Transcript: S2 Episode 6: Deals in the Moonshine

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 6:
Deals in the Moonshine

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

Starting off, the Virtual Tabletop Squadron Convention will be July 30 through August 2. That’s next week! The main panels can be watched on our Twitch channel at, and on top of that we have a limited edition con shirt available on our TeePublic store at Links to the schedule and the TeePublic store will be posted on our social media, our website, and in the show notes for this episode.

On the subject of the con, Cameron is also running a game! She is running Mission Accomplished by Jeff Stormer, and her game application is still open. Winners will be chosen by lottery, and the form will close at 11:59 PM Central on Thursday the 23rd of July. If you’re listening to this on release day, that’s today. Cameron’s told me the pitch for the game, and trust me, you wanna get in on this. The link to the entry form will be in the show notes as well as in the Discord and our social media. Anyone is permitted to enter, and patrons will get two entries instead of one as a thank you.

Different community members will be running online board games and RPGs during the con as well.

We have a new patron this week! Thomas Christopher, thank you so much for your support. I hope that you’re X-Wing certified, because we’re making a strafing run on that super star destroyer in about 30 seconds. Here’s your helmet. Your astromech is orange, and I saw them wandering around the hanger somewhere. Go, go, go!

This week’s episode features one of our patron-created NPCs. Zebadiah Drall is the creation of Chris Grant. Thank you again for your support, Chris.

Now is a great time to mention that there will be after hours panels for the Tabletop Squad Convention as Patreon exclusives. Additional information for those will be posted on our Patreon page and is available on the con schedule. Thanks again to all our patrons.

Music credit and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.

So now, let’s get into the episode.


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 6! Good to have you back. We are moving right along. Everything’s going swell. Do-do-do do do-do do-do. …

CAMERON: [exasperated chuckle]

NICK: I am your hosting game master, Nick. Let’s go around the table. Everybody introduce yourself and say who you’re playing today, starting with Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi! I am the artist previously known as Hudson, and I am going to roleplay today as Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: If you’re previously known as Hudson what do we call you now?

HUDSON: Uh, Ampersand.

NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: I can’t think of other symbols.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Ampersand is a symbol. Awesome. [laughs] Up next we have Cameron.

CAMERON: Howdy. My name is Cameron, and I will be playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter.

NICK: Wonderful! Last but not least, we have Lilit!

LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Wonderful. Before we get into the episode, let’s start off with the Destiny Roll!

LILIT: Two light side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

CAMERON: I also got a dark side.

NICK: Alright!

CAMERON: So two dark side, two light side.

NICK: Perfect.

LILIT: There is balance in the Force.

NICK: Heh. When we last left off, Tink, you met the warden of the prison. Ziller introduced you. You found out that Ziller is a nark and is informing on the prison population, and that the warden is Falx, and that through a mysterious set of circumstances he ended up in charge of this prison, and he has tasked you with killing Big Jeyb, the de facto population leader of the prison. Karma and Xianna, you were introduced to Big Jeyb by Endo the Tognath and by Filbert, who apparently still has professional ties with Big Jeyb, who said that he would protect you and that you are welcome to join his gang if you kill the warden.

That’s where we last left off. Where do you think we should start off? Should we start on the prison yard where y’all can touch base and plan again? Do you wanna be in your cells? Where should we kick off?

HUDSON: I wanna know, when we last left I was drinking whiskey and not liking it, but did I get drunk?

NICK: That’s up to you.

HUDSON: I think that I have trouble getting back to my cell.


NICK: Oh no. Okay.

HUDSON: At one point I kinda stumble into the wall, pull down a portrait, and it busts over my head.

NICK: [laughs] Okay. So, we get a swipe away from seeing you all talking to the warden or talking to Big Jeyb, and karma and Xianna are back in their cell. Filbert is back in his cell, and no one’s seen Tink. Finally you hear Tink stumbling down the hallway, and Ziller has an arm over his shoulder and is kinda guiding him towards his cell, and you can hear from a distance him going:

NICK (as Ziller): Hey brother, it’s gonna be okay, brother. This way. Nope, nope, this way. Come on. This, eh, there you go.

HUDSON (as Tink): I am just doing fine. I appreciate your outward physical hand holding my back, and I… [sobbing] I really appreciate it. [back to normal] I can do this, though. I’m very much on the ball.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, what happened to you~?

HUDSON (as Tink): What do you mean? I’m just plain old Tink.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, something is wrong with you. Are you okay?

HUDSON (as Tink): I might’ve… what’s the phrasing? I, um… fell off the speeder? The wagon. I fell off the wagon.

NICK (as Ziller): Hey, I’ve gotta get back to my cell, because I did a lot of weird sneaking through the walls to get here, but if you throw up make sure you take the mask off first. It’ll get pretty jammed up.

CAMERON (as Karma): Ew.

NICK (as Ziller): And also, Filbert, if you’re gonna hold my brother’s hair back, remember that he is literally hair, so that’s going to be pretty difficult to keep out of the spray. I recommend standing behind him.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Ziller waves to a guard who’s positioned all the way at the far end of the cell block, and Tink’s cell door opens, and Ziller gently guides him in, and the door shuts, and he disappears into the shadows, and you are back in your cells.

HUDSON (as Tink): me and Ziller are friends now, big old friendos.

CAMERON (as Karma): Tink, are you drunk?

HUDSON (as Tink): [giggling] No, you’re drunk.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, we are not drunk.

CAMERON (as Karma): No, we’re not.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, well then I’m drunk.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes you are.


CAMERON (as Karma): How…?

HUDSON (as Tink): I met with Mr. Falx Warden, and he gave me—

CAMERON (as Karma): What?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, is Falx the warden?

CAMERON (as Karma): What?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah! How’d you know?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh.

CAMERON (as Karma): You just said it.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, oh…

LILIT (as Xianna): I was just guessing, because you said Warden Falx.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ah yes. So yeah, Falx is the warden, and he provided me with some imbibes.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

LILIT (as Xianna): Neat! Oh, we have to kill Falx. Okay, that is fine then.

CAMERON (as Karma): Huh, alright.

HUDSON (as Tink): Wait. What do you mean?

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, we met Big Jeyb.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh!

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, Big Jeyb wants us to kill the warden, who is Falx.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh…

CAMERON (as Karma): Who’s apparently Falx.

LILIT (as Xianna): So, we are going to kill Falx.

HUDSON (as Tink): Great. The thing I’m supposed to do—Oh wait.

HUDSON: And I turn.

HUDSON (as Tink): Filbert, are you there right now?

CAMERON: [snickers]

NICK (as Filbert): Yeah, I’m right here, buddy. Try not to step on me. You seem a little unstable.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright. I have secrets.

HUDSON: And that’s all I say. [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): [smiling] Okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): Are you going to tell us the secrets?

HUDSON (as Tink): [whispering] Not right now.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): It’s kind of rude just to say that you have secrets like as an announcement and then not share the secrets.

HUDSON (as Tink): They’re special per-person secrets.

LILIT (as Xianna): Do you think you are going to throw up?

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean, I feel ab—

NICK (via synthesized text-to-speech robot voice): Surprising and disgusting vomit noise removed for your listening comfort. No really, I mean it, it was a really gross and loud and abrupt vomit noise. It lasted a surprisingly long time. You’re welcome.


NICK: Tink, your mask is still on so it sunflowers out of the side so it’s really gross.

CAMERON: Oh, gross!

NICK: it fizzles out, and you just hear the sound of bus breaks playing underwater, and that’s all you can hear.


HUDSON (as Tink): Ugh.

NICK (as Filbert): No! Roomie, you didn’t give me a warning! Come here, roomie. Oh, it’s all too late. I’m gonna stand on the top bunk out of the way.

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s probably for the best. I’m… I… Ugh, that wasn’t very good. This is gonna take forever to clean out of my mask.

CAMERON (as Karma): Are you feeling better at least?

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, yeah, like… I mean, yeah. Yeah.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay. That’s good.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m still pretty drunk.


LILIT (as Xianna): Next time if you are going to throw up, though, you should do it in the toilet.

HUDSON (as Tink): [with a little attitude] Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that.

NICK (as Filbert): It looks like some of it hit the toilet.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah!

CAMERON (as Karma): I mean, but it kinda hit everything, so…

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, everything in your cell is hit, though.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh. Yeah.

HUDSON: I fall asleep on my bunk, hard.

NICK: There’s a hollow clang as Tink’s head hits the frame of the bed instead of the mattress.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, well I was going to talk about our other plan, the one we should not talk about in front of Filbert, but I should wait until Tink is awake.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah… We can talk about it tomorrow.

NICK (as Filbert): I kinda feel like a fifth repulser wheel over here.

CAMERON (as Karma): No, just a fourth.

NICK (as Filbert): Third repulser.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, because Tink is three.

CAMERON (as Karma): You’re the fourth person.

NICK (as Filbert): But four repulsers is standard for a speeder. I was trying to do the idiom.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, we need a new friend to be the fourth wheel for us so that you can then be the fifth.

NICK (as Filbert): Oh. You know anybody?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, my friend Tadzi is here. They can be the fourth, and then that way Filbert can be five.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, that works for me.

NICK: Let’s cut away from this scene. The next thing we see is the prison yard, which from your knowledge Xianna, of your time in jail in the past, the prison yard is probably your best bet of talking without being observed, because you’re in a big open field, there’s no walls around, there’s no surveillance equipment that can really see you. You’re standing in the middle of this dirt field. There’s people everywhere, but they’re far enough away that they can’t overhear you. it’s Tink looking kind of hungover and squinting into the sun and Xianna and karma.

CAMERON (as Karma): How are you feeling there, buddy?

HUDSON (as Tink): Ugh, I wish I could get sunglasses. This is just terrible right now.

LILIT: Xianna pulls some sunglasses out of her jumpsuit.

LILIT (as Xianna): Here you go.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, thank you. This is so much better. Oh my… I shouldn’t have. Just like, I need to be polite and I need to drink the drinks.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, you can tell Falx to shove it.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): We’re gonna kill him anyways, so it doesn’t matter.

HUDSON (as Tink): So about that. I talked to Falx, and Falx wants me to kill Big Jeyb.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay?

LILIT (as Xianna): But if we kill Falx then it doesn’t matter if he wants you to kill Big Jeyb.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay. Are we trying to get out of here? [chuckles] Why are we even doing a detour?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh yes! So, about that, I can easily move the cameras in the library and there is a gigantic vent in there, and we can just go into the vents and figure out how to get out.

HUDSON (as Tink): How much weight do I need to lose to fit into those vents?

LILIT (as Xianna): None.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): As far as I’m aware.

HUDSON (as Tink): Good. I was not wanting to really change my lifestyle that much.

LILIT (as Xianna): You will be fine. I have to make a little tool to open the grates, but that will not be too hard, and then starting a riot somewhere else in the prison so that we can use it as a distraction to leave.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh.

CAMERON (as Karma): And we have to get Sentinel to the library after busting him out of solitary.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

HUDSON (as Tink): And then why are we killing Falx on the way?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, because Big Jeyb wants us to.

HUDSON (as Tink): But if we’re out of the prison we don’t have to follow Jeyb’s direction.

LILIT (as Xianna): I guess, but we could just kill Falx for fun.

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh, karma?

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, I don’t really like killing for fun.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh. Does Falx know we’re in here? Like, all of us?

HUDSON (as Tink): I didn’t mention it.

CAMERON (as Karma): What did you tell Falx?

LILIT (as Xianna): Did he seem mad at me?

CAMERON (as Karma): Why would he be mad at you, Xianna?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, because a few months ago I did a job for him.

CAMERON (as Karma): What?

LILIT (as Xianna): But I gave him a file that definitely had some bad malware on it, so I was just curious how that turned out.

HUDSON (as Tink): I don’t know, but they definitely have a bone to pick with Sila?

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t know who that is.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, who is that?

HUDSON (as Tink): Sila was an Imperial Inspector and got into it with Falx the last time all three of us were together with Falx there.

LILIT (as Xianna): When was that?

CAMERON (as Karma): Was that the party on Mustafar?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, that was the party on Mustafar where he fell off the cliff and I thought he died.

LILIT: Xianna’s looking off into the distance.

LILIT (as Xianna): We went to a party on Mustafar?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, we went to a party on Mustafar.

CAMERON (as Karma): That’s where we got all of the silk robes. They were in the goody bags.

LILIT (as Xianna): I just thought those appeared on the ship.

CAMERON (as Karma): No, that’s why they have the Imperial logo on them. [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Huh. So anyways, we need to find Zebadiah – they are the one who makes the prison hooch – so that way we can make Mandalore cocktails so that we can proper riots, and then when everyone is distracted and all the prison guards are taking care of the riots we can go into solitary and get Sentinel out, and then we can go through the vents!

HUDSON (as Tink): These prison system computers don’t look that advanced, so I think I can break someone out of solitary given the right interface.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well there was only like one guard in there, so you just go in, you get rid of them, and then you open up the cells.

HUDSON (as Tink): Let this be fun for me!

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, yeah, but also we’ve got HK here who is a guard.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh yes!

HUDSON (as Tink): I forgot about HK.


LILIT: Xianna twirls around and starts waving.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello HK~!

CAMERON (as Karma): It probably would be easiest to have him fetch Sentinel from solitary, because then he can be escorted down that long scary gate hallway that has all of the stun blasters pointed at it, and he’s a guard so it would be okay.

NICK: You see HK approaching the cafeteria and he looks like he’s dragging something heavy and quickly shoves it into a closet and slams the door as people turn to look at Xianna calling to HK.


LILIT: [laughs]

NICK: And from the distance you hear him say:

NICK (as HK): Authoritative Statement: Silence, prisoner.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, so HK’s probably our best path to retrieval for Sentinel from solitary. Also, he’s just slowly been murdering all of the other guards.

HUDSON (as Tink): [gasps] Oh yeah…

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, which like, good for him. What if we tell HK that his reward is that after he can go kill Falx?

CAMERON (as Karma): You know…

LILIT (as Xianna): He would do that, right? Doesn’t really matter if he does, just the fact that we say he can, he would probably help us.

CAMERON (as Karma): Having seen his brain plugged into that droid at the party on Mustafar, I feel like he’d be into it.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, I think so. Let’s look at Falx real quick.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

HUDSON (as Tink): If one word comes to mind it’s endearing.

CAMERON (as Karma): Is it?

HUDSON (as Tink): Why would we wanna kill someone like that?

CAMERON (as Karma): [laughing] That’s the word?

HUDSON (as Tink): Also a slick-mofo, but yeah, endearing.

CAMERON (as Karma): That’s two words though, so…

HUDSON (as Tink): No, it’s hyphenated.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, my bad, sorry.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t know if any of that applies to him.

HUDSON (as Tink): Either way, I’m not trying to beg for his life, but I don’t wanna do a detour to kill someone.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well we wouldn’t do a detour, HK would just go do that, because HK can find his own way home. He does not have to come through the vents with us.

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t feel the need to have Falx killed. I’m not a fan, as he tried to frame us for the murder that he did, but I wouldn’t be upset if something happened to him during it, but I’m not going to go out of my way to ensure that it happens, because I really don’t care.

LILIT (as Xianna): I’m not going to go super out of my way to kill him, but I feel like he will be very mad at me, so maybe if I have the opportunity to send a murder droid to go kill him I should do that before he tries to kill me.

HUDSON (as Tink): He doesn’t know you’re here.

LILIT (as Xianna): Does he? I don’t remember what name I got arrested under.

HUDSON (as Tink): Exactly, and he didn’t mention you, so obviously—

LILIT (as Xianna): That might actually be a problem.


LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t remember what name I put down.

CAMERON (as Karma): You know your first name at least was Xianna.

LILIT (as Xianna): Not on the paperwork!

CAMERON (as Karma): [giggling] Everyone’s just been calling you Xianna since we got here?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, but that is not on my paperwork.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh dear, okay.

HUDSON (as Tink): Just like make up a new nickname that’s not on any kind of paperwork and make everyone call you by that, like Pickles.

CAMERON: [snickers] What?!

LILIT (as Xianna): Well no, what I’m saying is that I got arrested with a fake set of papers and IDs and used that for the forms, but then when I saw you two I remember that you two are incapable of remembering fake names so I just started using Xianna and figured it would be okay, and then I forgot the fake name on my paperwork, so I don’t know what prisoner they think I am.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, well, while Tink is hacking into the computer systems he can figure that out so that you can cross that name off your list of future ones to use.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, you’re gonna have to do that.

HUDSON (as Tink): Done.

LILIT (as Xianna): Also, I’m surprised Falx didn’t just figure it out in that he saw you two on the paperwork and then a randomly named purple Twi’lek and was like yes, that is not Xianna.


HUDSON (as Tink): No, they didn’t even mention Karma.

LILIT (as Xianna): Huh.

CAMERON (as Karma): I didn’t use my last name on the paperwork.

HUDSON (as Tink): You just went by Karma?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): They don’t know how Nautolan naming conventions work.


CAMERON (as Karma): How did you meet with Falx, the warden?

LILIT (as Xianna): He wants Big Jeyb to die.

CAMERON (as Karma): I know that was the end result, but how did that meeting occur?

HUDSON (as Tink): My main man Grissle, me and him—

CAMERON (as Karma): Grissle? Who is Grissle?

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, I mean… Ah fuck. Hold on… Ziller! Ziller. I need to remember that or else, ooh, that could be trouble. No, I talked him into being friends with me again so now we’re cool and he wanted to bring me to Falx to get me protection and take me under his wing in a way as a new nark.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh! Great.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ew.

HUDSON (as Tink): Why?

LILIT (as Xianna): Don’t be a nark.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, I’m not a nark.

LILIT (as Xianna): But you are going to be.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay, the first job was to kill someone, so that’s not like—

LILIT (as Xianna): You can be a murderer and also be a nark. Those are not exclusive ideas.

HUDSON (as Tink): Although they are not mutually exclusive, I have not been tasked with narking yet.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): I feel like we have really gotten off the tracks here. We must collect the things for the prison riot.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yes.

HUDSON (as Tink): We need streamers and balloons.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, not… no.

CAMERON (as Karma): Different kind of riot?

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Different kind. Not what we are going for.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, I don’t… no.

LILIT (as Xianna): Different time. Different time.

HUDSON (as Tink): It’s like Miranda’s 50th birthday, “oh, she’s a riot,” and then you would do the streamers and balloons.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, no, not that.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah no.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, no, no.

CAMERON (as Karma): Nuh-uh.

LILIT (as Xianna): Like actual one.

HUDSON (as Tink): Got it.

LILIT (as Xianna): So we are going to get the prison hooch. We will get bottles and rags and we will tell HK to go get Sentinel, and then we will start a riot and stab a few people, and then we will go into the vents.

CAMERON (as Karma): So stabbing people, I think I can get knives from the kitchen, but I have to figure out a way to trick the knife blocks into letting me keep the knife and not telling the kitchen droid that I took them. Also, another explosive option, there’s a very large amount of flour just stacked up hiding a secret tunnel in the pantry.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, that is good too.

HUDSON: [chuckles]

CAMERON (as Karma): We can take out the kitchen that way as well.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh! Do you think you could store bottles and rags and the prison hooch somewhere in that pantry behind the bags of flour so it is all contained and ready to go?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): Cool.

CAMERON (as Karma): I think I can do that.

LILIT (as Xianna): I’mma go find Zebadiah. Okie.

HUDSON (as Tink): And, break. [claps]

CAMERON: [laughing] We all put our hands in the middle and go “hyah!”

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): One, two, three, break.

LILIT: And Xianna twirls around and heads off into the crowd in search of Zebadiah.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hey Karma, what do you wanna do? This break was real confusing.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, I don’t know where we’re breaking to. Well…

HUDSON (as Tink): Should’ve discussed that. We’ll know next time.

CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm.

HUDSON (as Tink): Xianna’s getting kind of away. Let’s follow them?

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay!

HUDSON: We follow Xianna.

CAMERON: From our previous prison yard experience, Xianna could probably use some protection. [laughs]


NICK: Yeah, that’s probably true. So we see Karma and Tink hurrying to catch up with Xianna. Xianna heads across the yard. You’re looking for somebody named Zebadiah. How are you hoping to identify this person?

LILIT: If Xianna was told that Zebadiah is a Klatooinian, she figures that there’s probably not too many of them in this prison and is just going to search for them and hope that if there is more than one that Klatooinian knows where Zebadiah is.

NICK: Do you wanna make me a Survival check to track this person down, or Streetwise, or Perception?

LILIT: I will go with a Streetwise, because I have Streetwise. What do you think the difficulty would be?

NICK: Hard.

LILIT: Okay, one success and six advantages.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Wow. Okay. Be thinking about what you want those advantages to be. You head your way across the yard. I think we get a zoomed out shot of Xianna, and Karma and Tink flanking her, as they start to head into some more of the groups of people that are more closely gathered, and in a corner of the yard you see a Klatooinian, an older man, he’s got just a little bit of a belly and his face is more saggy than his race would normally be. This is an older gentleman. He is sitting kind of in the corner. There’s a couple of other Klatooinians around him, and little groups of people will come up and talk to him and they’ll talk for a while, and it looks like somewhere in between a negotiation and just chewing the fat, just having a conversation.

As you get closer you see the one that seems to be in charge is holding a thick stub of a cigar and is puffing on it a little bit, and there is a group of three Jawas talking to them, so you hear [high-pitched Jawa gibberish] and you hear this Klatooinian take the cigar out of his mouth and he says:

NICK (as Zebadiah): Look, I don’t care exactly what you’re looking for, I’m not giving it to you if you don’t give me the supplies. I cannot make bricks without clay.

NICK: The Jawas get mad, and you hear them go [more gibberish].

NICK (as Zebadiah): No, I don’t have an egg. You have to have the egg. That’s the point.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: And you see several rude hand gestures coming from inside of brown cloaks, and you hear [gibberish] and they stomp away angrily. You see the guy in charge chomp on his cigar a little bit, pull it out, and say:

NICK (as Zebadiah): I never can understand them. They just seem to get it all mixed up about how this works exactly.

NICK: And there is nobody else around. You are able to approach.

LILIT: Xianna walks up.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello. I have been told that you are Zebadiah. That is correct?

NICK (as Zebadiah): I am indeed. Zebadiah Drall, at your service.

LILIT (as Xianna): Alright. I am Xianna, and I heard that you are the one who makes the prison hooch around here.

NICK (as Zebadiah): Oh now-now my dear, let’s not be calling it hooch. I make liquid art as it were.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK (as Zebadiah): I make our existence here in the cage more enjoyable for everybody, for a price.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie, that is wonderful and very poetic, and great branding.

NICK (as Zebadiah): Why thank you.

LILIT (as Xianna): However, we are in need of just alcohol. It does not need to taste good, it just needs to be, uh, high proof, like at least 40% and upwards.

NICK (as Zebadiah): Interesting. Now why would you not be caring about the flavor or the style and only about the alcoholic content? I will say my interest is piqued.

HUDSON (as Tink): So I could actually answer that one. Hi, I’m Tink.

NICK (as Zebadiah): Hello Tink, nice to meet you. My name is Zebadiah Drall.

HUDSON (as Tink): I am a doctor, and we need the high proof alcohol for… We just keep scraping our legs, keep scraping our arms, just falling all over the place. I was inebriated the other day, sunflowered my room, just slipped on it, just fell face-first.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): So uh, you know, the stuff they got back at the clinic is just not up to snuff.

NICK (as Zebadiah): The sunflower being the most uncomfortable of expulsions. I do understand, and am sorry to hear of your ailment, sir.

HUDSON (as Tink): Thank you.

NICK (as Zebadiah): If you could roll me some kind of Deception check, because you’re lying through your teeth, boy.


HUDSON: This is my first roll.

NICK: Hey! Try to make people play the game. This is against two purples and a red.

LILIT: Ooh! Heh.

HUDSON: So a triumph cancels out a despair, right?


NICK: No, you get both.

CAMERON: No, they both occur.

HUDSON: Oh… well then. Hold on.

LILIT: What are the rest…?


HUDSON: I have a success with a triumph and a despair.

NICK: Wow.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Okay! So, Zebadiah looks at the three of you and says:

NICK (as Zebadiah): You know, you seem familiar. Have we met before?

HUDSON (as Tink): I do get around. Potentially?

NICK (as Zebadiah): Well either way, I feel that I inherently trust you and your position, sir. Unfortunately, I have a bit of, uh, despairing news. All of my high grain alcohol got put up as a sort of “informal reward” for whoever wins the next volleyball tournament.

CAMERON: [exasperated sigh and laugh]

LILIT (as Xianna): [whining] But we already did volleyball!

HUDSON (as Tink): Wait, wait, wait, but we won, so we can win again.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, I know, but I don’t… If we are going to do it can we just do it in like a short montage instead of like two whole episodes?


LILIT (as Xianna): Just like a 30 second thing and there’s like upbeat music and it’s just like little, you know, three second cuts of video.

HUDSON (as Tink): Xianna, you and I both know we can’t afford the rights to Danger Zone.


LILIT (as Xianna): Well okay, we’ll get a knock-off version.

CAMERON (as Karma): Can we still get a couple of hot guys to be on our team, though? Who are shirtless and can high-five.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): We can afford that at least, though, right?

LILIT (as Xianna): So much high-fiving.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay great.

NICK (as Zebadiah): Now, it sounds like you all have played volleyball before. What prison did you play in? Sometimes the rules are a little different.

CAMERON (as Karma): I’m gonna say that the rules are probably extremely different from the last time that we played, and I would appreciate if you would tell us what the rules are in the cage.

NICK (as Zebadiah): All I’ve done is supply the reward, unfortunately. You’ll have to figure that out for yourself, but I will say the game is a little less “friendly” than you may consider it to be on the outside. I would, uh, make sure that you’re well-armed.

HUDSON (as Tink): So the balls have spikes?

LILIT (as Xianna): No-no-no, you will get like shivved and stuff.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh! So you, like, do wolverine hands and just go at it. Well, that’ll pop the ball though, we can’t do that.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Well no, you want to keep it like in a pocket or something so that any prison guards don’t see.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh…

LILIT (as Xianna): And you gotta get real close, and I don’t necessarily know if I want to teach you how to shiv someone properly, Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): I think I’m just gonna rely on my street smarts.

CAMERON: [chortles]

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie, that is indeed not a skill. There is Streetwise.


LILIT (as Xianna): Wait, or Street Smarts might actually be—

CAMERON (as Karma): I think it’s a talent?

LILIT (as Xianna): Street Smarts is a talent.


HUDSON (as Tink): And I am quite talented in that, so I’ll get by.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright, well…

LILIT (as Xianna): I have both the Street Smarts talent and the Streetwise skill, so this will be okay.

HUDSON (as Tink): I think this is gonna turn out just fine~

CAMERON: [smiling] Oh gosh.

NICK (as Zebadiah): I am inspired by your confidence, friend. Unless there’s something else I can do for you, while I don’t have anything particularly good for disinfecting I do have some lovely toilet wines, and we are mostly out of snacks. If you could arrange a trade maybe of some Spunyuns or some of the good ramen I could get you some toilet wine here by the time lights out would occur.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, I’m going to keep my Spunyuns. Do you know to compete in the volleyball tournament do you have to buy in or do you just join?

NICK (as Zebadiah): Oh yes, there is a buy-in. The tournament itself is actually organized by the guards. They watch it for entertainment. If you are able to sink in an ante then you qualify for the reward if your team wins.

LILIT (as Xianna): I thought I asked Filbert if this was one of those shitty fucking prisons where the warden or the guards organize sports for fun and I swear to the Force he told me no.

CAMERON: [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): I also remember him saying no.

NICK (as Zebadiah): Well, they’re not organizing the sport, they’re just organizing the tournament. It’s a distinction.

CAMERON (as Karma): Uh… is it, though?

LILIT (as Xianna): That is the same thing!

HUDSON (as Tink): So no, no-no, no-no, it’s not that. It’s kind of like they’re already in control of us so they’re organizing it…

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes!

HUDSON (as Tink): …but it’s decentralized. You see?

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh gosh.

HUDSON (as Tink): It’s decentralized because you have many different types of prisoners within the game.

CAMERON (as Karma): No…

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, so do the guards have their own team? Because I am not doing that bullshit again.

NICK (as Zebadiah): Oh no, the guards do not participate. Honestly, this is more of a cover for a blood sport than anything specifically relating to the game of volleyball.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh good.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie.

HUDSON (as Tink): I think we can handle that. Maybe we can get the referee some bribes or something.

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t know. I think we are probably better at blood sport than we are at volleyball, so…

HUDSON (as Tink): Hey, and we won volleyball, so guess what we can do in this one. Win even harder.

CAMERON (as Karma): Maybe our prize will give us a mug, that we can treasure, always.

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): [whining] I don’t want another mug.

CAMERON (as Karma): How are we gonna drink all of our alcohol that we get? That we aren’t using to clean cuts.

HUDSON (as Tink): Wait. We’re using them to clean cuts.

CAMERON (as Karma): I’m just saying, you’re using them to clean cuts, what are we going to drink it in when you’re not paying attention?

LILIT (as Xianna): Whatever container it comes in.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay fair. I just think another mug would be nice.

LILIT (as Xianna): So now we have to go figure out how to sign up for the volleyball tournament. Zebadiah, who the fuck do we talk to to do that?

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as Zebadiah): Most of the guards would be able to point you in the right direction. I believe that this one is organized by a guard named, uh, Smith? Should be able to find him pretty easily. He’s usually patrolling the yard around this time.

LILIT: Xianna just veers away from this group and heads towards the fence, and when she gets there—I’m imagining it’s one of those big chain link fences.

NICK: What do you mean by big chain link, like the chain links themselves are big, or…?

HUDSON: The ones that come inwards and have the spikes at the top?

LILIT: Yeah, just like a big chain link fence.

NICK: Yeah, it’s just a big ass chain link fence.

LILIT: Okay.

NICK: We borrowed a set from a prison movie for this. That’s what we did.


LILIT: But hooks one hand in the little chains and starts waving with the other hand.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello. I would like to talk to one of the guards, a Smith, about the volleyball.

NICK: You see, kind of like before, there are two guards patrolling on the ground around the fence at opposite corners of the yard. Two of them come over, and they look like they’re excited to maybe get to stun you or something, and then as you say that they look a little disappointed. One of the guards looks at the other guard and says:

NICK (as guard1): Yeah, I do think Smith was organizing it this time. Where is he? He didn’t report for duty in like the last two days.

CAMERON: I thought I recognized that name. [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t care if he is sick or something. Does he have like an assistant or is there anyone else running the game? I just want to play the stupid volleyball.

NICK (as guard1): Yeah, you know, Smith, when he’s out, him and Jones are real buddy-buddy, I’m sure he could take your ante for you if you’re interested in the volleyball tournament.

NICK: The other guard looks a little confused.

NICK (as guard2): Wait, no. I haven’t seen Jones either. He was here a couple days ago, but I didn’t see him yesterday.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh my—GAHHH.

CAMERON (as Karma): I heard that droid guard was covering for them.

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t care which guard it is. Is there just, please, is there a guard who I can give whatever the payment is so I can play this kriffing volleyball game? I don’t care about your personal lives.

NICK: The two guards look kind of sad and insulted that you don’t care about their personal lives.

LILIT (as Xianna): I am very sorry, but I have been here not even a week. I am not invested in any of your lives yet.

NICK: They kind of shrug.

NICK (as guard1): Well we’ll see who’s collecting the ante.

NICK: And they leave, and you get stuck just awkwardly waiting by this fence. You see them walk off, talk to some other guards, they gesticulate and look confused and walk away. A while later from around the corner by where the fence joins with the commissary, so there’s like a little bit of a spot that’s hard to see, you hear:

NICK (as HK): Secretive Statement: Psst, are you trying to get into the volleyball game?

LILIT (as Xianna): [fed up] Oh my god, yes!

CAMERON (as Karma): [pleasantly] Yes!

NICK (as HK): So I don’t know exactly how this happened, but I think I’m in charge of the volleyball game now. I’m pretty sure I’m the ref.

CAMERON (as Karma): You’re welcome.

NICK (as HK): Yeah. Everyone just started saying I was in charge. I don’t know what that was all about, Karma.

CAMERON (as Karma): You just seemed like a good person to be in charge.

LILIT (as Xianna): So but that means you can call things in our favor.

NICK (as HK): Yes, but I can’t be seen being too unfavorable. The good news is I am a master of deception, so no one will see through my subtle ruses.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well exactly, you just have to mildly ignore the things we do and just be hyper focused on the other team.

NICK (as HK): Yes. Anybody who is caught assaulting the other team gets stunned. These are the rules.

CAMERON (as Karma): Sounds fair.

LILIT (as Xianna): But not for us. Don’t stun us.

NICK (as HK): I can’t promise anything, but I’ll do my best.

LILIT (as Xianna): Or, if you have to, just stun Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): I can take a couple.

LILIT (as Xianna): Exactly.

CAMERON (as Karma): So is this still a 6-on-6 volleyball game?

NICK (as HK): It sure is.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay. Can you stun the three other people we get to join our team?

CAMERON: [giggles]

NICK (as HK): Why?

LILIT (as Xianna): No, just Tink.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, just Tink? Okay. No, just for if you have to punish our team for something, just don’t shoot one of us.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hey, if we get Big Jeyb on our team won’t that take up most of the court and we’re set?


LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t think Big Jeyb would play in the team.

HUDSON (as Tink): We haven’t asked.

CAMERON (as Karma): I made a friend before we got into solitary named Blue. She’s real tall and really freaking strong.

LILIT (as Xianna): And I have a friend who is here.

HUDSON (as Tink): And I have a… oh, well I guess I have a—

CAMERON (as Karma): You have a roommate.

LILIT (as Xianna): You have Filbert.

HUDSON (as Tink): I have Filbert.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): You and Filbert are roommates. Filbert can be on the team.

HUDSON (as Tink): Maybe I should rethink this. My other green fellow, Greerso, me and him, we could volleyball.

CAMERON (as Karma): Ziller?

HUDSON (as Tink): Ziller! Ziller, yes, yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): You really need to remember his name, Tink. If you’re pretending to be friends, this is gonna be real awkward if you can’t remember his name.

HUDSON (as Tink): You know, sometimes when you start pretending to be friends you end up really becoming friends. Haven’t you ever seen a movie?

LILIT (as Xianna): No.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, suggestion. From what I have witnessed of Ziller, just call him brother and you don’t have to worry about a name at all.

HUDSON (as Tink): Brother. Okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): Because he calls literally everyone brother, so you’ll be good.

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, HK, since you are our friend we don’t have to give you any sort of buy-in to enter the tournament. We can just enter, right?

NICK (as HK): I’m afraid that’s not how it works. I have to be able to submit the pile of entries to the file I found on Smith’s bod—I mean, that Smith entrusted to me.

CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, we all know you killed him. How much is it? Because I have exactly 200 Credits and a bag of Spunyuns.


LILIT (as Xianna): They are flaming hot if it matters.

NICK (as HK): Good news, if you have 200 Credits and a bag of Spunyuns, you are a third of the way there. It is 600 Credits and three bags of Spunyuns.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh my gosh. Seriously?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh my god. I have 200 Credits and a bag of Spunyuns. Can you just take that?

NICK (as HK): As a down payment, sure, although I recommend you use that as seed money to get the rest of the application. I’m so sorry, my hands are tied.

LILIT: Xianna just starts walking away while screaming.

LILIT (as Xianna): [while moving away from the microphone] Aaaaaah~!


HUDSON (as Tink): So, seed money, does that mean we’re doing a startup?

CAMERON (as Karma): A gambling startup, yes Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, that kind of seed money. Okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, that kind of seed money.

HUDSON (as Tink): You’re getting my hopes up here.

CAMERON (as Karma): That kind of seed Spunyuns.

LILIT: Xianna has started to storm off to where they are playing Rancor Roundup, and when she gets over there just hops in and says:

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. How much is it to buy into a round?

NICK: The group looks at you, and Tink and Karma are running to keep up.

CAMERON: I stay by HK.

NICK: You stay by HK?

CAMERON: I have a question for him.

NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: I run over to Xianna.

NICK: Okay. The Rodian from earlier and some of the other gamblers look at Xianna.

NICK (as Rodian): You can’t join the game. You are friends with Tadzi, and Tadzi cheated. You’re not invited anymore.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well just because Tadzi cheated doesn’t mean that I am going to cheat.

NICK (as Rodian): Even worse than cheating, Tadzi welched on a bet too, so it’s not a great start for you.

HUDSON (as Tink): How much for me to enter?

NICK (as Rodian): I don’t know, like 200 Credits and a bag of Spunyuns I guess.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh. Tink, do you even know how to play this game?

HUDSON (as Tink): What game?


LILIT (as Xianna): Exactly.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, let’s do it.

LILIT (as Xianna): But I feel like your system is kind of weird if you don’t ask to see the money first. Maybe the problem was less with Tadzi and more with the system and setup of this game.

NICK (as Rodian): You might be right. Tadzi has a long and detailed backstory explaining how much we trusted them, so the fact that betrayal happened still smarts. We were very close, so this is pretty disappointing. Even though we were partially responsible we still feel bad about it.

LILIT (as Xianna): Also, I had not seen Tadzi in like ten years, so… I don’t know how that factors into your equations of whether or not I am trustworthy.

NICK (as Rodian): You are more than welcome to advise your friend, but we will not be letting you touch the sacred Rancor cubes.

HUDSON (as Tink): Aw, Rancor cubes, that looks easy. Let’s do it.

LILIT (as Xianna): [sighs] Ugh, this fucking prison is the worst shithole I have ever been to.

NICK (as Rodian): Welcome to the cage.

LILIT (as Xianna): It is the worst prison.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m actually having an okay time.

LILIT (as Xianna): The worst one. Okay fine, my friend here, Tink, is going to enter, and here.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yesss.

LILIT: And is rummaging around in her coat and just spikes the bag of Funyuns onto the ground.

LILIT (as Xianna): Here are the Spunyuns, they are flaming hot flavored, and here are the 200 Credits.

NICK: They look at that. it lands in a pile of other snacks and money, and we’re gonna cut away from that game really quick. Karma, you’re staying by Hank?


NICK: What are you asking him?

CAMERON (as Karma): Since I know you have been exploring a lot of the closets in the prison recently, just during your guard rounds, have you by chance located where the contraband is stored? Like say if a prisoner were to have a knife on them or something and the guards confiscated it, where that might end up?

NICK (as HK): Answer: Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Could you assist in some way in either retrieving things from there or getting us too there? Or at least one of us.

NICK (as HK): The contraband is stored in the evidence locker in the basement of the administration building. I could probably get somebody in there or take things from there one time, but it would result in the termination of my contract. We would want to be careful on timing.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay. Noted. Thank you.

NICK (as HK): You are welcome.

CAMERON (as Karma): Have a lovely day.

NICK (as HK): And you as well. Ooh, is that Officer Peters? If you’ll excuse me for a second.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as HK): Officer Peters, can you come with me? I have a question for you.

CAMERON: Karma heads over to where the game is occurring.

NICK: We get the shot of Tink. They put the two chance cubes in your hand and you start to shake them. We get the shot of you throwing the dice and them rolling along the two lines of people watching it, and that’s gonna be the end of the episode.

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners to find the show, and every time we get one the squad gets warm fuzzies.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites, Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Hot tub hangout, which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your food and cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

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