Transcript: S2 Episode 32: The Good, The Bad, & The Explosive
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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 32:
The Good, The Bad, & The Explosive
Transcript by Raina Harper
LILIT: Hello everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.
I’d like to thank two of our new Patreon backers, Strnad and Techdragon. Thank you so much for supporting the show. And, it comes at really good timing, because Tink has told me that he’s lost something in the ship. He won’t say what it is, just that it could be in the vents and he needs to find it right away. So, if you can go help him out with that… that would be great. Thank you.
Music credits and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.
Now let’s get into the episode.
NICK: Hello! Welcome to Episode 32 of Tabletop Squadron. I’m your host and game master, Nick. I am looking frantically at the wall of the study to try to think of inspiration for something random and charming to say, and um… painting of a pirate ship! Glad to have you here. Let’s go around the table and everybody say who you are and who you’re playing today, starting with Hudson.
HUDSON: Hi. I’m Olympic Medalist Hudson Jameson, and I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer.
NICK: Two questions.
NICK: One, what kind of medal?
CAMERON: An Olympic one.
HUDSON: An Olympic medal.
NICK: What place did you get?
HUDSON: Oh, they have places… I got second?
NICK: [chuckling] What color is the second medal, person who must be wearing it right now?
HUDSON: It’s silver, and if you bite it, it doesn’t break off.
NICK: Okay good. You’ve kept up with tradition. What event was it for? Bear in mind it’s the Summer Olympics so it doesn’t have anything to do with snow.
HUDSON: Extreme catfishing.
NICK: Oh, so you like pretended to be someone you weren’t on a dating site and you got second place at that?
HUDSON: While running, yes.
NICK: Oh, okay. Cool. Cool-cool-cool. Well, great to have you here, Hudson. Up next we’ve got Cameron.
CAMERON: Hello. I am Cameron, and I play Karma Nailo, a Nautolan bounty hunter. I am not participating in the Olympics this year.
NICK: Oh, did you get… Why not?
HUDSON: Are you from Russia?
CAMERON: No. See, I had shoulder surgery and the travel to Tokyo just wasn’t going to work out.
NICK: Oh, that makes sense.
NICK: Considering that you’re a globally ranked archer, the shoulder surgery was gonna kind of…
CAMERON: [snickers] Yeah, it just really tripped me up there. Mm-hmm.
NICK: Yeah. Wonderful. Last but not least we have Lilit.
LILIT: Hello. I am Olympic Gold Medalist Lilit, and I play Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler. Yes, my gold medal was for catfishing, but mine was for noodlin’.
LILIT: So different form of catfishing.
NICK: It’s like the difference between Taekwondo sparring and Taekwondo demonstration. Like, the logos and the broadcast were similar but totally different events.
LILIT: Totally different. I caught a catfish with my bare hand.
NICK: Great. What was the weight of the winning catfish?
LILIT: Over 9000 pounds.
NICK: That’s a very large catfish.
HUDSON: Nick, I need to change my answer.
HUDSON: I’m sorry everyone, I lied. I was not catfishing or extreme catfishing. I was tablescaping. That is a professional competitive table making where you do themes and other accoutrement on the table to set it for dinner.
CAMERON: What was your theme?
HUDSON: My theme was… all the Rocky movies.
NICK: Wow. So lots of sides of meat, then?
CAMERON: Lots of stairs.
HUDSON: Yeah, the whole thing was stairs.
NICK: So, one last question and we’ll get off of this bit, but this one’s important. In the highly competitive global environment of tablescaping, what receives more of a weighted score? The speed in which you complete the setting or the overall style and continuity of the design.
HUDSON: I think that it depends on the judges. It’s very subjective.
NICK: No kidding. [laughs]
HUDSON: I’d be lying—
CAMERON: [laughing] It all depends on how hungry the judges are for how fast you set the table.
HUDSON: Yes, that actually is true. It’s a wild card thrown in there. You don’t know until you get to the event.
CAMERON: Did they feed the judges lunch today? I don’t know!
NICK: Wow… Alright. Well? I’m glad that we have so many competitive athletes on this podcast. That’s great.
LILIT: Also, great news, the catfish that I caught, my gold medal catfish, will be arriving next week. We are building it a pool in our backyard where it will live, all 9,000 pounds of it. I have named this catfish Big Jeyb.
NICK: Oh goodness. Well, before we do the recap of the episode, at the risk of becoming just a fantasy Olympic recitation podcast, let’s do the Destiny Roll~!
CAMERON: One dark side.
HUDSON: Two light side.
LILIT: Two light side!
NICK: Nice. Very good.
NICK: So, when we last left the crew of the Afternoon Delight, you all had fought your way to the summit of Lessu, the capital city of Ryloth. Infiltrated the governor’s palace. Xianna and Taan’na had fought Endo to a standstill, forcing him to retreat but being pretty injured in the process. Karma and Tink and HK were able to convince some security droids that they were magicians and then kill them.
You all met in the governor’s office and ordered HK to kill them, blasting them out of a window to their certain demise. The last thing that we heard was Karma saying that her escape plan was just to walk out of the office… and that’s what happens more or less.
We get a couple of scenes of you all quick-stepping your way through these labyrinthine passages. There are scenes in the background where you were fighting before but you’re able to get past there. You dodge a couple of guard patrols. You’re able to sneak out of the governor’s mansion without really any more conflict.
We see a quick shot of all of you dropping over the wall back into the main city. The next thing we see is the Imperial speeder that you arrived in leaving the city. You take a side route and are able to dodge most of the patrols. There’s a rotation of guards so you are lucky enough not to get stopped by the same guards that you lied to and said you were giving the speeder back having bought it at an auction.
You see as you’re crossing the bridge that there is already platoons of stormtroopers and imperial investigators cordoning off parts of the city, beginning to investigate this incursion that you all did and locking everything down. We see the transport whizzing over the desert floor, and then the next thing we see is all of you in a debriefing room. It’s not very large, but inside is your group, Taan’na, and Colonel Kachadorian, and you’re catching the colonel up on the mission.
HUDSON: I pull chance cubes out of my pocket.
HUDSON (as Tink): These are the puppies that gave me the decision to end their life.
LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, I don’t think that is a good thing.
HUDSON (as Tink): What do you mean? I didn’t kill them, I made the decision.
CAMERON (as Karma): Eh…
NICK (as HK): Exclamation: I killed them and I deserve credit for it.
CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah… We did go in already having decided to kill the governor, so you were really just kind of reconfirming the choice with the chance cubes to then give HK the order to actually do it. Yeah…
LILIT (as Xianna): You still ordered a political assassination.
HUDSON (as Tink): It was decided. You heard Karma.
NICK: Kachadorian raises a finger.
NICK (as Kachadorian): Well, technically I ordered the assassination. You were following the instructions that I gave you, if that helps. You seem to be a little torn up about the situation. Well, not Tink and certainly not your droid, but the rest of you seem to have gotten a little bogged down in the moral implications.
LILIT (as Xianna): Mostly I just think that Tink should have thrown a gun at him first. I just feel weird about killing somebody who is unarmed, you know?
NICK (as Taan): I don’t usually agree with her, especially not lately, but she has a point. Tink, if you had just thrown a gun at him it would have been fine.
HUDSON (as Tink): That’s all I had to do?
NICK (as Taan): Then he was armed!
LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. You’ve never done that before?
CAMERON (as Karma): I… See, I don’t know necessarily if, like… [sighs] There were… By the time—
LILIT (as Xianna): No. If you throw a gun at somebody and they touch the gun, that means they are armed, and then if you kill them, that means it is self-defense and not murder.
CAMERON (as Karma): Oh—No. Okay, so having someone holding a gun does not, like, it doesn’t automatically necessitate you shooting them in self-defense if they touch a gun.
NICK (as Kachadorian): I do feel the need to weigh in here as a leader of the Rebellion. Lawfulness and morality, not necessarily the same thing. That being said, great job killing that political person. It is great. The Empire is going to leave now. We are going to have no more problems. You have done a great thing murdering that, I assume based on your conversation, unarmed man.
HUDSON (as Tink): Can I get more cucumber water?
NICK (as Kachadorian): Uh, yeah. The pitcher is right by you.
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh… Oh, okay.
NICK (as Kachadorian): I’m not going to pour it for you. I am a Rebellion Commander.
HUDSON (as Tink): Well fine, fancy-shmancy person.
CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, so I don’t know. I highly doubt it that the Empire is just going to decide to call it a day and pack up all of their troops and head home. It would be lovely if it did work out that way for you, but I feel like there are going to be ripples from this, Colonel.
NICK (as Kachadorian): Where were your misgivings when we were talking about the original assignment?
CAMERON (as Karma): Oh no, I didn’t have misgivings about taking out the governor. I’m just saying I don’t think it is going to be as clean-cut as you’re saying of just well, I guess we’ve killed the governor, now they’ll give up.
NICK (as Kachadorian): Oh, no.
LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah. I kind of thought you were assassinating the governor just for funzies. You know, to like make a point? Not because you thought the Empire would actually leave you all alone after that.
NICK (as Taan): Xiann. Funzies?
LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. You know, when you do something for fun?
NICK (as Taan): Normally we do not launch suicide missions to highly fortified political fortresses for fun.
CAMERON (as Karma): It wasn’t a suicide mission.
NICK (as Taan): It sure looked like one.
CAMERON (as Karma): Oh…
NICK (as Taan): Look. I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate your skill that you have developed over time. You clearly work well together and have bonded as almost a family, like me and my sister have not had a chance to. But, ugh, we were trying to make a major impact. Sure, the Empire may not just leave, but this could be a large Sabacc chip that when it falls over could start the process to freeing our people. This was not something we did as a hobby.
CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, no, that’s not what I was—I wasn’t saying at all that taking out the governor wasn’t going to have an impact like that. It just… I don’t think it’s as cut-and-dry as the colonel made it out to sound of just yep, they’re gonna leave now. I think it’s definitely a stepping point to continue moving forward in the battle against the Empire, but I don’t think you’re in any way probably done with getting them off of Ryloth.
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh no, there’s like an 80% chance you’re gonna have an orbital bombardment now. They fucking love doing those.
NICK (as Kachadorian): This may be true, but it is a risk we are willing to take for freedom of our people. Either way, we do appreciate everything you have done and I hope that you will consider us as potential allies in the future. We do appreciate you, sincerely. Thank you all. Just out of a personal curiosity, what are you going to do next? I know Endo attacked you and he was your main reason for being here. Great call on him being a traitor, by the way.
CAMERON (as Karma): Oh… thanks.
LILIT (as Xianna): I told you all.
CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, real surprise on that one.
NICK (as Taan): yes, you said it, but he had a better track record than you, Xiann.
LILIT (as Xianna): [indignant] No he did not!
NICK (as Taan): He has been helping us for years. You have abandoned us for years.
LILIT (as Xianna): I sent you money.
NICK: Taan’na just purses her lips together in a very thin line and looks to Colonel Kachadorian, and he shrugs, like obviously not interested in getting into that argument.
NICK (as Kachadorian): Well, either way. Regardless, we would love to be able to help you more, but besides offering you our sincere friendship we do not have much, I’m afraid. But, we are, like I said, very curious. Where are you going next?
CAMERON (as Karma): Hmm. See, I’m very much disappointed that there was only one casualty on this mission and I’d like to make another one happen. Do y’all know? Like, it didn’t look like Endo had been camping out with y’all full-time. Do y’all know where his little group kind of set up base?
NICK: This is punctuated by HK charging his rifle with a [click-click, whir]. The colonel looks to Taan’na.
NICK (as Taan): We never really merged forces entirely so that theoretically if we were to finally lose this war Endo could escape. It was part of his agreement.
CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm.
NICK (as Taan): But we could give you a heading. We do know the general direction from which they come. I would imagine he is hulled up somewhere in a cave much like this one, perhaps smaller. But we could give you a direction and maybe you could track him down if that’s what you want to do. The fact that he attempted to kill me, and Xiann, does make me want to help you to eliminate the threat. As well as if you could regain our funds, that would be nice as well.
HUDSON (as Tink): Sounds like a plan to me.
NICK: So, Colonel Kachadorian takes out a large data pad that has a topographical map of the area. You can see from the size of the You Are Here X that it’s pretty zoomed out. He draws a dotted line with a stylus and then circles a couple of areas along the line at like 20, 40, and 80 kilometers out.
NICK (as Kachadorian): These would be my best guesses on where you could find them. Hopefully as you get closer either you could find some of their patrols or just stumble upon their base or track them in some other way. It sounded like you injured Endo pretty badly, so you might be able to catch him before he even runs to ground again. You can keep this, hopefully it helps. Please go with our blessing and with the hope of the Rylothi people.
CAMERON (as Karma): Do you have any info on any ship he may have?
NICK (as Kachadorian): He was always very careful to approach us by ground.
CAMERON (as Karma): Alright.
NICK (as Kachadorian): I don’t have a lot of information, I’m afraid. He was very careful which in hindsight, considering he was betraying us and extending our conflict with the Empire for profiteering, does make sense.
CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t suppose any of his pirate buddies happened to stick around and are still here?
NICK (as Kachadorian): No. When he left they left. They went in opposite directions. His crew went along that line that we indicated. It’s our best hope. They often go in slightly different directions. This is what you might call an average of the headings that they took. They would spread in different directions, but I think this one is the most likely.
NICK: Taan’na, under her breath, says:
NICK (as Taan): That piece of shit!
NICK: You can tell she’s a lot more angry at Endo than she let on originally.
LILIT: Xianna’s just sighing and shaking her head in the background.
LILIT (as Xianna): [quietly] I could have told you that.
NICK: She almost turns towards you, Xianna, and you can see her ball her fists and hold them down at her sides and force herself to stay professional. HK has been standing by the wall.
NICK (as HK): Declaration: Now we hunt the most dangerous game of all, Endo.
NICK: We cut to you all standing at the entrance to the Rylothi Resistance base and the sun is blotted out of the sky by a low-flying, very large star destroyer. The ground begins to rumble as large turbo laser blasts begin to strike down on roads and infrastructure, destroying things seemingly at random. Clouds of TIE fighters are starting to come out of the landing bays and set up search patterns. Unfortunately, it looks like your guess about orbital bombardment and an Imperial crackdown was exactly correct.
Taan’na is standing next to you all—Kachadorian having wandered off—looking at the sky. She pulls her goggles down and she turns to the crew of the Afternoon Delight.
NICK (as Taan): Well, I still think it was worth it.
HUDSON (as Tink): You think they’re here because of us?
NICK (as Taan): Yes, I think they’re here because of us, Tink.
CAMERON (as Karma): They must have had a star destroyer close.
NICK (as Taan): It must have been time for one of their patrols. They were in the area, but they won’t be leaving anytime soon. We’ll have to close the blast doors and try to wait it out. Hopefully the impact on the civilians won’t be too great. But… isn’t your ship in Lessu?
CAMERON (as Karma): [weakly] Yup.
NICK (as Taan): Are you still going to go after Endo?
CAMERON: Karma is just staring off into the middle distance in between where the path that Colonel Kachadorian had drawn for where we would need to go for following Endo and back towards Lessu and just looks really conflicted.
HUDSON (as Tink): I don’t know about that anymore. Uh… what are we gonna do here?
LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t know. I have some pretty neat shit on the ship still.
NICK (as HK): Sage Statement: Who can put a price on the life of a living being? It is priceless. We should take it from Endo.
CAMERON (as Karma): [laughing] That went in a different direction than I was expecting, HK.
LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, but my bedroom has a clap-down disco ball.
NICK: Is Creamsicle still on the ship?
LILIT: Xianna’s eyes get real wide as she says that and she opens up one of her pockets on her coat and looks in it.
LILIT (as Xianna): [gasps] Oh kriff. Creamsicle is also on the ship! Creamsicle is not in one of my pockets! Creamsicle has stolen the ship!
HUDSON (as Tink): Wait a second. Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Before you get in a tizzy, I know that I’ve been a magician this whole time, but I think I’m about to retire.
HUDSON: So, I remove my top hat and I stick my hand in and I say…
HUDSON (as Tink): Behold!
HUDSON: …and I pull out a loth-rat. … I look very confused.
LILIT: Xianna’s just staring at Tink.
LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, that is not Creamsicle. Was that supposed to be Creamsicle?
HUDSON (as Tink): [weakly] Yeah…
CAMERON (as Karma): How long have you had a loth-rat in your hat?
LILIT (as Xianna): It’s not even orange.
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, you’re right.
CAMERON (as Karma): Where did you get that loth-rat?!
LILIT (as Xianna): Have you had that this whole time?
HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, it just hasn’t come up until now.
NICK: The loth-rat bites Tink on the hand.
HUDSON (as Tink): Ow!
HUDSON: I throw it.
CAMERON (as Karma): I’m pretty sure you don’t want to let that run off. That’s gonna be an invasive species.
NICK (as HK): Statement: We are not even on Lothal. We are on Ryloth.
NICK: The loth-rat scurries out into the desert and under a rock.
HUDSON (as Tink): Alright, so Creamsicle’s on the ship.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. We have to go back to the ship. We’ll kill Endo some other time. Then it will be better, we will have more time to prepare. We can come up with some witty one-liners to say when we shoot him, or stab him, or cut his head off, or whatever we end up doing.
HUDSON (as Tink): Like, it’s the Endo the line.
LILIT (as Xianna): Exactly!
LILIT: Xianna finger guns at Tink.
CAMERON (as Karma): [weakly] Yeah…
NICK (as HK): I am prepared to help you with your Endoscopy.
CAMERON (as Karma): [bothered, lingering] Oh…
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh no. No. That one… We’ll workshop it.
CAMERON (as Karma): We’ll workshop it.
LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah. Yeah.
LILIT (as Xianna): We’ll open up a Space Word Doc.
NICK (as HK): I do not understand the emphasis on Creamsicle. There is another loth-rat right over there and—
LILIT (as Xianna): It’s not the same loth-rat, HK!
NICK (as HK): That one was slightly bigger and therefore more valuable.
LILIT (as Xianna): No, that one is certainly not trained to steal credits.
CAMERON (as Karma): I do think that, if we want to be able to get off of planet any time soon, heading back to the ship now probably is gonna be our best bet, because we can feign ignorance having wandered in from the desert if we run into any patrols.
NICK (as Taan): They are going to be on complete lockdown. I would say your best bet is to take the Imperial transport and try to blast your way through to the landing pad. They’ll be aimed in doing the investigation. You might be able to make it.
CAMERON (as Karma): Would y’all be okay with us taking the transport?
NICK: The camera pans over to the transport. It’s got blaster marks all over it. It’s not in prime condition by any means. There’s half-dried blood stains near the exit where the fighting happened originally.
NICK (as Taan): I think we could let it go. Consider it part of your payment for helping us before.
CAMERON (as Karma): Alright. Well, we’ll try to do some more damage to the Empire on our way out I guess.
NICK: She grins toothily at you, Karma.
NICK (as Taan): I like you.
HUDSON (as Tink): Do you like me?
NICK (as Taan): I like you too, Tink.
HUDSON (as Tink): Yes!
NICK (as Taan): And I like you, HK.
NICK: She looks at Xianna for a second.
NICK (as Taan): So, I guess you better be going.
LILIT (as Xianna): It’s because you love me. You don’t just like me.
NICK (as Taan): [heavy sigh]
LILIT (as Xianna): You have to. I’m your sister.
NICK (as Taan): We don’t have time to get into this, but you can like and love someone at the same time. Right now I’m finding the need to choose one or the other, and I will pick love. I do love you, Xiann. Don’t make it another ten years, okay?
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay fine. I will make it eight years. We’ll slowly work our way down.
NICK (as Taan): [cheerfully] By the time we’re 100 we’ll see each other once a month.
CAMERON (as Karma): Eh… no, I don’t think the math is gonna work out that way, actually. But, you have our com number, so…
NICK (as Taan): Okay. Well, be careful. Please protect my sister so she can make up for some of the harm she’s done.
NICK: Taan’na holds her arms out for a big hug.
HUDSON: We all go in for the hug.
CAMERON: [laughing] Karma doesn’t. Karma realizes it’s for Xianna.
HUDSON: [laughing] I said we all go in for the hug.
LILIT: [smiling] I’m sure Xianna goes in for the hug and then Tink just smooshes them all together.
LILIT (as Xianna): [strained] Tink, this hug was for me. This hug was not for you.
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh! Oh… Oh. I just got the cues wrong. Sorry.
NICK (as Taan): One at a time. One at a time.
NICK: Tink drops the two of them. They finish their sisterly hug. There’s some head tail twitching in a quiet conversation. Then Taan’na holds her arms out and gives Tink a big hug. She does finger guns at HK because he’s not much of a hugger.
NICK (as Taan): Karma, it’s been very nice meeting you.
CAMERON (as Karma): You as well.
NICK (as Taan): Do you… Do you want a hug?
CAMERON: We fistbump. It’s very badass.
NICK (as Taan): Okay yes, fistbump. Thank you for the fistbump.
NICK: The next thing we see is the Imperial transport whizzing its way back across the desert towards Lessu. There are patrols spaced out around the perimeter of the cliff that Lessu is next to. You can see that there are several parked armored transports much like yours on either side of the bridge. Who’s driving, who’s navigating, and who’s in the gunner turret?
CAMERON: Does this transport just have the big gun up top?
NICK: Yeah, and it has slits for other guns. You can shoot out of it.
NICK: But it only has the one main cannon.
HUDSON (as Tink): I’m driving!
CAMERON (as Karma): Xianna, you wanna get up top?
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, I will do the pew-pew.
CAMERON (as Karma): HK, you cover the left side on the slits. I’ll take the right.
NICK (as HK): Inappropriate Joke: Do you think Xianna is compensating for something?
CAMERON (as Karma): [weary] No, I don’t.
HUDSON (as Tink): That’s a good one, HK.
LILIT: Xianna pops her head back down out of the gunnery seat.
LILIT (as Xianna): I am compensating for your face!
NICK (as HK): Tink, do you have any repair kits? I have taken severe burning damage.
HUDSON (as Tink): Uh, let me see. Wait, I retired.
NICK (as HK): That was a joke. That was a joke. Ha-ha-ha.
HUDSON (as Tink): No, hold on. I’m looking for a repair kit.
CAMERON (as Karma): In your hat? Really?
HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, but I’ve retired, so there’s nothing else in my hat.
NICK: Another loth-rat comes crawling out of the hat that’s sitting at the baseboard.
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh wait—Actually, never mind.
NICK: So, the transport is whizzing along. Tink is piloting. Xianna is in the gunnery seat. On either side there are some window slits and Karma and HK are aiming out as you approach the main way. You get a coms hail when you’re still several hundred meters out. Do you answer it, Tink?
HUDSON (as Tink): Hi! This is Tink.
CAMERON: Everyone facepalms.
NICK (as trooper): We do not recognize that designation. What is your soldier designation? Why are you approaching at speed?
HUDSON (as Tink): Roger that. Uh… uh, uh…
NICK (as trooper): Slow down and prepare for search. You are behaving inappropriately.
HUDSON (as Tink): We’re ghosts~ No. We don’t… [stammers] You can’t search me, I’m a ghost~ Your hands would just go through me as you try to pat me down.
NICK (as trooper): … Do you think he’s actually a ghost, captain?
NICK (as captain): No, he’s not a ghost!
LILIT (as trooper): I don’t know, he might be a real ghost. Do you remember Jonathan? He said he saw a ghost last week, so could be real.
NICK (as trooper): Nobody listens to the reserve soldiers.
NICK: The coms call cuts out and they begin to shoot at you, even from a distance. Tink, I’m gonna need a Piloting (Planetary) check from you at hard difficulty.
HUDSON: Three successes and two threats.
NICK: So you don’t get shot, but they actually close ranks on the bridge so it is now blocked off by these two transports. Describe how you drive so that they don’t manage to shoot you.
HUDSON: I’m driving just full speed, shifting, swinging back and forth my vehicle to the beat of Barracuda.
NICK: [laughs, hums riff from Barracuda] Swerve-swerve… So, we see the ship doing a hard rock kind of swerve to dodge these lasers flying at you. Xianna, the only way you’re gonna get over this bridge is by blowing one of these transports into the canal below. I’m going to need a Gunnery check from you at hard difficulty with a black die because you’re being swerved all over the place.
LILIT: Can I aim?
NICK: You can have a blue die for aiming. [chuckles]
LILIT: I would like to flip a Destiny Point to get an upgraded die.
LILIT: That is a triumph, no success though, and three failures.
NICK: Huh. Well…
HUDSON: Oh wow, that is awful.
NICK: You whiff really hard trying to shoot these transports, but something good happens.
CAMERON: You shoot something in front of the transports and it makes a ramp over them so we can jump them to get to the bridge. [laughs]
NICK: Okay. You line up your shot. The swerving is just too difficult to aim, but the cannon kicks even harder than you expected it to and it blows a large slab of stone up out of the ground and lands at a slant. Tink, you see that if you manage to gun it you might be able to just jump over this barricade and land on the bridge and make your way into the city. I’m going to need another Piloting check from you.
CAMERON: [giggling, sarcastic] This is safe.
HUDSON: What’s the difficulty?
NICK: [indignant, astonished] Hard! [laughs]
NICK: That’s not because I said it, it’s just because this is a wild maneuver to attempt to do.
HUDSON: Can I get a blue die because I just told HK to leave his position, go to the back of the transport and turn the knob to turn on the NOS?
NICK: Um… So, if you flip a light side point there can be NOS.
HUDSON: Great. I’m flipping a light side point.
LILIT: Space NOS!
NICK: You can have like three blue dice for that because you’re also taking away one of your gunner’s positions to have him to hit a turbo button.
HUDSON: Turbo button is happening. Alright, here I go rolling. I got two advantages.
NICK: You fail. So, the advantages are you don’t die, which is nice.
CAMERON: [laughs] Yay.
NICK: You attempt to hit the ramp, hit it at a side, it causes you to spin out, and you smash into the barricade knocking these two speeders aside and sliding onto the front of the bridge, and your engine dies.
We get the shaky cam as everybody looks out the windows at where they are and there’s just hordes of stormtroopers walking towards you carefully and smoke is rising from your speeder. You’re gonna need to get that restarted or this run for the ship is gonna end a lot faster than you were expecting. I need a Mechanics check at hard difficulty.
HUDSON: You got it.
NICK: You can have a blue die because HK is helping.
HUDSON: One failure, one advantage. [laughs]
NICK: You connect some wires. There’s sparks, and a plume of smoke comes out of the dashboard of the speeder. You hear as you try to start it, it goes [gradual power loss sounds]
CAMERON: Karma has run to the back now and is looking out the slits along the back of it.
CAMERON (as Karma): Tiiink?!
HUDSON (as Tink): [casually] Yeah? Huh?
LILIT (as Xianna): Tiiink!
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, it’s up!
CAMERON (as Karma): Why aren’t we moving?!
HUDSON (as Tink): Um… [stammers] This isn’t necessarily a computer, y’all.
CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, well get it working.
CAMERON: Karma’s just taking potshots at stormtroopers as they approach.
LILIT (as Xianna): But you still know how to fix things. Fix it!
HUDSON (as Tink): Alright. Let’s just say theoretically, everyone, what if I can’t?
LILIT (as Xianna): No. Fix it!
CAMERON (as Karma): Nope. Do it!
HUDSON (as Tink): We need a Plan B…
NICK (as HK): Tink, do or do not, there is no try.
NICK: Karma, I need you to make a shooting roll at average difficulty and also HK will be making one as you both shoot out the back slits. Xianna, do you want to shoot at the people who are approaching?
LILIT: Yes I do.
CAMERON: Are there just people walking towards us or are the two speeders that were there also still shooting at us?
NICK: The two speeders are stuck. The turrets are starting to turn towards you, but this is just the…
NICK: It’s the shot of the stormtroopers looking hesitant walking towards you and then your blasters start shooting out.
CAMERON: Okay. Cool.
LILIT: For Xianna’s Gunnery check, that is one success, five advantages.
NICK: [laughs] Okay.
CAMERON: Karma’s got two successes, two advantages.
CAMERON: And then HK is five successes and a threat.
NICK: Okay. With that, we see the zoomed out shot and then y’all’s turret is slowly grinding and turning towards the stormtroopers. Blaster fire starts to shoot out of the back hatch as HK and Karma open fire and hit quite a few stormtroopers. Four or five of them go down in the initial salvo. They start to shoot back and fall into cover. Xianna hits one with the large cannon, just turning him into little flecks of white plastic armor, but with all of those advantages it forces the rest of the stormtroopers down into cover and they begin to return fire.
You can see the armor on the inside of this transport starting to heat up under the lasers that are hitting it over and over again. Tink, make me another check to try to start the speeder. This one is average difficulty. You’re gonna wanna make this one. [laughs]
HUDSON: Do I get a blue die for anyone helping me?
NICK: No, they’re all shooting right now.
HUDSON: Four successes, one threat.
NICK: Great. So, describe how you’re able to get this thing started again and take off into the city?
HUDSON: I see if anyone’s looking at me and I spit in it and I hit it with my fist a few times.
NICK: [gradual power loss sounds, followed by rapid pickup and energized whooshing] The speeder lifts off the ground and fishtails a little bit, kicking up dirt even though it doesn’t have tires, and heads off across the bridge. You’re able to make it into the city. You’re dodging in and out of very thin roads. There’s stormtroopers at corners that shoot at you. They’ve all heard on the radio. Do you all congratulate Tink or anything?
LILIT: You do hear Xianna yell down from the gunnery seat.
LILIT (as Xianna): Thank you, Tink~
HUDSON (as Tink): It was nothing. It was easy-peasy.
NICK: Xianna, as you’re moving the turret to try to shoot at stormtroopers in these crossroads you see a pair of magneted stormtrooper boots clomp down on the roof of the speeder right in your viewport and too close for you to aim the turret at, and two stormtroopers start to move to stick their guns into the turret to shoot down into the ship.
LILIT: Xianna sees these stormtroopers lock down with their magnet boots. She’s like…
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh no.
LILIT: …and ducks, presses her back up against the wall so she’s right underneath the window, takes out a grenade and hooks it onto the armor of the closest foot through the window.
NICK: [laughs] You don’t have to roll for that. I think the tradeoff is that you hear…
NICK (as stormtrooper): Oh no! Grenade! Grenade!
NICK: …and then it explodes and blows a crater in the top of the speeder, ripping the turret off. It goes slamming down the road. One of the stormtroopers is stuck to it. The other one managed to get clear. But you see this big piece of wreckage that you’ve created smash into some stormtroopers that were chasing you on speeder bikes and they explode.
LILIT: Xianna laughs.
NICK: There is one stormtrooper still standing up top, and Xianna, you’ve dropped down into the main body of the speeder since your chair is now exploded. You are all kind of sitting ducks right now from the other stormtrooper.
HUDSON (as Tink): I can’t do nothing, y’all. I’m driving.
CAMERON: Yeah. I think Karma’s just been running and is at one of the front corners constantly just shooting as we approach crossroads and stuff, so doesn’t notice, until the explosion happens, when she turns around.
NICK: You lock eyes with the stormtrooper who’s on top of the speeder and you realize the only thing that you can do is get up there and fight him because you’re not gonna be able to shoot him from this angle, not without him hitting your friends.
CAMERON: Alright. I run up into what once was the gunner seat and pull myself through to the top and swing my gun around and pull out my vibro-sword.
NICK: We get this zoomed-out shot as the speeder comes skidding around a corner. We see the Afternoon Delight parked at a far distance at the Lessu Spaceport. This stormtrooper sees Karma draw their sword and the stormtrooper likewise slings their carbine onto their back and pulls out one of those stunny-whippy batons that they use in The Force Awakens.
CAMERON: No, he’s a cool badass stormtrooper. [chuckles]
NICK: Yeah. I’m going to need a melee attack against two purples and a red, Karma, and Tink, I’m going to need a—Oh, before you roll that though, Tink, I’m gonna need another drive check at hard difficulty as you try to navigate these narrow streets.
HUDSON: I have a success and a threat.
NICK: With the threat, Karma, your feet are a little unstable as this whips around and you don’t have magnet boots so you’ll have a black die on this.
CAMERON: Five successes and one threat.
NICK: Well, that guy’s hosed. Describe this well-choreographed fight scene on top of the speeder before you handily destroy this stormtrooper.
CAMERON: I think it’s a… There’s some fancy fencing going on for a little bit, but every time we turn a corner Karma slides in whichever direction we’re turning just because her boots aren’t sticking her to the roof in one place.
So, one of the times that we turn a corner it’s a particularly sharp, like, it’s more than a 90 degree turn, so she ends up slightly farther to the side than the stormtrooper’s expecting and is able to completely avoid the thwobbity-thwobbity as he swings it, and just the standard picture Olympic fencing move of her just diving in with one arm and just piercing through the armor.
NICK: We get the…
NICK (as stormtrooper): [pathetic pained shouting]
NICK: …as he’s impaled and his boots disengage and he slides off of the speeder. This armored speeder is in really bad shape as it comes coasting into the landing pad. There’s some more camera angles of HK and Xianna shooting out of the windows at pursuit, and it crashes and slides on the landing pad leaving shredded-up asphalt behind it. You all pile out and run up the ramp into the Afternoon Delight.
CAMERON (as Karma): I’ll get it started! HK, Xianna, can y’all get to the guns? I don’t think this is gonna be smooth.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, let’s go-go-go!
HUDSON (as Tink): Y’all, y’all, y’all… I think I left my cape back at the base.
LILIT (as Xianna): Tink! Leave the cape. It does not matter. We will get you a new one.
HUDSON (as Tink): No-no, we’d have to drive—
NICK (as HK): No-no, Boss Man is right.
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, really?
NICK (as HK): Boss Man is right. That cape is important. Let’s go do it again.
LILIT (as Xianna): No. We have other capes, Tink. We will get you a new one. Let’s go!
HUDSON (as Tink): You promise?
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh my god, Tink. This is not the time! Yes, I promise we will get you a new cape. Now let’s go!
CAMERON (as Karma): Just check the costume closet!
LILIT (as Xianna): We have so many capes!
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh…
NICK: You all have already taken off as you argue with Tink.
CAMERON: The ship starts to hover and slowly lifts off.
NICK: The landing ramp is closing up. HK is sliding into one of the seats and maneuvering the trackball to move the turret.
LILIT: Xianna’s spinning around in the gunner chair, Creamsicle sitting atop her head.
NICK: Yeah. There was a momentary reunion as Xianna ran in where Creamsicle was indeed on the ship. You can also see that some of the other ships in this landing pad have been exploded by turbo laser fire, so you’re glad you made it back before that happened. The ship lifts off, and I’m gonna need a Piloting (Planetary) check at hard difficulty to see if you can get out of these fighter screens.
CAMERON: Two successes, two advantages.
NICK: Nice. So, there are at least three flights of TIE fighters zeroing in on your location. You’re able to spiral your way through them without any issues. You don’t take any turbo laser fire from the flack pattern that’s raining down from this star destroyer when you’re below it or from the additional turbo lasers when you get above it. You’re able to rocket out into space. It’s very good.
The last thing you see is Xianna and HK plugging away at TIE fighters, having hit a couple, and the Afternoon Delight snaps into hyperspace with a blind jump to throw off any pursuit, and you’re in the lengthened-stars blue tunnel of safety as you rocket away from Ryloth and from Xianna’s sister and from the aftermath of your actions.
CAMERON: When you say it that way it feels like we’re fleeing because we did something wrong~
NICK: [laughs] There’s just repercussions, that’s all.
HUDSON: Tink walks over to where most of the crew is.
HUDSON (as Tink): I wonder what Endo’s up to.
HUDSON: And then there’s like a [wobbly sound] dream sequence or bubble that goes and shows what Endo’s doing.
NICK: Do you actually wanna see what Endo’s doing?
HUDSON: Yeah, sure.
NICK: So, the camera, it goes [wobbly sound] and Tink’s just staring into space, and then there’s a swipe cut to Endo in a dark cave. He has a large freighter about the size of a YT-2400 but it’s all slanted angles and it’s painted mat black. There’s probably 10 or 15 pirates with him as he’s giving orders to pack up and go.
NICK (as Endo): There’s nothing left on this planet for us. Let’s go.
NICK: This ship takes off and it has active cloaking, so while you all are blasting your way out of orbit getting shot at by everyone this one just shimmers out of visibility and flies off the other direction. You can see Endo sitting in a captain’s chair looking really upset while a pirate in medical clothing is wrapping his wounds in bacta and gauze, bandaging him up for the next fight. He’s grumbling to himself and talking about his revenge, and we cut back to the Afternoon Delight.
CAMERON (as Karma): What are you staring at, Tink?
HUDSON (as Tink): Huh? Oh… Uh, nothing, just thinking. Why? What are you staring at?
CAMERON (as Karma): No, you just like were talking and then just looked off and got silent. I was just making sure you were alright.
HUDSON (as Tink): I don’t know. I just… I feel kinda funny.
LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, you didn’t get into those cookies that I keep in my room, did you?
HUDSON (as Tink): No. No.
LILIT (as Xianna): Because we’ve had this discussion before. You can’t eat those cookies. They are special cookies just for me.
NICK: Tink, you hear a familiar voice echoing as though from a far distance.
NICK (as Sentinel): Tink.
HUDSON (as Tink): Huh?
NICK (as Sentinel): Tink, you must listen to me. You must go to Mandalore.
HUDSON (as Tink): Mandalore…?
NICK (as Sentinel): Mandalore.
CAMERON (as Karma): What? Mandalore?
LILIT: Man lore? [giggles]
HUDSON: There’s no man lore.
HUDSON (as Tink): We’re going to Mandalore.
CAMERON (as Karma): Why?
HUDSON (as Tink): I just got this… voice in my head that’s telling me to go to Mandalore.
NICK (as Sentinel): Tink, seek out Nyx.
HUDSON (as Tink): Alright. The voice now said Stevie Nicks?
LILIT (as Xianna): Wait, a voice in your head? Shit. Tink, did you touch those stickers?
HUDSON (as Tink): No, I didn’t touch the stickers.
LILIT (as Xianna): You’re not supposed to touch them! Don’t eat them either.
HUDSON (as Tink): Wait. Wait, I was wrong. Seek out Nyx.
NICK (as Sentinel): They are a Jedi Seeker.
HUDSON (as Tink): They’re a Jedi Seeker.
NICK (as Sentinel): One that I trained with long ago. They will help you find pieces of the Shattered Force.
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh wait. They just sent me a long message. Hold on, all.
HUDSON (as Tink): Alright… They’re a Jedi. They’re a Jedi and they got trained… They have the—Wait. The pieces of the Force are with them.
NICK (as Sentinel): Mandalore~
HUDSON (as Tink): Mandalore?
NICK (as Sentinel): Mandalore…
HUDSON (as Tink): Mandalore~
LILIT: Xianna is rummaging around in her room.
LILIT (as Xianna): Tink! One of these cookies has a gigantic bite taken out of it.
HUDSON (as Tink): I think it was Creamsicle.
LILIT (as Xianna): Creamsicle’s mouth is not this big. This absolutely is your size. Half the cookie is gone. Tink, we talked about this. These are not normal cookies!
HUDSON (as Tink): I’m just saying, it was just this very familiar voice in my head telling me that we need to go to Mandalore for the Jedi, for Nyx the Jedi. The Jedi Nyx.
CAMERON (as Karma): So… was it Sentinel?
HUDSON (as Tink): Maybe…?
NICK: Who? [laughs]
CAMERON (as Karma): It was a familiar voice trying to get us to go see a Jedi? That… Can you send voice messages with the Force?
HUDSON (as Tink): I’m guessing you can. There’s a lot of things you can do with the Force.
CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah. The Force works in mysterious ways. I know that.
LILIT (as Xianna): You know, one time I ate one of these cookies and the news was on and I swear to the Force that I thought the Emperor was inside my kitchen making me spaghetti.
HUDSON (as Tink): No.
CAMERON (as Karma): Huh.
HUDSON (as Tink): That doesn’t sound right.
CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t really picture Palpatine as the homemaking type.
LILIT (as Xianna): No, turns out I had broken into somebody else’s house and they were making spaghetti.
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh…
CAMERON (as Karma): Oh.
LILIT (as Xianna): But I really, really did thought it was the Emperor Palpatine.
CAMERON (as Karma): Did you get any spaghetti or did they like scream when they noticed that you were in their house?
LILIT (as Xianna): No, they gave me some spaghetti.
CAMERON (as Karma): Well that was nice of them. Alright, so we’re going to Mandalore?
HUDSON (as Tink): We’re going to Mandalore!
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. I guess we are just going to trust Tink’s weird drug vision.
HUDSON (as Tink): [grumpy] It wasn’t a drug vision.
CAMERON (as Karma): Computers aren’t working?
LILIT (as Xianna): Then where did my cookie go?
HUDSON (as Tink): Do you think I really just got on the ship and had a cookie?
LILIT (as Xianna): Well, who else did? HK can’t consume food.
HUDSON (as Tink): He can too.
NICK (as HK): I can consume food out of spite, I just receive no benefit from it.
HUDSON (as Tink): Exactly.
NICK (as HK): I did not eat the cookie.
LILIT (as Xianna): I do not think it was Karma. Karma, did you eat half of this special cookie over here?
CAMERON (as Karma): No I did not.
LILIT (as Xianna): Without asking me. That was hidden inside of my room.
CAMERON (as Karma): No.
HUDSON (as Tink): Well Xianna, Xianna… [musically, cheerful] Someone stole a cookie from the cookie jar. Who me? Not me! [flatly] Not me.
NICK: And that’s the end of the episode.
HUDSON: I’m okay ending on that.
LILIT: Post-credit theme. Xianna’s holding the cookie and she slowly starts turning her head and looking at Sabos’s room.
LILIT (as Xianna): Is the ship haunted? Did Sabos’s ghost eat this cookie?
CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners find the show, and every time we get one Nick lets the squad have a blue die.
If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, a level that includes bonus channels on our Discord and tons of bonus episodes that include side character arcs, flashbacks, bloopers and TV show reviews.
Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.
Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.
Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.
Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.
Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.
Additional music by James Gunter.
Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.