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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 28:
Projectile Explosives

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

LILIT: Hello everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

I’d like to thank Chris Russell for his character, Carson Agen, who is featured in this episode. If you’d also like to have an original character in an episode, check out the $10 Build-A-Beru level on our Patreon. It also gives you access to our Patreon secret feed with bloopers and side shows, our movie night tier, and more. You can find that link on our social media and in the episode show notes.

Music credits and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.

Now let’s get into the episode.


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Episode 28 of Tabletop Squadron. I’m your host and game master, Nick. It’s a lovely evening in the summer of our lives. Thank you for being here with us. Let’s all go around the table and everybody say who you are and who you’re playing this evening, starting with Lilit.

LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Wonderful. Up next we’ve got Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello. I am Cameron, and I will be playing Karma Nailo, a Nautolan bounty hunter. Also, I don’t think it will be summer when this comes out.

NICK: That’s fine. Oh, no, like metaphorically, summer of our lives.

CAMERON: Oh, okay.

NICK: That’s like… different. It doesn’t mean it’s summer.

LILIT: I mean, it’ll be technically summer.

CAMERON: It’s like spring of our lives right now.

LILIT: This will be coming out in like… June, or July. I don’t know how time works.

NICK: Isn’t June summer?

LILIT: I feel like June is Texas summer.

HUDSON: June and July are summer everywhere, I thought.

LILIT: To me, summer is anything over 70 degrees as the norm.


CAMERON: Oh wow, so most of the year.

NICK: Oh, so summer nine months out of the year.

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT: I guess 75. Yeah, Texas summer lasts from about May until mid-October.

NICK: Perfect. Last but not least, we’ve got Hudson.

HUDSON: So summer of our lives sounds like a soap opera which makes me think we need to have a soap opera episode.

CAMERON: [snickers]

LILIT: Yeah, The Sands of Tatooine.


NICK: Every episode is a soap opera episode.

HUDSON: I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: Great.


NICK: Off to a great start. Before we get into the recap, let’s do the Destiny Roll~

CAMERON: One dark side.

LILIT: One dark side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

CAMERON: Bweh-bweh-bweh. {disappointed, foreboding}

NICK: You can’t tell, but I’m pointing two fingers towards the sky like someone who just scored a touchdown and wants to be like “yeah!”

LILIT: “This is for Gandalf!”

NICK: [laughs] Yeah. “Gandalf #1!”

CAMERON: If it’s three dark side, wouldn’t it be a field goal?

NICK: Man, everybody’s got jokes today.


HUDSON: No, three dark side is like, uh, what is that… a hat trick.

[laughter, upbeat music begins]

NICK: When we last left off, the crew of the Afternoon Delight had descended upon Lessu, the capital city of Ryloth, and started to collect information about where this mysterious Tognath who had stolen the Force artifact out from under their noses on Coruscant could be located.

Xianna had an emotional conversation with her uncle. Karma had a very productive conversation with a bounty office. Tink, you put on a trench coat and matching fedora and threatened a random bar owner until he told you which direction to walk in. And that’s where we’re going to start off.

[shift to stompy western music]

We see the crew of the Afternoon Delight. They have all made it to this back alley on Lessu here by different leads, and they all see their target at the same time. It’s a smaller Human with red hair leaning on a post and watching a setup for a back alley blurrg race. Some sort of organizer walks by, shouting that the race will start in five minutes. The air is filled with the sounds and smells of nervous blurrgs getting ready to run.

What do you all do? You’ve noticed each other coming from different directions heading towards this red-haired Human. Do you meet up with each other first or do you intercept your contact?

HUDSON: I think we all meet up together first.

NICK: Okay. We see the three of you—the four of you, because HK’s been following one of you around, probably—intersect probably ten meters from this guy who’s watching the blurrgs, and you have a moment to talk.

[music ends]

HUDSON (as Tink): Who do y’all have your money on?

CAMERON (as Karma): What?

LILIT (as Xianna): I am not placing any bets.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh… I did.

CAMERON (as Karma): Who are you betting on?

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m betting on Ratatouille, 3,944 Credits.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, I don’t think you have that many credits.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, that’s literally how many I have, total.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, well, um…

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, where did you get that many credits? You’ve just been saving them? I asked you for 20 Credits last week and you said you had nothing.

HUDSON (as Tink): I didn’t have anything ON me. It was tied up.

CAMERON (as Karma): Why do you have it all on you now?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, I mean, after I heard about the blurrg race I just decided to untie it. It was tied up in my pocket.

CAMERON (as Karma): [stammers, confused]

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, that is what you meant?! I needed 20 Credits last week.

HUDSON (as Tink): It was tied up, like I said, in like a little baggie.

LILIT (as Xianna): You could have untied it!

HUDSON (as Tink): Nah, I’m very frugal, and only in situations like this when it’s worthwhile do I…

CAMERON (as Karma): Um…!

LILIT (as Xianna): It was worthwhile last week.

HUDSON (as Tink): Eh… debatable.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh god.

NICK: The crier that had walked by saying the race was about to start leans in to the red-haired Human that you had been directed to find and says something then stands back up.

NICK (as crier): Top odds, Speed Skiff, 2 to 1. Bottom odds, Ratatouille, 150 to 1.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, I swear, why did you do this? Okay… We cannot get caught up in this conversation. Anyways. I am assuming everybody else came here because they were told to find the contact.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yep, Carson.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. Okay. Let’s go talk to him, then. Tink, you be quiet.

HUDSON: I put my fedora a little bit lower on my head.


NICK: Because he’s still wearing the coat and fedora.


[accordion and guitar music begins]

NICK: The three of you approach this gentleman. He senses as you get close and turns around, and we see that Carson stands tall but is probably only about 5’6”, he just has very good posture. His build is slender but well-muscled. He has bright red hair, and it’s swept back away from his eyes in a very fashionable haircut, and you can’t help but notice his bright icy blue eyes.

He’s wearing a dark red jacket and brown fingerless gloves and black space skinny jeans, cutting a very fashionable look in this race. He looks at the four of you, pauses for a second, taps a finger to his lips, and says:

NICK (as Carson): Now this is not what I was expecting to see.

LILIT: Xianna waves.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello.

NICK (as Carson): Well hi.

LILIT (as Xianna): We hate to interrupt your… blurrg racing viewing, however we would like to have a little chat with you, if we could.

NICK (as Carson): Absolutely. People tend to find me at the races. That’s why I come to them all the time.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. Yes… very nice. So, we are hoping that you can point us in the correct direction to find an old friend of ours who we have happened to lose.

NICK (as Carson): Well that depends, is this old friend like “oh when I see this old friend again I’m going to stab them in the face” or old friend like “oh gosh, do you remember when you came to my kid’s birthday party and we accidentally got really drunk?”

[music ends]

LILIT (as Xianna): Uh…

HUDSON (as Tink): It could be both, really.

LILIT (as Xianna): It could be both. Yeah. Why not? I have a few friends that are like that. But mostly A, mostly A.

NICK (as Carson): Okay, so old friend like as a euphemism for some sort of bitter enemy or rival.

LILIT (as Xianna): Correct.

NICK (as Carson): Agh… The business that I’m in doesn’t usually respond well to me pointing enemies or rivals at each other. I’m supposed to keep things on the down-low.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, we can be very sneaky.

NICK (as Carson): Oh, I don’t doubt it, sweetie, but who are you looking for exactly?

CAMERON: Karma pops out the data pad and shows the photo.

LILIT: Xianna gestures in a very sort of flourished manner.

LILIT (as Xianna): As you can see by this data pad, we are looking for a Tognath by the name of Endo.

NICK: He pales a little bit.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ah, I see you know him.

CAMERON: [giggles]

NICK: Tries to cover it by coughing into his hand, and then clasps his hands in front of him.

NICK (as Carson): Yeah, I’ve never heard of him. It’s really unfortunate. Uh… oh, looks like the race is about to start. I guess I’ll talk to you later.

[high energy western music begins]

LILIT: Xianna is going to go up to him, put an arm around him, and put one of her other hands in her coat, and inside her coat is at least one blaster, and going to poke the blaster up against him.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, but I would really like to have this conversation right now, if you know what I mean.

NICK (as Carson): Huh… we escalated to violence even faster than I was expecting.

NICK: He looks at the rest of you standing around.

NICK (as Carson): Are you gonna let her just threaten me in public like this?

HUDSON (as Tink): We’re not threatening you, we’re enjoying the blurrg race.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, my friend made a stupid bet. We’ve gotta see if he won.

HUDSON (as Tink): Did you bet on any of them?

CAMERON (as Karma): No!

HUDSON (as Tink): No-no-no, I’m talking to Carson.

NICK (as Carson): Yeah, uh… Speedy Pete, the one with the third bet. I have it in good authority that this night’s his night.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah Tink, these races are all fixed. Do you not know that?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, I’m pretty lucky, even with fixed races.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh, my goodness.

CAMERON (as Karma): [exhales]

LILIT (as Xianna): But anyways, yes, it is maybe not a good idea to look to them for help. They will let me do this.

CAMERON (as Karma): We’re not at violence yet.

NICK: HK looks at Carson.

NICK (as HK): We will absolutely shoot you in public.

CAMERON (as Karma): HK.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, HK definitely will. He is like a full murderer.

NICK (as HK): I’ll do it right now, motherkriffer.

CAMERON (as Karma): N-No… Stand down, HK.

HUDSON (as Tink): Getting a little heated there, HK.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, too enthusiastic. Dial it back down.

[music ends]

NICK (as HK): Something about this guy just rubs me the wrong way.

LILIT (as Xianna): HK, you are at like an 11 and we need you to pull back down to like a 4.

NICK (as HK): That’s HK, baby. I’m always at an 11.

CAMERON (as Karma): Tink, I think you forgot to uninstall something.

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, HK is very weird right now.

HUDSON (as Tink): I think I had him watch a lot of reality TV recently.

CAMERON (as Karma): Why?!

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, that was bad.

NICK (as HK): You mean THIS situation? (clank, clank, clank)


LILIT: Xianna just shakes her head and then squeezes the arm around Carson a little bit tighter.

LILIT (as Xianna): Anyways, um, just wanting to get the information sooner than later, because I do not want to stay on this planet any longer than I have to.

NICK (as Carson): You don’t like Ryloth?

LILIT (as Xianna): Look, it is a shithole planet full of sand and stormtroopers, and I would like to leave. Okay?

NICK (as Carson): Sure it’s not the best, and there are a lot of stormtroopers, but it’s a dry heat.

NICK: And he smiles at you winningly.

LILIT (as Xianna): I do not care. Okay. Can you just… uh, give us some sort of information? What is your deal that you want to do? Give us a price, whatever. How do we get the information we are wanting to get? Because I can very clearly see that you know where Endo is.

NICK (as Carson): Alright, enough tiptoeing around it. I don’t know where Endo’s home base, as you would call it, is. I do know he’s set up near Lessu somewhere, but I haven’t had a chance to figure out where. But, I do know where he’ll be in the next couple of hours, and I’m willing to give you that information for 10,000 Credits.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh, 10,000 Credits?

NICK (as Carson): Well you have to sponsor me fleeing the planet. If Endo ever finds out that I did something, it’ll be worse than… well, worse than some of the things that have happened to me in the past.

CAMERON: Karma slides the data pad away.

CAMERON (as Karma): He won’t find out.

CAMERON: And there’s just a camera shot of all of the weaponry on karma.

NICK (as Carson): Oh yes, you’re very intimidating, it’s very scary, but I’ve seen Endo get out of plenty of bad situations and I just can’t take that risk. Ten thousand credits.

[slinky music begins]

HUDSON (as Tink): Carson, Carson… what if we made an arrangement?

HUDSON: And I wink.

NICK: Carson looks Tink up and down.

NICK (as Carson): I might be able to be persuaded. You’re a big strong guy. What did you have in mind?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, I had this payment plan that I learned about.

[shift to quirky shopping music]

LILIT: Xianna pulls her hand out of her coat and rubs at her eyes.

LILIT (as Xianna): [giggling] Oh my god, Tink. I thought you were going in a very different direction.

HUDSON (as Tink): What do you mean?

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, you can’t wink when you say that. I thought we talked about this.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, it was just a confidence wink, that’s all.

CAMERON (as Karma): Ugh…

LILIT: Xianna turns back to Carson.

LILIT (as Xianna): I am sorry for my friend. Um… I mean, if you want to figure out if you want to go on a date with him later, you can, but I don’t think he was meaning it in that way.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m talking about the sexiest of things, compound interest. Are you familiar, Carson?

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as Carson): Oh, I don’t think I’ve heard of that position before.

HUDSON (as Tink): [stammering] No, uh—

LILIT (as Xianna): No, he literally means a payment plan. He is just very weird.

NICK (as Carson): Uh…

LILIT (as Xianna): He does not mean to exchange any intimacy for the information.

NICK (as Carson): Oh…

[music ends]

NICK: [bursting noise] And a starting gun goes off, and the blurrgs take off down this alleyway. It looks like the course is around buildings and through back alleys, and from where you’re standing you can see long runs of it, but they disappear behind buildings and reappear. Also, blurrgs are not that fast. This is the equivalent of like a donkey race. They just kind of plod enthusiastically forward, so it takes quite a while.

Carson waits for them to get far enough away that you can hear him over the almost mooing sound that they make as they jostle each other for position. Ratatouille, the blurrg that Tink bet on, has a bunch of large flies buzzing around his head and didn’t move when the race got started. You can see the jockey kicking at Ratatouille and Ratatouille doesn’t move, and the jockey finally hops off, grabs the reins, and pulls Ratatouille out of the starting line and gets him to get moving, and then runs and jumps on his back as he starts to chase after the group.

HUDSON (as Tink): This is a tortoise and hare situation, guys. It’s gonna work out.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh. Tink, why?

NICK (as Carson): Oh… sweet stuff, did you bet on Ratatouille?

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh yeah.

CAMERON (as Karma): I told you he made a stupid bet.

NICK (as Carson): I didn’t—So, there’s the stupid bets and then there’s throwing your money away. I wasn’t expecting the…

CAMERON (as Karma): I was being generous.

NICK (as Carson): Oh. You seem like a very generous person. So, I’m afraid, uh, tall white and hairy, I don’t understand. Am I collecting interest from you? Are you offering me a loan? This seems very complicated for a simple 10,000 Credit payoff.

HUDSON (as Tink): So, if we set up 30 easy payments of whatever 30 divided by 10,000 is, then we will put interest attached to that credits over time, and the interest compounds, you see. So, once you start with, uh, let’s say 1.25% interest over time. You’ll make yourself a buttload, my friend.

NICK (as Carson): Now is this compounding daily, weekly, or continuously?

HUDSON (as Tink): Continuously!

NICK (as Carson): Oh, we got that E to the 124 or whatever the equation is.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink! We would end up paying him more in the long run. That is bad for us!

HUDSON (as Tink): Yes, but by that time the chances of one of us becoming super mega rich would increase exponentially.

NICK (as Carson): Now I do have an issue which is that I can’t trust you to continue the payments, so what if we put the full 10,000 Credits in an escrow to be paid out by a trust over time?

HUDSON (as Tink): Ohh…

NICK: He smiles roguishly at you.

HUDSON (as Tink): Interesting proposition, but what would be the intermediary and how much collateral would need to be put up?

NICK (as Carson): I would insist on the full 10,000, unfortunately, and the intermediary would be, like I said, this is my cousin, Doug Escrow.

NICK: And a small Danny DeVito looking guy walks up and goes…

NICK (as Doug): Ey!

NICK: …and then walks away.

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, uh…

LILIT: Xianna looks at Tink.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh Tink, what if you just hack into the system and take 10,000 from somebody else?

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean, I could do that, but what if—Okay. What if we just wait for my blurrg to win?

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay fine, we will wait to see if your weird little blurrg wins, and when your blurrg does not win you can just take the 10,000 from somebody else’s bank account. It’s worked before.

CAMERON (as Karma): I know we have at least one bank account number.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, I feel like Falx has money now. We can just do that whole thing again.

NICK: The race is about half done, and Ratatouille has caught up with the rest of the group and is actually starting to shove his way towards the front of the pack. Several of the other jockeys are punching at the jockey on Ratatouille who just has his hands up in the air and is clearly yelling, like “I’m not doing it, it’s just the blurrg!” Carson has a faraway look in his eye.

[somber music begins]

NICK (as Carson): Did you say Falx…?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yes.

LILIT (as Xianna): Do you happen to know him?

NICK (as Carson): Like Falx Urnstad?

LILIT (as Xianna): Exactly!

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): That is who we are talking about.

NICK (as Carson): Like, the minor assistant moff?

LILIT (as Xianna): Former.

CAMERON (as Karma): Regional governor or prison warden, I think.

LILIT (as Xianna): Former for both of those.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, all past tense.

NICK (as Carson): Just a devastatingly handsome and intelligent Zabrak man? Very fond of martinis?

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, we might be talking about a different person now, because he does like the martinis, but I don’t know about the other things.

CAMERON (as Karma): Like, beauty is subjective, y’all can have different opinions on this. He’s very, very stylish and well-dressed.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, he is an attractive man, it is just the intelligent part that I would like to point out.

CAMERON (as Karma): He’s not dead, and I do think that gives him some, like…

LILIT (as Xianna): True, but…

CAMERON (as Karma): That raises his intelligence score a little bit.

LILIT (as Xianna): There was just a lot going on. I feel like he did not know we were even at his own prison.

NICK (as Carson): You… So you’ve had a run-in with Falx? You know—

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, multiple.

NICK (as Carson): Heh. I had a few run-ins with him myself, actually.

CAMERON (as Karma): He keeps showing back up.

NICK (as Carson): Yeah, he has a habit of that.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

NICK (as Carson): You know, me and him used to date back in the day.

CAMERON (as Karma): Really?!

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, my condolences.

NICK (as Carson): It was fun while it lasted. Did you, uh… hurt him?

LILIT (as Xianna): Not yet.

CAMERON (as Karma): No?

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean emotionally or like mentally or physically?

NICK (as Carson): I’d take either option, hot stuff.

LILIT (as Xianna): I feel like I have shot at him. Did I? I don’t know. I don’t really remember the whole party where he did a murder. And we were supposed to solve it? I do not remember that, that night.

CAMERON (as Karma): We have ruined several jobs for him, like completely removed him from high-ranking positions.

LILIT (as Xianna): I think they closed the prison.

NICK (as Carson): Well, if you made that kriffhead’s life harder, you know… forget the 10,000 Credits. I think I can get you the information you need.

LILIT (as Xianna): Are you sure? Because we can still have Tink hack into Falx’s accounts and take it from there.

NICK (as Carson): You can try. If you wanna steal from him, I’ll take his money I suppose.

LILIT (as Xianna): I just think it is—

HUDSON (as Tink): We don’t need that money! I’m gonna win the race!

LILIT (as Xianna): I just think it is fun.

NICK: The camera cuts over. Ratatouille is in first, but not because it is going the fastest, but because it is weaving back and forth across the alley and going slower, so there’s like a pileup behind it.

CAMERON (as Karma): Tink, how much money did you bet?

HUDSON (as Tink): 3,944 Credits.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay. I couldn’t remember how high the second number was, so I wasn’t sure if tripling it was actually—Oh no! This was the 150 to 1, right?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, so I win 150 Credits if I win.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh wow, okay, never mind. No, no…

LILIT (as Xianna): That is not how that works, Tink.

CAMERON (as Karma): No.

HUDSON (as Tink): Pretty sure that’s like the highest you can win in this race. That was the biggest number.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh gosh. If you do win, please take Xianna with you when you collect your money.

LILIT (as Xianna): Wait Tink, why would you pay nearly 4,000 Credits if you thought you were only going to get 150 back?

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean… sometimes you just feel like being a risk-taker, you know, and this is the most you can win.

CAMERON (as Karma): That is not a risk!

NICK (as HK): Xianna, weren’t you listening? It has to do with compound interest over time.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh my god.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah!

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh my god. Okay. I need everybody to stop talking! Except you, Carson, you keep talking. Please tell us where Endo is so that we can leave you to your races.

[gentle music begins]

NICK (as Carson): Alright, uh… I just need you to make me one promise. If you see Falx again, punch him in his smug face.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, I can do that.

CAMERON (as Karma): Can do.

NICK (as Carson): Each of you. I want each of you to punch him in succession.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

NICK (as Carson): In his smug face.

CAMERON (as Karma): Do you have an order preference?

NICK (as Carson): Um, whatever would be the most surprising? So maybe the little Twi’lek first, and then the big hairy guy—

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t think that’s most surprising, actually. [laughs]

NICK (as Carson): Well, but so like, you strike me as someone who hits a lot harder than it looks like they hit.

NICK: He’s pointing at Karma.

NICK (as Carson): So maybe if Tink punches first so that he thinks that’s the worst of it and then you just knock his teeth out. That would be…

LILIT (as Xianna): Actually, I do think the most surprising person to punch Falx would be Tink, and then me, and then Karma, and then HK, and then we shoot him. That sounds correct. Yeah.

NICK (as Carson): Either way. I’m good with a punch. I don’t want you to—If you run into him again, you’ll probably be tied up in some shenanigan where you’re going to need him for something. That seems to be how it works.

CAMERON (as Karma): Unfortunately yes, that does seem how it works.

[gentle music fades]

NICK (as Carson): Best of luck to you.

NICK: The race is coming to a close. There’s a straightaway coming back towards the starting line. Ratatouille is still in first. He’s started to pull away because the other blurrgs have begun to fight amongst each other. He gets about five meters from the finish line and skids to a halt, stopping just shy of the finish line.

HUDSON: [chuckles]

NICK: Flip me a dark side point, would you?

HUDSON: Aw man!


NICK: He just takes this giant smelly dump right where he’s standing, and all of the other blurrgs run around Ratatouille. Sneaky Pete finishes in first and Carson sees that out of the corner of his eye.

NICK (as Carson): Yes! … Yeah, Ratatouille isn’t such a long odds because he’s the worst racer, it’s more due to unfortunate timing. Sorry Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s okay. I mean, how much could I have even won? Oh wait, 150, that’s right.

CAMERON (as Karma): [heavy sigh]

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, you would have won 591,600 Credits!

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh.

CAMERON (as Karma): [amused] Xianna, I thought you didn’t do math.

LILIT (as Xianna): I do when it comes to this.

CAMERON (as Karma): Did you come up with that in your head?!

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, I did.


CAMERON (as Karma): Oh my gosh!

[gentle music returns]

NICK (as Carson): Anyway. Y’all have been fun. If you punch Falx, that would be great. I think I feel a stronger connection to you having heard that you’ve messed with him. Man, just kriff that guy. Kriff that guy to hell. Ugh, man. Just being a devilishly good-looking and intelligent and caring person, and an amazing love-maker, just does not make up for… does not make up for just general assholery over time.

[sickened sounds and snickering]

CAMERON (as Karma): [weakly] Mm-hmm.

NICK (as Carson): But, I’m distracted. The important thing is Endo should be outside of town. If you take the bridge over the ravine and head that direction, and follow the imperial road out to about the horizon, I think he’s trying to attack some sort of supply convoy. The plan was to do it in a couple hours. You should be able to catch him there.

[gentle music ends]

LILIT: Xianna removes her arm from around Carson.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. Well, thank you for your time. I mean, I would have thought Falx was more of a pillow prince, but like… that is surprising information to know, so thank you. Uh… for the information on Endo, not for anything about Falx.

LILIT: She does a little salute.

LILIT (as Xianna): And I promise I will punch Falx in the face next time I see him.

NICK (as Carson): Thank you, and uh… sorry about your loss there, Tink. That’s pretty brutal.

HUDSON (as Tink): Eh, you know, you win some, you lose some. Then you lose some more. Then you lose it all. But then you might win some in the future if you happen upon a credit on the ground.

NICK (as HK): Boss Man, that’s called the gambler’s fallacy.

HUDSON (as Tink): What? Wait. [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, okay. I think everybody is just a little worked up being in the heat, and you know, Tink losing his race, so let’s just go back to the ship. We will get our speeders and then we will go find Endo. Sound fun?

CAMERON (as Karma): It’s a dry heat. It’s gross.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay yes. To the plan. Let’s go.

NICK: So we see the crew heading back to the Afternoon Delight, walking quickly. Xianna, do you show them how to avoid the imperial checkpoint on the way back to the ship?


NICK: You all are walking towards it. Tink appears to be getting ready to sprint. Karma’s reaching for her badge. We see Xianna—it’s from a distance, so we don’t hear the conversation, but we see her gesture and you all duck through a business and then move through these businesses, ducking behind corners and cabinets to avoid people inside. And you make it back to the ship. You’re standing in the cargo bay of the Afternoon Delight preparing for this potential conflict, and HK says:

NICK (as HK): It sounds like this meeting place is far away. How will we make it there?

CAMERON (as Karma): The speeders.

LILIT (as Xianna): The speeders. We already said that.

NICK (as HK): How long have we had speeders?

CAMERON (as Karma): Uh… since around the time we picked you up. Before we got you turned back on, I think. It was after your original processor was damaged in that Black Suns fight.

NICK (as HK): It’s weird. I feel like I never come into the storage part of this ship. I forget everything that we have in here. Look, there’s a giant molsoom skin. You had me put that in here earlier. That’s worth a lot of money.

CAMERON (as Karma): [chuckling] We should really find somewhere to sell that.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh yeah, we can sell that somewhere on this planet.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, we could have left that with Nolaa and had her fence it.

LILIT (as Xianna): Eh.

CAMERON (as Karma): Why did we not think of this?

LILIT (as Xianna): We probably should have.

NICK (as HK): We put it in the storage bay where we forget everything that we put in it.

CAMERON (as Karma): We should really have a checklist of things that are in this room, like on the door or something, so that we don’t forget. I’ll get a whiteboard.

LILIT (as Xianna): This is probably good. But yeah, we have the speeders.

NICK: You all climb onto speeders. There’s only two speeders that you salvaged from Engebo 5 when you took down the Slippery nerfs. So, Tink is flying one with HK clinging onto the back of the speeder. Xianna takes point on the other speeder with Karma set up behind. Karma, you’re able to sit up taller than Xianna with easy reach of your carbine, so with you and HK riding as passengers you’re basically mobile weapons platforms which is pretty cool.

[bouncy western “travel” music begins]

We get a distant shot of these two speeders kicking up dust as you tear out of Lessu and across the laser bridge that covers the ravine. The bridge flickers a little, and the speeders start to drop, and then it turns back on, so it’s scary but otherwise still works.

You drive down this long road. It looks reasonably well-maintained. It’s mostly duracrete and durasteel, set up for allowing heavy speeders to move quickly coming from outside of the city limits, further out into the wilderness, probably where the Empire has shipyards for landing and moving heavy material and where they’re probably harvesting natural resources as well.

I need you all to make a Survival check, collaboratively, for trying to figure out, as you find the basic area, where this ambush is probably going to happen.

LILIT: Can Xianna have a blue die because she knows the territory?

NICK: Absolutely.

LILIT: Five successes and one advantage.

NICK: So, the city of Lessu is just a small blip on the horizon at this point. You’re nestled in amongst some mesas. You find a spot where the road turns very suddenly, and you don’t see the imperial freight speeder coming yet, but you do think this is probably the best place that it would be within a ten kilometer radius. This is a perfect ambush.

What it actually is is probably the second best place to do an ambush, because the first best place would probably not be used because the Empire would be more likely to expect it, so the sightlines aren’t quite as good, it’s not as obvious a place, so it makes the perfect spot for an ambush. Like I said, you’re early to the party, no one else seems to be here yet. What do you do?

[music ends]

LILIT (as Xianna): This should be the spot. I guess we wait?

HUDSON (as Tink): Stakeout! I brought the stakes.

LILIT: Does Tink pull out wooden stakes or bantha steaks?

HUDSON: I pull out wooden stakes that are stabbed through bantha steaks.

NICK (as HK): Boss Man, have you been keeping those at body temperature this entire time? That is not food safe for your weak organic bodies.

HUDSON (as Tink): Eh.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, they’re cooked, right?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, they’re cooked.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, then it’s fine.

NICK (as HK): How long have you had those?

HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm…

CAMERON (as Karma): The fact that you don’t immediately have an answer is very concerning.

LILIT (as Xianna): Actually—

HUDSON (as Tink): They’re aged like fine wine.

CAMERON (as Karma): Uh…

LILIT (as Xianna): No. Okay, never mind then.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, so you can age steaks, but that’s not how that works.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, I assumed you had bought them back in town.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, no, I just, uh… you know, I bought them, uh… maybe a month ago? But I put my special rub on them.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh my goodness.

LILIT (as Xianna): A month?! Tink.

CAMERON (as Karma): Um… no!

HUDSON (as Tink): No-no-no, they have a rub on them, so they’re gonna last.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, no, that’s not how that works.

HUDSON (as Tink): It’s just like a mixture of, you know, different salts, pink salt, white salt.

NICK (as HK): Isn’t that how you make bantha jerky?

HUDSON (as Tink): If you put enough salt on there and rub it hard enough for long enough, then yeah, it makes bantha jerky.

CAMERON (as Karma): [laughing] Oh my gosh.

LILIT: Xianna just shakes her head, walks away.

CAMERON (as Karma): Tink.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, we should get in position to wait. I don’t even know what you’re trying to do, Tink.

HUDSON: I take a bite out of the bantha steak.

NICK: Uh… it’s like chewing on moldy leather.


HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh, this has… this has character, you know? You don’t get them like this often.

CAMERON (as Karma): There’s a reason for that!

NICK: We see the crew pull their speeders up on top of one of the mesas behind an outcropping of rocks and throw a convenient tarp from one of the saddlebags over them to break up the silhouette, and you all hunch down out of the way. Xianna has her scanner goggles on, Karma is looking with her rifle scope, HK is looking, and then after maybe 30 minutes HK stands up straight from behind the cover.

NICK (as HK): I just realized I’m uncomfortable with how much Tink was talking about rubbing on his meat.

CAMERON (as Karma): You just reached that point?

NICK (as HK): My processors are—

CAMERON (as Karma): Get back down!

LILIT (as Xianna): HK, get back down!

NICK: [laughs] HK crouches down. His head whips at a 90 degree angle without his body moving.

NICK (as HK): My processors are very full of reality holovision.

CAMERON (as Karma): Buddy, if you need me to take you to a mechanic before we leave, we can probably make that happen.

NICK (as HK): I would not say no. Boss Man appears to have other priorities.

NICK: His head whips 90 degrees to look at Tink. His face can’t change expression, but you feel like he’s glaring at you accusatorially.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m—What do you mean?

HUDSON: I get really sweaty, like really sweaty, and I don’t look very good. I’m very pale.

HUDSON (as Tink): What do you mean? What are you talking about?

NICK (as HK): Karma, I believe Tink has botulism.


LILIT (as Xianna): Everybody get down!

HUDSON (as Tink): [vomiting sounds]

CAMERON: [pained laugh] Oh god.

NICK: [pained laugh] Oh, gross!

[relaxed western music begins]

NICK: At this point, as Karma and Xianna are shouting at the other two to get down and pulling them down prone, you see a dust cloud in the distance. It approaches at a very quick speed and resolves itself into four stormtroopers on speeders.

[music turns energetic]

And a large imperial transport. It has a heavy turret on top. It has slits for windows. It looks like it’s carrying supplies and additional troopers. As it gets closer, it pulls up to just beneath where you all are huddled, and there’s a large detonation, and rocks come and pile down onto the road, blocking off this imperial transport.

From the other side of the ravine, somehow without you all noticing, another ambush had been set up on the other side. They were obviously very practiced, familiar with the terrain and skilled. A group of about eight Twi’leks come sliding down the side of this mesa with carbines, shooting at the stormtroopers and this transport. What do you do?

CAMERON: As soon as the explosion happens Karma says:

CAMERON (as Karma): Wow, I’m really glad we drove around to the other side of the mesa. That would… That would not have been good. Anyway.

CAMERON: And starts taking aim at stormtroopers.

NICK: Okay. Are you gonna start shooting at the stormtroopers?


NICK: Tink, Xianna, what are you going to do with this ambush kicking off?

LILIT: Xianna has a grenade.


NICK: [smiling] Okay. Are you going to throw the grenade?

LILIT: [laughing] Yes.

NICK: [laughs] Okay. Tink, what’s your plan of attack?

HUDSON: Everything gets really dizzy and I crawl-stumble over behind the speeders to throw up.

[music ends]

NICK: Karma, make me a Ranged (Heavy) roll, Xianna, make me a Ranged (Light) roll, and Tink, I guess make me a Resilience roll?

CAMERON: I’m aiming. What distance are they at?

NICK: We’ll say it’s long range for the sake of blasters, but because you have such a  height advantage you are still able to throw a grenade that far even though technically grenades are short range.

CAMERON: Three successes for Karma.

NICK: Nice.

LILIT: Xianna is also going to aim.

NICK: [heavy sigh]

CAMERON: Heheheh.

[upbeat stompy western music begins]

LILIT: Yes. And then, Xianna had tied a scarf around her nose and mouth to help with the sand, but before she throws the grenade she pulls it down very briefly, gets something out of her coat pocket, gives it a big sniff, and then pulls her scarf back up around her nose and then throws the grenade. We have two successes, two advantages.

NICK: Nice. Tink, did you roll your Resilience check?

HUDSON: Two advantages.

NICK: Oh… okay. So you are not able to clear your system of the moldy hardened salted steak that you chewed on, so you don’t feel very good, but if you want to find something in the dirt over where you are or somehow give someone a blue die you’re welcome to.

[music fades]


CAMERON: So, HK’s roll is a triumph, two successes, and two threats.

NICK: Perfect. So these Twi’leks come sliding down the hill. You can tell they’re shooting at the Empire. They must be part of the Rebellion. Their carbine blasters are pinging off of this imperial transport, but they do very quickly manage to take down one of the stormtroopers that’s on one of the speeder bikes.

One of the speeder bikes takes off and starts heading back towards town, probably to get reinforcements, but very soon after that the heavy machine gun on top of the transport starts to spin up and strafe over the Twi’lek resistance fighters, and you see several of them brought down by blaster fire pretty much immediately as they try to get in close and under the range of this heavy machine gun. Who wants to shoot slash describe their grenade?

HUDSON: I’m still over behind the speeders, and I have now gone into the fetal position. I’m rubbing my tummy in a figure eight pattern, because medically I feel like that is the best way to make myself feel better, and I just roll back and forth while rubbing my stomach.

NICK: You are realizing how hot it is outside, and you’re rolling in the dust, and it’s getting gritty and in your hair. It’s just a bad time.

HUDSON: I’m just having a hard time. It’s just sad boy hours.

NICK: Aw, poor Tink.

CAMERON: Karma is aiming for the big gun on top of the transport.

NICK: Okay. You’re not gonna be able to destroy it, but you can make it less effective.

CAMERON: I want to take out—damage it slightly, but take out whoever’s currently operating it so that it at least stops.

NICK: Mm-hmm. So, the turret is operated actually from inside the transport, it’s a gun up on top, but you rolled well enough, and with your heat-sensing scope—

CAMERON: I use my heat-sensing scope to look into the transport and I can tell by the way they’re sitting which stormtrooper is using the machine gun. [laughs]

NICK: Well they’re standing directly in the middle.

CAMERON: Oh, okay.

NICK: Like, looking up through the scanner. You can actually thread a shot through one of the windows, like through one of the gun slits, and hit this guy.

CAMERON: Sweet, I do that.

NICK: Yeah. So, we get a shot of Karma taking that out. At this point the Twi’lek resistance fighters are up-close up against the transport, so the turret was starting to swing towards your position, because it couldn’t hit them anymore, but the sides of the transport open up and 30 stormtroopers come pouring out.

[relaxed western music resumes]

There are so many more of them than you were expecting. It looks like this transport was transporting almost no material and was transporting almost entirely troops, almost as if they were expecting to get ambushed. The speeders bikes are swinging back around for another pass to shoot.

HK stands tall and takes a shot and manages to hit the speeder bike that had gotten over the rubble and was running back towards Lessu but doesn’t kill the stormtrooper, just blows out the rear engine, so the threats are that guy is now running towards town and is out of the combat, but it’s gonna take him a long time to get there, so you don’t have to worry about reinforcements too soon, or air support, probably.

Xianna, there are just piles and piles of troops everywhere.

LILIT: During the time Xianna spent aiming is when the transport opened up and the troops started coming out, and that is where she decides to throw her grenade, figuring that’ll be where it’ll do the most harm.

NICK: You had enough advantages to activate Blast, so this grenade goes pink-pink-pink right in the middle of a group. There’s the big cinematic grenade explosion that throws several troops flying into the air.

[explosion, Wilhelm scream, everyone makes pathetic stormtrooper sounds]

NICK: One of the Twi’leks that has rolled underneath the transport for cover, and you can see was shooting at stormtroopers legs, pulls some goggles back from their face and pulls down their scarf and looks up. Xianna, you make eye contact with someone who looks very familiar to you. What does she look like?

[music turns softer and nostalgic]

LILIT: The Twi’lek down below is a shade of purple that’s only a shade or two lighter than Xianna. She has remarkably similar violet colored eyes. On her lekku she has a light gray star field pattern tattooed on.

NICK: Ooh. You recognize your sister, Tanna, who appears to be running with the Ryloth Resistance fighting against the Empire. She sees you, and even from this distance you can read her lips as she says:

NICK (as Tanna): Oh kriff.

LILIT: Xianna drops back down under the cover and then just kind of stares into the sand.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh kriff. Oh no. Okay, uh… okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): You okay, Xianna?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh no… no. Okay. I am too high for this. Everybody keep fighting and we will deal with this in a moment.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright.

NICK: The stormtroopers are winning this battle. About half of the Twi’lek resistance has been killed. You can see that they are basically playing Ring Around the Rosie around this transport, using it for cover. The resistance is trying to stay on one side and the stormtroopers are trying to chase them out, and they’re going around and around, but they’re just too outnumbered even with your covering fire. This is looking really bad.

Tanna is under this transport trying to make herself small as she tries to defend her friends, and you see a flash of motion coming from almost nowhere. In the middle of the stormtroopers there is the sudden appearance of Endo. He’s wearing heavy battle armor and holding two vibro-knives in a reverse grip and just buries both of them in the heads of two stormtroopers next to him, pulling them free with a plastic crack that you can hear all the way from where you are.

A group of pirates come running down the road after him, shooting. The stormtroopers try to get back into the transport, but there’s another blink, Endo disappears, and you see fighting from in the transport and more stormtrooper bodies are kicked out, and then Endo appears in the group again. You can see that a lot of the stormtroopers are shooting at him having identified that he’s the biggest threat, but the blaster bolts just don’t seem to strike home. Even when the shot is almost point-blank he doesn’t get hit, and he’s moving so quickly you almost can’t see him.

As his pirates engage with this group as well, between them and your covering fire and the Twi’lek resistance, you are all able to end these imperial troops and capture this transport. The last of the speeders explodes. We see a shot of a stormtrooper in the far distance running towards Lessu, panting, and far away over his shoulder the last of the blaster fire goes silent.

[music ends]

From where you’re standing, you can see Tanna crawl out from under the transport, smile, and go to shake Endo’s hand.

CAMERON (as Karma): HK, I’m gonna ask you, because you’re not high. Did Endo seem to be moving rather… quickly?

NICK (as HK): I seem to have some sort of fluctuation in my ocular sensors. I was not able to track his movements periodically.

CAMERON (as Karma): So yes. Kind of jumping from place to place. You saw that too.

NICK (as HK): Indeed. I assumed it was a malfunction.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh no, I’m trusting your eyes more than mine right now. Okay, cool.

NICK (as HK): Karma, I am confused. I thought we were here to kill Endo and take his gear, but he is fighting the Empire.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah… that’s gonna complicate it slightly. Um, but yes, that is still the plan, it’s just we also don’t want to—apparently we’re not gonna wanna screw over the Twi’lek resistance, and apparently they’re friends.

NICK (as HK): There are not that many left. I could potentially take down both the pirates and the Twi’leks from here. Just give the word.

CAMERON (as Karma): No. Please don’t shoot the Twi’leks.

LILIT: Xianna is lying in the sand. She is now face-up, arms stretched out, staring straight up into the sky.

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): HK, you can’t kill the Twi’leks. Or if you do, kill all of them except the purple one.

CAMERON (as Karma): Don’t kill the Twi’leks.

LILIT (as Xianna): But pretty much please don’t kill the Twi’leks.

HUDSON: Tink gets out from behind the speeders and army crawls, so he’s not seen, over to HK, Xianna and Karma.

HUDSON (as Tink): [breathing heavily] Hey guys. Hey… [coughs] I think I’m feeling better.

CAMERON (as Karma): Really?

HUDSON: He has this soft but dry but heavy heave that just—over and over again.

CAMERON:  [concerned but disgusted groan]

HUDSON: You can just feel the heat from his hair leaving his body and coming back in.


CAMERON: Karma turns around from where she’d been looking down at the transport over to where Xianna’s laying on the ground and Tink’s kind of crouched down on all fours, army crawling, dry heaving.

CAMERON (as Karma): Are… I’m very glad that we weren’t getting attacked up here. Y’all are not okay. What is happening?

LILIT (as Xianna): Well, so Tink ate the bad steak, so he is just physically not good.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah…

LILIT (as Xianna): We should give him a stim pack. I am just in a very bad mental space right now. I just was not expecting any of the things that happened down there. I was not ready for this.

HUDSON (as Tink): What happened?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh no… So Tink, there is a Twi’lek down there, you know.

LILIT: Xianna then flops over so she’s face-down and you just hear:

LILIT (as Xianna): [muffled, groaning] The purple one is my sister.

HUDSON (as Tink): [surprised] Your sister?!

LILIT: Pulls her head back up.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. I was not expecting this. Uh… I have not maybe directly spoken to my sister in like ten years, so…

CAMERON (as Karma): You said the purple one with the tattoos?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah…

NICK: We get a shot of the four of you peeking your heads up over the rock, and the purple Twi’lek with goggles up on her lekku and a scarf pulled down around her neck sees you again, like she’s been looking up where you were, and points dramatically towards you. Endo nods and flickers out of sight, and you hear a settling of weight in the sand behind you, and you hear a familiar voice say:

NICK (as Endo): Force Commander Tanna asks to speak with you down by the transport, at your convenience.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh you kriff off!


NICK: And that’s gonna be the end of the episode!

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews help new listeners find the show, and every time we get one the squad does a special secret dance.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of fun Patreon levels including Hot Tub Hangout, a level that gives you access to monthly movie nights with the squad, livestreams, extra Q&A sessions, and bonus extra Discord channels.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all of your cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find the link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

Word document download: S2 Episode 27 Loose in Lessu

PDF download: S2 Episode 27 Loose in Lessu

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 27:
Loose in Lessu

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

LILIT: Hello, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

If you’re wondering why you’ve been hearing my voice in the intros for two weeks now, it is because Nick and I have switched editing roles. I will now be editing the main show and Nick will be editing our Patreon exclusive content.

Musical credits and content warnings are available in the show notes.


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 27 of Season 2! I’m your host and game master, Nick, and I’m interested in telling you about Star Wars today. I hope that you are interested in this new and revolutionary topic, and we’ll all learn something together. But before we go into my 45 minute informative speech, let’s all go around the table and everybody say who you are and who you are playing today, starting with Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi. I’m 30 under 30 visional luminary Hudson Jameson.

CAMERON: giggles]

NICK: [chuckling] And who are you playing today, 30 under 30 visional luminary Hudson Jameson?

HUDSON: Well, as a visional luminary, I’ve chosen to perform as Tink, the Gigoran slicer.

NICK: I do have to ask. Are you saying “visional?” Is that a word.

[Hudson presumably nods]

NICK: [laughing] Okay.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON: I did say visional. I’m sticking by it.

NICK: It’s like a special kind of toilet. “I used the visional.”

HUDSON: Yeah. [laughs]

LILIT: Yeah. It’s a combination of visionary and visual.


HUDSON: No, visionary and magical.

LILIT: Oh. I’m sorry, that was my mistake.

NICK: Next up, we’ve already heard their voice, we’ve got Lilit.

LILIT: Hello! I am Lilit, and I play Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler. Are you interested in becoming your own boss?

HUDSON: [gasps]

LILIT: Because Nick’s little spiel at the beginning 100% sounded like the intro to some sort of MLM where someone that I knew from high school is gonna message me being like “hey, how’s it doing? Do you wanna learn how to be your own boss while working from home?”

NICK: Boy do I!

LILIT: [laughs] Already do that, and I make a bad boss, because I constantly tell myself yes, you can take a break to get more coffee. I shouldn’t, I should be a meaner boss.

NICK: Yeah. I’ve seen myself be a boss. I would rather not be held accountable to myself. That seems like a bad idea. Last but not least, we’ve got Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello. I am Cameron, and I am playing Karma Nailo, a Nautolan bounty hunter. I want to know, do you have a powerpoint presentation to go with your Star Wars talk, Nicholas?

NICK: The last time I had a powerpoint presentation everyone said it wasn’t a good powerpoint presentation, so this is one of those ones where I stand up at a podium and have note cards and then, two note cards in, dramatically throw the pile across the room and turn a chair around to sit in it backwards.

CAMERON: Oh god. That’s great. That’s my favorite kind.

NICK: And say “we’re just gonna talk off the cuff.” Well, before we get to the recap, let’s do the Destiny Roll~

CAMERON: [snickers] Two light side.

LILIT: Two light side.

HUDSON: [menacingly] One dark side.

[relaxing jizz begins]

NICK: When we last left off you had charged into the Song Bird Jizz Club, found that it was under attack by some sort of hostile takeover, rescued Keyna the jizz singer from her imminent demise, found out that she had manipulated you into fighting and killing the Kemslingers for her own revenge and that they had never stolen the Space Breaker which was the magical Force artifact you were hunting, and that she had it but it was stolen by some Tognath and that she had overheard that they were going to Lessu which seems to be their base of operations.

You kicked open a door, sang some Billy Joel lyrics, and shot a man in the face… [chuckles] and that’s where the last episode ended.

LILIT: Sounds like us.

NICK: We open on a shot of the Afternoon Delight. Its mat black paintjob blends with the darkness of space except for the square of the unfinished hull, still graced with the name of the ship and a depiction of a pin-up girl. We zoom into the ship. The halls and the passageways are empty. The ship is oddly peaceful as we float through space… until we get to the holo theater. The crew is sitting in a circle around the holo projector in the middle of a conversation.

[relaxing jizz ends]

LILIT (as Xianna): They are called hard-boiled eggs because you boil them!

HUDSON (as Tink): Water makes things soft. They don’t make things hard.

LILIT (as Xianna): It is the heat! It is the boiling.

HUDSON (as Tink): No-no-no, but water trumps heat. It’s like an order of operations.

CAMERON (as Karma): Uh…

LILIT (as Xianna): That’s not how that works, Tink. The reason the pasta gets soft is because it absorbs the water, but the eggs have a hard protective shell.

HUDSON (as Tink): No-no-no, there’s a light above the stove and that’s what makes the pasta soft?

CAMERON (as Karma): What? … It’s definitely the water.

LILIT (as Xianna): I thought it was the water.

HUDSON (as Tink): No-no-no, it’s a combination, but it’s definitely not the heat.

CAMERON (as Karma): You can make pasta in the dark, Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): I have never done that. You know when you turn on the microwave and it’s heating something up, the light comes on inside. Why do you think that happens? Because you wanna see your food?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): But Tink, why do you think they are called boiled eggs? What do you think is happening there?

NICK (as HK): Chaotic Statement: Then how do you explain soft-boiled eggs?

HUDSON (as Tink): There we go.

LILIT (as Xianna): They are still boiled. It is because they’re soft. The yolk inside is still soft where the hard-boiled eggs the yolk is hard, but it is still boiled.

HUDSON (as Tink): What magic are you doing in order to, like, make one soft and the other not soft?

CAMERON (as Karma): Using an egg timer?

LILIT (as Xianna): Setting a timer. Yes.

LILIT: Xianna holds up a little timer that is shaped like a small droid.

LILIT (as Xianna): See? It has it here. It is a little timer, and it’s got the marks, and you can see this mark here says Soft and then this one says Medium and this one says Hard, because the amount of time.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay, so we have hard-boiled, we have soft-boiled, now… when you make spring festival eggs, it’s the color that you paint the eggs that determines the flavor, right?

CAMERON (as Karma): No, they all taste like eggs.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, unless you are doing some sort of pickled eggs, the color is just food dye.

HUDSON (as Tink): So you can combine pickles with eggs now, like a morphing.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. You can make pickled eggs.

NICK (as HK): Tink, I’m afraid that you are getting your egg facts all scrambled.

CAMERON (as Karma): HK!

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, that is a good one.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yes.

[gentle quirky music begins]

HUDSON (as Tink): Did HK do a pun?

LILIT (as Xianna): HK did a pun.

NICK (as HK): I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never made a yolk in my life.

CAMERON (as Karma): [amused] Oh god. Did someone change his setting?

HUDSON (as Tink): Whoa…

NICK (as HK): Now that I’ve gotten started, they really do seem to be over-easy.

CAMERON (as Karma): [impressed and overwhelmed exhale]

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t know what to do with this new information.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, I’m kind of at a loss for words.

NICK (as HK): You are quite right. No one ever shells out for the humor module.

CAMERON (as Karma): [contented hum]

LILIT (as Xianna): Who broke HK? I will not be mad, I just want to know.

NICK (as HK): Are you suggesting that I’ve cracked up?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yes.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink? What did you do to HK?

HUDSON (as Tink): I, um… Okay, so you know when there’s those pop-up ads where you can add new things to your droids when you’re browsing the Holonet?

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh no… What?

LILIT (as Xianna): You took a perfectly good droid and you’ve ruined him!

NICK (as HK): Hello. I see that you’re writing a letter. Would you like some help with that?

CAMERON (as Karma): Ugh…

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh yeah, I got this Clippy plug-in. It’s like an old, old, old-school thing.

CAMERON (as Karma): Why?!

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh, Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): I thought that HK could use some features…

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, well HK, all of your puns were egg-cellent, but I feel like we are in this room to do something.

NICK (as HK): I don’t get it.

CAMERON (as Karma): And you should really watch for those pop-up ads. They’ll fry your hardware.

NICK (as HK): I got that one.

LILIT (as Xianna): Why were we here?

CAMERON (as Karma): Uh… because we—Where are we going? What are we doing? I don’t know why specifically we chose this location and are sitting in a circle around the holo projector.

[quirky music ends]

LILIT (as Xianna): It just felt like we came in here to do something…

HUDSON (as Tink): So what are we doing here? We’re looking for the, for the… glass dildo?

CAMERON (as Karma): Along with the rest of the things.

NICK (as HK): It was crystal, and also it’s called the Space Breaker.

CAMERON (as Karma): I know you keep saying that, but it’s the crystal dildo, HK.

HUDSON (as Tink): That reminds me of a movie that had a crystal dildo.

LILIT (as Xianna): Now is not the time. Ooh, I think we needed to discuss how we are going to Ryloth.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yes, because Keyna said that a Tognath stole the dildo and was going to Lessu?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah… uh-huh.

NICK (as HK): I am not familiar with Lessu.

LILIT (as Xianna): So, that is the capital city of Ryloth, and um… shit is on fire. Okay? It’s just, um, things have been very weird on Ryloth for many, many years. First it was the Separatists, then it became the Empire, and um… there are lots of insurgent groups and rebellions and stuff, and it gets weird. There’s lots of stormtroopers, and if somebody yells “grenade” you should get down.

HUDSON (as Tink): Now wouldn’t you want to jump during a grenade being thrown so it goes under you and if it blows up you just go higher in the air?

CAMERON (as Karma): Um…

LILIT (as Xianna): That’s not how it works, Tink.

NICK (as HK): Boss Man, I believe you have been physically hit with grenades in the past. I am surprised you do not understand the consequences.

HUDSON (as Tink): They’ve only made me grow more powerful, and I understand them better as time goes on.

CAMERON (as Karma): Have they?

NICK: The camera zooms in on Tink’s robot leg.

NICK (as HK): Secondary user, Twinkle Toes, you seem familiar with Lessu. Have you been there before?

LILIT (as Xianna): HK, I thought we discussed this and that you weren’t going to call me that name anymore.

NICK (as HK): If you are trying to make a spreadsheet to handle your finances, can I suggest this simple plug-in for 12.99?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh my god. Tink!

HUDSON (as Tink): Sorry. Sorry. Um, I do not accept! Delete.

LILIT (as Xianna): You have to fix him. He can’t keep living like this.

NICK (as HK): I see that your HK-67 unit droid is having some bloatware. If you download this special program for 55.99, it can remove the bloatware.

CAMERON (as Karma): Nooo.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hey, does anyone have 55.99 in credits?

CAMERON (as Karma): No! Don’t do that!

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink!

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh… Oh, okay, I guess I can just remove it.

LILIT (as Xianna): Anyways, yes, I used to live on Ryloth. It’s where I am from. Why do you think I speak like this?


NICK (as HK): So, if you are originally from Ryloth, do you have contacts that can help us to track down the Space Breaker?

LILIT (as Xianna): So the answer to that question is it’s complicated. There are definitely people I can talk to. Some of them might not be happy to see me, and some of them, um, would try to shoot me, but I think there’s maybe one or two people that I could talk to who wouldn’t.

CAMERON (as Karma): Xianna, how old were you when you left Ryloth?

LILIT (as Xianna): I was like 16, so it’s been like a few years.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah… but not long enough that your contacts shouldn’t—at least some of the contacts shouldn’t be there still?

LILIT (as Xianna): No, they are still there. I know that for sure. It’s just some of them still might not like me a whole lot.

NICK (as HK): Xianna, my sensors indicate that your pulse and body temperature are rising rapidly. For 23.99 I can offer you three simple pills to help with these symptoms.

LILIT (as Xianna): [exasperated] Ugh… No, it is just—I feel like I have mentioned that I have family. Some still left on Ryloth. Who knows where the other ones are. But when I left Ryloth, things were a little, again, complicated. I maybe left my sister behind. Although, in my defense, I feel like she abandoned me, because we did agree we were going to leave Ryloth and then she did not.

CAMERON (as Karma): Older or younger sister?

LILIT (as Xianna): She was a few years younger than me.

CAMERON (as Karma): Ah… that’s gotta be rough.

LILIT (as Xianna): And I should state, I did not just leave a 13 year old child alone in the world. We did have another family member, who uh, she stayed with… and I have maybe been sending money to that family member to help pay for my sister, but I still feel like my sister is not happy with me. Also, I have not been back to Ryloth I don’t think, not that I’m aware of, but who knows.

NICK (as HK): How would you accidentally travel to a planet?

LILIT (as Xianna): It is easier than you would think. You know, sometimes you just wake up and you are on a new planet and you are not quite sure how you got there.

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t believe that’s ever actually happened to me.

LILIT (as Xianna): It has happened to me a few times.

NICK (as HK): So, the next plan of action is to head to Lessu on Ryloth and attempt to reconnoiter where this Tognath has been located and where he has kept the valuable Force artifact.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. And try to not get arrested or anything.

HUDSON (as Tink): And meet your family?

LILIT (as Xianna): Uh… look, I don’t know about that.

HUDSON (as Tink): But…

LILIT (as Xianna): You can maybe meet my uncle or something. I don’t know if my sister will even talk to me directly, so.

HUDSON (as Tink): I would love an insight into your familial history.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, I do not think we have enough time to unpack all of that.

HUDSON (as Tink): Well let’s see.

NICK (as HK): Are you interested in your family history? For only 95.99, we will send you an envelope where you can swab the inside of your cheek and then we’ll tell you random stuff.

CAMERON (as Karma): [overwhelmed exhale]

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh.

LILIT (as Xianna): I already know all about my family history and stuff.

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t think I’ve ever regretted not going to school to be a slicer more than I regret it right now.

[somber music begins]

NICK: HK takes a trembling hand and reaches to his front panel and pulls it open, and you can see complicated wiring and data cores.

NICK (as HK): Boss Man, please help remove this virus.

HUDSON (as Tink): But HK… what if I want more vitality, endurance, and passion in the bedroom? Is there something you can do to help me with that?

NICK: HK falls to his knees and then falls to his hands and some wires start to spill out of his chest, and a little bit of smoke starts to come out of his head.

NICK (as HK): Bigger, bigger, be stronger, last longer. Satisfy, satisfy, satisfy.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh god!

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, I swear, you need to fix HK right this moment!

HUDSON (as Tink): Fine.

HUDSON: I pull HK up.

LILIT (as Xianna): You cannot let him live like this!

HUDSON: And I just pull my fists back and then I just grab a bunch of stuff on the inside of him and pull it out.

NICK: When you pull your handful of gizmos out, it’s actually like a biological—it looks like a jellyfish with suckers on the end of its tentacles. It’s purple and glowing, and its arms are waving. It’s some sort of literal giant biological virus that had infected HK. [laughs] And it stings you on the hand.

[somber music ends]

HUDSON: Oh wow.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ow! Someone shoot this thing.

HUDSON: I throw it.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh.

CAMERON: I’ll shoot it. [laughs]

NICK: Yeah. So you throw it in the air. Karma, surprised, spins around, quickdraws her carbine and shoots it out of the air leaving a slight scorch mark in the wall behind it. We zoom out to the ship floating in space, and we see it jump to hyperspace, and the next thing we see after a wipe is the Afternoon Delight descending through a desert atmosphere on the planet of Ryloth.

[old western style music begins]

You all are able to negotiate quickly a landing pad at the spaceport. The city of Lessu is built into a large mountain that is on a plateau that is separated from the rest of a larger mesa by a large cavern, so it’s essentially a floating island hundreds of feet above the normal ground, and buildings are sticking out of the sides of the mountain and there’s a wall. As you are flying to land, you can see that there’s a laser bridge connecting Lessu to the rest of the mesa, but you also see that it’s sputtering and looks really old and poorly maintained.

As you come in to land you can see imperial garrisons on the mesa and walking the streets, and this place is extremely occupied. You can see, as you exit the ship, even from where you are in the spaceport, the Twi’lek population is moving quickly, trying not to get delayed, actively avoiding the stormtrooper patrols. This is a city that is occupied.

You’ve already planned this out, but how are you going to go about trying to collect information on this Tognath that has the item you want?

LILIT: So I think Xianna is first going to go meet with her uncle and figure out who is still in the game, who any new players are, who the main person to talk to about smuggling would be.

NICK: Okay.

LILIT: Or smuggling and black market items.

NICK: So, Xianna informs you all that she’s going to go talk to somebody and try to get some basic information. You all decide to do the same thing as Xianna disappears into the crowd. Karma, what are you doing?

CAMERON: I have pulled up a photo from the Kajim Regional Correctional Facility databases of Endo, who is the only Tognath I know, and who also has come and attacked us and tried to take the artifacts before, so I feel fairly confident that this is the Tognath that we’re looking for. I’m heading to either a bounty hunter office or one of the Empire outposts to show his picture around and see if anyone’s seen him.

NICK: Okay. Tink, what are you doing to collect information?

[western music fades]

HUDSON: Hmm. I’m gonna put on kind of a noir hat and jacket, rain jacket.

NICK: [laughs]

HUDSON: And go to a bar and try to collect information.

NICK: Okay. I’m going to say, with Xianna’s contacts, there’s no roll. You know where your uncle is. You’re going to be able to get to him and have that conversation very easily. Tink and Karma, for both of you I’m going to need Streetwise rolls at hard difficulty.

HUDSON: Two failures and two threats.

NICK: Oh! Okay.

CAMERON: A success and a threat.

NICK: Okay, so Karma, do you go to a bounty office or do you go to an imperial, like, barracks?

CAMERON: Probably whichever one I pass first.

NICK: Let’s say you pass a bounty office. It looks like a cell phone shop, like it’s a small square building nestled between two larger shops. I’m imagining that it has a flashing sign kind of like a stock ticker that’s showing new bounties as they show up and if the offers are going up and down. There’s a Rodian behind the counter. There’s a door that’s just propped open and the counter’s close enough to the door that you don’t even have to walk into the building necessarily. You show this picture of Endo, and what do you ask?

CAMERON: What time of day is it?

NICK: It’s like mid-afternoon.

CAMERON (as Karma): Good afternoon.

NICK (as Rodian): Hello!

CAMERON (as Karma): Hi. Quick question, just got here. Um… have you happened to see this gentleman walking around?

NICK (as Rodian): Not a lot of Tognaths here on Ryloth. Um… maybe? Let me look through the files here.

NICK: This Rodian pulls up a data pad and holds it very close to his eyes and starts flipping through.

NICK (as Rodian): I’ve got six bounties on Tognaths in this region of the galaxy. You got any more information?

CAMERON (as Karma): So this one’s not gonna be on the actual bounty list. This is… The spouse hired me, so he’s not in the system.

NICK (as Rodian): Oh, doing some sort of illicit job, huh?

CAMERON (as Karma): No, just not an Empire job.

NICK (as Rodian): Well, I don’t have a lot of information beyond the official postings, but let me give you the address of somebody who might be able to help. There’s a guy, his name is Carson. He’s a Human. He runs smuggling in and out of here. He might be able to tell you a little something.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alrighty.

NICK: He coughs and rubs his fingers together in the universal sign of “are you gonna pay me for this information?”

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, obviously. I know how this works.

CAMERON: And I’m flush with cash. [laughs]

NICK: So you give him some credits.


NICK: And he smiles real wide which looks very cute on a Rodian snoot.

NICK (as Rodian): Well thank you kindly. If you have any other needs or if you find anybody along the way that you want to turn in, don’t forget to come back.

CAMERON: Before heading out, Karma taps her data pad against a panel they have on the wall and downloads all of the local contracts to her data pad and then walks out.

NICK: Yeah. The download takes about three times as long as you’re used to. Normally it’s a quick tap. This one, it taps and you don’t get the confirmation beep, and you have to hold it.

CAMERON: I tap, quickly take it away, look. It’s still got, like, it was halfway through a spinner. Holds it back out to the wall, just watching it slowly spin up.

NICK: It’s not that the connection’s bad, there’s just that much information. There’s a ton of bounties on Ryloth. They all appear to be Imperial wanted postings.


NICK: We see the little spinning progress wheel, and then that spinning wheel wipes the screen in a circle, and we come to Tink wearing his noir coat and hat standing in front of a bar called Leaky Pete’s.

[old western saloon music begins]

The doors open. There’s a guy sweeping. It’s a Twi’lek man. He’s green. His two front canines are filed very sharp as he smiles at you and he’s sweeping the doorway. He looks at you, Tink, and says:

NICK (as Twi’lek): What are you, some kind of, uh, detective or something?

HUDSON (as Tink): Eh, you could say that, not that it’s any of your business.

HUDSON: And then I flip the toothpick in my mouth, in place.

NICK (as Twi’lek): Well you’re standing here in front of the bar… Welcome to Leaky Pete’s, number one tourist attraction in Lessu. We don’t open for another three or four hours, but if you want an iced tea or something I could make that happen. Or you could move along.

NICK: And he sweeps at the entryway and a bunch of dust goes onto your legs.

HUDSON: I flip a credit in my hand and I say:

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, I’m not looking for iced tea, but a piping hot cup of information, if you know what I mean.

NICK (as Twi’lek): I actually don’t know what you mean… is that like a mixed drink or—?

HUDSON (as Tink): Listen, buddy.

HUDSON: I grab him by the lapels and hold him up against the wall.

HUDSON (as Tink): Now see here, buddy, I’m looking for a Tognath. You know about those?

NICK (as Twi’lek): Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don’t want any trouble, big guy. I’m literally just sweeping out the doorway to Leaky Pete’s. I just have the opening shift.

[saloon music fades]

NICK: As you look past this guy that you have held off the ground up against the wall, this is the bar that’s just outside the airport. Like, it’s very touristy.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: It’s kind of… clean enough that the bar doesn’t look comfortable but dirty enough that the bar doesn’t look nice. You know? There’s a lot of neon lights and booths, and it looks like they have a few drinks and then everything else is going to be very expensive. You look past that. This is not necessarily the sketch hole in the wall full of information that you thought it was, but you’ve already started.

HUDSON (as Tink): No trouble here, buddy. I’m just saying, I need some information. Do you know any Tognaths?

NICK (as Twi’lek): You know… maybe I do, if you set me down on the ground and make it worth my while.

HUDSON (as Tink): If you’re asking for sexual favors, I’m not inclined, unfortunately.

CAMERON: [snickers, giggles]

NICK: He was smiling real big, showing off his sharp canines, and that drops off of his face.

NICK (as Twi’lek): No, you were flipping a credit chip a minute ago.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, oh, oh! Sure, yes, I can make it “worth your while.”

NICK (as Twi’lek): Just to be entirely clear, I’m not asking for sexual favors. The wink made it a little murky there. Money. If you give me some money, I can give you a little bit of a hint about what’s going on.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah, yes, that’s exactly what I’m looking for, pal.

HUDSON: And I put him down.

NICK (as Twi’lek): Great. That’s step one. How about step two?

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright. You say the name of the Tognath and where they are as I’m slowly handing you the credits.

NICK: This bartender reaches for this credit chip you’re holding out, and he opens his mouth, and you hold it closer, and he snatches it out of your hand and jumps back.

NICK (as Twi’lek): Look, I don’t know where any Tognaths are, but you need to talk to Carson. Mr. Agen knows a lot about these kind of things, and I’m sure he can help you out if you’re looking for companionship or whatever.

NICK: And slams the door to the bar, and then two seconds later a closed sign appears on the bar and the door shuts again.

HUDSON (as Tink): Where do I find Carson?!

HUDSON: I yell.

NICK: A little slot opens and the door and you can see his eyes peeking out.

NICK (as Twi’lek): Around this time, he’s probably at the blurrg races. Check the back alleys and listen for the weird stompy noises. You can’t miss it.

NICK: And the slot slams shut again.

HUDSON: I talk to myself.

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, it looks like I have more snooping to do for this Carson fellow.

NICK: Do you pop up the collar of your coat and walk away chewing on your toothpick?


NICK: We cut away to Xianna. Xianna, where do you go to find your uncle?

[rustic nostalgic guitar music begins]

LILIT: Xianna heads into a little older part of the city and finds a home that looks much like the others carved out of the rock and gives a small knock to the door before entering and saying:

LILIT (as Xianna): Jer? Are you home?

NICK: There’s a long pause, almost to the point where Xianna turns to leave and look somewhere else, and then stepping around the corner into this little lobby at the front of this house is your uncle Jer. What does he look like?

LILIT: Jer is an older Twi’lek man who is sort of a deeper shade of blue and he’s wearing rather simple clothes and has dark glasses on. He is a taller man, and you can tell that when he was younger he would’ve been quite muscular, and is still in good shape but has lost some of that with age.

NICK: Mm-hmm. He stops for a second. There’s a vibro-knife in his hand. He drops it to the ground with a clatter. His head cocks to the side a little bit.

NICK (as Jer): Xiann, is that you?

LILIT (as Xianna): Jer, were you going to stab me?!

NICK (as Jer): You can never be too careful.

LILIT (as Xianna): I know it has been some time since I have been back home, but like, you don’t have to stab me.

NICK (as Jer): I didn’t know it was you. It’s been a long time since I heard those footsteps on this floor.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. It has been, uh, quite a number of years. But um, as you can hear, I am back and, um, was hoping to get some information from you…

NICK: He looks sad for a second.

NICK (as Jer): So you won’t be staying then?

LILIT (as Xianna): Unfortunately, it is probably best if I don’t stay here for too long. Um, just, there is a lot going on in my life right now, and I do not trust my crewmates to not get arrested. They are not from here and will stick out, and I’m sure they will create targets on their back rather quickly.

NICK: He kicks the knife over towards the wall.

NICK (as Jer): I’ve always been one to help, but at least I can get a hug out of this.

NICK: And he holds his arms wide.

LILIT: Xianna very awkwardly and stiltedly goes in for a hug ,but then after a second or two relaxes into it, and it feels much more genuine.

NICK: His head is over your shoulder, but you can hear the smile in his voice as he pats you on the back and lets go of one arm but keeps one arm around your shoulder.

NICK (as Jer): Alright, let’s get you some tea and talk about what you need.

NICK: And we cut to you in a different room of this house. It’s a homey kitchen. There is an earthen teapot and two steaming earthen-ware cups sitting on a rough-cut table, and Xianna is holding one of the cups up to her face as Jer busies himself cleaning up the kitchen and then takes a seat, and grabs the cup, and takes a sip, blows on it, sets it down.

NICK (as Jer): So, I thought when you sent that many credits that you might be coming back. It’s enough to retire on.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, um… well, I would love to say that I was coming back to, um, to stay, but the whole statement would be a lie, because I would not love to say that. It is more that I sent that money out of a deep-seated feeling of guilt out of abandonment. I am supposed to be working on my feelings and saying my thought process and trying to figure out where my feelings are coming from and what sort of actions in my past may have caused them.

NICK: Jer sits up straighter and nudges his cup back and forth between his two hands for a second, processing that.

NICK (as Jer): Well, it sounds like you’ve matured quite a bit. I’m proud of you. I had assumed that money was to get Taun out of here. I gave it to her. It was enough to go to university, move somewhere a little less… this, but that’s not how it worked out.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah… I mean, I kinda tried that before when, you know, mother was arrested, and I said we should leave Ryloth altogether, and then she kind of just did not go with me even though I had bought the transportation ship and everything and kind of used all the money we had left. But um, you know, good to see she’s still doing the same thing. I imagine it is because she is still working with the Resistance?

NICK (as Jer): She’s stubborn, like her sister.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. Well, I have somehow managed to, uh, fall into that same style of work. Also I am still stealing, don’t worry about that.

NICK (as Jer): [chuckles]

LILIT (as Xianna): I am still, you know, stealing illegally and all that fun stuff. Was in prison for a little bit, so that was fun.

NICK (as Jer): Is that where you learned how to talk about your feelings?

LILIT (as Xianna): No, no. I have a girlfriend, and she is very emotionally mature, and she keeps handing me self-help books and telling me that I need to work on myself.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: He smiles super wide and you can see that his teeth are bright white and are all filed to points.

NICK (as Jer): That’s good. I’m glad that you’ve found someone. You have to hold onto those that you can keep.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. Also, she is a fence, so it works perfectly.

CAMERON: [snickers]

NICK: He nods seriously.

NICK (as Jer): Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. You’ve always been the practical one. Well, not necessarily the practical one. You’ve always been the one to seize upon convenience, I would say.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. Yes.

NICK (as Jer): It’s funny though that you said you’re in the same line of work. You left, you said you would be looking after you, that there was no point trying to make the galaxy better, and now you’re fighting against the Empire just like your sister.

LILIT: Xianna lets out a big sigh and sets her cup of tea down.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah… yeah. I did that for a long time, and you know, it worked out pretty okay for the most part. You know, I made it, but I think at a certain point it just started getting kind of, uh… lonely, having new friends every few months and constantly being on the run with no one else to watch your pet loth-rat or anything. But um…

NICK: Does Creamsicle poke her head out of one of your coat pockets?

LILIT: No. We’re in occupied territory. Of course Creamsicle is safe on the ship.


NICK: Oh, okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): But I am with a new crew that I’ve, uh… I say new, but we have been on the same ship for some time now, and then also my new girlfriend, Nolaa, just kind of helped me realize that maybe I was just not dealing with the trauma of my childhood very well, and maybe trusting people and maintaining relationships was a better way than what I had been doing.

NICK (as Jer): So will you see her?

LILIT (as Xianna): Well…

NICK (as Jer): Do you want me to reach out to Tann?

LILIT (as Xianna): I… I think it is maybe still for the best that I don’t see her. I just… we are not going to be here for very long, and I don’t think she’d want to see me anyways.

[nostalgic music ends]

NICK: He looks genuinely sad, and then you can see him force some brightness into his demeanor and he sits up straight again.

NICK (as Jer): Okay. That’s your decision, and I understand. So what information are you looking for?

NICK: And he’s suddenly all business with his hands knitted in front of him.

LILIT (as Xianna): So we are here looking for a Tognath who has probably started making some minor plays and acquiring a base and some people, probably some cargo ships. Is there anyone new to the scene who could maybe fit that description? Usually not too many off-worlders who are setting up long-term business here.

NICK (as Jer): A Tognath… Yeah, there’s been a Tognath around lately. I don’t know where they’re set up, but I’ve heard about them a couple of times. I think Tann had a run-in with him a couple of times and his gang. I’m not sure exactly what his angle is here, but I think I might have a contact for you. A different smuggler who might be able to point you in the right direction.

LILIT (as Xianna): Cool. That is very helpful.

NICK (as Jer): His name is Agen. He’s a Human. Not sure exactly how he got here, but he has pretty wide contacts, brings in a lot of things, runs the Imperial blockades, very impressive stuff. He’s not the brightest glow rod in the crate, but his heart is good. I’ll point you in the right direction. He’s been trying to raise some funds for some sort of big job doing blurrg racing on the backstreets. Remember when you used to do blurrg racing? Ah.

[nostalgic music returns]

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. I was not very good at it, which is kind of why I started figuring out how to rig the races… and then take bets. But I distinctly remember you telling me that you would let it slide, so.

NICK (as Jer): I was always one to try to teach you the way of things, and sometimes you do what you gotta do. If you get harnessed with a blurrg named Mr. Stompers who’s half as fast as the other blurrgs, you do what you gotta do.

LILIT (as Xianna): [grinning] Mr. Stompers was a very good blurrg.

NICK (as Jer): [grinning] That’s not true. Mr. Stompers was maybe the worst blurrg I’ve ever seen.

LILIT (as Xianna): He was terrible, and he bit, and he was very slow, and—

NICK (as Jer): And he kicked.

LILIT (as Xianna): Kicked.

NICK (as Jer): And spat.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

NICK (as Jer): And ate more than any blurrg I’ve ever seen, and the reciprocal action.

LILIT (as Xianna): But he made me quite a lot of money, so…

NICK (as Jer): I think you would have done better dressing Tann up as a blurrg and riding her.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, I just feel like the other children would have seen that it was a Twi’lek child dressed up as a blurrg. Mr. Stompers was an actual blurrg. It was much easier to rig the races with actual blurrgs.

NICK (as Jer): Now that you mention it, I’m not even sure that Mr. Stompers was a blurrg. I think he might have been a loth-wolf with mange.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, I know that was debated many times, but I am pretty sure Mr. Stompers was still at least part blurrg. Besides, it has been nearly a decade since the blurrg racing incidents, and um… while I thank you for these lovely memories, and the information, I do need to get going. Because as I said, I am here with a crew, and I don’t entirely trust all of them out on their own.

NICK (as Jer): If you can, come back and visit again before you leave planet. It’s been good to hear your voice.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah. I will, um… I will think about it.

NICK: And Xianna gets up and leaves, and the door shuts quietly, and Jer swirls his tea, takes a sip.

NICK (as Jer): She’s not coming back.

[nostalgic music swells before ending]

NICK: We cut away to Tink walking down the street, and ahead of him there is an imperial checkpoint checking the foot traffic as they go by. What do you do?

HUDSON: I salute them.

NICK: You’re carrying a lot of weapons, and you’re not a Twi’lek, and they’re racist assholes.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: You salute them and two of them draw their guns, and one of the stormtroopers says:

NICK (as stormtrooper): Stand by for search, citizen.

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh… okay. Oh, bathroom emergency!

HUDSON: And I run.

NICK: [laughs] You just take off?


NICK: Roll me an Athletics check at hard difficulty to outrun these stormtroopers.

HUDSON: Guess who has 0 in Athletics.

NICK: Well you have a ton of Brawn. You’ll be okay.

HUDSON: I think I’ll flip a light side point. [chuckles] Three successes and one threat.

NICK: So you’re able to escape, but now they are on the lookout for a Gigoran. Describe how you outrun these stormtroopers on the way to the blurrg race.

HUDSON: I turn around and look as they’re about to catch up on me and I say…

[jaunty “shenanigans” music begins]

HUDSON (as Tink): You won’t catch me!

HUDSON: …and I take off my jacket and I just, as I’m running, I just wave it back and forth on the ground to kick up dirt and dust so that they can’t see me and I disappear.

NICK (as stormtrooper): [coughs pathetically] Where did he go? We’ve totally lost him to that expert tactic.

CAMERON (as stormtrooper): You’d really think these helmets would have had better filtration systems.

NICK (as stormtrooper): They only filter smoke, not toxins.

CAMERON (as stormtrooper): … I know, I’m just saying, I would have thought that… Don’t you think they should?

NICK (as stormtrooper): Anyway. Let’s radio—Well… You know, the budget’s tight this year. The captain says that maybe next year we’ll get real helmets.

LILIT (as stormtrooper): Oh, are you talking about the new helmets they’re gonna get us next year that are gonna filter out both smoke AND toxins?

CAMERON (as stormtrooper): Yeah!

NICK (as stormtrooper): I’m not convinced. I think they’re just saying that so that they’ll get better reviews on the culture survey.

LILIT (as stormtrooper): I don’t know. I heard that they’re just still in development and that we’re gonna get them sometime soon, but…

NICK (as stormtrooper): Either way, someone radio in. There’s a Gigoran somewhere loose in Lessu and they’re highly suspicious and much faster than they look.

[music ends]

NICK: And Tink manages to escape. Karma, you’re coming from a different direction, but you also see a checkpoint. How do you get through? It’s in the way on your way to these blurrg races that you were directed to.

CAMERON: I flash my bounty hunter badge.

NICK: Eh… they don’t look super impressed.

NICK (as stormtrooper): This area is for civilians only. You’ll have to move along. No entry.

CAMERON (as Karma): But I’m trying to collect bounties… on civilians. I have this whole list.

CAMERON: Karma scrolls up and it just goes on for forever.

NICK: Roll me a Negotiation check, but you can have a blue die for having a prop.

CAMERON: Yay props. Okay.

NICK: This will be average difficulty. They’re out of breath now having just chased a Gigoran.


CAMERON: Okay, three successes, three advantages.

NICK: Cool. Another stormtrooper with one of the orange shoulder pauldrons walks up and says…

NICK (as stormtrooper): Look, this isn’t the combatant we’re looking for. Move along.

NICK: …and waves his hand at Karma.

CAMERON (as Karma): Thank you, officer.

NICK: Xianna, you’re heading towards where you know the blurrg races are in the side alleys. The checkpoints haven’t changed much from your time here. Because there’s so many of them, there’s not a lot of places to add or move them. Because you are not surprised by the existence of the checkpoints, what’s your plan to get through?

LILIT: Assuming that most of the businesses have not changed too much as far as the shop layouts, Xianna knows that there’s a certain checkpoint against a row of shops that all have a connected hallway in the back, and that if you know about it you can enter in through the first shop, go in through the back hallway, and completely bypass a few rows of shopfronts and emerge on the other side of the checkpoint.

NICK: This is a wonderful plan except for the little old lady Twi’lek who is in the first shop that you haven’t seen in years and years. How are you going to get past her without her making a scene? Either because she’s excited to see you or you stole something from her the last time you were here.

[peppy shopping music begins]

LILIT: It’s much more appropriate that Xianna shoplifted something as a teen. So, Xianna is going to attempt to stealth past by watching and waiting for someone else to go up to the shop owner with a question, and at that point she will try to sneak past the tall display of spices and get into the back hallway before the owner can see her.

HUDSON (as customer): Oh, this… this spices. Very good spices. I would like a whole crate of them, please.

CAMERON (as owner): Which spices? You’re waving at an entire rack. Which…?

HUDSON (as customer): Yes, the rack of spices, right here.

CAMERON (as owner): Which?

HUDSON (as customer): All of them. I have major plans for my cooking.

CAMERON (as owner): You, you… A crate? Of each?!

NICK: And now, Xianna, roll your Stealth check at average difficulty with a blue die, because apparently they’re very distracted. [laughs]

[shopping music ends]

LILIT: Yeah. I have Stalker, so I can add more blue dice. I don’t think I need to look up if I have any other skills there.

NICK: Probably not.

LILIT: That is one success and six advantages.

[somber nostalgic music begins]

NICK: So you’re able to sneak by, and you have this flash of nostalgia as you press your back against the side of the counter waiting for the two of them to look the other direction, and then you’re off into the hallway. It’s almost like you’re a kid again, sneaking through to shoplift some things and dodge imperial patrols. Hudson and Cameron, a non sequitur ending to the spice conversation?

[shift back to peppy shopping music]

CAMERON (as owner): You can make noodles in the dark!


HUDSON (as customer): I know, but what about the heating element?

CAMERON (as owner): The… The heat from the spices?!

HUDSON (as customer): No, the light, that hits the spices in the night.

[music ends]

NICK: And we fade away from that. The camera cuts to the beginning of a blurrg race. Blurrgs look like really ugly Pac-Mans with dinosaur tails and big long bulky legs. Imagine a T-Rex, made out of clay by a four-year-old, with an extra-large mouth. There are Twi’lek jockeys with goggles mounting or petting down their blurrgs before the race, there’s about five of them, and there’s a small crowd of people either gambling or betting.

We see Xianna slip out of a side building and nudge somebody and ask a question, and they point in a direction. We see karma walk down the main street, duck down a side alley, and look around, find the person they’re looking for and head purposely towards them. We see Tink sprinting down a separate alley, coat flapping in the breeze in one hand behind him, his other hand holding his hat onto his head as he runs.

The three of you begin to converge on this one Human. He’s leaning against a rail watching the blurrgs get ready. We see the three of you all moving towards each other and towards this guy who is looking away from you, and his red hair stands out amongst all the lekku of the citizens of Lessu… and that’s gonna be the end of the episode.

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews help new listeners find the show, and every time we get one the squad does a special secret dance.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of fun Patreon levels including Hot Tub Hangout, a level that gives you access to monthly movie nights with the squad, livestreams, extra Q&A sessions, and bonus extra Discord channels.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all of your cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find the link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

Word document download: S2 Episode 26 A Night at the Song Bird

PDF download: S2 Episode 26 A Night at the Song Bird

Read in browser:

Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 26:
A Night at the Song Bird

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

LILIT: Hello everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

We have some new patrons to thank this week. Pash, thank you so much for your support. Tink says he lost his rubber bantha somewhere in the refresher, and we were hoping you could find it while the crew was out.

Christopher Todesco, thank you for your support as well. Now, keep this a secret, but HK actually destroyed the rubber bantha, so if you could run to the store and buy a new one for Pash to “find,” that would be great. Thanks.

Music credit and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.

Now let’s get into the episode.


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 26. Twenty-six is just a good number. That’s all I have to say about that. I’m your host and game master, Nick. Let’s go around the table and everybody say who you are and who you’re playing today, starting with Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello. I am Cameron, and I will be playing Karma Nailo, a Nautolan bounty hunter.

NICK: Wonderful. Next up we’ve got Hudson.

HUDSON: I’m Hudson Reid Jameson… and first of his name… and I am playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: I’m honestly trying to remember if I knew your middle name before this moment. I’m not sure I did.

CAMERON: Did you not? Oh.

NICK: I don’t think so.

CAMERON: I knew.

NICK: … I think I knew your initials.

HUDSON: Yeah, that was probably it.

NICK: Huh. Okay, cool.

HUDSON: I forgot your middle name. Was it like Nicholas… Justin Robertson?

LILIT: Jefferaiah.

HUDSON: Jefferaiah.

CAMERON: [laughs] Yep, got it.

NICK: Yep, yeah, got it in one. There’s an S. It starts with the letter S.

HUDSON: Oh, oh… Samuel?

NICK: Close. No, not really.

LILIT: Symphonium.

NICK: Yep. Yep. Lilit got it.

LILIT: Yeah.

NICK: [laughs] Next up we’ve got Lilit.

LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Wonderful. Before we get started with the recap, let’s do the Destiny Roll~

CAMERON: Two light side.

LILIT: One dark side.

HUDSON: [menacingly] One dark side.

NICK: Excellent. So, last time you all stealthily infiltrated the hideout of the Kemslingers. You were able to handily defeat anyone who stood against you, and you allowed the leader of the Kemslingers to escape into the sewers with the justification of “meh.”

CAMERON: Pretty much, yeah.

NICK: Yeah.


NICK: And you decided to return to the Song Bird to confront Keyna having figured out that she must have duped you in some way, because the artifact you were searching for was not there. That’s where we’re gonna start off.

[electric jizz begins]

We see the crew standing at a familiar doorway holding pizza cones… the entrance to the Blue Bantha Jizz Club. It’s quiet inside. You can’t hear music, but the bouncer is glaring at you from the doorway. There’s no line to enter, only a thin trickle of smoke coming from the entrance. What do you do?

CAMERON: Karma points at the sign.

CAMERON (as Karma): They should probably update that if they want people to call it the Song Bird.

NICK (as bouncer): Yeah, I don’t think that’s gonna be too important anymore.

[music fades]

HUDSON (as Tink): How are you doing tonight, Buster Brown?

NICK (as bouncer): Oh, I’m doing just great, and you can call me Filo.

HUDSON (as Tink): Filo? I’m ‘feeling’ that.

NICK (as Filo): Ha! You’re funny. I’m the new bouncer.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, well can we take the pizza cones inside?

NICK (as Filo): No, absolutely not. No outside food or drink.

LILIT (as Xianna): What are you gonna do about it?

NICK (as Filo): Uh, beat you up. Keep you from entering. Bounce you, so to speak.

LILIT (as Xianna): What if I get inside before you catch me?

HUDSON (as Tink): Listen. Filo, Filo…

LILIT (as Xianna): What if I get in? If I get in before you catch me, do I get to eat the pizza cone inside?

NICK (as Filo): Well, then I’ll be chasing you around… like, if you can sprint and eat a pizza cone at the same time, I suppose that would invalidate the sign.

LILIT: Xianna slow-turns and looks at Karma and Tink, and has a look in her eye of like “I kinda wanna do this.”

CAMERON: Karma is doing the mom headshake, like “no.”

HUDSON: I do a headshake as well.

LILIT: But which way? Are you pro or anti Xianna running in to eat the pizza cone?

HUDSON: I’m actually just twisting my neck to make it crack. You can’t tell.

NICK: HK looks at Karma and looks at Tink and then begins to nod very slowly, in an affirmative gesture. The bouncer is shaking his head no. [chuckles]

LILIT: Xianna looks at Tink and HK, shakes her head.

LILIT (as Xianna): I’m doing it.

NICK (as Filo): What is your plan? There’s only one door, and I’m in front of it. I’m almost as wide as the door.

LILIT: Xianna’s plan is to slide between the legs of the bouncer as if trying to slide in and steal a base.

HUDSON: In kriffball.


NICK & CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT: Yes, kriffball. It’s a very inappropriate name for a sport in Star Wars, but you know what…

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: Hey, some people are into that. That’s okay.

LILIT: Yeah. Yeah. What kind of check would this be, and why would it be Skulduggery?

NICK: How about Coordination? This seems like a very agile move.

LILIT: I can add a blue die for a rank in Stalker. I have at least one rank in a skill called Shortcut, and during a chase, add a blue die per rank in Shortcut to any checks made to catch or escape an opponent.

NICK: [laughs] I would say that for the duration of this shenanigan you will get the Shortcut applied.

LILIT: Great.

NICK: So this will be an opposed check against the bouncer’s Athletics. He is three reds and a purple, and he also has two black die because you told him what you were going to do. He is standing there like a catcher in kriffball prepared to intercept you as you try to get past him.

LILIT: … Would a despair and a triumph—? They don’t cancel out.


CAMERON: They don’t cancel! [laughs]

NICK: They both apply. [laughs]

LILIT: Okay, so then…

CAMERON: You’ve got both.

LILIT: So a despair also has a failure.

NICK: Mm-hmm.

CAMERON: Uh-huh.

LILIT: Okay, so then I have…

NICK: [cackles]

LILIT: In this roll I have gotten a triumph and a despair, so no successes or failures, just a triumph and a despair.


NICK: Wow. So, because you did not succeed, you are not going to get past Filo the bouncer. That is the first bad news. What do you want to spend this triumph on?

LILIT: Xianna does not drop the pizza cone. Xianna has an almost gyroscopic hold on the pizza cone and not a single topping falls out of it.

[upbeat “shenanigans” music begins]

NICK: Great. The despair is that you juke left, you juke right, the pizza cone is perfectly preserved, even the steam rising from the still-hot treat is going straight up. You try to go between his legs, and, in a blur of motion, Filo grabs you by the collar of your jacket and just lifts you up in the air like a kitten, and we see Xianna with her mouth open and her tongue extended, like reaching for the pizza cone, and he’s holding her in front of him and doesn’t really look that inconvenienced by the weight of Xianna.

[music ends]

NICK (as Filo): Like I said, you’re not getting past me.

LILIT: Xianna does a weak little flail and kicks her boots about.


LILIT: But then is able to move her arm and smoosh the entire pizza cone into her mouth.

LILIT (as Xianna): [with her mouth full] Okay fine, but now you have to let me in, because now there is no pizza cone.

LILIT: Cheeks just puffed out like a chipmunk.

NICK (as Filo): The club’s closed. You can’t come in. Nobody’s allowed… which I would have told you if you hadn’t been so focused on pizza cones.

LILIT: Xianna manages to swallow all of the pizza cone.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, but we know the owner, Keyna.

CAMERON (as Karma): Also, we’ve been standing here for like 15 minutes. Why wouldn’t you mention that it was closed?

NICK (as Filo): I thought you were just looking at the sign trying to find a place for later. Well, that’s my mistake. Look, which of you is gonna take this little Twi’lek back? Because I don’t really wanna keep holding her in the air like this.

CAMERON (as Karma): I think you can just set her down.

NICK (as Filo): No, I must entrust her to someone’s care. She’s gonna try to get past me again.

LILIT (as Xianna): That is true. I will try again.

CAMERON (as Karma): You’re not wrong.

LILIT (as Xianna): I cannot be trusted.

NICK: He turns his wrist so that Xianna is face-to-face with him, her legs still kicking in the air. His arm is long enough that she can’t reach him. He looks her in the eye.

NICK (as Filo): [reprimanding, like to a dog] No. No getting into the club, little Twi’lek.

LILIT (as Xianna): I will. I will shoot you if I have to.

NICK (as Filo): Whoa. Whoa, that escalated.

LILIT (as Xianna): Exactly! That is what I am saying. We have very important business to attend to with Keyna, and we will get in there one way or another.

NICK (as Filo): You, big guy, you look like you’re in charge.

NICK: He looks at Tink.

NICK (as Filo): Take this Twi’lek and get out of here.

HUDSON (as Tink): I do look like I’m in charge.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh! Tink, Tink, turn around so I can do a piggyback ride.

NICK (as Filo): No, you have to grab her by the coat so she can’t kick you. I figured this out.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, I would never kick you.

HUDSON (as Tink): I don’t believe you.

HUDSON: I grab her by the coat.

NICK (as HK): Secondary user, that is untrue. I have witnessed you kicking Tink on multiple occasions.

LILIT (as Xianna): HK, do not be a nark right now!

NICK (as HK): Is observation also being a nark?

LILIT (as Xianna): Stop it, HK!

CAMERON (as Karma): I guess, in certain situations, yes. You can observe and not say anything.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m sorry, Filo. As long as I just let them kick a lot they’ll tire themselves out.

NICK (as Filo): Yeah, that was kind of my thinking. But we’ll reopen tomorrow if you want to come back to the Blue Bantha.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh no, but if Keyna finds out you are calling it the Blue Bantha she is going to be mad.

NICK (as Filo): Oh, uh… well the sign says Blue Bantha.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, it’s called the Song Bird. I’m going to tell her and you are going to get in trouble. However, if you let me in now, I won’t tell her you have been calling it the Blue Bantha, and I think you know that she gets very mad when people call it the wrong name.

NICK (as Filo): Oh yeah, I’m uh… super worried about what she’s gonna do if she finds out about me.

NICK: Y’all wanna make me Perception checks?

LILIT: I got nothing.

NICK: Oh, okay.

LILIT: Just entirely blank on the dice.

CAMERON: One success, three advantages.

NICK: Awesome.

HUDSON: I got one advantage.

NICK: So Tink and Xianna are a little occupied with their newly acquired pose. Xianna, are you getting tired from kicking in the air or can you do this forever?

LILIT: Xianna is trained and does surprisingly keep up with conditioning and workouts, so she can continue kicking for quite some time, and will.

NICK: [laughs] Continues to try to shake yourself loose from Tink.

LILIT: Not really trying to shake herself loose, just doing it more out of spite.


NICK: Just making it more difficult.

LILIT: To show that she can.

NICK: [laughs] Karma, while they’re engaged in that, and HK seems to be encouraging the behavior, you notice a couple of things.

One, this isn’t the same bouncer from before. The bouncer from before was… They’re both Human, but the bouncer before was average height, really wiry, somebody who tries to settle things by talking, you know the type. This guy is huge, muscly, and you’re not quite sure but just has the posture of someone who spends a lot of time in space, not really someone who would be planet-bound.

And if you want, with those three advantages, he appears to have some sort of weapon on his back. You can’t quite tell what it is, but this doesn’t look like a normal bouncer to you.

CAMERON: Hmm. Interesting. So I think Karma leaves the chaos that’s happening with the rest of the crew, kind of off to the side, and heads over to the bouncer. She just kinda leans against the door next to him and the door but obviously is not trying to enter the door, just has taken on the, you know, the recognizable kind of resigned stance of someone whose crew does this a lot.

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON: And she’s just gonna wait it out. If I am leaning back and am even with him, can I see what weapon it is?

NICK: It looks like a large vibro-machete. Like, it’s too big to be a knife but not quite a sword. It looks jagged and nasty. It’s a very uncivilized weapon.

CAMERON (as Karma): Whoa, is that a vibro-machete?

NICK (as Filo): Uh…

CAMERON (as Karma): Sorry, I’m kind of a collector.

CAMERON: Karma gestures to self and is quite covered in weaponry.

NICK: He looks a little uncomfortable.

NICK (as Filo): Uh… yeah, it’s uh… You know, when customers get too rowdy you gotta have something a little bit bigger to deal with.

CAMERON (as Karma): That does seem like it would accomplish the intimidation trip pretty well.

NICK (as Filo): Generally, yeah. I try not to pull it out, because bouncers don’t normally use weapons, I think.

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t know if I would say that bouncers aren’t normally using weapons, but in an establishment such as this I wouldn’t be surprised if the bouncers were at least armed for if anything super rowdy started on the inside.

NICK (as Filo): What do you mean a place like this? This is a normal nightclub.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, but we were here like two days ago, and while yes, classy establishment, still, when a lot of alcohol is flowing, things happen.

NICK (as Filo): Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Um… can you, uh, give me a little space? You’re a little close to the door, and like you pointed out, you’re pretty well-armed. Making me a little nervous. I’d hate to have to call the city guard or something.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh yeah, no.

CAMERON: Karma scoots over. Does the stepping away of the kid being like it’s not me, I’m not near you. Very innocent, just picking at her nails.

NICK (as Filo): So… you all just gonna stand here all night? I mean, I’m enjoying watching the Twi’lek kick around, that’s kinda funny, but we’re closed, so be gone or whatever.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, I was just planning on letting them tire themselves out, because then that energy’s gone and I don’t have to deal with it later.

LILIT (as Xianna): That is a joke on you, karma. I can do this all day! This isn’t even me on any impact. Just think about the possibilities if I did.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright. Alright. I think we should let this gentleman alone and head back. Maybe another pizza cone. What do y’all say?

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, I don’t have a pizza cone currently, so…

CAMERON (as Karma): Could we do like dessert pizza cones?

HUDSON (as Tink): We could do that.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. There is like a fruit filled one.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright, alright ,let’s head out, all.

HUDSON: So I turn and walk away, holding Xianna still in my arm.

NICK (as HK): I shall follow Boss Man.

NICK: HK continues with you as you walk off down the street.

CAMERON (as Karma): So when are y’all opening up again?

NICK (as Filo): Uh… probably tomorrow. That seems right, like tomorrow, probably. Not tonight, that’s for sure.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright. Thank you. Have a pleasant evening.

NICK: As you turn to leave, the smoke gets a little bit thicker coming out of the door behind the bouncer, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

CAMERON: Does it smell like something’s on fire smoke or like someone is smoking a death stick smoke?

NICK: It smells like something has been smoldering. It doesn’t smell like the whole place is burning down, but it smells like “fire” fire, not like smoke fire.

CAMERON: Okay. Karma jogs to catch up with the rest of the group.

NICK: Please tell me y’all duck down an alley like 50 yards down the way.

[groovy jizz begins]

CAMERON: Oh yeah, as soon as the building ends we turn.

LILIT: Yeah, Xianna immediately says, still being held up like a small kitten by Tink:

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, so are we going to loop back around and just break in?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah. So that’s not the same bouncer as before, he has a vibro-machete, and I think something either is still currently or has been previously on fire inside. And he couldn’t give me the operating hours for when they’re gonna be opening back up, and he seems very sketchy, and… I think something’s going on.

LILIT (as Xianna): That seems like a fair assessment.

HUDSON (as Tink): Most places have at least more than one door. That’s like a fire code thing, right?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm.

HUDSON (as Tink): And some of them have roof access.

CAMERON (as Karma): We learned that earlier. [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): We did.

HUDSON (as Tink): So how do we get to the roof? Ladder or jetpack? I’m going jetpack, honestly.

CAMERON (as Karma): You have a jetpack?

NICK (as HK): Boss Man, where are you getting a jetpack?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. I don’t have a jetpack.

HUDSON (as Tink): I don’t have one. I hadn’t gotten far enough along to know where to get one, I just want one.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. Or, alternative method, you put me down and I just find a ladder and we go up. Or we just find a door.

CAMERON (as Karma): Or we see if there’s a door on the ground.

LILIT (as Xianna): Or a window.

NICK (as HK): Tink, why don’t you just try to throw Xianna onto the roof.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, that’s a great idea.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, please do not throw me. Don’t do that.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay, not this time, unless we need to. Don’t totally shut down the idea.

LILIT (as Xianna): No… I mean, I will keep my options open, I just do not feel like it is appropriate in this circumstance.

HUDSON (as Tink): Mm-hmm.

NICK: So, you all are trying to case the joint and figure out a way to get onto the roof?

CAMERON: Or just get in.

NICK: To get in, in general. Let’s make a Skulduggery check.

LILIT: Can do!

NICK: This one’s going to be… we’ll say hard, because the bouncer is being pretty vigilant, so you’re having to do it while the bouncer doesn’t notice you. And there will be a black die, because this place was a gang front, so like, it has security.

LILIT: Yeah, I’m gonna use my skill in Convincing Demeanor to remove a black die in a Skulduggery check. That is one success and three advantages.

NICK: Okay. With your advantages, would you rather have a ground floor door that’s not being guarded or go in through a skylight or a vent or something?

LILIT: Hmm. I think ground floor door that is not being guarded.

NICK: Okay. You are successful with this. Are you rolling too, Hudson?

HUDSON: Yeah, just to see what happens.

CAMERON: [laughing] Figure we may as well.

NICK: Okay. Yeah.

HUDSON: So I have a triumph with no successes and three threats.

NICK: Okay, we’re gonna come back to that. Karma, how did you do?

CAMERON: I just got an advantage.

NICK: Okay. Karma, Xianna starts to orbit this club at about a half block distance, ducking in and out of the shadows. You stay with her, no problems. Tink, you are unable to find any sort of entrance.

HUDSON: I get a call on my coms from none other than Donny Donaldson.

CAMERON: [laughs]

[coms ring]

LILIT (as Donny): Oh uh hey there, Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Donny! How’s it going?

LILIT (as Donny): Good. Good. You know I filled that hole right up for ya.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh great! That hole?

LILIT (as Donny): Yeah, that one you called me about the other day, you know.

HUDSON (as Tink): Nasty bugger.

LILIT (as Donny): It was certainly a hole that I did indeed fill. Because you know, if you ever need a hole filled, I’m gonna do it for ya.

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s what you always say, a lot. You say that a lot.

LILIT (as Donny): You know, it is almost entirely my entire business model there, so… it’s what I do.

HUDSON (as Tink): You know, some would say there’s not a lick of personality besides hole filling for you, Donny.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Donny): You know, I see a hole and I wanna fill it, so… it’s my life calling.

HUDSON (as Tink): So, I’m outside of a club formerly known as the Blue Bantha, and I’ve seen there’s a lot of really well filled in areas around here. You familiar with the place?

LILIT (as Donny): Oh, that there building on Coruscant. I have filled some holes in that area.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ever filled a hole in the Blue Bantha?

LILIT (as Donny): I have indeed.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh… can you describe it?

LILIT (as Donny): The hole or the building? I believe it was a hole leftover from installing some plumbing.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah.

CAMERON: [giggles]

LILIT (as Donny): Is there something specific you wanna know?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, keep this on the down-low, Donny, but we’re trying to get into this building to speak with a certain individual that they’re not letting us speak to, it seems.

LILIT (as Donny): Oh, well uh, if that’s the case, you know, you’re such a repeat customer, Tink—normally I would charge a consulting fee for information like this, you know me, but I’ll give this one to you for free.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh.

LILIT (as Donny): On the southwest corner of that building there is a sewage access hatch. It doesn’t actually take you straight to the sewage, quiet yet. It’s just a tunnel that leads to a few different other, you know, sewage access points. However, one of the tunnels does go right underneath that building.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ohh.

LILIT (as Donny): And you can go up and you can access the bathroom grate.

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s very cool. That’s a really good thing to know—

NICK: Tink falls prone.

[dramatic bass noise, laughter]

LILIT (as Donny): Oh Tink, that sounded like a nasty fall. You okay?

HUDSON (as Tink): Ugh, aw kriff. I scraped my knee. Ugh!

LILIT (as Donny): Oh, that one didn’t sound good. Sounded like you probably broke the screen of your com too. That’s no good.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah. It had a little crack there. Ugh, alright. Well hey, this was great information. While I’m down in that access tunnel I’ll be looking for the telltale signs of Donny Donaldson filling holes in that area. You know what I mean, when you leave your mark.

LILIT (as Donny): Tink, I don’t know what the fuck you’re trying to say. You know that when I fill a hole it is seamless. You never know that I’m there.

HUDSON (as Tink): No! You don’t put DD for Donny Donaldson like etched in there?

LILIT (as Donny): Oh, I sometimes do that in the general area, but never right on the hole. I don’t want people to know exactly where the hole was. That’s the whole point of filling in the hole!

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s the hole point?

LILIT (as Donny): It’s the hole point!

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright. I think I get it now.

LILIT (as Donny): Anyways Tink, I gotta go.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright.

LILIT (as Donny): Okie-dokie. Bye.

HUDSON (as Tink): Thank you!

NICK: Click. Beep. Tink, do you attempt to meet up with Xianna and Karma or do you soldier on to go into this sewer hole?

HUDSON: I go to the sewer hole alone and don’t tell anyone.

NICK: Okay. We get a split shot of Karma and Xianna and HK leaning against a wall next to a door that appears unlocked and unguarded leading into the Song Bird Jizz Club, and then there’s a slash down the middle of the screen and we also see Tink on another side of the building crawling on his elbows, army style, through this grate that is tall enough that he probably could walk slightly bent over, but he’s army crawling down this tunnel.

As Tink is crawling through this tunnel, the screen goes to a full shot of the rest of the crew of the Afternoon Delight, and the interior of the club is not in good shape. There are blaster bolts that have scorched the walls, and the bartender is sprawled across a table on the side of the room looking like he’s been shot. There are no patrons in the club, but you can tell that the staff put up a fight. You can’t tell how many people must have attacked this place, but it must have taken a well-armed group to take it down.

The statue of the blue bantha at the entrance has been demolished, and the private booths on the second floor are burned out. It looks like someone took the time to toss grenades up there. The room looks otherwise deserted.

CAMERON: Karma goes over and checks the pulse on the bartender who’s laying there.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello!

NICK: So Xianna’s calling out to see if anybody’s there. Karma checks the pulse. The bartender is extremely dead.


NICK: As you roll him over to reach to his neck for a pulse there’s a large blaster hole in his chest.


LILIT (as Xianna): Is anybody home?!

NICK: From backstage you hear the rattle of some kind of conflict and someone yelling:

NICK (as Keyna): [muffled] Hey, I’m back here!

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, but who is back there?

NICK (as Keyna): [muffled] It’s me, Keyna. Quick—Agh!

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t know… Karma, it is probably a trap, but we should go look.

CAMERON: Karma’s got her carbine out, so… I kick open the door.

NICK: So you kick open the door to see the back hallway behind the stage, and there’s another door that leads into Keyna’s dressing room, and you can hear the sounds of a struggle within. Do you also kick open that door?

CAMERON: I open that door calmly.

NICK: Oh, you open that door calmly.

CAMERON: Mm-hmm.

NICK: Wonderfully. Xianna, do you go with her?


NICK: So we see Karma take point and Xianna and HK close behind as Karma calmly opens the door. You can see that the dressing room has been completely tossed. Stuff is thrown everywhere. There’s some errant blaster bolts. Keyna is leaning against a wall clutching her side. Her dress has been burned away slightly and there appears to be some sort of ruffian.

There’s a Besalisk wearing a jumpsuit with powered brass knuckles on each of his forehands and his large head is facing towards Keyna, and you can hear him saying…

NICK (as Besalisk): Come on. You had some stuff in here. Where’s the rest of it?

NICK: …and he looks like he’s about to punch her.

CAMERON: I’m gonna shoot him.

NICK: Okay. Roll me a shoot. It’s an easy check, you’re at close range, and you get two blue dice because he is not paying attention. He’s busy interrogating Keyna.

CAMERON: Cool. Okay, I’m gonna aim.

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: He hasn’t gone yet this encounter.

NICK: Technically he has, but not in an encounter with you.

CAMERON: I haven’t seen it! [laughs]

NICK: Anyway, that’s fine.

CAMERON: So a triumph, three successes, four advantages.

NICK: So that’s several crits and how much damage?

CAMERON: Sixteen.

NICK: So this guy is dead. Where do you shoot him?

CAMERON: Was he facing away from us or kind of sideways?

NICK: Yeah, he’s facing away from you towards Keyna.

CAMERON: Okay, yeah, just in between the shoulder blades. All four of the shoulder blades. [laughs] So center of back, actually, I guess.

NICK: [laughs] Yeah. You blast him right in the middle of the back, and his arms, all four of them, fly up in the air, and he collapses face-first on the ground. You know that you basically cored this guy out. He’s dead. Keyna looks up still holding her side.

NICK (as Keyna): Well it’s about time somebody showed up.

NICK: She focuses past you, Karma, because she never actually saw you, did she?

CAMERON: Nope! We never interacted.

NICK: And sees Xianna and says:

NICK (as Keyna): You! Well I’m glad you brought some friends who can fight.

NICK: HK gives a little wave.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, we are not here to fight “for” you. Well…

LILIT: And Xianna pauses.

LILIT (as Xianna): …I guess in a way, because we are here to talk to you, so if we had to fight to get to you, we are doing that, but we’re not like fighting “for” you if you catch my drift. Because you fucking lied to me, and I do not appreciate that.

NICK: She pushes herself away from the wall and sits in the chair that’s in front of the vanity, and it spins around so she can face you. She’s still got one hand pressed to her side.

NICK (as Keyna): How bad does the club look out there?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, it is a mess, just like an absolute disaster. Like, just a trash dumpster fire of a building.

CAMERON (as Karma): First floor, structurally okay, you got some blaster bolts on the walls. Your second floor, all of the booths are burned out, still smoldering.

NICK (as Keyna): Ah kriff.

CAMERON (as Karma): Your bar staff is dead.

NICK (as Keyna): Ugh!

CAMERON (as Karma): The bars looked intact.

NICK: She looks sad. Her highlight feathers turn a somber purple.

NICK (as Keyna): That’s a shame about the staff. Hopefully some of them got away, because we’re gonna need some vengeance after this.

CAMERON (as Karma): I only saw one bartender, inside.

NICK (as Keyna): Okay good, that means the others maybe made it out. And yes, I did lie to you.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. This all sounds like a you problem and not a me problem. I am just looking for the yellow crystal, and you made me pretend to be a ghost. It was fun and all, but like, I did not get the crystal and I had to kill a guy to do that, so I would just like the crystal now so I don’t have to kill you. Okay?

NICK (as Keyna): You… Wow, there’s a lot to digest with that sentence. Hopefully you killed more than one person. The deal was for killing all of them.

LILIT (as Xianna): I  mean, but the deal was also that I would get to keep the yellow crystal, and guess what, it was not there.

NICK (as Keyna): Well.

LILIT (as Xianna): And I think we killed most of them, but some of them ran away because there was a ghost, and I don’t think they’re ever coming back, so like same thing.

NICK (as Keyna): So it’s finally over. You got rid of the Kemslingers… Thank you. Yes, I did lie, but trust me when I say they were the worst scum of the galaxy and they deserved to die. Thank you for killing them, or convincing them that there was a ghost… I’m gonna admit, I was not expecting that.

CAMERON (as Karma): I wasn’t either.

NICK (as Keyna): It’s a bit of a surprise.

NICK: You can tell—When you first met her, Xianna, Keyna had very much the ditsy show person personality and then when you threatened her she got pretty serious, and now you’re seeing the character underneath. Her eyes are hard, and she is only mildly distracted by the blaster wound in her side, and she’s evaluating you all.

NICK (as Keyna): So at this point, honestly, I probably would have just given you the crystal. I didn’t expect you to succeed. I had it… uh, operative word is had. The assholes who turned over my club took it from me. For real this time. I understand that sounds a little suspicious, but…

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright, I do have follow-up questions, but first, do you need this?

CAMERON: And Karma holds out either a med pack or a stim, because she’s got both.

NICK: Probably a stim.

CAMERON: Holds out a stim pack.

NICK (as Keyna): Oh, thank you.

NICK: She takes it and jabs it into her side, and takes a much deeper breath and the blood slows down coming out of her side.

NICK (as Keyna): Oh, that is better.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright. Now who are these assholes?

NICK (as Keyna): I’m gonna admit, I haven’t seen them before. That was part of how they got in so close through my security. Normally my group is a little bit better defended than this, but they came in with overwhelming force. I’m glad only one person died and that we weren’t open yet for the night. That’s good. They were led by some sort of Tognath. I’ve never seen him before. Kept yelling about trying to find their piece of the Broken Force.

LILIT: Xianna throws her head back.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh my god. This is so complicated! Okay, ugh. Do you have any idea where they are now?

NICK (as Keyna): Well, they never said the name of their leader, but they did mention that they were getting back to Lessu. I don’t know why they said it in front of me. Probably because they were gonna kill me, honestly, but I’ve never heard of a planet called Lessu before.

LILIT (as Xianna): [whining] Oh my god. Oh, it is not a planet. It is a capital city. Oh my god. Okay, fine. Thank you very much.

LILIT: Xianna just looks so pissed and walks over to the vanity and starts rummaging around some of the drawers and then finds a very large jeweled necklace and just holds it up, points to it.

LILIT (as Xianna): I am taking this, because you lied to me and I want it, so I am taking it now. Okay? Thank you. I hope you have a good evening and that you survive the night. Goodbye.

NICK (as Keyna): Surprisingly benevolent of you. That’s, uh… that’s just costume jewelry.

LILIT: [smiling] Xianna throws it into the nearest little trash bin.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay! No. You are pointing me out a real one.

NICK (as Keyna): They tossed this whole place. Do you think they didn’t find it?

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh, okay! Fine. Whatever.

LILIT: Xianna rummages back into the trashcan, picks up that necklace, throws it back into the little jewelry box, and picks up the whole jewelry box and leaves.

LILIT (as Xianna): I am taking the whole thing then! Goodbye and kriff you!

NICK: As Xianna stomps out of the room, HK’s head swivels 180 degrees to watch her go. Tink, you’re still in a tunnel, just so you know.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON: As Xianna walks out of the room, in the distance, almost like far away, you can hear an echoey voice start to sing.

HUDSON (as Tink): It’s 9 o’clock on a Saturday.

CAMERON: [laughs]

[ominous music begins]

LILIT: The camera zooms in on Xianna’s face as she slowly turns around and stares down this empty dark hallway, and it pans forward and the voice just begins to echo.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh my god. Is there… Is this… Is that a ghost?

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): There’s an old man sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, oh wait, never mind. Tink! Tink, is that you, or are you a ghost?

HUDSON (as Tink): [hums loudly to Piano Man]


LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, tell me that is you and not a real ghost. I am having a bad day and I do not want to deal with a ghost.

[ominous music fades]

CAMERON: Hudson, I need to know. Does Tink actually have a harmonica or is he making those noises with his mouth?

HUDSON: He’s making those noises with his mouth.


CAMERON: Okay. I didn’t know how prepared he was.

[ominous music returns]

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. I don’t care if you are Tink or a ghost. I’m leaving now. I don’t need to deal with any of this.

HUDSON: Right in front of Xianna, as it gets louder and louder, suddenly the grate right in front of her feet pops open, and Tink jumps out and says:

[ominous music ends]

HUDSON (as Tink): Sing us a song, you’re the piano man!


LILIT (as Xianna): Tink… I cannot deal with this. I am so sorry, friend, but we have… we are going. Okay. Here, you carry this.

LILIT: And shoves the jewelry box into Tink’s arms.

NICK: From the doorway you hear:

NICK (as HK): Primary user, sing us a song tonight.

HUDSON (as Tink): Because we’re all in the mood for a melody!

NICK (as HK): And you’ve got me feeling alright.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh, we are going now.

NICK: Karma, as you turn to follow your singing friends, Keyna says:

NICK (as Keyna): Wait. Wait, wait. I don’t like being in debt to people, and I imagine you’re gonna be back on Coruscant at some point.

NICK: She reaches under the chair where she’s been sitting and she pulls out a blaster and then sets it in her lap and reaches under the chair again and pulls out a small wooden box. She hands it out to you.

NICK (as Keyna): These are the real ones. I’d like you to share it with your friend. I’m not going to apologize, but hopefully this is close enough.

CAMERON: Karma takes it and opens the box. What is… What are we talking here?

NICK: It’s a simple necklace of yellowish gems that line on a silver chain. It’s very pretty. It’s elegant. You’re not a jeweler, you’re not sure how much it’s worth, but if the gems are real it’s worth probably a couple thousand credits.

NICK (as Keyna): That’ll cover the stim pack and the job, I guess. If you’re ever back on Coruscant, I hope you’ll stop by the Blue Bantha. Fuck.

CAMERON (as Karma): Song Bird?

NICK (as Keyna): I hope you’ll stop by the Song Bird again.

CAMERON: Karma closes the box and hands it back.

CAMERON (as Karma): I think you’re gonna need this more than us, actually, and the people who care have already left the room.

NICK (as Keyna): Wow.

CAMERON (as Karma): Save us… I want one of those booths reserved.

NICK: She smiles real wide and her feathers turn a chipper yellow color and she takes it back.

NICK (as Keyna): Yeah, we’ll keep you the best one in the house. Thanks. I’m Keyna, by the way. I don’t think we’ve been introduced.

CAMERON (as Karma): Karma. Yeah, I’ve heard a lot about you, but it was mostly from Xianna so it hasn’t been great, I’ll be honest.

NICK (as Keyna): Oh, well… sometimes when people are a little bit too similar, you know.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hmm. I very much appreciated and enjoyed your performance, though, when we were here a few nights ago.

NICK (as Keyna): Thank you.

CAMERON (as Karma): I hope you’re able to recover from this. The bantha statue got destroyed. That’s a bonus, right?

NICK (as Keyna): Oh, that’s a relief. Well I guess it’s time for me to start rebuilding. If you could leave me to it, I think I’m gonna be okay now. Thank you for the stim pack.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah. Good luck.

CAMERON: Karma wants to leave via the front door.

NICK: Okay. So, Tink and HK and Xianna, are you headed to the front door or the side door?

LILIT: What we see is we get a star wipe to the inside of the Blue Bantha slash Song Bird, the main area. There’s burning tables, trash everywhere, smoke in the air, and walking through the smoke is Tink and HK, arms thrown around each other, squishing Xianna into the middle, just a little sandwich, and Xianna looks so unhappy to be there, and HK and Tink are just singing away.

NICK: You all get to the front door and Tink kicks the door open and you see Filo turn around surprised.

HUDSON (as Tink): And man, what are you doing here?!

CAMERON: From behind the singing trio comes a blaster bolt from Karma shooting the bouncer.

NICK: It strikes Filo right between the eyes and he collapses to the ground, and HK’s head swivels 180 degrees.

NICK (as HK): Nice shot, Karma.

CAMERON (as Karma): [sweetly] Thanks.

NICK: And that’s gonna be the end of the episode.

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews help new listeners find the show, and every time we get one the squad does a special secret dance.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of fun Patreon levels including Hot Tub Hangout, a level that gives you access to monthly movie nights with the squad, livestreams, extra Q&A sessions, and bonus extra Discord channels.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all of your cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find the link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

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