Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 22:

We Don’t Talk About Wookie Fight Club

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.

I have to tell you friends, it’s good to be podcasting this week. We’ve been having a blast, and on top of that we got two new iTunes reviews. Richard KL, dude, thanks for the review! We talk with Richard fairly regularly on Twitter and he’s a super cool guy. We also received a very kind review from Jules Cunningham. Jules said some very kind things about the squad and our show and it made us all smile. Thank you Jules! Anyone else who likes the show and wants to support us, run on over to iTunes and give us five stars. If that’s not your thing, check us out on Twitter at @Tabletop_Squad.

Music this episode is Hard Fight by Manuel Senfft and FeRiaN by Phillip Gross.

With that done, we hope you enjoy the episode.

##

NICK: Hello! Welcome to Episode 22 of Tabletop Squadron, your favorite Star Wars shopping podcast. I am your host and game master, Nick. We’re gonna go around the table. Everybody say who they are, who they’re playing, and that’s it. Start with Hudson.

HUDSON: Hi. I’m Hudson. I play Tink a Gigoran slicer.

NICK: Oh boy. Up next we’ve got Laura.

LAURA: Hi, I’m Laura, and I play Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler.

NICK: Sweet.

LAURA: Yes.

NICK: Last but not least we’ve got Cameron.

CAMERON: Hello. I’m Cameron, and I play Karma Nailo the Nautolan bounty hunter.

NICK: Wonderful. Before we get started let’s go ahead and do the Destiny Roll~

CAMERON: One dark side.

HUDSON: One light side.

LAURA: One light side.

CAMERON: Two light side, one dark side!

NICK: Great. Last time the crew did a lot of things, got a lot of their checklist done for their downtime here; got their ship started on getting repaired, got their medical conditions treated, mostly wounds, bought some drugs, bought some weapons, upgraded some weapons, bought some grenades which are also weapons, bought some stim packs, got some scanner goggles replaced, realized that there’s an old acquaintance here, went to a bounty office, got some bounties… lots of stuff. Just really tearing up Nerftown, just having a grand old time.

The last episode ended with you all leaving the weapon shop having dropped a bunch of your weapons off to be upgraded and the crew deciding to head back to the ship, so we’ll pick it up there. I think everybody is standing around one of the tables in the main receiving area of the Afternoon Delight. Actually, they’re probably on top of the hot tub with the lid over it. The vase of flowers that’s affixed to the top has been moved off to the side, and everybody has their haul spread out and they are either putting stuff away for storage or affixing it to various places on their kit. The camera also looks over the shoulder past the crew to a closet dramatically and zooms in to show a droid with rusty red armor tucked back behind some coats, and then snaps back to you all.

So, what’s going on?

LAURA: Xianna’s putting the grenades in her pockets, and getting her new scanner goggles, and then at some point she takes her little tote bag and goes, “Um, I’m going to, um, put these ones away in my room. Okay bye~!” and scurries off to her room and closes the door. Probably as it closes you hear her go (claps twice) and then just disco music starts playing.

NICK: (laughs)

LAURA: I bet there’s a fun Star Wars word for disco.

CAMERON: Probably.

NICK: Jizco!

LAURA: (laughing) Jizco.

CAMERON: Oh no. (chuckles)

NICK: Yeah. We get a shot of Xianna. Her bed is slowly rotating. There’s a disco ball shining lights everywhere. There’s happy music playing. I’m assuming you’re refilling your little snuff box.

LAURA: Yeah. I’m going to keep 8 doses in the little box, and then keep my other…

NICK: You had 30 doses there.

LAURA: Well I already had 6, so I ended up with 36, so 36 minus 8 is 28, right? Yeah.

NICK: Good math! Eights are hard.

CAMERON: (laughing) It even had 8s in it, yeah. I was impressed.

LAURA: Yeah. I’m gonna keep 8 doses in my box and then 28 on the ship. I’m probably gonna hide them in various places around my room, not anywhere specific, just like a few under the mattress, a few inside the disco ball, a few in a closet, a few are gonna get wrapped up in plastic and stuck somewhere in the refresher. Also, I still have that box with that weird mask in it.

NICK: Yup.

LAURA: It doesn’t quite fit on my face. I do while moving it kind of put it on my face again, just trying to decide if I like it or not, but it doesn’t quite fit.

NICK: As you put it on your face the camera zooms in. We see your eyes and then the mask comes up over it, and the space ship bass noise that it makes happens (low rumbles), and you put it on and we can see Xianna trying to adjust it, kind of rolling her eyes a little bit, and it gets louder, and then you take it off and it just cuts back to normal and the disco music is playing in the background. (hums a disco beat)

LAURA: (hums a disco beat)

NICK: Hmm. Wonder what’s going on with that. While she’s doing that, Tink and Karma, you’re in the lobby of the ship getting organized. What are you keeping on the ship? What are you taking with you?

CAMERON: Karma puts probably half of her stim packs in her bag with her extra battery pack, and then sets the emergency repair patches to the side, because we don’t have a droid with us yet, and then tosses the emergency med pack in her backpack, grabs the med pack and takes it into the bedroom that we’ve been using for our infirmary, and then heads to her room and comes back with a carbine. (laughs)

NICK: Oh yeah, because you had multiples of those.

CAMERON: Because I had an extra carbine, so I re-arm myself.

NICK: That’s the one you were talking about selling, right?

CAMERON: Yes.

NICK: Okay, but you have it for now.

CAMERON: Mm-hmm.

NICK: Okay. Cool. Tink, what are you doing with your stuff?

HUDSON: I load two frag grenades and two stun grenades into my utility belt. I take my light blaster and store it as well, because I have a light blaster. I think I picked it up in a previous adventure.

CAMERON: You have an Imperial one that I gave you on Unroola Dawn, or from Unroola Dawn, I don’t know when I gave it to you.

HUDSON: Yes. I load all that, also two stim packs. I walk over to the refresher and I clean off my face that is covered in red popsicle that is now dried.

NICK: Great. That’s probably sticky and uncomfortable.

HUDSON: Not anymore, it’s washed off.

NICK: Okay. You cleaned your face. Good. You have stashed your stuff. Xianna, were you taking impact or just hiding it?

LAURA: Just hiding it.

NICK: Cool. You are able to leave the ship. You had a couple leads on some bounties. You also had directions to the bar district if you wanted to relax. Several of you had mentioned wanting to go to maybe some of the less savory places to buy things.

LAURA: Yeah, that’s Xianna’s plan.

HUDSON: Me too.

CAMERON: “Before we head out, while we’re getting the ship fixed, we have an opportunity here to upgrade it if there’s anything we think we want.”

HUDSON: “Streamers.”

LAURA: “A second Jacuzzi.”

CAMERON: “I feel like y’all are not thinking… I’m talking like things that would assist the ship in fighting better, or not getting hit as bad, or not being seen.”

LAURA: “Little fire decals on the side. Yes.”

HUDSON: “That’ll scare them.”

LAURA: “To make the ship go faster. Heh.”

CAMERON: “We did discuss a paintjob. They’re gonna do a wash first after they do the repair, we’re gonna see how the decal lasted, but a new paintjob is a thing that we discussed if it’s not salvageable.”

LAURA: “Okay, but we are keeping the pin-up girl, right?”

CAMERON: “Depending on how she’s doing. If it’s severely damaged we may have to paint over her if it got messed up enough. I don’t think it did, but it’s pretty dirty, so we shall see.”

LAURA: “Okay. I guess we can always get a new pin-up girl.”

HUDSON: “As far as upgrades go, I would say something to protect the ship a little bit more. What are we talking here? What are our options?”

CAMERON: “There are so many options. The one I was thinking would be most beneficial would be night shadow coating to make us harder to see, because that would have come in handy with the blockade when we were trying to leave.”

HUDSON: “Ohh.”

LAURA: “Would make us more sneaky.”

HUDSON: “Pretty sneakyyy.”

LAURA: “Yes.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. This ship does not… fly well.”

LAURA: “We are a party boat.”

NICK: (laughs)

LAURA: “I not need to fly well, it just needs to fly!”

CAMERON: “I know, it does fly, we don’t need to fly well, but if we’re sneaking past a blockade we can’t do real fancy flying to evade things, so not being seen in the first place could be useful.”

LAURA: “Yes. Probably.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. That’s what I’m thinking.”

HUDSON: “I could agree on that.”

LAURA: “Uh-huh. Okay. So who is going to pay for that?”

CAMERON: “I was thinking we’d split it.”

LAURA: “Umm…”

HUDSON: “That sounds like a great idea.”

LAURA: “How much per person would that be…?”

CAMERON: Would it be per cost from the book?

NICK: Yeah.

LAURA: “Because I already spent a few thousand already, and I have more things to buy, so…”

CAMERON: “I mean, same here. I paid to fix the damn ship already when y’all skipped out to go get Tink’s knee repaired.”

LAURA: “Yeah, but that tote bag was 3,000, and it’s a very nice tote bag. Heh.”

CAMERON: “That was a mistake on your part apparently.”

LAURA: “I don’t know. I did buy it from a doctor, so I don’t know how much of a mistake that could be.”

CAMERON: “It would be 3,500 Credits.”

LAURA: “Per person?!”

CAMERON: “No, not per person, dear lord.”

LAURA: “I do not know what ships cost.” (laughs)

HUDSON: “yeah, I was about to… I did big old eyes as well. I was like whaaat.”

CAMERON: “No. That’s the total, so you’d split that.”

HUDSON: “That doesn’t split evenly, does it?”

LAURA: “Uh, 3,5000 divided by 3…”

HUDSON: “Hold on. Let me get out my calculator—my space calculator.”

CAMERON: The calculator you have in your stomach? (laughs)

LAURA: “…is 1,000; 500 divided by 3…”

HUDSON: “That’s 1,166.666666666666667.”

CAMERON: (snickers)

LAURA: “Okay. I was rounding. I was just going to say AROUND 1,200…”

HUDSON: “I just did as well. Did you not hear the end of my number?”

CAMERON: (laughs) Oh my gosh.

LAURA: “yes. That is much better. I’m not good at math.”

HUDSON: “So, 1,167. That throws in a tip for them of like 3 Credits.”

LAURA: “Okay. Sure. Fine. I could have bought new toes. No, I wasn’t going to buy the new toes anyways. Who am I kidding?”

CAMERON: Alright. We go down and I tell Zubo.

NICK: You swing by Zubo and you say you want the night shadow coating. What does that do mechanically?

CAMERON: Mechanically that will reduce the range band of enemy ships’ passive sensors by 1 for detecting vessels with the coating, so it’ll just make us harder to see.

NICK: Cool. That’s like a paintjob, so.

LAURA: There’s also a secondary mod option. I don’t know if to do that, since we’re not the ones actually rolling, if that’s just…

NICK: It would just cost a little more. What’s the secondary mod option?

CAMERON: You can reduce the ship’s Silhouette by 1 in combat.

NICK: Ooh, that’s cool.

CAMERON: Which we probably actually want, because we’re Silhouette 5. We’re large.

LAURA: Yeah. How much would it be to do one of the secondary mods?

NICK: What’s the difficulty on the mod? Does it say?

LAURA: What is it to do a mod? Um…

CAMERON: It says 1, reduce the ship’s Silhouette. (laughs)

NICK: I think it’s per mod that you add it gets harder, and the ship doesn’t have any, so I’ll say another 1,000 Credits to do the extra mod. Pricy, but that’s super useful.

CAMERON: “Alright. If it was 4,500 what would the total be, Tink?” (laughs)

NICK: That one is very easy math.

HUDSON: “1,500 each.”

LAURA: “Okay. Sure.”

CAMERON: Okay. We do both.

NICK: Okay. You have the modded night shadow coating. That’s cool.

CAMERON: Close the ship sheet in there so I remember to update the ship.

NICK: Yeah. You go tell Zubo, and he’s like “Great!” and one of those little bonky droids with the nose comes out with a giant spray gun the size of itself and starts walking towards the ship. We get you all walking back into town. You are looking for something a little less legal I think.

LAURA: Yeah, Xianna’s gonna want to use that Streetwise and Street Smarts to try and find some underground dealings.

NICK: Okay. It’ll be an average check. This place isn’t super worried about the… LAW, and I don’t even have black dice for you because you’ve already started talking to people about stuff. You’re already becoming known, but like anonymously.

LAURA: That is…

NICK: Three successes and two advantages?

LAURA: Yes.

HUDSON: Welcome to Underground Market-o-Mart.

CAMERON: (chuckles)

NICK: Yeah. I think you walk back to the town square and you’re kind of putting your finger on your lips tapping it, thinking, and you’re looking around going, “If I were an underground illegal market for commodities and illicit dealings, where would I look?” And you see the Shistavanen doctor from earlier wearing a brown cloak, and he throws up the hood and his ears poke out through two holes in the hood, and he walks down an alleyway. You see some other people looking kind of shady going the same direction, so you head that way.

LAURA: “Oh look, our doctor. We are going to go that way.”

NICK: You head down an alleyway to a less traveled part of town and there is a hill that goes up, and there’s houses and stuff built over the hill, but you see a house that looks built into the side of the hill. There is a very dingy looking Duros leaning against the doorway of this house. He’s wearing just a shirt and some pants with a wide brimmed hat, but he looks very dirty and beat up and tired. He looks up, and I think your advantage is he goes, “Oh yeah, you’re the right kind of people. Go right in.”

LAURA: “Thank you~”

NICK: He holds open the door and you walk in, and it immediately opens up under the hill in a big cavern that’s lit up with glow lights and things. There are several people. There aren’t any stalls or anything, but there are groups of people standing around, and people standing on boxes holding up items, and you can see them being like ‘Glitterstim! Get your glitterstim!” And a lot of people will be like, “Me! Me! Me!” Somebody floating in the group just a little bit. You see other people with, ‘Get your disrupter rays here! All of your very, very illegal disrupter rays! Right here at Disrupter Rays Emporium.” Oh, it’s so good. I am so great.

CAMERON: (sighs, laughs)

NICK: So yeah, it’s an open market where people are just calling out what they have.

CAMERON: Is anybody calling out the outlaw tech data breaker?

LAURA: Or a shadow cloak?

HUDSON: (merchant/auctioneer voice) ‘Get your outlaw tech data breakers here~!’

LAURA: I imagine we would just mingle around in the crowd until we find what we’re looking for.

NICK: Yeah. What does a shadow cloak do?

LAURA: A shadow cloak basically cloaks you, and is shadowy…

CAMERON: Whaaat? (laughs)

LAURA: It does a few different things.

NICK: It boosts your Stealth, I’m imagining?

LAURA: Not so much. Ugh. Which book is it in?

HUDSON: It’s like on the History Channel when they’re doing something and they don’t want to reveal their identity, so they turn black and their voice goes (rumble, rumble).

LAURA: Yeah. It masks your face, and your body… I think it’s in Fly Casual, actually.

HUDSON: It’s in Fly Casual. It’s gonna be about Page 49.

NICK: I’m gonna be very impressed if it was Page 49.

LAURA: Yes. It is Page 49.

NICK: Wow!

LAURA: Hudson has it written.

HUDSON: I looked at Page 48 written for appraiser’s eye, and I was like, it’s right beside there.

NICK: Oh.

LAURA: When activated, a shadow cloak generates a field of concealing darkness around its user causing him to appear as nothing more than a black mass of shadows even in bright light. In addition to hiding the user from sight the shadow cloak field also baffles most sensors and scanners, and distorts the user’s voice.

NICK: Huh.

LAURA: It is relatively static and inflexible once activated, so you can’t be running around because it’s very localized. You can really only use it for about an hour. It would be useful if you’re going past a small section of cameras or if you’re meeting someone and you don’t want them to know who you are.

NICK: Cool. I think as you’re walking around you actually see someone who’s selling illegal pets, so really rare and exotic animals that you shouldn’t be trafficking around because they may or may not make people sick. They’re selling those, and they’re just a mass of shadows, and their voice is coming out, (low and rumbled) “Illegal pets. Get your illegal pets. All of the illegal pets. This guinea pig has wings~” and they’re wearing a shadow cloak.

CAMERON: Whoa…

LAURA: Or do I want a flesh camouflage set…?

HUDSON: It sounded like you said ‘flesh’ camouflage set.

CAMERON: That IS what she said.

HUDSON: Ew.

LAURA: That is what I said. It camouflages your skin and makes you look like a different person.

CAMERON: You do need a sample donated from the person you’re trying to look like.

LAURA: Yeah, but you don’t have to look like an actual person.

CAMERON: Yeah. You can obscure your genetic sequence or mimic one of another person.

LAURA: Yeah. So Xianna’s going to go up to ask about the shadow cloak, and then hears someone selling flesh camouflage set, and she’s like “oh, but or do I want that…? Oh. Tink! Tink, which one do I want? Karma, which one do I want? Do I want the flesh camouflage set or do I want the shadow cloak? Do I want to be… I mean, ugh. They both have their pros and cons. The camouflage set would make me look like a different person, but that means I have to actually look like a specific person, I have to think about that, think which kind of person I want to look like. I do not think that can change the fact that I’m a Twi’lek.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. I don’t think it could get rid of your head tails. (laughs) You could LOOK like you didn’t have head tails.”

LAURA: “I could look like an orange Twi’lek, or like a red Twi’lek, or a blue Twi’lek… any of the other colors. Heh.”

HUDSON: “So, do you want to be cool or a chump?”

LAURA: “I want to be cool~ Tink!”

HUDSON: “Get the shadow cloak. Duh.”

LAURA: “No, I am going to go get the flesh camouflage set. Okay.” (laughs)

HUDSON: Because I suggested one, isn’t it?

LAURA: Yeah. (laughs) She then runs over to the person selling the flesh camouflage set. They’re the same price anyway.

NICK: Okay. The person selling it basically has—Is there a descriptor of what the actual set looks like? Is it a box?

CAMERON: It’s essentially like a disguise kit.

LAURA: Is essentially a comprehensive disguise kit, allowing the user to temporarily but dramatically change his appearance and even foil bio scanners. It’s a set of items.

NICK: Okay. Cool. So it’s a box, it’s got some gak in it. The person demonstrates. They take a hair off of somebody walking by who’s like “hey,” “shut up,” and they put it in the gak and slap it on them, and you can see the skin tone changing as it goes up and then they scrape it off real quick and put it back. “Yeah, pretty standard. I got about three left.” Someone walks by and does a credit transfer. “Got about two left.”

LAURA: “I’m buying one~ Me!”

NICK: “Okay, to the purple Twi’lek. One for you.”

LAURA: And I buy one.

NICK: So you now have one of those goodies. I think while that’s all going on there is a flashing screen towards the back of this cavern that just says ‘TECH, TECH, TECH’ all over it. There’s a Chadra-Fan standing on several boxes that’s just chittering in a high pitch voice, but it draws Tink’s attention.

HUDSON: “Ooh!”

NICK: “Did you want something?”

HUDSON: “Oh yes, I would like an outlaw data breaker please.”

NICK: “Alright, but first you have to answer me this riddle.”

LAURA: Answer me~

HUDSON: “Ah, riddle me this.”

NICK: “Exactly. You’re the right kind of guy. I will sell this to you, but here you have to answer a riddle to be eligible to buy. The riddle is: What gets bigger the more you take away?”

HUDSON: Light side point!

(laughter)

LAURA: Xianna’s making some hand gestures thinking things out, and those hand gestures are not appropriate to say back onto a podcast.

CAMERON: Karma’s like, “Oh, I’ve got it.”

HUDSON: “Oh? What is it?”

CAMERON: “Do you… Do you not know?”

NICK: You’re so smart though.

CAMERON: “You’re so smart!”

NICK: “You seem so smart.”

CAMERON: You gotta use your Cunning for riddles, though. That’s the problem.

HUDSON: Can I roll?

NICK: Sure!

(laughter)

LAURA: (whispering) “Tink! Tink!”

HUDSON: “What?”

LAURA: “It’s a—“

CAMERON: “Don’t tell him. Shh!”

LAURA: “But I think I know it!”

CAMERON: “He’s gonna figure it out. Let’s give him a chance.”

HUDSON: What do I roll for this?

NICK: I like Cunning.

HUDSON: Just straight Cunning?

NICK: I like the idea that riddles are Skulduggery.

HUDSON: Still.

NICK: Yeah.

LAURA: Maybe Knowledge, Education… or Lore!

NICK: This one’s easy. Ooh, no, we’re Cunning. This is a smart brain.

HUDSON: Skulduggery.

NICK: Yup.

HUDSON: Three successes and one threat.

NICK: Okay. There are multiple answers. You pick the one that’s less classic. You say ‘debt,’ and he goes “Exactly! Good job. You’re obviously the right kind of person. You said you wanted an outlaw tech data breaker, did you?”

HUDSON: “yes!”

NICK: He holds it up and it’s a screen and on the backside it looks kind of like a microchip where it’s got all the plugs that go into it, but it also has a little port for the like R2D2 hacking prong. “Yup. I got this right here. I’ll sell it to you for the going rate.” He spins it on one finger.

HUDSON: “1,000 Credits then.”

NICK: “Is that the going rate?”

HUDSON: “Yes.”

NICK: “Is it actually?”

LAURA: Is it actually?

NICK: I feel like it’s more expensive than that.

CAMERON: I was just looking at it.

HUDSON: 1,000, it’s on Page 186 if you wanna—

CAMERON: Confirmed.

NICK: I’m very impressed with your notes.

LAURA: But then again, the camouflage set and the shadow cloak were 2,500.

CAMERON: Yeah. It’s only 1,000.

NICK: Oh. That’s a super good item.

LAURA: Yeah. Prices don’t always make sense.

CAMERON: The thing with those, the prices aren’t super high but the rarity is really high.

NICK: They’re hard to find. Well, you found one. “Alright, 1,000 Credits to the man with the crippling debt. Wonderful.”

LAURA: “I was going to say hole, like if you have a hole in the ground and you take some away it gets bigger!”

CAMERON: “Yup. That is the classic answer to that riddle. Yeah.”

LAURA: “Yes! Uh-huh.”

NICK: “Ah-ho!”

HUDSON: “Learn something new every day.”

NICK: As you’re leaving, you can hear the tech guy saying, “Ah yes. What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs at night?”

Someone’s like, “A sick rancore.”

He’s like, “You got it!”

LAURA: “Oh yes, yes, a sick rancore. Uh-huh.”

NICK: As you look around this cavern with all the market and stuff you can tell that’s the main floor, but off to the side you can see a concession stand kind of bar place set up, and there’s a hallway that leads further in and you can hear the sounds of fighting from that direction. That’s what’s going on here.

LAURA: “Do we want to go see a fight?”

HUDSON: “I could go for a fight.”

LAURA: “I mean, I’m not sure if it is a pre-arranged fight that you sit and watch and bet on or if it is just a normal fight going on.”

CAMERON: “Yeah, okay. I’m gonna go talk to the bartender.”

LAURA: “Okay Tink, let’s go see a fight.”

HUDSON: “Okay!”

LAURA: “Let’s go!”

NICK: And we split.

LAURA: Ha-ha!

NICK: We’ll go to the bartender first. It’s a droid.

HUDSON: Linovo Jimmerson.

NICK: (laughs)

LAURA: Linovo Jimmerson.

NICK: I like that name a lot, actually.

CAMERON: If it’s a droid I don’t want to talk to it.

NICK: Okay, then it’s not a droid.

CAMERON: Because I want information on the bounties.

NICK: Oh, okay.

CAMERON: So I’m looking for a gossip bartender.

LAURA: I mean, droids can be gossips. That’s droidist. Heh.

HUDSON: Beep-boop, gossip droid.

NICK: Let’s do this. You walk over, and as you get closer it turns around and you can see it’s a droid with four long spindly arms. Each arm has a shaker built into the wrist, and it’s assembling a bunch of drinks. It’s the Profix120, a common bartending model, and it’s shaking up stuff. It has the round kind of head like L3-37 does in Solo. It’s shaking drinks, and you go ‘Ugh. A droid? How am I supposed to gossip with a droid?’ And leaning against the bar is a green Twi’lek that looks kind of familiar, and she has Sabacc suits tattooed into her lekku. “Oh, were you looking for a gossip? Because I do that fairly well.”

CAMERON: “I was actually.”

NICK: “You look familiar. Have we met before?”

CAMERON: “So do you. You were… You used to work in a casino on a herdship.”

NICK: She looks kind of haunted for a second. “Yeah. I did used to work on Ithor.”

CAMERON: (laughs) “and then you also had a job on Mustafar recently.”

NICK: “Yeah. That didn’t go well.”

CAMERON: “No! It wasn’t great for us either.”

NICK: “How come every time you end up somewhere everything goes, pardon the language, but lekku up really fast?”

CAMERON: “You know, I have no earthly idea. It is something we’re trying to avoid.”

NICK: No earthly idea?

CAMERON: No alderaanian idea. (laughter) I had this same conversation on Twitter earlier.

NICK: (smiling) I know, and that’s why I caught it.

LAURA: No planet-ly idea.

CAMERON: I have no alderany idea.

NICK: No planetary idea?

LAURA: No planetary idea!

CAMERON: I like Alderany idea.

NICK: Of Alderany.

CAMERON: Nope.

NICK: Okay. Heh.

LAURA: Alderaanian.

CAMERON: “But we were trying to avoid it. It’s not the best.”

NICK: “No but, you know, that’s all behind us. I’m really a fan.”

CAMERON: “it’s lovely to see you again. I’m glad that you both made it off the herdship and off Mustafar with all the fighting and stuff that happened.”

NICK: Yeah. She cracks her knuckles and kind of flexes her neck. “Well, I can take care of myself. I’ve gotten out of scrapes before and I’m sure I will again. You’re not planning on blowing up Engebo5, are you? If that’s the case I’d really like a head start.”

CAMERON: “That is not the plan. No.”

NICK: “That inspires confidence.”

CAMERON: “Yeah… Anyway! I’m Karma.”

NICK: “Oh, hi. I’m Nola. Nice to actually meet you.”

CAMERON: “(smiling) yes! So, I was looking for a gossip.”

NICK: “Well my fees are quite standard.” She actually takes a drink from the bartender and slides it down the bar, and you can see someone who’s leaning against the bar press a button and a little counter on her belt beeps. “Yep, mostly the service industry, but I do pretty well doing informant work, so.”

CAMERON: “I’m looking into several bounties while we’re here getting our ship fixed, but being relatively new to the area I have no idea where I should start, so I’m starting here.”

NICK: “Oh. I haven’t been here for long, but I’ve picked up some things from time to time. Who are you looking into specifically?”

CAMERON: “Well, my top three are the Slippery Nerfs…”

NICK: “Heh.”

CAMERON: “yeah. The GGGs, or Limaden.”

NICK: “Limaden? Uh… I wouldn’t go for him. I saw him get gunned down here yesterday actually.”

CAMERON: “Oh okay, nice to know.”

NICK: “Yeah. I mean, if you can figure out where they buried him you might get half price, but that’s gonna be more effort than it’s worth.”

CAMERON: “Hmm. Yeah.”

NICK: “So you’re looking for the Slippery Nerfs, heh, or what was the other one?”

CAMERON: “The Green Gregarious Gigorans.”

NICK: “Oh. Let’s just call them GGG, I think it’s easier.”

CAMERON: “That is what I did the first time.”

NICK: “Yep. So, the Slippery Nerfs are on planet. I think they tend to hang out to the north, if you know what I mean.” She smiles to herself.

LAURA: Somewhere Xianna’s like, “(gasps) Someone made a dirty pun! (whispers) I feel it! It was as if no one laughed… (laughter) and then suddenly silence!”

NICK: (groans and laughs) ‘They tend to hang out to the north. They have speeder bikes. They move pretty fast. They’re gonna be hard to track down quietly. If you scan from the air you could probably find them without too much trouble. The GGGs, they’re not on planet right now. They’re actually out running a job. They’re trying to take down a merchant shipment. You might be able to head them off, maybe stop, that one might be a lot of money because you could get a rescue reward as well as the bounty if you take enough of them in. One thing I will say, the… LAW here does tend to reward proportionally for these gang ones. You will have to bring enough of them in to prove you’ve disbanded it, so that is a little harder, but you seem pretty experienced.” She winks at you.

CAMERON: “Mm-hmm. Do you know if there is timing on them coming back, where I might want to be if they were to come back?”

NICK: “You know, they’ve been gone for a while. Ziller was in here a couple of days ago. He was the first person I saw. He was saying that they were planning on camping out on a merchant track for a while, because he was trying to recruit some more for the GGGs. Fun fact, the Green Gregarious Gigorans aren’t all Gigorans, so that’s fun.”

CAMERON: “Really?”

NICK: “Yeah.”

CAMERON: “That takes away some of the allure.”

NICK: “Well, that’s why they don’t talk about it much. Ziller is. He’s kind of green. He’s kind of fun. He was saying they were going to go do a stakeout for a while. I don’t know how long you’re planning on staying on Engebo5…” and she looks a little nervous, “but it may be easier to go to them rather than wait for them to come back.”

CAMERON: “Kay!”

NICK: “Hasn’t my information been so helpful?”

CAMERON: (laughing) “Mm. Not particularly, Nola.”

NICK: “What do you mean? I told you one of your bounties is dead and a waste of time, I told you pretty much exactly how to find another one, and the third one with a little more digging, I mean I don’t know exactly where they are, you could probably figure it out. You just need a ship. You do have a ship, right?”

CAMERON: “It was great talking to you, Nola. I hope nothing happens to this planet so that you can stay for a while.”

NICK: “I tend to move around a lot, but this place is pretty nice. Everyone pays really well for services.” She rubs her thumb and a couple of fingers together. ‘So yeah, I’ll probably be here a while. I hope nothing happens too.”

CAMERON: “Okay. Thank you for the information. Do you have any contact information for the Ziller dude? Not necessarily needing to get in contact with him immediately, but a way to send him a message that he might receive within the next 36 hours?”

NICK: “Yeah. He did give us the frequency of his emergency beacon, and it’s two-way which is weird, but yeah, I can get you the frequency.”

CAMERON: “I really just need a message that way, just that there’s a Gigoran on planet who’s looking for work.”

NICK: “Oh… Oh yeah, you do have one of those white furry guys, don’t you?”

CAMERON: “Mm-hmm. Just to try to draw them back towards me a little bit.”

NICK: “Yeah, here it is.” She pulls out a business card and holds it between two fingers. “But I mean, this is pretty actionable information. Girl’s gotta make a living.”

CAMERON: “I’m working on it. I was just asking if you had it before I paid you for anything.”

NICK: “Oh, it’s right here. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was kind of… He was okay, but okay doesn’t buy you too much loyalty these days.”

CAMERON: How much do I need to pay her?

NICK: I don’t know. That seems like some sort of skill thing, or you could just ask her.

LAURA: That almost seems like a…

NICK: That would be like a—

LAURA: Streetwise!

NICK: yeah.

LAURA: Xianna would know that.

CAMERON: To know how much to pay her?

LAURA: (laughing) We went to the wrong place.

NICK: Well, to know what’s appropriate. Basically Streetwise is how do you do illegal stuff and not seem like a nark.

CAMERON: Alright. What would the difficulty be on this Streetwise check? Knowing that I am a Skip Tracer, so I do this.

NICK: Easy.

CAMERON: Three successes.

NICK: Okay. You figure for the information you’d normally give someone like 20 Credits, that’s enough to buy a couple of meals. For the actual actionable lead someone in, because there’s a risk there, that’s probably like 150 Credits, or some sort of quid pro quo situation, like if you could offer her something else.

CAMERON: I just pay her.

NICK: Okay. You transfer the Credits. “Great.” She flips you the card, and it’s got a 22 digit IP address on it basically, but it’s something you could just type into a communicator and get them an email. Do you send them a message saying there’s a Gigoran?

CAMERON: I go to the ones down here, I don’t use mine, but I find one and tap into it.

NICK: Sure. We get a cool scene, if you want to, of Karma slipping someone’s communicator out of their pocket, sending a message, and then just slipping it back, because she’s very cool and good at this kind of stuff. That message is away.

Then we get a swipe cut to a fight pit. There is amphitheater seating in a circle. As soon as you walk down the hallway, Xianna and Tink, you can hear the roar of the crowd and the thud of fists. The amphitheater seating, there are people scattered around, it’s about half full so not like the biggest fight in the arena. You can see a Human and a Dug fighting. A Dug for those who don’t remember is like Sebulba, the walk on their hands, use their feet as hands people. The Dug has currently got its legs wrapped around the Human’s head and is punching the top of his head as hard as they can, and the crowd is cheering and going wild. As you enter you get this cool shot, and you see Tink and Xianna looking down, and then somebody slides over and goes, “Hey, there’s a 10 Credit cover, betting is on the far side, fight entries are on the near side.”

LAURA: “Tink, pay the nice man.”

HUDSON: “I’ll pay him my portion.”

LAURA: “Okay fine.” We each pay him the 10 Credits.

NICK: (laughs) Cool.

LAURA: “Tink, do you want to bet? No?”

HUDSON: “Mmm. I WAS a betting man, but…”

LAURA: “You were? Oh, do you have a gambling problem? Should I not have taken you here?”

HUDSON: “No… That was never a problem.”

LAURA: “Should I not have taken you here? Was this going to be a bad situation for you?”

HUDSON: “No, I’m just fine. No, I can—Nooo…”

LAURA: “So we should go gambling!”

HUDSON: “I can gamble a little bit. Yes.”

LAURA: “Are we going to party, Tink?”

HUDSON: ‘No. We’re going to gamble a respectable amount like adults.”

LAURA: You see Xianna, and she’s like, Tink’s thinking about it and before he says ‘like responsible adults’ Xianna already has a little baggy up to her face. “Wait, wait… like responsible adults?”

HUDSON: “Yeah. Not like I’m gonna snort impact right in front of me.”

NICK & CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “I mean, I’m going to do that…”

HUDSON: “(sighs)

LAURA: “(sniffs)”

HUDSON: “I have a lot of judgement.”

LAURA: “Okay, let’s go gambling! Heh.”

NICK: (smiling) The guy is just standing there watching this exchange. “Great. I also noticed that you have this giant creature here.”

HUDSON: “Whoa.”

NICK: “You’re gonna enter the fights, right? Whoever wins this one, I don’t think we have another challenger up. It could be really cool. The payout is pretty decent, and then obviously they’re gonna win so you could bet on them and double your money. Mark’s right around the corner … Marx with an X, because it’s Star Wars. You could go talk to Mark. Get you entered in, right now.”

LAURA: “Uh-huh. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. He does have a good point, Tink. You are pretty big.”

HUDSON: “What’s a decent payout?”

NICK: “For fighters, if you win, 400 Credits.”

LAURA: Xianna’s already over at the counter filling out a little form on a data pad. “Okay. I think it was something like Rall—Tink! How do you spell your actual birth name?!”

HUDSON: “(sighs)”

NICK & CAMERON: (laughs)

HUDSON: “R-A-L-L-T-I-N-K-R-A-T-A-K-A-T.” (incorrect)

LAURA: “…T-A-K-A-K… Okay. Close enough. Okay.”

NICK: Marx is a really willowy guy. He has to crouch under the cabinets above the counter because he’s too tall for it. “You missed a T. You missed a T, right there.”

LAURA: “Oh, okay.” I just kind of smoosh it in.

NICK: “Any pre-existing medical conditions we should be concerned about?”

LAURA: “Uh, um… No!”

NICK: “I’m just joking. It’s just a little fight arena humor for you here in Nerftown.”

LAURA: “And he is… 2.-something meters?”

HUDSON: “2.1 meters.”

LAURA: “2.1 meters! Yes.”

NICK: “So he’s clearly 5 meters tall and weighs 800 kilograms. Don’t worry about that part. Alright. Here!”

LAURA: “What? No. (mumbles) Okay!”

NICK: He throws you a bundle of clothes. “Put this on. Go down those stairs. As soon as this fight’s over we’ll have you up next.”

LAURA: “Okay Tink, how much of your own money do you want me to bet on you? Do you want me to bet on any other fighters?”

HUDSON: Should I bet~?

LAURA: “Tink, just give me money.”

HUDSON: “(sighs)

LAURA: “Tink, Tink, come on. Give me your money.”

HUDSON: “(aggressively) Put 500 on me.”

LAURA: “Okay.”

HUDSON: “(aggressively) Yeah!”

NICK: (laughs)

LAURA: We exchange and I take 500 of Tink’s Credits. Do they have listed who Tink is fighting?

NICK: No.

LAURA: Awh.

NICK: You could ask Marx. He might tell you.

LAURA: “Okay. Marx, who is he fighting?”

NICK: “Alright, hang on one second. Hey Tink. Tink, right? Yeah. Head down the stairs. There’s somebody down there. He’ll walk you through it.”

HUDSON: “Alright. Fine.”

NICK: He walks down. “Oh man. We’ve got a Wookie, actually.”

LAURA: “(gasps) Oh shit!”

NICK: “It’s like this really big Wookie. He’s got all these scars.”

LAURA: “Okay, but do you know like what the payouts are? Because this is not my money. If I split it on both, how much am I going to win by doing that?”

NICK: “We’re not great at math. If you split it you’re gonna make nothing. It’s just 1 to 1.”

LAURA: “It’s just 1 to 1?”

NICK: “Yeah.”

LAURA: “What? But there should be odds.”

HUDSON: (laughs)

LAURA: “That is… What?”

NICK: “Well I mean, we have a giant fur monster now, so…”

LAURA: “I mean, because like usually one of them would be like 6 to 1, and like… (sighs) I don’t—Okay.”

NICK: “Well the Wookie’s new too.”

LAURA: “Uhhh.” (laughs)

NICK: You see on the other side there’s a Human wearing a vest and pants looking kind of confused. “He came in with that guy a little while ago. We do this a lot. We saw a Gungan fight a frickin’ scorpion monster earlier today. It was nuts.”

LAURA: “Okay fine. Good byeee.” She runs over to the gambling. ‘Okay, 500 on the Gigoran. Tink. I do not know if he’s in the system yet. I do not know how any of this works.”

NICK: “Okay, so 500 on not the Wookie?”

LAURA: “Not the Wookie! The white Wookie.”

NICK: “Ze white Wookie.”

LAURA: “yes.”

NICK: (laughing) “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imitate your accent.”

LAURA: “You are not the first person to do that today.”

NICK: “Yeah, I know, but I feel really bad, because I’m really about this being an inclusive atmosphere at the gambling… Anyway.”

LAURA: “yes. Uh-huh.”

NICK: “Okay, 500 on the white Wookie. Got it!”

LAURA: “Yes.”

NICK: “Cool.” At this point there’s a loud cheer, and the Dug has grabbed the Human by the nostrils and done a backflip and thrown the guy out into the crowd.

LAURA: Nice.

NICK: Some of the more rowdy crowd people are beating up the Human, and a… Hmm. Who do we want the MC to be?

CAMERON: One of those annoying two-headed with the different voices, from the pod racing.

LAURA: I was just about to say, what is the Greg Proops two-headed thing called? A Troig.

NICK: Alright. The announcer for the arena jumps down out of the chairs and you see it’s a Troig. That’s the two-headed aliens that comment on the pod racing in Episode 1. He’s wearing a tanktop with a lot of stripes on it and short booty shorts, and they have really scrawny limbs.

LAURA: (whispering) yes.

NICK: “Well, wasn’t that fight amazing, folks?! The Dug really dug his way out of that hole, didn’t he? A-ha.”

CAMERON: ‘Boo~’

LAURA: While this is happening, Xianna is sending a text to Karma that’s like, ‘smiley kissy face, Okay don’t be mad, entered Tink into a fight, you should come bet money on him, I already did, heart emoji.’ Heh.

NICK: The announcer makes his pun and the other head turns to him. “Aw, come on man. No… Don’t… Don’t do that. How many more are we doing? I’m so sleepy.”

“We’ve only got a few more fights to go! Don’t sleep on this one! We’ve got two Wookies going after it a little bit. We’ve got the supposed champion of several arenas around these systems versus Rallltinkraatakat, a newcomer fighter. Really supposed to be good, he’s an albino Wookie.”

HUDSON: (distant shout) “Gigoran!”

LAURA: “Yes. He is a Gigoran, not a Wookie~”

CAMERON: White Wookie! White Wookie! White Wookie!

LAURA: (joins chant)

NICK: The other head is going, “I’m pretty sure that’s a Gigoran, man. That’s really… Gigorans we’ve already established are on this planet, like people should know what those are…”

But the other head isn’t listening and goes, “White Wookie! White Wookie!” And all the crowd is going ‘White Wookie! White Wookie!’

You enter and a Wookie with red fur and covered in scars walks out. You can see the skin underneath the fur where these big, ropey scars on its arms and chest are. It’s wearing the UFC board shorts for some reason, so it’s got shorts that go down to mid quad on it and has a lot of product placement and things. It holds up its fist and you can see its knuckles which look very orangutan-like because the fur has been worn off by these big calluses.

LAURA: Xianna’s immediately sending a text to karma. “Okay, you might actually want to put money on the other Wookie. Oopsies. Winky smiley face.” Heh.

NICK: So, does Karma arrive on the scene?

CAMERON: Karma just shows up behind Xianna.

NICK: Batman style?

CAMERON: Yeah. (laughs)

LAURA: “Oh, ‘ello. Heh.”

CAMERON: “What?” (chuckles) “What is he doing down there?”

LAURA: “Heh. Okay, so you see what happened is that we came in here to see the fight, and then the guy who was taking our cover payment said that well Tink should just be in a fight because he is big and he is hairy and he probably would win very well, so I just went and signed Tink up to be in the fight and then I went and took Tink’s money to place a bet on Tink, but that is the other Wookie he is fighting. I keep saying other Wookie, but he’s not really a Wookie. The Wookie is that one as you can see is quite big and covered in scars and stuff.”

CAMERON: “So, what’s the setup for this fight?”

LAURA: “I think they just beat each other up until they decide one has won.”

CAMERON: “You think? You don’t know what the rules are for this fight?”

LAURA: “Oh no. (laughs) I just signed Tink up.”

CAMERON: “Oh, great. Alright. Cool.”

LAURA: “I have no idea.”

CAMERON: “Alright. Hopefully Tink’s hand-to-hand combat skills are pretty great, because I know he normally uses the axe.”

LAURA: “He agreed to it, so…”

CAMERON: “I mean, honestly though Xianna, does that really tell you much?” (laughs)

LAURA: “I mean, no.”

CAMERON: “Yeah. Think back to when he was using his medical skills.”

LAURA: “I mean, yes. So in my defense, when I signed him up I did not realize his opponent was going to be a Wookie. I thought it was going to be like,” and I point to the Human and the Dug, “I thought it was going to be one of the smaller ones, more our sized.”

CAMERON: “Oh, okay. Well…”

NICK: The Human is bleeding from the face really heavily and is just sprawled across a couple of empty benches.

LAURA: “I mean, because Tink would beat up a Human very easily. He could just sit on top of him.”

CAMERON: “Yeah… I mean, I guess good news is that Tink and the Wookie are gonna have comparable strength, so it may just be who lasts longer.”

LAURA: “So if you want to place a bet…”

CAMERON: “I really don’t want to bet on this.”

LAURA: “You don’t? Okay. Tink bet 500.”

CAMERON: “Well.”

LAURA: “yeah. I hope he has that money. Heh.”

NICK: So Tink, they threw you some clothes. What does your fight outfit look like?

HUDSON: It looks like a toga.

NICK: (laughs) Okay. It’s just a big sheet wrapped around?

HUDSON: Yes.

NICK: So it’s loose and floppy, and it might have been supposed to be a big cape for dramatic effect, but Tink’s wrapped it and tied it, so it looks very regal. You step out onto the arena and you see this Wookie that’s decently taller than you and covered in scars and pretty scary looking. He makes the Wookie noise.

NICK, LAURA & CAMERON: (attempt Wookie noises)

NICK: (smiling) We can’t make the Wookie noise.

LAURA & CAMERON: (more attempts, giggles)

HUDSON: Then I walk out, and I make my noise. … “Haalaalaalaah~!”

(laughter)

LAURA: He’s got the voice mod!

NICK: That’s great. Just ‘vowels~!’ (laughs) The announcer points and says, “He’s not our champion but he’s a champion, we bring you the Wookie from the outer rim, Crushbacca!” The Wookie flexes and you hear that twisting leather noise that it makes. “And a newcomer to the arena circuit, we’ve got… uh, man, that name’s really long. What do you want us to call you?”

HUDSON: “Tink!”

NICK: “Tink?! Nice toga, man.”

HUDSON: “Thank you.”

LAURA & CAMERON: (chanting) ‘White Wookie! White Wookie! White Wookie!’

LAURA: (laughs) You can see Xianna bouncing and chanting too.

NICK: We’re gonna roll for initiative! That would be Vigilance.

LAURA: “Karma, do you want any popcorn?”

CAMERON: What’s the Wookie’s Vigilance?

NICK: Three green.

HUDSON: I’m gonna lose so bad. (laughs)

NICK: Maybe.

CAMERON: The Wookie got one success and four advantages.

NICK: Okay.

HUDSON: If I only have one in Willpower but two in Vigilance…

NICK: That’s a yellow and a green. It switches.

CAMERON: The bigger number is their total number, the smaller number is always the number you got lowest.

HUDSON: What’s the difficulty?

LAURA: It’s not a difficulty. You just roll the dice you have.

HUDSON: Oh. A triumph and two advantages.

NICK: Cool. I’m gonna say the triumph means you get to go first. Player then NPC. Triumph lets you add something super cool and advantageous to the arena. What would you like to find before you go?

HUDSON: So, what’s advantageous about the arena?

NICK: Yeah, like the setting or the setup, something that would make it easier for you to win.

HUDSON: Hanging from the ceiling there is a giant spiky ball that hangs down all the way to the floor so you can push it into people.

NICK: Ah! Alright. We gotta retcon a little bit. We go back, and the announcer’s still here, and the sleepy head goes, “Man, this is gonna take… have you ever seen two Wookies fight? It takes so long. They just can take such a beating.”

And the other one goes, ‘Fine! We’re gonna make it a DEATH BALL MATCH!” The chains start to clank and this big, scary Morningstar comes down.

CAMERON: Karma just crosses her arms and turns to stare at Xianna.

LAURA: Xianna looks over. “Um… I’m going to get popcorn. Bye! Okay, I’ll be back. Okay~”

NICK: We snap back. There’s this big—How big are you picturing; basketball, disco ball, novelty beach ball?

HUDSON: Miley Cyrus swinging.

CAMERON: Wrecking ball.

NICK: Miley Cyrus wrecking ball sized.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Covered in spikes. (laughs)

LAURA: Like six feet across?

HUDSON: Yeah.

NICK: And it’s hovering like a meter off the ground on a chain, and it’s just slowly rocking in the middle. The Wookie is mugging to the crowd and flexing. The people he’s looking at are like “Crushbacca! Crushbacca!” and then—

SEVERAL: (joining at separate times) ‘White Wookie! White Wookie! White Wookie!’

NICK: You decide now is your chance. What do you do?

HUDSON: I go up to the spinning ball, and I take it from a diagonal angle, and I start running with it as fast as I can so that I can make it spin in circles continuously.

NICK: Are you trying to spin it on its axis or have it doing an orbit around the arena?

HUDSON: Doing an orbit around the arena.

NICK: Okay. That’s done. That can be your maneuver. You can also have an action.

HUDSON: It’s spinning around the arena?

NICK: yeah. You start running and you do a loop, and it’s in front of you swinging.

HUDSON: I go and I push Crushbacca into the ball that’s swinging.

NICK: Okay. You get it started. You swing it and you get it going. I’m gonna say it can go faster if you use more maneuvers into it later to make it go running. You run up to him and you try to shove him. That’s gonna be a Brawl check at average.

HUDSON: Ooh. Three successes.

NICK: Wow. Okay. You manage to shove him back into the ball. We’re gonna say the ball does a pretty solid smack. We’ll say it does like a light saber’s worth of damage. It sticks into his side and he makes the Wookie noise. (attempts)

CAMERON: (attempts)

LAURA: (meows)

(laughter)

NICK: He grabs you by the shoulder and grabs the chain from it and rips it free, and tries to just bring it overhand into your face. That’s gonna be Melee, two greens and a yellow versus average, but it’s gonna be two black dice because this thing is really big and heavy.

CAMERON: One threat.

NICK: One threat. Okay. We’ll say it slips out of his hand. He’s leaning towards ‘this isn’t gonna work, I should have just punched the guy.’ How do you dodge him throwing this giant ball at your face?

HUDSON: Forward somersault!

NICK: Forward somersault. Dust flies everywhere, it’s very dramatic, the whole crowd goes, ‘Ooooh!’

LAURA & CAMERON: ‘White Wookie! White Wookie!’

NICK: What do you do now? It’s your turn.

HUDSON: So, I rolled and I’m in front of him?

NICK: I was picturing you were in front of him and you rolled behind him to get away from the ball.

HUDSON: Yes. I karate kick him.

NICK: Where?

HUDSON: In the back.

NICK: (laughs) Straight in the back. Okay.

HUDSON: Yes.

NICK: Roll me another Brawl check. It’s still average.

HUDSON: Two successes and two advantages.

NICK: Okay. Your Brawn is 3, so that’s 5 damage, (mumbles). He’s actually not doing very well. You’re doing very well. You kick him. You feel all the muscle in his back, and you can tell that this is a kick that would have really messed up a person, but to a Wookie it’s like uncomfortable. He arches his back and he cracks his knuckles, and he turns around. If you want, you can spend the advantages on like, he slips a little bit, so the next time you fight him you can tell which side is weak and you can get a blue die on that. Does that sound like fun?

HUDSON: I would like to do that.

NICK: Okay, cool. It’s his turn again. He’s going to just straight up try to grab you by the neck and pick you up into the air. That’s a Brawl check too.

CAMERON: Yellow, two green?

NICK: Yup.

CAMERON: Four successes and two threats.

NICK: Nice. That’s gonna be 7 damage coming at you. The threats I think are his side is pretty well torn open. That big spiky ball that’s still just kind of roaming around the arena on the chain really got him good. You’re gonna have two blue dice on your next whatever you decide to do. He pumps his fists at you, because he tried to grab you and you skedaddled out of the way. What do you do?

HUDSON: For my maneuver, I run and grab the ball again, and I run with it into him and try to get him right in his side with it.

NICK: Okay. You’re aiming for the same thing?

HUDSON: Yes.

NICK: Do you grab the chain and put your feet on the ball, childhood swing into it?

HUDSON: Yes.

NICK: Oh boy. Great. Roll it.

HUDSON: Average.

NICK: Yeah. It is gonna be your Melee attack since you’re using a Melee weapon too.

HUDSON: Oh, seriously?

NICK: Yeah.

HUDSON: One success, two advantages.

NICK: Yeah. You get him right in the side again with this. There’s a sickening crunch. He doesn’t fall unconscious, but he falls to one knee and you see him grab his side and pull the ball out of it. You see him raise his hand. He’s like I’m done, I’m done, I didn’t sign up for a death ball match. His friend in the vest and the pants that’s sitting on the other side is like, “Aw, come on. You still coulda did it.” You get this shot of this really irritated glare from the Wookie, and Crushbacca’s like nah, I’m done, and he gets up and just limps out of the arena. There’s this moment of pause… and then the whole arena goes wild! Woo~!

LAURA: Xianna plops back down in the seat next to Karma with a thing of popcorn. “Oh! Did I miss it? Tink won?”

CAMERON: “yeah. Tink actually did remarkably well. Yeah.”

LAURA: “Okay good. We won money.”

NICK: (laughs) I think we get a quick snapshot of Xianna collecting the winnings. Tink comes back out. There’s splatters of blood on the toga that they let him keep. The person at the betting counter is like, “Wow. Really good job. Yeah. I guess next time the odds will be more in your favor. Right? Hah. Just a little gambling joke for you, that’s what we do here.”

LAURA: “Okay…”

NICK: Everybody is leaving, and we get a shot of the crew of the Afternoon Delight wading through the market. They’re in the distance kind of pushing through, and the green Twi’lek is leaning against the bar. Nola is playing with one of her lekku a little bit and just watching everybody leaving. “Huh… Interesting.” And then you all are back outside.

CAMERON: “Xianna, did you give Tink his money?”

LAURA: “Oh. Here Tink is your 500.”

HUDSON: “Yeah, it’s actually 1,000.”

LAURA: “No. This was your 500.”

HUDSON: “But I won, so it should be another 500.”

LAURA: “yes, but I signed you up and I placed the bet.”

HUDSON: “I asked you to place the bet.”

LAURA: “Okay. Here is 750.”

HUDSON: “No. I needed the whole—I am adrenalined right now.”

LAURA: “Okie, here is 800!”

HUDSON: “… No, 1,000!”

LAURA: “Ugh. Okay fine. Here is 1,000!”

HUDSON: (shouting) Now a thousand and—No, I’m just kidding.

(laughter)

NICK: I think the conversation is with their faces really close together, and the camera zooms out a little, and Tink has Xianna like under the armpits holding her up. ‘I’m very adrenalined right now!’

LAURA: (laughing) And Xianna’s like ‘(gasps) Oh okay!’

NICK: (laughs) yeah. The sun is setting in the distance. The crew is walking through the streets. Were you planning on staying in a hotel? You can try and sleep in the ship but they’re doing a lot of work on it. It would be really noisy and it would smell funny since they’re spraying the whole ship down.

LAURA: “Karma, you were talking to people, right? Did you find any hotels? I mean, there was a brothel.”

HUDSON: Space B&B.

LAURA: “We can always go to the brothel. I mean, I don’t know how the rest of you feel about that…”

CAMERON: “There’s a really cute bed and breakfast on my map.”

LAURA: “Okay…”

NICK: (laughs) She says that, and she’s looking at the data pad, she looks up and it’s a little two story Victorian house that’s painted blue with white trim.

CAMERON: It says there’s scones for breakfast.

NICK: (smiling) This is such a mom thing. I like it so much.

LAURA: (laughing) Tink and Xianna are in the back like, “(huffs) Is there a bar?”

CAMERON: Guys, no, you don’t understand. They have a show on HGTV. I’ve been wanting to stay here for a long time! (giggles)

LAURA: “Is it one of the places where 5:00 in the afternoon they have free cocktails?”

CAMERON: “I don’t think they’re free, but it does have a full bar.”

LAURA: “Oh, okay.”

CAMERON: “I’m not playing around, Xianna.”

LAURA: “There’s a full bar. I am good.”

HUDSON: Are you talking about an Embassy Suites? (laughs)

LAURA: Yes. That’s exactly what I was referencing.

NICK: Embassy Suites has free cocktails?

LAURA: yeah!

HUDSON: Yes. Me and my sister got tanked, because it was free liquor cocktails, so we had like six each.

NICK: Oh shit. Wow.

HUDSON: They were like—

LAURA: They’re not good, but they’re…

HUDSON: They’re not great.

NICK: But they’re free.

LAURA: They’re free.

NICK & CAMERON: Damn.

NICK: Okay. Everybody goes skipping up. I think we get a quick shot of everybody in their own room at the bed and breakfast. Karma’s is a standard four-poster bed, and Tink’s is all pink and really frilly and has a bunch of dolls lining the ceiling, and I think Xianna’s is nerf themed so it has nerf hide chairs and the trim on the wallpaper is nerfs and when you turn out the lights their eyes glow.

LAURA: (deep breath) Xianna looks at Karma, she like yells. “Karma! I hate this! It is terrible! Why?! It is staring at me! That one’s eyes follow me around!” (whining)

HUDSON: “This is cozy.”

CAMERON: My entire room is done in shiplap.

NICK: In shiplap? What is that?

CAMERON: It’s what you use when you’re redoing an old home on HGTV.

NICK: Oh… Okay.

CAMERON: (incredulously) You use shiplap.

NICK: (smiling) Great. Shiplap.

CAMERON: Gah!

NICK: (smiling) Yeah. We get everybody’s shots, and it zooms out to the house, and the sun dips over the horizon and the lights start to click on. We see Karma through the window looking happy, and Tink through the window just chilling out, and Xianna has the window screen pulled down. We see her silhouette, and we hear her yell, ‘I hate zis so much!’ And then that’s where the episode will end.

CAMERON: (giggles)

NICK: Da-naaa~!

OTHERS: –naaa~!

## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you’ve enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show and give the squad warm fuzzies when we read them.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson, and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad. For real, we’re real people and we want to talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.