Transcript: Episode 52 Hectic Skirmish of Fates

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 52:
Hectic Skirmish of Fates

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

{Transcriber’s Note: During the recording of this episode only the four cast members were present. Nick spoke dialogue for the prior special guest characters who later recorded their versions of the lines for post-production, so they are tagged as speaking in the text.}

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

Well everyone, we made it, the Season 1 finale. Thanks for coming along for the ride. It means the galaxy to the whole crew.

On that note, I want to thank our newest patron. Cameron Boydston, thank you so much for your support. We seem to have lost track of quite a few expensive pieces of machinery in the last few weeks. It normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but the crew rented them, so if you could track those down and return them before we start getting hit with late fees I’d appreciate it.

This episode is the season finale, but don’t worry. We have big plans with special guests, different game systems, and fun side plots to keep the party going until the beginning of Season 2. Thank you again for listening, and stay safe out there, the galaxy is a big place.

Music this week is GIGA METAL by Loyalty Freak Music, Clair De Lune performed by Podington Bear, 8-bit Core by Manuel Senfft, and The Warbird by Tri-Tachyon.

So now, let’s get into the episode.


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Episode 52 of Tabletop Squadron! Moving right along, coming in towards that big old finale, just doing great. I’m your host and game master, Nick. Let’s go around the table, everybody say who they are and who they’re playing today, starting with Laura.

LAURA: Hello! I am Laura, and I play Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Great! Up next we have Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi, I’m Hudson. I play Tink. What do you think? I play a Gigoran slicer… something about sinks.


NICK: Great! Following that, we have Cameron.

CAMERON: I feel like you can’t follow that. That’s not fair. I’m Cameron and I am playing Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter.

NICK: What words rhyme with Cameron?

CAMERON: Uh, bo-bameron? There really aren’t many.

NICK: [laughs] I’m glad you said bo-bameron. That’s the one I use.

CAMERON: [laughs] Yeah.

NICK: Oh boy. Okay. So, let’s start off with the Destiny Roll!

CAMERON: One dark side.

HUDSON: One dark side.

LAURA: One light side.

CAMERON: Yay, Laura.

NICK: So, where did we leave off? Things that the crew has been up to lately… Oh, they’re launching an assault on a large shipyard. They have taken down some stormtroopers. They are attempting to draw the Empire’s attention so that the star destroyer screen surrounding this large and mysterious space station capable of destroying planets has to go and protect the shipyard clearing the way for the Rebels. They threw some grenades… They got shot quite a bit. They killed some security guards, and they were able to slice into a system to help Beta Squad get away from some stormtroopers and continue on towards their job. So, we open on the Alpha Team standing in this small, dusty corridor that is filled with power converters and various things, and Tink, you just somehow transferred wireless access to the slicer on Beta Squad so that they were able to get the door open themselves even though they were pinned down. Good job there. The last thing you heard was one of the members of Beta Squad saying:

ELI (as Juke): Thanks Alpha Team!

NICK: And then they closed the channel. Around this time HK leans against a wall with a hollow clank and slides to the floor, and you can see some hydraulic fluid leaking out of their chest and there’s sparks everywhere.

NICK (as HK): Damage Assessment: I’m super kriffed up right now.

NICK: You can see they’ve taken some pretty serious damage.

LAURA (as Xianna): Wow! Hank, you look terrible.

NICK (as HK): Sarcastic Assessment: Blasters are not designed to promote the health of their targets.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m not doing great either.

LAURA (as Xianna): Do you need a stim pack?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah!

LAURA (as Xianna): Okie.

LAURA: Xianna throws Tink a stim pack.

HUDSON (as Tink): Wait. I’ll do a stim pack with one hand and I can fix HK with the other.

CAMERON (as Karma): No—

LAURA (as Xianna): Wait. Just- Just give yourself a stim pack and then fix Hank.

HUDSON (as Tink): Aw, I thought it would be cooler the other way, but okay.

NICK: So, you use a stim pack on yourself.


NICK: That’s 5 health back, which might do you some good. HK has slid down the wall to the point where his body is on the floor and his head is being propped up by the wall.

NICK (as HK): Oh yes, we’re all very happy that the organics are feeling better. I’m so glad that that’s the priority. I can feel my servos melting. A little help here?

CAMERON (as Karma): Hey, hey, do you want the mechanic who’s gonna work on you bleeding out on you while he’s trying to fix you?

NICK (as HK): He can bleed out after I’m fixed.

CAMERON (as Karma): See? Exactly. That’s why we gave him a stim pack, to hold him off on the bleeding a little bit.

LAURA (as Xianna): I have to imagine it is not good to have all that blood inside your circuitry, because of rust and things… Blood has iron and iron is in rust, so that makes sense.

NICK (as HK): Actually, if I got a lot of organic blood do you think I’d be able to use the Force? Hey Tink, come here.

CAMERON (as Karma): Whoa, um…

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh!

LAURA (as Xianna): Is that how the Force works? Is it the blood?

CAMERON (as Karma): I do think it would depend on the blood of the individual that you were using.

LAURA (as Xianna): But no, is that how the Force works?

CAMERON (as Karma): There’s some shit with midi-chlorians which is in your blood.

LAURA (as Xianna): What? No! That’s the powerhouse of the cell!


CAMERON (as Karma): No, that’s the mitochondria~

NICK (as HK): Those don’t exist in Star Wars.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, sorry. [laughs] The midi-chlorians are the powerhouse of the cell.

HUDSON (as Tink): So what you’re wanting is a blood transfusion of a Jedi into your metal body. Is that right?

NICK (as HK): You know, now that I think about it, it’s really hard to tell when someone’s Force-sensitive just by looking, so I think I’ll just need to collect a whole lot of organic blood and just keep trying until I can use the Force.

CAMERON (as Karma): This is a bad idea.

LAURA (as Xianna): Wait. I thought the Force was like some mystical power in the universe. Are you telling me it is bacteria?

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): Kind of a combination of both, weirdly.

LAURA (as Xianna): Wait! Wait!

CAMERON (as Karma): It depends. Which Jedi sources are you reading?

LAURA (as Xianna): I’m not reading any!

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

CAMERON: Karma throws a repair kit at Tink.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hey, can you help Hank?

HUDSON (as Tink): We’re still talking about the blood transfusions.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, but there’s a hole in HK right now.

LAURA (as Xianna): I don’t know what blood type I am. I really should, but I don’t!

HUDSON: [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh my gosh.

LAURA (as Xianna): You would think I of all of us would know that, but apparently I really don’t. I don’t know how.

HUDSON: I start fixing HK.

NICK (as HK): Your blood type is the Aurebesh symbol that looks kind of like a squiggly slice of pizza, negative.

LAURA (as Xianna): Okay.


HUDSON (as Tink): So, HK, I’ll say this. I promise, cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, promise…

NICK (as HK): Sticking needle in your eye—

HUDSON (as Tink): No! No-no-no! It’s a promise that if Sentinel for some reason passes away I will transfuse Sentinel’s blood into your body.

CAMERON (as Karma): [exasperated] Oh…

NICK (as HK): Verbal statements are binding contracts.

HUDSON (as Tink): You know it.

NICK (as HK): After this I’m going to go kill Sentinel.

CAMERON (as Karma): No.

HUDSON (as Tink): I—

CAMERON (as Karma): No… you’re not.

NICK (as HK): Is this, like, a command or something…?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah. Yeah.

NICK (as HK): Damn.


CAMERON (as Karma): Tink, fix Hank.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’ve been fixing HK.

NICK (as HK): I don’t think that bolt goes there.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ehh.

NICK (as HK): No- That- I don’t- What? Ahh. Everything’s green. Everything’s- You turned off my eye sockets. Everything is green.

HUDSON (as Tink): Listen. This is a fixer-upper job is what I call it. I just put things where I think they need to go and they’ll go there.

CAMERON (as Karma): Tink, you’re a mechanic!

NICK (as HK): That’s illegal in 12 systems.


HUDSON (as Tink): You know, ugh… Just, you know.

NICK: Okay. Is it the quick patch kit or the mechanical kit?

CAMERON: I have the droid repair kits.

NICK: I think those just work like stim packs, don’t they?

CAMERON: I believe so?

HUDSON: I beat my fist onto HK to get a bolt in exactly how I want it.

NICK: How many of the droid repair kits do you use?

HUDSON: I use two, but I have to roll for Mechanics, right?

NICK: No, that’s if you were healing a crit wound. If you’re using them like stim packs, then hey, he’s doing much better. Tink works away on HK and gets him mostly sealed up. It’s like a temporary patch, so the metal’s a little flexible and doesn’t match, but HK’s able to get up off the ground. He moves his feet so that his heels are under his hips and then just stands up with no recoil or pushing and it looks really weird and unnatural.

NICK (as HK): Alright, let’s go. We’re trying to destroy stuff, right? That’s why we’re here? Let’s do this.

LAURA (as Xianna): Yeah, I think that’s what we’re here for.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yep, we are trying to destroy the plans for that big old star destroyer out there.

NICK (as HK): I’m glad you were focused. I was just thinking about killing Sentinel and taking his blood.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, we’re not gonna do that, remember?

HUDSON (as Tink): Only if he dies.

LAURA (as Xianna): You also don’t even have to kill him. You can just get him high, have him pass out, and then steal his blood that way.

CAMERON (as Karma): [heavy sigh] Xianna.

LAURA (as Xianna): People will pay you for blood!

CAMERON (as Karma): Xianna! No!

NICK: [laughs]

LAURA (as Xianna): I’ve never taken somebody else’s blood, but I have, you know, donated blood for money.

CAMERON (as Karma): That is different than stealing an unconscious person’s blood, though. Going to a facility and donating is different.

LAURA (as Xianna): They’ll like… make more, assuming you only take the amount that—

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay. We need to move out. Okay.

LAURA (as Xianna): Okay.

CAMERON (as Karma): Tink, where was the server room again?

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh, uh, over there.

CAMERON (as Karma): Let’s head that direction.

NICK: You head down this maintenance corridor and come to a door. Tink punches the button and you’re back out into the main walkway. Question for you, Alpha Team. Are you proceeding as quickly as possible or stealthily?

CAMERON: I don’t think we’re being stealthy.

HUDSON: Yeah, I think we’re quickly as possible.

NICK: Okay. You’re just running down this corridor, right?

CAMERON: Mm-hmm.

NICK: Roll me a Force die, somebody.

HUDSON: Two light side.

NICK: Cool! No alarms go off. You don’t even see anybody. You’re able to just run through a whole big stretch of encounter—I mean, empty hallways that don’t affect you in any way.

CAMERON: [laughs] Weird.

HUDSON: That saved us a lot of time, didn’t it?

NICK: Maybe.


NICK: You do run into a couple of stormtroopers as you go, but you’re able to either just hit them with an axe or fire from the hip, just take them down and keep moving as you hustle down this hallway. As you continue, you come to a very, very big open chasm, as Star Wars tends to have. It’s like a big canyon, you can’t see the bottom, you can barely see the roof in the darkness. What do you do and how are you going to get across here? Tink, you are sure that it’s on the other side of this thing.

HUDSON (as Tink): Definitely on the other side of this thing.

CAMERON: Are there any catwalks or anything across this chasm?

NICK: It looks like there may be a catwalk on the far side, but it’s not extended.


LAURA (as Xianna): Okay. I do not have any rope with me, so…

HUDSON (as Tink): Can we jump it?

NICK (as HK): Tink, that appears to be about 50 meters.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ohh.

LAURA (as Xianna): That is too far to jump.

NICK (as HK): No wait, time out, time out. Tink, can you jump 50 meters?

CAMERON: [giggles]

HUDSON (as Tink): I’ve never tried.

LAURA (as Xianna): Tink, no.

NICK (as HK): Tink, try to jump the chasm.

LAURA (as Xianna): No.

CAMERON (as Karma): Please don’t try it, Tink. No…

NICK (as HK): [chanting] Jump it. Jump it.

HUDSON: Is that HK?

NICK: Yeah.

HUDSON: [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): HK…

HUDSON (as Tink): No, I don’t think I’ll jump. It’s a little risky, and I have much more to do in life.

LAURA: Is there a button to make a bridge shoot out?

NICK: Not that you can see on this side. HK reaches his tiny hand out and flips the little thing that’s attached to Tink’s belt and the theme music starts to play again.

HUDSON: [hums a fast-paced tune]

[heavy techno music starts]

NICK: HK’s just nodding at Tink.

CAMERON (as Karma): HK, it’s not nice to peer pressure our friends.

HUDSON (as Tink): This gets me excited. Okay, I have a better idea.

HUDSON: I flip off the music.

[music stops abruptly]


HUDSON (as Tink): Beta Squad, come in.

NICK: At this point, from seemingly nowhere as you are looking at this chasm, a large, red blaster bolt pierces the air. Everyone roll me a Force die, please.

CAMERON: One dark side.

LAURA: One dark side.

HUDSON: Two light side.

NICK: Okay. You two were tied. If you could roll off for me.

LAURA: We have a chance cube.

NICK: Yeah, let’s roll a chance cube! “Red, the boy, blue, his mother.”


LAURA: Blue is Karma, because blue is closer to green, and red would be Xianna, because that’s closer to purple.

CAMERON: That makes sense.

NICK: Sure.

LAURA: It’s red, Xianna.

NICK: Alright. Xianna, make me a Coordination check as a large blaster bolt flies towards your face from across the chasm.

LAURA: Oh, I have Coordination! Okay.

NICK: Yeah. You should be pretty good at it.

CAMERON: And you are agile as all get-out.

NICK: And you have the Stalker talent too which will help.

LAURA: Okay, what’s the difficulty?

NICK: Hard. I was going to do daunting, but I don’t want Xianna to die here.

CAMERON: I have faith. I think Laura’s got this.

LAURA: Okay. I have a triumph with a success, three more successes, and two threats. Heh.

NICK: How do you dodge out of the way? You probably get an indication of someone on the far side in the shadows before they shoot. How do you dodge this so that you don’t take a sniper shot to the chest?

LAURA: Xianna still has her scanner goggles on, they’re just turned off, but it does create a little bit of a lens flare so she can see that someone has turned on their scope in the distance and gets a little glint of that and just straight drops to the ground and rolls away.


CAMERON: And we’re all standing there like what?

NICK: And then a blaster bolt goes (heavy burst firing noise).


LAURA: Everyone’s just arguing and then suddenly Xianna’s just like (quick movement noise).

NICK: The blaster smashes into the wall and leaves a pretty large smoking dent.

LAURA (as Xianna): Someone is shooting at us.

CAMERON (as Karma): What?!

NICK: Roll me a Perception check if you wanna see if you can find where this sniper is.

LAURA: Okie.

CAMERON: What difficulty?

NICK: It’s gonna be hard.

LAURA: I got two successes and an advantage.

NICK: Nice.

CAMERON: A success and two threats.

NICK: Okay. Tink, are you just busy being like “oh gosh, a sniper”?

HUDSON: Yeah no, because I’m trying to get in touch with Beta Squad.

NICK: Okay, so you’re saying “Beta Squad, come in.” You see a huge-looking Anselmi woman, which are kind of like bluish lizard-looking aliens from Glee Anselm, the same planet as the Nautolans, and you can see that she’s wearing a black headband, but as you make eye contact with her across this large chasm she puts her gun up and backs away back into the shadows and disappears. Tink, you hear:

NICK (as Neato): Ring-a-ling, you’ve got Beta Squad.

HUDSON (as Tink): Beta Squad, this is white walker and the kids table!

CAMERON: [coughs, laughing] What?!

LAURA (as Xianna): That is not our codename!

NICK (as Neato): White walker and the kids table, I read you loud and clear.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh god.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright, so we need some help here. We’re at a chasm, and I don’t mean that in an emotion, deep inside ourselves way where we’re reflecting. What I mean is we are at a chasm that’s a literal chasm.

AUSTIN (as Val): Tink, quit talking about your feelings, we got stuff to do.

HUDSON (as Tink): No, no-no, really. I mean like there’s a real chasm, and there’s a bridge but it’s not extended, and uh… I gave you all wireless access. Can you see if you can extend this bridge? Here’s my coordinates.

NICK: You hear a voice that you don’t recognize.

CHRIS (as Jet): Oh, actually yeah, I do have access.

AUSTIN (as Val): Too much time thinking, not enough time moving. Let’s go! Get out of the way!

CHRIS (as Jet): No look, all I have to do is enter this one code. It’s just a couple of digits.

AUSTIN (as Val): Nope. Too late.

NICK: And there’s a giant explosion, and in the ceiling of the room you see cracks form and this huge piece of durasteel falls out of the ceiling, and the whole station is shaking, and you can see fire above you, and it slams into this chasm and grinds to a halt and makes an impromptu bridge. You can hear fire crackling and alarms start to go off, and there’s this moment of stunned silence over the coms and with you. After a long minute the coms crackle back to life.

AUSTIN (as Val): Man, these Imperial engineers really need to work on their design. That fuel line connects to the entire station?! Wow. Well, you know, I guess that takes care of the problem. Alpha Team, how’d that work for you?

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, thanks for the bridge, Val.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah sure… alright.

AUSTIN (as Val): Let’s race!

NICK: Then there’s a long pause and you can hear other people.

CHRIS (as Jet): Wait, Val!

ELI (as Juke): Wait-wait-wait!

AUSTIN (as Val): Say my name~!


NICK: There’s another explosion and then the channel turns off. You continue down the hallway for a while. At this point emergency crews are starting to run around. There’s a lot of chaos. There’s a mixture of security and Imperials, so you don’t get a ton of direct looks. There is probably a point where a group of stormtroopers makes eye contact with the three of you, and the three of you are like streak-smoked and battle damaged and really intimidating looking, and they just go…

NICK (as Stormtrooper): Nope!

NICK: …and they turn around and they go a different direction to not run into you. As you continue this way the coms turn on again. Over the coms you hear:

ELI (as Juke): Jet, we’ve gotta get there faster, brother! Can’t you find us a quicker route?!

CHRIS (as Jet): Juke, we’re going in a straight line, like, a straight line. It doesn’t go any faster than that. What do we do, left turn four times and then skip a thousand meters? Focus on punching.

LAURA (as Xianna): Karma. Karma! Don’t you have kids that are named Jet and Juke?

CAMERON: [laughs]

ELI (as Juke): I AM focused on punching. Did you see that stormtrooper? I shattered his helmet! Those helmets are designed to deflect blasters. I have blaster fists!

AUSTIN (as Val): Blaster fists? Oh hey, me too! Watch this!

NICK: And there’s another explosion and you feel the station shake beneath your feet.

CAMERON: [laughs] Everyone’s been traveling down this hallway, this conversation starts, people keep walking but Karma just stops in the middle of the hallway. Xianna starts asking “hey, Karma, don’t you have kids named Jet and Juke?” and turns and Karma is no longer there. Karma is just back behind in the hallway just standing there.

LAURA (as Xianna): Okay, Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah?

LAURA (as Xianna): Karma is dead.

NICK & CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): Aw man~!

LAURA (as Xianna): I mean, I don’t really think so, I think she is just shocked or stunned or something.

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s a relief.

LAURA (as Xianna): Karma~ We have to keep going. Val is going to blow this whole place up and you will get smooshed.

CAMERON: Karma’s just kinda staring down at the ground. When Xianna calls out to her she looks up.

LAURA (as Xianna): If you are in shock I think I can somehow get impact into a stim pack and then shoot you up that way and it would be like an adrenaline rush, like an epi-pen.

CAMERON: Karma looks up…

CAMERON (as Karma): I’m fine.

CAMERON: …and flips her blaster to kill, and takes off down the hallway after the rest of the group.

NICK: Ooh.

LAURA (as Xianna): Okay, well I’m just going to do the regular impact then.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Do you not say anything over the coms to them?


NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: I haven’t reached that level of being able to converse yet.

NICK: Okay. You continue onward as Xianna is running down the hallway, reaching into a pocket and running down the hallway and trying to snort impact and run at the same time. [laughs] As you continue, you find yourself in front of a large locked door, and it just has to lead to the master server room. Tink, everyone uses this door. It keeps oxygen out in case of fires. It’s double-encrypted. Everybody likes to use this door for server rooms.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright, everyone loves to use this door for server rooms.

NICK: And then, as you finish looking down this very large door, you see the Anselmi from earlier. Like I said before, she is very large, she has a scar you notice coming down from one eye and down to the edge of her jaw, and it looks like the Kylo Ren scar that’s been stitched up with carbon, and her frills are held back by a black headband, and you can see that there’s a charm hanging from it that has the Imperial symbol. The other thing you see is that one of her arms is held together with an external power skeleton, so it’s like it had been broken or messed up in some sort of accident and they did this to fuse it back together, but the thinking must have been as long as we’re doing that let’s put some horsepower on this thing. You can see a lot of moving pistons and things whenever she moves that arm. She looks at the four of you.

NICK (as Anselmi): I keep running into Nautolans lately. Let’s see if I can hurt you even worse than I did the last ones I met.

NICK: She shoves one hand down and activates what looks like a shock fist and in the other hand she’s holding a blaster carbine.

NICK (as Anselmi): You’re not gonna get past me.

NICK: I need you all to roll for Vigilance.

CAMERON: Karma has a success and two advantages.

LAURA: Three advantages.

NICK: [chuckling] You’ve had a lot of trouble with initiative rolls today.

HUDSON: A triumph and an advantage.

CAMERON: HK has a success and two advantages.

NICK: Okay. For her, roll two yellow and two green.

CAMERON: One success, four advantages.

NICK: And do that again for me.

CAMERON: Four successes, two advantages.

NICK: Okay. Cool! She says…

NICK (as Anselmi): You’re not gonna get past me!

NICK: …and then just charges at you, the whole group.



NICK: As she’s running she holds her fist up by her ear and then shoots at Tink, immediately. That’s gonna be two green and two yellow from close range.

CAMERON: Five successes, two advantages?

NICK: She’s very good at this. That’s 13 damage and a crit coming at Tink.

HUDSON: Okay, so I have 3 health left.

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: Do you wanna roll it, Hudson?

HUDSON: Yeah, sure.

NICK: Don’t let Cameron roll the crits. That always goes really bad.

CAMERON: [laughing] Don’t let me roll the crit. I’ll roll a really high number.

HUDSON: … 98.


HUDSON: [laughs]

LAURA: 98 is the one that we have renamed Harmed: One limb is impaired until healed/replaced. Plus difficulty to all checks using that limb.

NICK: So… where do you wanna get shot?

HUDSON: Probably the same leg, so left leg.

NICK: The left leg. We’ll say that’s the one you got shot in earlier that has the stim packs.


NICK: As this Anselmi is running at you, she’s firing from the shoulder with one arm. It looks kind of like the battle rifle from Halo. She’s shooting you exactly where you got shot before, three to four times, just pinpoint accuracy, just blam, blam-blam-blam, and your leg just completely goes out from under you.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ahh, this hurts in a familiar way~!

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Oh boy… That was not good.

CAMERON: [long exhale]

NICK: A PC slot.

HUDSON (as Tink): Avenge me!

CAMERON (as Karma): I will, sweetie, don’t worry.

NICK (as HK): Can I have your blood?

HUDSON (as Tink): I don’t have the Force~

NICK (as HK): I could find some use for it.

CAMERON: If she’s close range with Tink she’s close range with me as well, right?

NICK: Mm-hmm. She is close range with you, yes.

CAMERON: I’m gonna aim.

LAURA (as Xianna): You can only have the blood that already falls out of him.

NICK (as HK): I don’t have a mop. I’ll be back. I’m going to go find a mop.

CAMERON (as Karma): HK, no!

NICK: [laughs]

LAURA (as Xianna): HK, wait! Hold on, I have some empty little baggies. You can hold that up to him. Heh.

CAMERON: [smiling] I’m going to aim!

LAURA (as Xianna): Wait! Tink is a squeegee! It will just collect in his fur. Don’t worry, Hank!


NICK: [delighted, disbelieving groan]

CAMERON: Oh goodness… [rolls]

LAURA: Nice!

CAMERON: Shit! Two successes, five advantages, two triumphs, so that is 15 damage.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: Base, and then I’mma roll a crit on her and add 30 to it? Because I have 2 ranks of Lethal Blows, so those are each 10, and then I had another crit so that’s another 10. Yes?

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: 99 + 30…

NICK: Holy crap.


LAURA: So, 139.

NICK: I think that actually does kill her.

LAURA: 139: Ooh, so close. Bleeding Out: Suffer 1 wound and 1 strain per turn until injury is healed. Suffer one critical injury per 5 wounds beyond wound threshold.


NICK: She turns and she’s running towards Tink and she turns her back to Karma, and karma just shoots her in the kidney, and it blows out the front of her armor and a mist of greenish blood spatters over Tink as he is down on one knee trying to hold his other knee in one piece. She stops and starts to jolt a little and stands up, and you can see a trickle of blood coming out of the corner of her mouth. She looks at Karma.

NICK (as Anselmi): Nice. Okay, let’s do this.

NICK: And starts walking. It looks cocky, but it also looks like she can’t really run anymore after that shot, and she comes forward and she’s going to try to punch Karma, because it’s her turn. That is also two greens and two yellows and it’s average difficulty. You don’t have Defense because you don’t have your sword out.

CAMERON: I would like to Dodge.

NICK: Yeah, that makes sense.

CAMERON: One success, two advantages.

NICK: Okay. She hits you, so it’s 8 damage coming at you. It is Pierce 1.

CAMERON: Okay, so I take [mumbles] 4 damage.

NICK: She clocks you, just straight in the jaw, and you feel the shot go through you. it’s not a full “you can see Karma’s skeleton,” but there’s a brief splash of “this went through her.” It was not comfortable. Karma, what do you do after getting punched in the face?

CAMERON: I think I’ve gone into silent mode. I’m processing a lot of stuff right now. I just look up and make direct eye contact.

NICK: She grins, and you can see her teeth are stained with her own blood, but this is her element.

CAMERON: I look down at her kidney and I grin. [laughs]

NICK: [laughs] And we are to another PC slot.

LAURA: Xianna pulls her gun out but then is quickly looking at Hank and Tink.

LAURA (as Xianna): So, should I… This seems like this might be a one-on-one personal thing, or should I just shoot the other one?

HUDSON (as Tink): Kill it with fire!

LAURA (as Xianna): I mean, I don’t have fire, but okay!

LAURA: She goes and shoots.

NICK: Okay. [laughs]

NICK (as HK): Did someone say fire?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yes~!

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah.

NICK (as HK): Stand by.

LAURA: She’s gonna aim. What range is it?

NICK: You’re close range.

LAURA: Close range? Okay.

NICK: Yeah. This is a cool gun kata fight where everybody is very close together.

LAURA: Four successes, so that’s 10 damage.

NICK: Phew, solid. So, where do you shoot this Anselmi? Anything specific? Center of mass?

LAURA: Center of mass.

NICK: Yeah. You hit her right square in the middle of the back and she grunts and leans forward a little. It doesn’t look like it completely pierced her armor, like her armor absorbed a lot of it, but it hurt her. She turns around and she points towards you.

NICK (as Anselmi): You’re next.

LAURA (as Xianna): No thank you~!

NICK (as Anselmi): Well, you shot me, so…

LAURA (as Xianna): Yes, I know, but I am just saying no thank you.

NICK: [grinning] And it’s another PC slot.

HUDSON: Ugh… I, I attack. [laughs]

NICK: Okay. You get up and limp towards her?


NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: And I swing my axe, which this is the first time I’ve swung my axe…


NICK: It’s been a while.

HUDSON: It’s been a while. … One success, one advantage.

NICK: Nice. How much damage is that?


NICK: Six? And it’s Pierce 2, right?


CAMERON: You can crit.

HUDSON: Yeah, I will crit. What do I add?

NICK: Forty.

CAMERON: Plus 10, because she already has a crit, so 55.

NICK: Yeah, so 50…

HUDSON: Okay, so 50… so 55.

NICK: Wow!

HUDSON: Man, if it was 90 again, it would be just dead.

NICK: Yeah, just dead.

LAURA: 55 is Fearsome Wound: Plus difficulty to Presence: Willpower checks until end of encounter.

NICK: Cool, so her Force powers will be—She doesn’t have Force powers.


CAMERON: Like what? HK can have her blood.

NICK: How do you slice her?

HUDSON: I get up and I swing it in an odd way, like in the shape of a circle but with my arm outstretched to just kinda throw her off.

NICK: [chuckling] yeah, she’s not expecting that.

HUDSON: I’m frowning because I’m bleeding out, and I hit her across the chest.

NICK: The armor catches it, but you do pierce through, and you feel it catch in her flesh and she pulls back away from it and says…

NICK (as Anselmi): Wow, this fight is going a little bit differently than last time.

NICK: …and assumes a fighting stance, and HK assumes a fighting stance and starts to walk forward and says…

NICK (as HK): I’m gonna punch the kriff out of you.

NICK: …and goes to punch her.

CAMERON: Why?! [laughs]

NICK: Because he’s excited.


NICK: So that’s… Does he even have anything in Brawl? No. That’s two greens versus two red.


CAMERON: Okay, one success, two threats.

NICK: Nice.

CAMERON: He did it~

NICK: The threat is going to be that he’s going to be in the way of whoever tries to attack her next, so they’ll have a black die trying to work around HK, but he manages to clock her right in the face with his little robot hand and does 3 damage. [laughs]

CAMERON: [giggles]

NICK: Which doesn’t even get past her Soak, but it makes him happy. He hits her and her head snaps around.

NICK (as Anselmi): What are you doing?

NICK (as HK): I’m showing you how to fight.

NICK: We’ll go back to the top of the order, and it’s her turn. She looks down at HK.

NICK (as Anselmi): You’re second, first her.

NICK: And without looking she shoots at Xianna with the rifle that was still aimed at her.

LAURA: Oh no.

NICK: Two yellows and two greens. It’s close range so one purple.

CAMERON: But it’s plus a black die because of Xianna’s Ranged Defense.

NICK: Yep, that’s true.

LAURA: I’m also gonna Dodge.

NICK: Smart.

LAURA: How many dodges do I have?

NICK: [laughs] You can burn a strain to—

LAURA: I can burn 1, yeah.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: So, it’s four successes, a threat, and a despair.

NICK: Four successes is 12 damage that she shoots Xianna with. You still up, Xianna?

LAURA: [snorts] Yeah~


NICK: How much health you got left?

LAURA: Three.

NICK: Okay. She shoots Xianna and Xianna stumbles back towards the entrance that you came in through, and she goes to shoot her again. She’s trying to do the same thing she did to Tink where she shot in the exact same place multiple times and it just really pierces through armor and things. The gun clicks, and the gun fizzes and just kinda dies. You can actually see when you look closer that this gun looks like it was dropped from a great height at some point. The frame is cracked in a few places and the power cell isn’t attached quite the way you would normally expect. The lights go out on it and it’s totally out. She growls in frustration and throws the gun on the ground and activates another shock fist.

LAURA (as Xianna): Haha! Fuck you~!

NICK: There’s just this big old bleeding wound in Xianna’s chest. Impact’s great.

LAURA (as Xianna): I barely feel this!


NICK: It’s another PC slot.

CAMERON: I would like to take out my vibro-sword and stab her.

NICK: Okay. You have your rifle on a strap in front of you, right? You just drop it. It’s a maneuver to draw.

CAMERON: I have Quickdraw.

NICK: So it’s not a maneuver to draw.

CAMERON: So it’s not a maneuver to draw.

NICK: Oh, that’s cool.


NICK: You keep it on your back, right?

CAMERON: Mm-hmm.

NICK: Okay, so describe this as you approach and attack.

CAMERON: So, she drops her gun and powers up [inaudible mumbling] so I toss my gun, it’s like on a sling thing so I just toss it down to my side, and then the camera starts at Karma’s feet from behind her and pans up as she slowly walks the few feet – because she’s not very far, everybody’s in close – moves up into engaged range and draws the vibro-sword out of her back sheathe.

CAMERON (as Karma): You made a mistake today.

CAMERON: And is gonna stab her.

NICK: Alright. Roll me that attack.

CAMERON: So, there’s a black die because Hank’s in the way. There’s a blue die because my vibro-sword is accurate. Then, it’s two reds?

NICK: Yup. At this point, you say that and she starts to turn around and HK slaps her face.

NICK (as HK): Pay attention to me, the melee combatant.

CAMERON: I hope this works. Three advantages and a triumph.

NICK: No success?

CAMERON: No. I don’t hit her body, but my sword comes down and hits on her exoskeleton pieces of her arm and the arm just… goes dead.

NICK: Yeah, you cut the power on it so that one’s totally out of commission now. She flinches with the pain of the weight returning to her broken arm. She says…

NICK (as Anselmi): That’s not very sporting.

NICK: …and has her other shock glove still up in a guard position.

CAMERON: I would like to gift some blue dice.

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: Gift a black die to her and gift a blue die to whoever goes next.

NICK: Okay. it is her turn again. I think she’s gonna try and punch Karma at this point. I don’t think she can ignore Karma after that.

CAMERON: That seems fair.

NICK: I will say, her emotional state, she still feels really satisfied having shot Xianna. [laughs]

CAMERON: That’s just rude.

NICK: It’s not polite. She’s a bad guy. She turns around and she just wheels with a big haymaker towards Karma. I’m gonna flip a dark side point to upgrade her attack. She’s putting everything into this. She knows that there’s not much time left.

CAMERON: I would like to Dodge.

NICK: Smart.

CAMERON: Turn those two purples into two reds. … One success, two advantages.

NICK: Okay, so that’s 8 damage, Pierce 1, coming at you again. We get some fight choreography here of Karma warding her away with the vibro-sword and her dodging back and forth. She manages to get up inside Karma’s guard and plant an uppercut under her chin. It hurts. Your ears are ringing pretty hard, or whatever Nautolans have. She skips away.

NICK (as Anselmi): Come on!

NICK: it’s another PC slot.

LAURA: Xianna shoots her.

NICK: [laughs] Okay.

LAURA: She’s gonna aim.

NICK: Smart.

LAURA: What was that, one purple, one red?

NICK: Yep.

LAURA: I’m gonna take the blue die. One failure and two advantages.

NICK: [laughs]

LAURA: A lot of blank dice in there.

NICK: Aw, that stinks. I think that she’s facing with Karma and you’re trying to shoot without putting Karma at risk, and it just forces you to shoot wide too many times so you aren’t able to, but it adds cool laser strobes to the fight scene that’s going on.

LAURA: Nice.

CAMERON: Gift another blue die?

LAURA: And then another blue die.

CAMERON: Pay the blue die forward.

NICK: Yeah. For whoever goes next, that’s two blue dice, and I think that’s because you’ve kind of corralled her in so she can’t be as mobile as she would want to be because there’s bullets everywhere. We got another PC slot. Tink, you wanna go?

HUDSON: Yeah, slice her.

NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: Difficulty?

NICK: Two reds.

HUDSON: I do have my two blue.

CAMERON: Oh dear.

HUDSON: A triumph with an additional three successes, four advantages, and a despair. [laughs]

LAURA: What was the crit on your axe?


LAURA: Yeah!

NICK: Wait. How many advantages?


NICK: If you have Crit 1 then you could do plus 30, plus the 20 for the two crits, plus Vicious 4, so that’s like plus 90.

HUDSON: Yeah, let’s go. [laughs] The despair might not even matter.

NICK: Well, it’s going to.

LAURA: 38, so it’s 38 + 90, so that’s 128. Gruesome Injury: Permanent -1 penalty to random characteristic. Roll a 1d10. A 5, that’s Agility.

NICK: Ugh.


NICK: And how much damage was it?

HUDSON: Three successes plus the triumph’s success… 10 damage?

NICK: Yeah.


NICK: So here’s what happens. You run up towards her with your axe held low and by your side because you’re gonna do an uppercut with it, and as you get close she kicks down into your knee, hits right where the injury is, and does a twist with her heel, and you feel a bunch of stuff just break. That wound went from really bad to just catastrophically bad. Before you collapse, with the adrenaline you have, you manage to swing the axe and hamstring her and she stumbles back.

NICK (as Anselmi): You’re not getting past me you… freaks, this is my station… and I’m going to hold this position.

NICK: She stands there and she’s bleeding from all these wounds and she’s bleeding out of her mouth. Tink, you collapse to the ground, you can no longer stand, and we come to the next PC slot. HK crosses his arms and looks at her.

NICK (as HK): Evaluation: No action needed.

NICK: As the round ends, she takes 1 wound from her critical injury which fills up all of her damage.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

NICK: Her eyes roll back into her head and she collapses to the ground. So, she is completely down.

HUDSON (as Tink): HK… I’m bleeding a lot on my leg. Just singe it. Cauterize my leg.

NICK (as HK): Is this something you learned in Becoming Medicine?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): This is actually a more valid thing. It will stop the bleeding.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah. Cauterize is when you use water at high pressure to make my leg stop bleeding.

LAURA (as Xianna): No…

CAMERON (as Karma): No. No… It’s actually fire, hun.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh. Fire me.

NICK (as HK): Medical order acknowledged, Boss Man.

NICK: He sets the gun.

NICK (as HK): Suppressing fire.

NICK: He shoots down the hallway towards the wall, and the gun is overheating and speeding up until the barrels are burning hot.

NICK (as HK): Boss Man, you may feel a slight pressure.

NICK: He presses the gun barrel into your leg.

HUDSON (as Tink): [comically wails in pain]

NICK (as HK): Medical procedure completed. You can pay me in blood later.

HUDSON (as Tink): [whimpers] Okay…

CAMERON (as Karma): Xianna, do you wanna search her?

LAURA (as Xianna): How much is that going to do? She probably has some good things, but uh… I am kind of dying over here, so I am going to put some stim packs into me. I’ll be there in a second.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

NICK: As this is happening, you hear smaller explosions happening and the station is shaking. HK looks at the server door.

NICK (as HK): Strategic Assessment: Cracking this door encryption will take too long.

CAMERON (as Karma): Suppressing fire?

NICK: HK cocks his head to the side.

NICK (as HK): No, don’t worry, I’ve got this.

NICK: His left hand detaches from the wrist and slides down and you see there’s something inside where his forearm is. He aims it at the wall and says…

NICK (as HK): You may want to take cover.

NICK: …and fires, and a little micro missile comes out and shoots down and goes (tink) into the wall, and there’s a quarter-second pause, and then a giant, vacuumous explosion rips the door apart. Also then, a rain of fire comes down on either side, because it was an incendiary missile.

CAMERON: Karma had dropped to the ground and thrown herself over Tink, because he can’t move right now and he’s very flammable.

HUDSON (as Tink): Agh!

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay Tink, let’s get you up and in here.

NICK: HK shakes his hand in a very organic way like if someone punches something hard.

NICK (as HK): I was saving that for a rainy day. Pretty cool, right?

CAMERON (as Karma): It’s very cool.

NICK (as HK): I’m gonna need another missile at some point.

CAMERON (as Karma): Cool. We can get it when we get my rockets.

NICK: He grabs his hand and clicks it back into place and shakes his head out.

NICK (as HK): The way is open, Boss Man.

HUDSON (as Tink): HK, carry me.

NICK (as HK): Acknowledged.

NICK: HK puts his arms under your shoulders and tries to lift, and you hear servos whining, and he tries again, and you can hear creaking metal.

CAMERON (as Karma): Hold up. Stop. I got y’all.

CAMERON: Karma goes over and lifts Tink up and slings an arm over her shoulder to assist.

NICK: Okay. You’ve got him hopping on one foot as you carry him in?

CAMERON: I think that’s the only way we can move him. [laughs]

NICK: Probably. Xianna, what are you working on right now?

LAURA: Xianna stabbed two stim packs into her and is getting up now and is gonna run over and search the body real fast.

NICK: Okay. Roll me a Skulduggery check.

LAURA: Can do! Is there any difficulty to that?

NICK: I’ll say hard, because the body’s not in great shape and the armor’s fairly sealed.

LAURA: Okay, I got three successes and two advantages.

NICK: Okay. While you’re searching the body, I’m gonna let you do that while Tink and Karma go into the server room to try to get Tink started on what he’s working on. We see HK run into the server room with his gun barrel spinning.

NICK (as HK): Room’s clear. Let’s get a move on.

NICK: Karma helps Tink into the room, so we see their silhouette move slowly through the smoke and fire that this door use to be, and there is just rows and rows of server banks, they’re all glowing gently blue, and a single stool sitting in front of a small computer screen with a simplified keyboard that you’re able to sit down at. You do that?

HUDSON: Yes. I sit down at it and I start hacking away.

NICK: Alright. Make me a slicing check.

CAMERON: As Karma gets Tink down into the chair she’s gonna stim pack herself.

NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: What’s the difficulty?

NICK: Hard.

HUDSON: A triumph with an additional success and four advantages. The computer crits.

NICK: Okay. You’re into the system. You’re able to find pretty much what you’re looking for.

HUDSON: Not only am I into the system, I can spend a triumph to make further Computers checks within the system as maneuvers.

NICK: Nice. Basically, since we’re not in combat right now, we’ll just translate that as you can do actions super-fast. It won’t take very long to do what you’re doing. At this point, over the coms, you hear Val’s voice.

AUSTIN (as Val): Oh wow… Look at that. That’s beautiful.

NICK (as Neato): Looks like some sort of glowy cylinder.

AUSTIN (as Val): It’s more than just a cylinder, Neato. That’s like the experimental reactor I was telling you about on the way over here but even bigger! There’s SO many things that we could power with this. It’s a shame I’m gonna have to blow it up.

CAMERON: [giggles]

NICK: The com clicks off. Tink, you’re able to get into the system. You can see a majority of the memory is being used up on something called the Executor Project.

HUDSON (as Tink): That looks important… Delete.


NICK: It looked like some sort of giant star destroyer. It’s gone now, and you’re able to dig deeper and find more backups and things like that.

HUDSON: Ctrl+F, backup.xml.


NICK: What do you do to those files when you find them?

HUDSON: Delete.

NICK: Okay. They’re gone.

LAURA (as Xianna): Ooh, Tink, you have to remember to empty the little recycling trash can thing.

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, yep.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh! You’re right. Okay.

LAURA (as Xianna): Because if you don’t it’s still in there. I have made that mistake before.

HUDSON: I delete, err, I empty the recycling bin.

NICK: [smiling] I think you delete the recycling bin, like it’s no longer there somehow.


CAMERON: The Empire doesn’t recycle.

NICK: I need you to make one more slicing check for me. You’ve completely cleared out all the information you can find. I need you to make me one at a… Tell you what, if you wanna make this check, I’m not gonna tell you what it does, but if you want to it’s gonna be impossible, which is five, and you have to flip a destiny point to do it.


CAMERON: [whispering] Do it!

HUDSON: Yeah, I’m doing it.

NICK: Okay. let’s see how this goes. This is something like, you see a small line in just the housekeeping part of the code, and you go “hey, that’s kinda weird,” and you start figuratively pulling on that string to see where it leads. This is to see if you find anything that way. My goal in this game is to make Hudson roll more dice than fit in his hands.

HUDSON: I have a triumph with a success…

NICK: Holy shit.

HUDSON: …an additional three successes, and four threats.


NICK: Okay, hang on…

HUDSON: I again crit the computer.

NICK: Yeah, and you’re able to do it really fast because of your skill. So, you pull on this little string and you find that pretty much the entire server that you were working on was the functional part, but you find a cache of data that’s basically the bid that Fondor put in to do this job in the first place. You find out that the Executor Project which you had deleted is the huge, executive class star destroyer that Darth Vader has personally commissioned. You go “Weird. Who’s this Darth Vader guy?” You get specifications of this horribly injured person who’s been put in a robot suit that looks almost designed to cause him constant pain who is theoretically stronger than anything that could possibly exist, and the way you’re able to backtrack that is somewhere in the ship there’s this weird egg-shaped thing that he can sit in that’ll make him feel better. You also find some personal diaries from something that insinuates Darth Vader in his correspondence is working on tracking down someone he thinks may be his son, and you find out that the son may have been on Tatooine in the recent past. You’re like, “I don’t know who these people are, but that sounds pretty dramatic.”

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah. I could absolutely write a fiction book on this or something. I would call it… Planet Attacks.


LAURA (as Xianna): I mean, so what is it?

NICK: Do you come in from searching the person’s body?

LAURA: Yeah.

LAURA (as Xianna): Ooh!

CAMERON: We’re just staring over his shoulder.

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m just seeing a bunch of really odd stuff like diary entries, something about Darth Vader?

LAURA (as Xianna): I don’t know who that is.

CAMERON: Have any of us heard of Darth Vader?

NICK: You shouldn’t have at this point. He’s like a wraith. He doesn’t really necessarily exist.

LAURA (as Xianna): It seems very dramatic. Maybe it’s like a new pilot episode for a holo-drama. You know, like Sands of Tatooine!

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m gonna take it and make it into a book.

LAURA: [gasps]

NICK: [laughing] So you take all the data?


NICK: Oh no.



LAURA: Oh, we’re gonna die.

LAURA (as Xianna): Okay, but delete it afterwards.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay!

HUDSON: I delete it.

LAURA (as Xianna): Because you want exclusive rights to the book.

HUDSON (as Tink): I know I do.

CAMERON (as Karma): That’s true. If they can prove copyright…

NICK: And then at this point, Tink, all of the stress and pain and blood loss catches up to you and you just slide slowly out of the chair.

LAURA (as Xianna): Uh-oh. Tink?

NICK: And you fall prone. [dramatic bass noise]

HUDSON (as Tink): Agh…


HUDSON (as Tink): Wha…?

CAMERON (as Karma): Hey buddy.

LAURA (as Xianna): Hey Tink.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah?

LAURA (as Xianna): You need to get up. We have to go.

HUDSON (as Tink): [mutters] … Stim pack?

LAURA (as Xianna): I have a stim pack. How many stim packs have you already taken today?

HUDSON (as Tink): Uhh… None after this part.

CAMERON (as Karma): No, but it matters.

LAURA (as Xianna): No, I mean today, like the last 24 hours.

HUDSON (as Tink): Two~

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, uh…

LAURA (as Xianna): So, a stim pack would only do, like… if I were to put it on a scale, like three points. Is that even going to matter?

NICK: [chuckles]

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh. Uh…

LAURA (as Xianna): Or should I just give you some impact so you can get up and about and we can get back to the ship? Let’s go!

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah. How much of it is that you’re wounded and how much of it is that your leg needs to be replaced?

HUDSON (as Tink): You know, a little bit of column A, little bit of column B.

CAMERON (as Karma): Little bit of both? Okay. Here, have a stim pack.

CAMERON: I’ll give you one.

HUDSON: I do a stim pack. So I only get 3.

CAMERON: Yeah, you’re now at 6, which is better at least.

HUDSON: That’s fine.

NICK (as HK): You know, it occurs to me with the kind of aggressive chemical cocktail that goes into stim packs that using this many of them is probably bad for your long-term health.

CAMERON (as Karma): You know, getting shot is bad for your long-term health too.

HUDSON (as Tink): Taking impact is bad for your long-term health.

HUDSON: I cross my arms.

HUDSON (as Tink): Keep the edge.

CAMERON (as Karma): Eating too many popsicles is bad for your long-term health.

LAURA (as Xianna): There are a lot of things that are bad for your long-term health.

NICK (as HK): I hear it damages your knee joints.

HUDSON (as Tink): What, popsicles?

CAMERON (as Karma): I don’t think that’s true.

LAURA (as Xianna): Popsicles?!

NICK (as HK): Yes.

CAMERON (as Karma): No.

LAURA (as Xianna): There is no way that is true.

HUDSON (as Tink): Nah, it just makes you a happy critter.

LAURA (as Xianna): Yes, the impact, but we are talking about the popsicles.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yeah, the crits will mess up your leg. Yeah.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh… okay.

NICK: So, as you are helping Tink back to his foot—



NICK: Several things happen at once. The smaller explosions that have been happening throughout the station start to increase in frequency, and then there is one giant explosion. I know there have been a lot of giant explosions. This one is the biggest. At the far end of the server room there is a crack in the wall and air starts to escape out of this room. The hull has been breached. You all almost lose your feet again, and it’s probably time to go. You start to run out of the station, there are alarms everywhere, and com calls saying:

NICK (as Stormtrooper): Abandon ship! Abandon ship! We’ll need to come back with salvage crews. Go, go, go!

NICK: Everyone starts to run away and leave and there’s alarms everywhere.

HUDSON (as Tink): White walker and the kids table, out! Out of the way… we’re going.

LAURA (as Xianna): Yes, we are leaving.

NICK: You hear Neato on the coms.

NICK (as Neato): Roger that, white walker. That was duck soup. Seems like you’re enthusiastic and efficacious. Count me as a fan, Val.

AUSTIN (as Val): You know, the trick is to just make really big explosions. Anyway, I gotta run. See ya!

HUDSON (as Tink): Wait! Val… I love you!

LAURA (as Xianna): Okay, that is a lot. We are going to go now. Bye~

NICK: Val says…

AUSTIN (as Val): I know.

NICK: …and hangs up.


LAURA (as Xianna): Tink! You cannot just say you love people over the–!

HUDSON (as Tink): This might be my last minutes of life!

CAMERON: I wanna flip our light side point and find one of the carts they use in airports so that we can get Tink to our ship, because we are very far away at this point and he can’t walk.

NICK: Okay. What about there’s an IT cart and you’re able to throw the stuff on the ground and toss him onto it.

CAMERON: I was hoping for one that was self-propelling so that…

NICK: I mean, it’s a hover cart, it’s Star Wars.


NICK: You probably have to push him, though.


LAURA: Okay fine!


NICK: Or you could leave him.

CAMERON: [laughing] No! We’re not leaving him! That’s not what I’m complaining about.

NICK: Those are your perspectives. So, you find this cart and you’re able to dump a bunch of stuff off, toss Tink on it, keep running. It doesn’t seem like the entire station is going to explode, because if you destroyed it completely that would sort of ruin the point of forcing people to guard it, but it does seem like Val may have overdone it a little bit. You see stormtroopers running for escape pods and the docking bays for ships and no one’s paying any attention to you. you see people that look like they may have been in a gunfight earlier, maybe with Beta Squad, just ignore you and keep going. You’re able to make it free of the ship and kick free of the shattered airlock. You see air rushing its way out of the station as the ship pulls away. You can see a couple of unlucky stormtroopers get sucked out into the vacuum of space as you pull out.

NICK (as Stormtrooper): Agh~!


CAMERON (as Stormtrooper): Nooo~!

[grand, dramatic music starts]

NICK: Then we cut away to a different scene, the bridge of some kind of Imperial ship. Standing at the viewing screen is a tall, skeletal man. He has unbelievably pronounced cheekbones and gray, dead eyes. A navy ensign hands the man a piece of flimsy and he reads it quickly, dropping it to the ground with little emotion.

NICK (as Grand Moff Tarkin): Kalms, dispatch the screen fleet to the shipyards above Fondor.

NICK (as kalms/Ensign): But sir, the fleet was only just assembled…

NICK: The officer trails off as he meets the eyes of this skeletal man.

NICK (as Grand Moff Tarkin): I’ve been assured this battle station is indestructible. Whether or not that’s true, the shipyards are invaluable. Do not question me again. Dispatch the fleet.

NICK: We begin to see the star destroyers wink out of space in the view screen. The skeletal man smooths his uniform, flicking imaginary dust from his new Grand Moff insignia and leaves the bridge. We see the Afternoon Delight as it pulls quickly away from the station. As the crew heads out of the gravity well to kick it back into hyperspace we see that there are star destroyers snapping into position all around the shipyards. The window of escape is rapidly closing as more and more capital ships pour out of hyperspace. Their mass almost tears the fabric of reality around them. Two, three, five, six, eight star destroyers. There’s a little gap of starlight just ahead of the ship as we see the crew gripping their seats and karma firmly throws the hyperdrive into gear, rocketing through the last gap in the blockade.

[music fades]

The next thing we see is the Afternoon Delight under a blue, tropical sky and it’s swinging in to land on this little spit of sand on this unnamed moon where you took your mission. The sun is setting, painting the sky pink and orange.

[tranquil music starts]

You see Myhliri wave at you as you come in to land. Standing around you also see Beta Squad: Val, Neato, Jet and Juke. They’re chatting to each other. They look tired but triumphant. The surf laps against the sand and a handful of single-pilot craft that seem newly landed as you exit the ship. Do you say anything as you join the group?

LAURA (as Xianna): Ello~!

HUDSON (as Tink): I’m Tink!

NICK (as Neato): Tink! Good to see you. I don’t think you need to introduce yourself. We’re all friends here.

HUDSON (as Tink): I mean, I don’t know those two.

LAURA (as Xianna): Yeah, we have never met those two before.

NICK (as Neato): You look like you got a little discombobulation from the knee down there, bucko.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh, you could call it that.

CAMERON: We put Tink on the cart that we have on the ship and pushed him out.

NICK: [grinning] yeah, he’s in a floating thing.

LAURA (as Xianna): We do need to find a doctor after this, and a real doctor, Tink. You are not a real doctor.

HUDSON (as Tink): Just give me the leg, I can do it myself.

NICK: [laughs]

LAURA (as Xianna): No! You can’t even reach that far.

HUDSON (as Tink): My grandmamma taught me to do stitches.

LAURA (as Xianna): No she did not.

HUDSON (as Tink): You’re right.

NICK: Val kinda looks at Tink.

AUSTIN (as Val): So hey… How ya doing?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, better now.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Val just kinda looks down, and looks back, and then looks down again.

CAMERON: Karma comes from the side, she had been turning off ship power and stuff and hadn’t come down the ramp yet, and just barrels into Jet and Juke… and knocks them down and makes a Nautolan pile.

NICK: Aww.

CHRIS (as Jet): Mom~! This is so embarrassing. Not in front of the hardened mercenaries.

LAURA (as Xianna): Hey Neato! Neato. Do you have any drugs?

NICK (as Neato): Oh, I put that game aside a long time ago.

LAURA (as Xianna): Damn it. Okay, well… never mind.

NICK (as Neato): Except for glitterstim, that one’s healthy.

LAURA (as Xianna): Oh hell yeah!

NICK (as Neato): It comes from a plant. It’s all natural.

LAURA (as Xianna): Well, I mean, impact comes from a plant too. No, glitterstim doesn’t come from a plant.

NICK (as Neato): I don’t like where glitterstim comes from. they told me they made a new one out of a special bush.

LAURA (as Xianna): You know what, sure, sure they did. Hand it over.

NICK (as Neato): You looking to party?

LAURA (as Xianna): Yes. I almost died like so many times.

NICK: Neato pulls out a file of glowing stuff and throws an arm over Xianna and they start to walk towards the beach a little bit.

CAMERON: Karma shifts slightly.

CAMERON (as Karma): Ow! Juke, what the kriff happened to your arm?

NICK: Juke looks up at Karma and rotates the arm, and you can see that he has a burnished metal arm that looks like it’s glowing at the joints on the inside like there’s dying coals in it, and it looks very nice.

ELI (as Juke): Well, uh, ran into some complications putting together this Beta Squad here, but it’s better than ever, mom. [chuckles] I punched a stormtrooper so hard that his helmet exploded.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, that is very cool.

ELI (as Juke): It’s super cool.

CAMERON (as Karma): I’m gonna kill Sentinel.

ELI (as Juke): Why? We were doing a job. It’s fine.

CAMERON (as Karma): This is not fine.

ELI (as Juke): It’s fine!

CAMERON (as Karma): It is not fine.

ELI (as Juke): Robot arms are where it’s at. Jet customized it! Sometimes it does cool electric stuff.

HUDSON (as Tink): If you’re gonna kill Sentinel let us know. We have plans.


NICK: HK is standing over at the sand watching this small, bright blue crab crawl in a circle. He looks up and waves an arm from the distance.

NICK (as HK): Kriff yeah!

ELI (as Juke): Mom, he’s the employer. We’re about to get paid out. I’m sure we’re never gonna have to deal with Sentinel again anyway. I don’t know why you’d be mad, I mean, you left me and Jet to go do our own thing. This is the thing we’re doing, and it must be a good deal because you’re doing it too.

CAMERON (as Karma): I just expected y’all to take jobs from more reputable people. He is not very good at giving instructions or providing enough information for the job, obviously, because you lost two crew members and then your arm, and then it’s just… this is not okay!

NICK: Jet rolls his eyes and looks at the sky and starts trying to get up.

CHRIS (as Jet): Well, I mean, he did tell us that he was working on sharing information better. I think that he really took our feedback to heart.

ELI (as Juke): So anyway. We win! We did it! Yay.

CAMERON (as Karma): Ugh…

NICK: Xianna and Neato are over doing glitterstim.

LAURA: Xianna and Neato are on their bellies on the sand staring at a little crab going back and forth and they’re each slowly poking at it and being like:

LAURA (as Xianna): Whoa… Look at it… It is like moving…

NICK (as Neato): I took glitterstim. I’m doing it with my mind.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LAURA (as Xianna): Yes! I am moving the crab with my mind, too.

CAMERON: Oh my gosh.

LAURA (as Xianna): We are speaking telepathically!

NICK (as Neato): No, I want it to go left. Stop making it go right, Xianna.

LAURA (as Xianna): But no, I want to make it go right. Stop it~!

NICK: There’s this weird vacuum-turning-on noise and the crab goes (popping poof) into a little cloud of blue dust and is gone.

LAURA (as Xianna): Neato!

NICK (as Neato): It’s because you pushed it the wrong way. Look what you did.

LAURA (as Xianna): [whining] Neato! Why did you do that?

HUDSON (as Tink): So Val, there’s this resort…


HUDSON (as Tink): …that I thought I had a great time there and maybe one day we could, um…

AUSTIN (as Val): Hey, that’s sweet.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah it is.

AUSTIN (as Val): Are you talking about with the whole group or with just you?

HUDSON (as Tink): [musically] Just the two of us.

AUSTIN (as Val): Sorry bud, you’re still not my type.

HUDSON (as Tink): Okay…

NICK: And Val walks off.

HUDSON: [musically] One is the loneliest number that—Okay.


CAMERON: Aww. Karma and the boys go over to join Tink because he’s all alone now.

NICK: Aw. They’re all chitchatting.

CAMERON: Juke’s talking about how nifty his new arm is and how cool Tink’s leg is gonna be.

NICK: And Jet’s flipping through a data pad trying to pull up the schematics of how he customized it to show you but he can’t find it because Juke was messing with it earlier. Myhliri steps in and calls the group back together, and you can see that there is a line of briefcases in the sand lined up next to their ship.

NICK (as Myhliri): Well, it’s all here. Each participant has the money they were promised in a briefcase. Sentinel dropped out of contact about five hours ago just before the conclusion of your mission, but if he needs you again I’m sure he’ll reach out. These ships were a little bonus he threw on top. We recommend that everybody go their own separate ways, at least for a while. Having just slapped the Empire in the face it may be best to lay low. Take your time, of course. There won’t be pursuit for a while, because the Empire is going to be reeling until this is over. Congratulations, everyone. This was a sight to behold.

NICK: Myhliri takes a second to make eye contact with each member of the group.

NICK (as Myhliri): It’s been an honor, truly.

NICK: They reach down and grab a briefcase. A little bit of sand floats away in the breeze highlighting gold in the sunset. You can see Myhliri’s name stenciled on the case in Aurebesh. Neato, who is still kind of influenced by the glitterstim, says:

NICK (as Neato): Well, would you look at that.

NICK: He points to the sun setting on the horizon. The bright sea reflects the light looking like a flock of suns in the water. We see the rest of the group, Beta Squad and Alpha Team stand shoulder to shoulder looking at the sunset, silhouettes standing together listening to the waves.

After a long moment of you all standing there as a group Val steps back from the line. She smiles slightly awkwardly at Tink and then warmly at the rest of the crew of the Afternoon Delight. She fist bumps Juke and hip checks Jet who chuckles, a wink at Neato, and she grabs the briefcase with her name on it and climbs up the access ramp into Stubs, the ship that was parked over by the other small ships. You can see that the cannon has been recently fired, which is interesting because you didn’t see that on the way out. It flies away with a loud rattle and a bang. So, when do you think each of your characters would leave the group?

LAURA: Oh, Xianna almost immediately goes and picks up a suitcase, does not check to see if it’s the correct name, just picks the closest one up and starts walking away to the Afternoon Delight.

CHRIS (as Jet): Hey, um, that’s actually, uh, heh, that’s my briefcase.

LAURA (as Xianna): Um, well no, the briefcases are for everyone.

CAMERON (as Karma): Xianna, yours has rhinestones on it over here.

LAURA (as Xianna): Ooh! Rhinestones? Okay. Heh.

CAMERON (as Karma): Look at how sparkly.

LAURA (as Xianna): Oh, they are so sparkly.

LAURA: She’s grabbing it and holding it up really intently.

LAURA (as Xianna): Ooh! They color shift!

CHRIS (as Jet): Thanks mom.

CAMERON (as Karma): You’re welcome, sweetie.

LAURA: Xianna goes and collects all of her stuff. It takes her a little bit because there’s a lot of weird hidden stashes throughout the ship, so she has to go through a bit and clear that all out. Then she pops into one of the vents and pulls out Creamsicle and a few things that Creamsicle had stashed away in a vent, and then heads back out to one of the other ships.

NICK: As Xianna is packing, Neato steps back from the group. He gives an exaggerated stretch and you can hear his joints popping, and he says quietly to himself…

NICK (as Neato): What a shindig.

NICK: …and shakes his head. He rubs at the strap on his eyepatch and takes his suitcase and then he’s into the ship and away. I think Neato and Xianna pretty much lift off at about the same time and fly off.

HUDSON: Yeah, I just kinda look out into space and I see what I think is a silhouette that turns into what looks like a Force ghost of Sabos, but it’s not a Force ghost because Sabos definitely didn’t have the Force.

CAMERON: [chuckles]

HUDSON: I look and I just kind of lift my hand up almost to touch it and Sabos says:

STEVEN (as Sabos): My only regret… is that I didn’t save more people with my head tails.


HUDSON: It fades away. I cart as though I’m in a canoe.

CAMERON: Good. Yes.

HUDSON: And I get my briefcase.

NICK: It says StarDestroyer1 on it.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh… They used my hacker name! [grinning] That’s so great.

HUDSON: I put it on the cart. I roll up to a ship and I just make my way on, slowly, very slowly because I’m injured. As I do I turn around and I do a slow wave to everybody.

HUDSON (as Tink): Bye~!

CAMERON: I wave back.

CAMERON (as Karma): Bye Tink~

NICK: HK raises a little hand.

NICK (as HK): Goodbye, Boss Man.

NICK: Tink is in the ship and takes off. Hank has been uncharacteristically fidgety as the team starts to leave. He looks down and says…

NICK (as HK): Would you look at that.

NICK: …and he picks up a briefcase that has his name on it. It says HK-67.

NICK (as HK): Well, I’ve carried out my part of the deal. I think it’s time to do some self-analysis. Things have been… weird.

CAMERON (as Karma): No kidding.

NICK (as HK): Find me if you have any organics to kill.

NICK: HK walks off and jumps into a ship and it just takes off straight up, like really jerkily, because he is not a good pilot, and then flies away. We’re down to Karma, Jet and Juke, and they’re smiling and looking out at the sunset, and karma’s looking at the sunset…

CHRIS (as Jet): So, I think that went pretty good…?

CAMERON (as Karma): I’ve definitely had jobs go worse.

CAMERON: Karma stares off into the distance.

CHRIS (as Jet): Well, I’m sure we’ll meet back on Glee Anselm soon, but we’re gonna go. We made a promise to meet some people.

CAMERON (as Karma): Yep. You’re expected there for your grandmother’s birthday.

CHRIS (as Jet): We’ll be there. We haven’t missed it yet.

CAMERON (as Karma): I just know that I’m obligated to tell you, so I’m telling you, so that I can say that I told you when she asks me.

NICK: Juke flexes.

ELI (as Juke): This time I’m gonna beat her. She always beats me when we wrestle.

CAMERON (as Karma): You’ve got the robot arm now.

ELI (as Juke): yeah! It’s a great opportunity.

CAMERON (as Karma): Don’t hurt your grandma.

ELI (as Juke): She hurts me!

NICK: They both hop into the last two of the little needle craft and they take off and they fly and they kinda intersect, like spin around each other as they fly off. You can tell they’re racing, and they’re off into space, probably headed back to pick up the Gemini, and it’s just Karma with the Afternoon Delight. There’s the Afternoon Delight and there’s one more needle craft and they’re both sitting there on the beach. What do you do?

CAMERON: Karma turns away from the sunset and is staring, looking back and forth between the two… and then nods and walks towards the Afternoon Delight and the ramp closes up, and then all the lights come on, and she takes off.

NICK: As the Afternoon Delight lifts from the beach we see the sun dip completely below the horizon. The sky drifts darker, sky spread across the heavens, and then we fade to black. The end.

[music gently fades]


ALL: Ba-naaa~! Whoa-oh, for the longest time~! [singing, everyone simultaneously sings a different actual verse of the song or attempted Star Wars parody]

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you’ve enjoyed our show please consider logging onto iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show and every time we get one the squad sings a love ballad just for you. If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites: Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Build-A-Beru which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Valorissia Creed is played by Austin Wittington. You’re not going to find him on the internet, but you can find him on our Discord so stop by and say howdy.

Juke Nailo is played by Eli Kurtz. You can find him at @ZapDynamic on Twitter, and don’t forget to check out his freshly launched Kickstarter. Oligarchy is a tabletop RPG of political folly powered by the Trophy RPG system and campaigning on Kickstarter until February 24. There’s a link in the show notes.

Jet Nailo is played by Chris Russell. You can find him on Twitter and Instagram at @techdudetx.

Sabos Niks was played by Steven Schroeder. He’s been blown up by a star destroyer and does not exist on the internet.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. They can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad, and join our Discord and share all of your food and cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find the link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next season.

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