Transcript: Episode 51 Attack of the Cafeteria

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 51:
Attack of the Cafeteria

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

{Transcriber’s Note: During the recording of this episode only the four cast members were present. Nick spoke dialogue for the prior special guest characters who later recorded their versions of the lines for post-production, so they are tagged as speaking in the text.}

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

Starting off, I want to thank Riiichard for your very kind words on iTunes. Your review helps more people find the show, and we appreciate you taking the time to tell people about us.

I want to take a second to mention that if you are caught up on Tabletop Squadron and want more stories from us, we have quite a few episodes for our $5 and up patrons and a metric ton of new content in the works for the next few months. If you are able to support us, I strongly recommend that you check it out.

This episode is the second to last before our season finale in two weeks! We’re all super pumped to bring the end of this arc to you all and are ecstatic that you came along for the ride. We’re really looking forward to sharing some extra content in between seasons and showing you what lies ahead.

Music this week is GIGA METAL by Loyalty Freak Music, Pocket Zombie by Flex Vector, and 8-bit Core by Manuel Senfft.

So now, let’s get into the episode.


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Tabletop Squadron, Episode 51! We did it… again plus one.


NICK: Yay! It’s so great.



NICK: Yay. Well, aren’t we awesome? Everything’s going fine. I’m your hosting game master, Nick. Let’s go around the table, everybody introduce themselves and say who you’re playing today, starting with Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi, I’m Hudson, and I play Tink, a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: Up next we’ve got Laura.

LAURA: Hello. I’m Laura, and I play Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: And last… but not least, we have Cameron.

CAMERON: [snickers] Hello. I am Cameron, and I play Karma Nailo, a Nautolan bounty hunter.

NICK: Fantastic. Before we get started, let’s do the Destiny Roll~!

CAMERON: Two dark side.

HUDSON: Two light side.

LAURA: One dark side.

CAMERON: Good job, Hudson.

HUDSON: I did it.

NICK: [laughs]

LAURA: Thank you, Hudson.

CAMERON: Thank you, Hudson.

HUDSON: It’s all skill.

NICK: [laughs] So, when we last left off you were given your big, final assignment from Sentinel. Your job was to go to a small, unmarked moon and receive your mission where you met with Mylhiri, the Cathar spy, who gave you the coordinates and approach vector for the Fondor Shipyards where your goal is to destroy the plans for the large-scale project they’re working on there and hopefully destroy any backups or other records of that plan anywhere else, long-term goal being to make the Empire assign star destroyers to protect the shipyards and therefore leave the large space station they’ve just unveiled that can destroy planets exposed so Rebels can destroy it. You are also launching this assault as part of a joint team with Beta Squad who have also just made contact with the station. The last thing that we saw was the ship very stealthily locking into place on the airlock that you had been directed towards, all of the lights turned red on your ship, and a voice said “Assault entry in 30 seconds.” That’s where we left off. HK, their gun is spinning up.

NICK (as HK): Adulation: That’s what I’m talking about.

NICK: HK is up next to the door. What all do you do?

[action music starts]

HUDSON: I spin my vibro-axe like someone who’s a color guard member right out of school.

NICK: Nice.

CAMERON: Karma jumps up out of the pilot seat.

CAMERON (as Karma): I have never seen a ship do this before, but grab y’all’s stuff,, it appears we’re going in… in 24 seconds.

LAURA (as Xianna): What does it mean assault? What?

HUDSON (as Tink): Well, I mean, there’s like a pepper and then other things you can put on food.

LAURA (as Xianna): Tink! It is not the time for that!

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: There’s a hollow clang as HK hits his head against the bulkhead by the door.

CAMERON (as Karma): My guess would be some sort of explosion is about to happen in the bulkhead to allow us to enter into the facility.

HUDSON (as Tink): HK, you wanna move back a little bit?

CAMERON (as Karma): The red lights usually mean explosions.

NICK (as HK): Statement: I’m good right here. (gun charging whoosh)

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay.

NICK: We cut to outside the ship. We see the interior of the shipyard corridor. Two rows of stormtroopers are pressed against the walls in what cover they can find. There’s the low radio chatter of the troops as they check their weapons, aimed at the closed door. Abruptly, two lines of bright red fire on both sides of the sealed door ignite. They move quickly around the perimeter. The doorway is filled with smoke. There’s a flash of an explosion and sparks shoot outward towards the stormtroopers forcing them to look away from the bright light. A thick smokescreen makes it impossible to see through the door. So, as the explosions happens and kicks out, Xianna flips on her scanner goggles.

NICK (as HK): Excited Statement: Suppressing fire.

NICK: We see from the stormtroopers’ perspective just blaster bolts start flying out down the corridor. I’m gonna need you to make a roll, please. It’s going to be two green and two yellow and average difficulty.

CAMERON: Is he aiming?

NICK: Not with the Suppressing Fire skill. [chuckles]

CAMERON: Welp… Two successes, one advantage.

NICK: Okay. That’s going to be two black dice on any attacks that these stormtroopers make for the first round or as long as Suppressing Fire is running. Help me remember that. Now we need to roll Vigilance. It’s initiative time! Da-da-da~ [humming a tune]

CAMERON: Oh yeah, that’s something we do. … Karma just got three advantages.

LAURA: I got a success and one advantage.

HUDSON: I had one advantage.

CAMERON: HK got a triumph, a success, and an advantage.

NICK: Okay, and then the stormtroopers, there are two groups of five, so that will be three yellows twice.

CAMERON: First grouping is three successes, one advantage. Second grouping is one success, three advantages.

NICK: Cool. Up first is an NPC slot. The stormtroopers return fire. They can’t really see, so they’re gonna have a black die through all this smoke plus the two black dice from being Suppressing Fire’d, but they are rolling three yellows.

CAMERON: One failure, one advantage.

NICK: Okay. They’ll spend the advantage to give somebody a black die on their next check. They are shooting back, and blaster bolts are pinging through the smoke towards you all. you’ve had very little time to prepare. The ship kind of just did this automatically, almost as if it was originally designed for an action like this back before it was given to you, so you’re forced to duck out of the way and it does throw you off your preparations to head down this hallway, but they don’t hit anybody which is pretty great. Up next is a PC slot. Does anybody feel super pumped and excited about fighting this whole hallway full of stormtroopers?

CAMERON: I will shoot them.

NICK: Okay. Karma?

CAMERON: I am pumped about shooting them.

HUDSON: Wait. What if—Are they grouped up kind of close still because it’s the first…?

NICK: There’s two lines of five leaning up against the walls, kind of arrayed down the hallway.

HUDSON: What if I just put a grenade in each hand and throw them?

LAURA: If you have grenades.

HUDSON: I do. We’re gonna do… I have two frag grenades and three stun grenades.

CAMERON: They’re stormtroopers, kill ‘em.

HUDSON: Alright. Both frag grenades are being used.

NICK: Okay. That’s gonna be average difficulty. It’s Ranged: Light which you’re super great at.

HUDSON: [laughing] No I’m not.

CAMERON: [laughing] Nuh-uh!

NICK: It’s okay though, all his points went into hacking and axes, so of course—

CAMERON: So let’s use grenades!

NICK: Let’s use grenades, yeah.

HUDSON: Let’s use grenades! So, what was it again?

NICK: It’s going to be three purples, because you’re upgrading it for dual wielding.

CAMERON: But then you also have a black die from the stormtroopers.

NICK: Getting shot at, yeah.

HUDSON: Alright, here’s my composition.

NICK: Would you like to maybe flip a light side point to try and upgrade one of those suckers?

HUDSON: Yeah, sure. Let’s do a light side point. Upgrade one of them.

CAMERON: [snickers, laughs]

HUDSON: [stammers] To the audience, I was juggling them and almost lost them all. Two successes, four threats.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Okay, so only one of the grenades goes off, or hits, because you need two advantages to activate the other weapon, but you throw both so it looks cool. How much damage does a grenade do? I feel like it’s 5.

HUDSON: Eight per grenade.

NICK: Eight per grenade. So, you’re going to kill one of them. Tell me how you throw the grenades and how it blows up a stormtrooper. What does this look like?

CAMERON: Remember to remove the pins.

HUDSON: As majestic as an ice skater, I do a 180 spin… no, I do a 360 spin. That makes a lot more sense, otherwise I’m throwing them into the ship.

CAMERON: [giggles]

HUDSON: I do a 360 spin, and as I get to the 360th degree I click the pins out with my thumbs and I throw them like I’m about to do a dance, and I throw them straight out.

NICK: Okay. We again get the perspective of the stormtroopers.

NICK (as Stormtrooper): Keep firing! Keep them out of the hallway!

NICK: Just two grenades come whizzing out and they land.

NICK (as Stormtrooper): Take cover!

NICK: But one of the stormtroopers doesn’t move fast enough and just gets blown and smashes into the wall and falls down. The hallway is now more full of smoke. As you’re doing your spin, they do continue to shoot and some of the blaster bolts go right past your ears, like just almost hit you in the face, and you duck out of the way and lose your balance and fall prone [dramatic bass noise], so that’s good. HK stands above you and continues to fire out through the smoke, trying to provide cover for you, but you are currently on the ground. They are going to have a blue die on their next shot, because the way the grenades flew out kind of helped them triangulate where you’re coming in. Up next is another PC slot.

LAURA: There’s still smoke?

NICK: Yeah.

LAURA: I mean, Xianna has scanner goggles on.

NICK: Yeah, the smoke’s not gonna affect you.

LAURA: Yeah. I’m gonna shoot at the closest one, because Xianna can then see which one is the closest one.

NICK: Yeah, that makes sense. Are you staying in the ship or are you moving up at all?

LAURA: Yeah, Xianna would stay in the ship, and then aim. How far away?

NICK: Medium range.

LAURA: That’s a triumph with its success, four more successes, and two threats.

NICK: Hmm. How much damage does your gun do, 5?

LAURA: It does 6.

NICK: Six, so you kill three stormtroopers. Do you shoot towards the group that got grenaded or towards the group that had not yet been grenaded?

LAURA: Are they both the same distance?

NICK: Yeah. They’re lined up parallel down this hallway.

LAURA: Whichever one had not been grenaded.

NICK: So, that’s really good. How do you bring down three stormtroopers before ducking back out of the way?

LAURA: Two are just lined up so that the one shot just goes through both of them, and then it kind of ricochets off a metal panel and gets the third.

[music fades]

NICK: [chuckling] So just one really lucky shot.

LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: Nice. Do you say anything when you see that happen?

LAURA (as Xianna): Ha. Nice.

NICK: Cool. Up next is an NPC slot. The other stormtrooper group is going to go. I think they’re going to move up to short range relying on their peers to cover them. they are only rolling three greens now, not three yellows, because they have been shredded pretty thoroughly by that. Xianna, I think that’s probably why you shot them, is they were trying to move up and you hit them pretty easily.

CAMERON: They still have their two black dice and they have the blue die from Tink’s threat.

NICK: Yep, and they’re going to just shoot into the smoke. We’ll see if they hit anything.

CAMERON: Yeah, they hit something. They also fall down. Three successes and three threats.

NICK: Okay. Gosh, this could hurt. So three successes means they have 11 damage coming out. It’s gonna be pretty much random because they can’t see in there. I’m thinking of a number between one and ten.




NICK: Roll me a Force die, because it’s either gonna be Xianna or HK.

CAMERON: A dark side.

NICK: Yeah, so let’s roll a black die. We’ll say it hits Xianna.

CAMERON: No change.

NICK: It didn’t do anything.

LAURA: Come on, dice!

NICK: So that’s 11 damage minus your Soak.

LAURA: Okay, my whole Soak of… 2.

CAMERON: [laughs] Ooh!

NICK: Ooh… You okay?

LAURA: Um… so I take 9 damage.

NICK: Ohh… You’re still conscious.

LAURA: I got 4 points left.

NICK: Ouch.

CAMERON: This is a great way to start this.

NICK: Ohh. Xianna, I think you go “Nice!” and you go to duck out of the way, and they use the angle of your shot and just… It’s like all the stormtroopers were like a finely trained military unit and they all just hit you at once, and Xianna gets blasted. It’s not good.

LAURA: Xianna kind of falls back and immediately checks to make sure that Creamsicle was not also shot, because Creamsicle is in the coat. It probably has a massive hole in a shoulder.

NICK: You reach into the pocket with Creamsicle and Creamsicle pokes her head out and licks your finger.

LAURA (as Xianna): [weakly] Okay… I am glad you are not dead, Creamsicle. You would be so dead. You are so small.

NICK: She bears her teeth towards the stormtroopers as the smoke starts to dissipate.

LAURA (as Xianna): You cannot fight them. You are too small.

NICK: We have a PC slot up next. So, would Karma like to…? You see Xianna get peppered with blaster bolts and go down to a knee.

CAMERON: Yup. Karma’s gonna look down her scope on her carbine which allows her to see heat signatures, so she can see through the smoke, and is going to use a maneuver to aim at the stormtrooper that got Xianna, and is going to shoot them with her carbine.

NICK: Makes sense.

CAMERON: Unfortunately, they have all gone this encounter already. Well, okay, this is a fun day. Four successes, two advantages, and two triumphs.

NICK: Huh. Okay. Four successes? How much damage does your gun do?

CAMERON: Nine plus 4 plus another 4 for my successes.

NICK: That’s five stormtroopers, and there are six left, so would you like to completely clear out one of the groups and pretty badly hurt the other group?

CAMERON: Yeah. I think one group still has four, the other has two, right?

NICK: Yep.

CAMERON: Yep, so… going to just shoot down the line that has the four in it, and then as I’m shooting one of them shoots across the hallway and shoots a friend as they’re dying.

NICK: [laughs] Okay. You just lay down heavy fire and take them down very systematically.

CAMERON: Pew, pew, pew, pew, PEW!

CAMERON (as Karma): Xianna, are you okay?

LAURA (as Xianna): No, not really, I think I am dying.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay great.

LAURA (as Xianna): But I have some stim packs so I think I will be alive soon. Also Creamsicle was fine.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay good. Why is Creamsicle with you?!

LAURA (as Xianna): Because she’s in my coat.

CAMERON (as Karma): Put her back on the ship.

LAURA: Xianna reaches over, opens a grate to the ship and smooshes Creamsicle into it and then closes the grate.

LAURA (as Xianna): Go now~ Hide.

CAMERON: Be safe.

NICK: Creamsicle gives the same affronted look a cat gives you when you try to push them out of a room and then waddles away into the vents of the ship. That brings us to our last PC slot which is…


NICK: HK. I think HK’s gonna actually shoot. Two yellow and two green.

CAMERON: Is he gonna aim because he’s just shooting at one?

NICK: Yeah, he’ll aim this time. The Suppressing Fire stops.

NICK (as HK): Assessing threats. Firing.

NICK: And takes a shot.

CAMERON: Two successes.

NICK: Two successes! The stormtrooper has stopped shooting and is starting to back up and try to get to cover. The firing stops.

NICK (as Stormtrooper): Oh… Wait. Wait, wait!

NICK: (firing noises) And the stormtrooper flies back down the hallway and it falls silent. We get a shot of the four of you stepping out of this smoking doorway and stepping over the fallen bodies of the stormtroopers and starting to walk down the hallway. HK nudges one of the stormtroopers with his foot and they don’t move, and nods to himself, and you all are able to continue onward. Good job.


NICK: I’m proud of y’all.

CAMERON: Let’s stim pack Xianna.

NICK: Yeah, so you have a moment of quiet in this hallway now that the stormtroopers are done.

LAURA: Yeah. Xianna jabs two stim packs into her and that would bring her back up to full health.

NICK: So Xianna looks worse for wear but is able to function.


NICK: Ugh, just the smile and wild eyed as there’s a big hole in Xianna’s shoulder.

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

NICK: Cool. After Xianna pauses to jab a couple of auto-injectors into her shoulder, we’re going to cut away from the space station for a second.

[tense music starts]

We see a scene of a dim street. The surroundings look like a mega-city. We see Sentinel floating along in his chair. His robe is pulled tight around him. His protocol droid waddles quietly at his side. As they turn a corner, the droid leans in.

NICK (as Droid): Sir, situational report. Both teams have breached the perimeter and are inbound.

[tense music fades]

NICK: We jump back to the Alpha Team standing amongst the smoke and rubble of their entry after Xianna has made herself a little bit more functional. Now that you have cleared this hallway, what do you do? How are you going to locate the server  room? What are you working on here?

HUDSON: I flip a switch on this piece of electronics I have on my side and then suddenly [hums a tune resembling early video games].

[heavy techno music starts]

HUDSON (as Tink): Hey guys, I got this music for when we’re running across.

LAURA (as Xianna): Did you get your own theme song?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yes, and I can get one for everyone else, too. I found this website.

CAMERON (as Karma): I mean, we are supposed to be loud.

NICK (as HK): Pick me. Pick me. Pick me.

LAURA (as Xianna): Yes, give Hank a theme song. I do not want one.

HUDSON (as Tink): It’ll have to be later. I don’t have my holo-net with me.

CAMERON (as Karma): Why would you offer right now then?

HUDSON (as Tink): No, I would offer it—This is a future offer. We’re in the middle of a mission.

NICK (as HK): Musical Recitation: [simulates house music]

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON (as Tink): I think HK has it handled.

LAURA (as Xianna): Hank can just make his own theme song.

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s exactly what I think.

NICK (as HK): Some say that my blaster bolts sing.

LAURA (as Xianna): I mean, I wouldn’t say that, but it was a cool song.

NICK (as HK): [gun charging up noise]

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, okay, there’s nobody to shoot right now.

LAURA (as Xianna): Well no, you should make that a part of the song.

HUDSON (as Tink): It could be like a solo.

NICK (as HK): Speculative Statement: Let’s see what happens when the beat drops. (wub, wub, wub)

LAURA (as Xianna): Do you blow up?

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, Tink, you computer. Where do you… Towards the center, does that seem like where the computers would be?

HUDSON (as Tink): If I was building a server room, where would I put it…? I’d put it on the second level, to prevent flooding…

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON (as Karma): That’s a big issue in space.

LAURA (as Xianna): Tink, it isn’t…

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah.

CAMERON (as Karma): This is a floating space station.

HUDSON (as Tink): Listen. This is if I was designing it, okay? It could be landed, and then a flood could happen.

LAURA (as Xianna): No, this actually cannot be landed. It is far too big. It has to be in space.

CAMERON (as Karma): Kinda lives up here.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh.

LAURA (as Xianna): Because they have to build the ships in space because they’re so big.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ships, in, space~!


LAURA (as Xianna): Yes, I know that is your favorite book, but not at this time.

HUDSON (as Tink): You’re right. I shouldn’t. I’m getting off topic. Okay, so basically yes, second floor, and then what else would I do? I would go ahead and put it… yeah, the middle of the ship, that sounds right. I would go left, but I love—I don’t love left, I’m just saying like, the left side—

LAURA (as Xianna): Okay, he has no idea.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay great.

CAMERON: [laughs]

[techno music fades]

NICK: So, we zoom out as Tink is talking and it shows the Fondor Shipyards which are, like I said, a big donut if you stuck aircraft carriers, three of them, into the perimeter of the donut. You can actually see that two of them don’t have any ships on them, they’re blank, and you can see the outline of a really, really big star destroyer. It’s taking up the space that four normal ones would take up. It’s like they’ve just started building it and setting up where it’s going to go. The Afternoon Delight did not land against those. From this aerial view the audience can see a squat military craft that now you would recognize as Stubs, the cannon ship that Val uses, stuck against one of those aircraft carrier looking arms, and there’s a smoking explosion coming from over there. The Afternoon Delight is on the opposite side, the one that does have a mostly completed star destroyer parked up against it. As Tink is talking there’s a red dashed line being overlaid over the ship moving in towards the middle, and he says “on the second floor” and the dot shifts to one side, and then comes back, and then as you all are talking and arguing over where it’s going to go there’s like an X in towards the middle, so it’s just outlining what your assault path is going to be based on what you’re talking about.

HUDSON: That’s for the audience only.

NICK: That’s for the audience, but it’s just kinda like a summary of you all debating on where to go.

HUDSON: Can I roll Perception and if I get really good on it find a map on the wall?

NICK: Sure.

HUDSON: Like a kind of directional map where it’s like “You are here.”

NICK: Well, I was thinking, as you’re the expert for server rooms and stuff you could probably roll Computers to figure out based on the ship’s infrastructure where to go.

HUDSON: Great. What’s the difficulty of me knowing where the server room is?

NICK: Probably hard, because this is a private corporation system. It’s not standard.

HUDSON: [rolls]

CAMERON: Can he aim?


HUDSON: Ooh, a failure and three advantages.

NICK: Ohh… Okay.

HUDSON: This was a bad idea.

NICK: Yeah, so you don’t know exactly where the server room is.

HUDSON: So I don’t find that map, of course. [gasps] Except, however…

NICK: You can reroll a Computers check. That is true.


NICK: Are you going to use that? Once per session, can reroll a Computers check.

HUDSON: I’m using it for this part. [laughs]

CAMERON: We just have to make sure that we don’t get you to a computer this session.

HUDSON: I can still do it.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON: A triumph with a success, an additional success, and an advantage.

NICK: Wow. Okay. You get pretty much everything you want. Very quickly, you’re looking at it, this is like a basic space station that has been modified and modified and modified. You’re like, oh, the server room is usually located in this kind of general area.

HUDSON: While I’m fumbling around speaking about where I think it is, I’m kinda darting my eyes back and forth and I see this plastic panel on the wall with something under it that’s written and looks like a map. I just stop talking and I walk over to it and I squint.

HUDSON (as Tink): Hey. This is a map of the ship.

NICK: [laughs]

LAURA (as Xianna): Wait, they just have a map of their ship just on the wall?

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah. This is like a theme park style map with little figures and—

CAMERON (as Karma): Oh, there’s the star that says you are here.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, exactly.

LAURA (as Xianna): That is so useful.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah. We know where the bathrooms are now.

NICK (as HK): Observation: This is an emergency evacuation map. While useful, it is not designed for tourists.

HUDSON (as Tink): Oh.

CAMERON (as Karma): Eh…

LAURA (as Xianna): Well, I mean, it is still going to give us some idea.

HUDSON (as Tink): Yeah, and I see the server room is located here. It has that little picture of a server.

CAMERON (as Karma): And now we know the path everyone’s gonna take when we cause an emergency.

NICK: That’s true. We get the overview again with the red beeping line and the red dot, and a little chibi Tink shakes his head and draws a blue beeping line and a dot somewhere probably a quarter rotation of the station around and points at that, and we zoom back in. You know where to go. [laughs] You found a map. Good job. What a solution.

CAMERON (as Karma): Alright, let’s go that way.

LAURA (as Xianna): Okay. Tink can go in front. I will stand behind you.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright. One more idea, hear me out. We could go that path that I just kinda felt like God was drawing a second ago, but I don’t know, whatever. We could go that path or we can do a shortcut by making a hole in the wall.

CAMERON (as Karma): So…

LAURA (as Xianna): That will draw attention to us.

CAMERON (as Karma): We do want to be loud. We are trying to distract from Beta Squad.

LAURA (as Xianna): True.

CAMERON (as Karma): But I feel like the more fights we get in, in the main corridors, the louder.

HUDSON (as Tink): That’s true. Alright, let’s take the path, the path that most will travel including us.

CAMERON (as Karma): Cool.

LAURA (as Xianna): Okie.

CAMERON (as Karma): The hallways.

HUDSON (as Tink): The hallways, not the vents or anything else.

NICK: As you continue down this walkway, it’s probably a mile or two down this big, long entry way. You basically came in at the end of one of those aircraft carrier looking extensions. You know that most of the important stuff is going to be in the main ring. This whole area is all just construction equipment and storage for building the star destroyer that’s parked next to it. You’re able to continue down there. It’s surprisingly quiet. After your explosive entry there aren’t really any alarms going off. You don’t run into any more stormtroopers. I think there’s a couple of near misses as stormtroopers patrol by, but you just let them go so you can get closer. You find yourselves as you exit this main walkway in a large, open cafeteria commissary. There’s the long, white tables with little stools seated around them. you can see a stainless steel kitchen against the far wall. It’s got multiple entries leading into it, big square open doors with no doors, just entryways. As you walk in you see setting up in the doorway there are three armed Human men in what look like security uniforms with large repeating blasters on tripods, and they aim at you, and you can hear one of them say:

NICK (as Human): Halt! Those are the intruders. Stop there!

NICK: What do you do?

CAMERON: Shoot them.

HUDSON: Shoot them.

LAURA: Duck for cover.

NICK: Karma snaps her rifle to her shoulder, Tink looks at Karma and says “shoot them,” and Xianna goes “nope” and dives off into cover as quickly as possible. I’m gonna need another initiative roll out of everybody. Vigilance!

CAMERON: Karma got two successes.

LAURA: A triumph, a success, and an advantage.

HUDSON: Two successes.

CAMERON: HK got four successes.

NICK: They’re gonna be a yellow and two greens.

CAMERON: Three successes and an advantage. Three successes, two advantages. Four successes, two advantages.

NICK: Okay!

CAMERON: I don’t like these guys. They’re competent.

NICK: We have an NPC slot, a PC slot, two NPC slots – that’s gonna be really bad, and then three PC slots. One thing that I wanna call out is we do have a triumph there. Do you wanna spend the triumph to add anything to the scene, Laura?

LAURA: Ooh. What do we wanna add?

CAMERON: Cover for us might be good, because they have really big guns. [laughs]

LAURA: Yeah.

HUDSON: The tables are set up in a way we could just flip them up.

LAURA: The tables are set up in a way that they can be easily flipped over and they appear to be made from a heavy metal that’s very industrial.

NICK: It’s definitely repurposed scraps of star destroyer armor that they reused to make furniture, so it’s very thick and heavy, and a little top-heavy so it’s easy to kick the legs out and make some cover. Good idea. First up is an NPC slot. As Karma snaps her rifle to bear the guy with the tripod the most set up says…

NICK (as Human): Firing!

NICK: …and he turns the large gun and shoots at Karma, because she’s gonna try to shoot him. He is two yellows and a green, average difficulty.

CAMERON: I would like to Dodge.

NICK: Okay. what does Dodge do?

CAMERON: When targeted in combat you can perform a Dodge incidental. Suffer strain no greater than ranks in Dodge to upgrade the difficulty of the attack by that number. I’m gonna suffer 2 strain because I have 2 ranks in Dodge.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: I’m going to upgrade the difficulty by two, so it’s two reds instead of two purples.

NICK: Smart.

CAMERON: A failure and a despair!

NICK: Okay! Do you want to use the despair that the cover is all set up for everybody else and that it doesn’t hit you? Or do you want to use the despair that his gun jams?

HUDSON: I was thinking that one.

CAMERON: Yeah, I kinda want his gun to explode.

NICK: It will jam. It’s not gonna just catastrophically fail.

HUDSON: [laughs]

CAMERON: I want it to catastrophically fail, though.

NICK: I understand that you would like it to. So, the gun starts to spin up and we get this long shot of Karma looking down the scope at this guy and him looking down the iron sights of this giant gun at her, and then he pulls the trigger, it fires one blaster that goes above Karma’s shoulder and her head tails flap in the blast, and she doesn’t move, and then the gun goes (stuck clicking).

NICK (as Human): Ohh kriff…

NICK: And it’s a PC slot.

CAMERON: I would like to shoot him.

NICK: That seems fair.

CAMERON: Three successes, two advantages.

NICK: Oh, I forgot about that damage boost. Okay, you kill that guy.

CAMERON: Can I shoot his gun and have it explode?

NICK: Yes. You can shoot his gun and have it explode.

CAMERON: Yay! [laughs]

NICK: You hit the small, exposed blaster pack on the side and it fizzes for a second, and you see a look of relief on the guy’s face, and then it explodes, throwing him out of the room. His two peers, while buffeted by the smoke, are still okay and they are going to also shoot. One of them shoots at Tink, so it’ll be the same roll that they made before.

CAMERON: A success and an advantage.

NICK: Ooh, buddy. That’s gonna be 12 damage aimed at Tink.

HUDSON: I… defend! [laughter] Nah, I can’t. I don’t have it.

CAMERON: I block it with my axe!

NICK: You do get to subtract your Brawn.

HUDSON: What’s the damage again?

NICK: Twelve.


NICK: Minus your Soak, so you have -3, so 9.


NICK: Yeah, so that one hits Tink. I think it hits Tink in the quad. There’s a streak of blaster bolts as they bring this big heavy blaster to bear and it comes tracing up the floor and hits you in the leg and knocks your leg back.

HUDSON (as Tink): Owwie.

NICK: [laughs] It is the other NPC slot. At this time, as both these guns are going off simultaneously, your coms light up. You hear a voice over a shared channel.

NICK (as Neato): Alpha Team, ring-a-ling from Beta Squad. Come in. We’re in a bit of a fracas here with some government stooges of the armored variety over here. Our tech head is trying to get the security system shut down, but there’s too much fire. Can we get a leg over here? Some kind of whoop-de-doo? We just need this door to open.

CAMERON: [laughs]

LAURA (as Xianna): Um, it is very impolite to just ask for a whoop-de-doo, like, you know, over the coms.

CAMERON (as Karma): Tink, give Neato a whoop-de-doo.

LAURA (as Xianna): I also don’t know if that is the appropriate time for one. Like, there’s setup involved for a whoopsie-do.

NICK (as Neato): No, a whoop-de-doo, like some sort of tactical assistance.

NICK: You can hear blasters firing.

LAURA (as Xianna): Ohh! A whoop-de-doo. A whoopsie-do is different. It’s a big difference.

NICK (as Neato): Oh! Whoa! You’re gonna offend my delicate sensibilities.

LAURA (as Xianna): I’m sorry. I thought you said whoopsie-do.

NICK: You can hear another voice on the coms saying:

CHRIS (as Jet): Hey. I’m doing my best here, Neato. Give me a second. I’m pinned down. If you could just keep this guy from shooting me—

NICK (as Neato): No can do, tech head. I’m keeping the other ones off our backs. We’re gonna have to rely on Alpha Team for this.

NICK: The coms click off. So, they are pinned down somewhere. If you could get some sort of access to a computer system you might be able to see what’s going on and open a door to get them a way out, but they are stuck.

HUDSON: I wobble out the door.

NICK: Okay. Well, it’s not your turn in initiative, so it’ll take a second.

CAMERON: [giggles]

NICK: At this point, as that conversation’s going, we’re gonna see how that other shot goes.

CAMERON: Who are they shooting at?

NICK: HK, because he’s scary.

CAMERON: A success and two advantages.

NICK: So that’s another 12 damage going at HK. Oh, he actually has Soak, good for him.

LAURA: Good for him.

NICK: I mean, he is now doing very poorly anyway. If he didn’t have Soak he’d be dead. These guns, very bad. It is now a PC slot in the initiative. Tink, do you want to try and charge these goons or are you gonna try to find a computer thing, or Xianna do you want to shoot? Who wants to use this PC slot?

LAURA: Xianna can shoot.

NICK: Okay, from the cover that Xianna ran to.

LAURA: Coming out of cover, how far away is she from the nearest person?

NICK: Medium range. They’re on the far side of the room.

LAURA: Okay.

NICK: You could use a movement to get to short range and try to get cover. So, if you use a movement you can get to short range, if you push yourself and do two maneuvers I’ll let you kick one of these tables into more cover and you could shoot from close range if you want to. These guys do look kind of tough. They are wearing armored breastplates over their security uniforms. They might be a little harder to bring down than a stormtrooper. But, I mean, you saw Karma do it, she made it look pretty straightforward.

LAURA: Yeah. Xianna’s gonna run in, kick a table, and then shoot from behind there.

NICK: Cool. Do you parkour over some of the tables as you get closer like a cool person?

LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: Cool. [laughs]

CAMERON: Slides across a table.

LAURA: It’s a very cool sliding over the hood of a car, except it’s over a table, and does end up with some salt shakers in the pockets.

NICK: [laughs]

HUDSON: Pocket salt! Hey!

LAURA: Hey, pocket salt is effective. Okay, what do I shoot with? Okay. That would become short range?

NICK: Yep, so just one.

LAURA: Ha. Two successes and one advantage, so that’s 8 damage.

NICK: Well, you hurt him. He’s not happy. He doesn’t go down, but it does knock him back away from the blaster and you can see smoke rising up from the gut wound. I think you hit him below the armored chest plate, so he’s not real happy about that. Did you have advantages you said?

LAURA: I had one.

NICK: So he’ll have a black die on his next shot, because he got shot and is not a fan. Another PC slot up.

HUDSON: I’ll do it. Are their blasters on like three or four legs kind of a thing, like machine gun style?

NICK: Yeah.

[heavy techno music resumes]

HUDSON: I pick up a table with both hands and I run toward the guns and I go WAAAH and I knock over all the guns with the table.


NICK: Oh no. I think that’s probably an Athletics check to pick up a big table and run at them. I’ll give you a blue die, because it makes me happy.


CAMERON: What’s the difficulty?

NICK: Hard. It’s a big table made out of star destroyer armor. We already established that.

HUDSON: Four successes and two threats.

NICK: Holy cow! Are you kidding me?

LAURA: He got really close to falling prone.

NICK: Aww. Okay, so you are able to pick up this table, run with the legs pointing forward. The way they’re set up you’re not able to hit both of them right now, but you definitely do take the legs of one of the gun tripods out and it falls to the ground. They don’t know what to do. They’re just like standing there, and you hit that guy with the table. Would you like to make a Melee check with the table since you’re running over him right now?

HUDSON: Sure. Yes.

NICK: This is going to be, I’m gonna say, let’s upgrade the difficulty. It’s a normal Melee check of two purples, but we’re gonna make one of those a red because you’re using a big table and running and trying to do it through a gun.

HUDSON: One success?

NICK: One success. We’ll say the damage of the table is a 2. I don’t know. So, 2 + 1 is 3 plus your Brawn is 3, so 6 damage as you hit this guy with the table. Good job, was not expecting that at all. It is the one who Xianna didn’t shoot. You were trying to distract him.

[techno music stops]

HUDSON: Got it.

NICK: His gun is on the ground which will make it much harder for him to shoot. Nice tactics, y’all. Over the coms you hear:

ELI (as Juke): Hey, uh, any day now with that support. We’re really pinned down here.

NICK: And we roll to the next PC which is going to be HK. HK doesn’t do the auto-fire thing, he just pulls the gun up and lines up a shot and takes a shot at these people. Average difficulty. We’ll say he aims, though. He’s a good droid, he knows how to aim.

CAMERON: Five successes and one advantage.

NICK: Ooh, okay. He takes out the rest of the guy that Xianna was shooting. The guy’s staggering back towards his gun, trying to bring it to bear on Tink, and HK just shoots him under the arm where the armor doesn’t cover and the guy just drops.

NICK (as HK): Target eliminated. You’re welcome.

NICK: And, we’re back to the top. NPC slot. That guy’s dead. PC slot.

CAMERON (as Karma): Tink, do you wanna technology?

NICK: I mean, he’s holding a table beating someone with it right now.

HUDSON (as Tink): What would I technology against?

CAMERON (as Karma): You’d go and find a console to login to go and open the door for Beta Squad.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ohh. Yeah.

HUDSON: I look around for a console.

NICK: There is one on the wall, but it’s across the cafeteria from where you’re at right now.

CAMERON (as Karma): If you wanna run we’ll kill this one.

HUDSON (as Tink): Alright!

HUDSON: I run to the console.

NICK: Do you drop the table?

HUDSON: Yeah, I just drop the table on him.

NICK: Okay. You run across towards the console. Make me a Computers check, average. This is a terminal for, like, the menu.

HUDSON: One success, two advantages.

NICK: Okay. Like I said, this is a terminal that’s connected to the TV screen that projects what the cafeteria menu is for the day. It’s not hooked up to anything particularly important. What you are able to do is get a system map of where everything is. You see that there is a master terminal that would actually have a lot of security access in a maintenance corridor that is like through the wall that you’re next to. You could leave and try to find a way to get into the maintenance corridor or you could potentially try to go through the wall towards it.

HUDSON: I kick the wall to see how solid it is.

NICK: It feels fairly solid.

HUDSON: Would a stun grenade get through the wall?

NICK: No, but an axe might, or some explosives if anybody has some. There’s some options.


NICK: While you’re thinking about that, we’re to the other NPC slot. This is the one you hit with a table. Let’s see, Xianna’s behind cover, HK just shot someone… probably gonna shoot HK, honestly. Roll me a yellow and two greens.

CAMERON: His gun had been knocked over.

NICK: Yeah.

CAMERON: Using his maneuver to—

NICK: Right. No, so—


NICK: This guy is looking for who to shoot at, he goes to pull the gun, sees that it’s on the ground and way too heavy so he draws a heavy blaster pistol from his holster and goes to shoot HK.

CAMERON: Three successes, one threat.

NICK: That’s gonna be 7 damage. He shoots HK in the shoulder. HK spins and goes down. He doesn’t look out, but he’s in very bad shape. There’s a lot of sparks going everywhere. He is at 1 health. Great. And we’re to the big series of PC slots.

LAURA: Yeah, she’s gonna shoot the one guy that’s left.

NICK: You don’t wanna go fist fight him or something?

LAURA: No, Xianna’s not going to go punch him. Short range?

NICK: Yeah.

LAURA: She’s gonna aim, too.

NICK: Does she just poke her head up above the table cover and…?


NICK: Cool.

LAURA: A triumph with a success, four more successes, and an advantage.

NICK: So you just totally clown on this guy. He’s completely done.

LAURA: She shoots him in the helmet, falls backwards into the soda dispenser, the soda dispenser starts dispensing Coke. Note that Coke is canonically in Star Wars now.

CAMERON: Mm-hmm. Yup.

NICK: [laughs] Yep.

LAURA: It has fancy bottles and everything. Starts dispensing Coke into the hole in the helmet and it just starts leaking out the rest of his armor.

NICK: [laughs] The security guards are down. You all see Tink is over by the wall, knocking on it.

CAMERON (as Karma): Whatcha need, Tink?

HUDSON (as Tink): HK, help me get through this wall.

HUDSON: I go and I swing my axe at it.

LAURA (as Xianna): I have a grenade still.

HUDSON (as Tink): I think we can do this without wasting one.

LAURA (as Xianna): I mean, if you say so.

CAMERON (as Karma): There’s a really big turret right here.

HUDSON (as Tink): Ooh, use that.

CAMERON (as Karma): Okay, move.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: We get that conversation, Karma looks at the big turret sitting there, looks back at the wall Tink’s trying to go through, looks at Xianna, they nod, and then the next thing we see is a door being cut by blaster fire and it falls in. You find yourself in the maintenance corridor. It’s dusty and has all of the power conduits just stuck to the walls and is definitely not for normal consumption. You’re able to go through there and find a big master panel. Over the coms you hear somebody say:

AUSTIN (as Val): Alpha Team, there’s a lot of guys shooting us up here, and if you could do something about that real quick before I have to stop shooting these guys, go all the way down there ,find you guys, beat you up and make you come back up here and finally help us… that would be great.

LAURA (as Xianna): We are trying~! There were stormtroopers. We… We’re sorry, but not really.

AUSTIN (as Val): Oh, listen to you guys in the land of luxury not actively getting shot at.

NICK: And you can hear blaster fire.

LAURA (as Xianna): I got shot in the shoulder not a few minutes ago! I almost died!

AUSTIN (as Val): [laughs] It builds character!

CAMERON (as Karma): Tink, where’s that panel?

HUDSON (as Tink): Uh, found it!

HUDSON: I’m typing away.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Okay. Make me a Computers check.

HUDSON: Difficulty?

NICK: Average. It’s not a terminal they expect people to get to.

HUDSON: Six advantages.


LAURA: Six! Advantages!

HUDSON: I almost had a failure, but one of the blue dice… [laughs]

NICK: [sighs heavily]

CAMERON: [laughs]

LAURA: And you already rerolled your Computers check.

HUDSON: It was for a good reason. I saw a map!

NICK: Let’s do this. You fail to open the door for Beta Squad. We get a shot of the Beta Squad team, they’re pinned down by a bunch of stormtroopers and they’re trying to get into a door to get out of the hallway that the stormtroopers are in.

HUDSON (as Tink): Uhh, so we really wanna help, but uh… you know, the system is being real finicky.

CHRIS (as Jet): Finicky? Finicky how?

LAURA (as Xianna): Tink pressed the wrong button!

HUDSON (as Tink): I think that there’s different perspectives we can have on this situation, but we shouldn’t be arguing right now.

NICK: As you’re all saying that, you hear the voice say:

CHRIS (as Jet): Oh, hey, you gave me access to the wireless network in here. I think I can access the door controls now. Thanks a lot.

NICK: There’s a long pause filled with explosions and blaster fire.

NICK (as Neato): Wow, this is getting pretty hot. Can we maybe move along and—Oh, there’s the door. Thank you so much, Tink.

ELI (as Juke): Yeah, thanks Alpha Team.

NICK: They presumably escape from that situation.

CAMERON (as Karma): You’re welcome~

NICK: Karma, those two other voices that you don’t recognize as Val’s or Neato’s sound pretty familiar. It’s kind of weird.

CAMERON: Huh. Maybe they’re bounty hunters I know.

NICK: Maybe! And we jump back to the darkened city.

[tense music starts]

In the distance far above Sentinel and his droid assistant we can see lines of speeders and dense air traffic winding their way across the canons formed by enormous skyscrapers. Sentinel cocks his head to the side. He turns to the droid.

NICK (as Sentinel): It looks like it’s time for you to go.

NICK: There’s warmth in his voice, and he smiles as the droid starts to protest. He shakes his head and gives a gentle push to get the droid moving.

NICK (as Sentinel): No time. Go.

NICK: Sentinel turns away from the droid and calls to the darkness.

NICK (as Sentinel): You might as well come out. Try whatever you’ve come to try.

NICK: Four shadowy figures step out of the walkways and neighboring alleys and Sentinel grimaces as they brandish blasters. He reaches calmly into his robes and pulls out a lightsaber hilt. He ignites it as the figures inch closer. The last thing we see is his face illuminated by the blue light of his blade, and we cut away.


[tense music fades]

HUDSON: I knew he was a Jedi! Okay, well…


CAMERON: Well yes.

NICK: I hope so.

LAURA: Spooky~

HUDSON: Spoilers!

NICK: End of episode.

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you’ve enjoyed our show please consider logging onto iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners find the show and every time we get one the squad give Creamsicle little a bantha cake, as a treat. If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere else we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites: Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Build-A-Beru which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Additional voice work this week by Austin Wittington. You’re not going to find him on the internet, but you can find him on our Discord so stop by and say howdy.

Additional voice work by Eli Kurtz. You can find him at @ZapDynamic on Twitter, and don’t forget to check out his audio drama, The Tale of Hunter’s Bay, a story inspired by the folklore fantasy RPG Errant Deeds.

Additional voice work by Chris Russell. You can find him on Twitter and Instagram at @techdudetx.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad, and join our Discord and share all of your food and cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find the link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

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