Transcript: Episode 2 New Kids On The Block

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Tabletop Squadron Transcript, Season 1 Episode 2:
New Kids On The Block

Transcript by Tyler (Twitter: @Tyler_MoonSage)

Note – Laura’s character Xianna’fan speaks in an accent. Most of her soft I’s sound like “ee,” and most of her TH’s sound like Z’s. Example: “this and that” = “zees and zat”

## Intro

NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars: Edge of the Empire actual play podcast. I’m Nick, your game master. Every other Thursday our story follows a thief, a bounty hunter, a fringer and a slicer as they explore the galaxy helping a mysterious benefactor and each other. Thanks for tuning in and we hope you enjoy.

Before we get to the episode, I have a quick note from Laura about some exciting developments.

LAURA: Hello squadron. This is Laura here, letting you know that we have some cool new artwork! But, we will only release it when we hit ten iTunes reviews. Yes, we are holding our own artwork hostage. So, please head over to iTunes and leave us a review. Every review helps new people find us, so leave us a five-star review.


NICK: Hi everyone, and welcome to Tabletop Squadron Episode 2. I’m here today with everybody. Let’s go around the table, introduce yourselves, and say who you play.

CAMERON: Hello! I’m Cameron, and I’m playing Karma.

STEVEN: I’m Steven. I’m playing Sabos, or if the rolls go well, Councilman Sako.

HUDSON: I’m Hudson, and I’m playing Tink.

LAURA: I’m Laura, and I’m playing Xianna.

NICK: Great. When we last left off, you guys had—

CAMERON: Who are you?

NICK: I’m Nick. Hi.

LAURA: Who are you playing?

STEVEN: What do you do?

NICK: I-I’m in charge.

CAMERON: What do you do here?

NICK: What DO I do here? I think that’s a fair question. I’m everyone else, that’s what I do.

Alright! Before we get started, let’s do the Destiny Roll!

STEVEN: Yes, let’s.

CAMERON: Two light side.

HUDSON: One black.

CAMERON: (snickers) Dark side, Hudson.

LAURA: One dark side.

STEVEN: One light side.

CAMERON: Alright, so we got three light side, two dark side.

NICK: Great. Not too bad. Okay. When we last left off you got a job from a mysterious hologram, decided to work together for an exorbitant fee, were assaulted by stormtroopers in scary black armor, got a ship called the Afternoon Delight, got into space, were attacked by a small Star Destroyer, and made a jump to light speed with three failures.

LAURA: I’m sure it’ll be fine.

CAMERON: And one advantage.

NICK: And one advantage.


CAMERON: An important distinction.

HUDSON: Hey, we got that advantage, that’s a blue die we will need.

NICK: (exasperated) Yeah.

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: Alright. Let’s get started. The camera starts at the back of the cockpit, it’s like that classic Millennium Falcon shot, so it’s looking over the shoulders. Who all is in the cockpit right now? You’ve been in space for like 12 hours at this point so you’ve had time to move around.

LAURA: Xianna is sleeping.

CAMERON: I am in the cockpit and I have my feet up on the dash.

STEVEN: I, Sabos, am in the cockpit.

HUDSON: I’m rolling my chance cube over and over again and taking down statistics.

NICK: In the cockpit or somewhere else in the ship?

HUDSON: Somewhere else in the ship.

NICK: Okay. Are you doing it on the zero-G relaxation bed?

HUDSON: Yeah. Or actually, is there a velvet couch or chair?

NICK: Oh, absolutely. They’re all over the place.

HUDSON: I’m on one of those.

LAURA: I’m assuming everything is velvet.

NICK: Yeah, like that crushed red velvet.

LAURA: Yeah.

HUDSON: Everyone’s been like picturing purple too, right?

NICK: No, it’s red.

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

HUDSON: Oh, red velvet, okay.

CAMERON: Like the dark movie theater red.

HUDSON: Ah, okay.

NICK: Your quarters can be purple.


NICK: It’s the purple room.

HUDSON: I like to be different. Yeah. Mine’s the purple room.

NICK: Okay. So, your quarters… Let’s just talk about Tink’s quarters for a second. It’s an extra-large bed that’s sunk into a compartment on the wall. It’s a water bed mattress. The floor is all purple shag carpeting.

LAURA: (giggles)

NICK: The walls have that carpet-like movie theater wallpaper that looks soft but when you touch it it’s kind of not. You’re sitting in a purple velvet couch over a gold and glass coffee table rolling your chance cube, taking down statistics.

HUDSON: Laura had a visceral reaction to you saying purple shag carpeting, (laughter) but no one could actually see that.

CAMERON: It’s important to note.

LAURA: I mean, it’s glorious, but…

HUDSON: Egh. But…

NICK: Tink likes it. It reminds him of home.


NICK: The planet of Gigoran, by the way, just purple shag, the whole thing.

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: Purple shag everywhere.

NICK: Which is a bummer, because their fur shows up on it like really obviously.

LAURA: And it’s really hard to vacuum because of it.

NICK: Yeah, so you’re doing that. The camera is just looking over Karma with her boots on the dash placed ever so carefully amongst all the buttons and dials and control sticks that are on this.


NICK: There is a big red button that says Do Not Touch and you’ve got your boot, the heel of it, kind of wiggling back and forth while you’re humming to yourself, and every time it gets really, really close to this big red button. Sabos, have you noticed that?

STEVEN: I’m sure I know where I’m going.

CAMERON: He’s not in the cockpit, is he?

NICK: He said he was in the cockpit.

CAMERON: Oh, you are?

STEVEN: Oh, I’m in the cockpit. I’m very intently staring out the window, because I definitely know where I’m going.

NICK: Okay, so you’re very focused on that.

STEVEN: Yes. (laughs)

CAMERON: “You realize you don’t have to drive while it’s in hyperspace, right?”

STEVEN: “I’m sure I know where I’m going.”

NICK: He’s looking for landmarks.

STEVEN: (laughs)

CAMERON: “The ship at this point is kind of doing it itself, so…”

STEVEN: “Yup. Yup.” (laughs)

CAMERON: “Alright… Good talk.”

STEVEN: “Yup.”

CAMERON: Ooh. During this time, at some point, I took out the data stick that I stole off the curly haired woman who attacked me and plugged it into my data pad, to look and see what information was on it, because it can’t be tracked while I’m in hyperspace.

NICK: Ooh, okay. What information was on that? Oh yeah, that’s true. Okay, so from the data stick you learn that the name of the bounty hunter that you tangled with on your way to this mission was Betani Boatthrower, and that she is Corellian, and she’s from Coronet originally. There’s a lot of personal data on there, bounties that she’s taken in. She has one missive from the bartender that you met, Jefredrick Douglas—

CAMERON: Yeah, my friend Freddy.

NICK: Your friend Freddy. And he’s basically inviting her to the bar on that day for something unrelated, and she happened to be there. It’s a lot of business emails, basically. She’s a member of a bounty hunting tip network, so her sending stuff out to get points, and her spending points to get info on stuff, so that’s mostly what’s on there. Was there anything in particular you were hoping for?

CAMERON: I was just mostly trying to figure out who she was, because I did not recognize her.

NICK: Yeah. She’s pretty small-time, and you don’t go to Corellia very often, so if it’s someone who specializes in Corellia you probably wouldn’t know them. Oh! There’s a letter in there from someone that just says ‘Nana.’ It says: ‘I hope you enjoy the new blaster. We saved up such a long time to get it for you.’

CAMERON: So, at this point I don’t know that Tink rescued her, and left her, so…

NICK: Yeah, that hasn’t come up.

CAMERON: I feel a little better about having left her blaster where she can easily find it.

NICK: Mm-hmm, at the bottom of the canal.

CAMERON: Uh, that she pushed me into, yes.

NICK: Mkay.

CAMERON: If she didn’t want it getting wet, she shouldn’t have pushed me into the canal.

NICK: Okay. You’re flipping through this data stick getting information. Sabos is desperately looking for some sort of landmark in hyperspace that will direct him.

STEVEN: I am seeing all of them too.

LAURA: (laughs)

NICK: ‘Oh yeah, I recognize that star!’

LAURA: I don’t think he knows how hyperspace works.

STEVEN: Every landmark.


HUDSON: Now, is he convincing himself or no one around him?


NICK: Tink is doing statistics research, and Xianna is sleeping?

LAURA: Yes. She definitely picked a water bed.

NICK: Mm-hmm. They’re all water beds.

LAURA: Well, they’re all water beds, but she made sure she picked a round one that will rotate, and I’m sure that there are gold pillows on it, and if there aren’t mirrors on the ceiling I am leaving.

NICK: Yeah, there’s mirrors.

LAURA: Yeah. There’s mirrors on the ceiling. Probably half the stuff in her pockets are just thrown about the room.

NICK: (laughing) Already?

LAURA: Already! Like, the weird mask in the box is sitting on a shelf, though. She put that on a shelf.

CAMERON: The decanter’s on the bedside table.

LAURA: The Twi’lek totems are on the shelf. The decanter is already empty, on the floor, the stopper’s gone somewhere, like her scanner goggles are thrown on the floor, and she’s probably like half in the bed, and at least one foot is hanging out of the bed.

NICK: Okay. I’m picturing her sprawled on her back unconscious, one leg kind of dangling. There’s a disco ball hanging from the ceiling that’s spinning.

LAURA: Oh definitely, and it’s on.

NICK: Yeah. There’s low jizz music playing, and the bed is rotating so your foot occasionally will kick your boots or something on the way back around. We’ll do a quick flashback to when Xianna first walked into the room. What color scheme do you think the room is? Is it the red-gold?

LAURA: Oh, I’m imagining the dark red and gold, like just gold everywhere.

NICK: Okay. Xianna walks in, the comforter on the bed is red and gold leopard print.



NICK: Or, loth-leopard print, I guess? Space leopard. Whatever.

LAURA: Some sort of space cat.

NICK: Yeah, space cat. She walks n and she looks around, and she says out loud, ‘If there aren’t mirrors on the ceiling, I am leaving,’ and—

LAURA: “If there are not mirrors on the ceiling, I am leaving!” (laughs)

NICK: Yeah. You look up, and you see mirrors, and you clap to yourself, and then the disco ball comes down from the ceiling, and the bed starts spinning.

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: “Ooh. This is definitely my room!” And I just like go, (repetitive clapping), and I just keep watching it go up, then go down, then I leave it down and start throwing stuff everywhere.

NICK: Then it flashes back forward. Does Xianna snore?

LAURA: Eh, probably not.

NICK: Okay, to her just drooling slightly out of the side of her mouth while she’s asleep. And—

STEVEN: Also, you definitely described the low jazz music as low jizz music.

NICK: Yeah, Star Wars—

CAMERON: Star Wars music is jizz.

STEVEN: Oh, is it really?

LAURA: It’s called jizz.

STEVEN: Oh. I didn’t know that.


LAURA: I mean, we all love some hot jizz.

NICK: So, for anyone who isn’t way too into Star Wars, yeah, jazz is called jizz music. Gotta get you some of that hot jizz whenever you’re listening to music in Star Wars.

LAURA: We are gonna earn our explicit rating ONLY by saying jizz 40 times a podcast.

NICK: So, that’s what everyone’s doing. Tink, you and Xianna, Xianna comes awake, you two feel the ship drop back into normal space. I need a Vigilance roll from Sabos right now, right now, right now.


LAURA: Xianna tumbles out of the bed. “Oh… Are we here? What?”

STEVEN: Is it a hard Vigilance roll?

CAMERON: Is it for Piloting? Can he have a blue die because I’m co-piloting?

NICK: Not on the Vigilance roll, on the Piloting check, yes.

CAMERON: Okay, cool.

STEVEN: Is there a difficulty associated?

NICK: Yeah, average, because you did say that you were sitting up straight.

CAMERON: Total wash.

NICK: Oh, great. Well, that’s gonna make this check harder. So, you drop out of hyperspace. By your calculations you shouldn’t have yet. You’re about 100 yards from a forest. You are well within this planet’s atmosphere. You overshot a little bit, and so you frantically grab the stick and try to pull up, and Xianna even with the inertial dampeners—which is a really cool Star Wars thing where you don’t get turned into paste when you turn too hard—you are thrown out of the bed, and Tink your chance cube goes bouncing away from you and out into the ship.



LAURA: (weak and sleepy) “I take it we are not there.”

STEVEN: “There was a slight miscalculation. Everything is fine up here. You’re good.”

CAMERON: “I can see trees.”

LAURA: “Trees?”

CAMERON: “Trees.” (giggles)

NICK: You desperately need to pull up, so I need a hard Piloting check.

STEVEN: Is this a Planetary?

NICK: No, Planetary and Space are the kind of vehicles you have. You are in a space ship, so it’s Space.

STEVEN: Oh, okay. Wonderful.

NICK: And you have a black die because you did not do well on your Vigilance roll.

STEVEN: Wonderful. Hopefully this is gonna be fine.

CAMERON: And you have a blue die, for the Piloting check, because I’m co-piloting.

NICK: Yes, you can have a blue die, because—Probably she has kicked the stick—

CAMERON: I removed my feet from the dash very quickly when I saw trees!

NICK: I’m really excited that Sabos is the pilot, you guys. This is great.

LAURA: It’ll all be fine.

NICK: Look at this team. We’re gonna do great.


CAMERON: Triumph, alright.

NICK: Really?

CAMERON: Hold on.


LAURA: I mean, I see a lot of threats.

CAMERON: Hold on, recalculating. (laughs)

HUDSON: Recalculating.

NICK: You know how I like to spend threats, you guys.

LAURA: I see three.

NICK: Yay.

CAMERON: Okay, so…

LAURA: Oh boy!

CAMERON: A success, three threats, and a triumph.

NICK: … Huh… Okay, um… That was a very Cameron-type roll.

CAMERON: Good job, Steven.

NICK: So the success, you manage to pull up above the tree line.

STEVEN: Hell yeah.

NICK: The triumph, that thing that had been knocked loose from the ship snaps back into place.

STEVEN: Oh yes.

NICK: It was a rear stabilizer that was going to make doing things very difficult until you figured that out. I’m assuming Tink has probably jacked into the system diagnostics on his data pad by now. Like, that’s what you do when you enter an area is just like connect to every network.


NICK: So, as that snaps back into place a little diagnostic pop-up shows up on your data pad as you’re like chasing after your chance cube and it’s rolling around in the hallway. It says ‘Rear Stabilizer Detached, Temporary Fix’ and it shows you exactly how to fix it, so all you have to do is go out there and weld something down and it’s good.

HUDSON: “Remind me to tell y’all about a slight issue later.”

LAURA: “I think we are having a slight issue right now.”

STEVEN: “No, we are fine.”

HUDSON: “This is not a slight issue.”

CAMERON: (laughs)

NICK: So, with all the acceleration and the sudden change, Xianna actually goes sliding down the hall and she slides past Tink with her arms crossed saying that, so that’s fun.

CAMERON: I’m proud of you, Steven.

STEVEN: That was a good roll.

NICK & CAMERON: Yeah, good job.

NICK: And then, the three threats… Hey guys, guess what happens if you get three threats in Star Wars.

CAMERON: You fall down.

NICK: You fall prone! (dramatic bass noise) It’s my favorite thing ever. So, you fall out of the chair—

CAMERON: The ship falls prone. (dramatic bass noise)

NICK: No, not the ship.

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: The ship falls down!

NICK: Sabos falls prone. (dramatic bass noise)

STEVEN: (laughs)

NICK: The ship is actually very nice even if it is a little tacky, so as he falls out of the chair it senses no one’s in the pilot seat and gives you full control of the ship, Karma.

CAMERON: “Oh goodness!”

NICK: With the acceleration, to avoid hitting the trees, he had to punch it, so as he falls backwards out of his chair he goes sliding off down the hall and into the rest of the ship.

CAMERON: “Alright. I’ll just hang out here.”

NICK: As you’re flying, you get readouts of local scanning and fauna, there are some very big animals although you can’t identify what they are, and you see that the planet—well, you would have seen from space if you had been in space.

CAMERON: (giggles)

NICK: But, you can gather kind of from what you can see, the planet is mostly large forest, and there’s a lot of scrub bush and stuff everywhere but it’s mostly pine trees and things like that, and not Douglas Fir pine trees, it’s like the big tall ones that just have pine needles at the top. You also see some lakes, like some mega lakes scattered around, Lake Erie-sized give or take you imagine because it disappears on the horizon, but the way it’s shaped you can see it’s not an ocean.

STEVEN: As I slide down the hallway and pass them, I say, “Hey guys. I came down here to tell you I think we’re here.”


HUDSON: (hesitantly) “Thanks.”

NICK: At this point the inertial dampener has caught up and you guys are able to stand up and move freely about the cabin. You made it to the back by the wet bar.

STEVEN: Wonderful.

CAMERON: Karma says over the coms, “This is why we wear seat belts.”

LAURA: “The ship has seat belts?”

CAMERON: “Yep. I’m wearing mine.”

LAURA: “Hm. There were not seat belts in my bed. I checked.”

CAMERON: “That does make sense. I was talking specifically about the pilot flying through the back.”

STEVEN: “The captain’s chair did not have a seat belt installed.”

CAMERON: “It totally does. I can see it.”

STEVEN: “It was not attached.”

CAMERON: “Well yeah, no duh.”

HUDSON: “Were there restraints in the bed?”

LAURA: “No, I checked for those. There were none.”


STEVEN: “The important thing is we missed the trees. I mean, the important thing is we are definitely at the planet.”

LAURA: “Are we?”

STEVEN: “We’re at a planet, aren’t we?”

CAMERON: “Can confirm, we are at a planet.”

NICK: That sounds like a check, doesn’t it?

CAMERON: It does sound like a check.

NICK: Either Astrogation—This is all Karma because she’s the only one that’s nearby.

CAMERON: I can see it.

STEVEN: (sighs) I can’t look out the back window by the wet bar?

NICK: I mean, you can see trees and a lake.

STEVEN: Perfect.

NICK: Astrogation or Knowledge: Outer Rim.

STEVEN: Can I use Outer Rim with my trees and the lake?

NICK: Sure.

STEVEN: (quietly) Yesss.

CAMERON: What’s the difficulty?

NICK: Average. You’re here ,and you have all the readouts and everything.

CAMERON: Can I have a blue die from looking at the ship’s navi-computer?

NICK: Sure.

CAMERON: (laughing) To give me some idea about where we are.

NICK: Half of the navi-computer readouts are just like question marks and UNKs and things, because it was not expecting there to be a planet here. It had been assured that there was not a planet here when someone programmed it.

CAMERON: Mm-hmm. Oh, goodness. So, I fail with four advantages.

NICK: Great. You don’t fall prone.

CAMERON: Correct. I don’t think I would from a Knowledge check. (laughs)

NICK: How did you do, Sabos?

STEVEN: I have one threat and two successes.

NICK: Okay. You know you’re definitely on Unroola Dawn. The threat is you’ve been here before.


NICK: That’s part of the reason you recognize it, but some people may recognize you if you are unlucky.

STEVEN: Mm, hmm.

NICK: And you had?

CAMERON: Four advantages.

NICK: How do you wanna spend the advantages? Four is a lot.

CAMERON: We’re approaching the lake. There is a nice clearing to land the ship in. what else?

NICK: So, one of the advantages, you can see that there is a settlement near the lake as well.


HUDSON: You can make a perfect cocktail.

LAURA: Does Tink have to fix anything with the ship?

HUDSON: I do when it lands.

CAMERON: He’ll have to repair the dampener once we land.

NICK: But it’ll be really easy to do.

LAURA: Ah, okay.

HUDSON: It’s not that bad.

NICK: It’ll take him like five minutes.

LAURA: While we’re landing and I’m up, can I get an advantage for a Skulduggery check to just check around the ship to see if there’s any cool hiding spaces?

NICK: Sure.

CAMERON: I’ll give you a blue die.

LAURA: Is there a difficulty?

NICK: Probably hard, because if they are cool they’ll be hard to find. Right? Oh, and one of your advantages can be spent on the navi-computer resetting, and you see that it’s Outpost 4, which is where you were supposed to go.

CAMERON: Awesome.

STEVEN: Oh, we made it.

NICK: Yeah, good work.

CAMERON: You don’t know that. You can’t see it.

STEVEN: (laughs)

LAURA: Okay, that’s three successes, a threat, and a triumph.

CAMERON: Four successes, the triumph as well.

LAURA: Oh, four successes. The triumph has a success in it.

NICK: Okay. With the triumph and all the successes, yeah, there are several good hiding places. In fact, one might say mechanically that one of the hard points on this ship is used up by smuggler compartments.

LAURA: Nice.

NICK: Yeah. Rather than it being floor panels or something, there’s a lot of little nooks and crannies where things can go. There are some that are bigger for like big sized stuff, but there’s lots of small little stashy hideaways. How many threats was it?


NICK: So, the threat is one of the places where you think is a hiding place is actually a garbage disposal, and you may accidentally throw something out if you put it there.

LAURA: Ah, okay.

NICK: It looks like a hiding place, but it’s got a little trap door at the bottom.

CAMERON: And you don’t know which one~

NICK: Yeah. Cool. That may come up. So, Karma, you see that you are approaching that open clearing by the lake. There is a settlement over there, and it is Outpost 4 which is one of the things that you heard your contact saying you need to visit.

CAMERON: Cool. I’m gonna go fly over to that clearing.

NICK: Okay. You gonna land?


NICK: That takes probably like five or six minutes. No one coms you. There doesn’t appear to be air traffic control or anything, you can just come in for a landing. What are you guys doing during that five or six minutes, everybody but Karma?

HUDSON: Getting my toolkit together.

LAURA: Putting my shoes on, picking my stuff up, and then looking around the ship.

CAMERON: (laughs)

LAURA: I’m probably looking for the compartments as I’m putting shoes on and stuff, so I’m just walking around, putting shoes on, like poking panels.

NICK: Hmm, okay.

STEVEN: I’m taking a drink, very happy with myself that I didn’t crash into trees.

NICK: What’s Sabos’s drink of choice?

STEVEN: Corellian whiskey.

NICK: The wet bar is not as well stocked as you would expect.

STEVEN: I’m sure it has some nice Corellian, though.

NICK: So, it has some whiskey, it has some space gin, it has some of the main stuff. It doesn’t really have any mixers, and most of the bottles are only like a quarter full. It’s like this ship was taken on a pretty long journey and then never restocked.

HUDSON: Does it have a White Gigoran in it? It’s a White Russian with hair.

CAMERON: Ew. (laughs)


STEVEN: You know, I don’t see that.

NICK: So, you have the hair to supply. There is some space Bailey’s, but it’s not refrigerated so it’s kind of sour.

HUDSON: I get my tools together anyway. I don’t need to drink before a job.

NICK: Cool. Sabos is just leaning against the bar looking out the back window acting like nothing ever went wrong. Everything’s great.

STEVEN: Everything went to plan, and we’re on a planet. (laughs)

NICK: Yeah. So… You can see that Outpost 4 is a large camp settled in the wilderness of Unroola Dawn. It has a ring of durasteel walls around it that slope inward, and you can see the tops of prefabricated buildings peeking over the wall. You can see several Imperial shuttles and a couple of civilian ships parked in the clearing outside. There is a large automated gate on one side. It’s like a sliding flat door that has overlapping triangles that go across, and you can see that the settlement is pretty plain. It has dirt roads, and most of the buildings are one story and square, and they’re arranged in kind of concentric circles around the middle of the settlement where there is a larger building. That’s about all you can tell before you settle into a landing.

You have landed. Congratulations, you did not die. This is good.

CAMERON: Karma slowly peels her fingers off of the control and like rolls her neck, and stretches. “Okay. That was stressful.” Which you all hear, because the ship coms are on.

LAURA: Yeah. Xianna looks over at Sakos and is like, “Do you actually know how to fly?”

STEVEN: “We’re on a planet, aren’t we?”

CAMERON: “He flew alright, it’s the Astrogation that I’m  not so sure on.”

STEVEN: “I might have overshot the—Well, here’s what happened. Remember that orbiting destroyer thing that was just such a problem?”

LAURA: “You mean the ship?”

CAMERON: “That left?”

STEVEN: ‘I decided to skip the orbit this time. Boom.”

LAURA: “I do not think that is a good thing.”

STEVEN: “We just went right on in.”

LAURA: “I think there is a reason that ships usually stop that.”

NICK: I wanna flip a dark side point, and Xianna, you’re still talking a big game but you’re genuinely unsure if he did it on purpose or not.

STEVEN: (laughs)

LAURA: Yeah…

NICK: You probably wouldn’t be thrilled to see him piloting, but also you think maybe he’s good at it. You’re not sure.

LAURA: Oh no, I’m gonna let him pilot again, I’m just like almost legitimately concerned, like is that actually how…

CAMERON: Is this a thing that people do?

LAURA: I’m gonna pretend that I know, but like… Does it?


STEVEN: We just orbited the trees instead.

HUDSON: Can I look out? I was about to get my tool bag, whistle a tune, and go out there to fix the thing. Can I do a Perception check to look and see if anyone’s around the ship?

NICK: Sure. That’s pretty easy. In fact, I would say it was easy.

HUDSON: Oh, nice. Okay.

STEVEN: How convenient.

NICK: I’m really excited about how many of our characters are trained in Perception in this game.

HUDSON: One success.

NICK: You can see, this is the equivalent of like concert parking. It was a grass field. It’s all kind of beaten down, the grass is mostly dead, but it’s not muddy because of the thatch effect, and there’s not really anyone around the ships. The civilian ships appear to have their own onboard security systems. The Imperial shuttles are all folded up. But, over by the gate, you can see that there are two stormtroopers standing guard.

STEVEN: What are they dressed in?

NICK: It’s the forest camo ones from Endor.


NICK: So, they’re like the scout troopers with the stupid visors that make it so they can’t see. It’s the black body suit and then the armor panels are all like the spray paint-y camo.

HUDSON: So, I walk off the ship and go to the back to fix the… What do I fix?

CAMERON: The dampener?

STEVEN: Horizontal stabilizer.

NICK: The rear stabilizer. You guys were all close.

HUDSON: I walk off the ship to fix the rear stabilizer.

NICK: Okay. So, you climb down, the scout troopers see you, make the tap on the side of the visor hand gesture that they’re acknowledging that you’re there, and it’s aimed towards you and each other, and they don’t mess with you. They just kind of stay put.

HUDSON: I do a similar action back, tap on the side of the head.

NICK: They just kind of ignore you and go back to their thing. They look bored, which is weird for stormtroopers. Well, have you ever interacted with stormtroopers before, besides being shot at by them a second ago?

HUDSON: Yeah, I mean, off and on, just never been like arrested by them, I don’t think.

NICK: Okay. If you’ve ever seen them walking by doing their tour de force thing they’re almost always at extreme attention, they’re always really focused and emanating scary aura. These guys are like leaning against the wall and look bored.

HUDSON: I kind of wanna go play hacky sack with them, but I resist that urge to go fix the ship.


NICK: You swing around to the back of the ship and there are two tall fins on the back, and one of those was obviously at an angle and is kind of bent back. You figure if you take this wire and connect it here, and if you spot weld this piece, it’ll be fine. Like, not even a patchwork job, it’ll just be good. It’ll be solid. So, you climb up there, and make me a Mechanics check. This one’s easy.

HUDSON: Yay. I’m pretty good at Mechanics.

NICK: You say to yourself.

HUDSON: I’m just holding the wrench like, ‘Yeah man, I’m doing a good job.’ Three advantages.

NICK: Okay, so, it’s not fixed. You realize that you’re out of fluid for your welder torch. It will last for a while. It’s mostly good, this was just preventative maintenance so it doesn’t break again, basically. One of your advantages is that the stormtroopers see you doing that and see your toolkit, and they make note that you’re someone who’s good at mechanics. They overheard you say that, like ‘huh, cool.’


HUDSON: ‘Hey, he talks to himself.’

LAURA: ‘Hey, he’s good at mechanics.’

NICK: ‘Hey! That guys good at mechanics. Maybe we’ll have a job for him.’

HUDSON: That’s it for me. I go back into the ship after I’m finished.

NICK: Cool. What are you all doing?

HUDSON: I let them know that there’s two stormtroopers by the door, so anyone should kind of give up if they’re wanted across the galaxy now.


LAURA: “So, is anyone wanted specifically on this planet?”

CAMERON: “I have never been here before.”

LAURA: “I don’t think I am.”

STEVEN: “I’m not—I’m not wanted on this planet.”

HUDSON: “I haven’t even heard of Unrooly Dooly, so I haven’t been here.”

NICK: Unrooly Dooly. (laughs)

CAMERON: “You Sabos, or you Sako?”

LAURA: “Well actually—Yes. You seem to have two different names. I’m not really sure which is which, so…”

CAMERON: “You first introduced yourself as Sabos. The mysterious voice thought you were Sako.”

STEVEN: “I, Sabos, am not wanted on this planet. I think I’ve been here to try to establish some trade routes.”

LAURA: “Are you sure? You do not seem sure.”

CAMERON: “That would be how you knew the hyperspace route so well.”

STEVEN: “Yeah.”

CAMERON: “Mm-hmm.”

STEVEN: “I came in from a different side this time. I’m used to coming from Osaron…”

CAMERON: “Yeah. The planet placement depending on which side you come in at can really impact the Astrogation. Yeah.”

STEVEN: “East or west. Yeah.”

CAMERON: “Mm-hmm.”

LAURA: “Mm. Is there an east or west in space?”

STEVEN: “Relative to the planet’s gravity and axis alignment.”

LAURA: (laughs) “Okie.”

STEVEN: “I astrogate!”


LAURA: “Anyways. I am putting it out there. I do not know whether or not I am wanted on this planet. Probably not. I would say a solid 80% for no. it depends on how good their warrant system is.”

NICK: Hey guys… Can you flip me that dark side point, please?


NICK: Don’t worry about it. I’m sure it’ll be fine.

LAURA: (giggles) Xianna has been arrested many times.

CAMERON: We now have five light side points.

LAURA: So, we will be using that. Yeah, Xianna has been arrested a handful of times. At least three, probably more.

HUDSON: “Okay, so…”

CAMERON: So, I’ve been in the cockpit shutting engines down and doing all of that stuff, flipping all the switches.

STEVEN: “So, uh, Karma?”


STEVEN: “You know where we are? I mean, I know where we are, but do you? You were the co-pilot.”

CAMERON: “I mean, so, the navigation computer says we’re by Outpost 4.”

STEVEN: “That’s where I was aiming.”

CAMERON: “Um, sure you were.”

STEVEN: “It’s wonderful.”

CAMERON: “Yup. Uh, Unroola Dawn, that’s the planet.”

STEVEN: “That’s the planet I was going for, too.”

CAMERON: “Mm-hmm. Yep.”

STEVEN: “It’s a good landing.”

CAMERON: “There’s a gate over there with some stormtroopers in front of it, and a little outpost beyond it. And I haven’t been off the ship yet, so that’s all I know.”

STEVEN: “I assume all we have to do is deliver said cargo to that outpost?”

CAMERON: “We have to get the cargo first.” Right?

STEVEN: I thought we already saw the two meter by one meter box.

NICK: No. you’re picking it up here to take it somewhere else.


LAURA: Yeah, we have to get the box.

CAMERON: “Did anyone catch the name of who we’re supposed to talk to? Because it was kind of gargled.”

STEVEN: (static noises)

CAMERON: “Yeah. That’s what I heard, too.”

LAURA: “I only heard the word Sentinel, and I don’t…”

HUDSON: “I thought it was centennial.”

LAURA: “No. that means 100.”

HUDSON: “Yeah. It was confusing to me, too.”

LAURA: “No, Sentinel.”

HUDSON: “Ah, okay.”

LAURA: “That is what I heard.”

HUDSON: “We’ll go with what you heard.”

CAMERON: “Me too, but I don’t know what that means.”

LAURA: “I think it is someone who watches things?”

STEVEN: “Well, there’s two sentinels there.”

LAURA: “yes, yeah, like a guard.”

CAMERON: “We were warned to watch who we asked about it, though, so maybe asking the stormtroopers isn’t the best idea.”

HUDSON: “Let’s just get past the stormtroopers and figure it out from there.”

CAMERON: “Okay. Did you fix the ship?”

HUDSON: “It’s… gonna work.”

CAMERON: “Cool.”


LAURA: “That sounds like a no.”

HUDSON: “It’s not a no, because I’m just missing some welding fluid. After I get that then we’ll be 110%, but right now we’re 100%.”

LAURA: “Okie.

CAMERON: “Alright.”

STEVEN: “I believe you.”

HUDSON: I don’t even have to roll for that.

NICK: Nope. You’re good. So, you all head down the ramp and towards—

CAMERON: I take out the key and go (boo-boop), and lock the ship.

NICK: Okay. You arm it.

STEVEN: I take the key back.

CAMERON: No. (laughs) Karma does not give you the key.

STEVEN: I attempt to take the key back.

CAMERON: Yeah. You don’t get it.

NICK: I mean, is this important enough to you that we need to make an opposed roll on this right now?

STEVEN: Would it be a Brawl or a Melee?

NICK: Are you, like, fighting her for it?

STEVEN: I just want to grab it.

LAURA: Xianna’s gonna step in between them and just look at Sabos. “Mm. Just let her have the key, okie please?” I wanna use Charm.

CAMERON: Charm check? (laughs)

LAURA: I’m gonna roll Charm!

NICK: You can charm. What’s your Discipline, Sabos?

STEVEN: I have some Discipline. By that, I mean none.

CAMERON: Two green.

NICK: Okay, so two purple.

LAURA: An advantage?

NICK: You are unimpressed by her attempting to make you think it’s a good idea to not take the keys, but you also don’t wanna like start a fight. That’s the advantage. You’re not sure that’s gonna go well.

STEVEN: I don’t want to start a fight. I might try—

CAMERON: I put it in my breast pocket.

STEVEN: I might still try to grab it later, now that she’s revealed where the key is.

NICK: Yeah, that’s fine.

HUDSON: That sounded predatory, because of where she put the key.

CAMERON: Yeah. (laughs)

NICK: Sheesh, getting intense.

STEVEN: (laughs)

CAMERON: I put both my hands back, I’m gonna flip my head tentacles so several of them fall over my shoulders in front.

STEVEN: I flick my head tentacles too, unsure what’s going on.

CAMERON: I give you an unimpressed look as you only have four.

STEVEN: Sorry, head tails. Woo, not tentacles, I don’t want those.

NICK: She has tentacles.

CAMERON: I don’t care what you call them.

LAURA: Xianna’s looking back and forth. “Are we flipping our head tails for a reason? Is this a thing now?”

CAMERON: “No. mine are still a little soggy.”

HUDSON: I whisper to Xianna. “I think he’s just trying to copy people. I don’t think he knows how to actually do things.”

LAURA: “That makes sense. Also, I think they can hear us.”

HUDSON: “Nah, we’re good.”

CAMERON: (laughing) Tink’s like whispering, but he didn’t lean down at all to talk to Xianna, so just like seven foot tall whispering down to the Twi’lek.

LAURA: No, I imagine that he’s like standing at full height just looking down, and not really whispering, like it’s his version of a whisper but it’s still fairly loud, because his translator probably can’t handle the full whisper.

HUDSON: Modulate volume?

NICK: No, so I really like the idea—One thing. I have to apologize for the previous episode with Hudson. His mask is a translator mask, not a breather mask. For an alien race that shows up in the background of Rogue One for 20 seconds, I think we did a pretty good job.

LAURA: They’re in like two episodes of Aphra, in the background as bodyguards.

NICK: Oh, okay. And by episodes you mean issues, because it’s a comic—

LAURA: Two issues, I’m sorry. It is a comic book.

NICK: Yeah. I was gonna say, if I’m missing an Aphra show I need to know. So, he’s got this mask set, but I really like the idea that if he whispers it is designed to be easy to understand, so it just says ‘whispered’ and then says whatever he says.


STEVEN: Does Tink not speak Basic?

NICK: No. he can’t. his vocal cords aren’t set up right. It’s kind of like Chewbacca who can only speak Chewbacca.

LAURA: But, I guess most people understand Wookie, so everyone seems to understand Chewbacca. Nobody speaks Gigoran, so he has to use one.


CAMERON: What if it does like the ‘sarcasm.’


HUDSON: It’s only when volume is modulated.

NICK: Yeah. It can do tone of voice and stuff like that, otherwise then he would just sound like HK47 all the time. So, after that long exchange under the ship within sight of the scouts of like arguing and head flipping and whispering, and everybody just kind of looking at each other, the scouts still look bored. Do you approach the gate?

LAURA: Yeah. Xianna’s just gonna be like, “Follow me. We go into the city.” And starts walking that way.

CAMERON: “Okay.”

NICK: So, you get up right next to them, and the gate is on a motion sensor, and slides open, and the scouts are watching you but they don’t say anything.

LAURA: I wave at them. I like waving at people.

CAMERON: I give the one on the right a smile and flick my head tail and walk through.

NICK: The one you smile and flick at is just deadpan, as far as you can tell, and the one Xianna waved at kinda cocks his head slightly to the side, and it makes that high pitched armor creaking noise that they make when they get thrown into trees in Return of the Jedi, but he doesn’t say anything either. So, it looks like you can probably just go straight through.

STEVEN: I also salute with one of my head tails.


CAMERON: With one of your head tails?

LAURA: Why would you salute with the head tail? Do you understand how creatures—

STEVEN: Just kind of acknowledge by moving the head tail.

LAURA: Oh. Oh.

CAMERON: So you like, pick it up? What?

STEVEN: No, the two at the top are opposable.

CAMERON: I was imagining he picked it up in his hand, and then like slopped it onto his forehead, and then dropped it down.

STEVEN: Oh, no. (laughs)

NICK: That’s what I was picturing, too. It’s about as prehensile as a dick is, so you can’t—(laughter) You can’t like gesture with it.

STEVEN: Right, but I have some facing up, so I can—

NICK: Uh-huh, so you like wiggle them at him.

STEVEN: Just the one side.

LAURA: Your two montrals.

CAMERON: It’s like wiggling your ears. You can wiggle your top montrals.

STEVEN: Yeah. Just the one side there.

LAURA: Well, so the top ones are called montrals.

STEVEN: Yeah, those aren’t the head tails. That’s right.

HUDSON: That thing jocks do when they pass someone and they do that head tilt up, like just slightly.

CAMERON: But it’s with the montrals, and they like twitch slightly.

HUDSON: Yeah. We’ll say he did that.

LAURA: They’re not like prehensile though.

CAMERON: It’s way less creepy than picking one up and saluting with it.

STEVEN: (laughing) Oh, yeah, not like that.

LAURA: Swinging it around.

CAMERON: That’s really weird.

NICK: Gross. You head through the gate. Like I said before, the inside of the settlement is pretty plain. It has dirt roads and small one story buildings arranged in a ring around the middle. The center you can tell now is a prefabricated Imperial barracks. They all look the same, so if you’ve ever seen one you’ve seen all of them, and you can see squads of stormtroopers jogging in formation. A group goes by and you hear, ‘ I don’t know but I’ve been told, the sarlac’s welcome is mighty cold,’ and they’re echoing it back and forth to each other and jogging around.

It’s pretty much an independent town within these walls. A lot of it appears to be Imperial military, but you can see several outpost shops. There’s a building off to the side where you can see off-duty Imperials, you recognize them by their gate and their posture, coming into and out of. Some of them look kind of drunk. There’s a building furthest from the gate that’s actually made of wood and not prefabricated and looks to be more comfortable than the other buildings, and in front of that one there are three white armored stormtroopers posted up front, and one of them is standing directly in front of the doors. That’s what Outpost 4 is like.

LAURA: “So, who are we meting?”

STEVEN: “Uh, Sentinel? (static noises)”

CAMERON: “Sentinel.”

LAURA: “Crinkle noise?”

CAMERON: (laughs) “Crinkle noise Sentinel. That’s what we got.”

LAURA: ‘Yes.”

STEVEN: “I was hoping one of y’all understood that in y’all’s native tongue.”


HUDSON: “Do any of you know who was talking to us on the hologram in the room?”

LAURA: “He would not tell me his name.”

HUDSON: “Okay, and none of you knew him before.”


CAMERON: “He just hired me for a bounty job.”

HUDSON: “Let’s find some shady character in town and ask them.”

LAURA: ‘Let’s find a non-stormtrooper.”

HUDSON: “Can I use Underworld and find someone?”

NICK: Actually, so finding someone would be Streetwise.

LAURA: I have Streetwise.

STEVEN: Yeah, I can do that.

HUDSON: Let’s have whoever has the most.

NICK: Someone could add a boost die to it if you’re trying to help.

LAURA: Help me.

STEVEN: Yeah. How do I do that?

NICK: Just say you’re helping her and she gets a boost die

STEVEN: I’ll help her. Do I roll the same as I would normally?

NICK: No, you don’t even have to roll. If you help someone they get a boost die.

LAURA: Difficulty?

NICK: To find a shady person in an Imperial outpost… Average.

CAMERON: Non-stormtrooper.

NICK: A non-stormtrooper is average, yeah. There are some.

LAURA: Five successes and one advantage.

NICK: You instinctively hone in towards the building that the drunk stormtroopers were coming out of. You go in and there are long, low tables and people in the black form suits that they wear under the armor, and some people in officer’s uniforms but it’s like the shoreside officer’s uniforms not the navy ones, so they’re just kind of like brown, boring clothes instead of the super legit gray uniforms.

They’re sitting very structured by rank, and most of them aren’t talking but they’re drinking. Some of the soldiers are whispering to each other, but it’s a very quiet, restrained atmosphere. Behind the bar is a person that you assume must be a native, you haven’t seen anyone like them before. They have kind of lanky, black hair. It does the crow feather kind of purple highlight thing to it, and they have a very tan face, they have broad features and long cheeks. It’s a guy with a ratty, brown apron on and no shirt, and he is in the process of handing a can of beer to somebody.

CAMERON: Can I roll a Xenology check?

NICK: Sure.

CAMERON: What would be the difficulty?

NICK: Easy.

CAMERON: Nope. I fail with three advantages.

NICK: You can spend the advantages however you want. They’re probably human, honestly. You don’t know specifically about this group, but there’s a lot of weird races in Star Wars that are human except for this one thing. This guy looks a lot like that. He’s ripped, think Conan the Barbarian ripped, with lots of stretched out really ugly looking scars on his arms and things, not action hero scars, like there are scars where stuff is missing… but he seems to serve a can of beer pretty well.


LAURA: I’m probably already at the bar.

NICK: Okay. Everyone else paused to look around and see what was going on. You just walked right up to it.

LAURA: Yeah. Are there seats at the bar?

CAMERON: I use my advantage. There’s four seats together.

NICK: Sure. There are four seats together, and one of them is even big enough for a Gigoran.

CAMERON: It’s the end seat, so he can stretch out.

HUDSON: So, I pass down a message so I’m not speaking to the whole bar, saying one of the ladies should try to get some info.

NICK: Hmm, and you could’ve said that from the doorway or whatever.


LAURA: Yeah, I mean, I’m already at the bar.

NICK: The whole volume thing is just for comedic effect. I’m not gonna screw you over with it.

HUDSON: Great. Okay.

LAURA: While they’re still looking around, I’m already at the bar, in the stool, chin in my hand, leaning on the bar table. “Hello. I would like a beer? Is all you have beers?”

NICK: “Well, the beer is the one thing I can guarantee isn’t contaminated, but we have some starshine.”

LAURA: “Um, the beer is fine. Thank you.”

NICK: “Alright, one Imperial ale, coming right up.” He takes out, they’re like the high baller cans, and he sets it on the bar. You reach for it and he stops you, he puts a hand out, and he reaches over and opens it for you and turns it towards you.

LAURA: “Thank you~”

NICK: “That’ll be six credits.”

LAURA: Okay… Xianna internally is just like, ‘Damn! That is expensive… We don’t know who we’re trying to look for…’

HUDSON: Don’t say that to him.


CAMERON: At the point Tink leans over and passes the message that he thinks one of the lady folks should try and get information, the three of us are still by the door. Xianna’s the only one who went over to the bar.

HUDSON: Oh, okay. In that case, I’ll just say, “When talking to them play dumb like you were supposed to go and grab this package so that we can have plausible deniability if they say wait, you’re smugglers, or something like that.”

LAURA: I’m already at the bar…

CAMERON: Yeah, it’s just the three of us talking.

HUDSON: Yeah, just the three of us.

STEVEN: Alright guys, I’ll be the lady folk.


LAURA: I want to be charming for a little bit, but then I want to… would it be maybe Skulduggery to do some very subtle hint droppings?

NICK: That’s Streetwise.

LAURA: Streetwise? Okay, I can do that.

NICK: Streetwise is talking to people and people not thinking you’re a nark.

LAURA: Yeah. I want to do I guess a straight Charm roll, just be friendly for a little bit…

NICK: Mm-hmm. You can use the Charm roll to try to get advantages on the Streetwise roll.

LAURA: Yeah.

CAMERON: “Honestly, I think Xianna is gonna be the best person to be talking since Imperials tend not to like aliens, but they tend to find Twi’leks sexy.”

HUDSON: “I don’t know if I trust her, but we’ll go ahead.”

STEVEN: “I’m legitimately confused, because most Togruta are female, so I don’t really understand what’s going on.”

CAMERON: “Cool, bro.”

LAURA: Two successes and two threats.

NICK: Okay. The successes, this guy likes you, and obviously the people around aren’t much of conversationalists so you catch him, you say something that’s like mildly entertaining and he has a hardy laugh, and you can tell he’s just hook, line and sinker, whatever you need from him. The threats are that some of the officers sitting in the corner notice that laugh, and are now—they don’t look suspicious, but they’re definitely paying attention to you. They’re curious about what’s going on.

LAURA: I mean, I’m smiling at them.

NICK: Mm-hmm. They’re not taken by your charms, because they were not directed at you.

LAURA: Well, yeah. You have to like ‘direct’ it. You can only project in one direction. (laughs) That’s how charm works!

NICK: Sometimes two, if you have more than one kind of asset, I guess.

CAMERON: At this point we’ve been standing at the door long enough so I kind of usher everyone out of the doorway over to the extra seats at the bar.

NICK: Yeah, for sure.

LAURA: What would the Streetwise check be?

NICK: At this point it would probably be hard, but you get a blue die. Man, we’re very much level one, and you guys still are starting with these huge dice pools.

LAURA: Two successes.

NICK: Nice. What information are you trying to get out of him, or what hints are you dropping?

LAURA: I’m trying to drop that we’re here for a job and we need to pick something up, and try to be real subtle that we’re not exactly sure where to be going, so if he knows of anyone who’s providing a job for someone let me know, like if he knows anything…

NICK: Okay, so, this takes a while. By the time you all are seated at the bar—Who’s drinking? Is anyone drinking?

HUDSON: I’ll be drinking.

STEVEN: I’m drinking for sure.

CAMERON: I am not drinking.

LAURA: I’m already drinking my beer.

NICK: You’re just sitting there?

CAMERON: Mm-hmm. I’m scanning the room.

NICK: Okay, so six credits for you all to buy beers.

STEVEN: Oh, I get starshine.

NICK: Oh, you’re getting starshine? That’s four credits, but I need a Resilience check from you.

HUDSON: (laughs)

STEVEN: Perfect. This is gonna go well. How hard is said Resilience check?

NICK: It is hard.

STEVEN: Oh, is it?

NICK: Yeah. This stuff is legit.

STEVEN: Hard is three?


STEVEN: Well, this is gonna go well… Yeah, it goes fine.

CAMERON: (whispered) No it doesn’t.

LAURA: Oh boy.

STEVEN: See, I have two failures and one advantage.

NICK: Okay. You’re gonna take four strain…


NICK: …and you are mildly inebriated. It hits you a lot harder than you thought, and it hurts, your stomach hurts, but you get a good buzz off of it so as far as you’re concerned this was a good deal. Is there something you want to spend the advantage on?

STEVEN: I would like to know the brand of the starshine. Is it actually from this planet?

NICK: Yeah, like, the guy makes it in a bathtub out back.

STEVEN: Oh, wonderful.

LAURA: Yeah, it’s starSHINE. There’s no brand.

STEVEN: Well, I didn’t know if it was like, you know, one of the regulated starshines that comes from Corellia.

NICK: No, this is like bathtub gin.

STEVEN: I ask to be excused to go look at the tub it’s made in.

NICK: Oh, he goes with you.

STEVEN: Perfect.

NICK: So, there’s a little aside of you standing around, you kick at it, and he’s pointing out the still and everything. “Yeah, we make it right here out of these berries. They don’t really have a name that’s pronounceable in Basic, but they have a pretty good kick.” So, you have a little thing, and he likes you, and you guys are best friends now. Good job.


NICK: Now, back to the hints of the job and everything. He kind of gets what you’re saying, and thinks about it for a bit, and says, “Well, most people that aren’t Imperial are here for one reason or another. We don’t see a lot of people come here for no reason. But, the guy who handles most of these jobs is, uh, actually out right now, went on a hunting expedition. He should be back pretty soon, but you would want to talk to him. He’s the guy who lives in that bigger building in the back of the complex.”

LAURA: “Okay. Thank you.”

NICK: “His name is Falx Urnstad. He’s kind of a big deal.” Around then the Imperial officers get up to order more beers and he kind of clams up and goes back to pulling them out. You see there isn’t any refrigeration or even electricity in this building. Like, it’s a prefab building, but the inside is all cobbled together wooden tables and stuff, like they just cut 2x4s. it doesn’t have any refrigeration or lights, like they never hooked it up, so he just has an Imperial issued cooler with ice in it that the beers are all stuck in.

CAMERON: Is it shaped like a death star?

NICK: No, it isn’t. it’s square.


CAMERON: Damn. Missed opportunity.

NICK: It’s a case that is about three meters long and two meters wide.

STEVEN: That’s a big Imperial cooler.

NICK: The death star doesn’t exist as far as you know, so…

CAMERON: Yeah, I know. I just thought they’d have \the merchandise\.

NICK: That’s what you get from him before the Imperials walk up. They’re doing that hip lean in the bar thing while they’re looking at you kind of as an invitation to talk, but they’re not making a first move.

LAURA: I just kind of like politely smile at them, and then when I’m done with my drink I look at everyone else to suggest like, ‘we should go~.’

CAMERON: Karma gets up and walks out.

HUDSON: I down my drink and get up and go.

STEVEN: I stumble a little bit and say, “The starshine is to die for,” and I get up and go.

NICK: (laughs) Okay. As you come outside you hear the sound of speeders in the distance and you see the trees rumbling. The gate slides open, and you see three off-road vehicles come in. they’re speeders, but they’re rigged up, their air intakes and stuff have a lot of heavy grating over them so they can go through the jungle. The one in the middle has a crane arm and is holding some strange creature that is dripping black icor from it. It looks like a great white shark but with scales and teeth where its fin should be. Can I get a Perception check or a Xenology check from somebody?



LAURA & CAMERON: I can do Perception.

STEVEN: I can do Xenology.

CAMERON: Can we all do Perception?

NICK: Sure.

LAURA: What’s the difficulty?

NICK: This one’s hard. Are you rolling Perception or Xenology, Sabos?

STEVEN: Xenology, but it didn’t go well.

NICK: Okay, so you don’t know what this is.

CAMERON: You succeeded with three threats.


NICK: Huh. You fall prone. (dramatic bass noise)

STEVEN: (chuckles)

CAMERON: But he knows what it is!

NICK: But you know what it is.

LAURA: Four successes on my Perception check.

STEVEN: (laughing) I fall prone at the sight of it.

CAMERON: One success for Karma.

HUDSON: Okay, I have (laughs) a failure…

LAURA: One of those gets cancelled out.

CAMERON: So you have a failure, a threat, and a triumph.

HUDSON: I have a failure, a threat, and a triumph. (laughs)

NICK: Okay. So, you don’t see anything. Sabos, you identify this as a Kirsten’s beast. It’s pretty rare, they like jungle environments, and they’re real, real, real scary, and it’s such a surprise to you that you fall on your ass in the mud. (dramatic bass noise) There’s no mud in this outpost except for one puddle that you managed to find, so your clothes are dirty now.

STEVEN: Wonderful.

NICK: Karma and Xianna, you see from this creature hanging, it has thousands of like millipede legs hanging off the bottom of it…


NICK: …and some of them are still kinda twitching. Yeah.


LAURA: Gross.

STEVEN: I say, “Hey guys, I think this is a Kirsten’s beast. They’re pretty fucking scary.”

CAMERON: “No shit.”

LAURA: “I can see that.”

CAMERON: Or I guess, no kriff.

LAURA: “I can see its weird, little leg things.”

HUDSON: Creepy crawly.

CAMERON: There’s so many legs, and so many teeth.”

NICK: All of the stormtroopers snap to attention as the speeders pull to a stop at the square around the barracks. You guys are all within probably 40 yards. You’re close enough to see but not close enough that you’re gonna draw immediate attention. A squad of stormtroopers pile out of one speeder, and it’s a mix of white armored stormtroopers and the scout troopers, and out of the other two speeders come people who are obviously military but are wearing expeditionary outfits. They are pale like they are used to wearing helmets and have short, utilitarian haircuts.

Out of the front speeder comes two grizzled looking people you can only assume are locals like the bartender. There’s a man and a woman. They look pretty similar. They have dark, lanky hair, a deep tan and scars just like the bartender did. They are wearing clothes that look like they started as the expeditionary outfit but have been patched together and strengthened with animal hides. Their blasters look simple but customized. They’re stripped down so there are as few parts that could fail on them as possible, but they still seem to be pretty deadly.

As you’re getting all that, after a small pause, the scarred people look behind them and one more person steps out of the speeder. It’s a Zabrak male. He has facial tattoos but they’re subtle, only a darker brown than his already tan skin. He has a light blaster strapped to his thigh, and a pure white version of the expeditionary outfit on. It’s spotless. There is an Imperial insignia above the left breast. He surveys the crowd that’s gathered, the stormtroopers are all still at attention, and looks perplexed for a second, then appears to remember something. He leans back into the lead speeder and pulls out a canteen, and a martini glass. He pours the contents into the glass and tosses the canteen back into the speeder. He sighs to himself, and waves at everyone to go back to their duties. The two locals that are with him go to cut down the lizard monster.

He looks around and says, “Oh boy, it sure is good to be home.” And that’s where we’ll end it this time.

CAMERON: He must be a king. He doesn’t have shit all over him.

LAURA: He doesn’t have shit all over him!


NICK: Ba-dum!

(all make dramatic noises)

NICK: Oh my gosh.

HUDSON: –longest time!

NICK: Oh no!


## Outro

CAMERON: Thanks for listening to Tabletop Squadron. If you enjoyed our show please consider logging into iTunes and giving us a five-star review. Five-star reviews will help new listeners to find the show.

Xianna’fan is played by Laura Penrod. She can be found on Twitter at @cheerio_buffet.

Tink is played by Hudson Jameson and he can be found on Twitter at @hudsonjameson.

Karma Nailo is played by me, Cameron Robertson. You can find me on Twitter at @midnightmusic13.

Sabos Nix was played by Steven Schroeder. He… does not exist on the internet.

Our game master is Nick Robertson, and you can find him on Twitter at @alias58.

Our intro song is Space Jam by Pablo Ribot.

Additional music by James Gunter.

Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @tabletop_squad. For real! We’re real people and we wanna talk to anyone who listens to the show. Reach out! See you next time.

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