Transcript: Episode 37 Let’s Talk About Our Emojis

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 37:
Let’s Talk About Our Emojis

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

This episode features a Patron-created NPC! Isaac **Vars the Human thief was created by Jose **Guerrero. Isaac gave me some really fun ways to drive the plot. Thanks for giving us an awesome NPC.

Okay squad mates, we will be at GenCon in like two weeks. Friday at 1 PM we’ll be doing a panel on gaming in an established canon, so swing on by and say hi. We’ll have custom Tabletop Squadron stickers. We’ll also be throwing a Tabletop Squad party Saturday night. If you’re in the area and want details reach out to the squad on Twitter or on our Discord and we can provide the info.

Music this week is **Deuces by Kevin MacLeod and **Le Grand Chase by Kevin MacLeod under Creative Commons 4.0 license.

Now let’s get into the episode.


NICK: Hello! Welcome to Episode 38 of Tabletop Squadron. I’m Nick, your host and game master. Welcome back. I said some funny stuff, but everyone said it was stupid so that’s cut now. [laughs] Let’s go around the table. Everybody say who you are, what character you’re playing, and that’s it, starting with Laura.

LAURA: I’m Laura, and I play Xianna’fan. You said that’s it, so that’s all I can say.

NICK: Roger that. Good copy. Up next we’ve got Cameron.

CAMERON: I’m Cameron, and I play Karma Nailo.

NICK: It’s weirding me out not hearing ‘the Twi’lek smuggler.’

CAMERON: I am not a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Well, I know, but Laura started it. Last but  not least we’ve got Hudson.

LAURA: Hi, I’m Hudson, and I play Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: [groans]


CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON: [musically, “rapping”] My name is Hudson and I’m here to say, I play Tink who’s a Gigoran slicer.

[groaning and laughter]

LAURA: Oh, that pains me.


NICK: [in kind] I play Tink the Gigoran every day.

HUDSON: Nope, just a slicer.

LAURA: Can we not do the drug PSA from middle school where they really try to be cool and they’re not?

HUDSON: [beatboxes for Nick]

NICK: My name’s Tink and I’m here to say, keep the straight edge, don’t do drugs today.



LAURA: I think I’m immediately gonna go do drugs.


NICK: Alright. Let’s start off with the Destiny Roll!

CAMERON: One dark side.

LAURA: One dark side.

HUDSON: ‘One dark side.’

NICK: Ha-ha-ha!

LAURA: Oh no.

HUDSON: ‘Play it again.’


LAURA: ‘Play it again, Sam.’

NICK: [laughing] Why?!

LAURA: I don’t know! Just imagine all sorts of movies but remove the actors and put in Palpatine?

NICK: ‘Look at this stuff. Isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you say my collection’s complete?’

LAURA: Yes. Heh.

NICK: Anyway.

CAMERON: Wouldn’t you _think_ my collection’s complete.

NICK: Look, I’m a Sith Lord…

CAMERON: Come on, Palpatine.

NICK: …not a music lyricist.

LAURA: They have to change it to be distinct. They’re not allowed to use it exactly as it is.

CAMERON: But it’s still Disney!

LAURA: yeah! But they’re doing a remake and they don’t want it to be too similar, so they just change up a few things here and there.

NICK: Even though the trailer is a shot-for-shot recreation of the original.

CAMERON: They still put Palpatine in the red wig, right? And the seashell bra?

LAURA: Yeah.

NICK: ‘Unlimited legs!’

LAURA: That’s starting to get into more of a Maul situation.

CAMERON: [laughs]

NICK: Oh yeah, that’s true.

CAMERON: We were gonna do a podcast, right?

NICK: Oh yeah.

LAURA: If anyone in the Star Wars universe is gonna play Ariel it would be Maul because of the trash.

NICK: [laughs]

LAURA: She collects trash. He is trash.

CAMERON: And the legs.

NICK: yeah.

LAURA: And the legs. It’s perfect.

NICK: So, anyway, Star Wars podcast. Well, we were technically talking about Star Wars. So, last time when we left off a couple of things happened. You decided to skip out on your bill for your resort. Tink and HK went to go and hack the accounting database. HK did not distract the AI at all, he just stood there quietly the whole time. I think he got cold feet. Karma and Xianna went tiki bar hopping looking for a bartender but mostly just wingmanning for each other without ever having talked about that’s what they were gonna do. So, they got to do that. Xianna was flirting with people while texting emojis to hopefully Nolaa, question mark?

LAURA: Shrug. Heh.

NICK: And then Isaac **Vars, the one-armed pickpocket stole Tink’s data breaker and sprinted off down the hallway, and that’s where the episode ended. Am I missing anything?

LAURA: Oh. You missed the very important chip and dip hat, that Tink now has a chip and dip hat.

NICK: In the room.

LAURA: Xianna ordered a lot of stuff to the room.

NICK: The room that’s no longer under y’all’s name.

LAURA: Well no, it’s still in our name, just the bill is being sent somewhere else.

CAMERON: Yeah. It’s under his credit card.

NICK: Hmm. Hmm… Okay. Yup. We’re gonna pan up. The camera does the found footage shaky cam thing and you hear someone breathing heavily, and it pans out to show Isaac **Vars, a short, tanned Human teenager with an undercut and one arm clutching desperately to a data breaker that he has tucked into his shirt as HK is chasing him down the hallway, and Tink is struggling to stand up from where he is currently prone. We’re gonna cut away from that, because why would that be interesting, and we’re gonna touch base with Xianna and Karma who are currently flirting with… Karma had a—

LAURA: Buff Bothan.

NICK: A super buff Bothan lady, and Xianna had a Zabrak male with red skin and black tattoos who is wearing a skirt that obscured his legs.

CAMERON: Yeah, the grass skirt.

NICK: Yup, a grass skirt. I think you all are probably positioned near each other on the bar at this point, you’ve gotten close, and the Bothan is talking to Karma. “So, you just look like you wanted some company.”

CAMERON: “Oh, that’s sweet. How are you enjoying your trip?”

NICK: “Oh, it’s great, you know, just really been looking for some companionship,” and she gives you a big smile.

LAURA: Xianna leans over down the bar and gives a big thumbs up and winks. [laughs]

CAMERON: Karma gives a very confused look to Xianna.

LAURA: Xianna starts making some hand gestures that we cannot say on the podcast.

CAMERON: Karma understands. [laughs]

NICK: The male Zabrak sees the hand gestures and goes, “Alright, is that what we’re talking about? I love a woman who gets to the point.”

LAURA: “Oh no, sorry, that was not for you. That was for my friend down the way.”

NICK: “Oh. You’re like in an open relationship kind of situation then.”

LAURA: “I mean, I’m not actually entirely sure where my relationship status is at the moment. I am waiting on a com message, not with the Nautolan, with someone else. The Nautolan I would say—oh, I had this conversation with someone else earlier, about am I more of a friend or a… At this point she seems kind of more like that aunt of yours who, like, kind of is your friend but not really your friend because they are still an older relative of yours.”

NICK: “Uh-huh. Uh-huh.”

LAURA: “So, I mean, at least work acquaintance. And we do live together, separate bedrooms. But can you hold on a moment?” She starts scrolling through her com, seeing if she’s got any new messages.

CAMERON: [giggles]

NICK: He pounds a full tiki drink and smacks it on the bar. “Sure, I’ve got all night.” You have a com message from the second number you tried that’s an equal amount of peach emojis back and then the Sabacc suits in order, which those are emojis too.

LAURA: Okay. What would be…? Xianna sends, like… Oh! So in Star Wars, do you think there’s even more of the people emojis in different colors and species?

CAMERON: There would have to be.

LAURA: There would have to be. There’s definitely the dancing woman, but a Twi’lek.

NICK: Oh yeah, for sure.

LAURA: So she sends an emoji that’s a woman holding her hand out that you can pair with the dancing woman emoji so it makes it look like they’re holding hands, question mark, send.

NICK: There’s like a 30 second delay and then you get a call, and it’s a little crackly because it’s a long distance com, but you hear Nolaa’s voice go, “Why are we talking in emojis?”

LAURA: “Oh, um—“

NICK: [Zabrak] “Hey, is this call gonna take a while? Because—“

LAURA: “Okay! Can you hold on a moment? Okay. You hold on a moment. You finish my drink. I don’t like it anyways. You have it.”

NICK: [Nolaa] “Well, I’m not gonna be able to finish your drink through the com, silly.”

LAURA: “This is important! Okay. So anyways. Back to you.” And she’s like on the com, and she’s looking away from the guy.


NICK: “A little rude, but whatever.”

LAURA: “So, I just usually send messages in emojis. It is faster for me at this point. Um…”

NICK: “Well, I get that.”

LAURA: “Also, I’m not great at writing and typing in Basic. Also, I am now realizing you are another Twi’lek so I could actually speak to you in our native tongue and it would be okay, because I do know how to read and write that. Basic though sometimes is a little confusing, so emojis are faster for me. Anyways.”

NICK: ‘I get that. It just seems kind of like regressing to hieroglyphics, and we have like a written language, and also this amazing technology, like we’re having a conversation now.”

LAURA: “Yeah. Yeah, I know, but if I am messaging other people who are not Twi’leks and do not speak any Twi’lek languages it is often much, much faster for me to just send a few emojis than try to type out sentences, and Karma gets upset if you don’t put periods and punctuation in your messages, so who has time for a comma? I don’t even—“ [laughter] “I have no idea what an Oxford comma is, but I definitely do not use it, and I feel like they do not appreciate putting apostrophes in the middle of words to keep the one word but also make it two different words that are funny. She does not appreciate that, so I do emojis.”

NICK: “Wait, hang on. Not to stop you there, but an Oxford comma is to differentiate between things on a list so that you can tell that they’re three separate items, because otherwise if you leave it out the ‘and’ consolidates them into two things. I do a lot of negotiations and it’s really important that that’s very clear.”

LAURA: “Yeah. Yeah. There was a message—I’m not going to get into exactly what the message was—but apparently the lack of comma implied some things I was not intending to imply.”

NICK: “So, did you mean to put a comma between the Twi’lek emoji and the dancing Twi’lek emoji?”

LAURA: “Yes…”

NICK: “This is why I called. So, what you’re saying is—“

LAURA: “Well no, I did not intend to put a comma between the emojis I sent You. I was asking if you want to be my girlfriend.”

NICK: “Oh. …”

LAURA: “Because for whatever reason, tonight specifically, a lot of people keep coming and hitting on me at the bar and I’m just like not entirely sure where we are at.”

NICK: “Well honey, have you seen you?”

LAURA: “I am in a swimsuit… and I am now realizing that the swimsuit pics I sent earlier were to a different com number that I thought was yours. It is not. I don’t know who that was. I will resend them.”

NICK: “Yes please.”

LAURA: “Because I am in a swimsuit, so… maybe that is why.”

NICK: “Hey, hey, so send those, give me one second…” and you hear some blaster fire in the background. You hear, “I am on a call!” Pew-pew-pew!

CAMERON: [laughs]

LAURA: [laughing] While that is happening, Xianna hands her com to the Zabrak and is like, “Okay. Can you take a photo for me real quick? Thank you,” and then does some poses and is doing an over the shoulder sexy pose, and then an in the front pose, she does the **make it fashion Tyra pose, a few different poses.

NICK: [laughs] So, he’s taking pictures with it. “Wait, wait, the lighting here is not good. You can’t see the straps on the back and I know that you paid a lot for that designer outfit. Here, let’s come over here a little bit. Turn a little more that way.”

LAURA: [laughs]

NICK: “Ooh, sweetie, no. Tuck in your abs just a little more.”

LAURA: “Okay, okay. Yes. Smeyes.”

NICK: “Head a little more to the right.”

LAURA: “Okay. Smeyes~!”

NICK: “There! Got it. Nice!”


LAURA: “Okay, thank you.” She takes it back.

NICK: “Wait a minute…”

LAURA: Sends a bunch of them to Nolaa.

NICK: “I haven’t given you my number yet to send those to me.”

LAURA: “Okay. Can you go write it down?”

NICK: “Or I can just type it into your—“

LAURA: “Okay, but I’m on the com.” [laughs]

NICK: “You know, I’m getting really mixed signals here.”

LAURA: “Yeah, yeah. If you want to just wait like another minute I can give you an answer for whether or not I will accept your com number. You are currently on a waitlist.”

NICK: “Oh. You know, I really appreciate the clarity.”

LAURA: “Yeah. Yes. Heh.”

NICK: From the com that you’re holding away from your… hearing cone? Because you’re a Twi’lek.

LAURA: My ear cone!

NICK: Yeah, your ear cone. You hear, “Xianna?”

LAURA: “Oh, hello~”

NICK: “Okay. I lost you for a minute there. It sounded like you were talking to someone else.”

LAURA: “Well yes, again, we are at a bar, a tiki bar specifically, and people keep coming up and talking to me. I did send—“

NICK: [high whistle descending into explosion noise]

LAURA: “I did send the photos.”

NICK: “Oh. Hey, there they are. Ooh, whoa, they’re shooting through this crate. Hang on. [combat noises] Okay, I’m under cover—Ooh~ That’s a nice suit. Where did you get it?”

LAURA: “Yes. I have no idea.”

NICK: “Yeah, that makes sense. Wait, did you ask if you wanted to be my girlfriend? Is that where we were?”

LAURA: “I asked if you wanted to be my girlfriend.”

NICK: “Right. Yeah. There’s a tear gas in here. It’s making it hard for me to focus.”

LAURA: “Oh yes. Tear gas is kind of difficult like that.”

NICK: “Yeah, that sounds good.”

LAURA: “The tear gas or the dating?”

NICK: “Yeah, both. That’s fine. Whatever.”

LAURA: “Okay!”

NICK: “Were you talking like exclusive or…?”

LAURA: “I mean…”

NICK: “I just, I wanna know how serious you’re feeling about this right now before I say anything that might be awkward or make commitments to things I don’t understand. Hang on.. [Pew-pew-pew!] Why didn’t you reload the blaster ammo? Ugh. Toss me that knife.” You start just hearing wrestling noises over the phone.

LAURA: “Okay. You go write your com number on a napkin. Bring it back to me. I will put you on the list, then we can talk, because I think this is going to be a longer conversation than I initially anticipated. So just put your name, a description of you, and your com number.”

NICK: “Okay? I could just like text you a selfie.”

LAURA: “Again, I am using my com.”

NICK: “I—Fine.” He stomps off. You’re not sure if he’s gonna come back at this point.

LAURA: [laughs]

NICK: We’re gonna cut from that conversation for a second to Tink! Tink, you have gotten to your feet. The pickpocket Isaac **Vars has actually rolled around the corner. We’re gonna flip a dark side point that Hank did not catch him. You hear, “Halfhearted Exclamation: Oh no… Wait… Come back… I’m trying so hard to catch you.” And you just hear [droid noises] as Hank jogs down the hallway after him. What do you do?

HUDSON: “Faster, Hank! Faster!”

NICK: “Question: Are you coming with me or am I just doing this all by myself again?”

HUDSON: “I’m on my way!”

NICK: Okay. You go hauling out. Make me an Athletics check. This one’s gonna be average to try to catch up to this guy. You are currently running down the boardwalk. The shot is gorgeous. There’s the moonlit waters lapping up on the beach nearby.

HUDSON: Two failures and three advantages.

NICK: Well. So, HK is lit by the moonlight. You can see him ahead. “Exclamation: I am keeping track of your target. Anytime now.” He goes running off. You see Isaac **Vars go diving through a closed tiki bar and come out the other side. He’s wearing a bunch of different articles of clothing made out of straw and holding a drink in his hand and sunglasses and a light-up lei, and you see him just booking it down the beach, and HK continues after him at a gentle jog. “Exclamation: Love your style.” They’re headed off. You don’t catch up to him right away, but your advantages are he has not lost you, you just have not gained on him, as you’re running down the beach after your data breaker. We’re gonna cut back to the bar.

Karma, you’ve watched this whole conversation down the bar as the super buff Bothan is talking to you. “Well, you know, I had just really hoped that I was gonna cut loose on this vacation and maybe find someone who was just interested in having a good time, and I saw you come in…” She makes a like, do you get it hand gesture at Karma.

CAMERON: “Oh! … Yes. I see. I am flattered, thank you, but I don’t know. I just- So see, there’s just a whole lot of stuff that’s still kind of leftover, a hang-up from my kids’ dad and I’m still not exactly sure how I feel about all of that, and…”

NICK: “Oh… Well—“

CAMERON: “I have some stuff to work through that I’ve been putting off that I should probably start working on.”

NICK: “Oh. I came on kind of hard there. I just, it’s a vacation, I figured I’d take a shot, so…”

CAMERON: “No, no, I totally understand. This is all a me issue here.”

NICK: “So you have kids?!”

CAMERON: “Yeah, I do, actually. I have twin boys~”

NICK: [smiling] Okay, and we’re gonna cut back to Tink and HK and Isaac running down the beach.

CAMERON: [giggles]

HUDSON: “Get him, Hank! Get him!”

NICK: “Statement: I am moving at the exact same velocity I was last time you proclaimed ‘get him.’” [droid noises] He’s doing the marathoner’s pace, so long strides, but he’s not so much a mover, you know? Make me another Athletics check. This time you can have a blue die, because you’re running in loose sand which would affect Isaac a lot more than it would affect you.

HUDSON: Is it average difficulty?

NICK: Yep.

CAMERON: With Tink’s big, squishy feet.

NICK: Yeah. He’s basically wearing snowshoes.

HUDSON: Two successes and two advantages.

NICK: Sweet. You catch up to HK and pass HK. Well, you should pass HK, but with those advantages, as you speed up and go past him he also speeds up to just be running next to you. You never really thought about it before, but going running with a droid is supremely frustrating because they don’t get tired, so you’re exerting energy and he’s basically just spending battery. It’s like a resource management thing for a droid. [laughs] So he’s still able to have a conversation while you’re starting to breathe heavily having run three quarters of a mile down the beach at this point. “Observation: When you sweat it makes your fur all clumpy.” He’s running with his head at a 90 degree angle just observing you while you run down the beach. You can see Isaac. He’s probably 60 meters ahead of you at this point. He turns a corner and starts running towards one of the bigger tiki bars that has spotlights above it and it’s blacklit and looks really cool from a distance.

HUDSON: [out of breath] “This is not the time to be talking about my fur clumping. Alright, we gotta catch up to Isaac… Ah, it’s so hot. Ugh…”


NICK: “Acknowledged.” You go off of the loose sand of the beach. The moonlight is shining down in those long rays that reflect off of everything. It’s quiet except for the ocean. It’s really nice if you weren’t sprinting after someone who stole one of your favorite gadgets.

We jump back into the bar. The male Zabrak says, “The name is Luam,” and he slides you a napkin with his com number.

LAURA: She’s like “uh-huh, uh-huh, okay. So…”

NICK: He turns and he walks off. “Time to start a new hunt,” and just walks off. He’s pretty much given up.

LAURA: She does put the number in her pocket. “Okay, so how about we are, uh, mostly exclusive, but we can still flirt with other people?”

NICK: “Well, I mean, you know me, I don’t think I could turn it off if I tried.”

LAURA: “That is why I say it, because I honestly do not know how to not quite often?”

NICK: “Tell me about it.”

LAURA: “So, mostly exclusive, flirting allowed. I might occasionally have to kiss people if it is part of the job.”

NICK: “Yeah. Okay.”

LAURA: “Yeah. If I have to pretend marry anyone I will let you know first.”

NICK: “Yeah. Just so, you know, for tax reasons, we’ll just want to make sure that’s really clear. Okay.”

LAURA: “Yeah. Well, I mean, it is always under fake names and usually I am gone within like two days of signing the paperwork with the fake name. It’s usually some sort of insurance scam, but like, I’ll just let you know, because it’s not like I’m really getting married.”

NICK: “Okay. So, just because I want to be absolutely clear about what our boundaries are going into this, I haven’t been in a relationship for a while, but I had a lot of fun, and long distance really works for me because I’m really busy. We are exclusive but can kiss and flirt with other people as professional needs dictate.”

LAURA: “Yes, and fake marry other people as professional needs dictate, but you must alert the other person you are going to fake marry.”

NICK: “So, when you say alert, is this like a we call and need to talk situation or do we just have an emoji combination to say hey I’m getting fake married for a little while?”

LAURA: “I think maybe more of a talk so we can establish what can and cannot happen during the fake marriage.”

NICK: “Okay, I like that a lot. I’ve run into some pitfalls in the past with relationships of not having talked it through so I really appreciate that. You know, I think this is off to a really good start. [explosion, pew-pew-pew] Hey, um…”

LAURA: “Yeah?”

NICK: “This is great. Text me later, but my partner just detonated the stabilizer on the ship, so we’re gonna need to—“

LAURA: “Okay, so you have to go.”

NICK: “Yeah. We’re gonna need to go.” You hear her put her face away from the com. “Mark, you freaking idiot! What are you doing?” And then it hangs up.

LAURA: She’s like, “Okay~! Bye **mon shu shu. Uh… Oh, she hung up. Okay.”

CAMERON: [laughs]

LAURA: “Karma!” Heh.

CAMERON: Karma and the Bothan are showing each other pictures of their kids on their phones.

NICK: “Not to judge your species or anything, but it’s kind of weird how they have like tadpole tails to start out with.”

CAMERON: “I know! Oh my gosh. It’s so strange, right?!”

NICK: “I mean, Bothans, when they’re little, they just walk on all fours and look like Simba from The Lion King.”

CAMERON: “Yours are so cute!”

LAURA: So cute.

NICK: [laughs]

CAMERON: “Mine are so weird and like, ugh… I don’t know. They’re cute now.”

NICK: “Oh, well that’s good.”

CAMERON: “But they’re also no longer tadpoles.” [laughs]

NICK: “How old are they now?”

CAMERON: “So this is gonna date me a little bit, but they’re 21.” [laughs]

NICK: “Oh, okay, so like… What are they doing? Are they still in school?”

CAMERON: “No, they’re bounty hunters actually.”

NICK: “Wow.”

CAMERON: “Yeah.”

NICK: “Okay. So they’re kinda dangerous, huh?”

CAMERON: “Yeah~ Well, I think that they would like to think that. It’s cute.”

NICK: The Bothan is showing off some photos on her com. “Well, so me and my partner aren’t really together anymore, but we did have a few kids. They’re a little younger than yours. They’re 17, 18…” You see Bothans and then a couple of **Kothar, which are like, for those of you who don’t know Star Wars, they’re lion people. They are kind of Bothans but more feline inspired. They’re very cool. “They’re all into sports, so they do a lot of sports, a lot of competitive hunting and a lot of gymnastics. It’s what they do, but here they are winning at everything.”

CAMERON: “Aw, that’s so cool~!”

NICK: “Yeah, the four of them are just best friends. They’re basically inseparable.”

CAMERON: “That is awesome. I love sibling relationships like that.”

NICK: At this point, karma and Xianna, you see this small Human teenager with cool curly hair and an undercut run into the bar at full speed and jump over the bar and duck behind the bartender. ‘Please don’t say anything.”

CAMERON: “Sure thing, kiddo.”

LAURA: “I cannot promise anything, but okay.”

NICK: The bartender just looks kind of confused then freezes, and then you see HK come into the bar at a pretty solid pace, and then you see Tink right behind him who leans over on his knees and is breathing heavily.

LAURA: “Oh. Hello, Hank~!”

NICK: HK broadcasts much louder than you’ve heard him before. “Announcement: We are hunting a fugitive.”

LAURA: “He’s over here!”

NICK: “Exclamation: Thank you.” And he starts to stalk towards the bar.

The Human sticks his head up over the bar and goes, “Man, this whole resort is full of narks.”

LAURA: “No, I’m sorry, Hank is with my crew so I have to tell him. It would be impolite to not tell another member of my crew that the person they are chasing is right there.”

CAMERON: “And I’m sorry, I am indeed a nark.”

LAURA: “She is actually a nark. I think that is what she is professionally. Anyways.” She looks at the bartender. “Can I get a Corellian **Vice, please?” Heh.

NICK: The bartender just kinda goes “uh, okay,” and starts making a drink. [chuckles] “You know, I’m actually pretty famous for my mojitos.”

LAURA: [whining] “No, I don’t want a mojito.”

CAMERON: “What’s your name?”

NICK: “Oh, I’m **Gangem.”

CAMERON: “[snaps] I need to talk to you after I grab the guy that’s behind your bar. Do you mind if I come over?”

NICK: “Yeah, knock yourself out.”

CAMERON: Okay. I hop over the bar.

NICK: At this point, Tink, from behind you someone says, “If you could excuse me for a second.” You feel a hand on your shoulder push you slightly to the side. This tall Human woman wearing a yellow jumpsuit with a Black Sun logo on it steps into the bar. “If everyone could please stay calm, we just have a friend that we need to pick up.” There’s two Gamorreans behind her holding vibro-axes wearing the same yellow jumpsuits with the Black Sun logos and they just completely fill the doorway.

LAURA: “Oh shit!” Xianna jumps behind the bar as well. [laughter] “I don’t know if the Black Sun still want me or not so I’m just going to join you down here. Hello. What is your name?”

CAMERON: What’s the Bothan’s name that I was talking to? Karma probably got it at some point in between.

NICK: My first thought was Cathy.

CAMERON: Okay. “Hey Cathy, can you hand me my bag?”

NICK: “Oh yeah. Sure. Are these friends of yours?”

CAMERON: “Thank you. The Black Sun members? No,” Karma says, taking her carbine out of her purse, because she had the big, mom beach bag with her blaster in the bottom of it that she’s been carrying around this whole time along with snacks.

NICK: Oh. Everyone’s behind the bar. Tink is standing in the midst of all these Black Sun people. Hank is approaching the bar. Isaac is behind the bar. There’s three Black Sun people. Isaac, who has his back pressed to the bar—

CAMERON: I think we have him in the middle of us, because I hopped down to be by him.

NICK: Sure. It’s Xianna, Isaac’s in the middle, and then Karma’s there. “Hey, I don’t really know how used to fire fights you guys are, but I’ll give you a blaster if you help me scare these people off so I can get out of here.” He sees that Karma’s holding a big carbine so he’s kind of focused on Xianna right now.

LAURA: “Karma? Did you in your giant bag put any of my blasters? No…?”

CAMERON: [laughing] “Nope! Sorry, I only grabbed mine. It was just for emergency situations. Tell you what kiddo, we’ll help you out if you give my friend your blaster and then you explain to us why the droid and Gigoran were chasing you.”

NICK: “Yeah. If you just help me get rid of Black Sun I’ll explain everything. I made a small mistake. It’s not a big deal. I just was trying to get through this in one piece, so if you help me here…” He pulls out just a light blaster from in his coat, and as he pulls it free with his one arm, because his other arm isn’t there, Xianna and Karma see a flash of what looks like an outlaw tech data breaker. Tink, would you have customized it at all? Do you have stickers on it or anything?

HUDSON: I have stickers on it.

CAMERON: [laughing] He has it engraved with his call sign.

HUDSON: It’s engraved with my call sign and has stickers.

NICK: You’ve got stickers. What are some of your stickers for?

HUDSON: Oh man, an Apple logo but with a bite taken out of it to be a little corny.

LAURA: You definitely have one that’s a dinosaur that says like ‘rawrXrawr.’

HUDSON: Yeah. There’s a dinosaur that says ‘rawrXrawr.’

CAMERON: That’s where our volleyball team name came from.

HUDSON: Bithcoin?

NICK: The Bithcoin logo.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON: And then there’s **Cob City Bitch. [laughter] Not gonna explain that one, that’s just the third sticker on there, and that’s all it can fit.

NICK: Okay. You all recognize what clearly looks like that.


NICK: But he nonchalantly tosses a light blaster to Xianna and he flicks his wrist and a hold out blaster is in his hand. The woman who’s clearly in charge of this small band of Black Sun says, “If you could just all get out from behind the bar, we’ll just be taking our compatriot and be leaving. No one needs to get hurt.”

CAMERON: “Hey **Gangem, duck.”

NICK: He ducks.

CAMERON: “Alright. Y’all, set your blasters to stun, because there’s a lot of drunk people in here and drunk people are stupid so they’re gonna get in your way. Try not to shoot the innocent drunk people. Okay?”

LAURA: “Okay.” Xianna picks up the blaster in her left hand and takes the drink that the bartender was making in her right and just starts drinking. “Okay.” She does not. [laughs]

HUDSON: Tink yells. “Xianna, Karma, what’s up, what are you all doing? Hey, can you get me a data breaker back from that Human that you’re with?”

NICK: [smiling] At this point the Black Sun Human looks at Tink, looks at the assassin droid that’s just standing there looking confused, and goes, “Oh, well I want to do this the easy way.” She draws a blaster and goes to fire. I’m gonna need Vigilance rolls from everybody~

HUDSON: Goes to fire at who? Just to fire?

NICK: Just to strafe the bar.

CAMERON: Karma has one success, four advantages.

LAURA: A triumph with a success.

HUDSON: Nothing.


NICK: For HK it is two yellows and a green.

CAMERON: A triumph, two successes, and an advantage.

NICK: Roll me two yellows and a green again.

CAMERON: Three successes, two advantages.

NICK: And then roll me a yellow and a green for the Gamorreans.

CAMERON: A success and three advantages.

NICK: Oh, and Isaac I guess needs to go. Three greens for him. He’s not very vigilant, but he’s got a lot of willpower.

CAMERON: Two successes, one advantage.

NICK: Okay! The order will be NPC slot, PC slot, Isaac, PC slot, PC slot, two Gamorreans, PC slot. Should be everybody. Before the combat starts, you have six advantages and two triumphs that you can spend on setting this scene a little bit if you want to move it to your advantage.

HUDSON: Can I dive behind the bar before they’re able to do anything so we’re all together?

NICK: Sure. We’ll say that as the Black Sun leader goes to strafe the bar some people see that someone’s drawn a gun in this tiki bar and people start to scream and mill around, and that gives you enough time to go and jump behind the bar.

LAURA: Can I use one of those things to say Xianna has already taken some impact? Because she’s celebrating, because she’s got a new girlfriend.

NICK: Yeah, that seems fair.

LAURA: So right before she got over she took some.

NICK: That’s like a triumph. I think that’s a fair use of a triumph.

CAMERON: One of the advantages should be as Tink gets behind the bar he grabs the knife that **Gangem’s been using to cut open the pineapples and stuff for the tiki drinks. He doesn’t have an axe but he at least has a blade.

NICK: It’s a paring knife. [laughs]

LAURA: Oh! They have a large cleaver, because they like—

CAMERON: For the coconuts.

LAURA: For the coconuts!

CAMERON: He’s got a machete for the coconuts.

LAURA: A machete for the coconuts!

NICK: Okay fine.

CAMERON: [laughs]

HUDSON: I have a machete. It is not electrified.

NICK: Nope. It’s just a big knife.

CAMERON: [smiling] It’s just a machete.

NICK: And also you made yourself move out of melee range, so that means if you want to go do that you gotta go back, but you got a knife at least.

HUDSON: Okay! Last advantage, I go back. [laughter] Just kidding.

NICK: I would suggest that you have all the people running around gives them some black dice to move and aim.


NICK: Because the bar just starts to lose their mess.

CAMERON: Yep. All of the drunk people are just being drunk and scared.

NICK: So, we get the cool **John Wick camera circle showing all the drunk people scared and running around. They’re filing out, they’ll be gone eventually, but right now they’re just kind of panicking in general. The four of you, Karma, Xianna, Tink, and Isaac, are behind the bar with your various weapons. We get everyone, in sequence, slapping their back up against the bar. We get Xianna with her carbine, Isaac with his hold out blaster, Xianna with Isaac’s light blaster—

LAURA: And a drink! Heh.

NICK: –and a drink, and Tink with a knife. [laughter] HK’s just kind of standing in the middle of the bar looking bored and uninterested. Up first is the leader. What she’s actually going to do is roll her shooting which will be a yellow and two greens. It’s gonna be average, and she’s just shooting at the bar. She’s trying to shatter a bunch of glass and do suppressing fire.

CAMERON: Does she have a black die for people?

NICK: Yeah. She has a black die for the people running around. She doesn’t really wanna shoot them, but she’s not super worried about it.

CAMERON: But she’s a gang member.

NICK: Yeah. She’s just kinda, you know.

CAMERON: Three successes, one threat.

NICK: Cool. She wasn’t shooting at anyone in particular, you were all behind cover, but what she’s actually going to do is shatter the mirror behind the bar. You hear **Gangem go “Aw man!” and he starts to crawl under the bar and out of the bar, because the back doesn’t really have a full wall. Everybody will have a black die on their first action, because you’re being showered in broken glass. Up next is a PC slot.

CAMERON: I’m gonna take it as I have the big gun.

HUDSON: There are three Black Sun members?

NICK: Yep. It’s the cool lady with the jumpsuit and a pistol, and then two Gamorreans with vibro-axes that right now are essentially both trying to go through a door that’s too skinny for two of them to go side by side at the same time.

CAMERON: Alright. I’m gonna shoot one of the axe dudes, because they haven’t gone yet, so I get a blue die for Quick Strike.

NICK: Okay.

CAMERON: Three successes, one advantage.

NICK: What’s the total damage on that?

CAMERON: Well, let me see.

NICK: And you’re stunning them?

CAMERON: I’m stunning them. That’s 12 stun damage.

NICK: Phew. Okay, so you just straight drop one of them.


NICK: They’re both slamming into each other trying to get through the door, and you hear them like ‘hey, no, it’s my turn,’ ‘no, it’s my turn,’ ‘you went first last time,’ and then you hit one of them and he just collapses senselessly to the ground. ‘Hey…’

CAMERON: With  my advantage, I would like to give the dude a black die because his friend just fell and is now blocking the door, so he’s gonna have to get over him.

NICK: Yeah, that’s fair. That was a PC slot. It’s Isaac’s turn. He pops his head up over the bar. We’re gonna give him a green and a yellow to shoot. He’s not the bestest shooter, but he’s gonna aim because he’s smart.

CAMERON: Oh yeah. That’s a thing we can do. [laughs]

NICK: He’s gonna take a shot at the leader. “Vyra, you’re not gonna take me back again! I like it here. These people are nice. We’re friends now,” and he shoots.

CAMERON: Two advantages!

NICK: Two advantages. I think that Vyra ducks into the crowd, so she’ll have a black die the next time she goes, help me remember that. He’s like, “Man, it always pulls to the right.” We’ve been having a lot of Osmosis Jones on the internet lately, and that’s an Osmosis Jones quote.

HUDSON: I thought it was something about penises.

CAMERON: [giggling] That’s what I was thinking too. That’s why Hudson and I looked at each other.

NICK: [groans]

LAURA: I mean, I, yeah.

CAMERON: ‘Hmm. I see what Nick’s doing here.’

NICK: No~ Next up is another PC slot.

LAURA: Xianna’s gonna take a big slurp from her straw. It is a twisty straw, but it’s a twisty straw that’s shaped into a pineapple, one of those themed twisty straws. The twist is a pineapple shape. This is all important things you need to know for the combat.

NICK: Yeah.

LAURA: She takes a big sip and then pops up, fires at the main woman… yeah.

NICK: Okay. You have a black die because of the shattered glass.

LAURA: Yes. What would the range be?

NICK: Medium.

CAMERON: You should aim.

LAURA: But I would like to move. Oh, I guess I have…

NICK: You could vault the bar and get closer to her. That would be cool. Yeah, you don’t have your filed sights, so a medium shot with you is normal.

LAURA: Yeah, a medium shot with me is normal, I don’t get those bonuses. I also have Jump Up. Getting up and down isn’t an issue. I will hop up, aim, and then shoot.

NICK: Okay. Is your gun on stun?


CAMERON: No, she did not turn hers to stun. [laughs]

LAURA: They all cancel out… Three successes! That will be 8 damage.

NICK: Eight damage. You graze her shoulder pretty deeply and she yelps and ducks behind a table. At this point everyone has started screaming in the bar and is just filtering out of the various doors. You see a big, buff surfer guy just go jumping through the window which doesn’t have any glass, and then you just hear ‘oof’ and there’s a little puff  of sand, then he stands up, brushes off, and runs off into the moonlight. People are starting to straight leave now. She is hit. She looks pissed. She is not down.

LAURA: Before Xianna pops back behind the bar, she does yell out, “Hank! You should shoot them! Please, thank you!”

NICK: “Observation: I do not currently have my weapon.”

LAURA: “Oh yes, punch them!” Heh.

NICK: He just does a very mechanical shrug, which is interesting because his shoulders shouldn’t be mobile, but you know, whatever.

HUDSON: [laughs] Does he have a lighter like **BB-8?

NICK: No. That would be cool, but he’s not a maintenance droid. That’s like a blowtorch, but he’s just super not designed for that.

CAMERON: We’ve created a Molotov cocktail. Light this, Hank!

NICK: So Hank, this has happened a couple times, his posture gets much more fluid for a second and looks a lot more organic and less uptight like he normally looks. “Look, I’ll see what I can do. Okay?” And then he starts to stalk towards Vyra.

CAMERON: “Did he sound weird to you?”

LAURA: “[straw slurp] Mm-hmm! A little.”


CAMERON: “Okay, just checking.”

LAURA: Doing my own foli work.

NICK: We have another PC slot. Hudson, do you wanna go next or do you want Hank to go next?

HUDSON: I’ll go next. So, I jump over the bar and go ‘hiyah!’

NICK: Heh, nice.

HUDSON: And dive towards them to knife them.

NICK: Are you going after the lady with the gun or the large Gamorrean in the doorway?

CAMERON: With the axe.

NICK: With the axe.

HUDSON: Large Gamorrean in the doorway with the axe.

NICK: That kind of sounded like Clue, didn’t it?


NICK: Okay. Jumping the bar and running through the bar is probably going to be two maneuvers so you’ll have to burn a strain to do that. I imagine you would still want to.

HUDSON: Yes, I would.

NICK: And then you get in close and you see the Gamorrean look up from his down friend and go, ‘Hey, we’re just looking for the one guy,” and then you stab him in the face apparently. Roll your attack.

CAMERON: ‘Tink, set your knife to stun!’

HUDSON: [laughs]

NICK: I’m gonna say the glass showering down on you on the bar isn’t gonna apply to you because you’re no longer behind the bar, so you can just do a straight roll. You need two purples though.

HUDSON: Can I aim?

NICK: [laughs] No.

HUDSON: [laughs] I was just trying.

NICK: I like the idea, but negative.

HUDSON: I have a triumph with a success, another success, and an advantage.

NICK: Well, you can roll on the crit chart, or this guy’s a mook, you can just take him down if you want.

HUDSON: Ooh. I think I want to roll on the crit chart for funzies.

LAURA: Just take him down!

HUDSON: Alright, I’ll take him down.


CAMERON: Your knife’ snot gonna do that much damage. Just take him down.

HUDSON: Yeah, it’s not gonna do too much.

NICK: Let’s play it fast and loose. What if, you can use the triumph to take him down and do you want to throw your knife at the lady that’s hiding behind the table? Just do a really cool action move?


NICK: Okay. How many successes do you have?

HUDSON: Total, two.

NICK: Two successes, your Brawn is 3, 5… Okay. You stab this Gamorrean in the chest. He goes “Hey…” and collapses to the ground, frothing blood, and then you turn and you see Hank stomping towards this last leader. She seems pretty into this fight, but her shoulder is pretty torn up from where Xianna shot her. Hank is getting shot at and the blaster bolts are going past him and he’s just ignoring them, and you throw your big old machete knife and it sticks into her side, and she falls back up against the table and she just puts her hand that’ snot holding the now gaping knife wound in her side up, tosses the gun away from her, and goes, “Alright. That’s it. I’m done. It’s over. Sorry.”

HUDSON: I take the vibro-axe, hand it to HK, and say, “You know what to do.” [laughter] And then execution style he slices it through her neck!

CAMERON: [laughing] Oh my god!

NICK: I’m gonna have to veto that one, amigo.

LAURA: Don’t listen to him. We’ve just been watching Game of Thrones, and you know, he’s real excited.

HUDSON: She yells, ‘**Dracaris!’

LAURA: [sadly] Hudson, don’t do that to me.

NICK: So, the one thing that does happen is, the Gamorreans are gone ,it’s the last PC slot, and it’s up to HK, and he’s now standing in front of her. “I walked all the way over here,” and just punches her in the face and knocks her out, and then shakes his hand out which is weird, and then straightens up and says, “Exclamation: Threat eliminated,” and then stands down. Everyone is now gone from this bar. It is just the three of you, and Hank, and Isaac, and an unconscious Gamorrean, and an unconscious Black Sun platoon leader, and a very dead Gamorrean.

LAURA: “Thank you, Hank~”

HUDSON: ‘Hey. What about my badass moves?”

LAURA: “You also were very good. Thank you.”

HUDSON: “Thank you.”

CAMERON: Karma sticks a hand down to Isaac to help him up.

NICK: He holsters his blaster and then grabs onto your hand. You do the macho grab each other by the forearms lift.

CAMERON: Yup. Pull him up, and then reach into his jacket and take the—

NICK: “Ehh! Yeah… I kinda figured that was gonna be done. You can’t blame a guy for trying. It was so cool.”

HUDSON: “Oh no, I can kriffin’ blame a guy for trying. Listen now. You’re the one who just made us have to turn this into a bloody carnage zone, all because you led us to your employers.”

CAMERON: Karma walks over, hands Tink his data breaker…

HUDSON: “Thank you. And another thing!”

CAMERON: …puts her gun into her purse, packs up. [laughs]

LAURA: “Oh wait! Wait, hold on. Was the Black Sun here for the Human?”

HUDSON: “Yeah.”

LAURA: “Oh. Oh, okay.”

NICK: “Well, it’s a little late now, right? I guess we’ll just have to let me go. You know, I was captured against my will. They sort of pressganged me into this whole situation. I didn’t want to be a thief.”

CAMERON: Karma walks over to the leader, puts her in handcuffs, walks over to the Gamorrean who’s passed out, puts him in handcuffs, rips the badge off of the dead one, puts it in her purse.

NICK: [laughs]

LAURA: “Oh, okay. Being a thief is not necessarily a bad thing. So, um, if you just, you know, leave right now I will not tell Karma.”

NICK: “Cool… Yeah, I’ll just go ahead and take off. You know, I’m not saying being a thief is bad, but I’m reformed.” As he turns to go you see that there’s several wallets in his pockets and he’s wearing four watches right now. “But yeah, it’s been good.” He turns and starts to crawl under the bar and leave the same way the bartender did.

LAURA: “Okay bye~!” She waves.

CAMERON: “HK, can you hold her, please?” Hands over the leader.

NICK: “Acknowledged.”

CAMERON: “Thank you.” Goes over and picks up alive Gamorrean, starts dragging—

NICK: Yeah. I was gonna say, you’re probably not gonna just pick this dude up.

CAMERON: [laughing] No, just dragging him along behind me.

NICK: Tink, you were just yelling at this guy. Xianna said he could go and he’s just leaving.

HUDSON: “Why are we letting this guy go?!”

LAURA: “Oh wait! Do you need him for something?”

HUDSON: “I’m just pissed!”

CAMERON: “Sweetie, y’all go deal with that, okay?”

LAURA: “Don’t you have your data breaker back?”

HUDSON: “Yeah, but—“

LAURA: “So just let him go.”

HUDSON: “[huffs] Fine…”

CAMERON: “Tink, do you wanna grab the dead one?”

HUDSON: “Fine…”

LAURA: “Oh Karma, can I put this gun into your bag?”

CAMERON: “Oh yeah, sure.”

LAURA: “Oh thank you.”

CAMERON: [laughing] He didn’t take it.

HUDSON: Can I keep the vibro-axe at least?

CAMERON: Buddy, you can have both of the vibro-axes.

HUDSON: [gasps] Dual-wield! Okay!

NICK: End of episode.

[CAMERON: [laughs]

ALL: Ba-naaa~!

HUDSON: Forty points.

NICK: [snickers]

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you’ve enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show and will make the squad giggle like school children when we read them. If you’re so inclined, you can also help support the show through our Patreon which can be found in the show notes, on our website, and basically anywhere we post things. We have all sorts of Patreon levels including some of my favorites: Bantha Buddy, Tarkin’s Underwear Drawer, and Build-A-Beru which all have fabulous rewards and super great names.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson. He can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad, and join our Discord and share all of your food and cute pet photos with us. We also sometimes talk about Star Wars. You can find the link to join our Discord on our website and in our pinned tweet. See you next time.

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