Transcript: S2 Episode 28 Projectile Explosives

Word document download: S2 Episode 28 Projectile Explosives

PDF download: S2 Episode 28 Projectile Explosives

Read in browser:

Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 28:
Projectile Explosives

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

LILIT: Hello everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.

I’d like to thank Chris Russell for his character, Carson Agen, who is featured in this episode. If you’d also like to have an original character in an episode, check out the $10 Build-A-Beru level on our Patreon. It also gives you access to our Patreon secret feed with bloopers and side shows, our movie night tier, and more. You can find that link on our social media and in the episode show notes.

Music credits and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.

Now let’s get into the episode.


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Episode 28 of Tabletop Squadron. I’m your host and game master, Nick. It’s a lovely evening in the summer of our lives. Thank you for being here with us. Let’s all go around the table and everybody say who you are and who you’re playing this evening, starting with Lilit.

LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Wonderful. Up next we’ve got Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello. I am Cameron, and I will be playing Karma Nailo, a Nautolan bounty hunter. Also, I don’t think it will be summer when this comes out.

NICK: That’s fine. Oh, no, like metaphorically, summer of our lives.

CAMERON: Oh, okay.

NICK: That’s like… different. It doesn’t mean it’s summer.

LILIT: I mean, it’ll be technically summer.

CAMERON: It’s like spring of our lives right now.

LILIT: This will be coming out in like… June, or July. I don’t know how time works.

NICK: Isn’t June summer?

LILIT: I feel like June is Texas summer.

HUDSON: June and July are summer everywhere, I thought.

LILIT: To me, summer is anything over 70 degrees as the norm.


CAMERON: Oh wow, so most of the year.

NICK: Oh, so summer nine months out of the year.

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT: I guess 75. Yeah, Texas summer lasts from about May until mid-October.

NICK: Perfect. Last but not least, we’ve got Hudson.

HUDSON: So summer of our lives sounds like a soap opera which makes me think we need to have a soap opera episode.

CAMERON: [snickers]

LILIT: Yeah, The Sands of Tatooine.


NICK: Every episode is a soap opera episode.

HUDSON: I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: Great.


NICK: Off to a great start. Before we get into the recap, let’s do the Destiny Roll~

CAMERON: One dark side.

LILIT: One dark side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

CAMERON: Bweh-bweh-bweh. {disappointed, foreboding}

NICK: You can’t tell, but I’m pointing two fingers towards the sky like someone who just scored a touchdown and wants to be like “yeah!”

LILIT: “This is for Gandalf!”

NICK: [laughs] Yeah. “Gandalf #1!”

CAMERON: If it’s three dark side, wouldn’t it be a field goal?

NICK: Man, everybody’s got jokes today.


HUDSON: No, three dark side is like, uh, what is that… a hat trick.

[laughter, upbeat music begins]

NICK: When we last left off, the crew of the Afternoon Delight had descended upon Lessu, the capital city of Ryloth, and started to collect information about where this mysterious Tognath who had stolen the Force artifact out from under their noses on Coruscant could be located.

Xianna had an emotional conversation with her uncle. Karma had a very productive conversation with a bounty office. Tink, you put on a trench coat and matching fedora and threatened a random bar owner until he told you which direction to walk in. And that’s where we’re going to start off.

[shift to stompy western music]

We see the crew of the Afternoon Delight. They have all made it to this back alley on Lessu here by different leads, and they all see their target at the same time. It’s a smaller Human with red hair leaning on a post and watching a setup for a back alley blurrg race. Some sort of organizer walks by, shouting that the race will start in five minutes. The air is filled with the sounds and smells of nervous blurrgs getting ready to run.

What do you all do? You’ve noticed each other coming from different directions heading towards this red-haired Human. Do you meet up with each other first or do you intercept your contact?

HUDSON: I think we all meet up together first.

NICK: Okay. We see the three of you—the four of you, because HK’s been following one of you around, probably—intersect probably ten meters from this guy who’s watching the blurrgs, and you have a moment to talk.

[music ends]

HUDSON (as Tink): Who do y’all have your money on?

CAMERON (as Karma): What?

LILIT (as Xianna): I am not placing any bets.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh… I did.

CAMERON (as Karma): Who are you betting on?

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m betting on Ratatouille, 3,944 Credits.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, I don’t think you have that many credits.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, that’s literally how many I have, total.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, well, um…

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, where did you get that many credits? You’ve just been saving them? I asked you for 20 Credits last week and you said you had nothing.

HUDSON (as Tink): I didn’t have anything ON me. It was tied up.

CAMERON (as Karma): Why do you have it all on you now?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, I mean, after I heard about the blurrg race I just decided to untie it. It was tied up in my pocket.

CAMERON (as Karma): [stammers, confused]

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, that is what you meant?! I needed 20 Credits last week.

HUDSON (as Tink): It was tied up, like I said, in like a little baggie.

LILIT (as Xianna): You could have untied it!

HUDSON (as Tink): Nah, I’m very frugal, and only in situations like this when it’s worthwhile do I…

CAMERON (as Karma): Um…!

LILIT (as Xianna): It was worthwhile last week.

HUDSON (as Tink): Eh… debatable.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh god.

NICK: The crier that had walked by saying the race was about to start leans in to the red-haired Human that you had been directed to find and says something then stands back up.

NICK (as crier): Top odds, Speed Skiff, 2 to 1. Bottom odds, Ratatouille, 150 to 1.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, I swear, why did you do this? Okay… We cannot get caught up in this conversation. Anyways. I am assuming everybody else came here because they were told to find the contact.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yep, Carson.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. Okay. Let’s go talk to him, then. Tink, you be quiet.

HUDSON: I put my fedora a little bit lower on my head.


NICK: Because he’s still wearing the coat and fedora.


[accordion and guitar music begins]

NICK: The three of you approach this gentleman. He senses as you get close and turns around, and we see that Carson stands tall but is probably only about 5’6”, he just has very good posture. His build is slender but well-muscled. He has bright red hair, and it’s swept back away from his eyes in a very fashionable haircut, and you can’t help but notice his bright icy blue eyes.

He’s wearing a dark red jacket and brown fingerless gloves and black space skinny jeans, cutting a very fashionable look in this race. He looks at the four of you, pauses for a second, taps a finger to his lips, and says:

NICK (as Carson): Now this is not what I was expecting to see.

LILIT: Xianna waves.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ello.

NICK (as Carson): Well hi.

LILIT (as Xianna): We hate to interrupt your… blurrg racing viewing, however we would like to have a little chat with you, if we could.

NICK (as Carson): Absolutely. People tend to find me at the races. That’s why I come to them all the time.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. Yes… very nice. So, we are hoping that you can point us in the correct direction to find an old friend of ours who we have happened to lose.

NICK (as Carson): Well that depends, is this old friend like “oh when I see this old friend again I’m going to stab them in the face” or old friend like “oh gosh, do you remember when you came to my kid’s birthday party and we accidentally got really drunk?”

[music ends]

LILIT (as Xianna): Uh…

HUDSON (as Tink): It could be both, really.

LILIT (as Xianna): It could be both. Yeah. Why not? I have a few friends that are like that. But mostly A, mostly A.

NICK (as Carson): Okay, so old friend like as a euphemism for some sort of bitter enemy or rival.

LILIT (as Xianna): Correct.

NICK (as Carson): Agh… The business that I’m in doesn’t usually respond well to me pointing enemies or rivals at each other. I’m supposed to keep things on the down-low.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, we can be very sneaky.

NICK (as Carson): Oh, I don’t doubt it, sweetie, but who are you looking for exactly?

CAMERON: Karma pops out the data pad and shows the photo.

LILIT: Xianna gestures in a very sort of flourished manner.

LILIT (as Xianna): As you can see by this data pad, we are looking for a Tognath by the name of Endo.

NICK: He pales a little bit.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ah, I see you know him.

CAMERON: [giggles]

NICK: Tries to cover it by coughing into his hand, and then clasps his hands in front of him.

NICK (as Carson): Yeah, I’ve never heard of him. It’s really unfortunate. Uh… oh, looks like the race is about to start. I guess I’ll talk to you later.

[high energy western music begins]

LILIT: Xianna is going to go up to him, put an arm around him, and put one of her other hands in her coat, and inside her coat is at least one blaster, and going to poke the blaster up against him.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, but I would really like to have this conversation right now, if you know what I mean.

NICK (as Carson): Huh… we escalated to violence even faster than I was expecting.

NICK: He looks at the rest of you standing around.

NICK (as Carson): Are you gonna let her just threaten me in public like this?

HUDSON (as Tink): We’re not threatening you, we’re enjoying the blurrg race.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, my friend made a stupid bet. We’ve gotta see if he won.

HUDSON (as Tink): Did you bet on any of them?

CAMERON (as Karma): No!

HUDSON (as Tink): No-no-no, I’m talking to Carson.

NICK (as Carson): Yeah, uh… Speedy Pete, the one with the third bet. I have it in good authority that this night’s his night.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah Tink, these races are all fixed. Do you not know that?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, I’m pretty lucky, even with fixed races.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh, my goodness.

CAMERON (as Karma): [exhales]

LILIT (as Xianna): But anyways, yes, it is maybe not a good idea to look to them for help. They will let me do this.

CAMERON (as Karma): We’re not at violence yet.

NICK: HK looks at Carson.

NICK (as HK): We will absolutely shoot you in public.

CAMERON (as Karma): HK.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, HK definitely will. He is like a full murderer.

NICK (as HK): I’ll do it right now, motherkriffer.

CAMERON (as Karma): N-No… Stand down, HK.

HUDSON (as Tink): Getting a little heated there, HK.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, too enthusiastic. Dial it back down.

[music ends]

NICK (as HK): Something about this guy just rubs me the wrong way.

LILIT (as Xianna): HK, you are at like an 11 and we need you to pull back down to like a 4.

NICK (as HK): That’s HK, baby. I’m always at an 11.

CAMERON (as Karma): Tink, I think you forgot to uninstall something.

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, HK is very weird right now.

HUDSON (as Tink): I think I had him watch a lot of reality TV recently.

CAMERON (as Karma): Why?!

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, that was bad.

NICK (as HK): You mean THIS situation? (clank, clank, clank)


LILIT: Xianna just shakes her head and then squeezes the arm around Carson a little bit tighter.

LILIT (as Xianna): Anyways, um, just wanting to get the information sooner than later, because I do not want to stay on this planet any longer than I have to.

NICK (as Carson): You don’t like Ryloth?

LILIT (as Xianna): Look, it is a shithole planet full of sand and stormtroopers, and I would like to leave. Okay?

NICK (as Carson): Sure it’s not the best, and there are a lot of stormtroopers, but it’s a dry heat.

NICK: And he smiles at you winningly.

LILIT (as Xianna): I do not care. Okay. Can you just… uh, give us some sort of information? What is your deal that you want to do? Give us a price, whatever. How do we get the information we are wanting to get? Because I can very clearly see that you know where Endo is.

NICK (as Carson): Alright, enough tiptoeing around it. I don’t know where Endo’s home base, as you would call it, is. I do know he’s set up near Lessu somewhere, but I haven’t had a chance to figure out where. But, I do know where he’ll be in the next couple of hours, and I’m willing to give you that information for 10,000 Credits.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh, 10,000 Credits?

NICK (as Carson): Well you have to sponsor me fleeing the planet. If Endo ever finds out that I did something, it’ll be worse than… well, worse than some of the things that have happened to me in the past.

CAMERON: Karma slides the data pad away.

CAMERON (as Karma): He won’t find out.

CAMERON: And there’s just a camera shot of all of the weaponry on karma.

NICK (as Carson): Oh yes, you’re very intimidating, it’s very scary, but I’ve seen Endo get out of plenty of bad situations and I just can’t take that risk. Ten thousand credits.

[slinky music begins]

HUDSON (as Tink): Carson, Carson… what if we made an arrangement?

HUDSON: And I wink.

NICK: Carson looks Tink up and down.

NICK (as Carson): I might be able to be persuaded. You’re a big strong guy. What did you have in mind?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, I had this payment plan that I learned about.

[shift to quirky shopping music]

LILIT: Xianna pulls her hand out of her coat and rubs at her eyes.

LILIT (as Xianna): [giggling] Oh my god, Tink. I thought you were going in a very different direction.

HUDSON (as Tink): What do you mean?

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, you can’t wink when you say that. I thought we talked about this.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, it was just a confidence wink, that’s all.

CAMERON (as Karma): Ugh…

LILIT: Xianna turns back to Carson.

LILIT (as Xianna): I am sorry for my friend. Um… I mean, if you want to figure out if you want to go on a date with him later, you can, but I don’t think he was meaning it in that way.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m talking about the sexiest of things, compound interest. Are you familiar, Carson?

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK (as Carson): Oh, I don’t think I’ve heard of that position before.

HUDSON (as Tink): [stammering] No, uh—

LILIT (as Xianna): No, he literally means a payment plan. He is just very weird.

NICK (as Carson): Uh…

LILIT (as Xianna): He does not mean to exchange any intimacy for the information.

NICK (as Carson): Oh…

[music ends]

NICK: [bursting noise] And a starting gun goes off, and the blurrgs take off down this alleyway. It looks like the course is around buildings and through back alleys, and from where you’re standing you can see long runs of it, but they disappear behind buildings and reappear. Also, blurrgs are not that fast. This is the equivalent of like a donkey race. They just kind of plod enthusiastically forward, so it takes quite a while.

Carson waits for them to get far enough away that you can hear him over the almost mooing sound that they make as they jostle each other for position. Ratatouille, the blurrg that Tink bet on, has a bunch of large flies buzzing around his head and didn’t move when the race got started. You can see the jockey kicking at Ratatouille and Ratatouille doesn’t move, and the jockey finally hops off, grabs the reins, and pulls Ratatouille out of the starting line and gets him to get moving, and then runs and jumps on his back as he starts to chase after the group.

HUDSON (as Tink): This is a tortoise and hare situation, guys. It’s gonna work out.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ugh. Tink, why?

NICK (as Carson): Oh… sweet stuff, did you bet on Ratatouille?

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh yeah.

CAMERON (as Karma): I told you he made a stupid bet.

NICK (as Carson): I didn’t—So, there’s the stupid bets and then there’s throwing your money away. I wasn’t expecting the…

CAMERON (as Karma): I was being generous.

NICK (as Carson): Oh. You seem like a very generous person. So, I’m afraid, uh, tall white and hairy, I don’t understand. Am I collecting interest from you? Are you offering me a loan? This seems very complicated for a simple 10,000 Credit payoff.

HUDSON (as Tink): So, if we set up 30 easy payments of whatever 30 divided by 10,000 is, then we will put interest attached to that credits over time, and the interest compounds, you see. So, once you start with, uh, let’s say 1.25% interest over time. You’ll make yourself a buttload, my friend.

NICK (as Carson): Now is this compounding daily, weekly, or continuously?

HUDSON (as Tink): Continuously!

NICK (as Carson): Oh, we got that E to the 124 or whatever the equation is.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink! We would end up paying him more in the long run. That is bad for us!

HUDSON (as Tink): Yes, but by that time the chances of one of us becoming super mega rich would increase exponentially.

NICK (as Carson): Now I do have an issue which is that I can’t trust you to continue the payments, so what if we put the full 10,000 Credits in an escrow to be paid out by a trust over time?

HUDSON (as Tink): Ohh…

NICK: He smiles roguishly at you.

HUDSON (as Tink): Interesting proposition, but what would be the intermediary and how much collateral would need to be put up?

NICK (as Carson): I would insist on the full 10,000, unfortunately, and the intermediary would be, like I said, this is my cousin, Doug Escrow.

NICK: And a small Danny DeVito looking guy walks up and goes…

NICK (as Doug): Ey!

NICK: …and then walks away.

HUDSON: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, uh…

LILIT: Xianna looks at Tink.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh Tink, what if you just hack into the system and take 10,000 from somebody else?

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean, I could do that, but what if—Okay. What if we just wait for my blurrg to win?

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay fine, we will wait to see if your weird little blurrg wins, and when your blurrg does not win you can just take the 10,000 from somebody else’s bank account. It’s worked before.

CAMERON (as Karma): I know we have at least one bank account number.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, I feel like Falx has money now. We can just do that whole thing again.

NICK: The race is about half done, and Ratatouille has caught up with the rest of the group and is actually starting to shove his way towards the front of the pack. Several of the other jockeys are punching at the jockey on Ratatouille who just has his hands up in the air and is clearly yelling, like “I’m not doing it, it’s just the blurrg!” Carson has a faraway look in his eye.

[somber music begins]

NICK (as Carson): Did you say Falx…?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yes.

LILIT (as Xianna): Do you happen to know him?

NICK (as Carson): Like Falx Urnstad?

LILIT (as Xianna): Exactly!

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

LILIT (as Xianna): That is who we are talking about.

NICK (as Carson): Like, the minor assistant moff?

LILIT (as Xianna): Former.

CAMERON (as Karma): Regional governor or prison warden, I think.

LILIT (as Xianna): Former for both of those.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, all past tense.

NICK (as Carson): Just a devastatingly handsome and intelligent Zabrak man? Very fond of martinis?

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, we might be talking about a different person now, because he does like the martinis, but I don’t know about the other things.

CAMERON (as Karma): Like, beauty is subjective, y’all can have different opinions on this. He’s very, very stylish and well-dressed.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, he is an attractive man, it is just the intelligent part that I would like to point out.

CAMERON (as Karma): He’s not dead, and I do think that gives him some, like…

LILIT (as Xianna): True, but…

CAMERON (as Karma): That raises his intelligence score a little bit.

LILIT (as Xianna): There was just a lot going on. I feel like he did not know we were even at his own prison.

NICK (as Carson): You… So you’ve had a run-in with Falx? You know—

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, multiple.

NICK (as Carson): Heh. I had a few run-ins with him myself, actually.

CAMERON (as Karma): He keeps showing back up.

NICK (as Carson): Yeah, he has a habit of that.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

NICK (as Carson): You know, me and him used to date back in the day.

CAMERON (as Karma): Really?!

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, my condolences.

NICK (as Carson): It was fun while it lasted. Did you, uh… hurt him?

LILIT (as Xianna): Not yet.

CAMERON (as Karma): No?

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean emotionally or like mentally or physically?

NICK (as Carson): I’d take either option, hot stuff.

LILIT (as Xianna): I feel like I have shot at him. Did I? I don’t know. I don’t really remember the whole party where he did a murder. And we were supposed to solve it? I do not remember that, that night.

CAMERON (as Karma): We have ruined several jobs for him, like completely removed him from high-ranking positions.

LILIT (as Xianna): I think they closed the prison.

NICK (as Carson): Well, if you made that kriffhead’s life harder, you know… forget the 10,000 Credits. I think I can get you the information you need.

LILIT (as Xianna): Are you sure? Because we can still have Tink hack into Falx’s accounts and take it from there.

NICK (as Carson): You can try. If you wanna steal from him, I’ll take his money I suppose.

LILIT (as Xianna): I just think it is—

HUDSON (as Tink): We don’t need that money! I’m gonna win the race!

LILIT (as Xianna): I just think it is fun.

NICK: The camera cuts over. Ratatouille is in first, but not because it is going the fastest, but because it is weaving back and forth across the alley and going slower, so there’s like a pileup behind it.

CAMERON (as Karma): Tink, how much money did you bet?

HUDSON (as Tink): 3,944 Credits.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay. I couldn’t remember how high the second number was, so I wasn’t sure if tripling it was actually—Oh no! This was the 150 to 1, right?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, so I win 150 Credits if I win.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh wow, okay, never mind. No, no…

LILIT (as Xianna): That is not how that works, Tink.

CAMERON (as Karma): No.

HUDSON (as Tink): Pretty sure that’s like the highest you can win in this race. That was the biggest number.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh gosh. If you do win, please take Xianna with you when you collect your money.

LILIT (as Xianna): Wait Tink, why would you pay nearly 4,000 Credits if you thought you were only going to get 150 back?

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean… sometimes you just feel like being a risk-taker, you know, and this is the most you can win.

CAMERON (as Karma): That is not a risk!

NICK (as HK): Xianna, weren’t you listening? It has to do with compound interest over time.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh my god.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah!

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh my god. Okay. I need everybody to stop talking! Except you, Carson, you keep talking. Please tell us where Endo is so that we can leave you to your races.

[gentle music begins]

NICK (as Carson): Alright, uh… I just need you to make me one promise. If you see Falx again, punch him in his smug face.

LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, I can do that.

CAMERON (as Karma): Can do.

NICK (as Carson): Each of you. I want each of you to punch him in succession.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

NICK (as Carson): In his smug face.

CAMERON (as Karma): Do you have an order preference?

NICK (as Carson): Um, whatever would be the most surprising? So maybe the little Twi’lek first, and then the big hairy guy—

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t think that’s most surprising, actually. [laughs]

NICK (as Carson): Well, but so like, you strike me as someone who hits a lot harder than it looks like they hit.

NICK: He’s pointing at Karma.

NICK (as Carson): So maybe if Tink punches first so that he thinks that’s the worst of it and then you just knock his teeth out. That would be…

LILIT (as Xianna): Actually, I do think the most surprising person to punch Falx would be Tink, and then me, and then Karma, and then HK, and then we shoot him. That sounds correct. Yeah.

NICK (as Carson): Either way. I’m good with a punch. I don’t want you to—If you run into him again, you’ll probably be tied up in some shenanigan where you’re going to need him for something. That seems to be how it works.

CAMERON (as Karma): Unfortunately yes, that does seem how it works.

[gentle music fades]

NICK (as Carson): Best of luck to you.

NICK: The race is coming to a close. There’s a straightaway coming back towards the starting line. Ratatouille is still in first. He’s started to pull away because the other blurrgs have begun to fight amongst each other. He gets about five meters from the finish line and skids to a halt, stopping just shy of the finish line.

HUDSON: [chuckles]

NICK: Flip me a dark side point, would you?

HUDSON: Aw man!


NICK: He just takes this giant smelly dump right where he’s standing, and all of the other blurrgs run around Ratatouille. Sneaky Pete finishes in first and Carson sees that out of the corner of his eye.

NICK (as Carson): Yes! … Yeah, Ratatouille isn’t such a long odds because he’s the worst racer, it’s more due to unfortunate timing. Sorry Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s okay. I mean, how much could I have even won? Oh wait, 150, that’s right.

CAMERON (as Karma): [heavy sigh]

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, you would have won 591,600 Credits!

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh.

CAMERON (as Karma): [amused] Xianna, I thought you didn’t do math.

LILIT (as Xianna): I do when it comes to this.

CAMERON (as Karma): Did you come up with that in your head?!

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, I did.


CAMERON (as Karma): Oh my gosh!

[gentle music returns]

NICK (as Carson): Anyway. Y’all have been fun. If you punch Falx, that would be great. I think I feel a stronger connection to you having heard that you’ve messed with him. Man, just kriff that guy. Kriff that guy to hell. Ugh, man. Just being a devilishly good-looking and intelligent and caring person, and an amazing love-maker, just does not make up for… does not make up for just general assholery over time.

[sickened sounds and snickering]

CAMERON (as Karma): [weakly] Mm-hmm.

NICK (as Carson): But, I’m distracted. The important thing is Endo should be outside of town. If you take the bridge over the ravine and head that direction, and follow the imperial road out to about the horizon, I think he’s trying to attack some sort of supply convoy. The plan was to do it in a couple hours. You should be able to catch him there.

[gentle music ends]

LILIT: Xianna removes her arm from around Carson.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. Well, thank you for your time. I mean, I would have thought Falx was more of a pillow prince, but like… that is surprising information to know, so thank you. Uh… for the information on Endo, not for anything about Falx.

LILIT: She does a little salute.

LILIT (as Xianna): And I promise I will punch Falx in the face next time I see him.

NICK (as Carson): Thank you, and uh… sorry about your loss there, Tink. That’s pretty brutal.

HUDSON (as Tink): Eh, you know, you win some, you lose some. Then you lose some more. Then you lose it all. But then you might win some in the future if you happen upon a credit on the ground.

NICK (as HK): Boss Man, that’s called the gambler’s fallacy.

HUDSON (as Tink): What? Wait. [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, okay. I think everybody is just a little worked up being in the heat, and you know, Tink losing his race, so let’s just go back to the ship. We will get our speeders and then we will go find Endo. Sound fun?

CAMERON (as Karma): It’s a dry heat. It’s gross.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay yes. To the plan. Let’s go.

NICK: So we see the crew heading back to the Afternoon Delight, walking quickly. Xianna, do you show them how to avoid the imperial checkpoint on the way back to the ship?


NICK: You all are walking towards it. Tink appears to be getting ready to sprint. Karma’s reaching for her badge. We see Xianna—it’s from a distance, so we don’t hear the conversation, but we see her gesture and you all duck through a business and then move through these businesses, ducking behind corners and cabinets to avoid people inside. And you make it back to the ship. You’re standing in the cargo bay of the Afternoon Delight preparing for this potential conflict, and HK says:

NICK (as HK): It sounds like this meeting place is far away. How will we make it there?

CAMERON (as Karma): The speeders.

LILIT (as Xianna): The speeders. We already said that.

NICK (as HK): How long have we had speeders?

CAMERON (as Karma): Uh… since around the time we picked you up. Before we got you turned back on, I think. It was after your original processor was damaged in that Black Suns fight.

NICK (as HK): It’s weird. I feel like I never come into the storage part of this ship. I forget everything that we have in here. Look, there’s a giant molsoom skin. You had me put that in here earlier. That’s worth a lot of money.

CAMERON (as Karma): [chuckling] We should really find somewhere to sell that.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh yeah, we can sell that somewhere on this planet.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, we could have left that with Nolaa and had her fence it.

LILIT (as Xianna): Eh.

CAMERON (as Karma): Why did we not think of this?

LILIT (as Xianna): We probably should have.

NICK (as HK): We put it in the storage bay where we forget everything that we put in it.

CAMERON (as Karma): We should really have a checklist of things that are in this room, like on the door or something, so that we don’t forget. I’ll get a whiteboard.

LILIT (as Xianna): This is probably good. But yeah, we have the speeders.

NICK: You all climb onto speeders. There’s only two speeders that you salvaged from Engebo 5 when you took down the Slippery nerfs. So, Tink is flying one with HK clinging onto the back of the speeder. Xianna takes point on the other speeder with Karma set up behind. Karma, you’re able to sit up taller than Xianna with easy reach of your carbine, so with you and HK riding as passengers you’re basically mobile weapons platforms which is pretty cool.

[bouncy western “travel” music begins]

We get a distant shot of these two speeders kicking up dust as you tear out of Lessu and across the laser bridge that covers the ravine. The bridge flickers a little, and the speeders start to drop, and then it turns back on, so it’s scary but otherwise still works.

You drive down this long road. It looks reasonably well-maintained. It’s mostly duracrete and durasteel, set up for allowing heavy speeders to move quickly coming from outside of the city limits, further out into the wilderness, probably where the Empire has shipyards for landing and moving heavy material and where they’re probably harvesting natural resources as well.

I need you all to make a Survival check, collaboratively, for trying to figure out, as you find the basic area, where this ambush is probably going to happen.

LILIT: Can Xianna have a blue die because she knows the territory?

NICK: Absolutely.

LILIT: Five successes and one advantage.

NICK: So, the city of Lessu is just a small blip on the horizon at this point. You’re nestled in amongst some mesas. You find a spot where the road turns very suddenly, and you don’t see the imperial freight speeder coming yet, but you do think this is probably the best place that it would be within a ten kilometer radius. This is a perfect ambush.

What it actually is is probably the second best place to do an ambush, because the first best place would probably not be used because the Empire would be more likely to expect it, so the sightlines aren’t quite as good, it’s not as obvious a place, so it makes the perfect spot for an ambush. Like I said, you’re early to the party, no one else seems to be here yet. What do you do?

[music ends]

LILIT (as Xianna): This should be the spot. I guess we wait?

HUDSON (as Tink): Stakeout! I brought the stakes.

LILIT: Does Tink pull out wooden stakes or bantha steaks?

HUDSON: I pull out wooden stakes that are stabbed through bantha steaks.

NICK (as HK): Boss Man, have you been keeping those at body temperature this entire time? That is not food safe for your weak organic bodies.

HUDSON (as Tink): Eh.

LILIT (as Xianna): I mean, they’re cooked, right?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, they’re cooked.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, then it’s fine.

NICK (as HK): How long have you had those?

HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm…

CAMERON (as Karma): The fact that you don’t immediately have an answer is very concerning.

LILIT (as Xianna): Actually—

HUDSON (as Tink): They’re aged like fine wine.

CAMERON (as Karma): Uh…

LILIT (as Xianna): No. Okay, never mind then.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, so you can age steaks, but that’s not how that works.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, I assumed you had bought them back in town.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, no, I just, uh… you know, I bought them, uh… maybe a month ago? But I put my special rub on them.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh my goodness.

LILIT (as Xianna): A month?! Tink.

CAMERON (as Karma): Um… no!

HUDSON (as Tink): No-no-no, they have a rub on them, so they’re gonna last.

LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, no, that’s not how that works.

HUDSON (as Tink): It’s just like a mixture of, you know, different salts, pink salt, white salt.

NICK (as HK): Isn’t that how you make bantha jerky?

HUDSON (as Tink): If you put enough salt on there and rub it hard enough for long enough, then yeah, it makes bantha jerky.

CAMERON (as Karma): [laughing] Oh my gosh.

LILIT: Xianna just shakes her head, walks away.

CAMERON (as Karma): Tink.

LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, we should get in position to wait. I don’t even know what you’re trying to do, Tink.

HUDSON: I take a bite out of the bantha steak.

NICK: Uh… it’s like chewing on moldy leather.


HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh, this has… this has character, you know? You don’t get them like this often.

CAMERON (as Karma): There’s a reason for that!

NICK: We see the crew pull their speeders up on top of one of the mesas behind an outcropping of rocks and throw a convenient tarp from one of the saddlebags over them to break up the silhouette, and you all hunch down out of the way. Xianna has her scanner goggles on, Karma is looking with her rifle scope, HK is looking, and then after maybe 30 minutes HK stands up straight from behind the cover.

NICK (as HK): I just realized I’m uncomfortable with how much Tink was talking about rubbing on his meat.

CAMERON (as Karma): You just reached that point?

NICK (as HK): My processors are—

CAMERON (as Karma): Get back down!

LILIT (as Xianna): HK, get back down!

NICK: [laughs] HK crouches down. His head whips at a 90 degree angle without his body moving.

NICK (as HK): My processors are very full of reality holovision.

CAMERON (as Karma): Buddy, if you need me to take you to a mechanic before we leave, we can probably make that happen.

NICK (as HK): I would not say no. Boss Man appears to have other priorities.

NICK: His head whips 90 degrees to look at Tink. His face can’t change expression, but you feel like he’s glaring at you accusatorially.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m—What do you mean?

HUDSON: I get really sweaty, like really sweaty, and I don’t look very good. I’m very pale.

HUDSON (as Tink): What do you mean? What are you talking about?

NICK (as HK): Karma, I believe Tink has botulism.


LILIT (as Xianna): Everybody get down!

HUDSON (as Tink): [vomiting sounds]

CAMERON: [pained laugh] Oh god.

NICK: [pained laugh] Oh, gross!

[relaxed western music begins]

NICK: At this point, as Karma and Xianna are shouting at the other two to get down and pulling them down prone, you see a dust cloud in the distance. It approaches at a very quick speed and resolves itself into four stormtroopers on speeders.

[music turns energetic]

And a large imperial transport. It has a heavy turret on top. It has slits for windows. It looks like it’s carrying supplies and additional troopers. As it gets closer, it pulls up to just beneath where you all are huddled, and there’s a large detonation, and rocks come and pile down onto the road, blocking off this imperial transport.

From the other side of the ravine, somehow without you all noticing, another ambush had been set up on the other side. They were obviously very practiced, familiar with the terrain and skilled. A group of about eight Twi’leks come sliding down the side of this mesa with carbines, shooting at the stormtroopers and this transport. What do you do?

CAMERON: As soon as the explosion happens Karma says:

CAMERON (as Karma): Wow, I’m really glad we drove around to the other side of the mesa. That would… That would not have been good. Anyway.

CAMERON: And starts taking aim at stormtroopers.

NICK: Okay. Are you gonna start shooting at the stormtroopers?


NICK: Tink, Xianna, what are you going to do with this ambush kicking off?

LILIT: Xianna has a grenade.


NICK: [smiling] Okay. Are you going to throw the grenade?

LILIT: [laughing] Yes.

NICK: [laughs] Okay. Tink, what’s your plan of attack?

HUDSON: Everything gets really dizzy and I crawl-stumble over behind the speeders to throw up.

[music ends]

NICK: Karma, make me a Ranged (Heavy) roll, Xianna, make me a Ranged (Light) roll, and Tink, I guess make me a Resilience roll?

CAMERON: I’m aiming. What distance are they at?

NICK: We’ll say it’s long range for the sake of blasters, but because you have such a  height advantage you are still able to throw a grenade that far even though technically grenades are short range.

CAMERON: Three successes for Karma.

NICK: Nice.

LILIT: Xianna is also going to aim.

NICK: [heavy sigh]

CAMERON: Heheheh.

[upbeat stompy western music begins]

LILIT: Yes. And then, Xianna had tied a scarf around her nose and mouth to help with the sand, but before she throws the grenade she pulls it down very briefly, gets something out of her coat pocket, gives it a big sniff, and then pulls her scarf back up around her nose and then throws the grenade. We have two successes, two advantages.

NICK: Nice. Tink, did you roll your Resilience check?

HUDSON: Two advantages.

NICK: Oh… okay. So you are not able to clear your system of the moldy hardened salted steak that you chewed on, so you don’t feel very good, but if you want to find something in the dirt over where you are or somehow give someone a blue die you’re welcome to.

[music fades]


CAMERON: So, HK’s roll is a triumph, two successes, and two threats.

NICK: Perfect. So these Twi’leks come sliding down the hill. You can tell they’re shooting at the Empire. They must be part of the Rebellion. Their carbine blasters are pinging off of this imperial transport, but they do very quickly manage to take down one of the stormtroopers that’s on one of the speeder bikes.

One of the speeder bikes takes off and starts heading back towards town, probably to get reinforcements, but very soon after that the heavy machine gun on top of the transport starts to spin up and strafe over the Twi’lek resistance fighters, and you see several of them brought down by blaster fire pretty much immediately as they try to get in close and under the range of this heavy machine gun. Who wants to shoot slash describe their grenade?

HUDSON: I’m still over behind the speeders, and I have now gone into the fetal position. I’m rubbing my tummy in a figure eight pattern, because medically I feel like that is the best way to make myself feel better, and I just roll back and forth while rubbing my stomach.

NICK: You are realizing how hot it is outside, and you’re rolling in the dust, and it’s getting gritty and in your hair. It’s just a bad time.

HUDSON: I’m just having a hard time. It’s just sad boy hours.

NICK: Aw, poor Tink.

CAMERON: Karma is aiming for the big gun on top of the transport.

NICK: Okay. You’re not gonna be able to destroy it, but you can make it less effective.

CAMERON: I want to take out—damage it slightly, but take out whoever’s currently operating it so that it at least stops.

NICK: Mm-hmm. So, the turret is operated actually from inside the transport, it’s a gun up on top, but you rolled well enough, and with your heat-sensing scope—

CAMERON: I use my heat-sensing scope to look into the transport and I can tell by the way they’re sitting which stormtrooper is using the machine gun. [laughs]

NICK: Well they’re standing directly in the middle.

CAMERON: Oh, okay.

NICK: Like, looking up through the scanner. You can actually thread a shot through one of the windows, like through one of the gun slits, and hit this guy.

CAMERON: Sweet, I do that.

NICK: Yeah. So, we get a shot of Karma taking that out. At this point the Twi’lek resistance fighters are up-close up against the transport, so the turret was starting to swing towards your position, because it couldn’t hit them anymore, but the sides of the transport open up and 30 stormtroopers come pouring out.

[relaxed western music resumes]

There are so many more of them than you were expecting. It looks like this transport was transporting almost no material and was transporting almost entirely troops, almost as if they were expecting to get ambushed. The speeders bikes are swinging back around for another pass to shoot.

HK stands tall and takes a shot and manages to hit the speeder bike that had gotten over the rubble and was running back towards Lessu but doesn’t kill the stormtrooper, just blows out the rear engine, so the threats are that guy is now running towards town and is out of the combat, but it’s gonna take him a long time to get there, so you don’t have to worry about reinforcements too soon, or air support, probably.

Xianna, there are just piles and piles of troops everywhere.

LILIT: During the time Xianna spent aiming is when the transport opened up and the troops started coming out, and that is where she decides to throw her grenade, figuring that’ll be where it’ll do the most harm.

NICK: You had enough advantages to activate Blast, so this grenade goes pink-pink-pink right in the middle of a group. There’s the big cinematic grenade explosion that throws several troops flying into the air.

[explosion, Wilhelm scream, everyone makes pathetic stormtrooper sounds]

NICK: One of the Twi’leks that has rolled underneath the transport for cover, and you can see was shooting at stormtroopers legs, pulls some goggles back from their face and pulls down their scarf and looks up. Xianna, you make eye contact with someone who looks very familiar to you. What does she look like?

[music turns softer and nostalgic]

LILIT: The Twi’lek down below is a shade of purple that’s only a shade or two lighter than Xianna. She has remarkably similar violet colored eyes. On her lekku she has a light gray star field pattern tattooed on.

NICK: Ooh. You recognize your sister, Tanna, who appears to be running with the Ryloth Resistance fighting against the Empire. She sees you, and even from this distance you can read her lips as she says:

NICK (as Tanna): Oh kriff.

LILIT: Xianna drops back down under the cover and then just kind of stares into the sand.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh kriff. Oh no. Okay, uh… okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): You okay, Xianna?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh no… no. Okay. I am too high for this. Everybody keep fighting and we will deal with this in a moment.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright.

NICK: The stormtroopers are winning this battle. About half of the Twi’lek resistance has been killed. You can see that they are basically playing Ring Around the Rosie around this transport, using it for cover. The resistance is trying to stay on one side and the stormtroopers are trying to chase them out, and they’re going around and around, but they’re just too outnumbered even with your covering fire. This is looking really bad.

Tanna is under this transport trying to make herself small as she tries to defend her friends, and you see a flash of motion coming from almost nowhere. In the middle of the stormtroopers there is the sudden appearance of Endo. He’s wearing heavy battle armor and holding two vibro-knives in a reverse grip and just buries both of them in the heads of two stormtroopers next to him, pulling them free with a plastic crack that you can hear all the way from where you are.

A group of pirates come running down the road after him, shooting. The stormtroopers try to get back into the transport, but there’s another blink, Endo disappears, and you see fighting from in the transport and more stormtrooper bodies are kicked out, and then Endo appears in the group again. You can see that a lot of the stormtroopers are shooting at him having identified that he’s the biggest threat, but the blaster bolts just don’t seem to strike home. Even when the shot is almost point-blank he doesn’t get hit, and he’s moving so quickly you almost can’t see him.

As his pirates engage with this group as well, between them and your covering fire and the Twi’lek resistance, you are all able to end these imperial troops and capture this transport. The last of the speeders explodes. We see a shot of a stormtrooper in the far distance running towards Lessu, panting, and far away over his shoulder the last of the blaster fire goes silent.

[music ends]

From where you’re standing, you can see Tanna crawl out from under the transport, smile, and go to shake Endo’s hand.

CAMERON (as Karma): HK, I’m gonna ask you, because you’re not high. Did Endo seem to be moving rather… quickly?

NICK (as HK): I seem to have some sort of fluctuation in my ocular sensors. I was not able to track his movements periodically.

CAMERON (as Karma): So yes. Kind of jumping from place to place. You saw that too.

NICK (as HK): Indeed. I assumed it was a malfunction.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh no, I’m trusting your eyes more than mine right now. Okay, cool.

NICK (as HK): Karma, I am confused. I thought we were here to kill Endo and take his gear, but he is fighting the Empire.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah… that’s gonna complicate it slightly. Um, but yes, that is still the plan, it’s just we also don’t want to—apparently we’re not gonna wanna screw over the Twi’lek resistance, and apparently they’re friends.

NICK (as HK): There are not that many left. I could potentially take down both the pirates and the Twi’leks from here. Just give the word.

CAMERON (as Karma): No. Please don’t shoot the Twi’leks.

LILIT: Xianna is lying in the sand. She is now face-up, arms stretched out, staring straight up into the sky.

NICK: [laughs]

LILIT (as Xianna): HK, you can’t kill the Twi’leks. Or if you do, kill all of them except the purple one.

CAMERON (as Karma): Don’t kill the Twi’leks.

LILIT (as Xianna): But pretty much please don’t kill the Twi’leks.

HUDSON: Tink gets out from behind the speeders and army crawls, so he’s not seen, over to HK, Xianna and Karma.

HUDSON (as Tink): [breathing heavily] Hey guys. Hey… [coughs] I think I’m feeling better.

CAMERON (as Karma): Really?

HUDSON: He has this soft but dry but heavy heave that just—over and over again.

CAMERON:  [concerned but disgusted groan]

HUDSON: You can just feel the heat from his hair leaving his body and coming back in.


CAMERON: Karma turns around from where she’d been looking down at the transport over to where Xianna’s laying on the ground and Tink’s kind of crouched down on all fours, army crawling, dry heaving.

CAMERON (as Karma): Are… I’m very glad that we weren’t getting attacked up here. Y’all are not okay. What is happening?

LILIT (as Xianna): Well, so Tink ate the bad steak, so he is just physically not good.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah…

LILIT (as Xianna): We should give him a stim pack. I am just in a very bad mental space right now. I just was not expecting any of the things that happened down there. I was not ready for this.

HUDSON (as Tink): What happened?

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh no… So Tink, there is a Twi’lek down there, you know.

LILIT: Xianna then flops over so she’s face-down and you just hear:

LILIT (as Xianna): [muffled, groaning] The purple one is my sister.

HUDSON (as Tink): [surprised] Your sister?!

LILIT: Pulls her head back up.

LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. I was not expecting this. Uh… I have not maybe directly spoken to my sister in like ten years, so…

CAMERON (as Karma): You said the purple one with the tattoos?

LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah…

NICK: We get a shot of the four of you peeking your heads up over the rock, and the purple Twi’lek with goggles up on her lekku and a scarf pulled down around her neck sees you again, like she’s been looking up where you were, and points dramatically towards you. Endo nods and flickers out of sight, and you hear a settling of weight in the sand behind you, and you hear a familiar voice say:

NICK (as Endo): Force Commander Tanna asks to speak with you down by the transport, at your convenience.

LILIT (as Xianna): Oh you kriff off!


NICK: And that’s gonna be the end of the episode!

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews help new listeners find the show, and every time we get one the squad does a special secret dance.

If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of fun Patreon levels including Hot Tub Hangout, a level that gives you access to monthly movie nights with the squad, livestreams, extra Q&A sessions, and bonus extra Discord channels.

Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all of your cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find the link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

Leave a Reply

Scroll to top