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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 3:
Heavy Lifting

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

Everyone, first up I wanna talk a little bit about the setting of this arc. We had been planning this kick-off of Season 2 for a few months, and after the first section was recorded protests against police brutality began in earnest in the United States and worldwide. The squad are fervent believers in human rights and stand with the Black Lives Matter movement in believing we need real and definitive change in our world. We are extremely proud of our fans and supporters who have donated and protested and urge you to do all that you can.

Normally our show is pretty light, but we’re going to continue with this arc and urge that you listen when you are in a safe place and in a good frame of mind to listen to something set in a prison with a repressive and corrupt guard force that represents a fascist empire. Stay safe out there, friends.

On a happier note, we are pleased to announce that the Tabletop Squadron podcast will be hosting a virtual convention July 30 through August 2. The squad will be streaming several panels including a look into character creation and a Star Wars quiz show with special guests. We’ll also be having guests on to do other panels and game rooms for people to engage with each other. I may even be running a game or two that you can sign up for. Players might be picked by some sort of lottery system. More to come there.

With GenCon being cancelled in the name of public health we wanted to make sure everybody still had something to look forward to. The virtual con will be free to anyone who wants to attend, but we will have a list of suggested donation pages to important causes during this time. Keep on the lookout for additional announcements and schedules in the near future. We’re excited to see you there.

Also, we have a new patron! Esouhnet, thank you so much for supporting the show. Your intelligence and steady hands will be needed by the squad soon, so if you can hide Tink’s medical textbook and maybe help us keep everyone patched up… that’d be a big help. Thanks.

Music credit, content warnings, and how you can help take meaningful action in supporting efforts to stand against systematic racism ranging from organizations to donate to, educational resources, organizations seeking support, and other non-monetary responses will be available in the show notes this week.

So now, let’s get into the episode.


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 3 of Season 2. Woohoo! Coming to you live, except recorded, so not live. Hope everybody’s doing well this fine, kinda hot afternoon. Let’s go around the table. Everybody say who you’re playing today, who you are, and if you spent any experience since the last time we sat down let me know what you spent it on, starting with Lilit.

LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler. I put more ranks into Charm, Cool, and Deception.

NICK: Ooh, that’s a good idea.

LILIT: Yeah, spending points. It works.


NICK: Alright. Up next we have Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi, I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer. I did not spend any experience. I’m going to be hoarding it this round.

NICK: [chuckling] Sounds good. Last but not least we have Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello. I am Cameron, and I will be playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter.

NICK: Awesome. So, before we get started with the recap, let’s kick it off with the Destiny Roll!

CAMERON: One dark side.

LILIT: One dark side.

HUDSON: Two light side.


LILIT: Yeah~

NICK: Oh nice. So that brings our total to two and two, right?


NICK: Okay. So, kind of a quick recap of where we left off. Tink got into a fight in the prison cafeteria. He got sent to solitary confinement where he happened to run into Sentinel. Xianna and Karma were out on the prison yard making new friends and contacts. Xianna tried to buy drugs, and Karma talked to HK and showed him how to murder people, so that was a good choice.

CAMERON: [giggles] Was it?

NICK: Uh-huh. That’s where we’re going to pick it off. The scene opens on Tink sitting cross-legged in a dim durasteel box. He’s sitting with his head kind of resting up against the wall. Coming faintly through the wall, Tink, you hear the voice of Sentinel say:

NICK (as Sentinel): So, what exactly brings you to the Kajim Regional Incarceration Facility?

HUDSON: I start playing my harmonica I’ve obtained.


NICK: Oh, that’s concerning. Where were you keeping that?

[sad harmonica music begins]

HUDSON: I traded it for a pack of smokes.

NICK: [laughs] Okay. So, you’re ignoring Sentinel and playing harmonica instead? That’s what’s happening?

HUDSON: Just for the moment, and then I stop and I say:

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, it’s a long and sorted tale… Eh, not really. So what I’m in here for is I was hired—Well, I don’t know if I can, how much I can say.

NICK: There’s a long pause and Sentinel says:

NICK (as Sentinel): Alright… well, we don’t have a lot going on, so… have I ever told you the story of the loth-cat and the Tatooine tortoise?

[sad harmonica music ends]

HUDSON (as Tink): No. I’ve never heard that one.

NICK (as Sentinel): Long ago there lived a loth-cat…

NICK: And we’re gonna jump away from that. The last thing, Xianna and Karma, that you all saw on the prison yard was HK stalking off towards the cafeteria holding his stun rifle and waving the rifle at Xianna and saying…

NICK (as HK): Do not fraternize, prisoners.

NICK: …and walking away. You have a little bit more time on the yard before the bell rings and you are sent back to the cell block. We cut over to Karma and Xianna. The two of you have walked back towards each other next to the weights, so there’s a lot of different muscly aliens doing bench press and squats and just getting their very glisteny swole on. You’re next to a bench that a Dug is sitting on doing bicep curls but with his feet, with both feet at the same time.

CAMERON: Are they still bicep curls if they’re with his feet?

NICK: Yes. They are now.


HUDSON: [chuckles]

NICK: Uh, leg-cep… curls.

CAMERON: I don’t know how Dug anatomy works.

LILIT: Thigh curls. Heh.

HUDSON: [with a laugh] Ew.

NICK: Well, the thing is, like, their knees are inverted so they don’t have quads, they have like biceps on their legs, so… ick. Anyway.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: You two are able to meet up next to this weightlifting area and kind of touch base and make a plan.

CAMERON: Karma’s gonna pick up some free weights so it looks like there’s a reason why we’re standing here.

NICK: [laughs] Okay. You just have a barbell that you’re wiggling around.

CAMERON: Yeah, like doing some tricep stuff behind me, hold it above my head just with my arm straight, very professional stuff. Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): So did you get the good ramen?

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, well, I have to get money first. I don’t really have enough for the good ramen and any of the drugs, so… I guess I’m going to start gambling. That seems like a good plan, right?

LILIT: Xianna sort of casually leans on one of the equipment racks and is just staring off into the distance.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah… gambling. That’ll work out fine.

CAMERON (as Karma): What are you going to use to enter the game if you don’t have any money? Because you’re gonna have to put something forward for them to let you join so that you can win money.

LILIT (as Xianna): I have a tiny plastic shiv that I found.

CAMERON (as Karma): [chuckling nervously] Okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): And then, um… I don’t know after that. I will figure it out. Maybe I will just lie and then I will have to win so that I don’t have to pay anyone.

CAMERON: Karma switches to bicep curls, using her arms though.

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON: That’s how Nautolans work.

CAMERON (as Karma): You could pickpocket some people beforehand. That’s your skillset.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh yeah, stealing is always an option.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): That was a backup plan. You get kitchen duty and then you steal food, or kitchen duty and steal kitchen knives. Basically kitchen duty is a good one to get because there are lots of things to steal there.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, if you get kitchen duty get me a knife.

LILIT (as Xianna): I will get us all knives, and food, and maybe spoons.

CAMERON (as Karma): Grab a few pudding cups.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): And extra pudding cups, and seasoning packets. You can keep those little salt packets in your pockets, but you can keep it with the little top of it ripped off, and then you can throw the salt packets at people and it gets in their eyes and it hurts a lot.

CAMERON (as Karma): You could also just pick up sand, though. This yard is sand. It gets everywhere.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, but then it gets everywhere inside your pockets, but if you have little salt packets it is the same thing but more contained and it doesn’t ruin the lining of your pockets.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, but I mean I’m not really invested in this jumpsuit, so if I ruin it, darn.

NICK: So, Xianna, do you head over to go and gamble?

LILIT: Yeah. Xianna’s gonna saunter over there. Are they sitting on the ground gambling? Do they have a table? What’s their setup?

NICK: There is a group of three or four prisoners crouched around a corner of the fence, there’s a guard that seems to come by more often over there, and then there’s a crowd of people kind of cycling through that’s between five and ten people around the crouched group, and it looks like they’ve got a couple of chance cubes that they’re rolling and betting over. It’s got the usual cheering and groaning as people win and lose.

LILIT: Yeah. Xianna’s gonna head that way and try to casually lean up against a wall or the fence and watch them for a minute or two to gather what game they are playing, how much it seems like they’re betting, what they’re betting with, and who some of the top players are.

NICK: Okay, that’ll be pretty easy. Karma, are you going with Xianna or are you wandering off to do something else?

CAMERON: I’m sticking in the free weight area trying to make some strong friends, so I’m assisting with spotting some people and showing off how strong we can all be together… so we should be friends.

NICK: Okay. So, to ascertain what the lowdown skinny on the gambling is, that feels very much like a Streetwise check. It will be hard difficulty with two black dice, because you haven’t been to this prison before and they’re playing a game that’s a modification of one that you would know, but it’s not like a normal one.

LILIT: Okay, I have at least one level in Street Smarts, so I can remove a black die from Streetwise or Knowledge checks. I think I might have another one somewhere. Okay… Ooh. [laughs] Okay. I have one full triumph with its success, another triumph that has had its success cancelled out, and three threats.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Yay. Okay. So… We’ll say one of the triumphs is that you know someone who’s playing, the other triumph is you know this gambling game and you know a pretty good way to cheat at it, unless you wanna spend them on something else.

LILIT: No, I like those.

NICK: Okay. You recognize this gambling game of chance cubes as the Rancor Roundup, which is a game that they play in a lot of prison yards, because you only need two chance cubes and it’s hard to cheat at, but you know that there’s a way to throw the dice where it’s more likely to land a certain way and you also know that there’s a specific kind of house bet that you can do that actually has good odds. So you’re like oh, Rancor Roundup, this is a good way to make some money. You also see someone that you recognize that is the one with the hot hands right now, they’re the one rolling the dice. Who are they?

LILIT: Well, their nickname is definitely gonna be Hot Hands.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Hot Hands! … Karma.


NICK: You are lifting weights over in the strong prisoner area.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: You said you were trying to make strong friends. How exactly are you going about doing that?

CAMERON: So, going through lifting heavier and heavier weights to prove that I too am strong so I should be in their friend group, and then volunteering to spot some folks while they’re doing bench press if they’re doing it on their own, since I’m assuming it’s not super-nice equipment since we’re in a jail, so there’s probably potential for you to very easily drop the bar on yourself and hurt yourself.

NICK: Oh for sure. These are like free weights, but because it’s Star Wars the weights are shaped weird. Like, there’s triangles and hexagons and straight lines, and some of the things look like they used to have hover components but all of those are broken or torn off, so it’s half Olympic weight room half junkyard.

CAMERON: I think the bench press would normally have hovers on the bar, so if it noticed that it was starting to fall too quickly it would catch itself and not kill you, but those are broken.

NICK: Oh yeah. Somebody definitely scavenged those as soon as they were installed to try to make a prison yard gun or something.

CAMERON: Yeah. So, the first person I’m assisting with spotting them on the bench press is a Herglic.

NICK: Oh, okay.

CAMERON: Because I like Herglics.

NICK: Yeah. That’s the second Herglic in the population, so that’s interesting. Are you trying to charm them or impress them with your strength? Like, what attribute you are using to try to make friends?

CAMERON: I think mostly impressing them with my strength, not a whole lot of talking happening.

NICK: Okay, so make me a… I’ll say Athletics probably. Athletics feels very weight-lifty.

CAMERON: Okie-dokie. What is the difficulty on the Athletics?

NICK: We’ll say this. If you do average it’ll be a person that knows you. If you do hard they’ll like you. if you do daunting they will be willing to put themselves in danger for you.

CAMERON: When you say that they know me, is that a bad thing?

NICK: No, like a good thing.

CAMERON: Okay [laughs], because I am a bounty hunter.

NICK: Oh yeah. That’s never gonna come up. Don’t worry about it.

CAMERON: Alright cool. I’m gonna do hard.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: Because Karma’s strong, but not that strong.

NICK: Will you flip me a dark side point to upgrade that check?

CAMERON: [sighing, reluctant] Sure. Ugh. I like this less now.

NICK: Yeah, I know.

CAMERON: Um… hmm. Okay. Two successes, one threat, and a despair.

NICK: Hey~! I have a big smile on my face.

HUDSON: [chuckles]

NICK: Okay, so two successes…

NICK & CAMERON: One threat.

NICK: …and a despair.

CAMERON: Uh-huh. So, since I was successful and the hard was having someone like me…

NICK: Uh-huh?

CAMERON: …can the despair be that we introduced one of the characters who knows me as Karma the bounty hunter?

NICK: Oh yeah.


NICK: Trying to decide which one.

CAMERON: [laughing] How many did I put in here?

NICK: At least three. I was thinking about it yesterday.

CAMERON: Oh great. Okay.

NICK: So, with two successes, a despair and a threat, this Herglic has 150-200 kilos of weight on this bar, just a ridiculous amount, and it starts to fail, and she isn’t able to keep the bar from sinking towards her chest, and you are helping someone else, but you stop helping them, come over, and you grab it. It’s too heavy for you, but between the two of you you’re able to get the weight re-racked, and she sits up and says:

NICK (as Herglic): Oh, well thank you very much. That could have been really bad. You must be some of the fresh meat.

NICK: From behind you, you hear:

NICK (as ???): Oh, it’s not just fresh meat, brother.

NICK: You turn around and you see a light clover green Gigoran who says:

NICK (as Gigoran): That’s Karma the bounty hunter.

NICK (as Herglic): Well whoever she is she’s more helpful than you, Ziller.

NICK: And we’re gonna cut away from the weights.

CAMERON: [giggles nervously]

NICK: Back to Xianna. You’ve seen someone that you recognize and you know this game, the Rancor Roundup. Who, with the hot hands, is currently winning this game?

LILIT: So, there is a blue Twi’lek named Tadzi’texa that I knew growing up. They lived on Ryloth, and their nickname is Hot Hands, because even back then they liked playing card games and gambling. Xianna and Tadzi did briefly date for a time as teens, but it was as teens and so they are now on good terms because they realized that dating when you are 15 is silly.


LILIT: “That wasn’t real dating. Whatever. We’re still friends.”

NICK: We see Tadzi shaking up these chance cubes. [shakes dice] So, Tadzi is rolling the dice, throws them, they land in a small group of gravel and scatter in a weird direction, and everyone sucks in a breath around the circle. Tadzi looks up and makes eye contact with Xianna and goes…

NICK (as Tadzi): Holy kriff. Xiann?

NICK: …and the dice fall to both on the red side, which is how you lose, and everyone cheers. Tadzi looks at the chance cubes on the ground and says…

NICK (as Tadzi): Kriff. Oh, this is bad for multiple reasons.

NICK: …and stands up and starts to edge back into the crowd, away from the chance cubes while everyone is celebrating.

LILIT: Xianna’s gonna work through the crowd to go stand next to them and talk to them a little bit.

LILIT (as Xianna): So, sorry about the dice… but it is good to see you~

NICK (as Tadzi): You’ve always been sort of a bad luck charm for me, Xiann. I am a little concerned that you’re here… and also I didn’t have the marker to cover that roll, so we’re gonna wanna move away from this very quickly.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh. Okay. Got you. Let’s leave. Let’s go by the strong people, that way my strong friend can beat them up if they come for us.

NICK: You and Tadzi start to head towards the weight area, and as you’re going a Rodian picks up the chance cubes, stands up, looks through the crowd and says…

NICK (as Rodian): Hey, Tadzi, you gotta cover this bet.

NICK: …and everyone turns around, and you hear mob mumbles starting, and Tadzi says…

NICK (as Tadzi): Yeah, let’s go. Let’s go quickly.

NICK: …and starts to do that fast walk towards the weight lifting area across the yard. Do you wanna make me a roll to see how quickly you can get back to Karma before this crowd catches you?

LILIT: Would that be like a Streetwise?

NICK: It would be a Streetwise if you’re trying to see the lay of the land. I would take a Stealth if you’re trying to break eye contact in a crowd. I would take Coordination if you’re trying to front handspring your way through. I’m open to whatever.

LILIT: I was gonna ask if there’s enough people out in this prison yard that we could stealth through the crowd and try to loop around so that the gambling crowd sort of loses us, or if it’s sparse enough out on this field that that’s not really a possibility.

NICK: This prison is, you can tell, a little overcrowded, like they all are. This one though, this yard is a big piece of the real estate of it, so it’s this weird combination of there’s open ground with nobody but then like packs of prisoners wandering from area to area, so if you were able to chain your route through a few of them you could probably break line of sight and see if you could throw them off, but if you don’t then you’re gonna be out in the open without anybody else around.

LILIT: Then yeah, I’ll do a Stealth check to try to lead us through these crowds and snake around in order to get to the weight area.

NICK: Okay. it’s gonna be a hard Stealth check and two black dice, because Tadzi isn’t particularly stealthy and is still kinda shocked to see you so you’re having to tow them along.

LILIT: Would you say that this is a chase and that I’m escaping an opponent?

NICK: Yeah, I would say that. That’s fair.

LILIT: Then I can add a blue die, because I have Shortcut. During a chase I can add a blue die per rank in Shortcut to any checks made to catch or escape an opponent.

NICK: Nice. Okay.

LILIT: [rolls] Uh… Once per session I can reroll any one Skulduggery or Stealth check using Natural Rogue.


NICK: Okay.

LILIT: Because there were a lot of failures in there and a lot of threats and I didn’t like that. This is a lot better. There we go. Two successes and one threat.

NICK: Okay. You’re able to keep ahold of Tadzi’s hand and loop through several crowds and break eye contact. You can hear from a distance this crowd saying “where’d they go,” “they owe us so much money,” “where is it,” and you manage to make it over near the weightlifting area just as you hear:

NICK (as Ziller): That’s Karma the bounty hunter, brother.

NICK: And this big Herglic stands up and says…

NICK (as Herglic): Don’t call me brother, you green furry jerk.

NICK: …and picks up the weight like a bat and starts to heft it. Ziller looks at Karma and says…

NICK (as Ziller): You’re the reason I’m in here, and you killed my brothers. You’re not gonna make it out of here.

NICK: …as you see Xianna and a blue Twi’lek with long, sharpened canines pull up to a stop right behind Ziller.

LILIT: Xianna comes to a stop and shoots their arm out mom style and stops Tadzi.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh… Ooh. Okay. Maybe we don’t go over here. It looks like my strong friend is also in a fight.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): So let’s just stay back here and pretend that we know nobody.

NICK (as Tadzi): Didn’t you just get here? How are you already having problems?

LILIT (as Xianna): This is surprising, because she is the responsible one.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t think anybody would be surprised that I am already having problems, but… Ohh! She is a bounty hunter, which is not good for her to be in here. I think what is happening is that she is running into people that she has put in the prison and she might get shanked, so we should stay back.

NICK: Tadzi says…

NICK (as Tadzi): She’s a bounty hunter?!

NICK: …and then some people around them go “there’s a bounty hunter in here,” and you see more people turning around.

LILIT (as Xianna): No! No. No bounty hunters here. We are just talking about how much they are bad. Yes. Bounty hunters, so terrible.

NICK: Karma makes eye contact with Xianna as Xianna says that bounty hunters are bad and terrible, and Ziller starts to stalk towards Karma and her new Herglic friend who says…

NICK (as Herglic): Well, it looks like we’re about to be going to solitary together. you can call me Blue.

NICK: …and Blue hefts a big thing of weight, and Ziller starts to move closer. I need you to roll initiative, Karma.

CAMERON: [laughs nervously] Okay. [sighs] Three successes, two advantages.

NICK: Nice. Can you roll me two yellows and a green?

CAMERON: Three successes, an advantage, and a triumph.

NICK: And can you roll me two greens and a yellow?

CAMERON: Three successes, two advantages.

NICK: So, Ziller stalks forward and you find that in your dropping into a fighting stance, Karma, that you and Blue are actually backed up against the weight bench that you were on, and Ziller picks up a one-handed barbell and swings it just straight towards your head.

[heavy rock music begins]

You were expecting some sort of circling or some sort of posturing, and he just goes straight for trying to hit you in the face with a big heavy weight, so I need you to roll me two greens and a yellow, average difficulty, but two blue dice.

CAMERON: I’m going to take two levels of Dodge, so I’m upgrading the difficulty of the attack by two.

NICK: Wow. Okay.

CAMERON: So it is now two red dice, mwahahaha, because I don’t have my armor on… I am not as strong as I once was. Semi-helpful. Two successes, one threat.

NICK: So that’s gonna be 7 damage coming at you.

CAMERON: [grunts]

NICK: But you do get—he’s very off-balance, he put it all into that, and hits you in the collarbone, and you feel the bone creek a little bit, and he’s very off-balance. Now it is you and Blue’s turn. Who would you like to go?

CAMERON: I’ll go first.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: I would like to use Quickdraw to pick up a weight.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: So, yay. I’m now doing Melee. [laughs]

NICK: What kind of weight do you pick up, like a one-handed one, or like a plate, or…?

CAMERON: Um… Can I have one of the ball weights that just has the handle on top of it?

NICK: Kettle bell?

CAMERON: Yeah, kettle bell.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: So I can just swing it and whack it into his head.

NICK: Okay. So for that it’ll do +2 damage, but it’s not heavy enough to need a black die for being hard to swing.

CAMERON: Cool. Can I get a blue die for the threat he had last time, because he’s off-balance?

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: Six successes…

NICK: [startled] Ohh!

CAMERON: …one threat. You said it was +2?

NICK: Yeah, so that’s 11 damage. [laughs] Geez.


NICK: You break his freaking face. He spins around. He almost drops, not quite, because he’s still a big bulky boy, but then Blue goes and Blue rears back with that big weight, but just before Blue swings, Xianna, you and Tadzi hear…

NICK (as ???): There they are! They’re over by the weights!

NICK: …and this big crowd of people start charging across, and I need you to roll Vigilance as well

LILIT: Can do. I have a rank in Vigilance.

NICK: Hey, good job.

LILIT: What’s… Oh, Vigilance is Willpower.

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT: Oh no… Two successes.

[rock music ends]

NICK: Two successes. Then, could you roll me two yellow dice for the mob?

LILIT: Yes. That is one success and three advantages.

NICK: Cool. This mob starts to charge at you, but you have enough time that you think you’ll be able to do something before they get to you and Tadzi, and Blue goes ahead and wheels back and swings with all her might at Ziller who is still reeling from the last smack. I need a yellow and two greens rolled, please.

CAMERON: Okay. Two successes, one advantage.

NICK: So that’s 8 damage into Ziller’s face. Ziller just drops. Turns out blunt force head trauma is a pretty good way to put somebody down. The mob continues to charge. Karma, with your situational awareness you’re able to look up as Blue stands over Ziller holding this big metal bar with heavy weights on it and says…

NICK (as Blue): Yeah. Let’s say things about Herglics again. Let’s go!

NICK: …and this giant group of people—it started as like 10, but now it’s like 25, as they pick up other groups and are just moving towards the weights, and you can see the strong aliens picking up weights and starting to square off, too, as these groups charge at each other. Xianna, it’s your turn. What are you gonna do? [chuckles]

LILIT: Xianna’s gonna reach into her little jumpsuit and pull out the tiny little flimsy shiv that she found and is going to shove it into Tadzi’s hand.


LILIT (as Xianna): Here. You will probably get beat up more than me, so you can use this.

NICK (as Tadzi): Oh thanks. It’s like we’ve never been apart. We’re picking up right where we left off.

NICK: Tadzi spins it in their fingers to a backhanded grip and sets themself for this charging crowd. Do you wanna do anything else?

LILIT: Yeah. So Xianna puts the shiv into Tadzi’s hand and starts sidestepping away.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, but this time remember to watch your six. You never did that, and that is why you got hit a lot. Okie bye~

NICK: Are you just abandoning Tadzi? [chuckles]

LILIT: Not completely abandoning, but is going to try to blend into the crowd just a little bit more, because Xianna can tell that this is heading towards a full-yard riot but would like to not get hit right away, would like to try and weather it out a few minutes without getting punched, so that way when she gets punched towards the end it’s not as bad.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: Okay.

LILIT: Conserve the energy.

NICK: Makes sense. Roll me three green dice versus an average check. Let’s see how Tadzi does as this wave of angry gamblers breaks over them.

LILIT: They have a success and an advantage.

NICK: So they do okay. Tadzi grabs the shoulder of the Rodian that first pointed them out and plants the shiv in their side a couple of times and moves them off and then takes a punch to the face and bites somebody with their sharpened canines. Then I need Karma and Xianna to roll me a Force die, please.


LILIT: One light side.

CAMERON: Two dark side.

NICK: Okay! This turns very quickly into a full-yard riot. The weightlifting prisoners have grabbed weights and are wading in towards the gambling prisoners. Everyone is surrounding Tadzi and fighting on either side. You get the feeling that there was a lot of pent up irritation going on in the yard and it’s just time for that to all come out. All of a sudden, over the PA system, you hear…

NICK (as ???): Prisoner riot on the yard. Put ‘em down.

NICK: …and stun bolts start flying out of the towers. They’re big, big stun bolts. They look like turbo laser blasts, but they’re blue, and the very first one plants itself in Karma’s chest and throws her backwards ten yards, and she slides on the ground, and she’s completely unconscious, just completely fried. You have a moment of feeling yourself being lifted off your feet, Karma, and looking at the sky, and you think “oh, they have that new stun technology, I saw those cannons at a convention,” and then you hit the ground and you’re unconscious.

CAMERON: “Jet was telling me about these.”

NICK: Yeah. Xianna, you do not get hit with the first barrage, and you are able to drop down on the ground, so we see you crawling amongst the scrambling feet of these fighting prisoners, and you see Tadzi, a few people over, also crawling on the ground trying to get away, because they pulled the cartoon thing of starting the fight and then ducking out of the fight. What do you do?

LILIT: So, Xianna is crawling on the ground, but instead of elbow army crawling she’s a little bit more on her hands and knees and is going to try to, while walking through, picking the pocket of some of the shorter inmates in the confusion as she’s going by.

NICK: [laughs] Okay. Make me a Skulduggery check.

LILIT: Like, is using the momentum of other people running into each other and jostling to hide the fact that she’s rummaging in pockets.

NICK: This is going to be daunting, because people are also trying to stab you and getting shot all around you, so this is a very difficult check.

CAMERON: We also have three light side points.

LILIT: Oh yeah. I’m gonna use a light side point. I got two successes and one advantage.

NICK: Nice. What would you like to have found?

LILIT: Okay. Xianna will have like to have found a few units of money, however we’re doing money in this prison, if it is credits or money.


LILIT: And maybe a few death sticks, and a pudding cup, or some other form of pocket-sized snacks. A bag of Funyuns. Space Funyuns. Spunyuns.

NICK: Spunyuns. Yep. You got it.


LILIT: A bag of Spunyuns. That’s going down in the notes.


LILIT: Can they be flaming hot Spunyuns?

NICK: Sure. You’re able to pull 200 Credits out of four different people’s pockets, and you find two death sticks that are on the ground. Someone gets lifted up by the neck in front of you and shaken really, really hard, and then the person lifting them and the person being lifted both get hit with stun bolts and fly backwards, and where they were standing is a bag of flaming hot Spunyuns, and you just hear [magical noise, like finding an item in a video game] and you’re able to grab that and put it in a pocket.

LILIT: It’s a slow-mo shot, and she’s reaching her hand up into the air as the Spunyuns fly into it.

NICK: Yeah. You’re able to jam them in your jumpsuit, and then you hear the stomping of feet and you get kicked in the head by somebody trying to run past you, and then you hear the sound of stun bolts flying, and you also are knocked unconscious. The camera zooms out and we see this large mob fighting and rioting in the yard as the outsiders are slowly whittled down by stun bolts until it’s just, it’s like a Civil War documentary of people just sprawled out everywhere in uncomfortable directions, and you see several of the guards have walked onto the yard and are walking amongst all of the unconscious prisoners, occasionally poking at them.

The next thing we see is Blue and Karma and Ziller and Xianna regain consciousness in that little lobby of the solitary confinement induction area. Someone dragged you there. You all sit up and there’s a bored-looking guard in a plexiglass box.

NICK (as guard): Wow, we’re sure having a busy day. I’ve got Rooms 1, 2, 10 and 13. The Nautolan and the purple Twi’lek, why don’t you take 10 and 13. Blue, good to see you, Ziller, you guys got 1 and 2.

NICK: He goes back to reading a magazine and the durasteel doors pop open in this row of solitary confinement cells.

LILIT (as Xianna): Karma, do you want 10 or 13?

CAMERON (as Karma): Uh—

LILIT (as Xianna): I want 13.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay cool. I was gonna say 10.

LILIT (as Xianna): Cool. That works out very well for us.

CAMERON (as Karma): See you later, Blue.

NICK (as Blue): Bye. See you in a week or two.

LILIT (as Xianna): Bye everyone~

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: Ziller starts to walk into Room 2 and Blue just bodily shoulders him into Room 1 and then goes into Room 2 and shuts the door behind her. So, do you all just enter your solitary confinement cells?


NICK: Cool.

CAMERON (as Karma): Tink, which room are you in?

CAMERON: I’m doing the standard I’m walking into a dressing room trying to find a friend thing.

NICK: Heh. You call to see where Tink is and the guard says:

NICK (as guard): Now none of that. It’s solitary confinement.

HUDSON (as Tink): Did someone say my name?

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: The door slams shut with a clang.

LILIT: As Xianna is walking into her cell she looks at the guard and does a big wave and smiles.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie! I’m going into my cell now, guard. I am Xianna.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello guard. Okie bye~!

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): I am in cell 13!

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: You hear a low mumble from outside that sounds familiar and then the clang of new people being brought into solitary. Karma and Xianna, you have several hours before you’re able to hear anything or adjust to the environment. How do you handle solitary?

LILIT: A nap.

NICK: You just immediately go to sleep?

LILIT: Oh yeah. Xianna just immediately finds a little area that’s, it’s not comfortable but it’s not ‘not’ comfortable, and probably takes off the jumpsuit, roll it up and make a little pillow and takes a nap.

NICK: Nice. The ground’s a little chilly, but the pillow’s worth it.

LILIT: Well what was the weather like outside? Was it hot?

NICK: Yeah, it was hot.

LILIT: Then yeah, cool concrete.

CAMERON: That feels nice.

LILIT: Yeah. Cats do it for a reason.

NICK: Yeah. [laughs]

LILIT: Xianna’s going to too.

NICK: Cool. What about you, Karma?

CAMERON: I think Karma’s gonna react in a pretty similar way. I think go sit in a corner, prop myself up with the wall, cross my arms over my stomach and huddle down, because getting shot with stun blasters hurts.

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: Even though we’re awake now there’s probably some lingering headaches, nausea type stuff happening, so just leaning in a corner.

NICK: After a couple of hours, you all are comfortable as can be, and you wake up. you hear through a small, small gap in the durasteel walls the sound of Tink talking to himself.

HUDSON (as Tink): I don’t know man, I’ve just been, we’ve been in here a long time. I know we’ve been in here a long time, I just don’t think we can make it, but… I, um… We need to…

HUDSON: I grab the harmonica and I start playing.

HUDSON (as Tink): [to the tune of “Bad to the Bone,” hums] Trapped in a cell. [hums] Man, it’s… it’s really—[sobs] Trapped in a cell~!

CAMERON: [chuckles] Aw.

NICK: Karma, you hear another voice which sounds very familiar say:

NICK (as Sentinel): Tink, you really need to work on those lyrics. I don’t know how long you’re going to be in here, but you’ve only had the two lines and I’m pretty sure it’s been like five hours.

HUDSON (as Tink): The creative process takes time, Sentinel.

NICK (as Sentinel): Well, the good news is that’s what we have… Time.

NICK: Xianna, you can hear Sentinel and Tink having this conversation as well.

LILIT: Is it coming through an air vent?

NICK: There’s a tiny crack in some of the durasteel seams, so it’s really quiet, but as you’ve adjusted to the quiet you’re able to hear it faintly until it’s pretty listenable.

CAMERON: How long has Tink actually been in solitary?

NICK: Oh, probably like four hours.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink~

CAMERON (as Karma): It’s been four hours.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, it has only been four hours.

HUDSON (as Tink): [startled, stammering] What? Wh-What? Who is there?

CAMERON (as Karma): How are you talking to yourself already?

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, it is me, Xianna.

HUDSON (as Tink): From the outside world?!

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes from the outside world. You have been in here for four hours.

CAMERON (as Karma): Did you not hear us yell for you when we came in?

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh… I thought that was just a dream.

CAMERON (as Karma): Nah buddy, we’re real. We promise. That’s something people in your dreams would never say.

CAMERON: [giggles]

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, yeah… No, yeah, they’d never say that.

LILIT (as Xianna): No, they would say things like “here is your spaghetti, put it on your head,” and then they hand you a bowl of hot dogs.


LILIT (as Xianna): That is what something in a dream would say to you.

CAMERON (as Karma): Huh.

HUDSON (as Tink): Just to be clear, we don’t have any food here, right?


LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, I have a bag of Funyuns in my pockets, but I am not going to eat it. I am going to save it for later.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright…

LILIT (as Xianna): Because if you get a bag of ramen you can crush up the Funyuns and put it on top of the ramen.

HUDSON (as Tink): You know, it’s been a hard time here in the clink, but…

CAMERON: [giggles]

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, you have been in here for four hours!

HUDSON (as Tink): How do you know the struggles I’ve been through?

CAMERON (as Karma): We haven’t even been here a full day.

LILIT (as Xianna): I have been to jail more than once.

HUDSON (as Tink): We should just focus on the fact that we have our friendship to lean on and that it’s great that we’re all in here together.

LILIT (as Xianna): It is. I have already found other friends in here.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh. Who?

LILIT (as Xianna): A childhood friend.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh.

LILIT (as Xianna): They might be beaten up, but hopefully they ended up okay.

HUDSON (as Tink): You had friends as a child?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes…?

CAMERON: I can’t decide if that was supposed to be rude or not.

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Why did you think I did not have friends?

HUDSON (as Tink): You just come across as the kind of person who would, you know, just… not?

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): But I am so friendly~ It is parents that I did not have growing up.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ohh!

LILIT (as Xianna): Well like, my mother was there, but like, also not there, if you know what I mean.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh like they were invisible.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): N-No… I meant that as a single working mother she often had to be out of the house not watching us because she had to work to provide for her family and also go, you know, work against the Empire.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ahh. Yeah, that sounds important and all. Alright, well your childhood friend, so what’s their name?

LILIT (as Xianna): Tadzi.

HUDSON (as Tink): Tadzi. Huh.

LILIT (as Xianna): It is a traditional Twi’lek name. Don’t make fun of it.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m not making fun of it. I think it’s just a tad-zi bit unique.

CAMERON: Whoa. [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): That doesn’t work in Twi’lek!


LILIT (as Xianna): I hope you know. I hope you know it only works in Basic.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: From Sentinel’s cell you hear:

NICK (as Sentinel): Now, as nostalgic as it is to hear this style of conversation for the first time in what feels like a very long time, what are you all doing in this prison?

LILIT (as Xianna): Sentinel~! Ello.

NICK (as Sentinel): Hi Xianna.

NICK: And that’s gonna be the end of the episode.

CAMERON: [laughs]

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners to find the show, and every time we get one the squad gets warm fuzzies.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites, Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Hot tub hangout, which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your food and cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

Word document download: S2 Episode 2 The Good Ramen

PDF download: S2 Episode 2 The Good Ramen

Read in browser:

Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 2:
The Good Ramen

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

First of all, thank you to dr0wwarr10r for your review of the show. We’re glad you’re having fun listening, and thank you for helping others find us. We also have a new patron. I want to issue a warm welcome to CurseOfStu. Thank you for joining us on our space hijinks. Your expertise wrangling dangerous creatures will come in handy as we just picked up some rathtars and they’re causing a mess. Here’s your body armor and your shock prod. Good luck.

Not much else to announce this week, so we’ll jump right into it.

Music credits and content warnings for this episode can be found in the show notes.

Let’s get into the episode.


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 2 of Season 2. I’m your host and game master, Nick. Boy, things sure are getting interesting aren’t they? We’re all just as excited as you are to see how this turns out. Let’s everybody go around the table and say who you are and what character you are playing today, starting with Lilit.

LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Great. Up next we’ve got Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi, I’m Hudson. I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer. {with strange emphasis}

NICK: Agh…


HUDSON: Yeah, that rolled off the tongue in ways I didn’t want it to.

NICK: It was more sensual than I was expecting. Eh…

HUDSON: [close to the mic, poor ASMR attempt] A Gigoran slicer!

NICK: [groaning laughing] No-ho-ho!

CAMERON: [giggles wryly]

NICK: Last but not least, we have Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello. I am Cameron, and I am playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan prison inmate.

NICK: Oh-ho. What an interesting character class you have chosen.

CAMERON: Yup. [laughs] Also a bounty hunter.

NICK: Well, before we get started, let’s do the Destiny Roll!

CAMERON: One light side.

LILIT: One light side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

CAMERON: [gasps dramatically]

NICK: What does that bring us to?

CAMERON: Two light side, one dark side.

NICK: Nice. Cool. When we last left off… you all got sent to prison. You’re there to try and rescue someone from jail. You were inducted into the prison and got the rundown of kinda how things work from the head guard. You did quickly learn that solitary confinement is sort of the punishment that is the trademark of this place. If you break the rules you get sent to solitary. You were brought to your cells. You met Filbert, which is Tink’s cell mate, and you then went to the cafeteria where you were having a nice lunch when a huge shark creature introduced himself and then slammed Tink’s head into the table. We last left off with Tink putting a lunch tray against his stomach horizontally and charged at the shark creature. [giggling] Am I missing anything?

HUDSON: So, how much like Street Sharks was the shark creature?

NICK: Not as Street Sharky as you’re probably picturing. Think more like Adonis ripped body, gray skin, shark head. This one isn’t the same species that we’ve seen in the past that’s much more Street Shark. This one’s more like big ripped scary dude…


NICK & CAMERON: Shark head.

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: So like, no neck, just shark head.

NICK: Mm-hmm. So, let’s go ahead and roll Vigilance for this. Karma and Xianna, you do not have to roll Vigilance yet, because you are not yet involved, so it’s just gonna be Tink to start.

HUDSON: One success.

NICK: The shark guy rolls two yellow and a green.

CAMERON: Two successes, three advantages.

NICK: So, here’s how this goes. You were sprinting at this shark person with this tray horizontally aimed towards the two of you, and the shark guy watches you coming, has a confused look on his face which is kind of painful to look at on a shark face, and as you are within striking distance he just straight-palm strikes into the tray, shoving it into your abs as hard as he can, and I’m gonna need to roll an attack against Tink. It’s gonna be two yellow and two greens.

CAMERON: Two difficulty because it’s Melee?

NICK: Yep.

CAMERON: One success, two advantages.

NICK: He has 4 Brawn, so that’s 5 damage. We’ll give +1 damage for the tray, so that’s 6 damage coming at you, Tink.

HUDSON: With my Soak that’s 3 damage total.

NICK: He slams the tray forward into your abs. You feel something rupture just a little bit, like at the skin level. It hurts.

HUDSON (as Tink): [pained grunt]

NICK: You double over under the pain and the shark rolls his shoulders and says…

NICK (as shark): Come on, don’t stop yet, we gotta make this look good. I gotta get my reputation in order.

NICK: …and strikes like a fighting pose and does the four-finger “come at me” gesture where he waves his hand forward, like this. I’m trying to describe this with words and struggling.

HUDSON: A “come hither” with four fingers.


NICK: There you go. You got it. You made it sound like a sex thing.

HUDSON: [laughs] I guess I did. I pull the tray out of my stomach and wield it like a vibro-axe and run forward, screaming.

HUDSON (as Tink): Aaaaaahhh!

NICK: … Do you hit him?



NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: Well, I mean, that depends how this roll goes, but yes.

NICK: Yeah. Roll me that attack. You can use your Melee check instead of Brawl, because you are using a weapon.

HUDSON: That’s convenient.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: It’s only gonna add 1 to your damage, though, instead of the 2 or 3 that the axe does.

HUDSON: Five successes, one advantage.

NICK: Geez, you’re really good at this. That’s 9 damage coming at this guy. You hit this guy really solidly. What does that look like as you charge him with your lunch tray?

HUDSON: I smack him across the face with the tray and he goes oof and like falls backwards a little bit and you see a drop of blood fall down from a cut I made on the face.

NICK: Heh. He falls backwards and lands with his elbows against a table, and you see that drop of blood. He looks surprised and brings a hand up to the cut and looks at the blood and then licks it off of his finger. He turns around and he picks up the lunch table he was leaning against. It’s a white fiberboard table with enamel finish on the top. It’s kind of flimsy looking, but it’s like ten feet long. It probably weighs like 15 kilograms. He picks it up and tries to smash it over your head. Same roll as before, please, but add a black die because it’s a big, unwieldy table.

CAMERON: Fascinating. Three advantages and a triumph, but no successes.

HUDSON: [laughs]

CAMERON: You’re welcome. [laughs]

NICK: Okay, so he doesn’t hit you with the table, but—

HUDSON: Hurts my feelings real bad.

CAMERON: [giggles]

NICK: The table smashes on the ground and he’s left holding two of the legs of the table and they’re perfect length for swinging and have jagged ends. He looks at those and shrugs, like “okay.” At this point there is a walkway around the edge of this cafeteria that’s probably ten meters up off the ground, and there’s guards up there, and some of them grab what look like grenade launchers off the walls and start launching tear gas into the cafeteria and an alarm starts to go off. The shark is obscured by tear gas and you can hear him coughing, but he’s coming towards you.

CAMERON: [hums the Jaws danger tune]

NICK: [laughs] Yeah. [also hums the tune] Karma and Xianna.


NICK: Tink and this shark guy appear to be fighting to the death. The crowd of prisoners is starting to form a circle and cheer. Some of them are trying to leave, but they’re locked in with this tear gas coming down. What are you two doing? Are you just watching? Are you gonna help?

CAMERON: I have been watching and eating my lunch.

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON: Because we sat down and the shark guy immediately approached us.

NICK: Mm-hmm.

CAMERON: So I’m like eating my pudding cup, watching, probably occasionally yelling out tips on form, probably to both combatants.


NICK: What about Xianna? Same thing? Just hanging out at the table?

LILIT: Xianna’s placing bets with other prisoners on who’s gonna win, and Xianna has definitely bet a usage of impact on Tink winning.

NICK: We get a prisoner going:

NICK (as prisoner): Hey, how do you have impact in here? Do you know Jeyb?

CAMERON: [chuckles]

LILIT (as Xianna): You know. Like, this is a prison. Do you not know?

NICK (as prisoner): Is it, uh, readily available?

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean now it is, yes.

NICK: The prisoner shrugs and shakes your hand and then wipes his hand on his pants.

LILIT (as Xianna): I wash my hands…


LILIT (as Xianna): Like, ugh, amateurs.

NICK: But yeah, takes that bet. You bet that Tink was gonna win?


NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: Xianna learned from last time when she bet against Tink.

NICK: As the tear gas is starting to fill up the room you can hear the sound of approaching prison guards coming towards either door as this is going on. Tink, it is your turn. What are you doing?

HUDSON: So, my translator actually filters out the tear gas… [chuckles]


HUDSON: …but my eyes get really—

NICK: Flip me a light side point. That can be a capability of your translator.


NICK: Your lungs are okay but your eyes hurt like mofos.


NICK: Yeah.

HUDSON: So, is this table on top of me then?

NICK: No, it like smashed on the ground in front of you.

HUDSON: Oh, in front of me.

NICK: Yeah.

HUDSON: Okay. What is in my immediate area I can grab?

NICK: As far as things that are available around you, you’ve got your lunch tray with a smattering of shark blood, there are some tables nearby, there is a ring of prisoners that are cheering you on, there is a post wrapped in padding with a PA system at the top that is blaring an alarm, there is a grenade of tear gas that is actively pumping out tear gas right next to you, there is a large shark creature holding two jagged table legs approaching you… that’s kind of your immediate surroundings. If there’s something that you want nearby we could talk about it, if there’s something that springs to mind. It’s like a prison lunch room. There’s prison lunch room things.

HUDSON: Okay. One thing I kinda wanna do is spend this turn to do what the kids call roll like a log and get them off their feet.

NICK: So you’re going to lay on the ground and roll at them?

HUDSON: yeah, like stop, drop and roll style.

NICK: Towards their feet?


NICK: Okay!

LILIT: It’s a bold move.

CAMERON: I would argue that Tink should get a blue die for blending in.

NICK: For blending in with the tear gas? I agree, 100%.


NICK: So that is a Brawl check.

HUDSON: [sarcastically] Great.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Yeah, I know.

HUDSON: I still refuse to put anything in Brawl.

NICK: [laughing] You should put point sin Brawl. This happens to you a lot.

HUDSON: It does… Okay. I get a blue die and then difficulty is?

NICK: Two.

HUDSON: Two successes and an advantage.

NICK: You can either do damage to his shins or I’ll take the two successes and advantage for knocking him prone. That’s not exactly how the rules work, but I like it. You wanna knock him over?

HUDSON: Yes, knock him over.

NICK: Okay. You knock him over. He falls prone.

[dramatic bass noise]

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: [laughing] He falls down, like face-first, lands on his face. You hear his head bounce a little bit. Also, the air is a little clearer down here because the gas is rising, so that’s fun. That’s actually not how tear gas works. It stays low because it’s heavier than air, but fuck it, Star Wars gas. He falls. He hits the ground with a thud. Do you continue to roll under the table or do you stop and get back up?

HUDSON: I stop and get back up.

NICK: Okay, so that’s both of your maneuvers. He climbs to his feet. The shark is gonna roll two greens against two purples with a black die.

CAMERON: Two failures and a threat.

NICK: Yeah. He climbs to his feet. He’s discombobulated. You are the same color as the gas. You are close down to the ground. He’s turned around. He can’t find you. also, he dropped his table legs when he fell down and he got up and he can’t see those, so he’s just looking around wildly for you and can’t find you in the tear gas. You hear the sound of guards opening the doors and you hear them starting to yell at people to get back against the walls, and you hear the zap of stun blasters starting to go off. What do you do?

HUDSON: How close am I to a stun blaster that someone would have?

NICK: Well, you’re not in the middle of the room, you’re near a wall, but you’re back away from the two different entrances to the cafeteria, so you’re not super close to a guard. You could run towards one and try to get one, but that’s a… I will say, out of character, if you try to take a gun from a guard you might die.

HUDSON: That would—Yeah.

NICK: They may just kill you.

HUDSON: Yeah. That’s a thing. Yeah, I was thinking about that a little more and I was like, [inhales] how much do I want to hurt this shark?

NICK: [laughs] I mean, I want you to hurt the shark, but…

HUDSON: Would it cost a turn to say do you want a truce?

NICK: No. Just talking to him won’t cost a turn. If you’re trying to actually convince him to not fight you, that would be like a Charm or Negotiation roll or something and that would be your turn, but because you’re hidden in the smoke I’ll let you do it Batman style where he can’t figure out where you are, if you wanna do it that way.

CAMERON: [in a Batman voice] Do you wanna join our squad?

NICK: [in a Batman voice] Justice!

HUDSON (as Tink): You are a worthy adversary. How about a truce? Your face is already bloody enough.

NICK (as shark): Are you making fun of me in the middle of this fight?

NICK: Are you gonna roll something?

HUDSON: Yeah, I’m gonna roll Negotiation.

NICK: Okay.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, no, it’s more of a compliment to your, uh, your masculinity.

NICK: Difficulty is going to be hard, so three purples, but you can have a blue die because this guy is mildly concussed at this point. [chuckles]

HUDSON: Three failures and four advantages.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Well! Any ideas on what you want those advantages to be? Because the failures means he goes…

NICK (as shark): This is a prison fight. You don’t just call a truce. Where are you?

NICK: …and starts turning around.

HUDSON: Can I say something that really hurts their self-esteem with the advantages?

NICK: Sure.

HUDSON (as Tink): Huh, megalodon? More like megalo-don’t you wanna quit?

CAMERON: [giggles]

NICK: The shark stops, goes…

NICK (as shark): Aw…

NICK: …and bends down, picks up one of the table legs, and then sniffles away a little bit of a tear.

NICK (as shark): Come out of that smoke. This is… Have you never been to prison before? This is like a thing that you do.

NICK: You can see the lights of blasters starting to fly through the room as prisoners are either raising their hands and leaning up against the wall or getting stunned. Karma, Xianna, what are y’all up to?

LILIT: Xianna’s already doing the correct procedures and is up against a wall, hands up, but is in a way that she can still view the fight and is next to the person that she placed the bet with.

NICK: And on the other side you’ve got Filbert down by your waist.

NICK (as Filbert): Well, looks like your friend got into some trouble pretty quick there.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, but I trust him to win.

HUDSON: Over where the fight is happening I yell from a distance.

HUDSON (as Tink): You can call me Dragon!

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): His name is not Dragon.

NICK (as Filbert): Well, Tink sure seems to have a sense of humor. Pretty bad luck drawing that big old shark, though. He’s new too, but I don’t think this is going too well.

NICK: As you can see the security walking past you. They’ve built a cordon – it’s like a square of guards that are moving in towards the people who are still watching the fight from up close and Tink and the shark. Karma, what are you up to?

CAMERON: Karma finished her pudding cup, calmly went and put her tray away at the tray drop-off, just walking around like nothing’s happening. [laughs]

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON: Walks over to the wall, leans against it.

NICK: We get the shot of you walking with your dirty tray, setting it in the return, there’s stun bolts flying around you.

CAMERON: As she leans down to set it in the retray a bolt goes right where she would have been and she stands back up, turns around.

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON: It’s just constantly missing. She’s constantly moving out of the way at the last minute. Just walking. Not engaging, but upping her cool factor.

NICK: So, the shark finally sees Tink standing in the shadows of the tear gas and charges at him with the table leg held high. Make me one more attack check, please, but with two black dice because the shark is emotionally compromised and still discombobulated.

CAMERON: And suffering from the effects of tear gas.

NICK: Mm-hmm.

CAMERON: One success, one threat.

NICK: So Tink, he gets you on the side of the head. It hurts. You see stars. You take 6 damage, and he’s up close to you. There are five guards in a square kind of formation around you aiming at the two of you. Everyone else has been pacified. You hear one of them say…

NICK (as guard): Get down on the ground.

NICK: …and it’s your turn. You’ve just been hit in the head with a table leg.

HUDSON (as Tink): This is just getting fun, though.

HUDSON: Punch him, uppercut.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

HUDSON: That would be Brawl, wouldn’t it?

NICK: That would in fact be Brawl, yes.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: We need to get you a shiv. We really do. [laughs]

HUDSON: One failure.

NICK: Okay. You say this is just getting good and you go to throw an uppercut and the shark just leans back a little, and you realize you’re actually pretty dizzy from all of the poison gas in the air. You start to waver on your feet. The guard who had shouted at you yells:

NICK (as guard): Put him down!

NICK: The last thing you hear is pew-pew-pew-pew, and you get hit with a whole bunch of stun bolts, and you drop. The last thing you see is the shark standing over you going…

NICK (as shark): [boastfully] Ha-ha!

NICK: …and then you hear pew-pew-pew and the shark drops too as you’re both stunned down.


NICK: So, we cut away to…

[slow groovy music begins]

The prisoners are all being led out of the cafeteria. You’re being led back toward the north cell block which is your base of operations. As Karma and Xianna are standing outside, everyone’s made to line up in the fenced-in corridor that leads from the cafeteria back to the cell block, you see Tink and the shark guy being dragged out. They drag them out the hallway.

[slow groovy music ends]

Tink looks like he’s a little conscious but not able to move or anything, and they turn right and start to head down, it looks like, past the rec yard where you came in towards the far corner of the prison. One thing you notice is there are two Human guards per Tink and the shark guy each with one arm in their armpit kind of dragging them along, and behind that is another group of guards, and you see an assassin droid wearing the guard uniform walking with the rest of the guards. The droid makes eye contact with Karma, and then Xianna, and says…

NICK (as HK): Well that’s unexpected.

NICK: …and then turns very quickly to act like he didn’t see you and keeps walking, but he is walking right past you.

LILIT (as Xianna): Bye Hank~!

NICK: [laughing] HK ducks his head down in his shoulders a little bit and keeps walking, and one of the guards turns to him.

NICK (as guard): Did that inmate talk to you?

NICK (as HK): Supposition: That would be impossible as I do not know any inmates.

NICK: And continues to walk on.

CAMERON: We’re all lined up against this fence, and Karma is not standing next to Xianna because we weren’t next to each other on the wall when we got led out. She leans forward and flips her head down to look at Xianna and is like, what… not talking but making the “what” gesture.

LILIT: Xianna kind of leans out and yells back.

LILIT (as Xianna): I’m pretty sure that was Hank!


CAMERON (as Karma): Affirmative.

LILIT (as Xianna): Did you not recognize him?!

NICK (as guard): Silent on the line, inmates.

NICK: You hear the sound of a stun blaster being charged. Filbert elbows Xianna in the hip and says:

CAMERON: [snickers]

NICK (as Filbert): Hey. Don’t be talkin’ around them. They’re gonna stun ya. You don’t wanna go to solitary.

NICK: The guard points the stun blaster at Filbert.

NICK (as guard): I said silent on the line.

NICK: We’re gonna cut away from that, and we’re gonna cut away to Tink. You really regain yourself as you are dragged through the open air, the fresh air helps, and you start to get some feeling back into your legs. As you start to regain your balance the guards let you go, and you fall to the ground, but then you are able to get back up and you walk ahead as they hold you at stun blaster point.

You find yourself being led through the rec yard, out of the fence, through another area into what looks like a flat piece of ground nestled in the corner of the walls. You can see a large metal plate that’s sunk into the ground, and as you get close one of the guards holds up a little RF fob and hits a button and it starts to open. There’s a long spiral staircase leading down into the earth. The guards prod you towards the staircase, and you hear what sounds like some sort of droid saying:

NICK (as HK): Welcoming Statement: Welcome to solitary.

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh… thanks?

NICK: The droid walks up behind you and jabs you in the back with his gun.

NICK (as HK): Commanding Statement: You will comply. Enter the staircase.

HUDSON (as Tink): You sound familiar…

NICK: He shoots you.


NICK: You fall to your knees and he turns around and goes…

NICK (as HK): Can you believe that guy? These inmates get weirder every time.

NICK: …and goes and stands behind some of the guards who are looking kind of suspicious. You’re able to regain your feet. The shark guy is already heading down the stairs. Do you follow?

HUDSON: Yeah, I follow.

NICK: Okay, so that means they don’t shoot you anymore, which is probably good for your long-term health. You head down this staircase. As you’re walking, you do struggle with the stairs because the stun shocks are still causing your limbs to kind of jump. You have to grab the wall to steady yourself a few times. The air down in solitary smells dry and dusty as you come to the bottom. There is a small guard room behind a large sheet of transparesteel. A bored-looking guard waves you through the entry and towards a row of doors.

NICK (as guard): You’re in Room 12. The shark there fella is in Room 3. Go ahead and shut yourself in.

NICK: He doesn’t even look up from the holo-screen that he’s watching in there. It all seems very kind of honor system. [chuckles] There is a barred door that can shut leading into these individual cells, but it’s just sitting open right now. All you have is the staircase, this little lobby with no furniture, the little guard room, and then these individual tiny cells. What do you do?

HUDSON (as Tink): Hey, shark buddy, sorry about what I said earlier. I was under the influence of tear gas, and things just got heated, you know?

NICK: The shark is halfway in Room 3, about to pull the door shut behind him, and he looks at you and says:

NICK (as shark): We’ll have to work that out at some point.

NICK: Ka-clang, and it echoes loudly as he shuts himself into the solitary cell.

HUDSON: I walk to my solitary cell and get myself in and close the door.

NICK: Great. Good job being a rule follower. You shut yourself into Room 12. The inside of the solitary room is just a durasteel box. There’s a small drain in the corner you assume is “the facilities,” but otherwise the room is bare. You’ve got all the time in the world. What do you do in solitary?

HUDSON: I cross my legs and attempt to meditate, although no one has ever taught me.

[quiet chuckling]

HUDSON: I just go, hmm~, close my eyes… and I fall asleep real quickly.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: [laughs] Okay, yeah. We see Tink, legs crossed, hands clasped in his lap, humming to himself. The humming starts to falter and then he slumps against the wall and falls asleep.

CAMERON: The real question, though: How are the acoustics in solitary? Since he was humming.

NICK: If Tink can hit the right note, the resonance of the room is real nice.


NICK: I don’t think Tink has yet.


NICK: So, you don’t know how long you were asleep. You wake up, you try to meditate again, you probably fall asleep again, but over time your legs and arms stop jumping with the stun bolts and your eyes and breathing start to clear of the tear gas, and you’re almost feeling comfortable. It must have been a couple of hours. You hear a voice coming from the wall behind you.

NICK (as Sentinel): I recognize that presence. Tink, is that you?

HUDSON (as Tink): [dazed] Whaaat?

HUDSON: Somehow Tink has 5 o’clock shadow even though it’s only been a few hours.


CAMERON: And his face is already covered in fur!


LILIT: Is it a ring of darker fur? Suddenly a light gray fur has grown in.

HUDSON: Yes, suddenly a light gray fur has grown in.

HUDSON (as Tink): Who goes there?!

NICK: You can see that there’s a little seam in the wall behind you as you’re looking, and it looks like some of the welding has been chipped away, and there’s just the tiniest little gap which must be what’s letting the sound through, and you can hear:

NICK (as Sentinel): Tink, it’s… it’s me. I can’t identify myself. There’s no guarantee they know who I am. But, we’ve worked together for some time…

NICK: You can hear the wink.

HUDSON (as Tink): I know you! You’re… [stammers] Um… Like, when something is, is uh, is every once in a while?

NICK: There’s a long pause. You can hear the person in the next cell thinking.

NICK (as Sentinel): Um… Sure. Yeah.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh! It’s great to talk to you. How have you been?

NICK (as Sentinel): I’m gonna be honest, Tink. Not amazing. I have been in solitary for quite a while. I got captured right before the beginning of your mission, which we will not go into details of, and here I am.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, well… Wait a second! Can’t you use the F—the… the “orce-Fe” to help us…?

CAMERON: [giggles]

NICK (as Sentinel): Stop. Stop. Stop.

NICK: You hear a thump, like a frustrated head hitting the wall next to you.

NICK (as Sentinel): Listen. I got here because I got captured by the Empire. Why are you here?

HUDSON (as Tink): Why are any of us here?

NICK (as Sentinel): I mean, that’s a good point and we have plenty of time. If you would like to philosophize about that we have the time.

HUDSON (as Tink): You know, I’ll think on it later. So why am I here in this cell? Well, hmm… You know that shark? Big scary one?

NICK (as Sentinel): No.

NICK: [chuckles]

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, there’s a big scary shark and I kinda had to show what I’m about here and move up the food chain, so yeah… I got in a fight.

NICK (as Sentinel): Oh, I see. Oh! Because it’s your first day. That makes sense. You have to beat someone up to show that you’re a badass.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yes.

NICK (as Sentinel): How’d that go?

HUDSON (as Tink): Not great. I caused damage, but damage was caused upon me as well.

NICK (as Sentinel): Well, it sounds like we have some catching up to do. We’ll just have to be careful about what we say.

NICK: We’re gonna cut away from that to Karma and Xianna. After they sent everyone back to their cells to make sure that there weren’t any extra weapons in the cafeteria, to clear up the debris, to make sure everybody understood that, to quote the announcement over the PA system, “lunch is a privilege not a right,” you are led out into the rec yard. You see a lot of people, more people than would fit in the north cell block, and you can tell that both cell blocks are let out at the same time. A majority of the grounds of the prison are made up in this yard. It’s just brown dust, dirt, some of it’s terrace so there’s some parts that are above others, there’s some bleachers around, and you see a bunch of different activities. Why don’t you both roll me Perception checks on what’s going on that is important.

CAMERON: Okay~ What is the difficulty on the Perception check?

NICK: Difficulty we’ll say is average.

CAMERON: I got two successes and one threat.

NICK: Okay.

LILIT: Three successes and two advantages.

NICK: Okay, so Karma, you notice a couple of things right away. There is a volleyball court that is being used by some of the more athletic prisoners at this time.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: The sport looks a little different than your last experience with volleyball. There seems to be some contact. If you get near the net you’re likely to get hurt. You can see people sitting on the side with bruises or clutching limbs. It seems pretty no holds barred. You also see that there’s an area with a bunch of free weights that are being used, a lot of flexing muscles and strong people doing bench and spotting each other, and you also notice that there is a fence going around this entire rec area.

This entire area is fenced in. it’s a very tall fence, maybe like 6 meters tall with razor wire on top, and this is the only place you’ve seen where guards regularly are on the same level as the prisoners. They’re usually on gantries and stuff up high. They are standing on the other side of the fence doing a circular patrol. You notice that it seems like there’s a lot of guards and they seem to be cycling through, and one of them appears to be a droid of some kind.

Xianna, with your Perception you notice these things. You probably don’t notice the guards, because that’s not what your focus is right now. On top of that, you notice a couple of different prisoners that are very clearly the people you talk to if you need something. They are standing by themselves. A group of other prisoners will walk up to them. They will have a whispered conversation. They will turn away from each other where no one can see what’s behind them and then everyone will split up again. There’s two different people like that in this yard just kind of making the rounds. They’re very obviously suppliers, smugglers, that kind of thing.

You also notice that there is a kiosk set up in the corner. It’s through the fence, but there’s a little gap, and there’s a little store setup. It looks to be a place that you can exchange credits for things from the prison, like extra snacks, things like that.

LILIT: The commissary!

NICK: Yeah, there’s a commissary, and it backs up to the rec yard. You notice that there is a group of people in the corner very clearly gambling. You can’t see what they’re gambling on or what game they’re playing, but you recognize those cheers of success and boos of failure from the entire yard. It’s very clear what’s going on there. The other thing that you notice is there are some bleachers set up. it looks like there was some sort of athletics field or something here that’s no longer being used. It’s just kinda rundown. It’s become just another part of the rec yard.

[intense music begins]

But on the bleachers, there is a group of people very clearly sitting in a hierarchy. You see a very large alien of some kind sitting on the top seat, and then coming down from there there’s a couple of people, and then a few more, and they all seem really vigilant, and then there’s a group of less intense-looking people standing around the bleacher. It’s very clearly a gang setup. Whoever is over there is holding court right now.

[intense music ends]

And those are the things you see in the rec yard.

LILIT: Xianna does immediately go over to one of the “suppliers.”

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello. New here. Which one of you do I talk to for various types of contraband? One, fun makeup. Two, impact. I will accept other forms of drugs, but mostly impact. I can only bring so much in myself. Three, the better ramen. Yes, I know the commissary has the ramen noodles, but someone always brings in better stuff.

NICK: These two smugglers, you caught them when their circuits intersected and they were handing off inventory. They’re two Bothans. Their jumpsuits seem a lot more baggy than the ones that are standard issue. To your practiced eye their inventory is very clearly hidden amongst the jumpsuit. One of the Bothans says:

NICK (as smuggler1): Wow. First day and you’re already trying to find impact, huh? That’s a… decision that you are making.

LILIT (as Xianna): It is not my first time in a prison, and I have to look towards the future and prepare for when I run out.

NICK (as smuggler1): Well, if you have credits then this transaction will be pretty easy. Impact’s 300 a dose, makeup is 50 credits for more than you could probably use in a month, and the good ramen noodles vary by supply. It’s a daily market price we would have to assess… but if you’ve got credits we’re good to go.

NICK: And the other smuggler says:

HUDSON (as smuggler2): So uh, the ramen market opens at 4 AM in the morning, and uh… I guess there’s no other kind of 4 AM, right?

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as smuggler2): We get the samples, you know, the little cubes of ramen you can try out. Might I suggest the Naboo Special when you come there.

NICK (as smuggler1): Yeah, the Naboo Special is the spicy duck flavor.

HUDSON (as smuggler2): Oh yes, it’s just [kiss noise].

CAMERON: [giggles]

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, I guess there sometimes is a difference between 4 in the morning and 4 at night, if you know what I mean.

HUDSON (as smuggler2): [chuckling] Oh. Oh yeah.


LILIT (as Xianna): I mean those impact prices… eh, a little more than the other prisons I have gone to, but I guess the other prisons I have gone to have been… somewhere else. Where were they…?

LILIT: Also, how much money does Xianna have in her account? Like, her prison account. You have an account that your “loved ones” can put money into that you can then spend at the commissary.

NICK: Right. That is true. Do you think Nolaa would have put money in your commissary account?

LILIT: Yeah, and Xianna probably even would have – knowing that she was gonna get herself arrested – given money to somebody, probably Nolaa, to put onto the account.

NICK: So… the commissary, I would say you probably have like 200 Credits in there, maybe 500, like enough that you’re pretty well-off but not enough to raise red flags. The issue you’re going to run into is you can’t withdraw your commissary funds to go pay an illegal smuggler in the general population with. They’re assuming either you have credits smuggled in or that you have something to barter or a service to exchange for these things. They just gave you prices in credits because you’re new, so they thought maybe you would still have credits floating around.

HUDSON (as smuggler2): So, if you’re interested, right after the market ends in the morning I actually have this little stand where I sell wooden figurines if you’re interested. It really brightens up the aesthetic of the cell.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, that sounds lovely.

NICK (as smuggler1): That was a great pitch. You’re doing a great job. He’s new.

LILIT (as Xianna): You seem nice. Thank you.

HUDSON (as smuggler2): You’re welcome.

LILIT (as Xianna): I would love to see the figurines at some point. I was just asking more for reference in the future. You know, first day in, wanted to just get the layout of the place, but I am sure I will be back within a few days to actually make purchases.

HUDSON (as smuggler2): Oh, I figured… Heh, you get it? Figured. I figured… It’s, uh, well…

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh yes! Heh. I get the joke. It is very funny.

NICK (as smuggler1): And if you can’t get the credits together right now, don’t worry about it. I’m sure we can work something out.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. Okay. You two have a lovely day. Goodbye.

HUDSON (as smuggler2): Bye.

NICK (as smuggler1): See you soon.

NICK: Karma, what are you up to on the rec yard?

CAMERON: Karma is zeroed in on where HK was in the rotation around the rec yard and is kind of stalking him.

NICK: Okay. It looks like the guards on each side of this square yard are doing two sides of it, so you do a short side and a long side and you turn around and come back and they pass each other, but there’s also times where they just turn around and go back the other way. It’s a little hard to predict. They are in pairs, so HK is with one Human guard, and they’re walking up the short side and down the long side that’s closest to the cafeteria and turning around and going back. He’s just kinda walking. From the distance you’re at you can hear the guard say something, you don’t really hear it, but then projected loudly from HK you hear:

NICK (as HK): Patronizing Laughter: Ha-ha. Ha-ha. Ha… ha, ha. You are so funny.

CAMERON: I’m following to see if he ever ends up on his own or if he starts saying useful information for me in the conversations. [laughs] Karm is occasionally pausing when he’s approaching her to make sure that he knows that she’s there and is making it so that he is aware that she’s there.

NICK: The second time that you make meaningful eye contact with him—It’s hard to imagine a droid rolling their eyes, but he manages it somehow. He turns and says:

NICK (as HK): Officer Smith, I am in need of something from over there. Will you go get it for me, please?

NICK: And the other prison guard goes:

NICK (as Smith): What are you talking about…?

NICK (as HK): I need—Will you go to the, uh, cafeteria? I dropped restraining bolts or something. Officer Smith, please go to the cafeteria.

NICK (as Smith): Well, I’m not gonna leave you on patrol alone.

NICK (as HK): Officer Smith, please go to the cafeteria immediately. Thank you.

NICK: The guard shrugs.

NICK (as Smith): I don’t know what’s… Your communication is off.

NICK: And he leaves, and you have HK on the patrol alone and you’re able to approach.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hey HK. What’s up?

NICK (as HK): Do you think I did a good job? I don’t think he suspects anything.

CAMERON (as Karma): He may suspect a little bit. You did seem a little excited about it.

NICK (as HK): Now, this was more of a courtesy. We cannot be meeting like this as I am a prison guard. Next time I will be forced to shock you, because you are a prisoner.

NICK: And he brandishes the gun.

CAMERON (as Karma): Don’t you dare shoot me, HK.

NICK (as HK): There is a fence between me and you, and you are a prisoner, and I am a prisoner guard.

CAMERON (as Karma): HK, do not shoot me.

NICK (as HK): I’m not going to right now. This conversation was a courtesy.

NICK: You see HK shrug and cock his head to the side.

CAMERON (as Karma): Well, I appreciate that. Question. Are you here on a job for anyone?

NICK (as HK): If I was on a job for someone I would not disclose that information so readily.

CAMERON (as Karma): Why not?

NICK (as HK): Because… if I was on a job for someone I would be undercover as a prison guard.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hmm. Okay. Don’t shoot me.

CAMERON: [giggles]

CAMERON (as Karma): I would just like to lay down that rule for future encounters.

NICK (as HK): Well so the problem though now is we’re talking too long. The only way to keep the cover up is I think I’m gonna have to stun you before you walk away.

CAMERON (as Karma): [heavy sigh]

NICK: HK projects his voice louder and says…

NICK (as HK): Get away from the fence, inmate!

NICK: …and starts waving the gun around.

CAMERON: Karma takes a few steps back, rolling her eyes at HK. [laughs]

NICK (as HK): Don’t roll your eyes. Respect my position.

CAMERON: HK. Buddy. [laughs]

NICK: HK drops the gun back down.

NICK (as HK): [reluctantly, quietly] Yes, I’m doing a job. I got hired to break someone out of here.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, cool, us too.

NICK (as HK): What?!

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

NICK (as HK): This was my thing.

CAMERON (as Karma): Well it’s our thing now. Also, I think you’re still the most important piece here, because you’re the only one with access to weapons.

NICK (as HK): They won’t let me have anything bigger than this.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, but you can do a lot of damage with that.

NICK (as HK): It doesn’t actually kill organics, it just knocks them out.

CAMERON (as Karma): Well how hard are you hitting them with it?

NICK (as HK): I’m not good at melee.

CAMERON (as Karma): Well, I mean, you stun them first.

NICK (as HK): Oh. Ohhh…

CAMERON: [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): I should not have told you that.

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): I regret this decision, but it’ll probably be useful in the future, so whatever.

NICK (as HK): This is great. I’m gonna try that out in a little while I think. This is good.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hmm.

NICK (as HK): Where did Officer Smith go? The cafeteria, right?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yup.

NICK: [smiling] And HK starts to stalk down the fence line towards the cafeteria.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT: Xianna, from the distance, is waving.

LILIT (as Xianna): Bye Hank~!

NICK: HK puts one of his hands next to his face, even though that’s not how his speaker works, and says…

LILIT: [giggles]

NICK (as HK): Do not fraternize with a guard, inmate!

NICK: …and waves the gun at you, but it looks like a greeting, and then he continues to walk off. I think that’s where we’re gonna end the episode.

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners to find the show, and every time we get one the squad gets warm fuzzies.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites, Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Hot tub hangout, which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your food and cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

Word document download: S2 Episode 1 The First Day is the Hardest

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 1:
The First Day is the Hardest

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

I want to start off by thanking Laelap5 for their very kind review. Thank you for listening, and we’re glad you’re enjoying the show.

This week marks the beginning of Season 2 for Tabletop Squadron! We hope that you enjoyed the solo episodes with all the crew and are excited to share their new adventures with you. Thanks for coming along for the ride, and if you’re new to the show, welcome! This is a great jumping-on point, and we have a recap before this to get you up to speed.

Music credits and content warnings for this episode can be found in the show notes.

So now, let’s get into the episode.


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Season 2, Episode 1!

ALL: Woo!

NICK: Wow… Gosh. Season 2. Neat.

HUDSON: We made it!

NICK: Yep… we sure did, whatever “it” is.

HUDSON: Flying through space, with all the adventures.

LILIT: [giggles]

NICK: I’m your hosting game master, Nick. We’re gonna go around the table. Everybody say who you are, what character you’re playing today, and your character’s pronouns, starting with… Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi. My name is Hudson Jameson. I’ll use my last name this time.

NICK: Bold move.


CAMERON: Whoa. [laughs]

HUDSON: I know. Don’t come find me on the internet.

CAMERON: It’s not like I say your name in the outro every time. [laughs]

HUDSON: [laughs] That’s true. My character name is Tink, a Gigoran slicer, and my pronouns are he/him, and I upgraded two of my stats. I put a point in Mechanics, and I put one point in Medicine, because between Seasons 1 and 2 I actually studied a real website on medicine.


NICK: Who, Tink or Hudson did?


NICK: Oh, okay.


NICK: Next up we have Lilit.

LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler. My pronouns are she/her/they/them, and Xianna’s pronouns are she/her. I also put points into things. I bought a rank of Athletics, because…


LILIT: …I need that, and then a rank in Knowledge: Outer Rim.

NICK: Great. Last but not least, we have Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello. I am Cameron, and I play Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter. Both mine and Karma’s pronouns are she/her. I burned through my XP real quick and bought an additional talent tree.

NICK: Ooh.

CAMERON: So I have added the marauder talent tree from the hired gun career, and then I bought two talents on that tree. I bought a rank of Toughened, so my wound threshold went up by 2, and then I bought another rank of Lethal Blows, so now any time I crit I add 30.

NICK: Normally in the episode this would be where we did a recap. What I can say is that we just finished everybody’s solo adventure in between the first and second season. Karma assisted a gangster in messing with the Imperial economy, Xianna blew up a drug lab at the behest of a burgeoning smuggler and new ally, and Tink rescued a ballet theater.


NICK: So, before we get started on this new Season 2 adventure, let’s kick it off with the Destiny Roll~!

CAMERON: One dark side.

LILIT: Two dark side.

HUDSON: Two light side.

CAMERON: Thank you, Hudson, saving the day.

NICK: So what’s that bring us to?

CAMERON: Three dark side, two light side?

NICK: Eh, not too bad. Jumping into the adventure.

[slow groovy music begins]

NICK: We open on a close-up of an older Human man. He has salt and pepper hair down to his shoulders swept back from his face and a goatee. His face is dirty and bruised, and he opens his eyes to look around. The man is sitting in a simple wheelchair and wearing a grayish-blue jumpsuit. The room he’s in is small and appears to be made out of poured duracrete. This is Sentinel, and he appears to be captured. As he looks around his environment he has only one thing to say.

NICK (as Sentinel): Kriff.

[slow groovy music ends]

NICK: Lilit! Please describe your character and her surroundings.

[smooth electronic music begins]

LILIT: Xianna is a purple Twi’lek with gray, swirly tattoos on the ends of her lekku. She is 1.71 meters or approximately 5’6” tall. That is the height in heels.


LILIT: She is actually a little bit shorter than that without shoes.

NICK: Xianna, it’s been about six months since your last big job, the shipyard incident. What have you been up to, and what are you doing in your current location?

LILIT: She is wearing a black trench coat and black knee-high boots. Sitting in one of the pockets that is hidden into the coat is a little orange loth-rat, and there are flashing lights and fog and just deafening noise and people running everywhere, and Creamsicle the loth-rat has a tiny little glow stick.

CAMERON: [giggles]


LILIT: And is bouncing up and down in the coat as Xianna is dancing away at a nightclub.

[electronic music ends]

NICK: You’re approached out of the fog by a golden protocol droid. He waddles towards you and tries to appear nonchalant, which is difficult because they don’t have a lot of mobility in their joints.

NICK (as droid): Hello, Xianna’fan. We have met before. Do you remember me?

LILIT (as Xianna): [shouting] What? I cannot hear you. The music is too loud.

NICK: His head tilts to the side and back and forth.

NICK (as droid): [projecting slightly] Xianna’fan, can you hear me? Do you remember me? We have met before.

NICK: And is starting to wiggle their arms.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, we have danced before? Okay! [giggles]

NICK (as droid): Xianna. Xianna. I am no longer going by my former designation, but you can call me Cappy. Hello? Can you hear me?

LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t know if I know that dance~!

NICK (as Cappy): Xianna, would you like a job? I am here to offer you a job.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, no, I am not selling. I only buy.

NICK: The droid looks confused for a second and then types into a data pad that it’s been holding and flips it around, and it says are you in need of employment, question mark, and then like dollar sign, dollar sign, dollar sign emoji, and the droid wiggles it in front of your face.

CAMERON: Please translate that whole sentence into emojis.

NICK: Stock go up question mark sign.

LILIT: [giggles] A bunch of the little job people emojis with various hats in a row. Question mark. Bags of money. Question mark.

NICK: There you go. That. [laughs] He holds up the data pad.

LILIT: She’s like…

LILIT (as Xianna): Ohhh!

LILIT: …and then looks down at Creamsicle and does a little hand signal and Creamsicle dives into the pockets and then comes back without any credit sticks, just the little glow stick.

NICK: [chuckles]

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes! I do!

NICK (as Cappy): Wonderful.

NICK: And we’re gonna cut away from that party. Cameron, why don’t you give us a quick description of Karma?

CAMERON: Karma is a green Nautolan. She has 14 head tails. She is 37 years old, approximately 5’7”. She has black galaxy eyes. She wears a red headband on her head holding her head tails back, and she has several gold bangles on various head tails, and she wears armor.

NICK: Okay, cool. So, after six months of mostly working solo, how’s Karma doing? What have you been up to?

CAMERON: Karma has been doing a lot of small-time jobs, trying to avoid Empire-sponsored bounties. She spent quite a bit of time on Corellia prior to her mission with Kettle and then has not gone back since then, she doesn’t know how that would go, but has been just going around to places like Nerftown, showing up, collecting all of their bounties, walking into the sunset, just kind of on repeat.

NICK: Why are you where you are now and where is that?

CAMERON: I am on a small moon in a town called Banthatown, and I have traveled from Dewbacktown to collect a bounty in Banthatown. [laughs] So I’m arriving at a saloon, and I kick open the two swinging doors and walk in. the room gets silent and the camera starts panning up from the floor, slowly going up Karma’s fancy new armor.

NICK: Huh. Karma has fancy new armor.

CAMERON: [smiling] Karma has fancy new armor.

NICK: What does it look like?

CAMERON: So, picture an RPG fantasy video game dragon hide armor.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: And it is that. Pretty smooth through the legs with just a few spikes coming out with the scales, and chest plate is pretty scaled, but it is still black armor. She’s still wearing really tall butt-kicking boots, but the armor now has a slight raven’s feather sheen to it where it kind of goes between the black and the dark green.

NICK: Does Karma have a helmet?

CAMERON: Karma does not have a helmet.

[modern western style music begins]

NICK: Okay. Cool. You open up the door to this saloon and we hear a plinky piano come to a stop and everybody looks up to see who’s done this. As you survey the room, a golden protocol droid wanders out of the middle of the bar towards you.

NICK (as Cappy): Karma Nailo! A pleasure. Do you remember me?

CAMERON (as Karma): … Yes.

NICK (as Cappy): Do you actually remember me? You paused quite a long time.

CAMERON (as Karma): I do not remember your name, and I do apologize.

NICK (as Cappy): That’s okay. I’m going by a different designation these days. You can call me Cappy.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright. Pleasure to see you again, Cappy. What can I do for you?

NICK (as Cappy): I actually have some work for you, ma’am. I do hope you accept. There is much to do.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay?

[western music ends]

NICK: And we’re gonna cut away from that. Hudson!


NICK: Describe your character for us and where he is.

HUDSON: So, my character is a seven foot Gigoran: white fur, piercing red eyes, and a translator over their mouth.

NICK: It looks like a Bane mask, right?

HUDSON: It does look like a Bane mask.


HUDSON: From Gotham. He is 28 years old, born in the year 29 BBY.


NICK: Tink, what have you been up to in the last six months? Why are you where you are, and what are you working on?

HUDSON: So, I was kidnapped.


HUDSON: Tied up—Yes, again. [laughs]

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON: Thrown on a boat going to who-knows-where, and somehow, even though I was bound and gagged, I rolled myself off of the boat, managed to get out of my restraints once it hit the water and became wet and slippery—


NICK: That’s not how that works. Tink’s gonna drown.

HUDSON: That’s how it worked with me!

CAMERON: That’s how Star Wars ropes work.

HUDSON: I just happened to see an island out in the distance so I swam to it. It actually turns out to be Ahch-To. So, right now there’s not like a ton to do there, like there’s two libraries and that’s about it, some huts otherwise. So, the one library is a Jedi library. I don’t really go to that one that often. It just has some old stuff I don’t really care about.

NICK: That means you read the books before Luke did, which is super interesting.


HUDSON: But the other library, which is more of a brick building, every Wednesday they have chess club, so—

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT: Who has chess club?!

NICK: The weird chicken feet people!

HUDSON: [laughs] yeah.

LILIT: God… The fish nuns?


NICK: The Ahch-Toians. {Lanai}

HUDSON: Yeah, the fish nuns have taught me a lot, actually, about being humble, and the Force.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT: And having giant ass parties when your husbands return from sea.

HUDSON: Yeah actually, we do party it up a bit. So I’ve been there for six months just taking it all in and learning. I learned and I’m getting really good at chess.

[techno music begins]

NICK: So, we see Tink contemplating a move, and he moves a bishop diagonally on the board, and we see a golden hand from the other side reach and move a pawn forward, and you look up in surprise to see a golden protocol droid seated as your opponent.

NICK (as Cappy): Hello, Rallltinkraatakat.

HUDSON (as Tink): [hushed] Shh! It’s a library!

NICK (as Cappy): [quietly] Hello, Rallltinkraatakat. How are you doing this fine day?

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m doing great.

NICK (as Cappy): Are you currently employed?

NICK: As you move a piece and the protocol droid also moves a piece.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, not really.

NICK (as Cappy): How are you paying for food and the like?

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, I do some odd jobs. It’s not really employment as much as it is, like, stuff to get just housing and food and the essentials.

NICK (as Cappy): Tink, do you remember me?

HUDSON (as Tink): Um… Were you from a dream of mine?

NICK (as Cappy): We’ve worked together before. We had a common employer. I was part of the organization that had you do that shipyard job about six months back.

HUDSON (as Tink): You’re talking a lot around the name of the…

NICK (as Cappy): We worked for Sentinel, Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ahh.

NICK (as Cappy): Do you remember working for Sentinel?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah. One time he knocked over a vase, right?

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as Cappy): Yep, that’s him. You got it in one. Great job, buddy. It seems like you’re stuck. How would you like to leave this island and do a job, get back to some more impactful things?

CAMERON (as fish nun): [hushed] Shh! This is a library!

NICK (as Cappy): [quietly] How would you like to do a job?

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh…

HUDSON: I move my queen into checkmate.

NICK (as Cappy): Kriff!

HUDSON: Did I just beat an AI?

NICK: Yeah.


HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm, that sounds pretty tempting. Uh… I’ll take it.

NICK (as Cappy): Wonderful.

[techno music ends]

NICK: So, the next thing we see is the inside of a ship with no viewports. There’s metal benches with laser restraints around everybody’s hands, and it is just full of people who look tired and roughed up and scared. They’re all sitting on these benches, chained to the bench in front of them, and there is an automated laser turret hanging from the ceiling. You can hear the hum of the ship, but otherwise it’s not lit very well. We see Karma near one of the walls, and a couple of benches over we see Tink, and then another bench back we see Xianna as they’re scattered through this population. Finally, after all the hubbub of how you got here, you look up and have a chance to look around and you start to notice each other.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, ‘ello Tink~!

HUDSON (as Tink): [gasps] Xianna?!

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh my gosh.

LILIT (as Xianna): [gasps] Karma is here, too~!

HUDSON (as Tink): What?! Aww, the gang’s back together!

LILIT (as Xianna): What are you doing, Tink?

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, you know, I was just hacking around, slicing the… you know, the Empire’s computer system and I got caught.


LILIT (as Xianna): Oh… Karma, what are you doing here? You are the goody-two-shoes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, I know.


CAMERON (as Karma): I may have killed a lot of Black Sun members.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well we know that.

CAMERON (as Karma): No, no, more recently.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, okay.

CAMERON: How many other people are in this transport with us?

NICK: Probably like 20, but they’re all kind of out of it and none of them are guards or anything.

CAMERON: Okay, because I don’t know how deep we wanna get into this conversation with all these people around.

HUDSON (as Tink): You know, now that the gang’s back together, maybe we need a fourth member.

HUDSON: I look around at everybody sitting on the benches.

LILIT (as Xianna): [grumpily] No we don’t.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK (as ???): [gruffly] I’m your Huckleberry.

NICK: You see a Zabrak with a piece of a droid head welded over part of his head and his teeth have been sharpened to spikes.

NICK (as Zabrak): You need a new gang member?

LILIT (as Xianna): No thank you~

HUDSON (as Tink): No, no-no-no, look at it, look, he has moxie.

LILIT (as Xianna): No.

CAMERON (as Karma): [sternly] Tink.

NICK (as Zabrak): They call me Sunshine. Sure, I’m not a member of a group because I killed the last ones, but this time will be different.

HUDSON (as Tink): Well didn’t you just inherit the job? Then you must be the leader.

NICK (as Sunshine): Yes. Join Sunshine’s band.

LILIT (as Xianna): No thank you.

CAMERON (as Karma): Ah, sorry, we kinda got a thing going over here. I think you really need to recruit new folks, though.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

NICK (as Sunshine): [sighs]

CAMERON (as Karma): You do not want to waste that leadership position.

LILIT (as Xianna): And we technically have a fourth member already.

CAMERON (as Karma): We just need to find him.

NICK (as Sunshine): Aw, fine. Fine. Well, it’s nice meeting you folks. I’m just gonna go back to thinking about where it all went wrong.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright, yeah.

HUDSON (as Tink): Nice meeting you too.

LILIT (as Xianna): I couldn’t figure out how to get Creamsicle arrested, so she is somewhere else.

CAMERON (as Karma): That’s probably good.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah—Oh. Figure out how to get Creamsicle arrested? Why are you here?

CAMERON: [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): That sounds a little premeditated.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, so I am here for grand theft hovercraft, and arson, and at least one felony drug charge.

CAMERON (as Karma): Wow!

HUDSON (as Tink): Was this all the same incident?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.


CAMERON (as Karma): Alright.

LILIT (as Xianna): I was on a bunch of drugs and then stole a hovercraft, which is how you get the felony drug charges and the grand theft hovercraft, and then I set it on fire.


LILIT (as Xianna): That is where the arson comes in.

CAMERON (as Karma): Well…

LILIT (as Xianna): And then I was arrested.

CAMERON (as Karma): I was more saying that you getting arrested seemed premeditated.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well, so, I wanted to have Creamsicle with me, and apparently they do not arrest loth-rats because they are not sentient, so I did not want her going to the pound instead, so a friend is watching her.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): You have friends?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hey!

NICK: The next thing that we see is a multiple-shot compilation of our heroes being sprayed down with water hoses. In a tiled room, karma is down to her underwear, Tink’s hair is plastered to his body, and Xianna is completely naked. The water looks cold and they can’t help but shiver. A white powder is thrown at each of them and then they are hosed down again before a door opens at the far side of the room. There’s a small closet of a room with a blueish-gray jumpsuit hanging from the wall and a small container the size of a shoebox with some bare essentials. You hear a recorded voice.

NICK (as recording): Dress in your uniform and grab your hygiene kits. The air will be extracted from the changing room in 4.5 minutes.

NICK: What do you do?

LILIT: Xianna puts on the jumpsuit. How does it close? Is there a way for Xianna to tie it so that it is more fashionable?

NICK: Yeah, you can have a deep V on your jumpsuit if you want.

LILIT: Like, if it opens up the front, yeah, like is tied at the mid-section or something to give it a little jaunty deep V.

NICK: There are no visible fasteners, but it does have a little sash that ties, and also the seam in the front if you press it together it stays closed. It’s like a zipper but you can’t see a zipper is what I’ll say.

CAMERON: Karma goes in and gets dressed.

HUDSON: I shake it off, shake it off for a bit.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

HUDSON: Because I’m wet and gross.

NICK: You whip your hair back and forth?

HUDSON: I whip my hair back and forth, yes.


HUDSON: And then I put on my outfit, my—well, it’s not an outfit. What do they call it, a suit?

NICK: Jumpsuit?

HUDSON: Jumpsuit.

NICK: Cool. So as you get dressed you can see a little flip card timer counting down, and quickly a door on the other side opens. The squad quickly stumbles into a courtyard, and you get your first real look of your surroundings. There’s a cluster of other people in jumpsuits as well, looking around, having recently exited their own processing. A squat Human wearing a tan uniform with armor on the chest and shoulders is staring at the group. His helmet looks like a cooking pot and is pulled down low on his head.

NICK (as Human): Get in line, inmates. Get in line now.

HUDSON (as Tink): Where’s the line? Or is this organically formed, like a collective?

NICK (as Human): You have ten seconds to get in line in front of me, right here.

LILIT: Xianna’s already in line.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, have you never been to prison before?


HUDSON (as Tink): Uhhh…

LILIT (as Xianna): Also, can I have your belt? I want to make a fun little headwear piece for me.

HUDSON (as Tink): But it holds up my pants. Just kidding, you can have it.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): The pants are held up by the top. That is how a jumpsuit works.

NICK (as Human): Inmates will be silent during muster.

HUDSON (as Tink): When?

NICK (as Human): That’s right now.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh! Because they “will be,” like not current… Okay, anyways.

CAMERON: [laughs] Karma has walked silently over shaking her head and is just standing behind Xianna.

NICK: The drill sergeant who has been standing kind of at parade rest can’t help but stick his fingers into his forehead, and as you fall into line you see that everyone else has quickly fallen into place, even you all even though you’re chattering, except for a Weequay who’s looking around frantically back behind everyone. The helmeted man says:

NICK (as Human): I said get in line.

NICK: He makes a quick hand gesture, and you see a very large stun bolt come flying out of a guard tower along the wall. It strikes the Weequay man in the chest, knocking him to the ground, and he does not move.

NICK (as Human): Insubordination will not be tolerated.

NICK: He makes another quick hand gesture, and two guards wearing similar helmets but less armor drag away the unconscious man.

NICK (as Human): One week in solitary for failing to follow orders.

NICK: The man begins to pace up and down the line that you all are in.

NICK (as Human): Welcome to Kajim Regional Incarceration Facility. I am proud to represent the Empire as your host. You can call me Mr. Codly, sir, or that nice hissing noise people make when they get stunned a lot of times in a row. You all represent the worst scum of the galaxy. You law breakers will eat, drink, piss, and sleep when I say so. Follow the rules and we won’t have a problem. Break the rules…

NICK: He looks at the guards dragging the Weequay away.

NICK (as Codly): …well, I hear solitary is nice this time of year. Any questions?

HUDSON: I raise my hand.

LILIT (as Xianna): [whispering] Tink, no, you’re not—

NICK: The guard walks up to you.

NICK (as Codly): Yes. How can I help you?

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh! Okay, if you’re helping us now, this is—

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: He punches you in the stomach.

HUDSON (as Tink): [pained grunt, coughs]

NICK: It hurts, and you double over.

HUDSON (as Tink): [weakly] No more questions.

NICK (as Codly): Any other questions? … Well, if there are no more questions then it’s time that you all were led to your new accommodations.

NICK: You are placed into a line and led by a few guards with stun rifles into the northern prison block. These are cells lined with duracrete hallways. Each cell holds two beds, a toilet and a sink. The entire cell is visible from the hallway. Prisoners are every species, but they have a similar mocking anger about them as they yell at the new people who will be living there, yourselves included. You hear calls of “fresh meat” and “won’t last a week” that are yelled around along with much other, much harsher things.

Karma and Xianna, you are led to a cell on the second level and prodded in before the door slams shut with a clang. Tink, you are told to enter the cell next door. After a while the cell block calms down to a dull murmur as the new prisoners get settled. What do you do?

LILIT: Xianna is immediately flipping up the mattress and looking to see if anything’s been left and just, you know, checking inside the mattress.

LILIT (as Xianna): You always need to check the mattress, because sometimes someone previously has left a shiv in the mattress and the prison guards do not find it.

NICK: Roll me a Force die.

LILIT: Heh. One dark side.

NICK: You find the severed finger of some sort of alien species under the mattress, and that’s it.

CAMERON (as Karma): [uncomfortable groan]

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh…

CAMERON (as Karma): That’s disgusting.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, sometimes you do find fingers or ears or things.

CAMERON (as Karma): Do you still want the top bunk?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. You always go for the top bunk. It’s the best one.

NICK: So, y’all’s two cells are separated just by bars, so you can talk through to each other.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hey Tink, who’s your roommate?

HUDSON (as Tink): My roomy-caboody? Uh, don’t got one as far as I can—Wait.

NICK: Someone pops up immediately behind you as you’re talking through the bars, and you hear somebody say:

NICK (as roommate): Roomy-caboody?! Nice to meet ya!

CAMERON: [chuckling] Oh gosh.


NICK (as roommate): The name’s Filbert. Put ‘er there!

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright!

HUDSON: And I shake… his—?

NICK: You have to reach down to shake hands. Filbert’s the same species as Yoda is, so he’s a small weathered green man with long ears and he has a wispy, white beard that goes down to about the middle of his tummy over his jumpsuit which is extremely baggy.

NICK (as Filbert): The name’s Filbert!

HUDSON (as Tink): Hey Filbert. Nice to meet you.

NICK (as Filbert): I can tell we’re gonna be friends quickly. What’s your opinion on people riding on your shoulders?

HUDSON (as Tink): [gasps] Ooh… We are gonna be friends quickly.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as Filbert): Most people aren’t this calm being led into a prison as high-security as The Cage.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, well, I’m just waiting… Do you know where I can get a sparkling water?

CAMERON (as Karma): [coughs laughing]

NICK (as Filbert): Oh Tink…

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, Tink, you really have never been to prison.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hey—

NICK (as Filbert): The accommodations are probably not what you’re used to, fancy boy.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, this bed’s way too short for me. I’m gonna be half hanging off this thing.

NICK (as Filbert): Mine’s extra-long for me, so maybe I can give you part of mine.

HUDSON (as Tink): You are just the nicest—Wait a second. What are you gonna want in return?

NICK (as Filbert): Your friendship!

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay! If that’s all, then I’m great.

LILIT (as Xianna): Or you could go beat someone else up and steal their bed and then push those two beds together to create an extra-long bed.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m not the kind to cause a lot of trouble, usually.

CAMERON (as Karma): Are you not?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well okay, I do cause a lot of trouble, but I don’t instigate—Okay, I do instigate, but I don’t… Either way, I’m just trying to get along here and that’s what we’re doing right now.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, Filbert.

NICK (as Filbert): Howdy doody?

LILIT (as Xianna): Who is in charge of the smuggling in this prison? Maybe we can convince them to also smuggle in some sparkling water.

NICK (as Filbert): Oh… You’re trying to get ahold of contraband that fast, huh?

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, you know, you got to establish your routine early, so…

NICK (as Filbert): There’s only one man who decides what comes in and out of this prison besides the warden, and he’s based out of the southern cell block. You might meet him a little later, but you won’t like the price.

LILIT (as Xianna): I feel like a lot of people in this prison are based out of the southern… part of this prison.


NICK (as Filbert): One, solid ass joke, Xianna. Two, there’s two cell blocks here in this here facility, the north cell block and the south cell block. You found yourselves situated in the vicinity of the north.

HUDSON (as Tink): That was a long way of saying we’re in the north cell block. Well—

NICK (as Filbert): You’re in the north cell block!

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright.

LILIT (as Xianna): That also makes me think you were originally from the southern cell block.

NICK (as Filbert): I was there for a time, but they usually give your cell away if you get sent to the prison clinic, so my spot was given away and now I’m over here.

CAMERON (as Karma): Is the south block more desirable if your spot was given away?

NICK (as Filbert): They just fill in wherever and then reassign.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): So is that where the person in charge of smuggling is? Because you said there were two people, the warden and someone else, and then you did not say who that other person was.

NICK (as Filbert): Yeah, I was being what you would might call, uh… disseminating.

LILIT (as Xianna): Um, no thank you…

CAMERON: [giggles]

LILIT (as Xianna): …but I would like to know who is in charge of smuggling.

HUDSON (as Tink): So Filbert, where did you get that there accent?

NICK (as Filbert): You know? Everybody in my species talks like this.

CAMERON: [snickers]

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright. I’ll take your word for it.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, but Filbert… [whining] Who is in charge of smuggling?

NICK (as Filbert): You dragged it out of me. His name is Big Jeyb. He’s a scary dude I recommend you stay away from at least whiles until you get your feet under you.

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, are they taller than me?

NICK (as Filbert): It’s not how big or imposing he is, it’s the organization he represents. Everybody owes Big Jeyb a favor. You don’t want him to get mad. You’ll end up stabbed, like my former roommate!

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh! So, is this one of those things where he is called Big Jeyb but he is actually very, very small and it is a funny, ironic nickname?

NICK (as Filbert): Probably not.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, so he actually is very big? Then Tink, he must be so big, because you only get the nickname big if you are gigantic or very, very small.

CAMERON (as Karma): Have you not seen him, Filbert?

NICK (as Filbert): Oh, I’ve seen him. That’s why I was in the clinic. He stabbed me.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh. I’m sorry to hear that. I’m glad you’ve recovered. You’re saying “well I guess” and “maybe” a lot with how large he is.

HUDSON (as Tink): I understand that you don’t wanna give up too much information at this point. We just met you.

NICK (as Filbert): It’s the kind of thing he doesn’t take kindly to people talking about him behind his back. I’m trying to… Especially ‘cause I just met ya, I wouldn’t want you to sell me down the river.

LILIT (as Xianna): Well like, describing how tall a person is is not really “talking behind their back.” That would be like saying Big Jeyb is a big poopoo face.

NICK (as Filbert): Which I also advise against.

NICK: Filbert looks around to the cell behind his and Tink’s cell, because all of them are exposed and there aren’t walls.

NICK (as Filbert): She didn’t mean it, fellas. Big Jeyb is not a big poopoo face.

LILIT (as Xianna): [giggles] Oh! He IS calling Jeyb a big poopoo face!

NICK (as Filbert): No! Don’t do that to me!

HUDSON (as Tink): Whoa, whoa, whoa. Xianna, we are trying to make friends here. You are out of line.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): I am not here to make friends, okay?


NICK: Filbert grabs the bars. There are bars, and then there’s a crossbar about in the middle and then bars up again, and he actually grabs under the crossbars in the middle because he’s not very tall. He’s probably a meter tall and kind of hunched.

NICK (as Filbert): So, the standard question when we have new residents is: Whatcha in for?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh my god. You cannot ask what someone is in for. That is like rule number one.

NICK (as Filbert): Not here. Not in The Cage. It’s pretty much how you develop a social order. For instance, I’m in here because I killed a dude.

LILIT (as Xianna): What?! We’ve all killed a dude! Okay? What the fuck kind of prison is this?!

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): You don’t ask what you are in for. It’s just rude. But yes, I have killed a dude before.

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK (as Filbert): Okay… Did you get caught killing a dude? Is that why you’re here?

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, a few of the times, yes.

NICK (as Filbert): I’m talking about this time specifically. So, I guess if no one’s gonna say why they’re in here, we’re gonna run out of conversation pretty quick…

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh no, no, I can do that. Nah, no, we can keep it going. I got in for aggressive jaywalking, and I know what you’re thinking, that’s not a real thing, but where I come from it is a real thing.

LILIT (as Xianna): Mandalore?

HUDSON (as Tink): yeah.

CAMERON (as Karma): Huh!

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean, this was aggressive jaywalking, like people died.

LILIT (as Xianna): What?!

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh my goodness. What?

NICK (as Filbert): Wow!

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, it was… I don’t even wanna think about it.

LILIT (as Xianna): I thought you were in for like hacking or something.

HUDSON (as Tink): Shh! Uh, no, it was a violent, violent event that I caused.

LILIT (as Xianna): Jaywalking…

NICK: Filbert pulls a shiv made out of a vibro-spoon out of his pocket and just waves it in your general direction, Tink.

NICK (as Filbert): You wouldn’t be lying to me, now would ya, roomy? Because I hate me some liars.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh! Ooh! How easy is it to turn the spoons into shivs?

NICK (as Filbert): It’s not super hard. I’ll give it to you in exchange for four doses of impact.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, you’ll have to wait a little bit, but okay.


HUDSON: So the knife is in my face, right?

NICK: It’s like waving at you. he’s probably about a meter away from you though.

CAMERON: It’s like knee level. [laughs]

NICK: Yeah.

HUDSON: Okay. I take my fake leg and I tap it real hard on the ground by the heel and a spike comes out of the front.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, I’m not lying.

HUDSON: I tap again.


LILIT (as Xianna): Put it away, Tink.

NICK (as Filbert): If they see you’ve got weapons in your there prosthesis they’ll take it away. You’ll have to be just one-legged. You probably don’t wanna do that.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, don’t show that off.

NICK: Filbert tucks the spoon away, and after a couple of hours you all get settled in, and the cells open with the sound of a buzzer. The population of the north cell block makes the trek to the central building. Filbert says…

NICK (as Filbert): Well, it looks like it’s time for lunch! Yippee!

NICK: …and goes stomping off through the line with the rest of the group. You are lead through a narrow chain link walkway from the north cell block. You can see that there’s open fields, but then all the walking happens in these chain link things topped with razor wire, and you are led along one of those walkways. There’s a turn off to the left that leads to a low building, but you are led by guards to go straight into a large cafeteria. There’s obviously a pecking order here. You’re far enough back into the cell block that by the time you get in line a majority of people already have your food.

You go through the line. You see a Besalisk with a stained white apron and a little paper hat on scooping slop onto metal trays. Besalisks, for those of you who don’t know Star Wars, are the kind of large, four-armed lizardy looking aliens with a waddle. Jettster Dexter from the Clone Wars is one. The bottom two arms are grabbing trays and the top two arms are scooping food onto them, so the line moves pretty quickly. You are left trying to find a seat. Do the three of you stay together? what are you looking for, an empty table, are you trying to make some new friends?

CAMERON: Does Karma recognize anyone in here?

NICK: Probably.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LILIT: Yeah, Karma’s gonna have a rough time.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Yeah.

LILIT: Xianna is gonna find, even if she can’t find a full empty table, at least a partially empty table that they can sit off to one side, and has put whatever pudding cup or whatever they get at the end of the line in those spots to hold them. Heh.

NICK: You’re trying to reserve spots in a prison mess hall.

LILIT: Yeah.

CAMERON: We were all next to each other in line. I feel like we just follow you.

HUDSON: Yeah, let’s do it that way.

LILIT: Or yeah, if they were super close. Xianna just leads the way and finds that half empty table.

NICK: Okay. You’re able to get some seats. Filbert does not sit with you at lunch. Filbert has a group of Kowakian lizard monkeys and weird smaller aliens, a couple of Chadra-Fan, that are all sitting off in the corner having a grand old time. You can see there’s kind of a wide ring around that group of empty spaces, like no one wants to sit too close to them, and you are able to eat your lunches relatively in peace. The food is not very good, obviously. It’s very much like a gruel with little bits of synthetic protein in it, and you have vibro-spoons to eat with but they’re not vibrating. The batteries have died a long time ago. You can see if you were to make a shiv out of these, Xianna, that these are a very brittle, synthetic carbon plastic kind of material. They probably wouldn’t hold up very well, like you could maybe stab someone once or twice and then they’d probably snap off.

LILIT: Yeah…

NICK: So you’re having lunch.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okie, so now that we are at lunch, were you asked by some droid named Chappy or whatever to, uh, you know, get arrested and do this mission?

CAMERON (as Karma): Cappy?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah.

CAMERON (as Karma): Was it Cappy or Chappy?

LILIT (as Xianna): Chappy!

CAMERON (as Karma): Yes.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh yeah, I talked to that dude. I actually, you know, on our most recent encounter I beat him at chess.

CAMERON (as Karma): Huh.

LILIT (as Xianna): Good for you.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yep, I’m pretty proud of myself.

CAMERON (as Karma): He kinda messed up a bounty hunting mission I was on, but it was okay.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, so just, you know, making sure we all got arrested on purpose, right?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): That is what is happening?

CAMERON (as Karma): Mm-hmm.

HUDSON (as Tink): Well… yeah, no, same here.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. Cool. Fun!

CAMERON (as Karma): Yay, jail time. [chuckles]

NICK: So as you’re sitting there chatting and catching up an extremely large alien comes over and slams his hands down on the table with a hollow bang and the whole mess hall goes quiet.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, ‘ello~

HUDSON (as Tink): Hey!

NICK (as ???): Hey…

NICK: He’s almost 3 meters tall. He’s got gray shark skin and a big shark head and just rippling giant biceps. He does not fit in his jumpsuit. Whereas Xianna has a tasteful V-neck his is showing most of his pecs because the shoulders are too narrow to fit over it.

NICK (as ???): It’s my first day. You know what you’re supposed to do on your first day in prison?

CAMERON (as Karma): Make new friends?

NICK (as ???): Beat the—

LILIT (as Xianna): Beat someone up!

NICK (as ???): Exactly!

LILIT (as Xianna): [smiling] I have been to prison before, I know the drill, but in case you did want someone to beat up…

LILIT: Points at Tink.

LILIT (as Xianna): …this is his first time in prison as well, so…

NICK: He grabs the back of Tink’s head and slams it into the table with a huge clang and immediately the mess hall is in a riot as everyone starts to chant fight, fight, fight.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink! You are supposed to fight!

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh! Uh! Uh…

HUDSON: I just try to, like…

LILIT (as Xianna): Use the tray! Slam it into him!

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh! Oh!

HUDSON: I take the tray. Instead of slamming it into him I put it horizontal to my tummy and just lunge forward.


NICK: [smiling] And that’s gonna be the end of the episode.

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners to find the show, and every time we get one the squad gets warm fuzzies.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites, Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Hot tub hangout, which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your food and cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

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