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Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 11:
Not So Civil Disobedience
Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)
Note – When voicing Ithorians, Nick uses an incredibly low, deep, drawn out voice and often pauses in the middle of sentences.
Note – Laura’s character Xianna’fan speaks in an accent. Most of her soft I’s sound like “ee,” and most of her TH’s sound like Z’s. Example: “this and that” = “zees and zat”
NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, a fringer, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.
Friends, a lot of things have happened since two Thursdays ago so stick with me, namely I have some reviewers that I am excited to thank. First up, opRIAter. Thank you so much for your kind words and review. Also, I wanna thank Rated RConO. You’re wonderful. FLSocialWorker, you said some very nice things , and you’re a super cool person. ProperGentleman, you rhymed and were sublime, thank you. I want to thank the user FunnyStarWarsPodcast. You said some extremely kind things, and you have a super appropriate username. Special thanks to FrostyTheSnowman92. Drive safe, and thanks for joining us on our adventures. Last but not least, I want to thank Dolpheus123. You’re a thoughtful and engaging human that we all enjoy.
Phew, that was a lot. Right? Well, for anyone that was counting, that puts us at exactly 20 reviews. Cameron is currently stressfully, but happily, editing our bonus episodes featuring Karma and her twin sons. You can expect the next episode next week. I hope you all look forward to six straight weeks of Star Wars shenanigans. Everyone on Tabletop Squadron is ecstatic with the recent listener responses we’ve been getting, and we want to thank you all from the bottom of our multiple alien hearts.
After all that, thank you for listening, and I hope you enjoy.
NICK: Hello! Welcome to Episode 11 of Tabletop Squadron. I am your host, Nick. This is going pretty good. I’m pretty happy with it. Thank you for joining us on this journey. I’m gonna go around the table. Everybody introduce themselves and their characters, starting off with the person who gave me the double bird when I said 11.
LAURA: Hi, I’m Laura. (laughter) I play Xianna who is a Twi’lek thief, and I did indeed double flip Nick off. I was just making sure you knew we were on Episode 11.
NICK: Yeah, obviously.
LAURA: I was being helpful.
NICK: Thank you very much, Laura. This is great for my self-esteem.
LAURA: You’re welcome.
NICK: And, next we got Hudson.
HUDSON: Hi Nick, it’s great to be here.
NICK: I’m glad.
HUDSON: I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer.
NICK: And, Steven.
STEVEN: Hi Nick.
STEVEN: Thank you for allowing me this chair.
NICK: Oh, I mean, it depends on how you behave. We may take it away.
STEVEN: Yeah. … I play Sabos, a Togruta, a fringer. I’m done.
NICK: Good work. Yay!
CAMERON: You should just leave all of those in. Leave the whole thing in.
NICK: Listeners need to know that was like the fourth try. And last but not least, we have Cameron.
CAMERON: Hi. I’m Cameron. I’m playing Karma the Nautolan bounty hunter.
NICK: Good job. Professional. Succinct.
CAMERON: Thanks. I memorized my script.
NICK: Yeah. It’s like a sentence, so…
LAURA: It’s really not that hard.
CAMERON: No, it’s really not.
STEVEN: I’ve only given it 11 times. Okay?
CAMERON: It’s true.
NICK: Alright. Before we get started, let’s kick it off with the Destiny Roll.
STEVEN: Two light side.
CAMERON: One dark side.
HUDSON: One dark side.
LAURA: One dark side.
STEVEN: God damn it, guys.
NICK: Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.
CAMERON: Three dark side, two light side.
NICK: It’s better than last episode where I didn’t have toys to play with. This is much better. Alright. If you remember, last time we left off you went to a gaming den on the outside of the Ithorian herdship looking for Kettle, as she’s known in the underworld “the Queen,” who had won an important piece of equipment off of your contact and you needed to go get it back. You had challenged Kettle to a Sabacc tournament to try and get the Rancore Protocol back and you were successful, you even secured an IOU from the mobster, and we left off with her seeming not really that worried about it, almost like that’s what she had expected all along.
LAURA: I’m not worried.
CAMERON: I’m sure it’ll be fine.
NICK: Yeah, it’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it. I’ll probably forget. Right?
STEVEN: She’s a kind, benevolent queen.
NICK: Sure she is. Is there anything else you guys want to do in the casino? Do you want me to start you back in the bar, or on the street?
LAURA: Yes, please.
STEVEN: Bar sounds good.
CAMERON: Yeah. Let’s go back to the bar.
LAURA: No, so, Xianna definitely goes back over to the Twi’lek waitress and gives her her com number, and is like, I’m sure this will be totally fine. “That is my number. I do not know how long we will be here, but you know.”
NICK: I’m not sure what it looks like if you’re green and you blush, but that happens.
LAURA: I think Twi’leks bleed red?
CAMERON: Yeah, but if your skin’s green…
LAURA: It would be kind of like a rutty…
NICK: I guess her skin would just darken… Eh.
CAMERON: Karma blushes a darker green, so… as blood rushes to the skin.
LAURA: I think it would just be kind of like a rutty red.
NICK: Here’s a cool writing trick. The green Twi’lek waitress blushes and titters behind her hand, and does some lekku twitches that show that she’s pleased with that ,and tucks it inside. “Well thank you, and thank you for joining us at the gambling den.” She makes eye contact for just a second, and then someone calls for her by the bar and she hurries away to go continue her job.
You leave the gambling den, and the camera zooms in on a tray of drinks and into the top of the drink, and then zooms out from a circle of drinks at a round table as you all each grab a glass, and you are back in The Gooberfish. You’re in that round booth from before, so you’re all sitting, there’s one table. You all have Felton Mox crammed between you two on each side so he’s not going anywhere. The Ithorian bartender is off kind of in the corner bustling around with the glasses, and that’s where we’re gonna start.
STEVEN: I take my Imperial Stout and say, “Good job, guys. Thank you especially, Felton.”
NICK: “Yeah, uh…”
LAURA: “I mean, he did not do very much, so…”
NICK: “What? I, I am a valued member of this team at this point. I brought you to the contact. You were successful.”
STEVEN: “You are sitting with us.”
HUDSON: “Zero is a value, I guess.”
LAURA: “Very true.”
CAMERON: (laughing) The hood giggles.
NICK: “You know, I didn’t do a lot of math growing up, so I guess—I don’t know. That’s fine. So, you have your tools you need.” The camera zooms in on the data spike and the plasteel box that you have collected. The data spike for the Rancore Protocol is curved kind of like a talon and has some exposed circuit boards on the outside. It looks a little less finished than most that you are used to. The plasteel box is about six inches by six inches and it rattles ominously for a second before going still again.
LAURA: “So, does anybody have a plan?”
STEVEN: “Do you know how to use these devices, Felton?”
HUDSON: “I can use them.”
HUDSON: “Why would he—Why would you want him to use them?”
STEVEN: “Oh. I don’t want him to use them. I’m curious if he knows how.”
LAURA: “I would assume Tink would know how to use a data spike.”
STEVEN: “Do you know how this relates to shutting down the Imperial blockade?”
HUDSON: “Are you questioning my knowledge?”
LAURA: “Oh. We have to get onto one of the ships and then use the data spike. Right? That was said at some point”
HUDSON: “That’s correct.”
CAMERON: The hood nods.
LAURA: “Yes. So, all we have to do, just a little thing, get on an Imperial ship, and then put in the data spike, and then destroy the blockade.”
STEVEN: “That should be fine.”
LAURA: “Yeah. Uh-huh.”
NICK: Felton has really wide eyes, and he goes, “Well, uh, we’re not really sure what that data spike does, or at least I’m not. You probably are gonna wanna open that up. Since the big guy seems pretty confident in his skills he should probably work on that. Remember, the goal is to crash the flagship, break the blockade for the Ithorians, that little box there probably would be pretty useful in taking down a Star Destroyer. I wouldn’t open it though, yet, if I were you.”
LAURA: “What is in it?”
STEVEN: “Should we open it on the Star Destroyer?”
NICK: “Uh… Yeah. If you open it on the Star Destroyer it’ll probably do it. Let’s just say it’s a particularly unconventional weapon. That’s all Sentinel told me, but he did say don’t open it.”
HUDSON: “So it varies from normal convention?”
LAURA: “Well yes, that is what unconventional means.”
HUDSON: “I’m just making sure, man.”
NICK: “Yeah. You know, it’s an important point to clarify. I think you should ease up off my buddy here a little bit—“
NICK: “—you know, because us hairy folks gotta stick together. Am I right?”
HUDSON: “Yeah! People are questioning my knowledge. This guy gets it!”
LAURA: “No… No…”
NICK: He puts his arm up for a high five. You’re sitting on the outside of the table, so you’re gonna have to high five over Xianna.
HUDSON: I try and I miss.
CAMERON: He’s still a little drunk.
HUDSON: I’m still a little drunk.
NICK: So, your hand hits the table, everyone’s drinks rattle, Sabos’s Imperial lager which is still pretty full goes over the side of the glass just a little and it leaves kind of sudsy, but your arms are long enough that you can reach Felton so he kind of like picks up your wrist and then high fives next to your hand so that the high five was completed.
LAURA: “So, anyways. We will have Tink look at the data spike, investigate that, figure out how it works. Any ideas how we get onto the Imperial ship?”
STEVEN: “We do have a code cylinder.”
CAMERON: Karma pulls out the code cylinder.
LAURA: “Oh yes, we have that.”
CAMERON: And then places it back in her jacket.
LAURA: “Big problem, none of us are human, and while you are, you know, you—“
NICK: “I knew it!”
LAURA: Xianna like holds up a finger at Felton Mox to shush him, “and you are you, but that is a special circumstance and we do not know how far we will get before they ask to see who exactly you are.”
HUDSON: “Shave me and I look enough like a human.”
LAURA: “I mean, have you shaved yourself before?”
HUDSON: “There was this one time in college. It was kind of a bet. And, yeah, it’s happened.”
LAURA: “I mean, I have seen a hairless Wookie. They do not look like humans.”
HUDSON: “They look like a human with something messed up about them.”
LAURA: “No. They look like a hairless Wookie.”
HUDSON: “You’re only one part—What do y’all think?”
NICK: “I mean, my hairy buddy here isn’t a Wookie, so maybe he looks more human. You don’t know.”
HUDSON: “That’s right.”
STEVEN: “How about we make him look like a Wookie.”
LAURA: “Wait, wait, who here is a Wookie?”
NICK: “You said a hairless Wookie doesn’t look like a human, but he’s not a hairless Wookie, he’s a Gigoran. Right? Yeah. I’ve been there once. It’s real nice. There weren’t any Gigorans there, though. That was weird.”
HUDSON: “Ah. Yeah. You just got some bonus points there, Filmon.”
NICK: “Uh, Felton.”
NICK: “Yeah. Yeah, so we’re, we’re pals—Hey. I gotta go to the bathroom, so if you guys could just let me scoot out of this booth for a second here, I’ll be right back.”
HUDSON: “Oh, no. I’ll join you. Social convention and all.”
LAURA: “Yes, Tink, you go with him.”
NICK: Okay. So there’s a way too long shot of you all like skootching out of the booth, and Xianna has to get out and wait…
LAURA: (sighs heavily)
NICK: …and Felton gets out and starts to head towards the back, and Tink goes with him?
NICK: Okay. They go off camera-right into somewhere, and it’s the three of y’all sitting at the table.
LAURA: “Okie, so, how badly do you think Felton will react if he ever figures out who you are?”
CAMERON: “He was pretty drunk, so I don’t know if he’d 100% remember. He’d definitely recognize me, but it’s also at this point I’m wondering if I can just start talking but leave the hood on so that any cameras don’t see me… but the quietness is chafing.”
CAMERON: “I’ve been working on my Imperial accent, but it’s not great.”
LAURA: “We should’ve picked a human.”
STEVEN: “As long as they don’t recognize me, Togrutas aren’t super threatening.”
LAURA: “No, but they do not look Imperial.”
CAMERON: “But you’re also an alien.”
STEVEN: “I could be a servant.”
CAMERON: “Well yeah, that’s how we got here—“
CAMERON: “—was that we’re ignoring the fact that I’m not human.”
STEVEN: “Yeah, oh yeah, right. I am the servant.”
STEVEN: “Oh. Yeah, that’s true.”
LAURA: “So, getting through the blockade is one thing. Getting onto an Imperial ship is a different thing, because then like, real people see us in person and see that we are not human.”
CAMERON: “So, well, this gets a little weird, but some of y’all do have Imperial bounties on you. I could turn you in, we get the money for the bounty, and then you’re on the Star Destroyer, we’re there, we wreck whatever havoc we need to, and then hopefully we leave.”
STEVEN: “That sounds alright. I’m just not sure if my bounty is important enough to them to actually seem not sketch.”
LAURA: “Well, we could always wreck up the place down here a bit.”
STEVEN: “We… could. Somewhere the Imperials are watching?”
LAURA: “Yes.” (laughs)
NICK: The Ithorian bartender kind of leans around the bar and goes, “I… would like… to disagree.”
LAURA: “No, no, not this place specifically, this bar, I mean like an Imperial station or something.”
NICK: “With that plan…”
NICK: The Ithorian bartender is like paused with a finger up… and then goes back to wiping down the bar.
LAURA: “Yes. So, if we could find some sort of Imperial outpost or galactic run company front, or something like that.”
CAMERON: “The way that this would need to work if it is me turning y’all in, I would need to drop you off and I would need to leave, and y’all would need to get another ship to get off.”
NICK: Smash cut to Tink and his buddy Felton in the bathroom at two urinals. Tinkly water noises.
LAURA: Psss… (hissing)
NICK: Oh, no, that’s like a sibilant noise. We don’t want that one. Have you been in a men’s bathroom? It doesn’t sound like that at all.
LAURA: Well, I can’t make the tinkle sounds of hitting the porcelain!
HUDSON: Blorb blorb blorb blorb blorb.
STEVEN: Just imagine asparagus.
LAURA: That’s not a sound!
NICK: You’re gross!
STEVEN: I use too many bathrooms at work.
NICK: Sounds like asparagus. (others giggle)
The camera is on their backs, and you see Felton’s head turn towards Tink. “You know, sometimes they call me the Rancore of Coronet,” and he’s like looking pretty proud of himself.
HUDSON: “Are you coming on to me?”
NICK: “Uh… I—No? May—“
NICK: “Okay. Yeah, I wouldn’t, come on, no. we’re, I hope—It’s platonic!” And he turns around real quick. We cut back to the table.
HUDSON: So awkward. (laughter)
CAMERON: It’s so awkward.
LAURA: “So, yes, we will throw some like grenades at some—“
STEVEN: “I could be your bounty.”
CAMERON: “No no no.”
LAURA: “No, not my bounty. I’m not bringing them in. I have a bounty out for me. It was more than yours.”
STEVEN: “Aren’t you the bounty–?”
CAMERON: “I am a bounty hunter, under the cloak here.”
STEVEN: “Oh okay, yeah.”
LAURA: “Karma is the bounty hunter.”
STEVEN: “Yeah, that’s right…”
CAMERON: “Y’all are the ones with bounties.”
STEVEN: “Yeah. I’m trying to find a reason…”
LAURA: “Yes. Well, Tink doesn’t really have one—“
CAMERON: “No. Tink was clean.”
LAURA: “—but I’m pretty sure if you just bring a Gigoran in they will assume he did something.”
CAMERON: “Well, it’s also how we want to work it. Do we want to split and have Tink be somewhere separate where he can hack into things if necessary, or do we want him on the ship?”
LAURA: “You know, he is surprisingly sneaky for his size. He could be on the ship and then sneak off while you are bringing us in. we will just make some sort of loud commotion as you are bringing us in so that they do not look as closely to the ship as they should. He sneaks off and he hides in there, and then we meet up later?”
NICK: Smash cut to the bathroom! They’re still standing at the urinals. Felton says, “You know, I’ve always kind of had a thing for tentacles.”
HUDSON: “Oh… Yeah. I know a fellow with head tails. Is that what you mean?”
NICK: “Uh… You know, my friends always said never date a Togruta. I’ve made that mistake before.”
HUDSON: “Oh, and you’re not willing to make it again, are ya?”
NICK: “I mean, what’s a mistake but another of life’s little lessons, right?” And we snap back to the table.
LAURA: I want Tink to set Sabos up on a date!
STEVEN: And I hope Felton is—He’s like, he’s been done peeing, but Tink obviously isn’t, so he’s just standing there still, just pretending.
LAURA: Just like a race horse, just goes forever.
CAMERON: He had a very large drink at the gaming den.
NICK: Okay, yeah. That’s canon.
STEVEN: He’s bigger, clearly.
CAMERON: Tink has a very large bladder.
LAURA: Yes. He’s giant.
STEVEN: Yeah. “So, I need to be on the ship, or I go out with you as your servant still?”
LAURA: “No. So, you have a bounty.”
STEVEN: “I do.”
LAURA: “I have a bounty, so we have to be seen, and we should probably do something here to make it a little bit more pressing, so we should like be seen doing something to a building, or Imperials, or stormtroopers, something of that nature, so that when Karma brings us in they are a little bit more excited about it.”
CAMERON: “Just so that there’s a reason that I’m disturbing the blockade.”
STEVEN: “Will they not be suspicious that Karma’s servant now suddenly has a bounty?”
LAURA: “No, no, she will take off the robe, the cape, situation.”
CAMERON: “Yeah. I would become myself again.”
STEVEN: “Oh, I see. I understand now.”
LAURA: Because she is a known bounty hunter, so they will not be suspicious if she, as Karma, brings us in.”
STEVEN: “Will they let her as Karma back through the blockade on the way out?”
CAMERON: “They probably will not let me leave, but I should at least be able to get to the ship and drop y’all off.”
STEVEN: “Yes, that’s true.”
LAURA: “And then Tink can hide in the ship, and when we make some sort of commotion he gets off the ship and hides, and then we will just somehow try to meet up later, get out of the prison, or you know Tink come gets us.”
NICK: So, one thing I do want to call out, if you “turn in a bounty,” if you want to preserve your relationship with the Empire, you would want to be careful that they don’t see you for what you’re doing, which is like letting people loose on their ship for hijinks.
CAMERON: Yeah. That’s why I was saying that I would need to leave once I dropped them off, and like once the dealings were done and I found out if there were any other people I could go after on the planet, because obviously I’m not gonna try and leave because of the blockade, and I respect the Imperials, so it’s just if there’s anyone else down there they want me to get while I’m stuck here.
LAURA: “Also, you can tell them that you have another bounty. Does Felton have a bounty?”
CAMERON: “One sec. I know he does on Coronet. I don’t know if he does within the system, though.” I get out my data pad and look up Felton Mox.
LAURA: “We could always bring Felton with us when we go… I don’t know, throw grenades at the place? We’ll figure that part out.”
NICK: Smash cut to the bathroom. It is very clear that Felton has been done peeing for a while but he’s still standing there staring at the wall, and his head tilts over towards Tink again who is still going. “So, uh, what’s your deal?”
HUDSON: (laughs) “So… Tink made a tinkle.”
NICK: “Ha ha ha…”
LAURA: Oh, you are too drunk.
NICK: Felton stops for a second. “Uh… Yeah. Yeah, you did,” and then snap back to the table.
LAURA: “What we could do is you drop Sabos and I off and then you say that you have another bounty back on the planet that you will have to bring up later, and that way you can come back for us.”
CAMERON: “That’s true. I could do that.”
LAURA: “And we will just have to be very careful to sneak onto the ship so that they do not ever know we are together, because I think you want to still stay a respectable-ish bounty hunter?”
CAMERON: “Everyone’s life is a lot easier if one of us on the crew is not wanted.”
STEVEN: “You could just say you caught me gambling, because I think it’s clear that my bounty is a money problem. Right?”
LAURA: “I do not think that gambling is illegal. Is it?”
STEVEN: “Well, I have a bounty, though.”
LAURA: “I mean, in some places it is.”
STEVEN: “I do have a money problem bounty.”
CAMERON: “Yeah, I mean, I could definitely pick you up in the gambling den, but that wouldn’t be why I was turning you in. It would just be, that might be where I saw you, to make them think that you were gambling away all of the money that you stole from them.”
STEVEN: “Exactly. I feel like they would take me for that.”
CAMERON: “Well, I mean, they’re gonna take you anyway. There’s a bounty out on you.”
STEVEN: “It’s a little bounty.”
CAMERON: “I know, but they’re still gonna pay me and take you.”
LAURA: “But again, that is why we are going to go be seen publicly doing something illegal so that when she brings us to the ship it is a little bit more impactful, because we would have just done something.”
STEVEN: “I’m just worried about my diplomatic status.”
LAURA: “That is not a thing at this point. That is gone. It is no more.”
STEVEN: “Oh, I am an Osaronian diplomat.”
CAMERON: “Yes, so we’re not arguing with that. What Xianna is saying is that you already kriffed up your relationship with the Empire.”
STEVEN: “Oh, they don’t know me.”
CAMERON: “Uh, yeah they do. They have a BOUNTY out on you, Sabos.”
LAURA: “You have a 2,000 credit bounty.”
STEVEN: “Just a little bounty.”
CAMERON: “Yes. That still means they know about you.”
STEVEN: “I play both sides. You know, I know some of the Empire, I make deals with the others, some try to catch me.”
LAURA: “Okie. So, as someone who often plays both sides, the problem is eventually—“
LAURA: “Eventually both sides figure out what is going on, and sometimes those both sides get together to come after you as a group, and that is worse.”
NICK: We cut to a well-furnished dark wood office overlooking a jungle, and we see a tan man with little horns wearing an Imperial uniform holding a martini glass staring out the window. Falx goes, “Wow. I feel like someone was just talking about me.” And we cut back to the table.
LAURA: “So, if you have an Imperial warrant for your arrest for 2,000 credits, the Empire knows because they issued the warrant. Do you understand how warrants work?”
CAMERON: “And did you notice that eventually Falx did look y’all up. That’s something that they do. They do run your credentials.”
LAURA: “I am not surprised about that. I am a career criminal. That is how that works. That’s why I use fake names. You keep using the same two names.”
STEVEN: “Normally Osaron is just too far and remote for them to come and worry about.”
LAURA: “And that is fine…”
CAMERON: “And see, that works great as long as you’re not interacting with Imperials, but you’re going to be.”
LAURA: “…but you are interacting, and you have an Imperial warrant.”
STEVEN: “Oh… That’s fine. I think I can pay it off.”
NICK: Smash cut, back to the bathroom. There’s no longer any urinating noises. They’re both still standing at the urinal. Felton turns to Tink. “We’ve been in here a really long time.”
HUDSON: “Uh, I don’t even know what time is anymore. I can’t figure out how long I’ve been in here. You’ll have to help me with that.”
NICK: “Right. I think it’s probably time to go back to the table. If you go first I’ll make sure I wash hands for the both of us.”
HUDSON: “I’m supposed to be watching you because you’re my friend, so I think that we should wash our hands and I’ll follow behind you.”
NICK: “Alright. Let’s get those hands washed, big guy.” And they go over to the sink. Cut back to the table.
LAURA: “So again, I feel like we have this plan already planned out pretty well.”
STEVEN: “Sounds good.”
LAURA: “Okie. Do you understand?”
STEVEN: “I think so.”
LAURA: “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Okie.”
STEVEN: “Oh yes.”
LAURA: “So, I guess we should find some sort of Imperial galactic place that we can be seen, like, graffiti-ing, or throwing a grenade at, or… Do we have like real bombs?”
NICK: On that note, Felton and Tink walk back to the table. There’s an awkward silence as Xianna skootches out and Felton skootches in.
HUDSON: “Me and Femur are back from the whiz palace, all.”
LAURA: “Anyways. So Felton, do you have like any bombs on you? Or not necessarily on you, but like at your place, or one we could borrow?”
NICK: (Felton sighs)
LAURA: “I guess one we could just use.”
STEVEN: “We might not return it.”
LAURA & CAMERON: “We will not return it.”
NICK: “Yeah, no. I gave you two of the strongest weapons in the galaxy just now, so.”
LAURA: “No, we need like a little bomb.”
NICK: “Mmm… no, but I know someone who might be able to help.” We can swipe cut, and what I want to do is a montage of Sabos and Xianna doing public disturbance type stuff for the camera. So, think of your first thing that you do.
STEVEN: Where are we at?
NICK: You’re on the herdship.
STEVEN: No, I get that, but what do we see around us?
LAURA: Like, are there stormtroopers? Is there like…
STEVEN: Statues that are important to the Imperials?
LAURA: Yeah, anything important to the Empire?
CAMERON: Trying to mess stuff up for the Empire, not necessarily the people who live here.
LAURA: Is there a statue of Sheev?
NICK: So, the problem is Ithor has been fairly neutral, and you guys may remember the first Imperial to set foot on the planet since the blockade was Karma, apparently, so there isn’t a lot of stuff. There’s a few things. There is an Imperial archive that has been there, because they place those all over the place, so it’s like a library with a lot of military records, but they’re like propaganda records so they’re not that helpful. There are some communication nodes that go back and forth into space. They’ve been silent lately but they are monitored. Your best bet you realize would probably be to take out infrastructure stuff, because the Imperials want these things functioning so they can use them. If you take down like public transit or electro-grids or anything like that, that’s something that they’re going to notice, but because there’s no Imperial presence the more stuff you do the Ithorians may complain. It may go into your reputation a little bit, but they’re kind of incommunicado, so it’ll really just help you get off planet and to the ship faster, it’s not gonna make you higher profile, and the more you do the more you’ve messed up this neutral city.
CAMERON: So, before we start selecting the targets, Karma wants to go talk to the Oracle again and just explain we’re trying to break the blockade, which we had talked about beforehand when we met them before.
NICK: Let’s just do that scene.
LAURA: Yeah. Let’s say that Sabos and Karma go there, and then Xianna and Tink take Felton and—
CAMERON: And babysit Felton?
LAURA: –and go get a bomb.
NICK: Okay. We need to do those two scenes. So, we’ll start with, we swipe to Sabos and Karma standing in front of the Oracle who is sitting cross-legged. “You have returned… quickly.”
CAMERON: “Yes. We are putting a plan in place to break the blockade, and wanted to run a few things by you and get some advice.”
NICK: “I exist… for advice…”
STEVEN: “That’s true.”
CAMERON: “Wonderful.” Karma’s never quite sure where the sentence finishes, so she waits a little bit longer than—It becomes slightly socially awkward to make sure that the Oracle’s done talking.
NICK: The Oracle looks extremely placid and calm, and doesn’t seem to notice how uncomfortable you are with conversing with him.
CAMERON: “So, the current plan is to try and cause some problems on the herdship that hopefully do not inconvenience your people in a particularly large way but would cause the interest of the Empire so that the ones responsible could be taken to them to reach the ships. So, I would like to request assistance in selecting these targets to where hopefully the end result of this is that the blockade is no more and you can resume life normally, but not have the small amounts of destruction impede that normal life.”
NICK: “The wisdom… of the Mother Jungle… states… that to preserve the trees, sometimes you must prune branches. You… will not… be prosecuted… for any mischief. What… targets are you looking… to attack?”
CAMERON: (giggles) “Things we had discussed were potentially communication nodes that the Empire might be utilizing, the Imperial archives, but also potentially some infrastructure as they want Ithor to continue its current production of everything, so some infrastructure things there. I’m more requesting assistance in selecting infrastructure targets that do not impede your people but might seem like large enough disturbances to warrant the Empire’s attention.”
NICK: The Oracle’s eyes get real wide, and they say, “Whatever… you choose… do not destroy the repulsor pylons. The city will fall out of the sky.”
CAMERON: “Oh, of course. Yes. Not the pylons ,no. more like transportation and those types of things. On top of the herdship, not the inner workings of the herdship at all.”
NICK: “Good. We have a small but respectable metro system… It’s like a monorail, but it’s Star Wars.”
CAMERON: “Oh, cool.”
NICK: “And we don’t use it much, because our population… is shrunken. Knock yourselves out.”
CAMERON: “Wonderful. We’ll make sure the area is clear of any citizens before knocking ourselves out.”
NICK: It’s eyes widen again, and says, “I had assumed… that was a given.”
CAMERON: “Yes. I was just stating it to be clear.”
NICK: “Thank you. We will allow you… to handle the details. What else did you need?”
CAMERON: “Did we need anything else?”
STEVEN: “I think that’s all, your Oracle-ness.”
CAMERON: “I think that is it.”
NICK: It smiles at you like it likes that title. “Well, thank you.” It turns around and it is clearly dismissing you.
STEVEN: “Good bye.”
CAMERON: We leave.
NICK: Swipe cut to… Tink and Xianna and Felton are doing a deal to get a bomb.
LAURA: I’m picturing that we’re like in some back shop that just has like electronics, and we’re doing the whole like, ‘so we need, you know, some special equipment.’ We’re doing one of those things where Felton is asking somewhat code, and we’re just like ‘mm-hmm.’
NICK: From the camera angle, it’s like a dark shop, it’s got a glass case, there’s some random assorted electronics. There’s a Devaronian shopkeeper, which is like a sort of devil-looking guy if you’ve listened to any of the episodes—
CAMERON: A ‘dee-vil.’
LAURA: A ‘dee-vil!’
NICK: Oh man.
LAURA: Hudson, say it.
NICK: Okay. There’s a Devaronian behind the counter, and he’s like, “So, I’m not sure I quite understand. What exactly are you looking for?”
LAURA: Xianna leans in real close, and I imagine this is after a few minutes of subtle little things, like “you know, some equipment,” and she leans in and she goes, “we need, um, how do you say, a bomb.”
NICK: He’s also leaned in, and he goes, “Oh, a bomb. All this weird double speak, I thought you were looking for like drugs or something.”
LAURA: “You have drugs?”
NICK: “Uh, well, that kinda depends.” You can see there’s a little curtain, and on the other side of the building there’s a normal large shop that seems to be selling a lot of gardening implements and stuff like that.
An Ithorian pokes its head through the curtain and says, “What is the problem?”
And the Davronian goes, “Hey, don’t worry about it, just doing some deals back here. You know, I’m here to sell the over inventory. That’s why I’m here. Don’t worry about it one thing. Why don’t you just go back to the main part of the shop?”
“Okay…” And they go away.
“Oh yeah. We got lots of drugs.”
LAURA: “Do you have impact?”
NICK: “Oh yeah, we got impact.” He hits the counter and the top pops open, and you see that it’s like a mirror case, and inside there’s just a nice container shadow box with a lot of different compartments, and he pulls out a surprisingly large baggy of impact.
LAURA: “How much?”
NICK: “Uh, probably only charge you about 20% over the going rate.”
NICK: “We’re under a blockade.”
LAURA: Yeah. How many doses of impact do you think is in the bag?
NICK: Like, ten.
NICK: Okay. Here’s what I want to happen story-wise, Laura. I want you to have to choose between getting a shit-ton of impact and being able to buy the bomb.
LAURA: So, Xianna’s like, “How much is the bomb?”
NICK: “About 1,200 credits.”
HUDSON: “I think we may have that.”
LAURA: “No, so, do You have 1,200 credits?”
HUDSON: Uh… I thought we had 1,200 credits.
LAURA: I have 1,500.
HUDSON: Oh, that’s not group money.
LAURA: No, I personally have 1,504 credits. What do you personally have?
LAURA: Xianna’s like doing the math in her head. She’s like, ‘oh shit, no.’ (sighs) “Okie, fine. We will buy the bomb.”
NICK: “man, you’re really missing out. You know, this impact, it’s like top notch stuff.”
HUDSON: “We’ll take the bomb!”
LAURA: “I mean, could you sell me like, a smaller amount than the giant bag?”
NICK: “Well… no.”
NICK: “I would hate to break up such a big collection, you know. The dealers really prefer this amount. If I break it up even less than that then I won’t be able to get all my money back.”
STEVEN: Yeah, that’s how that works.
NICK: Shut up.
LAURA: ‘Hate to break up the collection!’
HUDSON: That’s how drug dealers talk.
NICK: “No, it’s like this is our gross. If you start selling less than this then people won’t be able to smuggle it.”
STEVEN: Oh, I’d hate to break up the distribution size to people that buy it to make money on the distribution—(laughter) Sounds fine, though. It’s all good.
NICK: “No, because plot points!”
LAURA: “Fine. We will take the bomb.”
HUDSON: “Thank you, Xianna.” I’m very sober by this point.
NICK: Okay. He routes around and he pulls out what looks like two thermal detonators stuck together with a toilet paper tube.
NICK: It’s got like extra wires and things, and he sets it on the counter and nudges it so that it rolls, and that seems real sketch.
LAURA: Yeah. Xianna takes it and then holds it for a second, and as she’s putting it in her pocket goes, “Oh, and do you have cans of spray paint?”
NICK: “Uh, yeah.” And we’ll cut from there to the next scene.
LAURA: So, the bomb was 1,200?
NICK: Yeah. Expensive bomb. But now you have a large story bomb that does story bomb things.
LAURA: Yay, story bombs. Booomb~
NICK: So, you all wanna do your sabotage montage?
LAURA: Yes. The first one we’re gonna do is we walk to the archives. Xianna has Sabos walk to the Imperial building, and she throws him a can of spray paint and goes, “Okie. Tag the front of the building, Free Ithor.”
STEVEN: “In Basic?”
LAURA: “In whatever language you want, but probably Basic so that the Imperials read that it says Free Ithor.”
STEVEN: “Oh, I see.”
LAURA: “So, tag that building.”
STEVEN: I tag the building that says the Imperial Archive that says Free Ithor, in Basic. I also draw a figure with four head tails.
CAMERON: It’s your signature.
LAURA: As he’s doing that, Xianna’s just kind of watching, and once he finishes up walks into the building—
STEVEN: Oh, and I use my head tails to rub some of the paint artistically.
CAMERON: Oh god.
NICK: So, how I picture this, Sabos wasn’t around for parts of the plan so you just hand him the spray paint and say just tag Free Ithor on it, and he goes up and tags it, and as he’s rubbing his head tails into it and really getting into it you can see he’s starting to like… He started with just a tag, and then he’s going back and starting to like, perfectionist stuff. Karma, how do you arrest him while he’s doing this?”
CAMERON: Alright. We’re kind of all standing in the shadows to the side. I turn to Felton, “Don’t freak out,” and I drop my cloak.
NICK: He looks at you and goes, “Oh, that actually explains a lot. Man, that Togruta is gonna really be surprised when he finds out that he’s been hanging out with a bounty hunter this whole time.”
CAMERON: “…Yup.” (laughs) “Surprise.”
CAMERON: I swing my carbine around to my front and just stalk out into the street, and I think I’m gonna shoot him. I’m gonna stun him.
NICK: Okay… So, Sabos—
CAMERON: It’s gotta be convincing, okay?
CAMERON: I didn’t tell you I was gonna stun you, though. You knew you were gonna get arrested, but you didn’t know I was gonna shoot you.
STEVEN: I did.
NICK: So, Sabos, you turn around and you’re like, ‘Hey, is this re—‘ (whooshing shooting noise) and you just get dropped. Then we swipe cut to a monorail station, but it’s a real small station with a really big track, and a train has just gone by with two Ithorians on it. It’s like a six car train, but not very many people are using it. Xianna, what do you do?
LAURA: So there are people on the train?
NICK: They’re on the train but they just went by, so if you destroy the tracks it’s not gonna drop them.
LAURA: Okay. So, Xianna also takes out a can of spray paint and tags the building again with Free Ithor, and then sets the bomb and runs off, but she makes sure that she looks into the cameras and probably does a little kiss and wave at whichever one she sees as she’s tagging the place, and then just like sets the timer, tosses the bomb behind her, and runs out.
NICK: Karma, how do you arrest her before she makes her escape?
LAURA: Oh, we definitely timed it. I was like, I will run out of this building, and you tackle me.
CAMERON: Yeah. I was carrying Sabos around, because I literally just arrested him, and just—
NICK: You can have like a wheelbarrow that you’ve been carting him in.
CAMERON: Yeah. I just had a wagon. I was pulling a wagon behind me, and I had Sabos in the wagon. He’s in binders at this point. I just see the explosion start as Xianna runs out of the building, and just run and flying tackle from the side… but it’s all done very artfully so that we both land on the side so that we don’t hurt each other.
LAURA: We rehearsed it.
CAMERON: Yeah. We practiced a lot.
LAURA: It’s very WWE.
NICK: So, we get two different camera shots. The first one is a close up kind of grainy security cam film of Xianna in profile spray painting and she does her smooch and wave and winks at the camera, and turns, and then becomes all business and runs out. Then we get a pan of the wide street of another security camera that’s kind of gritty, and she takes like three steps, and then we just see Karma go (three impact noises) and just nail her, and they go flying off screen again.
So, from there, we cut to you all in space. Is Tink on the ship as well? I would imagine so.
LAURA, CAMERON, & HUDSON: Yeah.
NICK: So, you’re on the Afternoon Delight—
CAMERON: Can we take a different ship up?
CAMERON: I’d like to not take our ship.
LAURA: Just like rent a ship.
CAMERON: Yeah. I just want a rental, because obviously I’m not in my bounty hunting ship, and I’ve been here a while. I didn’t come in on the Imperial shuttle. ‘I’ve been here.’ So, I just rent a ship.
NICK: Okay. We’ll get you the Star Wars equivalent of a daycare van.
CAMERON: Awesome, great.
NICK: It’s a very blocky ship with just like a single view port, nothing fancy, seats like six people, and that’s it. It’s for short hops.
CAMERON: It has a cargo compartment though, so that Tink can hide in the cargo compartment.
NICK: Yes. There’s a compartment under the floor of the ship that a Gigoran laying prone could fit in. we get a shot from behind the ship as it’s on an approach vector to the Star Destroyer. You get a ping on the com, and you hear, “Unidentified vessel, why are you approaching the ISD Vengeance?”
CAMERON: “Yes. This is bounty hunter—“ insert Karma’s bounty hunter ID.
NICK: Whoop! We get the close-in of a slide in card, and the three yellow lights that go across over and over again, because 70’s Star Wars thing. “We have your identification. Why are you approaching the Vengeance?”
CAMERON: “I have two bounties to turn in to Imperial control.”
NICK: “We don’t normally accept bounties on blockade. Why should we let you onto the ship?”
CAMERON: “Well, there’s no holding pattern on the ground, and they’ve been causing some mayhem aboard the herdship. There was a transportation center blown up, and tagging, causing some unrest across the populous, and I figured you’d like them off planet. You are my only option to turn them in at this point.”
NICK: “Oh yes, because you’re not getting out of here, especially not in that.”
CAMERON: “Well, obviously. (laughs)”
NICK: “Roger that, Ithorian sip, uh, Harmless.” (snickering) “You can approach to the third landing bay. Have your prisoners restrained and we will process bounties accordingly.”
CAMERON: “Thank you. Proceeding to the landing bay.”
NICK: Beep-boop. And then we get the shot of the ship going in, and it’s like the cool Star Wars models so it looks nice, and then it lands. How do you all look coming off of the ship? Are they beat up? Are they bindered?
CAMERON: Yes, bindered.
CAMERON: Sabos is looking a little worse for wear, because I shot him…
STEVEN: Do I come in on a wheelbarrow?
CAMERON: No. it’s been long enough by the time—My stun probably didn’t 100% knock you out, it just, yeah.
LAURA: Stun just works how you need it to work in Star Wars.
CAMERON: Yeah. It just, it got you pretty good, and I was able to get the handcuffs on you while you were unaware. So, you look a little frazzled, probably.
STEVEN: I look frazzled.
NICK: Does Sabos have like, a head tail askew, like bad hair? Is he that frazzled?
LAURA & CAMERON: I don’t think that’s how that works.
LAURA: That’s like a nose. I think it’d be broken.
NICK: Oh no.
CAMERON: Yeah, no. he’s fine. He looks a little roughed up. He’s—What color spray paint were you using?
STEVEN: Uh, we’ll go with black.
CAMERON: So, he’s got the tip of his head tails kind of covered in black, and it’s kind of a nice ombre up his head tails with the black.
NICK: Nice work.
CAMERON: Yeah, well he was doing gradient for his graffiti painting, so it kind of did that naturally, but his hands are kind of covered in paint.
STEVEN: See, it couldn’t be red, because it would just blend in with me.
NICK: I was picturing mustard yellow for the graffiti. I don’t know why.
STEVEN: I figure the Imperial archive is a nice, uh…
CAMERON: Clean gray building.
NICK: It’s always gray.
CAMERON: It’s a nice solid black, looks nice.
STEVEN: Exactly. Nice clean gray, so black is definitely noticeable.
NICK: Yeah, it’ll be a pain to clean, and they can never match it when they try to paint over it, so then it looks really obvious. Xianna?
CAMERON: You probably have some soot on you from the explosion.
LAURA: Yeah. I probably added extra soot, and I definitely made sure to hide everything in my deepest pockets. I probably left a can of spray paint in one of the easy to find pockets, so if they search me they feel like they found something, and then I took my scanner goggles off and put it in the deep pockets with my other stuff.
CAMERON: Well, anything you don’t want them to have Karma can keep, too, if you don’t want them to confiscate it. Like, your rifle and stuff, I won’t turn you in with a rifle
STEVEN: That would be a good idea.
LAURA: So, I most likely gave you things like my binders, my surveillance tagger, the IOU from Kettle, but I probably kept my blaster and my little snuff box, because I just put them in my deep pockets because they’re decently hard to check, but I did leave a can of spray paint and some little things for them to find and they feel like they did something when they search me.
STEVEN: I’ll have nothing but a com link in my padded armor.
CAMERON: Your com link’s probably in your… however you have ears.
NICK: So, you’re frog marched out by Karma. There’s two stormtroopers next to a low ranking Imperial officer. He looks like the deck commander. He says, “Well, are these our ne’er-do-wells?” and he looks pretty proud of himself. He’s got like a little squeebly mustache.
STEVEN: “I think I did pretty well.”
CAMERON: “Indeed, officer, they are.”
NICK: “Well, if the records of the scans are to be approved, I don’t know why you look so proud of yourself, Togruta. All you did was spray paint some things.”
LAURA: “I mean, that is actually quite a bit for him.”
CAMERON: “They apparently know each other.”
NICK: “Huh, interesting.”
STEVEN: “Oh, we know each other pretty well.”
STEVEN: I say implicatively.
NICK: “Well, we’ll be taking over custody now. After the bounty has been turned in and approved you can expect your payment in six to eight weeks.”
LAURA: “I mean, so who approved your mustache?”
NICK: “I’m an Imperial. We can have mustaches.”
LAURA: “You really shouldn’t, though.”
NICK & STEVEN: Ohhh.
NICK: He motions to a stormtrooper and they punch you in the stomach with the butt of their rifle.
NICK: It hurts.
CAMERON: I swap out my binders with the binders that the stormtroopers have.
NICK: Yeah. It’s all very professional, just click-click, snap-snap.
CAMERON: Yup. Remove mine, put them back up on my head tails.
NICK: The deck commander looks kind of smug and leans over. “Not so smug now, are you? Search the prisoners!” And the stormtroopers come up and start to pat you down. What does your smuggling coat do?
LAURA: It’s an opposed Skulduggery.
NICK: Oh shit. So they’ll have two green… Does the coat make it an opposed Skulduggery, or give you a bonus to it?
LAURA: No, it is an opposed Skulduggery to search.
NICK: Oh. Yeah, they only have two greens. Well, we’ll make it a green and a red. This guy’s been trained. He’s a marine.
LAURA: I want to flip a light side point. I really don’t want them to find my stuff.
NICK: Well, so it’s opposed… Yeah, you can roll a purple and a red on yours, so that we’re building a smaller pool.
LAURA: Six successes, but two threats. And remember, they will find the spray paint.
NICK: Yeah, so they find the spray paint. The stormtrooper pulls it out and says, (muffled) “All she has is this, sir.”
LAURA: “Hey, I want that back. That is mine.”
NICK: “You can have that back… in jail! Ha ha ha.”
LAURA: “Oh, so you will actually give it to me once I am in my cell?”
NICK: The deck commander just slowly shakes his head and says, “Take them to the holding cell.” They pat down Sabos and pull off his com. They leave your armor on, they don’t care. They start to march you away, and the last shot we have is Karma standing at the thing… You’re gonna leave, right?
CAMERON: Yes, after Tink gets off the ship.
NICK: Right. Karma is standing at the foot of the on-ramp, and Tink lifts up the roof of his smuggling compartment and sticks his head out, and says…
HUDSON: “Am I good to go?”
CAMERON: (quietly) “Yeah, I thought you left already.”
HUDSON: “Oh—“ I run out.
NICK: And that’s where we’ll end the episode!
(all make dramatic noises and Star Wars tunes)
CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show.
Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.
Tink is played by Hudson Jameson and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.
Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.
Sabos Nix was played by Steven Schroeder. He… does not exist on the internet.
Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.
Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.
Additional music by James Gunter.
Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @tabletop_squad. For real! We’re real people and we wanna talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.