Transcript: Episode 27 It’s Nerftown
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Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 27:
Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)
NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.
We have some people we’d like to thank this week. shallowdeep, thank you for your kind words. Were glad you’re entertained, and we appreciate the iTunes review. Argyle_Prime, thank you so much for your review. It read like feel-good poetry, and we’re so happy you enjoy the show. Thank you both.
Last thing, if you haven’t checked out our Tabletop Squadron Discord yet you totally should. We have a dedicated channel for pet photos and a dedicated channel for food, and we’ve got a great community already. Thank you to all the people who have dropped by to say hello, and I want to encourage anyone who’s interested to do the same. You can find the link to our Discord on our Twitter page, or on our website TabletopSquadron.com.
Also, we have an emoji that’s just Falx’s butt wearing pants that say Juicy? Okay, that’s it.
Music this week is The String by 2L8.
Let’s get into the episode!
NICK: Hello! Welcome to Episode 27 of Tabletop Squadron. It’s a nice, chilly day down here, and welcome for joining us. That makes no sense.
CAMERON: Leave it! It’s fine!
NICK: Alright. Okay. First miss on the random welcome statement. We’re gonna go around the table. Everybody introduce themselves, who they’re playing today, and if you’ve spent any experience since the last time we sat down why don’t you go ahead and let the listeners know what you used it on, starting with Laura.
LAURA: Hello. I’m Laura. I play Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler. I bought a new talent tree, or specialization tree. It’s called Scoundrel. Then, I also put another rank in… I wanna say Skulduggery.
LAURA: I just wanted to say that word. I might have also put my point in it. Pretty sure.
NICK: Alright. Cool. Everybody’s getting a little bit more competent. Always nice. Next up we’ve got Cameron.
CAMERON: Hello! I am Cameron, and I play Karma Nailo, the Nautolan bounty hunter. I upped my Piloting: Space to 2 because that seemed important, and then I became a god and upped my Ranged: Heavy to Rank 4.
NICK: Okay! I’m sure you won’t need to fly ships or shoot things in the Star Wars RPG.
CAMERON: They haven’t come up at all so far, but I’m ready for when they do.
NICK: Actually, I don’t think I’ve made you… Well, you’ve had to do a couple Piloting checks.
CAMERON: I have done several Piloting checks and I did not badly crash the ship on the last time through, but I felt a few more ranks may be beneficial in the long run.
NICK: Makes sense. Alright. Last up we’ve got Hudson.
HUDSON: Hello! I am playing Tink the Gigoran slicer. I added a third rank in Stealth and a second rank in Coordination, and I also got the Skilled Slicer talent. When I make a Computers check I can spend a triumph to make further Computers checks in the system and use them as maneuvers.
NICK: Wow, that’s interesting. We’ll have to find you a computer somewhere.
HUDSON: With other computers within the system.
NICK: Yeah, some sort of network situation. Eh, I’m sure it won’t come up. Let’s start off with the Destiny Roll!
CAMERON: One dark side.
HUDSON: Two light side.
LAURA: Two light side.
CAMERON: Okay. Good job, y’all.
HUDSON: Ooh. We did it.
NICK: Alright. When we last left off you did quite a lot, actually. Karma and Xianna infiltrated a Mon Cal cruiser that was simultaneously being attacked by the GGG gang. I’m not gonna try to say their name again. I’ve messed it up every time. They made friends with a new stormtrooper, they shot some bounty hunters, they shot some stormtroopers, I think? They fought some Gigorans. They stole some stuff, mostly Xianna. They got locked in a room at one point. And… No? You’re making a face?
CAMERON: I don’t think we actually shot any stormtroopers.
NICK: Yeah, I think you managed to avoid shooting the Nazis. That’s kind of interesting.
CAMERON: Also, we didn’t shoot the bounty hunters.
NICK: Oh yeah, you’re right. Meh. Anyway.
CAMERON: I don’t want to take credit for the stormtroopers’ kills.
NICK: Either way, there was a big old fight on a capital ship, and they were able to procure some loot and procure some bounties.
NICK: And they managed to rescue Tink…
NICK: …who had been pressganged into service on this ship and made himself useful and then promptly betrayed them and went back to his original friends, so that’s pretty fun. I think that was about it, so we’ll go ahead and jump right into it.
We open on karma in the cockpit of the Afternoon Delight. Blue and red flashes wash over her face as she pilots the ship. The control panel is merrily lit and shows all is well. Karma is listening to some music. What kind of music is her piloting jam?
CAMERON: Like the Star Wars equivalent of 80s power ballads.
NICK: Cool. Is she moving and jamming to it or is she just focused on flying right now?
CAMERON: Probably jamming, bobbing her head, doing little arm waves.
NICK: Cool. The camera takes a moment to dwell on this scene of relaxed confidence, and then we cut further back into the ship. Xianna is sitting cross-legged on the floor of the main lobby. There are piles of cracked open safety deposit boxes and the contents of Xianna’s turned out pockets scattered around. It’s like a crate dragon over its hoard. She has just opened the most secure safety deposit box. Her face is lit with a slight yellow glow. As she pulls out the item the camera zooms in revealing a rod made of a single cut gem. It glows slightly. It’s about the width of two fingers and half a meter long. There are strange—Are you okay?!
LAURA: (giggling) It’s just, you’re describing something that sounds very much like a dildo.
NICK: Great. Thanks.
CAMERON: (laughing) And the face Hudson made! He nodded his head like ‘yeah~’
LAURA: You can’t say the word rod and two fingers thick without most of us thinking of a space dildo.
LAURA: And you need to leave all of this in.
NICK: God damn it.
LAURA: Our audience needs to know. (laughs)
NICK: It’s like a magic wand looking thing. Come on.
HUDSON: (laughs) That literally made it worse.
LAURA: Do I need to explain that there is a Hitachi magic wand out there?
CAMERON: Are you talking about—You want us to be thinking more like rebar?
NICK: I’m avoiding saying the word rabbit at this point. Yeah, so you find some sort of crystal fucking dildo, and it glows.
LAURA: I’m gonna add that to my list: Crystal Dildo.
NICK: Great. You can tell because it’s made out of a large gem that it’s probably worth quite a bit of money. It has some strange runes carved into it that you can’t tell what they are.
CAMERON: People pay a lot of money for those ‘gem dildos.’
NICK: So, rifling through the loot, we get a shot over Xianna’s shoulder. She’s picking up the different things that she found, it’s all nondescript jewelry and things like that, and there’s a little counter going up like 50 Credits at a time, 100 Credits at a time, and she gets the good stuff and gets rid of the personal documents that she can’t spend. You have about 750 Credits worth of stuff right there. You can just straight put down Credits. You’ll be able to offload it off screen whenever you want, easy-peasy.
NICK: The other item that I’m not going to describe, because it keeps making people giggle…
LAURA: The crystal.
NICK: The crystal. You’re not sure what it’s worth, you’ll probably need to do some research on that, but a lot. Great. While that’s going on and we hear the cash register sound over and over again as Xianna’s taking stock… yes?
CAMERON: Did she officially find a kyber crystal last time?
NICK: Yeah, she super did. This is something else.
CAMERON: Yeah, I know, I just… You didn’t mention the kyber crystal.
NICK: I forgot about it.
CAMERON: I thought that was her big win from getting locked in the room.
NICK: Yeah. So, on top of everything else, Xianna, you also have a kyber crystal which is… I don’t know, purple maybe? What color would you like your fancy crystal to be, or did I say last time?
CAMERON: I don’t remember.
NICK: Yellow. Okay. You have a big, fancy kyber crystal.
CAMERON: Don’t get it confused with your dildo.
LAURA: No, no, no. See, Kyber Crystal yellow, and then underneath is Crystal Dildo. They’re different.
NICK: (huffs) Great.
NICK: Yeah. The crystal’s not worth as much. It’s probably worth about 1,000 Credits. It’s uncut, it’s not particularly setup for anything useful. It’s not weapons grade, but it is nice. It would make nice jewelry. Tink, at the end of the last episode you were napping on the couch. You had an arm thrown over your eyes and were decompressing from your near-death experience and kidnapping. Are you still sleeping or have you moved on to something else?
HUDSON: I moved on to something else. I’m basically going to get a snack, kind of rubbing my eyes, waking up, seeing what’s in the kitchen.
NICK: (laughs) We get a shot of (hums intro to Old Time Rock & Roll by Bob Seger) and Tink sliding barefoot into the kitchen, and then the camera quickly cuts away before we have to pay for it. Cool. You’re eating, flying… The next shot we have is the Afternoon Delight coming in to land at the same space port as before. Nerftown is a durasteel and duracrete port with prefab buildings surrounded by newer wooden buildings spreading out into the prairie. Same place. We get an over-the-shoulder shot of Zubo waving as the ship returns. He smiles as he sees the ship is relatively undamaged. This is the first real time we’ve seen the ship after it’s upgrades including the night shadow coating. What does the ship look like now?
CAMERON: I’m gonna say our lady survived.
LAURA: Yeah. My initial reaction was just to say it’s all murdered out… which means it’s just all mat black.
CAMERON: yeah, except for our pin-up girl.
LAURA: They just painted a square around it. They didn’t actually go up and redo it, they just left…
NICK: (laughs) There’s just a square.
LAURA: …an unpainted square around her.
NICK: So, to radar, from a very specific angle, you’ll look like a floating square of durasteel in space?
CAMERON: Yeah. We will look like space junk.
NICK: Interesting. The pin-up girl is untouched. What was the other upgrade you put in?
CAMERON: It was just the night shadow coating but we did the upgraded night shadow coating, so it both reduced the range band for sensors picking us up but then it also reduced our Silhouette by 1.
NICK: Got it. Got it. Okay, cool. You land. You have no problems. You already paid for your port fee from earlier, this was just almost a test drive of the repaired ship. Everything feels in order. What do you do now?
HUDSON: “I wonder if my weapon is done.”
CAMERON: Where are you on the ship when you say that? (laughing) I don’t know if any of us hear you.
NICK: Tink looks up from a sandwich, says that out loud.
HUDSON: Looks around, there’s no one there.
CAMERON: And the ship coms are turned off because Karma’s been rocking out to music in the cockpit.
HUDSON: Yeah. The sandwich is peanut butter banana, and I’m walking around.
NICK: Ooh, that sounds good.
HUDSON: I walk around and try to find the others, and then I try to ask them if we can go look for my sword, but the peanut butter banana is in my mouth so it’s kind of sticking to the roof and making it really sloppy.
CAMERON: (laughs) ew.
HUDSON: “(mumbles) ready?”
LAURA: “Tink, I do not understand what you are saying.”
NICK: His translator mask just keeps talking over the noises he’s making and saying “error, unintelligible, error, error.”
CAMERON: It’s like he’s having to lift it up so that he can take a bite of his sandwich and then he’s not quite fully reattaching it whenever he puts it back, so it’s only catching half of his words anyway, so on top of just the chewing noises coming through (laughs) it can’t quite translate everything.
LAURA: It’s just half of the (growling grumbles) and ‘Error! … Car! Error! Error! Sand… carriage? Error!’ (laughs)
HUDSON: yes. That’s what’s happening. I do end up swallowing the massive amount of peanut butter and I get the… I want to call it a transcoder, but that’s not it.
LAURA: your translator.
HUDSON: My translator. I get my translator back on. “Do you think my weapon’s done? Should we go check on that?”
LAURA: “Oh yeah. We can go check on that. I have to sell some things anyways.”
CAMERON: Karma slides out of the cockpit. “Oh yeah! Those should be done. Let’s go!”
CAMERON: Swipe cut!
NICK: We get the zoomed out shot of people just walking off of the ship that they do for scene transitions that quickly cuts to the crew walking through the streets of Nerftown.
CAMERON: We get the cut of us badass walking off the ship, we’re about to go on an adventure, and then Karma pauses. “Wait, hold on. We have bounties on the ship.” (laughs) And turns around and walks back in.
NICK: (laughs) Okay. You go get the hover cart of dead Gigorans?
NICK: Okay. You’re gonna push that through town.
CAMERON: Yes. They’re used to me just walking around with bodies at this point.
NICK: It’s like the second time you’ve done it in two days.
CAMERON: I was pushing the Slippery Nerfs around, and Xianna was pushing the broken Tink around, so they’re just used to this. Everyone’s like ‘oh yeah, they got more bodies.’
NICK: ‘I wonder if they work for a hospital.’
CAMERON: Yup. That’s it.
HUDSON: ‘That doesn’t look like the way you should stack different bodies.’
CAMERON: ‘I’m sure they’re fine. They’re sleeping.’
NICK: Just a weird crowd of dumb-looking NPCs, turns around and wanders off. Great. They won’t come back. Cool.
CAMERON: Boo-bwoop! I lock the ship again.
NICK: You lock the ship, boo-bwoop. Okay. So, are you headed to the bounty office first or to get the weapons first?
CAMERON: yeah. On my cart I have all of the Gigorans from the GGGs, the only one of who is still alive is Ziller. Then I also have the carbine and the four light blasters on the cart as well that I was going to sell Krylon.
NICK: Right. Okay.
CAMERON: I’m taking the bodies first, because Ziller may wake up at some point.
NICK: We get the shot of you all heading through the ship. One thing we do notice is Tink’s limp is pretty much completely gone at this point. That was just for flavor stuff, but remember your knee was all jacked up and it as a long healing process. That is good, because it’s been three days of you having direct bacta implants into your knee, which is fun.
HUDSON: So, if you were to put this numerically, would you say that I’m at a threshold of 17 and fully repaired?
NICK: No, this is the last critical hit. If you’re still kind of bloodied up from getting shot a bunch by stormtroopers you may want to take care of that.
HUDSON: Got it.
NICK: You head towards the LAW… office, and the camera pans away from the crew as they head that direction. We see a Human man in a black vest wearing a flat brimmed hat. He’s leaning against a wall watching the crew head by. A shorter man who’s older and has a wrinkled face is leaning through a window talking to someone inside. The younger man elbows his companion and nods towards the crew who are chatting amongst themselves as they walk down the street. The older man hits his head on the window as he turns to look. “Oof!” And he rubs at his head. “That’s her?”
The younger man nods. “Yeah, that’s her,” and the camera zooms back to the crew. Where are you headed next, law office, right?
CAMERON: Law office.
LAURA: Oh no. They’re heading to the law office. Xianna just immediately peels away. “I have things to sell. BRB. Heh.”
CAMERON: “Okay. Just meet us at the weapon shop.”
NICK: Cool. We’ll do law first and then you can fence stuff. You walk into the office. You hear a bell ding across the door and the, sheriff?, I guess, she’s sitting behind her desk. “Oh. You’re back, and—Oh! Man, you work pretty fast, huh?”
CAMERON: “I work better when I… I need stuff to do. I was bored this week.”
NICK: “Okay… You know it’s okay to take some time and relax. Out here in the sticks we do that quite a bit.”
CAMERON: “Oh, I think we’re gonna go on safari later.”
NICK: “… Okay. yeah. Hunt giant animals, that’s relaxing.”
CAMERON: “No, just look at them.”
NICK: “Oh, okay.”
CAMERON: “Safari doesn’t necessarily involve hunting. We’re doing the pure tourist safari. We’re just gonna go hope we see animals.”
NICK: “Where are you going on safari? I wouldn’t recommend Engebo 5 for that.”
CAMERON: “Yeah, we already saw the nerfs.”
NICK: “Yeah. There’s not a lot of other wildlife, that’s why the nerfs are so successful here. So, where are you gonna go?”
CAMERON: “I’m not sure. (laughs) We need to get with our travel agent.”
NICK: (laughs) Okay.
HUDSON: “We’re looking for the best deal with the most animals combo.”
CAMERON: “Yeah, with the animal guarantee, so that if we don’t see the animals then we get our money back.”
HUDSON: “It would be cool if we went to one where the animals that were previously extinct are now there again,” (laughter) “but it’s like a surprise, so you don’t know you’re gonna see ones that you thought were extinct but then they pop back up.”
LAURA: Oh, and you get in little vehicles that are like on a cart and you see they’re in closures, and they’re all female so that way they don’t accidentally reproduce, but uh, life finds a way…
LAURA: And then they break out, and I hope you all know where I’m going with this. It ends with Jeff Goldbloom shirtless. (laughs)
HUDSON: Ah, surrounded by dodo birds and woolly mammoths.
CAMERON: (smiling) That sounds like the perfect safari.
NICK: We’re gonna create a Star Wars race that’s just Jeff Goldblooms. They all just look like Jeff Goldbloom from various things.
CAMERON: From all of his different movies. (laughs)
LAURA: And they’re all shirtless.
HUDSON: Apartments.com is still a thing.
NICK: Okay. The sheriff looks at your hover cart of bodies. “Are any of these alive, or…?”
CAMERON: “yes! Ziller! The boss.” I pull one of them up by his handcuffs.
NICK: He rises slightly off of the cart. He’s a very large Gigoran in a pleasant clover green color. The striped ones all are scored with blaster marks and signs of explosions. “Okay, well, help me get him into a holding cell and we can just push the other ones out back with all the Slippery Nerfs that you brought me.”
NICK: Tink, do you help with this?
HUDSON: Oh yeah.
NICK: Okay. We get a scene of the three of you all tossing him into a cell. He does the thing where he lands on his face and his butt sticks up in the air real high.
CAMERON: And then it slooowly flattens out.
NICK: The sheriff spits in his direction and locks up the cells.
CAMERON: Karma retrieved her handcuffs beforehand and slid them back up on her tentacles.
NICK: Smart. Keep your gear. The back door of the jail is open. You notice that the cells are four wall durasteel cages, but the walls of the building are just light wood, nothing particularly secure about it, and the back door is open, and there’s a pile of fly-covered corpses from earlier that are starting to stink a little bit. She just dumps the Gigorans on top of that. There’s a really gross squish noise, but… yeah. She goes back inside and she types some stuff up on her terminal that’s in her computer. “Well, I think that was 4,000 Credits was the bounty?”
NICK: “Well, we’ll go ahead and do that transfer.” While that very boring business is going on, after the fun part, we’re going to do a circle wipe over to Xianna. Xianna, what are you trying to achieve?
LAURA: Xianna wants to find a pawn shop of some sort. Zebwex, or whatever his face was, he was at a general store, right?
LAURA: So if I go to a pawn shop he won’t be there.
NICK: That’s true.
LAURA: She would like to find… I’m assuming there is a giant pawn shop, a cash for gold type place.
NICK: Okay. You’re not necessarily trying to find a fence, you’re just trying to find a low end…?
LAURA: For most of just the jewelry and that stuff a pawn shop would probably be easier than finding a fence. I will keep the kyber crystal and the crystal dildo for a fence.
NICK: Okay. There is a pawn shop. It’s not actually particularly big. As you go in it’s mostly farm equipment, saddles, cattle prods, a bag of feed that looks like it’s been there way too long. It’s the kind of stuff that the farmers have offloaded. They don’t have a ton of things. There is a rack of blasters in various quality, but pretty small. Behind the counter there is a bald, red-faced guy wearing all black, and he’s got a goatee. “Hi. What can I help you with?”
LAURA: “Yes. I have some things I would like to trade in for Credits. Here we go…” She just starts reaching into her pockets and piling stuff onto the counter.
NICK: He pulls out the jeweler’s lens and starts looking at the various things. “Hey, you got some nice stuff here. I think I could offer you 30 Credits,” and he crosses his arms and smiles at you very smugly.
LAURA: “No… No. This is worth much more than 30 Credits. Yes. I was thinking more along the lines of 1,000 Credits.”
NICK: “Whoa, whoa, now it may be worth 1,000 Credits, but that’s assuming someone comes in and buys it, and any time it’s here it’s costing me money. You know, I gotta protect my bottom line. Tell you what, I got a buddy who specializes in nondescript loot from dungeon crawls. If you wait a few hours he could come back here and we could get a solid estimate for it.”
LAURA: “Or you could just pay me more now.”
CAMERON: No Laura, that’s not how these type of TV shows work. You have to bring in the expert. (laughs)
LAURA: The buddy has to come in, because of course he knows a guy who specializes in Civil War rifles, because that’s just a thing people do, that’s a friend everyone has.
CAMERON: ‘I know a guy.’ Yeah.
NICK: You see another large man with long black hair and a goatee walking around behind the thing and he trips and falls and breaks a bunch of stuff, and they start yelling at each other. “Tell you what, I’ll give you 500 Credits for everything.”
LAURA: “Eight hundred.”
NICK: At this point an old man comes out and he starts saying something about how it’s not worth anything and this guy’s gonna get their shop closed. “Uh, I’ll give you 750 if you just go away. I’ve got some things to deal with.”
LAURA: “Okie! 750 is good. Thank you~”
NICK: He just throws a bunch of credits at you, and that’s it. He takes your stuff.
LAURA: Then I’m gonna go back out, I’m gonna go back to the underground bar, because Xianna would not go to the weapon shop on time. She’s gonna go have a drink.
NICK: You turn to leave and the owner of the pawn shop turns to the camera and says, ‘Now, I think I can probably get about 15,000 Credits for these, but you know, we gotta protect our business, and the guy with the longer hair and the beard falls down and breaks some more things and goes (yells angrily), and we cut away. Xianna is heading towards the underground bar. Karma and Tink are headed towards the weapon shop. Laura, are you picturing that she’s just gonna show up later after they’ve already collected everything?
NICK: Okay. Everybody’s still heading out. We get one of those cool heist movie split screen things down the center with Karma and Tink heading one direction and Xianna heading the other. They both turn onto the road heading to the weapon shop, and then Karma and Tink look into a window where there’s nerf calves that are for sale.
CAMERON: (long gasp)
NICK: They’re really small. They’re like 40 pounds maybe. That’s approximately less than 20 kilos. I wasn’t gonna be able to do that in my head. Sorry metric people. Something like that.
LAURA: A little less than 20…?
NICK: It’s probably like 15, 17 kilos.
LAURA: I’m much better at the Fahrenheit to Celsius approximations.
NICK: Oh, I’m terrible at that one. It’s like 2.12 pounds per kilo, but anyway.
CAMERON: It’s 18.14 kilograms.
NICK: I was close! I want credit for that. I was an English major.
LAURA: No, yeah.
CAMERON: Yeah. Good job.
NICK: Okay. So they’re 18.-whatever kilos, but they’re very cute and they’re mooing and they’re tackling over each other trying to get to the window to look at Karma and Tink.
CAMERON: Karma’s tracing her finger around on the glass and they’re all following it.
NICK: They have these really big heads, and one of them has this big, thick tongue and it’s just licking the glass kind of like Stitch does in Lilo & Stitch, just leaving this gross mucus trail behind your finger.
NICK: All that to say, Xianna then turns and heads down a different way. The camera cuts away, as everyone’s heading that direction, and we see the two men from before leaning against a railing on that same street. They’re squinting into the sun. The older man turns to his companion. “You think you can take her, Jake?”
“I have to. It’ll prove I’m ready. You know, it’s hard to be a bounty hunter without a reputation, and let’s be honest, she’s a little bit notorious.” The older man shrugs, and we cut back. Do we want to do the bar scene first or the weapons collection?
NICK: Alright! You walk into the weapons shop. If you remember there was a work table where he’s working and stuff up against the walls. There’s a rack that’s like three meters in the air that’s for display, and you can see your weapons all lined up. They look shiny and clean and dangerous and upgraded. “Well, hello there.” It’s a Devaronian guy.
CAMERON: “hey, Krylon!”
NICK: Yeah. Krylon is working on some sort of missile launcher still. It’s a different one, but this one branches into two barrels at the end. You can’t tell if one is for some sort of tracking and one is for missiles or if they’re both for missiles for some reason. It’s kind of weird. “Oh yeah, your weapons are ready.”
CAMERON: “Awesome.” Karma walks up to the counter and lifts up a duffle bag and sets it carefully as to not disturb the missile launcher. “I got your guns for you, too.” Then we have a quick flashback to when Karma and Tink were talking about which guns they were gonna sell earlier.
NICK: (laughs) Uh-huh?
CAMERON: Because we have another carbine that we got from the Gands that Tink now has, and then we also ended up with four Gigoran battle axes extra.
CAMERON: So we jump back to the center of the ship and Karma just has all the guns and the axes laid out on top of the closed hot tub. “Okay Tink, how many axes do you wanna keep?”
CAMERON: “Yes, we can hang them up in cool places around the ship and just have it look like an old medieval castle.”
NICK: Sounds dangerous,” says Krylon, the weapons dealer.
CAMERON: (laughs) No, this is a flashback.
HUDSON: This is a flashback. Yeah.
NICK: Oh, okay.
CAMERON: We had to jump back, because I realized that there are a lot more guns that we can sell.
HUDSON: “Is there such a thing as a super vibro-axe if you like tape them together?”
CAMERON: (laughing) “A double-handed vibro-axe?” We look to the GM, who looks like he’s never had this thought before.
NICK: I’m blue-screening. Give me a second.
LAURA: I mean, it’s gotta be possible.
NICK: So, that’s a thing.
CAMERON: We just duct tape them together. (laughs)
NICK: The thing is, if you duct tape them together you’re gonna be more likely to cut yourself in half. If you had given him two to begin with or asked for a double headed one we could have come up with some homebrew bullshit for it, but y’all are leaving very soon.
HUDSON: Yeah, I’m abandoning that plan.
NICK: But if you wanna keep a couple for the next time you’re somewhere where someone can put one together…
HUDSON: I’d rather sell them at this point. Let’s go ahead and…
CAMERON: “Okay. Do you want to keep one in reserve for the next time, if you get your nice one upgraded you don’t end up with just a vibro-knife?”
HUDSON: “Yeah. Yes, that’s a good idea.”
CAMERON: “Okay. We’ll sell three of the vibro-axes then.”
HUDSON: “yes, three of the vibro-axes. Let’s be honest, I can’t shoot…”
CAMERON: “See, I feel like keeping the light blaster though is beneficial, because you can learn to shoot that. You don’t need to carry around a carbine with your axe, you’re gonna do more damage with your axe, but if you get in a situation where melee is not possible even if you’re not a great shot with the light blaster that’s still better than not being able to shoot at all.”
HUDSON: I looked down at my sheet to see what I have in Ranged: Light… Nothing. I can’t cock it.
CAMERON: How agile are you, though?
LAURA: Say on a number scale.
CAMERON: Yeah. Okay. You could still… You’d roll two greens. There’s still a possibility of success.
HUDSON: Okay, back in character. “I guess I’ll keep one. There’s, uh… I could use it.”
CAMERON: “Cool. Let’s switch out your Imperial light blaster with one of these nondescript light blasters.”
HUDSON: “Yeah. That’s a good idea.”
CAMERON: “Yeah. We can sell that one. Cool.” We’ll sell the carbine as well. And now we flash back, and karma unzips the duffle bag, and inside are (laughing) three vibro-axes, with I guess tape or something on their edges so they didn’t cut through the duffle bag, one carbine, four light blasters, and then she takes the carbine off her back and sets it on top of the pile.
NICK: “You got quite an armory there.”
HUDSON: “No, you do sir, after you buy them from us.”
NICK: “Wow! What salesmanship!”
NICK: He looks super excited for a second and then looks around at all his walls of weird, piecemeal, strange weapons that he’s created. “Well, I mean, I guess I already did, but… Okay!” We get a brief montage of him ringing up the prices for everything. His initial offer is 80% of the going rate for everything.
CAMERON: We had agreed for at least the carbines and the light blasters that it was full price when we talked to him the first time.
NICK: Hmm. Man, I sure am a nice shop keeper, aren’t I?
CAMERON: Yeah, because you’re gonna do upgrades on them and sell them for much more.
NICK: Well, but I could also just go over to my brother’s shop—Actually, I don’t want to do that. Okay. Full price.
CAMERON: I know! Remember, you hate your brother.
NICK: Right, I remember this now. Full price. Yeah, so he’ll give you the going rate.
CAMERON: Cool. I’ll math it.
NICK: I’ll just skip all these Negotiation rolls, because it’s not important.
HUDSON: And Karma’s gonna keep the money as kind of a group money, is the plan, I think.
NICK: Space mom is the treasurer now?
HUDSON: Yes. I’ll just ask you if I need monies.
CAMERON: How much money do you have right now? How much money does Tink have?
CAMERON: So you’re doing fine right now.
HUDSON: I’m good. Yeah.
NICK: You have enough to buy space Dippin’ Dots.
CAMERON: So, they finish, after we pick up our guns and we get paid for everything, after we leave the shop Karma hands Tink the money for the vibro-axes. “I’m real sorry I got you kidnapped.” (laughs)
HUDSON: “No. It’s- You know… Water under the bridge. You can… Yeah.”
CAMERON: “Yeah, but this 2,250 will help.” (laughs)
HUDSON: “Yeah… It doesn’t hurt.”
NICK: Cool. You all trade in your weapons. Xianna, did you get anything customized? I don’t remember.
NICK: Nope, so you don’t give a shit. Cool. You pick up your stuff and you head outside, and you realize Xianna still isn’t there.
CAMERON: “Do you want a popsicle?”
HUDSON: “Oh, always.”
CAMERON: (laughs) “Okay.”
NICK: (laughing) So you go to the popsicle stand that’s very near to the questionable hospital.
CAMERON: We’re not concerned. It’s fine.
NICK: We cut over to Xianna. Xianna, you do run into an obstacle heading to that underground bar which is that there is a large Gamorrean standing in front of the small doorway for that shack-like house that leads into the hill. “Password.”
LAURA: “Um… I have lots of money and drugs? Is that the password? Heh.”
NICK: You can see him squinting at you. Roll me a Streetwise check. It’s average.
LAURA: Streetwise, got it. That is a triumph with a success, four additional successes, and two threats.
NICK: Wow. You say ‘I have money and lots of drugs,’ and he says, “You… That’s the password. You got it.” Anything else you want to come out of this with the triumph or anything like that?
LAURA: Ooh. He tells me a good spot in this underground area on where to buy more drugs.
NICK: On where to buy more drugs… He’s basically just wearing jorts and a raggedy vest. He pulls open the vest exposing Gamorrean nipple, which you never want to see.
LAURA: Xianna’s fine with that. (laughs)
NICK: He’s got lots of baggies and things. You know the strong man build where they have a tummy, but the tummy is clearly just because their abs are huge? He’s got one of those, kind of like the globular shape, but inside his raggedy vest he’s got lots of different drugs. “Well, if you’re looking for drugs I’ll give you a deal. You seem to really know what’s going on. I got some prime…” Wait.
NICK: No. No. I got this.
LAURA: Some priiime dick.
NICK: I was gonna say—Well that too, wink. “I’ve got some Dagobah Kush here that’ll knock your socks off. It’s got that swamp stank.”
LAURA: “Um… I’m in the market for more powdery drugs… but thank you!”
NICK: He opens up his other vest, and it looks like one of the bulk things at the grocery store with the pull chute and he’s got lots of baggies. “Oh, if you were looking for impact or glitterstim…”
LAURA: “Oh, yes please.”
NICK: “…we’ve got some fine synthetics.”
LAURA: “I would like to buy…” and let me do a calculator. “Okie. Let me have five baggies of impact and two glitterstim, please.” Impact is usually about 125 a dose, glitterstim is 100, but if they’re discounted…
NICK: Yeah. “Well, we’re running a special right now, five will get you seven and two will get you four.” So, pay the going rate and he’ll give you extra.
LAURA: Okay, then I have to actually get my calculator back out. I thought you would maybe do it for me then.
NICK: Nope. I ain’t doing math.
LAURA: (in a sing-song voice)…125 times 5…
NICK: I do all the math before the session, and I didn’t do it this time. (laughs)
LAURA: Okay, that would be 825.
NICK: Yup. You’ll get seven things of impact and four things of glitterstim. We get this weird thing where for one, the dispensers shouldn’t fit in his vest but they do somehow and he puts the baggie under and pulls the chute, and shakes it next to his ear and balances it on his palm for the weight. “Yup, there you go.”
LAURA: How much glitterstim did I get?
LAURA: Four, okay.
CAMERON: Four stims of glitter.
LAURA: Four stims of glitter.
HUDSON: Is it like rock candy?
CAMERON: (giggles) That you snort.
LAURA: I don’t know.
NICK: I think glitterstim is also a powder, isn’t it?
LAURA: I think it’s a glittery powder in a tube and that’s why it’s called glitterstim.
NICK: Although, I’m gonna be honest, I also have been picturing rock candy, but then picturing trying to snort a stick of rock candy makes my sinuses hurt. So, yeah, I don’t know.
LAURA: yeah, I think it’s a tube of glitter.
NICK: Great. You got some drugs. You’re inside the black market. His reassuming his guard posture is exactly like that part in Return of the Jedi where they hustle up to the wall and it turns out Luke is Force choking them but I always thought they were just awkwardly getting back in position. You’re in the underground place. What are you looking for?
LAURA: I head to the closest bar.
NICK: Great. You go to a bar. There’s a couple of waiters and waitresses wandering around. There is a six-armed bartender droid with a flying saucer looking head that’s mixing drinks with all its arms and passing them out in rapid succession, and you pull up a chair.
LAURA: I pull up a chair at the bar, and I look around the room while smiling, because Xianna’s not gonna pay for a drink. She’s gonna wait. Heh.
NICK: Alright. This sounds like some sort of check.
LAURA: …Skulduggery, Charm…
NICK: (laughs) Cool would be if you then want to stab the person who bought you a drink.
LAURA: Streetwise, Charm…
CAMERON: I feel like if you’re looking to get some action it’s Charm.
NICK: It’s probably Charm. I would say Charm.
LAURA: Charm? Cool. What would the difficulty be?
NICK: In this kind of place we’re gonna say hard, not hard to get a drink, hard to get a drink without bad things happening.
LAURA: I’m gonna flip a light side point because this is important to my character.
LAURA: That would be four successes and two threats.
NICK: Hmm. With four successes, describe to me Xianna’s ideal person to buy her a drink.
LAURA: Okay. How much time do we have? (laughs)
NICK: We have two and a half minutes.
LAURA: Okay! Let’s see… Most species, most heights, most body types, basically any gender, probably less than six arms but willing to accept that depending on personality, probably charming but again willing to sacrifice on charming if their credit stick is very full. Any way you want to interpret that statement, you can.
LAURA: Ideally someone who will be okay with flirting for the next hour, and then if she leaves, the sad, sad statement of not getting violent.
NICK: Yeah. That’s gross, and sad, and also true. So, you are very quickly approached by a middle aged looking guy, looks mostly Human but part of his face is a little melty. He has kind of a pig nose and kind of like fangs. “Hey, can I buy you a drink?!”
LAURA: “Well, okay!”
NICK: “What are you drinking… hot stuff?”
LAURA: She smiles, and then turns to the bartender droid because she’d be at the bar, and she’s gonna order a Super Nova.
NICK: Ooh, a Super Nova.
LAURA: It’s a dark orange color and it comes in a little martini glass, and it makes her feel fancy.
NICK: Yeah. He orders two and he has a big hand with pointed fingernails. “Well, that’s a pretty fancy drink choice for a place like this. We’re lucky that they have the newest firmware on these droids, huh?”
LAURA: “Oh yes, very lucky. Heheh.” She does always make sure that she gets it from the bartender, so when it comes out you always get your drink straight from the bartender.
NICK: Gosh, this scene is making me really sad.
LAURA: Do you not know these rules, Nick? There are rules as a woman, for getting drinks.
NICK: No, like, I get it, it just… I don’t think about it because privilege and it makes me sad which is not great, so…
HUDSON: Yeah. Men can leave our drink for 15 minutes while we go to the bathroom at a random club.
NICK: Yeah… That’s only gone poorly—No, it hasn’t. Yeah. That’s gross. Anyway. Yeah, you take them straight from the bartender droid. I think in Star Wars if you get drinks directly from a bartending droid the drinks have a seal on them so you know they’re fresh and untampered.
LAURA: Oh! Like a boba tea place, and you have to poke the straw!
NICK: Yeah. The palms on the droid’s pincer hands just go (swish, click) and seal them so that you can pop the seal and you know it’s good and untampered. Let’s just start inventing technology that makes life less depressing. Let’s do that. So, you’re sipping your drinks and you’re flirting and talking, and you can see that this guy actually looks pretty bummed out. “Well, at least I have some company today,” and he’s drinking away.
LAURA: “Uh-huh. Yes.” She’s just doing the smile and nod while drinking, and surreptitiously looking around the room to see her other options as well.
NICK: There’s this shot of Xianna clearly just keeping him moving while she’s surveying the bar. “See, I found out recently that I have the death penalty in 12 systems, and—“
LAURA: “Oh yes, uh, uh-huh.”
NICK: “I wasn’t expecting that, and—“
LAURA: ‘Technically I am dead. Uh-huh. Yes.”
NICK: He starts spilling his guts and his volume cuts down as you look around. You see some different people around the room. You see a big group of Chadra-Fan and one of them has a tiara and a sash on that says Bachelorette and they’re just screeching in this high-pitch noise. From your distance you can hear it and it’s not bad, but you can see as wait staff goes near and stuff they’re flinching and covering their ears, but they look like they’re having a blast. Most of them are on the table. You see an older gentleman with a big, white beard and kind of a scarred up face who is just drinking beer out of a pint glass and staring into space. He looks pretty tired. You notice the wait staff, and one of them is a green Twi’lek with tattooed lekku that looks like Sabacc suits.
LAURA: Xianna immediately puts a finger up to this guy’s mouth and just goes, “Shh, shh-shh. Okie. Thank you for the drink, but I have to go now. It has been lovely. Bye.” And she is just holding her finger on his mouth this whole time, and takes her drink and runs off after the green Twi’lek. (laughs)
NICK: As she heads away the man with the pig snout kind of turns back to his drink and downs it. “My friend doesn’t like you either…” and just sits at the bar and looks bummed out.
LAURA: Xianna takes her drink and wants to do the coolest slide in thing she possibly can, and just do like a, “Oh, hello~ Heh.”
NICK: You slide in behind the green Twi’lek who is talking to a customer, and you see the customer slides a bunch of credit chips, like a decent handful of credit chips. He’s saying, “So, whatever you were saying, I just really appreciate the service, you know.”
Then you say hi, and she looks over her shoulder and sees you, and looks back and says, “Hey, uh, sorry about this, but I’m on break,” and just grabs the money and turns around and leans into the bar very close to you. “Well hi there.”
LAURA: “Ello. I seem to keep running into you.”
NICK: “Yeah. I think I ran into one of your friends earlier. I was wondering if you were here.”
LAURA: “You’re not a bounty hunter here to get me, are you?”
NICK: “I don’t normally bounty hunt.”
LAURA: “Okay, but for this instance you are not trying to bounty hunt me? Because if you are, I mean, we could work something out.”
NICK: She smiles and tosses a lekku a little bit. “Oh, I understand the need for clarity of language in this situation. No, I’m not currently hunting you… for a bounty.” And she winks.
LAURA: Yeah. Xianna smiles. “Oh… So, uh, what is your name~?”
NICK: “I’m Nolaa.”
LAURA: “Oh. I am Xianna. yes.”
NICK: “Nice to meet you formally.”
LAURA: “So you say you don’t usually bounty hunt. What do you usually do?”
NICK: “You know, this and that. I spend a lot of time being a waitress. It’s amazing how many people will talk to you…” The guy that she was talking to before taps her on the shoulder, and she turns around and says, ‘Strike two, buddy. Time to leave me alone.” He looks intimidated and scoots down the bar a little bit. “People get pushy, but you know, it’s pretty easy to fix.”
LAURA: “Okay. Information broker, yes?”
NICK: “Yeah. That’s the most profitable version of what I do. Why, do you need something?”
LAURA: “I mean, I will need a fence at some point, if you do know one.”
NICK: “I haven’t been here that long. I know a couple, but none of them are—“
LAURA: “Oh. We don’t plan on staying here.”
NICK: “Oh. You mean like a ‘fence’ fence, like a galactic level super fence.”
LAURA: “No. I mean, I have some things to sell and I need someone to sell them for me. A fence. I don’t know if you thought I meant like a fence in the ground to keep the nerfs in. Again, a lot of these words seem to have multiple meanings.”
NICK: She laughs, and it’s definitely the laugh of someone who is acknowledging a joke was made, but politely.
NICK: She’s laughing because she’s enjoying the conversation, not because she… Anyway. “Yeah, I know a few people, this planet is a little sparse on that kind of thing, but if you’re trying to offload something big I could probably help personally, honestly, or at least get you in touch with somebody who can.”
LAURA: “Okay. I have a kyber crystal. I have this other crystal thing. It only mildly looks like a dildo.”
NICK: “Wait. Wait.”
LAURA: “I do not think it is actually a dildo, so…”
NICK: “Wait, wait, wait. Wait! Wait!”
LAURA: “And then I have this weird mask in a box.”
NICK: “Rewind, rewind.”
NICK: “How does something only kind of look like a dildo? Is it a dick or not?”
LAURA: (laughing) She reaches into her pocket, because of course she has it, and she pulls it out. “See? I mean, it kind of looks like a dildo because the rounded end, but I don’t think so based on the siding of it and the runes carved into it. There are no balls either, but I mean not every dildo has balls, so you know.” Then she puts it back in her pocket. “Then this weird mask in a box, and I have three Twi’lek totems that do need to probably get back to their proper families.”
NICK: She’s thoughtfully scratching at her temple. “Oh yeah, it is kind of a dildo. I see what you mean now. Yeah, I could probably help you sell those on commission, or do you just want to get in touch with somebody and I’ll just take a flat fee? You know, when you came up to the bar I didn’t think we’d start talking business to be honest, but…”
LAURA: “I mean, either one. Which one do you prefer? Which one is best for you for return business?”
NICK: “If it means that we get to see each other again, why don’t you just give those to me, I’ll give you a security deposit, and we’ll trade funds again once I’ve got a buyer lined up. How does that sound?”
LAURA: Xianna thinks for a second. “You are quite lovely, but uh…”
LAURA: “I usually do not do security deposits or things like that. Full amounts, you know, just too many jobs where somebody in the party took everything before paying the other people and only some of those times was it me.”
NICK: “Hmm… So, you want me to just buy them from you.”
LAURA: “We can do that, or you can hand me a buyer.”
NICK: “Okay. Well, I can pay you now. It’ll be faster. I won’t be able to put as much together as that stuff is probably worth, but I’ll get you a majority of it. Probably for the weird dildo thing, I think it’s hilarious, I don’t know what it is, but I could give you probably 2,500 Credits for it. The other stuff, the totems I honestly don’t think we should be selling, that’s kind of bad.”
LAURA: “No, no, those aren’t for selling. Those are for getting back to Ryloth, to their clans, you know.”
NICK: “Yeah. I’m not gonna be going back to Ryloth, so you should hold onto those.”
LAURA: “I mean, I don’t really plan on… I mean maybe. I don’t know. I’ll hold onto them.”
NICK: “The kyber crystal, I don’t know what it’s worth, you didn’t show it to me, but—“
LAURA: She’s like “Oh I have it right here!” She pulls it out. “It is a yellow one. I don’t really know how much these are worth. I will be honest. Heh.”
NICK: She notices that your hand kind of goes to the same part of your coat every time and pulls out different sized stuff and all these things.
NICK: ‘Man, you can sure fit a lot of stuff in your pockets, huh?”
LAURA: “I can fit a lot of things a lot of places.”
CAMERON: I was waiting for a comment like that.
NICK: She laughs. “I could give you 600 for the kyber crystal. It’s a decent shape, but I don’t think it would be able to weaponize. You can see because…” She leans in and puts her hand on your wrist so she can point at it, and you can feel her body heat as she leans in and points to it. “See there’s this major flaw right here in the middle? It would probably get ripped open if it had too much force on it, so you can’t use it for a weapon.”
LAURA: “Uh-huh, but you know, someone has a use for it somewhere.”
NICK: “Oh absolutely, so I could give you 600 Credits for that.”
LAURA: “I don’t have the weird mask in the box thing with me. It is back on my ship if you want to go see it.”
NICK: “Oh. Um…”
NICK: She looks up for a second, and then she looks at the droid, and she pulls out a data pad and keys a code. You can see the back of the droid’s head has six lights lit up on it in blue, and one of the lights flickers once and goes out. “Alright. I’m off the clock. Let’s go see.” And we’re gonna cut away!
LAURA: Cut away. I don’t know if we’ve set up any system of like… a sock. (laughs)
CAMERON: (laughing) We definitely have not. It has not come up yet.
LAURA: Ooh. Xianna probably puts a sock just on a wheel of the ship somewhere as she’s going in. “Eh… There. They will know what that means.”
NICK: You had a sock in your coat for this purpose.
LAURA: yeah. (laughs) Why not?
CAMERON: It was just leftover from when she was stuffing her boot.
NICK: Oh. Yeah. That makes sense.
CAMERON: There’s a story reason why she has a sock.
NICK: Okay. We get a quick cut of Xianna having a sock, and there’s no doorknob on the ship, and then looking around and there’s a bolt sticking out of the wheel and just, ‘huh…’ and it’s near where you would get on the ship, I guess.
LAURA: (smiling) yeah.
NICK: It’s a gray sock. It’s about the same color as the tarmac, but you know, I’m sure it’ll be fine.
LAURA: yeah. It’ll be fine. Yeah.
NICK: Then we get a shot of Nolaa talking excitedly and shaking around and you both lean in close and go up into the ship.
LAURA: Well, you hear the door close and then you hear, (clap, clap), and then disco music, (laughter) or whatever we decided disco music was called.
CAMERON: Jizco music.
LAURA: I’m putting it in there. It’s called jizco.
NICK: Great. Building Star Wars canon one elicit meeting at a time. Okay. That’s going on. Let’s cut back to Karma and Tink. You have collected the bounty. You have collected your weapons. What else did you want to do in town?
CAMERON: We’re eating popsicles.
HUDSON: We’re eating popsicles. What has that done to my weapon? Do I need to increase damage or things like that?
NICK: You got a monofilament edge, I believe.
CAMERON: A monomolecular edge which…
NICK: That reduces your crit rating by one.
HUDSON: That’s what it is. Okay.
NICK: Cool. We get a shot of Tink and Karma. Are you sitting next to the road eating popsicles? Are you standing by the stand eating popsicles?
CAMERON: We found a nice bench. We have our feet up on our cart. (laughing) We’re just gonna keep rolling our hover cart around.
NICK: yeah, your errands cart that you use.
CAMERON: Yeah! This is our second errands cart, because the first errand cart got left with the hospital. (laughs)
NICK: That’s true.
CAMERON: This is our replacement cart.
NICK: You have new toys, your newly upgraded weapons, so I think Tink and Karma are probably inspecting them while they eat the popsicles. As a reminder, what were your upgrades and then what does that do to the appearance of the weapon? Did you get it fancy-looking? Krylon usually adds a little flair when he makes weapon upgrades. Tell me about your weapons.
CAMERON: Alright. On my vibro-sword I got monomolecular edge and balanced hilt. The monomolecular edge decreases my crit rating by one, so my vibro-sword now crits if I have one advantage, and then the balanced hilt adds the Accurate 1 weapon quality, so I get a blue die for all sword slashes. On my carbine I got the night vision scope. It removes two black dice for darkness and it tracks heat signatures in all sorts of things, and through walls!
NICK & HUDSON: Ooh!
CAMERON: It doesn’t differentiate between like a fridge giving off heat and a Human giving off heat.
HUDSON: How many walls?
CAMERON: I don’t know. It just says through walls~
NICK: It’s probably the range of the weapon. What does your carbine look like now? Does it have a blocky scope on top, or is it a new color?
CAMERON: It now has a scope on top. It starts small and gets bigger, and it has the lens on, it’s kind of a green night vision color. Since Krylon wanted the scope paintjob to match the carbine paintjob, and even though Karma kept her carbine really nice it’s still an older blaster, so he redid the paintjob in that, kind of like the Ravens black that’s kind of black and green sheen to it. Then my vibro-sword just has a much nicer hilt now, memory foam hilt and is comfortable and isn’t just the black duct tape that the Empire had on it.
NICK: Cool. Cool. Tink, does your vibro-axe—It’s sharper now.
HUDSON: It’s sharper now. It is very shiny. I can see my reflection in the blade, and the hilt has been polished.
NICK: Okay. Was there a cool pattern etched into it now or anything, or is it still just shiny and chrome?
HUDSON: It’s still just shiny and chrome, but they did attach a bandana to it like when you’re leaving Pet Smart (laughter) and it has the name and logo of the shop.
LAURA & CAMERON: Aww.
NICK: It’s Krylon’s Weapon Hotel, is what it says on the…
HUDSON: Yeah, Krylon’s Weapon Hotel.
NICK: Oh man…
HUDSON: So that happens.
NICK: Okay. (laughs)
NICK: Cool. What do you do now? Do you head back to the ship? Have you finished your chores?
CAMERON: As we’re eating popsicles I’ll text Xianna. “Hey, where you at?” I’m guessing she doesn’t respond though, because she’s busy.
LAURA: No, yeah. There would either be no response or just a set of emojis that Karma and Tink probably don’t understand. We’re gonna say after a few minutes you get two or three emojis sent and you don’t know what they mean.
NICK: It’s a peach, the smiley face, and then a sock.
CAMERON: “Is she grocery shopping?”
HUDSON: “I mean, socks aren’t groceries.”
CAMERON: “No, but… I don’t know. Does she need new socks now that she has less toes?”
HUDSON: “Maybe she hopped in a puddle and they’re wet?”
CAMERON: “I don’t know… She’s happy about it.”
HUDSON: “Yeah…” Then I kind of start to get a frown and I start to get this stare, like a thousand mile or thousand yard stare? How do you say it?
CAMERON: Either way! How far are you staring?
HUDSON: A thousand mile stare. “Karma…”
HUDSON: “Do you believe in an afterlife?”
CAMERON: (laughing) karma like chokes on her popsicle a little bit. “Uh… Yes? I think I do, Tink.”
HUDSON: “Okay. I was just thinking about Sabos, where he is, if he’s anywhere.”
CAMERON: “Well,” insert fact about Togrutan lore here for what Sabos probably believed. (laughs. I don’t know.
HUDSON: You could make it up at that point.
NICK: They don’t have a lot.
LAURA: I mean, there are a lot of Force users, so it’s probably just like you become one with the Force.
CAMERON: “Yeah. I think we’re all part of the Force and the Force is part of us. You may say that I am one with the Force and the Force is with me… and the Force is with Sabos.”
HUDSON: “Oh… Alright.”
CAMERON: “So, I don’t think any of us are ever really gone, we just can’t see them anymore, but the Force is all around us.”
HUDSON: “I could get behind that. Alright.”
CAMERON: Karma knew Jedi. She’s spouting Force shit.
HUDSON: Yep. “Thanks karma.”
CAMERON: “You’re welcome.”
HUDSON: I just eat my popsicle more.
CAMERON: “Good talk!” (laughter) How long has it been? It’s been a week since Sabos died?
NICK: Yeah, something like that. I think it’s less than a week. It’s been like five days.
HUDSON: So I should be sad still, this isn’t like a…
LAURA: It’s only been a few days.
CAMERON: This is still fresh. (laughs) We’ve gotten shot several times since then, though.
NICK: yeah, that’s true. I think we have the shot of Tink being like ‘well thanks, karma. I feel better,’ and then it swipes to a disco ball and pounding disco music and you just see like a purple hand–
CAMERON: (giggles) Pounding.
NICK: Ugh. God damn it. I’m trying to do this tastefully.
NICK: You see a purple hand and a green hand holding each other and then it cuts back to whatever the next scene is.
CAMERON: “Alright. You ready to head back to the ship”
HUDSON: “Oh yeah.”
CAMERON: We push our cart back to the ship.
NICK: Do you think either of you would notice a gray sock on the wheel of the ship?
CAMERON: Karma 100% notices the sock, grabs it and goes, “ugh, kids,” and then just goes and tosses it in the laundry chute.
LAURA: (laughs) We have a laundry chute. Okay.
CAMERON: yes, and then parks the cart in its section with our speeder bikes.
NICK: Can I get a Perception check from you, Xianna?
LAURA: Yes. What would the difficulty be?
NICK: How distracted do you think you are?
LAURA: Extremely distracted!
NICK: So probably hard, and I’m gonna flip a dark side point.
LAURA: Let’s see!
CAMERON: Please say you fall prone.
LAURA: No. Three successes, two threats.
NICK: Two threats… Ugh. None of my threat ideas are things I want to put on the internet.
HUDSON: ‘This is a Snickers wrapper.’
NICK: You hear people coming onto the ship. The threats are that Nolaa totally doesn’t. She’s doing her own thing. Do you care?
LAURA: “Oh! Oh. Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Okie.”
NICK: “What? What is it?”
LAURA: “I think my crew members are back. I do not know how they feel about bringing other people onto the ship. Hold on a second.” There almost certainly has to be a closet full of silk robes at this point in Xianna’s room. She’s probably taken them all from the costume closet that we have.
NICK: No, no, no. We get a flashback to the fancy ball that you all went to, and somehow during the procession up Xianna must have raided some of the other ships, so they’re like Imperial marked silk robes, or the party had gift baggies that came with stuff and she took like six of them.
CAMERON: The party 100% had gift baggies.
LAURA: Oh! Because the party was being thrown by Falx, and Falx would absolutely put in Imperial silk robes that are too short.
CAMERON: They have matching slippers too, though.
LAURA: There are matching slippers. She doesn’t put the slippers on. She just throws the robe on and pops her head out. They would probably have to walk into the ship a little bit to see her based on how the layout is.
NICK: Probably. We definitely get the shot of Xianna in the robe looking through the door and you can see Nolaa on the bed with the sheet up to the collarbone shot.
LAURA: The tasteful collarbone sheet.
NICK: She’s just chilling out. She doesn’t seem that worried.
LAURA: “Ello~ Karma? Tink? I hope it is you two and not like, um, anyone else.”
NICK: ‘It’s me, Zubo!’
LAURA: ‘It’sa me, Mario!’
NICK: (smiling) I’m just kidding. Zubo’s not there.
HUDSON: “Hey Xianna. It’s intruders. Ha-ha.”
LAURA: “Okay Tink, it is you. Did you two not see the sock that I left?”
CAMERON: “yeah, we really need to talk about the cleanliness level on this ship. Okay guys?”
LAURA: “Oh. Do you not know what a sock means?”
HUDSON: “Yeah. Someone forgot to put it in the hamper.”
LAURA: “No, no, no…”
NICK: You all hear laughter from the room.
LAURA: “Maybe this is just a Rylothian thing to put a sock… I feel like I’ve seen it on other planets too, so um… I have a friend over.”
CAMERON: “Oh. My boys had a different system. Should not use… Okay. Yeah. Sock equals that. Okay, got it.”
LAURA: “Oh! Oh. You’re a cool mom! Cool.” Xianna does a little thumbs up.
CAMERON: (laughs) They’re adults.
LAURA: “Cool mom! Okay. I’m going to close this door now, and you are going to hear jizco music and noises. Do not be weird about this.” She pops her head in and pushes the door and just stares at them as the door closes.
CAMERON: Karma waves creepily. (laughs)
LAURA: And then you hear the two claps again, and you hear the music happen again, and lots of giggling and noises.
NICK: Yeah… and we’re gonna stop that scene.
NICK: That’s a good place to stop.
HUDSON: I turn to Karma and I go, “(mouth click) Nice~”
NICK: The ship gives a proximity claxon. It’s not the ‘you’re about to blow up’ alarm, but it’s one step below that. It’s a long, low pitch, and everyone knows that means something’s bad. Over the intercom you hear someone say, “Hey, come on out of there.”
LAURA: (shouting) “We are not ready yet~!”
HUDSON: “Uh, so they can’t. I wonder who that is.”
CAMERON: Can we hear them from inside the ship?
NICK: They’ve gotten into your intercom.
CAMERON: Oh. “Tiiink! How did they hack our ship?”
HUDSON: “What are y’all doing in there?! I don’t… know. How’d y’all hack our ship?”
NICK: “Karma Nailo, I’m callin’ you out!”
CAMERON: Karma looks surprised. “Sorry, do I know you?”
NICK: (smiling) He can’t hear you. It’s just like a broadcast situation.
CAMERON: “Hmm. Do we go out there?”
HUDSON: “Sounds like you’re being called out, not me.”
LAURA: At this point Xianna and Nolaa are in the Imperial silk robes and the slippers now and are out standing in the doorway. “Oh. It is not for me or Tink. Uh… I guess if you want to go out.”
NICK: So, what do you do?
CAMERON: Alright. We get the cool anime shots of Karma sliding her new sword and do the hilt on the back and attaching the carbine and flipping it around. I guess Karma’s gonna go outside.
HUDSON: “I got your back!” I follow.
LAURA: “We are going to get caf, so uh, see you later. Heh.”
CAMERON: “Y’all have fun. Be safe.” (giggles)
LAURA: “We’re just getting caf… It’s—“
CAMERON: (laughing) Karma’s gone already.
LAURA: “I only touched the pot one time and it was too hot. I know to use the handle now. I know!” (laughs)
CAMERON: It cuts to our caf maker and there’s now a sticker on it that says Caution: Caf is Hot.
NICK: (chuckles) Great.
LAURA: There’s a big handle but only one section has the insulated silicone around it, so if you accidentally grab the handle too high or too low you’ll burn yourself.
NICK: Xianna has this posture of embarrassed defeat and Nolaa just kind of looks confused and pats her on the shoulder, and then they disappear into the ship. Karma and Tink head down the gangplank and there is a man standing there, he’s got a black, flat brimmed hat on and he’s wearing a vest, and he has a heavy blaster pistol on his waist in a holster that is unbuckled so he could draw. “You Karma Nailo?”
CAMERON: “To whom am I speaking, please?”
NICK: “My name is Jake. I’m the premier bounty hunter on this planet, and you’re on my territory.”
CAMERON: Karma holds up a finger and tries to look him up.
NICK: He crosses his arms. ‘hey- Don’t- Come on. Don’t do that. Ugh.” You can see behind him probably 15 yards back, standing about mirror to where Tink would be, there’s an older, shorter bald guy who’s pretty wrinkled and trying to look serious but thinks it’s funny. In about 20 seconds you’re able to pull up Jake from Engebo 5. He is not wearing khakis, but he is–
CAMERON: (giggles) He is wearing a red polo, though.
NICK: No, he’s wearing a vest and a white shirt. He is a very new bounty hunter. He’s been bounty hunting for maybe three months. He has one confirmed capture and it was for parking tickets. He’s like real life bounty hunters where you use mostly mace and the job isn’t nearly as cool. Apologies to any actual bounty hunters listening. I know your job is dangerous. Anyway.
CAMERON: Karma accepts your apology.
CAMERON: karma looks at it. “Aww…” (laughs)
NICK: He looks visibly annoyed. “Here’s how this is gonna go. My friend here is gonna throw a credit chip in the air. When it hits the ground we’re gonna shoot—“
CAMERON: “At the credit chip?”
NICK: “At each other. We’re gonna prove who’s the fastest hand on Engebo 5, or you could leave and be branded a coward.”
CAMERON: “Hmm… I mean, If it’s you doing the branding I’m not really concerned about it.”
NICK: “Everyone will know. I’m an influencer.”
CAMERON: “heh.” Karma sets her data pad down. You can see it defaulted back to her page and it’s just continuously getting requests and shit, and she’s not concerned about it.
NICK: (laughs) It just says 99+.
CAMERON: Yeah, but she keeps getting the notifications that someone else tried. “I really don’t wanna shoot you. … That was the end of my statement. You can respond now.”
NICK: “(stammers) I… But… I called you out. We have to fight now. That’s how this works.”
CAMERON: “You know, the bounty hunters tend to be more of a brotherhood, and the shooting of other bounty hunters is kind of frowned upon, and by kind of I mean very.”
NICK: “Look. He’s about to throw this credit chip and then I’m gonna draw. You do what you want. Hit it, man.” The guy takes a credit chip and he tosses it into the air.
CAMERON: I wanna shoot the credit chip.
NICK: (smiling) Oh shoot. Okay.
CAMERON: So it never hits the ground. (giggles)
LAURA: At this point Xianna and Nolaa have walked out onto the plank up next to Tink holding their caf in the mugs. “Okay. Okay. Oh, shoot off, okay. I hope Karma shoots him first.”
HUDSON: Somehow I have a bucket of popcorn now.
NICK: Okay. Roll me a… shooooting check, I guess?
NICK: Ranged: Heavy. Well, I know what it’s called!
CAMERON: (laughing) A shooooting check.
NICK: Well, so, I was going to make you roll initiative, but you’re drawing so much earlier than he is expecting I don’t think you have to beat him with initiative. He wouldn’t be ready for you to ignore the credit chip, because that would be murder.
CAMERON: And I have Quickdraw, so…
NICK: Oh, you do. That’s really cool. You quickdraw your rifle off your back and it’s gonna be a hard shooting check.
CAMERON: Okay. Let’s see. There are no walls nearby, so that doesn’t help me…
NICK: To see through the walls? (laughs)
CAMERON: To see through. Yup.
NICK: Very important.
NICK: Are you still checking your talents?
CAMERON: Well, I was just gonna ask, has the credit chip acted this encounter yet? (laughing) Can I have a blue die for Quick Strike?
NICK: No. You can have the—Yeah. I would say this is sort of quick striking against him, and he hasn’t acted yet.
CAMERON: Okay. Cool. Two of my yellows came up blank, but I have three successes, three threats, and a triumph.
NICK: Okay… So you shoot the credit chip. Do you have an idea for the triumph? I kind of do. I was thinking that the credit chip is completely obliterated, vaporized, so nothing ever hits the ground, and he’s just waiting for too long and then he realizes what you did. He flinched when you shot, and then the credit chip never hits the ground, and he realizes what happened and he’s just stunned. He keeps his hands up and you’re able to just turn and go back on the ship. You completely defused the situation. Does that work for you?
HUDSON: I clap.
CAMERON: And I would like to not fall down, as part of my triumph.
NICK: (smiling) No! That’s gonna be so funny!
CAMERON: (smiling) Nope! I would like to not fall down as part of my triumph.
NICK: … Fine.
CAMERON: (laughing) I don’t want to do this super badass thing and then fall.
NICK: (laughing) I wanted it to be, and then you trip walking back up the ramp, but you’re just like ‘fuck yeah, holster, turn, everyone applauds, guy looks like an idiot… trip-fall!’
LAURA: Xianna’s shaking her head because she was really happy for a second because she thought Karma was just gonna shoot the guy before the coin hit, and was like “yes, that is how you do it,” and then was like “ugh… you should have just shot him. He would be dead. You could have just shot him first.”
CAMERON: “See, here’s my reasoning though. You noticed that blaster bolt was red?”
CAMERON: “Yeah. I didn’t want to shoot him, because I wasn’t quite sure if Krylon had set it back to stun.”
LAURA: “I mean, then he would be stunned, I guess. Oh well.”
NICK: We get a flashback to Krylon as he’s attaching all the parts and cleaning all the parts. He looks at the stun/kill switch and it’s on stun. “Huh, that’s weird,” and flips it to kill where it should be in his mind.
We see everybody go back onto the ship. I think at this point Nolaa probably runs into the ship and grabs her bag of stuff. “Hey, this has been fun, but I’ve got some stuff…”
LAURA: “Um, so I was going to sell you some things. Do we want to just do that later?”
NICK: “Yeah. I think this is a good start. I used up most of my funds. I don’t want to be awkward about that. I gotta go.” And she takes off very suavely. She’s still wearing the robe. She just grabbed her stuff in a bag and is…
LAURA: Yeah. (laughs)
CAMERON: “Bye Nolaa! Come again soon!”
NICK: “Oh, it was good to see you, karma.”
LAURA: Xianna’s just waving, “Yes please~!”
LAURA: “It was a dirty joke~! Ha.”
NICK: The ship gangplank closes up and the camera zooms out and we see the ship lift off and head towards space. The camera comes right in on Jake and his older friend who walks up and grabs him on the shoulder. Jake’s reaching towards the ship. “Agh! But I was gonna prove I was good…”
“Hey, forget it, Jake. It’s Nerftown.”
CAMERON: (laughs) Oh no~
NICK: (smiling) And that’s where we’re gonna end the episode. Ba-naaa~!
CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you’ve enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show and give the squad warm fuzzies when we read them.
Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.
Tink is played by Hudson Jameson, and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.
Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.
Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.
Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.
Additional music by James Gunter.
Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad. For real, we’re real people and we want to talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.