, of course, that Togruta slang.”

NICK: “Captain. Captain! The captive is saying he has a knife!”

STEVEN: “It’s a fourth head tail, Togruta things. I’m a diplomat—“

NICK: You can roll me a Deception.

STEVEN: Yeah, let’s do it. Yeah, this is gonna go well.

LAURA: Can Xianna help him by trying to talk…?

STEVEN: How hard is it?

NICK: It’s gonna be average. They don’t actually believe that you’re competent. You can have a blue die for chipping in.

LAURA: Xianna wants to chip in and be like, “Oh yes, it’s head tail slang…”

STEVEN: Um… It’s two advantages.

NICK: They don’t believe you, but you can have some advantages. You can spend the advantages to give yourself a blue die on the opposed Skulduggery check to see if they find the knife that you were talking about.

STEVEN: Yeah, that’ll be fine.

CAMERON: Can the advantages be that they’re like, ‘eh, he’s not that threatening. There’s five of us. I’m sure it’s fine.’

NICK: They’re still gonna pat him down. This deck captain’s pretty mad. “Well, we must search the prisoner again.” They go to pat you down.

STEVEN: “Yu… You already did.”

NICK: “Yes, but clearly you’re admitting to contraband, you strange mutant.”

STEVEN: “By the way, my knife is hidden under my head tails.”

NICK: Gross.

STEVEN: (laughs) It’s sheathed.

LAURA: I’m assuming we’re in binders. Are our hands in front or behind?

NICK: In front.

LAURA: Okay.

STEVEN: Perfect.

NICK: You can try an droll me some sort of talky check to make them not want to search you by making your head tails sound gross, which you did, or you can say that it’s hidden well enough they don’t find it and they think you’re crazy. Which would you prefer to do?

STEVEN: Let’s try a talky check. We’ll Negotiate?

NICK: No. you can do Charm or Deception.

STEVEN: Well, yeah, let’s do Deception again. Yeah.

NICK: Okay. A blue die from your advantages from your last one. This is average. They don’t really wanna search you again, they’re just trying to get you to the brig so they can get on with their actual job.

STEVEN: Yeah. I’m just gonna start talking about head tails, like you can touch the fourth head tail if you’d like, and that’s what I call my knife.

NICK: You don’t even have eyebrows, but they’re wiggling.

STEVEN: A success and an advantage.

NICK: There you go. Okay, the captain looks and says, “He probably has a knife… but we’re not going to look for it. Continue on.” You get bashed in the head again with a rifle.

STEVEN: I give him one head tail to feel, like ‘this is my knife.’

NICK: “No, no, no. Prisoner, I don’t even know how you managed to do that. Your hands are bound in front of you.”

STEVEN: “I am double-jointed in the shoulders, and I—“

NICK: “Gross. Gross. Stop it, stop it, stop it. Soldiers, keep your prisoners under control, and we’re gonna keep on moving.”

LAURA: “So, anyways, (sternly) Sabos.”

STEVEN: “You wanna touch the head tail?”

LAURA: “No. I have my own. They are much nicer, thank you.”

STEVEN: “That’s true.”

LAURA: “Thank you.”

STEVEN: “Mine are bigger.”

LAURA: “No… No thank you.”


LAURA: “Anyways. If you in the past had gotten into bar fights, how many people did you fight at once with no weapons? In the past, you know that bar fight you got into a few months ago?”

STEVEN: “Yes. That bar fight.”

LAURA: “How many people was that against?”

STEVEN: “Solid one, maybe two.”

LAURA: “(heavy sigh)”

STEVEN: “Maybe, maybe not even one. Does a mug count?”

LAURA: “No, Sabos, a mug does not count unless you have a mug on you right now.”

STEVEN: “No. I fought a mug.”

LAURA: “(sighs)”

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: (laughing) Alright. On that line, we’re going to pan over to Karma, actually. So, we jump to a shot of you, it’s an over the shoulder view, as you’re steering away from the star destroyer. You’re in a square, blocky space ferry basically, not the best ship in the world. What are you doing?

CAMERON: So, at this point Felton has climbed out of the other storage compartment he was hiding in when we landed.

NICK: “Is it good to come out?”

CAMERON: “Yeah. We’re already off the ship.”

NICK: “Oh. I thought I felt some acceleration, but you know, with a… uh, that joke’s not good. Anyway. What were you saying?”


CAMERON: “I wasn’t saying anything. I’m just flying.”

NICK: “Yeah. I’m working on censoring myself a little better, making friends, you know.”

CAMERON: “Cool. So yeah, we’re flying away from the star destroyer.”

NICK: “That’s exactly where I want to be.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, so we’re gonna head back down to the herdship.”

NICK: “What are we gonna do down there?”

CAMERON: “Well, uh, first off I need to get rid of this ship, probably, and just turn it back into the rental facility, like not actually get rid of it.”

NICK: “Yeah. Yeah.”

CAMERON: “Because I want my ship back. And, I mean, we got a while… I don’t know how long it’s gonna take them up there, but I mean, we can hang out and talk…”

NICK: “Ooh…”

CAMERON: “We could, um, we could go mess around with some of the other ships in the blockade?”

NICK: “That sounds interesting.”

CAMERON: “I would need your assistance on that, because I do have a…” She pulls out the security cylinder from her jacket. “I do have this, so we can fake credentials, but it is a male officer so I would need your voice for that to work. I don’t know what exactly we would accomplish by doing that, but…”

NICK: “Well, you’re the mission planner. I was just supposed to secure supplies, and you keep threatening to shoot me when I try to leave the group, so…”


NICK: “It’s whatever you wanna do…” The ship will go down to the planet. Is your goal to get back up in space on the Afternoon Delight or are you staying on the herdship?

CAMERON: We’re gonna stay on the herdship for the moment.

NICK: Okay. If you’re on the ship with the com setup that you all have, anybody with a com is gonna be able to communicate with you, so if things start to get hot or you feel the need to get them a distraction, something like that, you’ll be able to jump in. we’ll check in on you periodically if you are deciding to do that.

CAMERON: We probably will head back up, but I don’t want to get up high enough that I show up on any of the sensors as approaching them.

NICK: Okay, so you’re thinking low orbit on standby.


NICK: Okay! So, we are gonna jump back to Tink. You have just loudly face-planted. There are three technicians in this room. Two of them kind of jump up and turn around. They’re wearing white kind of static suits that you see on people in server rooms occasionally but with the little Imperial logo on the breast pocket. They turn around, and they don’t even know exactly what to do.

One of the guys goes, “This is highly irregular,” and the other one just starts routing around under his desk. You don’t know what he’s looking for.

HUDSON: “Ow. Man… Can someone help me up?”

NICK: “Uh, yeah.” The first guy grabs you and tries to help you to your feet.

HUDSON: “Ah, thank you. I’m actually here to fix one of the systems.”

NICK: “Uh, what? You’re not on the information core.”

HUDSON: “Oh, no, no. it’s a weird thing. My escort’s actually in the bathroom right now, and he forgot to put me on there.”

NICK: (grinning) Alright. Make me a deception roll, please. (laughter) I’m super happy that you’re trying to social engineer this.

LAURA: Oh boy.

HUDSON: Yeah. My Deception is not so hot, really. Let’s look here.

NICK: You could flip a light side point.

LAURA: You have nothing in Deception.

HUDSON: I have nothing in Deception.

STEVEN: But you have Cunning.

HUDSON: I do have Cunning, though.

CAMERON: You got this.

NICK: So, it’s gonna be an average difficulty, because you are big and imposing. This guy doesn’t really wanna call your bluff, but he’s also obligated by his duty to the Empire.

HUDSON: Alright. Two successes and a threat.

NICK: A threat, you say? One more for the threat counter. (musically) Don’t worry about that, I’m sure it’s fine.

Okay. The guy stands up, takes a step back from you and looks at you. “Well, whoever your escort is, he really shouldn’t have done that, but we’ve got an extra terminal over here. The other technician was off duty today. I guess you can set up there. You have your login credentials, right?”

HUDSON: “Yes, absolutely.”

NICK: At this point, the guy who was routing around under his desk pulls out a heavy blaster pistol and goes, “Ha-ha! I got it—Oh… You’re a contractor. Darn,” and puts it back under the desk and goes back to sit down.

HUDSON: “Ha. No need for that unless it’s Nerf.”

NICK: “No, I can assure you, it’s quite real.”


NICK: “It’s not one of those stun blasters from the Nerf Interstellar Corporation that some offices like to use for teambuilding.”


CAMERON: That was great.

NICK: I saved it!

CAMERON: I’m happy those exist now.

NICK: Yup. Nerf blasters are a thing.

HUDSON: They survived hundreds of years.

NICK: And a different galaxy.

LAURA: Different galaxy, Hudson.

HUDSON: Oh yeah.

STEVEN: About the same time.

CAMERON: Also, a long time ago.

NICK: LEGO is also canon.

HUDSON: Oh, it is?

NICK: It is now. I just said so. So, moving on! The technician shows you over to a seat. It’s like a spinny barstool kind of thing. It is way too short for you so you have to hunch over, but there’s lots of glowing lights and a clear screen with a bunch of geometric shapes on it that don’t seem to move no matter what you do, and there’s some data ports. It’s pretty much a node into the main computer of the star destroyer. Good job.

HUDSON: Alright. I say, “Thank you so much. I’m good now.”

NICK: “Alright. Well, I think I need to oversee until your minder gets back, so I’ll just stand here… Don’t mind me.”

HUDSON: ‘Okay. Sounds good.”

NICK: “Great.” (musically) One Deception check does not complete access get you. (laughter)

Okay. We’re gonna jump back to Sabos and Xianna. you are heading deeper in. you have taken a turbo lift down at this point. It was quite crowded, five stormtroopers, a deck captain, the two of you in a small elevator. As you pile out, two more of the stormtroopers peel away and head off on a separate patrol, so you’re down to three stormtroopers and the deck captain.

LAURA: Once those other stormtroopers get far enough away, Xianna looks over at Sabos. “Uh, Sabos…”

STEVEN: “Yes?”

LAURA: “My hands are currently in my pockets, and I am about to take my hands out of my pockets.”

NICK: How do you have your hands in your pockets?

LAURA: I have many pockets. (giggles)

NICK: Oh, okay.

CAMERON: She’s got the two side pockets, and then there’s a middle pocket that connects the two, so she just reached into that one. (laughs)

LAURA: I probably have my two hands in one of the side pockets, so it’s a little awkward looking, but the coat flairs a bit so there is room to kind of shift it to do that. I am holding my blaster in one hand as I tell this to Sabos. “Okay Sabos, hands are coming out of the pockets in three… two… one,” and then I pull out my blaster and start shooting.

NICK: Alright. You can make a Cool check.

LAURA: (gasps) I have Cool!

NICK: Sabos, you can make a Cool or a Vigilance check on whether you’re surprised by this maneuver or not.

STEVEN: I’ll do Cool.

LAURA: Was there a difficulty in that?

NICK: NO. it’s initiative. It’s a straight check.

LAURA: Three successes, one advantage.

NICK: Damn.

STEVEN: A triumph and two advantages.


CAMERON: And a success.

STEVEN: And a success.

LAURA: We’re cool.

NICK: Triumph, a success, and two advantages… And then, the stormtroopers are going to roll as a group, so that’s gonna be three greens for them. these guys are reasonably capable.

CAMERON: Three successes, two advantages.

NICK: Oh shit.

STEVEN: They pretty cool.

NICK: And then the deck captain is a green and a yellow.

CAMERON: Three successes, one advantage.

NICK: Ooh, this is not gonna go well. We’re gonna do NPC slot, PC slot, NPC slot, PC slot. That being said, with those advantages and that triumph, you can add some stuff to this scene to work in your advantage.

LAURA: So, I definitely want there to not be any cameras in this particular area.

NICK: Alright. That’s two advantages. You have one advantage and a triumph left.

LAURA: (gasps) There’s some sort of large cleaning droid, like trash can sized, that we can get behind a little bit.

NICK: Okay. I’ll even give you, if you spend the triumph on it, I’ll say that it’s driven between you and the guards as it goes off, so you’ll have cover when they try to shoot you, and that’s why you moved when you did.

LAURA: It’s your triumph.

NICK: Unless you want to use your triumph on something else. Either way, you get an advantage or a triumph to spend.

STEVEN: Yeah. That seems pretty good, or just them falling prone.

CAMERON: Can the other advantage be that there’s also a trash chute in this hallway? Because there’s a trash droid, you need a trash chute.

NICK: Steven rolled a bunch of stuff. If he has an idea, I’d love him to use it.

STEVEN: One of my ideas was they fall prone, but I kind of like a trash droid better. I think a triumph can make them fall prone.

LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: You got three advantages and a triumph, so you can have…

STEVEN: Yeah. You can have a trash chute.

NICK: No cameras, a trash chute, and a trash droid that’s driven between them. it’s like a mini-fridge…

STEVEN: Do we know where the trash chute goes?

CAMERON: … To the trash room.

STEVEN: Perfect. Just wanted to make sure.

NICK: (laughs) Okay. So, that’s all going on right now. As you go to pull your pistol, it’s almost like there were people guarding you, watching you, that could hear you, and the stormtroopers are going to attempt to basically just tackle you to the ground. I need a green and a yellow against two purple, unless you have Melee Defense.

LAURA: Um, I don’t have Melee Brawl, but I do have 1 Defense in Melee.

NICK: … What?

LAURA: The smuggler’s trench coat gives you 1 Defense for both Ranged and Melee.

NICK: Okay, so there’s a black die in there too, and they’re basically just trying to tackle you to the ground. “She’s got a gun! She’s got a gun! Get her!” Oh, and another black die because there’s a droid in the way, and the three of them are trying to pile on Xianna.

LAURA: I have Agility. (laughs)

NICK: Does not matter. You also have Streetwise, and we’re all very happy about that.

STEVEN: I just yell, “Watch the head tails!”

CAMERON: Two purple, two black, a yellow, and a green?

NICK: Yup.

CAMERON: That is one failure.

NICK: Aw. Okay. They run to try and tackle Xianna to the ground, the three stormtroopers, leaving Sabos unguarded for a second. They trip up over the droid, and the one that manages to get past them tries to throw the butt of his rifle in your direction but it gets kind of deflected by the folds of your coat, and you find yourself with an open shot. Now it is a PC slot. Who’s gonna take it?

LAURA: I’m gonna take it since I have a gun.


LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: (laughs)

STEVEN: And people near you.

LAURA: And people near me. I’m gonna shoot him!

NICK: Alright. They’re at engaged range, which should make it an easy shot for you, unless you have… What’s the range on your pistol?

LAURA: It’s medium, but I have increased difficulty past short range, but if they’re engaged…

NICK: So it just makes it average then, because it goes one for engaged, but then one back for… Well, we’ll just do two difficulty. Whatever. Who cares? Not me.

LAURA: Yeah. So, two purple?

NICK: Two purple!

LAURA: I’m gonna flip a light side point.

NICK: (hums Star Wars tune)


LAURA: Yeah. That’s a complete wash.

NICK: Oh, okay. So you pivot on one foot and shoot up at the people who tried to attack you, and also shoot your trash droid, and it starts to (wailing noise) and starts spinning in circles. It looks like you hit one of the wheels.

LAURA: “Sorry!”

NICK: Moving on to an NPC slot. The deck captain says, “This is highly irregular!” He pulls out a small hulled out blaster, and seeing that Sabos is also spinning around tries to take a shot at him. That’s gonna be a green and a yellow versus two purple.

STEVEN: I’m just spinning around following the droid.

CAMERON: Does he get the black because the droid’s in between them?

NICK: He does get a black die because of the droid that is getting in the way of everything right now.

CAMERON: Okie-dokie.

NICK: (musically) Mobile cover.

CAMERON: A failure and one advantage.

NICK: He’s gonna use the advantage. He shoots at you, also hits the droid but doesn’t seem to hit anything important. The pitch of the droid’s screaming gets higher, but he doesn’t hit anybody or anything. “Blast! Ha-ha.”

STEVEN: ‘You tried.”

NICK: And it’s Sabos’s turn. (laughs)

STEVEN: I’m gonna try to vibro-knife him.

NICK: The deck captain?


NICK: Alright.

STEVEN: Because that’s what I got.

NICK: What does that look like, you running to stab this guy?

STEVEN: Well, my hands are also bound, but I can get the knife from the pocket, like, just two handed stab.

NICK: Cool.

STEVEN: I’m just gonna walk up to him, head tails a-swinging, and try to knife him.

NICK: Oh, okay. So that’s gonna be two purples.

STEVEN: I’m gonna look inquisitive, like, ‘why, why did you try to shoot me? I’m just over there spinning with the droid,’ and then (impact noises), you know.

LAURA: (laughs)

NICK: Okay. So, a black die because your hands are tied together, but otherwise just two purple.

STEVEN: Yup. This is gonna go well.

NICK: Oh, I’m sure.

STEVEN: Well, I got two advantages. (laughs)

NICK: Okay, so he steps backwards, your stab doesn’t connect because you’re wearing handcuffs so you’re not able to extend all the way. He points his gun at you. “Rebel scum!”

STEVEN: Can I spend one of the advantages on Xianna having a blue die?

NICK: Yeah, we’ll say you trying to stab their commanding officer—

STEVEN: Took them by surprise.

NICK: Yeah. Two of the stormtroopers turn to see what’s going on with the guy who’s their boss, and…

STEVEN: Also, if they think I’m even more incompetent, that would be cool too.

NICK: I think everyone thinks you’re incompetent. It’s okay. “Wow! He actually did have a knife.”

STEVEN: “Where was it?”

NICK: “Gross!”

STEVEN: (laughs)

NICK: Then we’re gonna jump to karma, so we can keep on moving. So, what has happened?

CAMERON: Felton and I have parked the ship, to the herdship. The shot probably shows us just at the Afternoon Delight floating above the herdship with some of the, you can kind of see some of the hazy forest floor of the planet below the herdship, and we enter into a deep conversation that they’ve been having about Felton’s hopes and dreams.

NICK: “Well, I always wanted to be a professional dancer, but… I try really hard, and I’m an athletic guy, but yeah, dancing. You know, Selonian dancing, some of the finest in the universe, and being a male Selonian, of which there are not many, I had lots of partners until I got … banished.”

CAMERON: “Oh… Well, I’m sure there are other Selonians who don’t live on planet that you could join up and form a dance troop.”

NICK: “Uh… I mean, yeah, except most of them don’t really like to talk to me, just like, in general. I could dance with anyone. I’m not a big fan of the traditional Selonian dances. I really like that one Twi’lek dance where they move their arms in like a really repetitive pattern.”

CAMERON: ‘Oh yeah, I love that one.”

NICK: “Yeah. That one’s really good. I just haven’t had time. I’ve been busy being the Rancore of Coronet.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, so, you mentioned that the talking isn’t really a thing, but I’ve found in dancing that that’s not often required, so I don’t know really why you would see that as being an issue for you, unless it’s really just getting past, getting through the door to start the dancing and making friends. It seems like once you get there you’re just letting yourself go and the talking shouldn’t really be necessary. The dancing does that for you.”

NICK: “You’re right. I do speak with my body.” (laughing) And we’re gonna cut back to—Egh. I don’t like this character. (laughter)

We’re gonna cut back to Tink. You are at your programming station with a presumably competent computer technician watching what you’re doing. Whatcha gonna do?

HUDSON: I try to log in a few times with just random credentials that say ‘Admin1’ or something like that. It doesn’t work.

NICK: Roll me a force die.

HUDSON: One dark side.

NICK: Nope. Doesn’t work. It actually starts a security countdown, or is about to. You use up all of your allowance for inaccurate passwords before it does it.

HUDSON: “Oh man. This is my first week… Uh, ugh, I don’t think my credentials are turned on yet. Do you mind… Do you mind?”

NICK: Make me… some sort of check. You can do Computers if you want by saying you’re using like proper jargon and stuff.

HUDSON: Yeah, I’m using proper jargon, so computers.

NICK: Yeah. It’ll be average, but a black die, because this is getting highly irregular.

LAURA: Did you go to an Imperial school for computers?

HUDSON: Yeah, so I should know the jargon.

LAURA: Yeah, so you might know some of the specific terms they use.

HUDSON: Mm-hmm.

NICK: That’s what he’s doing.

HUDSON: A success and a triumph.

NICK: Alright. What would you like to use your triumph on? He’s gonna log you in. I have an idea, but I wanna know what yours is.

HUDSON: Do I see any security cameras? Can I see what’s happening to them?

NICK: We’ll go ahead and say, just with what’s going on, there are security cameras but they’re not pointed directly in your direction. Probably no one would notice that you were in here.

HUDSON: Oh. I have something for the triumph.

NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: Alright. Can I pee myself, and then ask them to get me towels acting really embarrassed?



CAMERON: This is a triumph?!

LAURA: What?!

STEVEN: That’s his granola.

LAURA: That’s what you wanna use the triumph on?!

HUDSON: The person beside me actually walks away, no one pays attention to me—

NICK: No. You clear the room!

LAURA: That’s an everyone would pay attention to you!

NICK: Nope! Nope! New canon. Gigoran pee smells terrible. You pee yourself, and what do you say?

HUDSON: “Oh my god, I’m s—Uh, uh, can y’all go get towels?!”


NICK: The technician goes “Oh, oh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Okay, okay, okay. We can fix this. Oh, that’s—Oh gosh.” You can see his eyes start to water up. “I gotta get out of here.” The other two technicians get up and one of them goes, “What is going on? We gotta go. We gotta get some towels,” and all three of them run out of the room.

HUDSON: Alright. Quickly, I take out the Rancore Protocol and I plug it in, see what I can do with it.

NICK: Okay. You plug it in and it starts running. You’re not sure what it’s doing. You can make me a computer check to decrypt it a little bit, get some info.

HUDSON: Yeah, I’d like to see what it’s doing.

LAURA: God, Tink is SO weird.

NICK: It’ll be average. It should be a lot harder than that, but you’ve done so many good computer things getting it that you’re pretty sure you know what you’re doing.

HUDSON: Okay. We have three threats, five successes, and a triumph.

NICK: Okay, so you slip in your pee and fall prone.

(dramatic bass noise)


CAMERON: Ew. He just slides off the stool.

STEVEN: But he’s a mop, so he cleans it up.

NICK: Yeah, that’s worse. You’re gonna be so soggy. So, with all those successes, having messed with this a few times even though you decided not to decrypt it you couldn’t help but think about it over the course of the last few days, and you’re like ‘I betcha this kind of encryption is what’s going on,’ and you’re able to try it, and you’re right, and you get right in.

The Rancore Protocol is a program that is surprisingly deep. It has a lot of different layers, and it all interconnects almost like a brain. There’s a lot of stuff going on. What you see as you plug it in, it started auto-running, and it started doing a few things all at the same time.

  1. The security system started doing some weird stuff, you’re not sure what, but a lot of cameras are starting to flicker. 2. All of the ventilation shafts are turned down, so all of the heat for the hot air, hot water, all that stuff has been turned luke warm, all of the cool has been turned to average, and all of the vents are now open. You’re not sure why. 3. A little pop-up comes up that’s like its own situational feed which you’re not used to seeing. One of the geometric shapes moves, you guys!

LAURA: (gasps)

NICK: A little pop-up comes up, and it says in Aurebesh “Biological Alert Detected,” and it is blinking right on top of you.

HUDSON: Um, Escape Key, Escape Key.

NICK: (laughs) You can Escape out of that, but through the tying of everything, it seems to be saying that you are a biological alert of some kind, or something near you is, and it seems to be in relation to everything it’s doing to this computer system, all of these weird support systems it’s hijacking and making do weird things.

HUDSON: Okay. so, I get on my coms and I check in on everybody. First I’ll check in on Xianna.

LAURA: “We are getting shot at~ Pew pew!”

STEVEN: You just hear blaster noises.

LAURA: (giggles) You hear ‘pew, pew!’ “Uh, we will be fine in a few minutes… hopefully.”

HUDSON: “I believe all the vents are open if you need that going on. I just did something… uh, something weird is going on. Basically, the vents are open, and you’re probably good as far as security cameras go too, so…”

LAURA: “I figured that. We are being shot at, though. I will get back to you.”

HUDSON: Alright. Then I check in on Karma.

STEVEN: (chuckles)

(start ballet music)

CAMERON: (sweetly) “Hey Tink. What’s up?”

NICK: Oh. It’s a holo-feed, and in the background you see Felton doing ballet leaps behind her on the screen, so he just comes onto the screen as a hologram and then off the screen again really quick. You hear him being like, ‘ah-le-oop! … (boof) Ow!’

HUDSON: “… So, uh, yeah. I just activated the Rancore Protocol, and uh, things are getting weird.”

(ballet music fades)

CAMERON: “Okay. what’s it doing?”

HUDSON: “Security cameras started flickering. The vents all cooled down and opened themselves inside of the facility. It said it detected a biological force, being myself, at the computer where I entered the protocol.”

CAMERON: “A biological force? Like, on you?”

HUDSON: “Yeah, like, I am the biological force.”

CAMERON: “But like no others, though?”

HUDSON: “Yes.”

CAMERON: “So, you have the thing, right?”

HUDSON: “Yeah.”

CAMERON: “In the to-go container?”

HUDSON: “Yeah.”

CAMERON: “Could it be that? Because if it’s not firing off any other—I’m assuming, well, we know at least that Sabos and Xianna are on the ship with you, and if it’s just highlighting you, it might actually be that since Sentinel sent that with us as well.”

HUDSON: “Oh… Interesting. I’m not gonna open it. I think what I’m gonna do is try to cause a little bit of a distraction to make sure that Sabos and Xianna can get out.”

CAMERON: “Makes sense. Yeah.”

HUDSON: “Uh, what’s the best kind of distraction on a ship like this?”


HUDSON: “A kersplosion.”

NICK: (laughs)

CAMERON: “Well, I mean, a—An explosion?”

HUDSON: “Explosion? Explosion! Sorry. I’m a little light headed. There are some fumes in the room. It’s like a weird fume.”

CAMERON: “Oh yeah. The larger starships like that can get like that sometimes, especially if you said all the vents opened up. It’s probably just coming up from one of the refreshers or something.”

HUDSON: “Oh yeah.”

CAMERON: “So, yeah. Explosions tend to be pretty effective on ships. If you’re at a computer terminal you could just start opening airlocks and stuff, too, or turning off the shields in the landing bays and stuff… If you’re at a computer terminal, you could cause some major havoc besides just blowing shit up.”

HUDSON: I start humming to myself, opening airlocks, turning off shields, causing some alarms to go off at areas very far away from me…

NICK: (laughs) Alright. Make me a Computers check to wreak general havoc.

HUDSON: Difficulty?

NICK: This one’s gonna be hard.

HUDSON: Ooh. That is a success, a threat, and a triumph.

CAMERON: Goodness gracious.

LAURA: So, that success is from the triumph.

HUDSON: Correct.

NICK: Okay. Man, those triumphs have bailed you out several times.

HUDSON: Yes they have.

NICK: Alright, so, the threat: You sign your name again. You have StarDestroyer1, ‘leet hacker,’ you leave that buried in the code somewhere. I think maybe, because this keeps happening, there’s some weird gap in the programming where if you do that it makes stuff a lot easier elsewhere but it does leave a trace that you’ve been there. The ship starts to shutter and jerk as you just start venting atmosphere out of certain places, and in space when you do that things start moving. The ship is starting to get kind of unstable. You hear some weird claxons going off, and Karma and Tink still have the com open, so Karma hears one pretty loud explosion and the com call ends as Tink gets really into it and starts typing on things.

CAMERON: I look up at the ship. Are there like TIE fighters floating out of the landing base? (laughs)

NICK: Are you in the low orbit already?


NICK: Okay. No, not yet.


NICK: You just see the ship. It’ll drift a few hundred meters one way, and then there will be a vent of gas, and part of the ship will flicker and it will jerk back the other way. All of the other star destroyers are doing that slow capital ship turn of like ‘what the hell…’ as this is starting to go on.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: We’re gonna jump back to Sabos and Xianna. It was an NPC slot. That’s gonna be the stormtroopers. They have been knocked off their feet, so they are going to have to spend their maneuver to try and get back up. It’s two private stormtroopers and one corporal stormtrooper. He has a little stripe on his shoulder. He looks more important.

The slightly more important stormtrooper says, “Get it together men. We have to stop these prisoners so that we can help with whatever’s going on with the ship.” They all turn to shoot at…

LAURA: I would like to say that they were all looking at Sabos and the captain, and that’s where I’m getting my blue die from.

NICK: Oh, you’re right.

CAMERON: Because he just stabbed him, or tried to stab him.

STEVEN: I start heckling them anyway about not being able to keep their ship together, and this is the shittiest prison I’ve ever been in.

NICK: Okay. When you start doing that, they go “Alright, we’ll shoot that one first,” and they shoot Sabos. It’s gonna be three greens against two purples, but they have a black die for unstable footing.

CAMERON: Nothing!

NICK: Great!

STEVEN: Complete wash? (laughs)

NICK: They shoot the wall real good. Yep. That’s all that happens. I’m going to flip a dark side point though, and the trash droid gets its wheel stuck back on enough that it goes (wailing noise), and just takes off down the hallway away from everybody as fast as it can. We get a shot of everybody shuttering around shooting at walls. It’s kind of like that scene in Inception with the rotating hallway, except if the camera was still and everybody was just like flapping around and having a good time, and the droid smacks into the wall next to the door with a loud thunk, winds back up, and then goes through the door and is gone. We’re gonna move to a PC slot.

LAURA: Xianna is going to shoot another one of the stormtroopers.

NICK: Okie-dokie. There is a difficulty involved with that.

LAURA: Yes there is. (laughter) I’m assuming it’s average.

NICK: Yep, you’re right. Yep, yep, yep.

LAURA: So that’s average, and I have a blue die from Sabos’s turn. That is one success, one advantage.

NICK: How much damage does that do?

LAURA: That does 7 damage.

NICK: Okay. One of the stormtroopers, not the corporal but one of the other stormtroopers, takes a blaster bolt to the chest and gets knocked off his feet. He seems out of the fight. You hear (muffled sounds of pain). That’s my attempt at a Wilhelm scream. Thanks everybody for coming. Have a great night.

STEVEN: Poor little stormtrooper.

NICK: Yeah. Then, we are to another NPC slot. The deck captain, seeing one of his troopers get dropped, is going to try to punch Sabos as hard as he can, also making sure to keep Sabos in between him and Xianna.

STEVEN: How does Melee Defense work?

NICK: It adds a black die. Do you have Melee Defense?

CAMERON: You don’t have any.

STEVEN: I just have Melee. I don’t know where Defense is… Oh, yeah, sorry. I don’t have that.

CAMERON: If you were using… like, some of the vibro-swords have Defense, if you were using them, because you can block with it, but you probably don’t have any Defense. You definitely don’t from your knife, anyway.

LAURA: Yeah, I don’t believe knives do. It’s mostly the large melee weapons.


NICK: Roll away, please.

CAMERON: It was a yellow and a green, right?

NICK: Yep. He’s doing fisticuffs. ‘Wot-wot.’

CAMERON: Two advantages.

NICK: Great. All he does is distract Sabos and set him up for a good shot. He tries to punch him, Sabos actually does a very competent block, but stands up straight and makes himself a bigger target. If he gets shot at again that might be bad. Moving on to Sabos. Whatcha gonna do?

STEVEN: Try to vibro-knife the dude.

LAURA: Can Sabos have a blue die because I had an advantage?

NICK: Sure. All the gunfire flying, everyone’s getting to be a bigger and bigger target. It’ll be against two purple.

STEVEN: I’m just gonna try to vibro-knife the big dude. Hey, some advantages, two advantages.

NICK: Goodness. Okay. This whole room is just full of blaster fire and punching and stabbing…

STEVEN: (laughs) I’ll give one of the advantages back to Xianna next time.

NICK: Alright. We’ll do that.

STEVEN: Oh. I have two. Can I act smaller now, not stand up straight?

NICK: Yeah, but it’s not gonna give you any sort of mechanical advantage, because your trash can’s gone.

STEVEN: No, that’s fine, as long as his advantage goes away.

NICK: Yes. You can absolutely crouch. Cool, so that’s that. We’re gonna jump away from this fight, and—

STEVEN: It’s a good fight. (laughs)

NICK: Oh yeah, it’s great. It’s going super good. Karma? Whatcha doing?

(resume ballet music)

CAMERON: We’re watching all of the ships slowly turn to look at the Vengeance, and Felton’s like doing pirouettes behind me. His grace has improved substantially since the holo-call with Tink. The practice is really doing good.

NICK: “You have reawakened in me… my love of dance! Thank you. … Whoop-whoa. (effort noises)” There you go. He’s just dancing around. That’s what’s happening on the ship?

CAMERON: Yup. I mean, I’m watching. I don’t want to approach yet. I’m here if anybody calls me.

(ballet music stops)

NICK: Cool. We’re gonna jump to Tink. The Rancore Protocol is still running. A couple of things have happened. Now that you’ve started playing with all the airlocks and things it has started highlighting airlocks, and you notice whenever you open those that the ship does crazier, weird spins and things, and is starting to destabilize. It’s like making suggestions. The other thing that you’ll notice is towards the middle of the ship, kind of high up, there’s a room that starts blinking red. You click on it, and it says “Ventilation Main Shaft.” It’s blinking on it. Then that little pop-up that you closed out jumps back up, and it says “Biological Alert,” and it’s blinking on you. Then it flips over to that ventilation shaft which starts blinking red, and it’s just going back and forth between the two. You also notice that there is a specific airlock that keeps blinking yellow that you haven’t hit yet.

HUDSON: Okay. oh, there’s an airlock that’s blinking yellow? Okay.

NICK: Yeah. Mm-hmm. It’s not one you’ve opened yet, but it looks like it’s, I don’t know, maybe half way to the detention level.

HUDSON: Ohh, interesting. Hmm… I go ahead and look around the room using Perception to see if there’s anything I can steal, like badges or uniforms or things like that.

NICK: Great. Go right ahead. Roll me a Perception. I think that would actually probably be Skulduggery, honestly, since you’re looking for stuff to loot.

HUDSON: Skulduggery? Okay. What difficulty?

NICK: Easy.

STEVEN: There’s no one there, and it smells like pee.

NICK: Yup. (laughs)

HUDSON: A success, and that’s it.

NICK: You find a swipe badge, well I guess it would be a code cylinder for this. It’s not a very high level one, but it is a technician one, so you’re gonna be able to get into some weird rooms with it, you’re just not sure what because it doesn’t say what kind of technician. You find no uniform, but someone left their little Imperial navy hat, you know the ones that look almost like a Burger King hat but aren’t, there’s one of those. It’s white and has the little Tech Core logo on the back and the Imperial logo on the front.

HUDSON: Okay. Real quick out of character, you said it was blinking?

NICK: Mm-hmm. On the display you were using to mess with the airlocks, certain ones were blinking and when you hit them they were more effective. Now there’s just one blinking.

HUDSON: There’s just one blinking, and it’s not opened…

NICK: Nope.

HUDSON: …between here and the detention center.

NICK: Yup.

HUDSON: I’m trying to figure out if that’s going to kill them or if that’s going to help them.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Well, probably not.

HUDSON: That’s what I was thinking. Okay. so, I go back over, kind of just relax at this point, kind of playing the computer like a piano, and open up the airlock on the blinking yellow.

NICK: Oookay. Do you say anything, or do you just hit the button?

HUDSON: I’m just kind of humming to myself. Actually, right before I do that, can I actually hijack a droid and have it come over to me, like a fast one?

NICK: Mmm. You can try.

HUDSON: Yeah. I want to try to hijack a droid to come to me.

NICK: Okay. most of them aren’t wireless, but they do have an order system, so you could try to get one to come to you. Are you thinking like the little mouse droids?

HUDSON: Something that can hold a box.

NICK: Yeah, the mouse droid will do that.

HUDSON: It will? Oh, okay.

NICK: Yeah. Those are the things that look like the Pizza Hut logo on wheels.

STEVEN: That’s it, actually.



NICK: Go ahead and make me a hard Computers check.

HUDSON: A failure and an advantage.

NICK: We’ll say you can apply the advantage to something that’s probably about to happen. Most systems in Star Wars don’t connect to droids. The really longwinded EU explanation is before the movies started they actually were playing with big AI computers and stuff, and that went super bad and killed a bunch of people, so they use droids as small siloed AIs. They don’t usually connect directly to the computer systems. You’re just not able to find one that’s linked. There are some, which is why you looked, but they don’t really have any that are available for you.

HUDSON: Okay. in that case, after that fails I don’t try again.

NICK: Cool. So, do you open that airlock?

HUDSON: I open that airlock and just kind of lean back and wait.

NICK: Alright. I’m gonna spend your advantage for you if you don’t mind.


NICK: We’re gonna jump to Sabos and Xianna. a yellow light starts flashing for a second giving y’all a slight heads up before one of the walls slides open and starts venting atmosphere! I’m gonna need Athletics checks from the two of you.

STEVEN: Yeah, that’ll be fine.

LAURA: Oh boy. Can I do an Agility instead of Athletics?

NICK: Sure you can. You can cartwheel out of the way of this situation.

HUDSON: (laughs)

LAURA: Okay. Yeah.

STEVEN: What’s an Agility?

NICK: You can use Coordination instead of Athletics.

HUDSON: Acrobatics is not a thing, just Athletics.

NICK: Coordination is the Athletics.

STEVEN: Oh. Oh, I’ll use Coordination.

NICK: Okay. that’s fine.

LAURA: Difficulty?

NICK: We’re gonna say three purple, but you both get a blue die because you had a chance to get a head start.

STEVEN: I got a success and two threats.

NICK: Two threats, you say?


LAURA: Two failures, one advantage.

NICK: Okay. So, the stormtroopers, the deck captain, and Xianna get pulled towards this sudden opening into the vacuum of space. The stormtroopers go first. The last one to go is the one that was shot. He ragdolls into a wall with a sickening crunch and then gets pulled out into space. Xianna, you are able to grab nearby, you’re not sucked out, but you are in danger of being sucked out. Is there anybody you might want to talk to, or anything?

LAURA: Am I still IN the ship?

NICK: Yes, you are still in the ship, but you are very close.

LAURA: Yeah. I yell into the coms, “Tink! There is an airlock open! Please close it! Close it! Close it!”

HUDSON: “Huh… Oh! Oh, yes!” I close the airlock.

NICK: (laughs) Okay.

STEVEN: I don’t understand the problem.

CAMERON: You don’t hear the problem either.

STEVEN: No. No. I just see she’s floating out. I’m like, ‘what the hell.’

CAMERON: And she’s yelling for Tink.

NICK: Sabos, what you were able to do is you saw the flashing yellow light and went ‘that’s an airlock indicator,’ and jumped really quickly over to a wall and grab on. You had time to wrap your arm in something. You’re safe.

STEVEN: Can I offer her a head tail?

NICK: You are too far—


NICK: –and that’s gross.

HUDSON: So, Computer check?

NICK: No, you’re not gonna have to do that. Xianna, I am gonna need an Athletics check from you to hold on as the door starts to slide closed.

LAURA: Oh boy… (laughter) What’s the difficulty?

NICK: Average.

LAURA: I will flip a light side point.

CAMERON: To upgrade your one green to a yellow.

LAURA: I have a 1 in Brawn.


STEVEN: Oh, that didn’t do it.

LAURA: That is a failure and a threat.

NICK: You start to slide towards the vacuum of horrifying space and decompression. You probably have never been exposed to that before, but it’s not as cold as you expected, or maybe that’s just that you’re going numb. Then the airlock slams shut… on your toe, and it hurts real, real bad.

LAURA: (gasps, whines) Oh no!

STEVEN: (laughs)

NICK: You are able to pull your foot free, that jerk reaction, but your foot is bleeding really bad, you’re not sure how bad, and there is a hole in your boot. You are gonna take 3 strain for your hitting the wall and 2 wounds for getting your toe smashed by an airlock door.


NICK: It was that or die. So…

HUDSON: “Hey Xianna, what happened? Are you there?”

LAURA: (crying) “My favorite boots! I think I might’ve also lost a toe! Tink! What happened?!”


STEVEN: “I’m not Tink. I’m Sabos.”

LAURA: “I’m not talking to you Sabos, I’m talking to Tink.”


LAURA: “Tink. What the kriff happened?”

HUDSON: “I… I opened an airlock?”

LAURA: “Why would you open an airlock?!”

STEVEN: “Wait. Who opened an airlock?”

HUDSON: “I mean, it just felt right. It was blinking. You tap on things that are blinking. This is half of computers.”

LAURA: “No! Blinking is usually a warning of either, hey, keep this in mind, or hey, maybe don’t do this. (groans in pain)”

HUDSON: “Did you go to school to be a slicer?”

LAURA: “No. I really didn’t go to very much schooling.”

HUDSON: “So, you don’t have any weight of knowing what blinking means, so…”

LAURA: “No. Blinking is pretty universal.”

HUDSON: “You know what, we’ll just, it’s just a mulligan. We’re fine. Uh…”

STEVEN: (laughs)

LAURA: ‘You owe me new shoes! And a new toe!” (laughs)

HUDSON: “Uh… Gotta go!”


NICK: And on that, we’re gonna end the episode!

(all make dramatic noises)

NICK: –really cool. I like that.

(all make “pew pew” noises)

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Sabos Nix was played by Steven Schroeder. He… does not exist on the internet.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @tabletop_squad. For real! We’re real people and we wanna talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.

Word document download: Episode 11 Not So Civil Disobedience

PDF download: Episode 11 Not So Civil Disobedience

Read in browser:

Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 11:
Not So Civil Disobedience

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

Note – When voicing Ithorians, Nick uses an incredibly low, deep, drawn out voice and often pauses in the middle of sentences.

Note – Laura’s character Xianna’fan speaks in an accent. Most of her soft I’s sound like “ee,” and most of her TH’s sound like Z’s. Example: “this and that” = “zees and zat”

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, a fringer, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

Friends, a lot of things have happened since two Thursdays ago so stick with me, namely I have some reviewers that I am excited to thank. First up, opRIAter. Thank you so much for your kind words and review. Also, I wanna thank Rated RConO. You’re wonderful. FLSocialWorker, you said some very nice things , and you’re a super cool person. ProperGentleman, you rhymed and were sublime, thank you. I want to thank the user FunnyStarWarsPodcast. You said some extremely kind things, and you have a super appropriate username. Special thanks to FrostyTheSnowman92. Drive safe, and thanks for joining us on our adventures. Last but not least, I want to thank Dolpheus123. You’re a thoughtful and engaging human that we all enjoy.

Phew, that was a lot. Right? Well, for anyone that was counting, that puts us at exactly 20 reviews. Cameron is currently stressfully, but happily, editing our bonus episodes featuring Karma and her twin sons. You can expect the next episode next week. I hope you all look forward to six straight weeks of Star Wars shenanigans. Everyone on Tabletop Squadron is ecstatic with the recent listener responses we’ve been getting, and we want to thank you all from the bottom of our multiple alien hearts.

After all that, thank you for listening, and I hope you enjoy.

## [0:02:05]

NICK: Hello! Welcome to Episode 11 of Tabletop Squadron. I am your host, Nick. This is going pretty good. I’m pretty happy with it. Thank you for joining us on this journey. I’m gonna go around the table. Everybody introduce themselves and their characters, starting off with the person who gave me the double bird when I said 11.

LAURA: Hi, I’m Laura. (laughter) I play Xianna who is a Twi’lek thief, and I did indeed double flip Nick off. I was just making sure you knew we were on Episode 11.

NICK: Yeah, obviously.

LAURA: I was being helpful.

NICK: Thank you very much, Laura. This is great for my self-esteem.

LAURA: You’re welcome.

NICK: And, next we got Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi Nick, it’s great to be here.

NICK: I’m glad.

HUDSON: I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: And, Steven.

STEVEN: Hi Nick.


STEVEN: Thank you for allowing me this chair.

NICK: Oh, I mean, it depends on how you behave. We may take it away.

STEVEN: Yeah. … I play Sabos, a Togruta, a fringer. I’m done.


NICK: Good work. Yay!

CAMERON: You should just leave all of those in. Leave the whole thing in.

NICK: Listeners need to know that was like the fourth try. And last but not least, we have Cameron.

CAMERON: Hi. I’m Cameron. I’m playing Karma the Nautolan bounty hunter.

NICK: Good job. Professional. Succinct.

CAMERON: Thanks. I memorized my script.

NICK: Yeah. It’s like a sentence, so…

CAMERON: Mm-hmm!

LAURA: It’s really not that hard.

CAMERON: No, it’s really not.

STEVEN: I’ve only given it 11 times. Okay?

NICK: (laughs)

CAMERON: It’s true.

NICK: Alright. Before we get started, let’s kick it off with the Destiny Roll.

STEVEN: Two light side.

CAMERON: One dark side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

LAURA: One dark side.

STEVEN: God damn it, guys.

NICK: Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.

CAMERON: Three dark side, two light side.

NICK: It’s better than last episode where I didn’t have toys to play with. This is much better. Alright. If you remember, last time we left off you went to a gaming den on the outside of the Ithorian herdship looking for Kettle, as she’s known in the underworld “the Queen,” who had won an important piece of equipment off of your contact and you needed to go get it back. You had challenged Kettle to a Sabacc tournament to try and get the Rancore Protocol back and you were successful, you even secured an IOU from the mobster, and we left off with her seeming not really that worried about it, almost like that’s what she had expected all along.

LAURA: I’m not worried.

CAMERON: I’m sure it’ll be fine.

NICK: Yeah, it’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it. I’ll probably forget. Right?

STEVEN: She’s a kind, benevolent queen.

NICK: Sure she is. Is there anything else you guys want to do in the casino? Do you want me to start you back in the bar, or on the street?

LAURA: Yes, please.

STEVEN: Bar sounds good.

CAMERON: Yeah. Let’s go back to the bar.

NICK: Okay.

LAURA: No, so, Xianna definitely goes back over to the Twi’lek waitress and gives her her com number, and is like, I’m sure this will be totally fine. “That is my number. I do not know how long we will be here, but you know.”

NICK: I’m not sure what it looks like if you’re green and you blush, but that happens.

LAURA: I think Twi’leks bleed red?

CAMERON: Yeah, but if your skin’s green…

LAURA: It would be kind of like a rutty…

NICK: I guess her skin would just darken… Eh.

CAMERON: Karma blushes a darker green, so… as blood rushes to the skin.

LAURA: I think it would just be kind of like a rutty red.

NICK: Here’s a cool writing trick. The green Twi’lek waitress blushes and titters behind her hand, and does some lekku twitches that show that she’s pleased with that ,and tucks it inside. “Well thank you, and thank you for joining us at the gambling den.” She makes eye contact for just a second, and then someone calls for her by the bar and she hurries away to go continue her job.

You leave the gambling den, and the camera zooms in on a tray of drinks and into the top of the drink, and then zooms out from a circle of drinks at a round table as you all each grab a glass, and you are back in The Gooberfish. You’re in that round booth from before, so you’re all sitting, there’s one table. You all have Felton Mox crammed between you two on each side so he’s not going anywhere. The Ithorian bartender is off kind of in the corner bustling around with the glasses, and that’s where we’re gonna start.

STEVEN: I take my Imperial Stout and say, “Good job, guys. Thank you especially, Felton.”

NICK: “Yeah, uh…”

LAURA: “I mean, he did not do very much, so…”

NICK: “What? I, I am a valued member of this team at this point. I brought you to the contact. You were successful.”

STEVEN: “You are sitting with us.”

HUDSON: “Zero is a value, I guess.”

LAURA: “Very true.”

CAMERON: (laughing) The hood giggles.

NICK: “You know, I didn’t do a lot of math growing up, so I guess—I don’t know. That’s fine. So, you have your tools you need.” The camera zooms in on the data spike and the plasteel box that you have collected. The data spike for the Rancore Protocol is curved kind of like a talon and has some exposed circuit boards on the outside. It looks a little less finished than most that you are used to. The plasteel box is about six inches by six inches and it rattles ominously for a second before going still again.

LAURA: “So, does anybody have a plan?”

STEVEN: “Do you know how to use these devices, Felton?”

HUDSON: “I can use them.”

NICK: “Well…”

STEVEN: “Tink?”

HUDSON: “Why would he—Why would you want him to use them?”

STEVEN: “Oh. I don’t want him to use them. I’m curious if he knows how.”

LAURA: “I would assume Tink would know how to use a data spike.”

HUDSON: “Yeah.”

STEVEN: “Do you know how this relates to shutting down the Imperial blockade?”

HUDSON: “Are you questioning my knowledge?”

LAURA: “Oh. We have to get onto one of the ships and then use the data spike. Right? That was said at some point”

HUDSON: “That’s correct.”

CAMERON: The hood nods.

LAURA: “Yes. So, all we have to do, just a little thing, get on an Imperial ship, and then put in the data spike, and then destroy the blockade.”

STEVEN: “That should be fine.”

LAURA: “Yeah. Uh-huh.”

NICK: Felton has really wide eyes, and he goes, “Well, uh, we’re not really sure what that data spike does, or at least I’m not. You probably are gonna wanna open that up. Since the big guy seems pretty confident in his skills he should probably work on that. Remember, the goal is to crash the flagship, break the blockade for the Ithorians, that little box there probably would be pretty useful in taking down a Star Destroyer. I wouldn’t open it though, yet, if I were you.”

LAURA: “What is in it?”

STEVEN: “Should we open it on the Star Destroyer?”

NICK: “Uh… Yeah. If you open it on the Star Destroyer it’ll probably do it. Let’s just say it’s a particularly unconventional weapon. That’s all Sentinel told me, but he did say don’t open it.”

LAURA: “Okie.”

HUDSON: “So it varies from normal convention?”

LAURA: “Well yes, that is what unconventional means.”

HUDSON: “I’m just making sure, man.”

NICK: “Yeah. You know, it’s an important point to clarify. I think you should ease up off my buddy here a little bit—“

HUDSON: “Yeah!”

NICK: “—you know, because us hairy folks gotta stick together. Am I right?”

HUDSON: “Yeah! People are questioning my knowledge. This guy gets it!”

LAURA: “No… No…”

NICK: He puts his arm up for a high five. You’re sitting on the outside of the table, so you’re gonna have to high five over Xianna.

HUDSON: I try and I miss.


CAMERON: He’s still a little drunk.

HUDSON: I’m still a little drunk.

NICK: So, your hand hits the table, everyone’s drinks rattle, Sabos’s Imperial lager which is still pretty full goes over the side of the glass just a little and it leaves kind of sudsy, but your arms are long enough that you can reach Felton so he kind of like picks up your wrist and then high fives next to your hand so that the high five was completed.

HUDSON: “…Alright.”

LAURA: “So, anyways. We will have Tink look at the data spike, investigate that, figure out how it works. Any ideas how we get onto the Imperial ship?”

STEVEN: “We do have a code cylinder.”

CAMERON: Karma pulls out the code cylinder.

LAURA: “Oh yes, we have that.”

CAMERON: And then places it back in her jacket.

LAURA: “Big problem, none of us are human, and while you are, you know, you—“

NICK: “I knew it!”

CAMERON: (giggles)

LAURA: Xianna like holds up a finger at Felton Mox to shush him, “and you are you, but that is a special circumstance and we do not know how far we will get before they ask to see who exactly you are.”

HUDSON: “Shave me and I look enough like a human.”

STEVEN: (laughs)

LAURA: “I mean, have you shaved yourself before?”

HUDSON: “There was this one time in college. It was kind of a bet. And, yeah, it’s happened.”

LAURA: “I mean, I have seen a hairless Wookie. They do not look like humans.”

HUDSON: “They look like a human with something messed up about them.”

LAURA: “No. They look like a hairless Wookie.”

HUDSON: “You’re only one part—What do y’all think?”

NICK: “I mean, my hairy buddy here isn’t a Wookie, so maybe he looks more human. You don’t know.”

HUDSON: “That’s right.”

STEVEN: “How about we make him look like a Wookie.”

LAURA: “Wait, wait, who here is a Wookie?”

NICK: “You said a hairless Wookie doesn’t look like a human, but he’s not a hairless Wookie, he’s a Gigoran. Right? Yeah. I’ve been there once. It’s real nice. There weren’t any Gigorans there, though. That was weird.”

HUDSON: “Ah. Yeah. You just got some bonus points there, Filmon.”


NICK: “Uh, Felton.”

HUDSON: “Yeah.”

NICK: “Yeah. Yeah, so we’re, we’re pals—Hey. I gotta go to the bathroom, so if you guys could just let me scoot out of this booth for a second here, I’ll be right back.”

HUDSON: “Oh, no. I’ll join you. Social convention and all.”

LAURA: “Yes, Tink, you go with him.”

NICK: Okay. So there’s a way too long shot of you all like skootching out of the booth, and Xianna has to get out and wait…

LAURA: (sighs heavily)

NICK: …and Felton gets out and starts to head towards the back, and Tink goes with him?


NICK: Okay. They go off camera-right into somewhere, and it’s the three of y’all sitting at the table.

LAURA: “Okie, so, how badly do you think Felton will react if he ever figures out who you are?”

CAMERON: “He was pretty drunk, so I don’t know if he’d 100% remember. He’d definitely recognize me, but it’s also at this point I’m wondering if I can just start talking but leave the hood on so that any cameras don’t see me… but the quietness is chafing.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

CAMERON: “I’ve been working on my Imperial accent, but it’s not great.”

LAURA: “We should’ve picked a human.”

STEVEN: “As long as they don’t recognize me, Togrutas aren’t super threatening.”

LAURA: “No, but they do not look Imperial.”

CAMERON: “But you’re also an alien.”

STEVEN: “I could be a servant.”

LAURA: “No.”

CAMERON: “Well yeah, that’s how we got here—“

STEVEN: “Indeed.”

CAMERON: “—was that we’re ignoring the fact that I’m not human.”

STEVEN: “Yeah, oh yeah, right. I am the servant.”

CAMERON: “Yeah.”

STEVEN: “Oh. Yeah, that’s true.”

LAURA: “So, getting through the blockade is one thing. Getting onto an Imperial ship is a different thing, because then like, real people see us in person and see that we are not human.”

CAMERON: “So, well, this gets a little weird, but some of y’all do have Imperial bounties on you. I could turn you in, we get the money for the bounty, and then you’re on the Star Destroyer, we’re there, we wreck whatever havoc we need to, and then hopefully we leave.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

STEVEN: “That sounds alright. I’m just not sure if my bounty is important enough to them to actually seem not sketch.”

LAURA: “Well, we could always wreck up the place down here a bit.”

STEVEN: “We… could. Somewhere the Imperials are watching?”

LAURA: “Yes.” (laughs)

NICK: The Ithorian bartender kind of leans around the bar and goes, “I… would like… to disagree.”

LAURA: “No, no, not this place specifically, this bar, I mean like an Imperial station or something.”

NICK: “With that plan…”

LAURA: “Yeah.”

NICK: The Ithorian bartender is like paused with a finger up… and then goes back to wiping down the bar.

LAURA: “Yes. So, if we could find some sort of Imperial outpost or galactic run company front, or something like that.”

CAMERON: “The way that this would need to work if it is me turning y’all in, I would need to drop you off and I would need to leave, and y’all would need to get another ship to get off.”

NICK: Smash cut to Tink and his buddy Felton in the bathroom at two urinals. Tinkly water noises.

LAURA: Psss… (hissing)

NICK: Oh, no, that’s like a sibilant noise. We don’t want that one. Have you been in a men’s bathroom? It doesn’t sound like that at all.

LAURA: Well, I can’t make the tinkle sounds of hitting the porcelain!

HUDSON: Blorb blorb blorb blorb blorb.

STEVEN: Just imagine asparagus.


NICK: Ugh.

LAURA: That’s not a sound!

NICK: You’re gross!

STEVEN: I use too many bathrooms at work.

NICK: Sounds like asparagus. (others giggle)

The camera is on their backs, and you see Felton’s head turn towards Tink. “You know, sometimes they call me the Rancore of Coronet,” and he’s like looking pretty proud of himself.

HUDSON: “Are you coming on to me?”

NICK: “Uh… I—No? May—“

HUDSON: “Good.”

NICK: “Okay. Yeah, I wouldn’t, come on, no. we’re, I hope—It’s platonic!” And he turns around real quick. We cut back to the table.

HUDSON: So awkward. (laughter)

CAMERON: It’s so awkward.

LAURA: “So, yes, we will throw some like grenades at some—“

STEVEN: “I could be your bounty.”

CAMERON: “No no no.”

LAURA: “No, not my bounty. I’m not bringing them in. I have a bounty out for me. It was more than yours.”

STEVEN: “Aren’t you the bounty–?”

CAMERON: “I am a bounty hunter, under the cloak here.”

STEVEN: “Oh okay, yeah.”

LAURA: “Karma is the bounty hunter.”

STEVEN: “Yeah, that’s right…”

CAMERON: “Y’all are the ones with bounties.”

STEVEN: “Yeah. I’m trying to find a reason…”

LAURA: “Yes. Well, Tink doesn’t really have one—“

CAMERON: “No. Tink was clean.”

LAURA: “—but I’m pretty sure if you just bring a Gigoran in they will assume he did something.”

CAMERON: “Well, it’s also how we want to work it. Do we want to split and have Tink be somewhere separate where he can hack into things if necessary, or do we want him on the ship?”

LAURA: “You know, he is surprisingly sneaky for his size. He could be on the ship and then sneak off while you are bringing us in. we will just make some sort of loud commotion as you are bringing us in so that they do not look as closely to the ship as they should. He sneaks off and he hides in there, and then we meet up later?”

NICK: Smash cut to the bathroom! They’re still standing at the urinals. Felton says, “You know, I’ve always kind of had a thing for tentacles.”

HUDSON: “Oh… Yeah. I know a fellow with head tails. Is that what you mean?”

NICK: “Uh… You know, my friends always said never date a Togruta. I’ve made that mistake before.”

HUDSON: “Oh, and you’re not willing to make it again, are ya?”

NICK: “I mean, what’s a mistake but another of life’s little lessons, right?” And we snap back to the table.


LAURA: I want Tink to set Sabos up on a date!

STEVEN: And I hope Felton is—He’s like, he’s been done peeing, but Tink obviously isn’t, so he’s just standing there still, just pretending.

LAURA: Just like a race horse, just goes forever.

CAMERON: He had a very large drink at the gaming den.

NICK: Okay, yeah. That’s canon.

STEVEN: He’s bigger, clearly.

CAMERON: Tink has a very large bladder.

LAURA: Yes. He’s giant.

STEVEN: Yeah. “So, I need to be on the ship, or I go out with you as your servant still?”

LAURA: “No. So, you have a bounty.”

STEVEN: “I do.”

LAURA: “I have a bounty, so we have to be seen, and we should probably do something here to make it a little bit more pressing, so we should like be seen doing something to a building, or Imperials, or stormtroopers, something of that nature, so that when Karma brings us in they are a little bit more excited about it.”

CAMERON: “Just so that there’s a reason that I’m disturbing the blockade.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

STEVEN: “Will they not be suspicious that Karma’s servant now suddenly has a bounty?”


LAURA: “No, no, she will take off the robe, the cape, situation.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. I would become myself again.”

STEVEN: “Oh, I see. I understand now.”

LAURA: Because she is a known bounty hunter, so they will not be suspicious if she, as Karma, brings us in.”

STEVEN: “Will they let her as Karma back through the blockade on the way out?”

LAURA: “No.”

CAMERON: “They probably will not let me leave, but I should at least be able to get to the ship and drop y’all off.”

STEVEN: “Yes, that’s true.”

LAURA: “And then Tink can hide in the ship, and when we make some sort of commotion he gets off the ship and hides, and then we will just somehow try to meet up later, get out of the prison, or you know Tink come gets us.”

NICK: So, one thing I do want to call out, if you “turn in a bounty,” if you want to preserve your relationship with the Empire, you would want to be careful that they don’t see you for what you’re doing, which is like letting people loose on their ship for hijinks.

CAMERON: Yeah. That’s why I was saying that I would need to leave once I dropped them off, and like once the dealings were done and I found out if there were any other people I could go after on the planet, because obviously I’m not gonna try and leave because of the blockade, and I respect the Imperials, so it’s just if there’s anyone else down there they want me to get while I’m stuck here.

NICK: Yeah.

LAURA: “Also, you can tell them that you have another bounty. Does Felton have a bounty?”

CAMERON: “One sec. I know he does on Coronet. I don’t know if he does within the system, though.” I get out my data pad and look up Felton Mox.

LAURA: “We could always bring Felton with us when we go… I don’t know, throw grenades at the place? We’ll figure that part out.”

NICK: Smash cut to the bathroom. It is very clear that Felton has been done peeing for a while but he’s still standing there staring at the wall, and his head tilts over towards Tink again who is still going. “So, uh, what’s your deal?”

HUDSON: (laughs) “So… Tink made a tinkle.”


NICK: “Ha ha ha…”

LAURA: Oh, you are too drunk.

NICK: Felton stops for a second. “Uh… Yeah. Yeah, you did,” and then snap back to the table.

LAURA: “What we could do is you drop Sabos and I off and then you say that you have another bounty back on the planet that you will have to bring up later, and that way you can come back for us.”

CAMERON: “That’s true. I could do that.”

LAURA: “And we will just have to be very careful to sneak onto the ship so that they do not ever know we are together, because I think you want to still stay a respectable-ish bounty hunter?”

CAMERON: “Everyone’s life is a lot easier if one of us on the crew is not wanted.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

STEVEN: “You could just say you caught me gambling, because I think it’s clear that my bounty is a money problem. Right?”

LAURA: “I do not think that gambling is illegal. Is it?”

STEVEN: “Well, I have a bounty, though.”

LAURA: “I mean, in some places it is.”

STEVEN: “I do have a money problem bounty.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, I mean, I could definitely pick you up in the gambling den, but that wouldn’t be why I was turning you in. It would just be, that might be where I saw you, to make them think that you were gambling away all of the money that you stole from them.”

STEVEN: “Exactly. I feel like they would take me for that.”

CAMERON: “Well, I mean, they’re gonna take you anyway. There’s a bounty out on you.”

STEVEN: “It’s a little bounty.”

CAMERON: “I know, but they’re still gonna pay me and take you.”

STEVEN: “True.”

LAURA: “But again, that is why we are going to go be seen publicly doing something illegal so that when she brings us to the ship it is a little bit more impactful, because we would have just done something.”

STEVEN: “I’m just worried about my diplomatic status.”

LAURA: “That is not a thing at this point. That is gone. It is no more.”

STEVEN: “Oh, I am an Osaronian diplomat.”

LAURA: “No…”

CAMERON: “Yes, so we’re not arguing with that. What Xianna is saying is that you already kriffed up your relationship with the Empire.”

STEVEN: “Oh, they don’t know me.”

CAMERON: “Uh, yeah they do. They have a BOUNTY out on you, Sabos.”

LAURA: “You have a 2,000 credit bounty.”

STEVEN: “Just a little bounty.”

CAMERON: “Yes. That still means they know about you.”

STEVEN: “I play both sides. You know, I know some of the Empire, I make deals with the others, some try to catch me.”

LAURA: “Okie. So, as someone who often plays both sides, the problem is eventually—“

NICK: Heh.


LAURA: “Eventually both sides figure out what is going on, and sometimes those both sides get together to come after you as a group, and that is worse.”

NICK: We cut to a well-furnished dark wood office overlooking a jungle, and we see a tan man with little horns wearing an Imperial uniform holding a martini glass staring out the window. Falx goes, “Wow. I feel like someone was just talking about me.” And we cut back to the table.

LAURA: “So, if you have an Imperial warrant for your arrest for 2,000 credits, the Empire knows because they issued the warrant. Do you understand how warrants work?”

CAMERON: “And did you notice that eventually Falx did look y’all up. That’s something that they do. They do run your credentials.”


LAURA: “I am not surprised about that. I am a career criminal. That is how that works. That’s why I use fake names. You keep using the same two names.”

STEVEN: “Normally Osaron is just too far and remote for them to come and worry about.”

LAURA: “And that is fine…”

CAMERON: “And see, that works great as long as you’re not interacting with Imperials, but you’re going to be.”

LAURA: “…but you are interacting, and you have an Imperial warrant.”

STEVEN: “Oh… That’s fine. I think I can pay it off.”

NICK: Smash cut, back to the bathroom. There’s no longer any urinating noises. They’re both still standing at the urinal. Felton turns to Tink. “We’ve been in here a really long time.”

HUDSON: “Uh, I don’t even know what time is anymore. I can’t figure out how long I’ve been in here. You’ll have to help me with that.”

NICK: “Right. I think it’s probably time to go back to the table. If you go first I’ll make sure I wash hands for the both of us.”

HUDSON: “I’m supposed to be watching you because you’re my friend, so I think that we should wash our hands and I’ll follow behind you.”

NICK: “Alright. Let’s get those hands washed, big guy.” And they go over to the sink. Cut back to the table.

LAURA: “So again, I feel like we have this plan already planned out pretty well.”

STEVEN: “Sounds good.”

LAURA: “Okie. Do you understand?”

STEVEN: “I think so.”

LAURA: “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Okie.”

STEVEN: “Oh yes.”

LAURA: “So, I guess we should find some sort of Imperial galactic place that we can be seen, like, graffiti-ing, or throwing a grenade at, or… Do we have like real bombs?”

NICK: On that note, Felton and Tink walk back to the table. There’s an awkward silence as Xianna skootches out and Felton skootches in.

HUDSON: “Me and Femur are back from the whiz palace, all.”

LAURA: “Anyways. So Felton, do you have like any bombs on you? Or not necessarily on you, but like at your place, or one we could borrow?”

NICK: (Felton sighs)

STEVEN: “Well…”

LAURA: “I guess one we could just use.”

STEVEN: “We might not return it.”

LAURA & CAMERON: “We will not return it.”

NICK: “Yeah, no. I gave you two of the strongest weapons in the galaxy just now, so.”

LAURA: “No, we need like a little bomb.”

NICK: “Mmm… no, but I know someone who might be able to help.” We can swipe cut, and what I want to do is a montage of Sabos and Xianna doing public disturbance type stuff for the camera. So, think of your first thing that you do.

STEVEN: Where are we at?

NICK: You’re on the herdship.

STEVEN: No, I get that, but what do we see around us?

LAURA: Like, are there stormtroopers? Is there like…

STEVEN: Statues that are important to the Imperials?

LAURA: Yeah, anything important to the Empire?

CAMERON: Trying to mess stuff up for the Empire, not necessarily the people who live here.

LAURA: Is there a statue of Sheev?

NICK: So, the problem is Ithor has been fairly neutral, and you guys may remember the first Imperial to set foot on the planet since the blockade was Karma, apparently, so there isn’t a lot of stuff. There’s a few things. There is an Imperial archive that has been there, because they place those all over the place, so it’s like a library with a lot of military records, but they’re like propaganda records so they’re not that helpful. There are some communication nodes that go back and forth into space. They’ve been silent lately but they are monitored. Your best bet you realize would probably be to take out infrastructure stuff, because the Imperials want these things functioning so they can use them. If you take down like public transit or electro-grids or anything like that, that’s something that they’re going to notice, but because there’s no Imperial presence the more stuff you do the Ithorians may complain. It may go into your reputation a little bit, but they’re kind of incommunicado, so it’ll really just help you get off planet and to the ship faster, it’s not gonna make you higher profile, and the more you do the more you’ve messed up this neutral city.

CAMERON: So, before we start selecting the targets, Karma wants to go talk to the Oracle again and just explain we’re trying to break the blockade, which we had talked about beforehand when we met them before.

NICK: Let’s just do that scene.

LAURA: Yeah. Let’s say that Sabos and Karma go there, and then Xianna and Tink take Felton and—

CAMERON: And babysit Felton?

LAURA: –and go get a bomb.

NICK: Okay. We need to do those two scenes. So, we’ll start with, we swipe to Sabos and Karma standing in front of the Oracle who is sitting cross-legged. “You have returned… quickly.”

CAMERON: “Yes. We are putting a plan in place to break the blockade, and wanted to run a few things by you and get some advice.”

NICK: “I exist… for advice…”

STEVEN: “That’s true.”

CAMERON: “Wonderful.” Karma’s never quite sure where the sentence finishes, so she waits a little bit longer than—It becomes slightly socially awkward to make sure that the Oracle’s done talking.

NICK: The Oracle looks extremely placid and calm, and doesn’t seem to notice how uncomfortable you are with conversing with him.

CAMERON: “So, the current plan is to try and cause some problems on the herdship that hopefully do not inconvenience your people in a particularly large way but would cause the interest of the Empire so that the ones responsible could be taken to them to reach the ships. So, I would like to request assistance in selecting these targets to where hopefully the end result of this is that the blockade is no more and you can resume life normally, but not have the small amounts of destruction impede that normal life.”

NICK: “The wisdom… of the Mother Jungle… states… that to preserve the trees, sometimes you must prune branches. You… will not… be prosecuted… for any mischief. What… targets are you looking… to attack?”

CAMERON: (giggles) “Things we had discussed were potentially communication nodes that the Empire might be utilizing, the Imperial archives, but also potentially some infrastructure as they want Ithor to continue its current production of everything, so some infrastructure things there. I’m more requesting assistance in selecting infrastructure targets that do not impede your people but might seem like large enough disturbances to warrant the Empire’s attention.”

NICK: The Oracle’s eyes get real wide, and they say, “Whatever… you choose… do not destroy the repulsor pylons. The city will fall out of the sky.”

CAMERON: “Oh, of course. Yes. Not the pylons ,no. more like transportation and those types of things. On top of the herdship, not the inner workings of the herdship at all.”

NICK: “Good. We have a small but respectable metro system… It’s like a monorail, but it’s Star Wars.”

CAMERON: “Oh, cool.”

NICK: “And we don’t use it much, because our population… is shrunken. Knock yourselves out.”

CAMERON: “Wonderful. We’ll make sure the area is clear of any citizens before knocking ourselves out.”

NICK: It’s eyes widen again, and says, “I had assumed… that was a given.”

CAMERON: “Yes. I was just stating it to be clear.”

NICK: “Thank you. We will allow you… to handle the details. What else did you need?”

CAMERON: “Did we need anything else?”

STEVEN: “I think that’s all, your Oracle-ness.”

CAMERON: “I think that is it.”

NICK: It smiles at you like it likes that title. “Well, thank you.” It turns around and it is clearly dismissing you.

STEVEN: “Good bye.”

CAMERON: We leave.

NICK: Swipe cut to… Tink and Xianna and Felton are doing a deal to get a bomb.

LAURA: I’m picturing that we’re like in some back shop that just has like electronics, and we’re doing the whole like, ‘so we need, you know, some special equipment.’ We’re doing one of those things where Felton is asking somewhat code, and we’re just like ‘mm-hmm.’

NICK: From the camera angle, it’s like a dark shop, it’s got a glass case, there’s some random assorted electronics. There’s a Devaronian shopkeeper, which is like a sort of devil-looking guy if you’ve listened to any of the episodes—

CAMERON: A ‘dee-vil.’

LAURA: A ‘dee-vil!’

NICK: Oh man.

LAURA: Hudson, say it.

HUDSON: ‘Dee-vil!’


NICK: Okay. There’s a Devaronian behind the counter, and he’s like, “So, I’m not sure I quite understand. What exactly are you looking for?”

LAURA: Xianna leans in real close, and I imagine this is after a few minutes of subtle little things, like “you know, some equipment,” and she leans in and she goes, “we need, um, how do you say, a bomb.”

NICK: He’s also leaned in, and he goes, “Oh, a bomb. All this weird double speak, I thought you were looking for like drugs or something.”

LAURA: “You have drugs?”

NICK: “Uh, well, that kinda depends.” You can see there’s a little curtain, and on the other side of the building there’s a normal large shop that seems to be selling a lot of gardening implements and stuff like that.

An Ithorian pokes its head through the curtain and says, “What is the problem?”

And the Davronian goes, “Hey, don’t worry about it, just doing some deals back here. You know, I’m here to sell the over inventory. That’s why I’m here. Don’t worry about it one thing. Why don’t you just go back to the main part of the shop?”

“Okay…” And they go away.

“Oh yeah. We got lots of drugs.”

LAURA: “Do you have impact?”

NICK: “Oh yeah, we got impact.” He hits the counter and the top pops open, and you see that it’s like a mirror case, and inside there’s just a nice container shadow box with a lot of different compartments, and he pulls out a surprisingly large baggy of impact.

LAURA: “How much?”

NICK: “Uh, probably only charge you about 20% over the going rate.”

LAURA: (pauses)

NICK: “We’re under a blockade.”

LAURA: Yeah. How many doses of impact do you think is in the bag?

NICK: Like, ten.


NICK: Okay. Here’s what I want to happen story-wise, Laura. I want you to have to choose between getting a shit-ton of impact and being able to buy the bomb.

LAURA: So, Xianna’s like, “How much is the bomb?”

NICK: “About 1,200 credits.”

HUDSON: “I think we may have that.”

LAURA: “No, so, do You have 1,200 credits?”

HUDSON: Uh… I thought we had 1,200 credits.

LAURA: I have 1,500.

HUDSON: Oh, that’s not group money.

LAURA: No, I personally have 1,504 credits. What do you personally have?

HUDSON: 270.

LAURA: Okay…

STEVEN: (laughs)

LAURA: Xianna’s like doing the math in her head. She’s like, ‘oh shit, no.’ (sighs) “Okie, fine. We will buy the bomb.”

NICK: “man, you’re really missing out. You know, this impact, it’s like top notch stuff.”

HUDSON: “We’ll take the bomb!”

LAURA: “I mean, could you sell me like, a smaller amount than the giant bag?”

NICK: “Well… no.”

LAURA: (sighs)

NICK: “I would hate to break up such a big collection, you know. The dealers really prefer this amount. If I break it up even less than that then I won’t be able to get all my money back.”

STEVEN: Yeah, that’s how that works.

NICK: Shut up.


LAURA: ‘Hate to break up the collection!’

HUDSON: That’s how drug dealers talk.

NICK: “No, it’s like this is our gross. If you start selling less than this then people won’t be able to smuggle it.”

STEVEN: Oh, I’d hate to break up the distribution size to people that buy it to make money on the distribution—(laughter) Sounds fine, though. It’s all good.

NICK: “No, because plot points!”

LAURA: “Fine. We will take the bomb.”

HUDSON: “Thank you, Xianna.” I’m very sober by this point.

NICK: Okay. He routes around and he pulls out what looks like two thermal detonators stuck together with a toilet paper tube.

LAURA: Cool.

NICK: It’s got like extra wires and things, and he sets it on the counter and nudges it so that it rolls, and that seems real sketch.

LAURA: Yeah. Xianna takes it and then holds it for a second, and as she’s putting it in her pocket goes, “Oh, and do you have cans of spray paint?”

NICK: “Uh, yeah.” And we’ll cut from there to the next scene.

LAURA: So, the bomb was 1,200?

NICK: Yeah. Expensive bomb. But now you have a large story bomb that does story bomb things.

LAURA: Yay, story bombs. Booomb~

NICK: So, you all wanna do your sabotage montage?

LAURA: Yes. The first one we’re gonna do is we walk to the archives. Xianna has Sabos walk to the Imperial building, and she throws him a can of spray paint and goes, “Okie. Tag the front of the building, Free Ithor.”

STEVEN: “In Basic?”

LAURA: “In whatever language you want, but probably Basic so that the Imperials read that it says Free Ithor.”

STEVEN: “Oh, I see.”

LAURA: “So, tag that building.”

STEVEN: I tag the building that says the Imperial Archive that says Free Ithor, in Basic. I also draw a figure with four head tails.

NICK: (laughs)

CAMERON: It’s your signature.

LAURA: As he’s doing that, Xianna’s just kind of watching, and once he finishes up walks into the building—

STEVEN: Oh, and I use my head tails to rub some of the paint artistically.

NICK: Egh.


CAMERON: Oh god.

NICK: So, how I picture this, Sabos wasn’t around for parts of the plan so you just hand him the spray paint and say just tag Free Ithor on it, and he goes up and tags it, and as he’s rubbing his head tails into it and really getting into it you can see he’s starting to like… He started with just a tag, and then he’s going back and starting to like, perfectionist stuff. Karma, how do you arrest him while he’s doing this?”

CAMERON: Alright. We’re kind of all standing in the shadows to the side. I turn to Felton, “Don’t freak out,” and I drop my cloak.

NICK: He looks at you and goes, “Oh, that actually explains a lot. Man, that Togruta is gonna really be surprised when he finds out that he’s been hanging out with a bounty hunter this whole time.”

CAMERON: “…Yup.” (laughs) “Surprise.”

LAURA: Surprise~

CAMERON: I swing my carbine around to my front and just stalk out into the street, and I think I’m gonna shoot him. I’m gonna stun him.

NICK: Okay… So, Sabos—

CAMERON: It’s gotta be convincing, okay?

STEVEN: (sighs)

CAMERON: I didn’t tell you I was gonna stun you, though. You knew you were gonna get arrested, but you didn’t know I was gonna shoot you.

STEVEN: I did.

NICK: So, Sabos, you turn around and you’re like, ‘Hey, is this re—‘ (whooshing shooting noise) and you just get dropped. Then we swipe cut to a monorail station, but it’s a real small station with a really big track, and a train has just gone by with two Ithorians on it. It’s like a six car train, but not very many people are using it. Xianna, what do you do?

LAURA: So there are people on the train?

NICK: They’re on the train but they just went by, so if you destroy the tracks it’s not gonna drop them.

LAURA: Okay. So, Xianna also takes out a can of spray paint and tags the building again with Free Ithor, and then sets the bomb and runs off, but she makes sure that she looks into the cameras and probably does a little kiss and wave at whichever one she sees as she’s tagging the place, and then just like sets the timer, tosses the bomb behind her, and runs out.

NICK: Karma, how do you arrest her before she makes her escape?

LAURA: Oh, we definitely timed it. I was like, I will run out of this building, and you tackle me.

CAMERON: Yeah. I was carrying Sabos around, because I literally just arrested him, and just—

NICK: You can have like a wheelbarrow that you’ve been carting him in.

CAMERON: Yeah. I just had a wagon. I was pulling a wagon behind me, and I had Sabos in the wagon. He’s in binders at this point. I just see the explosion start as Xianna runs out of the building, and just run and flying tackle from the side… but it’s all done very artfully so that we both land on the side so that we don’t hurt each other.

LAURA: We rehearsed it.

CAMERON: Yeah. We practiced a lot.

LAURA: It’s very WWE.


NICK: So, we get two different camera shots. The first one is a close up kind of grainy security cam film of Xianna in profile spray painting and she does her smooch and wave and winks at the camera, and turns, and then becomes all business and runs out. Then we get a pan of the wide street of another security camera that’s kind of gritty, and she takes like three steps, and then we just see Karma go (three impact noises) and just nail her, and they go flying off screen again.

So, from there, we cut to you all in space. Is Tink on the ship as well? I would imagine so.


NICK: So, you’re on the Afternoon Delight—

CAMERON: Can we take a different ship up?

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: I’d like to not take our ship.

LAURA: Just like rent a ship.

CAMERON: Yeah. I just want a rental, because obviously I’m not in my bounty hunting ship, and I’ve been here a while. I didn’t come in on the Imperial shuttle. ‘I’ve been here.’ So, I just rent a ship.

NICK: Okay. We’ll get you the Star Wars equivalent of a daycare van.

CAMERON: Awesome, great.

NICK: It’s a very blocky ship with just like a single view port, nothing fancy, seats like six people, and that’s it. It’s for short hops.

CAMERON: It has a cargo compartment though, so that Tink can hide in the cargo compartment.

NICK: Yes. There’s a compartment under the floor of the ship that a Gigoran laying prone could fit in. we get a shot from behind the ship as it’s on an approach vector to the Star Destroyer. You get a ping on the com, and you hear, “Unidentified vessel, why are you approaching the ISD Vengeance?”

CAMERON: “Yes. This is bounty hunter—“ insert Karma’s bounty hunter ID.

NICK: Whoop! We get the close-in of a slide in card, and the three yellow lights that go across over and over again, because 70’s Star Wars thing. “We have your identification. Why are you approaching the Vengeance?”

CAMERON: “I have two bounties to turn in to Imperial control.”

NICK: “We don’t normally accept bounties on blockade. Why should we let you onto the ship?”

CAMERON: “Well, there’s no holding pattern on the ground, and they’ve been causing some mayhem aboard the herdship. There was a transportation center blown up, and tagging, causing some unrest across the populous, and I figured you’d like them off planet. You are my only option to turn them in at this point.”

NICK: “Oh yes, because you’re not getting out of here, especially not in that.”

CAMERON: “Well, obviously. (laughs)”

NICK: “Roger that, Ithorian sip, uh, Harmless.” (snickering) “You can approach to the third landing bay. Have your prisoners restrained and we will process bounties accordingly.”

CAMERON: “Thank you. Proceeding to the landing bay.”

NICK: Beep-boop. And then we get the shot of the ship going in, and it’s like the cool Star Wars models so it looks nice, and then it lands. How do you all look coming off of the ship? Are they beat up? Are they bindered?

CAMERON: Yes, bindered.


CAMERON: Sabos is looking a little worse for wear, because I shot him…

STEVEN: Do I come in on a wheelbarrow?

CAMERON: No. it’s been long enough by the time—My stun probably didn’t 100% knock you out, it just, yeah.

LAURA: Stun just works how you need it to work in Star Wars.

CAMERON: Yeah. It just, it got you pretty good, and I was able to get the handcuffs on you while you were unaware. So, you look a little frazzled, probably.

STEVEN: I look frazzled.

NICK: Does Sabos have like, a head tail askew, like bad hair? Is he that frazzled?

LAURA & CAMERON: I don’t think that’s how that works.

LAURA: That’s like a nose. I think it’d be broken.

NICK: Oh no.

CAMERON: Yeah, no. he’s fine. He looks a little roughed up. He’s—What color spray paint were you using?

STEVEN: Uh, we’ll go with black.

CAMERON: So, he’s got the tip of his head tails kind of covered in black, and it’s kind of a nice ombre up his head tails with the black.

NICK: Nice work.

CAMERON: Yeah, well he was doing gradient for his graffiti painting, so it kind of did that naturally, but his hands are kind of covered in paint.

STEVEN: See, it couldn’t be red, because it would just blend in with me.

NICK: I was picturing mustard yellow for the graffiti. I don’t know why.

STEVEN: I figure the Imperial archive is a nice, uh…

CAMERON: Clean gray building.


NICK: It’s always gray.

CAMERON: It’s a nice solid black, looks nice.

STEVEN: Exactly. Nice clean gray, so black is definitely noticeable.

NICK: Yeah, it’ll be a pain to clean, and they can never match it when they try to paint over it, so then it looks really obvious. Xianna?

CAMERON: You probably have some soot on you from the explosion.

LAURA: Yeah. I probably added extra soot, and I definitely made sure to hide everything in my deepest pockets. I probably left a can of spray paint in one of the easy to find pockets, so if they search me they feel like they found something, and then I took my scanner goggles off and put it in the deep pockets with my other stuff.

CAMERON: Well, anything you don’t want them to have Karma can keep, too, if you don’t want them to confiscate it. Like, your rifle and stuff, I won’t turn you in with a rifle

STEVEN: That would be a good idea.

LAURA: So, I most likely gave you things like my binders, my surveillance tagger, the IOU from Kettle, but I probably kept my blaster and my little snuff box, because I just put them in my deep pockets because they’re decently hard to check, but I did leave a can of spray paint and some little things for them to find and they feel like they did something when they search me.

STEVEN: I’ll have nothing but a com link in my padded armor.

CAMERON: Your com link’s probably in your… however you have ears.


NICK: So, you’re frog marched out by Karma. There’s two stormtroopers next to a low ranking Imperial officer. He looks like the deck commander. He says, “Well, are these our ne’er-do-wells?” and he looks pretty proud of himself. He’s got like a little squeebly mustache.

STEVEN: “I think I did pretty well.”

CAMERON: “Indeed, officer, they are.”

NICK: “Well, if the records of the scans are to be approved, I don’t know why you look so proud of yourself, Togruta. All you did was spray paint some things.”

LAURA: “I mean, that is actually quite a bit for him.”

CAMERON: “They apparently know each other.”

NICK: “Huh, interesting.”

STEVEN: “Oh, we know each other pretty well.”

LAURA: “No…”

STEVEN: I say implicatively.

LAURA: (laughs)

NICK: “Well, we’ll be taking over custody now. After the bounty has been turned in and approved you can expect your payment in six to eight weeks.”

LAURA: “I mean, so who approved your mustache?”

NICK: “I’m an Imperial. We can have mustaches.”

LAURA: “You really shouldn’t, though.”


NICK: He motions to a stormtrooper and they punch you in the stomach with the butt of their rifle.

LAURA: “Ow!”

NICK: It hurts.

CAMERON: I swap out my binders with the binders that the stormtroopers have.

NICK: Yeah. It’s all very professional, just click-click, snap-snap.

CAMERON: Yup. Remove mine, put them back up on my head tails.

NICK: The deck commander looks kind of smug and leans over. “Not so smug now, are you? Search the prisoners!” And the stormtroopers come up and start to pat you down. What does your smuggling coat do?

LAURA: It’s an opposed Skulduggery.

NICK: Oh shit. So they’ll have two green… Does the coat make it an opposed Skulduggery, or give you a bonus to it?

LAURA: No, it is an opposed Skulduggery to search.

NICK: Oh. Yeah, they only have two greens. Well, we’ll make it a green and a red. This guy’s been trained. He’s a marine.

LAURA: I want to flip a light side point. I really don’t want them to find my stuff.

NICK: Well, so it’s opposed… Yeah, you can roll a purple and a red on yours, so that we’re building a smaller pool.

LAURA: Six successes, but two threats. And remember, they will find the spray paint.

NICK: Yeah, so they find the spray paint. The stormtrooper pulls it out and says, (muffled) “All she has is this, sir.”

LAURA: “Hey, I want that back. That is mine.”

NICK: “You can have that back… in jail! Ha ha ha.”

LAURA: “Oh, so you will actually give it to me once I am in my cell?”

NICK: The deck commander just slowly shakes his head and says, “Take them to the holding cell.” They pat down Sabos and pull off his com. They leave your armor on, they don’t care. They start to march you away, and the last shot we have is Karma standing at the thing… You’re gonna leave, right?

CAMERON: Yes, after Tink gets off the ship.

NICK: Right. Karma is standing at the foot of the on-ramp, and Tink lifts up the roof of his smuggling compartment and sticks his head out, and says…

HUDSON: “Am I good to go?”

CAMERON: (quietly) “Yeah, I thought you left already.”

HUDSON: “Oh—“ I run out.


NICK: And that’s where we’ll end the episode!

(all make dramatic noises and Star Wars tunes)

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Sabos Nix was played by Steven Schroeder. He… does not exist on the internet.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @tabletop_squad. For real! We’re real people and we wanna talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.

Word document download: Episode 10 Sabacc in Business

PDF download: Episode 10 Sabacc in Business

Read in browser:

Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 10:
Sabacc In Business

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

Note – Laura’s character Xianna’fan speaks in an accent. Most of her soft I’s sound like “ee,” and most of her TH’s sound like Z’s. Example: “this and that” = “zees and zat”

## Intro

CAMERON: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Cameron, not your game master. Every other Thursday our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, a fringer, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

Thank you so much to GearedForMusic for leaving us an iTunes review. You saying that listening to us was like hanging out with your funny, nerdy friends in space made us smile. iTunes is actually the reason that I’m giving the intro today instead of Nick, your actual game master. GearedForMusic’s review took us to 13 reviews. When we reach 20, we’ll be releasing a series of flashback episodes that I ran featuring Karma’s twin sons. We brought in two of our best friends to play Jet and Juke Nailo, and we had a ton of fun recording this little side adventure. The best thing about the flashback episodes is that we’ll be releasing them on off weeks, so you’ll get double the Tabletop Squadron in your ears for approximately six weeks. I have the first episode edited and ready to go as soon as we hit that 20th review, and I would love for all of you lovely listeners to make me feel rushed to get the next two done.

A huge thank you to everyone who has left us reviews so far and said nice things about us and the show. The squad appreciates it more than you can possibly know. Anyway, I’ve talked enough. Thanks for reviewing, thanks for listening, and we hope you enjoy.

## [0:01:47]

NICK: Hello, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 10! I’m your host, Nick. Good to have you back! Nothing special.

(long pause, laughter)

HUDSON: Wait, what? Oh, okay. I get it. You can say good to have you back because you’re not referencing it as like we’ve been gone.


NICK: Some people may not know…

CAMERON: (sighs)

NICK: This show releases every two weeks, so we can pretend that we know our listeners and that we’re happy to see them. (laughter) This is going in the god damn episode.

LAURA: We are happy to see our listeners despite this being a purely audio medium.

NICK: Well that’s what the microphones are for. If you look through them you can see, like, ten.

STEVEN: Oh, I see it.


NICK: Yeah. See!

CAMERON: Mine must be broken.

NICK: So, we’re gonna go around the table—

LAURA: Is that why there’s a crystal ball in the middle of the table, so we can astrally view our listener?

NICK: Well, that’s a d1, actually. You roll it if you need a number between one and one.

CAMERON: Hmm. Alright, cool.

HUDSON: The villain from Mighty Morphing Power Rangers left it.


NICK: So, moving on! We’re gonna go around the table and introduce everybody real quick, starting with Steven!



STEVEN: I’m Steven.

NICK: Hi Steven.

STEVEN: I play Sabos the Togruta. Sabos a Togruta? He’s not the only Togruta.

NICK: Good work. Moving on. Cameron!

CAMERON: [through giggles] Hi, I’m Cameron.

NICK: Hi Cameron.

CAMERON: I’m playing Karma the Nautolan bounty hunter.

NICK: Great. And, Hudson!

HUDSON: Hi, I’m Hudson. I’m playing Tink, the Gigoran slicer who has the career skill of Technician.

NICK: See Steven, they remember specific facts about their character and relate them in a standard way.

STEVEN: Oh. … No, I don’t do that.

NICK: Yeah, obviously. And, Laura!

LAURA: Hi. I’m Laura. I play Xianna, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: We got some experience last time we played, if you could just rattle off what you’ve spent any experience points on. We’ll start with Cameron.

CAMERON: So, for Karma, I bought a talent on my Assassin bounty hunter tree, Quickdraw. Once per round I can draw or holster a weapon or item as an incidental.


NICK: Does it have a limit on what kind of weapon?


NICK: So you could like draw a rocket launcher?

CAMERON: Sure. If I have one. I don’t currently, but…

NICK: Eh, I’ll get you one. Yeah, that’ll be fine.

CAMERON: Maybe we can fix that.

NICK: Let’s go to Steven.

STEVEN: Hi. I, Sabos, the Togruta fringer—

NICK: Hey! Good work.

STEVEN: Yay—spun, spent, did spend, spent, right? Spent 15 points on Rapid Recovery in my fringer tree which allows me, when healing strain after an encounter, to heal one additional strain per rank of Rapid Recovery.

NICK: Okay. So, continue to shoot Sabos. Duly noted.

LAURA: Got it.

CAMERON: Only with stun, though.

NICK: I’ll just—He’ll figure it out.

STEVEN: I haven’t got the crit one yet, sorry.

NICK: Okay. Laura.

LAURA: I am hoarding my points.

NICK: You have spent no points.

LAURA: I have spent no points.

NICK: Saving up for that shiny new talent.


NICK: Okay. Hudson, did you spend any experience points?

HUDSON: I’ve spent zero experience points this time, because I’m saving up for a shiny new talent on my talent tree.

NICK: Okay! How about the Destiny Roll!

CAMERON: Two light side.

STEVEN: Two light side.

LAURA: One light side.

HUDSON: One light side.

CAMERON: So we have six light side points!

NICK: Alright, so, we haven’t recorded in a while, just a peek behind the curtain. We’ve had some stuff happen and haven’t recorded in a while, worked our way through our back log, so we’re gonna give a little bit of a recap and make sure all of the players know what’s going on.

So, stepping back a couple of steps. You fled Unroola Dawn. You went to an asteroid and shot some people, and killed them, and then you went to Ithor, which is a planet with like hammerhead slow-talky guys. You landed on the planet, and you went and met the Ithorian Oracle, and gave them the Stone Breaker, further cementing your business relationship. You then went to the…

CAMERON: Gooberfish!

LAURA: The Gooberfish.

NICK: Yeah, The Gooberfish, one of the bars that is near the Oracle’s retreat, and you met with your contact. Karma is currently disguised as an Imperial something or other in a full cloak and robes, and it turned out that your contact was…

CAMERON: Felton Mox.

NICK: …was Felton Mox, a large otter of a guy with a beer belly. He’s a Selonian, and somebody who you may remember was your original bounty in Prologue 1. So, you talked to him a little bit. He was able to give you a small, gray plasteel box with something inside with instructions that it would help you to break the blockade, and he also informed you that he may or may not have lost another piece of the puzzle, the Rancore Protocol, and he tried very hard to convince you that you didn’t need him and that he was gonna go on his way and everything was good, but that’s about where we left off, you all grabbing him as he tried to leave and saying ‘no, we think we’ll hold onto you.’ You know that Kettle has the Rancore Protocol somewhere, and that she’s somewhere on the planet, and you know that Felton Mox is supposed to be your contact with local information who can help you, and you now have the little plasteel box with something in it.

Okay. We start our scene. You are standing in the late afternoon sun on the street of the Ithorian herdship, which is a giant floating city above a beautiful, pristine jungle way below. You can’t see it from where you are, but it’s there. You’re standing outside The Gooberfish. Tink has a big mitt on Felton Mox’s shoulder. He looks extremely uncomfortable, he’s sweating a little in the humidity and is trying to inch away from you, but he’s not going anywhere. You have just exited the bar, and it’s time to make a plan.

CAMERON: I forgot—I’m not talking.

HUDSON: Out of game real quick, would Felton know where Kettle is?

NICK: Yeah.

STEVEN: That was kind of my strategy was to tell him that [mumbled speech]

HUDSON: We should find an alley to rough him up.

NICK: Yeah, he knows where Kettle is.

HUDSON: Okay. Back in game.

NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: “So, you’re gonna tell us where Kettle is, right?”

NICK: “You don’t really… You’re not gonna go after her, are you? That seems like a really bad idea. I wouldn’t recommend that.”

HUDSON: “I don’t think I asked for your advice, friend.”

NICK: He pulls at the collar that he doesn’t have, and goes “ewwehheww” and looks at your giant vibro-axe, and says, “Duly noted. Uh, yeah. She’s at a gaming room at the edge of the herdship. I could show you, I guess, where she is. And then we’re done, right? I can leave after that.”

CAMERON: Karma shakes her hooded head ominously, in a ‘no…’

NICK: Getting a real ghost of Christmas future vibe.

LAURA: “Do not worry about them. They are fine.”

NICK: ‘Oh. Yeah… ‘kay. Yu know, it’s weird, you all seem kind of rough and tumble. It’s strange for you to be hanging out with a high profile Imperial agent. That’s not normal.”

CAMERON: Karma nods. (laughs)

LAURA: “It’s not normal, but it is just how we do things. It works.”

HUDSON: “You haven’t gotten to know me. I’m actually a very sensitive soul.”

NICK: “Yeah, I can feel that, from that—Hey, hey, I think you’re grinding my bones together. Can you lighten up a little bit?”

HUDSON: “Sorry.”

LAURA: “Yes, yes, please do not break the captives.”

HUDSON: “Yeah. I shouldn’t do that at all. I thought my fur would provide enough, you know, kind of filter, buffer.”

NICK: “Yeah, uh, business partners. Just wanna clarify, business partners. Not captive. Same team.” He gives an optimistic double thumbs up.

LAURA: “Well…”

STEVEN: “You don’t wanna know how I ended up with the fourth head tail.”

NICK: “You’re right, I don’t, because I imagine that is a story involving your conception.”

LAURA: Xianna does not handle this. “Wait. Okie. Have you always had it, or did you get it? How did you get it? And why is it a bad thing that you have it?”

STEVEN: I just point at the Imperialist, and be like, “Don’t mess with her.”

LAURA: “But what—Because the head tails symbolize virility…”

STEVEN: “Yes.”

LAURA: “…would it not be better to have more? Because some Twi’leks have a third one…”

STEVEN: “… Yes.”

LAURA: “…and you know, they are considered sexier.”

STEVEN: “… No.”

LAURA: “So is it yes or no?!”

STEVEN: “Yes.”

NICK: Someone’s been watching a lot of Senate hearings lately. (laughter)

STEVEN: “I try to be scary sounding with threats—Emperors, Emperor, Imperial!”

NICK: There it is!

LAURA: “I still do not understand what that has to do with your head tail.”

STEVEN: “I have head tails. Anyway, you’re gonna show us where Queen Kettle is.”

NICK: As you turn back to Felton, you can see he’s been slowly sidling. Tink’s arm is so long it’s just been stretching out towards an alley, but he hasn’t let go. He stops. “Okay. Fine. I’ll show you to the gaming room. It’s not that far. I guess I owe Sentinel enough that I can at least do that part of the job.” And you take off through the beautiful herdship.

The floating city is very nice. It looks almost organic in its construction. It’s very clean. You see not a ton of Ithorians, but all of the people you see pretty much are Ithorians. That tends to happen when there’s a blockade in orbit, but there’s not that many. Maybe you see a couple every block or so kind of walking around. It looks like there’s not a ton of population for the size of this city. As you continue you come to a dome that looks right on the edge of the herdship. There’s a low, waist-high wall that circles the edge of the city, and over that you can see the horizon, and a drop of like 8,000 feet, and then the jungle down below. You can see kind of the ebb and flow of trees but not necessarily like individual details. The dome doesn’t really have any features. The top third of it is all glass sky lights. The construction looks kind of similar to the pavilion that the orca? was staying in, just more permanent, and a revolving door, because I like those, so there’s one on this dome at the front. It is glass, but the glass gets opaque as it gets hit by the sunlight and starts to fade as it goes around, so you can’t see into the building, but you see it getting darker and lighter as it goes around. It’s very nifty.

Felton says, “Well, so that’s the gaming room. It’s just called the gaming room. It caters mostly to off-worlders, because the Ithorians aren’t really much for gambling. They’re a little more placid, honestly.” He looks at Tink and says, “Placid, not flaccid. Placid. It means calm, like you’re not being.”

HUDSON: “I know what it means.”

NICK: “Right. So, anyway. The gaming room’s right there, Kettle’s inside. I have guided you. Have a great day.”

STEVEN: “Why don’t you show us in?”

NICK: “Oh, you just walk through the doors. It’s not that complicated.”

LAURA: “No, you should come with us.”

CAMERON: The hood shakes no.

STEVEN: “I’m not familiar with these doors on my home planet. I think I need you to help.”

NICK: He seems so confused that he starts walking before he does anything, and is quickly at the doors and pushes through. Inside is, imagine a ritzy kind of casino look but it’s not that big, probably a couple thousand square feet, the size of a medium gymnasium. There are gaming tables around. I want everyone to provide one detail of this gaming room, this alien gambling den, starting with… whoever thinks of something first.

HUDSON: The trunk people are all playing baccarat.

NICK: (laughs) The trunk people?

HUDSON: I mean, that might be racist, I just don’t remember their real alien race name.

NICK: The trunk people are playing baccarat. It’s an alien—

HUDSON: They’re also drunk.

NICK: The drunk trunk people are playing baccarat, but it’s like space baccarat, so are there lasers involved, or…?

HUDSON: Yeah. It’s high stakes in like a life or death way, which you would never think of baccarat as being normally, but they’ve done it.


NICK: Okay. The back wall, you actually see that the dome protrudes over the edge of the herdship a little bit, and the baccarat table is over there, and they seem to be standing on little trap doors as they’re playing. Nothing comes from that, but those are there. That’s cool. Okay, what else?

STEVEN: So, it has like a fountain, except the fountain is a drink fountain, and the drink that comes out of it is Flame Out. It’s got a Flame Out fountain.

NICK: A fountain of Flame Out…

STEVEN: And it kind of sparkles and buzzes in the scary way.

NICK: Yeah. That sounds about right.

STEVEN: Slightly luminescent.

NICK: Eh. Sounds less and less appetizing.

LAURA: Sounds less and less like a Flame Out.

STEVEN: It’s flaming out.

NICK: It’s as though you can’t tell if the pipes can’t handle the alcohol content or if there’s a loose electric wire somewhere in the basin.

STEVEN: Right. They might be enhancing the look of the Flame Out fountain.

NICK: Yeah, and with a fountain of that particular type of drink, that means that the air has a spicy, minty smell just permeating the place. It starts nice. It gets old real fast.

LAURA: There’s a large Sabacc area, and all the little Sabacc machines are like gilded gold. They’re very pretty.


CAMERON: There’s a kickass chandelier that may or may not have aliens doing acrobatics on it in the center of the dome.

LAURA: It does.

CAMERON: I mean, it does.

NICK: What’s the name of the little rat guy from Jabba’s palace?

LAURA: Salacious B. Crumb? It’s not that.

NICK: There’s Salacious B. Crumbs wiggling around?

CAMERON: No. It’s not those. It’s not those, no. It’s like the Kushibans who are just doing flips and stuff in the chandeliers.

LAURA: Oh you—Xianna’s gonna get nothing done, you guys. (laughter) She’s just gonna be standing in the middle like, “Oh, there’s a chandelier. Look at that! Oh, look at them go!”

NICK: Okay, so yeah. The whole thing is lit very nicely.

HUDSON: And it is lit, like—

NICK: It is lit, 420.


LAURA: And as we walk in, Xianna looks at everyone else and goes, “Oh, by the way, does anyone have like a gambling problem? (snorts and laughter) That we should watch out?”

CAMERON: A little late.

NICK: Sabos is looking a little nervous right now.

STEVEN: “Uh, no. I like—No. I like the home world just fine. Everything’s fine.”

LAURA: “Kay… because I kind of do. So, watch out for me.” (giggling)

STEVEN: “I don’t escape the home world to gamble. No, I mean, eh. We’re fine.”

HUDSON: “My only problem is I’m not gambling. That’s my gambling problem. Just kidding, I don’t have a problem at all.”

NICK: Oh boy.

LAURA: “I will probably be fine. Don’t worry. I’m sure I will be fine.”

NICK: What thoughts are going through Karma’s head as everyone admits that this is a dangerous situation for them?

CAMERON: She’s just shaking her head. She’s far more comfortable here than she was on Unroola Dawn, because this is the type of scenario she’s used to being in when trying to track people down. She’s often in bars and casinos and stuff, because that’s where the type of people that she’s after normally hang out. And she feels far more elegant than everyone else, and like she fits in better because of the cloak.

NICK: So, the camera pans around to the jingling sound of holo-slot machines striking jackpots. There are several Sabacc tables with golden Sabacc projectors in the middle. They definitely are projecting HD cards, because you normally see in Star Wars holograms are kind of woobly and look like their bunny antenna had been out of wack. These are all very crisp. It looks like you could almost touch them, but they disappear as people play them.

While most of the players are some assorted races, there’s probably 20 or 30 people in here, all the dealers are Ithorian pretty much. So, the ones at the Sabacc tables, each table has two or three people, you know that up to seven can play but they tend to like to spread out. So, Sabacc is—For the people who don’t know Star Wars… (snooty)

LAURA: Mm-hmm… (snooty)

NICK: Sabacc is sort of a mix between Poker, Blackjack, and Yu-Gi-Oh, as far as I can tell.

LAURA: Good description, actually. That’s about right.


NICK: You can build your own deck. It’s got some math junk in it, but it’s mostly Blackjack except when it’s not, and the rules change depending on which extended universe book you read, but the professional Sabacc people like to play with about three, as they think that gives them the best odds. It’s sort of like when people go to Vegas and they try to count cards because they’ve read the book about counting cards and think that they’re very good at it. It’s just a rule of thumb, it doesn’t actually really do that much, but that’s why there’s so many tables is people like to play low. You can tell that a lot of the seats don’t get used that much because people also have favorite seats, and we’re getting too into Sabacc. I just think it’s interesting.

So, some of the Ithorian card dealers look up as you come in and look at you before dismissing. Some eyes definitely stay on Karma for a while, because she is the first Imperial that has set foot on the planet since the blockade started as far as they know, so that’s real weird. You can see they have some questions.

Everyone except for Karma is feeling pretty solidly buzzed from the drinks that they had at The Gooberfish. You all had several. Felton Mox stands in front of you. He kind of shakes Tink’s hand off his shoulder and gestures grandly to everyone. His fur ripples with the motion. He says, “So, this is it, I brought you in. That’s great, right? I’ll, uh, see you later,” and he turns to try and leave again.

LAURA: Xianna was like looking up in the chandelier and is like, “Oh, yes, we are doing something. No, you cannot go yet. No.”

CAMERON: Karma walks over to Felton and links her arm through his.

NICK: He shudders a little, and then he gets like a look on his face as you’re standing there arm in arm. “This… is a weird feeling of space deja vu right now, standing arm in arm with you. Have we met before?”

LAURA: “So anyways… (laughter) Um, yes. Uh, Kettle? That is who we are–?”

NICK: As you bring that up, you can see that there’s a separate Sabacc table in a roped in area kind of towards the far back. It’s on part of the transparasteel floor that overhangs the jungle, and it has a little Chadra-fan dealer running the table. For those of you who don’t know, a Chadra-fan is a little bat person that’s like three feet tall, and doesn’t have wings, and is super cute. You can see it in New Hope. It’s the one that gets its drink from the bar with two hands and makes a cute little squeaky noise.

He’s wearing a green vest with a leaf pattern on it, and has one of those little green visor dealer hats on. He looks kind of torn as he deals out the cards. So, he’s setting out one set of cards for a human that is sweating profusely. His dark hair is matted down to his face and he’s gripping each card like it’s the only thing in the galaxy. The other set of cards goes to a strange insectile-looking creature with their back to you. They’re covered in scars and their wings are tattered. If you make a Xenology check you might know what this thing is. Except for Sabos, Sabos recognizes this thing.

CAMERON: What’s the difficulty on the Xenology check?

NICK: Hard.

HUDSON: I’ll let you guys handle this one.

CAMERON: Sure. It could happen.

LAURA: I mean, I’ll roll.

NICK: Also, while they’re rolling, you may notice that some of our dice noises changed. We got cool little dice cups because our dice pools were getting too big, so thanks Kickstarter.

LAURA: I got a failure.

CAMERON: Yeah, so Karma got two failures and two advantages.

NICK: Okay. Is there something you would like to spend the advantages on?

LAURA: Wait, Hudson, why don’t you make Xenology rolls? You have a four in Intellect.

CAMERON: You’re smart!

HUDSON: Oh! You’re right.

LAURA: You do way better. I only have a two.

CAMERON: I have a two! You’re way smarter than us.

HUDSON: And I get to use this new fun cup.

LAURA: Xianna’s cunning, but she’s not smart.

HUDSON: What’s that, two advantages?

STEVEN: Absolutely nothing.


NICK: Complete wash! Okay. None of you recognize what this particular species would be, but you do notice that Felton is staring pretty pointedly at that table, like that’s where you guys need to go. Sabos, you recognize that as Kettle most likely. You don’t see Geonosians every day, but that’s definitely one of them, and those are pretty rare.

STEVEN: I didn’t see her from the back, though.

NICK: No, but it’s like—


NICK: So, it’s a large, brown insectile creature. There’s not so many of those out there. What do you guys wanna do?

LAURA: “Okie, Tink, give me your credits.”

HUDSON: “Your—My what?”

LAURA: “Your credits! You know, your money.”

HUDSON: “Oh, credits. Oh, uh, wait all of it?”

LAURA: “Most of them.”

HUDSON: “Why?”

LAURA: “So I can go to the table.”

STEVEN: While they’re doing that, I just walk up to the table and say, “Hi Queen.”


LAURA: “Oh, never mind. It appears Sabos knows her.”

HUDSON: “Wait, don’t you have cred—Never mind.”

LAURA: “I have some, but I need more for the gambling. I do not know what the buy in is.” (laughing)

NICK: So we get this nice top-down shot of the Sabacc table and Kettle playing cards, and it angles over to Sabos who walks up and greets her, and in the background we see Xianna and Tink talking about credits and elbowing each other, and then they just stop and turn to look at the scene.

As you say ‘hi Queen,’ the Geonosian tosses down her cards and says, “Well, Mr. Alto, it looks like we’ll be in touch,” and he hangs his head and stands up from the table before walking away. The human looks very distraught and runs his hands through his hair. Whenever the Chadra-fan dealer looks at Kettle he smiles real big and looks really excited, but then he’ll look back at the human who’s slowly walking away and look like someone just stole his vest and looks very sad, and he kind of alternates back between being happy for Kettle and sad for the human.

So, Kettle sets her cards down and cracks her neck, which makes a really hollow popping noise. She looks up at you. “Ah, Councilman Sako. What a pleasant surprise.”

STEVEN: “Yes, it’s been… ages, it seems.”

NICK: “Yeah, it’s been about… three days, I think, at this point.”

STEVEN: “A lot happens in three days as you might know.”

NICK: “Really? You’ll have to tell me about that sometime.”

STEVEN: “Absolutely. So, you got through the blockade too, huh?”

NICK: “Oh, blockades are really more of a formality for someone like me.”

STEVEN: “(chuckles) I understand.”

NICK: “It turns out they are until you get down on the planet when they take it real seriously. Sometimes you get, well, inconvenienced.”

STEVEN: “I couldn’t imagine.”

NICK: “Yeah. It’s actually convenient that  you’re here. Maybe with your political clout, Councilman Sako…”

STEVEN: “That’s exactly how I got through the blockade.”

NICK: “Yeah, well, maybe you can help me get out of this particular situation.”

STEVEN: “I actually think we’re looking to have you help us get out of this situation as well, so this seems like a very mutualistic situation.”

NICK: “How fortuitous. You’ll have to introduce me to your friends.” She looks around to the rest of the group.

STEVEN: “Yes. Absolutely.”

LAURA: “Hello~!” Xianna waves at her.

CAMERON: Karma and Felton have floated over.

NICK: She nods to you regally.

HUDSON: I scrunch up and look suspicious.

CAMERON: Scrunch up what?

HUDSON: Body-wise.

CAMERON: Like, just your whole body? You just like shrink?

LAURA: Like your little face?

HUDSON: Like a slight tense up.

NICK: Kettle nods to you all, and sees Felton, and goes, “Felton, what are you trying to do bringing muscle on me? You lost fair and square, and it’s time for you to go do your part of the bargain,” and she looks very disinterested in him.

He says, “Well, look, hey—“

STEVEN: “Oh, he’s not here for muscle. He’s actually a very lovable creature.”

NICK: “Oh, well—“

STEVEN: I say pointing at Tink.

NICK: “Oh—Uh, yeah. I thought you were talking about me. That would’ve been…”

STEVEN: “Oh, no.”

NICK: “No. Obviously not, right? Uh, no, Kettle, I’m just here to introduce my new friends, uh, business associates. Really just some people I met in a bar. We’re not really associates… You’re right, I should probably go work on that thing—“

STEVEN: “Nope!”

NICK: “—that you told me to do…”

CAMERON: Karma does not let go of his arm.

NICK: “…but I can’t seem to be rid of them.” He smiles real big. “So, yeah. I guess we could play some cards, maybe, or go to a business room, or do something…” and Kettle just waits to see what you guys have to say.

STEVEN: Is there a VIP room available? Like, you know, big bets, away from listening crowds.

NICK: The Chadra-fan perks up and starts to look eagerly between you all, and Kettle says, “Well, this is basically the big bet area right here. You can tell from the velvet rope and the nice floor windows, but we don’t have those crazy trap doors.”

STEVEN: “I’m okay with that.”

NICK: The camera snaps over real quick to the baccarat table You see an Aqualish which is like a big walrus person go (roars) and then there’s a red buzzer noise, and the floor jiggles a little, and they all look real nervous but it doesn’t give away, and then the camera snaps back to you.


LAURA: “Oh no…”

STEVEN: “Cool.”

NICK: “Yeah. The designers of this game room really like the idea of high stakes, meaning more than just bigger numbers, but the Ithorians aren’t real big on raining gamblers down upon their sacred jungle, so it’s pretty rare. We have that mostly turned off.”

STEVEN: Well, uh, I invite my acquaintances to have a seat, and it feels kind of weird inviting the Imperial to have a seat because I would think the Imperial would invite us to have a seat, but I invite everyone to have a seat at the table with Kettle.

LAURA: Xianna sits pretty quickly.

NICK: Cool, so you all sit at the table. The Chadra-fan eagerly starts dealing out cards. Let’s say it’s 100 credits to get in on this.

STEVEN: (deep inhale) “Give me a sec…”

LAURA: (laughs) Sabos.

STEVEN: “Okay. I can play a game or two.”

NICK: So, it’s like 100 credits for playing through the scene, it’s not gonna be per hand.

STEVEN: Oh. I can play that.

CAMERON: Karma can’t.

NICK: Ouch. Are you gonna try to get credits from someone else to play with?

CAMERON: No, Karma’s just not playing.

NICK: Okay. You’re just gonna stand in the background?

CAMERON: Holding onto Felton. We’re just standing ominously to the side of the table.

HUDSON: I’ll play.

LAURA: Yeah, Xianna puts in credits.

NICK: Okay. You toss the credits in. A little mini mouse bot, probably like three or four inches long with what looks like a snow plow on the end, comes out and scoops your credits off into a slot and goes away, so it makes the little meepy droid noises, and then digital—except it’s Star Wars—so like analog displays pop up with your credit count, and the Chadra-fan starts to deal out cards.

Kettle says, “Oh, so your Imperial friend…” If she had eyebrows she’d be wiggling them. “You Imperial friend won’t be playing, and I know Felton can’t afford to play, but this is a friendly game. What brings you to my end of the herdship?” And you start playing cards.

STEVEN: I look at Xianna.

LAURA: I looked at Sabos, in this face of like, well he knows her, so… Also, I kind of forgot what we were doing. (laughter) Did you see the chandelier in here?!

STEVEN: I excuse myself for a second to go get some Flame Out, and I come back. “As you might know—”

NICK: Wait, wait, wait. You can’t describe something fun like that and then just move on.

STEVEN: (chuckles)

NICK: As you run over to the fountain the smell gets stronger.

STEVEN: It does.

NICK: Your eyes start to water a little bit.

STEVEN: It reminds me of home.

NICK: A green Twi’lek, she’s not very tall, she’s even a little shorter than Xianna, because Xianna’s what, 5’6”?, 5’?

LAURA: I am 1.71 meters.

NICK: What does that mean in English?


NICK: Okay. So, she’s shorter than Xianna. She’s probably about 5’ flat. She’s green, and she’s got a waitress outfit on, and she grabs a copper mug and scoops some out and takes a cloth to wipe the edge so that it’s dry. She tells you, “The high rollers don’t pay for drinks,” and she hands one to you.

STEVEN: “Oh. Thank you very kindly.”

NICK: So, you have your booze.


NICK: You head back to the–?

HUDSON: “Hey! Can you get me a–?”

STEVEN: “Flame Out?! Absolutely!” I get my Flame Out and just bring it to him, then I go back and ask if they have a bigger glass.

NICK: The Twi’lek cocks a tattooed eyebrow at you, because fun Star Wars fact: Twi’leks don’t have eyebrows but the females often tattoo them on to make people not freaked out about not having eyebrows, and gets two mugs and does the routine of scooping it out and shrugs.

STEVEN: I apologize and point at Tink, and then I think she understands. He is large.

NICK: She doesn’t really seem all that engaged.

STEVEN: Perfect.

NICK: Professionally polite is how I would describe her.

STEVEN: I take both mugs and keep them to myself as I sit down.

NICK: (laughs) Okay.

HUDSON: Where’s my drink?

STEVEN: I gave you the original one.

NICK: He gave you the first one.

HUDSON: Oh, sorry.

STEVEN: I just got more of it.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Xianna, after watching this whole thing, you see her kind of put her hands on her hips and cock her head to the side in mild annoyance at the whole exchange, but she doesn’t do anything.


NICK: So, Kettle’s been holding cards this entire time. “So, are we playing or what?”

STEVEN: “Yes. I apologize, Queen. I play better with drinks.”

NICK: Alright. I want a gambling roll out of y’all.

CAMERON: Is that Skulduggery?

NICK: Yeah, I’d take Skullduggery.

STEVEN: Oh will you?

LAURA: Can do.

STEVEN: Will you take… yeah, well… Streetwise?


STEVEN: Uh… Negotiation?




STEVEN: Okay then.


CAMERON: Astrogation!

STEVEN: How about Astrogation? (laughs) So, just Skullduggery, huh? Okay.

HUDSON: What’s the difficulty?

NICK: Let’s do average.

LAURA: Sure.

HUDSON: Might I go first?

NICK: Yeah, go ahead.

HUDSON: Two successes and a threat.

STEVEN: I got a success, without Skulduggery. Hell yes.

LAURA: Ohhh!

HUDSON: Oh snap.

CAMERON: Oh shit!

LAURA: Ohhh snap! Okay, so it’s two triumphs that are not cancelled by anything, plus two more successes… Yes.

NICK: Two triumphs and two more successes?

CAMERON: Yes, so four successes total, and then also two triumphs.

NICK: Oh boy. Okay, and then if someone could roll me a hard check against just three greens, please.

CAMERON: A success.

STEVEN: Fall prone.

CAMERON: … No, they cancel.

STEVEN: Oh. I didn’t see that bottom one. Okay, yeah.

LAURA: Mm, fall out of the chair!

CAMERON: It was three threats, but it is also three advantages, so it’s just one success.

NICK: Okay. Thank you.

CAMERON: You’re welcome.

HUDSON: I start to get a little nervous because my hand was bad, so I drink my drink pretty fast.

NICK: Okay. You start pounding away on this drink. You guys have made some small talk, and after the first few hands Xianna makes an extremely aggressive bet and you all go for it, and Kettle has a very contemplative look on her face, and then she goes in on it too, and she just mops the floor with you. You have a Purple Conundrum, one of the best hands in Sabacc as far as anyone knows.

LAURA: Well, I build up a fake tell. I assume that’s what I do, is I probably hustle a little bit and I do a few hands where like, oh I twitched my eye a little bit so it makes it seem like when I do the high bet that I’m bluffing, and then I’m not.

NICK: Nice. Kettle nods with respect to you as your counter goes way up and everyone else’s goes down. Nobody’s out, but there is a definite disparity. That could be one of the triumphs. Is there something as far as outside the game you would like your other triumph to do for you?

CAMERON: (gasps) I have a thing that I was wanting to do…

LAURA: (whispered) What?

CAMERON: Okay. I was trying to figure out if I would do a Skulduggery or Stealth check to try and get my binders on Felton, because I have the ones that are individual bracelets and then I can do something to magnetize them and they go together, so I have one of his arms, but he’s very into the game now and doesn’t notice me do it.

NICK: Sure. Yeah. Are you binding him to you or just his hands together?

CAMERON: No. I’m just—He’s getting a bracelet that he can’t remove on both wrists.

NICK: Is that how you would like to spend your triumph, or do you want her to roll for it and you want yours for something else?

LAURA: No, so, we’ll do that, and what I want to happen is I can see her starting to get like the prep ready. I can see her surreptitiously pulling a binder down, and so then what I do is, I think I’m probably sitting next to Tink, and I spill his drink and make a big scene over it. “Oh no, Tink, I spilled your drink! … Oh, haha, that rhymed.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

HUDSON: “I was gonna get another anyway.”

LAURA: “Oh no! We will get you a new one.” And I try to flag down the Twi’lek waitress from before.

STEVEN: I slide one of mine over.

LAURA: “No, we do not want Your drink. We want a New drink. I want that Twi’lek waitress. Hello~! We need some new drinks, and maybe a towel of some sort, or maybe a cleanup droid. Please?”

HUDSON: “Oh hey, hey, could you get me a Green Extermination?”

LAURA: “I do not know what that is. Also, you are all wet with the drink.”

HUDSON: “Things always dry on me.”

CAMERON: (laughs) Ew.

LAURA: I’m still flagging the waitress down.

NICK: Yeah. The waitress pointedly doesn’t make eye contact with Sabos. She flounces over. She’s got, I’m picturing like the beer maiden German waitress outfit on her, but space, so like a sticky-outie skirt, a very cleavagey top with straps that go aside the shoulders, and she comes over and leans down towards you and says, “What can I help you with?”

LAURA: “Hi. Well, first off, there was a drink that got spilled.”

NICK: “Oh yeah, I see that.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

NICK: “You know, it always seems to happen to whoever loses the hardest. Isn’t that interesting?” She titters away behind her hand.

LAURA: “Yes.”

HUDSON: “This whole thing’s a scam.”

LAURA: “No it is not. I just beat you.”

HUDSON: (growls)

LAURA: “He would like… He called it a Green Extermination. I do not even know if that is a real drink, but he wants one.”

NICK: “I think we can make that happen. Would you like anything?”

LAURA: “Yes. I would like a Starship Juice, please.”

NICK: “Starship Juice? Oh, that’s one of the specials of the house,” and she flounces away. If this was animated there would be little boingy noises as she goes. She’s much happier talking to you than she was to the others.

LAURA: Because I smile, and say thank you.

NICK: Yeah, and as she walks away she winks conspiratorially at you.

LAURA: No, she doesn’t wink. She Twi’lek winks.

NICK: Ooh.

LAURA: Which is, she does a little lekku move that we know is our equivalent of a wink, because we can like somewhat use them to communicate.

NICK: Ooh, I like that a lot. Ooh! She also has the suits of Sabacc cards tattooed on her lekku.

CAMERON: Oh cool.

LAURA: Aww, yes.

NICK: That starts at her forehead and goes back, so those look very neat. You get distracted by that for a second. Yeah, so she goes away and gets a drink. While that’s all going on, Karma very quickly slips the binders onto Felton. He doesn’t notice, until she starts to go by and you can see him—

CAMERON: I didn’t magnetize them. I just have them on there so that if he tries to run I can make his hands jump together.

NICK: Okay, so he doesn’t notice at all, he just has heavier bracelets, which means he does slap her on the butt as she goes by, and the waitress turns around and in one fluid motion plants a fist into his solar plexus, which is a pretty satisfying thing because he’s kind of paunchy, and he doubles over groaning.

LAURA: “That is what you deserve.”

CAMERON: Karma laughs. She tries not to, but she can’t help it.

NICK: The Twi’lek waitress gives a lekku twitch that, I don’t know if Karma can read lekku, probably not.

LAURA: Probably not.

NICK: But she gives one that’s like the equivalent of the jaunty salute, and she keeps going. Felton, who’s head is down by his knees, you can tell he’s trying to breathe and having trouble. “I just—I’ve always had a thing for tentacles. (groans)”

LAURA: “Don’t we all.”

STEVEN: I turn around and look at him, like look at my head tails. (laughter)

CAMERON: The camera slows and does a slow motion shot of Sabos’s head tails flinging over, and it does like the star, slightly glittery…

LAURA: Oh! There’s absolutely the anime sparkle!


LAURA: And then like little roses appear on the corner of the screen as he stops.

CAMERON: Oh yeah. It’s gorgeous.

NICK: And then the camera snap cuts to Felton’s face twisted in pain and mesmerized disgust as he stares at Sabos, and then we get back to the game.

STEVEN: I turn back around and try to hit him with the head tail as I turn back.

NICK: He’s like 20 feet from you.

STEVEN: I try. It doesn’t work.

NICK: Okay. They fling out. The Chadra-fan is practically vibrating. The thing about being a Sabacc dealer is you don’t actually touch cards because it’s all holographic, so you’re mostly just touching a keypad and then working as the craps dealer kind of announcer of ‘this is here’ and ‘you were worth 20 points, hooray,’ but he doesn’t really talk, he just squeaks a little. Everyone seems to be having a good time. Nobody’s out. When he looks at Tink he looks a little anxious like he wants you to be happier but he can’t figure out how. The Chadra-fan presses some buttons and starts to deal a new hand, and Kettle as she’s picking up her cards kind of looks sidelong at Xianna and says, “That was some fine playing there. You seem to have some experience.”

LAURA: “Oh, you know. I play cards here and there.”

NICK: “Yes, clearly. So, you’ve come to the gaming table, currently wiping the floor with me, and normally this is about the point where someone says what exactly they want. I don’t normally get approached just for fun and games. If you’re with Felton you probably need something. He rarely has anything to give. He’s more of a taker, that guy.”

STEVEN: “That makes sense.”

NICK: “So what are you here for?”

STEVEN: “So, you know the blockade exists…”

NICK: “Mm-hmm.”

STEVEN: “…and it might not be the…” I look behind me and see the Imperial and talk quieter. “…might not be the best thing for the planet.”

LAURA: She’s at the table.

CAMERON: I’m standing like right behind you.

STEVEN: I’d say it anyway.

NICK: No, I said you were like ten feet back.

CAMERON: Oh, okay. I didn’t realize I was that far away.

NICK: If you’re not playing you have to be outside the ropes.

CAMERON: Oh, okay.

LAURA: Okay. So you’re probably like right at the ropes, so we could talk to you, but if we whisper you won’t necessarily hear it.

NICK: Plus, that lets you be a little more imposing, because you get to be like mysterious in the distance. Yeah, so.

STEVEN: Anyway. “So, you know, it might not be the best thing for the planet here, and I understand you might have a device, the Rancore Protocol, or an object that might help us defeat the blockade.”

NICK: At that, Kettle nods to herself. “Ah.”

STEVEN: “Well, Felton was supposed to have it, we understand.”

NICK: “Yes, he was, wasn’t he.”

STEVEN: “But he is a little bit, uh, loose-fisted.”

CAMERON: “Useless.” You hear from the other side of the rope. (laughs)

LAURA: “Yes.”

NICK: Kettle stops and cranks all the way around to look behind her. She’s in the middle seat, so she cranks all the way around to look at you, makes eye contact with Felton who’s finally starting to straighten up a little, and goes, “Yeah, useless,” and turns back. “This is making a lot more sense. It’s interesting…” and she’s fiddling with the cards in her hand. The Chadra-fan is waiting for people to start making their moves. “It’s interesting how many things from Coronet City are ending up coming full circle, isn’t it?” And, if I could get another Skulduggery roll from everyone as they play another hand.

LAURA: Can do.

STEVEN: Sure. Average or hard?

CAMERON: Average?

NICK: Yeah, let’s just do average. It’s more of a competition thing.

STEVEN: Alrighty. I get two successes and a threat.

LAURA: So, two failures, but three advantages.


LAURA: Yeah. I rolled the worst you absolutely could on these dice. It wasn’t…

NICK: Yep.

CAMERON: Kettle has one success.

HUDSON: One failure, two advantages.

NICK: Is there anything you all would specifically like your advantages to get used on? The way we’re doing this gambling mini-game, obviously successes and failures are how well you’re doing. You can either use your advantages to manipulate something in the room, do something outside the game, or they can count towards what your Sabacc total winnings are going to be, but they don’t do very much compared to successes. So, if you have advantages, now would be the time to say if there’s something you wanna spend them on.

LAURA: Could I spend mine to where I’m not winning anything, but I’m kind of folding because I know my cards aren’t right, so I’m losing a little bit of money, but I want to try to set myself up a little bit better so I can just have like a blue die on my next roll.

NICK: Yeah. That’s what I was gonna—(goofy) So, mechanically!

LAURA: (goofy) So, mechanically! Can I get a blue die, please?

NICK: Yeah. You can have a blue die on your next roll.

HUDSON: Can I do that as well when I’m playing my hand so that I can maybe do a little better?

NICK: You only have two advantages.

HUDSON: Ah, that’s true.

NICK: Hell. Okay. You get one blue die. Xianna can have two blue dice.


LAURA: Ooh-hoo.

NICK: So, you all do the Botanelli’s Sabacc defense and set up for a later hand. … It’s Sabacc. I can make up whatever the heck I want.

HUDSON: We count Sabaccs.

NICK: Four Sabaccs make a trick.

LAURA: Five Sabacc. They’re not plural.

NICK: (laughs) Okay. So, the cards lay down, and Sabos actually comes out with the win. Tink and Xianna do very poorly, but yeah, they’re playing defensively, whatever that means in cards.

STEVEN: “I’ve never gambled before, guys.”

HUDSON: (groans)


STEVEN: But I say it in a way where you’re pretty darn sure I’m serious.

LAURA: “I actually have no idea if that is true or not. No idea.”

NICK: Kettle is playing really consistently. She’s not losing much money, but she is very clearly evaluating you all, more than she’s focused on her own hand. Sabos makes a pleasant win. He is still in the negative because everybody lost so much money to Xianna on that first hand, but you’re no longer worried about getting knocked out of the running, as it goes. You win. Your analog counter goes up. I’m picturing like old alarm clocks with like the flippy cards. There’s one of those set in the table in front of you and it changes. Extremely 70’s. The little mouse droid that collected your credits does a little victory lap and does a little (small trumpet noise), and then goes back into a little baby garage set into the wall of the table for the mouse droid.

Kettle looks at you and says, “Well, Councilman Sako, that was particularly impressive.”

HUDSON: “Who?”


LAURA: “Tink. Our friend, you know, Sako.”

HUDSON: “Yeah…”

LAURA: She nudges Tink a little bit under the table.

STEVEN: I just, I look at Kettle and say, “It’s a hard word to pronounce in their language, I think.”

NICK: “What, Basic?”

STEVEN: “Yeah.”

LAURA: “Well, no. You see, he speaks Gigoran, but the translator turns it into Basic, and sometimes it has difficulty with some words.”

STEVEN: “—says Sa-ko, sits, harded… Sako.”

NICK: “Oh, so you weren’t referring to the fact that his name is actually Sabos, and that he was impersonating someone when I dealt with him originally.”

LAURA: “Oh! You know that? Okie, then never mind. Yes, we know that.” (laughs)

STEVEN: “Well, of course she knows that.”

LAURA: “We are just confused, because he doesn’t seem to know which one he actually is, so it’s… you know, confusing.”

NICK: “This is interesting data. So, Sabos, which one do you think you are?”

STEVEN: (deep inhale) “I… Well, most recently I was… Well… I don’t know.”

LAURA: ‘He has gotten too far into the con! He does not know who he is anymore!”

STEVEN: “Because most recently I was actually some Imperial officer that got me through the blockade, so I’m actually pretty darn confused what I am right now.”

NICK: “Duly noted. You know, I’ve worked with some front men before who have had similar issues. It’s an interesting choice in crew leader, (snickering) but if that’s the way you choose to do business, that makes sense.”

HUDSON: “Where’s my kriffin’ drink?”

NICK: As you say that, the Twi’lek woman comes back and sets your Green Extermination in front of you. It’s a very large glass. That’s the only descriptor I’m gonna take, you can take the rest, but it’s a very large glass, and the table actually pops a little side table out so that you have somewhere to set it because the lip of the table isn’t big enough. She sets it down with one hand. She’s a very good waitress, because this is a big thing, she takes it off, loses no balance with anything, keeps the other more normally sized glass. She sets your Starship Juice in the set coaster and she brushes against you a little as she does it. She looks at you and says, “Oh, well I hope you’re doing well.”

LAURA: “Oh yes. Thank you.” I tip her. What is an appropriate tip for this place? What have I seen people tipping?

NICK: So, are you going for an appropriate but generous amount, or like an obscene amount?

LAURA: I’m going for a flirtatious amount. Whatever a flirtatious tip is—So, more than normal, not like crazy extravagant, so I guess our equivalent of like a 40% tip. I don’t know if 20 is the normal Star Wars amount.

STEVEN: A flirtatious tip is like 80-100%.


NICK: Oh, no…

LAURA: No no no. (laughter) Having waited tables, it’s just a bunch of business dudes…

STEVEN: It’s an old dude? Yeah.

LAURA: ……who like, have the company card and just know they can and are feeling generous.

NICK: It’s probably like 30 credits. That’s a solid amount.

LAURA: Yeah. I tip her 30 credits.

STEVEN: That’s a big tip. The buy-in at the table was 100, at the higher roller table?

NICK: We’re using the 100 for that. The table is less of a high rolling table and more of an exclusive table. It’s also because if I set it at actual high roller numbers you guys wouldn’t have been able to play.

STEVEN: Eh, maybe a hand.


LAURA: That’s why I asked for Tink’s money.

NICK: Also, Xianna is still sitting on a lot, so I imagine you’re paying out of your winnings.

LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: Like, flipping her some—I guess it wouldn’t be chips. You press a little indicator on your flip board of numbers and it goes down 30, and her tray beeps at her. She looks and she goes, “Oh, well thank you. Is there anything else I can get you?”

LAURA: “Uh, no thank you.”

NICK: She does a little secret lekku move, that—


NICK: –means whatever you want it to mean.

LAURA: (giggles) Xianna smiles at her.

NICK: And she bounces away. Do any of the rest of you notice this whole thing going on?

HUDSON: I’m just happy that I got my drink. I mean, she brought it over, right?

NICK: Yeah. You have your own special extra-large coaster for your very large drink.

HUDSON: I don’t tip. I just tell her that the tip was included with hers.

NICK: She looks at you, rolls her eyes, and just moves on. She’s in a good enough mood now that most people’s hijinks aren’t gonna get to her. So, describe your beverages!

HUDSON: I’m drinking a Green Extermination, which is a green, cinnamon flavored drink with some red ice cubes in it, and in addition some red floating what looks like little candies.

NICK: Huh. Sounds interesting. Xianna, what is your beverage?

LAURA: Oh, well I ordered the Starship Juice. It is very strong, but also very fruity, and since it’s a tiki drink it almost certainly comes in a cutesy little carved tiki glass. It looks like—Ooh! So it’s carved to look like a little loth-cat, and it has an umbrella on the top, and a colorful straw.

CAMERON: It’s a loopy straw.


NICK: A Luby’s straw?



CAMERON: It’s a straw that has loops in it.

NICK: I was gonna say, last time I went to Luby’s the straws were not that special.

LAURA: No, it has at least two loops in it.

HUDSON: That’s usually called a curly straw, right?

CAMERON: Probably.

LAURA: Or curly straw, yes.

HUDSON: No. Crazy straw! Crazy straws!

CAMERON: Crazy straws! There you go. It’s got a crazy straw.

LAURA: It’s got a pink umbrella. It’s pink.

NICK: That’s the important part.

LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: Okay. Your waitress friend has left. “So, the Rancore Protocol…” Kettle says, as the table starts to reset. The way the game has been going, you’ve played several hands, you’re not rolling for every hand, but there’s probably one more big climactic hand coming. “It’s an interesting piece of technology. I have no real use for it. It turns out, I’ve had it analyzed, and it’s still encrypted. If I could get it back to Coronet I think I could probably have someone break it up, but here on Ithor my resources are a little more limited than I would like. Wonderful people, the Ithorians,” she says, as an Ithorian in a pit boss kind of sequenty blazer and pants walks by, and he slowly nods his big hammer head and then continues on, “but not necessarily the most technological. They value nature a little too much. So, I might be able to part with it. You would just have to make it worth my time. It is a resource. I did win it.”

HUDSON: “Why don’t you bet it on this game?”

NICK: “Wow. I hadn’t really thought of that. I was going to charge 20,000 credits for it… but maybe we could make that happen. We won’t even bet it on this game, we’ll bet it on this last hand. Now, you’re gonna need a bigger ante, though.”

STEVEN: “How about if we make it more interesting with say, an Imperial code cylinder?”

CAMERON: (laughing) The hood head tilts.

STEVEN: (laughs)

LAURA: Xianna’s head tilts, like ‘What…?’

CAMERON: And then like, the head considers it.

NICK: “I mean, it would really—Do you have it with you? I’d love to see it.”

CAMERON: I do have it on me.

LAURA: “I think so. I mean, we will bet it.”

NICK: She turns around and looks at the cloaked figure of Karma and just imperiously gestures, and does the ‘give me’ hand sign. “I’m not going to take it. I just need to see what level it is.”

STEVEN: “Oh, it’s a… Sure.”

LAURA: “It is a code cylinder.”

STEVEN: “It’s the… it’s the best.”

NICK: This is the one you all already modified, right?

STEVEN: It’s the bigly-est code cylinder.

CAMERON: Uh, we didn’t modify it.

STEVEN: Yeah we did.

NICK: Didn’t you use that to get through the blockade? You used it as part of your passcode?

CAMERON: Oh yeah.

STEVEN: Yeah. It’s a very important intelligence officer code cylinder now.

LAURA: Now it’s pretty important.

CAMERON: It is now, actually. Yeah. It has very high clearance.

NICK: So, do you hand it over?

CAMERON: Yeah. I take it out of my jacket and hand it over.

NICK: So, it’s a cylinder.


NICK: The fun thing is this one’s obviously been bootlegged a little bit. There are some wires sticking out of one end that are crossed over to the other, and the casing is not sealed all the way. It’s like when somebody tries to play with an iPhone and doesn’t open it right, and it mostly goes back together but not all the way. She’s looking at it, and she goes, “Oh, okay. It’s a petty officer cylinder that is actually very important now. Interesting. Yes, that would definitely take some off the ante. I’d take that into account. The only thing about it would be, I’d also want to know who made this, because I may have some more work for them later on.”

HUDSON: “Do you think it’s a good job?”

NICK: “Yeah, actually. It’s good work. There are some things we could do about the cosmetics of it, but once we have that underway I think we could use this to make a pretty lucrative business.”

HUDSON: I look happy, but I’ve also been drinking, so I look a little glazed eyed, and I say, “You’re not part of the conspiracy, are you?”

NICK: She looks at you very seriously and leans forward. The Chadra-fan also leans in. his ears are all perked up.

LAURA: We all lean in.

NICK: She goes, “It depends on the conspiracy, but not the one you’re thinking of.”

HUDSON: “Good.”

NICK: Yeah. She nods to you self-assuredly.

HUDSON: “Okay. Just, right now, things are just everywhere, man. I, they’re all watching us, and we’re all just asleep. None of us are awoken…”

LAURA: “Tink, Tink… Are you on drugs, or do you need to be on drugs?”

STEVEN: “I think his translator is malfunctioning.”

HUDSON: “No, no. I’m as clear-minded as I’ve ever been.”

LAURA: “Are you sure?”

HUDSON: I take another giant drink. “I just, just need some assurance right now, guys.”

NICK: Kettle sits back in her chair. At this point you all have your cards for this last hand, because for whatever reason they’ve been dealt out before you finished deciding what you’re betting, but whatever. She nods and says, “Green Exterminations will do that to you.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

NICK: “Yeah. I’ll take the code cylinder, probably another 1,000 credits. That seems like a fair trade for a piece of code I can’t use right now.”

LAURA: “Okie.”

STEVEN: “And, winner takes all.”

NICK: Yeah.

STEVEN: Yeah. That’s how betting works.

NICK: She pulls out a computer spike. It looks like a talon, it’s curved which is weird, and it has a lot of exposed circuitry on it. Tink, you would recognize this as the spike that you used to collect the Rancore Protocol a few days ago. She tosses it into the middle, and she also places the code cylinder, and you all I guess pool your credits and put them in the middle so it adds up to 1,000, and then the mouse droid comes out and hits the pile of things and just goes (small struggle noise), because it’s too much stuff and it’s too heavy for it, so it’s wheels start spinning and you can see it put little tiny divots in the felt of the table. The Chadra-fan looks real concerned and scoops up the mouse droid and the bets and helps it get back to its little garage.


NICK: It like shakes its head nurturingly. It likes its mouse droid. Then, the hand is dealt, and you all play your final shot.

HUDSON: Who has the best dice?

LAURA: I am rolling two yellow, two green, two blue, and I think I’m gonna—

HUDSON: And we’re gonna flip a point.

CAMERON: Flip a light side, Laura.

HUDSON: Yeah. That’s what I was gonna suggest.

LAURA: So now I’m at three yellow, one green, two blue.

HUDSON: We roll Skulduggery when we gamble?

NICK: Mm-hmm, against average.

STEVEN: I’ll just roll for the fuck of it. Oh, cool. I’m gonna lose.

LAURA: So that is three successes, and (counts) seven advantages!

NICK: Gee whiz.

STEVEN: I just got an advantage.

HUDSON: Um, I have an advantage.


LAURA: Eh, you tried.

NICK: That’s it?

STEVEN: Oh fuck.

CAMERON: Uh, Kettle got five successes and a threat.

NICK: Yes! Ha ha!

CAMERON: I’m sorry guys. I rolled good that time.

HUDSON: Ooh. We can just take it and run.

NICK: No. it’s in the little garage.

HUDSON: Oh, it is.

NICK: It’s almost as if I thought that might happen. So, what happens is, you all start laying down cards, because Sabacc is actually—you don’t just necessarily lay down a hand, you start anteing each other. Immediately Tink and Sabos play cards that cancel each other out and they’re just out. There’s nothing you can do. You did The Fool’s Gambit. You can make you lose in three parsecs. Star Wars.

LAURA: Ha ha.

NICK: Kettle and Xianna start playing back and forth very quickly, and I think you end up tying. I’m assuming you would use your advantages to try and win the bet.

LAURA: Yes. I would use all seven of my advantages.

NICK: So, yeah. You end up having the exact same hand for some reason. The interesting thing is that the cards that you have, there’s only one in the deck, so somebody’s been cheating but it’s not sure who because the cards are identical. The Chadra-fan looks confused, and then starts to go to press a security button, and Kettle says, “No, no, it’s okay. We’re gonna do one more, but if you lose I’m gonna need a special favor as well.”

LAURA: “Mm, what kind of special favor are we talking about?”

HUDSON: (whispered) It’s sexual.

NICK: No it’s not.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Well, it might be. You don’t know. Don’t judge. “A special favor like a business favor, you know.”

LAURA: “Okie.”

NICK: “Something that might take advantage of your talents. You never know.”

HUDSON: “She loves my talents.”

NICK: We’re gonna do one more, but flip a dark side point because Kettle’s gonna get an upgrade. You can still have one blue die Xianna

LAURA: Cool.

NICK: As the cards are starting to deal the Chadra-fan looks real embarrassed and motions for Sabos and Tink to leave the area because they’re out of the game at this point, so you guys have to go an stand outside the velvet rope because you lost. What Kettle does is pulls out a little piece of flimsy and writes a little IOU on it and signs it and puts it in the middle, and hands you a piece of flimsy to do the same thing, Xianna.

LAURA: I definitely write like a little IOU, and I make like a little heart at the end. Or! I don’t remember what the aurubesh letters are for IOU, but I feel like one of them can be turned into like a little heart. That’s definitely how Xianna writes stuff.

NICK: Great. As you’re writing that up the waitress comes back with just a glass of water and puts it next to you. Roll me a Skulduggery check, please. This one’s easy.

LAURA: Three successes.

NICK: Yeah. She hands the glass of water and her hand brushes against yours. You feel the tell-tale nudge of an Alderanian palm sleight of hand technique, and as she pulls her hand back she winks at you one more time and there’s a clone card, which is how you cheat at Sabacc.

LAURA: Yeah!

NICK: It’s a card that’s basically a wild that you’re not allowed to use and can get your ass shot if you use one.

LAURA: Yeah. (laughs)

NICK: So, you get a blue die to your roll because your waitress friend has helped you out. That’s what the blue die was.

LAURA: Okay.

NICK: She backs up real quickly, and Kettle is looking at her own cards and does not notice.

LAURA: Cool.

NICK: Yeah, so, go ahead and roll one more time. Did you upgrade Kettle’s?


NICK: Cool.

CAMERON: Kettle got one success.

LAURA: Um, a triumph with its success, another success, and one threat.

NICK: Okay. You win pretty handily. The threat is, you feel like there were some moves that Kettle could’ve done that looked like really obvious newbie mistakes that would have made it a lot closer, that she made that make you start to feel like maybe this was on purpose.

LAURA: Oh no.

NICK: But yeah. The whole big pile, the little garage door on the table opens up, and you just hear a little high pitched machine whining as if little tires are pushing against this big pile of stuff, and the Chadra-fan looks embarrassed and pulls like a craps hook and pulls the stuff out towards you on the table while the mouse droid bumps against the craps hook trying to push the stuff towards you.


NICK: You end up with 1,000 credits, that’s just your winnings. Whatever you have now is 1,000. Sabos and Tink, you get the 1,000 part of the money back, so you didn’t lose that ante. You get that back. Out of the hundred that you guys anted, Tink gets 10 credits, Sabos gets 15. You guys didn’t do great at cards. Out of the 100 you anted you get that amount back. Xianna’s in the money, apparently, so that’s cool. You also get the Rancore Protocol, your code cylinder back, and you get a little piece of flimsy that says IOU signed by Kettle.

CAMERON: I’m gonna grab the cylinder again.

NICK: Kettle sits back and goes, “Wow. It looks like now I owe you a favor.” And that’s where we’re gonna end the episode.

(all make dramatic noises and Star Wars tunes)

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Sabos Nix was played by Steven Schroeder. He… does not exist on the internet.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @tabletop_squad. For real! We’re real people and we wanna talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.

Word document download: Episode 9 The Wonderful Oracle of Ithor- Tabletop Squadron

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 9:
The Wonderful Oracle of Ithor

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

Note – When voicing Ithorians, Nick uses an incredibly low, deep, drawn out voice and often pauses in the middle of sentences.

Note – Laura’s character Xianna’fan speaks in an accent. Most of her soft I’s sound like “ee,” and most of her TH’s sound like Z’s. Example: “this and that” = “zees and zat”

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, a fringer, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

Not a lot of announcements this week, but I would be remised if I didn’t mention that we’re pretty close to our next review goal. If you write us a review, even a short one, you can help new listeners find the show. When we get to 20 reviews we’ll release a flashback with Karma’s family. It’s a fun adventure, and we’ll release it on off-week so you’ll get double the Tabletop Squadron.

Thanks for reviewing, thanks for listening, and we hope you enjoy.


NICK: Hello, and welcome to Episode 9 of Tabletop Squadron! I am your host, Nick. I just realized I probably didn’t introduce myself in the last episode, but oh well. I’m Nick. You’re on Episode 9, you should know it by now. We’re gonna go around the table, and also things that you know, we’re going to introduce you to the people that are playing and their characters. We’re gonna start with… Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello. I’m Cameron. I’m playing Karma Nailo the Nautolan bounty hunter.

NICK: Great. Good work. Now we’re gonna go to… Steven.

STEVEN: Hi podcasty friends. I’m Steven. I’m playing Sabos the Togruta who isn’t dead.

NICK: Fantastic, and now we’re gonna go to… Hudson.

HUDSON: Oh hi. I’m Hudson. I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer. (dramatically)


STEVEN: Slicey, slicey.

NICK: And, last but not least, we’ve got… Laura.

LAURA: Hi. I’m Laura. I play Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Great.


NICK: Sweet! Before we get started, let’s do the Destiny Roll!

LAURA: Two light side!


HUDSON: One dark side.

NICK: Listeners at home, please keep track of how many times Hudson’s rolled dark side, because I’m pretty sure it’s most of it.

HUDSON: Most of it times.

CAMERON: Two light side!

STEVEN: One dark side.

CAMERON: A few episodes ago Hudson and Laura rolled light sides and me and Steven rolled dark sides.

LAURA: Yeah.

STEVEN: There was like five or six.

NICK: I didn’t say every time.

CAMERON: I know, I’m just saying there’s at least one recorded incident of him rolling a light side.

LAURA: We’re just saying your theory is bad and you should feel bad.

NICK: Okay great, thank you for that wonderful and constructive feedback, Laura. I appreciate it.


STEVEN: It wasn’t Laura, it was the Mask.

NICK: Alright. What does that bring our total score to?

CAMERON: Four light side, two dark side.

NICK: Awesome. Alright. When we last left off you were in space. You were going to deliver an item to the Oracle of the Ithorian people. They unfortunately are surrounded by a blockade, so you’re gonna have to deal with that. We are going to open on the ship coming out of hyperspace. We have a nice starry scene, and then the (whooshing noises) as the ship drops out and is there, and then the camera jumps into the cockpit where… Who is flying right now?

LAURA & CAMERON: Probably Karma.

NICK: Yeah. So, it drops to Karma flipping a bunch of switches. Ahead of you, you see the planet of Ithor which is a very beautiful, green planet. It has two small oceans on it, but a majority of it appears to be lush jungle and verdant life. In between you and that planet is a very large Imperial fleet. There are four Star Destroyers and one Super Star Destroyer. How can you tell there’s a Super Star Destroyer, you ask? Because it’s twice as big as a normal, already ridiculously large Star Destroyer. It’s a very big ship. They’re arranged around the planet in a geometric pattern. Basically any way that you would leave they’ve got a clear shot. Yeah, so as you pull out of hyperspace you have a couple of minutes as you pull closer to the ship. Is there anything last minute you all want to do?

CAMERON: “Alright. Plan wise… I think Xianna should be the one who talks.”

LAURA: “Um, but…”

HUDSON: “I’ve been working on my cockney accent.”

STEVEN: “Is Xianna George?”

LAURA: “Yes, uh, so Sabos was actually right, um… I am not a man.”

CAMERON: “No, like, he has an earpiece, I assume. You have a com, right?”

STEVEN: “Yeah.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. You can talk into his com. He says the words, but you come up with the lies.”

LAURA: “Oh. Okie, I will make the lies. You just—Okay Sabos, I will say things and you just have to repeat them.”

STEVEN: “Oh, I don’t need lies. I’m an ambassador.”

LAURA: “No, you see, but—“

CAMERON: “No no no, you’re not anymore.”

LAURA: “We are not an ambassador. We are Petty Naval Officer… What was the—“

STEVEN: “Petty Navy Officer George Jetson.”

CAMERON: “George Jetson.” (laughs)

LAURA: “No, we are Petty Navy Officer George Jetson.”

STEVEN: “Representing Ambassador Sabos Niks, I got it.”

LAURA & CAMERON: “No, no, no no no.”

LAURA: “You see, also, we figured out you are wanted. Not that much—

STEVEN: “Ohh.”

LAURA: “But enough to where maybe Sabos Niks, whatever your name is, would come up in their records.”


LAURA: “It’s kind of like, you know how I don’t use my name when we are out and about?”

CAMERON: “Yeah, don’t say your name.”

STEVEN: “Oh, I see, so I’m George Jetson.”


LAURA: “You Are George Jetson, yes.”

STEVEN: “Okay.”

LAURA: “Yes, and I will be your mind, and I will tell you what to say, with your mouth. Okie?”

STEVEN: “This will be fine.”

NICK: If nobody says ‘Meet George Jetson’ I’m gonna get so mad.

STEVEN: I know. (laughs)

NICK: His boy, Elroy.


HUDSON: Jane, his wife!


CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: Yeah, so we just set up the com, and I—

NICK: You put an earpiece in so you can coach him through it?

LAURA: Yeah, and I just like sit in a different room. No, I’m probably just still sitting in the hot tub.

NICK: (laughs) Xianna has a favorite part of the ship.

LAURA: The hot tub… is great.

STEVEN: Are you Naut—No, not Nautolan. Are you a water creature? Or are you just all wrinkly by now?

LAURA: … I get out, for periods of time.

STEVEN: Oh, okay. She hasn’t just been sitting in the hot tub.

CAMERON: We’ve been traveling for like three days. She hasn’t been in the hot tub the entire time. (laughs)

LAURA: “I have not been in here for three days!”

STEVEN: “I’d imagine you could deal with that.”

CAMERON: “I could deal with that, yeah.”

LAURA: “I cannot. Ryloth is a desert.”

CAMERON: “I’ve been taking naps in the hot tub.”

LAURA: “That is why this is so much fun. There is not a lot of water on Ryloth. Mostly sand.”

STEVEN: “Do Nautolans breathe water?”

CAMERON: “Yeah.”

STEVEN: “Oh, so you could just take a nap under the water.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, that’s what I was saying.”

STEVEN: “Oh, okay. Of course.” (laughs)

LAURA: “I mean, you don’t want to be underneath the water in a hot tub. It’s very hot.”

CAMERON: “No, it’s fine.”

NICK: (laughs)

LAURA: I actually don’t know how hot the water is…

STEVEN: Yeah. Was it even heated, or was it luke warm?

LAURA: No, I meant it as a hot hot tub, I just don’t know how hot the oceans are for Nautolans.

NICK: Okay. Time out.

CAMERON: I think the Glee Anselm’s land masses are tropical, so I would assume that parts of the oceans would be warm. I don’t know how deep in the oceans the Nautolans hang out, though.

NICK: They’re all over the place.

LAURA: Yeah, but like a warm ocean is still not 110 degrees Fahrenheit.

CAMERON: Yeah, still not quite hot tub. But it’s fine, it’s just a little warm.

NICK: I would imagine that a hot tub situation for a Nautolan is like a dry sauna situation for a human.

CAMERON: Yeah. We used to go to the volcanic jets all the time to… warm, ourselves, I don’t know. (giggles) It was the nifty place to hang out!

LAURA: All warm and bubbly. Nature’s Jacuzzi.

STEVEN: Because you’re cold blooded.

CAMERON: I don’t think we’re—No, we’re not cold blooded. No. I’m green, but I’m not a lizard.

NICK: Karma’s thinking about, ‘Why Did we go there?’

LAURA: To make out!

CAMERON: Yeah. It was the Hot place to be.

(groans and booing)

CAMERON: Ha ha ha.


NICK: Alright. You were drifting towards the planet under sub light drives. You get hailed.

CAMERON: I accept the hail.

NICK: Yeah. Good. A hologram, a little one in the middle of the dashboard pops up, it’s basically from the chest up. You see an older gentleman wearing this stupid navy hat that looks kind of like a sideways Burger King serving hat, and Imperial uniform obviously. He says, “This is The Vengeance paging Unknown Ship. What is your purpose here?”

LAURA: “Okie Sabos, tell them that you are a naval officer, that you are on personal leave, and you are reporting back on the planet surface for duty.”

STEVEN: “I am Petty Officer George Jetson, on personal leave, reporting back to the surface for duty.”

NICK: “Oh, wonderful. You’ll have to send your credentials over right away. We’re under a barricade as you can see.”

STEVEN: “I recall that as I left the surface of the planet on personal leave.”


NICK: “Good. You have passed the first test. This blockade has been here for months. It would be very strange if you did not know about it. Please send over your credentials now.”

STEVEN: “Sending now.” I make typing noises.

CAMERON: I hit the button that sends it.

NICK: There is an interminable pause of a couple minutes. The hologram turns off.

LAURA: “Well, they are not shooting us yet.”

NICK: Yeah, and you’re drifting closer. You can see that the ship’s guns are tracking you which is very intimidating because there are tons of them on the Super Star Destroyer which is the closest thing to you, and there’s also two other Star Destroyers in range, and your ship is quite small compared to these that are city sized. The hologram clicks back on. “Well, it’s an older code, but it checks out. What did you say your purpose was on entering the planet?”

STEVEN: “Reporting back to the surface for Imperial duty activities, sir, officer.”

NICK: “That’s very strange, because we don’t have a presence on the planet. We are staying on the—“

STEVEN: “Not that you know about.”

LAURA: (quietly) “Nope…”

CAMERON: (bursts out laughing)

NICK: “Are you implying that an Imperial Communications Officer on this Super Star Destroyer of Vengeance would not know where everyone is located?”

LAURA: While he’s saying that I’m like, “No no, tell them you are working with the ISB.”

STEVEN: “I’m sorry. I was doing activities with the IS… ISB. It’s been a long—It’s been a nice personal break.”

NICK: “Hmm… If you were with the ISB you’d be in the database. Stand by.” And the hologram turns off again.

STEVEN: “Indeed.”

LAURA: “Okie, so…”

STEVEN: “So, uh, slicer slicy slicy.”


HUDSON: I run over to the computer.

STEVEN: “Mr. Slicer, can you put me in the database? By me I mean George Jetson.”

HUDSON: I try to put George Jetson in the database.

NICK: Okay. You’re gonna put George Jetson in the ISB database.

HUDSON: Correct.

LAURA: I have to imagine that because so much of it is undercover work that they probably have very basic profiles.

NICK: Oh yeah.

LAURA: So it’s real easy to just import the same photo and a name, and like that’s all.

NICK: So, the actual getting him in, getting the database format is gonna be super easy. It’s getting into their network and dropping I in while this guy is searching it. That will be a Computers check, it’s going to be hard, and you’re still gonna have those two black dice. This is sort of becoming your specialty, dropping stuff into Star Destroyer networks.

CAMERON: I flipped a light side point to upgrade one of his greens.


LAURA: So, triumph with a success, two successes, and a threat.

NICK: So tons of successes.

CAMERON: Yeah, so three successes total, a triumph, and a threat.

NICK: Alright. How do you want to use your triumph?

HUDSON: Not only do I put him in the database, but suddenly he’s over the rank of the person who was on the hologram.


NICK: Okay. That’s good.

STEVEN: So Petty Officer is just the cover of George Jetson.

NICK: I’m gonna beat a dead horse here. That threat is you still haven’t noticed the signature, and you put it all over it but it’s like in the report. So, if there was some sort of inspector or special agent who was hunting you at some point, then this signature would be one of a long trail of Moriarty-like clues, but I’m sure that would never happen so I wouldn’t worry about it. Yeah, so the hologram clicks back on and the communications officer is sweating. You can see he’s pushed his hat back, tried to put it back, and his hair is kind of askew. “Oh, uh, Commander Jetson. My mistake.”

STEVEN: “Petty. Officer. Jetson.”

NICK: “Oh, y-yes, Petty Officer Jetson. I trust that this won’t need to be reported. I apologize for the delay, sir. If you will head down to the surface… Whatever you  need, just let me know, and apologies again.”

STEVEN: “I recommend this be handled with discretion as we land on the surface, if you know what I mean.”

NICK: “Oh, absolutely. We’ll mark you as a certified civilian vessel, of course, as is protocol, Petty Officer Jetson.” He winks into the hologram. “Is there anything else that I can do for you?”

STEVEN: “Nope.” Click.

NICK: You cut him off mid-word, and the hologram disappears.

LAURA: “You should have at least said thank you.”

STEVEN: (laughing) “Nope. Nope.”

CAMERON: “I feel like that’s not really a big thing in the Empire, though.”

LAURA: “Eh.”

STEVEN: “Good job, slicer.”

HUDSON: “Thank you.”

CAMERON: “Well done, Tink!”

STEVEN: “Mr. Slicer. May I call you mister?”

HUDSON: “I mean, this wasn’t like the hardest thing I’ve ever done or anything.”


STEVEN: “Good job, Tink.”

NICK: So, all the Star Destroyers, they stop weapons lock with the Afternoon Delight. The Super Star Destroyer, a chunk of the cannons seem to whip around in the opposite way as fast as possible like someone went and slapped a targeting officer in the back of the head, and you are able to head down to the planet.
Here’s the thing about Ithor… Nobody lives on the surface, really. Ooh, let’s get Xenology checks.

LAURA: I have Underworld.

NICK: Nope. This is the opposite of that.

CAMERON: What is the difficulty of the check?

NICK: Average. (musically) Who knows about Ithor~?

HUDSON: I know about ether.

NICK: Not that. Not that.

STEVEN: I know about Ithor.

NICK: What did you get?

STEVEN: A success and two threats.

NICK: Mm, okay.

LAURA: I got one failure, but two advantages.

CAMERON: A success and two threats.

STEVEN: Yeaaah.

HUDSON: Three advantages.

NICK: So, with the successes: The Ithorians value the Mother Jungle kind of as their god. They worship nature, and plants, and animals, and their ecosystem, and as such they don’t live on the planet; they live on massive floating cities above the planet. Sometimes they do take a pilgrimage down to the planet, but anyone who goes to live on the planet doesn’t come back – not like they died, like they just live there now, because once you become one with the planet you can’t leave. The only people who can take pilgrimages down to the planet and return are the Oracle, which is why they’re important, they can check with people.
So, as you are relaying this information, you break down through the clouds and you see a large floating city. It is made mostly of white steel and is very pretty, and has tree lined boulevards and is very open and airy, and you see Ithorians walking around which are those weird hammerhead-looking slug alien guys from, you know, the Star Wars. You are immediately given clearance to land, and you already knew as you were coming in some of the information that you got from Sentinel which was which floating city the Oracle was on and general directions of where you were going, so you’re able to land very quickly. They actually put you on a priority landing pad, and as you land you can see that there are several Ithorians standing by, and you are on the planet, sort of.


LAURA: “Okie. So, somebody is going to have to wear some sort—It’s probably going to have to be Karma.”


LAURA: “You should probably wear some sort of fancy cape, cloak, thing that covers your face so that maybe it looks like we actually have a human aboard, because I do not think Tink could ever pass for human.”

HUDSON: “You haven’t seen me shaved.”


LAURA: “True. I have not.”

HUDSON: “We don’t have the time or the tools, thankfully.”

LAURA: “Sabos’s montrals things would be too pointy.”

STEVEN: I try to flatten them down.

CAMERON: They just pop right back up.

LAURA: Yeah. I don’t know how mobile they are, but I think they’re pretty rigid.

CAMERON: He definitely doesn’t make it flat, but he can like bend the tips a little bit.”

STEVEN: “What if I push them like towards–No? Hmm.”

LAURA: “I think I am a little too short. Just a little.”

CAMERON: “Okay. Now that we’re down here why do we need to be human?”

LAURA: “Because if they have any surveillance, or if any of these Ithorians were told we were Imperials?”

CAMERON: “I don’t know if I can pass as male though.”

LAURA: “Well no, no, we just pull the hood down and we get very fancy cloaks and capes.”

CAMERON: “Oh yeah, from our costume closet.”

LAURA: “And they will be so impressed by the cape, and that is how they would know you are important, because of the fancy cape.”

CAMERON: (giggles) “Okay.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

NICK: To be fair, that is basically how Star Wars works.

CAMERON: “Yeah. If I pull it down far enough so you just see darkness and chin shadow it’s not obvious I’m green.”

LAURA: “Yes. Just do not let them see your face, and if you keep the cloak, you know, mostly together in the front they will not see that, you know, you have boobs.”

CAMERON: “Okay.” I go to the costume closet and I whip out one of those capes we have!

NICK: So, you all have one full costume change and some accessories that you can use from a triumph a few episodes ago, so yeah, there is a very nice Imperial style cape with hood.


NICK: What does it look like?

CAMERON: So it’s gotta be black… but it’s more ornate, because they’re normally just very boring, but it has really nice embroidery along the edges, like silver embroidery, or no, gold, it has to be gold. Gold is my color scheme. It has gold embroidery all along the edges of it.

NICK: Okay. Does it have an Imperial logo brooch that holds the front?


NICK: It’s just a plain cape?

CAMERON: Mm-hmm.

NICK: Okay, with gold embroidery.


NICK: Alright. You get one of those. It hides you. It’s a very big hood. Imagine the one that Padme wears when she’s trying to be sneaky, and you’re able to wrap up in it, and it sconces you quite well. It will be difficult to tell much about you, except that you’re wearing pretty nice combat armor.

CAMERON: As I’m walking out of our costume closet I start swooshing around all the corners with my cape feeling very self-important.


NICK: Great. Yes. You get +1 to self-importance.

CAMERON: Awesome!

NICK: Make sure you mark that down. That is an important stat.

CAMERON: A blue die on all self-importance checks.

NICK: Yes. Is anyone doing anything else to prepare, or are you all rolling out?

STEVEN: What do Ithorians wear?

NICK: Mostly like mechanic jumpsuits. Nothing too fancy. They have weird kind of hunched bodies that seem way too small because they’re mostly head, so they wear a lot of single colors with utility belts and things like that. I think they have two fingers and a thumb.

LAURA: I think so.

STEVEN: Yeah, that’s not nearly Ranbo enough for me. I’m gonna keep on my current outfit.

NICK: Okay. What are you wearing? I don’t remember.

CAMERON: Oh, you’ve got like a vest with no shirt underneath.

STEVEN: Yeah, it’s like a leather vest with no shirt.

NICK: Oh yeah. Now I remember. Great.

LAURA: Yeah, because you have padded armor…


LAURA: Are you wearing that?


LAURA: Okay.

CAMERON: Why not?

STEVEN: (laughs) Well, not on the ship. Sometimes, when we get off the ship, I have a nice padded vest.

NICK: You have some sort of weird ballistics property under-vest that you wear in dangerous situations.


LAURA: With a vest over it.

STEVEN: With an over-vest.

NICK: Of course. It’s the Osaronian style… to wear… Great.

STEVEN: I am the Osaronian style. I mean, yes, it’s the Osaronian style.

NICK: (laughs) I’m starting to think that Sabos is the only person who lives on that planet.

STEVEN: There’s a couple others. (laughs)

NICK: Alright. You head down the ramp. Do you come down in a specific order or in any way tactically?

LAURA: “Okie. Karma goes first. She is in charge. She is the human. She goes first. The rest of us, as dirty, dirty aliens go next, because you see the Imperials would never have non-humans in front. They do not like the non-humans. So, Sabos and I will go in the middle, and then Tink goes in the back because it is more likely he would be some sort of hired mercenary and therefore would be taking up the rear.”

CAMERON: “Do we want to take the Stone Breaker with us now?”

LAURA: “Yes.”

STEVEN: “I feel like you have ample place to hide it in your coat.”

CAMERON: How big is it? It was a crate?

NICK: It’s a crate.

STEVEN: Oh yeah.

NICK: We’re gonna have to flash back real quick to you all opening the quite large crate.

STEVEN: (rewinding noises)

NICK: The Stone Breaker appears to be made of some sort of stone.

SEVERAL: Whaaat?!

NICK: Yeah. It weighs about 20 pounds. It is about 18 inches long, and 8 inches wide, so it’s like an oversized iPad kind of situation. It’s made out of, kind of a granite, about 3 inches thick, and it looks like a solid piece of kind of a beige stone, but when you pull it out of the case it has a lot of cover and padding and stuff. If you touch it in different spots different parts seem to light up. The stone can turn semi-translucent and there’s some sort of screen interface, but it’s in a bunch of symbols you don’t really recognize.

LAURA: “Just put it back in the box. Sabos, you hold the box.”

NICK: The box is like really big. It’s like three feet wide.

LAURA: Would there be somewhere in the Afternoon Delight a smaller box that would fit it or even some sort of wrapping to cover it up?

STEVEN: I’ll put it in my padded vest.


LAURA: Yeah. Would there be any sort of like wrapping paper, or like brown paper, or a small box or bag?

NICK: Yeah, you can find something. It’s not gonna be super resilient, but you could put it in something. Sabos, if you’re the one carrying it, what are you gonna put it in?

STEVEN: I’m gonna put it in my padded vest.

NICK: So you’re gonna like zip your vest up and put it just between that and your skin?


LAURA: Yeah, Xianna wasn’t looking so much for protective cover, just something to cover it so if we get caught on cameras you can’t see exactly what we have.

NICK: Does the padded vest have some sort of like kangaroo pouch in it that you can put stuff?

STEVEN: Just in between the vest and the skin, because the other vest is pretty tight.

CAMERON: It’s just holding it there.

NICK: Okay. Yeah. So you’re just gonna flex your abs 100% of the time and hold it in place?

STEVEN: Oh, I don’t have to flex to hold it.

NICK: Okay. (laughs)

LAURA: “Why can’t you just hold it like a normal person?”

STEVEN: “I don’t want it to be seen.”

LAURA: “But it does not matter. It almost looks better if you are holding something, because then it looks like you are some sort of errand boy.”

STEVEN: “Hmm…”

NICK: This conversation’s happening while Sabos has it like half jammed down his armor.

STEVEN: Yeah, no I start thinking about it.

LAURA: “Okie. This makes sense in my mind. You see, Karma is the human, she goes in front.”

STEVEN: “George Jetson.”

LAURA: “Then I go. They will probably just assume I am some sort of dancer, mistress-type person as a Twi’lek. Again, they are very xenophobic.”

STEVEN: “Yes.”

LAURA: “You, if you are holding something and you have the weird vest, they will assume you are some sort of hired messenger or errand boy who is just there to deliver packages or something. You are the hired help.”

STEVEN: “Ah, yes. There was once a nice tale on Shili about the four tailed—“

LAURA: “Okie, so never mind.”

CAMERON: “Oh god.”

STEVEN: “—Togruta that could weave their head tails into a basket with twine.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “And then Tink, being in the back and being quite large, will be the mercenary, the hired gun, that is how it is going to look. It is going to work. Trust me.”

STEVEN: “Fine.”

HUDSON: “I don’t look that scary, do I? Do I?”

LAURA: “Well, not to us because we know you, but to them you are a very, very large creature with a gigantic axe.”

HUDSON: “Oh, I should hold my axe?”

LAURA: “No no no, keep the axe on the back.”

CAMERON: “Just the fact that you have it.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

HUDSON: “Oh… Sure that’s scary enough? Okay.”

LAURA: “Yes. The giant is scary enough.”

HUDSON: “You got it.”

CAMERON: “We don’t wanna necessarily scare the Ithorians.”

STEVEN: “I’ll just carry the bag.”

CAMERON: “You’re mostly scaring in case of video cameras.”

HUDSON: “Got it.”

CAMERON: “And the assumptions that the Empire will make based on those.”

HUDSON: “I see.”

NICK: Okay, so, in that order. You got a bag.


NICK: It’s just—There’s a baguette sticking out of it.

CAMERON: Messenger bag.

NICK: No, uh…

HUDSON: Messenger baguette?

STEVEN: A messenger baguette.

NICK: Okay. You have a messenger bag with the Stone Breaker in it. Like I said, it’s surprisingly heavy for its size, but it should be fine, shouldn’t get in the way. You head down the ramp, and there are two Ithorians standing off of the landing pad. They turn and regard you quietly for a minute, and one of them raises its hand and slowly waves, like if a sloth was saying hello.

LAURA: Xianna quickly waves back.

NICK: It like does a catching gesture, and like puts it in its pocket.

LAURA: Xianna winks at him.

NICK: You can’t really tell if it’s winking because it’s eyes are so far apart and you can only see one at a time. (laughter) It might be blinking. It’s hard to tell.
So, do you approach the Ithorians?



NICK: Okay. As you get there the Ithorian says, “Welcome to Ithor.”

LAURA: Before Karma says anything, Xianna is going to run in front of her, put an ear to her face, and kind of pretend like she is getting something whispered to her, and then turn around like very non-authoritatively turn around and be like, “Oh, hello. I will be talking for, uh, him.”

NICK: “Yes. We saw you break the blockade. Nobody has come to the planet. Is that an Imperial?” It’s very hard to read their facial expressions because their faces are flat and their eyes are far apart, but it does seem to be scrutinizing the group very closely.

CAMERON: Karma nudges Xianna like through the cape, just sticks her arm out. Xianna leans back in. I whisper, “Tell them something,” and then just like wave back. (giggles) And now she has to say something.

LAURA: “Um, yes, yes, um, he is with the Galactic Empire. Um, we would like to see the Oracle.”

NICK: “Well, clearly if you are finally issuing demands, the Oracle would speak with you. This way, please.”

LAURA: “Thank you.”

NICK: The Ithorian turns around and moves actually pretty quickly down the road. You see that there’s a big old main thoroughfare, and a lot of different kinds of buildings and roads and neighborhoods. This is a full city floating about a mile above the jungle, and occasionally tropical birds and things will fly by, and they’re roosting places. The landing pad is towards the edge, and you can see some very colorful birds with what look like antennas sticking out of their heads, and by antennas I mean like mechanical antennas because that’s a thing in Star Wars. Birds with mechanical antennas, look it up.


NICK: They’re pecking at each other, and they dive straight down off the side toward the jungle. So, that’s going on. In the distance you see, it’s like one long, low building that seems to take up a pretty good amount of this main thoroughfare, so it’s half way through the city, and it doesn’t open up into a square, the road just leads straight into some sort of covered pavilion-type thing that looks like it’s maybe a quarter of a mile wide in any given direction. He starts leading you that way, and he gestures at you. His arm gestures are very slow and waving, but his legs are moving pretty quick, and he’s moving along at a good pace.

CAMERON: I look pretty badass walking in my cape.

LAURA: It swooshes a lot.

CAMERON: It’s very swooshy, and billowy.

NICK: We get a lot of camera shots from like real low of different parts of the city with the cape brushing past it. Do you get your boots to click authoritatively as you walk?

CAMERON: Oh yeah. They do that, yeah.

NICK: Oh, they do that anyway?

CAMERON: Well, except for when I’m trying to be sneaky.

NICK: … Okay.

CAMERON: I’m not trying to be sneaky right now, so I’m being loud.

NICK: Yeah. So, there’s the ‘I’m important’ boot click, and we get camera shots of the cape flying by, and we get camera shots of the crew of the Afternoon Delight all walking except then it’ll like zoom in on the cape and play like brass hits of (Dun-dun-DUH).
Yeah, so you make it through the city without any sort of issues, and the Ithorian says, “Continue this way to the Oracle’s receiving room.”

LAURA: “Okie.”

NICK: And he stops.

LAURA: “And, we keep going.”

NICK: Great. As you go inside, it’s basically the Oracle’s pavilion. There’s a lot of life inside here. It’s been a pretty normal city, but in here it’s kind of like an arboretum. It’s got a lot of different trees, and you can see stuff clustered by region, and there’s some small animals. You don’t really get any good looks at them, but you see some rodents and things darting in and out, and there’s more of those tropical birds swinging by, and they like to peck at each other and fly off and they’re chasing each other. As you continue through, there is a… it kind of looks like a tent if you wove a tent out of trees and then lined the inside with Japanese paper, like the Japanese paper walls. It’s an interlocked, upside down basket of that, and it’s open in the front. It looks like the doors have been pushed open, and you see an Ithorian sitting there in a simple woven tunic and some pants, and it’s got it’s legs crossed, and it appears to be meditating as you arrive. As you get there it opens its eyes and says, “Outsiders. How interesting. I am the Oracle. Who… are you?”

LAURA: “Oh, um, I think we are supposed to be delivering something, and… (hesitantly) the light will never go out in the universe.”

NICK: The Ithorian sits up real straight. “Interesting. Interesting indeed. I thought that the Empire had finally decided to tell us why it is killing the Mother Jungle, and instead… I find a friend, from Sentinel. Strange. What do you have for me? I’m going to continue to talk at weird intervals.”


LAURA: You can see Xianna like every time he pauses like, perks up a little bit and then stop, like oh, no, oh—okay. She points at Sabos and waves him over. “Um, we have this.”

STEVEN: I just present.

LAURA: “Well, take the bag off first!”

STEVEN: “Oh, oh, right.” I still lay it flat and just slide the bag off as I’m holding it.

NICK: The Oracle chuckles to himself and takes the pad, rock, Stone Breaker, and turns it over, and as it’s fingers touch at different points it starts to light up a little bit. The Oracle says, “Oh… The Sentinel has brought us a valuable… gift indeed. Thank you… for delivering it. I must ask… that you do not tell anyone… that we have it. It will be important… that we keep this….. a secret.”


LAURA: “Yes, yes, secrets.”

CAMERON: “Of course.”

LAURA: “Secrets are good. Yes. Obviously. Okie, I guess we will be going now. Uh… Have a good day?”

NICK: “If there’s anything… we can do for you… please… do not hesitate… to ask.”

LAURA: “Um. Completely unrelated.” I just point at him. “He wanted to go to a specific bar but he does not know where it is, but it was recommended to us. Do you happen to know where The Gooberfish is?”

NICK: “Ah… The Gooberfish… A wonderful establishment… It serves off-worlders, so I believe it is in financial difficulties as we are in a blockade.”

LAURA: “Mm, yes.”

NICK: “If you return… to whence you came… it will be on the right.” And, there’s a much longer awkward scene that we’ll fast forward through because we’re not the jerks that stop watching this movie. There’s some directions given out. It’s basically off the main road. It’s not too bad.

CAMERON: I had another question. “Is there a good place to get medical attention for my friend?” I gesture very billowingly with the cape, keeping my green covered, toward Sabos.

STEVEN: (through coughing) “Yeah, the walking, so…”

LAURA: “Oh yes. I forgot about that. You are so injured.”


NICK: With the amount of time you spent on the ship you have healed a little but you’re still in pretty bad shape. The Oracle says, “Oh… Conflict has found you like it… has found us. If you will wait… I will have someone… come to you.” The Oracle stands up very slowly and stretches, and the crazy thing about Ithorians is when it stretches his whole neck expands out like a bullfrog, really far, and you can see these black strips on either side that you can kind of see through his neck. There’s a creaking of muscles, and the arboretum area seems to fall quiet for a minute, and then he collapses back into his little body and big head and then walks off rather quickly, and you are left alone in the Oracle’s pavilion for a minute.

STEVEN: I’ll wait.

NICK: Was there anything you wanted to do while he was gone? You wanna just wait until he gets back?

LAURA: We just wait.

CAMERON: Yeah. I scratch my face.

NICK: Sounds good. The Oracle comes back with a smaller Ithorian. It’s really hard to tell if they’re male or female, but this one looks like it might be female, because it’s got like a pretty teal jumpsuit on, and it says, “Please, step this way,” and there’s a bush that the woody parts of the inside of the bush have been shaped kind of like a chair, and she has you sit down, and she starts to stitch at you. You guys feel a lot of parallels to Falx’s office, because as he’s getting stitched up and she is liberally applying bacta everywhere, so that feels like the aloe gel that you would get for a sunburn so it’s very cold but you start to feel better. So, as she’s working on that, and Sabos is responding to that…

STEVEN: “Ah, yes, that’s better.” (coughing) “I mean, little, ah, yes.”

NICK: The Oracle turns to Tink and Xianna and Karma and says, “This blockade… I hope that… Sentinel has sent you for a reason… as… it is killing us… quite quickly. We are being crushed, we are unable to trade, and as food… becomes more scarce, the herdship is becoming more deserted as people head to the planet… It is great to become one with Mother Jungle, but… we cannot have the entire population leave the herdship.”

LAURA: “Um, we were just told to bring you this box thing, tablet, stone, yes. I don’t really know what you expect us to do about a blockade.”

CAMERON: “We will have to leave the planet, though, so perhaps Sentinel has some plan involved in that.”

NICK: “Well, I trust… that it will work out. Sentinel has helped us in the past… I hope that your trip to The Gooberfish is worth the journey.” The Oracle sits back down, crosses his legs, and takes up a meditative pose again. Around this time the younger Ithorian finishes up with Sabos and puts your vest back in place, and says, “That should be enough to get you on your way” and like slaps you on the shoulder, which hurts pretty bad.

STEVEN: (coughs) “Ow… Ow ow ow…”

NICK: Yeah. As you’re saying ow, she reaches for you feeling bad, and then pulls back because she knows if she touches you again it’ll hurt again, and then holds her wrist and says, “Well, sorry,” and runs off. Where are you guys going now?

CAMERON: What’s his health situation now?

NICK: Yeah, you’re good. Between the healing on the ship and the medical attention you’re at full health.


LAURA: We leave and walk towards The Gooberfish, to do whatever we’re gonna do.

CAMERON: Yep. Keep my cape on. Keep up appearances.

NICK: Right. Okay.

STEVEN: Oh, I make sure to grab the bag so it doesn’t look like I dropped something at the Oracle.

NICK: Oh, smart. Great. As you head through town, it’s basically you go down the main pathway and it’s one street over, you see The Gooberfish which is a low, plain building but it does have a sign out front of the depiction of what looks kind of like a giant angler fish with big teeth. You assume it’s giant because there’s a little, tiny picture of an Ithorian also on the sign that is less than the size of one of the teeth. You go into the bar. There is pretty much no one in there. There is an Ithorian behind the bar who does the slow sloth wave as you come in, and sitting off in the corner you see one other person in the shadows. As you walk in, that person makes notice of you all you think because it sits up a little straighter, but you can’t really make out a lot of details, but they’re not an Ithorian, you can tell that.

LAURA: I kind of lean back and whisper to the group. “I think that may be our contact considering they are the only person here, so I think that maybe was what he meant by (Cameron joins) we will know them when we see them, (Cameron stops) because he is the only thing to see. Yes.”

NICK: So, as you were whispering you see that the shadowed person has stood up and is slowly inching towards a side door and like very suspiciously trying to…

LAURA: So, Xianna tells everyone else like, “Okie, stay here,” and then walks over to them and tries to walk over as politely as possible with like visible hands of, ‘hey, it’s just a Twi’lek, you can see my hands, I don’t have any weapons,’ that you know of, but you know.

NICK: Yeah. So, as you get closer, the figure stops for a second and gives you very obviously skeezy elevator eyes…


LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: Everyone in the bar hears him say, “You know, uh, I kinda got a thing for tentacles,” and then—

CAMERON: Oh shit.

LAURA:  “Do not say tentacles, they are leku. Tentacles is a little offensive. You can call—No, never mind. Never mind. Forget what I was going to say.”


STEVEN: I shake my head.

LAURA: “Anyways. Does the phrase ‘the light will never go out in the universe’ mean anything to you?”

NICK: “Uh, yeah, but I never expected to hear that from someone body guarding an Imperial. What the heck is going on?”

LAURA: (smiling) “Oh, do not worry about them, they are fine.”

NICK: “If-If you say so…”

LAURA: “That is just for appearances. Do not worry.”

NICK: “This is getting real weird.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

CAMERON: “I walk closer, but I keep my hood up until I can see who he is.”

NICK: Yeah. You see a Selonian, which is like a big otter-looking person, with kind of like a beer belly and some leather pants on.

LAURA: A dude Selonian?

NICK: Yeah.


NICK: But he’s like kinda skeezy, he’s got some bald patches, and he’s wearing a leather jacket.

LAURA: Oh, that’s why they kicked him off.

STEVEN: Oh, I walk over because I notice that he is also a dude, and wearing a leather jacket.

NICK: (laughs) Yeah. Karma, you would recognize him as Felton Mox, the bounty that you took in during your first trip to Corellia in quite a long time, that you dropped off at Sentinel’s base on your way in. he looks to be in much better shape. He isn’t shot, so that’s good, but he doesn’t recognize that you are in the cloak.

CAMERON: Underneath my cloak I’m gonna take his heavy pistol and put it in my bag.

NICK: (laughs) Okay.

LAURA: “So, do you want to buy us drinks?”

NICK: “Uh…”

LAURA: And she winks a little bit, and she’s like, ‘ugh, this guy’s skeezy, but maybe we can get free stuff.’

NICK: “I, you know, normally being an informant people buy Me drinks, but yeah, I think I can make that happen,” and he walks past you. He gives the cloaked figure of Karma a wide birth because he still seems kind of nervous about an Imperial cloak, and he goes over to the bar and you hear him asking for beverages.
The Ithorian who is very incapable of speaking quietly says, “Beverages for your elicit meeting. Right away.” And he starts mixing drinks. Again, he moves very slowly getting situated, but once he plants his feet he starts putting stuff together pretty quickly.

LAURA: What are the driiinks?

NICK: The Ithorian is putting together kind of a mixed bag. You see several tall, thin glasses that have some sort of a bluish-greenish liquid in them, and then what looks like an Imperial ale which is like a straight beer, and—an Imperial stout.

LAURA: Imperial stout.


NICK: And then there’s one copper mug that gets slapped down on the bar and has some sprig of some greenish, weird, curly plant sticking out of it, and the Ithorian says, “This should be… easy to decide… who enjoys the finer things in life.” Then he looks around, which takes up a lot of air space when something with heads this wide look around—

LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: –and makes himself scarce back behind the bar.

CAMERON: So, as Xianna starts to walk towards the bar Karma grabs her and pulls her in closer to her hood. (whispering) “So, this guy was my mark for Sentinel, so I’ma gonna keep my hood up because I’m not sure how he’s gonna feel about me.”

LAURA: “Oh! Okie, because I was thinking maybe if we figured him trustworthy we would let him in on the secret, but… Okie, no, secret stays.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, we’ll see how he’s doing. Yeah.”

LAURA: “The secret stays. Okie.”

NICK: As that conversation wraps up real quick, Felton comes back and gestures towards a round table and the booth that he was sitting at and he drops the serving tray down. The drinks kind of clatter around. He says, “Three Ithorian Bellows, an Imperial Stout, and a Flame Out for the adventurous. Take your pick.”

STEVEN: “Would you consider colonizing another planet adventurous?” I just say to the group.

CAMERON: The hooded figure nods.

NICK: He kind of looks you up and down, grabs the copper mug and just slides it towards you. Then he looks at everyone else and says, “The Ithorian Bellows is a pretty mellow beverage. It’s good for having a long talk with people.” He sits down and he waits for you all to select your beverages.

LAURA: Xianna would take the Ithorian Bellows.

CAMERON: Same with Karma, because she realizes that one of them says Imperial on it, so she’s gonna grab the Bellows.

HUDSON: I grab one of the Ithorian Bellows.

NICK: Okay. Felton looks at you all very shiftily. It looks pretty comical on his little otter face. He grabs the Imperial Stout and goes, “You saw through my crafty rouse, I see. No one’s given themselves away yet,” and he takes a long pull on the drink.

STEVEN: I take a sip of mine and kind of look for what reaction he thinks I should have.

NICK: He’s got the bottle back and he appears to be chugging it, but you notice it’s not going down that fast, it’s mostly for show, but he opens one eye at you as you take a sip like eager to see what your response will be.

STEVEN: I respond in such a way that would warrant someone looking eagerly for a response.

NICK: What the fuck does that mean?

LAURA & CAMERON: What does that mean?!


LAURA: Also, do you remember what this drink tastes like?

STEVEN: Oh, I absolutely remember, yeah. No, yeah, so, you know, I’ve had a lot of these on Corellia back when I was ambassadorizing, and I’m quite fond of it, but everyone—or at least Felton—seems interested, so I react as if I don’t like it, set it down, and then pick it back up and drain it.


LAURA: That’s like a Constitution check!

NICK: As you cough and splutter, he sets the beer down and chuckles to himself. “Yeah, those are pretty hard to—Oh.” As you just knock the whole cup back. It tastes like pepper’s angry, drunk cousin tried to strangle your uvula on the way down is basically what a Flame Out tastes like. Yeah, the Flame Out’s a pretty rough drink, but you like them and you’re used to them. So, as you do that, “Wow, oh, okay.”

STEVEN: (chuckles)

NICK: So you’re in the horseshoe booth sitting and he has the one chair and he skootches it toward the door a little bit and looks a little anxious. “So, you knew the passphrase… You’re from Sentinel, huh?”

LAURA: “Yes.”

CAMERON: The hood nods.

NICK: “He said, uh, if I gave you this information that he’d let me off scot-free, got me away from CorSec. If I hadn’t gotten shot it would’ve been a really good deal. I’m, uh, not 100% sure why I got shot. It seemed pretty unnecessary. The person who did—You know, bounty hunters, I’m just not a big fan of them.”

LAURA: “Yes. They are terrible. Just, all of them, every single one of them, just terrible.”

HUDSON: I cackle.

CAMERON: The hood nods.

STEVEN: “Yup.”

NICK: “So, Sentinel said that you would have most of the tools you need but I was to give you two more, and that is… I lost one of them, but I have the other one!” And he takes—

LAURA: “Wait, wait, what?!”

NICK: “Don’t worry about it. It’s fine!” He takes a plasteel box, it’s gray and looks kind of like a Chinese take-out container, it’s about a foot wide and a foot long, it’s like a square, and he sets it on the table and slides it to you very carefully and nervously. “Don’t, uh, open that until you’re in position, because it’s uh, not great, but…”

LAURA: “And, what was the thing that you lost?”

NICK: “Uhhh… I’m not sure. It was another box, um… but it’s gone now…”

LAURA: Xianna’s sitting there and is suddenly like, ‘Ohh, I had a box. Karma probably had a box.’ This is what Xianna’s thinking. So, Xianna’s gonna like drop it and just be like, ‘oh, never mind,’ because in her head she’s like ‘I had to go get a box, and if Karma took him in he probably had the box so she took it, so it’s okay, Sentinel has the box.’ That’s what’s going through her head. So, she’s like, “Oh, okie. It’s fine. Okie. I’m sure we will make do.”

NICK: “Yeah, so, totally didn’t lose it gambling. Uh…”

LAURA: He says that and Xianna’s like, ‘oh, wait… oh no.’

CAMERON: ‘My plan has a hole in it.

NICK: “Here’s the deal. This is a special kind of weapon and Sentinel wants you to break the blockade. This weapon is powerful enough to take down a Super Star Destroyer if you can get onboard. That’s all I know. My job was to get the weapon to whoever told me the light of the universe would never go out.”

LAURA: “Okie. Thank you.”

CAMERON: How are we seated in this booth?

LAURA: I imagine that Xianna took lead and got in next to him, and then…

CAMERON: I probably have an edge spot, because scooting in my cape wouldn’t have been the best.

LAURA: I imagine it would be, like from one end of the horseshoe to the other, it would have been like Karma, a wide space, Felton, then Xianna, then Sabos, and then Tink, guessing that Tink would have a harder time fitting in, and he probably doesn’t slide well just being all fuzzy. Probably a lot of friction.

HUDSON: I don’t. I just cause static on myself.

NICK: I can imagine if you sit on your hair and try to scoot you’re just pulling all your hair. That couldn’t be fun.


NICK: Booths were not designed for Gigorans.

CAMERON: So, I’m just gonna go into my hood. I’m wearing gloves now so my green doesn’t show if I put my hand up. I’m gonna whisper into my com links so they can hear me, because none of them are close enough to pull over to me. (whispers) “Ask who he lost it in gambling to, because we may need to track them down.”

LAURA: “So, um, who were you playing in the gambling game?”

NICK: “Well, you know, it’s a little embarrassing. It wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve done. She’s a pretty heavy hitter in this sector, but uh… Yeah, I may have lost your other tool that you need to, uh, the Queen. Maybe you’ve heard of her. She’s a gangster from Corellia. I mean, she’s not that big a deal.”

STEVEN: “Ah yes, the Queen.”

NICK: “Oh, you’re familiar?”

LAURA: “Um, I guess so, yes. It appears.”

STEVEN: “I used to play the cards as well.” (grinning)

NICK: “You know Kettle, the Queen of Corellia?”

STEVEN: “I know Kettle.”

NICK: “Well, more power to you, man. You can try and go get it back, but I didn’t have any deal with having to do with her.”

STEVEN: “Oh, I didn’t say nothing about trying to get it back from Kettle.”

LAURA: (nervously) “Okie. We take the box now. Thank you, so much, heh, thank you.”

NICK: “Great.” Can I get Perception checks from you all?

LAURA: Can do.

NICK: This will be an average Perception check.

HUDSON: One success.

CAMERON: Karma got two successes and an advantage.

LAURA: Three successes.

STEVEN: I got one success.

NICK: You all see that he’s pretty anxious to leave, and he also looks like he feels a little guilty about it, but he’s scared and trying to get around. It’s pretty easy for you all to interpret that he had further instructions he was supposed to do to help you all out and is just trying to get out of there with the bare minimum.

LAURA: When he does that Xianna’s gonna reach into her pocket, get her blaster, and like push it towards him through her coat so that he can like feel the blaster. “Um, you seem very quick to leave. Do you maybe have something to tell us?”

CAMERON: Karma stands up menacingly at the end of the booth and just lets her cape fall.

HUDSON: I start mean-mugging.

STEVEN: I say, “Hey buddy, you got anything else for us? It’d be a shame if Kettle had to hear about this.”

NICK: “Um… Wow. This—I thought we were having a friendly drink here.”

LAURA: “Well, we were, and then you decided to get all shifty.”

NICK: “Uh, I’m a Selonian. We do shifty. That’s like our thing.” … That’s not their thing.

STEVEN: I chuckle, because that’s… (laughs)

CAMERON: Because you don’t know species.

STEVEN: Right, because I’m a Togrutan. (laughs)

LAURA: “No, no, I dated a Selonian once. They were not very shifty.”

NICK: “Uh, well, okay. Part of my contract was that I’m supposed to help guide you until you leave the planet again, but you’re all very capable. You have an Imperial. You don’t need me. You should really just let me go. I’ve got things to do.”

HUDSON: “Everyone could use a helping hand.”

CAMERON: The hood tilts.

LAURA: “Guide in what way?”

NICK: “Uh, just help you find anything you need for your assault, uh, maybe inform him once the mission’s complete. I’m supposed to be like an observer type thing, but he’s got eyes everywhere. You should really just let me go. There’s really no reason for me to…”

CAMERON: The hood shakes it’s head.

LAURA: “Where do you live?”

NICK: “On Corellia…”

LAURA: “Where are you staying currently?”

NICK: (hesitantly) “Uh, why do you wanna know?”

LAURA: “In case we do need your help later on.”

NICK: So, he perks up a little bit at that, because it sounds like you’re going to let him out of your immediate eyesight, and he goes, “Oh, I’m right above The Gooberfish. You could find me if you needed me, but you won’t. You’re all very capable.”

CAMERON: I look over at Tink, and I’m like—

HUDSON: “You’re gonna help us out.” I hold my vibro-axe higher.


NICK: Can you roll me a Coercion, please?

HUDSON: Great. I can do that.

NICK: It’s gonna be easy, and you have two blue dice because everyone is backing you up.

CAMERON: Oh wow, your Willpower is one?

HUDSON: Wow. Two advantages.

NICK: Is there something that you would like to spend your advantages on specifically?

HUDSON: Look more intimidating.

NICK: That’s not how that works.

LAURA: Yeah, because this roll was to look intimidating.

HUDSON: Oh, sorry. This was Coercion.

NICK: You don’t intimidate him, but you can get something else tangential out of it, if you want.

HUDSON: Oh. The bartender brings me another drink to calm me down.

NICK: Nice. Okay. The bartender runs up with two. “You seem to be a big fellow.”

HUDSON: “I am.”

NICK: “Here’s another one, on the house… and another one… that you will pay for.” He sets them down. They’re Ithorian Bellows.

LAURA: Xianna is seeing Tink, and I imagine it’s something where like Tink tries to narrow his eyes but instead they look even more cute and round, so Xianna’s like, “Okie. So I know he is very cute and fluffy, but he is very large, and he has a gigantic axe as you can see.” She like head tilts at Sabos. “That one, I do not know what that one does. Apparently he knows Kettle. I don’t know. That seems to be important.”

STEVEN: This one’s crazy,” I say.

LAURA: “And, um, also…” She points over at Karma. “The Galactic Empire, so you know, maybe, also I have a gun… Maybe you should help us.”

NICK: “Ah. I thought you were just happy to see me. Heh, heh…”

LAURA: “No…”

STEVEN: I check my head tails really quickly.

LAURA: Xianna’s just kind of shaking her head. “No, you see, I would have to say that to you because I being a woman do not do the thing you are implying. You as a male can, so you see it has to be me to you.”

NICK: “Yeah I can. Wait—“

LAURA: “No. No.”

NICK: “Oh, yeah. Oh boy.” And Felton Mox looks right into the camera and says, “Well, Felton Mox, it looks like we’re in a whole bunch of trouble.” (groans and laughter) And that’s gonna be the end of the episode!

(all make dramatic noises and Star Wars tunes)

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Sabos Nix was played by Steven Schroeder. He… does not exist on the internet.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @tabletop_squad. For real! We’re real people and we wanna talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.

Word document download: Episode 8 Let’s Check Spacebook

PDF download: Episode 8 Let’s Check Spacebook

Read in browser:

Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 8:
Let’s Check Spacebook

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

Note – Laura’s character Xianna’fan speaks in an accent. Most of her soft I’s sound like “ee,” and most of her TH’s sound like Z’s. Example: “this and that” = “zees and zat”

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, a fringer, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy, helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

I want to thank everyone who sent in one of our questionnaires about the show. Thank you for taking the time. We’re taking your feedback seriously to make the show better. Remember everyone, if we get to 20 iTunes reviews we’ll be releasing a flashback starring Karma and her twin boys. It was a blast to record and we wanna share it, to tell your friends to review the show.

Thanks for tuning in, and I hope you enjoy.


NICK: Hello everyone, and welcome to Episode 8 of Tabletop Squadron. We’re really getting into the swing of things now. Let’s go ahead and go around the table. Everybody say who you are, who you’re playing, and if you spent any experience what you spent that experience on… starting with Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi internet. I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink the Gigoran. I moved up two ranks in Astrogation and one rank in Coordination. I also got the Natural Programmer talent off the slicer tree that lets me reroll any one Computer or Astrogation check once per session.

NICK: Yay. For anyone wondering why he did that, he’s been hoarding experience for like three sessions.

HUDSON: In secret. It was the best kept secret.

NICK: Next we’ll go to… Cameron.

CAMERON: Hi. I’m Cameron, and I’m playing Karma Nailo the Nautolan bounty hunter. I spent some experience going up to rank two in Perception, and I also bought Toughened on my Skiptracer tree to add two to my wound threshold.

NICK: Yeah, after getting shot a bunch.

CAMERON: Apparently it’s important, yeah.

NICK: Yeah, makes sense. Next up we have… Laura.

LAURA: Hello. I’m Laura. I play Xianna who is a Twi’lek smuggler, and I believe I bought a rank in Underworld. I forgot to mark it down, but I’m like 80% sure that’s what I bought with my points.

NICK: Alright. Book keeping, the best part of RPGs. And, last up is… Steven.

STEVEN: Hi, listeners of the network formally known as Arpanet. I’m Steven. I’m playing Sabos. What’s that face?


NICK: I don’t get that reference at all?

STEVEN: One person might.

LAURA: Because Hudson said welcome to the internet.


LAURA: It used to be the Arpanet.

NICK: Oh man.

STEVEN: I used some of my experience to purchase the Master Starhopper trait on my fringer talent tree which allows me to once per round suffer two strain to decrease the difficulty of the Astrogation check by one to a minimum of one black die.

NICK: Oh, neat.

CAMERON: Useful.

NICK: Oh gosh, you can set it to zero.


HUDSON: The real question is who’s better at Astrogation. Me?

STEVEN: Probably you. I have two. I can upgrade sometime.

CAMERON: You’re smarter though, Tink.

HUDSON: I’m smarter, though.

NICK: So y’all would just be the Astrogation Bros. it’ll be fine.

CAMERON: #AstrogationBros.

NICK: #AstrogationBros…

HUDSON: We’ll know our three fans by someone actually tagging that on Twitter.

NICK: Yeah. Hi Ted, our one international fan that we talked to last time. #AstrogationBros.

So, before we get into the show, let’s go ahead and make our Destiny Rolls, please.

LAURA: One light side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

CAMERON: One light side.

STEVEN: One light side.


CAMERON: So three light side, one dark side.

NICK: Great. Last time, you went to a secret asteroid base in the middle of nowhere, you found Quiggle the Quarren and made an exchange for Falx. He gave you a briefcase to give to them, and it didn’t go great. You ended up killing pretty much everyone except for Tiny, your small gun-toting friend. You were also contacted by Sentinel and told kind of what you’re supposed to do next, that you’re supposed to go to Ithor, and that you’re supposed to get down to the planet, and that there’s a very strong blockade with a super star destroyer involved. You’re gonna have to figure out how to get around that, and then you promptly ignored him to go on an adventure to an asteroid belt. I’m sure that won’t come up. That’s great. Am I forgetting anything?

STEVEN: I’m super dead.

CAMERON: (laughs) Yeah.

NICK: Oh yeah, and Sabos got shot a whole bunch, and is very dead. I believe you’re at what, negative seven? So, yeah, we’re gonna have to deal with that. And the last thing that happened was Tiny surrendered and said he was gonna be the captain of Quiggle’s Crew from now on, and that’s where we ended. Picking up right there.

You are in a wide, open space in the middle of a hollowed out asteroid and there is the corpse of Quiggle and his large Gamorrean who is also dead. Tiny has been wounded quite severely. There is an oil drum fire with some fold-up camp chairs around it, and your ship is probably about a hundred yards behind you, and their ship is somewhere off in the dark. You haven’t actually seen it yet. Ready, set, go.

LAURA: I wanna go check the bodies. For fun items.

NICK: I will need a Skullduggery check to pat them down.

LAURA: Can do!

NICK: It’s going to be a hard difficulty, because these are smugglers.

LAURA: That is one triumph with its success, and an advantage.

NICK: Pretty good. I can tell you that Quiggle has a pretty nice light blaster. It’s nothing particularly fancy, it just looks like it’s got pretty plating all over it. It has a water theme. There’s lots of bubbles up the sides.


NICK: Yeah. The Gamorrean has a vibro-axe, it’s a standard vibro-axe. With the triumph, tell me two things that you really want them to have.

LAURA: Stim packs and impact.

NICK: Yep, sounds about good.

LAURA: All the packs.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Yeah, so this makes sense. The Gamorrean has a set of six stim packs in a pouch on his belt. It’s one of those unrolly artist kits, so you undo the cloth tie, it falls open, and there’s just a line of syringes.

LAURA: Fancy~

NICK: Quiggle has a little snuff box. It’s a really pretty chrome plated one, and it has a little electronic reader on it, but it looks like when he fell it opened. In the snuff box there’s four doses of impact in little individual vials, and you also see that it’s got a little thumbprint reader on the snuff box, and from the inside, with your triumph, you see that you can reprogram it to open only for you.

LAURA: Oh yes.

NICK: It would make it so that if someone say found your stash, they wouldn’t be able to tell what your stash was or get into it right away. So, you have a little thumbprint reader snuff box that can hold four doses of impact in it. Actually, it can hold eight doses of impact. It looks like Quiggle’s been partying lately.

LAURA: Okay good, because I already had some.

NICK: Yeah, so it can hold a decent amount. That’s what you find on the bodies. What else does anybody want to do?

CAMERON: Karma’s going to drop down next to Tiny and start applying pressure to one of his wounds.

NICK: He is bleeding. It doesn’t look like he’s gushing blood. He’ll probably be okay, but he appreciates the medical assistance. Would you like to make me a Medicine check?


NICK: It is average, because he is not unconscious.

CAMERON: Okay, that’s three successes!

NICK: Three successes! So he gets three wounds back. That actually—You’re able to stop all the bleeding, get him patched up, he is by no means in fighting shape but he is not going to go septic or anything.


NICK: Good work. Why would Karma know how to do like field medicine? Tell me about a time that happened.

CAMERON: So, when she’s most often used it is when she’s going after a mark and there’s another bounty hunter going after the same mark. With Felton Mox in the first episode where he got shot by the other bounty hunter, it’s either that situation or the other bounty hunter is like I don’t care, I’d rather get them both dead than have her take him in alive, so the mark will get damaged. It’s keeping the mark alive until we get to the drop point.

NICK: Right. So, very business-like, not really paying attention to people’s comfort so much.

CAMERON: Yep. But then also, she was paired up with her sons. She’s probably being nicer to Tiny then she would be to just a random person she was bringing in, because he’s tugging heartstrings by just being young.

NICK: Right. When you were going on missions with your sons was one of them more of a medical specialist?


NICK: Since clearly you weren’t super trained in it.

CAMERON: Yes. My son Jet is much smarter than me.

NICK: Oh, okay, so he was the medic guy. Okay, cool. Tiny gets patched up. “Well, th-thanks. I’m gonna leave, because honestly it’s a little bit more jarring than I expected to see you patting through the pockets of my dead friends.” He’s just kinda staring at Xianna.

LAURA: “Um, sorry, but you know… They did shoot at us, and they are dead…”

NICK: “Yeah, it’s the space pirate code, I understand. It’s just having a little bit more of an emotional impact than I expected. I’m gonna go back to the Quarren Quagmire and take off. I’ll have to meet up with the rest of the crew, and… I guess figure out what we’re doing. But I’m the captain now, right?” He gives a weak smile.

CAMERON: “Since you’re the captain now, do you want his tri-cornered hat?”

NICK: “Oh, yeah, I think that’s a good idea.” He goes and picks it up and it’s dripping with blood a little bit, so he has to wring it out and it’s kind of misshapen. He kinda pats it back into shape and puts it onto his head. “Well, I think it’s sort of a work in process,” and he wipes some charred ash off of it, “but it is important, so thanks for the advice there.” A little rivulet of blood runs down his temple dripping out of the hat. He wipes it off and it leaves a smear on his face. “So, yeah, it’s pretty good, I guess. Yeah, this is, this is…” He looks at Quiggle and gulps. “Yeah, this is awesome. Thanks for, whatever, not killing me. That’s important. I’m gonna go now. Byeee.”

HUDSON: “You’re welcome.”

NICK: He does finger guns at Tink and backs cautiously into the shadows.

CAMERON: Oh, karma walks after him, and starts sharing life advice, and shares contact information.

NICK: You’re gonna have to give me some actual life advice. You don’t get to just make a \broad statement\ like that.

CAMERON: Oh damn! Uh, let’s see. Not getting shot is a good one. Getting cover, I noticed he didn’t get that.

NICK: “Okay so, take cover… Well, so, I figured like the auto-turret was gonna be a lot more helpful, but…”

CAMERON: “Maybe next time though if you set up the auto-turret so it’s in front of one of the barrels, and you can be behind the barrel, just to kind of block you, because if you have the situation again where you throw the target and it doesn’t hit then it kind of leaves you open as you’re then the one with the big gun.”

NICK: “Yeah, that makes sense.” You guys are walking through the shadows, and probably 50 yards away around a small corner, in like an actual parking spot instead of the middle of the thing, you see an angular freighter. It looks like some form of YT but like a weird off-brand one. It’s kind of shaped like a croissant. So, he’s walking towards that. “Well, yeah I guess cover would be a good idea. Duly noted. Thank you for that.”

CAMERON: “Yep. I really hope you achieve your hopes and dreams.”

NICK: “Thanks That’s… This got a little weird. Uh, thanks for not shooting me. You almost did. I could see you thinking about it, so… I guess we’re friends now. Cool. I… If you ever need anything, call on Quiggle’s Crew—or I guess it’s Tiny’s Crew now.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, are you gonna rename that?”

NICK: “Yeah, Tiny’s… Tiny’s Terrible… Tallahassee… that’s not a thing.”

CAMERON: “Tango!”

NICK: “Tango?”

CAMERON: “Tiny’s Terrible Tallahassee Tango!”

NICK: “Oh gosh. What’s a Tallahassee?”

CAMERON: (laughs) “I don’t know. You said it.”

NICK: “Mmm…”

CAMERON: “I thought it had some sort of significance for you for you to have said it.”

NICK: “Yeah, it’s my mom’s name. I forgot.”

CAMERON: “Oh, okay. So that makes sense.”

NICK: “I think I’ve lost more blood than I thought I did.”

CAMERON: “Okay, so you can call your ship the Tallahassee after your mom, I guess.”

NICK: “…Yeah.”

CAMERON: “That seems really sweet.”

NICK: “Yeah… I think it might be the Tallahassee Quagmire. We gotta remember our roots.”

CAMERON: “True, true.”

NICK: At this point he’s hitting a panel on the croissant-shaped ship and the ramp is dropping down. He starts to limp up. From the inside you can see a very large Wookie kind of leaning down on the ramp and it makes a Wookie noise. (low groan)

CAMERON: Hahaha!

NICK: (smiling) I can’t do that. You can see Tiny turn around and say, “It’s a really long story. I’ll explain on the way out of here.” And there’s more Wookie noises. (low groan)

CAMERON: (Chewbacca sounds)

NICK: Oh, that’s way better. Do it again.

CAMERON: (Chewbacca noises)

NICK: Yeah, that’s good. “No, it’s fine. I… Look. He fell behind. You know the pirate’s code.” The ship stars to go (rushing and clicking noises), and you hear the engine start to cycle up. Great.

CAMERON: I walk back.

NICK: Cool. Sabos is bleeding out on the ground.

CAMERON: Sabos is still laying there! (laughs)

HUDSON: “Should we do something about him?”

CAMERON: “Yeah. Hey Tink, come here.”

HUDSON: I come over.

NICK: Okay. Are you gonna take him back to the ship, or just work on him out in the open?

CAMERON: Let’s go back to the ship.

HUDSON: I pick him up.

LAURA: “I think we need to make up some lost time.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. We can fix him on our way to Ithor.”

HUDSON: “You got it.” I carry him to the ship, and then get in the cockpit.

STEVEN: (distant coughing noises)

CAMERON: Yup. (laughs)

NICK: Okay. We get a side wipe, and we get like two side by side screens. We get one of somebody piloting, which I guess would be Karma probably.

CAMERON: So, Karma would probably have Tink help with the Astrogation check and then would take over piloting.

NICK: Right. We’ll skip the Astrogation part, because it’ll make the story better. So, it’s you flipping switches and starting to take off, and then it’s still a bedroom, like a weird 70s sheik hotel room, but the bed is not a water bed and has just plain white sheets on it, and it has like a linoleum floor, so you guys have used this as your kind of medical suite. We see Sabos laid out on the bed. You got a big slash across your chest from where you got hit, and some blaster bolt wounds, and you’re shirtless. Is Sabos in good shape?


NICK: Yeah? So you got that Hollywood shot of the injured, but still very attractive, torso. Just the torso, your head’s cut off of it. (laughter) Oh, and then you hear Tink rummaging around, and a single head tail falls into the frame off the side of the bed, and jiggles a little bit, because it has to be gross because it’s Sabos. So, the camera pans out and we see Sabos on the bed. Is Xianna helping with the medicine stuff, or did she just leave Tink to it?

LAURA: Xianna like has a drink and is sitting on a night table next to the bed, and is watching, and is just… She’s not really helping. She doesn’t really know too many medical things, which is why she tends to carry stim packs, and she’s just hoping she doesn’t have to use one on Sabos.

NICK: Okay. We’re gonna cut real quick to a weird, hazy dream sequence. Sabos is having a flashback while he is unconscious.

LAURA: Ooh, ooh! Xianna wants to be the scarecrow. (laughter) And Tink can be the cowardly lion, and then I guess…

CAMERON: I’d be the tin man.

NICK: I feel like Karma’s probably Dorothy.


CAMERON: Sabos is the scarecrow!

LAURA: Sabos is the scarecrow in his own dream sequence!

STEVEN: This is my story.

CAMERON: Yeah, exactly. If you wanna be the scarecrow, you can be the scarecrow.

NICK: So, it actually is probably more like plot and character relevant than this bit that we’re doing right now, but—

LAURA: Oh, so he’s the dog. He’s Toto.

NICK: Sabos, what is going on in this flashback of yours? What does your ‘I’m injured and dying’ dream sequence look like?

STEVEN: So, I wake up in a hut on Shili, and well, you know there’s the rest of the schoolkids, the nice Shilian schoolkids, and then the concerned parents—not my parents, just the concerned Shilian schoolkid parents—looking over me saying, “You better wake up. You’ll be alright. We need you to wake up.” As it turns out, I mean, there’s another schoolkid next to me. Just don’t know what happened, right.

(distant giggling)

So, yeah, you know, pack instincts are very important in Togruta culture, so we were practicing our packing, which would be fighting other Togrutas because yeah Shili, and you know it got a little bit too real and I got pretty beat up. That’s when I decided I didn’t want to have anything to do with the pack instinct culture on Shili.

NICK: Cool. So, we see you as I guess a small seven year old Sabos. You always kind of punched people?

STEVEN: Yeah, yeah.

NICK: Never really got along. That was the beginning of you deciding that maybe this pack instinct wasn’t the way to go, when you were practicing fighting and got knocked out, and also knocked out the other kid.

STEVEN: Yes. I got knocked out harder.

CAMERON: That fourth head tail just flew and just smacked him on his way down.

STEVEN: To be clear, he was okay.

NICK: Well, that’s what happened. He got a head injury and it caused the fourth head tail to grow.


LAURA: Whoaaa.

STEVEN: The other kid was okay. He was just a little bit dazed and confused, but I got my ass kicked pretty darn hard, and wasn’t cool with it.

NICK: And then, because this is like a post-traumatic flashback, the camera pans out and there’s just like a Quentin Tarantino amount of blood everywhere.

STEVEN: Just like a kid on top of me beating the living crap out of my fourth head tail specifically. (laughter) They didn’t like me—They picked on me in all the reindeer games. Okay?

LAURA: Sabos used to have five head tails…


NICK: Oh, please no… Yeah, so the camera pans out. There’s a ton of blood. The older adult Togrutans grow long fangs and smoke starts to go everywhere, and the camera jump cuts back out to Tink standing over this compatriot of yours who is not bleeding so much anymore, but you’re pretty sure it’s because they’re running out of blood to fall out.

HUDSON: “You got blood all over the nice sheets.”


LAURA: “He cannot hear you.”

HUDSON: “Oh, no. I’m just saying this to him anyway.”

LAURA: “Okie. Are you going to, you know, heal him?”

HUDSON: I think on my medical experience… Non-existent. “Sure. I’ll heal him.”


LAURA: Yeah, but you’re smart. You can figure it out.

HUDSON: Yeah, I’m smart. I can figure it out. “It’s basically mechanics, right?”

LAURA: “Sure.”

CAMERON: You hear over the com, “Just picture the body as a machine.”

HUDSON: “Great. Alright, get my toolbox.”

NICK: So, a Medical check for someone who is unconscious is going to be hard difficulty.

STEVEN: Like the fourth head tail.

LAURA: You don’t have Medicine, so it’s just gonna be your Intelligence.

NICK: It’s an Intelligence check. You can flip light side points to make yourself better at this. You can explain why you deserve blue dice.

HUDSON: “I deserve blue dice because I’m Being Brave.” (laughter)

LAURA: Xianna’s like flipping through data pads. “Ooh, that muscle connects to this one,” and like holding up the data pad a little bit. “Okie, so this is how you do it, I think.”

CAMERON: We’re using Technology to assist.

NICK: Okay. The camera’s definitely gonna go over Xianna’s shoulder and this “medical text” that she’s looking at looks a lot like Ikea assembly instructions. It’s just like very cartoony pictures, and in a box on the side there’s a scalpel, and then like an arrow going to the wound with like an X over it.

LAURA: They don’t have scalpels in Star Wars!

NICK: It’s like a space scalpel.

LAURA: It’s those little sticks that just shoot lasers.

NICK: … Oh yeah.

CAMERON: It’s a little baby laser stick.

NICK: It’s like a light saber scalpel.


NICK: It seals as it cuts, because that’s what you want a scalpel to do.

LAURA: I mean, maybe.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: So, you can get a blue die from Xianna sort of helping.


NICK: Yeah, go for it.

HUDSON: Alright.

NICK: Wow, that’s pretty good.

HUDSON: Is it just one success?


NICK: Oh, then it’s not very good.

LAURA & CAMERON: One success.

NICK: Okay. You manage to stabilize him. You start using medical supplies, and then half way through you pull out a wrench because you’re more comfortable with it and just start using that to like apply pressure to things, and for some reason it kind of works. So, you’re at negative six now.


CAMERON: (laughing nervously) You’re getting there.

LAURA: Xianna just like sees him pulling out the wrench, sighs, walks over and like digs through her pockets, and just shoots him up with two stim packs.

NICK: Okay. So that gets you up to…

LAURA: The first one would be five, the second one would then be four.

NICK: So you’re at three. You’re positive. You wake up.

STEVEN: (gasps and coughs) “Shili…”

LAURA: “You owe me two stim packs!”

STEVEN: “Only two?”

NICK: Three now, right?

LAURA: “No, three! I forgot about the first one.”

STEVEN: “Two stim packs.”

HUDSON: “You owe me your life.”

LAURA: “Three stim packs.”

STEVEN: “Two stim packs.”

LAURA: “Mm… Close enough.”

NICK: So, Sabos is still in pretty bad shape.

STEVEN: “Where are we?”

NICK: I’ll say because it was a hard difficulty your critical wound was also fixed. That’s mostly what Tink was doing. You had a pretty nasty head wound, and maybe a piece of bone kind of out of place in your skull, like a skull fracture, and that’s what he used the wrench to kind of tap back into place. So, you’re in a lot of pain still, but you feel mobile, able to do something gat least.

STEVEN: “More importantly, who’s flying this ship?”

HUDSON: “I’m flying it, but first Sabos-“

LAURA: “N-No… Karma. Karma.”

CAMERON: “That would be me. I’m flying the ship.”

HUDSON: “Oh, currently.”

STEVEN: “Do I just hear that over the com?”

CAMERON: “You just hear it over the coms. Yeah.”

STEVEN: I say loudly, as loud as I can, (through coughs) “I’m the captain now.”

CAMERON: “If that makes you feel better, sweetie. Sure.”

STEVEN: “…Okay.” I pretend to fly, just laying on the table.

NICK: (laughs)

LAURA: “I mean, she is the co-pilot, and we are, you know, in hyperspace. There is not much to do.”

STEVEN: I still have my hands out, like upward on the table, as if I’m grabbing the yolk to fly.

LAURA: “Okie, sure.”

NICK: Around this point, yeah. As you say we’re in hyperspace, Karma, you get the ship out of the little asteroid belt aimed in the right direction and hit the lever, and go flying off. I’m assuming you’re going to Ithor. Right?


NICK: Okay. We’re gonna fly to Ithor. So, the ship is going to take a few days to get there. You’re going from the outer rim. Fun fact, Ithor is located in the mid rim, and it’s on the wrong side of the hub from you, so it’s gonna be quite a trip. The good news is it’s very well populated and the routes are very well documented, so it’s pretty easy to get there but it’s not like there’s a lot of shortcuts or anything.
So, you guys have some time, a couple of days. What do you guys do?

LAURA: So, the first time everyone’s all together, Xianna sits down and is like, “Okie. So, what did we learn?”

STEVEN: “Don’t get shot.”

LAURA: “Open the briefcase before the handover.”

STEVEN: “Oh, that too.”

LAURA: “Uh-huh. Everyone? Uh-huh.”

HUDSON: “Uh… Eh..”

STEVEN: “Getting shot is bad.”

HUDSON: “I will agree that I think all of us learned something today.”

CAMERON: “What is the proper protocol if you open the briefcase and it is empty?”

STEVEN: “Put something in it.”

CAMERON: “Do you then just not ever continue, or do you put something else in the briefcase?”

LAURA: “You just don’t deliver it, and then you call up who gave you the briefcase, and you yell at them. A lot. It works sometimes.”

STEVEN: “What happens the other times?”

LAURA: “Uh, the person who gave you the briefcase tries to kill you.”

STEVEN: “Oh, okay.”

CAMERON: “That would be why you’re comming them then, so it’d be more difficult to kill you right then…”

LAURA: “No no no. Not the people you are giving the briefcase to, that would be empty and then they shoot you. The person that gave you the briefcase to give.”

CAMERON: “Yes, you then com them, and they try to kill you eventually, but you’re not there because you commed them, so they have to track you down.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

CAMERON: “Okay.”

LAURA: “I mean, is slightly better than the people that are physically there with you shooting you. It gives you more time.”

CAMERON: “Okay. I’m much more comfortable with the people coming after me scenario of that. I know how to deal with that.”

NICK: Also, where is this scene happening? Are you all in the hot tub?


CAMERON: (laughing) Yes…


LAURA: Definitely in the hot tub. I don’t know if anyone else is in the hot tub. Xianna is in the hot tub.

HUDSON: I think we left Sabos in the medical area and took a dip.

LAURA: There’s like chairs he can be…

STEVEN: I can limp.

NICK: He’s got like his feet in, but he doesn’t want to get blood into all the hot water, so he’s just—

STEVEN: Open wounds, and hot water, and infections, yeah.

NICK: He’s just sitting with his feet in the hot tub, yeah.

STEVEN: And one head tail. Every now and then I dip one head tail.

CAMERON: Oh, gross. “Okay, next steps. We need to come up with a plan for this blockade.”

LAURA: “We should probably try to fake our credentials.”

STEVEN: “Or you can say you have an injured Togruta.”

CAMERON: “Honestly, I don’t think they’d care.”

LAURA: “Um, it is the Empire. They will not care.”

STEVEN: “They might know this injured Togruta.”

LAURA: “And then we would all be arrested.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. I don’t understand how that’s helpful.”

STEVEN: “You could turn in the injured Togruta.” (coughs)

CAMERON: “Don’t think I haven’t considered it.”

STEVEN: (laughs)

LAURA: “I mean, do you know how much you are worth?”

STEVEN: (nervous, stumbling) “Negative… really…”

CAMERON: “I can look it up.”

NICK: You can look it up, actually. That’s a thing you know.

LAURA: (gasps)

CAMERON: (giggles)

LAURA: Can we look up what everyone is worth?

NICK: Sure. Yeah, we can do that. We’ll say that the Afternoon Delight has a self-updating holo-net uplink, so whenever you’re parked not in hyperspace it pulls certain websites for info. So, it does that. You’re looking at like cached websites off of Google.
One of them is Bounty Boards. That makes a lot of sense. You have the credentials for it. It’s like being a notary – when you’re a bounty hunter you get certain rights and privileges as afforded your positon. So, you can just look it up, honestly. If you were trying to find information on somebody you didn’t already know or help track someone down with the info, it would probably be either a Computers or Skullduggery. Probably Computers, honestly.

LAURA: My guess is that there’s like… I’m thinking of the MSI system where you can put in like, I want a 2,000 square foot house with three bedrooms. They have that for bounties where you can like put in their species, and then you put in like what age range you think they are, and like identifying marks, and then it pulls up a list of all the people who match that so you can try and find who you were getting.

CAMERON: I also probably have the reverse, like, I’m currently located on Ithor. What bounties are near me? It’s like the Restaurants Near Me function in Google Maps.

LAURA: You move your little dot around, and you’re like, Bounties Near Me!

CAMERON: Five mile radius.

STEVEN: Uh, I can be found under fourth head tail.

CAMERON: No, but if like you’re searching for a specific name…

NICK: So, if you pull up Sabos, he is a pretty small fish. You’ll remember he owes the Empire like a 150,000 Credits which in the grand scheme of things isn’t a ton especially since the person he owes that to doesn’t really want it getting out. So, he has the Imperial equivalent of a parking ticket. He has like, Disturbing the Peace and Racketeering, which—

CAMERON: Boring.

NICK: For the Star Wars universe is Most people. So, it’s like a 2,000 Credit bounty.

STEVEN: (laughs)

NICK: It’s not that much. He is in the system, but there’s no picture of him and most of the stuff is blank. His name, Sabos Niks is in there. The way the system works it has different tiers of notoriety and stuff, so one of the things it’ll do is the names will get linked through the network for like known aliases and stuff like that so they’re more likely to show up in the search. I gotta be careful making up computer shit with who I’m sitting at the table with, but we’re gonna say this is how it works. The more notorious they are, the more important they are, the more likely they’ll pop up on related searches. ‘Those who hunted Sabos Niks also hunted…’


Sabos has no connections, it’s just him, so unless somebody specifically already had him or was looking for him, which they probably wouldn’t because he’s pretty cheap, he’s not gonna show up. So, he’s not very notorious, it’s unlikely people are gonna pull him on a related search, he’s not worth very much, but the Empire knows who he is.

CAMERON: Okay. I’m gonna look up everybody else too, (laughs) since I’m in here.

LAURA: Once she looks up Sabos, Xianna starts bouncing. “Ooh, ooh! Look me up! I want to see.”

LAURA & CAMERON: ‘Me next! Me next!’ (giggles)

NICK: Okay.

LAURA: “You will want to search for Xianna’fan…”


LAURA: “…and we will go from there!”

NICK: Alright. You pull up Xianna, and there’s a mugshot photo of her. Ooh, what would the background on an Imperial mugshot be?

HUDSON: Laura already drew it.

LAURA: Well, I just drew a very standard…

NICK: Yeah.

LAURA: My guess is it would be either white, a steel blue, or just kind of a mat gray metal.

NICK: Yeah, so I think you’re right. It’s probably like a blue steel background, because this happened when you got arrested at a local area. It’s not like in a major holding facility. It’s someone’s backwoods jail kind of situation. The picture is you smiling and making the peace sign at the camera, and you look absolutely unworried, absolutely unphased.

LAURA: “I do not remember which one that was…”

NICK: (laughs)

CAMERON: Can I look up where that mugshot came from, specifically?

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: I wanna know which one of her arrests was that mugshot.

LAURA: Xianna’s just sitting there mumbling to herself. “That definitely was not the doorway incident. Was that… I think maybe that was just standard burglary. Huh…”

NICK: So Laura, this particular one, kind of like a backwoods arrest, probably one of your earlier ones…

LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: What happened with Xianna? Where was the photo taken?

LAURA: I think it was just a local station, a trooper outpost. I think what I had tried to do was seduce some low-level politician, sneak into their house, and steal goods and information to then later sell, and I probably just tripped an alarm. It was probably a silent alarm and I didn’t realize it, and then also the person came home, and it was just like, “Oh, um, hello. I thought you would be gone. Uh… Do you want pancakes?”

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: We get another shot from the flashback of you doing something, getting caught, and then looking up and making eye contact with a pretty obvious security camera and making the exact same face that happened in your prologue where you realize you’ve been made and now you just have to figure out what to do about it.
Okay, so, where was that though?


NICK: Pick a planet, any planet.

LAURA: Corellia.

NICK: Corellia? You spent a lot of time bouncing around there?

LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: Okay. If that’s the case, then it actually says on the website Coresec sub files on it, and you recognize that steel background. It’s very distinctive of small Corellian holding patterns. It’s like a drunk tank, basically, but they use it for not just drunk people. It’s people who are in holding until they post their very small bail or their court date happens. There’s that, but under the picture there’s a pretty long list of misdemeanors, solicitation, because you figured out it was easier to get busted for solicitation and pretend you were being a prostitute than what you were actually doing, which was trying to rob people.

LAURA: Oh, yeah. Xianna’s definitely figured that out. ‘Ohh, if they think I’m a prostitute they just let me go… They usually don’t even check my pockets…’

NICK: Yup. So there’s a lot of solicitation things. You see that there is some burglary, but it all seems to be minor theft, and then there’s a lot of alleged things or skipped bails or warrants out in various places. The list is a little hard to read. It’s got—not the same thing as Sabos where nothing’s linked, but it’s obvious that the system’s a little messed up because a bunch of it is CorSec but then there’s some Imperial stuff and those systems don’t mesh real well, so whoever was looking for her would have some problems. She’s like a 5,000 Credit bounty. It’s solid.

CAMERON: “Hey, you’re worth more than Sabos.”

STEVEN: When we discover that I say, “Oh, you’re a bad girl?”

LAURA: (exasperated laughs)

STEVEN: “You like bad boys?”

LAURA: Xianna’s just like, “I will shoot you.”

STEVEN: (laughs) “That’s what the thing said.”

HUDSON: “Look me up!”


CAMERON: Okay. I look up Tink.

NICK: Tink’s not in there, at all.

HUDSON: I knew it.

NICK: What’s Tink’s holo-net alias?

LAURA: “Do you have any fake names?”

HUDSON: “StarDestroyer1.”


LAURA: “Yes. Look up StarDestroyer1!”

NICK: So, StarDestroyer1, it looks like a default Facebook profile. It’s got just the outline picture silhouette. It says StarDestroyer1, it says Alleged Low-Level Slicer, and that’s it. It says Insert Allegations Here, Insert Warrants Here, like it’s all mostly blanked out. So, he’s either an amazing slicer who’s cracked the CorSec and Imperial systems, or he’s done not very much and he’s not in there, and it’s hard to tell.

LAURA: It could be either one. (gasps) “Karma! Are you worth anything?”

CAMERON: “I don’t think so.”

LAURA: “Look it up!”

CAMERON: I look myself up.

NICK: Yeah, so you have a full profile, but it’s all accolades. You’re not wanted for anything. There were a couple of removed threats. There are some dismissed allegations that you can see like grayed out with lines through them, and it’s some violence charges that got thrown out, some disturbing the peace charges that got thrown out, things that you may have collected as a bounty hunter that you either got dismissed or got overturned due to lack of evidence, but no, you’re squeaky clean. It actually links to another database which is of bounty hunters, and your profile there—it looks like LinkedIn. It’s all like, pretty, and it’s like, Qualifications, Known Associates, and there’s little pictures of your two twin sons below yours in the contacts thing. The weird thing if you are looking over Karma’s shoulder is the Known Associates tab maxes out. It just keeps going, way past, it just says 99+ and it runs out.

CAMERON: And then if you look at the Friend Requests it’s like also maxed out.

HUDSON: What a socialite.

CAMERON: But I can’t add more people to my profile, so. (laughs)

NICK: Yeah. Well, it’s not like the bounty hunter social media. That would be… Oh. Bounty hunter social media pun, guys?

LAURA: BountyBook.

NICK: FaceBounty?

LAURA: Mm… My Bounty.

NICK: … SpaceBase. SpaceHunt.

HUDSON: iBounty.

NICK: Egh, that just sounds like electronic paper towels.

LAURA: HuntersOnly.


NICK:, that’s it!

STEVEN: That’s what it is.

LAURA: Great.

NICK: is a different thing. This is just the Imperial records thing, so it has basically—you’ve maxed out its thing. If you go to, which you do have a profile—you don’t look at it very much, but a lot of people are really into it. I think the twins made you a profile at one point.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: That one is just totally full of stuff. There’s a bunch of people that you don’t even know that wanna be friends with you. That one’s really maxed out. But as far as this one, you just have a lot of known associates in the bounty hunting world.

LAURA: Going back to mine, how many like known aliases were listed on mine?

NICK: We’ll say six known aliases. What were they, Laura?

LAURA: Oh, and I have to write them down. Okay.

CAMERON: So we know not to use them.

LAURA: So I know, yeah, what they are.

HUDSON: Chris Angel.

NICK: Felicia Day.

HUDSON: Kate Bush.

LAURA: Yeah, there’s Felicia…

CAMERON: I feel like Xianna only ever gives first names.

LAURA: Yeah. There’s like, and it’s like, with a P-H.



LAURA: P-H-T-I-F-F. (giggles)

CAMERON: (laughing) Oh, that’s not what I was thinking it was.

NICK: ‘Pa-tiff’

LAURA: No, no, it’s T-I-P-H Tiff, there’s Roxie, Sion with an S, ooh the Lia would probably have a last name.

HUDSON: Alia Keys. (laughter) That makes me feel weird, not saying the name right.

STEVEN: Me too.

LAURA: I’m trying to think of the Twi’lek last names. There’s Lia Fortuna.

NICK: That works.


CAMERON: Oh yeah. Is Serene listed?

LAURA: Serene probably wouldn’t be.

CAMERON: I’m just wondering if Falx updated the entries.

LAURA: Ooh. Yeah.

NICK: Uh, no.

CAMERON: Or if he just knew it was a purple Twi’lek and didn’t specifically know it was Xianna.

NICK: Mmm…

CAMERON: Because I’m assuming she didn’t give her real name to the other guy either.

NICK: So I’ll say Serene is not listed on here. That’s all I’ll say about that.

CAMERON: Okay. Don’t use that one either. (laughs)

NICK: I’m going to avoid talking about my NPCs without them being in the room.

LAURA: And then the last one is Moa’tel.

NICK: Moa’tel.


CAMERON: Mo-tel.

NICK: Tell me Moa.

HUDSON: Like where you take your clients?

CAMERON: Yeah, motel.

HUDSON: To the motel?

NICK: Hotel. Holiday Inn.


LAURA: And then, how many arrests do you say are on there? Because I know I’ve been arrested a number of times, but how many do you think?

NICK: I think you’ve probably been arrested a few times, a handful of times. This particular database doesn’t register that. It’s only like the legal proceedings and stuff. So, that is not on there. You did say earlier that you’ve been arrested at least four times.

LAURA: At least.

NICK: At least. And the first planet that you all went to had been one of them, so that’s not a great sign.


STEVEN & CAMERON: (giggles)

LAURA: It’ll be fine.

HUDSON: “So, I have an idea for us getting through the barrier.”

CAMERON: “Go for it.”

HUDSON: “Alright. I think I can rig some credentials and send out a distress signal acting like this is from a very important vessel and that we have a high ranking official that we’ll disguise Sabos as, and he’ll be you know injured and looking in bad shape, and they’ll let us through so that we can immediately get him to the medical area, but then as we’re getting taken to the medical area we’ll overpower them and then get into the ship deeper.”

CAMERON: “We’re not trying to get into the ship. We’re trying to get to the planet.”

HUDSON: “Oh, sorry.”

CAMERON: “We just need to get past the blockade.”

LAURA: “So, similar concept. We say we are a political transport ship, and trying to get to the planet, and we have fake credentials.”

HUDSON: “Yes.”

STEVEN: “I am an ambassador.”

LAURA: “I don’t think that is true, but…”

HUDSON: He plays one on TV.

STEVEN: “It’s laminated, damn it.”

CAMERON: “We also learned that Osaron does not have the best relationship with the Empire at the moment.”

STEVEN: “Ehhh.”

CAMERON: “You are listed as having a bounty. Your badge does nothing for you right now.”

STEVEN: “Ehhh.”

LAURA: “I also have had laminated badges before. They can be faked.”

STEVEN: “We made this on Osaron.”

CAMERON: “Goodness.”

STEVEN: (laughs)

CAMERON: “Things I could help you with, Tink, on the     creating fake credentials and getting through… I have the low clearance code cylinder from Duelson, and then he also told us that the low frequencies are easier to sneak through than the high.”

HUDSON: “Alright. I can program that.” I program that.

CAMERON: (laughs) I hand over the code cylinder.

NICK: Okay, so, while you’re flying to Ithor you’re going to try to forge low class Imperial credentials. That’s what you’re trying to do?


CAMERON: If you could then make it so that we don’t show up on their scanners too, that would be better, but having the credentials in place in case we don’t make it through…

HUDSON: Okay. I try the credentials first.

NICK: Okay. For the credentials it’s going to be hard. You can have a blue die because you know about the low frequency thing. You can upgrade one die because you have the code cylinder to work off of. You also have two black die, because the last time you tried to hack a Star Destroyer you left your signature, StarDestroyer1, over a bunch of stuff. Or, I think you put ‘leet hacker.’

HUDSON: I have Bypass Security. Remove a black die rank from checks made to disable a security device or open a security door. Oh, no. Per rank of code breaker—I don’t do codebreaker right now. I can reroll if I want.

NICK: Cool. Great. What’s that, once per session?

HUDSON: yes, once per session.

CAMERON: You need two black dice.

HUDSON: Four successes, two threats.

NICK: Okay. Your threats are gonna get spent. You are always pretty careful when you’re forging stuff. You pretty much do the forgery, go back and redo it, and then double check everything. So, you’re able to get something made that avoids activating that little boobytrap about they know what your signature is. The threats are you don’t figure out that signature is in their database, so you include it. The stuff is gonna work, you got four successes, it’s solid. The credentials themselves will not be suspect in any way, but you’re still gonna have this issue the next time you try to hack a Star Destroyer. They know there’s someone who’s been able to get through their system.


NICK: So, yeah. You make some solid ass ship credentials for like Petty navy Officer, I don’t know. What do you name your guy?

HUDSON: George Jetson.

NICK: George Jetson. (laughter) Petty navy Officer George Jetson gets made. Yeah. You got it, it’s got a picture on it. It’s actually a picture of Sabos, but a human Sabos.


NICK: Like, the head tails are gone, and you photoshopped it around a little bit, so it looks pretty believable as long as they don’t like see Sabos in person. So, you have got some credentials.

HUDSON: Mm-hmm. Alright! I high-five Karma.


LAURA: Nice.

STEVEN: “I make a good Imperial. … Oh, shit, uh—(garbled speech)

CAMERON: “Can you turn off our camera so that when we get hailed it’s voice only from our side?”

HUDSON: “Yeah. I can make it break accidentally.”

CAMERON: “Yeah.”

LAURA: “None of us are human.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. If they see any of us this isn’t gonna work.”

HUDSON: I break the camera.

NICK: Oh, you just break it?

LAURA: “No, you don’t have to break it!”

CAMERON: I wanted you to like remove the wire so that we can—(laughter)

HUDSON: “It’s now too late. The camera’s broken.”

LAURA: “You just had to disable it. Ugh.”

NICK: So, Karma and Tink are standing up front, you have that conversation. You go, oh yeah, and take out a wrench and go whack whack whack, and punch a little hole in the dashboard.

CAMERON: (sighs) Okay…

STEVEN: That makes me twitch a little bit when I see him take out the wrench, and I don’t really know why.

HUDSON: The blood loss.

STEVEN: Yeah, you know, the head fixing wrench.

CAMERON: “Alright. Then do we wanna try and set us up to not show up on scans?”

HUDSON: “I’ll go for it.” I go for it.

NICK: Alright. How are you trying to not show up on scans? What exactly are you trying to do? Normally you would do that with a highly specialized stealth suite that is military only and extremely expensive.

HUDSON: Actually, we don’t want to do that, because that’s actually suspicious if we’re acting like we’re a real ship, like a real envoy.

NICK: That’s true.

HUDSON: So, I don’t do that.

NICK: That would be like trying to sneak into somewhere and then when they get there be like, oh hi, I’m your cousin, nice to see you.

CAMERON: Oh, did we have that turned on? Whoops.

NICK: Yeah. I mean, you could pull it off, it would just be difficult.

STEVEN: Did we the petty officer have that device on the ship? Yeah, that’s normal I’m sure.

NICK: Yeah, you’d be able to talk your way through it, it just wouldn’t be easy. So, cool. You guys are set up, and you have a way to try to spoof your way past the blockade and get down to planet, and that’s where we’ll end the episode.

(all make dramatic noises)

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Sabos Nix was played by Steven Schroeder. He… does not exist on the internet.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @tabletop_squad. For real! We’re real people and we wanna talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.

Word document download: Episode 7 Shootout At the Space Rock Corral

PDF download: Episode 7 Shootout At the Space Rock Corral

Read in browser:

Tabletop Squadron Transcript

Season 1 Episode 7: “Shootout At The Space Rock Corral”

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

Note – Laura’s character Xianna’fan speaks in an accent. Most of her soft I’s sound like “ee,” and most of her TH’s sound like Z’s. Example: “this and that” = “zees and zat”

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your Game Master. Every other Thursday our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, a fringer, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy, helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

We return this week to our regularly scheduled programming. Thanks for sticking with us during our Jedi Adventures.

I have a big announcement. We are looking for some constructive feedback, and have made a short two minute survey. There’s a link in the notes for the episode and on our Twitter. If you’ve listened to the show, which you are, swing by and let us know how we’re doing. This is your chance to shape the media you listen to, and everything’s anonymous, so no pressure.

I want to thank HungryMan174 for their iTunes review. You are a shining star against the dark tyranny of us… not having enough iTunes reviews. Remember everyone, if you get to 20 iTunes reviews we’ll be releasing a flashback starring Karma and her twin boys. It was a blast to record and we want to share it, so tell your friends to review the show.

Thanks for tuning in, and I hope you enjoy.


NICK: Hello everybody, and welcome to Episode 7 of Tabletop Squadron. Welcome back. We’ve been doing this for quite a while now. We’re gonna go around the table, and everybody introduce yourselves and say who you are playing, starting with Steven.

STEVEN: Hi, I’m Steven.

NICK: Hi Steven.

STEVEN: Hi Nick. I’m playing—

NICK: How are you?

STEVEN: … Now I’m super confused. I am both playing Sabos good doing well who’s a Togruta pretty well and I haven’t spent any experience. I’m okay.


NICK: Great. Cool. (laughing) And next up, we have Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi Nick. I’m Hudson, and I’m playing a Gigoran named Tink.

NICK: Good for you.

HUDSON: Good for me.

NICK: We’re all very proud.

HUDSON: Thank you.

NICK: And, Cameron.



CAMERON: I’m Cameron.

NICK: Good to meet you.

CAMERON: (laughs) Right. I’m playing Karma, the Nautolan bounty hunter.

NICK: Yay.

LAURA: Have you two not met before?


NICK: This is the first time. The previous episodes was a different name.

LAURA: Wow, that wedding must have been really awkward.

CAMERON: Yeah, it was an arranged marriage. I regret it.

STEVEN: Nick, meet my friend Cameron.

NICK: Oh, hi. Good to see you.

CAMERON: I’m new here. I just came with Steven.

NICK: Oh boy. I’m gonna have to delete all of this.


NICK: Last up, we have Laura.

LAURA: Hi, I’m Laura, and I play Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Horray. Good job being professional and getting through it without getting distra—

LAURA: Dicks!


NICK: Great. Off to a great start.

LAURA: Leave, that, in.

NICK: It’s gonna be in.

STEVEN: That’s what she said—Ohh.


LAURA: Don’t leave that in.

HUDSON: Leave that one in too.

LAURA: That’s also what she said. All of it.

CAMERON: Who are you, Nick?

NICK: Oh, I’m Nick. I’m the GM. I do everybody else.

STEVEN: Have you met Cameron?

NICK: Oh, hey Cameron, good to meet you.

CAMERON: (giggling) Hi! It’s nice to meet you. Weird, we have the same last name.

NICK: Oh yeah.

STEVEN: That’s awkward.

NICK: Okay. Well, we have now established that we are all friends who know each other, so now we can get started in Star Wars. And, by getting started in Star Wars, of course I mean the Destiny Roll.

STEVEN: Ah yes, destiny.

NICK: Ah-ha. A great RPG shooter.


LAURA: Two light side points! Ha-ha.

STEVEN: Two dark side.

HUDSON: Two dark side points from me.

CAMERON: Get your shit together.

HUDSON: I’m sorry!

STEVEN: Ooh, another light side point.

CAMERON: One dark side.

HUDSON: And, so it’s even.

STEVEN: Yep, three light side, three dark side.

STEVEN: Better than last game.


CAMERON: Yes, much better than last.

NICK: We are neutral, which is appropriate for where we’re starting.
If you remember, when we last left off you finally got off of Unroola Dawn after killing some Imperial officers, learning some interesting facts about Xianna’s criminal past and Sabos’s also criminal past.

STEVEN: Just inept.

NICK: Inept past, we’ll go with that. You made a decision to smuggle more than just the things you originally had come to procure, and you got off of the planet. That’s where we’re gonna start this time. You’ll remember that you got a notification that there was somebody in the holo-theater. There was a transmission coming in, and you all went to the holo-theater, and you saw a sentinel sitting down. A hologram of sentinel, not real sentinel, that would be weird. He says, “Alright, so you managed to make the deal. Now it seems like we’ve got a lot to talk about.” Then, we’re gonna kick it off.
Sentinel starts off without preamble. He makes eye contact with all of you which is impressive because you’re spread out pretty far. He is sitting down, wearing a brown kind of shapeless robe. He has salt and pepper hair slicked back. He looks older, he looks very much in control, and he says, “You are going to deliver this artifact to the Oracle of the Ithorians on Ithor. You will be able to contact them when you get on the surface. Tell them you have a gift from an old friend, and that the friend assures him the light will never go out from the universe. The Oracle’s inner circle will know what that means, but you’ll need to get to them to explain. However, that’s the easy part. Ithor is under an Imperial blockade, a large one. The flagship for the armada is a super star destroyer, the Vengeance. You will need to find some way to get to the surface past the blockade. You’re gonna need stealth or some form of trickery. I’ll leave that solution up to you. Once down on the planet, deliver the Stone Breaker to the Oracle and find the shop called The Gooberfish nearby. There will be a contact there. Use the same passphrase. He will give you instructions on the last leg of the mission. After that, you will be paid, with potentially more contracts afterwards. Any questions?”

LAURA: “Um, is there a timeframe for this delivery?”

NICK: “Every minute that you delay more Ithors are squashed under the Imperial boot, so immediately.

LAURA: “Oh, so more like an existential timeframe, not like it will expire or anything like that. Not saying that we are not going to be quick and professional with our delivery, just you know, in case we have to make any pit stops along the way.”

NICK: “You will need to make a pit stop if you’re picking up any technology to skip past the blockade.”

STEVEN: “Yes.”

NICK: “Besides that you should be headed there right away. We don’t know how much longer this blockade will last until they do ground infiltration. Any minute you delay is an extreme risk.”

LAURA: “Yeah… Okay.” What was the passphrase again?

CAMERON: The light will never go out in the universe.
It’s the what oracle?

NICK: His title is The Oracle, yeah, on Ithor.

HUDSON: I’m going to whisper, “But wait, aren’t we supposed to do that other job first?”


NICK: Roll me a Force die please.

CAMERON & TINK: Two light side.

NICK: Yeah. You were very subtle. Everyone in the room hears, and the holo-projector does not pick that up.

LAURA: Xianna gives him like a little jab in the side. It’s probably like more your hip because of height, but just like a, “Shh.”



LAURA: And just keeps looking at him like, “Uh-huh, yes. A speedy delivery. Uh-huh. Got it.”

NICK: “Any other questions?”

CAMERON: “So, we’re delivering the Stone Breaker to the Oracle…”

NICK: “Yes.”

CAMERON: “Ithorian lives may be lost…”

NICK: “Many.”

LAURA: “I mean, in a general sense, there is a blockade.”

CAMERON: “Like, it normally happens with Imperial blockades.”

LAURA: “Many planets are under Imperial blockade. Just saying.”

NICK: “I feel like I should mention that they’re periodically bombarding communities.”

LAURA: “Really? Really?!”

CAMERON: “Oh, see, that does explain the deaths.”

LAURA: “You’re going to tell me, a Twi’lek, about periodic bombardments of a planet?”

NICK: “Clearly you may have had some experience on Ryloth of similar tactics, but if you’re planning on doing some sort of side trip I would remind you that thousands of people  could be obliterated in laser fire at any moment.”

STEVEN: “Just enough to get past the blockade.”

NICK: “Enough what?”

STEVEN: “Just enough side trip to get past the blockade.”

NICK: “Yeah, that would be a good recommendation, either come up with some sort of plan to circumvent their technology, or some sort of stealth, or some sort of ruse. I don’t know. That’s why I hired you all.”

LAURA: “We’ll figure it out.”

CAMERON: “Do you have any nifty things on your ship?”

NICK: “Um, not really.”

CAMERON: “Cool. Just wondering.”

NICK: “You may find with some careful searching that there are some great places to hide things,” and he winks into the camera.

LAURA: “Uh-huh. Yes. I figured it out already.”

NICK: “Oh, well, yeah. That’s pretty much it, smugglers compartments.”

CAMERON: “Cool. Alright, just checking.”

LAURA: “Is there any more alcohol?”

NICK: “I’m surprised that that’s your prior—Actually, I’m not surprised that that’s your priority. You can restock, I suppose, but the wet bar is pretty much it.”

LAURA: “Eh, okay.”

NICK: Well, you’ll remember, you haven’t drank it all. There’s several half bottles still in there.

LAURA: No, I know, but I remember you saying there’s just kind of like weirdly basic stuff.

NICK: Well, so, it was a full bar, but a lot of it is empty and what’s left is like quarter bottles, so it was on a long party trip and didn’t get restocked before you took it off.

LAURA: Xianna kind of like holds her hand up and she’s like, “Ooh, are there any flags out for this ship? Like, do we need to get false credentials specifically for this ship?”

NICK: “The Afternoon Delight is not the original name of the ship.”

LAURA: “I mean, that does not matter, but…”

NICK: “It’s a clean identity. It’s a clean registration.”

CAMERON: “Okay.”

LAURA: “Got it.”

NICK: “So you should be fine there, although if you can find some sort of registration that would let you pass an Imperial blockade, that could be one way to do it.”

CAMERON: “Who is it registered to?”

NICK: “Shell corporations, nothing that fancy.”

CAMERON: “Okay. Just wondering, in case that comes up.”

NICK: (goofily) “Uh, it’s registered to Star Corp.”

CAMERON: “Cool. Thank you.”

NICK: “Anything else?”

CAMERON: “At The Gooberfish, do we just walk in and tell the bartender the passphrase, or is there a particular person we should be on the lookout for, or is it just walk into the bar and scream at the top of our lungs and see if anyone responds?”

NICK: “Haven’t you done covert exchanges before? You’ll know.”

LAURA: “I got this.”

CAMERON: “I’m normally dealing with law enforcement officials.”

NICK: “So you’ll know.”

STEVEN: (laughs)

LAURA: Xianna’s just kind of shaking her head. “I got this. We will be fine. Probably.”

NICK: “Something tells me that you’ll recognize the contact. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

CAMERON: “Okay.”

LAURA: “It’s always good when they say that.” (giggles)

NICK: “Absolutely. Well, if there’s no more questions…” The feed starts to get kind of staticky, and you think you maybe hear blaster fire, and it cuts out.

LAURA: Xianna’s like “Okay byeee.”

NICK: And sentinel is gone.

HUDSON: “That was weird.”

STEVEN: “This is a wonderful ship.”

NICK: As you say that, the lights dim up automatically to a comfortable level, because they had dimmed once the holo-call started.

LAURA: Nice.

STEVEN: Yesss.

LAURA: “Okay. So, we need to deliver the briefcase very quickly, so no shenanigans from any of you, and by any of you I think you two know who you are.”

HUDSON: “I get the feeling that Sabos doesn’t know the definition of shenanigans.”

CAMERON: “He seems very good at them.”

HUDSON: “Yeah, I know. He’s just blissfully unaware.”

STEVEN: “I’m just gonna fly us there.”

LAURA: “Also, can we have a, how you say, team meeting for a moment? Sabos, are you actually a politician, or are you some sort of a con artist?”

STEVEN: “What’s the difference?”

(Vocal drums crashing noises, “ba-dum-tss”)


LAURA: Xianna sighs. “Well, for one, a politician sticks around and actually occasionally accomplishes things and continues using the same name. A con artist hits and runs. So, you changed your name, you don’t use your real name.”

STEVEN: “Oh, definitely politician.”

LAURA: “Like, if you noticed I gave a fake name on the planet.”


LAURA: “You do not have to keep calling me Serene anymore. that was a fake name.”

STEVEN: “Oh. Yeah, no. I’m…”

LAURA: “So you are a regular politician, just very bad?”

STEVEN: “I mean, it depends on what you mean regular. Osaron isn’t necessarily a recognized colony.”

CAMERON: (sighs) “Oh my gosh.”

LAURA: “So, where did all that money go? What did he say, a hundred thousand something credits?”

CAMERON: “A hundred thousand credits.”

STEVEN: “I mean, Osaron, my home planet, my new home planet…”

CAMERON: “Yep, we get it.”

STEVEN: “Osaron …”

CAMERON: “Uh-huh.”

LAURA: “So the credits where?”

STEVEN: “Well, it was a very underdeveloped planet that we took over, and we used the Imperial credits to—“

LAURA: “Wait wait wait, are you colonialists? Not like you are making colonies, but like you are kicking out indigenous peoples?”

STEVEN: “Oh, there were no indigenous peoples that we encountered.”

LAURA: (reluctantly) “Okay… I mean—“

STEVEN: “Yup. We never encountered any indigenous Osa—I mean… There’s no indigenous people on Osaron.”

LAURA: “Huh…”

HUDSON: “Hmm…”

LAURA: “Okay then.”

CAMERON: “Is there really?” (laughs)

STEVEN: Everything’s fine.

NICK: I feel like this calls for a Deception check.



LAURA: What’s Xianna’s Perception?

STEVEN: I have wonderful Deception.

LAURA: My Perception, that would be three purple, one red.

NICK: What’s Karma’s Perception?

CAMERON: I’ve got a red and two purple.

NICK: Tink, are you paying attention to their conversation at all?

HUDSON: Yeah, I’m just kind of sighing.

CAMERON: How many Perception do you have?

NICK: Okay. What’s your Perception score?

HUDSON: Oh, Perception would be two.

STEVEN: Perfect. Yeah, this is fine.

CAMERON: So four total, two red, two purple.

NICK: Yeah, because you’re lying to all of them.

STEVEN: Sure. Yeah, that’s cool.

NICK: Two red, two purple.

STEVEN: That’s cool.

LAURA: Okay yeah, because his cunning is only a two.

NICK: You can flip a dark side point to upgrade Sabos’s roll.


NICK: Getting a little loose with the rules.


STEVEN: Not much going.

CAMERON: Two failures, a threat, and a despair.

HUDSON: We are about to throw you out of the ship.


CAMERON: We found a hole we can use!

LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: Oh yeah. It’s pretty skinny. Eh, whatever.

CAMERON: One head tail at a time.

LAURA: I mean, yeah. One body part goes down, and yeah.

NICK: I think you’ve just found the subtitle for the show.

LAURA & CAMERON: One head tail at a time.

NICK: Tabletop Squadron: One Head Tail At A Time.
Okay, so the way this is gonna play out with the failures and the despair especially, everyone stares at you looking extremely nonplused, and you get real nervous, and you’re gonna say exactly what happened on Osaron here.

STEVEN: Oh, sure. “You see, we Togrutas that had to leave Shili for absolutely no reason at all had nothing to do with, you know, not being contributing members of—never mind—for absolutely no reason at all had to find a new place to live, and you know, we were just astrogating through the galaxy as one might say, and we came upon this.. well, this planet that was clear had something happen to it. So, we decided to investigate and land there, and yeah, sure enough the Empire just finished like, you know, Impericalling the planet. There was a couple left, and you know we ran the couple of Storm Troopers that were still left out, and just settled here. And uh, you know, there might’ve been some indigenous people, you know, with the Empire. As it turns out, when you kind of squat on a planet after the Empire done, you know, Empire’d it, (laughter) they start to think you might owe them for something. But it’s a great planet now, great planet, great flora, great fauna, good place for a Togruta to raise their young.”


LAURA: Um… Huh.

NICK: So at this point Sabos is like streaming sweat and looking extremely nervous, and wringing his hands.

STEVEN: And my head tails.

LAURA: “Huh… I do not like you.”

STEVEN: “I mean, we needed somewhere to go.”

CAMERON: “I still don’t understand why you didn’t pay the Empire back if you’re going to be stupid enough to make deals with them.”

STEVEN: “We just didn’t have any money. It was expensive.”

CAMERON: “Well, yeah.”

LAURA: “Did you not have some sort of trade?”

STEVEN: “Like I said, it was a very underdeveloped planet.”

CAMERON: “You keep telling us that you’re an ambassador who is trying to set up trade routes.”

STEVEN: “Indeed.”

CAMERON: “If you have nothing to trade—“

STEVEN: “Correct.”

CAMERON: “—what are you doing?”

STEVEN: “Getting things to us.” (laughing) “It’s more of a one-sided trade.”

LAURA: “And you keep saying underdeveloped planet.”

STEVEN: “Indeed.”

LAURA: “I get that the planet was underdeveloped before you arrived, but Togrutans as a people have technologies, because you know you flew there in your space ships.”

STEVEN: “And we brought these technologies to the people of the planet.”

CAMERON: “There were Togrutans on the planet already?”

STEVEN: “No, that’s the people on the planet.”

LAURA: “So, how do you not have some sort of trade or manufacturing or artisan goods?”

STEVEN: “We’re not in the best graces with the other Togrutas as one might imagine.”

CAMERON: “Did you take anyone with any useful skills with you?”


CAMERON: “Or did you just take the useless Togrutans?”

LAURA: “Did you even take prostitutes? They would make money. No?”

STEVEN: “Just, I mean…”

CAMERON: “Just the Togrutans like you.”

STEVEN: “Yeah, we went there for a reason.”

LAURA: “Oh, they got kicked out. They got kicked out. I got it.”

CAMERON: “Oh, okay. It makes sense. Alright, making more sense now. That’s how they thought differently than the rest of the Togrutans on the home world.”

STEVEN: (laughs)

LAURA: “What are the rest of them doing? Do they not just have jobs?”

NICK: Sabos looks real sad as you point out that he got kicked out.

STEVEN: “Eh, it was mutual. That’s entirely what happened. Yep, yep, and—yep.”

LAURA: (sighs) “Okay. We do not trust him with anything, and um…”

STEVEN: “I wasn’t the bad guy here.”

LAURA: “You do not get any fun things. If we get fun things you do not get them. Agreed?”

CAMERON: “Agreed.”

STEVEN: “I wasn’t the bad guy, just… We went to Osaron because that’s close and we needed somewhere to go…”

CAMERON: “Mm-hmm.”

STEVEN: “And we just decided to exploit—I mean, to develop the planet.”

LAURA: (hushed) “Tink. Tink. You just have to say you agree. Say you agree. Just say agree.”

HUDSON: “I… I agree.”

LAURA: “Okay. We are agreed. Sabos does not get fun things if we find things.”

STEVEN: “I’m with you, Tink. I’m with you.”

HUDSON: “You get no fun things.”

STEVEN: I rub my head tail against Tink as we leave.

CAMERON: Oh god.


HUDSON: I push you harder against the wall.

NICK: Okay. So you all leave the holo-theater. What is your destination?

STEVEN: The coordinates on the box.

CAMERON: The coordinates on the briefcase, right?

LAURA: Yes. Well, the data pad was given to use with coordinates that were handed to…



LAURA: So he has those to punch in, and then I guess the plan is fly to those coordinates and try to accomplish what we were set to do: hand off this briefcase.

NICK: Okay. Cool. Sabos, I’m assuming you’re the one with the coordinates, so make me an Astrogation check please.

STEVEN: Sure. How hard is it?

NICK: Hard.

CAMERON: Can I help? Since I’m in the…

NICK: Yeah, you can help.

LAURA: I mean, Tink can also help.

HUDSON: I can help with Astrogation.

CAMERON: Yeah. Do you wanna come up and be our navigator?

HUDSON: I can’t- I don’t-

LAURA: You don’t have a rank in it—

CAMERON: But you’re super smart.

LAURA: But you’re intelligent.

HUDSON: I’m very intelligent, so I can help, yes.

CAMERON: Yeah. Come hang out with us.

NICK: You can use your Intelligence score and his Astrogation training.

CAMERON: So that’s how that works.

LAURA: That means it would be your four for Intelligence but his two.

NICK: Okay. Well, roll first. Let’s see what happens.

STEVEN: That’s a lot of successes.

CAMERON: Three successes  and a threat.

NICK: Nice. What does this scene look like as Tink who doesn’t know how to astrogate is smarter than you and helps you astrogate?

CAMERON: He knows how the computer works. (laughs)

STEVEN: “Yeah, yeah. See, this data pad thing, like I said I got kicked off Shili. We don’t really have data pads.”

LAURA: I bet he’s like putting the coordinates into the wrong—Like, he’s putting the X axis coordinate into the Y.

CAMERON: We saw him last time trying to turn on the ship and just doing everything. He has no clue… He knows how to figure out the route we need to take, but he doesn’t know how to put that into the computer at all. (laughing) But Tink understands.

HUDSON: “Click the square. No, the square. No, the square. Sabos, Sabos no, Sabos, do you know what a square is?” (groans)

STEVEN: “I astrogate by maps and stars. All this new technology…”

HUDSON: “You do not use any kind of manual—No, you don’t. Just type it in.”

CAMERON: “Is this why you were looking for landmarks last time?”

STEVEN: “Yeah. Trees.”

CAMERON: “You weren’t going into hyperspace the last times you were flying things?”

STEVEN: “Trees are the best landmarks.”

CAMERON: “You were just manually flying those long distances?”

STEVEN: (incredulously) “You can hyperspace… just, time.”


NICK: So, the scene is Karma in the co-pilot seat, Sabos in the pilot seat, and after a minute he switches and Tink sits down, and Sabos starts leading off calculations and Tink does data entry. It works super well. You guys are very successful, and it actually is bringing you somewhere that is not on the galactic map at all. It is a place, but there’s nothing there as far as the map is concerned.”

LAURA: We were told-

LAURA & CAMERON: It was an asteroid belt.

NICK: Yeah, but it’s not on the maps. According to this it’s empty space.

LAURA: So, Xianna would probably be familiar with asteroid ports, like shadow ports that are sometimes built into asteroids or just floating stations, so she assumes it’s something like that.

NICK: Mm-hmm. So, you put it in. It looks like it’ll probably take about six hours to get there. It is in the exact wrong direction to Ithor…


STEVEN: Awesome.

NICK: So, it will take longer to get there. Something potentially bad could happen while you’re driving the wrong direction, and by driving I mean flying, of course. Something bad could happen while you’re flying the wrong direction, but that’s your chosen route. You punch it in, hit the lever, the stars turn into lines, and off we go. You guys have six hours in hyperspace. Is there anything you’re gonna do with that time?

LAURA: While the rest of them were arguing Xianna was already rifling through ay cabinet she could find, especially in—I’m assuming there’s like a dining area.

NICK: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: She’s just going through and looking in everything trying to figure out what there is.

NICK: Okay, so you want a full inventory of what’s on the ship?

LAURA: Pretty much. Also, if she finds any like fun little snack cakes she’s gonna eat those while looking around, (laughter) because thinking about it I don’t think we’ve eaten in a while.

CAMERON: We had dinner at the manor.

STEVEN: We had monkey.

LAURA: Yeah, so we have eaten dinner the previous day.

CAMERON: Yeah. (laughs)

LAURA: Yeah, so Xianna’s just gonna take the space equivalent of a zebra cake and just start eating it while looking through stuff.

NICK: Okay.

STEVEN: “Also, if anyone’s familiar with asteroid stuff we should figure out if there’s cloaking devices in the…”

LAURA: I mean, are you talking like the physics of an asteroid belt, or are you asking about like underworld things?

STEVEN: No, the tradings. Yes, the dealings which might go on.

LAURA: So, someone who might have-

LAURA & CAMERON: Underworld. (laughs)

STEVEN: Indeed.

LAURA: Yes. Some of us have that Knowledge skill.

HUDSON: I have that Knowledge.

NICK: Okay, a couple of checks. I need either a Perception or a Skullduggery check from Xianna for searching the ship, and then if someone wants to do Underworld Knowledge about cloaking devices.

LAURA: What was the difficulty?

NICK: Let’s do average.

HUDSON: And what’s my difficulty? I’m doing the Underworld check.

NICK: Yours is gonna be hard.

LAURA: Nice. Five successes.

NICK: What do you want to find on this ship? What were you hoping to find?

CAMERON: Well, obviously zebra cakes.

NICK: Yeah, so you find a case of space zebra cakes.

LAURA: Oh, but they have to have a fun name. But yeah, I just wanna make sure we have lots of food.

NICK: Bantha cakes?

CAMERON: That doesn’t sound cute.

LAURA: No, they’re like blue…

NICK: Porg cakes?


STEVEN: Just porg filets.

LAURA: No, no, I want a bantha cake. It is like a very round shape, but it’s blue, and it’s called that because it’s made with bantha milk. So, it’d be the equivalent of a milk cake or something.

NICK: Yeah, so you find a whole case of those. It seems to be the one thing that wasn’t touched from all the supplies before you guys found the ship.

LAURA: Xianna also wants to find some mixers for the alcohol. There’s a fridge. And…

NICK: Okay. So the dining area is pretty big, and it’s actually separate from the kitchen area. The separate kitchen is designed for there to be staff on there, and the kitchen area is very well done. You could pretty much make whatever you want. There’s a decent amount of supplies, but it’s all very spotty, so there are some juices and things but it’s all the weird juice that you wouldn’t normally pick. It’s like, Dr. Skipper soda and things like that are left.

LAURA: Yeah. Off brands.

NICK: Mm-hmm, because most of it is already used.

LAURA: And then, with six hours, she also wants to look in any of the hallways or closets, and can there be some extra random clothes, and like makeup that’s been left behind? Just random little odds and end bits.

NICK: I’ll say with five successes on your check that throughout the ship you find basically the equivalent of one and a half costume changes for everybody.

LAURA: Cool.

NICK: So, not necessarily a full disguise, you could probably put a disguise on someone, but if you just wanted a different look for a different situation, there’s one and a half of those for each of you on the ship.

LAURA: Cool.


NICK: So like, a different top hat for Tink, I guess. So that’s what you find. Tink, if you wanna make that Underworld check about cloaking devices and junk.

LAURA: Can I help with that?

HUDSON: I would love help with that. I’m upgraded.

NICK: So, since Xianna’s helping you, then you have… You’re following her around thinking out loud and she’s kinda helping you brainstorm why she’s up to her waist in cabinets.

LAURA: Okay, so then… Oh no.

HUDSON: This is, uh…

STEVEN: Not good.

HUDSON: So that gets cancelled out, right?

STEVEN: Yeah, that cancels, so that’s a…

HUDSON: That’s a failure and an advantage.

NICK: Okay. So, failure, you don’t know necessarily anyone who sells it. You do know that you can buy those things. Generally they’re illegal, because they’re military grade.

HUDSON: Have I checked the ship for this? Do we already have it?

STEVEN: I think we asked.

CAMERON: We asked if he had any cool things on his ship and he said no. he said we probably wanted to look into it, so probably not.

HUDSON: Oh, okay.

NICK: Yeah, the ship doesn’t really have anything like that.

CAMERON: And you know everything about the ship at this point.

NICK: Yeah, because you \won\ very early on. You are very familiar with the ship. You know that cloaking devices are illegal, because they are military grade technology. They’re very, very expensive and they’re hard to get. There are other things like jammers for scanners and things that you could use to get you a head start heading to a planet, but that’s about all you know. You’re not really sure where you would get one except for somewhere sketch. Xianna is helping you out the same way, and that’s about what you learn, because she’s more interested in searching so she’s not that helpful. She’s mostly wondering why you’re following her around.

LAURA: You probably get a few things thrown on you. Like, as I’m pulling things out, I’m just tossing stuff behind me, so a random scarf just falls over you.

HUDSON: Comically getting doused in random items.

CAMERON: Random costume changes.

LAURA: Oh yeah, like imagine how this scene would play out in a sitcom, and that’s what’s happening. So just like random things, every so often you just get like, you probably come away from the situation and you’re like wearing a bunch of clothes and have blush on your face now, splotches of fur are pink now.

CAMERON: Bright blue eye shadow.

HUDSON: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: But it’s not on his eyes, it’s just like on him in splotches as if I threw it and it just kind of like hit him and then fell down.

NICK: Dibs on a clown makeup face being on his chest.

HUDSON: Mm-hmm.

STEVEN: Two top hats.

LAURA: I mean, if you squint it kind of looks like a clown, maybe.

CAMERON: After we jump to hyperspace Karma leaves the cockpit and goes and takes a shower, because she’s kind of bloody and gross.

NICK: Yeah. There are several sanisteams in the ship. Everyone’s quarters have their own because this is a super nice ship.

CAMERON: Marvelous.

NICK: Yeah. You’re able to peel off your armor, get clean, you soak in a lot of the water because you’re aquatic.

CAMERON: It feels great.

NICK: The bacta’s doing a really good job of getting rid of any cuts and things. It won’t scar. You’re still pretty tender, the stitching will fall out eventually, but you’re also able to after you’re all clean you’re able to check through your armor and there’s no permanent damage on that either, so you’re able to repair that as well.


LAURA: Very important question. Are there any hot tubs or Jacuzzis on this ship?

NICK: Oh, there absolutely is.

LAURA: Okay. That is how Xianna is gonna take a bath. She gets herself a nice drink and goes and sits in the Jacuzzi.

NICK: So the Jacuzzi is actually in the center of the ship, so…

LAURA: Oh, that’s fine.

NICK: Well, so there’s like, the living quarters are on one of the big storage containers, there’s another storage container that’s mostly for shipping, and then the middle spine of the ship has most of the important stuff like the cockpit and the engines and things like that. In the middle of that where you come up the ramp onto the ship there’s a big, round open entry way that has a centerpiece, it’s like a big, round pedestal, and there’s decorations on it, and there’s a hollow of a fountain. When you’re digging through the ship you find a little panel on the side and you start messing with it, and the top slides off, and there’s a large ten person Jacuzzi in the middle of the ship.

LAURA: Yes. Haha.

NICK: So, do you just like skinny dip in the Jacuzzi?

LAURA: So, Xianna probably goes back to her room, or like makes a drink, leaves it on the bar, goes to her room, takes off her clothes, and just like takes a tiny little towel and holds it around her, and that’s how she walks back through the ship, picks her drink up, and then goes to the hot tub and then just like gets in and skinny dips, but does leave the towel folded really nicely to the side.

NICK: Do you do like an origami towel fold or just really neat and square?

LAURA: It looks like a little loft cat.

NICK: Okay. Great.

LAURA: You do have to be told it’s supposed to be a loft cat.


NICK: Yeah.

LAURA: It’s one of those towel folds where you’re like, uh, it’s some sort of animal, but I don’t remember what. Hmm.

CAMERON: I can tell you were folding something.

NICK: Okay. You’re chilling out in the ship. You spend a couple hours drinking and hot tubbing it out.

LAURA: I mean, I let everyone else know that there’s a hot tub. Like, as I’m walking through holding my tiny, little towel around me, I’m just like, “Oh, there is a hot tub by the way. I am going in it.”

HUDSON: Is there a shower that fits me?

NICK: Yes.


NICK: The showers go very high up, and the shower heads—the sanisteams, have a whole bunch of jets that just shoot out all at once. So, yeah, you can comfortably take a shower if you wish.

HUDSON: So, I take a hot sanisteam, and I sing in the shower, because that’s what I do.

NICK: Great.

STEVEN: I feel like you’re saying Santa steam.

CAMERON: Do you have your translator on when you take a shower or do you take the translator off?


LAURA: No, I imagine you would take it off.

HUDSON: Really?

CAMERON: And just sing in Gigoran.

LAURA: Yeah, you’re just singing in Gigoran, which…

HUDSON: Okay, that makes more sense. Let’s do that.

CAMERON: Because you don’t want it to get wet.


CAMERON: I’m sure it’s waterproof, for the future.

LAURA: Which we haven’t ever heard Gigoran in any sort of official canon stuff.

NICK: Ooh, what if it’s just a weird airy whistle or something?

LAURA: No, I have to imagine it’s more it’s similar to a Wookiee of just like weird growls and snarls but you can’t tell.

NICK: What’s a Gigoran mouth look like?


NICK: What if it’s a proboscis.

CAMERON: (laughs)

HUDSON: It just sounds like a Binks with a cold.



LAURA: Yeah, there’s no new canon images of Gigorans without them from my knowledge.

NICK: Well, if you wanna sing with your mask on that makes it easier. We don’t have to guess. It’s waterproof, like you can swim in it.

HUDSON: I sing with my mask on.

NICK: Okay. What is your song that you like to sing in the shower?

HUDSON: The song of my people.


NICK: I walked into that one, I guess. Alright. You’re in the sanisteam taking a steam and singing. Karma is cleansing.

CAMERON: Yeah, so I shower and then like put my armor pants back on and like have a black tank top, and go and sit in one of the living areas and start fixing my armor before I put it back on.

NICK: Okay. Are you in the main area with the hot tub fixing things?

CAMERON: Yeah. I’m also cleaning all my guns, very in depth.

NICK: There’s a side table with a nice flower display and a big vase, and you set the base aside and slide it off, and it makes a pretty good work bench.

CAMERON: Yeah. I’m cleaning and shining my new vibro-sword, cleaning my blaster carbine, cleaning my vibro-knife, cleaning my heavy pistol, and cleaning my light blaster.

NICK: Great, you’re armed well.

CAMERON: I just dump all of it on the table.

NICK: And then Sabos, what are you doing?

STEVEN: I’m in the cockpit, and I’m flipping the switches on that she turned off before.

LAURA: Oh god.

NICK: For six hours?


NICK: Okay, so…

CAMERON: He keeps finding new ones. (laughs)

STEVEN: Yeah, like I’m running out of switches and it’s kind of bugging me.

NICK: There’s one point, Xianna, while you’re taking your hot tub that the lid starts to slide back on.


LAURA: Xianna starts turning around, and like it’s starting to close, and she’s like, “No! No no no! Go flip the switch! No, put it back! Put the switch back!”

NICK: Karma probably runs over and flips it down on the base so it goes back.

CAMERON: I’m gonna throw my dagger at it so the hilt of it hit sit and flips it back on.

NICK: Wow, cool, okay.

CAMERON: Then I have to get up and go get my dagger, but I looked really cool.

LAURA: As she does that, Xianna’s like crawled out of the hot tub, like splayed out, and then she kind of pushes her empty glass. “If you are going to go that way, can you make me a new drink please? Thank you.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Do you make her a drink?


NICK: Okay. So, Tink, at some point when you’re hanging out in your room doing stuff all the lights turn off, then they turn on, then your bunk beds turn into one big side-by-side bed then go back.

CAMERON: The shower gets really cold for a second.

HUDSON: “Who’s messing with me?”

NICK: (laughs)

HUDSON: “Sabos, if that’s you I’m gonna kick your ass!”

STEVEN: “Nothing’s happened.”

LAURA: Yeah, Xianna yells out, “Yes, Sabos is flipping all the switches in the cockpit!”

HUDSON: “Stop flipping switches, Sabos!”

LAURA: “He almost trapped me in the hot tub!”

NICK: The first switch Sabos flipped was the seal door into the cockpit, and the second switch he flipped was the com system, so he’s just back there like dum da-dum dum dum, and you’re all yelling at him, and he has no idea. Karma, from where you’re sitting you can see down the hallway into the main living quarters and a disco ball flips on, and you hear like Barry White singing and then it flips back off, and like another one a bunch of colored lights are flashing and then they flip back off.

CAMERON: Why are all these controls in the cockpit?

NICK: It just has a lot of switches.

STEVEN: It’s a fancy ship.

NICK: So, that all happens. Then after a while with these fun hijinks you come out of hyperspace and you are in a very small asteroid belt. It’s a lot of car sized asteroids that look like potatoes or shoes, a lot of zucchini looking asteroids, and there’s one bigger one that the rest seem to be orbiting around… Zucchini, yes.


NICK: Yes. (laughs)

LAURA: Uh-huh…

CAMERON: Right. It’s a zucchini, sure.

NICK: Yeah, it is.

LAURA: Is it cucumber shaped?

STEVEN: Eggplant?

NICK: Nope, zucchini, it has the little pointy end.

CAMERON: Uh-huh…

LAURA: Ohh, okay…

NICK: Oh, this is getting worse.

LAURA: What zucchini are you looking at?

STEVEN: You know, zucchini.

CAMERON: It’s like, yeah, when it has the stem still on it.

LAURA: Oh! That’s what he means.

CAMERON: That’s what he means, yeah.

NICK: I’m glad you know what I’m trying to say.

CAMERON: Yeah, I got you. It’s okay.

LAURA: I was imagining…

CAMERON: (laughs) Yep. Nope.

NICK: All these smaller asteroids are orbiting around one larger asteroid that’s probably 500 meters across, and as it slowly rotates you see a port carved into it. It’s like most Star Wars entry things. It’s flat on the bottom, kind of semi-circly on top, and you see the slight shimmer of a ray shield in front of it, and it looks like a landing pad there.

STEVEN: I bring her in.

NICK: Alright. Make me a Piloting check on how smoothly you land.


HUDSON: No trees this time.

STEVEN: This is gonna be fine guys.

CAMERON: I’m helping.

STEVEN: How hard is it?

NICK: Average, because you do have to lop through the asteroids, but they’re pretty slow.


STEVEN: Well that worked out. Nothing happened at all.

CAMERON: Two advantages.

STEVEN: Yeah, two advantages.

NICK: Okay. With two advantages, you come straight in, you have to juke to the left at the last second. Karma grabs her piloting controls and does something that makes the ship kind of flip sideways, and you come in to land, and you land pretty hard and ungracefully. There’s a loud crunch. You’re not sure what part of the ship must have buckled a little, but you’re able to land, and through the front view port you see what looks like an oil drum fire and some fold up camping chairs that have some indistinct figures sitting on them, and as you land they immediately stand up and start to look suspicious. And you see that they are armed.


STEVEN: Perfect.

CAMERON:  I get out of the cockpit. I take my headband off, because then I’m just a Nautolan. Removing the distinguishable features from me.

HUDSON: Xianna should be out of the hot tub.

LAURA: Oh, yeah.


LAURA: Xianna got too pruney a while back. It was what, six hours? Yeah, I imagine she spent a while in there, and that would be like three hours. So, she probably went and took an actual sanisteam, dressed, maybe took a little bit of a nap, stuffed her pockets with bantha cakes.

NICK: Yeah, you guys have all had time.

LAURA: Oh yeah. I do have bantha cakes in my pockets now.

NICK: Okay. You can put them in your inventory if you want.

LAURA: Oh, it’s in there. I have four bantha cakes. I’m only taking four.

NICK: Roger that.

HUDSON: I have a light blaster.

CAMERON: Not yet.

HUDSON: Oh. Not yet?



NICK: Okay. The ship lands. You are all aware that it’s landed.

CAMERON: So, I get up out of the cockpit, take my headband off, walk down to the main area where Tink is, and I pass him the light blaster I took off of Spark Duelson’s body. “Why don’t you hold onto this?”

HUDSON: (light gasp) “Thank you.” I take it.

CAMERON: “Do you know how it works?”


CAMERON: (laughs)

HUDSON: “I’ll learn.”

CAMERON: “Cool. Great. Pull this trigger. Point this end at the person you want to shoot.”

HUDSON: “Oh, I know that much.”

CAMERON: “Well, okay. I didn’t know how basic we needed to get.”

NICK: So, you have a very obviously Imperial issue side arm, but you’ve got one. It’s got the little gear symbol on multiple parts of it.

HUDSON: I think it looks pretty cool.

NICK: Yeah, it looks cool.

LAURA: “Just put it in one of your side pockets on your little backpack.”

HUDSON: “Okay. You mean my utility belt?”

LAURA: Well no, you have a utility belt and a backpack.

HUDSON: Oh yeah, that’s right.

LAURA: Because we imagined that the utility belt is more of a bandolier style that you can then hold your vibro-axe on, but you also have a little backpack. I imagine it’s a tiny little…

CAMERON: It’s super cute compared to your size.

LAURA: I’m picturing a little backpack and it’ so cute.

NICK: Is it of an ewok?

CAMERON: (gasps)


NICK: It’s a little ewok backpack.


LAURA: No, it’s just a cute little leather backpack. It’s a regular sized backpack, but because of Tink’s size and width it looks super tiny. Kind of like when you see Shaq get into a car, and you’re like oh, look at that, it’s cute.

CAMERON: (laughs) Try not to let anyone see that, but you have it if you need it.

HUDSON: Alright.

NICK: It won’t be super obvious, but if you hold someone up they may wonder, “Hey, why does this person have an Imperial blaster?”

CAMERON: We can mod it later.


NICK: Okay. So, what else?

STEVEN: I grab the briefcase.

NICK: Smart.

STEVEN: And we lower the stairs.

CAMERON: I’m gonna go pop the thing open, pop the ramp down.

NICK: Okay. You drop the ramp. Do all of you head out? Who’s in the lead? What are you all doing?

LAURA: Xianna’s gonna walk in front, and again she’s gonna look at Sabos, and stop, and sigh. “Sabos, look at me. Look into my eyes. Do not talk to them.”

STEVEN: “The light will never go out in the universe.”

CAMERON: “Wrong planet.”


STEVEN: “I know.”

LAURA: “This is why I am asking you do not talk, because even Tink does not say the things you say. Please let me or Karma do the talking. Please.”

STEVEN: “I am an ambassador.”

LAURA: “No. I think you are a war criminal.”

CAMERON: “Anyway, walking down the ramp. Hush.”

NICK: So, out you go. Sabos is carrying the briefcase. As you get closer to the oil drum fire you see that there is a Quarren out front. He has a lot of scars on his face tentacles. For those of you not versed in Star Wars species, a Quarren basically looks like Davey Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean. He has a tentacle face and kind of a squid head, and before they were officially named in the books they were called squid heads on their action figures and stuff. So, there’s a Quarren, and he is standing in the lead. He’s got what looks like a smuggler kind of captain outfit, so it’s nice and indistinct.

CAMERON: So, a vest?

NICK: Mm-hmm.

CAMERON: Nice. Okay.

NICK: Yeah, but like rather than just a vest and pants he has like epaulets, and he’s obviously a little bit fancier.

CAMERON: Oo-ooh. Got some girl scout patches on his vest.

NICK: Mm-hmm. Then there’s a human who’s kind of small but has a bunch of different blasters strapped to them, a guy with dark, short hair. Then there’s a Gamorrean in the back who has a tusk broken off and a robotic arm and a vibro-axe who stays behind the fire ad looks imposing. The Quarren steps up to the front and says, “You here to make the drop?”

LAURA: “Yes. Hello. How are you today?”

NICK: “That seems irrelevant to this business negotiation.”

LAURA: “I was just being polite.”

NICK: “Fine. Uh, let’s just do this. Do you have the briefcase?”

LAURA: “Yes.”

STEVEN: “Right here.”

NICK: “Uh, yes, you are clearly the leader.”

HUDSON: “Don’t—Don’t boost his ego.”

STEVEN: I nod, but I try to nod, like, you know an under the…

CAMERON: You nod curtly.

STEVEN: Yeah, curtly. I really don’t want anyone else to notice except him.

NICK: “So you, leader, how did you convince Falx to make the delivery?”

CAMERON: (laughing) The leader looks to Xianna.

LAURA: Yeah. Xianna sees this and kinda rolls her eyes. (sighs) “Our leader had a one on one talk with him and convinced him to do the delivery. I do not know of the exact details. Our leader does not like to discuss these things with the rest of us.”

STEVEN: “Yep.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: “Ah yes, a man of few words, much like me.” You see the Quarren’s tentacles all curl up into his face in maybe pride, hard to tell, he’s got a squid for a face.

CAMERON: (giggles)

LAURA: Xianna’s just keeping a smile on her face, just internally being like, ugh I hate this, but I’m smiling.

HUDSON: Yeah, I’m dead inside.

CAMERON: Karma’s taking the role of the Gamorrean in the back and is just standing, looking imposing behind everyone.

NICK: The Quarren says, “Tiny, go and get the briefcase.” The small human seems very suspicious, and he keeps a hand on the grip of one of his blasters, and reaches out for the briefcase.

STEVEN: Yeah, I let him take the briefcase. I also have a hand on my big rifle behind my back because I think that’s what we’re doing now.


NICK: Okay. So, Tiny takes it and he sets it down in one of the folding chairs. You see, you didn’t really look at the briefcase that carefully but it has a pretty complicated locking mechanism on it, and Tiny starts typing some stuff in.

STEVEN: “We best be going.”

LAURA: Yeah, Xianna’s standing here in her head going like, we didn’t check what was in the briefcase.

STEVEN: We need to get out.

LAURA: Umm… and starts putting her hands like nonchalantly into her pockets, and kind of like, I mean hopefully he would’ve put something in the briefcase, but we don’t really know this guy and he did blackmail us into this.

CAMERON: Karma’s already looking terrifying, so she’s holding onto her weapons already.

NICK: So, as Sabos starts to back away towards the ship, Quiggle says, “Hold on, Quiggle always verifies the deal.”
Tiny types and you hear an (error noise) and he goes, “Shit,” and he starts typing again, and there’s like 20 seconds of awkward beeping and then you hear (error noise). “Okay, wait wait wait, I think I remember.” Quiggle’s starting to look kind of awkward as he’s still standing there. You can tell his swelled up personality can only be held for so long. Now, the Gamorrean on the other hand, that’s pretty much his default setting, big and scary, but Quiggle not so much.

CAMERON: Karma shifts her weight to her other hip.

NICK: Finally, Tiny hits a button and you hear (a clicking noise) and it clicks open, and he opens up the briefcase, and you hear him go, “Uh-oh.”
Quiggle turns around and goes, “What is it?”
Tiny says, “I’m sure it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
Quiggle says, “Tell me now.”
“Uh, briefcase is empty boss,” and Quiggle immediately starts to go for his gun.

LAURA: Ugh, yeah, Xianna just throws her head back, rolls her eyes, and sighs. She already has her gun out, because she does have quick draw.

NICK: Okay. Nobody starts shooting right away. Quiggle says, “What did you do with the money?” He’s pointing a gun at… I guess Sabos, probably.



CAMERON: Leader. Our leader.

LAURA: Which everyone I think is okay with at this point.

NICK: Tiny draws two pistols and then draws a big rifle on a tripod and drops it in front of him, and kicks it forward a little, and is pointing all of those weapons at Sabos as well.

LAURA: Xianna looks over at him. “Yes, leader, where did the credits go?”

STEVEN: I’m gonna try to be really cool here. “As you know, I didn’t know the password. I’m just the currier.”

NICK: “Clearly you are someone more put together than that. You’re trying to screw us!” And they go to start shooting.

STEVEN: I mean… sure.

LAURA: We shot first.


NICK: So, I will need Vigilance rolls from everyone.

STEVEN: (sighs) Right. I really need to get some of that.

HUDSON: Me too.

LAURA: Yeah…

HUDSON: I have no Vigilance and one Willpower.

CAMERON: Guys! Seriously? (laughs)

LAURA: Hey, I have like Cool, and Streetwise, and Skullduggery, and Deception.

CAMERON: Am I the only one with the Vigilance skill?


CAMERON: Oh great.

STEVEN: It’s just so expensive.

HUDSON: I have one success.

LAURA: A success and an advantage.

STEVEN: Two successes and an advantage.

CAMERON: Two successes and an advantage.

NICK: Can you roll me a three green dice check, please?

CAMERON: One success, four advantages.

NICK: Roll it for me again.

CAMERON: Two successes, three advantages.

NICK: And then roll me two green dice, please.

CAMERON: Two advantages.

NICK: Okay. Who had the most successes?

STEVEN: Me and Cameron.

NICK: Had how many?


NICK: Two? Okay, so it’s gonna go NPC, two PC slots… How many people had one advantages? You guys did?

CAMERON: Successes?

NICK: Successes, I mean.

HUDSON: Successes, yeah.

NICK: NPC, two PC slots, NPC. Nice and spread out. Alright, so Captain Quiggle, the Quarren, is gonna go first.

(someone snorts)

LAURA: (giggles)

NICK: It’s a perfectly respectable pirate name.

LAURA: ‘Queegle.’

HUDSON: ‘Queegle.’

NICK: He says—

CAMERON: (musically) Quiggle, Quiggle, Quiggle…

SEVERAL: (musically) Do, do, do do, do…

STEVEN: That’s no more respectable than I am the leader.

CAMERON: (laughing) I’ve been thinking that every single time since you said it.

NICK: Ah, okay! So Quiggle says, “Damn it, Falx. You’ve betrayed us for the last time!” And he takes a shot at Sabos.

STEVEN: I say, “Not Falx, not Falx. Sabos, not Falx.”

NICK: “Close enough!” Can you make me a two difficulty check with two greens and a yellow? This guy’s pretty good.

CAMERON: Not good enough. Failure, two advantages.

NICK: Okay. He shoots at Sabos while he ducks back behind the oil drum fire, and he takes a shot, and Sabos is able to duck to the side, but when he does so he presents a very clear target to Tiny who’s gonna go next. So, that’s what happens there. He will have a blue die on his next check. Then we’ve got two PC slots. Who’s gonna go first?

STEVEN: I’ll shoot.

NICK: Okay. Who are you shooting at?

STEVEN: The big guy’s behind cover now?

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: The squid man is behind cover.

STEVEN: Quiggle? Quiggle the Quarren?

NICK: Quiggle the Quarren Captain is behind cover!

STEVEN: So, just Tiny and the Gamorrean are out?

CAMERON: The other big pig man.

NICK: Mm-hmm. So you can shoot Quiggle, it’ll just be a little bit harder to hit him.

STEVEN: I’ll shoot the big pig. \inaudible\ scary.

[ ]: Shoot the big pig, yeah.

NICK: Okay. That’s racist as heck, by the way.


NICK: Maybe he’s their slicer. Don’t make judgments.

LAURA: I mean, but have you met Sabos?

NICK: So he’s at medium range, so it will be average, yeah.

STEVEN: Yeah, well, nothing happens.

STEVEN & CAMERON: One advantage.

NICK: How would you like to spend your advantage?

STEVEN: Can I get behind cover on the ship?

CAMERON: You can do that anyway \inaudible\

NICK: You’re at long range from the ship. To run back to the ship would take several maneuvers, but you can use a maneuver to run back to the ship. That doesn’t even cost an advantage. It’s just gonna take you a while to get there.

STEVEN: Uhh… How far are we from the trash fire?

CAMERON: You can use your advantage to set up another piece in the environment that you can jump behind, like there’s a crate or something.

STEVEN: Oh yeah. Also, who goes next?

NICK: It’s another PC slot.

STEVEN: Can I use the advantage to make the pig more presentable?

NICK: Yeah. You can make it so the next person to go will get a blue die.

STEVEN: Yeah, I’ll do that.

NICK: Okay, so it’s the same kind of thing. You shoot at him and he ducks out of the way, but he steps a little bit closer into the fire light, so it’s gonna be real easy to hit that guy. And, another PC slot.

HUDSON: I think that I want to take my light blaster, feel overly confident but like secretly pretty scared of using it, and try to hit the pig person.

NICK: Okay. It’ll be two difficulty with a boost die.

HUDSON: And I have nothing in ranged light weapon.

NICK: Great!

STEVEN: Hold on, wait, does that—No, no. Does that help? No, it doesn’t.

HUDSON: Yeah. None of my \inaudible\ help either.

STEVEN: Is that an assist? No, okay.

NICK: You can’t assist people with combat checks, unless you wanna do the like ghost thing where you’re behind him massaging his shoulders, and if we do that you have to specify.

STEVEN: (laughs)


HUDSON: Just advantage.

CAMERON: So, it fails, because it’s a wash.

NICK: Okay, so you miss. How would you like to spend your advantage?

HUDSON: Um… I’ll help the next PC character slot out.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Alright. So it’s the same thing. You all are shooting right above your left shoulder, and there’s this weird triangle of blasters going around, and everybody’s taking one step to the left each time. It’s rather comical. It’s how I imagine \bar fights\ in the old west would get. Everybody’s just shooting near people and nothing’s happening.

[ ]: Pew!

NICK: Now we’ve got another NPC slot, and it is Tiny. He takes both of his blasters and he is going to shoot at Sabos, still, because that was his last order. He has a green and a yellow, and a blue die because he got set up.

STEVEN: Don’t listen to him, Tiny.

CAMERON: Two difficulty still?

NICK: It’s gonna be three, because he’s dual wielding.

CAMERON: Two failures and an advantage.

NICK: Alright. So, he shoots a whole bunch, and you hear him going, aaaaah, pew pew pew, and they just go all over the place…

LAURA: Aww, so cute.

NICK: And pepper the back wall, and with the advantage he actually hits something somewhere off on the back wall and the ray shield starts to flicker, and some of the atmosphere starts to go out and it gets really windy and crazy in here. He’s destabilized something important. That advantage is going to start with whoever gets shot at next by the Quiggle Crew is going to have a blue die. Oh, no, so whoever next attacks from your team, not the Quiggle Crew, will have a black die, because the atmosphere is thinning.

HUDSON: The Quiggle ‘quew.’

LAURA & CAMERON: The Quiggle Crew~!

STEVEN: Quiggle the Quarren crew, captain.

NICK: Quiggle the captain of the Quarren Quiggle crew.

LAURA: If it’s a PC slot…

NICK: Yeah, it is a PC slot next, yes.

LAURA: Yeah. I imagine Xianna would go since she was already hands in her pocket of like, oh this is going south. Like, immediately, she was like, ugh. (musically) We didn’t check the briefcase, gonna shoot someone…

CAMERON: You have a blue die and a black die.

LAURA: Yes. Who’s closest to me?

NICK: Tiny is closest to you. Quiggle’s behind cover, and the Gamorrean is behind them.

LAURA: Probably Tiny, yeah? I’ll shoot Tiny.

NICK: Guys, we are so good at shooting.

CAMERON: Some of us.

LAURA: Two successes.

NICK: Nice. How much damage does your blaster do?

LAURA: Six, so that will be eight damage.

NICK: Ooh. Okay, you hit Tiny square in the chest, and he yelps and kind of crouches down. He drops his blasters. So, he’s down and he’s bleeding pretty hard, but he doesn’t look down completely. He says, “Quiggle’s Crew never quits!”

STEVEN: Oh boy.

NICK: He’s still moving. Another PC slot.

CAMERON: That’ll be Karma. I am going to shoot at the… I can only think of Gigoran.


LAURA: ‘Quigmorrean!’

HUDSON: ‘Quigmorrean?’

LAURA: You know…

STEVEN: The Quiggle Gamorrean.

LAURA: When Quiggle and the Gamorrean have a little baby.

CAMERON: Yep, gonna shoot at the Gamorrean.

NICK: Aww, little pig with tentacle face.

CAMERON: It’d be so cute~

LAURA: It’d be terrifying.

CAMERON: With tusks coming out of the tentacles?


CAMERON: That sounds gross.

LAURA: I mean, I actually think that would probably be cute.

STEVEN: So like a catfish.

NICK: Yeah, basically.

STEVEN: Yeah. Just sharper.

CAMERON: Two successes, one threat.

NICK: One threat. Okay, so the threat is you step forward and start spraying blaster fire with your carbine and come into the fire light. The atmosphere is kind of venting, it’s starting to get a little light, but you’re really good at dealing with low oxygen environments so that’s not too big a deal, and your blasters scrape across the Gamorrean’s chest. How much damage do you do?

CAMERON: Eleven.

NICK: Ooh-hoo-hoo.

LAURA: Damn.

CAMERON: I have a big gun.

NICK: That’s a palpable hit. He grunts, and a little trickle of greenish blood comes down the side of his mouth, and he begins to step forward as it is his turn. He is at medium range which means it takes a maneuver to get to short range and then another maneuver to get to engaged, and he’s gonna go ahead and engage with… Roll me a force die, would you

CAMERON: Oh no. One dark side.

NICK: Sabos! So, even though you shot him his orders had been take down the leader, so he takes one strain to do a double move action, and he is going to try and hit you in the face with a giant vibro-axe. This is gonna hurt real bad.


NICK: Go ahead and roll me a yellow and two greens versus an average check.

STEVEN: Oh, that hurts pretty bad.

CAMERON: Wow. Four successes.

NICK: Oh shit. What’s the damage on your vibro-axe there, Tink?

HUDSON: Brawn plus three.

LAURA: Well, it’s also pierce two, sunder, vicious three I believe, because your serrated edge adds plus one.

HUDSON: Yeah, that’s what it is.

NICK: h, okay, so pierce two. So you take Brawn is three, plus three is six, plus four is ten, and then that does get reduced by your Soak, but by two less than your normal Soak because it’s pierce two.

CAMERON: So you still take…


NICK: You take eight damage. How are you looking there, Sabos?

STEVEN: I’m doing pretty good.

CAMERON: Oh, he’s fine.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: He’s almost… A little less than half health.

NICK: The Gamorrean twirls; he sprints up to you, twirls his vibro-axe with surprising agility, and slashes you across the chest, and it bites deep, and it hurts real bad. Do you respond in any particular way?

STEVEN: Good thing it wasn’t my head tail.


CAMERON: (groans) There’s an idea.

NICK: We’re back to the top. Quiggle says, “Great work! Quiggle’s Crew always stands correct!” And then he also goes to shoot Sabos.

CAMERON: How are they spelling these words?


LAURA: I do not know. Maybe in their language it makes more sense. Like, it is actually alliteration and not just phonetic alliteration.

NICK: So, he’s gonna shoot at Sabos, which is a two difficulty still, except he’s gonna take a maneuver to aim now that he’s down behind cover. He’s gonna try to shoot at Sabos.

CAMERON: Blue die! He’s gonna try. Two failures, six advantages.

NICK: Alright, so he’s gonna give three blue dice to Tiny, because he doesn’t actually shoot with his blaster pistol, he actually shoots a little tracking dart that hits Sabos in the chest. It doesn’t hurt, but it starts to beep a little, and that big rifle that’s on the ground has a laser that lines up with it, and the rifle starts to beep. So, I wonder what that’ll do.

CAMERON: I’m sure it’ll be fine.

NICK: I’m sure it’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it.

LAURA: It’ll be okay.

NICK: Yeah. So that was Quiggle’s turn. Two PC slots.

STEVEN: I’m gonna pull the tracking dart out.

NICK: Nope.

STEVEN: I can’t?

NICK: Nope.

STEVEN: Can I shoot it out?

NICK: You can try.

STEVEN: Can I use my vibro-knife to cut it out?

NICK: You can absolutely try.

STEVEN: That seems like a good idea.

NICK: Alright. Do that.

STEVEN: Oh wait, no—Oh, I have some Melee. Yeah, that’s fine. Is Melee what we’re gonna do here?

NICK: That or Medical.

LAURA: (laughs) Melee against the tracking dart. (laughter) I wanna try to cut something delicately out of my torso… Eh, Melee check!

HUDSON: Melee!

NICK: Use an uppercut!

LAURA: I’m gonna use a giant knife!

CAMERON: What’s the difficulty?

NICK: We’re gonna say it’s average, but every threat is going to hurt you.

CAMERON: Okay. There you go, buddy.

NICK: Also, flip me a dark side point. Let’s upgrade one of those suckers.

STEVEN: Alright. That’s cool.

NICK: I want Sabos to stab himself so bad.

STEVEN: Nah, we’re gonna be fine.

CAMERON: Hey, you’re fine.

STEVEN: A success and an advantage.

NICK: Yeah. You’re able to carve the tracking device out. You don’t hit yourself, you just put a little divot in the armor and the tracking device falls out, and with the advantage it rolls far enough away from you—

STEVEN: Can I get behind cover?

NICK: Yeah. You can use a maneuver to try and get to some cover. There are the mobile folding chairs, and there is the trash can fire.

STEVEN: The trash can sounds amazing. Just warm up behind the trash can fire.

NICK: Okay, so it’s gonna take two maneuvers to do. You can use one maneuver to move up to the trash can fire, and if you take a strain you can take another one to take cover on the opposite side of the barrel from Quiggle.

CAMERON: (giggles)

STEVEN: Yeah, I’ll take a strain.

NICK: Okay. You are now both back to back with the barrel between you.

STEVEN: That sounds fine.

NICK: As you slam into the barrel and it rolls you hear Quiggle go, “Hey! Give up now. There’s no chance.” That’s one PC slot. Next PC slot?

HUDSON: Can I go?

LAURA: Well, it doesn’t matter the order.


NICK: You can go if you want.

HUDSON: Okay, unless you had something really cool you wanted to do.

LAURA: I mean, I was gonna shoot someone. I don’t know if that’s cool in a…

HUDSON: I’m like super close to the Gamorrean, I think, so I was gonna go vibro-axe on him.

STEVEN: Just saying, there’s a, if y’all wanted to pick up the dart and put it somewhere useful…

CAMERON: No, that’s fine. You got this, buddy.

STEVEN: Haha, I mean it would help you all too.

HUDSON: So, the Gamorrean’s the pig monster, right?

NICK: That’s really mean.

LAURA: Stop calling him a pig monster! They’re an actual species that like does stuff!

CAMERON: Tink is the yeti monster.

HUDSON: I’m the yeti monster.

LAURA: They’re not monsters. They are people.

HUDSON: I just keep thinking of the pig monster from Power Rangers, and that’s what I visualize. Anyways. I have my vibro-axe, and I go after the Gamorrean for a vibro-axe battle!

NICK: In the background it starts going- (hums Duel of the Fates from The Phantom Menace).

NICK: Make your attack. Vibro-axes don’t have defense, do they?


NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: Two successes and a threat.

NICK: Okay, so the threat is you swing wide and leave yourself a little open so that when he attacks you he’s gonna be able to do something similar. Two successes… So, what’s your Brawn, three?


NICK: So that’s eight damage, but his Soak is three, so he’ll take five. Ooh, he’s not doing well.

HUDSON: Ha-ha!

NICK: You bury the vibro-axe into that space between his neck and his shoulder. It sinks in real good, and he squeals, and then he pulls back and gets ready to attack you except it’s not his turn. So, Tiny drops down prone, uses his maneuver to drop prone, which it’ll be harder to hit him, and he grabs that rifle, and he’s going to take another shot at Sabos. At this point he’s just trying to have done something with his life. So, it’s a yellow and a green versus two purple. Can you flip a dark side point?


NICK: It’s strong with him.

STEVEN: Behind the barrel even, only two purples?

NICK: Well, he’s off to the side. He’s not behind the barrel. Oh, you can have a black die for cover.

LAURA: I should note that throughout this whole time Xianna keeps yelling like, “Yes, Sabos, our leader, you told us to do this.”

STEVEN: “Everything’s fine.”

LAURA: “Defend yourself, leader!”

STEVEN: Well, that’s not good.

CAMERON: Two successes, four threats.

NICK: Hey, you know what happens when we get more than three threats.

CAMERON: The guy laying on the ground falls prone.

NICK: He falls prone. (deep bass noise) So, I guess that means the kick from the rifle is so strong that he goes flying backwards and he ends up on his back without his rifle anymore. How many successes was it?


HUDSON: Mega prone.

NICK: Two? So, it’s seven damage \reckless\, so it’s nine damage coming at you, Sabos.

CAMERON: (gasping laughter)


NICK: Minus your Soak.

CAMERON: Yeah, yeah, four. He’s down to one health.

STEVEN: Yeah, that’s cool. Yeah.

CAMERON: I’m sure he’ll be fine.

STEVEN: Yeah, yeah.

LAURA: Yeah. I’m sure you’ll be fine.

STEVEN: Yeah, that’s fine.

LAURA: Good luck finding someone on this team who’s gonna heal you.

CAMERON: (laughing)

STEVEN: No, it’s all good. It’s all good.

NICK: That was Tiny’s turn, so it’s a PC slot.

LAURA: Is Quiggle visible, or is he still in his hiding spot?

NICK: He’s behind the barrel. You would get a black die to shoot at him, but you can see him. It’s just kind of hard to tell where the shadows end and he begins.

CAMERON: If you take out the almost dead guy, I’ll go after the live one.

LAURA: Well, because I don’t wanna get in the middle of this vibro-axe battle. That’s like an honor thing right now. They’re good.

CAMERON: Oh, see, I was gonna end that.

HUDSON: I’ll finish this!

CAMERON: Okay, you got it! You got it, Tink!

LAURA: Xianna’s gonna like honor their little one-on-one battle.

HUDSON: Thank you!

LAURA: Wait, Tiny’s alive, right?

CAMERON: Yeah, but Tiny’s down, almost.

NICK: He’s down on the ground, he’s bleeding a little, he’s not near his rifle…

LAURA: Oh, no, yeah, then Xianna’s gonna shoot at Quiggle.

NICK: He is covered in pistols, though.

LAURA: She’s gonna shoot at the Quiggle.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: Hee hee hee…

STEVEN: Quiggle the Quarren.

LAURA & CAMERON: (musically) Quiggle, Quiggle, Quiggle, do, do do, do…

NICK: I’m never naming NPCs again.

LAURA: I’m going to aim.


LAURA: I’m gonna flip a light side point.

NICK: Oooh.

LAURA: Four advantages. That’s it.

NICK: How would you like to spend those?

LAURA: He is going to drop the weapon he is holding.

NICK: Okay. So you shoot the blaster out of his hand. “Hey, that was the blaster my mother gave me.”

LAURA: “Oh, I did not know that. Sorry. I should have just shot your face instead.”

NICK: “I swear eternal vengeance. You have been submitted to Quiggle’s quarrel!”

(snorts and giggles)

LAURA: Xianna just kinda like stops. “What is with these names? Seriously.”

STEVEN: (laughs) Quiggle’s quarrel… “Were we not already in Quiggle’s quarrel?” I say behind the other side of the barrel.

NICK: “Shut up! Come out where I can shoot—Oh wait, I don’t have my gun anymore.”

HUDSON: Before this time there was an \accorem\.

STEVEN: “Come out where I can shoot you.”

CAMERON: Go get in Quiggle’s corner.

NICK: (laughing) So, it’s Karma’s shot.

CAMERON: I am going to shoot at Quiggle. I’m going to take a black die because he’s under cover. I’m going to take a blue die because I’m going to aim.

HUDSON: Shoot his privates.

LAURA: Nooo.

STEVEN: So, Tiny. So, you mean Tiny?

CAMERON: I’m going to flip a light side point to upgrade.

NICK: “Don’t castrate Quiggle~”

STEVEN: ‘Quastrate.’

CAMERON: And I’m going to—Stop. (laughs) I’m going to shoot him.

STEVEN: ‘Quiggle quastration.’

CAMERON: A success, two advantages. So that’s only ten damage.

NICK: Ooh, okay. That’s the first time he’s been hit. He yelps and ducks further behind the barrel as you hit him solidly in the shoulder. He’s not super happy. What?

CAMERON: Ah, my crit’s three.


CAMERON: Dang! So close. I have two.

LAURA: So, I still had an extra advantage from my turn. I don’t know if it’s too late to add a blue die to that.

CAMERON: (laughing) Can I have a retroactive blue die?

NICK: You can add a blue die to Karma.

CAMERON: Can I see what it does?

NICK: If you get an advantage.

CAMERON: If I get another advantage? Let’s see… Aw, it’s nothing. Damn.

NICK: Aw, bummer. It was worth a try.

CAMERON: Can my advantages be that the barrel falls over?

NICK: Sure.


NICK: And shoots sparks everywhere.

CAMERON: Yup, and he and Sabos fall back to back, because it just disappears.

NICK: Yeah. It falls to the side, shoots sparks everywhere, they’re very illuminated. Whoever shoots at Quiggle next will get a blue die, and Sabos and Quiggle actually are touching backs right now, and they do the thing where Quiggle looks left, and he looks left, so they look over each other’s opposite shoulders and they don’t make eye contact for a second. Then the Gamorrean, our giant pig friend, goes. He squeals to himself and swings his vibro-axe at Tink, because there’s a giant person with a vibro-axe in front of him. That’ll be two greens and a yellow versus two purple dice.
Oh, he failed the hell out of that.

CAMERON: One failure, two advantages.

NICK: So, the two advantages: He’s going to attack but get deflected, and he’s going to defend himself so whoever attacks him next will get a black die. How do you block his axe attack, Tink?

HUDSON: With my axe.

NICK: Okay. Does it shoot sparks everywhere and look super cool?


CAMERON, LAURA: (hum Duel of the Fates from The Phantom Menace).

NICK: Great! It’s up to Quiggle’s turn. He doesn’t have a gun, so he’s gonna straight try to punch Sabos in the back of the head. So he turns around and like grabs him, and he tries to punch Sabos in the face. That’s gonna be a yellow and a green versus two purples.

CAMERON: One threat.

NICK: One threat. No successes?


NICK: Aw, okay. So, whoever shoots at him next it’ll be two blue die. He tries to punch you and you manage to just duck your head out of the way, and he ends up awkwardly hugging you.


NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: Quiggle cuddles!

STEVEN: Quiggle ‘kwuddle.’

NICK: “Beware the Quiggle cuddles!”

LAURA & CAMERON: Quiggle ‘kwuddles!’

NICK: ‘Kwuddles?’ I don’t wanna say ‘kwuddles.’

LAURA & CAMERON: Quiggle ‘kwuddles!”

NICK: Gosh. He’s a respectable space pirate, you guys. Okay.

LAURA: No he’s not!

CAMERON: And he’s so ‘kwuddly.’

LAURA: He’s just so quute!

STEVEN: He’s so quigglewy.

NICK: It is a PC slot.

STEVEN: I’m just gonna stab him with the vibro-knife.

NICK: Okay.


STEVEN: We’re sitting back to back, so.

LAURA: Stabby stab stab.

CAMERON: First person to attack Quiggle gets two blue dice.

STEVEN: Oh yeah.

NICK: He’s lit by fire light, and also just like standing awkwardly hugging you.

CAMERON: (seethes)

LAURA: What is—Okay.

CAMERON: That is cocked.

NICK: Yeah, you can reroll that one.

CAMERON: That’s cocked. Reroll it, and it better be good.

LAURA: That is a cock.


LAURA: There you go.

STEVEN: Hey, two successes. It is gonna be five total.

NICK: Five damage, okay. You stab him in the throat, it severs a couple of his face tentacles, and he drops.

STEVEN: But the pierce is two on it, so.

NICK: Yeah. You went through his Soak, so that’s how you brought him down. Quiggle’s on the ground coughing up greenish blood. He’s out of the fight. Another PC slot.

HUDSON: I’ll go ahead and finish off the Gamorrean.

NICK: Okay. Go for it.

CAMERON: Two purple.

HUDSON: Two purple.

CAMERON: And a black die, because he’s in defending zone.

NICK: Yes, thank you. Glad we have Cameron to help with that.


CAMERON: Nothing.


NICK: Absolutely nothing.

LAURA: Literally nothing. Just blank dice.

HUDSON: Nothing.

NICK: Okay, so, like a blade ballet you both clash, titans in the asteroid night amongst the fire light, the shrieking whine of your weapons pierces everyone’s minds, and they know this is a fatal encounter… but nothing happens.

STEVEN & CAMERON: (giggles)

HUDSON: I feel like this is like Phasma and Finn fighting (mumbles)

NICK: A little bit, a little bit, yeah, except you’re both giant and kind of lumbering, so you’re not as cool.

HUDSON: Yeah, that’s true.

NICK: Tiny’s gonna go. He’s still on his back. He uses a maneuver to roll onto his tummy, so he’s prone instead of prone, and he draws two blaster pistols and he attempts to shoot Sabos.

STEVEN: “You’re gonna shoot me?” I yell out, because I’m right back to back with his leader.

NICK: No, you stabbed him. He’s on the ground now.

STEVEN: Oh, haha, alright.

NICK: And he has a green and a yellow, and it’s three purples because he’s dual wielding. So, Sabos, you’re gonna flip one to upgrade his difficulty to shoot you?

STEVEN: I will.

NICK: Eh, he’ll also take a strain to aim.

CAMERON: So that’s two purples, one red, one yellow, one green, and one blue?

NICK: Yep.

CAMERON: It’s a rainbow, guys.

LAURA: It’s so pretty.

CAMERON: I really hope this misses.

NICK: I hope it doesn’t.

CAMERON: I’ma feel real bad if I roll the roll that kills you.


NICK: Ooh.

CAMERON: Eh, that’s one success.

STEVEN: Hey, look at that.

NICK: How many advantages?


STEVEN: Enough.

NICK: Oh man. You know what having two advantages does when you’re dual wielding, right?


NICK: Lets him use both pistols.

CAMERON: Yeah. One success, two advantages.

NICK: Yeah! So he’s gonna use those two advantages to activate his other pistol, which means he’s gonna do double damage.

STEVEN: Sure, sure.

NICK: Which means that’s gonna be twelve damage coming at you.

STEVEN: That’s gonna be tough. (laughter) That will put me around, oh, the negative seven mark, pretty darn close to zero.

NICK: And if you go down, then that’s a crit, guys. Alright, so you are now unconscious at negative seven. We now know that it does track for negatives, and go ahead and roll that crit that Tiny got on you.

CAMERON: Thirty-four.

LAURA: A 34! Let’s see… That is Stunned. The target is staggered until the end of his next turn.

CAMERON: You’re also unconscious, though.

NICK: So you can’t take another action. Bummer.

STEVEN: Yeah, because I’m unconscious. (laughs)

NICK: So, Sabos goes down in a blaze of pistols. Tiny sits up slightly, and is like, “I hit him? I hit him! Woo!” And then everybody looks at him, and he’s like, “Uhh… Great.”

LAURA: Xianna actually is like, “Aw, good job.”

NICK: “Cool. Uh, last chance for y’all to surrender, because I’ve taken out your leader.”

CAMERON: “Sweetie, I’m gonna reverse that. Last chance for you to surrender”

NICK: “Um…”

CAMERON: “You might notice your leader’s down too.”

LAURA: “He is dead.”

CAMERON: “And I really don’t wanna hurt you.”

LAURA: “Also, he is not actually our leader.”

NICK: “What?!”

LAURA: “We just said that so that you would target him. We don’t really like him too much.”

CAMERON: “Thanks for shooting him for us.”

NICK: “Oh, you’re welcome. Well, I mean, wait—“ Can you make me a check?

CAMERON: Coercion?

NICK: Coercion, yes. It’s super duper Coercion.

CAMERON: Can Xianna help me?

NICK: Yeah, absolutely.

CAMERON: Can we co-Coercion?

STEVEN: Coerce.

NICK: Yeah.

LAURA: What’s Coercion?

CAMERON: It’s Willpower.

LAURA: Willpower? I have a two.

NICK: So you can have a blue die.

CAMERON: Okay. That at least gets me a blue.

LAURA: Okay.

NICK: For this one since it was straight her glaring at him and saying we’re about to kill you.

CAMERON: Dang. I don’t have the Good Cop skill on my tree yet.

LAURA: Oh no.

CAMERON: It’s right there, though. I can see it.

NICK: The Skiptracer tree, everyone who hasn’t read it, you should look at it. It’s awesome. You have Good Cop and Bad Cop, and it’s great.

LAURA: Wait, no, no—

CAMERON: Well, Skiptracer doesn’t have Bad Cop, they just have Good Cop, but other ones have Bad Cop.

LAURA: But in other trees. Yeah, we found the one that has Bad Cop, and I don’t remember which one it is.

CAMERON: Okay. Let’s see how intimidating we are. Nope, nada. Zilch.

NICK: Okay. He looks concerned for a minute, but then he says, “As long as our friend is standing, Quiggle’s crew of cons will stay on top.” And he looks real sad, but he doesn’t drop his weapons.

LAURA: I’m trying to think of more C Q words. You have like Quiggle’s coterie.


NICK: But he left them on the ship.


NICK: So, PC slot.

LAURA: Xianna’s gonna shoot Tiny, and she’s gonna kinda sigh and look sad at him.

CAMERON: No. He said as long as his friend is standing. Shoot his friend.

LAURA: Xianna doesn’t wanna get in the way of an honorable duel. Okay?

HUDSON: Don’t get in the way of my honorable duel!

CAMERON: Karma will shoot his friend!


CAMERON: Karma don’t care! (laughs)

LAURA: Xianna is like, nuh-uh, those two are in close quarters combat. I’m going to honor that timely tradition-

HUDSON: Thank you.

LAURA: -and let them battle it out. You know. I’m gonna shoot the little tiny person.

STEVEN: (laughs)

NICK: Honorably.

LAURA: Is this like a child? I keep imagining like, short round.

NICK: He kind of looks like Mouse from the Matrix, so just like a scrawnier little guy.

LAURA: Oh. Just a small? I was straight up picturing short round, and I felt really bad because I was picturing like a little kid. Okay.

STEVEN: Seems like we’ve found ourselves in a Quiggle’s quagmire.


NICK: Ho-ho! Too bad you’re unconscious. You gasp that around the bloody bullet wounds in your chest.

STEVEN: (laughs)

LAURA: And I’m gonna aim. Is he still lying down prone?

NICK: Yeah, so you get a black die.


LAURA: One threat.

NICK: Okay. You shoot at him and it’s obvious that you’re not super invested in hitting him, because you feel kinda bad about it-

LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: -and he ducks a little, and then sees that you’re not that committed to killing them, and he is heartened. He is very confident. That’s what the threat is.

STEVEN: (laughs)

NICK: Another PC slot.

LAURA: Karma should shooty-shoot-shoot.

CAMERON: Who am I shooting though is the thing. I’m questioning.

HUDSON: Shoot Tiny!

LAURA: I feel like Karma would shoot the Gamorrean.

CAMERON: Yeah, because how old does Tiny look?

NICK: Eighteen, maybe.

LAURA: Yeah.

CAMERON: Yeah. There’s no way in hell Karma’s shooting Tiny.

HUDSON: For all you know the Gamorrean could be a child. They’re just that big.

STEVEN: (laughs)

CAMERON: Yeah, I don’t care. Yeah, I’m shooting the Gamorrean.

NICK: Okay. Ooh boy.

CAMERON: Alrighty, so that’s two successes, two threats, and a triumph.

NICK: Okay. The threats are Tiny is even more bolstered but you get a—Are you gonna use the triumph to crit, or?

CAMERON: No. I’m going to do ten damage to the Gigoran—err, Gamorrean. Not the—I’m not shooting Tink. I’m shooting the pig person!


CAMERON: Hold on. Gamorrean.

NICK: Okay, so, you hit him in the back of the head. He’s mid swing. He actually had the advantage for a second. He had used the pole of his vibro-axe to hit Tink in the stomach, and he was going up for a big overhead strike, and you just shoot him in the back of the head and he collapses like a sack of potatoes.

CAMERON: One of the things for triumphs is that they can take out—

NICK: They take out mooks. They don’t take out, like–

LAURA: Yeah, you can take out minions.

CAMERON: Oh, okay.

NICK: These are like actual PC characters you guys are shooting.

CAMERON: So you said my threats were that he was more bolstered?

NICK: Mm-hmm.

CAMERON: Mmkay, because I wanted the triumph to be that he started thinking about how sad his mom would be if he died.

NICK: I mean, the triumph could be you can go kind of through the bolster and you get one more chance to try to persuade him to stand down.


NICK: Okay. So, you give your speech. He’s standing there going, “I’m gonna live forever! Quiggles for life! Yeah!” Even though he’s bleeding, he’s waving his guns around.


CAMERON: “How old are you?”

NICK: “I’m 18. I’m gonna live forever.”

CAMERON: “Mm, I’m not thinking for that much longer actually if you keep holding that gun.”

NICK: “That sounds intimidating, but clearly we’re gonna win. I don’t need my friends. I’m the new captain. Yay!”

LAURA: So, I know this won’t help Karma dice-wise, but Xianna just kinda looks over and is like, “Do you know how many of my friends were dead by the time I was 18? A lot.”

NICK: “Yeah, most of mine, too. I mean, those two were pretty much the last ones except for Quiggle’s coterie, and they were always pretty mean to me.”

(snorts and giggles)

CAMERON: How do these words work?!

LAURA: You can see she’s using her hands to like make a Q, but then a C, and she’s like, “But isn’t coterie with a C? I do not… Nn.”

CAMERON: “Before you do anything stupid, I just want you to sit back and reflect on your short life at this point and also think of all the people who are going to be sad, like your mom, if you don’t make it out of here, but how proud she’d be of you if you left as the new captain. You could even rename the crew since Quiggle is … dead. Sorry, I can’t think of a dead word for a Q. I apologize.”

STEVEN: Quiggle has quit.


NICK: Sabos sits up, says that, and passes back out.

CAMERON: Thank you, disembodied voice of Sabos! Yup.

NICK: Go ahead and make me a roll. You can use whichever talky skill you think is most appropriate.

CAMERON: yeah, that’s happening, because none of mine are good.

LAURA: Okay, I’ll go ahead and flip that. I mean, not that the audience could see, because you know audio medium, but I was pointing at a light side.

NICK: I like to think that Tabletop Squadron is an audio large.


NICK: This is what happens when we play for five hours, guys. It only gets worse.

CAMERON: I’m going to use Charm, since I don’t think Deception fits at all.

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: I flipped a light side point, so I’m upgrading it.

LAURA: I can help with that.

NICK: Yeah, since you added stuff in.

LAURA: My Presence is a three.

CAMERON: Nice! Mine is only a two. So, what am I rolling against?

NICK: It’s gonna be two purple and a black die. The triumph cut through the three black dice it was originally gonna be.

CAMERON: Alright. I really hope we don’t have to kill this kid.

NICK: You’re gonna feel real bad.

CAMERON: I’m gonna feel so bad! It’s okay, I think we’re okay, two successes and an advantage.

NICK: Oh, he goes, “Yeah, you’re probably right,” and drops his pistols, and then he proceeds to drop the other eight pistols he had strapped to his chest.

CAMERON: (laughs) Karma does a big sigh of relief.

NICK: “All hail Captain Tiny! Also, do you guys have any like medical supplies, because I’m getting pretty low on blood here.” He starts to kind of waver in place.

CAMERON: “Why don’t you… Lay down. We’ll find something.”

NICK: “Okay.” He collapses to the ground.

HUDSON: “It’s a quality Quiggle evening.”

NICK: And, that’s where we’re gonna end it.

(All make dramatic noises and Star Wars tunes)

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Sabos Nix was played by Steven Schroeder. He… does not exist on the internet.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @tabletop_squad. For real! We’re real people and we wanna talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.

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