Transcript: Episode 18 A Performance Review
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Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 18:
A Performance Review
Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)
NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other.
We don’t have many announcements this week. Next week will be the last episode of this set of Jedi Adventures. After that we’ll have one more bonus episode: a chunk of bloopers. They’re pretty funny, and really open a window into what it’s like recording with the squad. Spoiler Alert: We’re all very interesting and funny people.
Even though we’ve met our goal, come join the squad on Twitter at @Tabletop_Squad and talk to us about Star Wars, or why houndstooth is a bad pattern. We hope to talk to you soon, and we hope you enjoy the episode.
NICK: Hello! Welcome to Episode 18 of Tabletop Squadron! Here we are, back again, doing the same old stuff… except different! We’re gonna go around the table real quick, talk to everybody, introduce yourselves and who you’re playing this week, starting with Cameron.
CAMERON: Hello! I am Cameron, as Nick just said, and I am playing Karma Nailo the Nautolan bounty hunter.
NICK: Have you spent any experience since the last time we played?
CAMERON: Oh, I spent a lot. Let’s see. What did I do? I upped my Negotiation skill to Rank 1. I bought the Good Cop talent on my bounty hunter Skiptracer tree which allows me to spend two advantages from a Charm or Negotiation check to upgrade the ability of an ally’s subsequent social check against the same target a number of times equal to the ranks in Good Cop. I bought Expert Tracker on that same tree, so I can remove a black die per rank of Expert Tracker from checks to find tracks or track targets, and I can decrease the time to track a target by half. And, I bought another rank in Stalker on my Assassin skill tree, so I can add another blue die for all my Stealth and Coordination checks.
NICK: Wow. Alright, well up next we’ve got Hudson.
HUDSON: Hi. I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink, a Gigoran slicer, which is kind of like a Wookie slicer but a Gigoran. I ranked up in Computers to Rank 3, Deception to Rank 2, and Melee: Brawl to Rank 3.
NICK & CAMERON: Ooh.
NICK: Nice. That will probably come in handy.
HUDSON: Oh yeah.
NICK: Oh yeah. Up next we’ve got Laura.
LAURA: Hello. I play Xianna’fan, a Twi’lek smuggler, and I only remember what I purchased today. I don’t remember what I purchased with points in the past.
NICK: That’s fine.
LAURA: I bought a rank in Stalker, and then I also moved up to Rank 2 in Ranged: Light so that I can shoot good.
NICK: Good plan! Alright. Before we get started, let’s go ahead and do our Destiny Roll.
CAMERON: Two light side!
LAURA: (gasps) Two light side!
HUDSON: Cocked, right?
CAMERON: Mm… Yeah, it’s sideways.
HUDSON: Yeah, definitely.
CAMERON: Unless it’s two this time.
HUDSON: Same result pretty much. One dark side.
CAMERON: Four light side, one dark side!
NICK: Alright. With that all lined up and ready to go, we’ll jump right into it.
When we last left off you all had just hightailed it out of a fancy party pretty quickly. All of you have sort of varying knowledge of what happened at that formal ball as you all split up and collected different information. long story short, Falx invited the three of y’all—and by invited I mean blackmailed you into—attending an Imperial event. You attended, he claimed that you were supposed to be protecting him from potential assassins, but when the violence happened instead other people ended up dead: a specific Governor Silpin, someone who had a run-in with Xianna in the past, and… a lot of things happened. Tink almost got arrested by an Imperial Inspector. Xianna got noticed by a System Marshal who was out to arrest her. You all fled into the distance fleeing a platoon of stormtroopers and various law-abiding agents at this point. Yeah?
HUDSON: I think it’s a murder of stormtroopers.
NICK: I do not think it’s a murder of stormtroopers. (laughs)
LAURA: I don’t think that’s it.
CAMERON: I like that though. Can it be that?
NICK: Those are the deathtroopers, the ones with the shiny iridescent armor.
CAMERON: Oh, okay.
LAURA & HUDSON: Yeah.
NICK: Those are a murder.
CAMERON: So, you have to have the black, shiny armor so that it looks like crows.
NICK: If anything, a stormtrooper is a gaggle of stormtroopers.
HUDSON: Makes it sillier.
CAMERON: A flock, it’s a flock of stormtroopers.
CAMERON: A memory of stormtroopers?
HUDSON: What? Is a memory an actual-?
LAURA & CAMERON: Of elephants.
CAMERON: Yeah. How stupid is that?
LAURA: I mean, a lot of them are real stupid.
CAMERON: A school of stormtroopers?
NICK: Uh… We’re getting there. I think platoon fits pretty well.
HUDSON: Platoon fits fine.
CAMERON: It’s not nearly as fun.
LAURA: Squadron and platoon, and… you know, all of the words they used in the actual shows.
NICK: Practically a regiment. Yeah. The camera snaps to the Afternoon Delight flying away from the planet of Mustafar backlit with flowing lava. You are rapidly preparing the ship to go to light speed, and the camera behind you shows a U-wing, a large tuning fork-shaped ship with a cool red and yellow custom paint job also rising up through the atmosphere trying to meet you. We get a quick over the shoulder shot of Karma flipping switches getting ready to jump with proximity alarms going off, and just as target locks start showing up on the main screen karma throws the ship into hyperspace and you snap away.
The first question I have for y’all is where are you going?
CAMERON: Probably back to Sentinel.
LAURA: Yeah, that would be a question for Karma.
CAMERON: I probably didn’t really think about it a lot and just flipped to the most recently searched place in the navicomputer, which would’ve been the place that we met Sentinel at, and just jumped there, because I knew that Jorus was chasing us.
NICK: Okay. That’s fine. It’ll probably take about five hours to get back to where you’re going. It’s about as long as it took you to get where you were. How do you spend your time?
HUDSON: I catch everyone up on my little adventures back where I grabbed the droid and accidentally stuck the Rancore Protocol into it causing it to become a murder bot very quickly.
HUDSON: “I escaped the inspector.”
CAMERON: “Yeah, we saw you run off. Well, I did, I don’t know if you did, Xianna.”
LAURA: Oh, Xianna is certainly sitting there pretending like she’s listening but is every so often just falling asleep.
CAMERON: Great. (laughs)
LAURA: And then wakes up like, “(sleepy groans) No, I was listening, yes. Okay…”
HUDSON: “You need a nap, Xianna?”
LAURA: (weakly) “yes…”
HUDSON: “You look like you had all the adrenaline chemically drained out of you or something.”
LAURA: “No, yes, I am how you say… hung over. Yes.”
LAURA: “On the downward slope. Yes.”
CAMERON: “From the drugs.”
LAURA: “Oh yes, uh… the drugs.”
HUDSON: “Whatever you wanna do, it’s none of my business.”
LAURA: “I mean yeah.”
CAMERON: “Maybe next time just don’t tell an inspector that you’re on drugs. Did you say that you did that?”
LAURA: “I mean, I never interacted with an inspector. I believe I’m… I do not think I said anything specific to the marshal. I might have though. I don’t know.”
CAMERON: “This was before Jorus showed up. You told me the stormtroopers weren’t gonna let you leave.”
LAURA: “I mean yes, but he died, so it does not matter. Heh.”
CAMERON: (laughing) Do we know he died? We never saw the body.
HUDSON: No, Xianna saw the body.
NICK: Sila did drag the body out to look at it and everything, so it would be possible.
CAMERON: I don’t know what we all know independently.
HUDSON: It’s not like Xianna’s not on the run already from a million other things, so this would just be another little blip.
LAURA: “I think I did tell… I don’t know if he was an inspector. It was someone in the Empire. He had ranks. I think I did tell him I was doing drugs, but to be fair I thought he was also doing drugs. He was in a way, just for actual medical purposes. But yeah, he died, so it doesn’t matter.”
HUDSON: “I thought you were a good judge of character. I guess I’m wrong.”
CAMERON: “What gave you that impression, Tink?” (laughs)
HUDSON: “I just might trust people too much. I don’t know. I need to be a little introspective after this whole ordeal.”
NICK: Great, so…
LAURA & CAMERON: … ‘Kay.
NICK: You still have some time. You touch base. You all become very rapidly aware that there was more going on at that shindig than you probably know about. You piece bits and pieces of it together, and you probably know as follows:
Governor Silpin is dead. He got stabbed.
CAMERON: (gasps dramatically)
NICK: Yeah, everybody knew that. Falx probably had something to do with it since you saw him run out of the ballroom wearing handcuffs being chased by an Imperial Inspector. The inspector that Xianna talked to at the bar is also dead. You saw him dragged out from under the table by Imperial Inspector Sila Rowe. The Rancore Protocol is perhaps a little less stable than you originally thought seeing as you plugged it into a droid and it started shooting everywhere. You also were able to recover the Rancore Protocol, which is good. Tink, did you tell them that you gave the inspector your “I did it and here’s how” notebook?
HUDSON: No, I didn’t mention that. ‘Hey guys…”
LAURA: (weakly) “Yes?”
HUDSON: “So I may have lost my personal diary with a lot of our previous endeavors written inside of it in a lot of detail, including very personal thoughts and feelings I’ve had, which I mean the value of that is immense to myself but maybe not others. Either way, I gave away something important.”
CAMERON: (smiling) “You keep a diary?”
LAURA: “Okay… Did you use real names?”
HUDSON: ‘I mean yes, until I came up with nicknames for you guys.”
CAMERON: “Okay. What are our nicknames?” (laughs)
LAURA: “Okay, so you put Xianna, and then later put a fake name?”
HUDSON: “Yeah, like Xixi.”
LAURA: “Ohh… fuck.”
CAMERON: (smiling) “Oh, I like that one.”
LAURA: “Okay, so… (sighs) Next time you decide to start a journal, use fake names from the start.”
HUDSON: “I mean, it’s less personal that way, but I’ll do it.”
CAMERON: “Less personal is good if it’s an object that can be lost like that.”
LAURA: “That is the point.”
HUDSON: “Why don’t we just all use code names all the time? I mean, I have a suspicion that you already do, Xianna, but…”
LAURA: “Have you not noticed that I’m always giving fake names to people?”
HUDSON: “True. How do I know Xianna’s your real name?”
LAURA: “I don’t know. You can just trust me? It is a very Twi’lek name.”
LAURA: “If we want to get really into it, technically my name is not even Xianna. that is just a name I use, because for some reason humans always think it is Xianna when they see it written down, because of the apostrophe. It is really Xiann.”
HUDSON: “Ohh. Y’all don’t actually know my real name, do you?”
CAMERON: “I believe you’ve said it once, but honestly it was long and I forgot and just went back to Tink.”
LAURA: ‘Yeah, I think someone said it, and it was very long.”
HUDSON: “It’s Rallltinkraatakat.”
CAMERON: “Yeah, that’s why I stuck with Tink.”
LAURA: “Yeah. I am not saying that. Nope.”
HUDSON: “I mean, it’s a mouthful, but it is my birth name.”
CAMERON: “That’s fine. If you want me to try and call you that, Tink, I will, but it’s gonna be a struggle.”
HUDSON: “You know… I’ll save you the trouble.”
CAMERON: “Okay. I appreciate that.”
LAURA: “Good. I was not going to call you that even if you wanted me to.”
CAMERON: “I was really gonna try, and I was gonna be wrong every single time. (laughs) You said all of the information was in the journal?”
HUDSON: “Our previous adventures from the last few weeks.”
CAMERON: “Did you include anything about Sentinel in the journal, or did you not write it because we only had a five hour jump before the party?”
HUDSON: “Yeah, I hadn’t gotten that far yet.”
CAMERON: “Okay, that’s good.”
HUDSON: “These things get delayed by a number of days.”
CAMERON: “Oh, okay. Well you need time to reflect on it. That makes sense.”
HUDSON: “Hey, why are you sighing? That’s a good thing.”
CAMERON: “That is a good thing! But the whole fact that it’s an issue altogether, it’s just that you wrote stuff down and now it’s no longer on your person.”
LAURA: “You not having Sentinel in the journal is like saying you stepped in shit, but oh well, you can clean your shoes off later in the day. It doesn’t really help too much at the moment.”
HUDSON: “On a different note, do y’all wanna know what Rallltinkraatakat actually means in my home language?”
LAURA: (simultaneously) “No!”
NICK: (laughs uncontrollably)
CAMERON: “Xianna, don’t ruin this for me. Yes.”
HUDSON: ‘It means bringer of peace and food. Actually, just kidding, not the food part.”
CAMERON: (laughs) “Oh, I loved the food part, though.”
HUDSON: “No, no, it’s just bringer of peace and harmony.”
CAMERON: “Oh. Aw…”
LAURA: “Oh… Uh, I mean, that is wonderful character building and all—(laughter) I am more interested in exactly what was in your journal, you know, everything that incriminates us. Like, did you have the name the Afternoon Delight in the journal?”
HUDSON: “Yeah, because it’s a great name.”
CAMERON: “Oh god.”
LAURA: “Okay, but now our ship name is known, and they know everything about it.”
HUDSON: “Like we ever go into an actual landing pad giving the real name.”
CAMERON: “It’s painted on the side of the ship!”
LAURA: “Have you not seen it? There is a half-naked woman on it and everything.”
HUDSON: “Yeah, I mean… Listen. You don’t have to say half-naked. It’s classy. It’s not half-nekkid, it’s like…”
CAMERON: “Half clothed?”
HUDSON: “Half clothed.”
LAURA: “It is a pin-up girl. It is not THAT classy.”
HUDSON: “If it was pinned up we’d have actual pins in it. It’s painted.”
CAMERON: Oh my GOSH… (laughs)
LAURA: Oh… (groans, sighs)
CAMERON: “Anyway. Yes, we don’t necessarily use our ship’s name as we’re landing but once we get there it is very obvious that we are the Afternoon Delight.”
HUDSON: “Well, we just have to hope that this doesn’t come up later.”
CAMERON: ‘I’m sure it’ll be fine~’
NICK: As everyone turns and just looks at me. Great. Yeah.
CAMERON: Yeah, make sure that doesn’t come up, Nick.
NICK: Or the opposite of that.
CAMERON: “So…” (sighs) Oh gosh.
LAURA: “So anyways… Karma.”
LAURA: “You knew that marshal.”
CAMERON: “Yes, and the marshal knew you.”
LAURA: “I mean, I do not KNOW him in any of those senses, but he may have been trying to get me for some sort of bounty? I don’t know how that works.”
CAMERON: “He was 100% trying to get you, not necessarily for a bounty, but probably for an—“
LAURA: “Oh! Is he single?”
CAMERON: “Uh… Actually, he told me he was married. That was one of the conversation points we had.”
LAURA: “I mean, that has not stopped me in the past.”
CAMERON: “But he was probably trying to bring you in for an arrest warrant wherever the hell he’s marshaling. So it probably wasn’t a bounty, as he’s ‘gone official.’”
LAURA: “I mean, that does not narrow it down.”
CAMERON: “He did not know your name.”
LAURA: “I’ve been arrested at least five times, that I remember.”
CAMERON: “Okay, hold on.”
CAMERON: I look up Jorus Kreel on bounty hunter Facebook.
CAMERON: HuntersOnly.com, yes.
NICK: (smiling) HuntersOnly.com. Alright. I was imagining this conversation took place in the main lobby of the ship. The hot tub is closed, but you all have like nice couches and chairs and stuff kind of scattered around.
LAURA: Yeah. Xianna is lounged in a whole couch, one that is definitely supposed to seat three people, and she’s holding a cup of caf and very much trying not to spill it because she’s real shaky probably.
NICK: Do you pull out a data pad, or head to the cockpit?
CAMERON: I just take out my data pad.
NICK: You pull out your data pad and you search for (emphatically) Jorus Kreel, System Marshal. You’re able to find him in your mutual friends list, because of course you’ve electronically kept in touch.
CAMERON: Yeah. We’re definitely friends.
NICK: But like the ones where it doesn’t really suggest them in the search very often, I would imagine, since he was able to tell you things you didn’t know.
CAMERON: Yeah. I mean, he’s on my friend list. I probably just got annoyed and unfollowed him a while ago, but we’re still bounty friends.
NICK: Bounty buddies!
CAMERON: Bounty buddies. Yes! (smiling) We’re bounty buddies.
NICK: That’s what the friends list is called in HuntersOnly.com, bounty buddies. Great. Yeah, what are you looking for with him?
CAMERON: So, wanting to know where he’s marshaling…
CAMERON: …to try and figure out which one of Xianna’s arrests he could be going after specifically.
LAURA: yeah, pretty much where the source of this possible arrest came from.
NICK: So, we know he’s a System Marshal on the outer rim…
NICK: Coral 2, it’s the system of Coral, the main planet is Coral 2.
HUDSON: T-O-O or T-W-O?
NICK: (laughs) T-W-O.
NICK: Generally the number in a planet, and this isn’t just Star Wars this is like sci-fi in general, means how many planets away from the star it is.
HUDSON: Oh, didn’t know that.
NICK: Yeah. So, now you do.
LAURA: Or it could be a moon.
NICK: Or it could be—if it’s named after the main planet, yeah. He is the System Marshal for the system of Coral. It’s a ten planet system way out on the outer rim, and it’s the second planet so it’s a dry, kind of dusty world. Karma, you’ve heard of it before. It’s a place where a lot of criminals like to go to ground because it doesn’t have a lot of law enforcement, the Empire’s not particularly interested in it, but that has kind of slacked off a little in the last few years as Jorus has taken over that area. He’s really made a name for himself as a marshal.
CAMERON: “Xianna, have you ever been to the Coral system, or anywhere there about”
LAURA: “I think so… Was that…”
CAMERON: I realized as I said that I went slightly country with my voice. (laughs)
NICK: (laughs) You super did. Thinking of Jorus is contagious.
CAMERON: This was a big problem I had when I was doing my apprenticeship with Deathfetti and Jorus was my buddy, was that we would just go on missions and I would just slowly acquire his accent, and it’s catching back up to me looking him up.
NICK: Just a little dash of southern comfort.
CAMERON: Yup. Karma’s not a fan. (laughs)
LAURA: “Um… I think that might have been the doorway incident… Yes. Yes.”
CAMERON: “I think you’ve talked about this one before.”
LAURA: “Oh yes! It is a wonderful story. So, my partner and I decided to do a robbery, as you do, for some very nice jewels and gems. We had mapped out the route that the security droids took, and everything was going great until we figured out that the droids had changed their route earlier that day, which means we could not go out the same door that we had come in, which was a problem because my partner was an Herglic, and they are very large. The front doors were very wide, she could make it through, the back door not as wide. So, we try and go out the back door, she gets stuck, I try to push her through the door… I get stuck. So then we are both stuck in the door.
We get stuck at like 11 in the evening. The store does not open up until like 8 in the morning. By like 1:00 we had broken up, then by 3 we were back together. (giggles) Then again by the time they found us we had broken up again. Uh, yeah, and that is how I got arrested, I think for the third time. Yes. Some of them blur together, some of them are a little hard to remember, you know, heh, impact.”
CAMERON: “Yup. Yup…”
LAURA: “A little bit of glitterstim. Lots of alcohol, too. Yes. Uh-huh.”
HUDSON: “Your life is a trip.”
LAURA: “yes. If you ever want to have a very fun party go find a Hut. (laughs) Their palaces are crazy. There’s just people sleeping on the floor every single night. It is really weird. I mean, they do like do the whole slavery thing and they eat weird little frog creatures… very weird, but fun.”
HUDSON: “I like to keep a clean, simple lifestyle.”
NICK: Oh fuck.
LAURA: Oh my god. Ahhh…
HUDSON: (laughing) No one’s gonna know what that means when you do this later.
NICK: Note for our listeners: Hudson did the straightedge hand gesture. (laughs)
HUDSON: (laughing) What are you writing down after I did that?
LAURA: I’m not specifically writing down anything you did.
NICK: It says “Tink – straightedge.”
LAURA: No, I have a list of all the times I’ve been arrested, because I figured that probably should be a thing I have.
CAMERON: (laughing) It’s a thing you should keep track of.
LAURA: It’s a thing I should keep track of. I at least have the Herglic ordeal, and then there was a generic burglary that I described at some other point.
CAMERON: Then there was the Silpin and his wife.
NICK: Except she didn’t get caught on that one.
LAURA: I didn’t get arrested for that. I got found out, but I wasn’t—
CAMERON: Yeah. They put a bounty out for it, but she didn’t get arrested.
LAURA: I don’t believe I was fully arrested.
NICK: You weren’t.
LAURA: The other one was a generic burglary where they just came home half way through, and then the other three I don’t have anything for yet.
CAMERON: We shall see~!
LAURA: We’ll see!
NICK: Yeah. Did you have anything else you wanted to look up about Jorus besides where he marshals?
CAMERON: I’m just gonna read his last couple status updates, get a look into how his life’s going.
NICK: Okay. You scroll up like a page and a half and you see a few statuses like “Proud to be the System Marshal of the Coral system,” a public post, and then some friend’s post of him kind of wondering if going straight is really for him but mentioning that he wants to do it for his family, and then two statuses ago is some just really dark poetry, like “My life is an unending abyss of which I will never escape. The Sarlac of my heart will never be sated.” That kind of thing.
NICK: Yeah. The one right after that is “Got a lead on a new mission. I’ll take pictures once I’ve nabbed them.” That’s the last one that you saw. So, very roller coaster. Good stuff, bad stuff.
CAMERON: (inhales) Great.
NICK: Also, his profile picture is him with an Ewok that looks like a mini Wookie with lots of scars branded into his arms, and he’s got the beard that’s braided and has beads in it and stuff. It’s a pretty intimidating looking little guy. They’re both holding big tankards of Corellian ale.
MYRA: “Aww. He married an Ewok.”
LAURA: “Good for him.”
HUDSON: “No judgment here.”
CAMERON: “This Ewok looks super badass you guys. Look!” (laughs)
LAURA: “Oh wow~ It is.”
HUDSON: “What are those tattoos?!”
LAURA: “I mean, I would marry that Ewok.”
CAMERON: (laughing) “It’s a good looking Ewok.”
HUDSON: “I’m intimidated, and they’re not even here in person.”
NICK: Cool. Anything else you wanted to know about that?
LAURA: While Karma’s looking through some stuff, Xianna just suddenly goes, “Oh kriff! Falx took one of my sets of binders!”
CAMERON: “Was it the fuzzy ones?”
LAURA: “Oh no. Heh.”
CAMERON: “Oh, okay.”
LAURA: ‘I did not want to give him the fuzzy ones. We were in public, and I have SOME decorum.”
CAMERON: “Why did he have your binders?”
LAURA: “Uh…” Xianna’s kinda looking up a little bit trying to remember. “Oh… Oh! No. He had Governor Silpin killed.”
CAMERON: “Oh, that makes sense.”
LAURA: “Yeah. I do not… The party is a very big blur, but yes. He killed Silpin, pretty sure, and then had hired us to either take the fall or just act as an alibi… I’m not really sure. I don’t even know where he went, just that he ran away at one point.”
CAMERON: “With your binders.”
LAURA: “With my binders. I am now down to two pairs. And—Ohh! (angrily) Sabos owed me three stim packs! Ugh!”
HUDSON: (delicately) “Sabos…?”
CAMERON: “Xianna, please stop bringing this up.”
LAURA: (laughs) “But I do not have any stim packs anymore! I am all out!”
NICK: I get this image of Xianna declaring Sabos owed her stim packs and she’s on the couch and like throws her arms dramatically into the air and then falls back in sort of toddler petulance at that point.
HUDSON: A single tear falls from Tink’s face.
CAMERON: “He owed you new boots too, right? No. Tink owed you new boots.”
LAURA: ‘Yes. Tink does owe me new boots.”
LAURA: “You will buy me new boots. I found these in the closet. I don’t know who had this ship before us, but they had a lot of clothes.”
HUDSON: “Do they even make boots for your situation?”
LAURA: “Twi’lek feet?”
LAURA: “I mean, they make boots that fit Twi’leks. We have very similar feet to humans.”
HUDSON: “No. No, the… The missing, um…”
HUDSON: “Appendages… The little ones.”
CAMERON: “It’s when you get extra toes is that it becomes an issue fitting into shoes. Losing toes you just stuff some socks in there.”
LAURA: “I just put a little bit of fabric in that spot.”
HUDSON: “Got it.”
LAURA: “Yes, but I would really like a new pair of boots. I do not wear much as far as clothing, so boots are the main thing I do besides the coat.”
HUDSON: “The next time we see a boot seller of some sort or fashion I will get you new boots, I suppose.”
CAMERON: The next time we see a space Cavenders we’re gonna go in there and get some boots.
NICK: Speaking of which… Do you have any interest in getting your foot looked at?
CAMERON: (laughing) Do you want ACTUAL medical attention?
LAURA: yeah. About this time Xianna goes, “Where are we going?”
CAMERON: “Oh. Just back to Sentinel’s scary empty place.”
LAURA: ‘Yeah… After that, can we go to a populated place with, you know, real stores… and medical people, that are not Tink, and a shoe store…”
CAMERON: “Yes. Let’s go to Sentinel, since that’s where we’re going right now, and then we’ll get our money and then we can go shopping.”
HUDSON: “Ooh, money.”
CAMERON: “Buy some stim packs, and boots.”
HUDSON: ‘I could use a nice scarf, something with a little zing.”
CAMERON: “And a new journal for Tink.”
CAMERON: “Where he will use fake names.”
HUDSON: “It could just be like an encrypted journal.”
CAMERON: “If you want to do code that’s even better. Still fake names in code, though.”
HUDSON: “Got it.”
HUDSON: “But what if—“
CAMERON: I don’t know how everybody else is doing, but I don’t have money, so…
LAURA: I have 304 Credits.
CAMERON: I have 70 Credits.
LAURA: I also have a bottle of whiskey.
HUDSON: I have 254 Credits.
NICK: Is there anything else you wanted to spend your downtime with? Any catching up you needed to do?
LAURA: Oh. Xianna fell asleep while Karma and Tink were speaking. The moment she stopped speaking she’s like on the couch asleep, and no one really knows how she didn’t spill the cup of caf. She’s holding it in the most perfect way so it doesn’t actually fall over, like she does that a lot or something.
CAMERON: Karma’s gonna go through and clean all of her weapons again. It’s been a while since she did that.
HUDSON: I’m going to get a snack.
NICK: Okay. (laughs)
CAMERON: Karma takes Tink’s blaster and cleans that too.
HUDSON: I haven’t used it, have I?
CAMERON: No, but this is a calming thing karma does.
HUDSON: You can clean my vibro-axe. It probably has so much blood on it.
CAMERON: (laughs) That’s true. Yeah. Karma’s just doing a deep clean of all the weaponry.
NICK: When you do that, where do you see yourself setting up? Do you bring everything back to your quarters?
CAMERON: Dining room table.
NICK: You spread it out on the dining room table? There’s a 14 seat table. That’s definitely something this ship has. This ship is very big. From the outside, and this isn’t a TARDIS situation it’s just the way they designed it, it’s like Millennium Falcon sized, a little bit bigger.
LAURA: Which is a TARDIS situation.
NICK: Well, the Millennium Falcon is, but—Fuck that. It doesn’t matter. With this one, in all of the space that you would normally have storage and auxiliary systems and things they just stack luxury features. There’s a large formal dining room that opens out onto the mess, but then above that is one of the bedrooms. It’s all just fitted in. the way the local gravity sits you don’t have to do a lot of stairs, you just find yourself in different rooms depending on what angle you go. There’s a lot of stuff.
HUDSON: What’s the most ridiculous luxury feature we have on there that we’ll just never use?
NICK: Well, you have a holo-theater but you’ve used that.
CAMERON: We have a hot tub, but we use that all the time. We have a room of requirement that will have some luxury in it later on.
LAURA: When we flip a light side point.
HUDSON: I have one. We have a space wine cellar…
HUDSON: …except along with the wine, because I don’t really.. I mean, I drink but not super heavily. Crap, I can’t be straightedge now.
HUDSON: Because I don’t drink that often, instead of filling it with wine or alcohol I filled it with like… popsicles?
LAURA: So, we had found various wet bars but they were pretty low level stock. Did you find this hidden wine cellar and knowingly replace the wine with popsicles and sodas?
LAURA: So you got rid of the wine?
HUDSON: Well yeah, because I needed to make room for the popsicles and soda.
LAURA: This will absolutely be a plot point later on when you go to use that and Xianna’s there. (laughs)
HUDSON: So I basically dropped it all through the airlock.
NICK: Airlocked the wine—Oh no. (laughs) So, the space wine cellar is actually the biggest of the mini bars. The fridge actually has an elevator function so it can cycle through, and you figured out where the switch was to do that. You’re like, ‘Oh, this is great! There’s plenty of room for popsicles if I just get rid of this stuff. Who’s gonna need that anyway?’ So yeah, the expensive wine collection is floating through space probably somewhere near Ithor. (laughs)
CAMERON: (breathy) Great.
LAURA: I’d say most of the other stuff that I would think of we already have; rotating beds, disco balls, a hot tub… I mean, unless there’s just a room full of drugs, what else?
HUDSON: Where did we get the ship from again?
NICK: Sentinel gave it to you.
HUDSON: “I could have drugs…”
LAURA: I mean, it does now.
CAMERON: Maybe a yoga studio.
HUDSON: A hot yoga studio?
HUDSON: Just a yoga studio.
CAMERON: Just a yoga studio.
NICK: I think the main lobby serves a lot of functions, in that the hot tub can sink into the floor and you can use it as a yoga studio.
LAURA: Yeah. I’m assuming there’s a few just pretty empty all-purpose rooms that aren’t designed as bedrooms or anything, just extra spaces to do what you want with them.
LAURA: Have we found a naughty room yet? (laughs) Have we done the whole, we open the door and it’s just swings and masks, and everyone’s like (gasps dramatically), and Tink’s like ‘oh, what’s that?’ (giggles)
CAMERON: Clooose the door.
LAURA: And Xianna just slowly closes the door, and she’s like ‘oh, don’t worry about that room.’ (giggles)
HUDSON: “What’s the dress up room for? Why can’t I go in?”
LAURA: “Don’t- You don’t need to go in there.”
CAMERON: “All the costumes that are gonna fit you are gonna be in the closet.”
LAURA: “Oh no, some of those could have fit him.”
HUDSON: “Are you calling me fat?”
CAMERON: “No. I’m just saying you’re very tall.”
HUDSON: “Oh, okay.”
NICK: So I think that room is actually off of Sabos’s cabin which is why you didn’t find it.
LAURA: (laughs) We never found it.
NICK: You were digging through there looking for something during the trip, and you opened the door and yeah. We get that scene of Karma just full-body pushing Tink out of the room, like ‘no, no, no, it’s fine.’
CAMERON: Nooo, no, no, no, no, no, no.
LAURA: No, no, no.
NICK: Is there anything else you all wanted to do on the ship before you arrived?
CAMERON: I don’t think so.
LAURA: I mean, Xianna’s passed out for…
NICK: Several hours.
LAURA: Probably at least four out of the five hours.
CAMERON: Karma’s gonna log in and see if Sabos and Xianna are showing up as turned in.
CAMERON: To see if the Vengeance…
NICK: …the Vengeance actually logged it?
CAMERON: Actually logged it.
NICK: So, when you look in the Imperial bounty database the database shows Processing, so it looks like they logged that they had it but that the process may have stopped half way, or it’s at Imperial headquarters going through approval. I would imagine that the loss of the super star destroyer kind of shut down a decent amount of Imperial bureaucracy.
CAMERON: It distracted them from my 7,000 Credit total bounty just a little bit.
NICK: Yeah, a little bit, a little bit, but it does look like they sent it off.
CAMERON: But Xianna’s not currently showing as being captured, or is she still an available bounty?
NICK: The bounty section is showing Processing. Sabos and Xianna are both showing as Assumed Deceased actually.
CAMERON: Okay, cool.
CAMERON: I wake Xianna up, and I show her profile page.
LAURA: “What?! Huh? What? … Oh cool~! I am dead now. Yes. (laughs)”
CAMERON: ‘I wouldn’t get too excited, because Jorus does know you’re alive, but he doesn’t know you’re Xianna, so…”
LAURA: “I mean, yeah… so, eh.”
CAMERON: ‘We’ll see.”
LAURA: “I mean, he is a backwater marshal. They don’t have quite the same pull. And if he does not know my actual name…”
HUDSON: “With all this talk about naming, I think I need a new hacker name. I recycle those every once in a while.”
CAMERON: “Was that in your book too?”
LAURA: ‘Oh, you certainly need a new name. Yes.”
HUDSON: “yeah, I know, but like when I sign off on code I write and stuff.”
CAMERON: “You’re signing off on code you write?”
LAURA: “Wait, what?!”
LAURA: ‘Nooo. You don’t do that.”
HUDSON: “No, you do that.”
LAURA: “Like, if you live behind a calling card you make it like a sexy little thing that is not your real name, you know, you like leave a little note card with some lipstick kisses on it… if the inspector is a really cute one.”
HUDSON: “No, it’s not my real name. So, hackers have that in the scene, and it’s just a handle that they use. Before I’ve been Prodigy, I’ve also been Leetness, like L33tn3ss.”
CAMERON: “Oh gosh.”
LAURA: “But, but why?”
HUDSON: “Because that’s the name I went by. It’s cool. It’s a cool thing to do.”
CAMERON: “No, but see, Tink, if you’re using the same name every time and every time you hack into something you’re logging that name there, then you are just leaving a trail of exactly where you’ve been—“
HUDSON: “I recycle!”
CAMERON: “Mm… How long-! Okay. What name were you using most recently?”
HUDSON: “I was StarDestroyer1.”
CAMERON: “How long have you been using StarDestroyer1?”
HUDSON: “Six months.”
CAMERON: “See, that’s WAY, way too long.”
LAURA: “Oh, that is way too long.”
HUDSON: “But then you don’t develop the credibility!”
LAURA: “But no! At most you leave like your calling card for like a month, and that is only if you know the main detective is really attractive and you have like a weird sexual tension thing… and then you do it just so that they know that they have to take that case.”
HUDSON: “Sexual tension will never be in the hacker space.”
LAURA: “That’s how you avoid getting arrested! Most of the time.”
CAMERON: “Tink, I’m a bounty hunter. Okay?”
HUDSON: “When did Xianna wake up?” (laughs)
CAMERON: “Oh, I just woke her up.”
LAURA: “Yeah, she woke me up. Yeah.”
HUDSON: “Oh, okay.” (laughs)
CAMERON: “I woke her up. The Empire said she’s dead, and that was cool, so I shared that. I am a bounty hunter. If I were after the bounty that’s open on StarDestroyer1, the fact that every time you hacked in somewhere you left that means that I can find you.”
HUDSON: “Oh no, I understand that. I’m just saying, that raises the stakes and makes you more credible in the scene. So… that’s what I’m doing.”
CAMERON: ‘I do not want our stakes raised.”
HUDSON: “No, no, no. Not yours, just mine, digitally.”
CAMERON: “No! You are with me!” (laughs)
LAURA: “yes, but you are with us!”
HUDSON: “Okay. Okay. I will recycle it every three months.”
LAURA: “Eh, yeah.”
LAURA: “I am cool with that amount.”
CAMERON: “Okay. No. I have a counter offer. Pick three new ones that you have not used before. Every time you log into something and you feel the need to sign it, use them in rotation, so you’re not doing three StarDestroyer1 in a row, you’re doing StarDestroyer1, Ewok2, and Jettison5 or whatever, and rotate through those three so that there’s not a prolonged trail.”
LAURA: “Why do you even need a calling card if you are not trying to get the attention of a specific person?”
CAMERON: “I would think you would use it if you were trying to pick up elicit contracts for hacking jobs. You could list it on your resume? Do you have a resume?”
HUDSON: “That’s part of it, but it’s the fame. It’s all about the fame, the credibility, and the scene.”
CAMERON: “To get new jobs, or just to be cool?”
HUDSON: “Just to be cool.”
CAMERON: “Okay…” (laughs)
LAURA: “I mean, do you get free things for being cool?”
HUDSON: “You get… You get… You’re just cool. You’re just a cool guy. Everyone wants to be cool.”
CAMERON: “I think you’re cool anyway without getting us tracked by the Empire.”
HUDSON: “Well thank you, but not to everyone else. I just want to be known, to be heard.”
LAURA: ‘I mean, and having every Imperial know who you are, yeah. So maybe don’t leave the same calling card every single time.”
HUDSON: “Okay. So what I’m gonna do is I’ll have three different names, I’ll rotate them every three months. The names may be related so that they can kind of be tied together to one identity, like Huey, Dewey and Louie.”
LAURA: “No! Do not make the names related. They will track you easier.”
CAMERON: “You can pick three equally badass names that are not related to each other.”
CAMERON: “If we’re doing that you can keep them longer than three months…”
CAMERON: “…but you would need to use one, then use the next, then use the next. If you hacked three times in a day you would use all three.”
HUDSON: ‘So it’s like a guild. I make my own guild of one person.”
CAMERON: “yes. You’re making your own club, but you are yourself.”
HUDSON: ‘Ooh. It’s not called a club.”
CAMERON: (laughing) “I’m sorry.
HUDSON: “I’m making that. Great. Okay. So, I could be PlanetAnnihilator2…”
LAURA: Well, you know PlanetAnnihilator1 is already taken.
HUDSON: “Alright. Alright. I’m gonna workshop the names a bit, but they’re just gonna be real cool. You’ll see them pop up later. Don’t worry.”
CAMERON: “Okay. well, I wrote down PlanetAnnihilator2.”
HUDSON: “Yeah, exactly. Do you have any suggestions?”
LAURA: “Ooh… xx_HardcoreGigoran_xx.”
LAURA: ‘No, three Xs.”
NICK: (laughing) I don’t understand what you’re referencing.
HUDSON: No, that’s not a reference, that’s just a really bad name I came up with. CosmicBrownie would be the worst tag.
LAURA: Hudson just likes cosmic brownies.
CAMERON: I like it! If you’re going for cool, that ain’t gonna be it.
NICK: Alright. So, you wander your way through space and eventually you come out of hyperspace near Sentinel’s darkened, secret lair that’s floating in the middle of nowhere. Lights click on to the ship as you approach, and the station has changed very little in the day or so that you’ve been gone. You are led through the hallways that turn on as you walk through and turn back off as you go away, back to the same holo-theater where you were brought the first time. The protocol droid who served as your guide is waiting by the door. Sentinel is seated nearby. He looks very put together and calm.
“Well, glad to see you didn’t lose another one. That’s very good.”
LAURA: ‘Yeah. Can we stop doing things for Falx?”
CAMERON: ‘Oh. I thought you were gonna ask if we could stop bringing up the fact that we lost Sabos.”
LAURA: “Oh, I do not really care at all. Can we stop doing things for Falx? I mean, he kind of was trying to, I don’t know, frame us or use us as an alibi. I don’t know. He definitely murdered the governor. Also, I’m not too angry about that, because it does benefit me a bit, but he did take my binders.”
CAMERON: “See, but Xianna… The way that blackmailing works is that it’s not necessarily we’re just wanting to do something for him, it’s that he’s blackmailing you.”
LAURA: “I mean… Yeah.”
NICK: “I agree with Karma. It was not my decision really, but I have a feeling that based on some of the rumors I’ve heard, he won’t be much of a problem. He seems to have lost some of his influence.”
LAURA: (strained) “Okay, good.”
HUDSON: “Like all of his influence as a person, or…?”
NICK: “I’m not sure if he’s dead or not, but I did see that they are appointing a new governor to the Unroola Dawn region, so whatever happened to him he is no longer in power.”
LAURA: “None of us killed him, right?”
CAMERON: “I did not.”
HUDSON: ‘I didn’t.”
LAURA: “Okay. Just making sure.”
CAMERON: “I would have told y’all.”
NICK: “It’s a shame. He’s gotten a lot less helpful lately. If you do run into him again, know that I no longer consider myself in his debt. If you want to finish him off that’s fine with me.”
LAURA: “Got it.”
NICK: “With extreme prejudice, as they say. That’s a thing that people say.”
CAMERON: “I think we can manage that at this point.”
HUDSON: “We’re not in court.”
NICK: (laughs) “I was able to liquidate some assets to put together your fee. A lot of it’s tied up in military operations right now, but I was able to pull it out. What did I say it was, 15,000 Credits?”
CAMERON: You know, honestly Cameron doesn’t remember. (laughs)
NICK: I think it’s more than that.
LAURA: I think it was 20…
CAMERON: I feel like it was 25. One sec, let me see if I wrote it down!
HUDSON: Was it really—Oh, I guess people get mad when you’re like wrong about stuff on podcasts. I forgot.
CAMERON: Yeah, I didn’t write it down… Hmm.
HUDSON: (laughs) I was like, this isn’t a big deal, we’ll just be off by a couple thousand. I’m like, no, wait.
LAURA: (laughing) Turns out the people listening to these remember things. It was evenly dividable!
NICK: Oh yeah, it was!
CAMERON: It was 24. It was a weird number so that it would be three… yeah.
LAURA: Well, because it was divided, dividable by… divisible by three.
CAMERON: (giggles) Dividibidible.
LAURA: (smiling) Divisidible.
NICK: (garbled similar sounding word) Okay. So, he says…
CAMERON: Hold on. Let me get back to my page. (laughs)
LAURA: (musically) Nine, three, nine is divisible by three.
NICK: “What was it that I said, 15,000 Credits?” He smirks a little bit.
LAURA: “Um, no…”
CAMERON: “I believe it was 24.”
LAURA: “yes, 24.”
CAMERON: “Thousand, Credits, not just 24.”
CAMERON: “…thousand Credits.”
NICK: “…thousand Credits. Yes. Ah, I do recall that being a little more accurate. We’ll get that transfer started right away.” He gestures to the protocol droid, and the protocol droid takes a data spike and sticks it into a data pad and starts typing stuff in.
It brings the data pad over and says, “Excuse me,” and holds out the data pad for somebody to initiate a transfer, because a thing you can do in Star Wars is just touch stuff together and then money goes. That’s a thing that happens sometimes.
LAURA: Xianna’s like right there.
CAMERON: We do the weird phone thing where I touch my data pad to that data pad and we both tap it and it just does things weirdly.
NICK: Yeah. You verify the funds are transferred. The crew of the Afternoon Delight is 24,000 richer.
HUDSON: “Divide that into three?”
LAURA: “Yes, that is the plan, Tink.”
NICK: “I don’t care who your treasurer is. Deal with the money as you will. I have more important things to worry about.”
LAURA: “And do you want to tell us why we are here again?”
NICK: “Well, I was planning on reaching out to you by com, but since you arrived back that means we’re a lot more secure. I can give you a lot more details. So, I managed actually to track down a fourth compatriot for you. CP over here calculates that with a fourth member your odds of success increase dramatically in the coming months.” The protocol droid does that little head bobble that protocol droids do. The chime raises a finger like it’s going to cut in but Sentinel just keeps talking over it. “Unfortunately it looks like someone else found your compatriot before I could. You’re going to have some competition on this one. You can find your quarry on the planet of Engibo 5 on the outer rim. It’s only a short hop from here. Unfortunately, it looks like you won’t be the first to arrive, but if CP’s calculations are correct you won’t be too far behind.”
LAURA: “What does any of that mean?”
NICK: “I found somebody to act as your firing supports per the actual large mission.”
NICK: “I need you to go get them.”
LAURA: “Okay but… Who are we going to just be behind, and… What?!”
CAMERON: “They have another offer?”
LAURA: “Did they get arrested?”
NICK: “You’ll have to forgive me. I’ve been working in the shadows for a long time and I’ve really been doing the vague, not enough information, but I feel like you have proven that I need to be a little more forthcoming in information since I’ve already put it all on the table.”
CAMERON: “yes please.”
NICK: “I found you an assassin droid.”
CAMERON: “Ohh. Retrieval makes more sense now.”
NICK: “It’s a prototype assassin droid. They are extremely hard to find. It was made during the Clone Wars and were never mass produced. Unfortunately, Black Sun is also interested in it and they got the coordinates before we did.”
CAMERON: “Oh shit.”
LAURA: “Okieee. Cool.”
NICK: “I need you to go quickly. I think they’re sending an entire enforcer squadron, so that’s gonna be a problem.”
LAURA: “Okay, yes. We do not want to really get involved with them.”
CAMERON: “How many people would that be in that squadron?”
LAURA: “Ooh. Egh.”
NICK: ‘Probably between 10 and 20.”
CAMERON: “Oh great.”
LAURA: “They will send a good amount of people.”
NICK: “Black Sun, as they say in the outer rim, doesn’t mess around.”
LAURA: “They do NOT.”
CAMERON: “Oh, I am aware, having brought many of them in.” (laughs)
NICK: “Ooh, yeah, maybe don’t go announcing who you are. That may not go well.”
CAMERON: “I don’t normally do that…”
HUDSON: “I did a few jobs for Black Sun in the past.”
NICK: “How’d that go?”
HUDSON: “I mean, they never knew my real identity, so… It went alright.”
NICK: “But you did have a standard moniker you used so you could become more famous on the scene, right?”
CAMERON: “Oh my gosh. Not you too.”
LAURA: “This is not a thing.”
HUDSON: “Yes! Exactly! I was trying to explain this earlier.”
CAMERON: “Don’t encourage this…”
LAURA: “What is this nonsense?!”
NICK: “That’s how you get more cred. That’s how you’re cool and famous. Everybody knows that.”
LAURA: “But what happens when you steal from them? Then they know your actual moniker. When I stole drugs from Black Sun I did not use my real name.”
HUDSON: “No, no, no. You leave a note that says, in my case, “Prodigy was here, lul lul lul lul lul lul lul lul lul,” because that’s what you leave on the site.”
LAURA: “Oh, I mean, I did leave a note actually.”
HUDSON: “So yeah, that’s my note I leave, except it’s a message on their hacked website.”
LAURA: ‘I mean, I did leave a little flimsy note that said, “XOXO, Ella,” because that was the name I was using, and I left it in the box that they kept their drugs in. Heh.”
CAMERON: (exasperated) “Oh my gosh, you guys.”
NICK: “Anyway. This is all extremely interesting, but the only way you stand a chance of retrieving this droid on time is if you go right around now. They’re jumping from further, but they already started.”
LAURA: (reluctantly) “Okay…”
HUDSON: “Let’s head out!”
NICK: “Alright. Go, go, go.”
LAURA: “We go. Yes. We go, go, go. Got it.”
CAMERON: “Is this assassin droid activated currently? Are we going to have to convince the assassin droid to come with us, or is this a droid that is turned off that we can pick up and run off with?”
NICK: “So, it’s unclear.” He’s rolling with you. He’s actually in a hover wheelchair kind of situation. He’s rolling with you as you walk quickly, very West Wing style, down the corridor. “What we actually found, and it seems the information was sold to multiple parties simultaneously, is a production facility on Engibo 5. There should be at least one working, that was the guarantee, but I don’t know if it’s turned on, or in storage, or some assembly required. I’m not sure, but I don’t have time to find a trustworthy mercenary, and these droids are supposed to be top-notch, so it’s our best bet.”
LAURA: “Okay, so we will just wing it. Okie. Cool.”
CAMERON: “Alright. While we’re walking, I have a question on the Rancore Protocol.”
CAMERON: “Tink plugged it into a droid and it kind of turned into a weird…
CAMERON & HUDSON: “Murder bot”
CAMERON: “…and um… What?!”
NICK: “Yeah. The Rancore Protocol, I sent you after it because I figured it would be a tool, but having heard that and some other rumors… It’s a very old program…”
NICK: “A couple thousand years maybe. It’s possible that it’s a rudimentary AI, and that it could have been a little cranky. I’m not really sure what happened with a murder bot situation. That doesn’t sound right at all.”
LAURA: “Okay, got it.”
CAMERON: “Okay, cool! Thanks.”
LAURA: “yeah, okay. No idea.”
CAMERON: “That’s… great.”
LAURA: ‘Okay. We go now. Bye!”
NICK: Okay. we get a cool slow-motion shot of everyone urgent jogging onto the ship, the ship takes off, and that’ll be the end of the episode. Da-naaa~!
CAMERON: (starts Super Mario Bros. theme)
LAURA: (joins in Super Mario Bros. theme)
CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you’ve enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show and give the squad warm fuzzies when we read them.
Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.
Tink is played by Hudson Jameson, and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.
Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.
Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.
Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.
Additional music by James Gunter.
Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @Tabletop_Squad. For real, we’re real people and we want to talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.