Transcript: S2 Episode 13: Hitching A Ride
Word document download: S2 Episode 13 Hitching A Ride
PDF download: S2 Episode 13 Hitching A Ride
Read in browser:
Tabletop Squadron Transcript – Season 2, Episode 13:
Hitching A Ride
Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)
NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday, our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they hunt for galactic treasure, staying away from a bitter rival and growing closer together.
Okay everyone, today’s episode features a Patreon-created NPC! Kelbin Blitz was created by Tucker Maltby. Thank you so much, Tucker, for your continued support of the show, and we had a blast with Kelbin.
Friendly reminder that if you’re a patron and would like a holiday card from Tabletop Squadron featuring some wonderful art please make sure your address is updated and visible to the squad on Patreon so we can send one your way.
Thank you to everyone again for your podcast reviews and Patreon support which helps us to keep going and grow the show.
Music credit and content warnings are available in the show notes this week.
So now, let’s get into the episode.
NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 13 of Season 2. Really getting into the mix of things. Really just… learning about each other. I think that this has been very good for our relationships with both the audience and the group in general. It’s just been a dang-good time, and we’re happy you’re here with us. I’m trying to vamp and watching Cameron loose her mind as she tries not to—
CAMERON: I was doing so good until you called me out.
NICK: I started with my “let’s just bring it down a notch” voice, and Cameron started to crack, so I decided to see how far it could go. Anyway. I’m your hosting game master, Nick. Let’s all go around the table and everybody say who you are, who you’re playing today, and if you’ve spent any experience since the last time we were together go ahead and let us know what you spent that on, starting with Lilit.
LILIT: Hello. I am Lilit, and I will be playing Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler. I bought two ranks on one of my talent trees, Kill With Kindness and Congenial.
NICK: Fantastic. Up next we have Cameron.
CAMERON: Hello! My name is Cameron, and I will be playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter. I also bought a talent off of my marauder talent tree. I finally had enough for Enduring, so my Soak value went up by 1.
NICK: Wow. What’s your Soak value now?
CAMERON: Base Soak without any armor is 4, with armor is 6.
CAMERON: I’m tanking it up.
NICK: That means you can take a shot from a light blaster and not take damage unless it’s a really careful shot.
CAMERON: Yeah, no biggie.
NICK: Okay! Cool. Last but not least we have Hudson.
HUDSON: Hello. I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer. I am hoarding my points forever more. Okay, not forever, but until at least next time.
NICK: A bit longer.
NICK: We won’t say on mic how many points you have saved, but it’s a bunch, for those keeping track at home.
HUDSON: It rhymes with rixty.
NICK: Awesome. Well, before we get with the recap, let’s do the Destiny Roll~!
CAMERON: Two light side.
HUDSON: Two light side, and then my die was hit and it turned to two light side again after Lilit rolled against mine. [laughs]
LILIT: And I rolled one dark side.
NICK: So that’s four light side, one dark side?
CAMERON: Unless we get four light side for Hudson rolling two twice.
NICK: No, I don’t think so.
NICK: I don’t think that’s how that works. I’ll have to go back and check the rules later.
So, when we last left off you were in the midst of your escape plan. You had made your way through most of the Kajim Regional Incarceration Facility. You had supplied a riot with Mandalore cocktails. You had made it into the air vents. You had a very heartfelt conversation about the importance of toothbrushes in relationships. And you had made it to what you’ve discovered is some sort of loading dock in a cave beneath the facility, and you saw a ship. So, we’ll go ahead and get into it.
We see the crew of escaping prisoners crouched around the grating to an air vent. Karma, Tink, Xianna and HK are joined by Tadzi, Blue, Ziller and Sentinel as they peer into this secured loading dock below them. The dock itself is scattered with large metal boxes. You can see several prison guards amongst the supplies. A single small freighter is being unloaded of what looks like food for the mess hall. The freighter is squat and doesn’t look very fast, but it’s a way off of Kajim, you’ll just have to get to it, across a large mostly-empty landing bay with a number of armed guards and a riot alert going on up above you.
CAMERON: Where is our vent opening in relation to all of the boxes laying around? Like, can we get down from the vent without anyone seeing us or do we need to be sneaky immediately to not be seen?
NICK: So, the thing that I’m picturing, and this happens pretty much any time I picture “hey, you’re trying to sneak across a space port,” is that scene from A New Hope where they get back to the Millennium Falcon on the death star and there’s a pile of boxes next to the vent and then some boxes around and then a big empty space and then the ship. So, if you did a very bad job getting out of the vent someone might notice, but you can get down and there’s some cover, although not really cover for all of you because it’s just one box, so you’re gonna need to make a plan in the vent and then enact it.
CAMERON (as Karma): Alright team, looks like that…
CAMERON: And points at the freighter.
CAMERON (as Karma): …is gonna be our ride out of here.
HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, that’s probably the best way to go, but there’s guards in the way. What are we gonna do about that?
LILIT (as Xianna): Okie. So what we are going to do is we will open the vent and then a few people go down behind the box, and then they sneak to the next box, and then the next group of people go down behind the box, and then we just kind of chain like that, so that way there is enough people to fit behind the box at any given time, and less people should go with more sneaky people so that the more sneaky people can help with the sneaks.
HUDSON (as Tink): Alright. My contribution to this plan is going to be how we get from the vent to the ground.
LILIT (as Xianna): You jump.
HUDSON (as Tink): No.
NICK & CAMERON: [laughs]
HUDSON (as Tink): That’s too obvious. That’s going to detect—People are gonna detect what’s going on.
LILIT (as Xianna): It is very easy. You just fall down. We just wait for when the guards are not looking towards the box and then you just drop, because we are above the box. It’s just down.
NICK: The camera zooms out and we can see that there is a slight lip between the floor and this, but from the angle and the size of the box it looks like it’s further, and Tink is just standing far enough back from the edge that he’s making some assumptions about the way the room is laid out. But yeah, there is not very far to get to the ground. [laughs]
HUDSON (as Tink): Okay, so, I know that all of you heard of the childhood toy Barrel of Monkeys, right? They came in a barrel. They were red. … You could just, you know, connect them together.
CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah?
NICK (as Ziller): I think that was a Gigoran toy, brother, but I’m familiar with it.
HUDSON (as Tink): Great. Alright. So, we basically put our hands to our side like we’re a very disapproving mother…
CAMERON: Karma does it.
HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah. See? Exactly Karma, great. Then we just lock arms like we’re a barrel of monkeys, and then we slowly lower each other down one by one, all connected.
LILIT (as Xianna): Tink. The vent is only, like…
CAMERON (as Karma): Take a look over the…
CAMERON: Like, pointing at the vent.
HUDSON: I smoosh past everybody and push people against the sides of the vent because I’m too big.
NICK: And you look out, and you see that you’re basically on ground level already.
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh wait, we don’t… I’ll save the barrel of monkeys for another time. It’s a solid plan if we ever get into a situation where the vent is higher up that we’re going through.
LILIT (as Xianna): I just don’t know if everyone in the group has the upper body strength to do that.
CAMERON (as Karma): But it’s definitely a fun idea.
HUDSON (as Tink): Use your legs if you can’t.
CAMERON (as Karma): Whoa. Wait. We’re hooking legs together?
HUDSON (as Tink): No. If you can’t use your arms, hook your legs if you’re flexible, and that’s where your core strength is.
CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, okay…?
LILIT (as Xianna): I think your core strength comes from your core. That is why it’s called that.
HUDSON (as Tink): But some core strength deals with your upper body and some core strength deals with your lower body, and the core itself is the one that coordinates all… It’s in my book.
CAMERON (as Karma): I think the core is kind of your middle body, actually.
LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah. I don’t think that’s how that works.
NICK (as Sentinel): See, I assumed that when Tink said core strength he meant the strength on which they based their efficacy, so he means core strength like what they’re strongest at, and you could be strongest at lower body.
HUDSON (as Tink): That is exactly right. You know what, can you just come with me and be my translator for my ideas? It seems like I run into this a lot where I say something and it’s not understood.
NICK (as Sentinel): That’s because most of your ideas and the things you say are nonsense. Now let’s get on with this. Who’s splitting up with who?
HUDSON (as Tink): I’m very, very sneaky. I don’t know if you all realize that. I’m not just saying this. Everyone in my team can vouch for me.
CAMERON (as Karma): Just size-wise, I think it would be wise if we split up Ziller, Tink and Blue into separate groups, because y’all are going to have to duck down farther to hide behind the boxes, so if y’all are all in the same group it’s gonna be more difficult to hide.
HUDSON (as Tink): That makes sense. Let’s do it that way.
CAMERON (as Karma): Alright, so y’all are team captains I guess. Choose your teams. [laughs]
HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh, ooh, ooh. Oh man, this is bringing me back to memories, high school.
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh no. I don’t think you should have made them team captains.
HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm.
CAMERON (as Karma): Xianna and I have override and veto power as the gym coaches.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okie, because maybe the sneaky people should have been the one picking.
HUDSON (as Tink): I’m a sneaky person.
LILIT (as Xianna): You are sneaky, but at the same time you are not. It is a very weird thing.
NICK (as Blue): I think this will work out. I’m used to being a team captain because of my inherent strength and size.
NICK: That was Blue, who is in the back of the group and hasn’t been able to see out of the vent yet because she fills literally the entire vent.
NICK (as Ziller): So, who gets first pick, brother?
HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm… I do.
NICK (as Ziller): Okay.
HUDSON (as Tink): Alright. Everyone, give me a pitch, under two minutes each, about who wants to be on my team.
LILIT (as Xianna): Wait, wait, wait.
CAMERON (as Karma): No, no, no.
LILIT (as Xianna): Maybe the most sneaky person should go first.
NICK (as Blue): Well, I know I’m not the most sneaky, and Ziller seems okay, but I think if we’re going with the sneakiest of team captains that would actually be Tink in this case.
HUDSON (as Tink): On a scale of 1 to 5, I’d say I’m a 3 in stealth.
LILIT (as Xianna): I’m just thinking that the stealthiest people should go first so that way they are further along in the path in case the less sneaky people, you know, blow it.
NICK (as Sentinel): So Xianna, are you recommending being a team captain yourself with stealth being a priority?
LILIT (as Xianna): I am just saying that maybe the stealthy people should have been the team captains. Maybe if the less sneaky people are team captains they should just pick the sneaky people to go with them? I’m just generally unsure of why the team captains are who they are.
HUDSON (as Tink): [gasps]
CAMERON (as Karma): Just because they need to be in separate groups.
HUDSON (as Tink): I pick Sentinel!
NICK (as Sentinel): Yes, I think this makes sense having worked with Tink before. This should be absolutely fine.
NICK: He wheels his chair slightly over to be closer to Tink.
NICK (as Ziller): Alright, I’ll go next. I pick Xianna.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okie. That sounds fun.
NICK (as Blue): Well obviously I’m going to take my best friend. Karma, you’re on my side.
CAMERON (as Karma): Woo!
HUDSON (as Tink): [disappointed] Man, I wanted Karma.
LILIT (as Xianna): Well, you had the choice!
HUDSON (as Tink): I know, but I wanted Sentinel and—
LILIT (as Xianna): You could have done that!
HUDSON (as Tink): I want it all!
LILIT (as Xianna): You can’t have it all, Tink.
HUDSON (as Tink): Okay…
LILIT (as Xianna): That is part of growing up is understanding that you cannot have it all and you must compromise sometimes.
CAMERON (as Karma): We can all rejoin the same team once we make it to the freighter. Okay?
HUDSON (as Tink): Okay.
NICK: But you find sometimes… that you get what you need.
HUDSON: No. [laughs]
LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, also, HK should go last, that way he can be suppressing fire.
NICK (as HK): I will go last.
CAMERON (as Karma): Cool, so whichever team picks HK just be aware you’re going last.
NICK (as Ziller): So Tink, you’re up next. Who you picking, brother?
HUDSON (as Tink): Hmm… I’ll take Tadzi.
NICK (as Tadzi): Yes!
NICK (as Ziller): Alright, that means I get HK I suppose. Well, we have HK so we have to go last. That’s actually gonna be a problem. Um… I would rather go first. HK, you go with Blue and Karma. I think that makes more sense, and it’ll just be Xianna and me, and that way we go first, because we’re both stealthy and we can, um, make it to this freighter and not have any more problems, brother.
LILIT (as Xianna): That seems kind of suspicious the way you worded it with your vocal tones and everything.
CAMERON (as Karma): Just be aware that there’s now a lot of guns behind you.
LILIT (as Xianna): Yes. HK has done the murder and will do the murder, and they will have no problem killing you.
NICK (as HK): I will absolutely do the murder.
HUDSON (as Tink): Alright, so after long, long discussions that never really happened but really should have, I’m gonna make an announcement.
CAMERON (as Karma): Okay?
HUDSON (as Tink): Everybody who wasn’t on the Afternoon Delight before this now has a chance, by running between here and the ship, to make it with the crew.
LILIT (as Xianna): No, that’s not true. Do not believe him. We are not holding applications at this time.
HUDSON (as Tink): I joke. I joke.
NICK (as Ziller): Aww, I really was getting my hopes up, brother.
HUDSON (as Tink): I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just thought it would—I mean like, it was one of those Schrödinger’s jokes where I was gonna see how the crew reacted… and just go with it.
CAMERON (as Karma): Wasn’t a joke until it was a joke?
HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, it was one of those.
CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah. No.
LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah, no.
NICK (as Sentinel): I will say that I assembled your team of four because they specifically had the skills needed, and you are a small and specialized strike force. You probably don’t need to add more people to the crew, but I do trust all of your judge—well, most of your judgments.
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, I assumed we were just the only ones who showed up.
NICK (as Sentinel): No! It was a very intent—Look, you’re going first. Go, go get to the freighter.
LILIT (as Xianna): [amused] Wait. We were really your first choices?!
HUDSON (as Tink): Awww.
NICK (as Sentinel): Well—
LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t believe that, Sentinel.
HUDSON (as Tink): We were Sentinel’s first?
LILIT (as Xianna): You are like a Jedi. You did not have better options to choose from? Look at us. [giggles]
NICK (as Sentinel): Hey, keep the former occupation on the down-low.
LILIT (as Xianna): They already know. Tink said it like five minutes ago.
NICK (as Sentinel): Okay, we’re gonna do this now, I guess. You weren’t the first choice, you’re the second Alpha Team, but the first Alpha Team all died, so…
CAMERON (as Karma): Who?
LILIT (as Xianna): What happened to the first Alpha Team?
NICK (as Sentinel): They died.
LILIT (as Xianna): But like, how? I want to know.
NICK (as Sentinel): Right now?
LILIT (as Xianna): Yes.
NICK (as Sentinel): I sent them on a mission and they failed the mission and the Empire killed them… I think. I’m pretty sure. I no longer have contact with them.
LILIT (as Xianna): What was the mission?! I feel like you could figure out how they died.
NICK (as Sentinel): It was the same mission I was going to send you on. They were scouting the shipyards. I’d really rather not talk about our spec ops operations in the air vent of a prison that’s highly monitored.
CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.
HUDSON (as Tink): Fair.
NICK (as Sentinel): I sent them to the shipyards and they never came back.
HUDSON (as Tink): So they could be alive! Does that mean we have to go find them?
NICK (as Sentinel): Well their ship was destroyed, so they probably died in space.
LILIT (as Xianna): Was the ship docked or not docked? Because that makes a difference on whether or not they could be alive.
NICK (as Sentinel): I don’t know. I just got notification the ship was destroyed.
LILIT (as Xianna): Well so then technically they could be out there somewhere! They could have been on a station and they could be in jail, or prison, because those are technically different. You didn’t even look for them. Sentinel!
HUDSON (as Tink): So you’re saying there’s a chance.
LILIT (as Xianna): There’s a chance!
NICK (as Sentinel): I guess you’re right. It took a long time. I gave them time to come back and they didn’t, and we had a timeline to help the Rebellion.
LILIT (as Xianna): Well because they could be in some Imperial holding cell! We just got out of prison!
NICK (as Sentinel): If you wanna spend the time to go find the former Alpha Squad and see what happened to them you’re more than welcome to, I just think that probably once we get out of here we’re gonna have some more things to talk about.
LILIT (as Xianna): But like Sentinel, we just got out of a prison. Did you not consider that maybe they were also in a prison somewhere?
HUDSON (as Tink): Are you saying we need to go back?
LILIT (as Xianna): I’m not implying that they were in the same prison as us, I am just saying that they could have been in a prison somewhere, or like some sort of Imperial black site.
NICK (as Sentinel): I’m honestly quite surprised at your optimism that you didn’t assume that they were dead. It hadn’t really occurred to me considering their ship exploded and then I heard nothing through my contacts about them. It just seemed pretty cut and dry.
CAMERON (as Karma): And you weren’t paying them until after the job, right?
NICK (as Sentinel): Yes.
CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, so okay, that is suspicious, yes.
LILIT (as Xianna): That is suspicious, but at the same time I have maybe broken up with more than one person by having it reported to them that my ship blew up, and I mean I was not on the ships when that happened, and I just like never talked to them again with the implication that I had maybe died.
HUDSON (as Tink): That’s a dark, dark way to ghost someone. Literally ghost someone.
LILIT (as Xianna): I’m just saying it works, and you know, if that person maybe has connections to the Empire, because you were pretending to date them to get codes or key passes or things like that, you know, sometimes you don’t want to take chances. Or if you just feel emotionally vulnerable to actually have a real conversation with them, it’s a valid strategy.
NICK (as Sentinel): So you’re implying that a team of highly specialized freelance mercenaries were so awkward about working with me that they faked their own death and forfeited a large payday rather than ever have an adult conversation with me?
LILIT (as Xianna): I’m just saying it is a possibility!
NICK: Sentinel looks deflated.
LILIT (as Xianna): Also the possibility that they are in prison. They could have just been arrested and captured and everything.
NICK: As you all have this conversation you see out on the landing pad that there’s been a changing of the guards and there are now twice as many prison guards standing around in this area as there were before.
LILIT: That’s fine.
CAMERON: Are you flipping a dark side point?
NICK: No, this was just time being spent.
CAMERON: Aw damn.
LILIT (as Xianna): We should maybe go before there are any more guards. Before we go, Sentinel, you should really look into it a little bit further than just “well they didn’t reply to me so they are dead.”
NICK (as Sentinel): Their ship was provably destroyed.
LILIT (as Xianna): And again, as I have mentioned, just because somebody’s ship blows up does not mean they are dead, because they might not have been on the ship.
NICK (as Sentinel): That is a good point, and we will look into it. Once we get out of here I’ll tell you some more of what I’ve been working on and why I’ve been a little distracted to track down my first group of mercenaries.
LILIT (as Xianna): Also, you were in prison, so…
NICK (as Sentinel): That too. But even before this, the implication that you have is that I should have done this before I ever attempted to hire you, but we were on kind of a timeline with the superweapon being built, and now there’s something else going on that we need to work on.
LILIT (as Xianna): [gasps] Is it a second superweapon?!
CAMERON (as Karma): That would just be ridiculous.
NICK (as Sentinel): Yeah. In what galaxy would the Empire, having wasted tons of resources on something that proved to be vulnerable, just build another bigger one? That doesn’t make any sense.
LILIT (as Xianna): If anything they should build something that is smaller and more portable, definitely not just do the exact same thing again. That seems silly.
CAMERON (as Karma): Maybe they’re compensating for something.
NICK (as Sentinel): But see, then the logical problem there is if you make a superweapon with that much destructive capability that can be piloted by a single person then someone may steal it and go around the galaxy destroying solar systems.
LILIT (as Xianna): Well no, you wouldn’t want it that portable with just one person, because you don’t want that situation either. That would also be so silly and ridiculous and you would never do that.
CAMERON (as Karma): Hey y’all, are we gonna escape prison?
NICK: As another guard walks into the loaded area.
CAMERON (as Karma): Because, uh…
CAMERON: Karma points.
CAMERON (as Karma): …there’s more people.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay, first team, go.
CAMERON (as Karma): That would be you.
NICK (as Ziller): Yeah, I think that’s us.
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, yes!
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, okay, it is us then.
LILIT: Xianna goes and opens the vent and drops down all of, what, two feet behind the box.
NICK: Yeah. [laughs]
LILIT: And I’m assuming this will now be a Stealth check.
NICK: It will indeed be a Stealth check. Each group is going to do one Stealth check to see how they get across. Any threats that you get will make it more difficult for the next group to go, but any advantages you get will make it easier as you scout a good path. This is now a hard Stealth check, and you have two black dice because you’re going first and you have to remove the vent silently as well.
HUDSON: I feel risky. I feel like I want to bet points that we’ll all get across fine without having to fight anybody.
LILIT: [sighs heavily]
NICK: Bet what, experience points?
NICK: We have been playing it kind of fast and loose with experience considering I let you give Lilit experience as a birthday present a while ago.
HUDSON: I’m thinking of the bet now and it’s a little too risky considering all the black dice.
NICK: Is it?
CAMERON: Even when you’ve had amazing dice pools, Hudson, Stealth hasn’t gone great for Tink.
NICK: Hey Hudson, you wanna bet 15 experience points that everyone makes it to the ship without anyone being detected?
LILIT: I have a triumph with a success, an additional success, and an advantage.
NICK: Wow. So yeah, with a roll that amazing you’re gonna give a blue die to whoever goes next, you’re completely successful… How do you want this to go?
LILIT: As Xianna and Ziller snake their way behind these boxes, behind each box they find small pieces of metallic trash, maybe sodas, because sodas are canon in Star Wars now.
CAMERON: Ah-ha-ha, “can-on.”
LILIT: And they are able to collect these small little pieces of trash, and what they can do is when other people are going to be crossing larger expanses of this docking bay they are going to throw the small little pieces of trash to create noise elsewhere so that the guards have to turn their heads and look to see where the small little clanging noises came from giving the people more time to cross.
NICK: Cool! Yeah, you find these energy cans and some other trash, and you are about halfway across, and you can tell from where the guards are looking and how you’re doing that you’re going to make it across. No one’s going to find you or Ziller. You’re in complete control of the situation. So you are able to devote some of your mental focus to tracking how the rest of the group does and help them if they need it. So, up next is Tink, Sentinel and Tadzi.
HUDSON: Hmm. Okay. I’m gonna roll for Stealth and then I’ll figure out what I’m doing.
NICK: Yours is a hard check with only one black die. What’s your Stealth?
HUDSON: My Stealth is 3, but my Agility is 2.
NICK: Okay, that’s Tadzi’s stat too, so you get another blue die for being with Tadzi.
CAMERON: Get anything for being with Sentinel?
NICK: Um, if you want me to do minuses?
CAMERON: Oh, never mind. Forget I asked.
HUDSON: I have a triumph with a success and two threats.
NICK: Okay. You’re going to make it with no problems. Xianna sees that, again, you’re surprisingly light on your feet for your size, and you’re able to guide Sentinel and Tadzi. Tadzi is also very stealthy, so between the two of you you’re escorting Sentinel in a very capable way. However, you do have a couple of close calls and the guards are on higher alert, because they’ve started to hear weird noises. You can hear one of them saying…
NICK (as guard): Ah dang, it looks like the loth-rats got out again. They must be getting in the supplies. We better look around.
NICK: …as they begin to change their patrol path. But you do have a triumph. Would you like to spend that on something? Do you have any ideas for ways to change the game a little bit?
LILIT: I was thinking having Sentinel like turn lights off further away.
HUDSON: Yeah, okay. So the lights flicker annoyingly, further away from us, so that people get distracted and go check it out.
NICK: Yeah, you can see that there’s a light switch starting to flicker on and off and Sentinel, as he wheels along, is waving his hand in that direction using the Force to mess with the electric grid on that side, and so a chunk of the guards is distracted, so if something goes wrong a lot of them left to go walk in that direction so the first rounds of combat there’s no risk there from them. There’s just a small few that are still in the area.
HUDSON: Yeah, even though I believe we’re gonna make it all to the ship, this is like insurance for me to make sure we don’t have to fight as much.
NICK: Mm-hmm. That makes sense. HK looks to Karma.
NICK (as HK): [hopeful] Suppressing fire?
CAMERON (as Karma): Not quite yet. Let’s attempt to be sneaky.
NICK (as HK): Why?
CAMERON (as Karma): I wanna be closer to the ship before people start shooting back at us.
NICK (as HK): But I could probably shoot most of them. Are you sure?
CAMERON (as Karma): Yes, because once we get on the ship we don’t know how many crew members are on that ship, HK. We may have to take out the crew of the freighter to be able to leave, or at least we’re gonna have to convince somebody to take us and let us just run away from this prison. So if everybody’s on high alert and then we’re also trying to have that conversation or fighting people inside the ship, that’s a lot of things happening. It gives more time for people to come down and stop us.
NICK (as HK): I also have a clear shot on Ziller. I could just remove that whole suspicious situation right now if you want.
CAMERON (as Karma): Um… so, I don’t hate that idea, but also, it would be a blaster shot and that is loud, especially because your gun is very large and is not quiet.
NICK: He still has that stun rifle. His gun isn’t here.
CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, well your gun is still not quiet.
NICK (as HK): Okay. Well, lead on I suppose.
CAMERON (as Karma): If Ziller tries anything though, besides hiding and just being useless which I kind of expect, go after him, HK.
NICK: Blue leans over from behind you all.
NICK (as Blue): Oh, with this big repeating blaster you gave me I’ll take care of Ziller if there’s any problems.
CAMERON (as Karma): Fantastic. You do need to get back at him for hitting us earlier.
NICK (as Blue): Absolutely.
CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, so, let us sneak.
NICK: Alright, so it’s a Stealth check. HK actually has a 4 in Agility, so does that boost yours?
CAMERON: Karma also has a 4 in Agility.
NICK: Ah. Oh, he has 1 in Stealth.
CAMERON: Okay, I have 2 in Stealth.
HUDSON: Half a blue die.
NICK: Blue will be minuses, so we’ll just ignore that for now. It is a hard check with three black dice.
CAMERON: Heh. Do I get the blue die from Xianna earlier?
CAMERON: Cool. [laughs] This roll is ridiculous. I got four blue dice, three black dice, three purple dice, two green dice and two yellow dice.
NICK: You could flip a light side point.
CAMERON: [laughing] Psh. I can’t fit these in my hand.
CAMERON: Okay, and I will upgrade, so now it’s three yellows.
CAMERON: With all of those dice, one success and one threat.
NICK: Wow. So, you all make it to the freighter without being detected. You move in these groups. You take cover. You’re able to avoid the guards. Sentinel uses the Force as a distraction.
CAMERON: Tink gets 15 experience points.
NICK: Tink gets 15 and more experience points.
NICK: Oh my gosh. I really didn’t expect that to work. Xianna is standing in the doorway to this freighter lobbing cans and things as distractions as well, helping everyone to get across. You all pile into the back of this freighter. It’s not very big. It’s about school bus sized on the inside, which for a spaceship is not that big, and there’s a lot of empty space because it’s mostly been unloaded, and the freight area leads straight to the captain and co-pilot’s chair, and you can see the bulbous black helmet of what looks like a Bith—they have very distinctive head shapes—sitting in the captain’s chair, and you can hear light jizz music filtering throughout the ship as the captain, waiting on unloading, is bobbing his head to the music.
[smooth jizz begins]
CAMERON: Are there droids unloading the ship?
NICK: There were guards unloading the ship. They were pretty much done. Part of your sneaking was getting around that. They are done. They’re just signing paperwork and stuff outside, and the captain is waiting for clearance to go.
NICK: So are you gonna just hide on the ship? Are you gonna try to talk to the captain?
LILIT: Xianna turns around to the group.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okie, so I got us to sneak over here ,however I do not want to go start a fight, but if somebody else wants to go start a fight and take care of the captain and then we have control of the ship then they should do that, and I will stay back here.
CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t know if I want to start that while the entry ramp is still open, because then we have the potential for guards to also enter into that situation if it turns into a more gun-focused confrontation.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okie.
HUDSON (as Tink): So what if we just break off the entry ramp?
CAMERON (as Karma): We could just close it. [laughs]
LILIT (as Xianna): We could just wait for the ship to start leaving, and then once it is closed up and everything then we attack.
CAMERON (as Karma): Make new friends.
LILIT (as Xianna): And by we I mean somebody else, because I don’t want to do that.
HUDSON (as Tink): Hank seems pretty, uh, risky-frisky today.
NICK (as HK): One might even say gun-ho.
CAMERON (as Karma): Hmm.
HUDSON (as Tink): Ha.
CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, I don’t want to send HK to have that conversation, though.
NICK: As you’re whispering at the back of the ship the entry ramp closes and the ship begins to lift off. You can hear the pilot saying:
NICK (as pilot): Yeah, we’re about good to leave here if there’s anything else you need. Captain Blitz coming through the radio, bringing you the sultry tones of my jizz music.
NICK: You can hear the control tower for the prison saying:
NICK (as control): Captain Blitz, please refrain from playing music over the intercom. We gotta keep this station clear.
NICK (as Kelbin): Alright, sorry, I just thought you might like to hear some of the music that we’ve got going on. It’s the next big thing.
NICK: He starts to lift off and slowly fly out of the cave, and you can see open air ahead of you.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okie, somebody should go, not necessarily kill, we don’t have to kill him, but like remove him from his duty.
HUDSON (as Tink): HK, stun mode, now.
CAMERON (as Karma): No. No! No.
HUDSON (as Tink): Stun mode. Stun mode.
CAMERON: Karma is gonna walk forward towards the cockpit.
HUDSON (as Tink): I’m the Boss Man, now do what I say.
NICK: HK pulls out his stun blaster and starts to stalk forward behind Karma as Karma walks up front.
NICK (as HK): Copy that, Boss Man.
NICK: At him talking in full volume the captain turns around in his chair and you see this Bith. He has that big lightbulb shaped head and he’s actually wearing a black helmet with a visor pulled down, and there’s a light lit under the chin so it does that, like, holding a flashlight under your face spooky face up under his eyes. He turns around, sees a combat droid, a bunch of prisoners, karma walking towards him, and that his ship which is supposed to be empty has a lot of passengers.
NICK (as Kelbin): [sharp inhale] Whoa~!
NICK: And he turns off the radio.
NICK (as Kelbin): Hey friends~ Uh…
CAMERON: Karma waves.
CAMERON (as Karma): Hi~
NICK (as Kelbin): You’re not supposed to be here. I am just supposed to be delivering food.
CAMERON (as Karma): And you did that. Congratulations.
NICK (as Kelbin): I’ll just bring you back—
CAMERON (as Karma): Nope. Please…
NICK (as Kelbin): —there seems to be some sort of confusion here.
CAMERON (as Karma): No.
HUDSON (as Tink): I don’t think so. I don’t think that’s the way. We’re going out. Opposite direction.
LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh! What kind of food? Wait, no, you are dropping off the food so you don’t have any more.
NICK (as Kelbin): I will admit that I may have stolen a case of Spunyuns, because they’re my favorite.
LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh! Okay. I’m gonna go find those. Everybody else take care of this. I’m going to go get a snack.
NICK: You’re able to quickly locate a crate of Funyuns. It’s like if you go to the grocery store and buy the pack of fun size chip bags that you’re supposed to put in school lunches. [laughs] It’s like one of those tucked under a bench, and they’re all different flavors of Spunyuns.
NICK (as Kelbin): Look, you can have the Spunyuns, there’s no problem there, if we could just… go back to the prison and I could just put you back where you’re supposed to—
HUDSON (as Tink): HK, stun!
NICK (as Kelbin): [disappointed] Oh…
NICK: HK goes [gun charging noise] and aims…
CAMERON (as Karma): [annoyed] Stop.
NICK: …and then is frozen by the conflicting orders.
NICK (as HK): I cannot follow the objective of two primary users at the same time. Secondary user is the tiebreaking vote.
CAMERON (as Karma): Tink, why are you so trigger happy right now?!
HUDSON (as Tink): I just want to get out of here and he’s in the way.
LILIT: Xianna comes back with a bag of Cool Ranch Spunyuns.
LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh! Well, if you could not tell by the fact that we are wearing the prison jumpsuits, we did escape from the prison, so obviously we are not going back. We do not want to kill you, however the droid will.
[smooth jizz ends]
HUDSON (as Tink): No, no-no-no, we have it on stun.
NICK (as HK): Yes, but that’s what the knife is for.
LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t actually believe that HK has a stun mode. I’m pretty sure HK’s stun mode is just still regular lasers.
NICK (as HK): Unfortunately, the only blaster I have available at this time is purely a stun blaster, unless Blue gives me her gun…
NICK: His head turns around 180 degrees to hopefully look at Blue.
CAMERON (as Karma): Blue, please don’t.
NICK (as Blue): Oh, I’m not gonna give up this baby. This one’s gonna get me a long way.
CAMERON (as Karma): Good. Alright.
LILIT: Xianna turns back to the pilot.
LILIT (as Xianna): Okay. So either we can stun you and just leave you somewhere, with or without your ship, probably without your ship, or you can just, um, let us stay on the ship and you drop us off somewhere and you never talk about this again.
NICK: The pilot lets go of the yolk. The blue of the sky above Kajim is fading to the black of stars as you break atmosphere, because the ship was on autopilot, and he carefully pulls off his helmet, and the light turns off on the neckpiece of his suit so that you can see his full face. He’s got big black eyes and a little tiny mouth that looks really good for like a kloo horn or something. You notice under the helmet that he has a big wine stain birthmark on his forehead that’s shaped kind of like a Y-Wing. [chuckles]
NICK (as Kelbin): Look, I’m not a big fan of the Empire. I’m gonna be honest, I kinda got this job by accident. I was supposed to be smuggling, and I thought that this was a smuggling job, and then it was just freight. The pay was good so I’m still doing it, but if I happen to steal some prisoners… I could probably get through this in one piece.
LILIT (as Xianna): Well see? Now you are a smuggler. You are smuggling us. See, it all works out.
NICK (as Kelbin): There you go, and with a small fee I can drop you wherever you want.
LILIT (as Xianna): The Force works in mysterious ways.
NICK (as Sentinel): Hey, that’s my line, Xianna.
LILIT (as Xianna): Everybody can say it, Sentinel! You’re not the only one who is allowed to talk about the Force! That seems like gatekeeping.
NICK (as Sentinel): Well that’s not my intention, it’s just I thought the Force is kind of my thing…
CAMERON (as Karma): More people than one can have the same thing.
NICK (as Sentinel): I didn’t even know you believed in it.
LILIT (as Xianna): I thought the Force was inside everyone.
NICK (as Sentinel): Okay, well if you’re going to be pedantic about it, then…
LILIT (as Xianna): Are you like the only Jedi in the whole galaxy?
NICK (as Sentinel): Actually, maybe? At this point.
HUDSON: [laughing] Yeah, at this point, yeah, there might be not that many.
NICK: And he looks really sad.
LILIT (as Xianna): I heard that there was at least one Jedi on the death star before it blew up, so like you aren’t the only one.
NICK (as Sentinel): How did you hear that?
LILIT (as Xianna): You don’t hear about the news?
NICK (as Sentinel): I guess I’ve been in prison so I didn’t really get to see all of that.
LILIT (as Xianna): Yes, so like one of the Rebel chat groups, somebody was saying that some kid from Tatooine like turned off his targeting and everything and just like… still blew up the death star without any guidance, and like, that’s the Force.
NICK (as Sentinel): Oh, that’s absolutely the Force. You didn’t catch the name of that kid, did you? I could potentially train him and rebuild our order.
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh yes, it was…
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, no-no, I got it, I got it, I got it. Okay. It was… Oh my god, I had it on the tip of my tongue. Lannister… Groundrunner?
LILIT (as Xianna): Larn Cloudjogger…?
NICK (as Sentinel): Larn Cloudjogger…?
HUDSON (as Tink): It doesn’t matter.
LILIT (as Xianna): That might not have been right.
HUDSON (as Tink): No, it doesn’t matter, because no one will remember this.
LILIT (as Xianna): I only check those chat groups like very late at night, so… don’t take that as a certain.
NICK (as Sentinel): I will have to look up this Force-sensitive boy, because I will be looking upon his career with great interest.
CAMERON: Ick. [laughs]
LILIT (as Xianna): Also, aren’t the Sith like technically Jedis?
NICK (as Sentinel): No.
LILIT (as Xianna): They are just like evil Jedi?
NICK (as Sentinel): No. They have their own really twisted way of looking at the Force and the way to use the world, and they’re all about selfishness whereas Jedi are all about self-sacrifice.
CAMERON (as Karma): I think you should probably be somewhere in the middle.
LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah.
CAMERON (as Karma): That’s gonna get you the best life experience, probably, and be the least shitty.
LILIT (as Xianna): Also, considering that like the Jedi stole children, right? Or is that just Empire propaganda? Also, what the fuck was up with the Clone Wars?
NICK (as Sentinel): We don’t need to talk about this right now. We can talk about that later.
LILIT (as Xianna): No! I want to know what the fuck was up with the Clone Wars!
NICK (as Sentinel): It was a difficult time.
LILIT (as Xianna): I lived through that shit, okay? It was weird!
NICK (as Sentinel): It was really bad, and everything started to look better like two years into it for some reason… and it got more complicated.
LILIT (as Xianna): It is so weird to have like a troop of people come and liberate your city and they all look exactly the same and they are like “yes, I am a three year old.” That is weird.
NICK (as Sentinel): Really, that part of the Empire we’re fighting now is the evolution of the part of the Republic that resulted in the Clone Wars.
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh, so the Jedi had no part whatsoever in the creation of the clone army? That is good to know.
NICK: Sentinel looks intensely uncomfortable. Some loose objects around the ship start to rattle a little bit.
LILIT (as Xianna): So now that that is settled…
LILIT: Xianna looks back at the pilot.
LILIT (as Xianna): …you can just take us to another port, let us go, never speak of this again.
NICK (as Kelbin): Yeah, honestly I think that’s probably my best option here. So don’t you worry about it, CaptainKelbin Blitz will be taking you to your new destination.
LILIT (as Xianna): Oh wait, Karma, where is our ship? Where do we need to go?
NICK: So, Captain Blitz gently puts his hands back on the steering yolk making sure that nobody takes any sudden moves, because HK is watching him extremely closely.
NICK (as Kelbin): So, where am I bringing you?
CAMERON (as Karma): Janga Shipyards.
NICK (as Kelbin): Oh, that’s actually fairly nearby.
NICK: He hits the steering yolk, and the ship rotates very quickly and snaps to hyperspace. He stretches real big and puts his hands behind his head.
NICK (as Kelbin): Well, we’ve got a little bit of time before we get there, friends.
CAMERON (as Karma): If you wanted to turn the music back on I’m totally cool with that.
NICK (as Kelbin): Oh, okay.
NICK: It’s been on, but he turns the volume up way more, and it’s just some good smooth jizz.
[smooth jizz returns]
NICK (as Kelbin): That was actually my last album that I got done. It’s, uh… pretty nice, right?
CAMERON (as Karma): [giggling] Yes.
HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, I think it’s great.
CAMERON: Are there two seats up front? Because you said pilot and co-pilot.
NICK: Yes. Mm-hmm.
CAMERON: Okay. Karma’s gonna take the co-pilot seat and just hang out while we’re flying and listen to the music.
NICK (as Kelbin): Na, na-na, na-na, na-na~ Na-na-na na…
NICK: That’s Kelbin singing along to the music.
CAMERON: We’re gonna listen to the full album, so I’m gonna need you to sing the full album, Nick.
NICK (as Kelbin): Na, na-na, na-na, na-na~ Na-na-na na…
HUDSON: I think there’s like a really shitty recorder playing as part of it.
NICK: Oh yeah. So it’s jizz music, they’ve got the kloo horn, the jizz box, but also a recorder in the background.
NICK (as Kelbin): I was just going for a different kind of sound for this ambience. I thought that it really sounded good.
NICK: But it kinda sounds like that one meme of the kids playing Jurassic Park on the recorder.
LILIT: At some point Xianna pops up with a bag of Spicy Nacho Spunyuns.
LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, Kelbin, do you have any clothing on the ship that we could borrow? And by borrow I mean take.
NICK: He looks down. He’s wearing a black just form fitting spacesuit that looks like it used to be shiny and some of the shine has worn off over the years.
NICK (asKelbin): I’m not really much of an outfit guy…
[smooth jizz ends]
LILIT (as Xianna): Do you have blankets or towels or anything?
NICK (as Kelbin): I’ve got blankets, and I’ve got my street clothes. I’d sell them to you?
CAMERON (as Karma): Do you have a crate you could put us in to then push us onto our ship.
NICK (as Kelbin): Ha! That’s really funny. I did that once back in my youth, actually.
CAMERON (as Karma): Uh-huh.
CAMERON: Karma’s looking suspicious.
LILIT (as Xianna): Just thinking that we will probably have to go off of this ship and maybe go onto our own ship, and if anyone sees us we are a large group of people all wearing prison uniforms!
HUDSON (as Tink): Didn’t you see right before we went to prison what was coming into style was prison uniforms for the general populous?
LILIT (as Xianna): I don’t think that was true.
HUDSON (as Tink): I thought it was. I mean, I saw it coming.
NICK (as Kelbin): Hey pal, I don’t know how long you’ve been on the inside, but I must have missed that trend. I don’t remember that at all.
CAMERON (as Karma): I think it’s been about a week.
HUDSON (as Tink): Okay, so I guess that style just went in and out. We might need to do the crate plan.
LILIT (as Xianna): Are you sure you didn’t just see the prison and were like oh look at those jumpsuits?
HUDSON (as Tink): I don’t think I’ve been in there long enough to really be an institution person at this point, right?
LILIT (as Xianna): No. I will just take the blankets and we will artfully craft disguises. Maybe make it look like we are wearing a poncho or cape. Those are still in fashion, right? It’s only been two weeks. I’m sure they’re in fashion still.
HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, they’re still in fashion.
NICK (as Kelbin): Capes and ponchos are always in fashion.
LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, you can just take your jumpsuit off.
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh yeah.
CAMERON (as Karma): That’s true. Tink, you don’t need to be wearing clothes. [laughs]
LILIT (as Xianna): Tink, give me your jumpsuit.
HUDSON (as Tink): Oh! Okay, yeah, here you go.
NICK (as Kelbin): Technically we don’t, any of us, need to be wearing clothes.
NICK: Kelbin makes a face.
NICK (as Kelbin): Okay, that was actually kind of weird. I’m sorry. I’ll just keep flying.
LILIT (as Xianna): Technically no, but also yes. BRB.
LILIT: Xianna takes Tink’s jumpsuit and goes behind a crate or something and comes back and she has torn the pants section off the jumpsuit she was wearing so it’s just pants and then has taken sections of Tink’s and created a halter top out of parts of it but turned it inside out so that the inner fabric is showing so it doesn’t look quite the same color and looks way less prison jumpsuit and then has extra fabric.
LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, I could also make little skimpy tops for other people, that way it just looks like we are in a band or sorority or something.
NICK: Tadzi surveys your outfit.
NICK (as Tadzi): Dang girl, when did you learn fashion?
LILIT (as Xianna): Ooh, I think I dated a fashion designer at some point.
NICK (as Tadzi): That does happen from time to time. I think I’ve done the same thing.
LILIT (as Xianna): Like, you ever just hang out with a group of people and like two months in you realize you’re like in a relationship?
NICK (as Tadzi): Oh, all the time.
CAMERON (as Karma): No.
NICK (as Tadzi): Although, I will say, I’m not sure if they were a fashion designer. They were a Chiss, and they seemed very interested in fashion, but I never saw them actually design anything.
LILIT (as Xianna): That happens too sometimes. You’re just like, you keep your work and your personal life separate.
NICK (as Tadzi): And that’s okay.
LILIT (as Xianna): Yeah! Not everybody needs to find deep personal fulfillment in their job. It can just be a way to fund the actual things you love in life. Although I do like stealing things, so… that doesn’t count for me.
CAMERON (as Karma): [laughs] So win-win there.
NICK: You all are comparing fashion notes and having a grand old time in the back. Kelbin looks pretty happy to have this group of people who are not shooting him and also just pleasant to hang out with. He is flying the ship and humming along to his own music.
CAMERON (as Karma): So Kelbin.
NICK (as Kelbin): Yeah?
CAMERON (as Karma): Where’s the rest of your crew?
NICK (as Kelbin): Oh, I’m just a solo flyer these days, doing my own thing.
CAMERON (as Karma): When did that happen?
NICK (as Kelbin): It’s been a long time.
CAMERON (as Karma): How long exactly?
NICK (as Kelbin): It’s been a few years, but we got together almost ten years ago. What crew? How do you know about my crew?
CAMERON (as Karma): So, it was the music that tipped me off.
NICK (as Kelbin): Oh, it’s very distinctive. I’m extremely famous and popular.
CAMERON (as Karma): And also, when I got back to my ship this was playing and had been downloaded onto my ship, so…
NICK (as Kelbin): Hmm.
CAMERON (as Karma): But we’ve met.
NICK (as Kelbin): You’ll have to jog my memory, sweet thing.
CAMERON (as Karma): I’ve been trying. Let’s see, what other things? Uh, we killed a Hutt.
NICK (as Kelbin): Oh! Karma?!
CAMERON (as Karma): That was the big thing. Yes! Hi. Oh, that would have helped if I’d ever said my name once I got on the ship. This is a very valid point.
NICK (as Kelbin): Yeah. Wow. You’ve come a long way from being a bounty hunter to a prisoner.
CAMERON (as Karma): The job was a breakout, so…
NICK (as Kelbin): Oh… Well, that is still illegal.
CAMERON (as Karma): Well yes. [laughs]
NICK (as Kelbin): It’s very illegal.
LILIT (as Xianna): Actually, some of us are real prisoners.
CAMERON (as Karma): That is true, yes, but—
LILIT (as Xianna): Not me, but some of the other ones are. It’s a mix.
NICK (as Kelbin): Well, that’s good to know, I suppose. Ooh, nice halter top by the way.
LILIT (as Xianna): Thank you.
LILIT: Then she pops away.
NICK: The ship snaps out of hyperspace and you can see it looks kind of like an old computer motherboard but spray painted gray floating in space above a gas giant planet, and it’s the Janga Shipyards, and Kelbin keys the auto-com and says:
NICK (as Kelbin): Janga Shipyards, this is Captain Kelbin Blitz coming in for a routine shopping trip if you could just give us clearance to land.
NICK: And that’s where we’re gonna end the episode.
CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show, please consider leaving a review on your podcast listening app of choice. Reviews will help new listeners to find the show, and every time we get one the squad gets warm fuzzies.
If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites, Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Hot tub hangout, which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.
Xianna’fan is played by Lilit Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.
Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.
Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.
Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.
Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.
Additional music by James Gunter.
Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad and join our Discord and share all your cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find a link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.