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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 11:
Bringing It All Together

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

Starting off, we have new patrons to thank! Adrian Bundy, the Force has clearly chosen you for great things. If you could use this destiny to learn to shoot lightning at people who make you mad and then use that skill to help the crew, we’re pretty in need of a lightning wizard at this point. Thanks in advance. Andrew Lassiter, thank you as well for supporting the show. The crew is still searching for the good ramen, and I know you know people who know people. Right? If you could take this case of spicy shrimp flavor and make sure it finds its way to them that’d be great. You’re the crew’s only hope, and this doesn’t seem risky at all.

A friendly reminder that soon we’re adding a new fan letter segment to Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer for $5 and up patrons, so patrons, make sure to send your letters in to TabletopSquadron@gmail.com or through a Patreon message as soon as the inspiration strikes you.

Thank you again for all of your podcast reviews and Patreon support which helps us to keep going and to grow the show.

Music credit and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.

So now, let’s get into the episode.

##

NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 11! I’m your host and game master, Nick. It’s a beautiful day. The mattresses are being delivered next door and the dogs are panicking, so pretty standard situation. I realize out of context that doesn’t make as much sense as it did in my head, but it’s too late, we’re gonna keep going. Let’s all go around the table and everybody say who you are, who you’re playing today, and if you spent any experience points what you spent them on, starting with Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi. I’m Hudson, and I play Tink, a Gigoran slicer. I did not spend any points for I am hoarding them like a dragon hoarding gold.

NICK: Wonderful, and hopefully there won’t be a group of 13 dwarves that come and steal your experience points from you.

HUDSON: Yeah, like Snow White. I haven’t seen that movie in a while, but that’s how it is.

NICK: Yep. Yep, that’s what I was referencing.

LILIT: Yes, that was the reference being made.

CAMERON: [giggles] Oh no…

NICK: I think you broke Cameron.

HUDSON: [laughs]

CAMERON: [smiling] Ow.

NICK: Next up we’ve got Lilit!

LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler, and personally I like when mattress day is on a Wednesday. It just really helps break up the week.

NICK: [laughs] Did you spend any experience points this week?

LILIT: I did not. I had 5 points, and I’m going to save that.

NICK: It’s a good thing to keep a little bit of points on standby just in case. Last but not least, we have Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello! My name is Cameron, and I will be playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter. I am burning through all of my experience points. I am buying an additional rank of Lethal Blows…

NICK: [shaken] Oh.

CAMERON: …off of my Marauder talent tree, so now every time I roll a crit I add 40.

NICK: Wow. Okay.

CAMERON: Yup.

NICK: That’s, uh, frightening, in like a good way though.

CAMERON: Hopefully.

NICK: Wonderful. So, before we get into the episode, let’s kick it off with the Destiny Roll~!

LILIT: One dark side point.

HUDSON: Two light side points.

CAMERON: And I got one dark side.

NICK: Nice, so that’s two dark side, two light side?

CAMERON: Yup.

HUDSON: And Hudson saves the day.

CAMERON: [chuckling] Hudson does.

NICK: So, last time, you all went to go watch a movie, The Hunt for Red Ortolan, and during the movie you planned your big escape. You decided tonight is the night. Karma ran off to the admin building with HK in an attempt to secure weapons for everyone, and Xianna and Tink went to the prison clinic to get access to a computer and try to get some medication because Tink had been injured very badly, and on their way there they found a prison guard that apparently was a fraternity brother with Tink, and they helped each other and they caught up on old times, and then were left alone to do their business.

The last thing that happened was we had Xianna taking a bunch of helpful stim packs and jamming them into Tink and Tink hacking his way into the prison computer system. Am I missing anything?

HUDSON: There’s currently a riot going on.

NICK: Oh yeah, and there is currently a large riot still happening in the movie theater that Blue and Ziller and Tadzi’texa kicked off for you as a distraction. That’s a good point. So we’ll get into it.

We open on Sentinel. His salt and pepper hair is in a wild mess around his head as he sits in a simple wheelchair. He is clearly focusing with a single-minded purpose on something outside his door. The camera zooms in and we hear a deep rumbling sound as he slowly raises a hand, fingers out wide, towards the door of his cell in solitary confinement. There is a sudden beep and the door swings open. Sentinel drops his hand in surprise and grabs the wheels of his chair, ready to dash forward. A PA system crackles to life.

HUDSON (as Tink): [sounding confused] Attention guards. There is a ruckus, I mean, um… there is an incident, level 9, at the movie theater. All guards in solitary please report there, uh… please.

NICK: You can see on the security monitors that you patched into the small lobby area with the plexiglass-shielded area for the guard, and he drops a magazine and stands up and talks towards the PA system in the ceiling. He has not yet noticed that Sentinel’s door is open.

NICK (as guard): Uh… confirm that, please, control? That seems oddly specific that you want the guard in solitary reporting to the movie theater for a disturbance. And what’s a level 9?

HUDSON (as Tink): Level 9 is one level before level 10. Did you look at the manual, sir?

NICK: Can you roll me a Deception check, please?

[laughter]

HUDSON: What’s the difficulty?

NICK: This one’s gonna be average. This guy is not particularly smart.

HUDSON: Two successes and a threat.

NICK: Okay. He, again, looking up at the speaker and the PA system says:

NICK (as guard): Oh yeah, level 9… right. Uh, headed that way, control.

NICK: He grabs a stun rifle from under the small desk and keys in a code which opens the door to his little protected cubicle and hurries off up the stairs and out of solitary. We can see Sentinel roll his chair forward and look out as the guard’s boots disappear up this long spiral staircase, and he just looks kind of confused. The cameras aren’t a very high quality footage, but you can see that Sentinel looks suspicious as he glances around the suddenly deserted prison area.

HUDSON (as Tink): Psst, Sentinel.

NICK (as Sentinel): T-Tink, is that you?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, yeah, it’s me. I’m a ghost and I’m in the wall~ I’m just kidding, no, I’m actually on this PA system I hacked into. Isn’t it great?

NICK (as Sentinel): Um… I suppose so. I’m assuming you and your team have a plan.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, do we have a plan. We have a plan alright. Now do I remember every piece of the plan? No, but I’m just going with it.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello Sentinel~ We do have a plan. Tink is going to hack into the system and open up your cell and then disable the turrets and help you get to a place to hide until we are ready to break out.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, his cell’s already open.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh! Well then I don’t know. So if your cell is already open then that is Step 1.

NICK: You can see on the screen Sentinel nodding.

NICK (as Sentinel): Alright, well I guess guide me through this. Is there somewhere specific you need me to be?

HUDSON (as Tink): Sentinel, I have two prerequisite questions for you.

NICK (as Sentinel): Wonderful.

NICK: Sentinel is wheeling his chair through the lobby towards the staircase.

NICK (as Sentinel): Fire away, I guess, Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Can you use your superpowers to go invisible?

NICK (as Sentinel): Wh– … No. No, not at all.

HUDSON (as Tink): Second question. How much experience do you have dodging turrets?

NICK (as Sentinel): Oh, I don’t like that insinuation at all. I have been fired at before.

HUDSON (as Tink): Great.

NICK (as Sentinel): I really hope that you’ve disabled some of the security though, because that’s going to be pretty dangerous. Feels pretty dangerous.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, it is, but I’ll be helping you out by disabling some of the security features. I just want you to be mentally prepared, and the second question was to spur confidence in that if you had dodged turrets before you’d be ready if you needed to again.

NICK (as Sentinel): Great. Well… I’m gonna get back to ground level and then, I guess… give me directions from there.

NICK: You see Sentinel roll his chair to the exit of solitary. On the security monitor you see him look up at the spiral staircase. He sighs and turns the chair around until the back wheels are pressed against the bottom step. With one hand on one of the wheels and another pointed down, he flexes, and you can see him push both on the wheel and against the ground with the Force, and the chair does a smooth hop up the stair guided by his hand.

Sentinel looks strong and sure as he actually goes up the staircase pretty dang quick using the Force and upper body strength, and just goes bop-bop-bop-bop up the stairs. We’re gonna cut away from that for a second. Karma.

CAMERON: yes?

NICK: We jump to you and HK standing amongst shelves and shelves of contraband and weapons. What did you and HK grab to arm up?

CAMERON: So, we’re going for two of the largest melee weapons that we can find.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: Preferably axes, but if there’s no axes in here we just want large sharp pointy objects.

NICK: There’s actually—you haven’t seen this before, but there’s two large weapons that are about the size of vibro-axes but they’re big old war hammers, they’re just big plates of durasteel welded to the end of long poles. They seem less balanced and efficient than a vibro-axe but that they would probably do the job for some of your stronger friends.

CAMERON: Alright, I’m grabbing two hammers.

NICK: Okay, you got two hammers.

CAMERON: Two hammers. Do I see any slingshots?

NICK: Yeah, there’s a slingshot. It’s made out of dried and pressed newspaper where it’s been soaked and compressed and soaked and compressed until it looks like it’s made out of concrete or something, but it’s very much a hardened material. You think after a few shots it might break, but someone clearly made this in the jail and then got it confiscated.

CAMERON: Cool. I’mma grab that and then just some small objects, small metal pieces or nuts or bolts or anything for ammunition for said slingshot.

NICK: Yeah, next to the slingshot there’s like a bag of goodies.

CAMERON: Some marbles? I don’t know.

NICK: Yeah. It looks like a mix of marbles, broken credit chips, and bits of hardware, things that it would not be enjoyable to be hit with.

CAMERON: Alright, continuing over in the sharp pointy weapons section, looking for knives.

NICK: Oh, there’s as many knives as you can imagine, there’s just rows and rows of them. There are different levels of finish on them, some seem really old and rusty, some seem like they were recently purchased, and then there’s a lot of various sharpened household objects that have been clearly confiscated over the years.

CAMERON: We’re looking for sturdy. Sturdy is our goal here.

NICK: Cool. You’re able to find a couple of icepicks and one vibro-dagger that just looks really, really nice.

CAMERON: Ooh! By a couple do you mean two icepicks?

NICK: Yes.

CAMERON: Okay.

NICK: Two icepicks, one vibro-dagger, and then as many sharpened AOL internet disks or spoons or forks or—

CAMERON: Ooh, I grab a sharpened spoon.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: Because Tink needs to hand that to Tadzi. I remember. One sharpened spoon… I’m making a list of the things that I picked up, because otherwise I aint gonna remember this.

NICK: As you’re walking up and down these rows getting weapons for your group, HK is walking down a different aisle humming to himself going:

NICK (as HK): [musically] Murder tools, murder tools. Which kind of murder tools do I need? This one’s good for stabbing. This one’s good for shooting. Ooh, I’ll hit someone with this one.

NICK: He’s just putting piles and piles of stuff into his arms.

CAMERON (as Karma): HK, have you seen any nice heavy repeating blasters?

NICK (as HK): I found one. It looks too heavy for me, but I’m sure Blue could use it happily.

CAMERON (as Karma): Fantastic.

CAMERON: I run over and grab it.

NICK: Cool.

CAMERON: [laughing] Dragging the hammers behind me.

NICK: Yeah. You’re just carrying like a big old pile of stuff.

CAMERON: I look like a child that has spent all day at the state fair and their parents gave them too much money to play all of the carnival games and they’ve been ridiculously successful.

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON: So, like the really giant stuffed animals, I am mostly now weapons and you can barely see karma underneath.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: And then Karma’s looking for a carbine for herself.

NICK: The only thing is it’s one of the stun rifles. It looks like one of the ones that they use in the riots. It’s nicer than the ones they normally have. They don’t have a carbine that has a kill setting, but they do have a very nice stun one that looks similar to yours.

CAMERON: Alright. So, I’ll pick that one up, turn it to where the flip would normally be, like the switch to change it between stun and kill, and see that it doesn’t have one, and it has like the blue band around the barrel so that you know it’s a stun rifle, and then…

CAMERON (as Karma): [exhales heavily, disappointed] Okay.

CAMERON: …turn around, walk back over to the sharp pointy objects, and pick up a slimmer one that’s in between a knife and the hammers. Going for a sword.

NICK: Yeah. It’s like a sharpened crowbar.

CAMERON: Yeah!

NICK: It works like a vibro-sword. All of these improvised weapons will have a black die for being not amazing.

CAMERON: Okay.

NICK: But yeah, you can have a spiky crowbar for thwacking.

CAMERON: Okay, so the ones with the black die would be the crowbar, the spoon, the slingshot, and the hammers?

NICK: Yep.

CAMERON: Okay, because those are the non–actual weapon ones.

NICK: Mm-hmm!

CAMERON: Then going over and looking for small blasters, for Xianna.

NICK: Yeah, there’s a pile of hold out blasters. You’re able to grab two or three. They fit into pockets easily.

CAMERON: Cool.

NICK: We get this shot of you tucking those into pockets. You’re very weighed down. HK, while carrying a lot of stuff, keeps dropping it and ends up not really settling on anything in particular and looks kind of disappointed. He ends up grabbing a couple of shanks.

NICK (as HK): I’m just so over stun weapons. At this point I would rather do hand-to-hand than shoot another person with stun.

CAMERON (as Karma): See, I’d really rather you shot people, though. You’re so good at it.

NICK (as HK): If you give me one of those hold out blasters I’ll use it, but I’ve gotten better at stabbing than I was before.

CAMERON (as Karma): Take a few of the sharp pointy objects, but go ahead and hold onto your stun blaster too. I’d say, one, because you are still a guard and having one will look normal for you, and if you didn’t have one it may raise more questions actually, and also, it’s gonna be a lot easier to do stuff at a distance if you have the blaster regardless of your stabbing capability.

NICK (as HK): This is fair. I will keep these. Are we ready to go?

CAMERON (as Karma): Uhh… Let’s see.

CAMERON: karma starts patting pockets and naming stuff off.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, we’ve got some blasters for Xianna, I’ve got these hammer things for the boys, we’ve got Tink’s slingshot, we’ve got knives for Tadzi, got the big guns… Okay, yes, I think we are ready to proceed.

NICK (as HK): Alright Karma, happy to help. By the way, us taking this many weapons will probably set off alarms by tomorrow when they do an inventory.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, 100%. [laughs]

NICK (as HK): Where are we going now?

CAMERON (as Karma): let’s head back over towards the direction of the clinic and hopefully we will either converge with Tink and Xianna on our way to Big Jeyb’s cell or we can meet up with them in the clinic.

NICK (as HK): Alright. Lead on.

NICK: And we’re gonna cut away. Tink, you and Xianna looking through this monitor, you switch cameras around and you see Sentinel as he hops his wheelchair up over the last couple of steps and rolls out his shoulders. He looks more light than you’ve seen him in a while, like he’s settling into more of a physical role than the mental role that he usually fills, and he’s rolling his wheels back and forth, and he’s looking around. There are PA megaphones on sticks periodically down the way so you’re able to talk to him, it’ll just be a little loud, and he’s awaiting instructions.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah, I see you’re ready for the next instruction.

NICK (as Sentinel): Yes. Where to now? I’m assuming down this long chain link hallway surrounded by blaster turrets. Have those been disabled?

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh… ooh, almost forgot that one. [chuckling] That was a close one.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON: I disable the blaster turrets.

NICK: Okay. Roll me a slicing check. This one’s gonna have two black dice on it, because they are not really linked to the system directly, you’re having to go through a bunch of separate directories, but upgrade your check by one because you’ve already gotten into this system pretty comfortably, so turn a green to a yellow or add a green if you don’t have any.

HUDSON: We have run out of yellows. I will need to reroll a yellow then.

NICK: [smiling] That’s so many.

HUDSON: I rolled blank yellow twice!

NICK: Agh!

CAMERON: Agh.

HUDSON: A success and an advantage.

NICK: Okay, so you’re able to turn them off. You’re not able to control them. They just shut down. You find the power cycle routine and get it started. Sentinel should be safe rolling along this hallway.

HUDSON (as Tink): So Sentinel, you should be good to go. Start rolling, and I’ll probably hear it if there’s turret fire, but if I don’t hear it for some reason just yell for help.

NICK (as Sentinel): You know, Tink… we’ve worked together for a while, and you’ve demonstrated your skills time and again, but you are not inspiring a lot of confidence with the language choices you’re making.

NICK: As Sentinel’s talking he’s wheeling down this chain link hallway.

HUDSON (as Tink): Sometimes confidence has to come from within, Sentinel.

NICK: He just shakes his head and starts to go faster. Xianna, you are listening to this conversation in the clinic. You have collected enough medical supplies to help Tink out. What are you working on? Are you just hanging out while you wait for him to get Sentinel to a place? Are you looking for anything? What’s going on with you?

LILIT: Xianna has grabbed a lab coat, because they have big pockets on them.

NICK: That’s true.

LILIT: So she is now stuffing those pockets with as many things as she can, and one of the things she’s going to do is look around at some of the surgical tools and other medical accoutrement and look for things to turn into a little screwdriver wrench thingy to open up the screws on the vent that is in the library.

NICK: Sure. That feels like a Skulduggery check to me to MacGyver together something to open a bolt you’re not supposed to be able to open. It’ll be average difficulty and a blue die, because you’ve had plenty of time. Let’s see what you get.

LILIT: That is three successes and four advantages.

NICK: Wow, okay. So when you saw this vent the first time you recognized the one-way bolts that secured it to the wall, and you know that you need like a counter-screw and some sort of sleeve that will go over it to make it pop loose, because it’s supposed to be very difficult, and you’re able to find the pieces to put one of these together very easily, and you also find a couple of other goodies. Do you have any ideas on what you might find that would be helpful?

[slinky music begins]

LILIT: Why yes, I do. Xianna is going to find a few little things that could be used for lock picking, just general lock picking.

NICK: Okay, yeah.

LILIT: And then also, this is a prison medical bay, and sometimes there is contraband, and I would like for someone to have come into medical bay for treatment but then had contraband that was confiscated, and I would like that item to be impact.

NICK: Oh yeah, you find a dose, a single dose of impact.

LILIT: Single dose.

[slinky music ends]

NICK: Yeah. It looks like they hadn’t taken it out of the clinic yet, so it was sitting in a little locked cabinet that you had already popped open to help Tink’s frat bro find what he was looking for. So you pocketed that as well. So you have a dose of impact. Wonderful.

Okay, so we’re gonna jump back to karma and HK real quick. Karma, I need you to make me a Stealth check…

CAMERON: Okay.

NICK: …with two black dice because of all the weapons you’re carrying, and flip me a dark side point to make it harder.

CAMERON: How hard is it?

NICK: This is a hard check, because the prison is starting to lock down, and this is to see if you run into anybody or are able to avoid people before you meet up with the group again.

CAMERON: Alright, so I’m adding my two blues for my Stalker talents… and this is a lot of dice.

NICK: Do you need help holding them all?

CAMERON: No… it’s just a lot. They almost don’t fit when I shake them in my hand. Two successes, one advantage.

NICK: Great. So, you and HK are able, even carrying all these large weapons in the middle of a prison lockdown, you are able to slide from shadow to shadow and make your way towards the clinic and the southern cell block. We will cut away to Sentinel.

Tink, you see Sentinel has wheeled his way along this long hallway. He basically needs to go through the rec yard, and if he is to meet up with you at the clinic he would need to go the length of the rec yard over exposed ground or cut through the mess hall, which you don’t know if anyone’s in there or not, or if you want him to stay near the library he’s pretty close to there, he could try and hide and wait for y’all to meet up with him. It’s up to you.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm. Sentinel, are you hungry?

NICK (as Sentinel): No, I’m not hungry, Tink. They fed me recently. I had porridge.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright, then we can just avoid the mess hall completely. How about you wait near the library for us? That’s where we’re gonna kind of all coalesce.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh yes, there is a supply closet next to the library.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh, that could work, but I was actually thinking of Sentinel hiding somewhere where no one ever goes.

LILIT (as Xianna): No one ever goes into the supply closet.

HUDSON (as Tink): Every once in a while there’s someone who goes into the supply closet, but no one ever goes to the reference section.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): No, that is where people go to do drugs.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh… Alright, never mind. Supply closet it is.

NICK (as Sentinel): Alright. I’ll see if I can find the supply closet.

NICK: I need someone to roll for me a Stealth check for Sentinel.

CAMERON: Okay.

NICK: His Stealth is two green and a yellow, and this will be average difficulty.

CAMERON: Okay. Can he get a blue die for Tink’s guidance?

NICK: Tink, are you helping him get there without being seen?

HUDSON: Yeah, definitely.

NICK: Then yes, he can have a blue die.

CAMERON: Ah-ha. Oh nice, Sentinel! Two successes and a triumph!

NICK: Oh, nice.

HUDSON: Sentinel can turn invisible!

[laughter]

CAMERON: Yeah!

NICK: Apparently. Sentinel rolls very quickly through these corridors and gets very close to the library, and Tink, you’re able to track him on the security cameras. You give him a couple of warnings as guards go running by heading towards the north cell block and the movie theater and the fight that is still going on and you can still see happening.

[old-fashioned music begins]

You click the cameras over to the movie theater and you see Blue picking up guards by the chest and throwing them through the holo screen where they tear through it and hit a wall and slide down. There’s a large pile. Blue seems to be trying to see how many of these she can do in a row before they figure out not to get that close to her, and she’s at six, so it’s taking them a while.

[old-fashioned music ends]

But you click back to Sentinel getting to a supply door and popping it open, and you hear…

NICK (as Sentinel): Tink, there’s an unconscious Rodian in here.

NICK: …and we’re gonna cut away.

CAMERON: Oops.

NICK: [laughs] So, Sentinel has somewhere to hide near the library. You all were heading to try to get the hooch from Jeyb. You’ve managed to free Sentinel and put him somewhere relatively safe for now. Where do you all meet up? Do Xianna and Tink leave the clinic?

LILIT: Yeah. We leave the clinic and, as stealthily as possible, make our way to Jeyb’s cell.

NICK: Okay. I’ll say on this side of the prison you all don’t need to do a Stealth check, because pretty much the entire guard population is on the opposite side at this point dealing with Blue. As you get to the entrance of the southern cell block, Tink and Xianna, you see HK and Karma walking forward carrying just a ludicrous amount of weapons, just so many.

CAMERON: I’m walking with the two hammers like people do when they’re on skis with their ski poles but they’re not actually skiing, they’re doing the walking thing with the ski, but doing that with the hammers as I walk.

NICK: [laughs] Nice.

HUDSON (as Tink): [gasps] What did you get me? What did you get me?

CAMERON (as Karma): First off…

CAMERON: Pick up one hammer, hand to Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh~ Hammer time.

CAMERON (as Karma): It’s not as sharp as an axe, but…

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, this’ll do just fine.

CAMERON (as Karma): …it will dent things.

CAMERON: And then like shifting blasters around in her arms and stuff, reaches into a pocket and pulls out a scrap of newspaper type fabric that is not instantly identifiable as a slingshot, and hands it to Tink. It looks rather like a thong.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm, suggestive.

CAMERON: [laughs] And then takes out the handful of small odds and ends to use as the ammo for it.

CAMERON (as Karma): Here you go. There’s your slingshot.

HUDSON (as Tink): Thank you.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, a slingshot makes more sense.

HUDSON (as Tink): Why though?

CAMERON (as Karma): What did y’all think it was?

LILIT (as Xianna): It looked like a thong.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh.

LILIT (as Xianna): Which like, you know, if that’s what you like wearing that is very fun and is a nice color for you, it just didn’t seem like it applied to this situation.

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean, I’m not wearing underwear in the first place, so…

NICK (as HK): It might protect Tink’s crotch from getting stabbed.

LILIT (as Xianna): But the fur does that.

HUDSON (as Tink): The fur does that? [laughs]

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, that is why you have all the fur.

HUDSON (as Tink): True.

NICK (as HK): Is THAT why you have all the fur?

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s not the only reason.

LILIT (as Xianna): It is more that… that is why we wear clothes is that we don’t have the fur, so we have to protect everything with the fabric.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm.

LILIT (as Xianna): You don’t need to because the fur, but if you want to wear underwear as like a fun little treat for yourself that is fun.

NICK (as HK): Tink, if your fur provides combat advantage I need you to share. Give me some of your fur. I will tape it to my body.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, we will just get you a fun outfit, maybe like a little floral sundress or some snazzy pants.

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t know how much those are gonna help in combat.

NICK (as HK): My focus is combat efficacy.

CAMERON (as Karma): HK, if you’re looking for the defense upgrade, that would be a mechanical upgrade for you rather than the fur. Fur is not gonna do much for you.

LILIT (as Xianna): Or we could get him a fur vest, like a fun little vest made of fur.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm.

NICK (as HK): I volunteer for a fur vest. Tink, come here, I have a nano-blade. I can shave part of you.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh no.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, how are you going to put that into a vest though right now?

NICK (as HK): If I accidentally stick him a little bit the blood will be sticky.

CAMERON (as Karma): That is—No?

LILIT (as Xianna): That is not how that works.

CAMERON (as Karma): Are you still trying to get his blood because you think he has the Force?

NICK (as HK): [suspiciously] No.

CAMERON (as Karma): Are you sure?

NICK (as HK): [suspiciously] No.

CAMERON (as Karma): Because this sounds suspicious.

NICK (as HK): No. Now I’m interested in fashion. It’s a new thing.

HUDSON: [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, well once we’re out of here we can go on a shopping spree and we can get you a fur coat.

NICK (as HK): [dejected] Fine.

CAMERON (as Karma): If we go shopping you can pick the color and everything.

NICK (as HK): When do we get to kill somebody? We haven’t killed anyone in a while.

CAMERON (as Karma): Sorry.

LILIT (as Xianna): That is what we are about to do!

CAMERON (as Karma): We’re working on it, but we got distracted with the fashion conversation.

NICK (as HK): That’s fair. I don’t know why I got so into that. I guess I just wanted to shave Tink. Tink, me and you will hang out later and we’ll do not that. We’ll do something else. It’ll be fine.

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh… you clearly have a thrashin’ for fashion that I am not very in-line with right now.

NICK: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): But we can hang out later as long as it doesn’t involve blood and my fur and things.

NICK (as HK): Boss Man is correct. I indeed have a thrashin’ for fashion.

CAMERON: Karma shakes her head and hands three hold out blasters to Xianna.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, blasters! Thank you.

CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm.

LILIT (as Xianna): Now I can shoot the people.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, and Tink, this is for you.

CAMERON: I hand you a sharpened spoon.

HUDSON (as Tink): [gasps]

CAMERON (as Karma): You need to give this to Tadzi or they’re going to kill you.

HUDSON (as Tink): You’re right. I almost forgot about that. I would have been caught very off-guard while being murdered, so thank you.

CAMERON (as Karma): So now you have a spoon. You are prepared.

HUDSON (as Tink): I am prepared.

NICK (as HK): Yes, this means you don’t have to worry about Tadzi killing you by surprise.

LILIT (as Xianna): Which is good, because I would have to pick a side in that, and I don’t want to do that.

NICK: HK shoulders his stun blaster, and you see him twist his hand and the wider forearm makes a clicking noise like a loading shotgun.

NICK (as HK): Alright. Where are we heading?

CAMERON (as Karma): This way.

CAMERON: Walk off in the direction of Big Jeyb’s cell. [laughs]

NICK: Okay. So you all head into the cell block then, as a group, heavily armed?

HUDSON: I stop by a water fountain first. I’ve been thirsty a long time.

NICK: There is indeed a water fountain. It is cold and delicious. Karma, do you leave the extra weapons you got for the rest of the squad like outside?

CAMERON: [indignant] No.

NICK: Okay. You’re still carrying—

CAMERON: Yeah.

NICK: —an extra hammer and a heavy blaster?

CAMERON: Until Blue gets here I’m using the heavy repeating blaster.

NICK: Oh, okay.

CAMERON: Because that doesn’t only have a stun setting.

NICK: Okay, okay.

CAMERON: And then the hammer I’m just dragging it along and I’ll probably leave it by the door as we walk in.

NICK: So, what is y’all’s plan of attack going after Big Jeyb? Are you gonna try to sneak up on him? Are you calling him out? What are you doing?

HUDSON (as Tink): I think we should do a sneaky attack where we go up and right as we’re getting close we go “AHHH” and then we run and then we just stab and shoot and shoot and stab.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, I kind of thought we were just going to all rush in at once and stab and shoot.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah.

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t know if the screaming is necessary.

HUDSON (as Tink): I think it just brings a level of adrenaline and seriousness.

CAMERON (as Karma): That’s true. If it helps you feel more powerful wielding that hammer, go for it.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright.

NICK: So, you charge through the cell block—

CAMERON: [giggling] We are an elite fighting unit.

NICK: An elite fighting unit. You all charge through the cell block. The cell block itself is weirdly quiet as you run through it. The cells are all occupied, but the occupants pretend not to see you or find themselves deciding to sleep instead. As you come to Big Jeyb’s cell you hear a struggle within. The barred door stands open and Big Jeyb is down on one knee. Endo is standing behind him. He makes eye contact with all of you and tilts his head. If his mouth was visible you’d swear he was smiling.

NICK (as Endo): Perfect!

NICK: He says, stabbing his electrified durasteel pole into Big Jeyb’s neck. He wrenches hard, and with a crack of bone and a jutter Big Jeyb slumps to the ground.

CAMERON: [disgusted noise]

NICK: What do you do?

CAMERON: Ew!

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh no. Well, I mean, I guess that is less work for us.

HUDSON (as Tink): Someone beat us.

CAMERON: I’m aiming my blaster at Endo.

LILIT (as Xianna): Why do extra work if we don’t have to?

HUDSON (as Tink): True.

NICK (as Endo): Exactly, and then Big Jeyb’s death will be blamed on you all.

LILIT (as Xianna): I’m okay with that!

NICK (as Endo): And I’ll get away scot-free.

LILIT (as Xianna): That is okay.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, we’re not—Oh wait, I can’t say that. We are taking a vacation from the jail. We will be back.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, you can’t just say that stuff. You have to be more vague.

HUDSON (as Tink): We are taking a leave of absence of unknown origin.

CAMERON: [laughs] Tink!

LILIT (as Xianna): That is even worse. Tink, you just agree and you nod your head and you’re like “it is totally okay for you to pin this murder on us, it is fine,” and you just don’t mention that we are breaking out.

CAMERON (as Karma): I mean, it’s not like we weren’t gonna do the murder.

LILIT (as Xianna): Like, we were going to do it anyways.

HUDSON (as Tink): Endo, it’s totally fine that you pin the murder on us.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. Excuse me, Mr. Endo, you can totally blame this murder on us. We were going to do it anyway, so that doesn’t really change anything. And then, what if we just leave you alone and you leave us alone and then we start the riot? And you can do whatever you want during the riot, I don’t know, do crime things.

HUDSON (as Tink): Endo, do you wanna start the riot?

NICK (as Endo): Starting a riot does sound pretty good, but there’s one issue with your plan.

LILIT (as Xianna): Wait, what is that?

NICK (as Endo): There’s no way that Big Jeyb would have gone down to the four of you without one of you being killed.

CAMERON (as Karma): [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Well what if one of us just gets like a sexy face cut? You know, the ones that go through like an eyebrow if you were to have an eyebrow. I don’t think any of us have eyebrows.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, I think Tink has eyebrows.

HUDSON (as Tink): I have eyebrows, yeah.

CAMERON (as Karma): Right? Some of that has to be eyebrow.

LILIT (as Xianna): Is it just a slightly different color fur or something?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, it’s more bushy off-color fur right above the eye.

LILIT: Xianna looks real up-close and is squinting.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh yes, if you look right here…

LILIT: And points up.

LILIT (as Xianna): …you can see that the fur is a slightly different cream color. That’s the eyebrows.

HUDSON (as Tink): My eyebrows have sex appeal. I should be a model.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. So like what if one of us just gets punched in the face and we get a few cuts? Also, again, you have heard what Tink said because Tink did an oopsie, and now you know that we are breaking out, so like who is going to see us? We just splash more blood around and people might assume some of that blood is ours.

CAMERON (as Karma): Also, he’s already pretty injured from where you stabbed him earlier.

NICK (as Endo): That’s a good point. Okay, whoever wants the sexy face scar, come here.

LILIT (as Xianna): But do you promise to not actually do anything bad, just face scar? Because I could do that myself.

NICK (as Endo): Oh, I think it’ll need to be with the same weapon that killed Jeyb, because I’m going to leave it in his dead hand. There’s a whole plan here.

CAMERON (as Karma): That does not make any sense.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, what if you just hand me the weapon and I do it to myself? Wait, wait, wait. Why are—Why are we doing this?! Nobody is going to see us tomorrow, so why do I need the sexy eyebrow scar? No one will see us. We’re going to be gone.

CAMERON (as Karma): Why are you leaving the weapon that Big Jeyb was killed with in Big Jeyb’s hand?

NICK (as Endo): Because he got killed but took it and then killed someone else.

LILIT (as Xianna): That seems overly complicated.

HUDSON (as Tink): Endo, have you done this before? Have you done a murder before?

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as Endo): [grinning, rhetorically] Have I done a murder before.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. Have you not ever framed someone for murder? This is not how you do it.

CAMERON (as Karma): You can talk to the warden for some tips. [laughs]

NICK (as Endo): Oh, so how would you recommend I frame someone for a murder?

LILIT (as Xianna): You have to leave somebody else’s weapon in Big Jeyb’s body. That way they see the weapon and they’re like, oh, whoever owns this weapon did the murder.

NICK: You see Endo’s weird coin eyes fixate on the sharpened crowbar that Karma is carrying.

NICK (as Endo): What a great idea.

NICK: He launches himself at Karma.

CAMERON: I shoot him! [laughs]

NICK: Okay, we’ll roll for initiative.

[laughter]

HUDSON: Yeah!

CAMERON: I’ve been aiming at him this whole time.

LILIT: Xianna throws her hands up.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh, we could have just talked this out. I was trying to be responsible for once in just trying to talk everything out, but I guess we are just going to murder people now! Ugh.

LILIT: She stomps off into a corner of the room, just like crosses her arms and has the biggest frown on her face.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): Maybe next time I will not try to be responsible. I will just shoot someone right in the face when we first walk into a room.

NICK: Initiative!

CAMERON: Karma got a success and three advantages.

NICK: Okay.

LILIT: A success and two advantages.

NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: Two successes.

NICK: Roll me two yellows and a green for HK, please.

CAMERON: Three successes.

NICK: Cool. So basically it’s just four PC slots in a row. We’re gonna do boss initiative on this. Y’all get to pick who goes first.

CAMERON: I’mma gonna shoot him.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: And are we at medium range?

NICK: Yep.

CAMERON: Okay.

NICK: But you do have two black dice, because he has 2 defense to ranged attacks.

CAMERON: Rude.

NICK: And also he’s Adversary 2.

CAMERON: I’m adding a blue die though, because I have Quick Strike and he hasn’t gone yet this encounter.

NICK: Yep, that’s fair.

CAMERON: Weird. An advantage and a triumph.

NICK: Huh… okay.

CAMERON: Yes.

NICK: So you don’t hit him. Do you want to pass a blue die onto somebody else and have the triumph be that he falls prone and isn’t able to stab you as he comes towards you?

CAMERON: Yeah. So I think for the advantage I’ll pass on a blue die to whoever goes next, and for the triumph, as he’s coming at me to stab me with the crowbar he trips over Big Jeyb’s leg and falls prone.

[dramatic bass noise]

NICK: Okay. Yeah, so he’s launching through the air at you. Your quick shooting makes him have to duck faster than he expects, and he slides on his front. he starts to get up but isn’t able to close the distance as fast as he would like. He is most of the way to you all, but he has not engaged yet. You can see the rebar spike starting to glow with the heat of the battery that it is plugged into. We have another PC slot.

HUDSON: Tink turns around to HK and yells:

HUDSON (as Tink): HK, cover me! Suppress fire!

HUDSON: I start to run, and HK runs in front of me.

NICK (as HK): Finally~

NICK: Roll me his heavy weapons attack, Cameron?

CAMERON: Okie-doke.

NICK: Plus a blue die against average difficulty.

CAMERON: Average difficulty but the Adversary 2 so it’s two red?

NICK: Yep.

CAMERON: Does he have the black die as well?

NICK: Yes he does.

CAMERON: Okay. I’d like to lodge an official complaint that I don’t like these red dice existing. HK has two advantages.

[synthy pop music begins]

NICK: Two advantages, so his suppressing fire he can pass along two blue dice to whoever goes next, but he doesn’t manage to suppress Endo as Endo launches himself sideways and then kicks off of one of the cell walls back towards you all. HK can’t track him because of how quickly he’s moving. So in the background you just see HK saying:

NICK (as HK): Suppressing fire.

NICK: [rapid fire noises] Tracking, but Endo is running faster than the bullets are tracking towards him. So we are at another PC slot. Endo is sprinting towards you all with his glowing stabby stick. Who would like to go next?

HUDSON: I start running with both hands on the hammer, wielding it above my head, yelling AHHH as I’m running towards Endo, and I slash forward.

NICK: Okay. The cell is lit by the lights of HK’s rapid stun bolts. Make your attack. You have two blue dice but you also have two black dice, one black die because your hammer is not very balanced and another one because Endo has Defense 1 for melee attacks, and it’ll be against two reds because he has Adversary 2.

HUDSON: So many dice. Two blue, two black, two red?

NICK: Yep.

CAMERON: Yup.

HUDSON: I have a triumph, three successes, and three advantages.

NICK: Wow.

CAMERON: Huzzah.

[synthy pop music ends]

NICK: Your hammer is Crit 3. Do you wanna crit +10 on him?

HUDSON: Yeah.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: An 88, so a 98.

NICK: Whoa.

LILIT: A 98 is the one we renamed to Harmed. One limb is impaired until healed or replaced.

NICK: Geez.

LILIT: Plus difficulty to all checks using that limb.

NICK: What limb would you like to injure seriously, Tink?

HUDSON: Right arm.

NICK: He’s rushing at you and you’re rushing at him, and he goes to stab you in the side where he stabbed you before. You lean back and just do a big hammer swing like a baseball bat and connect with his side, and there’s the crunch of exoskeleton as he goes staggering to the side and his arm is hanging limp. The rebar spike falls to the end of its wire and sizzles against his leg, and he picks it up with the left arm and continues to advance, but it looks like he got hurt really bad. How many successes did you say it was?

HUDSON: Three.

NICK: Three successes… Yeah, that’s  not good. Okay. He is in bad shape, and he is going to attempt to stab you, Tink. He just continues to come at you, dripping a little bit of clear ichor out of his shattered shoulder. You could roll me two yellows and a green versus an average check, please?

CAMERON: Two successes.

NICK: Two successes, so that’s 4 damage, Pierce 4, Tink.

CAMERON: Oof.

HUDSON: Egh.

NICK: So, I think it just bypasses all your Soak, so you take 4 damage as he plants this spike into your chest. You’re able to skip back before it goes super deep, but it burns really bad and cauterizes as he pulls it free. You can hear a high-pitch chittering as he turns to see who’s going to try to attack him next. He also seems to be moving faster and faster as this goes on, like his adrenaline is kicking in. Last PC slot.

LILIT: I will very dejectedly shoot him.

CAMERON: I’m shooting him, but I’m not happy about it.

LILIT: Xianna rolls her eyes and pulls out her blaster and shoots him. Since Xianna isn’t moving at all, she is going to aim.

CAMERON: Nice.

LILIT: How far away is Xianna being in the corner of the room?

NICK: I would say medium range. He’s probably engaged with the other three, but medium range for you.

LILIT: So that is four successes, three threats.

NICK: That’s a pretty dang solid hit. So let’s say that you shoot wildly enough that it makes the rest of the group have to duck out of the way so that they’re more vulnerable to attack, so he’ll have some blue dice on his next one from that threat, but you do hit him with one of your shots and it hits near the shoulder that had taken the hammer blow and he stumbles forward and looks pretty unhappy.

We are back to him again, and he is going to attempt to stab Karma who he is up next to, and he will roll an attack. Two yellow and a green at average difficulty. You don’t have any defense in your jumpsuit, do you?

CAMERON: In my jumpsuit? No. [laughs]

NICK: No. He gets two blue dice because you had to duck out of the way of some of the blaster fire.

CAMERON: Okay. I am going to use some Strain to Dodge.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: Three advantages!

NICK: So, how do you make him miss?

CAMERON: So, at this point, because of how I was carrying all of the weapons I had to rig some, like, the crowbar’s like across my back but one end is in the pocket of the jumpsuit so that it’ll stay there, but I think I spin around and block the swing with the crowbar that’s across my back.

NICK: Very cool. At this point, as you block it, he summersaults past you and he’s in the doorway of the cell, and he turns back to the rest of you.

NICK (as Endo): I’m not going to forget this. You will see me again.

NICK: And he jumps backwards off of the catwalk and disappears into the darkness of the cell block.

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, I guess this is the Endo that episode.

[laughter]

NICK: I hate that so much.

CAMERON: That’s so beautiful!

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

NICK: [cackles]

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners to find the show, and every time we get one the squad gets warm fuzzies.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites, Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Hot tub hangout, which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

Word document download: S2 Episode 10 An Evening Blockbuster

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 10:
An Evening Blockbuster

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

A friendly reminder that soon we’re adding a new periodic segment to Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, our bonus feed, for $5 and up patrons. We’ll be answering fan letters in character for patrons who write in. If you have any questions or want advice from a character or NPC and you’re a $5 and up patron, send your letters in to the email TabletopSquadron@gmail.com or through a Patreon message. Feel free to submit as many letters as you’d like, and we’ll be answering them in short segments to publish to the Underwear Drawer in the coming months. Additional specific info is available through the Patreon.

Thank you again for your podcast reviews and Patreon support which helps us to keep going and grow the show.

Music credit and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.

So now, let’s get into the episode.

##

NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 10. I’m your host and game master, Nick. It’s raining! … That’s all—

HUDSON: Men! Hallelujah!

LILIT: It’s raining men!

CAMERON: [laughing] Oh my god! I was gonna start singing that too!

NICK: No, it’s literally water is actually just falling out of the sky, like normal water, not like men water.

[laughter]

CAMERON: Not like men water.

LILIT: Nick, I hate to inform you, but men water is something very different than raining men.

NICK: I have two different possibilities of what that might mean, and I wanna keep it a mystery. Let’s all go around the table and everybody say who you are and who you’re playing today, starting with Lilit.

LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit. I am playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler, and man water means one thing to me. So…

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: Sweat?

LILIT: Nope!

NICK: Okay.

LILIT: No.

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT: Also, I bought ranks on my new talent tree, Charmer. Kill Them With Kindness: I can remove a black die per rank of the skill on all Charm and Leadership checks. And a Grit, so I now have another strain.

NICK: Oh nice.

LILIT: Because I am small and need it.

[chuckling]

NICK: Awesome! Up next we’ve got Hudson.

HUDSON: My name is Hudson! Hallelujah! I’m playing Tink! Amen!

[laughter]

HUDSON: Uh, who’s a Gigoran slicer, and I didn’t use any of my points this time.

NICK: Gosh, that segue was just solid as heck. I was not—Oh wow. That was very good. Thank you very much for that rendition. Last but not least, we have Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello. My name is Cameron, and I am playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter, and I am also hoarding points.

NICK: Wonderful. So, before we get started with the recap, let’s kick it off with the Destiny Roll!

CAMERON: One light side.

LILIT: One light side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

NICK: There we go.

CAMERON: Ba-da-dum. {foreboding tune}

NICK: So we got two light side, one dark side?

CAMERON: Mm-hmm!

NICK: When we last left off, the squad had lost a volleyball game.

CAMERON: Boo!

NICK: The reward of hooch was given to Jeyb, and we last left off with the squad and their volleyball teammates walking back towards the cell block talking about how they really needed to kill somebody and debating about who that would be. Just out on the prison yard, that was the conversation y’all were having. You all head back into the south cell block, and you notice that people are not heading back to their cells like you thought, they actually walk past the cells and down a little hallway to a building you haven’t been in before.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hey, where’s everyone going?

NICK (as Ziller): Oh, you don’t know, brother? It’s movie night.

NICK (as Blue): I’m not sure what movie we’re watching tonight, but if we want to continue that conversation, I have to sit in the back anyway because otherwise people can’t see around me, so let’s all just try to get the back row.

CAMERON (as Karma): Sounds like a plan to me.

NICK: So you join the stream of prisoners as they head into a large auditorium. It actually has movie theater seating. The seats are just kind of creaky and threadbare, and there’s an old worn holo screen on the far wall that a projector on the back wall is aimed towards, and prisoners are rapidly filling in. You’re one of the last ones there, but you do see that there’s some seats in the back two rows. There’s two up against the wall and three one row up before it. Blue starts to head that direction and says…

NICK (as Blue): Come on, I’ll make sure we all get a seat.

NICK: …and goes to the back row and grabs somebody by the shoulder and picks them up out of the seat with one arm and gently chucks them a couple of seats down to make space for everybody.

HUDSON: [chuckles]

NICK: So, where do you all sit?

LILIT: Xianna of course goes sits in the back row.

HUDSON: I have a big smile on my face and I go sit in the back row commenting how this is like a real movie theater with sticky floors and it makes me excited.

LILIT (as Xianna): [slightly whining] That is the worst part of a movie theater.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, but it just brings the experience together, you know?

CAMERON: Karma takes the row right in front of that one and scoots over to where she’s now sitting in front of Xianna and leans back.

CAMERON (as Karma): The sticky floors are really gross, but they do bring back memories, I guess, so I can kind of see where you’re coming from, Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): There we go.

CAMERON: And sits down.

LILIT: Xianna turns to Blue.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh! Do they give us popcorn at this prison movie night? Because sometimes they give you popcorn.

NICK (as Blue): Where have you been that gives you popcorn?

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, which prison was it? Um…  No, it is not the Tatooine one. One of the Corellian prisons you got popcorn for movie night. It was just like a little container, but you still got popcorn.

HUDSON: I start eating popcorn.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink! Where did you get your popcorn?!

HUDSON (as Tink): … What?

LILIT (as Xianna): Where did you get your popcorn?

HUDSON: I point down.

LILIT (as Xianna): On the floor…?

CAMERON (as Karma): Tell me you’re not pointing to the floor.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, it’s like free popcorn.

CAMERON (as Karma): No…

LILIT (as Xianna): Wait. Did they put the containers underneath the seat? Is that what happened?

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean, this one was in a container at one point I would imagine, but not anymore. It’s just a pile, but the top of the pile is clean.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, no, no Tink, you can’t eat that popcorn. That is bad popcorn.

NICK: Tadzi turns around in their seat and gently touches Xianna’s knee.

NICK (as Tadzi): Don’t reach under the seat. It’s gonna be really gross under there. I don’t know how long that popcorn’s been there ,but you’re not like really attached to Tink, are you?

LILIT (as Xianna): I guess not. Thank you for warning me about the seat, though. I probably would have reached underneath it if it wasn’t for you.

LILIT: Xianna looks at Tink.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink… you have been a good friend so far, and I will miss you when you are gone.

HUDSON: Aww.

LILIT (as Xianna): However, can I have your closet space on the ship when you are gone?

HUDSON (as Tink): You know what, because of your kind, kind words and the fact that no one ever says things like that to me, yes, yes you can.

LILIT (as Xianna): Thank you. I know we have empty bedrooms, but—

CAMERON (as Karma): [laughing] I was gonna say.

LILIT (as Xianna): But your closet has a built-in mirror and a rotating cloak hanger, and it is very nice, and I would like to use it.

HUDSON (as Tink): You know what, you’re welcome to it if I’m gone, and you never know, this life is pretty crazy. You were talking about reaching under the seat. Did you know one time under the seat of a movie theater chair I found a Human baby?

CAMERON (as Karma): What?

LILIT (as Xianna): Like a whole baby?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah. Someone left it there. They must have mixed it up with the popcorn or the big soda. I don’t know.

CAMERON (as Karma): Um…

NICK (as Ziller): To be fair, a popcorn bucket is about the size of a small Human child. That does make a lot of sense that you could get those confused.

LILIT (as Xianna): Especially if you get one of the movie promotion ones where you can bring it back and get free refills. Those are baby sized.

HUDSON (as Tink): They are baby sized. The family came back. They were worried.

CAMERON (as Karma): [relieved] Okay. That’s good.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, so you stole a baby.

HUDSON (as Tink): No! No-no.

LILIT (as Xianna): You stole a baby!

HUDSON (as Tink): No, no, no. The family came back. It was just a big misunderstanding. The baby’s fine now. We keep in touch.

CAMERON (as Karma): You and the family or you and the baby?

HUDSON (as Tink): Me and the baby.

LILIT (as Xianna): How long ago was this?

CAMERON (as Karma): Huh.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, it was a long, long time ago, far, far away from here.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay…

CAMERON (as Karma): Uh, yeah… Anyway, back to the point, please don’t eat that popcorn.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay, you know what, starting to feel a little rumbly in the tummy.

CAMERON (as Karma): Start a food fight or something. Don’t eat it. Don’t put that in your mouth.

HUDSON (as Tink): Food fights in the movie theater start with Raisinets. They don’t start with popcorn every time.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, well, I don’t see any Raisinets, so I think you’re limited on your food fight choices is what I’m saying.

NICK: Around this point some more prison guards come into the theater as the last of the prisoners take their seats. The doors are shut. There’s a guard standing at each door. Standing down by the screen you can see an HK unit guard that is holding a stun rifle.

NICK (as HK): Tonight is movie night. You will all be quiet during your required entertainment time. Anyone who disrupts movie night will be summarily stunned and thrown in solitary. Are there any questions?

HUDSON (as Tink): What does summarily mean?

NICK: HK looks down the barrel of his stun rifle at you, and there’s a long pause.

NICK (as HK): Oh, Tink, normally I would stun someone for asking questions during the “are there any questions” time. This time I won’t. You’ve been warned, prisoner.

[old-fashioned film sound effects begin alongside timely music]

NICK: The lights go down, and the screen flickers to life, and the viewers start to cheer as you see the title The Hunt for the Red Ortolan flash across the screen. Then the camera starts to dive under some shimmery waves, and we see a large underwater ship go by, and everyone gets quiet, and you have some time to talk as the movie starts.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright. Here’s the game plan. I nominate everyone else to come up with a game plan.

CAMERON (as Karma): That is a… Good job, Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): I know. I’m really good at being a leader.

LILIT (as Xianna): It is very good. Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Very impressed with your leadership skills.

LILIT (as Xianna): From what we have already talked about, we are going to start a riot. Yes? And then we kill Falx? Or do we kill Big Jeyb? Or both? Who are we killing?

NICK (as Ziller): I would strongly prefer that we kill Big Jeyb at least first.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh! He also has all the moonshine and stuff which we will  need to make the riot even bigger.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh, bigger riot.

CAMERON (as Karma): Very true… I have no strong feelings or need to kill Falx. If we encounter him at some point and a fight is necessary, I’m not opposed to that, but I’m not invested enough in it to go hunt him down for that purpose, whereas Big Jeyb has supplies we need, so I’m leaning more that direction.

NICK (as Tadzi): Karma and the warden sitting in a tree.

CAMERON (as Karma): [admonishing] Tadzi.

LILIT (as Xianna): K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Because they are going to be kissing.

NICK (as Tadzi): Thank you, Xiann.

LILIT (as Xianna): Or F-U-C-K-I-N-G.

CAMERON (as Karma): [sighs heavily]

HUDSON (as Tink): That sounds inappropes.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes!

NICK (as Tadzi): Have you tried to do that in a tree though? It’s really hard to stay balanced.

LILIT (as Xianna): I have.

CAMERON (as Karma): No, I haven’t actually.

NICK (as Tadzi): Well you probably did in like a kelp forest or something, right Karma?

CAMERON (as Karma): [sarcastically] Uh, yeah, definitely, kelp forest on turtleback.

NICK (as Tadzi): Oh, I’ve done that position.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): Tadzi, I told you about that one time that I tried to do it in a tree and it did not go well, but it is possible. It could be done.

NICK (as Tadzi): I’m not saying it isn’t possible, I’m just saying the risk versus reward seems a little out of balance to me.

CAMERON (as Karma): It sounds like it’d be a little bit scratchy.

NICK (as Tadzi): Yeah, that too. Hey, some people are into that though.

CAMERON (as Karma): It’s like when people talk about doing it on a beach. It’s like, I don’t want sand there.

NICK (as Tadzi): You’re literally, like, that’s how your species reproduces.

CAMERON (as Karma): Underwater is different than laying on sand!

LILIT (as Xianna): Because like when you are naked on the sand it is coarse and rough and it gets everywhere… and I mean everywhere. Tadzi, this is a problem we had growing up. We are from a desert.

NICK (as Tadzi): Yeah, that’s a fair point.

LILIT (as Xianna): Just everywhere.

NICK: Blue leans over and seems to sit next to all of you at once, because she’s so big.

NICK (as Blue): If we could set Karma’s personal crushes on the warden aside…

CAMERON (as Karma): [defeated sigh]

NICK (as Blue): …my focus would be on us getting out of here in one piece. I only have a couple of years left on my sentence, but frankly I’m tired of it. I ran out of weights I can lift, and it’s time to go, so as long as you help me escape as well I’m willing to chip in.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, we also have to get Sentinel, so we will have to get Tink to a computer, and then he can hack into the system with the keyboards and stuff and open the doors.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, that’s how it works.

CAMERON (as Karma): And turn off the turrets, because that hallway is very dangerous.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh yes, and maybe any cameras, or like loop the cameras like they do in the movies so it looks like the empty hallways but it’s not the empty hallways.

NICK: From the screen we see an orange Rodian with an eyepatch standing dramatically at the helm of this underwater ship.

NICK (as Neato): Some things don’t react well to bullets in here, commander.

NICK: And everybody in the audience cheers.

LILIT (as Xianna): I always thought it was weird for this movie that they just have him doing his natural accent when he is supposed to be from… when he is supposed to be from Pantora. Like, that was weird, right?

CAMERON (as Karma): I can’t imagine that Neato has the ability to not speak like that though, so they may have just given up and just been like, you know, he’s a high caliber actor, we want him in our movie, part of his thing is the voice.

NICK (as Neato): Full speed ahead. Damn the torpedoes.

CAMERON (as Karma): See?

LILIT (as Xianna): But everyone else is doing a Pantoran accent which is the confusing part.

[old-fashioned music ends]

HUDSON (as Tink): Without the voice I wouldn’t know it was Neato.

LILIT (as Xianna): Is there some sort of secret backstory where like he was adopted into Pantorans or something that I am not aware of? Is it one of those things where there’s like an extended universe and you have to read the side books to get all of the little information?

CAMERON (as Karma): You know, I can’t say I’ve read any of them, so I’m not sure.

NICK: A Rodian seated in the seats in front of you turns around and says:

NICK (as Rodian): Hey! Shush! I’m trying to watch the movie.

CAMERON (as Karma): Shh!

NICK (as Rodian): What do you mean, me, shh?

CAMERON (as Karma): Shh!

NICK: And from the front you hear a stun rifle charging, and HK says:

NICK (as HK): The prisoners will be silent or the prisoners will be stunned and dragged unceremonially from the theater.

NICK (as Rodian): Look, now you got me in trouble.

CAMERON (as Karma): Shh!

CAMERON: Karma turns back to everyone.

CAMERON (as Karma): I’m cool with everyone here coming with us in the end game of this plan, which is escape.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ziller, what do you say?

NICK: Ziller makes eye contact with you, Tink.

NICK (as Ziller): I don’t have any reason that I wouldn’t want to escape. Nope. Definitely don’t have all of my krayt dragon eggs in one basket. Absolutely willing to collaborate on this in exchange for my freedom. Yup.

HUDSON (as Tink): You sound sarcastic.

NICK (as Ziller): Nope! This is, uh…

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT: Okay, so that was concerning… and Xianna’s just gonna like squint at him.

LILIT (as Xianna): That is a weird way to word it.

LILIT: And wants to do Perception? Skulduggery… Streetwise.

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT: Okay.

HUDSON: I think it’s Outer Rim Lore.

NICK: I think it’s Perception.

LILIT: I’mma use a light side point.

NICK: It’s gonna be against two red and a purple.

LILIT: One success and six advantages.

NICK: Wow. I’ll let you spend those advantages how you would like. I can tell you from the success, he’s lying.

CAMERON: Whaaat?

NICK: Ziller seems very nervous about the idea of everyone trying to escape, and you know that it has probably something to do with what Tink told you all about Ziller working with Falx as a nark and that clearly Ziller still is thinking there’s a way to salvage that relationship and may need to be persuaded otherwise or cut loose, but if he’s cut loose you don’t know what he’s gonna do. I would say with that amount of advantages you can basically succeed on persuading him, you just have to decide what your avenue of attack is.

LILIT: Okay. Xianna leans away from the rest of the group so that just Ziller can hear her, and she whispers to him.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ziller, it sounds like you are a fucking nark. Is that what is happening?

NICK: You didn’t know it was possible to see someone flop-sweat when they’re covered in fur, but he does immediately become sweaty and shifty.

LILIT (as Xianna): Am I correct?

NICK (as Ziller): Um…

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie.

NICK (as Ziller): Nark is a strong word. I have hedged my bets.

LILIT (as Xianna): So I am correct, you are a nark. So, here’s the thing, if you escape with us then whoever you are ratting to can’t hurt you because you are not in the prison anymore. You see how that makes sense?

NICK (as Ziller): I don’t think you understand how powerful Falx is. He can find you anywhere.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, no, he is actually not very good at that. Falx is, um, not that good actually. He’s kind of a mess. Also, wait no, we agreed we are not killing Falx, however if we see Falx in the future outside of the prison we can kill him. Also, if you just like change your name he won’t find you.

NICK (as Ziller): You speak like you have experience.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

NICK (as Ziller): O-Oh…

NICK: Will you make me a Charm check with three blue dice for all of your advantages you got on the Perception?

LILIT: Yes.

NICK: It’s average difficulty. He wants to believe you.

LILIT: I have four successes and one advantage.

NICK (as Ziller): Alright, as long as you can guarantee my safety against Falx, who seems to me to be very intelligent and well thought out. I’m very intimidated by him in multiple ways, but if you don’t think he’s actually that good… then yeah, I’m in. Let’s escape this place.

LILIT (as Xianna): We will get you out of here. We will escape. We will get you to some other planet and you just change your name, and that is almost all you have to do to get away from Falx.

NICK (as Ziller): It just seems like, with his attention to detail and level of success in a bureaucracy, that wouldn’t be enough to take you off of his radar.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh no, so him getting the prison job was a demotion, if he even got it that way. He used to be much more important and then he got in trouble and he had no money. [gasps] Did he have to take this job because he had no money left?

NICK (as Ziller): Huh.

LILIT (as Xianna): Is that why he had to do it?

NICK (as Ziller): I don’t know…

LILIT (as Xianna): He was broke and couldn’t figure out how to do the crime anymore?

NICK (as Ziller): He sort of insinuated to me that this was part of a bigger plan, but the more we talk about it the less confident I am that he’s thought it all the way through. Yeah, let’s plan this thing, I’m totally in, and if we happen to kill Falx along the way… all the better.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, he does not scan files if you give them to him, so you can just like give him whatever you want and you can just give all of his computers malware. It is very fun. He is surprisingly trusting for someone as devious as him.

NICK (as Ziller): Good to know.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie, end sidebar.

LILIT: Xianna turns back to everyone.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie. Don’t pay attention to what we were doing over there. It is not important.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): Anyways. We are going to riot? Yes.

HUDSON (as Tink): We’re going to right, not left.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, riot.

CAMERON (as Karma): No.

HUDSON (as Tink): We’re going to go to the right.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ri-ot.

CAMERON (as Karma): Riot.

LILIT (as Xianna): RI-OT.

HUDSON (as Tink): We’re gonna ri– ride a yacht.

CAMERON (as Karma): Sure.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, because the Afternoon Delight is indeed a yacht.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ahh.

LILIT (as Xianna): So we will eventually get on it.

NICK (as Tadzi): Tink, if you keep giving Xiann a hard time for her accent I’m going to stab you in whatever a Gigoran has for a liver.

HUDSON (as Tink): [uneasy] Uh…

LILIT (as Xianna): Thank you, Tadzi.

NICK (as Tadzi): You’re welcome.

HUDSON (as Tink): [uneasy, stammering] Okay…

CAMERON (as Karma): After talking about the arteries earlier, I’m not really positive about Gigoran anatomy anymore.

NICK (as Tadzi): Then maybe I’ll just have to stab multiple times.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m bleeding out.

NICK (as Tadzi): Oh, it stopped, calm down. You’re fine.

LILIT (as Xianna): You know what, you are bleeding out, and so you are probably also going to die from the floor popcorn… [gasps] We will start a small riot here and then use that as a way to get you to the infirmary. We will sneak away while they are distracted with the shooting and stuff and we will go to the infirmary and we will get you healed up, and then we will use the computers in there, and instead of checking on the medical files you can hack into the systems!

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh yeah. I am pretty good at that. I haven’t touched a computer in so long.

LILIT (as Xianna): It has been like two weeks.

HUDSON (as Tink): It’s just been so long.

CAMERON: [snickers]

LILIT (as Xianna): It has been like two weeks.

NICK (as Blue): If you need someone to kick this thing off, I’m about done with this movie anyway, I’ve already seen it.

NICK: The Rodian turns around again.

NICK (as Rodian): Shh! No spoilers!

NICK: Blue looks at the Rodian and says:

NICK (as Blue): At the end of this Neato goes to Montana and gets a bunch of rabbits.

NICK: The Rodian gets really mad.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie, so we start riot in here, small one, and then Tink and I go to the infirmary, get to the computers, and then karma, you…

CAMERON (as Karma): I’ve got it set up with HK that I can get into the armory and get weapons for everybody.

LILIT (as Xianna): So then you get us the weapons.

CAMERON (as Karma): For the big riot. If anyone has any specific weapons requests please let me know and I’ll do my best to find you something that fits those requirements.

LILIT (as Xianna): I just want a small blaster, not a big one. I am small.

CAMERON (as Karma): Something that might use Ranged: Light, you might say?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hmm.

LILIT (as Xianna): One that is small enough for me to carry, so I would like that. So then while Tink and I are getting to the computers and stuff, you go get the weapons, and then we meet up at Jeyb’s cell, and then we kill Jeyb, steal  his moonshine and use the moonshine to fuel the riot and make the riot even bigger! And then the riot will be so big that all the guards will be distracted and we can easily get our whole group and Sentinel to the air vents in the library without having to be quite as sneaky, and then we can leave.

NICK: Xianna yelling “make the riot bigger” was covered by a large explosion on the holo screen, but you can see the glowing yellow eyes of HK at the front of the theater just staring straight at you all. The left eye flickers on and off a couple of times.

HUDSON (as Tink): So you talked about weapons request, uh, I got one.

CAMERON (as Karma): What is your request?

HUDSON (as Tink): I’d like a contraband slingshot, please.

CAMERON (as Karma): [confused] Okay?

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s a weapon. Don’t act like it’s not a weapon.

CAMERON (as Karma): You know, I was thinking more like an axe or a sharp pointy object for you. I can get you a slingshot though, if they have one.

HUDSON (as Tink): What if the balls that you put in the slingshot generally, or the rocks or whatever, they can be sharp.

CAMERON (as Karma): [trying real hard] Yes?

LILIT (as Xianna): But we could just get you like a big axe or something.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, like a vibro-axe?!

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m a lot better at that than slingshots actually.

CAMERON (as Karma): That’s what I was saying. [laughs]

NICK: Blue leans over.

NICK (as Blue): You can get Tink a slingshot if he wants, but if you could just get me the largest heavy repeating blaster you can find I’ll make good use of it.

CAMERON (as Karma): Noted.

LILIT (as Xianna): Unless you want an actual, quote, “contraband slingshot,” end quote. We can get you that, but that is I don’t think what you think it is.

NICK: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): It must not be. And by the way, why do you call it a heavy repeating blaster instead of heavy blaster blaster?

NICK (as Blue): Because it repeats when you fire.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, not the name. Got it.

NICK (as Blue): Like, duka-duka-duka-duka-duka… you know?

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay. I thought it was the name “blaster” was repeating, and I thought people were just doing a shortcut that wasn’t really a shortcut.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as Blue): Oh, you mean like WWW is actually longer to say than World Wide Holonet?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yes.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): I thought it was the WWE not the WWW.

HUDSON (as Tink): The World Wildlife Wrestling Federation?

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): No, that’s what they used to call it.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh…

LILIT (as Xianna): But now they are doing something with giant vats of mimosas, so like I don’t know what’s going on anymore.

NICK (as Ziller): Okay, so it looks like if you get us some melee weapons and some blasters from the armory we should be good to go, but what’s the rest of this plan? Where are we meeting up? What all are we doing?

LILIT (as Xianna): We are meeting up at Big Jeyb’s cell.

NICK (as Ziller): Yeah, you did say that.

LILIT (as Xianna): So that we can murder Big Jeyb and steal all of his moonshine in order to make the Mandalore cocktails in order to really ramp up the riot.

NICK (as Ziller): Okay.

[old-fashioned music returns]

NICK: On the movie screen Neato is standing dramatically on a chair in this underwater spaceship. One of the other officers is clasped dramatically to his leg and looking at him adoringly.

NICK (as Neato): We found it. We found the Red Ortolan. Now all we have to do is befriend it so that we can go to war.

[old-fashioned music ends]

NICK: The Rodian in front of you is mumbling to himself.

NICK (as Rodian): I really thought that this movie would make more sense than it is.

NICK (as Tadzi): So if we need to start a small riot here, I think if you all have plans for getting supplies and everything, we’ve got Blue and Ziller and I… I think we’re probably gonna be able to kick this thing off in a big way. Should we get started?

CAMERON (as Karma): Tadzi, did you have a weapons request?

NICK (as Tadzi): Knives please.

CAMERON (as Karma): Knives, noted.

NICK (as Tadzi): Vibro-knives if you got ‘em.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie, so we start riot and then in, say, 30 minutes we meet at the cell of Big Jeyb.

NICK (as Ziller): Big Jeyb, northern cell block, right? Up towards the back? It’s two combined with the wall knocked down.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, with the weird toilet.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

NICK (as Ziller): I haven’t actually been. I was trying to avoid the…

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh. Well, sorry. There’s a detail for you.

NICK (as Tadzi): Alright, well if that’s what we’re doing…

NICK: Tadzi leans forward in their chair and flicks the back of the Rodian’s head.

NICK (as Rodian): Cut it out.

NICK: Tadzi waits a second… and flicks the back of the Rodian’s head.

NICK (as Tadzi): Hey, you know this movie ends with everyone dying, right?

NICK: And the Rodian slaps his hands on his knees and stands up.

NICK (as Rodian): That’s it! All I wanted to do was watch the movie! You all are being so disruptive talking about whatever the heck you were talking about. This movie won awards! People talk about it all the time even though it’s old, and I’ve never seen it, and it’s the only good thing that’s happening right now!

NICK (as HK): The prisoners are becoming unruly.

NICK: [whooshing sound of HK’s gun activating] And starts to walk up the stairs towards the Rodian.

NICK (as Rodian): Yeah, stun me. I’m the one that’s making the disruptions. Clearly I’m the one who is the problem and should be stunned for speaking up about people being polite in a movie!

NICK (as HK): Instructions acknowledged.

NICK: And shoots him with his stun blaster, and the Rodian slides down into his seat unconscious. HK starts to stalk up the stairs towards the Rodian.

LILIT (as Xianna): Besides, it won awards for best costuming, and everyone knows that you can win best costume awards and still be a really shitty movie.

CAMERON (as Karma): That is true. It can look gorgeous but it can still have a terrible plot.

NICK: Blue turns to you all.

NICK (as Blue): Oh, you mean like the Phantom Menace?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, that movie about—

CAMERON (as Karma): The angry baby ghost!

LILIT (as Xianna): The angry—Yes.

NICK: HK has the Rodian by the back of his prison jumpsuit and his head whips around at 90 degrees and stares straight into Karma.

NICK (as HK): You did not just say baby ghost.

CAMERON (as Karma): You know, in retrospect, I apologize. [laughs]

NICK (as HK): That’s more like it.

CAMERON (as Karma): Forgot your thing. But while you have graced me by speaking to me, esteemed guard, would you like assistance removing that very disruptive Rodian from the room?

NICK (as HK): Why would I need assistance?

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, I’m just thinking that, you know, since you’re gonna have to use both arms to pick him up it’s gonna be difficult if you have to stun anybody else for misbehaving, so I’m thinking if I could carry him for you then that leaves your hands free for lots of shooting.

NICK (as HK): This is a good point. I am convinced. Prisoner, your new task is to carry this dangerous Rodian. Come with me as we take them to solitary.

CAMERON (as Karma): Will do.

CAMERON: Karma lifts up the Rodian and does a little wave to the group and follows HK out.

NICK: As you start to walk down the stairs, one of the other guards says:

NICK (as guard): Hey HK, where are you going with that Nautolan?

NICK (as HK): Oh, don’t worry about it, I needed help carrying them because I have such thin arms, and also that keeps my hands free for stunning any additional threats.

NICK (as guard): Oh yeah, that’s a good strategy, HK. You have fun there.

NICK (as HK): Thank you so much, and maybe later if you want to go somewhere alone with me I can talk to you more about these details.

NICK: The guard looks kind of confused as you walk by, and you go out the door.

CAMERON (as Karma): HK, it kinda sounded like you were asking him out, just so you’re aware of how that came across.

NICK (as HK): Now that you say that I can see how that would be construed that way, but it seems irrelevant considering I want to kill him.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, I understand your motives, but what I’m saying is just I think that’s where his mind went.

NICK (as HK): Well, as long as he’s happy I guess that’s fine either way, and then I will kill him.

CAMERON (as Karma): [defeated] Okay.

NICK (as HK): Why did we leave? What’s going on?

CAMERON (as Karma): Uh, so, you remember that we had discussed going to arm ourselves? It is that time.

NICK (as HK): Oh, wonderful. Xianna promised that there would be a riot and that I would get to shoot so many people. Is that still on the table?

CAMERON (as Karma): That’s coming, and that is why we all need additional weapons so we can join you in the shooting.

NICK (as HK): Perfect. Well, if you want to dump that Rodian any-old-where we can head over to the administration building. I think the two of us should be able to infiltrate without too many problems.

CAMERON (as Karma): Sounds like a plan.

CAMERON: Karma opens a closet door, sets the Rodian inside, and then closes the door.

NICK: We get a shot of the Rodian twisted and uncomfortable-looking sprawled over some mop buckets, and then the door shuts and HK says…

NICK (as HK): Alright, well follow me

NICK: …and starts to head out of the cell block and into the night headed towards the administration building. So, Karma has left with HK, they are heading to the armory, you all have the theater, everyone is settled down as the movie is coming to a conclusion, and Blue asks:

NICK (as Blue): So, is it time for a distraction?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, it is time to riot.

NICK (as Blue): It’s been a good two to three days since the last one of those I was involved in.

NICK: And stands up, and she yells at the screen.

NICK (as Blue): Highlander was also a bad movie!

NICK: And starts wading down the seats towards the screen, and different prisoners stand up and start grabbing onto Blue, and the guards start to fire blasters, and it just descends into chaos very quickly. Tadzi grabs Xianna on the shoulder and says:

NICK (as Tadzi): Stay safe until I can find you again, okay?

LILIT (as Xianna): Will do. Okay, Tink, we must go now.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, yes.

NICK: Tadzi jumps onto Ziller’s shoulders and says…

NICK (as Tadzi): Forward!

NICK: …and they start running off down into the crowd too.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie Tink, we are going to the infirmary. We are going to be sneaky.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh. I love being sneaky.

NICK: You all are able to slide out of a door pretty easily, because the guards are a little occupied by the giant mosh pit that movie night has just turned into. Can I get a Stealth roll from both of you?

LILIT: Can I have a blue die because the guards are distracted by the riot?

HUDSON: Can I have a blue die because the guards are distracted by the riot?

NICK: Do we want to just make it a collaborative Stealth check?

HUDSON: yeah, collab.

LILIT: So that would just give me another blue die?

HUDSON: Yeah, because I’m helping.

CAMERON: What’s the difficulty, Nick?

NICK: We’re gonna say hard, because it is a prison.

LILIT: Okay. Six successes and one threat.

NICK: Wow. So you all are able to very quickly make your way to the clinic. There’s a few guards that go running past heading towards the small riot happening in the theater, and the clinic door is locked, but you’re able to get it open very easily, Xianna, by Skulduggery-ing your way through the lock, but as you open the door there is a prison guard in there who is actively shoveling medicine into his pockets.

NICK (as guard): Uh… what are y’all doing here? You’re supposed to be at movie night.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. Things are going downhill with the movie night, and my friend here is injured and must be given medical attention.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh yes, very injured.

NICK (as guard): Oh wow, you got stabbed good. That also looks kind of old. You didn’t come to get medical attention any earlier?

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh—

LILIT (as Xianna): We had to go to movie night.

HUDSON (as Tink): The door was locked, too.

NICK (as guard): Yeah, I locked it because I’m stealing medicine, I mean appropriating resources for the greater good.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah, I love the greater good.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, big fan.

HUDSON (as Tink): So, I’m gonna get some medical care now. We’ll turn a blind eye to whatever you’re doing. We’re fine, we’re all good here.

NICK: You wanna roll me a Charm check, Tink?

HUDSON: Yes.

NICK: It’s gonna be average but with a black die, because this whole situation is very strange.

HUDSON: I have a triumph with a failure and a disadvantage.

NICK: Oh. So you do not succeed in convincing this guard to leave you alone while you get medical care, but something kind of unrelated and good happens from this conversation. What do you think that is?

HUDSON: We’re part of the same fraternity in college.

NICK (as guard): Tink, is that you?

HUDSON (as Tink): O-Oh… Brother?

[collegiate trumpet music begins]

NICK (as guard): I haven’t seen you since your days at Coronet University. How have you been, man? Well obviously not good, because you’re in jail and have been stabbed recently.

HUDSON (as Tink): Had better days, but you know, no complaints overall. What about you?

NICK (as guard): Oh, you know, I’ve just been… doing the guard thing. It’s what I’ve always done. Selling drugs on the side, stealing from the tax payers, pretty standard stuff. We used to do something kind of similar to this in school, remember?

HUDSON (as Tink): [with a chuckle] Oh yeah. Do you remember the chant?

NICK (as guard): I sure do. Let’s do it at the same time.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright!

NICK & HUDSON (as guard & Tink): Hooga, hooga, hooga, awooga!

NICK (as guard): Yeah, that’s the chant.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah…

NICK (as guard): We got it.

NICK: And he gives you a high-five which tweaks your wound in your side.

HUDSON (as Tink): [pained grunt]

LILIT: Xianna is frozen in place, eyes wide as the moon, just mouth agape, staring at this.

NICK: [laughs]

NICK (as guard): Well, uh, be honest with me here, pal. Are you here because you just want medical supplies off-hours or are you trying to do something else?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, if you have to know, I wanted to check my email and get medical attention.

NICK (as guard): I can see that. That’s why your friend’s here, right, to help you with the medical part?

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh yeah.

NICK (as guard): Yeah.

LILIT: Xianna shakes her head and snaps out of it.

[collegiate trumpet music ends]

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes… both the medical and checking his emails. Also, if you want me to open some of these other locked cabinets I can do that for you, if you want to just ignore us even more.

NICK (as guard): That does sound pretty good. Tell you what, that’s where they keep the really expensive stuff back there. I don’t have a key. If you can get that open, I’ll take some stuff and leave and we just never saw each other. How does that sound?

LILIT (as Xianna): That sounds wonderful. Yes.

NICK (as guard): Perfect. Well, let’s get started.

NICK: We’re gonna cut away from you all to Karma. I need you and HK to do a collaborative Stealth check, please.

CAMERON: Okay. What’s the difficulty? Is it also hard, because we’re in a prison?

NICK: Hard. Yeah, because you’re in a prison, yep.

CAMERON: Yup, fair. Three successes and a triumph.

NICK: [laughing] Three successes and a triumph. Just describe how you end up in front of the armory in the admin building.

CAMERON: What areas do we have to walk through?

NICK: You have to walk out of the cell block through the mess hall towards the next cell block and then there’s a side way that goes towards the admin building from there, so it’s a pretty long journey, but you are like the night, no one sees you, and also something fortuitous happens.

CAMERON: It’s like a Scooby Doo episode if a Scooby Doo episode was set in a jail because they were researching some jail monster, like a baby ghost potentially.

NICK (as HK): Hey, watch it.

CAMERON: I’m not talking in character right now, HK. Hush.

NICK: [laughs]

[electronic music begins]

CAMERON: So, they’re just walking normally down hallways. Every time a guard turns the corner suddenly they’re no longer in the hallway and they’re either, like, standing in a cell or they’re standing in different cells on opposite sides of the hallway, and then when the guard passes they both peek their head out and look. There’s potted plants for some reason and they pop out of the potted plants… because that’s my favorite. Then a guard is coming and they duck into a cell, and you know the cells only have one door, and then the guard walks into the same cell, and then karma and HK walk out of a different cell and keep going. They just bypass everyone that they come across, and they end up at the admin building.

[electronic music ends]

NICK: You are able to hop through a window that happens to be unlocked and open.

CAMERON: How fortuitous.

NICK: As you go through the window you see that there’s a security system, but it appears to be off when the window is open, so you don’t have any problems there, which is good because HK comes through kind of slowly. He turns to Karma and says…

NICK (as HK): The armory is this way.

NICK: …and walks a few doors down, and while most of the doors in the admin room are thick wooden fancy carved doors this one is a metal door inset—it looks very technological—and there’s a touchpad. HK hits some buttons on it and it slides open, and there’s a guard standing on the other side of the door who turns around, and you’re off to the side, and the guard says:

NICK (as guard): HK, what are you doing here?

NICK (as HK): Oh, just… stuff and things.

NICK: And shoots him with his stun blaster. The guard flies backwards into the room, and he turns to Karma and says…

NICK (as HK): Come on, quickly.

NICK: …and he steps inside.

CAMERON: Karma follows. Steps under the doorway.

NICK: As the door slides shut you see HK doing an electronic whistle to himself as he flips the blaster over to hold it by the still-smoking barrel and raises it up above his head to smash down on the guard.

CAMERON (as Karma): [pinched] Is that really necessary?

NICK (as HK): What do you mean is that really necessary?

CAMERON (as Karma): I mean, so we already took him out of commission, and I realize that the reason that you’ve been doing this is because I suggested the way to do it, and I almost immediately regretted that decision… although I realize it’s also made it easier for us as there are now less of a guard presence.

NICK (as HK): Yeah, exactly. It was all strategic. No personal joy at all.

CAMERON (as Karma): Uh-huh sure, but what I’m just saying is that I feel like… I don’t want to be here if you’re gonna just, like… now I’m participating because I’m here and I’m even more uncomfortable with it, so can we just leave him stunned?

NICK (as HK): You can wait outside if you want.

NICK: He raises the gun even higher.

CAMERON (as Karma): [sweetly] Please?

NICK (as HK): … Fine. Fine.

CAMERON (as Karma): I promise there will be more people to shoot later, and you can shoot with wild abandon.

NICK (as HK): I’m sure there will be. Ooh, I haven’t done suppressing fire in a while. That’ll be fun.

CAMERON (as Karma): HK, look at all of these guns. We can get you a non-stun gun.

NICK: HK looks up, and the camera goes over HK and Karma’s shoulder, and you can see just rows and rows of weapons and contraband hung behind a fenced cage which is sitting open. HK, without looking down, kicks the guard in the ribs.

NICK (as HK): You are so lucky there’s something better to do than murder right now.

NICK: They start to walk into the vault to collect weapons.

CAMERON: Karma, as she’s walking past the guard, reaches down and picks up his security badge and pockets it.

NICK: Nice. We cut back to the clinic. Xianna, Tink’s buddy, apparently, is waiting excitedly as you start to pick open this lock to the expensive medicine. You wanna make me a Skulduggery check?

LILIT: Sure.

NICK: It’ll be with a black die because you don’t have your normal lock picking tools.

LILIT: I can remove a black die with Bypass Security, and this is a locked door.

NICK: It sure is.

LILIT: Seven successes.

CAMERON: [laughing] Holy shit.

NICK: Wow. The doors basically pop off the hinges and a secret inset in-the-cabinet door opens to where there’s a pile of credit chips that you’re able to pocket before the guard notices, and you find 500 Credits inside this door. The guy is flabbergasted for a second and then looks at you and says:

NICK (as guard): How are you in here… if you can unlock stuff that easy?

LILIT (as Xianna): Well, it is a long story, but don’t worry, just take your drugs and be on your merry way. Also, I would look out, because I have heard that the cell block is haunted by a baby ghost.

NICK (as guard): I’ve heard that too. Those small bloody handprints found on the bodies of unwitting guards. Very scary stuff. Thank you for the warning.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. I have heard that people have been found choked with little tiny handprints on their throat.

NICK (as guard): Nothing with hands that small could be anything but a very small infant. Surely no adult-sized creature would ever have hands that dainty.

LILIT (as Xianna): And also be able to reach the throat of a full-grown Human or humanoid creature.

NICK (as guard): I think, honestly, this is the biggest evidence of the existence of ghosts that’s ever existed in the galaxy.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. It is solid proof that there is indeed an afterlife and that you can reach out to your loved ones after you have passed into the great beyond.

NICK (as guard): And that they’ll kill you.

LILIT (as Xianna): Or choke you, which you know is not the worst thing ever, I just do feel like the ghost really should be asking us first.

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT: Because there are steps you have to take for that. But anyways, here are your drugs. I hope you have a great day.

NICK: You hand him a satchel that you’ve been scooping drugs into while you talk, and he throws it over his shoulder.

NICK (as guard): Man, everything’s just turning out really well today. I’m so glad we ran into each other, Tink. Awooga-awooga, right? Right?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah! Awooga-ooga!

NICK (as guard): Yeah! Alright, you two kids have fun now.

NICK: And he leaves. [laughs]

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT: Xianna whips her head around to Tink.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink! Were you in a fraternity?!

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah. I thought you knew it.

LILIT (as Xianna): Were you a frat bro and you did not tell me?

HUDSON (as Tink): This was before I was straightedge, but yes.

LILIT (as Xianna): This just changes everything.

HUDSON (as Tink): Do I get some respect now or something?

LILIT (as Xianna): No.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh…

[laughter]

NICK: So, as you are all talking, Xianna, you’re able to gather some medical supplies, and Tink, you can see that the medical terminal is right where you saw it last when you were working in the clinic. It’s got a little screen saver going that’s really artistic pictures of the architecture of the prison which would look cool except it’s prison architecture so it’s really depressing.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ugh, let’s get this off the screen.

HUDSON: I crack my knuckles.

LILIT: Xianna comes up behind Tink.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay Tink, on the count of three. Okie? One, two…

LILIT: And then Xianna stabs two stim packs into Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Agh!

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay Tink, that should heal you. You should be good now.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m feeling a lot better already. I can see clearly now.

NICK: So Tink is able to sit down at the computer. Worth noting that stim packs are all just like adrenaline and pain killers and don’t actually fix stuff, so while mechanically he has full health he still has a hole in his side that should be addressed at some point. [laughs] This is Nick the GM being concerned about Tink’s health at this point.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: The computer has a password screen to log in. You’re gonna have to slice it.

HUDSON (as Tink): Looks like I’m gonna have to slice it.

[laughter]

NICK: So roll me that slicing check at hard difficulty, and you don’t get your blue die because you don’t have your outlaw tech data breaker.

HUDSON: What’s the difficulty?

NICK: Hard.

HUDSON: I had four successes.

NICK: Wow, nice. So you’re able to get in very quickly and you have complete control of the system.

HUDSON (as Tink): Huh, the password is “Falx is cool” but with a K-E-W-L. Looks like the entire network password has been set to that, actually. Hmm. Oh my, oh, what is… ugh! Oh my. I opened, and the desktop background… It’s a picture of, like, an operation happening where they’re cutting into this person’s stomach and it says “scalpel me timbers.”

NICK: [laughs] Gross. Gross~ You’re able to see that from this computer you have access to a majority of the prison security systems and records. It’s exactly what you needed. The stim packs are starting to kick in.

HUDSON (as Tink): Everything’s coming up Tink!

NICK: [smiling] And that’s gonna be the end of the episode!

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners to find the show, and every time we get one the squad gets warm fuzzies.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites, Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Hot tub hangout, which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

Word document download: S2 Episode 9 Bump Set Stab

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 9:
Bump Set Stab

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

I have one new announcement this week. We are adding a new periodic segment to Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, our bonus feed for $5 and up patrons. We will be answering fan letters in character for patrons who write in. if you have any questions or want advice from a character or an NPC, and you’re a $5 and up patron, send your letters in to TabletopSquadron@gmail.com or through a Patreon message. Feel free to submit as many letters as you’d like, and we’ll be answering them in short segments to publish to the Underwear Drawer in the coming months.

Thank you again for your podcast reviews and Patreon support. It helps us to keep going and to grow the show.

Music credit and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.

So now, let’s get into the episode.

##

NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 9! I am your host and game master, Nick. Welcome back. Things are hopefully settling down a little bit, moving along in life well and good, and if not… eh, same. Let’s go around the table and everybody say who you are, who you’re playing today, and if you spent any experience since the last time we played why don’t you go ahead and tell us what you spent that on, starting with Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello. My name is Cameron, and I am playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter. I bought another rank in Stealth.

NICK: Ooh.

CAMERON: So that I can murder volleyball better and more sneakily.

NICK: That makes sense.

CAMERON: Mm-hmm.

NICK: Wonderful. Up next we’ve got Hudson.

HUDSON: [in a drawling accent] Howdy-ho partners. My name is Hudson, and I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer. I’ve used my experience to get 2 levels in Charm. I’m up to level 2 now, because I wanna charm the hell out of that volleyball.

NICK: [chuckling] That makes a lot of sense. Welcome to, apparently, alternate reality Hudson based on what that sounded like.

HUDSON: I’m a soft-spoken western gentleman.

NICK: I guess so.

LILIT: If you say so.

[laughter]

NICK: Sure!

CAMERON: Sure.

NICK: Last but not least we have Lilit.

LILIT: [in an exaggerated version of the accent] Well I’m just a southern chicken.

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT: I don’t know much about lawyer stuff…

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT: No. Anyways. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler, and I bought a new talent tree.

NICK: Ooh.

CAMERON: Oh-ho-ho!

LILIT: I bought Charmer and was able to get a rank of Smooth Talker in it. When first acquired you must choose Charm, Coercion, Deception or Negotiation. I chose Deception, so now my Smooth Talker is set for Deception from now on. When making checks with that skill, spend a triumph to gain additional successes equal to ranks in Smooth Talker.

NICK: Oh, cool.

HUDSON: Hey Lilit.

LILIT: Yes?

HUDSON: Would you say that you’ve been hit by, been struck by—

LILIT: A smooth criminal?

HUDSON: —a Smooth Talker talent tree?

LILIT: No.

[laughter]

LILIT: I would not.

NICK: So, before we get with the recap, let’s do the Destiny Roll~!

CAMERON: Two light side.

LILIT: Two light side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

NICK: Nice, so four light side, one dark side?

CAMERON: Yup.

NICK: Not a bad start. So to recap where we last left off…

Last time the squad defeated two separate volleyball teams, the Pecan Sandys, which was a team of older prisoners in leather jackets, and the Chadra-Friends, a team of Chadra-Fans standing on each other’s shoulders in big prison jumpsuits. Watching another of the volleyball games, Tink borrowed a shiv and threw it at one of the competing teams and managed to hit someone.

Unfortunately, you all realized that someone was Endo the Tognath, second in command of Big Jeyb’s organization. He was pulled out of the game for holding a weapon and is binding his injury, but he does know that Tink threw a shiv at him and he’s not thrilled. That’s pretty much what happened last time.

We open on a scene of volleyball prowess. The team of prisoners is attempting to hold their own against Big Jeyb and his team, Whale of a Tail, but having a tough time. Even though it is a five versus six game, the talent and athletic prowess of the Herglic’s organization is making quick work of the enemy team. You see Endo with a green-soaked bandage on his back go and talk to HK who is refereeing, buying Jeyb time to grab one of the other team by the head, lift them up, and crush their face with his massive hand. They fall to the ground unconscious. HK sees them laying on the ground, their nose leaking blood, and says:

NICK (as HK): What an unfortunate accident. It appears the competition proved too much for them.

NICK: Soon after, Jeyb slams a spike over the net leaving a mushroom cloud of sand and a slightly smoking crater on the opposing side. The game ends, and a short break is called while HK rounds up prisoners to fill in the new hole in the court. You all have observed this, and you know that your next game will be against Big Jeyb and team.

HUDSON: Easy-peasy, right?

CAMERON: What’s the makeup of Big Jeyb’s team? So, Big Jeyb’s a Herglic, Endo’s a Tognath, who else is on that team?

NICK: Big Jeyb’s team, Whale of a Tail, has a very scary-looking Human. They look very fast and very sharp was the only way you can think about it. They have a Bith, one of those lightbulb-headed aliens with the weird little squeaky mouths. What else do we want to be on there? Anything y’all wanna see?

CAMERON: A Selkath.

NICK: Oh come on.

[laughter]

NICK: Cool, they have a Selkath who appears to be suffering mightily in the heat and sand, being an amphibious alien.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: And a…

CAMERON: A Besalisk.

NICK: Yeah, let’s do a Besalisk, those are fun, which is a four-armed brawny alien that looks like it has kind of a turkey head. They are usually bad news and pretty strong and combative and scary. So, it’s a strong team. They look to have a varied level of skill and organization in a way that will be hard to identify any particular weaknesses.

Y’all are sitting beside the court. There’s been a break as you see people trying to scramble and fill the sand back in so the next game can happen, and you have a little time.

CAMERON (as Karma): So Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah?

CAMERON (as Karma): While I must say, that was a very impressive throw…

HUDSON (as Tink): Mm-hmm. Thank you!

CAMERON (as Karma): …and I’m greatly shocked that it was successful, so can’t fault you there, however I feel like that may not have been the smartest move having met that guy before.

HUDSON (as Tink): I think that it was a strategic move, and we’re gonna see how it plays out in the end.

CAMERON (as Karma): I feel like it’s gonna end up with you getting shanked.

LILIT (as Xianna): We also could have used the shiv on somebody else.

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean, it would take, like, a bunch of shivs to kill Big Jeyb. He’s big.

NICK: [splutters]

LILIT (as Xianna): Well not if you aim well.

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh… yeah, I guess if you go right for the c-carotin vein.

LILIT (as Xianna): That is not a thing.

CAMERON (as Karma): The what?

HUDSON (as Tink): No, it’s the carotin vein. It’s the one that has the most blood going through it.

NICK: Ziller leans down from where he’s sitting on the bleachers where you all are.

NICK (as Ziller): Hey brother. We talking about killing Big Jeyb?

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh, anecdotally, yes. I was talking about killing Big Jeyb with many shivs.

NICK (as Ziller): Yeah, I think Tink has a good point. With a Herglic like that, probably the only way to bring him down with weapons available would be maybe hitting him in the carotene artery.

CAMERON: [snickers]

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s almost what I said. I was wrong, it’s the carotene artery. Sorry everyone.

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t think any of that is right.

HUDSON (as Tink): Are you a doctor? I’m sorry, did you study?

LILIT (as Xianna): No, but I have stabbed people before.

CAMERON (as Karma): I didn’t think I was that far off in my Herglic anatomy, but it’s been a while since school, so maybe I’m forgetting something, but that doesn’t sound familiar to me at all.

LILIT (as Xianna): No.

HUDSON (as Tink): Just trust me on this one.

LILIT (as Xianna): No.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: Tadzi is standing near Xianna.

NICK (as Tadzi): So if it’s a carotene artery, does that mean it’s filled with fingernails? Because that’s gross.

CAMERON (as Karma): Blue, do you know what the kriff Tink and Ziller are talking about?

NICK (as Blue): I’m gonna be honest, I have no idea what they’re talking about. I think they’re making it up.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay. That makes me feel better.

NICK: Yeah, so you are all standing around, and Tadzi looks to Xianna and says:

NICK (as Tadzi): Xiann, any ideas on how to get past these? This is gonna be pretty hard.

LILIT (as Xianna): I was kind of just hoping that the power of friendship would pull us through this game.

CAMERON: [snickers]

LILIT (as Xianna): Maybe some light cheating. Can we bribe the referee?

NICK (as Tadzi): Do you have something that assassin droid is interested in?

LILIT (as Xianna): Possibly. I don’t know. I will have to talk to them.

NICK (as Tadzi): Okay, well there’s not much time until this game. If you’re gonna try to bribe the ref I’d do it soon.

LILIT: So Xianna gets up and starts sauntering over to HK.

NICK: HK is talking to Big Jeyb over by the net, and HK says:

NICK (as HK): Calming Statement: The rules were being upheld. Your second in command was holding a weapon. Their removal followed the letter of the law. That is my job as referee, and also theoretically as a prison guard. Thank you.

NICK (as Jeyb): That’s a pile of bullshit. I hate you so much. I’m going to make sure that you don’t have a job anymore, because they don’t hire droids that don’t have a head. I’m implying I’ll kill you.

NICK (as HK): Threat acknowledged. Please prepare for the next game.

NICK: And Big Jeyb stomps off, shaking the ground.

LILIT (as Xianna): HK~! HK.

NICK (as HK): Reluctant Greeting: Hello Xianna.

LILIT (as Xianna): I have a proposition for you. What if you rule things in our favor and help us win the game and make sure that the other team, a Whale of a Tail, loses?

NICK: HK slouches a little and puts his hands on his hips.

NICK (as HK): What’s in it for me, Xianna?

LILIT: Xianna reaches up and puts two hands on the side of HK’s face and leans in really close and whispers.

LILIT (as Xianna): We will riot, and you may kill so many people.

CAMERON & HUDSON: [chuckles]

NICK (as HK): Processing. Processing. Process—Wow, it seems like my ocular sensors are starting to malfunction. I just can’t get a clear view of the court. It seems to only be on the left side, though. Hmm, interesting. That seems to be the side the Ball Slappers are assigned to. Hmm. Oh well, it’s probably nothing.

NICK: HK begins to whistle mechanically and turn around.

LILIT (as Xianna): Bye HK~ We will meet up with you later.

NICK (as HK): Do not fraternize with the guards, prisoner, or I will be forced to stun you, again.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. Bye guard who I do not know at all. Bye~

NICK (as HK): Thanks Xianna.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT: Xianna skips back to where everyone else is sitting.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie! I have worked out a deal with HK, and he is always going to make rulings in our favor and help us win, so that is my contribution to this. Everyone else needs to carry their own weight.

NICK (as Blue): Was that a dig at your Herglic teammate? Because that seems kind of low, even for you, short stuff.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, it was not. I forgot that we even had a Herglic on our team.

[laughter]

HUDSON (as Tink): Wait. Why aren’t you remembering all our teammates? What, are you not a team player?

LILIT (as Xianna): Maybe.

NICK (as Tadzi): Xianna, we’re literally standing right here.

CAMERON (as Karma): Blue is an integral part of our team.

LILIT (as Xianna): I am sorry, Blue. I did not realize that everyone here was on the team. I am so sorry. I thought maybe you were like a team manager or something of that nature. I do apologize.

NICK (as Filbert): Nah, she’s got a good point! I’m not on the team, and I’ve been standing over here too.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ugh…

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh… God damn it.

CAMERON (as Karma): Well yeah, because you’re a talent scout, right though, Filbert?

NICK (as Filbert): Yup, looking for the next big thing. Looks like the Pecan Sandys’ heyday has passed.

LILIT (as Xianna): They are so old.

CAMERON (as Karma): You do have very good jackets, though.

NICK (as Filbert): Well thank you.

LILIT (as Xianna): I did not mean it. I’m sorry.

NICK (as Blue): It’s okay, apology accepted, and I look forward to destroying the other team with you.

LILIT (as Xianna): Good. What is everybody else’s plan for helping us cheat?

CAMERON (as Karma): I’m going to icepick people.

LILIT (as Xianna): Wonderful, A+.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as Tadzi): Solid plan.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, what do you have?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, I was gonna dig holes to make booby-traps, but I’m starting to think that I would get caught very quickly.

LILIT (as Xianna): On our side or their side?

CAMERON (as Karma): What side of the court?

HUDSON (as Tink): Their side, like they take a few steps forward, fall in, can’t get out. Hole’s too deep.

LILIT (as Xianna): You would need to be doing that now. They’re already filling in the court.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh…

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t know if you’re gonna have time for that, buddy.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright, bad plan. Uh… Does sand getting wet make bad play for them?

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, it’s not ideal. Are you going to pee on their side of the court or something?

CAMERON: [chuckles]

HUDSON (as Tink): Nooo… I was going to use another liquid source, of course.

CAMERON (as Karma): Of course.

LILIT (as Xianna): Sure, if you say so.

NICK (as Tadzi): That’s concerning. Why did you call it a liquid source? Nobody calls wet things liquid source. I’m very upset.

CAMERON (as Karma): I guess if the sand got wet it would decrease the amount of shock that was absorbed when people jumped back down, which could cause some knee injuries.

NICK (as Ziller): But they’d also have more traction, brother. That could be an issue. They may be able to move faster if you pee down the court.

CAMERON (as Karma): True, but just happenstance, if it was pee and it smelled really bad too or was a chemical weapon…

HUDSON (as Tink): [softly] Oh…

NICK (as Ziller): Oh yeah, well that would just be if me and Tink did it. It’s a very well-known trait of Gigorans that our pee is caustic and horrifying.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. How quickly would blisters form on their feet? I don’t know… No, they’d be wearing shoes. What if they fell on it?

NICK (as Ziller): Well, so it is a pretty basic substance, so it’s pretty slippery.

CAMERON (as Karma): But you just said that they would have more traction! [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): You also used the word caustic.

NICK (as Ziller): No, if you wet it down with a different liquid source it would be more traction.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ohh…

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh! Okay. I’m just gonna back out of this conversation. Y’all can keep going.

NICK (as Ziller): Yes, I am also uncomfortable with us talking about my urine.

HUDSON (as Tink): My only other idea involved hot air balloons and crossbows, and in no way can I get that in the next few minutes.

LILIT (as Xianna): That is not how that works.

NICK: So, Blue gathers you all around into a huddle.

NICK (as Blue): So, it’s about time that we pick who’s gonna play what this time. I know last time Tadzi took some hits. Karma, you’re swelling up a little bit where you got hit.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, no, I’m fine.

NICK (as Blue): Oh, wonderful, great then.

CAMERON (as Karma): It’s just a flesh wound.

NICK (as Blue): We just need to know who’s going to do what. I volunteer to be a Blocker again. No problems there. Ziller seems to have been pretty effective as a Defensive Expert, he’s got some good advice, but you all make the call, you all convinced us to play.

LILIT (as Xianna): I do not remember what position I was last time.

CAMERON (as Karma): I believe you were a Setter.

LILIT (as Xianna): Did I do good?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yes.

LILIT (as Xianna): Then I should just do that again.

CAMERON (as Karma): Agreed.

HUDSON (as Tink): As the leader of this team, I will delegate part of my responsibilities to Karma to pick the rest of the positions.

[laughter]

CAMERON (as Karma): So, thinking through this, the Blockers are basically there to serve as the front line and to try to make it so that the Setters don’t get injured. I don’t think there’s any way that Tink is not going to be attacked during this game, as he did throw a shiv and piss off the other team already, so I’d say putting him as a Blocker makes a lot of sense, because he’s gonna get hit anyway. Like, if we keep what we had last time of Tadzi and Xianna being the Setters, Ziller do Defensive Specialist, and the rest of us be Blockers, that’s probably how most people are gonna be attacked anyway.

NICK: Tadzi looks at you with respect in their eyes.

NICK (as Tadzi): Dang Karma, that’s stone cold.

CAMERON (as Karma): Well, I’m not concerned really about me and Blue. I think we’re fine, as we’ve established us being very strong.

HUDSON (as Tink): [indignant] I’m strong.

CAMERON (as Karma): I know, but you didn’t work out with me and Blue, so you don’t have the same strong rep going.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, I got it.

CAMERON (as Karma): And I know, Tadzi, when you agreed to join the team one of your top priorities was not dying, so, you took a few hits, I think putting you as a Setter—you’re very coordinated, I’ve seen you move, so I think you’re good staying there, and then hopefully you don’t get hit again so that you get out of this without any big issues.

NICK (as Tadzi): I’m a big fan of not getting hit, don’t get me wrong, just to go “hey, I think our friend’s in danger, let’s put him where he’s easier to hit to serve the team,” that’s just some solid logic but not some solid caring about people. I’m just impressed, that’s all.

CAMERON (as Karma): I have a lot of faith in Tink. He is a doctor.

HUDSON (as Tink): I am a doctor.

LILIT (as Xianna): We have to stop telling him that. He is not, and the longer we keep telling him he is the worse it’s going to get, and he’s going to start talking about carrot arteries and stuff.

HUDSON (as Tink): Carrot arteries? That’s the combination of medical practice and cooking, and I’m not there yet. I’m going into that field.

CAMERON (as Karma): What? What? No.

LILIT (as Xianna): What…?

HUDSON (as Tink): Carrot arteries.

CAMERON (as Karma): No.

LILIT (as Xianna): No…

CAMERON (as Karma): Anyway. Ziller does work in the clinic, so I’m assuming Ziller at least has some training.

NICK (as Ziller): Mostly they just make me carry heavy stuff, but I do appreciate the vote of confidence.

CAMERON (as Karma): If it comes to carrying Tink, he is heavy, and there you go, that’s your skillset.

NICK (as Ziller): Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night putting our brother Tink in danger, you go right ahead.

NICK: It sounds like Xianna and Tadzi are going to be Setters, Tink, Karma and Blue are gonna be Blockers, and Ziller will be the Defensive Specialist again. Is that your plan?

CAMERON: Yes.

HUDSON: Yes.

NICK: Okie-dokie.

CAMERON: Before we leave our huddle, who is still armed? I have an icepick. I know Tadzi had a selection of…

HUDSON: Shivs.

CAMERON: …sharp pointy objects.

NICK: Yeah.

NICK (as Tadzi): I have one left. It’s a sharpened vibro-spoon. Tink threw the other one. I only had three, and I don’t think anyone else had any weapons.

CAMERON (as Karma): Tink, would you like to replace your sharp stabby object as you are a melee expert so having one would probably be beneficial to you?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, let’s do it, I’ll take one.

NICK: It’s the handle of the spoon that’s sharpened, not the scoopy part of a spoon. Technical term, scoopy part.

CAMERON: Oh yeah.

NICK: Tadzi hands it towards Tink, and as he goes to reach for it they pull it back.

NICK (as Tadzi): Now Tink, are you gonna throw this one away? Because finding these is actually not super easy. I spent a lot of time, and you just gave a weapon to the other team. Granted, you did it pointy-end-first, which was pretty cool, but I want this back.

HUDSON (as Tink): When you fight with shivs and other type of weapons, sometimes you lose the weapon in the enemy.

NICK (as Tadzi): You didn’t answer my—Are you going to give this back to me? Because I want it back.

HUDSON (as Tink): Philosophically speaking…

CAMERON: [laughs] Gosh.

HUDSON (as Tink): …is it really yours in the first place, or is it the universe’s?

CAMERON (as Karma): It’s Tadzi’s.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh.

NICK (as Tadzi): Xiann, can you please make sure that your big hairy friend gives me back my stabbing spoon?

LILIT (as Xianna): [weakly] Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah?

LILIT (as Xianna): [more pointed] Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yes Xianna?

LILIT (as Xianna): You have to give it back.

HUDSON (as Tink): What if I use it?

CAMERON (as Karma): Then hold onto it.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh…

CAMERON (as Karma): Stab in, pull back out. Keep a hold on it.

LILIT (as Xianna): You don’t have to throw it. You can just hold it in your hand, and do the stabby, and then keep it in your hand. Or, you throw it, do the stabby that way, but then you go get it afterwards.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm.

CAMERON (as Karma): But please don’t throw it, that should not have worked last time.

HUDSON (as Tink): It was pretty cool though, right?

CAMERON (as Karma): It was very cool, but that should not have worked.

NICK: We flash back to the blade tumbling through the air in slow motion and sinking deep into Endo’s back, and a slight mist of green blood, and we jump back to the present.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, that was badass.

NICK: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright, you get the shiv back when I’m done.

NICK (as Tadzi): Thank you, Tink. I respect you as a combatant and a volleyball player… and a doctor, I guess.

LILIT (as Xianna): Eh.

HUDSON (as Tink): Well thank you. I don’t get enough respect as a doctor.

CAMERON (as Karma): There may be reasons for that. Anyway, let’s volleyball! [claps]

NICK: [smiling] We end with Karma saying “anyway, let’s volleyball,” and clapping, and there’s a delayed clap from everyone else out of sync as they try to break the huddle, and it doesn’t go very well.

[laughter]

NICK: You set up on the left side of the court. You notice that one of HK’s ocular sensors is blinking rapidly. Either it’s malfunctioning or he thinks that’s how winking works. It’s hard to tell. You all set up with Karma, Blue and Tink in the front, Ziller stuck in the middle, and Tadzi and Xianna kind of on the outliers towards the back, ready to go, and before we roll to see how this volleyball game goes, who is going to be violent?

CAMERON: I am violencing.

NICK: You are violencing with your icepick?

CAMERON: Indeed.

NICK: How sneaky are you being?

CAMERON: Medium.

NICK: Like a three out of five?

CAMERON: [chuckling] Yes.

NICK: Okay, so that’s an average Stealth check, please.

CAMERON: [chuckling] Medium sneakitude.

NICK: But you can have two blue dice, because HK is very much not looking.

CAMERON: And I can have I believe another two blue dice for my Stalker talents. Actually, I wanna do a hard Stealth.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: I’mma be even sneakier.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: Nice. Two of those purples came up blank. [laughs] Six successes, four advantages.

NICK: Wow! Good job.

HUDSON: Wow.

NICK: You are completely not seen, probably not even by the other team very well. Nobody notices that you’re actively assaulting the other team, and you are not sacrificing any sort of efficacy of your attack in an attempt to not be seen. You are just very good at both, and you can have, with those advantages, an extra two blue dice for your violence roll, which will be made at easy. You can do a Melee attack, I would assume you would want to do.

CAMERON: Yeah, I think an icepick is Melee.

NICK: Cool.

CAMERON: Can I have another blue die because whoever I’m stabbing hasn’t stabbed anyone else yet?

NICK: Well this is throughout the course of the game.

CAMERON: [giggling] Can I stab them first?

NICK: I mean, if you wanna do it right at the beginning, yeah, I’ll give you a blue die. You had enough stealth advantages that I don’t think you have to wait for your moment.

CAMERON: Yeah, I wanna take someone out like immediately.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: Do-do-do, and that purple came out blank. Lovely. Five successes, two advantages, and a triumph.

NICK: Oh. Well. Two advantages is enough to crit with an icepick. A triumph is enough to crit, again. If an icepick is +1 damage, how much damage is that total?

CAMERON: Nine.

NICK: Nine damage and a crit with +10.

CAMERON: I have 3 ranks of Lethal Blows.

NICK: So +40 to the crit roll?

HUDSON: Ooh.

NICK: Go ahead and roll your +40 crit.

CAMERON: That is a 19.

NICK: Plus 40.

CAMERON: Mm-hmm.

NICK: So 59.

LILIT: On a 59 that is Agonizing Wound: Increase difficulty to Brawn: Agility checks until the end of encounter.

NICK: Ooh, so you don’t take this opposing player out, but you are going to hurt them very badly and very much impact their performance. They will have to go to the clinic after this. They manage to stay up, but only because they’re more scared of Big Jeyb than they are of you. Which one are you attacking? Out of the front line it’s Big Jeyb, the Selkath and the Besalisk.

CAMERON: I’m gonna do the Besalisk.

NICK: The Besalisk? Yeah.

CAMERON: Yeah.

NICK: Cool. Is anybody else cheating or doing violence?

HUDSON: I’m saving my violence for defensive actions whenever someone inevitably comes after me.

NICK: Okay. So to do that, why don’t you make me the Stealth check and pick how overt you wanna be at using your shiv to defend yourself, and I’ll make that so that when people try to attack you that they have a lot of minuses if you do well.

HUDSON: Oh, okay. I’m gonna make it three purple.

NICK: Okay, and don’t forget you get two blue dice because HK is not really looking.

HUDSON: Yeah.

NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: One advantage. Heh.

NICK: So, throughout the course of this match you’re going to attempt to defend yourself. I think you lose the shiv very quickly. You’re not going to be removed from the game, because you didn’t fail, but also because the other team also helps the fact that you have a weapon stay hidden because a valid defensive strategy for you would have been to be caught with a weapon so they take you out of the game so you don’t get hurt, so they also make sure no one sees it, and that’s gonna give them some advantages trying to attack you here.

HUDSON: [laughs] Alright.

NICK: That’ll be bad. Xianna, are you just straight playing volleyball or are you trying to do anything?

LILIT: Xianna’s going a similar route to Tink and will mostly be playing straightforward volleyball but also be on the defensive and paying more attention to not getting hurt by the other team than doing anything to them.

NICK: Okay. Yeah, this is a good idea for you, because if anyone tries to attack you it will be with Melee and that’ll be bad for you.

LILIT: I will do three for a hard check.

NICK: Okay.

LILIT: So this is two failures and seven advantages?

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: What?!

LILIT: So I am going to use my talent, Natural rogue, and once per session reroll any one Skulduggery or Stealth check.

NICK: Yeah, you probably don’t wanna go to solitary right now.

LILIT: Oh, much better. Okay. I like this a lot more.

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT: One triumph with a success, three additional successes, and an advantage.

NICK: Wow, okay. With that level of a Stealth check on this, do you want to just make it that no one is able to get near you because you’re so quick on your feet and everything? You will not be attacked this round at all.

LILIT: Yes.

NICK: Okay.

LILIT: Nobody is able to get near me, and through the power of friendship and perseverance Xianna is able to play at a level that was not previously thought of before.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT: Just perfect form, pure precision and athleticism. Peak performance.

CAMERON: Such focus.

NICK: So, now that we have all set our violence levels and Xianna has violenced defensively to a point where she is almost impossible to find on her side of the court, I need everybody to roll their volleyball checks! For the Blockers, Tink and karma, I need you to roll Athletics. For Xianna, I need you to roll Coordination. All of these checks will have two blue dice added because of Ziller’s expert leadership, and let’s see how this turns out. Average difficulty.

CAMERON: Okie-doke.

HUDSON: Ooh.

LILIT: Xianna’s volleyball check is a triumph with a success, three additional successes, and five advantages.

NICK: Wow!

CAMERON: Karma’s check is three successes and an advantage.

NICK: Very good.

HUDSON: Two advantages.

CAMERON: [softly] Oh buddy.

NICK: Oh buddy. Well sir.

HUDSON: Rip.

LILIT: F.

[jazz music starts setting a dangerous mood]

NICK: So, this volleyball game is fiercely competitive, and by fiercely competitive I mean it’s basically just a straight fight. The ball often times gets hit high into the air where it disappears into the rapidly spreading darkness as the sun has set just before this game started. While it’s in the air you all are attacked and forced to defend.

Xianna, whenever you can tell the other team is about to try to run under the net to do something you manage to be on a different part of the court. There is probably a point where Xianna is on the enemy’s side of the court because all of the enemy team is on your side of the court. It’s like you’re orbiting, they can never get near you, and you are all over the place just kicking butt and taking names. You are very, very good at volleyball.

Karma, you destroy this Besalisk. [laughs] At the beginning of the game, Ziller goes for the first serve and as everyone’s watching the ball in the air you pull this icepick out and just jam it into the Besalisk’s quad and rake it up his side. You tear open his prison jumpsuit and several layers of muscle and skin, and he drops to one knee, and he’s bleeding pretty heavily. HK sees that, and you hear him go…

NICK (as HK): [robotic casual whistling]

NICK: …as he whistles and doesn’t pay attention. The Besalisk is unable to contribute to this. You have inhibited his athletic ability enough with this really bad injury that he can’t really do much. He hits the ball a couple of times, but he’s not able to help set anything up. He’s not able to attack anybody. You pretty much completely negate this one from the fight. So good job.

Tink. Old buddy old pal. So, you’re trying to play volleyball [laughs], and I think we see Tink’s extremely nervous face as the volleyball game begins, and Endo, the Tognath that you threw a shiv at last game—

HUDSON: Successfully targeted a shiv at.

NICK: Yes you did.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: You hit with a shiv, this is true, and he is painfully aware of that fact. It seems like no matter where you set up on the court he sets up across from you. You’ve switched with Blue a couple of times, you’ve switched with Karma once or twice, and even the injured Besalisk will limp out of the way to allow Endo to set up across from you. You get the feeling very early on that he’s probably going to try to kill you.

[jazz music ends]

Cameron, if you could roll me three yellows and a green versus a hard difficulty check, please, and if you could also give him a blue die… and you know what, flip my dark side point, let’s make that four yellows.

CAMERON: Oof… Two successes, an advantage, and a triumph.

NICK: Ooh, okay. I need you to roll me a crit +20, please.

CAMERON: Fifty-four, so 74.

LILIT: A 74 is Hamstrung: Lose free maneuver until end of encounter.

NICK: Okay, so  Hudson.

HUDSON: Yes?

NICK: Tink takes 8 damage, but this is Pierce 4, so you lose 4 Soak. So throughout this volleyball game Endo is just always next to you. It doesn’t really matter where the ball is, it doesn’t really matter what’s happening with the game, Endo has just pretty much negated you and him from this game. You make eye contact with his weird coin eyes a couple of times.

NICK (as Endo): I told you I’d remember this.

NICK: And about halfway through the game he plants what feels like some sort of rod of burning flame—you’re not sure exactly what it is—into your side and drags it down through your leg and manages to short it out. This is your robotic leg. So, it’s still functioning, but it’s definitely having some problems. As he pulls back, you can see him sheathing what basically looks like a length of rebar that has a battery stuck to it.

HUDSON: [chuckles]

CAMERON: Ooh, I want it.

NICK: It’s like a burning prod that he shoved into your side, and it hurts really, really, really, really bad, and you are not able to contribute much to the game at all.

HUDSON: Ow.

NICK: And as the game continues on, you all are losing. You all are not able to do much with this. Sure, Karma was able to stop the Besalisk from really contributing, but Big Jeyb is a force to be reckoned with, and Endo, after having stabbed Tink, is almost as quick as Xianna is everywhere, and the last thing we see is Tink setting up to try to block a spike from Big Jeyb and the ball hitting him in the face and the ball driving Tink backwards without bouncing off of him into the ground. Again, there’s a mushroom cloud of sand…

[over-the-top explosion noise with sand settling]

…and HK says from his point on the sidelines:

NICK (as HK): Unfortunately there is no way that I can declare Ball Slappers the winner. Whale of a Tail has won by two sets.

NICK: You all gather what the rest of your team is looking like, and everybody is a little bruised. Xianna isn’t, Karma isn’t, but Blue definitely took some hits. Tadzi is still trying to recover from the last one. Even Ziller looks like he’s been pretty beat up. You all lost the game.

NICK (as HK): Whale of a Tail is the winner. I am regretful to award them this bucket of prison hooch, and these packets of flaming hot Spunyuns, and this drastically reduced amount of credits.

NICK: HK pulls out a sack and drops it down. He called it a bucket of prison hooch, but it’s like a keg of hooch. It’s actually quite a bit.

NICK (as Jeyb): All according to plan. Good job, Endo, for making the other team so intimidated. You’ll always be my number two.

NICK: They pick up the stuff and they start to walk away as the rec yard is closing for the night.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hey y’all, I think I wanna kill Endo.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie. What if we kill Endo and Jeyb and Falx all at once?

CAMERON (as Karma): All at once?! [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): We invite them to a party and kill them all at the same time. We make it look like some sort of fight. The murder passion… A passion murder! A murder of passion! Some sort of argument and they all stab each other and they died.

CAMERON (as Karma): I can’t see any possible reality where Falx wins or injures Big Jeyb and Endo, actually.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well yes, we would make it look as if Big Jeyb and Endo stabbed Falx and then stabbed each other.

CAMERON (as Karma): Why would they do that, though?

LILIT (as Xianna): There’s a lot of reasons why people might stab Falx. He is annoying—

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh no, no-no-no, I wasn’t asking about that part. That part made sense. [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): A love triangle.

HUDSON (as Tink): We can start rumors.

LILIT (as Xianna): We start a rumor that they are all in a love triangle, and like a real love triangle, not a bullshit one where it’s really a V, like they are all actually in love with each other all three ways which makes a real triangle.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm.

LILIT (as Xianna): I hate it when it is two people in love with the same person. That is a V shape!

CAMERON (as Karma): Yup, not a triangle.

LILIT (as Xianna): You know, that letter V that is in Aurebesh.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, it can be a Y.

LILIT (as Xianna): That is four people, and three of them are all in love with one person.

CAMERON (as Karma): The Y is what happens when you have three people in love and then the one on the bottom of the Y is gonna be the one that gets chosen.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, one person.

CAMERON (as Karma): Because there’s gonna be some bullshit reason why the top two can’t be the chosen one, like they’re gonna do something dumb and there’s gonna be a dumb reason the author uses for why they can’t love them anymore.

NICK (as Ziller): Oh, it’s like when there’s the Shistavanen and they’re really the good person, but then they decide to go with the strange creature that’s immortal instead?

CAMERON (as Karma): What?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, that is correct. But yes, so we would just make it look like it was a real full triangle and they were all in love with each other, and then Falx did something stupid. We don’t really need to figure out why Endo and Jeyb stabbed each other. We can just make it up.

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t like the idea of fighting them all at once, because I saw how Jeyb and Endo were in that volleyball game, and I think the three of us versus one of them is gonna be a better idea than trying to fight both at the same time.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well we don’t have to kill all of them at the same time, so we stab Falx, and then we invite Endo into the room and we stab Endo, and then we invite Big Jeyb into the room and we stab Big Jeyb. We do it one at a time!

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t feel the need to kill Falx. I don’t…

NICK (as Ziller): This is a great plan, brother. Can I just suggest that we kill Jeyb first and then we can kill other people after that?

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh yes, get the worst one out of the way.

CAMERON (as Karma): No, see, I really wanna kill Endo first.

NICK (as Ziller): I could accept killing Endo and then Jeyb, and then we’ll figure out the whole Falx thing a little later.

CAMERON (as Karma): I’m feeling rather murderous, and this is kind of weird for me, but I really want Endo’s weapon before I try to fight Big Jeyb.

NICK (as Ziller): Oh, that’s a good point.

CAMERON (as Karma): Because that sounded and looked really powerful when he stabbed Tink. Also, Tink, how are you doing?

HUDSON (as Tink): [groans] Uh… leg no work. Um, pain, and suffering?

CAMERON (as Karma): Hmm.

NICK (as Ziller): Well, the good news, brother, is it looks like your leg cauterized, so that’s nice. You’re not bleeding everywhere.

HUDSON (as Tink): At least it didn’t hit the carotene vein.

CAMERON (as Karma): That’s…

LILIT (as Xianna): Where do you think… I don’t—I don’t even understand what that is about.

CAMERON (as Karma): [defeated] Whatever.

HUDSON (as Tink): It’s by my juggler vein.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t think that is a thing either, but—

HUDSON (as Tink): The jugular?

LILIT (as Xianna): You said juggler.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, the juggler.

CAMERON (as Karma): No… the jugular?

HUDSON (as Tink): Juggler.

CAMERON (as Karma): … No.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie.

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Maybe you should just go to the infirmary.

HUDSON (as Tink): Why would I want to light anything on fire right now?

CAMERON (as Karma): Maybe you should go to the clinic, where the doctors live.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, I swear to god, I will hurt you even more than you already are. You know what I mean. The infirmary.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, oh, yeah, okay, where you go to get better.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m a little out of it, but I would say… yes, I can make it, I think.

LILIT (as Xianna): Good.

CAMERON (as Karma): It’s probably a good idea to heal up prior to trying to attack anyone else.

NICK (as Ziller): Um… About that, uh… What if we were on some sort of, like, time commitment to do something like that and it needed to happen tonight?

CAMERON (as Karma): Well I would say that it’s very silly to make a time commitment right after a murder volleyball game.

NICK (as Ziller): Maybe we didn’t make the time commitment, but maybe Tink already promised some very powerful people that Jeyb was going to die tonight and that Tink needs to be involved.

CAMERON (as Karma): Are you implying that Falx is a powerful person?

NICK (as Ziller): Tink, you told them?!

HUDSON (as Tink): What? I’ve said that Falx is a power top, but that’s my opinion.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): Really? Are you sure about that? Because I just… I’m not getting that same vibe.

HUDSON (as Tink): It’s speculation on my part.

LILIT (as Xianna): But I mean I guess you can’t for certain tell just by looking at someone, because it’s like very personal information, and you know, you can’t just look at a person and tell those things.

HUDSON (as Tink): Very true. Very true.

LILIT (as Xianna): Because that is just stereotyping… but I’m just not getting those same vibes.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm. Well, either way, yeah I might have told them.

NICK (as Ziller): [disappointed] Tink.

LILIT (as Xianna): I am not sure who was told what information at this point and what information was told to these people, I just feel like whatever was told to whichever people it was incorrect.

CAMERON (as Karma): Ziller, I don’t think you can blame Tink for telling us that Falx is here, because we’re all great friends and we go way back.

NICK: As you are having this conversation, the six of you are pretty much the stragglers heading back to the cell blocks. You are being tracked by these large stun laser cannons. Tadzi and Blue are looking uncomfortable. Ziller is talking animatedly.

NICK (as Ziller): Well, if it’s all on the table, we need to kill Jeyb or Falx is going to make us disappear.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well so Jeyb wants us to kill Falx, which is why I suggest we just kill all of them.

HUDSON (as Tink): Well now that makes more sense.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): That is what I’m saying. If they are all dead, no one can be mad at us.

NICK: [smiling] And I think that’s where we’re gonna end the episode.

CAMERON: [laughs]

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners to find the show, and every time we get one the squad gets warm fuzzies.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites, Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Hot tub hangout, which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

Word document download: S2 Episode 8 The Ball Slappers Strike it Home

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 8:
The Ball Slappers Strike it Home

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

We don’t have very much to talk about this week, but I do want to take a second to thank all of you for your continued support. Your podcast reviews and Patreon support help us to keep going and grow the show, and each one of them is so, so appreciated. Thank you all for being with us on this adventure.

Music credit and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.

So now, let’s get into the episode.

##

NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Season 2 Episode 8. I’m your host and game master, Nick. It’s a beautiful… day.

CAMERON: [laughs sarcastically]

HUDSON: Nah, it’s hot.

NICK: It’s a hot ass day.

LILIT: That is a lie.

NICK: I mean, the sun is out. That’s nice, right?

HUDSON: I like it to be dreary.

CAMERON: [giggles] All I can think of is “Good morning! It’s a beautiful day! The sun is shining. The birds are singing. The tank is clean. [gasps] The tank is clean!”

[laughter]

NICK: I was not expecting Finding Nemo to come up.

CAMERON: Me neither! But that’s where my brain went when you started talking about the weather.

NICK: Great. Well, everybody, let’s go around the table, introduce yourself and say who you’re playing today starting with Nemo. … And by that I mean Cameron.

CAMERON: I don’t think I’d be Nemo.

NICK: Oh, you’d definitely not be Nemo.

CAMERON: Okay. I am Cameron, and I am playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter, and…

NICK: And up next we’ve got Lilit.

LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Great. Last but not least we’ve got Hudson.

HUDSON: Hello. I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: Fantastic. Before we get into things, let’s do the Destiny Roll!

CAMERON: I got two light side.

LILIT: I got two light side.

HUDSON: I got a dark side.

CAMERON: Hey-hey.

NICK: So we got four light side and one dark side?

CAMERON: Indeed.

NICK: Okay. When we last left off you had managed to assemble a crack team of volleyball experts for your prison yard gamble to try to secure materials for a riot and subsequent breakout. We last saw you as you took the court… net?

CAMERON: We took to the sand!

NICK: As you took to the sand for some volleyball out on the prison yard. HK is your referee. The ball is torn and old and worn and maybe has a little bit of metal peeking through parts of the skin. We see Tink and Xianna and Karma and Blue and Ziller and Tadzi’texa all lined up on one side, and you walk to the net to shake hands with the opposing team, and… who’s the opposing team? Y’all got any ideas? Like, I could make one, but just curious if we want anybody specific to show up. I was gonna make Ziller be one of the opposing teams, but y’all recruited him, so…

HUDSON: This is the first in a tournament, right?

NICK: Yeah. You’ve got three or four rounds that you’re gonna have to do.

HUDSON: Okay. So for this team, can it be a group of elderly prisoners?

NICK: Sure.

HUDSON: And then they can be called the Pecan Sandys, because they’re sand.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: That is very good. Also, Filbert is definitely on that team.

HUDSON: [laughing] Filbert’s on the pecan Sandys?

NICK: Yeah.

HUDSON: How old is Filbert?!

NICK: Like a bajillion years old.

HUDSON: [laughs]

CAMERON: Filbert’s a Yoda.

NICK: Yeah.

HUDSON: Oh, that’s right, that’s right. Okay, I forgot that.

CAMERON: They either come in baby or in old.

NICK: There’s no middle ground.

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT: Is Filbert like middle-aged?

NICK: I think he’s like reasonably old. It’s hard to tell. He has white hair.

LILIT: So maybe like 700.

NICK: Yeah, somewhere in there.

LILIT: Because Yoda’s like “peace out, I’mma die” old.

NICK: Yeah, and he’s not that old, but he’s not a young whipper-snapper by any means.

[quirky and jaunty music begins]

HUDSON: So the team walks out, and it’s fucking hot outside, right?

NICK: Yeah.

HUDSON: Okay, and they’re wearing leather jackets for some reason, and like dark shades to look cool.

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON: I particularly like the look of the prison jumpsuit with a leather jacket over it.

NICK: Yeah, it’s not a bad look actually. So they come out and it’s all much older prisoners. You see a lot of wrinkles. You see a lot of gray hair. Leading the way is Filbert at his great height of 1 meter tall, and he pulls his sunglasses off and tosses his leather coat.

CAMERON: His sunglasses?

NICK: Yeah, he’s wearing sunglasses.

HUDSON: Yeah, they’re all wearing sunglasses.

CAMERON: God, they’re so cool!

NICK: Yeah, and tosses his sunglasses and coat out of the court.

NICK (as Filbert): Oh well hey! Looks like we’re gonna be playing some volleyball together. That’s a lot of fun.

NICK: Each of you needs to describe one of the other elderly prisoner volleyball players. [laughs]

HUDSON: [laughs]

[quirky music ends]

CAMERON: I think one of them has to be a Herglic, because we’ve established that there’s a weirdly high percentage of Herglics in this prison. It’s a humpback whale Herglic.

NICK: Wow, that’s what I was gonna say.

CAMERON: Ha! Because they look old, right?

NICK: Yeah!

CAMERON: See! We should get married~

NICK: [smiling] Okay.

HUDSON: [chuckles]

NICK: I do!

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON: One of them is a Tusken Raider with a hunchback, and they grumble to themselves and move closer and try to stare people down, but they’re wearing sunglasses so it doesn’t really work because no one really catches eye contact because you can’t catch eye contact with sunglasses.

NICK: Well and they’re wearing sunglasses over their goggles that they have.

HUDSON: Yes they are.

[laughter]

NICK: Great. Lilit, do you have anyone you would like to add to the volleyball team?

LILIT: There is a very old Human lady that has bright purple hair and is just covered in tattoos.

NICK: Cool!

HUDSON: My idea was one of them would walk up and have like a grimace on their face and start snapping their fingers in rhythm, but then someone would try to call their name and they wouldn’t hear them, and they’d be louder.

NICK: [splutters]

HUDSON: “Jezzy! Jezzy, stop that!” And he keeps snapping his fingers, trying to be really intimidating. It doesn’t work. Can’t hear him either.

NICK: It’s a Dug, so they’re snapping their feet fingers too, so it’s weird.

HUDSON: Yeah.

CAMERON: Egh…

LILIT: Corellian-Side Story is next week!

[laughter]

CAMERON: Anyone who’s seen West Side Story knows that snapping as you approach the opposite gang is the most intimidating thing you can do.

NICK: And then the last one is just Burt Reynolds with a mustache chewing some gum looking a little confused. It’s just a Human with salt and pepper dark hair and a jumpsuit.

HUDSON (as Tink): Guys! Guys! That’s Burt Reynolds!

LILIT (as Xianna): Who?

CAMERON (as Karma): Who?

HUDSON (as Tink): Burt Reynolds, the holo actor.

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t know him.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, that’s… In all those movies!

LILIT (as Xianna): Which ones?

CAMERON (as Karma): [smiling] Which ones?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well the only movies I’ve seen him in are all the Gator series.

NICK: You all approach the net to shake hands. While these prisoners seem older than you a few of them seem pretty tough, kind of the same look that Filbert has of somebody who’s been in the system a long time and knows how to get through it, and Burt Raynolds snaps his fingers and pops his gum and winks at y’all’s team and says:

NICK (as Burt): Meet the bayou’s baddest good old boy.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh! He said the thing! Y’all don’t know this? Really?!

LILIT (as Xianna): No, no idea.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh my god, he said the line! Ugh.

CAMERON (as Karma): I kinda missed what he said. I’m sorry. Can you repeat it for me?

HUDSON (as Tink): He said “I’m the gator’s baddest good old boy.” You know, the thing?

CAMERON (as Karma): The what?

LILIT (as Xianna): No, I do not. Tink, nobody watches the weird movies you do.

HUDSON (as Tink): I don’t watch many movies at all, but that series was life changing.

LILIT (as Xianna): I’ve just never heard of it.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah…

HUDSON (as Tink): The Gator Trilogy? Ugh.

CAMERON (as Karma): What’s a gator?

LILIT (as Xianna): Do you mean the Gators Trilogy? With the giant gators? You know, the first one is just Mega Gators, and then the second one is Gatornado.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): And then the third one, Gator VS Mothra.

HUDSON (as Tink): That is not what I’m talking about. That is a very different series I’m assuming.

NICK: HK has been watching you all as you shake hands under the net and walks to the center.

NICK (as HK): Alright, assume your positions. The game will begin momentarily. I definitely know the rules to volleyball.

NICK: We get the shot of your six person team huddling, and the camera angle is up looking up to you all, and you need to assign positions to everyone. Now, the thing about that is you need a Defensive Specialist who rolls Leadership, you need three Blockers who will be rolling Athletics, and you need two Setters who will be rolling Coordination. So who’s doing what?

LILIT: I should be rolling Agility.

NICK: Xianna is a Setter. Okay.

HUDSON: Oh, oh, okay. Yeah. So, I have Coordination. Can I do the other one?

NICK: You could, or you could do the Athletics, or you could do Leadership. Up to you.

HUDSON: Let’s not do Athletics or Leadership. Let’s do Coordination. [laughs] That’s a better chance.

NICK: Okay. Tink and Xianna are the Setters. Karma, what are you doing?

CAMERON: I think I’m probably a Blocker.

NICK: Yeah, probably.

CAMERON: Because that’s Athletics, yeah?

NICK: Yeah, so that leaves you with Blue, Ziller and Tadzi, and they all just kinda look at the three of you because it’s your team. Where do you want them to go?

CAMERON: I think Blue’s a Blocker.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: For the other two I’m torn, because I feel like Ziller would be good for the Defensive Specialist because he was the leader of a gang, so surely he has some leadership skills.

HUDSON: That’s what I was thinking.

CAMERON: But I don’t know if Tadzi’s a good Blocker, and they did express concern about their health.

NICK: Y’all have to make a call.

HUDSON: I think Ziller should be lead.

CAMERON: Yeah. We can rotate around in between games too.

HUDSON: We’ll see how this one goes.

NICK: One might even say that would be a good idea, because the people up front might take some damage in this. Okay, so we see you all assigning positions. Tink and Xianna are Setters, Karma, Blue and Tadzi are Blockers, and Ziller is the Defensive Specialist.

NICK (as Ziller): Great. I’ll make sure we’re all in the right place, brothers.

NICK: And does two thumbs up and just can’t help but glare at Xianna and Karma a little bit, but then winks at Tink. So, here’s the other thing. Would anybody like to try to hurt somebody on the other team?

LILIT: Okay, so there is a question.

NICK: Okay.

LILIT: If Xianna was going to crush up a bag of flaming hot Spunyuns and use that pocket sand style to throw into somebody’s eyes, would that be considered hurting someone?

NICK: Okay, so let’s do it this way. I’m gonna tell you how the rules work and then we’re gonna modify it for that. So, you basically have to pick how overt you wanna be on a scale from one to five. Five would be like you walk under the net and go stab someone, one being super subtle, and then that changes the difficulty of your attack roll. If you say I’m walking over to stab someone, it’s a simple check, like you’re absolutely gonna wreck their mess, but if you say it’s a one it’s super sneaky, you’re not gonna get caught most likely, but it’s gonna be a daunting check.

CAMERON: Oof.

NICK: Then based on how sneaky you are that’s how difficult the Stealth check is, so it’s reversed, so like a five the Stealth check is daunting, a one, the Stealth check is simple, so it’s like you have to set the balance between the two. If you get caught on a Stealth check you can get sent to solitary if you’re killing somebody or made to sit out of the game if you’re getting caught. So like, if you get caught blowing painful powder in someone’s eyes they’ll probably take you out of the game. If you get taken out of the game you don’t get to roll dice to contribute to the pool.

CAMERON: Is five formidable?

NICK: Yeah, so it’s only four difficulty, it’s not five.

CAMERON: Oh okay.

NICK: That’s basically it. So anyway, jumping back into it, you would still have to do a set how subtle you were trying to be with it, but I would let you roll a Skulduggery check instead, and instead of doing damage, depending on how the Skulduggery check did, it would give black dice to the other teams roll, if you would like to do that.

LILIT: That is a thing I will like to do. Yes.

NICK: Cool, because the only way you’re gonna hurt people is Brawl or Melee, and that’s not gonna go well for you.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT: [weakly] Yeah…

NICK: Okay. How subtle are you trying to be, one to five?

LILIT: Like a two.

NICK: Like a two?

LILIT: But, before this happens, Xianna goes up behind Tink and says…

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, Tink, block me for a second.

LILIT: …and hunches behind Tink, and one, just whacks a spot on the jumpsuit and you hear the pop of the bag…

[laughter]

LILIT: …and has now crushed up those Funyuns, and then two, reaches deep into the jumpsuit and pulls out a small bag of impact, because I think she has like one bag left.

NICK: Okay. Now Lilit, before you do impact, this is a three or four round tournament. If you do it in round one you’re gonna be out…

LILIT: Ooh.

NICK: …and you’ll be jonesing by the time you get to the end of the tournament.

LILIT: Wait, do I have one bag or two bags?

NICK: You also promised to pay somebody some impact earlier, so that could be a problem.

LILIT: Yeah, okay. So I’m gonna save that bag.

NICK: Okay.

LILIT: But yeah, so anyways, she smacks the bag, crushing it up, and gets some in her hand. Do these jumpsuits have pockets?

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: Yeah.

LILIT: Puts her hand holding this crushed up Funyun, flaming hot Spunyun dust, and is like holding that in her pocket, and will casually walk up to one of the people and try to fling it in their eyes but in a way where it just kind of looks like she’s moving her hand up to then go itch her head or a lekku.

NICK: Okay. Make me an easy Stealth check. It feels kind of silly to even ask that from you, but that’s okay.

LILIT: Yes. Two successes, two advantages.

NICK: Okay, so you’re good there. You wanna use the advantages to give you some blue dice on your Skulduggery check?

LILIT: Yes.

NICK: Cool, so your Skulduggery is going to be hard.

LILIT: A triumph with a success, another success, and an advantage.

NICK: Wow. Do you wanna use your triumph that you mess up someone’s eyes so much that they’re basically out of the game? Like, that’s a crit, so you could do that if you want.

LILIT: You know, yeah. The powder gets in their eyes and irritates it enough that their eyes are too watery and sore to really see much of anything, and they’re pretty much not gonna be able to be of any use in the game.

NICK: Cool. Who did you attack with this?

LILIT: Oh, yeah… Well probably someone that would have been standing towards the front.

CAMERON: [giggling] Take Filbert out of the game.

HUDSON: [laughs]

CAMERON: The only named character on the other team besides Burt Reynolds.

HUDSON: No-no, Jezzy.

LILIT: Oh! Filbert would actually be one of the easier ones to take out, because he’s so short. He would have been really easy, because you barely have to take your  hand out of your pocket. She can just do a quick little hand motion and then be like yep, not doing anything, and walk away.

NICK: Yeah. You’re standing at the net getting ready to start—most of these checks will happen throughout the game, but this one you do right at the beginning—and you just dump a bunch of flaming hot Spunyun dust into Filbert’s eyes as he sets up in the middle, and he goes…

NICK (as Filbert): AGH! [stammers] My eyes!

NICK: …and just starts walking off of the court, and HK says:

NICK (as HK): The game will commence shortly. Please return to your position.

NICK (as Filbert): Quiet there, tin man. I can’t see.

NICK: And sits down in the dust rubbing at his face and is like crying pink and it’s not good.

LILIT: Xianna has the rest of the bag and is lifting it up to pour all the rest of the dust in her mouth.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh no, Filbert! Did something happen to your eyes? Such a tragedy. Oh no…

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON: [laughing] Karma turns to Tink.

CAMERON (as Karma): You know, sometimes I understand why people shoot her.

NICK: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, I can see it.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Karma or Tink, do you try to do any violence?

HUDSON: I get this serious look on my face and I turn to Karma.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m gonna hurt these people.

CAMERON (as Karma): Good!

HUDSON (as Tink): Hey Jezzy! You old bastard, you suck!

HUDSON: And I try to hurt their feelings.

NICK: So instead of doing violence I’ll let you do psychological attacks, I guess. Roll… Coercion?

LILIT: Leadership!

[laughter]

NICK: I think it’s Coercion.

HUDSON: If it’s Coercion this will be the worst roll ever. What’s the difficulty?

LILIT: Yeah, that’s the only thing I can think of.

CAMERON: Piloting: Planetary?

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: Average.

LILIT: A reverse Charm.

HUDSON: So we’re going one green die versus two purple, everybody. [laughs]

CAMERON: [gasping laugh]

NICK: You wanna flip a light side point?

HUDSON: No, because I kinda wanna know what happens. So if this doesn’t work does it hurt me? Is that what’s going on?

NICK: No. This person’s gonna probably try to hurt you.

HUDSON: Oh, okay. No light side. I’ll roll the dice. Okay, a success and two threats.

[laughter]

NICK: Oh, interesting. You see the Dug who had been snapping at the net earlier brush a tear away from their face and grimace at you, and they seem a little distracted by your hurtful words. Then, you also notice them pull a shiv out of their jumpsuit, check the blade, and put it back.

HUDSON: Ooh.

NICK: Hmm, I wonder what that’ll do. Karma, do you have any violence that you would like to inflict or are you just gonna play volleyball?

CAMERON: I actually have an important question about my character sheet before we start this thing where I could get stabbed. I think I got hit earlier when I fought with Ziller.

NICK: Yep, you sure did.

CAMERON: Are those wounds gone? Because it’s been over four days. I just had 2 wounds.

NICK: Let’s say over four days, yeah, you’re back to full health. That’s fine.

CAMERON: Okay. Cool, that seemed important. I don’t think I’m going to attack at the moment, but I take a defensive stance. If anyone comes after me with any weapon I’m going to try to take the weapon.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: Because I will be far more efficient with a blade.

NICK: Okay, we’ll see how that goes. Alright, so everybody roll your checks, please, but you do get two blue dice, because Ziller’s actually very good at strategy.

CAMERON: Huzzah. Karma has two successes and two advantages.

HUDSON: I ended up with a success and four advantages, but I had four failures that got cancelled.

CAMERON: Dang.

NICK: Wow.

LILIT: Six successes and one advantage.

NICK: Wowza. Hold for math.

HUDSON: [hums Final Jeopardy tune]

LILIT: [hums elevator music]

CAMERON: [chuckles]

HUDSON: [joins Lilit in humming elevator music]

LILIT: [continues elevator music]

HUDSON: [hums Mii Channel tune]

[everyone contributes parts to the Mii Channel tune, laughing throughout]

NICK: Cameron, can you roll me a yellow and two greens at hard difficulty, please?

CAMERON: Sure. Two successes.

NICK: Two successes. Tink, you take 8 damage as the Dug that you {ascended} earlier stabs you in the stomach.

[beach party music begins]

HUDSON (as Tink): Oof!

NICK: And also roll me two yellows and a green? Versus hard difficulty.

CAMERON: [snickers] Two successes with five threats.

NICK: Five threats?!

CAMERON: All of the purples came up threats.

NICK: Okay. So through the course of the game, Burt Raynolds manages to throw several elbows into Tadzi, and they do not enjoy that very much. They take a certain amount of damage, and you can see one of their eyes swelling up, but towards the end Burt turns around to celebrate with his team and Tadzi kicks him in the back of the leg and he falls prone.

[dramatic bass noise]

But the game is kind of a blow-out. Y’all destroy them pretty handily, especially Xianna is just everywhere, all over the net, in the background, just anything that gets hit towards them Xianna is there to knock it back up and is able to set Karma and Blue up for some really just stunning spikes. You all dominate. You’re able to finish it in two sets. They don’t really have a lot of chance to do anything back. You win the game, and HK has you all come to the net to shake hands.

CAMERON (as Karma): Good game. Good game.

NICK (as ???): Good game. Good game.

CAMERON (as Karma): Good game. Good game.

NICK: Tadzi looks like they’re thinking about stabbing Burt, and Blue puts a massive hand on their shoulder.

[beach party music ends]

NICK (as Blue): Not now.

NICK: Tadzi nods determinedly, and Burt looks slightly nervous. Filbert is still sitting on the sidelines rubbing at his eyes because he can’t really see.

NICK (as Filbert): Now all I seem to be able to see is a big light and some shadow.

NICK: And then the Pecan Sandys are defeated by the Ball Slappers and are led off of the court.

HUDSON: I yell at Burt from a distance.

HUDSON (as Tink): Burt! Burt, I loved you in Gator!

NICK: He winks at you and does finger guns.

NICK (as Burt): You get it, because uh… it’s a big hat. It’s funny, because it’s big.

NICK: And then walks away.

[laughter]

LILIT: Xianna’s just sitting there like:

LILIT (as Xianna): I think I am more confused than when we started.

CAMERON (as Karma): What’s happening?

NICK: So, the next game is against two other teams. You’re able to go sit in the shade for a little bit. You’re all kinda sweaty. Tink, you’re bleeding a little bit from where you got sliced. It’s not a deep cut, but it opened you up. You have a little time to talk and strategize before your next game.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, out of the six of us, who is currently armed?

LILIT (as Xianna): I just have bags of Spunyuns.

CAMERON (as Karma): Which are very dangerous.

HUDSON (as Tink): I have three shivs.

CAMERON (as Karma): You have three shivs?!

HUDSON (as Tink): I have three shivs.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh wow!

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah.

CAMERON (as Karma): Why did you not pass those out?!

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh no, Ziller gave them to me.

NICK (as Ziller): Where did you get shivs? I didn’t have any shivs, brother.

HUDSON (as Tink): [chuckling] Wait, was this a dream? Who gave me shivs?

NICK (as Ziller): Show us the shivs.

HUDSON: I pull out straws.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as Ziller): I can see why you would be confused, brother, because they’re long, straight and dangerous, but that’s a straw.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh…

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, you could use them to poke somebody in the eye.

CAMERON (as Karma): I mean, does it still count as a melee weapon though?

NICK (as Ziller): I think, definitely, that would not count as a melee weapon.

CAMERON (as Karma): Dang!

[laughter]

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m sorry y’all, I hope this wasn’t too disappointing, but if we get celebration drinks later I’m ready.

NICK (as Tadzi): I have like three or four shivs. Do you need one?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yes please~

NICK: Tadzi pulls their jumpsuit open a little and just starts pulling out—it looks like a sharpened CD-ROM, and a vibro-spoon with the handle sharpened down to a spike, and just a straight icepick.

NICK (as Tadzi): Take your pick.

CAMERON (as Karma): I want the icepick.

NICK (as Tadzi): Alright. That’s a good one. Don’t get it confiscated. I  had to do a lot to get that.

CAMERON (as Karma): I won’t, hopefully.

NICK: And they spin the icepick on their fingers and hand it to you hilt-first.

CAMERON: Huzzah. I put it into my jumpsuit.

NICK (as Ziller): So that went pretty good, but Xianna, I think you were moving a little too much. Remember, this is a marathon not a sprint.

NICK (as Blue): Also, if I could get the ball more I’d really like to work on giving people concussions with my attacks. I think that’s very important.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh! That is a good plan. Not the me having less energy part, don’t worry about that, but giving you the ball to give people concussions, very fun, in like a terrible long-term damage kind of way.

NICK (as Ziller): Tink, I noticed that you did exactly as well as we thought you might, and I appreciate you. I think maybe after this we should go try to meet up with Big Jeyb for no reason. Maybe you’ll have interested him with your athletic prowess.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh… yeah, that’s actually—yeah, Big Jeyb told me he wanted to hear about the game after it was done, and he even taught me a move, the Pick and Roll.

NICK (as Tadzi): When did you meet Big Jeyb?

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh… Uh… The other day.

NICK (as Tadzi): Oh okay, that makes a lot of sense. Well, hopefully you do know Big Jeyb, because if you claim that you do and you don’t, those type of people tend to end up ventilated in the back room of the kitchen.

HUDSON (as Tink): Nah, me and Jeyb, you know, we, we uh… we’re acquaintances at least.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK (as Tadzi): Okay. I’m sure that’ll be fine.

HUDSON: [chuckles]

NICK: We pan away from the bleachers in the shade where you all are sitting and binding your wounds, and we see another volleyball game going on. One of the Blockers falls to one knee from some inexplicable wound that has appeared in their side, and one of the teams is defeated as they slowly run out of players and the two remaining players aren’t able to get to the ball fast enough. HK calls you all over, and it is time for the second game.

NICK (as HK): Welcome to the quarterfinals. Congratulations.

CAMERON (as Karma): Thank you!

HUDSON (as Tink): Thank you.

NICK (as HK): Or no, these would be the semifinals, because there’s only one more game after this. Um…

HUDSON (as Tink): I trust you, HK. It’s whatever you want it to be.

NICK (as HK): And I already ate all the Spunyuns… so it doesn’t really matter.

CAMERON: Karma looks confused.

NICK (as HK): Because I’m a droid, that would be confusing, wouldn’t it?

CAMERON (as Karma): Indeed.

NICK (as HK): Welcome to the semifinals.

[laughter]

NICK (as HK): Congratulations on making it. Your performance awarded you a bye game because we had an uneven number of teams. Please take your positions for the next round.

NICK: You all turn away from HK to see the other team. What do we want this team to be?

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh! We had a bye game. Do you think other people got straight games?

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah! I see what you did there.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): I hope our next one is a gay game.

HUDSON (as Tink): A gay game?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean, it’s already in the name.

LILIT (as Xianna): You are right. Anyways.

LILIT: This team…

NICK: Yeah, what do we want?

LILIT: They have to have a theme.

NICK: Obviously.

LILIT: It is a team of Chadra-Fans.

NICK: [chuckling] Oh no.

CAMERON: [giggles]

LILIT: I think that’s funny.

HUDSON: What’s Chadra-Fan?

LILIT: Little bat people.

NICK: They’re Chadra-Fans, but it’s actually 12 Chadra-Fans and they’re standing on each other’s shoulders.

CAMERON: They’re Chadra-Friends.

NICK: Chadra-Friends! That’s the name of the team!

CAMERON: Yay!

[laughter]

NICK (as HK): Thank you for coming, Chadra-Friends, the reigning champions of the north cell block.

LILIT: Okay, but important question.

NICK: Yeah?

LILIT: Are they obviously two Chadra-Fans standing on top of each other in separate jumpsuits or did they get big jumpsuits to hide the fact that it is two different Chadra-Fans per unit?

NICK: So I was picturing they’re just standing on each other’s shoulders. I don’t know where they would have got big jumpsuits, but we could do that bit if you wanna do that bit.

LILIT: Laundry.

NICK: Yeah. Maybe they all work in the laundry. Okay. You see six abnormally tall Chadra-Fans.

LILIT: [chuckles]

NICK: And you hear what sounds like a twelve-voice squeaking chorus say…

NICK (as Chadra-Fans): We’re gonna win!

NICK: …and they twitch their little noses at you. We get another scene of you all huddling up preparing for the game. How do you assign positioning? Same?

HUDSON (as Tink): I think we should do same this game then switch it up next round based on more evidence.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, I see no reason to switch things up.

CAMERON: How is Tadzi looking?

NICK: Tadzi doesn’t look great. They grimace and say:

NICK (as Tadzi): Yeah, I can take front line again if you want. As long as nobody goes after me too hard I should be able to make it.

LILIT (as Xianna): What if we switch you with somebody else and you can go into the back, just in case you get stabbed again.

NICK (as Tadzi): Yeah, I would rather not get punched anymore, I’m kind of seeing double here, but it’s up to you.

CAMERON: Yeah. I think the person to switch out would be Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Put me in, coach!

CAMERON: Because you’re far more brawny than Xianna for the Athletics check.

LILIT (as Xianna): You are already in. We are just moving you around.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, put me in, inner. Put me in deeper.

CAMERON (as Karma): We’re putting you in front.

HUDSON (as Tink): There we go. That’s what I was looking for.

CAMERON (as Karma): There you go.

HUDSON (as Tink): I just said inner, like in more.

[laughter]

CAMERON: More in.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

NICK: All the way.

CAMERON (as Karma): You are also now the middle person in the front. There you go.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright.

NICK: Great. Is anybody trying to cheat or be violent?

CAMERON: Probably, now that I have a weapon, yes.

NICK: Okay. How overt are you being?

HUDSON: I think it’s pronounced “oveh.”

NICK: [chuckles] Thank you, Hudson.

HUDSON: [laughs]

CAMERON: I’m being a good sneaky, like a, like…

HUDSON: Do decimals to make the math harder. Three and a half.

CAMERON: Like a three and a half sneaky. Um, a four would be hard difficulty, right?

NICK: So you wanna do a two.

CAMERON: Okay.

NICK: Which would make it a hard Stealth check.

CAMERON: Cool. Yes.

NICK: But would make your attack be easy.

CAMERON: Yes, that. And I have 2 ranks of Stalker so I get two blue dice to my Stealth check.

NICK: Nice.

CAMERON: And then, are y’all cool if I flip one of the light side points to upgrade?

LILIT: Sure.

HUDSON: Yeah.

CAMERON: I will do that. Fascinating… So, five advantages and a triumph.

NICK: But no success?

CAMERON: But no success! [laughs] The failures and successes completely evened out.

NICK: So, with that, you’re gonna get seen by HK. Would you like to spend the triumph that he just decides not to remove you or anything?

CAMERON: Yeah.

NICK: And then do you want to have the advantages be blue dice added to other people on the team to do stuff? Does that work for you?

CAMERON: Yes. Yes.

NICK: Okay. So, you, throughout the course of the game, get close to other people and go to stab them, but you have the most dangerous weapon that you can probably get, so they keep taking dives out of the way and yelling really loud, and it makes HK look, and you were going to stab someone in the quad and you make eye contact with HK and he says…

NICK (as HK): Subtle Gesture: Wink.

NICK: …and your triumph means that you don’t get caught.

CAMERON: [laughs] I was gonna say, every time I make eye contact with HK I wink, so.

NICK: Yeah. HK just decides not to call that. So everyone on the other team is so focused on not getting stabbed by Karma, it should be stealthy because the knife is being very subtle, the icepick isn’t flashing in the light or anything, but Karma has also assumed a very obvious fighting stance rather than a volleyball stance, and that’s why the stealth has failed. Just, you look at her and go oh, she’s probably looking to fight someone, and Karma isn’t really looking at the ball that much.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: So everybody else will have a blue die because of that advantage. You can either spend the blue die on your roll to play volleyball or on a violence roll if you wanted to be violent, either way. Xianna or Tink, do either of you want to be violent?

HUDSON: I’m saving my violence for the last game, I think.

NICK: Okay.

LILIT: I don’t think Xianna has anything more to be violent. She’s gonna play normal this time.

NICK: Wow. Okay. So the two of you will get two blue dice added to your other rolls. Tink, you’re rolling Athletics, Xianna, you are rolling…

LILIT: Coordination.

NICK: …Coordination, and Karma, you are rolling Athletics again. Oh yes, and you all have two additional blue dice because of Ziller’s defensive guidance.

HUDSON: Holy crap. The blue were all blank.

LILIT: All four of my blue dice came up blank!

NICK: Aww.

LILIT: It’s okay. That still leaves me with six successes and one advantage, so…

NICK: Geez.

CAMERON: Karma has three successes and three advantages.

HUDSON: Three successes and one advantage.

NICK: Wow! Y’all got good at volleyball.

HUDSON: I’ve been practicing, as I said.

CAMERON: We were using the think method.

NICK: [laughs] So, bad news for Karma.

[beach party music returns]

The brawniest of these supposedly double-height… as the game goes on they start to lose very early, again Xianna is all over the court setting it up, Karma is just idly twirling an icepick when no one’s looking and just making everyone nervous, they’re all looking at that, and the Chadra-Fan across from Karma just walks under the net and pulls out a length of chain and just swings it at her head. You were not expecting this. I need you to roll two yellow and a green at simple difficulty.

CAMERON: Simple is nothing?

NICK: No purple dice.

CAMERON: Can I Dodge in volleyball?

NICK: Yeah, you can Dodge.

CAMERON: Cool, I wanna Dodge.

NICK: So you can add one purple.

CAMERON: I can add one red.

NICK: Oh, because you can Dodge twice.

CAMERON: Because I can Dodge twice.

NICK: Great.

CAMERON: One success, two advantages.

NICK: One success, two advantages. So you take 7 damage as the chain smacks into the side of your head. It hurts, and the Chadra-Fan was not sneaky, and you hear HK make a whistle noise. HK doesn’t have a whistle, it just looks like he broadcasts a recording of a whistle noise, and he holds both hands up towards the sky pointing his little fingers and then points both the fingers at the Chadra-Fan who’s on your side of the net, and the entire rec yard falls quiet, and then the laser turrets in the guard towers make a whining noise, and then as if from four directions at once these massive turbo laser sized bullets smash into the Chadra-Fan that tried to attack you, and they collapse to the ground.

[beach party music ends]

You see as two guards come to drag them away to solitary that multiple Chadra-Fan fall out of the jumpsuit and are carried under the arms, and there were three of them in there.

CAMERON: [laughs] Because it was the buff one.

NICK: Yeah, because it was the buff one. The other Chadra-Fan try their best, but after that their motivation is mostly broken and they just aren’t able to keep up with the onslaught that you all do of just playing volleyball and having one person try to stab them.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: They just didn’t seem to be ready for that strategy. You win again quite handily, and the game is called. As the game ends the Chadra-Fan all pile out of jumpsuits, and you see that all of them were at least two Chadra-Fan in the jumpsuit and walk away dejectedly. The ones that were the head and arms are dragging the jumpsuits behind them like a big cape and look sad.

CAMERON: Aw.

NICK (as HK): Congratulations. Wonderful job defeating the Chadra-Friends. They are a mighty opponent. We are most impressed. As members of the Kajim Regional Incarceration Facility we hope that this has raised morale. You will be qualifying for the finals. Let’s wait and see who that will be.

NICK: You go back over to the bleachers and you watch another game going on.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oof.

CAMERON: Karma is stretching out whatever got hit with the chain.

NICK: Yeah, so it’s like the side of your head, so there’s like a raising welt in the pattern of the chain on the side of your head and towards two of your lekku.

CAMERON: Yeah. She’s separating out head tentacles to find the damaged ones and make sure they’re not touching each other so that they don’t sting.

NICK: Yeah, they got you pretty good.

CAMERON: Eh.

NICK: They got you.

CAMERON: [laughing] They got me.

HUDSON: Is there one team that’s clearly gonna win for the game we’re watching?

NICK: Uh-huh.

HUDSON: Okay. The team that’s clearly going to win, near the end of it as the game ends or as the game is about to end, I sit up a little bit, like not stand up completely in the bleachers but sit up a little bit, and I point over to the opposite end of the rec yard and I say:

HUDSON (as Tink): [gasps] That person’s trying to escape! Look! Look!

HUDSON: And everyone should turn and look, and that’s when I throw a shiv at one of the best players on the team that’s about to win.

CAMERON: [laughing] Oh my gosh. You have no Ranged: Light!

HUDSON: [chuckling] I know.

NICK: You also don’t have a shiv!

HUDSON: Oh wait. I thought I did.

LILIT: You have a straw!

[laughter]

NICK: You could take one from Tadzi. Like, they will absolutely give you one if you explain what you’re going to do.

HUDSON: Alright. Alright.

HUDSON (as Tink): Tadzi, I need a shiv.

NICK (as Tadzi): Why? There’s no one over here.

HUDSON (as Tink): I have a plan. I’m gonna hurt one of the players from the team that’s about to win so that we don’t have to be… It’ll be less suspicious this way. They won’t think it was someone from the audience doing it.

NICK (as Tadzi): Dope. What creative thinking. Here you go.

NICK: They hand you the one that’s the rounded CD-ROM that’s been sharpened.

NICK (as Tadzi): This one flies pretty well. Just be careful.

HUDSON (as Tink): Nice.

NICK: So, make me a Deception check.

HUDSON: Oh thank goodness, I have something in that.

NICK: You’ve put a decent amount of points, because you keep trying to social engineer your hacker rolls.

HUDSON: Yeah.

NICK: This one’s going to be average, but flip me a dark side point.

HUDSON: Oh… One success.

NICK: Hey! Okay. Good for you.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: You stand up, and what do you yell to try to make everybody look the other direction?

HUDSON (as Tink): Hey look! That Herglic’s trying to jump the fence!

[laughter]

NICK: Everyone turns, and the turrets turn, and you see a Herglic with a—Gosh, there’s so many Herglics here.

CAMERON: It’s weird.

NICK: You see a Herglic with the orca pattern just standing over within ten meters of the fence but clearly not, and the orca Herglic goes…

NICK (as Herglic): What…?

NICK: …and then a bunch of guards run and try to tackle them but just kinda slam into them and are just hanging off of the Herglic, and the Herglic shrugs, shedding guards, and says…

NICK (as Herglic): I’m just—Oh, okay.

NICK: …and lays down and puts their arms out so that they don’t get stunned by the giant scary lasers. In the time that’s happening and everyone’s looking at it, go ahead and make me a Ranged: Light check to throw this shiv.

LILIT: [chuckles]

HUDSON: Ha! Alright. What’s the difficulty?

CAMERON: [giggles]

NICK: Probably hard? Because you’re at long range? You’re not that close, unless you wanna like run forward and be closer, but that means they’re more likely to know it was you.

HUDSON: Nah. No, I’ll just do it this way.

CAMERON: Do you wanna flip a light side point? We have four.

HUDSON: You know what, I will flip a light side point though. Yeah.

NICK: Great.

CAMERON: [laughing] That would be good.

HUDSON: So I turn one of the greens to a yellow with that, right?

CAMERON: Yup.

NICK: Mm-hmm.

HUDSON: Three successes, four threats.

CAMERON: [laughs] You did it.

NICK: Good for you!

HUDSON: [laughs]

CAMERON: Wow.

LILIT: Very nice.

HUDSON: “First of all, good for you!

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: Yeah.

NICK: Second of all, you’ve been looking into the sun, it’s kind of hard to tell what this team is, but there’s one team that’s clearly working very carefully and they’re organized and they all seem to be set up to funnel the ball to a really big figure that’s silhouetted.

[heavy techno music begins]

You throw this blade, and as you do you slip out of the bleachers and fall on your side, and you fall prone.

[dramatic bass noise]

You see this thing just hurl straight towards one of the silhouettes. There was a smaller figure, not the one that everyone was funneling hits to but somebody that you identified was working as a Setter and was just like lightning. It was like watching Xianna play. They were just everywhere. They were quick, they were fast, and you figure if that person’s out the rest of that team will probably not be as successful.

This thing flies and hits the shadow. We see the sun which is starting to get towards later afternoon now glint off of it with a spark, and there’s a wet thunk as it sinks in between the shoulder blades of this person. As that happens there’s this moment of silence… and the sun dips below the walls, and the silhouettes go away, and you see that this team is actually one that you’ve heard of before. It’s Whale of a Tail.

[laughter]

NICK: It’s Big Jeyb’s team.

CAMERON: Oh no.

HUDSON: Ohh!

NICK: And you appear to have just thrown a shiv into Endo…

[laughter]

NICK: …who is the Tognath second in command of Big Jeyb’s team. You see Endo, this insectoid mammalian creature with coin-looking eyes and just a really discomforting face slowly turn around. I don’t know if you’ve seen Endo yet, but you can feel the murder rising off of them.

[heavy techno music ends]

He reaches into his back, pulls out the shiv, and it’s glistening with green almost-glowing blood in the, now, shade. HK looks at Endo and says:

NICK (as HK): Penalty. You are holding a weapon. You will be removed from the remainder of this game.

NICK: Endo looks at HK and says…

NICK (as Endo): Good. I need to bind my wounds.

CAMERON: [as a chuckle] Ugh.

NICK: …and just starts walking off of the court dripping green blood behind him. You see him slot the shiv into the weird mouth mask that he’s wearing, and when he pulls it out it’s clean, and he just points a finger at you, Tink, where you’re lying next to the bleachers.

NICK (as Endo): I’m gonna remember this.

NICK: And that’s gonna be the end of the episode. [chuckles]

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

CAMERON: Yikes. [laughs]

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners find the show, and every time we get one Nick lets the squad have a blue die.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites, Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Hot tub hangout, which all have fabulous rewards like extra bonus episodes and additional hangouts and movie nights with the squad.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 7:
Baby Ghost

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

We wanna take a moment to thank everyone who turned out for Tabletop Squad Con this year. We had a blast, and it sounds like everyone else did too. Thank you so much for attending the various panels and hangouts. The recordings of all the public events are up on our Twitch page at twitch.tv/TabletopSquadron and will be moved to our YouTube channel as well in the coming weeks. It was really a great experience. Thanks everyone.

We have a new iTunes review this week. BeatsFoDays, thank you for leaving us a five-star review and your kind words about the show. We also have a new patron. Kole Ceridwen, thank you so much for helping us to keep in the skies. Tink keeps handing us these complicated ciphers to solve. They’re either the secret to a hidden treasure or they’re where he last put the popsicles. Do you mind taking a look at them and trying to get to the bottom of it?

Music credit and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.

So now, let’s get into the episode.

##

NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 7. I’m your host and game master, Nick. Welcome back to this glorious fun-times adventure. Let’s everybody go around the table and everybody say who you are and who you are playing today, and if you spent any experience from the last time that we played go ahead and say what you spent that on, starting with Lilit.

LILIT: Hello. I’m Hudson, and I will be playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Oh, we haven’t done that bit in a while.

[laughter]

HUDSON: Ah-ha! Cha-cha-cha-cha.

LILIT: I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler, and I did not spend any points because I am saving them for something special.

NICK: Something special. Of course, something special being the box on the talent tree that says once per game you can pull a magic wand out of your pocket that knows prestidigitation.

LILIT: Yes, or maybe a new talent tree.

NICK: Ah, that can’t be it. Up next we’ve got Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi. I’m James Earl Jones, and I’m playing a velociraptor.

[laughter]

HUDSON: I’m Tink, and I’m playing a Gigoran slicer, and I have—

CAMERON: I’m Tink, and I’m playing Hudson.

HUDSON: [laughs] Oh wait! I messed up that one. Alright, hold on. Who am I? I am Hudson, and I am playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: Oh gosh. It’s fun, because the first one was on purpose and the second one wasn’t.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON: It wasn’t.

NICK: Great. Did you spend any experience, James Earl Jones?

HUDSON: No dog, that’s a no from me.

NICK: Okay great. Last but not least, we have Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello! I am Cameron, and I am playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter. I did spend some experience points.

NICK: Interesting!

CAMERON: I know~ I bought the Toughened talent on my marauder tree to get 2 additional things added to my wound threshold.

NICK: Oh wow, so you’re getting pretty toughened, huh?

CAMERON: Yes. It felt important and useful.

NICK: Interesting. Well great. Good job. Now, before we get into the actual game, let’s do the Destiny Roll~!

HUDSON: [like a ghost] Woo~

CAMERON: [laughing] Oh shit, I just threw my dice across my desk.

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON: Into the dice tray. One dark side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

LILIT: Two light side.

NICK: Agh…

CAMERON: Yay Lilit.

NICK: I was so excited. So we have two light side, two dark side?

CAMERON: Yup.

NICK: Wonderful. So, we’ll go ahead and jump into it.

[heavy techno music begins]

We open on the tumbling of dice as Tink throws the chance cubes in this defining game of Rancor Roundup. How the dice fall will determine if the crew will be able to scrape together the entry fee for the volleyball tournament for the main prize of some hooch to potentially be used for Mandalore cocktails to start a riot to break your employer out of the Kajim Regional Incarceration Facility. [inhales] My, what a tangled web we weave.

Tink, this version of gambling is a Skulduggery check at hard difficulty. We see the dice freeze in the air as we zoom out on this open field where you all are playing. Did you do anything, Hudson, to prepare for this roll? Did you try to cheat or learn the rules or anything in like the 30 seconds?

HUDSON: I didn’t try to learn the rules, however I did blow on the dice, wink both my eyes, and that’s all I did.

NICK: Roll me a Force die, please, for appealing to luck.

HUDSON: Two light side.

NICK: Two light side. Go ahead and add two blue dice to your Skulduggery check.

HUDSON: [gasps] Yay.

LILIT: Ooh~

NICK: Don’t roll that yet. Xianna, you already know this game and you’re an old hand at it. You already know from previous times that this is a game that’s fairly easy to cheat at or rig. Did you do anything to try to help Tink in this situation?

LILIT: Oh yes, I definitely tried to do some setup to help him win.

[techno music ends]

NICK: And what would that consist of?

LILIT: Um…

HUDSON: You greased the dice.

[laughter]

LILIT: Maybe greasing the dice on one side that is the opposite side of what should land upwards, because maybe that side will be more sticky and more likely to stick to the ground so it won’t roll as far.

NICK: Gross. Okay.

[laughter]

LILIT: I don’t think this would work in real life, but maybe in Star Wars.

NICK: It’s special magic grease. Whatever. Xianna, you have grease from somewhere.

LILIT: It’s grease from inside the Funyun bag. They’re fried. They’re greasy.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: Okay. it’s Spunyun grease is the way you rig the dice. Make me a Skulduggery check. This one’s gonna be hard, with three black dice, because you’re doing this with no time, with improvised tools, while an entire group of people are watching you.

LILIT: Okay, but I do have Convincing Demeanor, so I can remove one of the black dice.

NICK: Okay.

LILIT: I have one success and one advantage.

NICK: Dagnabbit. Okay.

HUDSON: Wow.

NICK: You’re really good at Skulduggery is the thing. Alright, so with a success and an advantage I’ll give two more blue dice to Tink’s gambling roll.

HUDSON: Woo!

NICK: You’ll have four total.

HUDSON: Heh, I have a triumph with a success, two additional successes, and an advantage.

CAMERON: Holy shit.

NICK: Wow.

HUDSON: I Kamehameha and blow them away.

NICK: So the thing is you don’t just win, something highly improbable happens that’s a big benefit to you. So, the way that you bet was going to get you enough money and Spunyuns to be able to enter this tournament. You are gonna be able to take that, deposit it, and be ready to go for this volleyball thing the next day. What else do you want to happen there?

HUDSON: Could I have put my bet down and somehow made some kind of indication that I wanted to do a Tatooine parlay and I didn’t know what that was, but I was like sure?

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Yeah, you’ve done a Tatooine parlay. So, a Tatooine parlay is you bet not only on your own roll but that the person who is gonna roll after you was also going to have a certain outcome.

HUDSON: Yes.

LILIT: You know what? It makes sense that a Tatooine parlay is that two people win, because they have two suns.

NICK & HUDSON: Ohh.

CAMERON: Yeah.

LILIT: So I guess you’re betting that you will win the game but someone else will tie with you for the win.

NICK: There we go.

HUDSON: Yes, which is an incredibly rare bet.

CAMERON: Yeah.

NICK: Yeah, like you had to get three identical rolls, and you did it by doing the right shoulder touch and then putting your bet in a certain spot, and then you weren’t thinking about it while they were getting set up but you drew a circle around your bet, and all of that means you did a Tatooine parlay.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: “Why’s everyone looking at me like I don’t know what I’m doing? I’m just throwing the dice. What’s the big deal?”

LILIT: [laughs]

NICK: And everyone’s like oh my gosh, what? Okay, okay…

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT: Why does Xianna want me to go second now?

CAMERON: Turned around, threw the dice over his shoulder to do the roll.

NICK: Yeah, but all that combines to… We fast forward back to you throwing the dice. Your bet is placed separately. Everyone is rolling their eyes at this new guy to the prison yard just basically making a called shot here. You throw the dice and they bounce and skid. There’s no roll, they just go [scratchy skidding noise] across, and they tumble once and then stick back to the same spot, and you get a blue and two reds which is not terrible odds but shows oh hey, you won the throw. Then, you’re getting ready to throw again, because everyone cheers, and they say no-no, you did a Tatooine parlay, now it’s the next person.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: That Rodian from before comes up and grabs the dice, and rolls them, and sees that his hand is slightly sticky but doesn’t say anything. He just moves his bet to a different square. You can see he’s backing up the Tatooine parlay and throws and lands on two blues and a red, and everyone loses their minds.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: To the point where you can see the automated turrets in the guard towers all point towards you because they think that maybe a riot is going to happen. The Rodian quickly goes and picks up the dice and wipes them on his jumpsuit and then hands them to you, Tink.

NICK (as Rodian): Well, it seems like you’ve won. I’m not going to say how lucky you would need to be for that to happen, but you play a good game of Rancor Roundup.

HUDSON (as Tink): You know, people think it’s luck but it’s actually all skill. That’s what you don’t understand.

NICK (as Rodian): No, I understand quite clearly the skill involved in this roll.

[laughter]

NICK: He turns and looks at Xianna who’s very obviously whistling and kicking the dust and not making eye contact with anyone. [laughs]

LILIT: Xianna does a little wave and her fingertips are bright red-orange from the flaming hot Spunyuns dust.

NICK: [laughs] Oh my gosh.

HUDSON (as Tink): Xianna!

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes?

HUDSON (as Tink): Should we go double-or-nothing?

LILIT (as Xianna): No.

HUDSON (as Tink): Everything on the table!

LILIT (as Xianna): No, do not go double-or-nothing.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): Now is not the time for that.

NICK: You say that and you see that a bunch of people are grumbling and throwing credits in the middle and you have eight bags of Spunyuns and 1,000 Credits.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK (as Rodian): Actually, I think you should go double-or-nothing, Tink. You’ve got a hot hand.

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): No, no Tink, do not. You know me. Usually I would be all about telling you to make the double-or-nothing bet.

NICK (as Rodian): Xianna, you are not allowed to interrupt the gambler. I made the Tatooine parlay roll, and now the dice are back to Tink. He can choose to walk away, but look how much you’ve already won. Imagine double that, Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Whoa…

CAMERON: I think at this point Karma walks over.

CAMERON (as Karma): hey Tink, come here.

NICK: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): If I have a hot hand, that means I need to cool it off, and if I need to cool it off… because if it’s too hot it’ll melt this scenario—yeah, no, I’m not gonna do it. I’m not gonna do it.

LILIT (as Xianna): We’re gonna cool—

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: So, Karma, you were attracted by the cheering and you walk up as this Rodian is trying to pressure Tink into doubling. He says no, no, I’m not going to do that, and you’re all standing there with the Rodian looking like there’s still a chance.

CAMERON: Karma gives a disapproving mom look to the Rodian.

NICK: Who doesn’t leave, but stops trying to peer pressure Tink, so Tink you have karma and Xianna and the Rodian all staring at you.

CAMERON: This isn’t the same Rodian that I threw a cutting board at, is it?

NICK: Yeah, it is.

CAMERON: Oh, it is?

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: Oh, intensify the mom look then. [laughs]

NICK: Yeah. This is the one that tried to attack Tadzi because Tadzi cheated. He’s been very busy.

CAMERON: Cross arms. Very disappointed look.

NICK: Yeah.

HUDSON (as Tink): A hot hand, and hmm…

LILIT (as Xianna): No Tink, do not do it.

HUDSON (as Tink): I need to cool my hand.

LILIT (as Xianna): No. No. The last time I did a double-or-nothing that is how I got one of my tattoos.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh.

LILIT (as Xianna): Doing double-or-nothing will lead you down a dark path, Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): But sometimes you have to go through the dark path to get to the light.

CAMERON (as Karma): That didn’t get you two of your tattoos?

LILIT (as Xianna): You would think that.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): But…

HUDSON (as Tink): No, the other one just says double-or-nothing and it has nothing to do with a bet.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, that is  not the one I am talking about.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh. [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): I say you have to go through the dark path to get to the fun shit.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh.

LILIT (as Xianna): Not to the light. That is a different way.

HUDSON (as Tink): So you’re saying I should go double-or-nothing?

CAMERON (as Karma): But—No… no.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, no-no-no, because we don’t need to do the fun shit right now.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): Is that your winnings, Tink?

CAMERON: Karma points to the pile of Spunyuns and credits.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, that’s it.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well so the Spunyuns will be mine.

CAMERON (as Karma): Let’s just go.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay. Alright. I guess I’ll go. The thing is with this hot hand though, as long as I do this one trick…

HUDSON: And then I do the hand jive, and I say:

HUDSON (as Tink): …I’m saving it for later.

NICK (as Rodian): Alright, well now that you’re ludicrously wealthy by our terms you are welcome back any time. Just do me a favor, don’t bring the purple one with you next time, Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): No promises. You want this hot hand again, don’t you?

CAMERON (as Karma): That sounds inappropriate.

NICK (as Rodian): It does sound kind of inappropriate. I was trying to decide whether I was cool with that or not.

[laughter]

NICK (as Rodian): I think I am.

LILIT (as Xianna): You can’t call yourself that. Besides, I already have a friend who is in this prison whose nickname is Hot Hands.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): You can’t both have the same name. That’s not a thing that happens.

HUDSON (as Tink): Let me guess, they were trying to get a pie out of the oven and then they touched it without heating pads and now their hands were hot, and that’s why you call them Hot Hands?

LILIT (as Xianna): Not too far off, but…

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): It was a meat pie.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ahh.

LILIT (as Xianna): Which also had some fun connotations later on. They are also just good at gambling.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay, so they just happen to be good at gambling on top of mishandling pies. Okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, meat pies specifically.

NICK: So, you all are having this conversation standing over your winnings in a circle of gamblers who were all cheering but at this point are just staring at you with the distinct expression of kids waiting for you to get off the basketball court so that they can play.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright. Let’s take our winnings and get out of here.

LILIT: Xianna starts piling all of the Spunyun bags into the jumpsuit and briefly forgets that she does not have as many pockets as she is used to, and so she just has this big bulge, just stuffing them in her top, and it’s just bulging with Spunyun bags.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie fine, we will leave now. I can see we are not wanted anymore.

NICK: And you all walk away from the group of gamblers who look a little disappointed. You now have more than enough credits and Spunyuns to enter the volleyball tournament if you so choose. You see HK coming out of one of the side buildings wiping his hands on the door and then walk back towards the fence, so he is available if you need to drop your entry fee off with him.

LILIT: Xianna goes up to him and starts handing him the three Spunyuns bags.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, that is a good idea of wiping your bloody hands on the door, because they will think a baby did the murder.

CAMERON: [snickers]

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Because the handprints are so small. They will be like oh no, a baby got in here and murdered someone. We must find the baby!

NICK: Hey, uh, can you roll me a Ranged attack, Heavy, please, Cameron?

HUDSON: [laughs]

CAMERON: Sure?

NICK: Two greens and two yellows.

[peaceful twinkling music begins]

LILIT (as Xianna): They will have to call in some sort of paranormal expert, because they will be convinced some sort of angry child ghost is here haunting the place.

NICK: [smiling] it’s an easy check, and flip me a dark side point to upgrade one of those.

HUDSON: [laughs]

CAMERON: Okay. Is HK aiming?

NICK: Yes, HK spends a maneuver to aim. HK is going to do Targeted Blow to add Agility damage to this hit.

LILIT (as Xianna): They are going to have to bring in those things that monitor the ESP waves or whatever to try to communicate to this baby ghost!

[laughter]

NICK: Add another blue die for Quick Strike because Xianna hasn’t gone yet.

LILIT: [tearful from laughing] Oh, I’m gonna Dodge.

NICK: Okay.

[laughter]

LILIT: Xianna knows what’s happening but she’s going on.

NICK: I’m also using Precise Aim so that I will take a point of strain to reduce the target’s Melee Defense by 1. You don’t have any, but I’m doing it anyway.

CAMERON: Okay. Oh no… Five successes, two advantages?

NICK: [laughs] Okay. Would you roll me a crit, please?

LILIT (as Xianna): Some douchebag in an Ed hardy shirt is going to have to run around this place trying to talk to this baby ghost.

CAMERON: Crit is a 54.

NICK: Plus two for Lethal Blow, so 74. What does 74 do?

LILIT (as Xianna): And any time the wind blows in a weird way he is going to think it is a sign from the ghost!

CAMERON: It’s a 74…

LILIT: Heh, 74 is Hamstrung: Lose free maneuver until end of encounter, so it does nothing!

NICK: So, how many successes did I have?

CAMERON: Five.

NICK: Five? So that’s 14 stun damage coming at you.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT: Does stun go through strain?

NICK & CAMERON: Yeah.

LILIT: That puts me at 15, so Xianna passes out.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): They are going to have to put a plaque on the wall about how this place is haunt—AHH!

[laughter]

NICK: So, Tink and karma who were a few steps behind Xianna, you hear this conversation.

[peaceful twinkling music ends]

You see HK cock his head. You see him pull his stun rifle up. You see him charge it. You see him aim. You see him push it through the chain link fence so that it’s resting on Xianna’s collarbone, and you see him wait… and then he just shoots in mid-sentence, and Xianna goes flying backward in a cloud of Spunyuns and credits and lands several meters away, just unconscious, just like a bag of loose {jorgan} fruit, just [makes thudding impact noises].

CAMERON: [laughs] What?!

LILIT: Like a small antique ragdoll that may or may not be haunted by a baby ghost.

[laughter]

CAMERON: Indeed.

NICK: So, the two of you walk up to that case as HK says…

NICK (as HK): Supposition: Really thought that would be more satisfying than it was.

NICK: …and puts his stun blaster back at his side.

CAMERON: Karma gives HK a look as she’s walking over to Xianna’s now prone [dramatic bass noise] body and starts gathering up the credits and stuff so they’re not just laying in a pile.

CAMERON (as Karma): Was that really necessary, HK? Like, I understand, from what I heard the tail end was pretty freaking insulting, but really?

NICK (as HK): Yes, I think it was necessary. I really do.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright.

NICK (as HK): I just wish I had gotten some more joy out of it. Oh, hi Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): [uneasy] Oh, hi… Is she gonna be okay?

NICK (as HK): Maybe.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, alright.

NICK (as HK): What do you think about the size of my hands, Tink?

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh… Oh wow, they’re great. You know, they’re just the right size, and you know, actually… with smaller hands you can fit them into tiny places and that’s very good, like if you have some change that falls down a little hole.

NICK (as HK): Are you saying my hands are small, Tink?

HUDSON (as Tink): No! I’m saying, they’re not small, they’re smaller than my hands is what I was saying.

CAMERON: [snickers]

NICK: You hear the sound of a hard drive spinning and resetting, that clicky whir, and HK says:

NICK (as HK): Equivocation acknowledged.

HUDSON (as Tink): [heavy sigh of relief]

NICK (as HK): So are you all joining the tournament? Do you have the pay? I have the Spunyuns that Xianna handed me, but the credits appear to have flown outward in some sort of freak stun blast accident.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, strange that.

CAMERON: Karma walks back over to HK having picked up all of the credits and hands him the 600 that we need for the entry.

NICK (as HK): Wonderful. Thank you so much. I will add you to the team. Make sure you bring six combatants—I mean, six players for tomorrow, because if you don’t have a full team you’ll be at an extreme disadvantage.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh yeah, we need… Wait.

CAMERON (as Karma): We need to make three new friends. [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh, we need to make three new friends fast. Hmm.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hey. Hey-hey-hey. We have each made at least one friend, right?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, I guess. I mean, like, I’m friends with most people, but yeah, me and Ziller are buddies.

CAMERON (as Karma): Ooh, okay. We can use him as bait if he joins the team, that’s fine, and maybe if we’re on the same team he won’t take a shot at me again. Uh… Blue seemed cool, I liked Blue, we can ask them. We could ask Tadzi.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah.

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t know if they’re already on a team, but they’re friends with Xianna, so… each of us having one friend, that does make six.

NICK: A coil of smoke rises from Xianna’s chest from where she is unconscious on the ground.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, well maybe I’ll ask Tadzi. I did save her with a cutting board earlier.

NICK: The bell rings for you all to go back to your cells.

HUDSON (as Tink): Someone should pick her up, right?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, I got her.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, okay.

[laughter]

CAMERON: I’mma get Xianna.

LILIT (as Xianna): [dazed] They are going to have to put a note on our Yelp page for the prison that it is haunted…

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): People are going to start requesting the more haunted cells so that they can see the baby ghost. Did somebody get my Spunyuns?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yes, we got your Spunyuns.

HUDSON (as Tink): We got your Spunyuns.

LILIT (as Xianna): Thank you…

HUDSON (as Tink): You go sleep now.

LILIT (as Xianna): [weakly] Okie.

NICK: As you walk back across the prison yard, and we see HK surreptitiously tuck the Spunyuns and credits into his chest cavity, but then they just fall to the ground because HK isn’t wearing clothes and he has to pick them up and them carry them back, and the audience sees HK walking into one of the guard shacks and saying…

NICK (as HK): You know, I feel like I have a lot of pent up aggression right now. … Hey, are you my next partner for patrol?! Come here for a second.

NICK: …and we cut away. So, we get a swipe cut to the next day of the south cell block being funneled into the mess hall for breakfast. People are waiting in line. We see different prisoners serving breakfast to other ones and the normal scramble for people to join tables. We see Tink and Xianna and karma standing there with their trays with some nice oatmealy slop sitting on them, standing and overlooking the cafeteria. Xianna, you have a raging headache and there is a scorch mark on your jumpsuit.

HUDSON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): How are you feeling, Xianna?

LILIT (as Xianna): I do not feel great, but this is not the worst I have ever felt, so I think it was worth it.

CAMERON (as Karma): Gotta look on the positive side, I guess. Are you gonna be okay to play volleyball?

LILIT (as Xianna): When are we playing the volleyball?

CAMERON (as Karma): This afternoon.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, you are not going to drink your caf, are you?

HUDSON (as Tink): Nah.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie. I will drink my caf and Tink’s caf and I will steal some more caf from somebody else, and then I will be okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright, sounds like a plan. Do we want to split up and go convince our new friends, or old friends in the case of Tadzi, to join this, uh, sure to succeed volleyball venture?

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, we need a team name, because otherwise that’s gonna be the main reason people join is a cool team name.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hmm.

LILIT (as Xianna): The Ball Handlers.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ball Handlers…

CAMERON (as Karma): [laughs] The Spunyuns~

HUDSON (as Tink): [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t think they have enough underscores and Xs in them.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yes.

LILIT (as Xianna): What about Ball Slappers?

HUDSON (as Tink): Ball Slappers. Doable. I could do Ball Slappers.

LILIT (as Xianna): I think it is a good one.

HUDSON (as Tink): So we need to build off of our previous volleyball experience that one time we won the tournament. Y’all remember that? That was a good time.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm.

LILIT (as Xianna): And what do you mean by build off of it?

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean, y’all have been practicing since then, right? Because I’ve been doing—

LILIT (as Xianna): No.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh. Ever since then, before I go to bed, I do some jumping exercises like I’m gonna spike the ball. That’s the only exercise I do, though.

CAMERON (as Karma): I’ve kept working out but not specifically with the goal of volleyball success in mind.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, I have been doing various things but none of them related to volleyball.

HUDSON (as Tink): Most times in your life you always need to be prepared for volleyball.

CAMERON (as Karma): Is that true though?

LILIT (as Xianna): I’m pretty sure the only time I ever played volleyball was the time at the resort.

HUDSON (as Tink): But now you’re playing it a second time, so should have been more prepared.

CAMERON (as Karma): To be fair though, this one does sound a fair bit more like murder than volleyball.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh! In that case, I have been practicing.

CAMERON (as Karma): I do feel more prepared for that side of it.

HUDSON (as Tink): You have been practicing, okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

HUDSON (as Tink): And actually, oh, I didn’t even mention.

HUDSON: I pull out the rules, just scribbled down on paper.

CAMERON: Oh gosh.

HUDSON (as Tink): Here’s the rules as they were given to me.

HUDSON: And then there’s like a [makes a rewind noise] and it flashes back to someone explaining the rules to me that sounds like Nick.

[laughter]

NICK: The piece of paper is the title page to a volleyball rulebook that says “like this, but also violent,” is what the actual paper says.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: So, the rules for volleyball are as follows. You will have to assign each member of your team some responsibilities. A Defensive Specialist will roll Leadership which will give dice to the rest of the team. There are three Blockers who will roll Athletics so that they can contribute to the main score, and two Setters who will roll Agility. You will add all these successes up, and if it beats the number of the other team then you win. If they don’t, you lose.

Here’s the other thing, though. For each game, when you’re making that roll, you can also decide to be violent, and basically you have to balance how sneaky you want to be to be violent versus how much damage you want to be able to do. You can use weapons if you find weapons, or you can use your fists. The other team will also be trying to violent back at you, and that will be going against the Blockers, so if you’re a Blocker every game you might start running the risk of falling unconscious.

If you get caught being violent with just your fists you have to sit out the rest of the game and your roll won’t count. If you get caught being violent with weapons you get sent to solitary and you’re out of the tournament. Same goes to them. That’s pretty much it. We’ll talk about how to build your dice pool for violence and stuff when we’re actually playing, but basically you are playing volleyball but also fighting.

HUDSON: Ah.

HUDSON (as Tink): So this is the rules. It’s just like what we were doing… but violence.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, that’s kinda what it sounded like.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah.

NICK: So yeah, I think what y’all need to accomplish from breakfast is to recruit the other three team members.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright, we have a team name. Are we prepared, Tink? Can we go get new players now?

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh… Do we need to practice on each other with the violence? No, we don’t need to practice violence.

CAMERON (as Karma): No. No, I think that’s fine.

LILIT (as Xianna): No. I’m going to go ask Tadzi. Okie.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright, I’mma go ask Blue.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okie. I’m gonna go ask Ziller.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright. Ready? Break!

LILIT (as Xianna): Ready, go!

HUDSON (as Tink): B-Break—Oh, you did it already. Okay, bre—Oh…

NICK: Tink is standing there. The other two are gone already. Let’s start with Xianna and Tadzi, because Tadzi is fairly close by. They are sitting and just eating their gloppy oatmeal as Xianna approaches, and they gesture for you to have a seat.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tadzi~ Ello.

NICK (as Tadzi): Hi.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie. I have a proposition for you.

NICK (as Tadzi): I’m listening…

NICK: You see Tadzi slide a sharpened piece of tray out from under their tray and look around eagerly.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie, possibly the right direction. We somehow are involved in a volleyball tournament. I do not know why or when. I guess this afternoon. I don’t know why, but we do have a team name, and the team name is the Ball Slappers.

NICK (as Tadzi): [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): So we have that going for us.

NICK (as Tadzi): That’s a pretty good team name.

LILIT (as Xianna): Do you want to be on our team?

NICK (as Tadzi): I don’t know if I can risk getting sent back to the clinic or solitary. Have you seen the way they play volleyball here? It’s not probably what you’re picturing.

LILIT (as Xianna): I am picturing a lot of murder.

NICK (as Tadzi): Okay, then you’re right on.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, which is why I said you had a good idea when you brought the shiv out.

NICK (as Tadzi): So that’s great, and you know we go way back, but… why? Why should I help you with this one?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, okay, good question. Tink~?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah?!

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink! Tink!

HUDSON (as Tink): yes?

LILIT: Xianna’s just shouting this across a few tables.

LILIT (as Xianna): What is the prize for the volleyball game?

HUDSON (as Tink): I was going to say the power of friendship being strengthened.

CAMERON (as Karma): [grunts]

LILIT (as Xianna): No, that is… I don’t like that.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh. Credits then? I don’t know.

LILIT (as Xianna): Karma!

[chuckling]

LILIT (as Xianna): Karma, what do we win?!

CAMERON (as Karma): The prison hooch!

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, okie! Okay, so we are winning prison hooch apparently and not credits, but I can give you credits, because Tink won some today, and I don’t think he is going to use them.

NICK (as Tadzi): I mean, he might. He seems like a smart boy. We’ll work out the details later. I’m sure you’ll also win credits. The prison hooch is just to sweeten the pot. If you’re willing to split some of the prize with me, then yeah, you’ve got yourself a volleyball warrior… I guess. I’ve never really gotten involved because I have very little interest in being stabbed.

LILIT (as Xianna): Understandable. It is not fun to be stabbed.

NICK (as Tadzi): Great. Now do you know the rules to volleyball? Because I super don’t.

LILIT (as Xianna): I have played volleyball one time before, and I do not remember any of the rules, but I think Tink knows the rules.

NICK: [laughs] And we’ll cut away from that to Tink. Tink, you’re trying to find Ziller?

HUDSON: Yeah, I look around for Ziller.

NICK: Ziller is sitting in the back by himself. It’s a full-size table, just no one’s sitting near him. He’s got his nice clover fur, and he waves at you. As you were walking Xianna was shouting at you, so as you walk further away Ziller says:

NICK (as Ziller): Oh brother, good to see you. You’re trying to play volleyball, huh?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yes, and do I have a proposition for you. What if we could take our friendship levels and take them so high up in percentages that they would be out of this world and the next?

NICK (as Ziller): I don’t like how rehearsed that sounded. I thought we had a relationship.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): No, no, that’s what I’m saying. We would strengthen our relationship. I’m just trying to be a sales person here.

NICK (as Ziller): Well, you succeeded on a Charm check last time we talked—

[laughter]

NICK (as Ziller): —so there is a basic relationship already established, against all logic, considering that you killed my friends.

HUDSON (as Tink): Here’s my proposition. What if you could win some of that good old prison hooch and maybe even some credits by joining a volleyball team with me and my pals?

NICK (as Ziller): Okay, so here’s the thing, brother.

NICK: He leans in, and you have to lean across the table to hear him, because he’s talking fairly quiet. He actually pulls his translator off so that it’s just in Gigoran.

NICK (as Ziller): I don’t know if you remember this, but you recently talked to the warden about how I’m helping him with information, and one of the trades there is that I can get prison hooch whenever I want, and I don’t really need money… because I’m working my way out of here, so I don’t really need any of that.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh… Well what about strengthening our friendship?

NICK (as Ziller): That is something I would presumably value having entangled you in this very confusing set of social interactions that’ll result in the death of a popular member of the prison. So here’s what we’ll do. I will take some of your credits and prison hooch, and also, we move on killing Jeyb tonight.

HUDSON (as Tink): Tonight. I mean, why wait? Why not this second?

NICK (as Ziller): Because we’re locked down in the mess hall and there’s no way to get to Jeyb right now.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh right, right, right. I guess it would be more sneaky at night. That’s when the darkness happens.

[laughter]

NICK (as Ziller): That is indeed when the darkness happens.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright, so we move on Jeyb tonight.

HUDSON: I say that a little too loudly.

NICK: Several people look up, look at you, and then change tables. Ziller rolls his beady eyes and pulls his mask down and says, back in Basic because the translator’s running:

NICK (as Ziller): Now if you could keep that quiet so that we don’t get murdered, that would be ideal, brother.

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s right, Ziller!

HUDSON: I say really loudly.

HUDSON (as Tink): We’re going to help Jeyb move sometime! That’s what I was talking about.

NICK (as Ziller): Saved it.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): Yes, I knew it.

NICK (as Ziller): So are you in?

HUDSON (as Tink): What about urine?

NICK (as Ziller): Fuck you.

[laughter]

NICK: So then we come to Karma. Karma, you’re looking for Blue?

CAMERON: Yup.

NICK: Blue is sitting at a table with several other of the big body builders that you saw before. She waves at you as you come around a corner in the mess hall and see her. You see her shove another really large prisoner off the table. He catches himself, sees you, looks at Blue, shrugs, and walks away, and you have an open spot to sit.

CAMERON (as Karma): Aw, thanks Blue.

NICK (as Blue): Oh, you’re quite welcome.

CAMERON (as Karma): How are you doing on this fine whatever the day it is of the week?

NICK (as Blue): What is even time at this point?

CAMERON (as Karma): Solitary kind of messed up my whole timespan of how long I’ve been here, so… yeah, right there with you. I have no idea.

NICK (as Blue): When you are inside most of the time and can’t really go anywhere anyway, what does the time even really matter? It’s like, just trying to get through, you know?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yes.

NICK (as Blue): I hope everybody in a similar situation is doing well.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, me too.

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): Anyway. Speaking of getting outside, though, are you planning on participating in this volleyball tournament that I have heard about?

NICK (as Blue): I haven’t played since the last time when my entire team died except for me. I did win, though.

CAMERON (as Karma): Would you be down to play again?

NICK (as Blue): For you? The person who started three riots in less than 24 hours?

CAMERON: [giggles]

NICK (as Blue): Absolutely.

CAMERON (as Karma): Fantastic! Could you give me just like a description of the makeup of your last team? Not that I’m feeling insecure about any of the team members that we already have, but uh, if they all died that would be beneficial to know more of their skills and stuff and how we can avoid that this time.

NICK (as Blue): The last team was put together by a group of newcomers to the prison who thought they could use the prize to establish some sort of, I don’t know, escape plan maybe.

CAMERON (as Karma): Huh. That doesn’t sound similar at all. That’s weird.

NICK (as Blue): there was one that was sort of a weapon specialist ex–bounty hunter who had recently been arrested. Another was really stealthy, a thief, quick nimble fingers. There was a really big Wookie that looked like more of a melee combatant with a friend of his that was very similar, and then there was another quick person that seemed more agile with blades, had a lot of shivs handy. Then of course there was me, the strength.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yep, I figured you were filling the strength roll. Yeah, that team makeup doesn’t sound concerning at all.

NICK (as Blue): Wonderful.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as Blue): Now of course we’ll need to talk about my compensation.

CAMERON (as Karma): Indeed. The prize is credits and alcohol?

CAMERON: Right?

NICK (as Blue): If you give me half of the pot I’ll contribute.

CAMERON: [long contemplative sigh]

NICK: You could make a Negotiation roll.

CAMERON: Yeah… [grumbles] I want to negotiate.

NICK: So you will get a blue die because you’re already friends with Blue. That’s kinda leftover from the last time where you convinced her to help.

CAMERON: Yay, blue die for Blue. Yeah, I don’t think I have any altering talents for this situation.

NICK: Oh well. So it’ll be an average difficulty. Depending on how successful you are you might be able to talk her down or you may have to commit to giving away a big chunk of the prize.

CAMERON: Yeah… I wanna flip a light side point though.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: Since we have three, to make me slightly more negotiatey. Okay, three successes, two threats.

NICK: Great. Any ideas for what the threats would be? Three successes, I think you’re able to talk her down to like a serving of prison hooch.

CAMERON: Yeah.

CAMERON (as Karma): And then I’ll be your spotter next time we’re in the yard, too.

NICK (as Blue): I’m not thrilled with that. I had some plans for that hooch. I was gonna build my own empire in here. Herglics seem to be pretty successful at that.

CAMERON (as Karma): I had noticed that, actually.

NICK (as Blue): Yeah, it’s interesting isn’t it?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

NICK (as Blue): Strength, very handy. I will do it for a cup of hooch and 50 Credits, but you’re not gonna get me at my full strength. I’m not going to put myself too at risk, because I do have myself to look after here.

CAMERON (as Karma): Well yeah, and I would feel awful if anything happened to you, so that sounds fair to me.

NICK: And we cut away to the late afternoon sun back on the prison yard as we see HK holding a volleyball that looks really weathered and worn, and parts of the skin is peeled off of it, and there’s the glint of metal in it somewhere, and he’s holding it up at the net. We see Karma and Xianna and Tink, and Ziller and Blue and Tadzi’texa, all lined up on one side.

NICK (as HK): Well, let’s get this game of volleyball going, shall we?

NICK: There’s a large crowd, and cheering, and music starts to play, and that’s where we’re gonna end the episode!

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners find the show, and every time we get one Nick lets the squad have a blue die.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites, Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Hot tub hangout, which all have fabulous rewards like extra bonus episodes and additional hangouts and movie nights with the squad.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

Word document download: S2 Episode 6 Deals in Moonshine

PDF download: S2 Episode 6 Deals in Moonshine

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 6:
Deals in the Moonshine

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

Starting off, the Virtual Tabletop Squadron Convention will be July 30 through August 2. That’s next week! The main panels can be watched on our Twitch channel at twitch.tv/TabletopSquadron, and on top of that we have a limited edition con shirt available on our TeePublic store at bit.ly/tabletopshop. Links to the schedule and the TeePublic store will be posted on our social media, our website, and in the show notes for this episode.

On the subject of the con, Cameron is also running a game! She is running Mission Accomplished by Jeff Stormer, and her game application is still open. Winners will be chosen by lottery, and the form will close at 11:59 PM Central on Thursday the 23rd of July. If you’re listening to this on release day, that’s today. Cameron’s told me the pitch for the game, and trust me, you wanna get in on this. The link to the entry form will be in the show notes as well as in the Discord and our social media. Anyone is permitted to enter, and patrons will get two entries instead of one as a thank you.

Different community members will be running online board games and RPGs during the con as well.

We have a new patron this week! Thomas Christopher, thank you so much for your support. I hope that you’re X-Wing certified, because we’re making a strafing run on that super star destroyer in about 30 seconds. Here’s your helmet. Your astromech is orange, and I saw them wandering around the hanger somewhere. Go, go, go!

This week’s episode features one of our patron-created NPCs. Zebadiah Drall is the creation of Chris Grant. Thank you again for your support, Chris.

Now is a great time to mention that there will be after hours panels for the Tabletop Squad Convention as Patreon exclusives. Additional information for those will be posted on our Patreon page and is available on the con schedule. Thanks again to all our patrons.

Music credit and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.

So now, let’s get into the episode.

##

NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 6! Good to have you back. We are moving right along. Everything’s going swell. Do-do-do do do-do do-do. …

CAMERON: [exasperated chuckle]

NICK: I am your hosting game master, Nick. Let’s go around the table. Everybody introduce yourself and say who you’re playing today, starting with Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi! I am the artist previously known as Hudson, and I am going to roleplay today as Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: If you’re previously known as Hudson what do we call you now?

HUDSON: Uh, Ampersand.

NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: I can’t think of other symbols.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Ampersand is a symbol. Awesome. [laughs] Up next we have Cameron.

CAMERON: Howdy. My name is Cameron, and I will be playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter.

NICK: Wonderful! Last but not least, we have Lilit!

LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Wonderful. Before we get into the episode, let’s start off with the Destiny Roll!

LILIT: Two light side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

CAMERON: I also got a dark side.

NICK: Alright!

CAMERON: So two dark side, two light side.

NICK: Perfect.

LILIT: There is balance in the Force.

NICK: Heh. When we last left off, Tink, you met the warden of the prison. Ziller introduced you. You found out that Ziller is a nark and is informing on the prison population, and that the warden is Falx, and that through a mysterious set of circumstances he ended up in charge of this prison, and he has tasked you with killing Big Jeyb, the de facto population leader of the prison. Karma and Xianna, you were introduced to Big Jeyb by Endo the Tognath and by Filbert, who apparently still has professional ties with Big Jeyb, who said that he would protect you and that you are welcome to join his gang if you kill the warden.

That’s where we last left off. Where do you think we should start off? Should we start on the prison yard where y’all can touch base and plan again? Do you wanna be in your cells? Where should we kick off?

HUDSON: I wanna know, when we last left I was drinking whiskey and not liking it, but did I get drunk?

NICK: That’s up to you.

HUDSON: I think that I have trouble getting back to my cell.

CAMERON: Oh no.

NICK: Oh no. Okay.

HUDSON: At one point I kinda stumble into the wall, pull down a portrait, and it busts over my head.

NICK: [laughs] Okay. So, we get a swipe away from seeing you all talking to the warden or talking to Big Jeyb, and karma and Xianna are back in their cell. Filbert is back in his cell, and no one’s seen Tink. Finally you hear Tink stumbling down the hallway, and Ziller has an arm over his shoulder and is kinda guiding him towards his cell, and you can hear from a distance him going:

NICK (as Ziller): Hey brother, it’s gonna be okay, brother. This way. Nope, nope, this way. Come on. This, eh, there you go.

HUDSON (as Tink): I am just doing fine. I appreciate your outward physical hand holding my back, and I… [sobbing] I really appreciate it. [back to normal] I can do this, though. I’m very much on the ball.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, what happened to you~?

HUDSON (as Tink): What do you mean? I’m just plain old Tink.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, something is wrong with you. Are you okay?

HUDSON (as Tink): I might’ve… what’s the phrasing? I, um… fell off the speeder? The wagon. I fell off the wagon.

NICK (as Ziller): Hey, I’ve gotta get back to my cell, because I did a lot of weird sneaking through the walls to get here, but if you throw up make sure you take the mask off first. It’ll get pretty jammed up.

CAMERON (as Karma): Ew.

NICK (as Ziller): And also, Filbert, if you’re gonna hold my brother’s hair back, remember that he is literally hair, so that’s going to be pretty difficult to keep out of the spray. I recommend standing behind him.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Ziller waves to a guard who’s positioned all the way at the far end of the cell block, and Tink’s cell door opens, and Ziller gently guides him in, and the door shuts, and he disappears into the shadows, and you are back in your cells.

HUDSON (as Tink): me and Ziller are friends now, big old friendos.

CAMERON (as Karma): Tink, are you drunk?

HUDSON (as Tink): [giggling] No, you’re drunk.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, we are not drunk.

CAMERON (as Karma): No, we’re not.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, well then I’m drunk.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes you are.

[laughter]

CAMERON (as Karma): How…?

HUDSON (as Tink): I met with Mr. Falx Warden, and he gave me—

CAMERON (as Karma): What?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, is Falx the warden?

CAMERON (as Karma): What?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah! How’d you know?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh.

CAMERON (as Karma): You just said it.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, oh…

LILIT (as Xianna): I was just guessing, because you said Warden Falx.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah yes. So yeah, Falx is the warden, and he provided me with some imbibes.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

LILIT (as Xianna): Neat! Oh, we have to kill Falx. Okay, that is fine then.

CAMERON (as Karma): Huh, alright.

HUDSON (as Tink): Wait. What do you mean?

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, we met Big Jeyb.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh!

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, Big Jeyb wants us to kill the warden, who is Falx.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh…

CAMERON (as Karma): Who’s apparently Falx.

LILIT (as Xianna): So, we are going to kill Falx.

HUDSON (as Tink): Great. The thing I’m supposed to do—Oh wait.

HUDSON: And I turn.

HUDSON (as Tink): Filbert, are you there right now?

CAMERON: [snickers]

NICK (as Filbert): Yeah, I’m right here, buddy. Try not to step on me. You seem a little unstable.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright. I have secrets.

HUDSON: And that’s all I say. [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): [smiling] Okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): Are you going to tell us the secrets?

HUDSON (as Tink): [whispering] Not right now.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): It’s kind of rude just to say that you have secrets like as an announcement and then not share the secrets.

HUDSON (as Tink): They’re special per-person secrets.

LILIT (as Xianna): Do you think you are going to throw up?

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean, I feel ab—

NICK (via synthesized text-to-speech robot voice): Surprising and disgusting vomit noise removed for your listening comfort. No really, I mean it, it was a really gross and loud and abrupt vomit noise. It lasted a surprisingly long time. You’re welcome.

[laughter]

NICK: Tink, your mask is still on so it sunflowers out of the side so it’s really gross.

CAMERON: Oh, gross!

NICK: it fizzles out, and you just hear the sound of bus breaks playing underwater, and that’s all you can hear.

CAMERON: Yuck.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ugh.

NICK (as Filbert): No! Roomie, you didn’t give me a warning! Come here, roomie. Oh, it’s all too late. I’m gonna stand on the top bunk out of the way.

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s probably for the best. I’m… I… Ugh, that wasn’t very good. This is gonna take forever to clean out of my mask.

CAMERON (as Karma): Are you feeling better at least?

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, yeah, like… I mean, yeah. Yeah.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay. That’s good.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m still pretty drunk.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): Next time if you are going to throw up, though, you should do it in the toilet.

HUDSON (as Tink): [with a little attitude] Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that.

NICK (as Filbert): It looks like some of it hit the toilet.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah!

CAMERON (as Karma): I mean, but it kinda hit everything, so…

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, everything in your cell is hit, though.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh. Yeah.

HUDSON: I fall asleep on my bunk, hard.

NICK: There’s a hollow clang as Tink’s head hits the frame of the bed instead of the mattress.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, well I was going to talk about our other plan, the one we should not talk about in front of Filbert, but I should wait until Tink is awake.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah… We can talk about it tomorrow.

NICK (as Filbert): I kinda feel like a fifth repulser wheel over here.

CAMERON (as Karma): No, just a fourth.

NICK (as Filbert): Third repulser.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, because Tink is three.

CAMERON (as Karma): You’re the fourth person.

NICK (as Filbert): But four repulsers is standard for a speeder. I was trying to do the idiom.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, we need a new friend to be the fourth wheel for us so that you can then be the fifth.

NICK (as Filbert): Oh. You know anybody?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, my friend Tadzi is here. They can be the fourth, and then that way Filbert can be five.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, that works for me.

NICK: Let’s cut away from this scene. The next thing we see is the prison yard, which from your knowledge Xianna, of your time in jail in the past, the prison yard is probably your best bet of talking without being observed, because you’re in a big open field, there’s no walls around, there’s no surveillance equipment that can really see you. You’re standing in the middle of this dirt field. There’s people everywhere, but they’re far enough away that they can’t overhear you. it’s Tink looking kind of hungover and squinting into the sun and Xianna and karma.

CAMERON (as Karma): How are you feeling there, buddy?

HUDSON (as Tink): Ugh, I wish I could get sunglasses. This is just terrible right now.

LILIT: Xianna pulls some sunglasses out of her jumpsuit.

LILIT (as Xianna): Here you go.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, thank you. This is so much better. Oh my… I shouldn’t have. Just like, I need to be polite and I need to drink the drinks.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, you can tell Falx to shove it.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): We’re gonna kill him anyways, so it doesn’t matter.

HUDSON (as Tink): So about that. I talked to Falx, and Falx wants me to kill Big Jeyb.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay?

LILIT (as Xianna): But if we kill Falx then it doesn’t matter if he wants you to kill Big Jeyb.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay. Are we trying to get out of here? [chuckles] Why are we even doing a detour?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh yes! So, about that, I can easily move the cameras in the library and there is a gigantic vent in there, and we can just go into the vents and figure out how to get out.

HUDSON (as Tink): How much weight do I need to lose to fit into those vents?

LILIT (as Xianna): None.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): As far as I’m aware.

HUDSON (as Tink): Good. I was not wanting to really change my lifestyle that much.

LILIT (as Xianna): You will be fine. I have to make a little tool to open the grates, but that will not be too hard, and then starting a riot somewhere else in the prison so that we can use it as a distraction to leave.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh.

CAMERON (as Karma): And we have to get Sentinel to the library after busting him out of solitary.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

HUDSON (as Tink): And then why are we killing Falx on the way?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, because Big Jeyb wants us to.

HUDSON (as Tink): But if we’re out of the prison we don’t have to follow Jeyb’s direction.

LILIT (as Xianna): I guess, but we could just kill Falx for fun.

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh, karma?

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, I don’t really like killing for fun.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh. Does Falx know we’re in here? Like, all of us?

HUDSON (as Tink): I didn’t mention it.

CAMERON (as Karma): What did you tell Falx?

LILIT (as Xianna): Did he seem mad at me?

CAMERON (as Karma): Why would he be mad at you, Xianna?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, because a few months ago I did a job for him.

CAMERON (as Karma): What?

LILIT (as Xianna): But I gave him a file that definitely had some bad malware on it, so I was just curious how that turned out.

HUDSON (as Tink): I don’t know, but they definitely have a bone to pick with Sila?

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t know who that is.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, who is that?

HUDSON (as Tink): Sila was an Imperial Inspector and got into it with Falx the last time all three of us were together with Falx there.

LILIT (as Xianna): When was that?

CAMERON (as Karma): Was that the party on Mustafar?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, that was the party on Mustafar where he fell off the cliff and I thought he died.

LILIT: Xianna’s looking off into the distance.

LILIT (as Xianna): We went to a party on Mustafar?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, we went to a party on Mustafar.

CAMERON (as Karma): That’s where we got all of the silk robes. They were in the goody bags.

LILIT (as Xianna): I just thought those appeared on the ship.

CAMERON (as Karma): No, that’s why they have the Imperial logo on them. [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Huh. So anyways, we need to find Zebadiah – they are the one who makes the prison hooch – so that way we can make Mandalore cocktails so that we can proper riots, and then when everyone is distracted and all the prison guards are taking care of the riots we can go into solitary and get Sentinel out, and then we can go through the vents!

HUDSON (as Tink): These prison system computers don’t look that advanced, so I think I can break someone out of solitary given the right interface.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well there was only like one guard in there, so you just go in, you get rid of them, and then you open up the cells.

HUDSON (as Tink): Let this be fun for me!

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, yeah, but also we’ve got HK here who is a guard.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh yes!

HUDSON (as Tink): I forgot about HK.

[laughter]

LILIT: Xianna twirls around and starts waving.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello HK~!

CAMERON (as Karma): It probably would be easiest to have him fetch Sentinel from solitary, because then he can be escorted down that long scary gate hallway that has all of the stun blasters pointed at it, and he’s a guard so it would be okay.

NICK: You see HK approaching the cafeteria and he looks like he’s dragging something heavy and quickly shoves it into a closet and slams the door as people turn to look at Xianna calling to HK.

CAMERON: Oh no.

LILIT: [laughs]

NICK: And from the distance you hear him say:

NICK (as HK): Authoritative Statement: Silence, prisoner.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, so HK’s probably our best path to retrieval for Sentinel from solitary. Also, he’s just slowly been murdering all of the other guards.

HUDSON (as Tink): [gasps] Oh yeah…

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, which like, good for him. What if we tell HK that his reward is that after he can go kill Falx?

CAMERON (as Karma): You know…

LILIT (as Xianna): He would do that, right? Doesn’t really matter if he does, just the fact that we say he can, he would probably help us.

CAMERON (as Karma): Having seen his brain plugged into that droid at the party on Mustafar, I feel like he’d be into it.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, I think so. Let’s look at Falx real quick.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

HUDSON (as Tink): If one word comes to mind it’s endearing.

CAMERON (as Karma): Is it?

HUDSON (as Tink): Why would we wanna kill someone like that?

CAMERON (as Karma): [laughing] That’s the word?

HUDSON (as Tink): Also a slick-mofo, but yeah, endearing.

CAMERON (as Karma): That’s two words though, so…

HUDSON (as Tink): No, it’s hyphenated.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, my bad, sorry.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t know if any of that applies to him.

HUDSON (as Tink): Either way, I’m not trying to beg for his life, but I don’t wanna do a detour to kill someone.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well we wouldn’t do a detour, HK would just go do that, because HK can find his own way home. He does not have to come through the vents with us.

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t feel the need to have Falx killed. I’m not a fan, as he tried to frame us for the murder that he did, but I wouldn’t be upset if something happened to him during it, but I’m not going to go out of my way to ensure that it happens, because I really don’t care.

LILIT (as Xianna): I’m not going to go super out of my way to kill him, but I feel like he will be very mad at me, so maybe if I have the opportunity to send a murder droid to go kill him I should do that before he tries to kill me.

HUDSON (as Tink): He doesn’t know you’re here.

LILIT (as Xianna): Does he? I don’t remember what name I got arrested under.

HUDSON (as Tink): Exactly, and he didn’t mention you, so obviously—

LILIT (as Xianna): That might actually be a problem.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t remember what name I put down.

CAMERON (as Karma): You know your first name at least was Xianna.

LILIT (as Xianna): Not on the paperwork!

CAMERON (as Karma): [giggling] Everyone’s just been calling you Xianna since we got here?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, but that is not on my paperwork.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh dear, okay.

HUDSON (as Tink): Just like make up a new nickname that’s not on any kind of paperwork and make everyone call you by that, like Pickles.

CAMERON: [snickers] What?!

LILIT (as Xianna): Well no, what I’m saying is that I got arrested with a fake set of papers and IDs and used that for the forms, but then when I saw you two I remember that you two are incapable of remembering fake names so I just started using Xianna and figured it would be okay, and then I forgot the fake name on my paperwork, so I don’t know what prisoner they think I am.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, well, while Tink is hacking into the computer systems he can figure that out so that you can cross that name off your list of future ones to use.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, you’re gonna have to do that.

HUDSON (as Tink): Done.

LILIT (as Xianna): Also, I’m surprised Falx didn’t just figure it out in that he saw you two on the paperwork and then a randomly named purple Twi’lek and was like yes, that is not Xianna.

[laughter]

HUDSON (as Tink): No, they didn’t even mention Karma.

LILIT (as Xianna): Huh.

CAMERON (as Karma): I didn’t use my last name on the paperwork.

HUDSON (as Tink): You just went by Karma?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): They don’t know how Nautolan naming conventions work.

[laughter]

CAMERON (as Karma): How did you meet with Falx, the warden?

LILIT (as Xianna): He wants Big Jeyb to die.

CAMERON (as Karma): I know that was the end result, but how did that meeting occur?

HUDSON (as Tink): My main man Grissle, me and him—

CAMERON (as Karma): Grissle? Who is Grissle?

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, I mean… Ah fuck. Hold on… Ziller! Ziller. I need to remember that or else, ooh, that could be trouble. No, I talked him into being friends with me again so now we’re cool and he wanted to bring me to Falx to get me protection and take me under his wing in a way as a new nark.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh! Great.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ew.

HUDSON (as Tink): Why?

LILIT (as Xianna): Don’t be a nark.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, I’m not a nark.

LILIT (as Xianna): But you are going to be.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay, the first job was to kill someone, so that’s not like—

LILIT (as Xianna): You can be a murderer and also be a nark. Those are not exclusive ideas.

HUDSON (as Tink): Although they are not mutually exclusive, I have not been tasked with narking yet.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): I feel like we have really gotten off the tracks here. We must collect the things for the prison riot.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yes.

HUDSON (as Tink): We need streamers and balloons.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, not… no.

CAMERON (as Karma): Different kind of riot?

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Different kind. Not what we are going for.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, I don’t… no.

LILIT (as Xianna): Different time. Different time.

HUDSON (as Tink): It’s like Miranda’s 50th birthday, “oh, she’s a riot,” and then you would do the streamers and balloons.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, no, not that.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah no.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, no, no.

CAMERON (as Karma): Nuh-uh.

LILIT (as Xianna): Like actual one.

HUDSON (as Tink): Got it.

LILIT (as Xianna): So we are going to get the prison hooch. We will get bottles and rags and we will tell HK to go get Sentinel, and then we will start a riot and stab a few people, and then we will go into the vents.

CAMERON (as Karma): So stabbing people, I think I can get knives from the kitchen, but I have to figure out a way to trick the knife blocks into letting me keep the knife and not telling the kitchen droid that I took them. Also, another explosive option, there’s a very large amount of flour just stacked up hiding a secret tunnel in the pantry.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, that is good too.

HUDSON: [chuckles]

CAMERON (as Karma): We can take out the kitchen that way as well.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh! Do you think you could store bottles and rags and the prison hooch somewhere in that pantry behind the bags of flour so it is all contained and ready to go?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): Cool.

CAMERON (as Karma): I think I can do that.

LILIT (as Xianna): I’mma go find Zebadiah. Okie.

HUDSON (as Tink): And, break. [claps]

CAMERON: [laughing] We all put our hands in the middle and go “hyah!”

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): One, two, three, break.

LILIT: And Xianna twirls around and heads off into the crowd in search of Zebadiah.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hey Karma, what do you wanna do? This break was real confusing.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, I don’t know where we’re breaking to. Well…

HUDSON (as Tink): Should’ve discussed that. We’ll know next time.

CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm.

HUDSON (as Tink): Xianna’s getting kind of away. Let’s follow them?

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay!

HUDSON: We follow Xianna.

CAMERON: From our previous prison yard experience, Xianna could probably use some protection. [laughs]

HUDSON: Yeah.

NICK: Yeah, that’s probably true. So we see Karma and Tink hurrying to catch up with Xianna. Xianna heads across the yard. You’re looking for somebody named Zebadiah. How are you hoping to identify this person?

LILIT: If Xianna was told that Zebadiah is a Klatooinian, she figures that there’s probably not too many of them in this prison and is just going to search for them and hope that if there is more than one that Klatooinian knows where Zebadiah is.

NICK: Do you wanna make me a Survival check to track this person down, or Streetwise, or Perception?

LILIT: I will go with a Streetwise, because I have Streetwise. What do you think the difficulty would be?

NICK: Hard.

LILIT: Okay, one success and six advantages.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Wow. Okay. Be thinking about what you want those advantages to be. You head your way across the yard. I think we get a zoomed out shot of Xianna, and Karma and Tink flanking her, as they start to head into some more of the groups of people that are more closely gathered, and in a corner of the yard you see a Klatooinian, an older man, he’s got just a little bit of a belly and his face is more saggy than his race would normally be. This is an older gentleman. He is sitting kind of in the corner. There’s a couple of other Klatooinians around him, and little groups of people will come up and talk to him and they’ll talk for a while, and it looks like somewhere in between a negotiation and just chewing the fat, just having a conversation.

As you get closer you see the one that seems to be in charge is holding a thick stub of a cigar and is puffing on it a little bit, and there is a group of three Jawas talking to them, so you hear [high-pitched Jawa gibberish] and you hear this Klatooinian take the cigar out of his mouth and he says:

NICK (as Zebadiah): Look, I don’t care exactly what you’re looking for, I’m not giving it to you if you don’t give me the supplies. I cannot make bricks without clay.

NICK: The Jawas get mad, and you hear them go [more gibberish].

NICK (as Zebadiah): No, I don’t have an egg. You have to have the egg. That’s the point.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: And you see several rude hand gestures coming from inside of brown cloaks, and you hear [gibberish] and they stomp away angrily. You see the guy in charge chomp on his cigar a little bit, pull it out, and say:

NICK (as Zebadiah): I never can understand them. They just seem to get it all mixed up about how this works exactly.

NICK: And there is nobody else around. You are able to approach.

LILIT: Xianna walks up.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello. I have been told that you are Zebadiah. That is correct?

NICK (as Zebadiah): I am indeed. Zebadiah Drall, at your service.

LILIT (as Xianna): Alright. I am Xianna, and I heard that you are the one who makes the prison hooch around here.

NICK (as Zebadiah): Oh now-now my dear, let’s not be calling it hooch. I make liquid art as it were.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK (as Zebadiah): I make our existence here in the cage more enjoyable for everybody, for a price.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie, that is wonderful and very poetic, and great branding.

NICK (as Zebadiah): Why thank you.

LILIT (as Xianna): However, we are in need of just alcohol. It does not need to taste good, it just needs to be, uh, high proof, like at least 40% and upwards.

NICK (as Zebadiah): Interesting. Now why would you not be caring about the flavor or the style and only about the alcoholic content? I will say my interest is piqued.

HUDSON (as Tink): So I could actually answer that one. Hi, I’m Tink.

NICK (as Zebadiah): Hello Tink, nice to meet you. My name is Zebadiah Drall.

HUDSON (as Tink): I am a doctor, and we need the high proof alcohol for… We just keep scraping our legs, keep scraping our arms, just falling all over the place. I was inebriated the other day, sunflowered my room, just slipped on it, just fell face-first.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): So uh, you know, the stuff they got back at the clinic is just not up to snuff.

NICK (as Zebadiah): The sunflower being the most uncomfortable of expulsions. I do understand, and am sorry to hear of your ailment, sir.

HUDSON (as Tink): Thank you.

NICK (as Zebadiah): If you could roll me some kind of Deception check, because you’re lying through your teeth, boy.

[laughter]

HUDSON: This is my first roll.

NICK: Hey! Try to make people play the game. This is against two purples and a red.

LILIT: Ooh! Heh.

HUDSON: So a triumph cancels out a despair, right?

LILIT: No.

NICK: No, you get both.

CAMERON: No, they both occur.

HUDSON: Oh… well then. Hold on.

LILIT: What are the rest…?

[giggling]

HUDSON: I have a success with a triumph and a despair.

NICK: Wow.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Okay! So, Zebadiah looks at the three of you and says:

NICK (as Zebadiah): You know, you seem familiar. Have we met before?

HUDSON (as Tink): I do get around. Potentially?

NICK (as Zebadiah): Well either way, I feel that I inherently trust you and your position, sir. Unfortunately, I have a bit of, uh, despairing news. All of my high grain alcohol got put up as a sort of “informal reward” for whoever wins the next volleyball tournament.

CAMERON: [exasperated sigh and laugh]

LILIT (as Xianna): [whining] But we already did volleyball!

HUDSON (as Tink): Wait, wait, wait, but we won, so we can win again.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, I know, but I don’t… If we are going to do it can we just do it in like a short montage instead of like two whole episodes?

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): Just like a 30 second thing and there’s like upbeat music and it’s just like little, you know, three second cuts of video.

HUDSON (as Tink): Xianna, you and I both know we can’t afford the rights to Danger Zone.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): Well okay, we’ll get a knock-off version.

CAMERON (as Karma): Can we still get a couple of hot guys to be on our team, though? Who are shirtless and can high-five.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): We can afford that at least, though, right?

LILIT (as Xianna): So much high-fiving.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay great.

NICK (as Zebadiah): Now, it sounds like you all have played volleyball before. What prison did you play in? Sometimes the rules are a little different.

CAMERON (as Karma): I’m gonna say that the rules are probably extremely different from the last time that we played, and I would appreciate if you would tell us what the rules are in the cage.

NICK (as Zebadiah): All I’ve done is supply the reward, unfortunately. You’ll have to figure that out for yourself, but I will say the game is a little less “friendly” than you may consider it to be on the outside. I would, uh, make sure that you’re well-armed.

HUDSON (as Tink): So the balls have spikes?

LILIT (as Xianna): No-no-no, you will get like shivved and stuff.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh! So you, like, do wolverine hands and just go at it. Well, that’ll pop the ball though, we can’t do that.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Well no, you want to keep it like in a pocket or something so that any prison guards don’t see.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh…

LILIT (as Xianna): And you gotta get real close, and I don’t necessarily know if I want to teach you how to shiv someone properly, Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): I think I’m just gonna rely on my street smarts.

CAMERON: [chortles]

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie, that is indeed not a skill. There is Streetwise.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): Wait, or Street Smarts might actually be—

CAMERON (as Karma): I think it’s a talent?

LILIT (as Xianna): Street Smarts is a talent.

[laughter]

HUDSON (as Tink): And I am quite talented in that, so I’ll get by.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright, well…

LILIT (as Xianna): I have both the Street Smarts talent and the Streetwise skill, so this will be okay.

HUDSON (as Tink): I think this is gonna turn out just fine~

CAMERON: [smiling] Oh gosh.

NICK (as Zebadiah): I am inspired by your confidence, friend. Unless there’s something else I can do for you, while I don’t have anything particularly good for disinfecting I do have some lovely toilet wines, and we are mostly out of snacks. If you could arrange a trade maybe of some Spunyuns or some of the good ramen I could get you some toilet wine here by the time lights out would occur.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, I’m going to keep my Spunyuns. Do you know to compete in the volleyball tournament do you have to buy in or do you just join?

NICK (as Zebadiah): Oh yes, there is a buy-in. The tournament itself is actually organized by the guards. They watch it for entertainment. If you are able to sink in an ante then you qualify for the reward if your team wins.

LILIT (as Xianna): I thought I asked Filbert if this was one of those shitty fucking prisons where the warden or the guards organize sports for fun and I swear to the Force he told me no.

CAMERON: [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): I also remember him saying no.

NICK (as Zebadiah): Well, they’re not organizing the sport, they’re just organizing the tournament. It’s a distinction.

CAMERON (as Karma): Uh… is it, though?

LILIT (as Xianna): That is the same thing!

HUDSON (as Tink): So no, no-no, no-no, it’s not that. It’s kind of like they’re already in control of us so they’re organizing it…

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes!

HUDSON (as Tink): …but it’s decentralized. You see?

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh gosh.

HUDSON (as Tink): It’s decentralized because you have many different types of prisoners within the game.

CAMERON (as Karma): No…

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, so do the guards have their own team? Because I am not doing that bullshit again.

NICK (as Zebadiah): Oh no, the guards do not participate. Honestly, this is more of a cover for a blood sport than anything specifically relating to the game of volleyball.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh good.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie.

HUDSON (as Tink): I think we can handle that. Maybe we can get the referee some bribes or something.

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t know. I think we are probably better at blood sport than we are at volleyball, so…

HUDSON (as Tink): Hey, and we won volleyball, so guess what we can do in this one. Win even harder.

CAMERON (as Karma): Maybe our prize will give us a mug, that we can treasure, always.

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): [whining] I don’t want another mug.

CAMERON (as Karma): How are we gonna drink all of our alcohol that we get? That we aren’t using to clean cuts.

HUDSON (as Tink): Wait. We’re using them to clean cuts.

CAMERON (as Karma): I’m just saying, you’re using them to clean cuts, what are we going to drink it in when you’re not paying attention?

LILIT (as Xianna): Whatever container it comes in.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay fair. I just think another mug would be nice.

LILIT (as Xianna): So now we have to go figure out how to sign up for the volleyball tournament. Zebadiah, who the fuck do we talk to to do that?

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as Zebadiah): Most of the guards would be able to point you in the right direction. I believe that this one is organized by a guard named, uh, Smith? Should be able to find him pretty easily. He’s usually patrolling the yard around this time.

LILIT: Xianna just veers away from this group and heads towards the fence, and when she gets there—I’m imagining it’s one of those big chain link fences.

NICK: What do you mean by big chain link, like the chain links themselves are big, or…?

HUDSON: The ones that come inwards and have the spikes at the top?

LILIT: Yeah, just like a big chain link fence.

NICK: Yeah, it’s just a big ass chain link fence.

LILIT: Okay.

NICK: We borrowed a set from a prison movie for this. That’s what we did.

[chuckling]

LILIT: But hooks one hand in the little chains and starts waving with the other hand.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello. I would like to talk to one of the guards, a Smith, about the volleyball.

NICK: You see, kind of like before, there are two guards patrolling on the ground around the fence at opposite corners of the yard. Two of them come over, and they look like they’re excited to maybe get to stun you or something, and then as you say that they look a little disappointed. One of the guards looks at the other guard and says:

NICK (as guard1): Yeah, I do think Smith was organizing it this time. Where is he? He didn’t report for duty in like the last two days.

CAMERON: I thought I recognized that name. [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t care if he is sick or something. Does he have like an assistant or is there anyone else running the game? I just want to play the stupid volleyball.

NICK (as guard1): Yeah, you know, Smith, when he’s out, him and Jones are real buddy-buddy, I’m sure he could take your ante for you if you’re interested in the volleyball tournament.

NICK: The other guard looks a little confused.

NICK (as guard2): Wait, no. I haven’t seen Jones either. He was here a couple days ago, but I didn’t see him yesterday.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh my—GAHHH.

CAMERON (as Karma): I heard that droid guard was covering for them.

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t care which guard it is. Is there just, please, is there a guard who I can give whatever the payment is so I can play this kriffing volleyball game? I don’t care about your personal lives.

NICK: The two guards look kind of sad and insulted that you don’t care about their personal lives.

LILIT (as Xianna): I am very sorry, but I have been here not even a week. I am not invested in any of your lives yet.

NICK: They kind of shrug.

NICK (as guard1): Well we’ll see who’s collecting the ante.

NICK: And they leave, and you get stuck just awkwardly waiting by this fence. You see them walk off, talk to some other guards, they gesticulate and look confused and walk away. A while later from around the corner by where the fence joins with the commissary, so there’s like a little bit of a spot that’s hard to see, you hear:

NICK (as HK): Secretive Statement: Psst, are you trying to get into the volleyball game?

LILIT (as Xianna): [fed up] Oh my god, yes!

CAMERON (as Karma): [pleasantly] Yes!

NICK (as HK): So I don’t know exactly how this happened, but I think I’m in charge of the volleyball game now. I’m pretty sure I’m the ref.

CAMERON (as Karma): You’re welcome.

NICK (as HK): Yeah. Everyone just started saying I was in charge. I don’t know what that was all about, Karma.

CAMERON (as Karma): You just seemed like a good person to be in charge.

LILIT (as Xianna): So but that means you can call things in our favor.

NICK (as HK): Yes, but I can’t be seen being too unfavorable. The good news is I am a master of deception, so no one will see through my subtle ruses.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well exactly, you just have to mildly ignore the things we do and just be hyper focused on the other team.

NICK (as HK): Yes. Anybody who is caught assaulting the other team gets stunned. These are the rules.

CAMERON (as Karma): Sounds fair.

LILIT (as Xianna): But not for us. Don’t stun us.

NICK (as HK): I can’t promise anything, but I’ll do my best.

LILIT (as Xianna): Or, if you have to, just stun Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): I can take a couple.

LILIT (as Xianna): Exactly.

CAMERON (as Karma): So is this still a 6-on-6 volleyball game?

NICK (as HK): It sure is.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay. Can you stun the three other people we get to join our team?

CAMERON: [giggles]

NICK (as HK): Why?

LILIT (as Xianna): No, just Tink.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, just Tink? Okay. No, just for if you have to punish our team for something, just don’t shoot one of us.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hey, if we get Big Jeyb on our team won’t that take up most of the court and we’re set?

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t think Big Jeyb would play in the team.

HUDSON (as Tink): We haven’t asked.

CAMERON (as Karma): I made a friend before we got into solitary named Blue. She’s real tall and really freaking strong.

LILIT (as Xianna): And I have a friend who is here.

HUDSON (as Tink): And I have a… oh, well I guess I have a—

CAMERON (as Karma): You have a roommate.

LILIT (as Xianna): You have Filbert.

HUDSON (as Tink): I have Filbert.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): You and Filbert are roommates. Filbert can be on the team.

HUDSON (as Tink): Maybe I should rethink this. My other green fellow, Greerso, me and him, we could volleyball.

CAMERON (as Karma): Ziller?

HUDSON (as Tink): Ziller! Ziller, yes, yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): You really need to remember his name, Tink. If you’re pretending to be friends, this is gonna be real awkward if you can’t remember his name.

HUDSON (as Tink): You know, sometimes when you start pretending to be friends you end up really becoming friends. Haven’t you ever seen a movie?

LILIT (as Xianna): No.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, suggestion. From what I have witnessed of Ziller, just call him brother and you don’t have to worry about a name at all.

HUDSON (as Tink): Brother. Okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): Because he calls literally everyone brother, so you’ll be good.

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, HK, since you are our friend we don’t have to give you any sort of buy-in to enter the tournament. We can just enter, right?

NICK (as HK): I’m afraid that’s not how it works. I have to be able to submit the pile of entries to the file I found on Smith’s bod—I mean, that Smith entrusted to me.

CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, we all know you killed him. How much is it? Because I have exactly 200 Credits and a bag of Spunyuns.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): They are flaming hot if it matters.

NICK (as HK): Good news, if you have 200 Credits and a bag of Spunyuns, you are a third of the way there. It is 600 Credits and three bags of Spunyuns.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh my gosh. Seriously?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh my god. I have 200 Credits and a bag of Spunyuns. Can you just take that?

NICK (as HK): As a down payment, sure, although I recommend you use that as seed money to get the rest of the application. I’m so sorry, my hands are tied.

LILIT: Xianna just starts walking away while screaming.

LILIT (as Xianna): [while moving away from the microphone] Aaaaaah~!

[laughter]

HUDSON (as Tink): So, seed money, does that mean we’re doing a startup?

CAMERON (as Karma): A gambling startup, yes Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, that kind of seed money. Okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, that kind of seed money.

HUDSON (as Tink): You’re getting my hopes up here.

CAMERON (as Karma): That kind of seed Spunyuns.

LILIT: Xianna has started to storm off to where they are playing Rancor Roundup, and when she gets over there just hops in and says:

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. How much is it to buy into a round?

NICK: The group looks at you, and Tink and Karma are running to keep up.

CAMERON: I stay by HK.

NICK: You stay by HK?

CAMERON: I have a question for him.

NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: I run over to Xianna.

NICK: Okay. The Rodian from earlier and some of the other gamblers look at Xianna.

NICK (as Rodian): You can’t join the game. You are friends with Tadzi, and Tadzi cheated. You’re not invited anymore.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well just because Tadzi cheated doesn’t mean that I am going to cheat.

NICK (as Rodian): Even worse than cheating, Tadzi welched on a bet too, so it’s not a great start for you.

HUDSON (as Tink): How much for me to enter?

NICK (as Rodian): I don’t know, like 200 Credits and a bag of Spunyuns I guess.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh. Tink, do you even know how to play this game?

HUDSON (as Tink): What game?

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): Exactly.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, let’s do it.

LILIT (as Xianna): But I feel like your system is kind of weird if you don’t ask to see the money first. Maybe the problem was less with Tadzi and more with the system and setup of this game.

NICK (as Rodian): You might be right. Tadzi has a long and detailed backstory explaining how much we trusted them, so the fact that betrayal happened still smarts. We were very close, so this is pretty disappointing. Even though we were partially responsible we still feel bad about it.

LILIT (as Xianna): Also, I had not seen Tadzi in like ten years, so… I don’t know how that factors into your equations of whether or not I am trustworthy.

NICK (as Rodian): You are more than welcome to advise your friend, but we will not be letting you touch the sacred Rancor cubes.

HUDSON (as Tink): Aw, Rancor cubes, that looks easy. Let’s do it.

LILIT (as Xianna): [sighs] Ugh, this fucking prison is the worst shithole I have ever been to.

NICK (as Rodian): Welcome to the cage.

LILIT (as Xianna): It is the worst prison.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m actually having an okay time.

LILIT (as Xianna): The worst one. Okay fine, my friend here, Tink, is going to enter, and here.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yesss.

LILIT: And is rummaging around in her coat and just spikes the bag of Funyuns onto the ground.

LILIT (as Xianna): Here are the Spunyuns, they are flaming hot flavored, and here are the 200 Credits.

NICK: They look at that. it lands in a pile of other snacks and money, and we’re gonna cut away from that game really quick. Karma, you’re staying by Hank?

CAMERON: Yes.

NICK: What are you asking him?

CAMERON (as Karma): Since I know you have been exploring a lot of the closets in the prison recently, just during your guard rounds, have you by chance located where the contraband is stored? Like say if a prisoner were to have a knife on them or something and the guards confiscated it, where that might end up?

NICK (as HK): Answer: Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Could you assist in some way in either retrieving things from there or getting us too there? Or at least one of us.

NICK (as HK): The contraband is stored in the evidence locker in the basement of the administration building. I could probably get somebody in there or take things from there one time, but it would result in the termination of my contract. We would want to be careful on timing.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay. Noted. Thank you.

NICK (as HK): You are welcome.

CAMERON (as Karma): Have a lovely day.

NICK (as HK): And you as well. Ooh, is that Officer Peters? If you’ll excuse me for a second.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as HK): Officer Peters, can you come with me? I have a question for you.

CAMERON: Karma heads over to where the game is occurring.

NICK: We get the shot of Tink. They put the two chance cubes in your hand and you start to shake them. We get the shot of you throwing the dice and them rolling along the two lines of people watching it, and that’s gonna be the end of the episode.

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners to find the show, and every time we get one the squad gets warm fuzzies.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites, Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Hot tub hangout, which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your food and cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

Word document download: S2 Episode 5 Competing Objectives

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 5:
Competing Objectives

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

Okay folks, it’s time for the official release. The Virtual Tabletop Squadron Convention will be July 30 through August 2. The main panels can be watched on our Twitch channel at twitch.tv/TabletopSquadron. Links to the schedule with panel information can be found on our website, in the show notes, and on our social media.

I’ll also be running a game of Edge of the Empire during the con. We’ll be picking four players by a lottery system. You can find more information on it in the schedule and its entry form. Links can be found in the show notes as well as in the schedule and on social media. The entry form closes at 11:59 PM Central on July 16.

In addition to that game, different community members will also be running online board games and RPGs during the con. Our Discord is a great place to hear more about those. There will also be after hours panels as Patreon exclusives. Additional information for those will be posted on our Patreon page closer to the event. On top of that, we have a limited edition con t-shirt available in our TeePublic store at bit.ly/tabletopshop.

Additionally, I have a name correction for this week. Donavon Seitzinger, thank you again for your patronage, and good work collecting that intel so far from your assignment last episode. If I’ve mispronounced any of our patrons’ names in the past during thank-yous, please reach out to the show so we can issue a correction. We’re able to keep making this project because of you all, and it’s important to us that we do thank-yous right. Thanks again to all of our patrons.

Music credit and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.

So now, let’s get into the episode.

##

NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 5. I’m your hosting game master, Nick. Welcome back! Hope everything’s going okay and that you’re staying safe. We hope that you are, and we are attempting to do the same. Let’s all go around the table and everybody say who they are and who they’re playing today, and if you spent any experience points tell us what you spent those on, because I definitely gave you some last time. I remember doing that. Good for me.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Starting with Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello~ My name is Cameron, and I am playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter. I did spend my experience. I bought two talents on my Marauder talent tree. I bought two ranks of Feral Strength, so now on a successful Melee or Brawl attack I can add 2 damage.

NICK: Nice.

CAMERON: Because I am ferally strong?

NICK: Cool!

CAMERON: Mm-hmm.

NICK: Yeah, the Marauder talent tree has a lot of Melee bonuses, so that’s scary.

CAMERON: I’m sure Melee and Brawl won’t come up.

NICK: Yeah, probably not in this setting.

CAMERON: Nuh-uh.

NICK: Up next we have Lilit.

LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Did you spend any experience?

LILIT: I did not.

NICK: Okay.

LILIT: Saving it for something cool.

NICK: Sounds good. Time to make like a custom talent tree or something, break out that Genesis book. Last but not least, we have Hudson.

HUDSON: What if I was least, though? Do we need to reflect on that?

CAMERON: Aww.

[chuckling]

NICK: I don’t think so. I do not feel that you are least.

HUDSON: Thank you.

LILIT: New discussion podcast. Who is the least?

[laughter]

NICK: Who’s the least and who’s the weast?

LILIT: Weast~

HUDSON: So, I’m Hudson…

[laughter]

HUDSON: I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: Did you spend any experience?

HUDSON: Oh, nah.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: Okay. We’re storing up. I’m looking forward to that power spike later on. Next, let’s do the Destiny Roll!

CAMERON: One dark side.

LILIT: One dark side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

LILIT: We’re all the least.

CAMERON: Oh no.

HUDSON: [chuckles]

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON: Yup.

NICK: Cool, so three dark side is our total?

CAMERON: Yup.

NICK: Nice. So when we last left off the three of you had been divided up into your work groups around the Kajim Regional Incarceration Facility. Xianna went to the library and was casing the place for cameras and vents, trying to stay out of the line of sight of Filbert who is also a librarian, or works in the library anyway. I think librarian may be a strong word. Tink was assigned to the clinic and ran into Ziller, the Gregarious Green Gigoran quartermaster that you were partially responsible for getting sent to prison in the first place quite a while ago, but you were able to talk him into being your friend, and Ziller said that he was gonna help you out. Karma was in the kitchen trying to figure out how to steal knives and saw Xianna’s friend Tadzi’texa getting attacked by a Rodian with a sharpened spoon, and we last left off with Karma grabbing the nearest thing to hand and chucking it at them.

We open on Karma in the kitchen. She’s wrapped her hand around a heavy cutting board. As we zoom out, we see a Rodian leaping through the air. He’s wielding a sharpened spoon and descending upon Tadzi’texa, a blue Twi’lek with sharpened canines who had just returned a knife to the secured knife block. So, to start off with, Karma, I need you to roll me a heavy weapons attack with average difficulty but two black dice because the weapon is a block and also you’re doing this like from the hip, trying to go fast.

CAMERON: Okay. Can I remove one black die for Quickdraw, because I can draw and holster a weapon as an incidental, so the fact that I’m doing it from the hip… I’m good at that?

NICK: Sure, I’ll let you do that.

CAMERON: Okay, and then I’m taking a blue die for Quick Strike, because technically the Rodian hasn’t done anything yet.

NICK: I guess that is true.

CAMERON: Then, am I medium range?

NICK: Yes.

[music begins comprised of assorted kitchen noises]

CAMERON: Okay. Two successes, two threats, and a triumph.

NICK: Oh. What would you like that triumph to be? Noting that you could just use that to completely end this fight. This Rodian isn’t particularly tough.

CAMERON: What did you say the damage on my cutting board was going to be? [laughs]

NICK: Plus 1. It’s a cutting board.

CAMERON: Okay, so it’ll be Brawn +1?

NICK: Sure. We’re playing it kind of fast and loose.

CAMERON: Okay, I was wondering. So it would be 8 damage.

NICK: So the question is, if I just said they’re not particularly impressive, do you think 8 damage is enough to bring them down and you wanna try that and use your triumph for something else, or do you wanna just use the triumph to make sure?

CAMERON: I think I’m gonna go with the damage…

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: …and use the triumph to not draw the ire of the kitchen droid for starting a fight in their kitchen.

NICK: Okay. The kitchen master?

CAMERON: Yeah.

NICK: So you hit the Rodian smack in the face. They are knocked off course and bounce off of the kitchen master. Tadzi turns around and their eyes get real wide.

NICK (as Tadzi): Oh, that was particularly close. Thanks for that.

NICK: And the kitchen master droid says:

NICK (as kitchen master): What’s going on?

NICK: And the Rodian grabs their sharpened spoon off the ground and turns around. They look extremely unsteady, but they are still standing, and they are stalking towards you. What do you do?

CAMERON: I have an important question.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: Did I heal up from my last fight while I was in solitary?

NICK: How much damage did you take?

CAMERON: Four.

NICK: You were there for four days. I think you still have 2 wounds.

CAMERON: Okay. We were there for four days?

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: Oh god. Okay, but I’m back up to full on strain, right? Because I would have slept.

NICK: Yeah, strain recharges pretty quick.

CAMERON: Cool. Alright, just felt that was important to get set aside before I potentially get hit. I’m gonna point at him and yell…

CAMERON (as Karma): He’s got a shiv!

CAMERON: [laughing] …and see what happens.

NICK: Wanna make me like a Charm roll or something?

CAMERON: Mm-hmm. Sure. What’s the difficulty of me being charming?

NICK: Average.

CAMERON: I’m sure it’ll be fine. A hundred percent wash.

NICK: Huh, okay. So, Tadzi looks back at you and goes…

NICK (as Tadzi): Uh… yeah!

NICK: …and the kitchen master says…

NICK (as kitchen master): Threat acknowledged.

NICK: …and just kinda stares at you. The kitchen’s mostly cleared out at this point. People just kinda booked it when a fight started.

CAMERON (as Karma): I just wanted that logged in the record.

NICK: [laughs] Yeah.

CAMERON: Then I pick up a cutting board and hold it as a shield, because I can do that as another incidental. [laughs]

[kitchen-based music ends]

NICK: [laughs] Okay. We’ll see how this goes. Roll me two green and a yellow versus average, but with a black die because of your shield.

CAMERON: One failure, one advantage.

NICK: So, the Rodian attacks you, you’re able to block it, but they are able to knock the cutting board away from you to where you can’t reach it anymore. The Rodian comes at you again. You can see that the spoon is already starting to kinda break under these couple of assaults. Tadzi is trying to circle around to flank him.

Coming out of one of the pantries you see a Tognath, which is like an insectoid mammal. They have bald heads with a crest kind of on the front and these white pale sunken eyes and a breathing mask that looks almost embedded into their face. This Tognath has a breather attached to their mask that looks a lot like what an X-Wing pilot would have hanging off of their jumpsuit, and it’s hanging off of their prison jumpsuit.

This Tognath basically just walks up and grabs the Rodian in a rear naked choke and just stares at you, karma, as the Rodian’s eyes roll back in its head. The Tognath drops the Rodian and turns to the kitchen master and says:

NICK (as Tognath): It’s been handled.

NICK: The kitchen master turns around and goes back to chopping vegetables and stuff at one of the tables. It’s not really equipped to deal with these security situations. But a siren starts to go off, and this strange mechanical insectoid creature says…

NICK (as Tognath): You, come with me.

NICK: …and points at Karma.

NICK (as Tadzi): You should probably go with him. I’ll be okay. I’ll tell them that I got attacked and you saved my life, so I’ll take the fall for this one. No big deal.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

CAMERON: I’m gonna pick up my cutting board and put it back in the sink though.

NICK: [laughs] You tidy up the kitchen before you go.

CAMERON: Yeah. I made a mess, I’m gonna clean it up.

NICK: Cool. This alien ducks back into the pantry, and as you go back in you see that there’s a pile of flour sacks, and he pushes those aside, and there’s a chiseled out hole in the wall and he says…

NICK (as Tognath): Come on this way. It’s like we were never here.

NICK: …and slides in between the two walls.

CAMERON (as Karma): [uncertain] Okay.

NICK: And you go with him?

CAMERON: I’mma go with him.

NICK: Okay! We’re gonna cut away from you. So, we’re gonna cut over to Xianna. Xianna, if I remember correctly the last thing you were doing was sort of casing the library. You had found a blank spot in where the cameras look and some access to some vents, but it was going to be a little difficult to get from there to the vents without being seen, and you were still kind of sizing up the territory. What are you working on?

LILIT: Xianna’s pushing the hover cart full of holo books around and is probably not putting them back where they’re supposed to be, just kind of wherever she decides looks correct and is using that to sort of snake around the shelving units to see the best way to get underneath the camera and disable that if that is an option.

NICK: Yeah. You don’t get the feeling that this technology is particularly advanced. This is an old prison. Roll me a Skulduggery. This one’s gonna be hard.

LILIT: That is one success and three advantages.

NICK: Okay. Were you trying to actually disable the camera or just get a good look at it?

LILIT: Get a good look at it and see the best way to disable it: if it’s a camera that could have its wires cut, or have something thrown at it, if it could be re-angled up towards the ceiling, or if this is a ‘you throw paint on it’ type of deal.

NICK: I’ll say with your advantages… this is one that you could disable ahead of time or rig in such a way that it would be very easy to make the camera feed cut out when you wanted to. There’s some exposed wires up near the wall. The hard part would be just making sure nobody comes in on you while you’re getting it set up but once you had it that way you could basically, like, if you elbowed that wall you could finish shorting it out or something like that and make it go down pretty easily. It’s a model of camera you’ve seen before.

LILIT: Cool. Then, once she’s done putting all the books up she’s going to take the cart back to the front desk where Filbert is and start chatting him up.

LILIT (as Xianna): So, Filbert, um… How many people would you say is normally in this room at a time?

NICK (as Filbert): Casing the joint, huh?!

LILIT (as Xianna): I am just curious. Definitely not for breaking out in any way whatsoever. In case I wanted to flirt with people, and not make too many other people jealous, you know.

NICK (as Filbert): Ah, trying to start the romance off right, I see.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. Things have been rocky with my girlfriend, so fresh start, new partner.

NICK (as Filbert): Aw, that’s too bad. I’m sure your girlfriend’s a heck of a lady. Let’s talk about that a while.

NICK: Flip me a dark side point.

[laughter]

CAMERON: Okay?

[gentle acoustic guitar music begins]

NICK (as Filbert): Do you wanna talk about it? I just couldn’t help but see the flicker of pain in your eyes. I’m a pretty good listener, because I got these big floppy Yoda ears.

[laughter]

CAMERON: He called them Yoda ears?

NICK: Yep.

CAMERON: [laughing] Okay, cool.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, yes, everybody knows that Yoda ears are big pointy ears, and that is just a thing that is consistent through all species. It is not a species name. It is just a term for a type of ear. Yes. We are all aware.

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Anyways. No, my girlfriend asked me to move into her ship, because I was kind of not living anywhere at the time, and then I said ha-ha-ha no, because commitment issues? And then she was like well okay, but what if you just, like, take a toothbrush and you leave your toothbrush here? And I also said ha-ha-ha… no. And then we got into a fight.

NICK (as Filbert): So do you feel like it’s because you don’t want to commit to this girlfriend or is it just that you’re scared to and that step is intimidating for you?

LILIT (as Xianna): The second one.

NICK (as Filbert): Oh, I see. Maybe we should try like roleplaying a little bit. What’s your girlfriend’s name?

LILIT (as Xianna): Nolaa.

NICK (as Filbert): Alright. I’ll be Nolaa, and you be you.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

LILIT (as Xianna): I would prefer not, but okay.

NICK: [smiling] And we’re gonna cut away from that.

[laughter, guitar music ends]

NICK: So Tink, the last thing that happened to you is you were in the prison clinic and you had convinced Ziller that you should be friends. Ziller turns towards the nurse that’s in there and says:

NICK (as Ziller): Hey, I’m gonna have to take this guy up to see the boss. You mind if we step out for a minute?

NICK: The nurse just shakes their head and goes about their business working on somebody who is very ill.

NICK (as Ziller): Come on, brother. I think there’s someone you need to meet.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh~ Who?

NICK (as Ziller): You’ll see in a minute.

NICK: Do you follow him?

HUDSON: Yes.

NICK: Cool. So you head out of the clinic and you see actually that there’s a large, much nicer building made out of white stone. It kind of looks like a governor’s mansion or something. It’s got pillars out front, it’s got a rounded portico, and it’s got two stories with large square windows. There’s bars over the windows. This building is separated from most of the rest of the prison even though it is within the walls. The building itself actually makes up part of this back wall. The clinic is not within the chain link corridors, and neither is this building. You can see that there is a little chain link corridor that leads straight from this large white building into the mess hall, but there’s a side door very close to the clinic that you’re able to walk in.

As you walk into this building you can see that there is a sign over the door that, in Aurebesh, says Admin Building, and it’s night and day compared to everything else you’ve seen so far. There’s nice dark wood paneling along the walls, there is a worn but intricate carpet that looks like it used to be very plush but has been tramped down over years and years, so clean but worn, and there are portraits of people wearing what look like civilian uniforms along the walls, maybe wardens or captains of the guard. You walk along this hallway. You can see lots of turn-off doors that show like salons and business offices that are mostly empty.

NICK (as Ziller): Alright brother, you’re gonna have to step quickly. We’re not supposed to be in here without being invited.

NICK: He starts to head up a very large staircase in the middle of the building. There’s a grand foyer with a chandelier. If you go with him, there’s a staircase that goes up to a second floor and another hallway that has what looks like another series of offices. You still tagging along?

HUDSON: I am looking around, and I’m kind of in awe of everything, and I get distracted and don’t really keep up.

NICK: Okay. Ziller continues onward and you can hear the grumble of him talking as he gets further and further ahead. Ziller is a big ol’ Gigoran. He is light green, he is imposing, he is very scary in a fight, you’ve seen that first hand, and he seems nervous. He’s got his hands clutched in front of him, and he is talking very quietly. The last thing you hear as he gets out of earshot is:

NICK (as Ziller): The important thing is to stay respectful, and what you gotta do is…

NICK: And he’s away. You’re standing at the top of the stairs looking around at the chandelier, and these portraits, and you are kind of unobserved right now. What do you do?

HUDSON: I’m just looking and kind of talking to myself, and the portraits especially catch my eye.

HUDSON (as Tink): Only important people get portraits. I’m important. I can get a portrait, right? Like, I can just… what, do you commission it? What does commission even mean? One time, one day, I will get a portrait of myself. I will look very snazzy, and that’s just what I’m gonna do. I deserve it. I deserve it.

NICK: You shake off your distraction, and you see Ziller at the far end of the hallway back towards the way you came but on the second floor now, knock tentatively on a door and look around. He sees you basically 40 yards away now and gestures urgently with his hand, like hey, come over here.

HUDSON: Oh. I start running.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: Okay. I was gonna say something about your feet slamming on the ground, but you’re like silent as hell with your Stealth score, so…

HUDSON: Yeah, I am.

[laughter]

NICK: Like a ghost you slide along the corridor and you get there just as the door opens. It’s a Star Wars swooshy door. The door slides open and you see a nicely appointed classical office, and the first thing you see is this large wooden desk that has a leather top and has terminals stuck into it, and there’s a marble cup full of really fancy pens that are glowing sitting on the desk, and there’s a large window with red velvet curtains hanging half covering it, and a globe is sitting off to the side, but it’s a globe of Kajim so it’s mostly just brown and red.

Sitting behind this desk you see a tall man wearing one of those civilian uniforms. It looks kind of like a business suit and a uniform had a baby. It’s got wide lapels, but it also has a rank marker on the chest and it’s got shoulder epaulets and is tailored very finely. You see a tan Zabrak with lighter tan tattoos on his face and a crown of horns, and the warden looks at you and goes:

NICK (as Falx): Well as I live and breathe, if it isn’t Tink!

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh my~ Hi… there. Uh…

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as Falx): Tell me you remember me, Tink. It’s been so long.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, it definitely has. Oh yeah, heh, you know, those were the days. Is this actually, like, is this real mahogany right here? I can smell it.

[laughter]

NICK: You see the door slide shut as you and Ziller enter Falx’s warden office of this prison.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: And we’re going to cut back to Xianna.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes-yes, I agree. I think this all stems from some deep-seated childhood issues of abandonment which I am acknowledging and understand that I should work on and admit to myself that most of the abandonment I faced as a child was from outside forces and not those direct people’s fault.

NICK (as Filbert): Wow. I feel like we’ve made a lot of progress here, but I just wanted to pretend to be a Twi’lek girlfriend. I don’t know how we got to this point.

LILIT (as Xianna): You are just such a good listener.

NICK (as Filbert): It’s the Yoda ears.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): It really is. They are just so big and comforting. You know, you just want to talk about yourself.

NICK (as Filbert): I’m glad that I helped, Xianna. Looks like whoever got assigned guard duty in the library today isn’t coming. That’s interesting. Usually this is the easiest duty, the guards are always here, but we’re not being monitored at all.

LILIT (as Xianna): Interesting. How often do you say that happens?

NICK (as Filbert): I would say I’ve only seen it once, and I’ve been here 22 years.

LILIT (as Xianna): Huh. How much longer is my shift here?

NICK (as Filbert): Uh…

NICK: He looks up at a large analog clock on the wall and looks back to you.

NICK (as Filbert): Probably about two hours. They shift the schedule occasionally. We just have to respond to the bell. It’s supposed to stop us from planning as easily.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, that is plenty of time then. Please cover me.

LILIT: Xianna wants to move the camera so it’s still aimed in the library but it is no longer covering the vent.

NICK: Okay. I don’t think you even need to roll for that. You’ve done enough research on it and everything.

NICK (as Filbert): Alright. I feel like we’ve really bonded learning about your relationship, so I’m feeling very loyal. I’ll make sure nobody comes in.

NICK: And goes and stands by the door.

LILIT (as Xianna): Thank you.

NICK: What does it look like as you get up to the ceiling to rearrange this camera?

LILIT: Xianna moves the hover cart underneath the camera and climbs up onto it to stand up and rearrange the camera, and then once the camera is angled away she wants to go over to the very large vent and start inspecting it to see the best way to open it up.

NICK: Yeah, so the vent is bolted in place, and not with a bolt that has an easy grip on it. It’s a rounded bolt. They must have used a custom bolt gun to put them in, because vents in prisons are not designed to be opened. The good news is this is something that you’ve seen before and you know how to make a hand tool that will be able to grip it and undo it by taking a few basic things apart and making sort of a grabbable hex wrench situation. You have seen these before, it’s pretty standard, but you do not have the materials on you to do it  now.

LILIT: Xianna’s gonna take note of this and then make sure that the camera is, while still angled away from the event, not noticeably angled when you are physically looking at it. She basically wants to see if anyone will come and fix the camera as an indication of how strictly they watch these.

NICK: So, you wait for about 20 minutes and you don’t hear anything, and Filbert leans away from the door where he’s been watching you and the hallway.

NICK (as Filbert): Hey, that’s a pretty good move. You seem to have a good idea for security… I think our guard isn’t coming. Uh… I kinda wanna introduce you to somebody. Will you come with me?

LILIT (as Xianna): That sounds fun.

NICK (as Filbert): Great!

NICK: He walks out of the library. Do you go with him?

LILIT: Yeah. Xianna hops down off of the hover cart and starts walking behind Filbert.

NICK: Cool. We cut away to the south cell block. As we see, covered in flour dust and cobwebs, this Tognath come out of a series of curtains and overlapping cloths that look like a part of the wall, and Karma is close behind him.

NICK (as Tognath): Welcome to the south cell block. I’m here to show you to our leader.

NICK: He starts walking along, and you can see that this building is very similar to the north cell block. It has a lot of gantries, it’s got open air cells, but some of these cells have walls instead of just the bars, and as you’re walking through you don’t hear any calls about fresh meat, everybody is very quiet and reserved. You continue down these gantries and it’s very quiet and dim in here, it’s not as well lit, and you come to the end of the hallway just as we see Filbert and Xianna coming the other way from a different gantry from the direction of the library, and you are both standing in front of a prison cell.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello~

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh hey.

NICK: And Filbert looks at the Tognath and says:

NICK (as Filbert): Endo! What are you doing bringing people over here to see Jeyb? It was my turn to introduce a new recruit.

NICK (as Endo): This one is too good to pass up. She’s already started three fights and it’s been less than a single day.

[laughter]

NICK (as Endo): We need to make sure she’s protected before anything bad happens or the guards get wind.

NICK: From deep within this cell – you see it goes way further back than you would expect, and there is the normal bunk beds and toilet grate and things like that, but then the cell keeps going further back like they took down a wall leading into another cell that just has straight walls, and there is a large comfortable chair up on a dais in there. You can see several prisoners standing around the chair, and the largest Herglic you’ve ever seen is slouched in this chair with rippling muscles. He looks blue whale inspired, so his jaw seems to start just above his bellybutton and come up in a big bullfroggy neck. He’s got huge arms with little fins sticking off of the forearms. You hear Big Jeyb say:

NICK (as Jeyb): Well don’t stand out there in the cold. Come on in and let me get a look at you.

CAMERON: Karma’s walking in and counting on her fingers, because she’s pretty sure she’s only started two fights, [giggles] and is trying to figure out what the third one was.

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT: Xianna skips right in.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello, I am Xianna. I see you have a toilet grate. We have one of those normal, like, regular toilets that comes up, but it has no seat on it. Can we ask for the grate toilet? Like, it is better for your posture to have one of the holes with the grate on it. How do we get that?

NICK (as Jeyb): It seems awful direct for you to immediately start talking about my bathroom situation when I, the ruler of this prison, is here to see if you are worthy of being recruited.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, I am sorry, I just noticed that I have never been to a prison before where there are two different toilets, they always have one or the other, so it is just a very odd thing. Was this complex built at a different time and so then that is why there are two different types of toilets?

NICK (as Jeyb): Oh yes, you have the classical example of different contractors for different sections.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay.

NICK (as Jeyb): I could see about getting you a new grate especially if you come recommended by our good friend Filbert, but the first thing would be you would have to work for me. Let’s talk details.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie. What kind of job?

NICK: [smiling] And we’re gonna cut away from the two of you standing in front of this giant whale person and jump back to Tink. Tink, you’re in an office with Falx, and he says:

NICK (as Falx): Well Tink, my friend, it sure is good to see you. Grab a seat. Can I get you a whiskey, a space gin?

HUDSON (as Tink): Whiskey’s fine.

HUDSON: I’m like in shock that Falx is in front of me right now.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: He quickly snaps his fingers and waves to Ziller, and Ziller very deferentially walks around the desk, opens up the globe where there’s a decanter of what looks like Corellian whiskey, and pours two glasses. He hands one to you and one to Falx, and Falx grabs the glass and looks at it and then slides both of them towards you.

NICK (as Falx): I don’t remember you being too much of a drinker, but I do remember you partaking, friend, so have a couple. We have much to discuss.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright…

HUDSON: Visibly uncomfortable, I start drinking one of the whiskeys.

NICK: Aww.

CAMERON: Aw, oh no.

NICK (as Falx): Well Tink, my good, good friend, you should know that you’ve always been my favorite. How did you come to be in the cage?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, if by cage you mean this prison…

CAMERON: [snickers]

NICK (as Falx): Well yeah, it’s the Kajim Regional Incarceration Facility, “the cage,” that’s what we call it. It makes it sound more foreboding, but it’s also faster.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, KRIF, that’s what that… [stammers] Ka—uh, the facility, yeah. Anyways. So how I got in here. Yeah. So, I was doing my old hacking, you know, work… and ran into some trouble, like you do, and you know…?

NICK (as Falx): I do appreciate how specific you’re being with the situation regarding your incarceration.

HUDSON (as Tink): Honestly, I’m just a little bit surprised to see you, and it’s really just throwing me off my game.

NICK (as Falx): Why would you be surprised to see me, Tink? It’s a common transfer to go from being a regional governor to a warden. It’s basically the same thing. I mean, a minor demotion, but nothing I can’t get around. My brief stint as a smuggler didn’t go well, so I managed to talk myself into this position. It also helped that the old warden vanished mysteriously.

NICK: Ziller chuckles loudly from where he’s standing on the far side of the room.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, yeah, uh… So, alright, I’m just gonna lay the cards on the table because we’re friends. I thought you died.

NICK (as Falx): Stories of my demise are greatly exaggerated.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, I saw you fall to your death, or what I assumed was your death. Do you not remember the last time we saw each other?

NICK (as Falx): Oh, my trusty pilot saved me with a shuttle. It was very dramatic and daring, and if you ever get any leads on where I can find that Sila Rowe let me know, because me and her have a score to settle.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, will do. Okay, making more sense now. So how I got here… So we got the Empire, and we got the Rebellion, and both of them are on my tail, right, because I’m hacking into both their systems. I got one hand on one keyboard, the other hand on another keyboard, hacking both of them at the same time. It’s craziness. What I was trying to get was the secret plans for both their bases so that I could sell them to each other… for maximum profit, and so it would be even so I’m not favoring one side, you know what I mean?

LILIT: [laughs]

NICK (as Falx): Neutrality must be honored. I really appreciate the way you balance the scales in both directions, Tink. Very impressive.

HUDSON (as Tink): Thank you.

NICK (as Falx): And you got caught.

HUDSON (as Tink): And I got caught… hard, and I got sent to this prison, and I’m just making my way through, just day by day. I went into solitary. That wasn’t fun.

NICK (as Falx): Oh no, solitary is designed to be terrible. It actually violates a lot of war conventions and things. You’re not supposed to send people there, but we do.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah, I see. Well hopefully I don’t get there again, and I really appreciate this renewed relationship I have with Ziller. I think that me and him can do a lot of good for your objectives and whatever you need.

NICK (as Falx): So I’m gonna lay it all on the table for you, Tink. Ziller, cover your ears.

NICK: Ziller just glares at Falx, and Falx shrugs.

NICK (as Falx): Ziller’s a fucking nark.

[laughter]

NICK (as Falx): Ziller informs for me. Ziller does anything that I want, and you know why? Because Ziller does not like it in the cage. Ziller would like to leave. Would you like to leave, Tink?

HUDSON (as Tink): I’d like to leave.

NICK (as Falx): Then you should start by doing everything that I ask. Do you know what my objective is?

HUDSON (as Tink): Um… not being a warden anymore?

NICK (as Falx): Well that too, but the best way to do that would be to instill structure and society to this prison. You know how we’re going to do that?

HUDSON (as Tink): Force?

NICK (as Falx): Yes, exactly. I need you to kill Big Jeyb.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): Ohh… Oh, Big Jeyb, the big one, not the other Jeybs I’ve heard about.

NICK: We’re gonna cut away from that to karma and Xianna. Jeyb has stood up off of his throne and his head brushes the eight foot tall ceiling. This is a massive Herglic.

NICK (as Jeyb): So you want to know the job?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, because how else am I going to do the job if I don’t know what the job is? Not to be rude, but I do want to know.

NICK (as Jeyb): Well, you both seem like trustworthy individuals who have done a good job in the prison so far.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

NICK (as Jeyb): So in that case I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m the real person who runs this prison. The warden is new and does not have enough control, and I need you to kill the warden.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie!

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

NICK: And that’s where we’re gonna end the episode.

CAMERON: [laughs]

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners to find the show, and every time we get one the squad gets warm fuzzies.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites, Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Hot tub hangout, which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your food and cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

Word document download: S2 Episode 4 Work Duty

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 4:
Work Duty

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

The Virtual Tabletop Squadron Convention will be July 30 through August 2. Yay~! We already have several guests signed on to talk about everything from game design to group world building. The con events will be mostly organized through Twitch and Discord. Regular panels will be open to everyone, and free! A few after hours events will be for Tabletop Squadron Patreon exclusives. Panels will cover RPGs, podcasting, Star Wars, and Tabletop Squadron specifically. A full schedule will be out at the beginning of July.

I’ll also be running a game! It’s official. The plan is that when the schedule for the con goes live we’ll also have a Google Form where you can sign up to play an Edge of the Empire game run by me. If you fill out the form you’ll be entered in a lottery to be one of the four players. Patrons who sign up will get two entries as a thank you, and then players will be selected at random from the pool. The form will be open for the first week of July, so watch our social media for more info.

You can also buy a limited edition con shirt at bit.ly/tabletopshop. I know that’s a lot. We are very excited to see everyone.

Also, we have a new patron this week. Donavon Seitzinger, thank you so much for supporting the show. We have a special task for someone with your detailed skills. Sentinel found a Jedi library in the Outer Rim, and we need someone to go gather ancient intel. Think you have the time to swing out there and see what’s up? Here’s a bull whip and a fedora if that helps. Thanks!

Music credit and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.

So now, let’s get into the episode.

##

NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 4! Welcome back. I hope that you had a lovely week. … Yup.

CAMERON: [snickers]

NICK: We’re gonna go around the table. Everybody introduced themselves and say who you’re playing today, starting with Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello. I’m Cameron, and I’m playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter.

NICK: Wonderful. Up next we’ve got Hudson.

HUDSON: Hey folks! Nick, it’s great to be back on here.

[laughter]

HUDSON: I’m playing Huds—I am Hudson…

[laughter]

HUDSON: Hi, I’m Hudson. I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: Great to have you. I’m glad you’re bringing that kind of energy to our session today.

HUDSON: It’s very confusing energy, but it’s coming here.

[laughter]

NICK: Last but not least, we’ve got Lilit.

LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, not Hudson, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Wonderful! So, before we get started, let’s do the Destiny Roll.

CAMERON: Two light side.

LILIT: One dark side.

HUDSON: Two light side. I saved the day once again.

CAMERON: Hey. So we have four light side and one dark side.

NICK: Four light side and one dark side. Alright.

When we last left off, Tink was still stuck in solitary confinement playing the harmonica, Karma decided to make friends with a large Herglic named Blue but was found by Ziller, the bounty that she had turned in previously, and Xianna, you found a childhood friend, Tadzi’texa, who was gambling, and they lost on the roll playing Rancor Roundup, and some things happened, and you ended up being involved in a very large prison riot that concluded with Karma and Xianna also being thrown into solitary confinement for an indeterminate amount of time.

So, we open on a comic book looking panel of Karma and Xianna and Tink and Sentinel kind of in a four-panel on the screen, and you’re all sitting in these dark, featureless rooms leaning against the walls, and you are all slightly chilly and you don’t know how long you’ve been here. After a long period of silence while you think about your situation you decide to have a conversation.

CAMERON (as Karma): I think we should have a conversation.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Great. Thanks.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. Conversations are good.

CAMERON (as Karma): How have you been, Sentinel?

NICK (as Sentinel): Oh, I’ve been imprisoned.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hey, us too.

NICK (as Sentinel): It’s been pretty kriffy.

LILIT (as Xianna): Samesies.

NICK (as Sentinel): I do have to say, it’s kind of a strange coincidence that you are all imprisoned here…

CAMERON (as Karma): It really is, isn’t it?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, it is such a coincidence. Oh! I am winking. Nobody can see me winking through the little crack in the wall, but please note that I am winking.

HUDSON (as Tink): Strange coincidence is what I was described as growing up.

[laughter]

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay?

LILIT (as Xianna): What is the coincidence part? I understand the strange, but…

HUDSON (as Tink): The coincidence? Oh. Sometimes I’m just there, you know?

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, yeah. Okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay… huh.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah…

NICK (as Sentinel): In my line of work I don’t believe in coincidences. We may be monitored, so you’re gonna wanna watch what you have to say, but I have a feeling you’ll be released from solitary much quicker than I will.

CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh yes, because we were just involved in a yard riot, so we usually don’t stay too long in solitary for that.

NICK (as Sentinel): There was a yard riot and a fight in the commissary on the same day?

CAMERON (as Karma): Well…

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, and I had nothing to do with the yard riot.

CAMERON (as Karma): Um, well…

LILIT (as Xianna): I actually really did not.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, you were good. You were just like, you were near, but that was it. I may have gotten recognized as a bounty hunter, possibly.

HUDSON (as Tink): Which was cooler, the commissary fight or the yard riot?

CAMERON (as Karma): Hmm.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well so the commissary is where you go buy things.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, oh, I thought—

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah. Your fight was in the cafeteria.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): Our fight is in the cafeteria.

HUDSON (as Tink): I got them confused.

LILIT (as Xianna): It’s okay. There is a lot of weird words in prison.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, I’m learning them every day. So which one was more neat, the fight in the cafeteria or the fight in the yard?

LILIT (as Xianna): The cafeteria.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, the cafeteria had the smoke that added a lot to the atmosphere.

LILIT (as Xianna): I did not get stunned in the cafeteria either.

CAMERON (as Karma): Also a very good point, and I did not get hit with a free weight in the cafeteria.

LILIT (as Xianna): Though I did get a bag of Spunyuns in the yard riot.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh, nice.

LILIT (as Xianna): I’m just really excited about those.

HUDSON (as Tink): I can see why. I mean, we get nothing but slop in here. I’m pretty much dying.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hey, pudding cups.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, I was hoping for a pudding cup, but this is good too.

HUDSON (as Tink): Pudding cups are okay, but they’re just…

CAMERON (as Karma): [gasps] Whoa. Watch what you say.

LILIT (as Xianna): Pudding cups are more than just okay.

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean, they’re not like bantha cakes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, fair.

LILIT (as Xianna): But they don’t have bantha cakes in here, they have pudding cups.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, because they want even more punishment on us.

CAMERON (as Karma): It’s still not a punishment.

LILIT (as Xianna): Pudding cups are the best thing.

HUDSON (as Tink): [reluctantly] Alright.

CAMERON (as Karma): Besides bantha cakes.

LILIT (as Xianna): They are like a real currency in here.

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s true. I guess they are a form of currency. I don’t want to get into a debate on what is or is not currency.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, Prison Lesson #1: Pudding cups are very valuable.

HUDSON (as Tink): I see, but where is the value derived? People… It’s just out of thin air.

LILIT (as Xianna): Because they are good, especially the chocolate. I will take a tapioca, but chocolate is very much better.

HUDSON (as Tink): If you can print unlimited pudding cups then where does the value come from?

LILIT (as Xianna): The pudding!

NICK (as Sentinel): Well, it’s because you can only generate the pudding mathematically, and the energy and time taken to calculate the pudding cups is where the rarity and therefore the value comes from.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh…

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh my gosh.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, I think they use nerf milk and like some sort of thickener, like corn starch or something. I don’t know what the tapioca is.

{“Thickener” sounds like “sickener” with Xianna’s accent.}

HUDSON (as Tink): I’ve never gotten sick from them, but…

LILIT (as Xianna): Is it fish eggs?

CAMERON (as Karma): That’s what I always thought when I was younger, but that may have just been a Glee Anselm thing.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, fish eggs are good, so I don’t care and I don’t see why people think that is gross, but I still like them.

CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm.

NICK (as Sentinel): Doesn’t it come out of Gamorrean bones? Isn’t that where they get the glycerin?

LILIT (as Xianna): That’s for jello.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah. That’s not pudding.

LILIT (as Xianna): Pudding doesn’t have the gelatin, but I think the gelatin does come from those.

CAMERON (as Karma): Wait, you’re putting glycerin in your pudding?

NICK (as Sentinel): I just assumed that’s what makes it gloopy.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, it’s what makes the jello all squiggly.

NICK (as Sentinel): Oh, my mistake, I got gloopy and squibbly confused.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. Pudding I think is just corn starch and heated milk up with like eggs or something.

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh, Sentinel, why do you think we’re getting out of here?

NICK (as Sentinel): Like they said earlier, if it was just being involved in a riot they’ll probably be taken out in a few days. The important thing is to just try to remain centered and emotionally balanced.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well, he is some sort of political prisoner probably, so they are just going to keep him forever.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh.

NICK (as Sentinel): Yes. I will probably be in here for a long… long time.

HUDSON (as Tink): Can’t you just use your magic hands to get out?

CAMERON: [snickers]

NICK (as Sentinel): I do not know to what you are referring, as if I possessed any sort of extra-physical abilities I would be quickly murdered.

CAMERON (as Karma): He’s just talking about your lock picking skills.

LILIT (as Xianna): You know what he means by magic hands, wink-wink, because you can’t see me winking.

NICK (as Sentinel): You can’t see, but I look extremely uncomfortable right now.

CAMERON (as Karma): Cappy says hi by the way.

NICK (as Sentinel): Oh—Oh good. Yes, our dear friend Cappy.

CAMERON (as Karma): Speaking of magic hands. [chuckles]

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh yes, Chappy talked to us.

NICK (as Sentinel): Cappy saw Karma, and Cappy saw Xianna, so I’m assuming Cappy spoke to Tink as well?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, I talked to Cappy as well.

NICK (as Sentinel): I’m beginning to see that the Force works in not-so-mysterious ways at times.

CAMERON (as Karma): [chuckles]

LILIT (as Xianna): It’s really not. It was that Chappy came and talked to all of us.

NICK (as Sentinel): Yeah, that—So…

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): That is not mysterious in any way.

NICK (as Sentinel): That’s what I’m saying, not mysterious.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, he was saying not mysterious.

NICK (as Sentinel): It’s pretty straightforward.

LILIT (as Xianna): I know, but I just feel like most of the times you say it works in mysterious ways it really isn’t.

NICK (as Sentinel): Sometimes it’s mysterious. It’s like the whole point of the Force is being mysterious.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

HUDSON (as Tink): Sometimes it’s mysterious. Sometimes it’s gas.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, you got to stop eating fish.

HUDSON (as Tink): I know. It’s so good though.

LILIT (as Xianna): But you can’t do it.

HUDSON (as Tink): You’re right.

LILIT (as Xianna): You know what happens.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, tum-tum issues. Anyways, back to Sentinel.

[laughter]

NICK (as Sentinel): If you have seen Cappy—I think I can fill in the blank there—I will probably be here, but on a completely unrelated note, boy I sure do miss freedom. Boy, I sure would like to be outside of prison. That sounds great. If only people could help me with that. I would sure appreciate it.

CAMERON (as Karma): Can’t help you there, buddy. Sorry, we’re in here too.

NICK (as Sentinel): Aw shit.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yup, I know, it’s a real bummer. But you know, sometimes bummers happen in life and you just have to get over them.

HUDSON (as Tink): As a legal professional I could represent you once I’m out of here.

NICK (as Sentinel): When did you get a law degree?

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean, define degree. I think these are all relative terms, but I do practice law.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, you legally cannot, at least not in this sector.

HUDSON (as Tink): Becoming Law, I read it. Well, I mean, I skimmed it.

NICK (as Sentinel): That is not a book that you should be using to guide your life in any way.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m not guiding my life, I’m helping others, like you.

NICK (as Sentinel): I’ve been in solitary for who knows how long at this point, and I’ll take any help I can get. To quote Xianna, I am winking right now.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay but Sentinel, were you ever in the main part of the prison?

NICK (as Sentinel): For a few days.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. Okay. So, for completely unrelated reasons, let’s just say that I like to be cold and therefore like the AC to be very apparent in a room. What job would be the best one to be in rooms with many vents? Because I like the cold air, wink-wink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Many vents? That’s a ventriloquist is what you’re looking for.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): No~! Tink, I am trying to be sneaky and ask which rooms have lots of vents.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, yeah, I know, I got it. I was trying to do a little joke there.

LILIT (as Xianna): Like, does the laundry room have lots of vents, or would the kitchen have more vents? Probably not the library, right?

NICK (as Sentinel): Actually, it’s a weird coincidence of design. The library is the closest to the central circulation system.

LILIT (as Xianna): Huh.

CAMERON (as Karma): Huh. I guess it is important to have good temperature control for your books.

NICK (as Sentinel): Or they just didn’t plan the layout particularly well when they built this thing.

CAMERON (as Karma): Also fair.

HUDSON (as Tink): Let’s do it this way. Everybody raise your hand if you either are or close to being an HVAC technician.

LILIT (as Xianna): My hand is not raised.

CAMERON (as Karma): My hand is not raised?

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah, okay.

NICK (as Sentinel): Mine neither.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ugh, mine either. Okay, we can’t go that direction. Let’s think of something else.

[laughter]

HUDSON (as Tink): Sentinel, how do you assert dominance in a prison environment?

LILIT (as Xianna): I told you. You try to beat up someone.

HUDSON (as Tink): I did that.

NICK (as Sentinel): Yeah, so you dominated. Good job.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, you are good.

NICK (as Sentinel): Well, did you win?

LILIT (as Xianna): Eh…

HUDSON (as Tink): Eh, no one won. I mean, there’s no winners in a fight.

NICK (as Sentinel): Okay, that means you lost.

HUDSON: [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): Uh, yes there is. I decidedly won my fight.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well, so they kind of broke up his fight.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh! By the way, Tink, Ziller is here.

HUDSON (as Tink): [gasps] That’s a very important thing that you should have told me earlier.

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): Why?! We’re sitting in solitary. What are you gonna do with this information?

HUDSON (as Tink): Do we know why he’s here?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, because I turned him in.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ohh, you’re in trouble~

CAMERON (as Karma): And I also know why he’s in solitary, because me and my new friend Blue kicked his ass.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, so he’s in solitary too, alright. Alright, you got him where you want him.

CAMERON (as Karma): Actually, I think he’s in Room 1.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh. Alright, you got him where you want him in the event that your door opens and their door opens.

CAMERON (as Karma): Sure?

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, Sentinel. Is this one of those weird prisons where the prison warden for some reason has a weird project where they want to have a football team or some shit like that, or is he normal and just stays away and does paperwork?

NICK (as Sentinel): The warden is particularly interested in the politics amongst the prisoners.

LILIT (as Xianna): [heavy sigh]

NICK (as Sentinel): I am not aware if he’s a fan of sports specifically.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, just… the wardens that actually do things are always weird. Shouldn’t they have more paperwork? I feel like this is a job that should be like a huge amount of paperwork and organization and things like that, and scheduling, so like how do they have the time to figure out who all the gangs are and care about their shit?

CAMERON (as Karma): They probably have a very competent staff.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh no, not a prison.

CAMERON (as Karma): It’s all about delegation.

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s a stretch that they would have a system like that in place.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well, he probably just has a whole bunch of assistants.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm, yeah, that could be it.

NICK (as Sentinel): I wouldn’t know. I didn’t actually get to meet the warden before I got thrown in here, so…

CAMERON (as Karma): What did you do to end up in here? Just curious.

NICK (as Sentinel): Um, I had a cellmate…

CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm?

NICK (as Sentinel): …who threatened me, and now I don’t have a cellmate anymore.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, did you kill him?

NICK (as Sentinel): That would be indulging in my emotions which would be ill-advised.

HUDSON (as Tink): Now did you kill him or did magic kill him?

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as Sentinel): And we’ve come back to this. I’m not going to talk about that. That’s a very bad idea for me.

LILIT (as Xianna): Did you meet Big Jeb?

NICK (as Sentinel): Big Jeyb?

LILIT (as Xianna): Big Jeb, yes.

NICK (as Sentinel): I didn’t interact with Jeyb specifically, but I did see sort of the results of some of his efforts. That is a very, very dangerous man. I would avoid him as much as possible.

CAMERON (as Karma): Is there a Small Jeyb?

NICK (as Sentinel): Not that I know of.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, just curious.

LILIT (as Xianna): Is there like a medium sized Jeyb?

NICK (as Sentinel): That’s the name of his gang. They’re the Medium Sized Jeybs.

CAMERON (as Karma): Huh.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, okay.

HUDSON (as Tink): Actually, his daddy’s Old Jeyb.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well like, that’s Mr. Jeyb.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, so Mr. Old Jeyb.

CAMERON (as Karma): [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): No, just Mr. Jeyb.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah. I’m just gonna call him OJ.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, don’t.

[laughter]

HUDSON (as Tink): No, no, not Jeyb, his dad, if we ever meet him.

CAMERON (as Karma): Why would we meet his dad?

LILIT (as Xianna): Why would we meet his dad? Unless you think his dad is also in prison. That happens sometimes.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, but I mean like, if one thing leads to another and Big Jeyb runs into a knife, a lot… there might be a funeral and then we run into his dad.

CAMERON (as Karma): Um… Why would we go to his funeral?

LILIT (as Xianna): Well, we would not get to go to his funeral, Tink.

NICK (as Sentinel): Because you’re in prison.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. The funeral would be outside the prison. Unless, do you think that is how we are going to get out? We are all going to sneak inside the casket?

[laughter]

CAMERON (as Karma): No, don’t do that. I saw a holo-film that did that once and they cremated, so uh… don’t do that.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, I guess that makes sense, yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Casket’s not a good place to hide, or hide any money that you’ve acquired.

HUDSON (as Tink): In my will I just get put in a casket and then launched through space.

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t think they do that. I think legally you can’t.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, space junk is very dangerous.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah.

HUDSON (as Tink): Space don’t care.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well no, like…

CAMERON (as Karma): No, but the things that the junk hits do.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, planet regulations and stuff.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, I guess.

NICK (as Sentinel): What part of his past time makes you think he cares about littering regulations?

LILIT (as Xianna): True, I guess.

CAMERON (as Karma): Fair.

HUDSON (as Tink): Past time?

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, also Sentinel, does anyone in the prison make the prison hooch? You know, the toilet wine?

NICK (as Sentinel): Oh, absolutely.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. Do you know if the kitchen stocks glass bottles of any sort?

NICK (as Sentinel): I don’t think they do, because most of the shivs would then be made out of broken glass.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well like, you know, if they have large bottles of soy sauce or things like that.

NICK (as Sentinel): Potentially. I was never given a work detail, because I’m a political prisoner now, so I couldn’t tell you.

LILIT (as Xianna): Cool. We need someone to get kitchen duty so they can get glass bottles and kitchen rags, and then we will find the person with the prison hooch.

NICK (as Sentinel): I could tell you who makes the prison hooch.

LILIT (as Xianna): [gasps] yes please.

NICK (as Sentinel): It’s a Klatooinian. He was actually my cellmate, so he should be getting out of the clinic soon.

LILIT (as Xianna): We won’t tell him we know you then.

NICK (as Sentinel): Yeah, I wouldn’t, but his name was Zebadiah Drall.

CAMERON: For those of us who don’t know Star Wars, what is that alien?

NICK: The Klatooinians are like lizard dogs. They were some of the guards when they try to throw Luke to the sarlacc. They work for Jabba.

CAMERON: Huh.

NICK: Yeah. They look like a Wookie if you shaved all the fur and then painted them green.

CAMERON: It’s like a Wookie and the Grinch had a baby.

NICK: Yeah, that’s a good description.

LILIT: They got like pug faces.

NICK: Uh-huh.

CAMERON: Interesting. Okay, cool. Thank you.

NICK: Yep, there’s your description of Klatooinians. Good luck making that into one cohesive thing, future Nick.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay good, because that way then we can make the Mandalore cocktails.

NICK (as Sentinel): Oh, that’s good.

LILIT (as Xianna): Those are always good for starting riots and distracting the guards and creating big fires.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh. I thought we were going out in caskets. How’s the fire gonna—

LILIT (as Xianna): No, we’re not doing caskets anymore.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh.

LILIT (as Xianna): That was a bad idea, because we might get cremated.

HUDSON (as Tink): Cool, cool.

LILIT (as Xianna): We don’t have a solid plan yet. We are just working on the plan.

NICK (as Sentinel): And of course, this is all us just wishing and dreaming…

CAMERON (as Karma): Well yeah.

NICK (as Sentinel): …because there’s no escape from the cage, and if we were being recorded they would be watching us more closely.

CAMERON (as Karma): Obviously, yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): Correct. Never broken out of a prison before and I will never do it again.

HUDSON: [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): I have also never broken out of a prison before.

LILIT (as Xianna): I was winking for mine. I forgot. Were you winking for yours?

CAMERON (as Karma): I was not winking.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay Tink, what is your wink status for that statement?

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, uh…

LILIT (as Xianna): Wait. You have never been to prison before, so how could you have broken out of one?

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Never mind. That was a silly question on my part.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah. I was gonna say I didn’t wink, I blinked a little bit. I was just in thought, like what…?

LILIT (as Xianna): That’s different. I’m sorry.

HUDSON (as Tink): It’s okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): Do you know how many guards are at this prison?

NICK (as Sentinel): Nope. Sorry, I didn’t have a lot of time in between the being stunned and thrown into solitary to count the rotations.

LILIT (as Xianna): How quickly did you get thrown into solitary?

NICK (as Sentinel): Took about five hours.

LILIT (as Xianna): Huh.

CAMERON (as Karma): You had a very short time with your roommate then.

NICK (as Sentinel): I sure did.

LILIT (as Xianna): How long did it take us?

CAMERON (as Karma): We got here this morning…

CAMERON: Right? [chuckles]

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t know. What is time?

NICK: It took Tink about six hours, and it took you two about four hours longer than that.

CAMERON: Yeah, there you go.

CAMERON (as Karma): We made it ten hours. We’re golden.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah. That is normal amounts of time.

CAMERON (as Karma): I have zero remorse about ending up in solitary.

LILIT (as Xianna): I have a little bit just because I was not really doing anything for once, so… I should not be here.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, it is interesting that you ended up in here. How did they choose who in the riot ended up in solitary?

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t know.

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh… I don’t know.

CAMERON (as Karma): Me, Blue and Ziller make sense. We were the first people to start fighting.

HUDSON (as Tink): You know, I’m just thinking about it, and I don’t know why because I wasn’t there.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): I wonder if it is because I am your roommate, and so they assume that I am also causing the trouble.

CAMERON (as Karma): Huh.

LILIT (as Xianna): And like, I will cause the trouble, but I was not at the moment.

NICK: So, we cut away from solitary and we do a time jump to four days later, or you assume it would be four days because you’ve been fed twice a day and it’s been eight times, and your durasteel doors pop open and you hear the voice from the little transparesteel cube say:

NICK (as guard): Well, your time is up. You can go ahead and go back to the main population.

LILIT (as Xianna): Hold on! I am still naked!

NICK (as guard): Why are you naked?

LILIT (as Xianna): Because there was no one else around, so if I wanted to take my jumpsuit off to use it as a pillow or make a fun little hat I could.

NICK (as guard): Are you wearing a fun little hat right now?

LILIT (as Xianna): Well not anymore, now I am putting on my jumpsuit.

NICK (as guard): Alright, well take your time I guess. I never really heard people be like yeah, I wanna spend more time in solitary.

CAMERON (as Karma): It was quiet.

LILIT (as Xianna): I am just putting on my jumpsuit! Okay.

LILIT: Xianna walks out while tying the front of it into a jaunty little knot so that she has a fun little deep V cut-out thing going on.

LILIT (as Xianna): See? There. I told you. I was just putting it on, okay? I did not realize we were getting out right now.

NICK: You see as you walk out into the hallway, Karma and Tink, your doors are also open, and further down you see the large shark person that Tink fought and you see Ziller and Blue, and they’re walking towards you.

NICK (as guard): Now just head up and walk down the walkway back to the yard. There will be a guard to meet you there. No pushing, no fighting, no stabbing.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie, bye~!

NICK: And he goes back to reading his magazine.

NICK (as guard): Bye-bye.

CAMERON (as Karma): Bye Sentinel.

CAMERON: I walk out of my room. [chuckles]

HUDSON (as Tink): Freedom! Bye Sentinel.

LILIT (as Xianna): But we are still in prison, so…

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean, there’s levels of freedom. Also, I don’t know if you noticed all the people around us, but I think that if we can become friends with them they’re our ticket out. We could partner and they could be our ragtag group of breakouts.

NICK: You all are standing at the base of the stairs and you hear plink-plink-plink, and the guard has gotten out of his chair and is looking through the glass with his hands at the group of y’all at the base of the stairs.

NICK (as guard): Can you do me a favor and not plan an escape right in front of me? There’s a whole series of paperwork to do with that. Also, no one escapes the cage.

LILIT (as Xianna): He was not talking about that. He was talking about a game that they are playing with the dice.

HUDSON (as Tink): Called the Great Escape.

NICK (as guard): Oh yeah, it’s what you might call one of them ironic names. I gotcha.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah. You have to like try to steal the dice from somebody else’s hands, and it’s got a whole bunch of lingo, and he is just talking about that game. We are going to go now because this is weird.

NICK (as guard): Yes. Please get out of my solitary. Thank you.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie bye. Okie Tink, we have to go.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright!

NICK: So you all climb the stairs. We get a shot of this group of various dissenters blinking in the bright afternoon sun as you walk along the chain link hallway that leads back to the prison yard. When you get there you see that HK and another guard are waiting at the gate, and they open it, and they start to lead you back towards the south cell block. HK waggles a finger at everybody.

NICK (as HK): Now remember, inmates cannot talk during the transfer process. Please walk silently.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie baby hands.

NICK: HK’s blaster starts to charge and he walks towards you and pushes you in the chest with the gun.

NICK (as HK): Say that again, stranger I don’t know who wouldn’t know that I’m sensitive about that.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Say what again?

NICK: The other guard grabs HK under the arms and drags him backwards.

NICK (as guard): Whoa, whoa, don’t shoot them. They just got out of solitary. We don’t wanna have to drag them back down there. I’m sure she didn’t mean it. Your hands are normal size.

CAMERON: [snickers]

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, your hands are a completely normal size for a droid as big as you are, and I will stop talking now.

CAMERON: Karma is nodding very seriously behind Xianna.

HUDSON: [laughs] I’m just smiling.

LILIT: Xianna does the little zip and lock hand motion over her mouth then just does a big smile.

NICK: So you all walk behind the guards as they lead the way back to the south cell block for everybody to be put back in their cells. HK is whistling, but it’s very mechanical sounding and weird.

NICK (as HK): [buzzy whistling]

NICK: Then the other guard elbows him.

NICK (as guard): Hey, do you know what happened to Smith? We haven’t seen him in like four or five days. I don’t know where he went, but no one can seem to find him. I’m getting a little worried.

NICK (as HK): Unassuming Statement: I have no idea what could have happened to Smith, the prison guard.

CAMERON: Karma turns a slightly lighter shade of green which is the equivalent of her face going white as she realizes what happened.

LILIT: Xianna looks over at Karma and Tink and is moving her lekku in the symbol for “did we do that” but I don’t know if Tink or Karma would understand the lekku symbols at all.

HUDSON (as Tink): What are you saying?

LILIT: And Xianna is putting a finger up to her mouth…

LILIT (as Xianna): Shush.

LILIT: …and then repeats the lekku symbol, pointing at the lekku.

HUDSON (as Tink): They look fine to me.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh.

CAMERON: I don’t think Karma understands the lekku symbols, but it’s very obvious from looking at her that she knows what happened.

NICK: As you continue to walk along, HK calls over a shoulder…

NICK (as HK): The inmates will be silent or the inmates will be stunned and thrown back in solitary.

NICK: …and points the gun back on his shoulder straight to you, and it’s pointed, Tink, right at your face without him looking at you, which is pretty unnerving. Then HK says:

NICK (as HK): Well, here we are at the southern cell block. I’m sure they can come back to their cells on their own.

NICK (as guard): Nah, we can’t just leave them here. We gotta make sure they actually go to their cells.

NICK: They lead you in. Blue and the shark guy are put in their cells first. Ziller, who has been silently glaring at all of you this whole time, is put into his cell which is on the first floor, and y’all are led over to yours. Tink, you see Filbert rattling a cup along the bars, left and right, the whole time.

NICK (as Filbert): [singing poorly] Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen. Nobody knows.

CAMERON (as Karma): Ugh.

NICK: As they get close, HK says…

NICK (as HK): Music will not be tolerated.

NICK: …and shoots Filbert with a stun bolt, and Filbert flies back into the bars and bounces and just gets right back up like it’s  no big deal.

NICK (as Filbert): Your stun setting’s about 20% too low there, tin man.

NICK: Your cells open up and you all are told to go in. Do you?

LILIT: Yeah.

HUDSON: Yeah, I go in.

CAMERON: Yeah.

NICK: Okay.

LILIT: Xianna skips in and then turns around and waves as they walk away, and waits for HK to get a little bit further.

LILIT (as Xianna): Bye baby hands~

NICK: HK stops, doesn’t turn around, looks to the other guard, and says…

NICK (as HK): Guard Jones, I think there was something in the cafeteria that needed to be inspected. Will you come with me, please? There’s no need to radio our position. I will report it later.

NICK: …and starts to walk off.

CAMERON: Karma shakes her head sadly, looking off at Jones for the last time.

NICK (as Jones): Yeah sure, let’s go to the cafeteria. Maybe there’s some snacks.

NICK: And they head off down the hallway.

CAMERON (as Karma): I should not have told him that. Hmm… Well!

HUDSON: I walk into my cell and hold up my hand to high-five Filbert.

NICK: Filbert jumps and tries to high-five you back but can’t reach.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah-ha, too low… real slow… Wait. Yeah, you’re short.

NICK (as Filbert): You’re doing a great job having informal conversation. Great work, big guy.

HUDSON (as Tink): Thank you?

NICK: Filbert’s chest is smoking slightly where the stun bolt hit him, but it doesn’t seem to bother him much.

CAMERON (as Karma): You okay?

NICK (as Filbert): I’ve been stunned so many times it doesn’t really work on me the same way as it used to. They gotta turn it way up.

CAMERON (as Karma): That cannot be good for you.

LILIT (as Xianna): You are one of those people. Okay, okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): That is not good.

LILIT (as Xianna): As long as you are setting up expectations with the person doing the tazing, and you have the proper safe words, and you are making sure you are  not giving lethal doses, you know, what you want to do is your business.

NICK (as Filbert): Oh no, the stunning’s not a sex thing, it’s more of a, like, biological resistance.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh! Okie.

NICK (as Filbert): My nerves don’t get shocked so much anymore. I’ve got sex things, they just don’t have to do with stun bolts.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean… cool.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): Whatever works for you. Anyways.

LILIT: Xianna twirls around and looks at Karma and Tink and just starts wildly pointing at her lekku.

LILIT (as Xianna): This is the sign for “did we do this.” Did we do that?! Did I do that?

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh!

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh…

LILIT (as Xianna): That is what this sign means.

CAMERON (as Karma): You should probably teach us some of this language, because if we have to stay quiet that’s gonna be useful.

HUDSON (as Tink): I thought this was a “look at me! Look at these lekku! Look at ‘em. Look at ‘em!”

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): No, that is this one.

LILIT: And Xianna shows it, and the lekku sort of do like a little squiggly dance.

LILIT (as Xianna): This is the one for “look at me.”

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, okay, I got it. Crystal clear now. Thank you.

CAMERON (as Karma): I knew you were trying to say something, but I had no idea what it was.

LILIT (as Xianna): So it’s different. This one doesn’t really actually mean anything, it is just a cool thing that we do because it is funny. Heh.

CAMERON (as Karma): To answer your question, no, we didn’t do that, but it may be my fault.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, so HK did a murder. Okie.

CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm. Yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh! I think he is going to do another murder too.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, that’s what… yeah. Mm-hmm.

LILIT (as Xianna): Hey Filbert, can you like go to the other side of your cell or like earmuffs or something like that?

NICK (as Filbert): I thought we were best friends. Do you not trust me?

LILIT (as Xianna): There are just different levels of friends, and what if we want to like throw you a surprise party or something? Sometimes secrets are fun.

NICK (as Filbert): Oh, okay!

NICK: [smiling] And he goes to the other side of the cell.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: He plugs his ears and starts whistling to himself.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, so prison escape time.

CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm.

LILIT (as Xianna): Not like right now, but planning time.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, I was about to say, I am not ready.

[laughter]

LILIT (as Xianna): So there are two ways we can do this. We can either just burn the whole place down and everyone escapes and it is chaos and it is a very fun thing to do, I recommend it, however this prison might be too big for that plan, so we might have to just escape with our friends. I don’t know about Filbert yet. We’ll see about Filbert.

CAMERON (as Karma): TBD on Filbert.

LILIT (as Xianna): But I do have to bring my friend Tadzi.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay, that’s acceptable. So, Tadzi, who else?

LILIT (as Xianna): Sentinel.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright.

LILIT (as Xianna): And HK can figure his own shit out.

HUDSON (as Tink): HK is in a position of authority.

LILIT (as Xianna): Exactly. He can figure his own shit out.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yep. Yep.

NICK: As Xianna says he can figure his own shit out, we cut away to HK walking into the cafeteria and saying:

NICK (as HK): Officer Jones, I think there’s something under that table.

NICK (as Jones): Oh, what is it?

NICK: Then you hear a stun bolt, and then HK shakes his head and flips the gun around to hold it by the barrel.

NICK (as HK): It’s like shooting Kowakian lizard monkeys in a barrel.

NICK: And then we cut back to you all.

LILIT (as Xianna): So if we are going to do the not burning the whole prison down, which is still my vote, still my vote, but if that is not the route we want to go, probably the air vents?

HUDSON (as Tink): Or the poop chute.

CAMERON (as Karma): Nuh-uh.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, you don’t want to do that, because that is actually a much smaller pipe than you think it is going down. Yes, at a certain point the pipe will get very, very big, but at that point it’s really more the sewers, so you would only have to get in a different way, you can’t just go down the toilet.

HUDSON (as Tink): You’re right. That won’t work.

CAMERON (as Karma): I will say, there was remarkably little attention being paid to us by the guards as we were let out of solitary. That entire gated hallway walking to where HK met us, there was no one there, and solitary is very near the edge of this prison.

NICK: Uh… [musically] Roll me a Perception check.

CAMERON: What is the difficulty?

NICK: Average.

CAMERON: Two successes.

NICK: While you were not being directly monitored during that walk down the little chain link hallway, there are those guard towers with the big old stun cannons on them, and at least one of those was tracking you, so you didn’t have someone right there but there were eyes on you. You’re not sure if guards monitor the towers or if it’s droid brains, because you could just see the big old gun, but there is someone that can see you.

CAMERON: Okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): So we have to figure out how to get Sentinel out of his little solitary cell, and then after that I think we just, you know, start a gigantic riot with fires and chaos and burning and smoke, and then we just get into the air vents and leave that way.

HUDSON (as Tink): Won’t the air vents be filled with smoke?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, that’s my concern too.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, because the smoke would be in other areas.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh.

LILIT (as Xianna): So if we go through the library with those air vents, and we go away, we just start the fires elsewhere, because then that way all the prison guards are somewhere else. Ideally you also want to start fires in two different areas. The Mandalore cocktails are also good, because people riot when you see those. You throw one of them and everyone just knows what’s happening.

CAMERON (as Karma): [chuckles]

HUDSON (as Tink): Time to get the party started.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. So the main thing is we just have to figure out where the air vents go and how to get Sentinel out of his cell, and then we have to go talk to Zebadiah about getting prison hooch so that we can get bottles and rags, and maybe some shivs. Someone should get kitchen duty.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm… What if I get doctor duty?

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, there are sharp things in there. You could get like needles and scalpels and drugs.

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s how I’d get Sentinel out. I would say that I need to perform a surgery.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, that might work, if he pretends he is very sick.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah. Like uh, I need to test his, um, his uh… his plasma filter.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): His mitochondria levels.

CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm. They’re the powerhouse of the cell.

NICK: We’re gonna cut away from that conversation with the planning. The next thing we see is you all being led by guards to different rooms around the prison. One of the guards stops the three of you and says:

NICK (as guard): You haven’t been assigned work duties yet, have you?

CAMERON (as Karma): No sir.

LILIT (as Xianna): Nope, not yet.

NICK (as guard): We’ve got a couple options. Everything’s about equally staffed right now. Do you have any essential skills or something that would make you particularly helpful in different parts of the prison? We got laundry duty. We got rock breaking duty. We got the library. We got the clinic. We got the metal shop. What all floats your boat so to speak?

LILIT (as Xianna): Well I like poetry. Can I be in the library?

NICK (as guard): You like poetry?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

NICK (as guard): Can you recite some poetry for me?

LILIT (as Xianna): There once was a man from Nantucket…

LILIT: [giggles]

NICK (as guard): Oh yeah, The Planet Nantucket. That’s a good one.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, it is in the Inner Rim. It is a very lovely poem.

NICK (as guard): Alright, you’re on library duty. I’ll show you where you’re going. What about you, big boy?

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m a medical professional myself.

NICK (as guard): Interesting. Really?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah!

NICK (as guard): How do you do a medicine on somebody?

NICK: He like puts his hands on his knees and leans in towards you.

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, that all depends on the person and the ailment.

HUDSON: And I look deep into their eyes.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: He straightens up very quickly.

NICK (as guard): Alright, clinic, that’s fine. Okay. What about you lady person, person lady?

CAMERON (as Karma): I’m rather handy in the kitchen.

NICK (as guard): Alright. That works. We always need more people to wash dishes.

NICK: So, we get a side wipe and you are each in your prospective duties. As you are walking, the guard explains to you:

NICK (as guard): You have about two hours a day of prison duty time. The amount of time it’s taken to give you your assignments means there’s not a lot of time today, but you can at least become familiar with your surroundings.

NICK: We get a wipe of Xianna walking into the library, and Filbert is in there with a broom just sweeping the same corner the whole time and reading a book.

LILIT (as Xianna): [exasperated noises]

CAMERON: [chuckles]

LILIT (as Xianna): [as a groan] No…

NICK: Tink, you walk into the clinic and there is a Xexto doctor. The Xextos have the long spindly arms, and they have four arms. They look kind of like stick bugs with big old eyes. Dressed in a nurse’s uniform is Ziller who’s got a big bandage on his face.

NICK (as Ziller): Oh, brother…

NICK: Karma, you walk into the kitchen. There’s a bunch of people in the kitchen cycling through, but you do make note of Tadzi’texa the blue Twi’lek, and they are chopping up celery and cabbage, but in weird colors because Star Wars, very proficiently with a knife and dumping stuff into a big, big, big soup pot. You probably have like 30 minutes to kind of familiarize yourself before your work station ends. What are you all doing?

LILIT: Xianna’s going to try to get a good layout of the library and figure out if there’s any blind spots in the cameras caused by any of the holo bookshelves and if there’s any holo book carts around to transport the books and how many of those there are, how many tables there are, where the air vents are, or like the main doorways, all of that good stuff, and figuring out if Filbert is the only other worker here.

NICK: Go ahead and roll me a Streetwise to try to do this without getting seen. It’s a prison, so they are looking for people to do weird stuff, so it’s gonna be hard with a black die because Filbert seems to be staring right at you the whole time.

LILIT: One success, one advantage.

NICK: So there are about three other people in the prison library organizing books and things. You are able to identify a blind spot, and you’re able to identify a couple of vent entrances. The vents are weirdly big, like you could walk through the vent just kind of hunched over, you don’t even have to crawl, but the blind spot is not where the vent is, so getting from the blind spot to the vent would take some finagling, but it’s a pretty good staging area, you definitely have some options in the prison library, for sure.

LILIT: Cool.

NICK: Tink, what are you doing in the clinic?

HUDSON (as Tink): So, I walk into the clinic and I just say:

HUDSON (as Tink): Hi everyone, I’m Tink!

NICK (as Ziller): Oh, I know who you are, brother.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, hi Ziller… Great to see you again…

NICK (as Ziller): Yeah, it’s always great to see the person who murdered all of his friends.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah-uh…

CAMERON: [snickers]

HUDSON (as Tink): What kind of stuff do y’all do around here?

NICK: Ziller just slowly turns around and goes back to organizing swabs, and the doctor says…

NICK (as doctor): Oh hey, you must be my new helper. Here, hold this.

NICK: …and puts a big tray in front of you. As you go to grab it it’s super freaking heavy and full of a bunch of vials of fluids that are hard to balance.

NICK (as doctor): Don’t spill that. Some of those are acidic.

NICK: And then turns around and goes back to poking at somebody who seems to be unconscious.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ziller, I think we can mend this relationship.

NICK (as Ziller): Oh do you?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah! Why don’t we give it a shot? Let’s just work through our problems one step at a time… There was probably just some misunderstandings.

NICK: Roll me a Charm check.

HUDSON: [laughing] What difficulty?

NICK: hard.

HUDSON: I have nothing in Charm.

NICK: Dope.

CAMERON: How’s your Presence?

HUDSON: Two!

NICK: You wanna flip a light side point?

HUDSON: Yeah, sure.

CAMERON: Flipped!

HUDSON: Gonna upgrade one of my greens to a yellow. One success and two advantages.

NICK: Wow! Okay. Ziller looks conflicted.

NICK (as Ziller): Well, from what I saw it was a clean fight, and I don’t know how much you were involved with those bounty hunters on that ship, so I think we gotta stick together.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, you know.

NICK (as Ziller): Put her there.

NICK: And he holds out his big scary scarred hand.

HUDSON: I try to fist bump.

NICK: You’re holding a giant heavy tray of acid.

HUDSON: I try to fist bump.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Okay. The acid almost spills. You do a quick fist bump and grab it again real quick, and it’s very dangerous.

NICK (as Ziller): No, this is good. I can introduce you to some people that’ll help keep you safe, Tink. Don’t you worry about it. We’re gonna be fast friends.

HUDSON: This was such a good idea.

[laughter]

HUDSON: I didn’t think it would be, but yeah.

NICK: [suspiciously] Hmm. Oh yeah, it’s a super good idea. Ziller and Tink, friends… Karma.

CAMERON: Yeah?

NICK: You are in the kitchen. What are you looking for? What are you trying to identify?

CAMERON: Does there appear to be anyone in charge of the kitchen?

NICK: Yes.

CAMERON: Who appears to be in charge of the kitchen?

NICK: There is a very large culinary droid. They’re about two and a half meters tall, and they are really round. They’re built like a boiler and they’ve got strips of different recipes and cloths hanging off of them in different places that are kind of tattered and spattered with oil, and they’ve got four arms. One’s holding a spatula, one’s holding tongs, and the other two have really fine fingertips that are really long. It’s cooking on four things at once. It’s got two faces, one on the front and one on the back, and the head can rotate, and it’s yelling orders around the kitchen.

CAMERON: Does it see me?

NICK: Yeah, it sees you. It just kind of gestures with you with one hand to come over.

CAMERON: I approach.

NICK (as culinary droid): Hey, I’m the kitchen master. Go ahead and if you could start running plates out from the cafeteria in here and get to washing that’d be great. Thank you so much.

CAMERON (as Karma): Can do.

CAMERON: Skips off to go gather plates.

NICK: Yeah. There’s plates in a big bin out in the cafeteria area. You can see there’s the chute where y’all put your—well, where Karma put her dirty plates, and it just goes to a big bin, and then you have to pick them up and carry them across the kitchen to the sink to wash them. So, you’ve got kind of the run of the kitchen while you’re doing that. Is there anything you’re looking for, trying to steal, people you wanna talk to?

CAMERON: I’m looking to see how well-protected all of the knives are, like how watched the knives are, because I’ve seen that Tadzi definitely has a chef’s knife that they’re using to cut the vegetables up, so I know they’re here. I’m trying to see how much attention is being paid to the prisoners who are currently holding a knife.

NICK: The knives are all locked in a knife block. It’s like a big knife block made out of durasteel, you can see knife handles sticking out, and there’s a little green light next to each of them, and it looks like the only way to get a knife is to get a little slip from the kitchen master and put it in there and it releases the knife, and people can’t leave if the knives aren’t all back in place, so it’s like a check in check out system. Looking at it, you think there may be a way to fool it into thinking that all of the knives are checked in.

CAMERON: Alright. How many people are working in the kitchen?

NICK: Like 15, and they’re kinda cycling in and out and running around. It’s very, very busy.

CAMERON: Alright. I’m gonna take my bucket over to the sink and start washing dishes and watching the room.

NICK: Okay. You wanna make me a roll to see what you pick up?

CAMERON: [chuckling] What do I roll to wash dishes?

NICK: The perception is probably either Streetwise or Perception if you’re looking for one thing particularly.

CAMERON: I guess we’ll do Streetwise, because I’m just watching in general.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: What’s the difficulty of Streetwise-ness?

NICK: Average.

CAMERON: Average Streetwise-ness. Go ahead and flip a light side point since we got them.

NICK: Might as well.

CAMERON: Two advantages.

NICK: Okay. So you get a feel that the kitchen master, this big droid, doesn’t move a lot. He has these big pillary legs, but they’re mostly planted, like he just kinda shifts side to side, and people tend to move around the droid. He has a very good eye on things, so it’s kind of hard to be sneaky about anything, but you can also see people are occasionally pocketing a potato or things like that and the droid doesn’t say anything, so there’s stuff it’s looking for and stuff it isn’t. As you’re looking at the knife block and how it works you see Tadzi sticks the knife that they were using back into the knife block and the light turns green and Tadzi takes one of the slips out and goes to return it to the kitchen master.

NICK (as Tadzi): Oh, well it’s time for me to clock out. Thanks so much, kitchen master. If you need anything let me know.

NICK: And the big droid says:

NICK (as kitchen master): Yeah, of course.

NICK: As they turn to go, Tadzi turns around and is leaving, and this Rodian with a sharpened spoon leaps and attacks them from behind. What do you do?

CAMERON: How far am I?

NICK: You’re probably like ten feet away.

CAMERON: What would throwing a kitchen implement be?

NICK: Weapons: Light.

CAMERON: What do I need to throw to get it to Ranged: Heavy? [laughs]

NICK: Throwing like a cutting board or something heavy.

CAMERON: Okay, I wanna throw something heavy.

NICK: Okay, so you’re gonna throw something heavy at them to try to stop them?

CAMERON: Yup.

NICK: Okay. You’re about to get into a fight in the kitchen, and that’s where we’re gonna end the episode.

CAMERON: [laughs]

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners to find the show, and every time we get one the squad gets warm fuzzies.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites, Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Hot tub hangout, which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your food and cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

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