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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 25:
Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)
NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.
Thank you to everyone out there listening to the podcast. We are so happy to see the positive mentions out in the world and to provide some happy distraction when it’s needed. If you haven’t already, please consider leaving a review on your podcatcher of choice or check out our Patreon. We have tons of bonus content out there and would love to share it with you. Thank you everyone for your continued support. Y’all are great.
Music credit and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.
So now, let’s get into the episode.
NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 25! I’m your host and game master, Nick. It is a gorgeous half of a half of a centennial episode that we have coming for you. Really looking forward to seeing how’s the gang gonna get out of this one. Let’s all go around the table and everybody say who you are and who you’re playing today, starting with Lilit.
LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.
NICK: Wonderful. Up next we’ve got Cameron.
CAMERON: Hello. My name is Cameron, and I will be playing Karma Nailo, a Nautolan bounty hunter.
NICK: Excellent. Last but not least we’ve got Hudson.
HUDSON: Hi, I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer. I’d like to announce my side project completely unaffiliated with Tabletop Squadron.
HUDSON: It’s gonna be Tablebottom Crew, where me and three adventurers go through the desert in search of adventure.
NICK: Yeah… that’s a little awkward, because I also wanted to announce Stoolseat Organization about a loosely affiliated group of people who travel through the desert looking for adventure, so uh… we’re gonna have to have that conversation off-mic I guess, Hudson.
HUDSON: Yeah. Yeah, yeah… I think we can either collaborate or go at each other’s throats. We’ll have to see.
CAMERON: You know, maybe the rivalry thing will just help boost both of y’all’s listenership. You can just really play it up.
HUDSON: Wait-wait-wait. What if every episode is a crossover episode?
NICK: That’s like there’s always a sale at Bed Bath & Beyond.
CAMERON: There is though.
NICK: Well, the real question is how are these two new organizations going to do against Hammockbasin Team?
LILIT: Not good.
NICK: Yeah, Hammockbasin Team is pretty OP. Great. [laughs] SO before we get started with the recap, let’s do the Destiny Roll~
CAMERON: Two dark side.
LILIT: One dark side.
HUDSON: Two light side.
CAMERON: Yay Hudson.
NICK: Excellent. So, when we last left off, you all managed to convince hardened criminals that their garage was haunted. You had hidden speakers in the vents, apparently trained Creamsicle to have a packet of blood and be able to pour it out of a grating, you stole a watch and wrote a threatening message in it, and by the end of that a portion of the Kemslinger gang, which you had negotiated with Keyna the jizz singer to eliminate, had fled into the night. Am I missing anything?
LILIT: That sounds about right.
HUDSON: Yeah, yeah.
CAMERON: Yeah, I think you got it.
NICK: Yeah. So we open on the rusty garage that the Kemslingers are using as a hideout. From the single open door we see Zol, the apparent boss of the group, shouting into the Coruscanti night.
NICK (as Zol): Fine, you kriffheads, you run. There’s no such thing as ghosts! If I see you again you’re dead, DEAD, you hear me?
NICK: He slams the door behind him as he returns to the garage. The camera zooms out to see the crew of the Afternoon Delight still perched behind a convenient dumpster having just witnessed this meltdown. It looks like the ghost plan worked. What do you do now?
LILIT (as Xianna): Okie, so I think Tink said he wanted to pretend to be a ghost team to get into the front door. My vote is we just go through the air vents. Sneak attack. Drop down from the ceiling. They will never suspect it.
HUDSON (as Tink): Ah…
CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, I don’t think we want to wait long enough for them to call a ghost hunting squad.
HUDSON (as Tink): So basically, instead of being an exorcist I’d be a vent-rocist… through the air vents.
CAMERON (as Karma): Uh…
LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. Although, the ghost team is a good idea and that would be better for a long-term scam.
HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm.
LILIT (as Xianna): So we will save it. We will put it in our notebook and we will save it for later.
HUDSON (as Tink): I see, a long-term, like whenever we’re in some kind of alternate universe situation if they figure that stuff out.
CAMERON (as Karma): Or if we just decide we want to do a Holonet show.
HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh.
LILIT (as Xianna): That too, yeah, uh-huh.
HUDSON (as Tink): I have some industry connections.
LILIT (as Xianna): Exactly.
NICK (as HK): Searching Statement: I have found 47 different ghost hunting shows on the Holonet. You would not have a strong competitive advantage.
LILIT (as Xianna): They are quite popular, though they all feel exactly the same.
NICK (as HK): That is my point. If there is that many exactly identical shows, how would you be successful?
LILIT (as Xianna): If there are that many and they are all exactly the same yet they are all successful, that kind of shows that the formula works.
NICK (as HK): That seems to fly into the face of economic theory.
LILIT (as Xianna): You’d think so.
NICK (as HK): I will download new… I don’t know, economic theory? What do I—That doesn’t make any sense.
HUDSON (as Tink): You just have to shift your perspective, HK. You know, sometimes you have these theories about economics or health or life, and they don’t always work out, and even if people are telling you “hey, that’s not how you do that” or “hey, that’s illegal,” you just have to fly in the face of them and just hug justice by the waist.
CAMERON (as Karma): What…? You should not do things that are illegal.
LILIT (as Xianna): We do things that are illegal all the time. We are about to go murder people I think. That’s very illegal.
CAMERON (as Karma): They have bounties on them. It’s fine for me. I’m not doing illegal things.
LILIT (as Xianna): Well Tink and I will be doing illegal things.
CAMERON (as Karma): Y’all are my associates.
LILIT (as Xianna): We broke and entered earlier. We did a B&E. That is illegal.
HUDSON (as Tink): Breakfast with eggs! B&E.
LILIT (as Xianna): yes.
CAMERON (as Karma): Yup.
LILIT (as Xianna): We stole property. Also, we did return that property, but we still stole it to begin with.
HUDSON (as Tink): That’s borrowing if you really think about it.
LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. True.
CAMERON (as Karma): Malicious borrowing?
HUDSON (as Tink): If we create the show of the future involving ghosts, I think we should call it Spoopy Ghosties.
LILIT (as Xianna): No, that’s already a thing. It’s a bad name anyways.
HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, not a lot of viewership, actually.
LILIT (as Xianna): So are we going to murder them?
HUDSON (as Tink): You don’t have to plan on murdering. Let’s just get in there, see what happens, go with the flow.
LILIT (as Xianna): Just sort of play it loosey-goosey.
HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, play it by ear, meaning two ears.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. I’m going to go through the vents. You two can go however you want. HK, I figured you would just go through the door.
NICK (as HK): If we are taking a stealthy approach, I will follow, silently, like the night. I am extremely stealthy.
LILIT (as Xianna): You are not coming through the vents with me, HK.
NICK (as HK): Really? Okay.
CAMERON (as Karma): The metal on metal as you crawl through the vents, I think, is just…
LILIT (as Xianna): It’s too loud.
CAMERON (as Karma): It’s gonna be hard to be quiet.
HUDSON (as Tink): And what if they magnetize the vents? That would mess up your circuitry and you’d get stuck.
CAMERON (as Karma): Why would they magnetize the vents?
NICK (as HK): To mess up my circuitry so I get stuck.
HUDSON (as Tink): Exactly, for these situations.
CAMERON (as Karma): [pleasantly sarcastic] Oh yeah, good planning there.
LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, got to keep two steps ahead at all times.
NICK (as HK): I will be entering the front door. Who’s with me?
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh man, now I kinda want to go through the front door. If only there were two of me.
CAMERON: Is Tink gonna fit in the vents? [laughs]
LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, I also don’t think you could come into the vents with me. You know, maybe it was my fault for offering up the vents to everybody…
LILIT (as Xianna): …when really it would just be me that could fit. Maybe Karma if some of the weapons came off, but I really think it is just going to be me and Creamsicle who can fit in there.
CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, I’ll find a skylight.
HUDSON (as Tink): Eh, front door for me I guess. HK, you ready?
NICK (as HK): Absolutely.
NICK: So, Karma and Xianna, I need Stealth checks from you.
NICK: To be able to get into assault position. Are you planning on doing a coordinated “everybody bust in at the same time” kind of thing?
LILIT: Sounds like it.
CAMERON: I’m sure we’re “planning” on that. We didn’t discuss that before breaking up as a group though. [laughs]
LILIT: This is a Stealth check, and I have Stalker, so I get a blue die.
NICK: It’s an average Stealth check.
LILIT: [giggles wildly]
HUDSON: [gasps] Oh… Ohh!
CAMERON: I have two successes and four advantages.
LILIT: Okay, okay… I have two triumphs, both with their successes, and an additional success.
[slow suspenseful music begins]
We get this camera shot of HK and Tink both to either side of the front door, Xianna disappears like a ghost into the vents, Karma climbs silently up onto the roof and finds a conveniently located skylight. Over the coms, very quietly, you hear HK say…
NICK (as HK): We are kicking in… in three, two, one…
NICK: …and the door is kicked open.
[shift to more heavy action music]
HK and Tink slide inside, quickly covering their corners, Karma opens the skylight and drops in, Xianna pops out of a vent with blaster drawn… and there’s no one here.
[music ends abruptly]
But how do you want to spend those triumphs?
LILIT: So that scene happens exactly as you have described. We pop out and all there is is a light settling of dust in the room, and just an eerie silence. However, the people in the other room don’t notice this at all.
LILIT: So we’re able to just reset everything for the next room.
LILIT: Like we just all look at each other, look around, and then just whisper:
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, this is embarrassing. Uh, should we just do a do-over? Redo it?
NICK: So you look around the room, and the main work area of the garage is pretty much what you would expect a front for a gang to look like. There are tools scattered everywhere, but they’re dirty and not used. There’s no sign of any consistent mechanical work happening. There’s half a speeder in the corner. The room is dark and dingy, there’s a large table that you can see people would gather around on a regular basis, but it looks like the back wall has been roughly demolished.
There’s rubble still scattered around the floor, and it looks like the hideout for the Kemslingers has been dug deeper into the neighboring buildings. There doesn’t appear to be much security, and you find that the way forward is unguarded.
HUDSON (as Tink): Hey, look at this.
CAMERON: Is the way forward just like… a dug-out hallway?
NICK: Yeah, so the back wall is blown open and, because Coruscant is stacked so close together, it’s into the next building which is also in disrepair. You can see that they’ve smashed out walls making a sort of impromptu tunnel through other abandoned buildings on this level.
LILIT: Xianna looks at Tink and Karma.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. Do we just want to do the same thing over again?
HUDSON (as Tink): Huh… I mean it worked the first time. It has to work again, right?
LILIT (as Xianna): It would have been super cool if there were people in here.
CAMERON (as Karma): It would have been really cool.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. We’ll just reset everything. Okay, do it again.
LILIT: And Xianna starts climbing back into the vent.
CAMERON: Karma climbs some shelves and gets back up to the skylight and pops back through it onto the roof. [laughs]
NICK: Okay, so you’re jumping from roof to roof.
NICK: Okay. As Karma and Xianna disappear, HK looks at Tink.
NICK (as HK): Well I guess it’s just us again.
HUDSON (as Tink): Well, we should probably meet them at the next spot.
NICK (as HK): I assume so. Should I go first or would you like to, Boss Man?
HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh… I usually want the fame and glory, but I’ll give it to you this time. You can go first.
NICK (as HK): Much appreciated, and of course that means that I will draw most of the suppressing fire from the enemy if I am seen first.
HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, you love doing that, don’t you?
NICK (as HK): I do tend to get shot a lot more than the rest of the crew.
LILIT: Since I got two triumphs, can I use one of those triumphs to give all of us blue dice in the next round?
NICK: “Absolutely. That’s a good call.
LILIT: Because we have the element of surprise, and two of us will have the high ground.
NICK: Ooh. So we get this shot of Karma jumping from rooftop to rooftop. They’re all very close together, so it’s mostly just walking along the roof looking in skylights. HK and Tink are sliding from cover to cover moving through this tunnel. Xianna is in the vents moving silent.
After going through a few of these knocked-down walls, you can see two Humans holding carbines standing on either side of a metal door. They look to be dressed similarly to the Kemslingers you saw flee into the night earlier. They very clearly are on guard duty.
With all the advantages and triumphs, there is a skylight right above and a vent that is nearby to where they are posted up. They don’t appear to be particularly watchful. You can tell that they look bored. They’re not talking to each other, but they’re not really looking around that much either. So what’s the plan?
CAMERON: I kind of want to jump on one of them from above with my sword.
LILIT: I think Xianna is gonna do the very cool spy movie thing of slowly stick the end of the blaster out of the grate in the air vent and line up a shot. [laughs]
CAMERON (as Karma): [softly] So the one on the left of the door is right under my skylight. I can take them.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. I won’t shoot that one then.
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, there’s no one left for me and HK. HK, looks like we’re gonna have to just sit and watch the show.
HUDSON: I sit down crisscross applesauce style.
NICK: HK slides his back down the wall kind of petulantly and crosses his arms over his rifle. He strokes the blaster for a second.
NICK (as HK): Soon, baby… soon.
NICK: Alright, so I’m going to just take it as a given with how you are doing that you are able to coordinate this simultaneously. I just need an attack roll from each of you. Average difficulty for range, average difficulty for melee. You do get a blue die from your coordinated triumph.
CAMERON: And my sword is Accurate, so I get another blue die.
LILIT: Xianna will be aiming.
NICK: Okay, that makes sense. You have the time to.
CAMERON: Oh, and I’m taking another blue die for Quick Strike, because they haven’t gone yet in combat.
CAMERON: Forgot I had that.
NICK: It occurs to me how many of your builds were set up for ambushes.
CAMERON: I would like to make a prediction that this person is dead. [counts] Seven success and four advantages.
NICK: Yeah, they’re super dead.
CAMERON: So it would be [counts] 12 for the Brawn and the sword, and then I also do 2 additional damage for my Feral Strength talents.
CAMERON: And I crit. [laughs]
NICK: Wow. Yeah, they’re super heckin’ dead. Xianna, how did you do?
LILIT: So I rolled… a triumph with a success, three additional successes, and three advantages.
NICK: So how much damage is that total? I mean, you double crit on him, but I’m just curious.
LILIT: So that would be… my base damage is 7, so that would be 11 damage, Pierce 2, and I crit on 3.
NICK: Yes. Okay. These shmucks are extremely dead. How do you take them down professionally and in synchronous action?
LILIT: So I imagine that Xianna lines up the shot from within the air vent and then coordinates with Karma for Karma’s surprise dropdown.
CAMERON: Do like a three, two, one.
LILIT: Yeah, a lovely little three, two, one.
[heavy metal music begins]
Xianna shoots, Karma drops down, and it is over within a second.
CAMERON: I think Karma superhero lands on the person that she was above and separates the spinal column.
LILIT: And then Xianna yells into the com.
LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, HK, go!
NICK: HK looks up from where he was holding his rifle.
NICK (as HK): What? Were we doing something? Okay!
NICK: And starts to scramble to his feet and run towards the door.
HUDSON (as Tink): Aye-aye, captain.
HUDSON: Tink says, back through the coms, and runs towards the door.
NICK: So in this hallway that’s covered in rubble, because the walls have been blown out, we see Karma superhero landed on this now bisected gangster, and this other guard has slumped to the ground with a perfectly accurate headshot from the event. HK runs past with Tink close behind, and they kick open this metal door.
[heavy metal music ends]
Inside we see what really just looks like a bachelor pad. You see Zol the Human, the leader of the Kemslingers, with his bright facial tattoos, and he looks like he’s just finished yelling at the other three members of the Kemslingers, a Togruta wearing large gloves, a Human with a buzz cut and two blasters—and those two lounge on a couch that looks like it’s about to fall apart. There’s also a Trandoshan sharpening a large vibro-sword sitting in the corner with a holo screen playing a news reel on mute. As soon as Tink and HK kick open the door, Zol looks up and says:
NICK (as Zol): They finally came for us! We gotta go! Retreat!
NICK: And turns and runs into what looks like a sewer pipe that’s sticking into the wall. You can hear splashing footsteps as he runs down the pipe. The Trandoshan is quick on his feet and also gets up and runs into the pipe. The Togruta and the Human are slower to react. I’m gonna need everybody to roll initiative.
CAMERON: Oh boy. Just two advantages for Karma. HK is two successes and an advantage.
HUDSON: Tink has a success and an advantage.
LILIT: One success, two advantages.
NICK: Can you roll me three yellows twice, please?
CAMERON: One success, four advantages and… two successes, four advantages.
NICK: Alright. So, we are starting with an NPC slot. The gang member with the gloves on, the Togruta, flips backwards over the couch and runs towards the mouth of the tunnel.
[heavy metal music returns]
As she gets to the mouth of the sewer pipe she pulls a grenade out of her pocket and chucks it towards Tink and HK. I’m gonna need you to roll me a yellow and two green versus average difficulty, please.
CAMERON: Okay. Is she aiming her grenade?
NICK: No, she’s not aiming her grenade.
CAMERON: Bad guys aren’t allowed to aim grenades.
NICK: Well, and she used her maneuver to run.
CAMERON: Because bad guys are controlled by Nick. Yeah, just one failure.
NICK: One failure. So the grenade hits above the doorway and explodes, but it’s far enough away that it doesn’t hit anybody. It is really loud, though, in this small room. Your ears are ringing pretty hard. Up next is a PC slot.
HUDSON: Tink closes his eyes as the grenade blows up and then opens them and he’s hearing a ringing.
HUDSON (as Tink): mop, mop, mooop
HUDSON: Because tinnitus.
HUDSON: Yeah, just gonna explain the joke to everyone out there in the listening world. Tink grabs his axe off his chest and starts running towards the opening.
NICK: Okay. Are you running past the couch with the person with guns and running towards the Togruta who threw the grenade?
NICK: Okay. You are able to make it to the opening. You’re within striking range of this Togruta.
HUDSON: I strike.
NICK: Okay. Roll me an attack. It’s gonna be average difficulty, but it’s going to have two black dice, because she has Defense.
HUDSON: I do get a blue die from the last triumph that Xianna had.
HUDSON: Five successes and one advantage.
NICK: Ooh… Isn’t your axe Crit 1?
HUDSON: Yes, it’s Crit 1.
NICK: Would you like to roll that crit?
HUDSON: Vicious 4.
CAMERON: Heh, so +40.
CAMERON: A 64, so, a 104.
LILIT: 104 is the one that we have called Lost Limb. One limb is permanently lost.
LILIT: Cannot perform actions with limb… because you’ve lost it.
LILIT: All other actions incur a black die.
NICK: What do you lop off of this person, Tink?
HUDSON: The hand.
NICK: Okay. So, they go to stop the axe that’s swinging down towards them and you just cut straight through their wrist. How much total damage did you do?
HUDSON: Brawn plus 3, and my Brawn is 4, so 7 damage?
NICK: Plus five successes is 12.
NICK: Well… so with 12 damage she has just enough Soak to not instantly die, but she grabs around her wrist and tries to staunch the blood flow as you have cut off her hand, which is not great for a martial artist.
HUDSON: I turn and I say:
HUDSON (as Tink): Thanks for giving me a hand.
CAMERON: Boo. [laughs]
LILIT: Yeah. You hear from an air vent:
LILIT (as Xianna): Boo~
NICK: [laughs] Up next is the other NPC slot, and they are going to shoot at the person who just cut off their friend’s hand. Can you roll me three yellows versus three purples, please? And give them a blue die, because they’re aiming.
CAMERON: One success.
NICK: Aw… not enough to trigger the Dual Wielding. So with just one success that’s 9 damage coming at you, Tink.
HUDSON: Oof, alright.
NICK: This guy draws two pistols from where he’s sitting on the couch. He doesn’t even move. He draws a bead on you with both and shoots. One of them misses, but the other one hits you smack between the shoulder blades.
HUDSON (as Tink): Ow!
NICK: The blaster is a heavier bolt than you’re expecting. These are hand blasters. They’re pistol shaped. They’re small and sleek. It should not have hit as hard as it did. This is some sort of custom gig.
HUDSON (as Tink): What, did you mod this thing?
NICK (as Human): Yeah!
NICK: He spins them both on his fingers and then re-holsters them, because he has Quickdraw 2 which means he can un-holster and re-holster them for free each round.
[laughter, heavy metal music ends]
NICK: That was an NPC slot, so we’re up to a PC slot.
CAMERON: Does HK want to go?
NICK: Sure, HK will go. HK is just gonna take a potshot at the martial artist. So, roll me that ranged attack at average difficulty. It’s gonna be two yellow and two green.
CAMERON: A triumph, two successes, and an advantage.
NICK: Just for funzies, let’s roll that critical hit.
CAMERON: Okie-dokie, a 69!
[air horn stinger]
NICK: Plus 10 because she’s already been crit on, plus another 20 because he has 2 sets in Lethal Blows, so +30.
LILIT: 99 is the one that we have named Harmed. One limb is impaired until healed/replaced.
LILIT: Increase difficulty to all checks using that limb.
CAMERON: Oh no. [chuckles]
NICK: So, obviously HK shoots her in the other hand…
CAMERON: Oh no.
NICK: …as she goes to try and punch Tink. She collapses from the shock and goes unconscious. She is out of this fight, pretty efficiently, without getting to do anything or show off her cool abilities or talents. That’s fine. [laughs]
NICK: Turns out getting hit with an axe and a sniper rifle does a lot of damage.
NICK: Who woulda thunk? Up next is another PC slot. There is the gunslinger on the couch. There is a Trandoshan and Zol somewhere back in the sewer system. Who wants to go next?
CAMERON: Do the vents connect from outside into this room?
CAMERON: Or does Xianna have to get out?
NICK: No, I think Xianna can stay in the vents. With all those triumphs and everything, these vents are very convenient.
CAMERON: These vents are controlled by Xianna’s mind.
LILIT: Xianna is the vents.
NICK: Xianna regulates temperature and airflow.
LILIT: Xianna can go again.
LILIT: And go for the nearest person to her, which would be…
NICK: That would be the gunslinger. The martial artist is down and the other two have disappeared into the sewer.
LILIT: Alright, the gunslinger then. She’s gonna aim.
NICK: Makes sense.
LILIT: Okay, so I have gotten a triumph with its success, four additional successes, and an advantage. [laughs]
NICK: How much total damage is that?
LILIT: Twelve damage, two of that is Pierce.
NICK: Yeah, so you kill this guy… Do you just shoot him in the head? How do you bring this guy down before he can do anything? He’s very competent in a gunfight, so it is impressive.
LILIT: Xianna just lines up another shot and gets him from within the vent. I think maybe the initial chaos happened so quickly that nobody realized where the shot came from, so nobody’s looking in Xianna’s direction, because nobody is suspecting that it came from within the air vent.
NICK: That makes sense. So you are still completely sneaky. The room has been cleared. He slumps into the couch, obviously dead, because the back of his head is no longer attached.
At this point you have convinced three of the Kemslingers that their base is haunted by a vengeful ghost and they want nothing to do with this place anymore, you have killed two carbine-wielding guards, a martial artist and a gunslinger, and the only two other gangsters you’ve seen in this entire place have fled into the sewers. There’s one more PC slot. Karma, what do you wanna do?
CAMERON: I take off into the sewers.
CAMERON: Just sprinting across the room.
NICK: With a maneuver you’re able to get across the room. Would you like to use another maneuver to run deeper into the sewer?
CAMERON: I’m trying to catch up to one of them.
NICK: Make me an Athletics check to see how fast you’re able to go. That’s not technically in the rules, but I wanna see if you’re able to catch up to this Trandoshan who got a head-start.
CAMERON: What difficulty of Athletic?
CAMERON: Three advantages!
NICK: Okay, so you’re not able to quite catch up to him, but you do see that he is about to round the corner and run deeper into the sewers. Zol is missing. You would be able to take a shot at him if you want, or do you want to continue to try to run him down?
CAMERON: I will take a shot if he’s about to turn a corner.
NICK: Okay. It’s gonna be average difficulty but two black dice because it’s dark in here and because he’s moving so quickly away from you.
CAMERON: Well you know what, Nicholas, with my carbine I remove two black dice for darkness, because I have Heat Signatures.
NICK: Okay, so one of them was for darkness.
CAMERON: Rude. I’m aiming. So, with Quickdraw, Karma will swing her carbine around from her back, probably keeping the sword in her hand still, and brings it up, sees the heat signature at the corner and shoots. A success and two advantages.
NICK: How much damage is that?
NICK: Whoa. With his Soak he is still up, but he stops before turning the corner, turns back towards you, holds up his sword and says…
NICK (as Trandoshan): I don’t run from a fight.
NICK: …and starts to charge you. We’re back to the top of the order with an NPC slot.
CAMERON: Cool. Karma swings her gun back around but still has her sword in her hand.
NICK: This Trandoshan is going to charge you. If you could roll me an average difficulty melee attack at three yellows, please.
CAMERON: And two blacks.
NICK: Oh, you have Defense with your new armor, don’t you?
CAMERON: Well I have 1 Defense from my sword and 1 Defense from my armor.
CAMERON: Yup. Three successes.
NICK: So that is going to be… 8 damage coming at you, Pierce 2.
CAMERON: So 4 damage.
NICK: I think this looks like you’re able to parry the first blow, you block the other one off of one of your arm plates of your new armor, but he is able to land a gash into the side of your neck where the armor doesn’t cover. It’s shallow, but he manages to get a hit, and his lizard smile spreads really wide as he glares at you.
NICK: Up next is a PC slot.
CAMERON: I would like it, please. [laughs]
NICK: Yeah, go for it.
CAMERON: Now I’m going to holster my gun.
NICK: [laughs] Using Quickdraw.
CAMERON: Using Quickdraw, to holster my gun.
CAMERON: It’s not in the way anymore. I’m going to attack with my sword.
NICK: Okay. He does have one black die against you, because his sword also has Defense.
CAMERON: Cool. One success, three advantages.
NICK: So you crit on him.
NICK: Alright. Go ahead and roll that crit.
CAMERON: A 20?
NICK: So +70?
CAMERON: So then 90?
NICK: Oh my gosh.
LILIT: So 90 is Compromised. Increase difficulty until end of encounter.
NICK: Wow. How much damage did you do?
NICK: Nine damage.
NICK: How do you take this guy out?
CAMERON: I return the same cut that he just got in on me, but I go way deeper.
NICK: The vibro-sword buries into his neck.
CAMERON: Yeah, and the smile drops from his face.
NICK: Yeah, and then the rest of him drops as well, into the water.
HUDSON: Can Tink yell something, the last thing he hears before he goes?
HUDSON: Across down the tunnel, Tink yells:
HUDSON (as Tink): Where’s the dildo, you lizard scum?!
NICK: The pained expression on the Trandoshan’s face looks extremely confused and then he expires and falls facedown into the little rivulet of water in this sewer. Everything gets weirdly quiet. We’re gonna drop out of initiative order.
CAMERON: I’m gonna wipe off my blade on the Trandoshan’s clothes.
NICK: Okay. He’s wearing padded armor, so it’s pretty easy to do. Your blade is clean.
LILIT: In the background everyone else can hear the banging on a metal grate then Xianna shouting.
LILIT (as Xianna): Uh… Tink, or HK? Karma? Can somebody help me? The grate is stuck. I cannot get out.
HUDSON (as Tink): Xianna, step about five feet back from the grate. HK, shoot the grate.
NICK (as HK): Suppressing fire.
CAMERON (as Karma): Wait, wait, wait!
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh shit!
CAMERON: Karma’s running down the tunnel back towards the room.
CAMERON (as Karma): Wait, wait, wait!
LILIT: You hear frantic scrambling inside the vent.
NICK: The blaster is spinning up and HK’s head just turns 90 degrees independent of his body to look at Karma approaching.
NICK (as HK): What seems to be the problem? [rapid fire noises]
NICK: And just blows a giant hole in the vent. It doesn’t hit Xianna, but I think it destabilizes the vent and drops her out of it, because the bottom cracks.
LILIT: Oh yeah. Xianna tumbles out, getting dirt all over herself, and she stands up and starts brushing herself off.
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh… okay, thank you, HK. That… ugh, that was helpful. Okay. So uh, all the shitty people are dead. Very cool.
HUDSON (as Tink): Mission accomplished.
NICK (as HK): One of them does appear to have escaped into the sewer.
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, well… [huffs]. I’m not going to chase them through the sewers. Everybody spread out and we have to look for the crystal.
HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, if it’s just one person, that’s not a group anymore, that’s a person.
NICK: Everybody tell me where their character decides to look for the Space Breaker.
HUDSON: Under the bed.
NICK: We see Tink looking under the bed. There’s some dirt. There’s boxes and boxes of little plastic baggies with nothing in them. There’s what looks like some old speeder parts that were shoved back there and forgotten, but no Space Breaker.
LILIT: Xianna begins to look through any safes or cabinets or large toolboxes.
NICK: There’s a couple of those large stand-up toolboxes that you can wheel around with the slidy drawers, and you’re able to, without even trying, pop the simple lock on those and look through. You do find a little bit of glitterstim, like half a baggie of one, but the rest of it seems to be a stash that was already cleared out or old tools again.
There is a couple of storage containers and things like that that don’t have much besides some clothes and it looks like a couple of bags of supplies, like some food and things if they had to leave quickly. We’ll come back to the safe thing in a second. Karma, where do you look?
CAMERON: Karma goes to search the crates that are behind the couch but on her way there stops by the gunslinger and takes his guns and then continues to the crates and starts going through them.
NICK: Okay. You take these two pistols. They look like light blasters, but the barrels are a lot thicker than you would expect. They’re standard light blasters, the only difference is that they do 8 damage instead of 5.
NICK: But they don’t have any of the fancy add-ons or anything. They’re just wide-chamber for some reason. Where else did you say you looked?
CAMERON: At a stack of crates that were set up behind the couch, helping the couch remain stable-ish as a couch.
NICK: As you unstack them so you can begin to look through them, the couch finally gives up the ghost and collapses into a pile of upholstery.
CAMERON: So the place IS haunted.
CAMERON: Ha! [giggles]
NICK: Tell me three useless things that you find in these crates.
CAMERON: A block of nice cheese.
NICK: Okay. [laughs]
CAMERON: More crates.
NICK: You find additional crates in the crates. They’ve clearly been dealing with a certain smuggler…
CAMERON: Yeah, that had a lot of crates.
NICK: …that you found on Ithor.
CAMERON: And a can that you can’t open but it sounds like it has spiders in it.
NICK: Yeah, there’s probably some droids in there or something. It’s a perfectly normal explanation.
So, obviously these crates don’t have what you’re looking for. It just looks like this gang had been hulled up here collecting stuff and just minding their own business minus some drug trade for the recent past. You do find some documentation of they had sold some people to Hutts in the past, so they’re, you know, assholes, but lately they haven’t really been up to that.
We do see HK who is lifting up the rug that’s on the ground to see if there’s anything under it. There’s nothing under it.
CAMERON: [chuckles] There could have been a trap door.
NICK: Well there wasn’t.
CAMERON: Well there could have been.
CAMERON: HK’s got good instincts.
NICK: Let’s swing back to that safe question. Xianna, will you roll me a Skulduggery check, please, at daunting difficulty.
LILIT: Daunting? Okay, that is four?
LILIT: It’s all catching up. [chuckles]
LILIT: Alright, that is one failure, three advantages.
NICK: So you don’t find a safe. You don’t find any more stashes. You don’t really find anything salvageable in this room. However, with your three advantages, I’m going to say you’re able to do a very thorough onceover of this place. You know for a fact that there are no hidden hiding places here that you haven’t already found. You can say for certain that the crystal dildo is not here.
LILIT: Xianna kicks some trash on the ground.
LILIT (as Xianna): Kriffing slavers. These people suck!
HUDSON (as Tink): Not find it?
LILIT (as Xianna): No!
NICK: Tink, are you sitting on the decomposing pile of couch now?
LILIT (as Xianna): I did not find it anywhere. There is no way it is in this place.
NICK (as HK): Do you think the Human that fled might have it, or do you think it was never here in the first place?
CAMERON (as Karma): Is a crystal dildo really something you keep on your person normally?
HUDSON (as Tink): I think you keep it in your person. Heyo!
CAMERON (as Karma): Ah… I don’t think people would necessarily be carrying it around.
NICK (as HK): He may have taken it to flee with his most valuable possession when they were under attack.
CAMERON (as Karma): Did he have time, though?
LILIT (as Xianna): No. He did not grab anything before leaving.
CAMERON (as Karma): We were hella sneaky, up until that last bit.
LILIT: Xianna dejectedly flops down onto the ground.
LILIT (as Xianna): I think I was lied to.
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh…
LILIT (as Xianna): I think we got played.
NICK (as HK): Xianna, I did not detect any duplicity. In what way were you lied to?
LILIT (as Xianna): I think that the singer, whatever her name was at the Blue Bantha—
NICK (as HK): Keyna.
LILIT (as Xianna): Keyna. I think she lied to us. I don’t think it was here.
CAMERON (as Karma): Wasn’t it called the Songbird?
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh whatever. Of the Bluebird. I’m calling it that now. Fine. It’s a silly name. But I think she just told us it was here so that we would kill these shitty ass people so they would stop bothering her.
HUDSON (as Tink): Sounds like we need to pay someone a visit.
LILIT (as Xianna): Can we make it extra dramatic so I can feel better? Can we bust in through the windows again? That was fun.
CAMERON (as Karma): I’m gonna say no, but we can get pizza cones on the way. Would that help?
NICK (as HK): You have already consumed so many pizza objects.
CAMERON (as Karma): Hey, we had pizza earlier tonight, I know. We’ve done a violence since then, okay? We need pizza cones.
LILIT: Xianna sighs.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay HK, what if I get one of the pizza cones that has a vegetable in it? Is that okay then?
NICK (as HK): I do not see… well, actually, if you get one with an alfredo base instead of a tomato base it’s basically a different food.
LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, I could get the spinach alfredo pizza cone. Then it’s got spinach, and that’s good for you, right?
CAMERON (as Karma): It basically makes the whole thing healthy.
LILIT (as Xianna): Exactly.
NICK (as HK): Although I do not understand the basics of nutrition, not having needed to use that discipline, I am not sure that spinach soaked in a cream-based sauce is healthy.
CAMERON (as Karma): It’s a salad.
NICK (as HK): Oh, my mistake. Thank you for teaching me.
CAMERON (as Karma): Spinach is a salad.
LILIT (as Xianna): In a bread bowl.
CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.
LILIT (as Xianna): I think it will be fine, and that would make me feel a lot better. So let’s go get the pizza cones, and we’ll eat them on the way over, and then we’ll just like bust in the windows and rough up the place.
NICK: So we cut to the crew of the Afternoon Delight back in front of the Songbird, or the Blue Bantha, whatever it’s called.
CAMERON: Or the Bluebird.
NICK: Or the Bluebird. Standing in front of the door. There’s a large bouncer standing in front of the doorway, and as you approach you’re holding your pizza cones and the bouncer politely taps a sign next to the door that says “no outside food or drink” and just waits politely.
HUDSON (as Tink): Ah, looks like I gotta finish this one. Wanna race?
LILIT (as Xianna): No.
LILIT: Xianna is just eating the pizza cone while just staring the bouncer straight in the eyes.
[menacing music begins]
NICK: The bouncer stares back and tries to be tough, but as the pizza cone disappears much more quickly than one would expect you can see that he looks more and more concerned at how quickly Xianna is able to eat this pizza cone. Not even noting all the weapons and armor that you all are wearing.
[menacing music ends]
HUDSON: I say…
HUDSON (as Tink): Ahem.
HUDSON: …to the bodyguard, and he gives me a look, and I’m looking back into his eyes, and I’m eating the pizza cone too and trying to do better than Xianna, so I put my mouth wide open and stuff the pizza cone in it and I start sucking down the sauce like a child suckling at their mother’s teat.
CAMERON: Oh no…
HUDSON: Just to like, intimidate, you know?
NICK: [laughing] And that’s gonna be the end of the episode.
CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews help new listeners find the show, and every time we get one the squad does a special secret dance.
If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of fun Patreon levels including Hot Tub Hangout, a level that gives you access to monthly movie nights with the squad, livestreams, extra Q&A sessions, and bonus extra Discord channels.
Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.
Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.
Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.
Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.
Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.
Additional music by James Gunter.
Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all of your cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find the link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.