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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 31:
A Moral Quandary
Transcript by Raina Harper
LILIT: Hello everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.
Music credits and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.
Now let’s get into the episode.
NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 31! I’m your host and game master, Nick. It’s the first episode of the rest of our lives. Glad to have you. We’re gonna go around the table. Everybody say who you are and who you’re playing today starting with… Cameron.
CAMERON: Hello. I’m Cameron, and I play Karma Nailo, a Nautolan bounty hunter.
NICK: Awesome. Up next we’ve got Hudson.
HUDSON: Hi! I’m Hudson, and I play Tink, a Gigoran slicer.
NICK: Last but not least we’ve got Lilit.
LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I play Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.
HUDSON: No bits today, you know.
LILIT: No, no bits.
CAMERON: No, pretty straightforward.
NICK: Wo. I was waiting to call everyone out on it, but now you called it out so it’s not like a win, really. It’s just an observation.
HUDSON: No, you can still save it, Nick. You can still do a bit.
NICK: Um… Oh no, I panicked. I have nothing.
CAMERON: Yeah, no, you’ve waited too long now. It’s not gonna work.
NICK: I got no bits.
HUDSON: Oh, I got some—
LILIT: [silly voice] Eyy, I’m doing a bit over here!
NICK: There it is.
LILIT: [silly voice] Eyy, there it is, we’re doing a bit.
HUDSON: Wait, is that Donny?
LILIT: No, that’s not Donny.
HUDSON: Oh. A little deeper accent for Donny.
LILIT: [Donny’s voice] Yeah, you know, this is Donny, [silly voice] but this is not Donny. Eyy! I make’a the pizza!
NICK: God damn it. Before we get started with the recap, let’s do the Destiny Roll~!
CAMERON: I have one light side.
HUDSON: One dark side.
LILIT: Two light side.
NICK: Great! When we last left off you all had begun your infiltration of the governor’s mansion on Lessu, on the planet of Ryloth, with an intention to assassinate the governor, hopefully removing some Imperial influence from the planet and helping the Twi’lek people to gain some independence and freedom. You split up into two groups: Xianna with her sister, Taan’na, went with Endo and went one direction into the mansion, and Karma, Tink and HK went the other way.
Avoiding several security patrols and eventually coming to a group of security bots by a door that you assume leads to the office, on the part of HK, Karma and Tink, and finding a large empty darkened room on the parts of Xianna and Taan’na where Endo decided to make his move and try to kill Xianna for vengeance and presumably just because he’s not very nice. So, that’s where we left off.
We open with a shot of a pair of very stylish boots. A rivulet of blood runs down to pool along the floor. We pan up to see a pair of utilitarian pants, part of a Twi’lek staff uniform, tucked into the boots. The pants are soaked in blood. As we pull back we see Xianna with a wound in her back. Her sister, Taan’na, is a few meters away looking around in the dark. A voice echoes from the shadows.
NICK (as Endo): I was going to keep Taan’na alive. She’s been useful for squeezing every last credit out of the Resistance. It’s a shame that she’ll die to the Empire on this mission.
NICK: Taan’na looks slightly panicked and shoots her blaster into the dark and Endo laughs.
NICK (as Endo): [sinister, smug] Hahahaha.
NICK: We cut to HK, Tink and Karma. They are dressed in formal attire. HK just planted a blaster bolt into the back of a security droid’s head. To everyone’s surprise, it doesn’t drop but instead begins to power weapons. An alarm starts to blare in the distance and both droids begin to aim at their assailants. This narrow hallway offers very little cover. You can’t help but feel like a gooberfish in a barrel.
We’re gonna start by rolling initiative! Let’s do two separate initiatives because we’re gonna jump back and forth in combat, so let’s do Karma, Tink and HK first and then we’ll do Xianna, Taan’na and Endo second.
CAMERON: Karma’s got two successes, four advantages.
HUDSON: Tink has one success and three advantages.
NICK: HK is rolling two yellows and a green.
CAMERON: Two successes, three advantages.
NICK: These droids will be going individually. They roll three yellow.
CAMERON: Five successes, one advantage. Two successes, three advantages.
NICK: Okay. First up is an NPC. The droid that didn’t get shot turns its weapons towards HK. It looks like it’s priming up a missile and then calculating the blast radius and instead changes to the rotary cannons on its arms. It tries to light HK up from short range. So it’ll be three yellows versus one purple.
CAMERON: Three advantages.
NICK: Wow. Okay. So, this thing shoots and the blasters trace up the walls around HK but he’s able to hide behind the droid that he just shot, the droid named Beef, and takes cover behind there so the other droid can’t hit him. But, that means HK is right in line for this other droid to shoot him and that droid will be getting two blue dice on their turn. Up next we have a PC slot.
HUDSON: How many light side points do we have?
HUDSON: Can I use a light side point to have a weapon or a thing that can be used as a weapon that I didn’t previously say I had?
CAMERON: You’ve got your axe on you.
HUDSON: True. I was wanting magnetic sand to throw at them from my pocket.
CAMERON: [giggling] Okay.
LILIT: [delighted] Pocket sand!
HUDSON: And mess up their internals.
NICK: Yeah, you could flip a light side point to have some sort of strange mix of mercury and iron that’s magnetic.
CAMERON: Didn’t last time you have a triumph where you could pull out something randomly for a magic trick at any point?
NICK: Oh yeah! Yeah.
HUDSON: Oh! Okay. Then I don’t even need to use a light side point.
NICK: So you don’t even have to flip a light side point. You said that you had something that you would pull from your hat and that it was going to be a surprise. So, describe pulling this item from your hat. All according to plan.
HUDSON: So I quickly flip open my hat and I flip it in the air a few times. I catch it and I stick my hand in there and I pull out some iron sandy pellets that are magnetized. I say alakazam and I throw it at Beef as hard as I can to try to get some of these magnetized pellets into their internals.
NICK: Okay, make me a light ranged attack. We’ll say at easy difficulty because you’re very close.
HUDSON: Two successes.
NICK: Okay. You can either do 4 damage or you can use those successes to give two permanent black dice to Beef as his sensors go completely haywire. Which would you like to do?
HUDSON: Permanent black dice to Beef.
NICK: Okay. This stuff sticks to the droid’s face and he tries to wipe it off, but he has gun arms and he’s a large chassis droid so he can’t really reach his face, because he was not designed to be able to do that. So it just jams up his eyes and all of his sensors. It sounds like if you took an old mechanical hard drive and sprinkled sand on it while it was running full-speed. It just makes this grinding whirring noise. You’ve messed it up real good.
Up next is another NPC slot. Beef, the droid that was just hit, is going to attempt to shoot HK. It’s three yellows, one purple, two black dice and two blue dice. [laughs]
CAMERON: One failure, five advantages.
NICK: What the heck? Huh. He attempts to shoot. He doesn’t shoot anywhere near HK, but what he does hit is the lighting system and all of the lights completely go out. Anybody who doesn’t have some sort of way to see in pitch blackness, because there’s no windows in this hallway, is going to have two black dice added until you can get the lights back on or until you leave the room. Speaking of it getting dark, we jump over to this large cafeteria.
Somewhere from the shadows, Xianna, you can hear Endo laughing. His voice seems to be bouncing around the room. Taan’na looks very unsettled and confused. What do you do?
LILIT: Would it be within the realm of possibilities to say that Xianna would have brought her scanner goggles with her?
NICK: Yeah, I figured you did.
LILIT: Yeah. Xianna would take out the scanner goggles, plop those on, and then shoot Endo with a blaster.
NICK: Okay. Go ahead and make me a hard Perception check, but you’ll have no black die for the dark room because you’re wearing your scanner goggles.
LILIT: Two advantages.
NICK: So, unfortunately, you are not able to see Endo. He’s ducked back behind something. Maybe he’s in the vents. You don’t really know exactly how his teleportation that he’s doing works. But you shoot a couple of shots into the shadows, the laughing redoubles, and I’m gonna need you to roll initiative.
LILIT: Two advantages.
NICK: Okay. Cameron, roll me a yellow and two green for Taan’na please.
CAMERON: A success and four advantages.
NICK: And then roll me three yellows.
CAMERON: [laughing] Oh shit. Four successes and two triumphs?
NICK: Oh… Huh.
CAMERON: [disappointed] Why did I have to use up all my triumph rolls on Endo?
NICK: I don’t know… Xianna, what’s the worst thing you can imagine happening at the beginning of this fight?
LILIT: Being dead.
NICK: Okay, let’s take it down one notch from there. I was thinking he steals your goggles off your head. With the two triumphs as the starts, we start off with Endo. You’re beginning to recognize a certain rush of wind that happens as he teleports. You can feel the air stir. You haven’t figured out how to triangulate his movements with it yet, but you know he’s just moved.
The world goes dark as your scanner goggles are ripped from your head and you hear more chuckling laughter in the shadows. Endo spends a couple of strain and is going to shoot at Taan’na. Oh no, he doesn’t shoot, he’s got knives. Just kidding. You see him land behind Taan’na and wind up to take a strike at her with his vibro-knives, and it’s three yellow versus two purple, Cameron.
CAMERON: Five successes and one threat?
NICK: Holy cow. Well, Endo plunges the blade into her back right between Taan’na’s shoulder blades, and you can hear the impact from where you’re standing. She falls to her knees. That… That was a really bad hit. She is not unconscious, but she is doing very badly. She’s bleeding heavily. But, she turns, and can you make me a Perception check, Cameron, as Endo blinks out of existence?
CAMERON: Two successes, two threats.
NICK: Nice. The threats are she’s still a target, but she’s able to see where Endo went and she takes a shot at him. That’s a yellow and two greens, average difficulty, but there are two black dice for some reason. It’s just really hard to hit Endo. Then, an additional black die because it’s dark.
CAMERON: But then she gets a blue die because she’s aiming? Because she’s a good guy?
NICK: Sure. Yeah, she’s aiming. Oh… I forgot, though. It’s upgraded twice because Endo is Adversary 2.
CAMERON: So, a yellow, two green, a blue, two red, and three black. Three failures, one advantage, and a triumph.
NICK: So I think with the triumph she doesn’t hurt him but she hits him somewhere where he starts to bleed just a little, like it leaves a trail of blood, so you all are able to keep up with him a lot easier while he’s teleporting. You’ve kind of negated the fact that you have to find him in the dark.
Now he’s just all over the place. He grimaces but doesn’t notice and begins to flick around the room, and Xianna, you’re able to track on him. It is your turn. You are hurt very badly. Taan’na is hurt very badly. You’re fighting a knife-wielding hard-to-hit teleporting bug lizard guy. What are you gonna do?
LILIT: I’m going to aim and then shoot him.
NICK: Okay. You are able to find him, however it is three black dice: two for some reason, he’s hard to hit, one because it’s dark, and it is average difficulty. But it’s two reds because he has Adversary 2.
CAMERON: So add two purples and then subtract two purples and then replace those with two reds. [laughs]
NICK: [smiling] I don’t know why I always say it like that. I’m sorry.
LILIT: That is one success and four advantages.
LILIT: Four advantages is enough to crit because I have a Crit 3.
LILIT: It’s also a Pierce 2. Do we still have a Destiny Point?
CAMERON: Oh yeah, we got three.
LILIT: I’m going to use my skill Soft Spot which is after making a successful attack I may spend one Destiny Point to add damage equal to Cunning to a hit.
NICK: Oh! Okay.
LILIT: And my Cunning is a 5. So, the damage on that blaster is a 7, plus a success is an 8, plus 5 is 13.
NICK: Dang. Pierce 2?
LILIT: Pierce 2 with that crit.
NICK: Pretty good.
CAMERON: Alright. I will roll said crit. An 81?
LILIT: Ugh, 81: Winded. Cannot voluntarily suffer strain until end of encounter.
NICK: That just means he can’t aim, basically, because he’s using his movement every turn to blink around.
NICK: You hurt Endo very badly. What does it look like as you shoot this guy and really put him on the back foot? He was not expecting to take a hit like that.
LILIT: Xianna listens and hears a drop of blood falling and knows that must be where Endo is and is able to see the outline of his body, take aim, and then blast him where his shoulder meets his neck.
NICK: Great. He stumbles backwards and lets out a call of pain before blinking away. We’re going to jump back to the fight outside the governor’s office. Up next is a PC slot.
CAMERON: That would be Karma.
NICK: There are still two droids standing. They have shot at HK twice and missed.
CAMERON: Okay. How long is this hallway?
NICK: The hallway is probably medium range if you’re at the end of it.
CAMERON: Okay. Cool. Thank you.
CAMERON: So, I am going to shoot 5247.
NICK: Okay. The uninjured droid.
CAMERON: Yes. It is dark, but I have my scope so I remove those two black dice, and then I’m aiming… and I shoot them. [laughs] Four successes and two triumphs.
NICK: Dang. Okay.
NICK: So how much damage is that?
CAMERON: Uh… 17 damage?
CAMERON: With two crits.
NICK: Yeah. So go ahead and roll that crit. It’s +10 for the additional crit and then plus whatever your Lethal Blows is, which I know is a lot.
NICK: So it’s +40.
CAMERON: So we’re at +50. Uh, a 76, +50.
NICK: Yeah, so 126.
HUDSON: 126 through 130: Gruesome Injury. Permanent -1 penalty to random characteristic.
NICK: Roll a d10, Cameron.
CAMERON: Okay. A 2.
NICK: What is the 2 on the characteristic, Hudson?
HUDSON: 1 through 3 is Brawn.
NICK: Oh, okay, so he’s got less Soak now. The droid doesn’t go down but it is injured very, very badly. It’s barely hanging on with this massive shot. Where do you hit it?
CAMERON: Just straight center of the back. Just going for center of mass.
NICK: So you core out part of this droid. You can see it starts to move in a more jerky motion and bits of sparks and shards of armor spray onto the wall in front of this droid. You have made yourself known that you are also here. Up next is a PC slot. Last to go from this group would be HK. He’s going to try and knife Beef.
CAMERON: [snickers] I forgot he had a knife. [laughs]
LILIT: [amused] Knife Beef!
NICK: He lets go of his gun with one hand and you can see a blue glowing blade fountain up like a bit of water and then solidify and he tries to stab out the ocular attachment of the droid in front of him that had tried to shoot him and missed. He is going to aim.
CAMERON: With his knife?
NICK: Yeah. They said you could aim melee attacks. Didn’t I lose that argument?
CAMERON: You can aim if you’re throwing.
NICK: Okay fine.
CAMERON: We’ve said no aiming the melee.
NICK: Okay, then he’s not gonna aim. Cool. Good, I win. But he rolls one yellow and one green.
NICK: So he attempts to stab this droid straight in the eye socket and it manages to bat the knife away.
NICK (as HK): Well why did I do that? Next time I’ll use my gun. Stand still.
NICK: We’re going to jump back to the cafeteria. We are on Endo’s turn. I think he’s gonna attack Taan’na again, but he’ll have a black die this time because now y’all have started to figure out his strategy. Endo blinks to right in front of Taan’na and says…
NICK (as Endo): Boo.
NICK: …and tries to stab her in the chest.
CAMERON: He was at three yellows? For stabbings.
NICK: Three yellows, mm-hmm, but he has a black die because Taan’na is paying attention.
CAMERON: A success and a triumph?
NICK: Uh-oh. Roll me up that crit. He does have Vicious 2, so it’ll be +20.
CAMERON: An 86.
NICK: Plus 2, or +20, so 106.
LILIT: Horrific Injury, -1 penalty to random characteristic until injury is healed. They have a d10 chart.
CAMERON: Okay. That’s a 4.
NICK: Oh no.
CAMERON: Oh no.
NICK: So, I think he appears in front of her, goes like he’s going to stab her in the chest then ducks and cuts at the back of her leg. Okay, she’s barely up, just barely. Taan’na is limping.
NICK (as Taan): Xiann, shoot this kriffer in the face.
LILIT (as Xianna): What the fuck do you think I have been doing?! I have been trying! Just shut up!
NICK (as Taan): I am bleeding—
LILIT (as Xianna): Why don’t you shoot him?!
NICK (as Taan): I’m trying to shoot him. You’re the one who seems to be successful.
LILIT (as Xianna): I’ve been trying to shoot him. I did shoot him. Did you not see? I did! I hit him!
NICK (as Taan): You hit him, but look who’s getting stabbed. I am getting stabbed.
LILIT (as Xianna): Why are you like this? You always do this.
NICK (as Taan): I always do this? How would you even know? You haven’t been in my life for ten years.
NICK: [chuckles] And she starts to list from blood loss and holds herself up. It is Taan’na’s turn. She aims her gun at Xianna and shoots, and let’s see what happens. Two yellows and a green versus average difficulty.
CAMERON: But they’re reds.
NICK: But they’re reds, but she’s aiming.
CAMERON: One success, one advantage.
NICK: Hey! Nice. Xianna, you see your sister aim her gun at you and then pull slightly to the right. She shoots just over your shoulder and you can hear the impact as Endo is struck from where he was standing right behind you. He says…
NICK (as Endo): Kriff!
NICK: …and starts to step backwards into the shadows. Your sister smiles grimly. You can see blood staining her teeth a little bit even in the dark.
NICK (as Taan): There! See? I hit him, just like you asked. Now take care of this immediately. This is not good.
LILIT (as Xianna): Like, I told you. I told you Endo sucked and you didn’t listen. This is exactly like the time that you tried to bring that baby blurrg home, and I told you that the blurrg was awful and it smelled and that I don’t even think it was a real blurrg, but you kept going “no-no-no, mama will let us keep it, mama will let us keep it.” And I told you mama will not let us keep it, and I was right, and she made us go give it back to the races. It is exactly like that. You never listen to me.
NICK (as Taan): But that turned out to be Mister Stompers. You love Mister Stompers.
LILIT (as Xianna): I love Mister Stompers because he won me money. He was a terrible, terrible blurrg and he would have made an awful pet. I tried to warn you, but no, no, Xianna doesn’t know anything.
NICK: Taan’na looks like she’s barely staying on her feet and you hear her grumble.
NICK (as Taan): He didn’t smell that bad.
NICK: It is your turn.
LILIT: Xianna’s gonna turn around and shoot at Endo.
NICK: Yep. He has not yet teleported, so we’ll see. We’ll say he’s short range so only a red and a purple. One black die because it is dark and two black dice because of other reasons.
CAMERON: [laughing] So yes, three.
LILIT: So yes, with three black dice. That is one success and three advantages.
NICK: Nice. How much damage is that? You also get a crit, right?
LILIT: Yes. So that is a crit… That would be 8 damage, 2 Pierce, and that crit which would be +10 because this is his second crit.
CAMERON: A 99, so 109.
LILIT: A 109 is Horrific Injury.
NICK & CAMERON: [laughs]
LILIT: Minus 1 penalty to a random characteristic until injury is healed. That’s the d10 chart.
CAMERON: A 1.
NICK: That’s good. He uses knives. Ooh boy, he’s in a bad way.
NICK: Mm-hmm… So, with that, do you have anything snarky to say to your sister as you shoot Endo? He yelps and teleports.
LILIT: After shooting Endo, Xianna whips back around to Taan.
LILIT (as Xianna): Mister Stompers smelled worse than a tauntaun and you know it.
NICK: We’ll cut away to the hallway in front of the governor’s office. We’re back to the top of the initiative. Droid 5247 who is kind of cored out is going to turn and shoot a missile down the hallway at Karma, because Karma is not in the blast radius. That’s gonna be three yellows versus two purples.
CAMERON: And a black because I have Defense.
NICK: And a black because you have Defense.
CAMERON: A triumph and one advantage.
NICK: What?! So I don’t hit you?
HUDSON: But it’s real cool-looking.
CAMERON: But… one advantage and a triumph.
NICK: Yeah. So… [huffs] Here’s what he’s gonna do. He doesn’t hit you. The missile goes towards you and then I think you shoot one of the stabilizer fins of the missile, trying to shoot it down, and it flies up into the ceiling, makes a big explosion, knocks you backwards, and there’s a hail of rubble as the hallway is closed off. So, you are blocked from the rest of the group. You’re gonna have to find a way through or go around.
NICK: Up next is a PC slot. Who would like to go?
HUDSON: I’ll go.
HUDSON: I use my vibro-axe to kill Beef.
NICK: [laughs] Okay.
HUDSON: Or attempt to kill Beef.
NICK: Beef’s face is blinking. He’s confused. He’s been shot in the back of the head already. Go ahead and roll that up.
HUDSON: I have a triumph with a success and an advantage.
HUDSON: And I have Crit 1, so I think I do a crit or whatever.
NICK: Yeah, you do. You do a crit and then you can do a crit, an additional +10 since it’s Crit 1.
HUDSON: And I have Pierce 2 and Vicious 4, so that does…
NICK: Plus 50.
HUDSON: Plus 50 on my crit. Yeah.
NICK: Yeah. He hasn’t been crit on yet this combat, but that’s still +50.
CAMERON: A 20.
HUDSON: Plus 50.
NICK: Plus 50.
LILIT: Okay, so 70 is Scattered Senses. Gains no blue dice until end of encounter.
NICK: Okay. Well, his senses are already pretty damn scattered. How do you scatter this robot’s senses, Hudson? How do you hit him?
HUDSON: I turn my axe to the side and just lunge forward and just shove it in its tummy.
NICK: It goes straight through. We get that cool silhouette shot of the axe coming out the back of the droid and the momentary pause. Up next we’ve got Beef. Beef is staring at this axe embedded in his chest and he’s just going to plant the gun in his arm against Tink’s chest and pull the trigger a whole bunch. This will be an easy difficulty check.
CAMERON: Two successes, one threat.
NICK: Ooh. That is 10 damage coming at you, Tink.
NICK: He isn’t able to activate Auto-Fire, so that’s good, because that would have been very bad for you.
HUDSON: I have 11 damage left.
NICK: Okay. He just shoots you straight in the chest from basically point-blank range. Even with his unwieldy gun arms, he’s able to get that shot. Up next is a PC slot. Karma, are you gonna use it to try to get back to the rest of your group or are you gonna let HK go first?
CAMERON: From walking up here and having spent a large amount of time wandering through this mansion, do I think that there would be another way to get around?
CAMERON: Or was it this hallway was… this was the path?
NICK: You have two options cinematically speaking. One, you can run around. There were some doorways in that hallway. You figure one of them probably connects to a side hall. You could try and find it. Or two, back around the corner where you were there was a window. You could blast out the window and try to get into the governor’s office by climbing on the outside if you wanted.
CAMERON: [grinning] Yeah, I want to do that.
NICK: Okay. So you—
CAMERON: [grinning] That makes no sense. Let’s do it.
NICK: Yeah. Well, it’ll be cool. So you run back around the corner. There’s a window. You shoot it open and you start to climb on the stonework on the outside of this. We get the shot of Karma very small against this huge background at the top of this mountain with the wind whipping her head tails back and forth. And you start to climb. Roll me an Athletics check at hard difficulty.
CAMERON: Just a single success.
NICK: Okay. You start to climb your way along this ledge. It’s taking a little while, but you know you’re gonna find a way into the building further along. Now, the hallway that you were in did not have windows, but maybe you’ll find a window into a side door or maybe somewhere else.
With that, we’re gonna have HK go. He is going to attempt to kill 5247 who is right in front of him. He is going to aim, he is at short range, he is going to shoot with his sniper rifle. He rolls two green and two yellow.
CAMERON: Four successes, one advantage.
NICK: Nice. That is… oh gosh, 13 damage. So he kills 5247, just shoots his head straight off.
NICK (as HK): Boss Man, it is just me and you. Perhaps we can finish this mission before Karma finds her way around. Then we can take the credit. Quick, finish off your opponent.
NICK: We are going to jump back to the cafeteria. Xianna, it’s been roughly 30 seconds and you haven’t heard Endo move or been attacked. You are not sure where he is.
LILIT: Xianna starts looking around the room.
LILIT (as Xianna): Endo? Did we kill you? If we did, I guess don’t answer.
NICK: Taan’na is limping towards you.
NICK (as Taan’na): Why would he answer if he is alive and he couldn’t answer if he is dead? That’s a stupid question.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay fine, I will ask a better question. Endo, is your mother single? I’m going to go date your mother. I’m going to become your new stepdaddy. Endo~
NICK (as Taan’na): Xiann, that is gross.
LILIT (as Xianna): It works. You have no idea how many people I have gotten to get angry with me and give away their location with that one.
NICK: From a dark corner of the room where you can see just the barest outline of a door you hear Endo say:
NICK (as Endo): You won’t be able to because you’re not making it out of here alive.
LILIT: Xianna points towards the door.
LILIT (as Xianna): [smiling] See? See?! I told you. It works.
NICK: You can feel his glare from where you are even though you can’t see it. He runs through the door, like ducks through it and slams it shut, and you can hear maglocks engaging. Endo has vanished somewhere into the governor’s mansion.
LILIT: Xianna turns around.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay Taan, how hurt are you? Because I’m pretty fucking hurt.
NICK: Taan just sits cross-legged on the ground at your feet and puts her head in her hand.
NICK (as Taan): I have been better. Do you have any supplies? I hesitate to ask if you have medical training, but here we are.
LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t really have much medical training outside of stim packs and stuff. And also—
LILIT: Xianna holds up a finger.
LILIT (as Xianna): If Tink tells you he is a doctor, he is not a doctor.
NICK (as Taan): He does not look like a doctor.
LILIT (as Xianna): Absolutely not. He has never been to medical school or gotten a degree at all. Do not trust him.
HUDSON: Tink feels a disturbance in the Force.
NICK (as Taan): Yeah, that seems like a pretty strange thing to claim. He did offer me some very good legal advice, though.
LILIT (as Xianna): He is also not a lawyer. I’m pretty sure he just went to school for computers.
NICK (as Taan): Oh. You’re hanging with a strange crew.
NICK: She is slumping further and further down. You can tell, she’s probably about to lose consciousness.
LILIT: Yeah. So usually all of the bullshit Xianna brings with her is because she can fit it all into the coat. Would I have brought a select handful of things? Like the scanner goggles and stim packs.
NICK: Yeah. I would imagine you brought an assault kit.
NICK: You kept your good stuff.
LILIT: Xianna takes out two stim packs, hands one to Taan, and then uses the second one to inject herself.
NICK (as Taan): Oof… Did you just give me drugs?
LILIT (as Xianna): I gave you a stim pack, but if you want drugs I do have some.
NICK (as Taan): No, I do not want drugs.
LILIT (as Xianna): I just brought the impact with me. I did not bring anything else. I also found some weird hot spice a while back and I have not really found the perfect time to use it. I’m waiting for like a big party or like a very big event…
NICK (as Taan): Xiann… Xiann.
LILIT (as Xianna): Yes?
NICK (as Taan): I need you to focus up.
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, I’m focused.
NICK (as Taan): We are here to kill someone. We are not here to party.
LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, Endo. Oh, also the governor. Like whatever. How hard can that be? That is like just some dude.
NICK (as Taan): It does not matter if we kill Endo. He has given away his game. He will not be part of the Rebellion anymore. We will not be paying him. Hopefully we will be able to track him down soon. We must kill the governor while we are here. Security will only get stronger.
LILIT: Xianna walks over and grabs a tablecloth off one of the tables.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. Let’s make sure we are not bleeding anywhere or like super obviously injured so we can go back out and start looking for the governor so that we can kill him and get out of here. Also, if you’re not gonna pay Endo anymore, can I take that money? Like, if you already had it in the budget that you were going to spend it. Can we have that?
NICK (as Taan): That was mostly for food and supplies. Are you going to start smuggling us food and supplies, Xiann?
LILIT (as Xianna): I mean I could. But also, I myself need food and supplies.
NICK (as Taan): But if we were paying you there would need to be some sort of exchange of services, right?
LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. We could almost certainly smuggle you some food and supplies at some point.
NICK (as Taan): Then we would pay you. But no, I am not going to just give you what’s left of our money as a “well at least Endo is not working for us anymore” present. That doesn’t make any sense.
NICK: This whole time you’re talking you’re bandaging each other under your clothes and cleaning as much of the blood off as possible. You stand by the door heading a different direction from the way Endo went and you’re straightening your collars. Xianna, Taan’na wipes your shoulders off and pats both hands on your shoulders.
NICK (as Taan): You clean up pretty good, sister.
LILIT: Xianna strikes a little pose.
LILIT (as Xianna): I clean up very good. I’m very hot. Anyways.
LILIT: Xianna pats Taan on the head.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, let’s go now.
NICK: The two of you head off alone into the mansion. I need a hard Streetwise check to see if you’re able to move without being detected and if you’re able to figure out where the governor’s office is quickly. There are two black dice because you have blaster wounds and you haven’t been here before.
LILIT: Could I argue for a blue die because we looked at blueprints?
LILIT: Also I have Street Smarts!
NICK: Street Smarts!
LILIT: So I can remove black dice from Streetwise or Knowledge (Underworld) checks. That is five successes and one advantage.
NICK: Awesome. You’re able very quickly to know exactly where to go and people think you’re just part of the staff. You grab some cleaning supplies and what looks like some paperwork and just start to hustle down the hallways. We are going to cut back to Tink and HK. We’re back to a PC slot. Tink, whatcha gonna do?
HUDSON: I’m gonna do another vibro-axe hit if I can.
NICK: You absolutely can. Beef is in a bad way. You had your axe just buried into its chest a second ago. You do still have two black dice because it is dark.
HUDSON: A triumph with a success and two advantages.
NICK: Wow. So that’s +30, and you have 40, so whatever it is it’s +70. Go ahead and let’s roll that crit first, because the damage may not matter.
CAMERON: A 34.
NICK: [laughs] Plus 70 is 104.
LILIT: 104 is the one that we have called Permanent Injury. One limb is permanently lost. Cannot perform actions with limb. All other actions have a black die.
NICK: Okay, so it wasn’t the Horrific Injury one. It was just very close.
HUDSON: Oh, I thought it was.
CAMERON: We were just a few off.
LILIT: We’ve cut off a hand! This is a big Star Wars moment.
NICK: Mm-hmm. How much damage was that?
HUDSON: Five +3 +1 is…
NICK: Okay. This droid grabs the haft of your vibro-axe and pulls it out of his chest. You pull the axe back and swing it down, and he tries to block it with his arm and you just sheer straight through his forearm and then bury the axe in his head, and Beef drops. You have finished the other droid, and the hallway falls eerily quiet.
NICK (as HK): Tink, I believe the governor is through this door. Let us go and finish the job.
HUDSON (as Tink): Got beef?! Not anymore.
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh wait. Governor, yeah. We’re going through the door.
NICK: We get a shot from inside this dark wood paneled office with big bay windows looking out over the city of Lessu and then these double doors are kicked open by HK and Tink who stand back to back for a second. Standing in front of a desk is a thin white man with gray hair.
NICK (as governor): Oh no. You may have come to kill me. Please don’t. I am so sorry. Uh… There’s no reason to do this. I can do whatever you want. I’m very valuable. Please, let’s talk about this.
HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm… What do you think, HK?
NICK (as HK): I am always a fan of ending organics’ puny lives. Just say the word, Boss Man.
NICK (as governor): No-no-no! Don’t. There’s no reason to do that. I’m much more valuable alive. I promise. I’m a governor, I’m extremely important and valuable. Anything you could possibly need, sir, just don’t… don’t kill me.
HUDSON (as Tink): How do I know you’re the real governor and not a body double?
NICK: The governor looks kind of perplexed for a second.
NICK (as governor): Well, uh… I guess you don’t. Maybe I’m a body double, in which case don’t kill me, or I am not, in which case don’t kill me. I would really like for you to not shoot me right now, or stab me I suppose.
NICK: He says, looking at your giant vibro-axe. HK’s gun is spinning up.
NICK (as HK): Boss Man, I think if I hit him with enough blaster bolts at once he may fly backwards through that window. It would look really cool.
HUDSON: Agh, should I? Should we kill him?
NICK: This is a moral quandary, Hudson. This is a not-innocent person but he is unarmed and he’s asking to not die. They say that there’s a reason to kill him. The person who’s normally your moral compass fell out of a building, which was not expected.
HUDSON (as Tink): I’m afraid if we don’t end you right now then someone from the Rebellion is gonna come in and end you much more gruesomely, so it’s kind of up to you.
NICK (as governor): No. Don’t try to justify “oh, we’re giving him a clean end.” If you kill me, you killed me. Even if your droid friend does it, this is on you. You don’t have to do this. I could give you money. I can give you positions of power. I can give you a pardon, an Imperial pardon. Anything that you want. Just please, there’s no reason to do this.
HUDSON: Tink is very conflicted.
NICK: Karma, describe how you burst through this window behind the guy.
CAMERON: So you know the wedding scene in Shrek where the dragon just bursts through the stained glass window in the back of the room?
CAMERON: That’s what happens. It’s the same window that HK was talking about shooting him through that would look really cool, and she comes bursting in instead.
NICK (as governor): [embarrassing startled sounds] Whoa! What was that?
NICK (as HK): Primary user Karma, that was really cool.
CAMERON: Karma stands up from her superhero landing.
CAMERON (as Karma): Thank you.
NICK (as HK): Karma, you have given me imperatives that I am not allowed to kill organics that are unarmed. Please give me the order override so that I can kill the governor.
NICK (as governor): No-no-no, there’s no reason. I’m unarmed. I can help you. You’re not gonna be able to get out of here. Just, uh… Just don’t kill me.
HUDSON (as Tink): I got it.
HUDSON: Tink digs in his pocket and he pulls out his chance cubes. [laughs]
NICK (as HK): Yes Boss Man, let’s engage in psychological torture first. Great idea.
HUDSON (as Tink): No, no-no-no, this is different. This is just deciding if he lives or dies via chance cubes.
NICK (as governor): No, I’m pretty sure the droid’s right. Making it up to chance, even perceived chance, is kind of messed up.
HUDSON (as Tink): Well… that’s how it’s going down.
HUDSON (as Tink): Alright, so we got blue sides and red sides. Over the course of multiple rolls, if there is more blue than red then you live, otherwise if it’s red you die.
NICK (as governor): Wait. How many rolls are you doing? Otherwise you could just roll until you get the result you want.
HUDSON (as Tink): If the first roll comes up with two of the same color, I stop. If it’s mixed, then I keep rolling.
NICK (as governor): This seems really— … Okay. Okay. Let’s just see how this goes.
HUDSON (as Tink): Well, it’s two reds…
NICK (as governor): Whoa. There’s no reason to do this.
NICK (as HK): You said it yourself, Boss Man. You rolled. You gave him a fair chance. Give me the order override.
NICK (as governor): No-no-no-no-no!
HUDSON: Tink kind of turns his head away so he doesn’t have to see it.
HUDSON (as Tink): Eh… order override. Shoot him.
NICK: HK spins up and just riddles this guy with blaster bolts, and he is absolutely right, the guy flies backwards and falls out of the window. We get a zoomed out shot of just this one corpse falling out of the governor’s mansion. As that’s happening, Xianna and Taan’na come bursting into the office from a separate doorway.
NICK (as HK): Mission accomplished.
LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, HK, did you just kill an unarmed man?
HUDSON (as Tink): [stammers] He was evil! Taan. Taan, he’s evil, right?
NICK (as Taan): Yes. He has been repressing our people for years. You did the right thing, HK. You will get all of the credit. Good job.
HUDSON (as Tink): Whoa! Whoa. No, the decision was up to me and I came up with the decision and I should get some of the credit.
NICK (as Taan): So you’re saying that you killed an unarmed man, Tink?
CAMERON: Karma walks over to the very, very, very shattered window at this point and looks out, and down. How far is this cliff? Can I see that he landed?
NICK: You can see that he hit the ground. It’s like 15 floors. It’s very far away.
NICK: It’s Star Wars, so it’s not close enough that it’s gross and gory, but yeah, that guy’s hecka dead.
LILIT: Also he got riddled with bullets. [laughs]
CAMERON: He took fall damage. He’s very dead.
NICK: Yeah. Also, that too.
HUDSON (as Tink): Listen. The bullets may have not killed him. It could have been the fall which we did not do. We did not make him fall, the bullets did.
CAMERON (as Karma): Ugh.
LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, we’re not doing this again. I just… I feel like there is definitely a philosophical discussion to happen about killing people and war and what is ethical and what is not and all of that, but like, he didn’t have a gun or anything. You should have at least thrown a gun at him so that it would have been a fair fight.
HUDSON (as Tink): I threw my chance cubes instead.
LILIT (as Xianna): That doesn’t count!
NICK (as Taan): That man has destroyed our culture and our city. He deserved to die. You did the right thing.
HUDSON (as Tink): [meekly] So, I’m gonna get like a parade in my honor, right?
NICK (as Taan): Well first we have to win this whole resistance war thing. We’re not really big on parades right now, but maybe we’ll have some extra rations.
HUDSON (as Tink): I want a little statue.
LILIT (as Xianna): Also, why do you want a parade? Parades suck.
HUDSON (as Tink): Alright, I’ll go with a statue, like a fountain statue.
CAMERON: Is there anything cool in this office? Karma’s just walking around while this conversation is happening.
NICK: What a great question~! Roll me a Skulduggery check.
CAMERON: Two successes and a triumph.
NICK: You find a safe hidden behind a painting of the Emperor standing there looking really fatherly and encouraging, which is super weird. You’ve never seen a depiction of the Emperor smiling before and it just looks unnatural. You pull the painting back and there’s a safe. You’re able to get Tink to slice it really easily while you’re arguing. It’s not complicated.
On the inside you find sheaves and sheaves of documents and papers with lots and lots of very interesting information including something on the top which appears to be an accounting sheet showing repeated payments to a certain pirate for information about the movements of the Resistance and also speculation on how much money it would take for him to give up the Resistance’s home base.
CAMERON: Karma picks up the pile and is looking through it, takes off the accounting sheets, conversation still arguing moral ethics behind her. She hands those papers to Taan’na.
NICK (as Taan): What is this?
CAMERON (as Karma): Look familiar?
NICK (as Taan): Oh kriff. Kriffing Endo.
HUDSON (as Tink): Where is Endo?
NICK (as Taan): Xiann, look at this. He’s been playing both sides.
LILIT: Xianna just shakes her head.
LILIT (as Xianna): Taan, I swear, I told you Endo sucked and that I wanted to kill him. I said I had valid reasons for killing him. If you had just listened to me, this would have never happened.
NICK: She rolls her eyes so big it looks like she’s going to sprain her neck.
NICK (as Taan): Well yes, now I see that, but there was no reason to trust you before this point. Now I do. That’s a big deal for me. Let’s not argue anymore.
LILIT (as Xianna): Yes-yes-yes. Learning to trust is a big deal for everybody. We all go through that horrible time where you just don’t trust anyone for like eight years. It’s very normal.
NICK (as Taan): I trust plenty of people, just not the sister who abandoned me.
LILIT (as Xianna): I did not abandon you. You abandoned me. I met at the spaceport on time and you weren’t there, so technically you abandoned me.
NICK (as Taan): [doubtful] Hmm…
LILIT: While Xianna is arguing with Taan’na she is just walking around picking up small objects and shoving them into the few pockets she does have.
LILIT (as Xianna): I am just saying that if you had trusted me a little bit sooner this wouldn’t have happened. Or if you just let me kill Endo. You didn’t have to fully trust me, you just had to let me kill him there.
NICK: Taan’na looks up to the ceiling where you can still hear the alarm blaring. Weirdly, people haven’t come to find you yet.
NICK (as Taan): Maybe we should focus on something a little more important.
HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah.
NICK (as Taan): Like how the kriff do we get out of here.
CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, I was just planning on walking out.
NICK: [laughing] And that’s gonna be the end of the episode.
CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners find the show, and every time we get one Nick lets the squad have a blue die.
If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, a level that includes bonus channels on our Discord and tons of bonus episodes that include side character arcs, flashbacks, bloopers and TV show reviews.
Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.
Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.
Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.
Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.
Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.
Additional music by James Gunter.
Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.